#HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SHIT

[blueskittlesart]

profs will set the due date for the final as april 24 and then STILL NOT HAVE THE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT UP TO SUBMIT THE PAPER BY 11PM ON APRIL TWENTY FUCKING THIRD

#ALEC. BESTIE. PLEASE. I AM BARELY PASSING YOUR CLASS AS IT IS I NEED YOU TO WORK WITH ME HERE #i feel the need to explain the level of bullshit that has been going on with this particular final actually because holy shit. #he first told us about it about 3 weeks ago which. fine. but all he said was 'you will have to pick a topic and write a paper' #like nothing about what the topic should relate to how the paper should be organized word count etc. literally nothing #radio silence for 2 weeks. we all forgot about it. then out of the blue 'btw your papers are due in a week lol!' #so we all scramble to figure out what the hell the assignment actually is #come to find out he never actually posted the assignment brief on canvas as an assignment. the only way we can access it is via a pdf #linked in ANOTHER UNRELATED ASSIGNMENT. #the project brief in question describes several in-class activities we straight up have not done. #no one actually knows if it's really due tomorrow or next week because he keeps pushing shit back and DOESNT ANSWER EMAILS #but the date on the syllabus is the 24th. and there is still nowhere online where we can submit our papers at all. #jesus fucking christ in heaven #personal #he is going to be getting a. shall we say INTERESTING professor review from me. lmao

[cosmicterrorthe8th]

Another Grant headcanon:

I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.

Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.

#honestly I was thinking he continued the note thing with marco in college maybe? #and now marco likes the smell of the body spray even if grant found better perfumes cuz nostalgia #i think i am in my own la dee da world after this episode #where I think if willy takes a break from torturing the parents they should form a circle and become bffs #they should form a circle #toast to rebecca #and then just talk shit idk #i think they would be very funny as a group after they are done grieving #like cassandra would be like how could I have dated such a loser #he literally kidnapped like four of my exs ex friends and put collars on them when we were dating #and they would be like no its not your fault he is that manipulative #and then one of them would talk about their ex to comfort her #and then somwhow it would come out that willy is like the age of their grandparents #and cassandra would be like why did this senior citizen get me so bad #he told me to make him a sandwich and I #a multimillionaire made him a sndwich #this will probably never happen in canon #dndads #grant wilson #dungeons and daddies #the tags are their own seperate post at this point #dndads s2 #looking back on this(tags) #all the spouses knew willy as a nice guy who saved them #rebecca was the only one who suspected him so thats why he killed her #they must be feeling so duped getting tortured except for marco who saw him kill a man #cassandra has been feeling duped since heaven #this is killing me all of them are having conversations in my head now the comedy and the pain is killing me mostly the comedy #marco li wilson #grant li wilson

[nerime]

my coworkers are being turbo transphobic and literally refuse to listen to answers to questions they fucking ask argh!!! I can just tell you!!! I can just answer you!!!!! I have answers!!! to the ridiculous questions you ask in a mocking way!!!! if you listen for one second I can just fucking explain!!!! 😡😭😡😭

#they ask why would trans men NEED tampons for men since they are WOMEN why cant they juat use WOMEN ones those stupid silly women ugh #they keep coming back to the topic #and im like hey they are not women ^_^ and try to explain the concept #in easy kindergarten terms like hey you know how you wouldnt want to buy pink girly items because you are a (cis) guy! well #and them im cut off with more transphobic shit before i can say anything else #my coworker literally said her son told her and her husband they were playing spin the bottle on a school trip #and she asked so did you kiss any girls? and he said #sure when it landed on a girl then i kissed a girl (implying he also kissed guys) #and she said her husband was so shocked because hes conservative #while she said she just ordered the son not to say anything else #and she tells us 'i think he was just testing us or something' #wtf. i said well okay maybe he was testing your reactions and now hes not gonna tell you shit anymore #and she went like hm 🤔 #also the irony of saying her HUSBAND is conservative while she fucking. misgenders trans men all day and jokes about gay men constantly #in a nasty way #all of them do #im so tired #she complained kids nowadays are so caaual about gay people #and i said okay well i love it personally they should keep it up #and NO ONE at the table supported/agreed with me #sorry i am on a work trip and suffering #transphobia tw #neri stfu

[hella1975]

ive never felt more rural than i have in the past few weeks since hanging out with a lad who has only ever lived in cities. what do you MEAN YOU'VE NEVER DONE A MORRIS DANCE

#he didn't even know what morris dancers WERE i said some shit like 'you know it's summer when the morris dancers come out' #and he was like 'the what now' I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. HE'S FUCKING WITH ME SURELY #AND THIS HAPPENS SO OFTEN ABOUT THINGS I JUST ASSUMED WERE BASICS #'harvest festival 🤨' PARDON. YOU ARE JOKING #and also the CONCEPT of a village is baffling to him. i said there's probably about 100 people in my entire village #and we don't have a pub or a single shop the closest ones are in the NEXT village over which is a 3 mile walk #and this boy was HORRIFIED. we are both in a constant state of thinking the other is taking the piss #and now every time i think/do something abundantly rural im SO self-aware 😭 #my mum told me the farmers are gonna do a xmas tractor run through our village this year #(they usually miss our village bc even by village standards it's tiny) #and she was like 'shame you'll miss it! i'll send you a video!' and im there already picturing this boy's face when i show it him #like sigh. yeah. yeah okay maybe the rural england is ingrained deeper than i feared. never escaping the allegations etc #had a conversation with him the other day that concluded with me 100% genuinely being like 'you need to touch grass' #i literally said 'i think it would fix you. like actually go and touch some grass what the fuck' #bc at this point he's so far removed from nature that it's INSANE TO ME. i didnt realise how much i took growing up rurally for granted #THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN GET DRUNK IN FIELDS. THEY HAVE NO FIELDS. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT A CAMP OUT WAS

[joshuaalbert]

you ever think about the

#you can collage anything how come no one told me about this shit sooner #but then if you wait long enough nova squadron becomes relevant again huge win for the me community #wesley crusher #sito #locarno #hajar #albert #nova squadron #tng

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work #blocked it all out #my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer #breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries #they just diagnosed her two weeks ago #so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends #because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well #but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work #on top of my fulltime #which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it #but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this #for the coming four months at least #so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT. #i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes #then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe? #which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week #which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc #i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer #came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry #but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat #bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.” #“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.” #and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually #but seeing her anger made me see my own anger #and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic #i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more #so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise #doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal #and i am not joking #so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back

[unloneliest]

the problem of the matter is i did internalize so much of what ex friend believed about me. even though i knew he was wrong and knew what was happening and tried to stop it and if i took more action to stop it would have been abusing power i held in a way i couldn't live with myself for.

#A BAD PERSON TRYING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE WOULD'VE GOTTEN YOU FIRED AND EVICTED IN WINTER IN ALASKA YOU MOTHERFUCKER. WHICH I DID NOT DO #he was renting a room from my dad. for cheaper than he wouldve been able to find anywhere else. his brother was too #his brother didn't pay rent for over 6 months and my dad just forgave him the debt because my dad knew how much of a difference it wouldve #made when he was that age. and i had told him ex friend was family to me & my dad applied that to the brother too. bc he is a good person. #and one of the strongest parts of my support system. and i didn't say a word to him about what was happening until i knew he already had a #plan for when he would be ending ex friend's lease. so there would be no subconscious impact on ex friend's housing either #mgmt at work straight up asked me if i thought ex friend should be fired immediately multiple times and i'm in retrospect livid they put me #in that position but told them to go by the strike system in the employee handbook and to follow policy that ex friend knew perfectly. that #it couldn't be on me as acting assistant manager to choose #and after 10 months of workplace harassment i got a different job to save my life. ex friend didn't get fired. #he did saw trap shit to my brain!!!!!! jesus christ #he moved cross country to live with his long time gf he called his wife despite never having met irl. to a way more conservative state. #despite being gay. and she left him this summer lol #hadn't checked his twitter in over a year when it got pulled up frm an old link and i saw that. and when he was already at a low point too #me voice. oh no who could've seen this coming. from how you behave in every relationship in your life #may delete this in the morning. but i have to talk about it sometimes #i'm never reaching out for closure both bc he wouldn't give me any and because i know it would trigger him and i don't intentionally trigge #people. unlike him :) #vampire pit #like. i have to talk about it sometimes. i have to talk about it. #jam posts

[shittywriterbrain]

me: yeah, i like this character a lot, especially their monologues

also me whenever that character opens their mouth: shut up. shut the fuck up. who asked

#this is about hamlet and franz von moor thank you #tragic: no one in my drama class can appreciate franz #i mean. hes an asshole. and his mental health issues dont justify his actions #but hes neglected by his father. always compared to his genius handsome brother karl. told that hes ugly and dumb and will die and #be forgotten #and then he decides to get back at karl and his father but in the process he just drowns in his own shit #he has a monologue about it. how all humans are is morass. (his surname meaning bog/swamp. btw. smth smth sinking in his own morass) #and in the end after he realises hes thrown all humanity overboard he kills himself so he wont submit to heaven #and the entire play hes incredibly bitchy. and cringy. and he talks A Lot #yes he was disgusting towards amalia. im not trying to defend that. i mean amalia had the upper hand in All of their interactions #but still. that was incel behavior and cant be excused #but i am so fucking obsessed with this guy and the deterioration of his mental state #which no one but me seems to be able to appreciate or even see. like come on #anyway. hes blorbo from my german classics #hamlet #franz von moor

[moinsbienquekaworu]

The struggle between being happy that all kinds of aspecs are talking about aspec experiences more and barely being able to stand the way people talk about aspec experiences

#i don't know how to say it but like. i'm aro and i hate how nobody ever. talks about us except us #if i was the type of person who comes out and if i didn't already need a powerpoint to explain asexuality #i'd start telling people i'm aro and not aroace #like just. the way i feel towards both alloallos & alloaces who try but fail at being inclusive.... #towards alloace and sometimes aroace communities & the way they are & act.... #legit making me think about identifying as like. non sam aro or something #yeah technically i'm asexual but i'm going to take that word away from everyone #my allo friends are trying bless their heart but they DO NOT GET IT!!!! #they're trying and they're FAILING!!! BADLY!!!! #i understand people who use certain sets of pronouns but only with specific people. holy shit #like if i see one more time that asexuality means not being interested in relationships. #if my friends ask me and only me if i'm comfortable with a sex discussion when i am participating in it #if i get told 'no bitches!! :D' as a pride thing ONE MORE TIME #i'm sorry if you're seeing that m btw. on the infinitesimal chance you do see it. it's not against you it's my aro rage #i just. i'm not ace and then aro as an afterthought. #i'm ARO and eventually if it comes up i'm ace #'oh but no bitches isn't necessarily about sex it can also be about relationships' #yeah okay. well. i'm interested in both of those. i do want bitches. not like allos but i'm not signing up to be a nun here. #the flattening of the aspec experience to 'asexual and possibly aromantic' is making me want to tear things apart with my teeth #hate hate hate hate #and let's not forget adolescent romances. listen. i'm a teenager and i love romance #but all the stuff where the 17yo alloace teen feels broken and ends up dating a comprehensive partner...... #i keep seeing it like you see the fin of a shark. and that's already more than i can stand #i'm happy it's resonating with people but it's exactly as insipid as bland straight love songs to me #anyway. i didn't get everything i wanted out but i chipped away at it. #wow i have a ramble tag now

[taegularities]

i'm hurt 🥲

#it's been 8 years and i still dream of my best friend who i was in love with in high school #last night was way too much though #like i met him again and replayed all the memories we had.. like dancing around in the rain #and since it was raining i told him to dance with me again even though it felt different #i knew he didn't feel shit for me bc he rejected me back in hs too but when i started talking about another guy he did NOT like it #and he admitted it... questioned me about him and then we kissed ??? #he told me to call him every now n then bc up until now it was always just him calling. like the jealousy was SO OBVIOUS #we kind of get together.. literally my 18 y/o's dream coming true like y'all i was SO IN LOVE WITH HIM LMAO #and then i ask him 'be honest did you feel something for me back in hs' and he just won't answer 🥲 keeps dodging the question... #suggests smth that sounds like a yes but then i woke up 😐 #i just wanted to let this out... idk it's crazy to me that even after all those years i still think of him #like if he approached me today and asked me out i just KNOW i'd give in. even though it's been almost a decade. i would definitely give in #first loves.. especially unrequited ones... leave an impact fr #my dream sounded like a fic i'd like to come true but well that's not how life works #anyways i'm just sentimental lol tdl ?? #personal

[phynali]

My brother-in-law has pulled a whole ass John Winchester and told his youngest that if she leaves (moves back in to her mother's house because her father won't let her go stay at the stables to give her horse life saving medicine it needs because ~she's grounded~), that door is closed and she is not welcome back

I hope my sister divorces his ass

#i am uhhhhhh livid with this man #he told a 14yo kid who was literally suicidal last year that he 'doesn't give a fuck if her horse dies' #I'm like 80-90% on my sister divorcing him over this tbh #meanwhile apparently my mom and others are telling her to be nice because her husband must be hurting a lot #in order to have said such things #and my sister thanked me for having absolutely none of that and talked about how #she has Put It In A Box #and Won't Do Anything Until She Is Ready To Act (one way or the other) #which I'm taking as her coming to terms with the fact that she's gonna be gathering her shit #to leave his ass in the coming months #but not being ready to look directly at that yet #anyway i try not to personal post on here too much but #sometimes i need to scream my anger into the void #and that void today is tumblr #personal post

[roachemoji]

🤸‍♂️

🏌

#bo posting #talky #vent #ish #dear diary its me. bo #using my blog like a journal again bc i just gotta talk #shit was rough today? it was one thing to talk about trauma but its another to be told like #how difficult that must have been. how scary that must of been. how sorry they were not just for what happened #but because id lost so much of my childhood to fear #and then i had someone come in to go over how to fill out disability paperwork #and she stressed that what i need to focus on is writing about what its like at my WORST not my best #and that she understands its hard but it doesnt define you as a whole its only a part of who you are #and then discussed working through paranoia but focusing on the memories and processing it #changing how you feel about the memories #we didnt start persay just touched on which specific things we wanted to talk about #but it uh. it was hard. i came home and it was harder #i feel bad for being upset and shutting down #i feel bad for still being upset #im so tired now

[caffeinatedopossum]

Oddly specific but did anyone else's parents describe brutal torture methods in excruciating detail to them (under the pretense that they could/would happen to them) or was that just me?

#if anyone is wondering the context for telling a child (yeah i was about 8 or smthn) these things i shall explain #tw for holocaust mention #so my parents were pretty extreme in their religion- they called themselves Christians but were perhaps closer to some cults #and my parents held the general belief that a lot of shit would go down during or before the rapture- that is the second coming of god #not just plagues wars and pestilence but also a second holocaust #in which gunmen working under the antichrist would break into every home and shoot anyone who didnt renounce god #(btw this was considered the only 'unforgivable' sin in their religion meaning you either get shot or go to hell) #so i was of course encouraged to get shot in this scenario. at 8 years old #not only that but apparently for some reason they (the gunman/antichrist people) were going to take us to... camps essentially #and use various torture methods trying to get us to join them #a lot of those torture methods were described to me- things like removing fingernails the brazen bull and rat torture #and i was always terrified of those things #i was also told very emphatically that this WOULD happen in my lifetime. the rapture that is not necessarily torture #but it was just always a possibility that one day i would have to be a martyr #i used to have a lot of nightmares about the rapture happening and how i had chosen wrong and denounced god #scared me half to death #oh yeah i was also told there would be nuclear war? so i was always irrationally afraid of that too #everytime i heard an airplane i would think it was a bomb #anyway this is why i appreciate people not trying to reconvert me as you can imagine this sucked

[agayconcept]

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#oh for fucks sake #if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g #she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up #which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares) #so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc #and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.' #she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things' #bitch WHAT THINGS ????? #exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ???? #do u Hear urself ?? #now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up) #and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour #'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!' #ma'am... #a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest #b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt #c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit. #whaT ????? #god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit #not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her) #jesus fUcking chrisT #i gotta get out of here #this woman is so immensely hateful #ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times) #fuuuuuck me. #anyway. #negative #ableism #verbal abuse #ask to tag