#Honestly i don't get why they're friends.

[jazeswhbhaven]

I was curious so I looked at the prologue (yah I know whatever side-eye me but anyway)

*spoilers ahead*

I'm going to talk about this in bullet points because this is more like a curiosity read instead of a "I'm going to invest in this" read.

Levi Childish Jealously Overall Thoughts:

First, now I get why they said "chlidren's day" It is because MC was talking about Minhyeok and them hanging out each children's day together and their fond memories of such

Also, Levi are you fucking srs why are you checking up on MC with a damn crystal ball as if your ass can't stand the fact that they're out smiling with the Gehenna besties like????

I clicked on the prologue and his ass was already mad and it made me laugh because see??? see what I mean by he's always mad about something? lmao

Also he made Foras go out and help him do the spying like? Ok

He made Foras feel bad about suggesting to go nerf Minhyeok if Levi wished it and this man is like "oh a sudden death that will make one miss the other forever" and he's referring to Solomon here and Foras was like "fuck" (HONESTLY Levi he only suggested that to make you feel better like don't do that .-.)

Learned some stuff about the devil named Seere, who can travel anywhere and through dreams too in a blink of an eye (reminds me of someone from another fandom...) and that's the one who produced the memory manipulation spell and it seems he just does this any way to cause mischief on Earth (so if anyone experiences deja vu blame him /j)

So the rules are, Levi can't alter things too much or it messes with each others minds or causes both of them or just Levi to wake up out of the dream if I'm getting that right

also Satan is about to get pissed the fuck off because they also got a sleeping spell/poition from Seere and everyone in the palace was asleep LMAO. The fact that he pretty much knocked everyone out so he could do what he wanted without pushback goodness.

NOW i'mma go over the dream events:

Minhyeok looked so ready and adorable in his uniform, confirmed this is high school Minhyeok and MC.

Minhyeok saw Levi just standing in his room and was like o______o the fuck? And Levi literally snapped his fingers and erased him.

Imagine the nightmare Minhyeok had as a teenager and was like "a demon fucking erased me from existence omfg" and his parents were like ???? and his brother was like "lol wut"

anyways moving forward, MC noticed the changes but didn't challenge them (Levi is hot wow gonna forget my friend ig /j)

Already this man is mad at MC for tripping and not tying their shoes...plz???

Also for whatever reason MC is very clumsy here, like everything reads to me like a Kdrama where every moment MC is falling, tripping, forgetting shit and Levi is getting annoyed and pissed off at every mistake and it's sending me because dude it is not that deep please relax

Cool Levi moments though is when he ties the shoes, blocks MC from getting hit by a volleyball, lends his gym clothes, gets a cream bun for MC, and takes MC to the nurse because they sprained their ankle

WTF Levi moments is....him basically glaring at the teacher who didn't challenge him, choking another fucking student for almost hitting MC with the volleyball, shoving students (actually I like that and wish I had someone to shove people out the way to get me stuff)

everything else was pretty tame and a good set up though for a highschool au, ASIDE from the sexual stuff? (again personal preference so don't axe me in the mentions)

Next, some screenshots of Levi doing the MOST

You see this? This is you all's king btw because he and I would have been boxing...like? don't fucking call me stupid for forgetting shit like a bitch has ADHD so yeah I fucking forgot damn.

and CUT THEIR FEET OFF? LEVI PLEASE

But again this is good material for how he would act in a school au setting, I do remember doing a childhood au with him and the other kings and he reacted similarly by finding everything they did annoying, kept to himself, and caused an issue that nearly killed everyone because he couldn't control his powers just yet, so if I do decide to do a highschool au with Astra I'll remember Levi's reactions for reference

Oh and a couple other things

this is our official room in Gehenna?

Baby....

I'm giving Satan extra smooches this room is gorgeous? Do we fuck in here too? I would. (i'm a sucker for canopy beds with ornate designs)

Just some mini lore about Seere. Also something about him being under Asmodeus or this being mostly monitored by Asmo? (someone help here I was speed reading) So that's interesting.

Overall, everyone that likes schoolboy role play sexy time, have at it. My journey stops here at the sfw part.

Justice for Minhyeok though he is just in the void somewhere like

a funny thing before you all go look at Glas' name

it's usually Glasyalabolas, right? I was cracking up because he's never beating the Ikea furniture name allegations.

#whb #what in hell is bad #whb leviathan #whb game content #whb reacts #tw mild violence #just levi being himself as always #please don't take me srs nothing is that deep for me with levi

[mychlapci]

rapid fire cybertronian headcannons go

I like to think that while cybertronians look and act mostly humanoid they also do some not human things that make humans go "oh yeah, alien"

for example i think that every couple thousand years cybertronians shed their armor like some sort of bug or shrimp to get rid of damaged plating and their repair nanites go into overdrive to build new ones. during that period bots will nibble on metal to get material. a shed can also trigger early if a bot gets regularly roughed up or if they changed alt-modes recently. this could lead to a potencial hilarious situation where there's no fighting for like a week sometime after bots and cons arrived on earth since both groups got new alt-modes which triggered a mass shedding and noone wants to fight while they're squishy and itchy. que human friend coming into the autobot base and while talking to their bot friend a piece of the bot's armor just falls off. so of course human freaks out because they think their friend is dying while the bot is confused and going like "why are you screaming i'm just shedding. wdym humans don't do that?" or mabye the human comes in during the everyone is mostly shed phase and going "why r yall nakey" either way that thay humans learn cybertronians are space shrimp.

another headcannon i have is that just chilling in places in alt-mode is the cybertronian equivalent of a cat loaf. cybertronians also purr by idling their engine (obviously) and keep the joints in their hands from going stiff by making biscuits.

cybertronian sight is primarily their sensors (like sharks) with optics being a secondary sight organ and mostly just provide aditional information so taking out a cybertronians optics would do nothing but take out their sensors and they're blind as a bat because of their poor eyesight. i also like how in tfp everyone has unique optics

they can also speak with their mouth closed or without moving it since a voicebox is more like a speaker than vocal cords. moving their mouth just helps with adjusting volume or making sound clearer.

OOoh i am a “transformers shed” believer. For maintenance, or because of age, or because of injuries, i think it has many factors...

I don’t think they’d be squishy underneath, though I think that they have some silicone components that jiggle, but having raw wires and circuitry revealed is already a pretty vulnerable state to be in. (tbh I am also very fond of the thought of cybertronians being able to just remove their armour and parts of their plating on a whim… it’s rare for them to do it, but i think it could be very intimate. I will stop before i delve into places we cannot delve in this week ok)

I am absolutely down for the “optics are only a secondary sensory organ” thing bc honestly i believe that too. I actually imagine that whatever you notice on a bot’s head first, chevron, horns, finials, etc. etc. are actually most sensitive to all kinds of input, like EM fields, vibrations, sound and even light, and i know it’s not canon but i like to imagine that depriving a bot of their horns/chevron/antenna blinds them more than taking out both their optics possibly could. Not to mention, they probably have “eyes” on different parts of their bodies, as in, they can register visual input with their headlight, their rearview mirror and side mirrors. Their optics are actually very weak and taking out their sensors renders them incapable of most things.

Now what i had never considered was transformers doing biscuits to keep their joints flexible. That means medics would have to do extra biscuits so that their joints are at their best. I am now thinking about Drift coming back to their habsuite after a long day on the bridge and Ratchet’s just dozing off after an equally long shift in the med-bay, kneading the pillows happily. I am obsessed. Drift probably joins in bc as a swordsman, he has to keep his hands flexible as well. And them they’re purring their engines bc they’re comfy… aaaaah okay that’s adorable

#tf hc's #transformers #texty #dratchet

[sysig]

Two big softies(?) (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Flowey #Flowey is still my favourite UT character so honestly a lot of this was just self-indulgent doodles lol #But then - as always - it did turn into Thinking A Lot about [thing] lol #Starting with the classic tho! Flowey friendly-like coiled around whoever he's talking to ♪ It's too fun hehe #I love Flowey getting just a liiiiittle too close and personal to a discomfort degree ♫ He's just being friendly! It's a hug! A snuggle! #He's your best friend so you don't mind right? :) Why would Fellplates!Gaster mind ♪ #He's always posed to stage right when I draw him haha - I'm still fond of the one Gravity Falls/Undertale crossover piece I made with him #Anyhow lol - yet more fluffy wings! It's just fun if they're expressive I want real feathers lol #Gaster's face completely neutral but his wings all puffed up and freaked out hehe #Flowey would definitely be able to tell if those are when he chose to wrap around! #If they were just the decorative version he'd fall right off from his own weight pulling them loose lol #Absolutely thinking of the one of Gaster screaming while being vine-wrapped by Flowey haha - he's totally innocent here! ♥ #And then a little idea of how each of them react to humans - UkaGaster talks a lot about his general positive feelings for humans #And Fell!Flowey is.....well I have my own thoughts about how he might react to humans now that he's been...himself for a while #There have been Fallen Humans in the time between being locked in the Underground and [now] even in Underfell hasn't there? #I guess none of them would've made it as far as meeting up with Gaster - bit of a dark thought heh - but Flowey would know #Is it selfish? To wish for humans or to keep them a secret from the rest of the Underground? What might happen? #It's interesting to think about! If there were humans then surely Gaster must be aware of the Souls? #But even if not - even if this could be before all that - Flowey would still know about human Determination to an extent - being what he is #It wouldn't turn out well for anyone :) That's what makes it interesting ♪

[gojosbf]

In role reversal au, do you think geto could kill gojo for the greater good? Why?

those two always used one excuse or the other to not face each other, they had so many chances to try to kill each other and yet they couldn't until the very last moment, so nope. Geto would've wanted to bring back Gojo to the right path or convince him to give up but wouldn't have killed him, just like how Gojo Satoru the strongest couldn't.

#they're birds of same feather they pretend they don't care but honestly how hard is it to ring up your old “best friend” and arrange for a #duel. if they were so aware of each other's whereabouts why not just try to get rid of each other #hmm. hmmmmm. yeah. thought so. #not to say it was yuuta who did the whole work gojo couldn't even bury him and switch the roles up I don't think much would've changed #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #ask #gojo satoru #geto suguru #satosugu #stsg #jjk spoilers

[automatonknight]

lone star shine down on my hometown

id: a digital greyscale drawing of kurier-she’s white and has long, dark, graying hair as well as a beard. she’s visible from her head to her chest. she’s wearing a cowboy hat, a plaid, unbuttoned shirt over a white tank top and a simple, black eyepatch over her left eye. the background is solid black with a lone, white star shining right above kurier’s head, they’re looking up at it with a sad expression. end id

#art #fnv oc #BOO FALLOUT JUMPSCARE GRAAAAAAH #anyways this is boston kurier/kier and they're SAD!!! #i was thinking about them recently and well i think they'd feel a teeny tiny bit (crushingly) guilty about leaving the mojave because they #got overwhelmed by the possibility of having to fucking. supervise the whole place. even with yessie to help #so he ran away. to boston and got a boy best friend (nicky) and he kind of feels BAD but also not really beause this is much better for him #like. mentally #he's conflicted and he probably bawls his eyes out to nick at one point #i think she'd be also a little scared to tell him at first? y'know. worried he might judge #so she lets her feelings marinate for a few years (bad) and yeah!!!! #this one's kinda messy too but well erm ^__^ i didn't feel like spending three morbillion years on this+ it has it's charm like that #the song kindaaa fits but also kinda doesnt?? #honestly i don't think she ever wants to go back to the mojave. why am i talking like i'm speculating this is my own character #but it gets sentimental sometimes.....mostly about arcade and yessie and ede probably #AND DELILAH....and delilah hi Peep if you're reading this #yeah but i don't think it would ever. go back even though it probably could #GABRIEL'S MEDIOCRE EXPLANATION OF HER OC'S BACKSTORY JUMPSCARE BOO!!!

[taeyungie]

hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️ #from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/ #even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️ #soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

[on-wednesdays-we-eat-the-rich]

y'all i think i just came out as genderqueer to my parents in the most casual way possible holy shit i'm so proud of myself but i also changed the subject very quickly so i wouldn't have to answer their questions because i'm not ready to do that yet

#genderqueer #i was telling them about some conversations i had with my friends yesterday #i figured if i can come out to my friends easily then there's no reason why i can't come out to my parents #they're already fully accepting of my sibling so i really had nothing to be scared of #i just hate coming out honestly #it's weird and awkward and i don't enjoy it #but this time went pretty well #gets a weight off my chest at least #trans #transgender #nonbinary #gnc #coming out

[astranauticus]

i'm not even done with the new rwd episode but. spoilers ahead

anyway funny thing. i wasn't like, super on board with the professionals when i was first binging through the first 3 seasons and especially once we got to season 3 i tunnel visioned on VR-LA and MR-SN super hard (as is probably extremely obvious from my art) but like. 4.5?? the exchange they had??? the fucking breakup scene???? yeah. yeah i get it now. i have no idea why or what changed but i have now Gotten It at the worst possible timing. what the hell

#rolling with difficulty #usually i don't tag my rambles but just this once i'm gonna do it i want to share my sadness onto other people #im like too sad to finish rhe rest of the episode but too mad to go to sleep so i'm just sitting here stewing #genuinely i have no idea what made it click for me but like #honestly every part of that conversation hit me like a truck #maxim saying it's rare for adventurers to voluntarily leave that life for 'something greater' - ouch???? #like it's so fuckin targeted dear god but also yeah. yeah he would think that huh #vr-la saying he's here as a friend extending a curtesy and maxim immediately being like 'your flattery is unnecessary' like fuck man #'if you wish to avail of my friendship *or something more* i'm afraid that's no longer possible' there's so many layers of what the fuck #'you of all people asking for change' i honestly laughed cuz that's just a good line but also godfuckin dammit #and like just... all of what VR-LA said before he left. like the way neither of them are willing to make enough of a change to get out of th #this unstoppable force vs immovable object situation they're in #they're so like. perfectly in opposition. and it tickles my brain but also DAMN this conversation is painful #god. i hate this /pos #like YES I GET IT NOW BUT ALSO WHY *NOW* #angry and in pain #i guess to some extent it's also like #i've been in that situation where you and a good friend realise your lives are going in irreconcilably different directions #and you want to keep them in your life but it's just not possible with the way you want to live your life and they want to live theirs #and it HURTS and there's NOTHING you can do about it which makes it HURT SO MUCH MORE #fuck. what the hell #especially when the things they'd need to change would also be GOOD for them like maxim embracing change and accepting risks #and VR-LA learing some self-preservation #but at the same time it's like yeah of course they're gonna push each other away rather than change the way they view their lives #i mean both are painful but one of thems clearly easier than the other #i mean speaking from experience one is in fact clearly easier than the other

[jouska-the-deer]

People still suck at writing Sonic the Hedgehog

Interpretations of Sonic outside of media made by Sonic Team often seem either unable or unwilling to reconcile the fact that Sonic is both kind-hearted and intelligent, but I think I've noticed a recent shift in the way writers try to reconcile it.

In general, there seems to be this belief that smart people are inherently more pessimistic toward the world and that kind people are inherently more naive towards it. So, when writing for a character who's both smart and kind, less knowledgeable writers end up flanderizing them in one of two ways:

The first way, which is how Sonic was interpreted in Sonic Boom and prior, is making the character act like a jerk who knows best. At worst, they'll be outright rude towards their closest friends, but any criticism they get for it will be ignored because their opinions are always correct in the eyes of the narrative. At best, they'll sometimes make mistakes and learn lessons about being nicer to other people, which is something their non-flandarized self wouldn't have struggled with.

The second way, which is how Sonic is interpreted now, is making the character a saint who solves everything with friendship. At worst, they'll give absolute tyrants a million chances, but any criticism they get for it will be ignored because their opinions are always correct in the eyes of the narrative. At best, they'll sometimes make mistakes and learn lessons about certain people being unwilling to change, which is something their non-flandarized self wouldn't have struggled with.

You may have noticed I straight up copy/pasted a couple bits of those last two paragraphs. Well, that's because those bits reveal a bit of truth in how Sonic is portrayed by Sonic Team. Sonic's opinions are always correct in the eyes of the narrative, because of the lessons he no longer struggles with. Sonic already learned to balance his desire to give people a second chance with the fact that some people just have to be stopped. When? Since the very beginning. Sonic has always been trying to defeat Eggman for good while also giving second chances to people who he thinks deserve it.

But how do you deal with people who are causing so much harm when you still think they deserve a second chance? Guess what? Sonic answered that straight up in Sonic Adventure 1.

Do me a quick favor and if you can listen to Open Your Heart, specifically the Sonic Adventure 1 version (Click here). You may notice that there're two distinct sets of vocals; One clean and high pitched, and one distorted and low pitched. (And if you're wearing headphones the audio will even pan during the chorus.) For context, this is the song that plays while Sonic is fighting Chaos.

You can figure it out yourself from there, but if you want me to really dig into the topic, feel free to keep reading.

So like, I shouldn't have to say this, but the dark negative voice is Chaos' view and the light positive voice is Sonic's. But notably, they sing together during key points, specifically those related to the anger, sadness, and hopelessness that Chaos has been feeling for ages. Sonic has recognized that 1. imprisoning Chaos as suggested by Tikal wouldn't solve anything because, 2. Chaos is only acting this way due to being blinded by hatred for those he perceives as selfish monsters, and 3. he's still very much currently destroying the world and won't change his mind because he's lost hope that there's anything worth holding on to.

What does Sonic do then? Sonic may be an unstoppable force but Chaos is a seemingly immovable object. Well, he literally uses the positive energy from his friends and within himself to stop Chaos' rampage and prove that there are still good people in the world that want to maintain peace. After he loses the fight, Chaos is able to calm down and see that the cute defenseless chao he'd been protecting ages ago had survived, living among the very people he had assumed could only be power hungry monsters. He's able to let go of his hatred and live a peaceful life understanding that good people still exist and the world is still worth protecting.

And that's where the question is answered. How do you deal with people who are causing so much harm when you still think they deserve a second chance? You do everything you can to stop them, and if they're still around afterward, show them that they didn't need to fight in the first place. But that only works if they had a good reason behind why they were fighting, and would have chosen peace otherwise.

Sonic wanted to give Chaos a second chance because he knew that violence was not truly in his nature. Had he not been forced into those specific circumstances, Chaos would have chosen peace.

And that's what separates characters who have done a lot of harm but Sonic still gave a second chance to like Chaos and Merlina, from those who have done a lot of harm but Sonic wouldn't give a second chance to, like Eggman and Erazor Djinn. The former wanted peace but became convinced that it was impossible, and the latter only wanted power and were willing to hurt others to obtain it. The characters who Sonic won't give another chance to have proven that when dealt a better hand, they'll still chose to hurt others solely for their own gain, because that's what they want. To stop them peacefully, Sonic would have to convince them to give up their true dreams.

And that, is why Sonic's opinions get to always be treated as right in the games, because they are right. He has an absolutely kind heart, a nuanced understanding of morality, and the integrity to never give in to selfish desires.

None of this means Sonic is always right, though. Most people already know of his impulsiveness, which is his greatest weakest, but also one of his greatest strengths. Sonic never waits to act, which is great when innocent people are seconds from mortal danger... but not so great when a situation looks to be one way but is actually another. He teases Eggman for pleading for a second chance in Unleashed and he kicks the Cacophonous Conch from Eggman's hand in Lost World, and both of those were massive mistakes.

But, despite making those mistakes, his mindset wasn't the problem. How was he supposed to know Eggman was a shockingly good actor leading him into a trap? How was he supposed to know the people Eggman was controlling with the conch were equally as evil? (Yes Tails tried to warn him but literally if he didn't Sonic wouldn't have looked stupid and it just shows how poorly written Lost World was overall.) Had Eggman actually been pleading and the Zeti good people, Sonic's actions would've been justified.

Still, those were mistakes, and Sonic always wants to do what's right, so he does what he can to fix his own messes. He restores the planet Eggman broke apart. He stops the Zeti from sucking the life out of the planet. Sonic always makes things right in the end, and so he has the right to be so confidant in his beliefs. So confidant in fact that he doesn't care about looking like the bad guy if it means doing the right thing. Oh look, there's a song about that too. From Sonic's fight with Merlina in Sonic and the Black Knight. (Click Here.) Don't be fooled by the feminine vocals, if you paid attention to the themes of the game, the song is clearly from Sonic's perspective.

So yeah, Sonic is kind but he's also smart. He won't let anyone change his mind on anything, but he doesn't need to change his mind because he follows his kind heart and compassionate soul. He doesn't worry about looking like the bad guy because he and his friends know his true nature. When he gets angry he lets his rage fuel his desire to save the day. He'll never shed tears of despair because he knows that if he keeps fighting he'll make things right in the end. Sometimes his impulsiveness gets him into trouble, but it also helps get him back out. No matter what happens to him, he'll always make it out in the end either through sheer determination or the help of his friends.

Sonic is absolutely silly; He makes dumb jokes about his enemies and talks to himself when there's nobody around. Sonic is completely serious; He's willing to kill someone if it means saving the world and has felt multiple friends die before his eyes and in his arms.

Sonic is literally just some blue hedgehog who can run really fast.

Sonic is a god, and could kill god, and there is not a difference!

But most importantly, Sonic is all of those things at once. He is a wonderfully balanced character who's been right from the very beginning and has spent all his games sharing his wisdom with others simply by being himself. He isn't perfect, but that's not due to some personality flaw he needs to correct, but because nobody can always have all the answers and know how to avoid all potential mistakes.

The problem is, writing a character like this is hard. Writing conflicts for a character like this is hard. Most writers rely on making their protagonists work through relatable flaws to create an emotionally compelling story... but you don't need to do that. Sonic's conflicts are mostly external, but we care about him succeeding anyway because he's a good person who's just trying to live his life.

So really, if you wanna write Sonic well, you have to just let him speak for himself.

...By the way I mean that literally. Dude listen to his character theme it's all right there! (Click here.) Even when his theme was altered in Sonic Adventure 2 the only thing that changed was how confidently the same ideas were delivered. (Click here.) But seriously listen to literally any of the game themes, final boss themes, and ending themes. (I'm not linking all that.) No matter the quality of the games, if Sonic wanted to teach you something he was gonna teach it... through the power of having a music department detached from the nightmare that is game development time crunch.

And that's why Sonic Lost World is the worst Sonic game. Because it was so pointless that Sonic didn't have anything to sing about!

Wait... what was the point of this post again?

#Sonic the Hedgehog #StH #Sonic #Writing #Characterization #Flanderization #Jouska's Thoughts #Tag Ramble #BTW just so we're clear I like Boom!Sonic and Movie!Sonic. They're not Game!Sonic but they're decent interpretations of Sonic. #Boom!Sonic was often snarky but he was still mostly a nice person. Movie!Sonic is widdle and is getting better just give him some time. #I dropped off of Prime from boredom but it annoys me solely due to people thinking it's canon when you can tell it's not just by watching. #You can also tell because game Sonic would've totally said 'I love you too Shadow' and it's honestly gayer that he didn't. #Game!Sonic screams 'in my hands I hold the ones I love' meanwhile Prime!Sonic is too chicken to say he loves his friend even as a joke. #Huh? Too scared to say you love Shadow? Wouldn't want him to think you're serious? Why? You could just say you don't. Would you be lying? #Okay but seriously there was a WIP I wrote years ago where Shadow chewed Sonic out and he responded by saying 'I love you too Shadow'. #Sure it was a ship fic but that scene wasn't romantic. Sonic nearly got himself killed by being dumb and Shadow was just worried and pissed #And now if I actually used that scene for anything people would think it's a Prime reference and that annoys me too. #Anyway it's almost 5 AM for me so I should stop typing about hedgehogs and go to bed already.

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

[sureuncertainty]

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof. #still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

[muggle-born-princess]

Me with Chlonette:

#miraculous ladybug #chlonette #it's kinda a mixed ship on my part #like yeah it can be a bullying/victim ship and I get why people may feel uncomfortable with it #hell I sometimes am too #but on the other hand they can be either hilairious or heartwarming to write about #they have that Jimmy/Cindy and Arnold/Helga potential and we have in the past seen LGBT couples get together without expectation #(i.e. korrasami) #honestly if Chloe went her arc she and Marinette could've had that Vitriolic Best Buds friendship #like Thomas tends to fail being sassy and narcissistic doesn't necessarily mean evil or malicious #and they're have been those who were the sassy best friend (i.e. Cleo de Nile) #all in all it's a fine ship but don't expect me to like or ship it 24/7 ✌️ #marinette dupain cheng #chloe bourgeois

[shopcat]

i do wish there was more complicated exploration of steve’s sexuality that wasn’t just ‘well i’ve always liked girls so it can’t be both -> oh it is both’. and maybe this is something i have to solve for myself. but i had a journey of like lesbian? -> bisexual? (still a girl?) -> bisexual (boy now) -> gay man (complicated microlabels aside bc i was like 13-16) and i know a lot of other people don’t have a straightforward ‘i thought i was straight turns out i’m not and this is what i am definitely’ process. so i think it would be cool if we explored that more. with steve. (and not just in a throwaway ‘eddie and steve switch sexualities wouldn’t that be fun’ kind of way. which i have seen). this fandom would not do that i think because they are so attached to tropes and not real examinations of characters like they are human people but i like to imagine. anyways i love gay steve i love gay eddie and i love you

hehe i love you too and i agree 💖💖 i think the most fun part about liking fictional works is being able to at whatever depth of your choosing think about a character and the traits they may or may not possess and something as fun + varied + personal as lgbt identity could be immensely satisfying to explore in a creative world where something like that doesn't get typically explored SO! to each their own but personally i think we have had enough "Oh i'm bisexual now by the way because of eddie yeah did you know you can like both i'm so silly aren't i because i didn't know that" stories. in every possible format and headcanon and what the hell ever.

#asks #honestly like i get it and i know why ppl hc him as bi again For Sure... #i have a couple posts around here about what i think he would In my interpretation like act with this in mind #and could probably talk about this until i shrivel up up and away but AGH tbh i just can't relate to what a lot of ppl put out #re his bisexuality and i Love his bisexuality but they're doing boring lame biphobic or otherwise harmful bisexuality. a lot. and why can't #he be gay....... why is this genuinely such a minority opinion that's kind of crazzyyy he's existed as a character for like 8 years #sts #honestly i just don't find it as cute or charming when there is so much repetition like maybe i'd be open to it more if there was genuine #variety but there ISNT i feel like people aren't creating to create they're creating to make content and they want that content to be the #Next Big thing that is a clone work of the 15 thousand other things #like r u telling or showing an actual narrative story with satisfaction ... with thought to character work... Or are u just doing what's #safe bc u know that's what gets attention and breaking out of that mould = being a hater?! or something... #ANYWAY. WHAT. #um yeah he could be bisexual for sure.. partial to it... partial to him being gay... I think he's gay. like many... beautiful world #think he's bi too... #also i'm not actually intending to come off callous or mean spirited here at all esp about soemthing as close to home and heart as this 😭😭 #like i said i'm bi this is just what i feel.. what many of my other bi friends feel. and others. and again if u think he's bi Well yeah #but some people are annoying . and that is what my initial frustration was about . SIGH #unfortch being the guy with the url means i get a lot of unintended and intended weirdness in my direction in general #Everyone hates gay little steve ........ And at what cost

[singsweetmelodies]

Why are you posting Carlando and even Piarlos content if you don't like Carlos? Math ain't mathing...

well, firstly, anon, this is tumblr dot com, not maths class. i've said repeatedly, and i will say it again, that i reserve the right to be as hypocritical and insane as i want here. after all, it's tumblr - if i can't be insane and hypocritical here, then where can i?

example: anyone who watches my blog at all during a race week will know that i am NO max fan. not in the slightest. and yet i will occasionally reblog maxiel fic recs. why? well, because they're quite often quite well-written. at the end of the day, i'm a fangirl and also a bisexual disaster, so if there's a well-written gay fanfic, the chances are relatively high that i will read and enjoy it. also: i think there's quite a significant difference between fic!max (who i occasionally enjoy) and driver!max (who i despise quite passionately.) fic!max has a lot of background and nuance that can make for fascinating characterisation, and as a writer, i just enjoy that.

now for carlos specifically: please let it be known that i do not hate him the way i hate max. not even close. i am, however, a dedicated chirlie (charles girlie) and anyone who gets in the way of charles doing well is automatically in my bad books. i do try to be at least a little reasonable about it, though, and yes i absolutely do realise that a lot of major fuck-ups this season were ferrari's, not carlos' (see: silverstone 2022.) but yeah, unfortunately the way carlos has handled a lot of interviews this year really rubbed me up the wrong way, and i read one too many comparisons of carlos girlies calling him more talented than charles as well. which.... babe, no.

like i said at the start, i am fully aware that i'm a hypocrite lmao. but i'm not HERE to be unbiased. we are watching a sport - everyone is biased towards their favourites, and i'm not going to apologise for that.

and as for carlando and piarlos - i treat them the same way as i would maxiel. carlos might not be on my favourites list as a driver, but he's an interesting character to explore in fic. i am at the end of the day a writer, and i like interesting characters to explore, so yes, i am quite happy to post carlando or piarlos or very very occasionally even charlos content (because akira is the best and might convert me one day. we'll see.)

anyway! the last thing i wanted to say to you, anon, is just a gentle reminder again of the PURPOSE of fandom. it is an escape from real life, somewhere where we can come to have fun. the same rules and restrictions and - dare i say it - morals that we use irl do not apply here. they just don't! fandom should be about what makes one happy, and nobody really has the right to police that, i don't think.

so tl;dr - anon, i am here to do whatever it is that makes me happy in that moment. if that's carlando and/or piarlos, then that's what i'll do. if you have a problem with that, then i'm happy to point you in the direction of the Unfollow button, lmao - curate your experience! see what you want to see. have fun!

x

#asks & answers #anon #honestly this one made me 🤨🤨🤨 so much this morning #i have tried not to be too sharp and sarcastic in my answer but good lord #i have never had much patience for hate anons; mild or otherwise #because like. this is FANDOM for god's sake. we are here to have fun; not be policed #respectfully... fuck off #'but katie you're going to lose followers!' #literally who cares lmao #i'm not particularly here to be popular; i am here to enjoy myself and ship my little gay ships and have fun with my friends #if any anon wants to tell me how i should or shouldn't do that; then well #you may as well go find yourself another blog to bully because i will not give you the time of day lmao #have we all collectively just forgotten about 'ship and let ship' btw?? 🤨 #it doesn't MATTER what someone else enjoys. it doesn't need to make sense to you #as long as they're enjoying themselves then that's all that matters; no? #ugh. yeah. well sorrynotsorry for going off in the tags #but honestly... the anon situation is getting a little out of hand in this fandom; i feel #calm it down people. cool it. #go read a good gay fic for your pairing instead of upsetting someone else's day; why don't you?

[shimzus]

【直接的性格】        BLUNTNESS AND DIRECTNESS

kiyoko is one of the more blunt characters in haikyuu , evident by the way she refuses second-year tanaka’s proposal , humbles the third years during their shrine visit by informing them that a prayer to the gods won’t grant them a victory at nationals , explains to sugawara that she has no intentions of marrying him when she tries to steady his hands with her own , and constantly rebukes tanaka and nishinoya’s outlandish requests to be spanked/scolded. 

this blunt character is unique , not only as a character trope , but also in cultural context. directness is viewed as a negative attribute in japan since it can be conceived as abrasive and self-centered—— and it’s especially considered a negative trait for women. in a lot of ways , japan is still conservative about femininity , and women’s behavior is certainly not exempt from scrutiny. most women in media and in trends exemplify youthful cute charms ( girlish femininity , innocence , kindness , etc. ). 

it is rarer to see mature and “sexy” styles , especially those that also involve blunt and direct personality types. part of the reason that kiyoko isn’t criticized for being blunt is because she’s attractive and able to suit this style. other haikyuu characters who go against the natural grain like ushijima and tendou don’t have the same sort of social “clout” that a beautiful high school girl does , so their directness is considered a fault. tendou isn’t conventionally attractive and he’s a bit of an otaku nerd ( which isn’t a problem in today’s high schools , but in a private high school 10 years ago could easily have been an isolating factor ) , and ushijima is attractive but a jock-type who doesn’t have the same social fluency as other students ( since he focuses mostly on volleyball and might produce very one-note conversations ). kiyoko may be blunt , but comparatively she doesn’t have anything that ostracizes her from fitting in. she simply chooses not to engage with people at times.

of course , if she weren’t attractive , her bluntness would be considered a fault. it’s simply because she was lucky enough to be beautiful that her direct personality isn’t considered “abrasive.” instead , it lends her character to the onee-san trope ( a mature , no-nonsense , cold woman type ). being beautiful and blunt effectively elevates a woman to some goddess-like level. it may be because onee-san types are somewhat “rarer” to find—— not only is beauty “rare,” but a woman who isn’t the average girly/cutesy type is also “rare.”

however , i think it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that kiyoko isn’t completely cold-blooded and unfeeling. her behavior with the team may make her an onee-san type , but with other characters and other teams , she’s not quite the same. rather than directly refusing others , she adopts a technique of disregard or avoidance. she ignores oikawa who tries to talk to her , rather than confront him—— a person she doesn’t know—— by saying she has no interest in him. she also avoids talking to the players on other teams at the training camp in tokyo who are ushering to try saying hello to her , by instead chatting with the female managers she’s more comfortable with. 

when she does have to interact directly with someone , she’s polite and indirect. terushima stops her in the hallway at the spring interhigh and rather than be blunt or ignore him , she uses the typical japanese style of deflecting ( which is considered more polite ) and explains that she has people waiting for her. in japan , people understand an excuse like this to mean that she’s not interested and to signal that she’d like to break away. 

also , the way that she interacts with yachi and the other female managers completely contradicts the notion that she’s cold and blunt. tanaka and nishinoya even ogle that she’s chatting a lot , smiling , and having lots of “girl talk” with the other managers , which means that she’s not the sort of solitary person who blocks everyone out.

at face value , an outsider would see kiyoko’s behavior of being quiet , enjoying time to herself , and avoiding/ignoring interactions with people she doesn’t know as being very onee-san-esque. it’s easy to label her as an onee-san because of her outwardly expressed behaviors , in conjunction with the fact that she also doesn’t fit neatly into the cutesy girly trope. from my experience , most japanese women are sorted into these two categories ( the third might be somewhere in the middle , like the “girl next door” type , though that tends to lean youthful and girly too ). but this trope is , of course , just a shallow label and doesn’t hold any weight when considering the spectrum of kiyoko’s social styles. it may just be because most people don’t end up talking to her that they view her this way.

in my portrayal i try to emphasize depth in her personality—— her humor , her tendency to take care of others without being asked , and her thoughtfulness that may not fully manifest as words or actions beyond simply her own ideas. i do think that she’s more blunt and direct than most people. i think she’s not afraid to speak her mind , and to do so concisely—— which isn’t common in japan. i think it makes her a unique character when compared with others in the series. however , i don’t think it’s the one and only aspect of her personality , nor do i think it should be emphasized as the encapsulation of her personality. it’s just one element , and clearly one that she disproves by her proclivity for disregard and avoidance , and her ability to have friendly , sensitive , and supportive conversations with other characters.

#headcanon tag tba. #anyways i just think the onee-san trope is really interesting #because from my experience like 90% of the japanese women i meet are all very cutesy girly and feminine #(obviously from a western perspective theyre much more feminine than me or american women) #so i'm often called an onee-san bc i'm not 'cute' .... like i'm very ambitious and focused and my coworkers have said its very 'sexy' #and i think a lot of people think onee-sans are very refreshing because they're not the trendy norm in terms of style or attitude #but like all tropes saying kiyoko is onee-san type is very shallow because she's actually quite normal and she can have warm conversations #she's a normal high school girl it's just that she doesn't really fit in the cutesy trope box that well and her attitude is more... #'i enjoy being alone too' and 'i'm focused and serious about things that matter to me' and 'i don't always care to humor weird requests' #so on the outside that would make her seem like an onee-san type. and for a lot of people that means she's EXTRA beautiful #i dont wanna unpack het mens psychology and why onee-sans are so attractive but honestly #i think kiyoko gets more attention than a cutesy beautiful girl would... even though theyre both beautiful #her personality SOMEHOW makes her more attractive and i can only think its because its not really common here #and it definitely makes women seem untouchable and elevated to be a bit colder and mature-like #one of my coworkers is quite beautiful and serious about her work... and our other coworkers are in awe of here #her* #even though there are other teachers who are equally as attractive but not as diligent; and some who are diligent but not beautiful #it's really interesting jgksj anyways #i do want to explore more... nonblunt kiyoko stuff.... kiyoko with friends being warm

[eats-the-stars]

love the guy assigned to my case at the “help you get a job” program. i have exactly 2 modes. 1) procrastinating until the absolute last minute. And 2) guess I will complete months worth of work that is also due at the end of the year in exactly 3 days of non-stop effort. You can basically flip a coin as to which approach my brain will decide to take for any given task.

so yeah I have a job now. and my poor case manager dude is like “wait. no. that was so fast. it’s been one week. you did how many interviews? and you picked...this one. the one that is not like anything you have done before and also was not on the “jobs I think would work out for me” list that we made?”

and he was scrambling like “accommodations. training. oh god. um. do i need to talk to your employers?” and getting more anxious when I was like “no i think I have it covered.” like i am sorry bro but i know that my vibes in person are like “quiet forgetful autistic person who can pass for either a high school student or a grandma at any moment” and this does not inspire confidence, but I am actually pretty independent once someone gives me a little push to start a thing.

also...dude you have my job history. winter sports area general worker (concessions, ticket sales, renting ski/snowshoe equipment, managing cross-country trails, monitoring the tube hill, etc.). family restaurant hostess (basically every role in the place except a cook). person selling fireworks out of tent for all of July while also living in a smaller tent behind the shipping crate filled with things that go boom. call center customer service rep handling 4 different clients that range from crafts and home decor to incontinence products and super expensive furniture. freelance dog-sitting with clients ranging from “rich couple who wants me to let their elderly cockapoos out twice a day for $50 bucks a pop in a house with a basement theater” to “i’ll give you $10 a day to exercise and feed the 3 huskies in our small apartment also they can jump higher than you are tall and scream louder than you thought possible.” bro we added a whole “volunteer experience” section to my resume because I wrote grants and worked with an environmental group to restore native bluebirds to the community and volunteered at the community table and the animal shelter and the library. like i have done lots of things that are not really connected at all. someone says “hey do you think you could do this?” and I am suddenly living out of a tent for a month googling “what the fuck is a crossette?” i once ended up in Memphis for 2 months doing volunteer construction work in the aftermath of a hurricane because my cousin didn’t want to go alone and everyone was like “oh we know someone who goes with the flow so hard.”

so you better believe i told you “oh i don’t know, maybe a receptionist position would be nice” and then applied to every local job known to god and then a few extra and took the first one to say “cool can you start next week?” i know i did not give off “I will try anything at least once if you ask me fast and then go ‘great!’ before I can process what i agreed to” vibes while sitting in your office in my colorful leggings, grandma sweaters and animal hats while not making eye contact and talking about how lovely my nephew is and how much I enjoy quiet time alone and gardening and i struggle with a poor memory and navigating social interactions. but i know you proofread my resume my guy. you asked questions about all these things except the construction thing because i actually forgot to mention that actually which is good because then i might have had to mention the cult involvement that i wasn’t aware of until i was stuck on-site but it all worked out so no sweat. still, i am glad that he is concerned by my “out of the blue” spontaneity. it’s kind of his job to help people settle into jobs that they can handle, and I also know that I would realistically need more assistance from him if I wasn’t so good at adapting on the fly due to my bad habit of saying “sure, I can do that” to literally anything. also my new job is honestly pretty tame, so i am not sure what he is freaking out about. i should really not mention some of the other jobs i spontaneously applied for before accepting this one. like..my friend...i could be working in a bridal shop. i could be training to install and repair vending machines or decorating cakes or delivering medical equipment. i applied for a job that was literally “window production.” none of these are actually as wild as that time I spent 2 months with a religious cult doing manual labor and living out of an abandoned, half-destroyed school building because my cousin talked me into it. i had to watch a dramatic reenactment of the crucifixion of Jesus on my very first night that brought the whole gymnasium of strangers to wild, howling tears while I was awkwardly clapping my hands as my cousin sobbed incoherently into my shoulder. i once dog-sat a bluetick coonhound for 2 weeks in the dead of winter, and the snow if his yard was so high that he was able to jump the fence and book it down the street. i had to chase him through knee-high snow for over an hour before he stopped to sniff a bemused old lady long enough for me to catch him. i once had a customer at the restaurant rail at me for a good twenty minutes because she was absolutely sure that we did serve pineapple upside down cake and i was just withholding this dessert from her, specifically. the bar for “jobs I would apply for” is so low that I actually thought “well as long as nobody spits in my face, pukes on me consistently, or shanks me in the kidney again I could probably do anything.” although to be fair to my case manager i did not mention those things to him (except the pineapple upside down cake lady because I mention her all the time, i am still pissed off about that situation). also, my sister was actually the one to have a dog wake her up in the middle of the night only to puke directly into her mouth, but I watched it go down, so the psychic trauma of witnessing that still exists.

#honestly i think my poor social skills get me into half of the situations in my life #because i agree to things before i process them because most people talk and talk too fast for me #so i spend the whole conversation trying to keep up also figure out what the hell we're talking about #and then at the end i turn to my sister and say 'so what was that about?' #and she says something like 'you signed up to sell fireworks out of a tent for all of july' and i just have to run with that #the other half of the situations just come from having relatives and family friends that actively seek out situations #but want to drag someone adaptable and chill along who will also not say 'that's literally insane. no' when asked #also i need less cousins who take the zombie apocalypse life tip of always bringing a slow runner with you to situations #like i am a small person ok. my legs are shorter. i can't help it that everyone else is sprinting around on their stilt-legs #also just like i like to take walks with my dad because the mosquitoes love his blood way better than mine #i have a history of 'first person to get stabbed in a situation' that is probably just due to being the weakest looking person in any group #and i don't really panic in emergencies. i don't really know why. maybe it's something to do with being autistic #but if someone is screaming in pain and writhing on the floor #or an alarm goes off #or a bus skids on the ice and smears a stranger across the sidewalk right in front of me #or if i get mugged in a coffee shop while i'm studying for exams #i don't really do the things that other people around me do in the same situation #i personally think that the bubble i exist in just runs slower than everyone else's #so they're all having their reactions and freaking out while i'm still like 'damn something sure is happening right now. #am i supposed to do anything about this?' #and then if the answer is: 'yeah you should probably calm down that guy on the floor. figure out why he's screaming. then call 911 maybe?' #then i'll just do that while other people are saying things like 'oh god what's happening?!' #like if i panicked every time i had a dog that i was responsible for make a stupid life decision in front of me #or had a cult member ask me. an atheist. if i felt like i connected with god at the emotional catharsis activity #or honestly even just every time i've ever been stabbed in the left kidney even tho that's only happened twice #then i don't know i would probably be doing a lot of panicking #maybe it's an energy thing. i feel like panicking requires more energy than i usually have access to