#Hoping for a job change soon because fuck i cant do this

[babyyweebbitch]

Can i request Vi (Arcane) x overworked female reader?

I go to two schools (one is a music school)

Both schools give a huge amount of homework, the piano teacher is very demanding, I have a piano exam soon (which I don't know if I'll take because I can't remember so many given musical notes) and I also have my high school. I think I'll drop out of one of the schools for my own sanity.

I’m a crying, stressed out and simply tired mess and i feel like i’m losing control. The worst feeling ever🥲

Hug me please 😫

omg baby i’m so sorry! :( that’s a shit ton of stress and honestly i feel u with the stress! im currently very stressed out too and i hope things get better for u :) HERES A HUG

content warning : female reader , crying , stress

you were a collage student, currently in your second year of collage plus you also had a good paying job you worked at after school. the schedule was you go to school and mid day you left to go to work. that’s how it’s been since you got this job three years ago. recently there was an exam happening and you had to study during your breaks at work.

you recently got a new boss who has been an absolute asshole to you and a few other people and they’ve been working you like a dog. they changed your hours so you had to go home later leaving you barely any time to study and sleep. now your schedule was all fucked up… Vi noticed and has tried to help you but you always say you got it and that you didn’t need any help. she didn’t buy it honestly

it was getting closer and closer to exams and everything was getting to be too much. during one of your days off from work you studied all morning and part of the afternoon at your desk in yours and Vi’s shared room. she was sitting on the bed with her headphones in scrolling through social media. your phone vibrated and you glanced at it… it was your boss

‘i need you to come in for work today, in about 20 minutes please’ the text read. you don’t know why but reading that made you tear up, you started crying… no, sobbing. you placed your head on your desk and sobbed. vi moved her phone a bit to check on you and saw you sobbing at your desk. she immediately jumped up

“baby?! baby, what’s wrong?!” she asked, going over to you. she rubbed your back and you reached over to hug her, very tightly and just cried into her shoulder. she rubbed you back and she picked you up, carrying you to the bed “cupcake…”

“t…this is too much! vi…. i ca…i cant!” you said through cries. you gripped onto her shirt, she sushed you and held onto you

“i know…. i know — it’s alot…” she said in a soft voice, holding you until you were calmed down. after you calmed down you sat up and looked around “why don’t you take a b—“

“i gotta go to work! fuck!” you said, trying to stand up to get ready but she grabbed your arm. you looked at her and she tilted her head to the side. without saying a word you knew what she was trying to say “Vi i can’t”

“please…. you have too, it’s not good on your body”

“they will fire me…”

“fuck ‘em…. baby, if you take on anymore stress it will cause damage to your body. you’re already getting headaches and i can tell your hands are sore”

“how did you know about the headaches…”

“i saw the three bottles of Tylenol in the garbage when i went to take it out this morning”

you sighed and sat back down on the bed. you looked down

“and taking that much is gonna fuck up your body too”

“what do i tell them…”

“quit… find a new job — i’ll start charging more for my fights until you’re done for the summer”

“but the apartment…”

“we both have enough money to pay for it, plus the fights — i get alot for them. baby we will be fine for a few months” she said “i’ll even text ‘em for you!” she said, going to get your phone and unlocking it. she started typing away at your phone and you realised you’re trusting Vi to text your soon to be ex-boss

“please don’t be mean…”

she paused for a second…. then you heard her erasing the message

“Vi!”

“what?! you’re trusting me to do this for you!” she said in a joking tone. you laughed before snatching the phone from her and typing away. she placed her head on your shoulder to see what you were typing as you did. once you were done you placed your phone down and vi smiled. she stood up and started to get you clean clothes and went to the bathroom. you got up to follow her and see what she was doing — especially with your clothes

“whatcha doing?”

“starting a bath — for you! you deserve it” she said, starting to run a bath for you. she did everything the way you liked it and was surprised she got everything right, she’s only ever watched you do it so she decided to try. she helped you undress and get into the bath. she started helping you get clean and she hummed as she did.

the entire time you didn’t talk but the silence between you two was very calming to the both of you.

this isn’t the best but i hope u like it :)

#arcane #arcane x reader #vi #vi x reader #vi headcanons #vi x female reader #violet #lesbians #lesbian #lgbt

[the-final-sif]

So, Ponk needs to leave, and Sam is the only one who can watch Dream while he’s gone. There’s absolutely nothing that could go wrong with this plan, and Dream just needs to somehow convince Ranboo and Punz of that. He’s really not having much luck.

Ponk asked several times to make sure Dream was... well comfortable was a hell of an ask, but at the very least sure in his choice to let Sam watch over him.

The two of them managed to figure out the terms of what Sam could be told. Dream assented to Sam being told that he was having temporary balance and hearing issues related to the Warden’s sonic attack. It’s important to Dream that Ponk stress that this is all temporary. And that Dream is still capable of doing stuff himself if he needed to, it’s just that Ponk couldn’t ethically leave him alone as a doctor.

Ponk agrees to all of that, and tastefully doesn’t point out that there are risks of long term damage, and that Dream absolutely could not be left alone without the risk of that long term damage increasing.

Sam’s job will just be bringing specific food (no more soup, only things that Dream can eat on his own, and from a specific list of rabbit safe items which pointedly does not include potatoes) help with Dream getting over to the bathroom for at least a few days, and help administer the ear drops.

Ponk also gives Dream like three knives with special handles just in case, because like, yeah good mobility is great but a sharp knife swung wildly will still do a hell of a lot of damage to someone whose unarmored, which is a requirement for Sam to be anywhere near Ponk’s house. Sam has been told there are safeguards in place, but not given any more details to prevent attempts to circumvent them.

Ponk himself has heavily mixed feelings, but it’s the only real option they have since the only other person staying behind that he could even think to ask is Punz, and Ponk is sure that Punz would sell Dream out. He already did it once, clearly he’d do it again. Sam hasn’t sold Dream out despite already knowing where he is and at the very least that he wasn’t in great condition, so despite his apprehensions, Ponk makes the call to leave helping Dream up to him.

 Ponk tells the rest of the server that he’s getting packed up to leave, and that Sam will be staying at his house to recover safely. Nobody should bother him since he needs lots of rest and is nervous about having other people around while his vision is still healing. Message ahead if they need to visit.

Ponk leaves that evening, hoping everything will be okay when he gets back. If nothing else, he’s got a special upgrade for his communicator that will allow for check ins every so often.

Meanwhile, Dream sits and stares at his communicator for about half an hour, trying to decide how to break the news to Punz and Ranboo who heard about Ponk going on the trip and were making suggestions for plans.

He considers lying, he really does, but if he says he’s unsupervised then they’ll want to come by and discover his lie.

So he decides to just say fuck it.

“slight change of plans. ponk has to go to the raid. cant really walk rn, or balance. will be better soon. sam already knew and on truce bc of hunters, offered to help while ponk has to leave. should only be for a week. safeguards in place. everything should be back to normal in two weeks. will resume contact at that point.”

He really wanted to just leave it there and refuse to respond to messages after that, but he knew that was liable to end very poorly.

It took about 10 seconds for punz to reply, followed directly by Ranboo.

“absolutely not.”

“^”

Dream started trying to type out a response, only for Punz to cut him off.

“i’m coming to get you.”

Fuck, no, they absolutely could not do this. Dream was fine. Nothing was going to go wrong.

“dont you dare, it’s fine, there’s safeguards and we’re on truce because of the hunter’s involvement. i won’t let him do anything. ponk gave me weapons and a few special potions. it’s totally under control. i did not go through pandora just for you to ruin your cover now.”

It was a low blow, but hopefully one that would get Punz to listen.

There was a long, long pause. Finally, Punz replied.

“you check in every day, twice a day. if you miss either check in, ranboo kills him and we get you to safety.”

Okay, thank god, Dream could work with this. He almost agreed right away, before pausing to consider feasibility.

“if i miss a checkin, ranboo can check my room at ponks. im sleeping a lot and tracking time is hard right now. theres no reason for me to be out of the room without checkin though. if one of you can sneak a tracker in here, i can stick it on my comm if that’ll convince you. if anything goes wrong, ill send a message for help.”

The message for help would be going to Foolish, not them, but Dream didn’t need to clarify that. It was a valid technicality. There was another pause, before finally he got the response he was hoping for.

“fine. ill drop off a tracker in a bit.”

A beat, and then another text followed.

“please be safe.”

It left a lump in Dream’s throat, it made all the anxiety about Sam being anywhere near him, let alone in charge of bringing him food and fuck, his knife wasn’t enough, this was such a stupid fucking idea-

For one singular, terrible moment, Dream almost caved. He reached out, wanting to send a message asking for Punz to come get him. To get him somewhere safe and far away from Sam, because he couldn’t do this again.

But his hands were shaking too much to type. Whether from his most recent damage or that from the prison, he couldn’t tell, but it reminded him of how much he’d already given up. He’d done so much to get to this point. He couldn’t waste everything now. It would be worth it in the end. When things were okay again.

He bit down the urge to ask for help like a child and instead focused on the rational. The logical. If Sam wanted to take him back to the prison or hurt him, he would’ve just called Quackity from the start. Not Ponk. He would’ve just told the server where Dream was before a bunch of people left.

Clearly, Sam felt indebted and like taking advantage of something the hunters had caused was unfair. Dream could use that for now, and once he was well enough to run, he would do so and then things would go back to exactly how they were before. Both of them could forget that anything ever happened here. It was invalid. Struck from the record.

So he took a deep breath and got himself under control. After a moment, he managed to steady his hands enough to type.

“i’ll be fine.“

With that, he shut off his communicator and flopped back on the bed. Exhausted as he repeated that one little phrase over and over again in his head, hoping to find a way to make it stop tasting like a lie.

#c!dream #dreblr #c!ponk #c!punz #staged duo #staged trio #c!ranboo #c!sam #c!awesamdude #apology cake au #sif writes #sif speaks #there will be more endersmile soon but not quite yet #theres a reason ranboo didn't keep replying #also great news sam pov again soon #and were getting closer to the name of the au #i say like a liar

[sirpseudonymphoapish]

Aftermath oneshot for the end of season 3, episode 11. (spoilers!???!) (terry x korvo. not nsfw but they make out a lot)

i wrote this at like 3 am off a whim so its probably not the best but i just wanted to write some fluff so i dont really care about any low detail descriptions or grammar mistakesm. i hope u enjoy :3

-

Hot air wafted into the room and a bright light shone into the corner of Terry's eyes. He squinted as he stared up at the ceiling, the right side of the room being illuminated by the warm glow of the bathroom light. Shuffling was heard as the pudgy blue alien soaked the last bit of water off himself onto his towel, and changed into his night-time button-up gown. The light soon shut off, and Terry felt the mattress sink from the new guest who had taken space under the covers.

He was so tired, but he couldn't stop staring up at the ceiling of their bedroom. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep forever, but he was wide "awake." This fraction of time he spent in bed at night was his only ticket out of his regular new life now. he spent the moment while it lasted, even if it was full of dread.

Korvo joined him. he had no words to say, just an uncomfortable silence as he shared the sight of the ceiling. If you stared long enough, you could see the pattern in the walls even through the darkness.

Terry sighed a heavy breath; he must've been holding it without realizing. Korvo tilted his head away from Terry and shifted onto his side, pulling more of the blanket to fit on top of him.

"Goodnight, Terrence."

The weight in his name felt heavy.

"Night, Korv."

Despite the exchange of nightly endings, Terry kept his eyes wide open and up at the ceiling.

A silence crept in once again, but a soft, tired voice cracked it open in reply.

",,,I miss being called that name."

Terry sighed internally.

"Heh heh, yeah. I miss a lot of things."

,,,silence.

"im,,, im so fucking over this, Terry."

Just hearing him be called by his main name lifted a weight off his shoudlers.

"God, me too. I can barely take this anymore! but uh, anything for the pupa i guess."

"Ugh! the pupa SUCKS. i want to go back to being sci-fi! I hate this job! i hate this life, Terry!" Korvo shifted back upright. not entirely facing Terry, but not facing completely away from him. Terry looked at him and listened. "This job is fucking stupid! I-I dont even remember what the fuck we work for! All we do is write documents of already made documents and print out paper of the documents to send to other people to make documents and then collect more documents to write documents about!! its fucking insane, Terry!"

Korvo was, visibly, on the verge of gooblering. Terry reached a hand out for comfort. Not touching him but, keeping him close as a reminder for company.

"oh my god, right??? and i cant even drown out my sorrows in any personal goods because of our damn tight budget."

"I had to cancel our hulu subscription to pay for the pupa's karate classes! I had to cancel hulu!!! We cant get anything for ourselves because we're using all the money on the Pupa! But if we don't he'll go back to being some annoying tween again with his weird gen boomer language or whatever they call it."

Korvo instinctively put his hand on top of Terry's offered one, and shifted to face Terry even more. He never gave direct eye contact.

"I hate having to risk losing my terrible job if i dont cook meals and shine shoes for our boss. I-I want to get rid of this job but the job market is so rough."

"Dont worry, man," Terry squeezed Korvo's hand reasurringly, "once we make enough money, we'll put it aside to try and get some other job! Maybe we'll do youtube video reactions of us reacting to youtubers reacting to youtube web series!"

Korvo squeezed back, but with a tight, aggressive grip. "Oh you know thats never going to happen, Terry. we barely make enough to cover our food. I've been buying SO much crap in cans just so i can keep that karate class subscription. I can't risk the pupa telling me I have "fatherless behavior.""

"Well,,," Terry leaned forward slightly, craving intamacy. "We can dream, and dreams always come true! PBSkids told me!"

"We dream when we sleep. which is 5 hours exactly, usually less when we wake up randomly in the middle of the night multiple times. MAYBE 5 hours and 10 minutes, if we're lucky."

An uncomfortable silence shone over them again. Then Terry felt something land on his arm and dance around.

Korvo pulled Terry close and shoved his face into his chest, bawling his eyes out and gooblering all over.

"I-I want to go back to our old life, Terry!! I hate this! I fucking hate all of this!"

Terry formed a sad expression and stroked the back of Korvo's head, trying to ease out the gooblers.

"Shh, hey, its okay, baby. It'll all end well in the end, right?"

"no it WONT Terry!!!" Korvo brought his fist up in frusteration and slammed it down on Terry, who yelped from the sudden blow.

"O-oh gosh, im sorry Terry! I-I didn't mean it!"

Terry hissed at the soreness, but rubbed it off. "It's fine, man. I wanna punch things too."

Korvo sunk back into Terry again, holding onto his now regular pajamas. "You're the only highlight to all of this, Terry. And even then most of the moments i have with you suck tits. Even if its all for the pupa, i just--" He started to goobler again, so Terry continued rubbing at his head trying to get his skin to calm down. "None of it feels worth it, Terry. i just want to have fun and be with YOU, and be with our family. I want to do fun solar opposites stuff again. that's all i want."

Terry yawned, forgetting how tired he was.

"Well,, i doubt thats ganna happen any time soon. but we can try and do regular minimal fun stuff in the meantime?"

"Oh and when would we HAVE this "meantime"? Our asses are stuck at work almost all day! We can hardly do anything! And on our off days all we do are take short naps the whole day because of how sleep deprived we are!"

"Uhmm,,, well,,,," Terry tried so hard to think. He just wanted to make Korvo feel better, in this instance, at least.

Terry slid his hands to Korvo's back, moving one up to his face and cupping his cheek.

"We have now?"

Korvo sighed in exhaustion. "Yes, i guess, technically we do. but im so tired and we need the sleep for work tomorrow. What can we possibly even do right now?"

"Make out?"

"hmm,, it HAS been a while-"

Before Korvo could start a new thought, Terry brought his face close and locked his lips with his, suckling rythmatically with Korvo as his hands caressed his body. Korvo's grip on Terry's boring pajamas tightened, only to release and wrap his arms around Terry and squeeze hard.

Terry flicked his tongue through the opening of Korvo's lips and licked at the other, Korvo widening the kiss and reciprocating the gesture. Korvo pushed his weight onto Terry's and rolled Terry over onto his back, laying on his lap and continuing to go at it with their mouths. Terry reached his one hand down to rub his thigh while the other remained on his back.

They squeezed and kissed at each other continously, each of them moaning into each other. All they wanted was here, right now. Just some nice time alone, doing something relaxing and comforting.

"Oh god," Korvo spoke between breaths, "I love you Terry. i love you so much. This is all i want right now. I just want to be a happy family again."

"We'll get that soon, Korvotron. For now, just kiss me."

And they went right back at it. This time, Korvo let his weight sink into Terry's instead of pushing on it, and Terry took the opportunity to push Korvo over and straddle him instead, laying over him and pinning him down by the wrists.

A trail of saliva trickled down both their chin's, slobber connecting them both by their mouths. They just wanted each other, to melt all their stress away into quality time spent together. They wanted to have fun again, do sci-fi shit again, be partners and be a family. They wanted to do dumb fun things together again, like binge watch new seasons of their favorite shows on hulu, or more intimate things like make love. All they wanted was to be together and to not have to worry about this shithole planet with their shithole rules and societal functions. some of it was great but, the rest of it was absolute garbage.

After more minutes of kissing passionately at each other, they both parted for a quick breather. Korvo wiped his chin, ridding it of the sticky saliva he shared with his partner.

"Ohhh, we haven't kissed like that in a while."

"Heck yeah, now im all excited! We should totally fuck, too."

"Hm- maybe on our free night. We have to work tomorrow."

Terry was suddenly in shock. "Oh hell, i totally forgot about that." He put a hand to his forehead and leaned over weakly. "Wooah, and i forgot how fucking burnt out i was."

"Yes, lets get some rest. We'll overthrow our shitty jobs and become space nerds again some other day."

Terry scooted back over to his respective side on the bed and patted down at his clothes, and Korvo the same. They repositoned the blanket to be more evenly spread, and after struggling with trying to make sure they both got even amounts of the blanket, Korvo just pulled Terry over to his side to cuddle.

"Oh Great thinkin Korv, now its easier to share!"

"Mhm,," Korvo sunk his face into Terry's shoulder, smiling at the warmth of his partner and at the closeness.

Terry patted Korvo's back and yawned. "Well, now im really tired. eugh. Goodnight Korvy, i love ya."

"I love you too, dummy."

They both held onto each other in a tight embrace and closed their eyes, finally letting themselves wait for sleep to come to their minds.

An hour passed.

"psst, hey korv, i cant sleep. wanna make out again?"

#solar opposites #solar opposites korvo #solar opposites terry #terry solar opposites #korvo solar opposites #tervo #this is my first time writing a solar opposites fanfiction #i hope its good #i tried to get their dialouge as canon sounding as possible #hashtag i love tervo

[cogbreath]

not a vent but it is a ramble of personal things but

im seriously so so like... shocked idk. i didnt expect this to happen. it seems like its really gonna happen. but im nervous. theres been times before where it was like. my mom was talking about how he might not be allowed 2 live here anymore and i was so hyped but then nothing came of it. i cant have that happen again. im 21 years old man. and i dont have a life because of the shit living arrangements we have going on bc of him. if hes really fed up and leaving this is gonnabe so fucking huge.......... like i said before i want his room so i can expand my waifu shrines 😈 ... lol. im being lighthearted. i seriously had 0 hope for a while. and idk. i once had a serious breakdown in front of my mom wherre i admitted that i felt like i was genuinely gonna end up killing him. and tbh i thought that there was a chance that ended up being the only way out. im really happy if this is true and im getting an actual happy ending for once. ive been. wanting this so desperately since i was a kid guys. seriously. i hate that man so much. hes a disgusting abusive asshole with 0 compassion + he m*lested me. hes got mad health problems that my mom manages for him and i wonder if shes worried about how he'll do on his own with that. personallly i dont care. i dont care. i want him out. i dont want my mama being his caregiver nomore. cruel cruel man. for all my life ive watched that man degrade her ans berate her and expect her to serve him afterwards ..... ive had to deal with overhearing him harassing her for never having sex with him.. which is something that was always extra painful for me because of my own sexual trauma.... theres honna be a lot of scary changes like my mom says i have to get a job again. im really not not good at working due to my disabilities. but i could hold a job for a year before i ended up losing it. it was very trauamtic. i dont want to work again. but i will be freed from the familial agony. its a lot guys. seriously. ive been so so so isolated and disconnected from eberything and everyone because of it for all my life. ive never been able to truly be a person because of it. it became my job to help my mother emotionally and mentally to degrees that no child really should havr to because she had no one else. i dont fault or resent her at all for that and im happy to defend her and help her and listen to her. its a lot though and especially when i was younger. also

ill probably do drugs less often because i wont be trying to drown out another fight theyre having.

im nervous because im a a psychotic autistic agoraphobic and i will have to be going outside now. but. i will be going outside now... which means having a life. my mom will be with me still. i will still live with her and probably will most my life because of my circumstances. but i love her. im okay with having to maybe do some scary things because of that. dude. theres a convention near me soon that i was hoping to go to. i kinda just had it as a pipe dream though. because basiclaly i have no ability or opportunities to leave the house. but now i will. im really hopping that this is rwal and i'll be able to go... its my goal. i want to make a misty monsoon cosplay. i really do. im crying rn bexause im just so excited to get a chance at things. trust me thougu im still gonna be a asocial shutin first and foremost. dont worry guys i wont be abandoning you. im a dedicated poster. but you know. im gonna be posting under better circumstances inshallah.

also this is a lot for me spiritually. my dad is heavily islamophobic and ive not been able to safely be open because of him. ive prayed and prayed a lot to allah to help make things to where i can finally do that. i really really feel like allah has given me a great gift here im so happy allahu akbar

[ifeltfree]

Yeah, of course I'll talk with you about it. I'm sorry to hear you're recently diagnosed. I'd say it gets better, but I'd be lying. What does change is that you get tougher, more resilient. If you're lucky, you have people around you who understand and support you well. The seizures never stop being terrifying.

It's an awful disease and one that is extremely misunderstood. Isolating is the right word, for sure. I was diagnosed at 16, so I know how hard it can be to have it as a teenager/young person as well. It feels like it's stealing from you. It is. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Your feelings are justified.

As far as how I cope? Poorly, for a long time, but recently things have been looking up. I was seizure-free for about five years before a recent set of breakthrough seizures (I crashed my car too, lol what a time), so I'm relearning how to deal with the fear and paranoia.

Logistically, I've done a few things:

I was able to get my job to let me work from home 3/5 days of the week.

I sleep. A lot. I still hang out with people and I have a lot of friends, but I had to accept there are things I can't do.

I spend a lot of time in quiet. Overstimulation doesn't help. I found this out the long way - took me forever to realize shutting up one or a few of my senses cut down the brain activity (I'm dumb).

I don't drink. I used to drink - probably too much. Substance abuse and epilepsy don't mix. That wasn't the reason for my breakthroughs, but I do have a little sobriety app. Kinda fun, honestly.

I talk to my friends about it.

That last point is something that I'd never done before this year. It's hard, of course, but I think it's helped that my friends now know I'm having crises of sanity, faith, philosophy - whatever - every day of my goddamn life. It's impossible to live with this disease and not think about what's real, what's not, if I'm losing time, what exactly is a soul...you understand.

Also, seizures are impossible to describe, but I try. That helps as well. Horrifies my friends, but they've said it's ok to talk about.

Every seizure I've had (barring these last ones, or I'd have killed myself) has stolen my personhood from me. I'd wake up as a different person, and then I'd just...live in a stranger's apartment, wear a stranger's clothes, wake up in a stranger's bed. After about a week, the feeling starts to fade but nothing ever goes back to that first reality. That disorientation is, for me, one of the worst parts of epilepsy. It's fucking scary. And if you go through that, I am so, so sorry.

If you want to talk about this more, let me know. I'm much less serious than I seem, and I write like this because I'm overeducated after being scared shitless by my brain. So.

Anyway, feel free to publish this and I hope you feel better soon.

Also, tell your tattoo artist what happened - they'll thank you for not coming in, and they also need to know you're not a flake. Don't want to make them responsible for an unconscious body when they don't have to be! :)

thank you for talking to me more about this. you worded a lot of this really well and its reassuring to know its normal to feel that way that i do about it all. my family thinks im exaggerating it so sometimes i question if im blowing things out of proportion.

anyway, thats terrible that you crashed your car. thats such a huge fear of mine and i cant imagine going through that, im so sorry. its so unfortunate that you have to miss out on things, but im glad you figured out what works for you to keep you in better shape. im gonna try and be mindful about the things you mentioned and see if they make a difference for me, thank you

i dont have much of a support system, most of my friends stopped talking to me after college and i find it hard to meet new people where i live. its significantly harder to cope with shit like this when youre on your own. im sure you get it. and i totally understand what you mean by losing your sense of self. it feels like everything is foggy, all the time but even worse on days i have seizures. it almost makes me mad cause its not fair that after everything else that comes with it, i have to have a diluted watered down personality too.

again thank you for this. ill definitely reach out if the urge arises and you definitely can too. im always open to talk, about anything

[spikeinthepunch]

Blog: Where the fuck & When the fuck

Read on my website.

I think it is that time where I write another blog... My website has been slow for months due to so many other things and I like to use this site as an outlet for Big feelings and updates and life related dumps. I dont want to use this as a place to sigh and talk about all the things I'd like to do with the website cuz it's just stuff that... will happen when or if it happens.

The thought for this blog is just, wtf is going on? I know its not a thing I haven't voiced before. I feel directionless, and I struggle to hold my energy for literally any project I want to see through (most glaringly its a problem on all creative ones). Too many stories I would like to tell that I just... can't get out. They don't get progress. I am on a road to figuring this out in a more psychiatric way, in the sense of going to see a neuropsych soon and starting mood stabilizers.

I feel like I always go through waves of interest. If i am not gonna make a job out of art (old wishes to be a storyboard artist or char designer), then what will i do? Okay, i like the sound of cartoon production! Hm, not sure if i wanna do cartoon production, what else? Oh, I know-- I fight myself on whether or not these are logical progressions of thoughts or just my brain's inability to focus. And its not to say I can't have multiple choices, but I never get to even fulfill the idea to see if I'd like it anyways. I move on so quick when something catches my attention. Sure, I may be pretty decided in not doing an art intensive job in order to keep it in a hobby/personal place but why tf am I switching gears again?

I don't think I can be mad exactly. But it feels like the more I chase things the more I have no idea what's going on. And the inability to even get something done makes this all the more hopeless feeling.

Sorry, i dont mean for this to get so negative, because in actuality i wanted to talk about those new interests. Or growing ones i have had for a while. So what am I steering towards? Its been video games, for some time. May have always been there in the background too. But I think it has sat as an “unachievable” for forever. I mean, I love video games. And in my recently aging years I have come more and more to thinking video games are the best form that art could ever take. The personal interactions with video games have always made me feeling more connected to it than anything else, and the idea of someone getting to have their own unique interaction with art in that way is so cool to me. It made me think often that, if i were to tell stories, I would want that to be the form it takes.

But again, it seemed impossible. Video games take a lot of work. Maybe I could learn the art stuff, but... well, there is the coding part, that is what scared me off. Maybe I could use some engines with a lot of extra code help provided but, truly I didn't think I could make any of the things I hoped to make with just that and being on my own. The solution would be to may learn about coding but, that was the “scary” part. Not because code is a whole different ball game but because I just had this problem in my head were I was like.. “that is numbers and math. I'm bad at math. I will never be able to take a class on this in a college setting either because i was bad at school.”

My learning has always been a mess, and even right now as i tip toe around coding, i feel like i know i have interest in this. I think the technical stuff is neat but i have always just thought i couldnt “learn” it due to all the mental struggles of actual learning- you know, the conclusion that i may just be too stupid to change anything. That all my knowledge would stay surface level because i cant change that. But i badly dont want that to be the case... i want to learn code. I know i could do it, i feel i have that interest enough. But i sigh and sit back as i think, oh well... you know i have failed to hold onto this stuff before, is it worth dedicating my brain to this? Because i am not going to acheive what i want to acheive in a way id hope i can. I have fallen in and out of my attempts to learn over and over in the past year. I focused real hard to finish this website and it was majorly in a manic episode-- and thats the one problem symptom i am dealing with. The cool times i finish something is undeniably due to that and until i realized that i for one, thought those times were cool! Like wow, look! I actually did a thing! And then I crashed to depression and was like “my god, why cant i just do that all the time? What is going on? I really suck at focusing”. Anything i learn in a manic episode could be enough to do something great with but, that doesnt last long enough to make anything of it- or even though it seems great i get shit done in those episodes, manic episodes also lead to being too overwhelmed by the feelings to where i dont get stuff done still. Manic episodes arent what solved the problem, it still caused problems.

While my therapy has lead to a lot of good since i started the one that worked (its DBT), i have been at a consistent roadblock of... okay, i have learned some good skills. It has helped with a lot of emotional functioning. I understand my feelings more and i can handle myself better, being more mindful. But what i have not solved is the cognitive... my brain, my mood, my focus. There is a sort of comfort in being able to sit back and be mindful as it stops a lot of looping bad feelings for all this subject. But it leaves me in this... near bored, under stimulated state, where i just know i badly Want to do the thing. I can feel my passion. But i am unable to do it.

The neuropsych should be able to... answer a lot of these questions, so this is just. Airing out my exhausted mind. It is sad to look at people in my life that make me think “man, imagine what i would be doing if i was neurotypical”. Its not even in a jealous way, its just envy. It makes me happy to see people i know doing so well but it often pulls me to the “why am i not getting things done?”. I know why, but in the moments of passion it becomes frustrating to not be able to do the thing you so badly want to do.

I would like to come back with a blog where i can say this has changed, because so much has changed, and this can change. I am tired of working so hard, but i know that doesnt just stop for anything, even good things.

#do i have a tag for this #idk

[tamkashi]

happy august 2nd to myself.

one year ago i was hospitalized after a suicide attempt. it felt like an out of body experience. i remember everything yet cant remember having any thoughts about it. i drove for hours and when i finally got back, my bestfriend texted me an old screenshot of us joking around. on a usual day i wouldve stopped to laugh and reply, instead, i ignored it and continued on with my plan without second thought. i had a lot of pills, and i took an entire bottle and more, forced them down nearly dry. i remember finishing my note and calling 911. i was throwing up uncontrollably and i felt like passing out, i was so tired. i remember the 911 operator asking if i could hear the sirens and i said no. somehow i managed to walk myself to the ambulance and met a paramedic who walked me inside and got me onto the stretcher. i was still throwing up uncontrollably, and i remember getting really nervous about getting my first IV. it went into my left wrist and they gave me something to help with the vomiting. i made it into the hospital and i remember every nurse staring as i was wheeled into my room. i remember having to strip into a gown and having all my belongings taken away. i was given more medicine and time is a blur from there. talked to some police and nurses and a psychiatrist. answering the same question over and over. i sat in the room for hours, no thoughts at all. a familiar nurse i had in january was attending me, and he did my EKG. laying exposed, having wires stuck to my body to check on my heart. i had probably been there for 2 hours before a nurse came in and said that my parents were there. i gave them permission and my mom rushed in shortly after, just crying. she held me so close, just crying. my dad just stared and held my hand. i didnt cry, i didnt feel anything, i wasnt there. i remember some lecture from them, and they just sat there with me. i wasnt allowed to close the door because i could be a danger to myself, so i laid in the dark. they almost let me go home, but my heart rate was still through the roof. i remember seeing the doctor walking towards my room and my heart rate went so high that my monitor started going alerting red and he just shook his head and said “you’ll have to stay overnight”. my sister came, crying. they stayed for a while but my mom stayed with me overnight. i finally got my overnight room and the nurse was very nice to me. she set up my heart monitor that i would have to wear for a while and got me water and graham crackers. my mom immediately fell asleep and i just laid there for hours. the nurse came in around 3 and did more things that i cant remember. laid there more, until morning came and we just waited to hear from the doctor. another nurse lectured me with my mom for about an hour before i was finally discharged.

i can say i lied my fucking ass out of there. i just wanted to go home. who gets sent home like 14 hours after a suicide attempt? definitely not most. i wasn’t okay, i thought about doing it again while i was sitting there. i regretted calling the ambulance. i regretted the pain i caused everyone. but i felt better at home with my cats.

it is now a year later. am i better? not at all. but i can say i’m not actively planning to attempt again. i’m just living a miserable life working for no money. i’m basically in the exact same situation and place as i was then. unhappy relationships, unhappy job, unhappy living situation, it hasn’t changed. but at least i can acknowledge this.

i hope one day i can get better. i feel like i deserve that at least.

my head is pounding and i’ve had an awful day. i worked all day, work again soon, and have to do it all again the next day. so i guess ill try to sleep soon, keep myself occupied with all the thoughts of how i could be. i could be happy with a partner who values me and treats me well, financial stability, and living on a farm taking care of all animals. is that too much to ask for?

maybe, we’ll see next august.

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

just me complaining/venting about my burnout under the cut feel free to read lol

it's become pretty obvious that i need some sort of significant change in my life. let me just first highlight all of the things that are bothering me at the moment:

1. my full time job consuming damn near all of my time during the week. it was especially busy this week, leaving me exhausted and not wanting to do other things. it's work from home, which is better than having to go to some depressing ass cubicle. but i literally can't leave my house for most of the day, it sucks. especially since it's summer and i want to go out and take walks, get groceries, eat out, etc. i get pretty bad seasonal depression during winter, so during summer there's a pretty noticeable difference in my mood. however, it's a bit different this year given all the stuff i'm doing right now. this is literally an entry level customer service job, why the fuck do i need to be doing this bullshit all day?

2. the fact that i haven't graduated college yet. i know it's now pretty common to take more than 4 years to graduate college (most of my friends took or are taking like 5-8 years), but it just all feels so tedious now. i feel i've been in school for too long and i also really dislike my major, so i just feel tired of it all. im really hoping i'll be able to graduate by the end of this year and that my mental health, having to take additional credits, etc wont get in the way of that.

3. i've started marketing for my business and even though i literally just started a few weeks ago, i feel shitty about the fact that the account isn't getting much engagement. apparently, the IG algorithm has changed recently and now favors accounts that are spending money on ads. i'm gonna test out some other methods, but i just hate the fact that i'm not getting the results i was expecting. i know i sound mad impatient lol. i just really want this to work because i genuinely don't know what else i want to do as a career for now. tbh, i dont even know if i care to have a "career" in this shitty capitalist system.

4. i'm kind of over living in the state that i do. the quality of life is here is great and i do like it when it's warm out. but the thing is, it's cold as shit most of the year and i've been here for over a decade at this point. i didn't even choose to live here either lol. i don't know for sure if i just need to travel more often after i graduate or if i just need to straight up leave, but i have a feeling im gonna have to move out sometime fairly soon (in the next few years, i mean). i want to live somewhere warm, i was looking at san diego, santa monica, and carmel-by-the-sea (all in CA). though it's pretty expensive over there. moving is also contingent on how much money i have, which is why i'm so stressed out about my business. the other alternative would just be to move into my own place and travel as often as i can.

5. i'm just now coming to terms with the fact that i spent all of my teenage years and early 20s in a cult and didn't even realize it until recently. i can't give much detail as to what kind of cult it was, otherwise my identity will be super obvious to anyone who might potentially know me reading this. i can say that i officially left in december 2021, but i essentially ignored the ways in which it traumatized me for months and i actually cried while talking about it to a therapist a few days ago. i try to move on from things that no longer serve me fairly quickly, so i just ignored it for months. but it was essentially a cult of toxic positivity mixed in with pseudoscientific bullshit, gaslighting, victim blaming, spiritual "hustle culture", and conspiracies (depending on who you talk to). its super popular now and you've probably heard of it, like i cant even go online without seeing something about it. it's not like i get severely triggered whenever i see it. i don't start crying or hyperventilating or anything like that, but i do flinch a little or make a face of annoyance or disgust, maybe even roll my eyes a bit. when people talk about it around me in person, i can't help but to get a little annoyed. if you go through my blog a little you might be able to figure out what it is. but it affected how i make friends, how i view people, how i view the world, and just about every other aspect of my life. now that its no longer a part of my life, i feel pretty hopeless without it. i genuinely thought i could do anything with my life when i was part of that cult, but now, i have certain anxieties that didnt exist before. whats funny is that the cult is pretty much the reason why i was depressed and anxious for so long. i don't feel as bad now that i've left, but i do still feel anxious and sad, but it's a different kind of anxiousness and sadness.

6. even though i've been trying to go out and make friends these past few months, i feel like i dont connect with the people i'm meeting. granted, this is just one group of girls and tbh our group chat has kind of died down. i'm trying to see if i can go to a different meetup tomorrow and hang out with some of the people there. we're just gonna go for a walk, which is much needed after feeling alone and isolated all this week. i really hope i can find some genuine, best girl friends who are similar to me. i do have good friends, but i dont see them very often. i'd like someone who i can see more consistently who i have things in common with. i've actually had a "best friend" before and would really love to have that.

7. i haven't been eating as much or as well as i should be since i tend to not eat a lot when im stressed and/or generally feeling shitty. i've also been breaking out a bit due to stress and period hormones from this past week. so yeah, i kinda look and feel like shit rn lmao.

8. capitalism and just the general state of the world and the US rn. honestly at this point im fucking tired of people doing things that aren't actually productive or helpful, like calling for random, unorganized strikes or having these lame ass protests. not trying to incite anything for legal reasons, but a whole revolution needs to happen and i don't think we're ready for that rn. it'll probably happen again, just not now. i know this issue is way bigger than me, but the cult i was in was always preaching about money being easy to get and how if you're poor it's your fault. since leaving, i've educated myself more on how fucked up capitalism is and how it really is the root of like 99% of the problems we face on earth. so yeah, fuck capitalism and fuck that cult i was in and anybody who subscribes to either of those ideas. thanks for coming to my ted talk ✨

#words #vent #personal #thoughts #wow this is long af

[radioactivetirade]

tw uh sh suicide world ending etc

ngl i been having way more suicidal thoughts lately, like past couple months. not in the regular depressed way im used to, but in a nihilistic nothing even matters kind of way thats somehow worse. like im never gonna act on these thoughts, ive reached a place in my mental health journey where i know all itll truly serve to do is hurt the people i live, and nothing i feel is worth causing that pain. but like the world is genuinely so bleak, and i know im coming at it from a real place of privilege but in a way that makes things worse too. i just look at the news, at the world, at how the VAST majority of people are unhappy or unsatisfied in their lives because only the few have the gift of things every person should have like time, and leisure, and the ability to do things and get actual enjoyment from the majority of our waking hours. i dont know how other people look at the world and think yeah this is fine. i dont know how people keep going everyday without worrying about our collective future, because from where im standing ? we barely have one. its all literally straight logic but the worst part is no one even wants to hear it ! no one is fucking listening !!!!!! i know thats by design. i know the forced work and fucked economy and propaganda and million dollar distractions are doing their job and preventing people from having the caoacity for critical thought and the energy to care. but i feel like no one else is angry like i am, like i feel so justified in being looking at how things are going. im literally ready to do something extreme. something violent. something that could kill me, that could put me in prison for life. nothing else mayters if i can do literally anything to force people to see, to pay attention, to fucking care. i see how things should work, all the solutions to all the problems, like a big jogsaw puzzle ive put together in my head. im not saying doing shit like chnaging our entire global economic system would be easy, but its so so so fucking possible. but i have no power. and i cant force those who do to facilitate the survival of this planet. i cant force them to care. we are all dying, right now. we are all already dead. why am i even here if i am so fucking insignificant ? nd i know i know i KnOW no one is truly insignificant. we have seen time and again individuals stirring the hearts of the collective and making shit happen. hell even just being a body in that collective would mean something. maybe its just my shit fucking brain working against me, but i cant for the goddamn life of me find anything tangible that gives me genuine hope. people will make change , that much is clear. nothing significant enough will happen in the political sphere anytime soon by a long shot. but when ???? when do we take back the planet, and return its ownership to itself ??? when do we start actually listening to indigenous voices instead of literally activally killing them ??? when do we ALL say ebough is enough and actually do something about it instead of just talking and making plans to lobby our local governments and dumb shit ?

im just so fucking tired. i feel like im screaming and screaming and screaming but no sound has come out for years. i fear im waiting for a revolution that will not come and it chills me to my fuxking core every day i am alive. this is why i want to die. out of pure fear. i cant bear to watch the world i and people i love so much burn away into nothing when we all, together couldve stopped it. and i KNOW preemptive fear is stupid, but i cant help it. sometimes i look into the future ib my mind and its fucking glorious. but sometimes i look, and it isnt there at all. i dont know how else to deal with that than to...not. i feel like i put up such a strong front, people see me and they see passion and drive and so many of the good things o our generation. but i am weak, and i am scared. i want a good future so badly i am terrified that i will fight and fight and fight only to fail. my bones already ache with the effort, and sometimes it is easier to just want to rest instead of try. i try to be strong, but i crumble so easily under the weight of potential failure. id rather die than see the world fall. abd yeah i guess id fucking rather die fighting. but i see nothing beautiful in martyrdom. i see only useless self sacrifice. so why not speed the process up and end things now so i dont have to deal with the hardships im not even sure i can handle at all.

ive barely eaten in days, and my mind is just pure violence. i wish my body would eat itself. i wish my brain would just collapse outright instead of this drawn out torture. i wish i could just be happy with the graces ive been given instead of complaining and woreying and trying and failing and crying and decaying.

you will find me one day, and i wont even be there

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Angel has Kai’s baby in their 3rd (last) year of highschool and Kai has no idea since she hid her pregnancy so 2 years later Kai breaks up with angel to focus on his “experiments” when Kai is sent to Tartarus the guards tell him that he has a visitor and there’s angel and his child and Kai starts to tear up

"Eh...?" you could only mutter in disbelief as Kai read some papers with an unbothered expression.

"I know you for about five years (Y/n). I know you dont have any issues with your hearing." He muttered coldly before sighing and placing the papers on the desk.

"You... want to break up...? Why? What did I do?" You asked with trembling lips as he stared at your eyes.

"Is more about on what you can't and won't do." He pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose before waving it in the air "You know I am the future leader of the hassaikai. And having you near would be only a distraction to my experiments to give this place more credit. You would be like a rock on my path to gain some knowledge."

"You're kidding right?" You almost sobbed "You always told me I was like a safe place for you to go. What the hell happened to that? Or the promises you made for me for us to get married?" He blinked before answering.

"I was foolish. We have a life ahead of us and well, having you being clingy on my back would be a nuisance while working."

The ground could swallow you for all you cared... what the supposed love of your life just said was enough to leave you with eyes red and legs felling like they were trembling.

"Please dont cry. You're dropping them on the ground. And I dont even know if you're clean." You gritted your teeth before breathing in and looking at Kai Chisaki for what you swore for one last time.

"Very well. You want to break up because I'm only a bother to your path to greatness oh punny God? So be it." You walked until you felt him grabbing your wrist until you snatched it away from him.

"When the time is right, we can get back together." He spoke like he was in a fucking meeting in a company.

"No." You hissed "Chisaki I loved you, and I gave you everything of me even supporting your ideas. But then you want to break up with out of no where saying I would ruin your plans by simply existing neat you and to top it off you call me clingy and a nuisance?"

You could see a tad bit of remorse on his eyes as he pondered for a second his own words maybe, but before he could speak you sobbed and opened the door.

"Don't ever look for me Chisaki. And for your information..." you hesitated and gulped down the urge to just yell what you had discovered just earlier while clenching your purse where the pregnancy test lied on.

"What?" He asked, now no longer seeing to be bothered by your sadness and outburst.

"... good luck on your life. I hope you're happy with this obstacle getting away from you." You muttered before closing the door and walking out until you cursed and screamed while you ran as the rain started to make an appearance.

Not noticing the germophobic himself running out of the house with an umbrella to give it to you and soaked as well as he watched with a dread expression your figurine run away...

.

.

Ten years later...

.

.

"I swear Kaiyo... you gonna drive me crazy one of these days." You spoke heartedly as the boy with brow hair laughed in embarrassment while scrubbing the back of his head as you caught all the pieces of the broken chair on the ground.

"Sorry ma! I got carried away." You scoffed but soon smiled at his tiny hands and focused face morph the pieces and piece them back together and with a proud face show you the new constructed chair with a 'tad a!'

"Wow. Impressive sweety!" You patted his hair as he "complained", golden eyes shinning brightly at looking at you with a huge smile on.

Life sometimes was cruel to give the child you loved the exact same face as their father which teared your heart at pieces. But your love for your son was stronger than this stupid thing.

Kaiyo was your son. Not his.

"Ne ne ma? Father's day is coming up!" Kaiyo said and you froze for a moment before sighing while washing the dishes.

Here we go...

"Yes it is coming." You muttered as the boy sneak around and looked up at you.

"You know I dont really care about what the other kids say about me having only a mom but..." he rested his face on his crossed arms on the sink while shyly looking up at you "I was just curious... if I am going to meet mine..."

You sighed while placing the now dry plates on their place before giving your son the best smile you could get.

"Kaiyo, your father is just a very busy name. When we were together he had.. uh.. family business to take care of, so that's why we cant see him much." Kaiyo seemed a bit dissapointmented and it tore you apart.

You could have your own issues with Kai but that didn't mean you would make his son hate him...

"Well... Sato's also got a busy dad but.." he shook his head, messy brow bangs shaking along with his head, until he gave you a bright smile "That's okay! I just hope I get to meet him one day! And that he gets back to you and apologize foe being a dork! So us three can live together!"

A child can dream, right?

But you knew that Kai needed to know the existence of Kaiyo... you werent ignorant...

"Yeah kiddo. Let's hope for the best." You carresed his cheek before kissing it "Okay. Enough talk. Time for bed young man."

"Awww already?" He pouted as you giggled.

"How about that? You go get ready and I tell you stories about me and daddy while we were together?"

"Can I get my plushie of mr Nighteye?" You giggled. Something Kaiyo definitely wasn't equal to his father was his fascination with heroes.

"Sure honey. Now shoo! Go go go!" You squished his cheeks as he laughed and ran towards his room on the apartment.

You snorted at sign before preparing yourself for digging the past once again for the sake of your son.

.

.

.

"MOM!" You almost chopped your finger along with the carrot at the shout of Kaiyo before looking at him in worry to se ehkm pointing at the T.V with horror "The heroes-! The green hero with the girl-!"

You immediately went to his side only to widened your eyes at the image in front of you.

Chisaki..?

"Ma! He is a villain! A BIG ONE!"your son whimpered while going for you for a hug while stared in shock... "Ma? Why are you trembling?"

"H-Huh?" You let out until you gasped at seeing this teenager punching Chisaki square in the face...

"Ma?! You're okay?!"

You didn't know what to feel, but surely you weren't expecting tears to fall when this girl hand cuffed your ex boyfriend and the cops and heroes to put him into a van to surely got to the prison. Tartarus you bet.

You felt a hand rubbing your cheek and soon looked at your son wide teary eyes.

"M-Mommy...?" You hugged him close to your chest and holding his head close as your heart almost slammed out of your chest. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I-i... I'm okay honey." You inhaled before looking into Kaiyo's golden eyes to see worry on them. "Hey, mommy's okay."

"Ma...?"

"Hm?"

"That man looked like me..."

.

How long was he here? Months?

Didn't matter. Nothing mattered more... everything was taken from him. Including his own arms. Now he was just as useless as a cockroach.

Worst of all? His own father figurine on a damn hospital because of him...

Pathetic.

'Is funny how things change' is what you used to say... he found himself scoffing while pressing the back of his head on the wall.

He hadn't stop thinking about you ever since the day he made the decision of breaking up with you. He did tried inumerous times to contact you when he took leadership of the Hassaikai... but he just gave up.

"Probably married with kids already... why are you even thinking about her on the first place..?" he murmured to himself as he felt his chest tighten in sadness.

Everything was just... what he deserved.

He sighed. Closing his eyes for just a split second until he heard banging on the door of his cell until a guard opened the window on it to glare daggers at him.

"Get up. You have visitors."

"Leave me in here. I thought your job was to take seriously enough to not make jokes." He spoke on a hoarse voice until the cell opened with two guards already on it.

"I cant understand why you have visitors as well but get your ass up already."

He just blinked until he got up, two guards in front of him and one behind as he walked.

He just hoped it was fast.

He entered the room, mirrors which surely was where cops were hidden as he sitted down on a chair and waited until the door of iron opened by another guard.

"Right here ma'am. And remember the rules please."

"Of course." His eyes widened and he snapped his head up to see if he hadn't got crazy.

But no. You were there.

Gosh.. you didn't change at all... was even more beautiful than what his mind could have remember.

He stood there in shock as you got in but along with you... holding your hand, was a boy. Dressed with clothes but he surely didn't looked content about being in here.

His face dropped at seing the kid... you had moved on.

"One hour." The guard said locking the door as you stood there awkwardly, while the kid holding onto to you was glaring at the ground.

He wanted to say something but nothing came out as he was still in shock at seeing out of all people you decided to visit him.

The heels you wore clicked on the ground as you walked towards the table and sit down and the boy right by your side on the other chair... not even once you made eye contact with him.

"... (y/n)..." he whispered, still looking at you as if you were some angelical creature.

"Hey... long time that we dont see each other right? Chisaki." You spoke... not with a smile but not with hatred.

It was a start.

"You... hadn't changed a... a bit." He spoke, voice scratching at his throat as your eyes finally met his, his heart was beating loudly on his chest.

It felt like he was in high school again...

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

"I.. I didn't meant to offend you. Apologies." He bowed his head a bit as you sighed, looking at him with wide eyes out of the sudden.

"Oh God what happened to your arms?!" You almost screamed as the kid also seemed to notice.

"Long story... just.. a business that went wrong." He explained with dread as you seemed to relax a but while nodding.

It remained quiet for a bit only for the sound of the clock on the wall until he decided to break the silence.

".. so.. er.." gosh he was horrible with this "how is your life? Any.. uh.. you got the degree you wanted? I remember how you talked about it..."

You sighed with dissapointment as you looked at everywhere but him.

"No. I haven't... but I see you got what you wanted before being arrested though." You muttered and he let out a bitter chuckle.

"Almost.. yeah." He tapped his foot twice until he spotted the kid glaring at him with similiar gold eyes... "Married?"

"No. I thought it would be a distraction while taking care of my son." You spoke abruptly... as you looked at the boy beside you... "Anyway... I need to give you this."

You showed to him a paper before putting on the desk.

"What.. what is this?"

"Is a DNA test." You spoke coldly "To prove that you do have a son."

His eyes widened at that as he looked at the paper... and then to the boy whose was glaring at him not moments ago...

"Wha... but... "

"Remember the day when we split off? Yeah... was the day I discovered."

"W... why didn't you said something?" He asked in oure horror as you giggled in sarcasm.

"For what? This would only trouble you right?" You said with such venom on your voice that he felt a sting to his chest before you breathed in slowly before exhaling "I'm here because I thought you had the right to know... even after ten years.."

He looked at the kid and soon could tell the similarly between him and the boy... you had to raise a child with his face on it alone and he had broken things because of his own selfishness...

"What... what is his name?"

You pondered for a second before sighing, caressing the boy's hair.

"Come on honey... introduce yourself to your dad..." the boy huffed before opening his eyes and looking at him.

"I'm (L/n) Kaiyo. I cant say is very nice to meet you but my mom told me to say it for respect." He almost cringed at the introduction as he saw you looking at him with anger.

"Kaiyo." You warned as the boy scoffed.

"Dont need to scold him. He is not exactly wrong..." he ended up saying while you looked at him.

"I raised Kaiyo to have respect though."

"Why should I have respect towards him in the first place?" He looked at the dark brow haired kid "Not only he abandoned you ma but he is a villain! A very bad one! That girl on the Tv should be the same age if not younger than me!" The boy gritted with a few tears escaping his face.

"Kaiyo please... "

"Incredible..." you and Kaiyo suddenly looked at him "Despite having my features you are just like your mother... I would be proud of it..."

"... I'm not proud of being a villain's son." He muttered while sniffing "You abandoned us. I know ma hadn't said a thing to you but now I do."

You bited on your lips as he looked at loss of words at what he just heard from a child...

"... I know it doesn't change a thing but... I never stopped thinking about... your mother. About you (Y/n)."

"DONT REFER TO MY MOM AS HER FIRST NAME!" Kaiyo banged his fists on the table before you took him in your arms as the boy sobbed "You never cared! You-You-! Grandpa said you called my ma a bother! You are a MURDER!" The kid cried.

"I'm sorry about that..." you mumbled as you cradled the crying boy in your arms "He didn't take well Mr. Nighteye death..."

"M-Ma-! I wanna go home!"

"But Kaiyo, your da-"

"He IS NOT MY DAD!" he cried in you as you sighed as Chisaki seemed to be dying little by little at each second this visit had.

"I'm... going to go. Another day we will visit. Take care, Chisaki." You spoke before he could hear it and he stood up abruptly from his chair.

"No! Wait-!"

The door closed...

.

Months later

.

"Ma look. Hawk's wings are healing." The kid pointed at the news and you smiled.

"That's amazing! We could use some good news!" You chirped as Kaiyo smiled until both of you heard the door bell of your apartment ring.

"Huh. Weird usually grandpa or grandma visits us on-" you opened the door and you almost screamed at the sign of that same green haired kid on your door but now he seemed so... broken...

"Ma'am.. I'm sorry to bother you, but he said he can crash a bit in here... later cops will come to get him. I'm sorry but I need to go." Your son walked and squealed at sign.

"A hero!" Your son smiled brightly at him and for once, Deku had showed a smile for real... until you saw Chisaki leaning bruised to the core resting on the wall next to your door...

"Chisaki..." you breathed out as your son looked at him in shock.

"I'm sorry. Both of you..." he muttered while looking at the storm outside.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #overhaul #kai chisaki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #x (y/n) #female reader #zuffer writings #holy moly this one was long

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Their Alright... For A Boomer

Masterlist

Summary: Being a girl with a larger chest always got you attention, maybe having your nipples pierced to try and fell more confident handt been the best idea, but how can you regret it when your latest client; the sexy Mr Cavill  was ogling them but could this end up being more then just that one time you were eyed by a hot celebrity?

Warnings: Suggestive, No Smut, Fluffy? Cute and funny, Swearing

A/N: this was a request from @fanficlover91​ i hope you like this hun, i tried to keep it hot but sweet and respectful? Which was a struggle but i hope i got the vibe you wanted. And as always i hope you all enjoy.

Taglist: In Reblogs.

You blushed as you looked down the lense at your model. He smirked sweeping his eyes over you non to subtly. You could feel the blues penetrating you with a hot stare. The was the distinctive fast clicks on you camera snapping a burst of shots managing to capture his smirking face and eyes sweeping over your form appreciatively.

You stood tall and smiled pulling away double checking the shoots. You bit your lip. Fucking hell this was both the best and worst job you had. Henry Cavill was the most enticing male you'd ever had the pleasure to photograph. He didn't even have a good side, every side was good! There wasn't an unflattering angle on the man!

"And that's a wrap? I think we have everything we need Mr Cavill" you said professionally making to move away from him and begin to swap sd cards and label them before packing away. Henry gawfed and rose quickly panicked almost.

"I- err no! Wait I was... Well hoping that I could have some more done?" he said chaseing you across the small studio you could hear his agent Leah scoff from the side lines. You frowned and looked to her nervously. The woman had been watching and tutting, scoffing and clicking her tongue through the whole session. It actually made you nervous, wasn't she pleased with the shoot? You were worried, being freelance this was your first time doing a celebrity shoot for a magazine but the usual photographer was in hospital having a stroke a few days prior and you were the only free photographer in the agency that was close enough to take the job. Sure you wasn't well known but still it was a little disheartening to have someone seemingly unimpressed with your work.

But it was when you eyed her you saw she wasn't giving you the evil eye. Her frown was directed at henry, a scolding look you'd give a misbehaving child. You frowned a little puzzled, but shook it off in favour of looking to Henry. Your actual client.

"More? I... I? Thought the piece only needed a few to choose from? They were very ah... How do I put it? Thorough? With the brief" you explained hoping Leah would step in and clarify just what was going on. Because you didn't have a clue.

"I yes but- I'd love to top up my portfolio? You know? I err yeah have a few changes going on and... I mean a few greys and such... Just want to update it a tad... I'll pay obviously- I'd pay anything for more time please?" he pleaded watching you closely eyes wide and bright full of hope.

"I... Err" you shifted swapping your camera from one hand to the other and craned your head around the man trying to spy his agent. But you had no hope of peeking around this gargantuan man. Just like with the camera he demanded your full attention.

"And for Instagram and stuff! There's only so much I can do in a selfie... I'd even recommend you- advertise your work!" he quickly added sounding desperate now. It would help you out if you did have a few shots of him for in your own catalogue. It shouldn't matter but having a celeb under your belt was actually a good thing. It meant you'd acted professionally and been good to work with.

"I suppose so, I do have a few extra sd's here... Tell you what I'll do another shoot for you as long as I can pick a few to put in my portfolio? Then we both update our files?" you nodded to him speaking slowly. He grinned and relaxed nodding quickly pleased with himself for wrangling more shots. You'd never know he was just glad to has more time with you.

"Oh yes absolutly! That's fine here should we get started now or?" he asked biting his lip trying not to stare at you for too long. But it was hard you were fucking stunning!

"Oh yeah sure iv got time, let me just sort these out and set up, need to switch, you've tired my poor camera" you said with a grin trying to ignore the man as he beamed at you looking excited nodding enthusiastically. You backed up and spun around trying not to blush as you felt henry gazing openly at you.

"Right well if the magazine ones are done I will be off then" Leah called packing up her bag with a small chuckle to herself. You froze and spun quickly seeing her seemingly abandoning you with Henry.

"Wha- oh you don't have to you can stay-" you tried to reason unsure why, I mean who wouldn't want to be alone with this huge glorious man? Maybe you just didn't trust yourself with him? He had been 'making love' to the camera all afternoon. Smouldering bedroom eyes that was making it hard to focus. You had been getting hot under the collar all day as you kidded yourself he was eyeing you, not the camera or would be readers.

It didn't help that you had caught him oogling your breasts earlier. But you wasn't mad, it was your own fault. It was the Hight of summer and you had on a string vest with a thin bra, that you could clearly see your nipple bars through. You didn't feel uncomfortable or anything, you didn't blame Henry for looking. You cant exactly ignore your tits.. The were pretty large for your frame. You were curvy but they were as one ex put it 'exceptional'. And besides he had looked not touched and he hadn't been a creep about it. In fact he had done a double take and then blushed when he realised he had been caught looking. But as you said you get that with big boobs, you'd had it your entire life, it was actually one of the reasons you'd got them pierced. It helped with your confidence and you convince yourself that they were looking at the bars. Not you per say.  

"Okay aunt Leah I will see you in a few days." henry interrupted you quickly smiling practically ushering the woman out the door. He moved fast ever picking the womans phone and juice bottle to help her leave quicker.

"Yes, behave Henry I'll see you soon" she said with a giggle before calling a thank you and goodbye over her shoulder at you. You swallowed nervously and gave a quick bye as the door clicked behind her and you were left alone with Henry. The man groaned stretching as he spun around a huge grin on his face, making your knees tremble a little. Fuck.

Henry came over and watched you closely as you scribbled the name and date along with the publication name on the sd case label. You tried not to notice as he hovered biting his lip then took off the blazer and threw it on the table beside you drawing your attention as he did grunting a little. The v neck letting the smallest amount of soft looking chest fuzz that had been teasing you all day. He grinned slyly as he caught you eyeing him and crossed his arms over his chest flexing for your benefit. You gasped and quickly looked back to the camera in your hands inserting a new scarf into the new fully charges camera.

"Soo how do you like this kind of work?" henry said casually trying not to seem like a creeper but god damnit he couldn't stop eyeing you. If he had known how sexy you'd be he would have demanded to be doing a bloody swim wear shoot!

"You mean people?" you stuttered trying not to look him in the eye. Not that it helped because the rest of him was just as fucking sexy! You quivered all over desperately trying to remember how to breath, yet didn't want to draw in too deep a breath and make your tits bounce for him and look like a slut. There was a very fine line for a big busted girl, to much wobble will make you look like your trying to get attention.

"I mean celebrities, magazines we were told you mainly do private shoots for events and model portfolios" he offered leaning forward as he leant back on the desk next to you hooking one ankle behind the other. The way he stood placed his crotch in your line of sight as you looked down and worked on setting up the camera. You flushed. Oh god he looked er... Bigger then you'd thought earlier, not that you were looking but... Well you couldn't help notice the package! The man was a fucking serial man spreader! And that thing was huge! With the muscles he was packing he could probably bench press you with his crotch!

"Oh well its different... And you sir popped my celebrity cherry" you froze on the spot as you said that, it had meant to be an ice breaker, a joke but instead had sounded fucking creepy!. You snapped up to him making to apologize as your face flamed mortified but he had thrown his head back laughing. The deep rumble sent chilled down your spine.

"Well I'm honoured to have popped your cherry~" he teased placing a hand over his heart with a cheeky grin making you blush and nod then turned to him with the new camera all set up.

"Soo where do we start?" you said moving on quickly looking up at him trying to forget the whole cherry comment.

"Where ever you want me, i will let you take the reigns command me as you will" he chuckled standing tall once more and looked about the room casually to the various small set ups, different furniture, seats sofas and mini tables dotting the space.

"I... Okay then you said Instagram? How about we start with some facials-FACE SHOTS! Face. Shots. Not facials fuck. Shit" you quickly tried repairing the damage whist cursing yourself wanting nothing more then to be swallowed up by the floor.

"No, no love facials sounded perfect~" he said winking before gliding past you making you stutter and almost choke on your breath. Oh good lord this was a bad idea. You followed as he sat down on a sturdy sofa and looked head on at you and bit his lip once again watching you with a sultry look.

And that was the beginning. You followed him about taking various snaps whislt having small talk. He seemed to be very flirtatious as he spoke, dropping lines and compliments as he made eyes at you. You flushed each time clamming up at his suggestive comments. And rightly or wrongly you flirted back trying to seem cool and suave. But inside you were fangirling unable to belive you were here with this incredibly gorgeous man teasing one another. On a few occasions he even growled as you scampered about him, crouching and taking shots from blow getting some delicious angles that dampened your knickers. Then in between all this he managed to get little tied bits. You'd told him you were on agency freelance and were trying to get into the social media platform as it seemed easier in this day and age rather then to be in fashion photography. You wanted to be commercial not private but no one would really take a chance anymore.

Then you suggested a few shots on the sofa laying back trying to think of something different for your portfolio, maybe a body length shot. He was quick to agree and dived onto the sofa saying he had an idea you swallowed nodding not fully trusting the look in his eyes. But that was forgotten as he relaxed stretching out over the sofa legs crossed and resting on the arm of his hands behind his head and a devilish smirk looking down the lenght of his body. You knelt at his feet trying to get a flattering image of him looking down but cursed as the camera wasn't playing ball. The lense was focusing, this was why you used the other one first, the camera had a few issues and was temperamental.

"What's wrong?" he asked frowning a little at you as you growled pulling the camera away fro your face and began trying to manually focus the lense.

"Oh its.. It wont focus.. It does this sometime, really need to throw it out but.. She was my first I'm sentimental" you said feeling silly as you battled with the camera.

"We all are with our firsts... How about you come closer instead, I really want to see this shot, never done one at this angle.. Out of all my shoots your the first to suggest this~" you froze and looked to him but he just smiled impishly at you. Slowly you rounded the sofa and leant over him positioning the camera at his stomach as he looked right into the lense giving you a definite bedroom eyes, half lidded and burning. Both dreamy and amazingly sexy. It was as if he could see you beyond the lense, as if it wasn't even there!

"You can come closer love, I wont bite, not if you don't want me to~" his voice was low and teasing, luring you in like a siren. You trembled and moved along him but he tutted and moved a hand to your hip and pressed, coaxing you onto the sofa and sat you on him making you straddle him. You gasped squeazing your camera tighter as he moved you easily, warm palms holding you both delicatly and firmly. You could see in his eyes he was weary unsure if he had gone to far but you squeezed him between your thighs and relaxed making him grin up at you getting the message you didn't mind at all. You aimed the lense at him once more and got the shots you wanted.

"Perfect! Mr Cavill" you said actually a little sad that this session was over. It had been nice playing this little cat and mouse game with him. But all good things come to an end.

"Ah now i have a policy love, when a womans on top they can call me henry, among other things~" he said smoothly laughing as you chuckled nervously fiddling with the camera in your hands and shifted over him a little.

"I will try to remember that for next time boomer~" you teased managing to overcome your nerves as you pulled away the camera with a giggle winking at him as he stuttered. For a second you thought you'd gone too far but a quirk to his lips made you relax once more.

"That hurt, that was hurtful" he teased pouting not releasing you from his lap, instead holding you tighter, fingers digging into your sides making you gasp and bit your lip as he pulled you to his crotch and ground into you teasingly.

"I'm so sorry~" you uttered breathless trying to keep yourself together. But this man was something else, like a drug- the devil all fanged smiles and smooth words. God you were fucked, you knew this man could do anything to you and youd thank him for it~

"I doubt that" he cooed and slid his hand higher growing more and more confident. The last few hours of casual flirting had built up his appitite. There was no misconceptions, you wanted him as much as he wanted you.

"Oh yeah?" you said coyly tipping your head to him playing along willing for this to happen, whether it be a one of fuck or something longer. You didnt have any complaints~ this was your body and youd enjoy it with who ever you wanted to!

"Yeah prove it!" he hissed and moved quickly sitting up and swinging around planting his feet on the floor. You yelped as he moved surprizingly fast and managed to keep you in his lap now face to face with you eyes roaming your face settling on your lips.

"And how should i do that" you teased tilting your head skimming your lips with his as you spoke. He groaned and held you tighter making you whine breathlessly willing this to happen. You wanted him and you wont deny yourself the chance.

"Make and old mans day" he said plainly and leant back resting on the back of the sofa, you watched him closely and brought your hands to his shoulders prodding at the neck of the t shirt and drew your fingers down slowly feeling him shiver at the light skimming fingertips.

"Oh really Boomer? And how would i make and old mans day?" you teased once more making him grunt but he quickly caught himself as your fingers smoothed over the teasing curls that peeked over his top. You scratched over them lightly with your nails making him draw a needy breath and chuckled at him. He was sexy and cute~

"By accepting a job offer?" he said before smileing smugly as you paused and frowned. Had you missed something? Was he after a freebee?

"Job offer? Really another shoot?" you snorted suddenly not feeling sexy, more like he was trying to butter you up for some fuck for parts shoots or something. He sighed and began speaking before you could get yourself all twisted. But then again you could have taken his offer wrong.

"Manage my social media. I have many companies and brands reach out to me for endorsements. They want me caught wearing their brands. But I'm to busy most of the time I cant make it to the locations they want. It actually doesn't seem worth it most of the time, with cost of flights and time lost travelling to and from studios itd be easier if I had my own personal photographer that travelled with me its be easy, slip on the clothes and what not take a few snaps and then you touch them up and post them on my social media." he explained watching as it sunk in that he wasnt trying to pull a fast one. Well he was but not trying to fuck you over... Just fuck you... And keep you because you were fantastic and he wants nothing more then to have you around hime as much as possible. In the single dat he had spent working with you, you had enchanted him, not only were you sexy but you were good at your job and easy to work with but also funny and cute and he needed to get to know you.

"Of course its a very big venture and we'd have to have a few dinner and lunch dates to work out all the nitty gritty" he added after a few beats of silence trying to make it clear he was interested... Very interested~ it worked as you fluched and a playfull look donned your face your fingers began stoking his chest hair once more. He relaxed shuddering under the nails as they teased his curls.

"Is this a big ploy to get a date Boomer?" you purred his new nick name making him groan when you squeezed him between your thick thighs once more grinding on him and the considerable bulge below you that twitched.

"No... Maybe is it working?" he said quickly hissing at you shifted in his lap once more, his hands snapping to your hips trying to still you before he came undone in his boxers. You were a very dangerous woman and something told him you knew.

"Well it sounds like an offer I'd be very, very interested in taking further~" you clarified giggling when he swallowed dryly and eyed you surprized that his plan had seemed  to work.

"Good to hear~ so got anything planned after this?" he asked feeling a wave of confidence at the prospect of snagging a date with you. He hadn't meant to sound so eager but... He was eager and that was that.

"Yes" you said with a straight face and got up off of him spinning around heading to the table with your camera bags. You gave him a glance and giggled seeing him still sitting there gobsmacked legs wide open and his crotch that was now definitely bigger then it had been earlier.

"O-oh" he stuttered seemingly unsure how to proceed. You giggled as he fumbled over his words. Then decided to grant him some mercy and began speaking whilst popping out the sd card from the camera labeling it like the previous one.

"You see I had a very cheeky client today who asked for a shoot last mineut. But I wasn't to bothered he was very very sexy even if he was a boomer, but get this out of nowhere gave me a job offer? And we're having dinner- he promised pizza~" you giggled glancing at Henry as he slumped in the seat realising halfway through that you were talking about him. He smoothed his hands over his face and jumped up coming over to you shaking his head.

"You know I'm not actually a boomer?" he quipped folding his arms. You rolled your eyes at him as you packed your stuff away making sure to recheck everything.

"Have you seen your selfies? Your a boomer, boomer" you teased making him scoff but laugh at the name that has now stuck.

"Wait you've seen my selfies? What do you think?" he asked wanting feedback on the silly shots he took. You paused halfway through zipping up your bag and turned facing him fully giving him a thoughtful look then shrugged

"Their alright... For a boomer" you giggled when he preened for a second then his face dropped into a pout when you finished the comment.

"I repeat...That was hurtful" he said covering his heart with a kicked puppy look making you laugh and hoist your bags over your shoulder and make for the door with him hot on your heels.

"Its fine boomer a second date will make up for it I'm sure~" you sniggered at him playfully looking back at him as he followed you out of the door.

"A date for each time you call me boomer? Deal" he quipped walking along side you offering you his arm like a true gentleman unlike the teasing horny little shit he had been all day. Not that you minded either. Gentleman on the streets, freak in the sheets and all that jazz.

"God we may aswell marry now then boomer" he laughed nodding in agreement the banter from the day still in play as you both left the building.

"Seems so, I mean were at ten that's what the kids consider boyfriend girlfreind territory" he anounced with a sigh playing on the 'boomer' joke making you giggle and roll your eyes as he mentioned the tally. Then you frowned and quickly counted your 'boomers' and opened your mouth you correct him, arguing that ten was incorrect.

"I think its nine boomer- ah see what you did their sneaky boomer!" you cried pushing him playfully at his little trick. He roared with laughter and quickly tangled his fingers with yours dragging you back alongside him guiding you down the street towards a place he knew served pizza, he didn't remember but apparantly he promised pizza...

#henry cavill #henry cavill fic #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x y/n

[boldlyvoid]

CONGRATS ON 800, LOVE! IM SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SUBMIT SOMETHING EARLIER (this is shemarmooresfedora but from another acct because mine has been shadowbanned for some reason)

i’ll do ❤️🤡💄🛏 please and thank you

maybe like spencer invites you to something as his date and you’re both crushing on each other but it’s not official until the reservation only booked one room

I LOVE YOU DORY!!! i am so sorry you're shadowbanned that is so weird? i hope this cheers you up a little! thank you for all the love and support, and for helping me create little Jo in Amoreena <3

cw: flirting, fake married, mutual pining, high school reunions, assault, love confessions, one bed, implied sex, kissing,

1.4K

When he got the invitation in the mail, he thought nothing of it. He left it in the pile on his counter and went off to work the way he always would. He hasn’t been back to his old high school since he was 13, the 15 year reunion was coming up and he was invited.

He wasn’t going to go. He never went to any event unless it was a CalTech alumni event. Because there he was respected, there he was Doctor Spencer Reid, the FBI’s asset and excellent graduate. He was a nobody, a kid and a loser in high school.

“You okay?” Y/N notices he’s quieter than normal, he’s staring off past his desk and she’s worried for him.

“Huh?” He turns to her, “I’m fine.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” she whispers, “come get a coffee with me down at the kart?”

He nods and stands silently, following her out of the room and away from all their friends, in the elevator she knows he’s more comfortable.

“What’s going on, Spence?”

“My high school reunion is coming up, and I really want to go and prove to them that I’m not a dork anymore…” his voice is low and his eyes are fixated on the floor.

Her face drops, she pulls the emergency button and wraps herself around him. “You have never been a dork, Spencer. You have always been magnificent and they’re too dumb to see that.”

He holds her in return, settling as he rests his chin on her shoulder. She feels nice and warm, her hair smells like apples and her laundry detergent is all over her shirt.

“Would you come back to Vegas with me and pretend to be my girlfriend? Say things like that and make them think I’ve got it all?”

He cant see how much she smiles while they hug, “yes, I’d love to be your girlfriend for the day.”

—

She buys the nicest dress imaginable, they fly out to Vegas together and she’s so excited she forgot to ask for her own room. Or at least that’s what she tells him because she really wanted a chance to sleep with him, in more ways than one.

Even to just cuddle with Spencer Reid would be a gift, so she goes all out to seduce him. She looked impeccable, He was thinking it was her way of helping him show off… he was so clueless she was going to have to be the smart one when it came to getting him to see her as more than a friend. She wanted him, she was going to show him just how good she would be to him if she was his.

Her dress hugs her in all the right places, she wraps an arm around Spencer’s middle and holds him close. They walk in like they own the place, everyone is taking turns looking at them as they walk to the name tag table.

“Hi, Spener Reid,” he smiles, “and my plus one.”

“Hi,” Y/N waved at the woman behind the desk.

“Hello,” she smiles, “here are your name tags, Mr. and Mrs. Reid.”

“Oh we’re—“

“Thank you,” Y/N smiles, she takes the name tags from the woman. “Newlyweds, my rings getting resized, he’s still adjusting to the title.”

“Ah, my husband was the same, called it wedding bell shock,” she smiled, old enough to have a husband with shell-shock as well.

“Can I have a pen?” Y/N asks, “or a marker?”

“Here,” she hands her a sharpie.

Y/N leans onto the table to scratch out the Mr. and replace it with Dr. “He has 3 Ph.D.’s you know? My husband is the smartest man in the FBI.”

“Oh,” she looks shocked, “thank you for your service sir.”

He blushes and nods, “thank you.”

Y/N peels the sticker off and sticks it to Spencer's chest before leaning in to press a kiss to the tip of his nose, she gets lipstick on him. She smiles and wipes it off, “there, still cute.”

The rest of the night is much of the same; she hangs off him, telling all the people who used to bully him that she was so madly in love with him, he was super smart and he was so strong and sexy on the job.

She slips away from him to get a drink while he explains how profiling works to his crowd of new fans. She’s filling her cup with punch when a weird, balding man slides up beside her, his hand touching her waist. She looks at him quickly, recognizing his name from the worst childhood story Spencer ever shared with her.

“Hey there, hot stuff,” he tried to hit on her.

She puts her cup down calmly and takes his hand off her, bending his arm behind his back and slamming him face-first into the punch bowl. She pulls his face back up by his hair, “that was for touching me.”

Then she slams him onto the floor where he coughs out punch from his lungs. “And that was for what you did to my husband as a kid, he was a Kid! You may have peaked in high school, but at least Doctor Reid doesn’t have a widow's peak, like yours. He is the smartest, sexiest, and most wonderful man in the world and you're nothing but a loser.”

Spencer turns around at the sound of her voice, “oooo” echos around the gym as everyone looks at the scene unfolding. Patrick, the asshole quarterback that traumatized him as a child, was on the ground covered in red juice as he complained about a sore arm.

Y/N smiles at him and waves before rejoining Spencer, “he doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Spencer suggests and she is all too eager to skip out of the room with him, right past Patrick.

—

She slams him against the wall as soon as they’re inside the hotel room again, kissing him with more desperation than she’s ever felt in her life. She needed him, he was her last piece and then she’d be complete.

She breaks the kiss to move down his neck as she loosens his tie and unbuttons his shirt. “Are you sure we can be friends after this?”

“I’d hope my husband was my best friend,” she whispers against his skin.

He pulls her away from his neck, hands on her cheeks so he can look at her and read her expressions as best as possible, “I’m serious, I don’t want to do this if it’s going to make working together hard.”

“You’re an idiot,” she smiles, “I have been in love with you for months Spencer. I want this, I have wanted you for so long…”

His breathing changes as she explains her feelings, leaning in to kiss his neck again and make her way down his chest. “I’ve thought about this for so long Spencer, you have no idea how many dirty thoughts I have about doing things like this with you.”

“I got 1 bed on purpose,” he gasps out, “I wanted to sleep beside you… I hoped—

She smiles against him, “I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you to get 2…”

“You’re really not kidding?” He sounds so desperate it’s almost sad.

She stops her kissing and looks at him again, “why is it so hard for you to believe all the things I’ve said about you tonight? I’m not just trying to impress them, I’m telling the whole fucking world that the person I am in love with is the smartest man they will ever meet. People should bow at your feet, Spencer, let me appreciate you for how incredibly wonderful you are and stop doubting my feelings.”

“You love me?” Tears well in his eyes and he feels like a complete idiot, “why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I wanted you to admit it first,” she whispers, equally as embarrassed. “I have a huge crush on you Spence, it’s not just that I love you, I never want to stop. You’re so nice and kind and funny? And you make me smile every day and I laugh even on the worst days ever because you’re there, and when I think about the future and reunions and events like this that I have to go to one day, and all I want is to bring you along and show everyone that you’re mine.”

She rambled more than he did, “so please, will you unzip my dress and join me in our one bed, husband?”

“Absolutely, my beautiful wife,” he turns her around, moving her hair off her back, he kisses her shoulder softly.

He moves the zip down as slow as possible, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin as he did so. When he reached the end, she pushed the straps off her arms and let the dress fall to the floor.

Mission accomplished.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer reid #blurb weekend 521 #800 celebration