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theemporium · 7 months

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“Hello?”

“Fuck, I needed to hear your voice.”

The triple header had been hard. A lot harder than either of you anticipated. You would’ve thought that after spending the whole summer break together, three weeks apart would have been fine and doable—but it was proving to be otherwise.

It hadn’t even been two weeks since you last saw each other and Lando genuinely thought he was losing his mind. Maybe he was clingy. Maybe he had separation issues. Maybe he just really missed having his girlfriend by his side after being spoiled with such for four weeks straight.

He wasn’t sure which one it was, but he missed you in a way that made his chest feel tight and a little part of him ache whenever he remembered you weren’t waiting for him whenever he got out the car.

And even with you being back in the UK and him being around Europe, the time difference wasn’t enough for him to be completely isolated from talking to you. But it didn’t make him feel much better being away from you.

You snorted, biting back a yawn. “We spoke this morning.”

“No, you sent me a voice note this morning,” he corrected, settling back against the headboard like he could finally relax. “There’s a difference.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it’s in the rulebook,” he answered nonchalantly. “Can’t argue with the rulebook, baby.”

“I am not awake enough to decode your weird messages,” you mumbled, your words interrupted by the yawn you were desperately trying to hold back.

His brows furrowed together as he pulled his phone back to look at the time. “Were you asleep? Baby, it’s only five.”

“It was a nap,” you defended.

“You won’t sleep properly tonight,” he retorted, a little light-hearted and teasing because if anyone was more likely to sleep anywhere at any time regardless of the circumstances, it was you.

“I already can’t sleep without you here,” you confessed in a muttered response, and the tightness in his chest returned.

He could imagine it so clearly. You would be buried under the duvet, laying on his side of the bed like you usually did when he was gone. Your face would be nuzzled into his pillow, basking in the lingering scent of him. The house would be too hot and you were probably prancing around in just a pair of panties and one of his hoodies, because wearing them comforted you like he was right there hugging you.

And he could just imagine slipping into the bed behind you, pressing up against you and enjoying the lazy kisses you would exchange because you were half awake but needy for his touch. Fuck, he missed how needy you were for him.

The pathetic whines you’d let out when his hands would explore your skin. The choked out gasp when his palm cupped your pussy, the heel of his hand pressed against your sensitive clit. The soft moan you would let out when he finally slid inside you, feeling the way you clenched around his cock. And the little high-pitched whimpers you would let out just before you—

“Lando?”

He blinked, his cheeks burning at just how quickly his mind ran south before he even realised. But you did that to him. You were nothing but a slippery slope for him and his dirty thoughts.

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat, shaking his head a little as he focused on your voice on the other side of the phone. “What were you saying?”

“You seemed lost in thought,” you murmured, your voice a little lower and rougher, like the sleepiness was still clinging onto you. “What’s on your mind?”

You.

You were on his mind. The fact he knew the exact fucking state you were laying on his bed in, in his clothes. The fact your voice was a little husky as you spoke into his ear. The fact it had been almost two weeks since he had touched you and he was starting to lose his goddamn mind. And the fact he just couldn’t help himself anymore.

“Nothing,” he breathed out as his hand slid over the bulge forming in his sweatpants. “Just…stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Fuck, it was like you knew what he was doing.

“It’s not that interesting,” he blurted out quickly, his head falling back against the headboard as he squeezed his length through the fabric of his sweatpants. “Tell me about your day.”

He just wanted to hear your voice. He needed to hear your voice. He just needed to pretend that you were sitting beside him, that you were actually there with him and your voice in his ear. Maybe he could even pretend his hand was yours, that it was you stroking and teasing him right now whilst you spoke.

“Baby,” you murmured before letting out a slightly breathless laugh. “Do you not think I know what you’re doing?”

He froze. “What?”

“You’re practically panting in my ear,” you said to him, and for a second Lando wondered if it freaked you out. If you were going to call him out on the fact it was a little perverted that he was teasing himself to the sound of your voice without telling you.

“Babe—” he started, his hand still moulded around his hardening cock, the outline now prominent and obvious.

“My poor baby just wishes I was there to make him feel good, huh?”

He swallowed harshly. “So fucking bad.”

“Yeah?” You hummed, and he could just imagine the mischievous smile on your face. “Like I did on the boat on holiday? You loved that. Maybe a bit too much.”

“Shit,” Lando hissed, his free hand pushing the waistband of his sweatpants down until they were pooled above his knees. His cock bounced free, hard and tip-swollen and so desperate for you. Always for you.

“I think about that day a lot,” you continued as you let out a wistful sigh. “I think about how pretty you looked when you were begging for me to touch you. You sounded so pretty, baby, it made me so wet.”

Lando let out a pathetic whimper, his eyes fluttering shut as his thumb teased the head of his cock, just like you had done that day on the boat. All of your shared friends on the other side of the boat and there you were, on your knees as you teased and taunted him until he blew a load all over your tits.

He imagined he was back there, sun beating down on him and his hands tangled in his own curls as he tried—and failed—to bite back his moans. The way you wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock, sucking and licking him until he was bucking up into you. The way you took him so well, letting him hit the back of your throat until he was a babbling mess underneath you.

Fuck, what he would give to have you with him now to recreate that day.

“I just wish we had enough time for more that day, baby,” you confessed in a breathy whisper. He imagined the duvet was pushed off your body, that you had pushed your panties to the side as you ran your fingers along your soaking cunt. “I wish we had enough time for you to fill me up, Lando, just wanted to feel you come inside me.”

“Oh fuck,” he whined as his tempo increared, dribbles of precum running down his cock as he listened to your breathy moans and filthy words through the phone.

“I wish I was there right now, let you fill me up all nice and good, baby,” you whimpered into the phone, your breathing a little heavier as you approached your release. “Fuck, I wanna feel you inside me, Lando. I need to feel you deep inside me.”

Lando let out a mixed sound of pain and pleasure as he came, his vision dotted with white spots as he felt the pleasure and ecstasy run through his body. He came in short spurts, his release now all over his thighs and stomach, and something in his chest tightened at the sight. If you were there, he could almost imagine the way you’d tease him before leaning down to clean up the mess with your tongue.

“I miss you,” he choked out, his chest heaving with the strength of his own orgasm as he tried to battle the immense desire he had to have you in his arms at that very moment. “I miss you so fucking much.”

“I miss you too, baby,” you murmured, your voice sounding as sleepy as it did earlier. “Just one and a half more weeks. Soon.”

“Soon,” he repeated with a sad smile on his face, unaware of the plane ticket in your possession that would get you in his arms in less than twenty-four hours.

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mellifiedprincess · 3 months

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CHRISSSSSS🤭

It was obvious to anyone who really knew Chris that physical touch and words of affirmation were his love languages.

Those qualities were just a few of many that made him the best boyfriend anyone could ask for.

It took time though.

It took him months to realize that the weird feeling he would get in his chest, anytime you were around, was his body telling him he was in love with you.

And now, he wholeheartedly believed there wasn’t anyone else made for him besides you.

One would think that the amount of affection he showers you with would annoy his brothers, since most of the time it was the four of you together, but in all honesty Nick and Matt were nothing but happy for their younger brother. Happy that he finally got to experience what being in love with someone felt like. Happy that Chris found someone he was utterly obsessed with.

The kid just wanted to be near you all the time.

Like now.

The 3 brothers were finishing up recording for their podcast, while you had just woken up from an hour nap in Nicks bed. (Chris insisted you sleep there so you were close to him)

You could hear parts of their conversation as your senses started to focus.

“Wait- I think Y/N just woke up.” You clearly hear Nick announce, before you decide to finally stand up and grace them with your still sleepy presence.

“Look at how adorable she is.” Your boyfriend states into the mic, not taking his eyes off of you for a second. His hand reaches out for you before you even have time to make it past Nick, just ready to touch you.

“Hi baby. You still sleepy?” You can only nod as you finally make it to where he sits. Your face immediately nuzzling into his chest as his hands rub up and down your back. And if you weren’t standing, those actions and the comforting smell of your boyfriend would have you back to sleep in seconds.

“Sorry for interrupting guys.” Looking up at Matt and Nick, you finally speak, voice still a bit weak from sleep. “No need to apologize, Y/N/N, we were just finishing up.” Nick kindly states before he starts to close out the podcast.

“Yeah, I don’t think Chris would have been able to keep going for much longer. We had to constantly stop him from going to wake you up. He was convinced you weren’t breathing.” Matt calls your boyfriend out, causing a slight tint to form on Chris’s face.

“I just wanted to make sure she was still alive.”

You feel a kiss being placed on your cheek, before one is placed on your lips. Smiling at the familiarity of your sweet boyfriend. “I love you.” Your words are mumbled from his lips being on yours, but he heard you loud and clear. He pulls away, one of his hands running through your hair while the other rubs the exposed skin of your hip.

“I love you more angel.” And you wished more than anything that people could see this side to him more often, instead of the ‘hot and emotionally unavailable player’ his fanbase depicts him as. And at one time maybe that was true, but it’s not now.

Now you get to experience this soft, so in love he could throw up boy. So in love he can’t help but have a goofy smile on his face 24/7.

“I might fall asleep standing up.”

“Why don’t you go ahead and lay down in my bed? I’ll be there in two minutes.” Chris places another kiss to your cheek and softly pats your butt, as you start to pull away.

You see that same goofy smile on his face and can’t help but smile back.

“Take your time. I’ll still be breathing when you get there.”

#chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic

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icallhimjoey · 3 months

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Define Close

♥ ♥ Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: What good are flatmates even, if they don't comfort you when you need it most? Or when you need it a normal amount? Or, you know, when you don't really need it, but just really want it?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, afab!reader, hurt/comfort i guess? idk we're sad a lot and joe cheers us up a lot, mentions of reader having hair long enough to be played with

Author’s note: are you ready for us to sleep with joe? but, like, actual sleep? the literal kind? bc that's all this chapter is. just, snoozing. enjoy!

Wordcount: 4K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

Joe let the door fall into its lock behind him and stood still for a second, ears perked, listening carefully.

The flat was quiet.

He was alone.

Good. So maybe he could call one of his friends to see if they wanted to join him for a run. Joe had two friends who he went running with, sometimes. You never understood it. When you run, you can’t talk? So why do that together? What was the point?

Competition was the point, was always Joe’s answer.

But if he was honest, he just felt a little less lonely if he had a buddy by his side. Felt a little less like a stupid loser who didn’t have any friends to work out with. Was just nicer if he could run alongside someone else. Share airpods. Listen to the same playlist.

Joe was already scrolling through his contacts when something stopped him in his tracks and made him jump out of his skin. Knocked the air right out of him.

He wasn’t alone.

It was silly how the lump in his bed made him gasp for air, how it shot his heart right up into his throat, the adrenaline immediately pumping.

Just as quick as he’d been to step into his bedroom, he stepped back out of it within a second.

Joe had to catch his breath in the hallway, as much out of earshot as he could be, because what the fuck? Nothing had really scared him like that in a long time.

He knew it was just you in there. There was literally no reason for the sight of you sneaking a nap in his bed to scare him like that.

Joe just hadn’t expected it, is why.

“Why would she–”

He pressed his fingers into an eye as he silently scolded you, and then, himself.

“Idiot.”

Sighing deeply, he closed out of his contact list and tapped the side of his locked phone against his chin as he considered his next move.

He could wake you up and tell you off for scaring him the way you’d done. Then still go for that run.

Or, what he also could do, was crawl into bed with you and have a little cosy nap together.

Taking a small step forward to peek around his doorframe, Joe saw how you peacefully dozed through his short-lived panic. He couldn’t see your face from where he was stood, just a body underneath his duvet and your hair fanned over one of his pillows.

Hmm.

Work out?

Or take a nap?

Sports?

Or sleep?

Be moving outside?

Or be still inside?

Joe almost laughed at how even before his mental dialogue asked him those questions, he’d already decided.

He took his shoes off and tiptoed into his bedroom, trying to be quiet as he undid his belt and slipped out of his jeans.

When he was stood next to his bed, your face was clearly visible. All soft with sleep, lips slightly parted, cheeks and nose noticeably rosy, eyes a little puffy.

Joe thought they were all signs you’d been asleep for quite a while already.

Either that, or perhaps you’d been crying earlier.

The second that thought crossed his mind, something beautifully painful hurt him somewhere deep inside of his chest.

If you’d cried, that made sense. Joe had found you in his bed a couple of times before, and even though you always had a different excuse, it was kind of obvious that you only ever snuck over into his room when you felt extremely sad.

It was awful that you sometimes managed to let your mood slip down so low.

But it was sort of gut-wrechingly heart-warming that being in between Joe’s sheets had become a remedy for it.

In just his socks, underwear and T-shirt, Joe slipped into his bed and sighed contently at the warmth he found there.

You, on the other hand, roused awake a little at the cold Joe brought in.

“Shh, shh,” Joe was shushing you before you’d even made any noise, and grabbed hold of your arm in apology, even though that did the opposite. Only made it worse, his cold fingers almost making you flinch.

“Go back to sleep.”

You’d not even properly woken up, and consciously you didn’t register those words, but you relaxed as Joe cosied up, limbs not intertwining, but Joe moved in close enough to touch, consuming as much of your body heat as he could. Ducking his face down underneath the covers a little more than yours was, even if just to make sure you weren’t nose to nose, because you were asleep, and what if you weren’t on the same page?

You were on the same page, though.

Joe knew you were.

It was just that you usually took the lead in setting the norm, and he liked it that way. It was why Joe never ended up in your bed with you. Why it was always you in Joe’s bed with him.

But the thought of you pulling away from him as you’d wake up to his face too close to yours hurt his feelings more than keeping a little distance there, just in case.

Although, he might just be overthinking things, because, remember the first time he found you in his bed?

Joe remembered.

Vividly at that.

Because before that moment, your nose had never been buried into his neck for so long.

That night he’d gone for drinks with a girl and had bought her enough drinks that she’d agreed to come back with him when he offered to make her a coffee over at his place.

An Italian coffee. He could make her one of those, if she was interested, he’d shrugged all casual.

She had given a knowing smile and asked him, “Yea? You make good coffee?” and Joe said he’d not gotten any complaints before, and it had been so stupidly obvious that they weren’t talking about coffee at all.

Upon entering the flat, and gentlemanly letting her go inside first, he told his date to be a little quiet in case his flatmate was asleep already.

But then he saw that your bedroom door was open, and he said, “Oh, never mind. I don’t think she’s in, actually,” as he went to open the door to his own bedroom.

He’d turned the light on, and then, immediately slapped the switch to turn it back off before quickly but quietly closing the door again.

Hmm.

Now what?

Couldn’t exactly take a girl into a bed that already had a girl in it, could he?

With the door handle still in his hand, he turned to look at his date, who seemed a little confused, but hadn’t seen what Joe had seen.

“Um,” Joe said, shaking his head a little in a bid to get rid of the disappointment of the change in plans. To shake off the awkwardness of what he was about to ask.

“So. Milk and sugar?”

He ended up making her an actual coffee.

Kind of had no other choice.

An Italian one, too.

And then helped her get an Uber right after.

When she’d gone, he’d hunched over his bed and gently woke you up. A little shake of your shoulder and some soft whispers of your name. When you opened your eyes and squinted up at him, he couldn’t help his spreading smile.

“Hey, you’re in the wrong bed I think...”

You’d hummed at him and closed your eyes again as you curled the covers into your chest tightly. It squeezed a soft giggle out of Joe.

“What are you doing in my bed?”

“Hmm, ‘t was cold.”

“Cold?”

You rolled over, turning your back towards him, and Joe knew he was never going to get you out of there. You’d fully settled in for the night hours before he’d even gotten home.

Not that he minded.

It was just new, then.

“Left my window open and forgot.”

“Okay.” Joe easily accepted the excuse, despite not believing it at all.

But he could just sleep next to you.

Not a problem.

You slept on the sofa lots, all close together. This really shouldn’t be any different, should it?

But when Joe climbed into bed after a date night where he fully planned on having sex and then didn’t actually get any, followed by you sleepily nuzzling into his neck and hugging him close, Joe realised cuddling up with you, in his bed, underneath his covers, absolutely was different.

Good different, though.

Good different.

When you’d woken up early the next morning, it took you a second to know where you were. You’d never woken up in this part of your flat before. When you remembered where you were, whose arm was draped across your frame, whose fingers were tangled up in your hair, and the reason you’d given Joe for being there, you felt you probably overstayed your welcome and carefully got up and out. Took heavy footsteps across the hall and then snoozed in your own bed for a bit before you decided you were ready to start the day.

You’d found Joe eating a late breakfast in the kitchen and opened the fridge to find some of your own.

You’d casually asked Joe how his date had gone, and Joe smiled into his bowl of granola before he answered, “Yea, fine. Was good. She was nice.”

He didn’t tell you about the coffee. Didn’t tell you about how you unknowingly cock-blocked him in a way he’d never been cock-blocked before.

And you didn’t talk about how you slept in a bed together for the first time that night.

Just became one of those things that happened, sometimes.

Another unspoken flatmate thing.

One that you didn’t talk about with each other, let alone anyone else.

It didn’t happen often, but it happened enough that Joe had been able to puzzle together some things.

He could count the occasions on his hands though still.

And he thought he could only vividly remember every single detail of just that first time he had you in his bed. But if he took a second, he’d understand that, actually, he could recall all details of all the times you slept with your face pressed into his pillow.

Like that one time when he had woken up in the middle of the night, confused at why he wasn’t able to turn over.

You’d curled up next to him, in the middle of the bed, over the covers, like a dog. Essentially trapping him tightly underneath his own covers.

He wondered how long you’d been there already. If you’d fallen asleep in your own bed first before you’d scurried across the hall to climb onto his. Or if you maybe had been stirring, unable to fall asleep, and had just come over to try your hand at it over there.

Either way, it was no use having you over the covers.

Joe sleepily petted you on the side until you raised your head to look up at him and saw how he was trying to push down the covers next to him.

You’d silently moved into bed with him then and when the rustling of duvet stopped, Joe whispered, “Everything ok?” and you’d softly hummed before you answered, “Weird dream.”

And he’d tried imagining what kind of dream could possibly be bad enough for you to not be able to go back to sleep in your own bed by yourself. He could only conclude that it had probably been something scary.

“You’re safe,” Joe’d reassured and pulled you closer by your waist. “We’re safe.”

But you’d already drifted back off.

It was easy to sleep next to Joe. He was soft and gentle and warm and comfortable and, somehow never awkward or too close.

That is, if there even was a ‘too close’ with the two of you.

There probably wasn’t.

And it wasn’t like you only ever found your way into Joe’s bed when he wasn’t there or awake to witness it.

Joe remembered the time when he’d gotten back from a day of shooting late in the afternoon. Short set day. He’d gone for a shower and then got half-dressed before his eye fell on a large envelope he’d left on his dresser. He was meant to finish reading that script yesterday, but he hadn’t even gotten around to opening the envelope.

Cut to about half an hour later, sat on his bed in just his pants, socks and a T-shirt still, Joe was reading from white pages and doing his best to visualise the scenes in his mind when he heard the door open.

There was a lot of careless movement, sounds of shoes falling to the doormat, a bag being thrown into the corner, a coat missing the hook and dropping to the floor and a lot of annoyed huffing and puffing.

You’d walked past his room first, but then it registered that you caught him in the corner of your eye, and so you went back.

Face planted yourself right onto his bed.

Joe didn’t acknowledge you at first, eyes firm on the page he was reading. But then he heard you inhale deeply and it sounded a little like you were trying to keep yourself from bursting into tears.

He’d moved a hand over. Got one of your calves and squeezed it, then rubbed it and dug in his fingers a little, moving like he was giving a weird massage over your tights. Kept reading, though.

You didn’t tell Joe if anything was wrong. Why you’d come home from work in a sour mood, why you had tears of frustration and fatigue pricking behind your eyes. Just plonked yourself onto his bed and enjoyed his quiet company until you dozed off into a light sleep.

Joe eventually finished whatever he was reading and the sudden sounds of movement in your proximity were enough to pull you from your short nap. He then suggested you’d have dinner together.

“Sure, what do you feel like having?”

“Pizza?” Joe looked over his shoulder, eyebrows raised in question.

You knew he was asking if pizza was needed tonight. If it was necessary.

But you’d smiled and said, “Maybe not.” reasoning that you’d probably eaten too much pizza over the past month, and Joe was glad, because this meant you felt better, the little snooze having somehow fixed whatever had been wrong when you’d walked in.

Staring at your now, faces close but not directly opposite one another, Joe could see that your eyes really were a little puffy and, yea, he was right, wasn’t he?

You’d been crying and then you got ready for bed and then, to make yourself feel better, had gotten into his bed instead of your own.

Fucking hell.

Joe felt a surge of guilt when he thought about how much he loved that. He shouldn’t love you more when you felt bad. Sad. Down and all miserable.

But how could he not if it made you end up all snuggled up in bed together?

He knew you never talked to each other about these things, but if you did, if you were the type of sensible people to use your words to work things out, rather than physical touch and closeness, he’d whisper all sorts of questions into your skin.

He’d ask if you were all right. If you’d been crying. If there was anyone who he needed to hurt, which he knew would make you laugh, because no way he was going to go out and fight someone. He’d ask if you wanted to talk about it, because he’d listen. If there was anything else he could do to make you feel better.

But you didn’t talk.

You weren’t sensible people who used their words.

So Joe didn’t whisper any questions into anything, but just let his forehead rest against your collarbone as he tried to fall asleep too. It took a little while, but the focus on your breathing ended up grabbing hold of him by the ankles and pulling him under eventually.

Just like it always did when you dozed off on the sofa together.

Just like it did that one time when he was meant to get up early, but, you were there, all toasty warm and silky soft in between his sheets. It was his own fault you were there. He maybe shouldn’t have offered his bed to you if he had been serious about waking up early.

It was just that, the night before, he’d heard you have a long phone conversation in your bedroom. All serious. No laughter. Took ages, and it was sort of late already. When you’d finally gotten off the phone, Joe found you sat on the edge of the bed in your pajamas, face stuck in your phone, and it looked like you were texting someone. He was about to ask if you’d seen the charger to his laptop, but then he heard you sniffle and saw you wipe a cheek with back of your hand.

He had no idea who you’d been speaking to.

Or who you were texting now.

You didn’t acknowledge him when he walked into your room, eyes on your phone screen still, and for a second Joe thought maybe his legs should carry him the other way. Away from you, out of your room to give you some space.

But then before he really knew what he was doing, he was stood next to you, sort of cradling your head in his arms. Hugging your skull. He took care to look away from your phone screen as to not invade your privacy.

When you finally put your phone down, you dipped your chin underneath one of his arms and kissed the bit of skin that was there as a thank you.

“Come on,” he then said, letting go of your head and walking towards the door.

He switched the light off just before stepping out into the hallway.

When you didn’t immediately come after him, he called, “This way!” over his shoulder, and then grinned to himself when he heard you softly mumble, “Yea, just a sec,” followed by something about needing to brush your teeth first.

When you walked into Joe’s bedroom shortly after, he was already in bed, laid down on his stomach on the left side of the bed.

That wasn’t where Joe usually slept.

That was were you slept whenever you were in that bed.

In an attempt to be funny, to lift the mood a little, you ignored the empty spot in Joe’s bed and instead flung the covers back on the left side and climbed right onto him.

You laid down on top of your flatmate, and swung the covers back as best you could.

You felt him shake with silent laughter which made you giggle. You whispered, “Good night.” and waited for Joe to roll over or to shake, to make you slide off of him, but that moment never came.

You fell asleep smiling, because it was hilarious that Joe was going to let you drift off in that position, with your head in the dip of his neck and your hips over his bum.

In the night, your asleep-self managed to find the empty spot and continued your slumber on the mattress, like a normal person.

But the morning brought revenge.

You usually woke up before Joe did, but Joe was meant to wake up early, remember? His alarm woke him up, shooting awake with a jolt, immediately fumbling with his phone to turn it off. It took him a second to even remember why he’d set the alarm in the first place.

He felt you stir right next to him and remembered how he’d fallen asleep the night before.

If you were to ever bring it up, which he knew you’d never do, he’d tell you it was the most uncomfortable sleep he’d ever had.

They’d be lies.

He loved being pressed into the mattress by your weight a little. Loved the feeling of your entire body on top of his like that.

He’d never tell you.

He’d hold on to the fib that you’d been a great inconvenience, and now, it was time for payback.

Joe’s alarm had pulled you out of your dream a little, but then you fully woke up when Joe suddenly rolled right onto your back.

All of him.

Right on top of you.

His face pressed into one of your shoulder blades, and the air audibly escaped from your lungs as you tried to sleepily protest.

“Oh my God,” you groaned, voice all constrained. “My arm, wait, my– ow, Joe,”

Your arm was caught underneath your stomach, sort of weirdly twisted, and just for a second, Joe pressed his elbows into the mattress on each side of you to lift is weight off.

You readjusted, and Joe asked, “Got it?” and you easily accepted your fate, knowing that the moment you confirmed, he would let himself drop again.

And that’s exactly what happened.

You sighed, eyes still close, breathed “Yea,” as you snuck said arm underneath your pillow and felt Joe carelessly crash into you again.

Without your arm hurting you, it wasn’t so bad, and you felt Joe nuzzle against the bare skin of your upper back. You fully relaxed as you felt him swipe some hair aside that he then gently played with for a moment.

It had been the steady rise and fall of your breathing that had Joe snoozing in no time. Admittedly, the mattress right next to you was more comfortable to sleep on, Joe wasn’t going to lie. But sleeping with his face pressed into your warm morning skin brought a different kind of comfort. He knew that the strap of your top was going to end up marking his cheek, but he didn’t care.

This was nice.

It was one of those feelings he rarely ever got to experience not being in a serious relationship with anyone.

He got certain desires met. If he was honest, that had become almost a little too easy. But it would just be that. Just the sex. He never cuddled, never snuggled with any of those girls. He’d be out of his mind to pull a stunt like rolling on top of one of them to snooze until he actually wanted to get out of bed.

He only got to do that with you. And so he did, the early morning plans he had then no longer important enough. Because he had you in his bed, all relaxed, with soft skin and steady breathing that worked like fucking magic.

Just like it was doing now.

And it sort of shouldn’t.

It wasn’t meant to all be so easy.

Joe’d found you in his bed, and he was actually meant to go for a run and then take a quick shower and then have dinner, maybe even see if anyone was up for a drink at the pub.

But he’d done none of those things.

And now here he was.

Falling asleep as he listened to your slow breathing, happy that it wasn’t hitching in your throat. He didn’t like how it sometimes did that when you had been crying.

That run could wait.

The shower after could wait.

Dinner could wait.

For now it was just warmth underneath his covers and your bodies pressed together. Later, you wouldn’t talk about it. And if Joe was lucky, you’d not take so long to be sad again.

Awful thought, he knew.

But he couldn’t help it.

Joe loved it when you felt bad, but only so he could be there to make it better.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @bylermaxmayfield, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma77645, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @miserybeans, @munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

#Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn Fanfic #Joe Quinn fanfiction #Joseph Quinn Fanfic #Joseph Quinn Fanfiction #joe quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x y/n #icallhimjoey #define close

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roosterforme · 7 months

Text

The Curveball Part 13 | Bob Floyd x OC

Summary: Molly didn't think life with Bob could get any better. Then their son arrives, and she's proven wrong yet again. She doesn't know what the future holds, but she knows that she wants her family with her for every adventure. And that starts with a trip down a grassy path through some wildflowers.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, swears, pregnancy, smut, 18+

Length: 3900 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story accompanies Batting Practice!)

Check my masterlist for more! The Curveball masterlist

Thank you to @mak-32 and @teacupsandtopgun for the beautiful banners!

With the number of times Bob had to field the question, "So how did you and Molly get engaged?" you would have thought he could answer it by now without blushing. But he couldn't. Not even close.

The only ones who knew what really happened were Nat, Bradley and Molly's sister. Nat kept calling Molly 'a goddamn legend'. Bradley cringed. And Molly's sister just said, "Yeah, that tracks."

But Molly kept those pretty Mrs. Floyd nipple piercings in for him, and he loved her even more for it. Her belly had gotten so big by Valentine's Day, he didn't know how she'd make it all the way to her due date in another four weeks. She looked absolutely exhausted after every shift in the emergency room, and more often than not, she ended up falling asleep on the couch with him after dinner while they watched a murder documentary.

"Mo," he whispered on Friday night after she fell asleep mostly on top of him on the couch, his big hand splayed over her belly. His son was squirming a bit as he stroked her soft skin. She was incredible. His Molly. They hadn't decided exactly when they were going to get married, but she kept talking about wildflower meadows. So he agreed to wait until the summer, after the baby was born.

He had to whisper her name a few times before she jolted awake. "Hmm?" she moaned. "Bobby, I was in the middle of a delicious nap." He kissed her lips when she pouted at him.

"Let's get in bed, Honey," he said softly, pulling her shirt down over her belly. "We have to babysit Ev tomorrow so your sister and Bradley can go out for Valentine's Day."

She smirked at him. "They like to do dirty shit in the Bronco."

Bob just shrugged. "We do dirty stuff in my truck all the time."

She moaned softly as she said, "We sure do, Lieutenant Floyd." Bob's eyes slowly closed as Molly's hand skimmed down his abs and into the waistband on his underwear. "Dirty stuff everywhere. Anything my fiancé wants."

Bob grunted as her small hand wrapped around his cock, and her lips grazed his stubbled jaw. He was getting harder as she stroked him slowly, tongue darting out to taste his neck. "Molly," he moaned, bucking up into her hand as she teased his tip. But she just hummed against him as she jerked him off. And then her hand slowly came to a stop until she was just softly cupping his balls.

And then he heard her soft, even breathing next to his ear, and Bob couldn't help but laugh. She actually fell asleep while she was giving him a handjob. Bob thought for a moment that maybe a less secure man would be insulted, and maybe that's what Molly was used to in the past, but he knew she was beyond tired right now.

He kissed her forehead and gently eased her hand back out from his underwear. "It's bedtime," he whispered, and she jolted awake again.

"No," she said, shaking her head and trying to reach for his cock.

"Yes," he replied with a chuckle as he slid out from under her without being too rough with her bump. "Come on, and I'll rub your back until you fall asleep in bed."

"Mmkay," she agreed, bleary eyed as Bob led her to their bedroom. He helped her get undressed, kneeling in front of her and placing some gentle kisses to her belly like he did every night.

"I love you," he whispered as Molly ran her fingers through his hair. The nightly conversations with his son were something he was definitely going to keep doing after the baby was born. "I can't wait to meet you. We just finished getting your nursery ready. I hope you like baseball, because your Uncle Bradley and I went a little nuts in there."

"That's an understatement," Molly whispered. "They went flipping bananas."

Bob cupped her pretty belly with both of his hands and smiled. "Mommy's right. We did go overboard."

He watched Molly yawn before she said, "It's okay. Everett and Piper will teach him all about baseball." And then she kept yawning, so Bob got her settled into bed with a pillow tucked against her belly. He set his glasses on the nightstand and turned off the lamp. And then he climbed in behind her as the big spoon and kissed the engagement ring she was wearing.

"You wanna talk about baby names?" he asked, rubbing his hand along her side, because he knew it would make her sleepy.

"I only like a handful of names," she replied, and Bob could hear the pout in her voice even though the room was dark.

"Come on, Mo. Literally anything except Everett. Your sister will never forgive you."

"Yeah, but my nephew will think it's funny, and that's almost enough motivation for me to do it."

Bob groaned. "What's your second favorite name?"

It took Molly a few moments, but eventually she said, "I want to name him after you."

"Robert Junior?" he said, already shaking his head. "RJ?" He didn't like it at all.

"No. Your middle name. We can call him Charlie," she mumbled, obviously dozing off.

Now Bob smiled as he kissed his sleeping fiancee on the shoulder. "Charlie Floyd."

-----------------------------

Since it wasn't a leap year, Molly knew Bob wasn't really getting a birthday. "Still only eight years old," she told him on February twenty eighth. She was straddling his lap on the couch, but her belly was fucking enormous now and always in the way. He didn't seem to mind though as he gently held her and cradled her and the baby. She kissed down his cheek until she got to his lips. "You look terrible for your age."

Bob burst out laughing. "Thanks, Honey. Hoping the kid gets your genetics."

"Call him by his name," she whispered.

"Charlie," Bob said with a smile. There was no room left for Charlie to move around too much, but he always seemed to know when Bob was nearby. He was currently squirming so much, Molly was getting heartburn.

"He just wants his daddy all the time," she said, running her hands slowly over Bob's chest. "I want his daddy all the time, too."

"Yeah?" Bob asked cautiously. It was really difficult to fuck now. Molly was always uncomfortable. But she knew Bob was never going to rush her. So they spent about five minutes getting her propped up on the couch with throw pillows.

"This is a lot of work for you to get some birthday sex, Bobby," she crooned as his erection bumped her repeatedly in the leg while he made sure she was comfortable.

"It's worth it," he replied as he sank into her warm pussy.

"Oh, yeah... definitely worth it," she agreed, rocking back gently to meet his slow thrusts. It was unhurried and perfect, and Bob's big hands wrapped around to her belly made her feel safe.

But later that evening, she knew she had to do something she really didn't want to do. "Bob, it's time," she said solemnly as she stood with her jewelry box in both hands.

"I understand," he whispered, taking it from her and sitting down on their bed. He sighed sadly and watched her pull her shirt over her head followed by her sports bra. And then the pretty Mrs. Floyd piercings had to come out. She almost laughed at the sad look on his face as she put them in her jewelry box and closed the lid.

"They'll be back. I promise."

"I know," he whispered, kissing along both of her breasts and nuzzling her with his nose. She felt like she looked all swollen and misshapen, but he didn't seem to mind as he kissed her everywhere.

-------------------------

"You can't be serious right now," Molly groaned the following night as she nibbled on some pizza. Everyone was out for Bob's fake birthday at the usual restaurant. "You're going to Disney World? Without me?!" she asked Everett.

Bob tried not to laugh as his soon to be nephew looked genuinely upset. "Mom, can we bring Aunt Molly with us?" he whispered.

But Molly just laughed and kissed him. "No, this vacation is for you and your parents. Besides, the baby will be too young this summer. I'll come next time."

"How much longer until the baby comes?" Everett asked her looking at her belly hopefully. "This is taking forever."

"Hopefully just a few more days," Bob supplied, offering Molly more pizza. But she hadn't even finished one slice yet, just sipping some apple juice instead.

"No," she told him. "I don't feel great today."

Then Bob noticed the ridiculous grin on Everett's face where he sat perched on Bradley's lap. "I got a new dad. I'm getting my very own cousin, and even an Uncle Bob!"

"You're living your best life, my man," Molly told him. "It's like you planned this all out."

But she really didn't look comfortable at all, and Bob knew she was struggling with fatigue now. So he kissed her cheek, insisted on paying for dinner, and started to herd everyone outside. As soon as he opened the passenger side door of his truck and tried to help her in, she started shaking her head.

"I'm going to throw up," she insisted and started heading for some of the shrubs along the side of the parking lot. "Oh. Oh no."

But she didn't throw up. Her water broke. Bob froze as Molly turned to look at him as she started crying. "I just peed," she whispered.

Then his adrenaline kicked in fully, and he closed the distance to her. "Honey, I think your water broke," he said gently, and she gasped, panic all over her face.

"No," she said, shaking her head more. "I'm not ready."

"I don't think we have much choice," he told her carefully as he guided her back to the truck. Her sister had already left with Bradley and Everett, so he would have to call them once they got to the hospital. But he needed to focus on this first, because Molly was starting to lose it.

"I can't do this. I can't!" she nearly screamed, fighting him as he tried to get her into the truck. Her pink leggings were all wet, and she was scrambling in every direction seemingly at the same time. "I don't want to," she informed him, eyes wide and unsure.

"I'll be with you the whole time," he whispered, kissing her cheek. He was over prepared. He knew that. But he'd been sending Molly around everywhere with her hospital bag which he had packed for her, and it was currently tucked behind the driver's seat. She was as ready as she was going to be whether she wanted to admit it or not.

Once he was finally pulling out of the parking lot with Molly successfully buckled in, Bob felt the panic as well, but he tried to keep his cool. Then suddenly Molly clutched at her belly and loudly groaned, "Shit."

"What?!"

"Is that a contraction?" she asked, gripping at the door handle. "Shit! Fucking hurts!"

When they finally got to the hospital, things had gotten worse. He took her in through the emergency room since that was where she worked. Everyone ran out to watch Bob wheel her inside in a wheelchair. She was gripping the arms and looking back up at him like he was absolutely ruining her day by bringing her here.

"Molly's here!" one of her coworkers yelled.

Molly responded by crying and shouting, "Fuck!" But nobody seemed to think this was unexpected. They just helped Bob along to the elevator and opened all of the necessary doors to get her to the labor and delivery area.

"Thanks," he told them as another nurse let him know he could take Molly into room two. There were new mothers and nurses pushing bassinets around. It was serene. Peaceful. Really one of the loveliest things Bob had ever seen. And he was currently interrupting it by pushing Molly through as she moaned the f-word so loud and so long that nearly everyone was turning to look.

"It's okay, Honey," he promised as he got her into room number two.

"No, Bob!" she shouted. "It is fucking not okay! I feel like I pissed myself. I look like I pissed myself. And Charlie fucking hates me, because it hurts so much!"

She was doubled over, holding her belly. The pain on her face as she had a contraction made Bob reach for her instantly. A tear slid down her cheek, and she whimpered. And then the obscenities flowed.

Bob tried to apologize to all of the nurses as Molly called them 'fucking assfucks', but they didn't seem to mind at all. He did however close the door as her contractions got closer together.

Hours later, after he had called his mom and Molly's sister and told them what was going on, Bob was exhausted. But he knew Molly was much worse off in that department. She was soaked with sweat and was currently glaring at him.

"I hope you're happy, Bob," she growled, eyes flashing. "Your monster cock did this to me. Lulled me into a false sense of sexual bliss. And then your filthy mega sperm took over, and finished the job."

She looked like she wanted to hurt him, and he had to try very hard not to laugh as he held her hand. "I'm sorry, Mo. I'll never do it again," he promised.

Then she started crying. "You'll never fuck me again?"

"That's not what I meant!" he said quickly, but she was already in tears. And she said the word 'cuntbag' so many times in a row while she pushed that he lost count.

"I see the baby," the doctor finally announced after what seemed like days.

"Get it out! Get it fucking out!" Molly screamed, and Bob felt like screaming too. She had such a tight grip on his fingers, he was sure she cracked some bones.

But when she looked at him, clearly scared, he kissed her sweaty forehead and told her he had never been more impressed by anyone in his entire life. And it was the truth. She looked like she was on the verge of passing out when the doctor announced that it was in fact a boy and gave the time of birth. After Charlie was measured and weighed, one of the nurses placed him in Molly's arms.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered, carefully holding him against her chest with one arm and stroking his cheek with her fingers. "I don't know what to do." But her gaze was transfixed on their son, and her lips were softly parted in wonder. Bob could already tell that Charlie was the perfect baby. Little puckered lips and eyes that were fighting to stay open against the bright overhead lights.

"Oh my god," Bob whispered, leaning down to kiss his son. "Molly. He's actually perfect."

Her fingers stroked along his soft skin while Bob held onto one tiny fist. "He actually is."

---------------------------

The only problem with the next few months was that they flew by. All of Bob's aviator friends had covered the pickup truck in yellow and black BABY ON BOARD signs the day they took Charlie home from the hospital. Molly thought it was hilarious, but Bob grumbled as he removed all of them.

To Molly's extreme annoyance, Charlie seemed to prefer Bradley over all of their other visitors. Everett was overjoyed every time he got to sit with the baby, and her sister was already helping Molly with literally everything under the sun. But it was Bradley who was able to calm Charlie down and get him to fall asleep on his chest.

"I'm the baby whisperer," he informed everyone every time he had the opportunity.

"You're Uncle Turd," Molly told him, but Bradley just smiled at her. She couldn't be too mean, because she needed his help. He was the one who was supposed to be distracting Bob for an entire day while Molly got her wedding gift for him finished.

She wasn't sure what the two men were going to do after the batting cages, but Molly didn't really care. She had approximately seven hours from the time she dropped Charlie off with her sister to the time she had to be back home. The wedding was in a week, the bodice of her dress was sheer lace, and she wanted the tattoo to be perfect.

After she told her tattoo artist the exact placement she wanted and the colors to use, she sat back in the chair in her bra with her arm over her head. Molly looked down at the stretch marks on her still puffy belly. Instead of talking to Charlie there every night, Bob sat in the nursery for fifteen minutes and chatted while he rocked him to sleep. And then he did any number of sweet or dirty things to her before they fell asleep together for a few precious hours until the baby woke them up.

But Bob never once made her feel like her weird looking belly was an issue for him. And when she brought it up one night with tears threatening behind her eyes, he told her she was more beautiful than anything he could have ever dreamed up. And Bob never lied.

"All finished," the artist said, wiping along her skin with a towel one last time and handing her a mirror.

A big, bold violet. A beautiful, blooming daffodil. And even a small pink rosebud. Bob, Charlie and Bradley. "Looks great."

----------------------------

As soon as Molly showed Bob her tattoo, he wrapped her up in his arms. "Gorgeous, Honey," he said, kissing her before examining it a little closer. He ran his fingers along the colorful carnations that were there for her mom and dad, and when he got to the daffodil that she got for Charlier, his fingers froze. There was a small gap between his flower and their son's flower, and when he looked up at Molly she was smiling. "Is it finished now?" he asked cautiously.

She just shrugged. "I'm not sure yet."

Bob would never pressure her to have another child with him. He hadn't really expected to get this lucky in life, let alone feel bold enough to hope for anything more. But that little gap gave him butterflies. Charlie was the sweetest baby in the world, and Bob was obsessed with being a dad. It was his favorite thing. And he wouldn't hesitate to list the condo and find a bigger place if Molly wanted to do this all over again. "You just let me know."

"I will, Coach Cute Daddy."

Bob held her close, knowing they needed to get ready for bed soon. Charlie was still notorious for waking them up at three in the morning to eat, even though he was four months old. Molly kept saying he would probably grow out of it soon, but Bob figured his son loved them so much, he wanted them in the nursery with him.

"Are you ready for Saturday?" he asked, taking his glasses off as Molly climbed into bed.

"Are you asking if I'm ready for the dream wedding that I've spent months planning out? Then yes, I'm ready. All you have to do is show up with the baby, agree to marry me, kiss me, and fuck me. Not all in the wildflower meadow."

Bob kissed along her shoulder as she fell asleep. Molly made him laugh more than he ever had before. And Charlie made him smile more than he ever had before. And by Saturday evening, he'd be married.

----------------------

"I can't believe my wild child of a baby sister is getting married today."

Molly sighed contentedly and said, "To Bob Floyd. The sweet, shy man of my dreams."

Her sister laughed and added, "I don't think Bob was planning on anything like you happening to him."

Molly scoffed as she picked up her bouquet made entirely of gas station flowers. "Anything like me? You mean getting his world rocked and having a kid after being together less than a year? He's lucky."

"He is," she agreed, kissing Molly's cheek. "Now please explain to me why you are getting married with these cheap flowers when there's literally an entire meadow of multicolored poppies and zinnias growing outside?"

Molly pressed her nose to them. "Because Bob picked them up for me last night, and they're my favorite. The other flowers can learn some respect."

"If you say so," she replied, taking Molly by the hand. "As soon as I can give you away, you are one hundred percent Bob's problem." But she was holding tight to Molly's hand, and it sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Molly walked outside with her sister and started down the grassy path toward the spot where Bob was holding Charlie in the distance. "I will never stop being your problem. And Bradley's problem by proximity."

"Good," her sister whispered, and Molly smiled at her as she cried a little bit. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

And then they walked toward the setting sun past the most beautiful shades of orange, green and yellow Molly could imagine. And it probably wasn't like other weddings, but the best ones weren't.

They stopped so Molly could give hugs and kisses to Bob's parents and the rest of his family. And they stopped so she could get a kiss on the forehead from Bradley. "Love you, turd," she whispered.

"Hey," he said in his raspy voice as she kissed Everett. "You owe me forever for agreeing to coach tee ball with Bob."

"And you owe me forever for letting you marry my sister," she replied easily.

He just nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. We're square."

Molly was laughing as she handed her gas station flowers off to Nat with a hug, and then she was standing in front of Bob and Charlie.

"Hey, Honey," Bob whispered as she took Charlie from his hands so she could hold him for a bit while he napped. She kissed his soft chubby cheek, and his eyes fluttered open before closing again.

Then she met Bob's greenish blue eyes, and he was looking at her like that very first day at tee ball, over a year ago. Like he couldn't believe she was giving him the time of day. She took a step closer to him, and said, "Hey, Coach Cute Glasses. Did you remember your allergy pills?"

"A double dose," he promised. "You ready to marry me?"

"Yes."

Molly held Charlie, and Bob wrapped his strong arm around her waist as they turned toward the sunset. The wedding was short, led by John who married her sister and Bradley last September. And as Molly closed her eyes and kissed Bob at the end of the ceremony, the warmth of the summer evening and the scent of wildflowers washed over her.

The soft nudge of Bob's glasses against her cheek and the way he helped cradle Charlie had Molly leaning in for another kiss. Maybe it would be just the three of them, maybe not. But Molly wanted to take her family on every adventure with her.

"I love you, Cowboy Bob."

Bob smiled and kissed her softly before pressing his lip to Charlie's forehead. "I love you both."

----------------------------

Ahhhh! Thanks for joining Molly, Bob and CHARLIE on this little adventure! I'm sure they will have so many more together. You can always peep more details about them if you read Batting Practice (and maybe some future one-shots)! Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls and everyone who bugged me to make Molly and Bob a thing.

@theamuz

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dylan-hart · 1 year

Text

⸻stressed out

summary: Exams are coming up and you are stressed out. Luckily, your girlfriends are there to make sure you take care of yourself.

pairing: Enid Sinclair x GN!reader x Wednesday Addams

warning(s): reader not taking care of themself properly, mentions of not eating

word count: 611

Exams were coming up and that meant you were stressed, twenty four seven, every day of the week. Your sleep schedule suffered and so did your health but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, the only thought of “just one more day” ringing on loop in your head as your eyes stung and burned for sleep, even when you found your hands shaking as you practiced problem after problem to study for your exams.

Your perfectionist tendencies were kicked into high drive, causing you to lose track of time but you payed no mind to it, even when you started your work when you got back from your classes and you blinked, finding yourself having to pack up for the morning that suddenly came again.

Dark bags were under your eyes and your clothes were slightly too big than normal and your hands were constantly shaking, a can of energy drink or a coffee cup always with you whereever you went.

You weren’t aware of this, weren’t aware of the effect it had on you.

But Wednesday and Enid knew. They saw your feet drag against the ground, saw the way you would almost fall asleep in classes, saw the way you lost more and more weight as the time went by.

They finally decided to confront you on it as it didn’t get better within a week.

They found you in your dorm room, hovered over your desk after classes, a text book open in front of you and multiple papers scattered around and empty energy drink cans and coffee cups littering the place.

“(Y/n)…” Enid trailed off, taking in the disaster of your room.

You jolted, whipping around to stare at them. “Hey, guys.”

Wednesday crossed the floor to you, taking in your raggedly appearance, at the dark circles under your eyes and the way you would blink slowly at her, forcing yourself to stay awake. “You look awful, mi amor.”

Enid came up to her side, reaching out and grabbing your shoulder as you slumped slightly, wavering in place. “What she means is that you look like you need a good nap.”

Wednesday scoffed but didn’t deny it.

You shook your head. “I can’t.” You glanced over at the papers on your desk. “I need to study for these exams.”

“You’ve been studying for the whole week,” Wednesday said, grabbing your chin and tilting your head back towards her and Enid. “You will excel your exams, mi amor. What you need right now is rest.”

“And some food,” Enid added.

“I’ve ate,” you countered.

“Really?” Wednesday drawled. “When?”

You opened your mouth but paused. Your jaw clacked shut as you found yourself unable to remember when you had anything other than coffee or energy drinks.

“(Y/n), baby,” Enid whispered, running her fingers through your hair. “Please take care of yourself.”

Your throat tightened but you nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“We know,” Wednesday said, thumb tracing under your eye. “But you’re taking a break so you can eat and then rest.” You slumped into her hold and she caught you easily. “Enid—”

“Already calling Yoko to bring us food,” Enid interrupted, shooting her a smile.

“Thank you, mon chiot,” Wednesday said. She shifted and suddenly picked you up, bringing you over to your bed, setting you down gently. “We will wake you when the food arrives. Sleep for now, mi amor.”

Your eyes finally fluttered shut just as the feeling of your girlfriends climbing in the bed on either side of you registered in your mind.

Safe to say you would never forget to take care of yourself, not with Enid and Wednesday by your side.

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sibylsleaves · 1 year

Text

all at once you are the one i have been waiting for

7k | rated T | read on ao3

Days after the lightning strike, showing up at Eddie’s door, falling asleep on his couch. Buck had come to him. And Eddie had thought, maybe. Had thought, it’s almost time. And so he’d gotten him all dressed up and taken him out and they’d had fun and they’d laughed and maybe even flirted and Eddie had been so goddamn happy, so excited for what the future held. They were right at the threshold, he’d thought. No more doubts, no more fears, nothing holding them back, just the two of them stepping forward together. And now this.

He doesn’t understand how he could have gotten it so wrong.

or, Buck and Eddie are finally on the same page--until they're not. (A coda for 6x13 and a sort-of spec fic for 6x14/6x15)

When Eddie walks into the kitchen, Buck is pacing, phone clutched to his ear, stuttering and stammering his way through what sounds like the most awkward phone call anyone has ever experienced.

“No, it’s not a dare,” Buck says into the phone. “No, I just—I wanted to know because—statistically speaking—”

His face scrunches in a way that’s definitely not adorable (who would ever think that?) and then he lowers the phone from his face just as he turns and finds Eddie leaning against the kitchen counter.

“She hung up,” Buck explains needlessly, dropping his phone onto the counter.

“Imagine that,” Eddie replies dryly. “Have you been calling women all afternoon?”

They got off shift hours ago, and Eddie took Buck back to the Diaz house where they both crashed out for a well-deserved nap after a busy twenty-four. It’s early evening now, and Eddie just woke up. From the looks of it, Buck’s been awake a lot longer.

“Uh,” Buck says. “You want a beer?”

He pulls two out of the fridge, pops off the tops and comes around the table to hand one to Eddie. He leans up against the counter next to him, so close their shoulders brush. Eddie hides a fond smile by taking a sip.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie asks after a minute. Buck looks at him, eyebrows raised in anticipation. “What the hell are you doing?”

Buck freezes for a second, looking caught-out, and then he ducks his head. “It’s stupid, I know. But you heard that guy…eighty per cent of—”

“Yeah, I heard him,” Eddie agrees. “But how exactly does that lead to you calling up every woman you slept with years ago to see if they had a good time?”

Buck ducks his head again, blushing. “Doesn’t every guy want to know that he satisfied his partner?”

“Sure,” Eddie agrees. “But Buck—”

“I know it’s stupid,” Buck admits, looking down at his beer instead of at Eddie. “But I just…I hate the idea that I didn’t…that I wasn’t…” He swallows. “Good.”

All the amusement and confusion leaves Eddie like an exhale. Because this isn’t about sex, or those women, not really. This is classic Evan Buckley self-worth issues, rearing their head just when it seems like Buck is finally moving past them.

Eddie sets his beer down on the counter behind him and turns so he’s facing Buck completely. “Let me ask you something.”

Buck angles toward him.

“How did you feel about those encounters?”

Buck blinks at him slowly, as if this question has never crossed his mind before. “Well, I…it was fun, you know? It was a release. Got me out of my head.” He takes another sip of beer and then continues, “Looking back, I guess it seems shallow. But at the time…I don’t know. I was so lonely. I wanted…something. Attention. Affection, maybe? I just wanted to feel wanted, for once. Maybe it’s sounds stupid, but even if they were just one-night stands or hookups or whatever, it felt like…a connection. Like I wasn’t completely untethered to the world.”

Eddie has to fight down the feeling that rises in him at Buck’s words, at the vulnerable expression on his face. An ache threatens to swallow his chest, thinking of Buck the way he was then, before Eddie even knew him, just a lost, lonely kid who felt like there was no place on earth he belonged. Eddie’s seen glimpses of that Buck—the one who squared up to him when Eddie first joined the 118 because he felt like his place there was threatened. The one that withdrew into himself and tried to sue his way back into a job that he felt like he was nothing without.

The one that looked Eddie in the eye in a hospital room and said, I think it might’ve been better for him if I was the one who got shot.

“It doesn’t sound stupid, Buck,” Eddie says softly. “I get it, actually. You know, when things really broke down between Shannon and me, sex was the one thing that still made me feel connected to her. Even if I was hurt and couldn’t trust her, it was the one way I felt like I could hold on to her. So I do get it.”

“That’s different,” Buck says, gaze dropping back to the ground. “I mean, she was your wife. I thought I was finding connection with those women but it was only when I was with someone I really cared about that I realized how different it was. When the connection was real.”

“With Abby, you mean,” Eddie says, and he can’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice completely.

Buck just nods. “Yeah. And after her, I knew that any hook-up would only make me feel lonelier. And that was also when I finally…felt connected to the world. To people. Our team. Maddie.” His gaze slides over to Eddie. “To you and Chris.”

Eddie takes a careful breath, holding Buck’s gaze.

“So it felt like I didn’t…need it, the same way. But I guess I do miss it, you know? Not—not sex, exactly. But feeling completely and totally connected to someone in that way.” He drops Eddie’s gaze again. “But part of me also wonders if I’ve ever really had it at all. I felt a connection with Abby. I did. And Ali. And Taylor.”

Eddie seals his lips together to stop himself from making a noise, or a face, that will give him away completely.

“But there was always some part of them…or part of me, that stopped us from having that complete, total connection. Where there are just…no walls, nothing holding you back from each other. Where it’s just total trust, and safety, and…” He stops, like he’s biting back the words he wants to say, and then shakes his head. “So I just wonder, sometimes. What that would be like. Especially now.”

“Now?” Eddie asks, his voice coming out rough.

Buck looks back up at him. Holds his gaze. “Now that I’m finally ready for it.”

(keep reading on ao3)

#sibyls words #the 6x13 coda fic!!!! it's done!!!!#i will be reblogging this about 12 times before the next episode airs so sorry in advance #buddie fic #911 fic #buddie

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thoseboysinblue · 1 year

Text

Date Night

Christian Pulisic x reader

You and Christian are adjusting to life as new parents and find yourselves missing each other’s company.

Word count: 1500+

Warnings: None

Four weeks. It had been four weeks since you and Christian had brought your newborn son, Lucas, home from the hospital and began your journey as parents. And in those four weeks, Christian felt like you had grown further and further apart as you both attempted to settle into your new normal.

You had not meant to be distant to him, you were just overwhelmed, consumed with your son and trying to keep things as normal as possible for Christian.

You knew he had a busy schedule with training, matches and other work related interviews and promotions. You didn't want the lack of sleep to affect him so you had even began sleeping in the guest room some with the baby in a bassinet beside you so that he wouldn't wake up Christian during the night.

Little did you know, Christian missed you deeply. He wasn't sleeping well knowing you were down the hallway from him so really he was just as exhausted as if he was the one up all night with the baby.

He wasn't quite sure where your head was and he was a little scared to ask in case it was something he had done wrong unintentionally.

He had left for training already when you found the note he had left on the counter for you.

Be ready for a date tonight at 7. xx

You nervously bit your lip, unsure as to what he had planned but you knew you weren't quite ready to leave Lucas in someone else's care.

You missed spending time with Christian, and you knew it felt like the two of you had grown apart while you tried to adjust to life with a baby. The attempts you had made for movie nights or spending time together once Lucas was asleep usually ended up in one of both of you falling asleep early.

Christian didn't blame you and he was thankful for how naturally you had taken on the role of motherhood, but he missed having that connection with you.

You understand him better than anyone and he was craving some meaningful time alone with you . Selfishly he hated feeling like he was competing for your love and attention.

That was when he decided to plan a date night. He knew you wouldn't want to leave Lucas at home yet so that the two of you could go out which was why he had gone to great lengths to prepare for a date night at home.

When he got home from training, you and Lucas were napping which gave him the perfect opportunity to set his plans into motion.

He arranged the dining set in the garden with some lights and your favorite flowers and scattered a few candles around. He grabbed a blanket and threw it on the lounger next to the outdoor fireplace he knew you loved to sit beside on cool evenings.

Next he called your favorite restaurant and placed an order to be delivered just prior to seven before heading upstairs to lay down for a bit with you.

You stirred slightly when you felt the bed dip beside you. Christian pulled you closer to him and nuzzeled his face into your neck placing a delicate kiss there before you drifted off back to sleep.

When you woke up, you questioned him about the plans for the night. Sensing your nerves, he pulled your hand up to place a kiss over your knuckles, "just trust me please, baby, I just want to spend some time with you" he pleaded.

You nodded and left the bed to go get in the shower while he spent some time cuddling Lucas. You wanted to make an effort since so often over the past month Christian had only seen you in sweats, oversized shirts and leggings.

You curled your hair for the first time in a month and put on makeup before selecting a simple outfit that you knew Christian would like. Once you were dressed, you made went in search of the boys finding Christian and Lucas in the nursery as Christian was just putting him back down to sleep.

When he turns to see you in the doorway, his eyes light up "wow, you look beautiful" he whispers, cheeks tinged slightly pink as he makes his way over to you and pulls you in for a kiss.

You leave the nursery and as you are making you way down the stairs you hear the doorbell. Christian intertwines his fingers with youra as you both go to answer the door. You breathe a sigh of relief when you realize it is a delivery driver and not a babysitter.

As he shuts the door, Christian turns to you "I know you aren't quite ready for a night out, but I thought we could have a night in while Lucas sleeps."

As you make your way into the garden with your meal, tears threaten to spill from your eyes when you realize the effort he has gone to for tonight. He places the baby monitor down on the table so that you can both keep an eye on Lucas as you turn to pull him into an embrace.

You press your face against his chest and whisper "Thank you, I've missed spending time with you, Christian."

He kisses you lightly on the top of the head as his fingers stroke along your back "I've missed you too, pretty girl."

Butterflies erupt in your stomach, just like when the two of you first started dating at the term of endearment. You stood and held each other for a few more minutes, enjoying the warmth of being close to one another for the first time in what felt like forever.

You finally settle down to eat your dinner catching up on things that seem to have gone unsaid for quite a while. After Christian took your plates back into the kitchen and poured you another glass of wine he came back outside to find you snuggled under the blanket on the lounger, waiting for him to join you.

He cuddled up beside you, pulling the blanket over both of you and moving as close to you as he could. He looks down to notice a stray tear falling from your eye. He wipes it away and quietly asks what's wrong.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong, this was just what I needed. I'm sorry, Christian. I know I've been distant with you, I'm just trying to balance everything, but I didn't mean to shut you out like I have. I really have missed you so much."

"It's ok, baby. I wouldn't want to do any of this with anyone else. But I do miss spending time with you. Just us. I'm never going to stop dating you, even if date nights look a little different for now, will you promise me we will do this more often?" He asks as he slides his hand up and down your side.

You nod and continue running your fingers along his arm. "I promise, date nights, every week, we can take turns planning them."

You lay in silence for a while longer, enjoying being in each other's company and the ambiance of the warm fire and blanket as you snuggled with the man you were madly in love with, until you hear a cry bursting through the monitor.

Both of you move to stand up, and Christian pulls you in for a gentle kiss. He whispers against your lips, "I've got him, you go take a bath." You smile in response and the two of you make your way back inside and upstairs.

As you are slipping into the bath, the door to the bathroom opens and Christian comes in, holding your son in one arm and partly dragging, partly kicking his oversized bean bag from his gaming room through the door.

"What on earth" you giggle at him.

"Your two favorite fellas miss you so we are here to hang out" he grins at you as he settles into the beanbag, Lucas reclining on Christian's legs.

"I could stare at him all night you know?" he says quietly as he rubs his thumb over his son's cheek.

"I could stare at you staring at him all night" you smile over at them.

"I love watching you with him, Christian, you are such an amazing dad already" you continue.

He just smiles at you "You are amazing, too. Do you ever just look at him and can't believe we made him? I mean you did most of the work obviously, but I can't believe he's ours sometimes."

"I seem to remember you being there for the fun parts of making him" you grin back at him.

"Speaking of, I go back to the midwife this week for my final check up."

His face snaps over to look at you, excitement in his eyes "so that means" he trails off as you nod at him at bit of a glint in your eye as you stand to get out of the bath and wrapping yourself in a towel.

"I think I know what we are doing for our next date night, Mr. Pulisic" you chuckle at him.

"I think I know what we are doing for the next several date nights" he winks back at you "and I moved the bassinet back to our room, you aren't spending another night not in our bed, Mrs. Pulisic."

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic imagine #christian pulisic x reader

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noisyparadisewinner · 1 year

Text

Napping headcanons

fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

pairing: Fushiguro Megumi x reader

summary: some headcanons and short story about napping with your boyfriend

word count: 789

As we have seen in season one, Megumi seems to be fond of taking naps. It’s not strange of him to disappear every once in a while to recharge his energy.

Now, all of this was occasionally before dating you but, once your relationship becomes something more than two teenagers messing around, napping is the only thing on his mind.

Don’t get him wrong, he thinks about it that much because he can’t stop imagining how it would feel to have you so close for an extended period of time. Just like when you hug him, but better. Way better.

Megumi is someone who treasures his personal space, so he’ll do anything to avoid making you uncomfortable in any way.

You knew that something had changed a while ago, you noticed it. He seemed more reluctant to let you go when he hugged you at nighttime or after lunch, when he went to sleep. Of course, he would rather fight Sukuna again than actually tell you that he wanted to nap with you. Simply because he felt he was being invasive.

It’s not until one evening that you both returned from a mission completely exhausted. After fighting a special degree curse that happened to have some sort of intelligence, Gojo took the four of you to have an early dinner.

When you got back to your dorm the only thing in your mind after cleaning up was to lay on your bed and not wake up until tomorrow. But you wanted to check on Megumi. None of you needed serious medical treatment but, just like it always seemed to happen, your boyfriend got hit in the head. Hard.

You entered his room without knocking, already being used to go inside without the boy’s permission. Just like you, he had already washed up and now was sitting at the edge of his bed zoning out while looking at a random point of his wall. You chuckled and took your shoes off. You already knew he was really tired but it was worse than what you originally anticipated. Maybe all those hits finally had their consequences, and not even your boyfriend’s hard as rock skull could escape them.

It didn’t take you much effort to push him to lie down, with you lying down on top of him. He let out a grunt and shuffled, now lying on his side with you facing him. The exhaustion finally catching up to both of you made you fall asleep quite easily, both unaware of the situation.

He was the first to wake up. He was freezing, probably because he forgot to pull up the covers before falling asleep. Then he noticed you, sleeping soundly next to him. Megumi’s whole body tensed immediately. He didn’t quite remember that part of the night happening but he was sure of one thing, he was not going to allow himself to wake you up.

Carefully he pulled the warm covers over both of your bodies, successful in his mission to keep you sleeping. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he was too nervous to do it. What ifs running through his mind. Would you be mad if he pulled you closer?

His body acted before he could stop himself, carefully pulling you to him so that your face was almost touching his chest. You stirred in your sleep, trying to find a more comfortable position to keep sleeping. You ended up being even closer to him.

Megumi’s face hadn’t felt that hot in a long time, he was surely blushing. But seeing you react that way even when unconscious calmed his nerves. From that moment, it didn’t take more than five minutes to go back to sleep.

The next morning you woke up in an unknown bed, definitely not your room. But you were too comfortable to care. Your boyfriend watched amused as your sleepy eyes tried to locate your whereabouts, failing in the process.

-Good morning. - he interrupted you

At the realization of your situation you smiled up at him, scolding yourself for being too careless.

-I must have fallen asleep last night when I came to check up on you. - you admitted

He hummed in agreement, snuggling closer to you.

-I wouldn't mind if this became a more usual occurrence.

From then on it becomes a little ritual for you. When one of you goes on a mission you spend the night together, cuddling under the sheets before falling asleep. And suddenly, your schedule seems to be just like Megumi’s, both of you taking naps after lunchtime before doing your homework or studying.

There’s one thing for sure, if they can’t find either of you the rest of the school has already caught that means you are on your mandatory napping time.

#jujutsu kaisen fic #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro x reader #fushiguro x you #fushiguro x y/n

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rowanaelinn · 1 year

Text

Illicit Affairs - Chapter Fourty-Nine

A/N: Thank you everyone for your patience :) Sorry for the delay, I've spent the last few days obsessing over daisybilly

Warnings: some angst | Word Count: 4,300

Aelin was going crazy.

She couldn’t stand anymore the relentless beeping noises in the room. Each time a machine made a sound, it sent her more over the edge. She had barely slept two hours before she woke up, and that had been hours ago. Her hands were slightly shaking, something she had noticed only when she was handed a cup of coffee and she’d nearly spilled the drink on her lap.

It wasn’t like her dress would be a great loss. She liked it, really, but after spending more than twenty-four hours inside of it… Aelin wanted to burn that thing, and she was aware of how dramatic it sounded. She couldn’t find it in herself to care.

Rowan wasn’t looking much better. She’d seen him doze off for maybe a few minutes before waking with a sharp intake of breath, and then a guilty look appearing on his features. She was sure those micro-naps didn’t help him rest. She wondered what he was thinking about, how he was feeling. She knew it couldn’t be good, of course, and yet… She didn’t ask. It wasn’t her business, they were just… coparents, now. What they were to each other in the past didn’t matter anymore.

He had moved on, and wasn’t she trying to do so as well? Even if her attempts thus far hadn’t been prestigious, and all because of her. Sam was a great guy. Maybe two years ago, after Chaol, she could have settled for someone like Sam. It would have been restful. Nothing of the passionate, illicit affair she’d had with the man sitting in front of her.

Maybe she could have settled for something of the sort before, but she couldn’t. Not anymore.

But how can she be with someone and not burn for them? And not feel as if she could survive in a world without feeling as if she was breathing for two? It was unhealthy, she knew that, and yet she was growing to rather… not dislike that about herself. Her devotion to people.

If she could just control it, never let her love for others fade her love for herself… Life would be easier. But she supposed that noticing it was already a good point.

She promised herself that if Helia woke up, she’d work on that.

The door of the bedroom opened, starling Aelin. She realized she was almost falling asleep again. Fuck, she needed more coffee. Her father came in, followed by Lorcan. She sighed, leaning back into her chair. “You’re like a blessing now, dad. May I get another cup of coffee, please?”

He looked at her feet, at the eleven empty cups of coffee she’d drank thus far. He gave her a tight smile, “I think if you drink more, you’ll overdose.”

She shrugged, “I’m a tough girl, dad. I can handle it.”

He walked to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure of this, princess. But I think it’s time for both of you to go home.”

“No,” Rowan protested.

Aelin agreed. “She’s still asleep. We are not leaving.”

Lorcan took a step in the room. “It’s why we are here. Let us take over for a while.”

Aelin was shaking her head, ready to protest, to affirm that they wouldn’t leave Helia’s side. Then, her father said, “You’ve been here for more than two days, Aelin.”

She threw a look at Rowan, whose face reflecting her confusion. “No, I’ve just arrived last—”

“No, Aelin. He’s saying the truth,” Lorcan confirmed. “You both need a night of sleep, to eat something real and change clothes.”

She shook her head. “I’m not going to Varese, it’s too far. I wouldn’t be there if—”

“You don’t need to,” her father said. “Aedion brought your dog, she’s at Fenrys’ apartment, and Sam went all the way back to get you clothes. He’s just came back.”

Why must he be so difficult to reject? So sweet? She smiled and nodded. That was a nice thing to do, really.

She didn’t miss the fact that Aedion had driven Fleetfoot to Fenrys. Was there where he was staying?

“Come on man,” Lorcan urged Rowan, and she realized they might have been talking at the same time as her and her father. “Look at Aelin, she’s on the verge of passing out.” She wanted to deny it, but somehow she didn’t find the strength to do so. Maybe it was why she didn’t argue so much with her father when he came in, because even if it went against her instincts to stay with Helia, she knew he was right. “If she wakes up now, you’re no use to your daughter. You need to rest, then you can help. We’ll stay right there; we won’t move an inch.”

Rowan looked at his daughter for a second, squeezing her hand. “You promise?” He asked his best friend, as if he needed the reassurance. She looked at her own father then, a question in her eyes. He nodded, yes, he’d stay here in her stead.

“I promise on my own child, Rowan,” Lorcan said with a serious voice. “Trust me.”

Her heart missed a beat, and she was glad to be seated. “On your what?” She struggled to say.

Lorcan’s eyes closed shut, and he swore. “Elide’s going to kill me. She wanted to tell you in person, had planned to visit this weekend, but then…” Then, Helia had her accident.

“She’s pregnant?” She breathed.

Then something happened on Lorcan’s face. She was accustomed to see him closed, and sometimes neutral when Elide was around. But now he looked… He looked happy. His hard features turned soft. He nodded, a small smile on his lips. “We found out a week ago.”

She smiled then. She was happy for her friends, for her family. She was happy that everyone else’s lives seemed to go just fine, that they were happy. She stood, daring to quickly wrap her arms around Lorcan before pulling back as quickly. He was still Lorcan, she wouldn’t be caught in his arms for fear of her reputation. “Congratulation.”

He smiled at her, leaving a hand on her shoulder and squeezing before letting go. “Thank you, Aelin.”

“I didn’t even know it was in your plans,” she said. “Elide never told me about trying for a child.”

He shrugged, “We didn’t. That was the best kind of luck.”

She felt her smile flatter at his words, but even as they echoed in her, even as they weakened her knees, Aelin forced her smile to stay bright. All eyes were on her, waiting for something she knew was already rising in her. She slid her hands around her waist, wishing that goddamn dress of hers had pockets. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” she said, keeping her voice even as she left the room without a look behind.

She knew she passed her friends outside of the room, if only because she heard her name being called, but she was too deep in her feelings to even see them. The only things she heard were her heartbeat and the heels of her shoes clicking on the floor.

The moment she entered that room and closed the door behind her, Aelin heaved for air. She needed to breathe, to calm her mind.

She gasped, jumping of fear as she felt a warm thumb on her cheek, wiping away something. Tears. Someone was wiping away her tears. With quivering lips, she looked up.

Rowan was standing in front of her, in an on-call room. The on-call room. Rowan didn’t say anything. He lowered his uninjured hand, making eye contact. She shook her head, “I don’t want to make this about me.”

“I know.”

“I’m very happy for them.”

“I know,” he answered again.

“They deserve all the happiness in the world,” she said, as if she was trying to convince herself.

“They do.”

It was as if she got stabbed as she finally got the words out, the ones that hurt. “Then why am I so fucking jealous? Why do I want to—” she took a deep breath. “My friend is pregnant, the one who supported me even when I pushed her away. I should be preparing the baby shower, Godsdamn it, not… I shouldn’t wish to be her.”

“Aelin,” he said, not leaving a moment of quiet. “Give yourself credit. You are not your thoughts, and you have many of those. One bad one doesn’t define you. We’re waiting for Helia to wake up, sleep deprived. If I hadn’t known… I could have had the same thoughts, and that’s without counting your…”

“Infertility?” She suggested. If he used any other words, an euphemism for it… she wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“Yes,” he breathed. “You have the right to have bad thoughts.”

She huffed a laugh. Anyone else would have judged her, and yet this man… This man rocked her world, as always. It was a dangerous game to stay here with him, because she knew with each second that passed, it would be harder to leave. And yet she made no moves to leave.

“You don’t have to go back to Varese,” he said quietly. “Come back with me.” She shook her head, but before she could say anything, he spoke again. “Helia lives there, you lived there for a while. I’m not inviting you to some place you don’t know. Plus… If we get a call, it’s easier if we are at the same place.”

“Less time wasted,” she murmured, and he nodded. And as she replicated the movement, accepting his offer, she knew that she wasn’t doing so for the practicality of it all. She wanted to be near his comfort.

---

As she drove Lorcan’s car, the road back to his place seemed so familiar. She drove slower than she was used to, knowing how tired she was. Rowan couldn’t drive because of his injured arm, and she didn’t wish to put him in danger. Her car was… Well, she didn’t know. Hadn’t thought to ask. Rowan’s was apparently wrecked, which didn’t surprise her considering the damages done to both Helia and him. Lorcan had given Rowan his keys, no questions asked.

He was tense beside her, which only made her slow more. Her heart melted in pain at the fear in his eyes, at how hard he was gripping the door handle as if he was ready to jump out of the vehicle.

First his parents, then Lyria, and now… Well, he didn’t have a good track record with car crashes. She admired his strength, climbing into a car so soon after. It’d taken her years before she could even take a bath, and she hadn’t been the one to have an accident in the water. And yet Rowan, he faced that… she wouldn’t say easily, but she envied him as much as she didn’t.

She knew he wanted to break, just that he… couldn’t. She enjoyed her freedom to break, to show weakness. She just wished she was enough for him to rely on her, even if it wasn’t truly her place anymore.

She parked in front of the familiar house, the place that had felt like home. She’d missed it very much, if she allowed herself to be honest. “Do you need help getting out of the car?” She asked, her voice slightly quivering. It must be because of the fatigue.

He simply shook his head, stepping out of the car and she followed in silence, the bag of clothes her father gave her on her shoulder. She was glad she hadn’t seen Sam when she went back to the room, or that she hadn’t seen Elide, as horrible as it sounded. She didn’t want to close herself up per see, she did appreciate their support. She just really didn’t wish for the hard complications to take place anytime soon.

Nothing had changed since the last time she’d been there, all the furniture were still at the same place. The only thing that had changed were the toys scattered all around the room. She smiled at the sight, her girl had grown up, and this was the proof of it. Why must time pass so quickly? Why had she been away for so long, missing these parts of her life?

“Can I make some coffee?” she asked as she took off her shoes, sighing in relief.

He was standing in the middle of his living room, eyes rived on his daughter’s toys.

“Don’t need to ask,” he said, voice flat at barely louder than a whisper.

“Rowan,” she breathed, walking to his side. He didn’t seem to have heard her, to even notice her until she laid a hand on his shoulder, which surprised him enough to have him turn his head toward her. “Are you alright?”

He didn’t answer for a second, then another, and another. He shook his head, as if he was trying to regain his sense. “Of course, I’m doing great.”

She hated the sound of these words on his tongue, hated the untruthfulness. “We don’t lie to each other, Rowan,” she whispered. “Don’t do that.”

There was a flash of something in his eyes, and then it was gone before she could ask about it. He shook his head, “Nevermind, Aelin. I’m feeling as good as you are.”

She snorted at that. “Then good luck.”

His eyebrows furrowed a little more, but before he could ask, she turned around and made her way into the familiar kitchen. Rowan followed suit, and instead of going for the coffee machine like she did, he opened the refrigerator. He took out cheese and butter, and then closed the fridge’s door, and took out bread and two knives.

She finished pouring her cup of coffee and asked him if he wanted one, he shook his head. “Come eat.”

“I’m not—” he gave her a look that pinned her in place, and she nodded, knowing he wouldn’t accept her refusal. She swallowed and went to stand across from him, spreading butter and cheese on a spice of bread. It wasn’t the best of meals, but it would do. They ate in silence, and the weight of food in her stomach made her feel sick. Or perhaps it was all the coffee, the thought was enough for her to push away her cup. She wouldn’t make herself sick, she’d lived through enough these past few days, she wouldn’t humiliate herself now.

“Last thing I told her was that she was insufferable,” Rowan said, voice almost quiet.

“Rowan,” she breathed, her heart breaking.

“She rambled all day about going to that goddamn theme park with you this weekend, literally all day,” he said, closing his eyes. “And then she threw a tantrum, saying that I didn’t love her because I didn’t want to take her to another theme park the week after. I told her I had to work, and then she said I loved my job more than her, where the fuck did she hear that? She threw mean words at me, and she fucking reminded me of myself, I told her she was…” he lost a ragged breath, and her heart squeezed in her chest. “Then, the car hit us.”

“She knows that you love her,” Aelin said, convinced. “She won’t remember it, and even if she does, you’ll tell her how much you love her when she wakes up.”

“She never thought that I didn’t love her before,” he hissed, but she knew it wasn’t out of anger at her. More at the situation, at life.

“You’re human, Rowan, it’s okay to break sometimes. And… she’s changed, this past year,” she whispered. Aelin had noticed. The girl was more irritable, more sensible. She always needed reassurance, which Aelin provided a lot of. But still, she noticed that the number of tantrums she threw was just growing.

Rowan nodded, and there wasn’t much else she could say. Whatever she could come up with, whatever reasonable arguments she could give him, he won’t believe it until he gets the chance to fix things.

She looked around, and she was surprised at the rush of sadness that hit her. This was the place where she used to eat breakfast every morning, the place where she’d laugh and cry her hardest. The place where she was part of a family. Where Helia was now growing up, so, so far away from her. Where Helia was clearly struggling, and Aelin couldn’t offer her more than a weekend occasionally.

Aelin could even believe she was responsible for that shift in the girl’s demeanor. She was the one that left, and yes, she had known it had affected her at some degree but… Was she hurt so much that she was now snapping at her father? Doubting his love?

Wasn’t the doubt of a parent’s love that had led Aelin down that destructive path she had so eagerly followed?

She would never allow her daughter to do the same.

Never.

“I think I will stay,” she told Rowan, and her voice didn’t tremble as she thought it would.

He nodded, “I told you that you could, Aelin. Take my bedroom, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

She bit the inside of her cheek. “I-I meant in Doranelle.” He looked up then, his eyes slightly widened. She went on, feeling the need, the urge, to explain her plans. “I’ll stay with my dad for a while, and then I’ll rent an apartment downtown. It’ll be easier to see Helia, it could be good for her. I could help you, too, when you’re working and need someone to take care of her.”

He was so, so still. “What about your mental health?”

She swallowed, “I’m doing better, and she makes me happy. I’m learning how to compartmentalize.”

“You have this new school,” he said, voice flat as a rush of warm hit her skin.

“They have a campus in Doranelle, I could apply there.”

She had his entire focus on her, and she felt pinned under his gaze. She couldn’t read him, had they spent that long apart?

And then, he laughed.

He laughed, passing a hand over his head. “I-I’m sorry,” he said between laughs, looking back at her, sending him into another fit of laughter as she stood, entirely confused. Had he lost his goddamn mind?

He leaned into the counter, his elbows resting there, and his face hidden in his hands. But then, the sound of laughter changed.

His chest was shaking for another reason, one that had her even more petrified than his strange laughter.

Rowan Whitethorn was crying.

Aelin rushed to his side, but the moment she laid a hand on his shoulder, he jumped away from her touch. She was under shock and surprise as she looked up at him, and the pain on his face was enough to have her own eyes burn. “Please, don’t touch me.”

She nodded, “Alright, I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in. “Go to sleep, Aelin.”

She squared her shoulders, “Don’t order me around, I want to help you, Rowan, you won’t push me away.”

His voice broke, and so did his soul, as he said: “You’re the one who pushed me away.” She recoiled at the words, her bottom lip wobbling. But he kept going, even with the tears staining his beautiful brown skin. “You left, I tried everything I could, but you left. And I begged you, I begged you to come back to me, to come back to us, you said you couldn’t. Because this place wasn’t good for you, because of your school. But what you meant all along was that you wouldn’t come back for me.”

“That’s not wh—”

“Aelin, please,” he begged her. “Right now, when I look at you, all I see is the reminder that I’m. Not. Enough. And I don’t know how long I can still live like this, Aelin, and watching you now… It’s too fucking painful.”

“You think looking at you isn’t painful too? That it’s not killing me?” She breathed. “My whole life, I have been replaceable, all the time. I have wanted to come back, at least since my birthday, and I was so close to coming back home, just to hear from our daughter that you’ve moved on. That you replaced me, just the way my parents did my whole life.” She was breathless, and his eyes were wide open, his mouth parted. “So, it hurts? Deal with it, because being around you kills me.”

There were a few seconds of silence, when only their heavy breathing. Then, “I replaced you? Are you joking, you’re the one who came here with your little boyfriend, you’re still wearing his jacket.”

“What?” She asked, shocked. “Sam isn’t my—He’s just—Why should I even explain myself for a kiss? You have sleepovers. And by the way, your daughter isn’t a fan of your little girlfriend.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said, so matter-of-factly that she nearly believed him.

“Helia said you did, Fenrys did, all of your friends know, and we both know that you aren’t good at hiding relationships. I cut,” she said, voice breaking on the word, “contact with Fenrys because he didn’t tell me about you and Remelle, I lost my friend, so don’t lie to me. Please,” she begged, “At least have the respect to not lie to my face.”

“Remelle?” He frowned, taking a step in her direction. “No, no. It wasn’t like that Aelin.”

“Have you slept with her?” Aelin asked, already knowing the answer. She knew she had no right resenting him for seeing other women, they weren’t an item anymore… and yet, it would still make her sick.

“She kissed me, once,” he admitted. “Nothing else.”

She nodded, a knot in her throat. “Did you like it?”

“Did you like kissing Sam?”

She shook her head, “No. I didn’t.”

“Me neither,” he admitted, and she desperately wished to believe him.

And she realized that she could. That he’d never lied to her for anything other than her protection, and that he wouldn’t… “Why, then? Why did Helia tell me she was over at your house all the time?”

He looked away for a second and then looked back at her. “She is divorcing her husband, and… I don’t know, I wanted to show her that the world could be a happy place. That one bad relationship didn’t mean the end of the world, that she could make friends. Then, she came over more and more, because she felt alone. Until one day she kissed me, and she hasn’t been in this house ever since.”

“Oh,” she breathed, feeling lighter. He nodded, and she passed a hand through her knotted hair. “I wanted to call you, on my birthday.”

He took a step in her direction, and she didn’t take a step back. She stayed right where she was. Maybe it was the fatigue, maybe it was her mind finally deciding to stop fighting. “What would you have said?” He took another step in her direction, closing up the gap between them.

She looked up, her entire body feeling as if she would collapse. “That I had a talk with my father. That I knew you fought for me, that you were ready to fight the hospital for me. That I knew you had no other choice.”

One more step, and she could feel his warmth spreading through her. One more step and he would be flushed to her body. Somehow, she still didn’t pull away.

Not anymore.

“Is that it?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I would have told you… I miss you. You’re enough, you’ve always been to me, and that I want you. That I have never felt as whole as I am with you, and that I don’t think I can be really happy so far from you. I tell you, now, that I want to kiss every single one of your scars, and forget about what has been done to us in the past. Because this could be… This could be the start of our new life, no more secrets, no more fears, we just heal, grow and love.”

He didn’t move, but she did. She took that last step, and then there was just Rowan. Her Rowan.

New tears escaped his eyes, but they weren’t the same as before. They were… good ones. They couldn’t truly be happy right now, not with Helia still asleep, but… They were as close as they could be.

“You’re not going back to Varese,” he said.

She shook her head. “I’m not.”

“You’re staying here, not with your father.”

She cocked her head to the side, “What if it’s too fast?”

He mirrored her gesture, “Since when do we care about the rules?”

And that pulled a grin out of her. He was right. They’d lost enough time already.

“Can I hug you?” He asked.

“Not kiss me?”

He shook his head. “No, I’ll do that when we wake up tomorrow, and when I’m sure this is what you want.”

She could tell him that she was sure, that she couldn’t get more real and raw than she was now, but she knew what he meant. They were never stickers for the rules, but he wanted to make things right this time. So, Aelin rose on her tiptoes and she wrapped her arms around Rowan, careful at not putting pressure on his bad arm.

He pressed her to her, and it was as if she was breathing for the first time in month. His smell was intoxicating, the feeling of his skin and his hair… She loved it, loved him.

She felt at peace as she fell asleep with his hand in hers, as if nothing could ever happen to her anymore. As if being with Rowan had just fixed almost everything wrong in the universe. It was truly them now, and the thought was as scary as it was exciting.

The thing was, Aelin didn’t listen to her fears. Only to her heart.

••••••

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @elentiyawhitethorn // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy // @danibutterr // @endlessdaydream // @thegreyj // @gracie-rosee // @acreativelydifferentlove // @cretaceous-therapod // @louphantomdragon // @mis-lil-red // @backtobl4ck // @whoever-you-choose-to-love // @lemonade-coolattas // @mad-madeline-ace // @the-introverted-bibliophile // @leiawritesstories // @emilyoftheshadows // @anniesbookshelf // @rainbowcheetah512 // @astra-ad-mare // @story-scribbler // @superspiritfestival // @wordsafterhours // @rowaelinrambling // @black-daisy-water // @fireheart-violet // @livsdriverslicense // @charlizeed // @ladykreads // @mariamuses // @autumnbabylon // @justreadertings // @highqueenofelfhame // @earthtolinds // @bowdawn // @psychopath-at-heart // @ginnyweasley06 // @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin fanfiction #rowan x aelin #throne of glass fanfiction #aelin galathynius #illicit affairs #throne of glass #rowan and aelin

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sochilll · 2 years

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October 20 - Dusk

Day 19 Day 21 All Days (Prompt list)

Something about fall meant Evan was incapable of getting through the day without a nap. The cold weather, the constant rain, it really wasn’t his fault that it was perfect nap weather every day. He got home from class around noon and then worked at five almost every day. After eating and doing the bare minimum amount of homework, he had a solid three hours left for napping.

On Mondays, he didn’t work so he tried to skip the nap and be productive. But, if he was particularly tired on a Monday, he got to let himself drift off with no alarm to interrupt.

That’s how it was today. He hadn’t slept well the night before so the second he arrived home, he crawled into bed, pulled out his laptop, and fell asleep before he even found something to watch.

He woke up at dusk. The last remnants of sunlight were disappearing behind the horizon. It wasn’t raining anymore but it was still overcast and cold. Evan’s favorite kind of weather.

He sat up, feeling groggy and disoriented. He didn’t feel well rested, he felt even more exhausted. His mouth was dry and his head ached. He rubbed his eyes and climbed out of bed in search of water.

Jared was in the kitchen cooking dinner when Evan came in, squinting at the harsh light.

Jared eyed him. “You look like you just woke up.”

“I did.” Evan filled a glass with water and drank the entire thing. “You know when you take a nap but you wake up feeling worse?”

Jared nodded, stirring his pot of pasta. “Been there buddy.”

Evan leaned against the wall. “Did you make extra?”

“Why would I do that?” Jared scoffed even though he’d clearly made more than one serving.

“Can I have some? Please? I haven’t gone grocery shopping in so long.”

Jared heaved a big sigh. “Fine. You can have some. For twenty bucks.”

“You’re using four-dollar sauce and ninety-nine cent pasta.” Evan crossed his arms.

“You’re paying for my labor Evan.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, fine.” He knew Jared wouldn’t actually charge him. Probably.

Jared dished up two bowls of pasta, passing one to Evan on his way to the couch. Evan settled onto his side and watched Jared scroll through movie choices.

“Lilo and Stitch.”

“I want to watch something new.” Jared said, scrolling past it.

By the time they were halfway through eating, Jared had to admit there was nothing new that looked even marginally appealing. So he put on Lilo and Stitch.

Evan finished eating and set his bowl on the coffee table. He was still sleepy. The rain had started back up and that plus the soft glow of the TV were making him fight to keep his eyes open.

He glanced at Jared. It had been a while since it had happened last. But this felt like the kind of moment where Jared would let it happen.

Evan scooted over on the couch, leaning against Jared just a little. Testing.

Jared didn’t say anything or shove him away. He allowed it. So Evan scooted down and laid his head on Jared’s shoulder. Jared shifted but only to free his arm from under Evan’s weight.

The first time they’d had a moment like this had been a night very similar to this one. It had been raining and they’d been watching a movie. It had been much later at night and they’d both both on the brink of falling asleep. And then Evan did. Only for a minute or so but when he woke up his head was nestled on Jared’s shoulder. And Jared was fully awake. Saying nothing.

And now it just happened sometimes. Not every night, just occasionally. Maybe once or twice a month. They never talked about it, during or after. They had an unspoken agreement to never acknowledge it was happening.

Until now. Until tonight when Jared shifted and said, “I don’t remember offering to be your pillow.”

Evan hummed but didn’t move yet. “I can get up if you want.”

Jared said nothing.

A song in the movie started and ended before either of them spoke.

Jared shifted again. “You can stay.” He said finally. “But I’m moving my arm.”

It took Evan two seconds after it happened to realize Jared meant he was going to put his arm around Evan.

And that made it different. Because they weren’t supposed to talk about it. They weren’t supposed to put arms around each other.

Evan was going to scream.

“I can feel that every single muscle in your body is tensed.” Jared said.

“Well… I’m stressed.”

“You started it.”

“What?” Evan lifted is head to stare at Jared.

“You came over here to lay on me so like… it’s your fault if you’re stressed.” Jared shrugged. He was still intently watching Lilo and Stitch. “Do you think they ever went tried to get her in therapy? I think it would’ve really helped her.”

“Well,” Evan slowly laid his head back down. “Getting an alien dog fixed a lot of her problems.”

Jared laughed.

By the time the movie ended Evan was barely awake. Jared’s voice was soft in the dark.

“You’re less tense.”

“I’m less stressed.” Evan mumbled. He let his eyes close. “Put another movie on.”

Jared said nothing. He just picked up the remote and started scrolling through the options.

#More kleinsen not quite friends not quite dating!!! more!!!!!!#deh #kleinsen #my writing

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rattlyglitch · 11 months

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Moon stuck as a human for a day pt 2

(This is also long 838 words long and in total Moon stuck as a human for a day was 1,750 words long)

Sun smiled happily and the day was begun. It went well actually. The children seemed calm and were able to get along with one other perfectly fine and best of all there were no rulebreakers. The first thing that happened was some games of hide and seek were played before having story time and then letting the kids choose what they wanted to do. The kids were confused by the human who had the nickname Moon but seemed to quickly accept him as one of the cool people that watched the daycare that day and wanted to hang out with Moon and spend time with him.

When nap time came around Moon decided to pick a star-themed song. Moon enjoyed singing to the children and Sun knew that. It always warmed his heart to see his brother happy especially when the children had no clue who he was. When the children fell asleep Moon sighed. “Taking care of the children as a human is easier than I thought it would be.”

Sun nodded. “Yeah, I’m glad they're getting along with you well even though they just now met you. They were nervous when meeting Lunar and Earth.” Moon nodded. “Well, I think I might nap as well if that’s ok with you.” Sun chuckled. “Of course it’s ok with me Moon you don’t have to ask me to take breaks and stuff like that.” Moon sighed and rested his head against Sun’s shoulder. “Ok, brother.” Moon was quick to fall asleep and Sun smiled and combed his fingers through Moon’s hair.

“Goodnight brother.” Sun smiled and watched over his brother and the sleeping children. When nap time was over though Sun gently shook Moon’s shoulders to get him ready to wake the kids. “It’s hard to believe that the day is already halfway over. I didn’t expect it to go by this fast” Moon said while rubbing his eye. “It really has gone by fast.” Once the children were up and awake Sun and Earth prepared for what she and Sun called drawing hour while Moon helped get snacks ready.

During the drawing hour, many of the children drew Moon and asked Sun questions about Moon like if he had kids, how Sun knew him, and if Moon would be back again when the other Moon wasn’t around. Sun explained to the children he wasn’t sure if Moon would maybe one time come back or not and that Moon did not have kids. Some other questions were asked by the children about Moon which Sun tried to answer as best as he could. Eventually, Earth took over answering questions and not soon after she did Moon came in with the snacks for the children.

Snack was held and Earth stayed with Moon giving Sun a break for a few moments which Sun took as a chance to check and see if Moon’s computer was done see what the problem was and see about some new things he was ordering for the daycare. Four hours later and the day ended. The Galaxy siblings cleaned up the daycare and Moon got some more food to eat before returning to the balcony.

“Computer have you found out the problem yet?” Sun asked. He was hoping the computer had. “Yes, I have. The problem has been fixed it was a glitch in his outward image system. In the morning Moon will be back to normal.” Sun sighed grateful that Moon would be back to normal again.

“So I actually had a plan before this happened to have a movie night with you and Earth would you still be up for that?” Moon asked unsure if Sun would rather charge or do something else. “I think a movie night would be a nice idea.” Moon smiled and picked out a movie for him, Sun, and Earth to watch. The movie was based on Star Trek and was the first of three movies. By the second movie Sun and Moon had fallen asleep halfway through while Earth was still awake.

“Tell me computer there wasn’t a glitch was there? I feel like I heard Monty saying some day last week how he had a good plan for a prank on Sun and Moon.” Moon’s computer made what sounded like a laugh. “Yes, you are correct Ms.Earth. Monty did plan this. If he hadn’t he would have come by to see why Moon wasn’t in his tracking still. Will you tell Sun and Moon?”

Earth shook her head no. “I’m fine with keeping it a secret so Monty doesn’t get their tail beat off by Sun and as long as it doesn’t stress either Sun or Moon out since you did call the problem a glitch. Just tell Monty I’m challenging him to golf next Tuesday and if they agree I won’t tell Sun and Moon.” The computer didn’t say anything but its system could be heard working. “I have told him Ms.Earth enjoy your night with your brothers.”

#Sun and Moon Show #Sun #Moon #Earth

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roastyoualive · 1 year

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@lovesaved || reply to [this]

The years had come and gone, and so much had changed. He had changed. He had wondered, as he waited, whether his father would recognize him. If he would recognize his father. There had been pictures, sure - pictures his mother had mailed to the prison, pictures hung on the walls of the apartment - but those were just pictures. He hadn’t seen his dad since–

He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. His hands remained tucked tightly under his arms. He was nervous. No, he was anxious. He wasn’t afraid of his father - he loved his father. He did. Warren also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his father loved him, too. And yet he still found himself fidgeting, shifting his weight, tugging on his sleeves, tucking his hands. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. He doesn’t know–

He doesn’t know what his father will think of him.

If he’s done enough to make his father proud.

He rocks back on his heels, once again glancing around the room. It’s empty, but it feels small. Too small for him. The suit feels small, too, even though he knows it fits perfectly. … Maybe he feels too big. Too grown.

And then the door opens, and he doesn’t feel big anymore. He’s staring at a man he hasn’t seen since he was very young, but had shaped his life every step of the way. The room that had felt so suffocating a moment ago no longer existed. The guards who had eyed him suspiciously faded to nothing. Even his mother didn’t register. It was just him, just the man standing across from him. Haggard, a bit thinner, maybe, maybe a bit grey at the temples, but that was Dad.

That was Dad.

There are a thousand things Warren wanted to say in that moment. He’s played this day over and over in his head ever since he first understood what ‘jail’ really meant, thought about what he would say, what he would do - and yet now, he has nothing. Nothing at all. After a few seconds of eternity, he speaks, and yet it’s only the first two words that come to mind.

“Hi, Dad.”

And then Dad is staring at him, and he’s staring at Dad, and he’s wondering what kind of impression he must have just made, should he have said something else?, and then Dad hugs him and he’s six years old again, before his durability kicked in, being comforted from a freshly-skinned knee when he’d tripped in the drive way. He’s five years old again, awake after a nightmare and held in his father’s arms, the safest place in the world, assured that no monster under the bed or otherwise will ever hurt him. He’s four years old again, home after his first day of preschool, worn out and falling asleep as his father carries him up the stairs so he can nap in bed before dinner.

He crumbles without realising it, taking white-knuckled fistfuls of the thin material of his father’s shirt as he hangs on in kind. He doesn’t realise he’s shaking until he realises his eyes are shut so tight it makes his head hurt, but he doesn’t let go. It doesn’t matter to him that he’s one of the tallest people in school (not including Larry’s rock monster form; that’s cheating). It doesn’t matter to him that he can’t be killed. It doesn’t matter to him that he’s still got one hell of a reputation in the halls. Because in his father’s arms after so long, faced pressed against the shoulder of a man with a body count that would look akin to a phonebook, Warren finally lets himself feel vulnerable.

He finally lets himself feel safe.

“I missed you.”

#&& light it up; ic #lovesaved #&& wipe the slate; released au #&& phoenix fire legacy; warren + barron #you don't have to reply to this djifhgiujdfg he just wouldn't let me rest until he Also got to hug his dad

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preyforthewicked · 1 year

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Appendix I: Journal Entries

November 19, 2010

2:52 Right now, I just feel like screaming and crying and yelling and hitting something. I don’t feel like myself. God.

3:08 Why does it seem like nothing is going for me today? Nothing particularly bad has happened. I just feel so…strange.

November 22, 2010

7:58 Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

8:49 "Tears streamed down Alexandra's face, but Jay felt no sympathy. He hardly felt feelings for anything anymore."

December 28, 2010

9:21 Wooooooow. I woke up feeling so disoriented this morning. Like, I almost didn’t remember where I was, kind of disoriented. Oh man. Phew, but it’s all better now I suppose. I still feel kind of weird. I’m almost positive it’s because of the dream I had, but for the life of me I can’t remember it ): Ah well.

*Sigh* Time to jump back on this horse, I guess. Grammar and Comp, here I come! *trips and falls into puddle of mud*

12:23 That disoriented feeling I was talking about earlier? Yeah. Still here. I feel like I’m in a limbo-funk or something. I seriously do not know what to feel. Or even what I might be feeling. I’m not majorly pissed, or sad, or happy, or anything. It’s really like…listless. Just uninterested in everything. :/

I feel like lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling until I fall asleep. Or don’t.

February 22, 2012

12:37 Nothing is real. Nothing is permanent.

February 26, 2012

12:01 I’m slipping through the cracks in the sidewalk of my mind.

3:28 I feel empty all of the sudden.

Waking up in four hours or so. Woo.

6:19 Why can’t I fall asleep? I can see the sun rising :l What is wrong with me?

9:41 So apparently I fell asleep for around half an hour between 6:20 and 6:50 and continued to have trouble falling back asleep after that. Between 7 and 9:20 (when I was to wake up, which I did) I think I was worried I wouldn’t hear my alarm because I woke up every few chunks of minutes to check the time. It was especially focused and bad from around 8 to 9:20. This is a little ridiculous. So I got...three very interrupted hours of sleep last night. Great. Oh well. I knew there would be consequences, but I didn’t think I’d be having trouble falling asleep until 7 when the sun was pretty high already! Gar. My mind bothers me sometimes. I don’t even know what it was that was keeping me awake. I mean sure some of the movies we watched had scary bits in them, but I wasn’t afraid of that (see earlier journal post). Sigh. At least I’ll be tired enough to fall asleep nice and early tonight cause there’s no way I can get a nap in today.

3:06 Soooo...tired... But...must resist...complaining...

8:01 Can I just sleep forever?

March 9, 2012

2:32 Why am I feeling so gosh darn tired? I got 9 hours of sleep last night and more the nights before. Am I anemic? Or is this just some weird phase? Am I not sleeping well cause of weird dreams I’ve been having? (bleeding fingernails)

June 20, 2012

12:30 And thus begins day three of my days off. So what did I do? I started cleaning. On my boredom scale, that’s how you tell it’s really bad. When I simply start cleaning practically automatically, it’s bad. Just to occupy myself with something that is worth my time. But now that I’m done with what I’m not too lazy to do, I’m sitting here in front of my computer playing word games and feeling pretty low of myself. I don’t know and I don’t know why. I almost feel like a burden today. It’s days like these I wish I could sink into the shadows and disappear for a little while. For everyone to forget me for a bit and act as if I didn’t exist. Not that I died, however, but that I had merely never existed.

July 18, 2012

4:10 for some reason I can't really fall asleep. I watched Crazy Stupid Love and The Help. Good movies. But I'm still not tired.

In another life, I think I'd be an insecure, self-harming prostitute. That is, if I didn't have God or a great family that supports me.

In another life. Like an opposite reality.

Sometimes I really wish I could turn my mind off. I wish I had a sleep on switch and it could just slice through the connection between me and the world for a few hours. Leave me to my wanderings.

July 23, 2012

1:13 I just wrote my Last Will and Testament. And the songs I want them to play at my funeral. Does that make me sick or good for preparing? I mean, it could happen tomorrow.

Shrugs. It’s written. At least there will be something to go off of if it does happen within the year.

February 18, 2013

2:05 Maybe I should just stop talking altogether. Perhaps people would like me better.

February 25, 2013

12:21 Sometimes I wish I could replay memories in my head like VHS tapes. Whenever I want. And I can record over the bad ones with good memories, cause some don't deserve to be remembered.

March 7, 2013

4:37 No one should even be alive at this hour. So why am I?

4:40 It's times like these when I wonder how many people are out driving around. Maybe I should try it sometime. Just cruise around listening to music at the pre-crack of dawn.

March 12, 2013

12:46 Last night I woke up several times although I only remember three specific times: 3, 6, and 8. I knew it would happen and yet I still almost cried when 6 came around. Today was certainly trying. A few times during the afternoon all I wanted to do was take a nap. And now I'm wide-awake. Why you do this to me, body? Now that I can sleep, why won't I?

March 15, 2013

6:02 Everyone dies at the end of their own story.

7:50 Why is it when I want people to see me I feel I have to hurt myself to make that happen?

March 30, 2013

3:12 I can’t go on Facebook today because there are so many Peru posts and it hurts my heart. It makes me happy to see all those people going to change their lives, but the hurt outweighs the happiness…

April 12, 2013

1:11 feeling pretty low of myself right now, kind of for no reason. :l

Sometimes I wonder, am I bipolar?

August 10, 2013

2:35 LOTR obsessions. Yes.

School starts back up in two weeks. Crazy. Thirteen days till my birthday. Also crazy.

I feel weird today. Like a I just want to cry for no particular reason kind of weird. Hopefully hanging out with Rachel and Taylor tonight will help me be better.

December 15, 2013

5:55 It would probably be one of the worst ideas ever to leave me alone with alcohol, but isn’t that the case for everyone?

Isn’t it?

6:10 Dinner for one, tonight.

March 19, 2014

4:58 I hide my fears in the wrinkles hanging on the corners of your mouth,

hide the screams in the fingertips of your satin gloves;

I can never grow old.

I sewed my eyes shut with the threads I had used to create a memento for you, in order to block out the memories.

I forgot that they’re on the inside.

March 20, 2014

1:00 run me over, see if I care?

Fall out from beneath me, grate - what does it matter?

I like to hug the walls when I walk.

1:20 fall down the escalator - don't worry. It'll scrape you up at the bottom.

April 11, 2014

11:21 I haven't had one of these quiet worthless days in a while. I can't say I missed feeling this way.

April 19, 2014

10:15 What if I’m slowly losing myself? What if every day it gets worse and everyone thinks I’m just an asshole when this unknown disease inside is just killing me slowly?

July 2, 2014

2:11 Feels like falling down the up escalator.

July 5, 2014

5:03 Sometimes it doesn’t seem like my past ever actually happened to me. Sometimes, if I pretend hard enough, I can make myself believe that it didn’t, and that I read it in some book years ago. Opened, and shut. Begun and ended.

Finished.

August 3, 2014

8:17 Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my life. I wish I could float away like a leaf, land somewhere new, and start afresh. I suppose it’s cowardly to think something like that, when stuff gets complicated and tough or I’m having a particularly rough day and I Just want to run away from it for a bit.

September 6, 2014

11:53 You know what the worst part is? No one will ever be able to fully understand. No one. Ever. It’s such a specific situation, and one that’s so hard to explain in all the ways that it would need to be explained in order to be even remotely understood.

Most days I am strong, I know that my heart has healed and is healing due to God. But some days, some nights, it becomes a torment, the fractures in my heart. And I have no one to talk to about it. No one. It is all behind me, as far as anyone who kind of knows thinks. To admit that it’s presently tormenting me would mean I’ve been thinking about it and then that would mean trouble, blah blah…

God, I’ve prayed and prayed…take this burden away from me. I do not want it anymore. I do not. Want. It. It is a tumor, a parasite that latches onto my most painful wounds and sucks the joy away, leeching my happiness and well-being. I hate having these demons. I don’t want them. I don’t deserve them.

God…someone…please…

This is so awful, being in this place.

October 27, 2014

10:21 wake me up when the semester ends

November 21, 2014

3:24 I often get this recurring image of myself if I were to fall down the stairs or get hit by a car, or you know, something of the like, and I see myself simply lying there (obviously if I had been knocked out, this would be the case) silently in strange acceptance. Not attempting to get up, even if I was honestly more or less okay. A few days ago, I had this thought that I was walking through campus and stepped on a nail that went straight through the sole of my shoe and directly into my foot (this was brought on by the realization that the soles of my shoes were worn so incredibly thin they'd probably start busting open just by walking soon) and I just frowned deeply at the now-gushing wound, pulled out my cell to call campo, and told them quickly but calmly that I probably needed to be picked up and taken to the hospital. No tears. No curses. Just odd acceptance.

January 11, 2015

8:26 This morning I woke up and just felt wrong. I can’t say why. Perhaps it was a dream I had, but don’t remember.

March 18, 2015

11:52 My occasional

ponderance of suicide

is just Jesus

calling me home.

April 2, 2015

12:28 can I be a stranger for a day? I don't want to be me right now.

April 7, 2015

9:25

The Pit

Braid a rope of I-Love-You's,

fasten it to futility.

The streetlights don't reach down here -

neither does your hope.

June 21, 2015

12:54 I want to cry and vomit all at once.

July 2, 2015

3:34 She poured gasoline down her throat and set her lips aflame.

July 10, 2015

8:34 Railings on skyscrapers

contain me,

animal

suffocated skin wrap.

Can I breathe in the sky?

Can I jump for my life?

August 27, 2015

12:13 Sometimes I wish things could go back to being how they used to be, a long long time ago, because I'm afraid they'll never be that good again.

September 15, 2015

4:13 Sometimes I think

about suicide.

How would I do it?

Drowning, hanging,

fire – no.

maybe an overdose?

I don’t care if

you think me

a coward.

But if I'm gone

who will feed the dog?

October 1, 2015

10:16

Who am I?

Well,

Really,

It depends on who you ask.

My parents, cousins, friends

Would all say different things.

She's intelligent; sweet; funny; silly;

Hardworking; faithful; reliable.

Who is that person?

Surely that's not me?

They'd say much different things

If they could glimpse the pit

Of my mind.

She's cynical, they'd say.

She's awful, lonesome, and morbid.

Who wants to be me?

February 16, 2016

9:21 I run the water till it

prickles my finger skin pink,

pooling it in leather palms

to scald my face. Nails

curl under useless epidermis,

slough off cheeks, nose,

and flat lips. What’s etched

in the bone of my brow?

Loser?

February 17, 2016

11:18 Fling yourself from the highest window

Will you recognize your soul better in pieces?

Smile

at the blood

in your shoes

and know

they’ll never understand

where you’ve been.

September 27, 2016

12:38

Undiluted bleach purifies

or so it says.

Slug back a gulp -

no, two - on a prayer

that the convictions

coating your insides

will strip away.

Assess your sins anew -

vomit your guilts,

your lusts by the bowlful.

The cleansing burns

through your filth.

Will you become

refined? Or hope to God

it kills you first?

October 1, 2016

7:45

Never again will your fingers

press into the flesh of my hip

to mold me without permission.

My skin, living fabric fastened

taut over muscle and bone,

has shed the indelible impressions

of your fingerprints, the dead cells

of influence peppering my pores.

October 25, 2017

9:10 am

Jealousy

An atomic bomb in my gut

Nowhere for the gases

To escape, except to seep

Into my intestines.

An Adrenaline shot

In all four corners

Of my heart renders me

Trembling, an electrocuted

Trout left to gasp naked

And homeless beside you.

Reach out and conduct me.

Please

Conduct this from me

And slaughter it yourself

Before I kill me instead.

December 12, 2017

9:33 p

Nostalgia is

Three monsters wearing

Bunny masks and perfume

To cover over foul stench

And face. Two soothe,

Welcome me by way of

Lovely voices, while the third

Behind my back and just

Out of earshot grinds away at

The knife. Sometimes he

Leaves it dull. Sometimes

It is red hot sharp, ringing

Still from the stone. The

Funny thing is, I'm the one

Who offers up my arm

As he ready creeps close.

May 22, 2019

4:32 God, I feel so overwhelmed. I am so profoundly not satisfied with life

I hate feeling the way I do right now. I feel like I’m drowning and occasionally I latch on to something that keeps my head above the water for a minute – I distract myself, fall into Flow, talk to someone about non-existential things, cuddle deliberately with my cats, participate in Jiu Jitsu, play an engaging video game – but when that life raft disintegrates moments later, I am left to tread, already exhausted beyond my means. This is too much. I feel like a violently swinging trapeze artist, flinging themselves from one side of the circus to the other, high highs and lows so low as to plummet to the circus floor in an instant of slippery fingers. Is this what manic depression feels like? Is that what this is?

September 3, 2020

8:09

World Grows Dark

When I close my eyes

Then I understand

How the world grows dark

Again

And the shaking in my hands won’t stop

Everything is going wrong

The sun is out but I can’t see

All the gifts right in front of me

Please tell me where can I go from here

This journey’s lonely and there’s so much fear

My lying eyes aren’t on my side

And my mind has no place to hide

When I close my eyes

I wish I could feel

the warmth of a smile

Then maybe I’d be healed

For good

But When I close my eyes

I still understand

How the world grows dark

Again

Is this real or in my head?

Someone please stop me I think god’s

Dead

October 8, 2020

If I give me space to think

Then I think I probably

Shouldn't be alive

My suicide would be considerate.

I’d never do it, of course.

But if I did

Those who had to clean me up

Wouldn’t be bothered much.

No blood, fully clothed

Hopefully smiling

Though some things you can’t

Plan too hard for.

I want it to be freedom.

I want it to be that

Ultimate bliss.

That bliss I've had only once

In my waking life,

The day I met my husband.

But even that’s too much

To ask for

At the end.

At the end, then,

I can’t help but be

The burden I've always felt

I was.

December 11, 2020

11:19

My black hole welcomes me back

Once a month

vision narrows

Red lights abound

Next to nothing.

I’d rather just be

Nothing.

#preyforthewicked #sexualabuse #autobiography

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televinita · 2 years

Text

ABSURDLY pissed off right now,

gonna yell into the void until I feel better.

So, although Tumblr and YouTube are finally starting to make with the Claire/Owen/Maisie content, for the last few days I’ve had my heart set on celebrating the end of this project by going to see JWD again, specifically for $5 since I have already spent an absurd amount on tickets out of desperation and stupidity (aka letting other people do my ticket research). Here are all the things that went wrong, without me realizing they went wrong until it was too late, in the last 48 hours to prevent that from happening.

(so I am now really fucking frustrated that I have ten days off before going back to a Hard Project, and absolutely feral about how much I want to see this stupid movie again, in a way I do not often feel about media anymore, but now can’t do for at LEAST another four days if not six, and there were SO MANY MINOR THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE MADE ALL THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE.)

+ I found out on Tuesday night that the nearby theater I abandoned years ago, when they switched to reserved seating and higher than average prices at all times including matinees, has temporarily gone back to their $5-any-time-of-day pricing on Tuesdays. [edit: oh man, apparently the other local theater that I abandoned for the same reasons now has that too!] But there was something else I had already planned to do on Tuesday:

+ I went out on Tuesday after work (at 5) to take advantage of their once-a-month free admission to a regional park -- side rant on: its own separate issue of rage, because I have already paid thirty fucking dollars to have unlimited access for a year, but that was 5 weeks ago and I never received the permit in the mail even though they sent it twice, and I am on the verge of crying right now on that because I have no idea how I’m supposed to convince them to either send it again (and again, and again?), or refund $30 so I can buy it in person when for all they know I’m just pretending I never received it to get a free pass /rant-- but even though the weather was perfect and a hundred percent of the forecasts said no storms and minimal chance of rain, the sky was a foreboding Dark to the south and west and kinda green tinged also, and I just could not believe a tornado would not blow up while I was in the middle of the woods, so after driving halfway there I gave up and went home. But of course nothing happened except a light smattering of rain for at most 20 minutes between 8 and 8:30.

+ This is relevant both because it’s one more thing that went wrong in this crap week, and because I went to the store to buy a little Treat for myself to feel better, and this will be relevant later.

+ Then I was so excited about finally!! going to see this movie on $5-any-time-on-Wednesdays-at-the-faraway-theater that I couldn’t sleep. I was already running on like 6.5 hours of sleep after the fireworks on Monday night, but then I was awake until 2 AM on Tuesday night, and I had to be up at 8 for work.

+ Work finished early on Wednesday!! (noon) I had the option of going to a mid-afternoon or an evening showing. But I was exhausted and couldn’t keep going; also I really really needed to wash my hair before I went out in public, so I collapsed in bed to nap first. I didn’t actually fall asleep until almost 2pm.

+ I did get a solid hour’s sleep! I woke up, having missed the afternoon showing at this point, but figuring I could still make the 6:10. I got up, took a shower...and immediately collapsed again, worn out. My eyes were sore and tired and I needed to sleep, and I knew I wouldn’t enjoy the movie as much like this, whereas tomorrow (Thurs) there are showings at 11:55 and 3:20 for $7, a bit more than I wanted to pay but better than the $9 they’ll be after that, or the $10-11 they’ll be Friday through Sunday here, or today at the local theaters.

So I went back to bed, resting but not sleeping all that much until approximately 6:30pm, when I felt well enough to get up.

+ Wednesday night, continued: I actually was tired at this point. Really tired. But somehow fucking insomnia?? hits me and it is THREE THIRTY AM and I’m still awake. So now the only way I am going to make it through a 2.5 hour movie and actually enjoy myself is if I just sleep as long and as late as humanly possible.

+ I wake up at noon and my eyes are too sore to stay open until 12:30, so the first showtime is gone. But 3:20? I can make 3:20!!

+ Now fully dressed and ready, I contemplate whether I should plan to leave early and go shopping/to the library/generally enjoy myself before the movie, or do it afterward, so I don’t have to drive home in rush hour traffic.

Note that leaving early and going to a store/library would have made all the difference today -- but no, I decide I’ll do it after in case I end up at a grocery store and want to buy something perishable.

+ Time to leave! I grab my purse, make sure I’ve got a notepad and pen this time, as well as my phone and even some water to make sure I don’t get a headache, and then I impulsively grab one of my shoulder bags too, because those are helpful for carrying anything I might buy. I leave about 20 minutes earlier than I need to, and on the way there I pass the library and once again ask myself whether I should stop here first or just -- nah, I brought earbuds, so I’ll just get to my seat early and enjoy my audiobook for a bit; I’m finally really getting into it.

+ Pull into the parking lot, which is a roughly 20-minute drive from home, at 3:10. Ten minutes before the movie and close to twenty before the actual film starts post-previews. If only this were the local theater, close to home, because then I...

+ Proceed to realize I don’t have my fucking wallet. Because it’s in the other shoulder bag, which was right next to the door, because that’s what I went shopping with on Tuesday night, but that one’s slightly smaller so I ignored it today. I don’t even have any fucking cash, because even though I normally stash some everywhere like a squirrel for times just like this, last week was the mega-neighborhood sale and I pulled every bill I could find and put it in my wallet to make sure I wouldn’t run out or find myself in situations where I had to either overspend at any given house, or force individuals to give me $18 in change.

Pound steering wheel, scream and cry and want to throw up. Can’t even do anything else in the area because the weather is too hot to enjoy walking this time of day, I’m too enraged to relax and enjoy window shopping, and I didn’t bring any physical books with me (listening to audiobooks while sitting still but not comfortably lying down w/ my eyes closed is BORING) .

It’s been an hour and fifteen minutes and I am still FURIOUS. I suppose I could grit my teeth and spend $9*** to see it at 6:10 tonight, but I don’t want to do that because I already did that on June 23rd, when I decided at the last minute I simply could not face work without all the shippy content fresh in my bran.

(something I would not have had to do if Tumblr had been making gifsets at its former speed, which I realize is real #ChoosyBeggar of me and I’m sorry about that, but also I am MAD because two weeks ago all I wanted was the content, but at this point I am desperate specifically to have a Full Day Fun Theater experience, with the going out and the big screen and the doing fun things in the area afterward. and $5 is the only reasonable price point because our original tickets were so absurdly expensive that at this point I have spent close to forty damn dollars on this stupid dino film and don’t even own it yet. Excluding the price of gas to drive 12 miles each way to this theater, twice now, once in vain)

***On second thought, actually, no. I wouldn’t enjoy the film as much knowing I’m overpaying, so even that avenue is closed to me now. All that remains is Rage and Wrath.

#it is honestly wild how thoroughly this film has eaten my entire brain given that for all I loved the previous movies #I saw Fallen Kingdom one (1) time -- on DVD! i didn't even go to the theater because I was busy and it was not a priority?? -- and #then proceeded to spend the next four straight years not thinking about it all and forgetting everything that happened in it #even though it contains an EXTREMELY significant amount of the exact same Claire/Owen/Maisie content that has made me so feral this time

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