#I WANT HIM TO HAVE A GENUINE EMOTION

[bulkhummus]

okay enough asking i need cecil palmer mad and deranged on the radio NOW *telekinetically blows out all your lamps with my mind*

#LET HIM BE MAD #I WANT HIM TO HAVE A GENUINE EMOTION #HE CAN LOVE HIS HUSBAND AND STILL BE MAD AT HIM #idc if hes been married 10 years also a petty bitch is a petty bitch let him be an asshole for 2 minutes #before the next episode where hes like ladidiada we had back breaking sex and he said sorry im all better now ladidadada #welcome to night vale #wtnv

[newttxt]

i was talking extensively with a friend about reiju’s delicate balance of caring/emotionless and her relationship with sanji

#dont look too closely or u WILL see that i drew this cold and sloppy #hopefully its legible #uhhhhh anyway. she does genuinely want sanji to have a good and safe life! #but she doesnt understand how to factor in what he WANTS from life. #and she certainly doesnt trust him to make his own decisions regarding said life #in her mind i think she sees her muted emotions as a strength. she thinks she can make unbiased choices for him #her idea of Best Possible Life would make him MISERABLE #the end #one piece #sanji #vinsmoke reiju

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands. #It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone. #What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again! #Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes. #Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY. #Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly. #What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person? #What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white? #When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not. #It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible. #This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down. #And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it. #And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

[thranduel]

some thoughts about astarion because i'm tired of the internet reducing him to one thing

when bg3 came out in early access, astarion was always seen as the extremely flirty, confident guy who enjoyed sex (or so we thought) and spoke about it like it was his favourite thing. he was also kinda marketed as the “sexy vampire”, so you can understand why many people saw him that way based on the little amount of content we had. even while playing act 1 and act 2, many players still might think of him like that because he does have a very charismatic personality and he asks to sleep with you very early on, so it just automatically makes you think he’s genuinely happy doing that and being totally serious.

BUT!!!!!!! we end up finding out later on that’s NOT the case and it was all part of a plan to seduce us in order for him to gain protection. he opens up about his past and his trauma and how he was forced to use his body to lure people back to cazador. he struggles with intimacy and relationships in general because of this. that’s why i really hope that people stop reducing him to “hot sexy vampire that loves flirting and having sex with everyone” when that is not who he is, he’s literally traumatised because of sex due to being forced into it and he’s slowly trying to heal. he’s also so much more than just “the hot vampire”, ya know? if you actually put in the effort to get to know him, you will see who he truly is underneath and he has many loveable traits to appreciate.

you may not see the “soft” side of him very often because he hides it, but it’s there!! one thing i noticed that really stood out to me was that when i gave food to an orphan in act 3 and he approved. back when you first met him, he probably would’ve done the opposite or had no reaction at all. i also saw a clip of someone trying to romance karlach and astarion and he literally told tav to choose karlach over him because he can see that karlach loves her. he said normally an arrangement would work for him but after everything karlach has been through, he doesn’t want to get in the way or see her hurt. letting tav go is also hard for him as well but he still thought about someone else. he could’ve whined or been possessive or jealous but he didn’t do that at all. where are all those people who reduce astarion to “the guy that flirts and sleeps with everyone” now? seriously. that’s not what he does, and when he was forced into it by cazador, he was trying to survive, he didn’t do it for his own pleasure. it’s not a “hot” personality trait of his, it’s literally trauma. and because he did it so much, he got used to it, and that resulted in him disassociating and feeling empty.

apparently if you ask him to join you and sleep with the drows at the brothel (something i will never make him do in my playthroughs), he only says yes because he struggles to say no. but he disassociates. and if you’re in a high approval relationship with him and he loves you, he will feel safe enough to express his feelings and say he’s not comfortable. this happens before you fight cazador. i’m not sure if he gives the same response after, but either way, if he joins in, he will always disassociate and it’s not something he wants to do despite what he may say.

that being said, it’s obviously still okay to appreciate his beauty and attractiveness, because he is very beautiful. he appreciates it and even likes being called beautiful. calling him “hot” and “sexy” isn’t a bad thing either, we know he can be and i'm sure he knows it too! it’s just annoying when people act like that’s ALL he is and they don’t even mention anything else about his character. the love scenes are beautifully done too (i personally prefer the second one after you’ve stopped him from doing the ritual, because that’s the one where he decided he truly wanted it and felt safe and comfortable because he genuinely loves you), and i actually would’ve been fine if they didn’t have any scenes like that at all because it’s totally understandable and valid if he didn’t feel comfortable, but i just hope that people don’t take things too far and over-sexualise him just because of how he appeared to be in the first half of the game and the way he’s often marketed on social media. and yes i know he’s fictional and nothing on the internet is going to hurt his feelings!!!! it’s more about the fact that he canonically has sexual trauma and many people still say really disturbing stuff even AFTER they find out about that, and it just makes me uncomfortable to think that people are okay with treating someone like a sexual object especially when they've said they're traumatised and it makes them uncomfortable. idk if this makes sense 😭

but yeah he doesn't want to flirt and sleep with everyone as i've seen people claim. and if in an alternate universe he did, and he did it on his OWN terms, and the other people he had relationships with enjoyed it too, then good for them! absolutely nothing wrong with that if there's consent, respect and honesty. however, that's not the case with what happened with astarion, because 1. he was forced into using his body WHEN HE DID NOT WANT TO and 2. he misled people and lured them to a miserable fate. it's so horrible and devastating for everyone involved. sex was never something fun for him, and it certainly isn't a "personality trait" of his. it was a survival tactic. he was forced to. he didn’t want to.

obviously when he becomes more comfortable, then it's totally understandable to get excited when he flirts and shows physical affection. he can be so charming, funny, sweet and romantic and i love that. it’s so beautiful to see him heal, genuinely find comfort in someone for the first time and experience intimacy that he feels ready and comfortable for. he deserves to love and be loved on his own terms instead of being forced. but again, he is so much more than the guy we were introduced to at the beginning. the internet just sees one thing and sticks with it but i really hope people start to actually appreciate him for who he is and the complexity of his character.

aaaaand i just had to leave this here <3

#astarion #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #sorry for rambling i’ve just been very emotional about him recently 😭 #also i hope people remember that even if he NEVER EVER wanted to have sex again he is 100% valid #he does not have to change or force himself to feel a certain way #especially after everything he’s been through #and if you think he does then you’re gross. he doesn’t owe anyone ANYTHING #anyways #when he kept apologising for not sleeping with tav i wanted to cry #there is literally a scene where if you tell him halsin is interested in you he says it’s ok to go to him #but then he gets concerned and asks if it’s because he hasn’t slept with you for a while #and i wanted to cry #he should NEVER have to feel guilty for that #honestly the only reason why i think he might eventually feel comfortable with sex again is because -> #in act 3 after his genuine love confession after you help him defeat cazador he initiates it himself #and it feels like it’s something he truly wants after developing a strong emotional bond with someone for the first time #and i think that’s really beautiful that he chose to do it on his own terms when he felt ready #but also #for a while i wasn’t sure if he was repulsed and uncomfortable by sex in general and hated it entirely #or if he only feels comfortable after he develops a strong emotional bond #the only reason i think the second one now is because of what happened in act 3 #but regardless whatever it is i just want him to feel safe and comfortable and happy #my posts

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

#the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #ianthe tridentarius #augustine the first #pyrrha dve #palamedes sextus #this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate) #the locked tomb meta #the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though. #of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world #utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there #and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea #when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter #it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level' #she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him #because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing #to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after #IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival #ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god #gaining nothing at the cost of everything

[clotpolesonly]

Blue Lily, Lily Blue ch 15 // Mister Impossible ch 25

#pynchedit #adamedit #ronanedit #brydeedit #trcedit #tdtedit #Pynch #Adam Parrish #Ronan Lynch #Bryde #TRC #TDT #quote posts #i'm genuinely shocked still by the lack of fics featuring abusive!Bryde #either exploring the canon dynamic or making use of him in AUs #cuz like........this exchanged stopped me cold when i first read it #it's a dead ringer for when Adam was triggered by cabeswater/the night horror in bllb #are you mad at me? what did i do wrong? have the rules changed? why are you mad? what do you want me to do to make up for it? #and Bryde hasn't even said anything it's just Ronan getting a vibe and immediately jumping to ''i fucked up he's mad what did i do wrong'' #it just feels so indicative of their vibe and the atmosphere that Bryde has fostered that that's Ronan's instinct #he doesn't do that with anyone else #i know Bryde is a manifestation of Ronan's own subconscious but that doesn't prevent him from being abusive #dreams have agency once their dreamt and Bryde uses his agency to be a dick to his dreamer alkfdgh #the amount of emotional manipulation and the way he undermines Ronan's confidence in himself #the way he controls Ronan #i'm still not over Ronan looking to Bryde for PERMISSION to see Matthew #i'm just saying ok i'm JUST SAYING this parallel speaks volumes to me it's emblematic of their whole dynamic #i'll shut up now #ps pls write fics with abusive Bryde and/or cult leader Bryde cuz they're the same thing tbh

[13eyond13]

I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then

#im thinking about this specifically because of that post about the girl getting a huge crush on her enemy that saved all her threats #bc that's basically that moment for light i think #light tries to squash all positive emotions towards others at all times when he's kira if they interfere with his plans after all #but if L does something like this to him then it forces him to think about his feelings in a strategic preparation sort of way #nay dare i say it basically is giving light permission to do so #he can now hold off on completely stamping out those feelings as soon as they arise #almost (he thinks) as a way to study his enemy and see how full of shit he may or may not actually be about such things #this moment probably starts a shift in light where he can allow himself to acknowledge that he maybe has a bit more than just #enemy feels for L you know #bc maybe L also is having other kinds of feels about him?? #whether or not it's true it would impress him as a bold move #and kickstart him having to analyze what he actually does sincerely feel for L #and maybe start reframing and recontextualizing a lot of their tense ambiguous interactions up til that point secretly as well #heck we basically see him doing that when hes like lounging at his desk going HAH if it's friendship he wants then by god it's friendship #he will get #and this game of chicken with L about saying theyre friends keeps him from being able to completely avoid confronting #any complicated feels #like he otherwise probably would #because he legit cant back down from preparing for another battle of the wits with L #both because of his competitive pride and his genuine need to protect himself #would he call it a crush to himself yet #no probably not #i feel like that came later much later #he def would have acknowledged it as such by the end of the story tho #essentially L found a way to create a little wedge to ram in the door to Light's feels #and that is a smart enough move to probably have made Light start developing a crush on him even if he didn't have one already #l lawliet #light yagami #lawlight #p

[tatsumi-rin]

Moral Orel doesn't seem 100% like a show I'd feel seen in if you don't know me but then I remember the episode with the special ed kids and underneath the usual satire on extremist bible belt religion it reminds me WAY too much of how actual special ed departments treated me and other kids growing up.

Like the writers must HAVE BEEN THERE IN LIFE, man. I'd kill to sit down with Dino Stamatopoulos and find out what the fuck inspired him and the other writing staff that day.

#husbandothings #moral orel #bonus fun tag rant? bonus fun tag rant...apparently #in those departments you are immediately written off as a tragic forever toddler by at least 50% of the staff regardless of your disability #there's good ones but the bad ones bring the fun spicy trauma #it doesn't matter how smart you actually are you gotta draw the sad face on that boy on the comic sans worksheet at the age of 15 #in your free lesson spaces that you got because of reasons #if someone tells me they're a teaching assistant or have “qualifications” in autism and special needs development i immediately distrust #because I have never met a neurotypical person with those qualifications who knows how to treat kids like humans especially autistic kids #funniest part? I was mostly in the special ed department because of my hearing and not totally my undiagnosed autism #and a little because of wonky emotional development from get this...a freaking religious school #like i see adults in the show and i see the headteacher who tried to tell my parents i should forgive the bullies because jesus would #even though the truth is way more nuanced but he just wanted to wash his hands of it #it's funnier than it should be because that teacher would fit right in to this show for that and additional reasons I won't state here #my family were atheists but thought the school would be good #the weird thing is at that time as a little kid I liked the idea of believing in god but nothing that happened proved Him to me #and moral orel hits because it resonates with the fact i genuinely believe religion can do good and it's all about the people #the ones who want to use that faith for good in the world and surviving rough crap and not to do things that would make jesus flip tables #that has stuck with me for over a decade as has the people who felt the show reinforced their christianity #but anyway

[lesbiradshaw]

people reducing liam to the fanon archetypes of either Sunshine Puppy or Aggressive Dickhead is crazy because i rlly do think he’s one of the most complex members of the main cast when you actually LOOK at him outside of a shipping lens.

#dont have the energy to type out an essay about his guilt issues and complicated relationship with his own emotions rn #but just know i am THINKING ABOUT IT #‘he’s boring’ ‘he’s immature and annoying’ mind you he was 15 when he got turned #his intro arc is genuinely one of my favorites #like the scene of him talking to his stepdad and asking if hes mad that he got hurt? #the scene of him crying on the forest floor saying he didnt want his parents to see him as even more of a monster! #the scene of him clinging to scott after getting out of the well? him helping scott come back to himself in the finale? #also that whole scene where he says hes not sure hes like scott yet…. MY BABY #teen wolf #liam dunbar

[eggbagelz]

gale voice here feel the pulse of the magic in my heart that will eventually be the end of me. im on my knees before you like an animal showing its belly. im in excrutiating pain bc of the contact with the magic in my heart but please dont take your hand away please dont stop touching me

#gale of waterdeep #paydja plays baldur's gate #the relationship a lot of the companions have with their bodies is fucking fascinating #but gale and karlach's relation to their heart and to human contact is particularly compelling #i cant say who has it worse bc thats a stupid comparison to make when they both have hearts that could literally detonate at any moment #[ik that karlach cant do human contact at all and gale cant but im talking abt emotionally significant contact which is smth they share] #but rn im focusing on gale ill talk abt karlach later #hes so interesting like hes initially played as arrogant but i think that whole thing with mystra #really fucked him up bc he talks abt himself like hes. not a means to an end per se but u get the gist #you can see the way he talks abt sense and sensuality and emotional connection but as soon as you actually offer it via flirting or just #genuine compliments hes always surprised and always changes the subject #partially out of like. emotiona damage and partially bc he doesnt want to go boom #ANYWAY WHAT IM SAYING IS hes in pain bc of the contact being made with the magic that makes up his heart but #by god please dont take your hand away. please dont stop touching him. please #i hate this fucking game i hate it so much #chattering #sorry for the analysis it WILL happen again #im talking abt gale rn bc hes my favourite and currently the character i know the most about via gameplay #but there is PLENTY i can say abt everyone #god i keep saying this but its like why are you so good sometimes and also so bad. fucking Larian.

[im-gonna-be-weird-about-it]

Me, a casual viewer of BFU: True Crime and Puppet History, clicking on the Making Watcher playlist: Oh, its so nice that the boys got to start their own company :)

Me, 40 minutes later, no longer a causal viewer after seeing Ryan Bergara talk about his anxiety and then almost cry on camera because he is so happy that his friend agreed to work at his new company: 

#ryan bergara #as that tweet once said #there is just something about him ya know #this is mostly a joke #BUT! #like i have a pretty solid no interaction policy with celebrities #i care about the character and not the actor #so i never felt the need to watch interviews or follow them on twitter or w/e #but now ive seen ryan get emotional and almost cry multiple times and im ?????? #i still dont want to meet him in person but i do want him to tell us about his day #and i hope hes having a good time in disneyland #and I want to leave supportive comments on all their videos #and i very much want him to succeed because A) I genuinely like their shows and B) hes just so nice and relatable #ive never followed a YT channel before but I do see now how it creates that feeling a lot easier than traditional media #because YT creators do depend a lot more on engagement and views #and they interact with the audience a lot more #anyway im being really dramatic about the fact that I dusted off my twitter account after 6 years just so i can ❤ watchers tweets #and then promptly created a patron account just so i could support them #this is just a lot more involved than i usually get #just rambling in the tags to sort out my own feelings

[sunnibits]

aaaa I just wanna hear izzy laugh so bad!! I want someone to crack him up and miraculously get a genuine smile out of him for the first time in like two decades. I want him to overhear some funny bit from the crew’s shared stories that actually makes him huff a little snort, only for him to immediately try to hide it. I want to hear that gravelly, deep rusty chuckle of his goddamnit!!! I want everyone to hear it and immediately whip their heads up in wide eyed shock. (is that… izzy?? laughing???? I didn’t even know he could DO that). (something in ed’s chest creaks a little to hear it again. it’s been so long since he’s heard that sound). I will not rest until my boy gets a tiny shred of happiness and that’s final!!!!

#I want GIGGLING. GIGGLING I SAY!!! STUPID TIPSY DRUNK GIGGLING!!!!! I’M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT #izzy hands #ofmd #genuinely I love con’s lil chuckle so much idc I’ll fight ppl on this hill #it’s all nasally and rough. perfection. #pls god I need to see Izzy do a little soft half-chuckle and that lil head shake with his arms crossed and his head bowed #leaning against the wall talking to Jim or someone idc #just give him. a nice moment. pls. Izzy laughter in my life immediately!! I demand it! #god tho… I read a fic onfe that mentioned izzy laughing like. for the first time in front of lucius #and I forget the exact line but they described it something like ‘rusted and like it had been keelhauled a couple of times’ #like it was rough and out of practice from years of disuse #but like there was something so miraculous about it?? so magical? #and BOY has that mental image/thought HAUNTED me since I read it!! #imagine someone just making him laugh once and then trying to make him laugh again and again just so they can hear it….. #FUCKK #he. him. god. fuck. I have emotions.

[minweber]

Belisarius Cawl, hiding for his life, his ass kicked, ship crashing, friends in mortal peril: I am such a smart boy, he-he-he =)

#I love him so much your honor #warhammer 40000 #adeptus mechanicus #belisarius cawl #genefather #guy haley #cawlposting #(kinda going to finish my thoughts on the book here since I ran out of space on the last post) #but a huge HUGE part of what I loved about this book were all the fun relationships and dynamics that it had set up #I literally want to see all of those characters again #Cawl and AsanethAyu? Absolutely. Not necessarily in a shipp-y way (Unless?) But god do I love seeing necrons bicker apparently #Cawl and Bile? Do my eyes deceive me or did Haley actually pull off 'we are not so different you and I' thing in a genuinely interesting wa #Cawl and Primus? What can I fucking say?! #Guy Haley should be awarded a prize for bringing back emotion and weight into what is surely one of the top 5 most overused words in 40k #Cawl and Qvo? Never before have I so thoroughly understood shippers of something that I don't personally ship. #I (barely) write a different type of fanfiction but somewhere in here there is a potential for the most wonderfully fucked up family #Primus and Porter? They did not talk but parallels between them were set up SO hard. This one is definitely not shippy for me #just so fucking charged with storytelling potential #All the minor guys? X99 whom I now love dearly? Oswen who was set up to be the traitor so hard and then just sort of wasn't? (Unless?!) #Skitarii Marshal named Iota?! Maybe later on that one #and that is to say absolutely nothing about the MASSIVE (eh? get it?) set up for the next big Cawl thing? #god so many threads to follow up on #Guy Haley you owe me like at least three follow-up books

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

anyone else ever get struck with a sudden feeling of distaste or being tired of someone who you usually really like/are friends with for literally no reason whatsoever? or is that just me

#like this has been happening with various people all summer #I'll be like... the thought of this person causes negative emotions that are literally directed at nothing #it isn't anything the person has done I just. feel like I don't care and don't really want to put in the effort with whatever friend #which is really weird bc I KNOW if I DO just put in the effort and ignore that random feeling I'll have fun and enjoy myself!! #bc I DO still like my friends actually!!! I just sometimes feel like I Don't and idk why #Lu rambles #this is especially odd when it's the sound guy bc like. not only have I been massively crushing on him all summer #but he's also one of the few people I genuinely have clicked with here. like we get along. it's cool. I've been slightly in love with him #so why do I now have this weird feeling like I want nothing to do with him/don't care #actually I feel extremely ambivalent about just about everyone right now but for some reason especially him #wait maybe it's PMS actually.... the Leave Me Alone Don't Talk To Me Don't Look At Me Don't Make Me Show Up hormones have hit :/ #...that would actually explain several things from the last couple days. I should start tracking it #ok sorry I'm done externally processing my emotions on Tumblr dot com. bye

[vaguely-concerned]

I love Malcolm Hawke's first dialogue in Legacy (the one you get if you unbind the shade kept trapped by two seals in a little cell). clearly this whole business was the darkest shittiest time of his life and he's selling his soul and betraying every single one of his principles and everything, but he sounds so endearingly... snippy and exasperated about the wardens using demons willy nilly. the "listen I know I'm up to some shady stuff here and everything but let it not be said I was untidy. I'm fixing your shit as far as I'm able here. you will not be able to pin this one on me. these demons were here before I arrived, this is on the record now" energy. the way he's taking time out of his day to be responsible and enforce mage OSHA regulations in the middle of maybe the most hilariously irresponsible thing anyone's ever done after the magisters tried to break into the golden city. exquisite. the real Hawke family curse is having to specify that actually not all of the catastrophe was your fault okay this is at least like... 30% not on me this time. I. I tried. everything was on fire and I had a children's toy bucket and a bottle of rum on hand

#I've never played Legacy (or Mark of the Assassin) before so I'm having a ball lol #I love snarky!hawke in MotA in that he's such a callous asshole in a very specific and endearing way #it's the *shrug* all of my friends are crazy and most of them are killers what do you want from me here blaséness that does me in #bitch if you want my genuine emotional engagement you're going to have to do much much wilder than this #that and the hilarity of ignoring the call towards noble action tallis tries to pull on you and going 'no. fuck this' and just leaving #brilliant #dragon age #dragon age 2 #I have so many thoughts about malcolm as the ghost who is always hovering over the narrative #especially since it's very much implied your hawke takes after him no matter which personality type you chose #(right down to sharing a voice actor with male hawke -- do you think the twins look over at their brother and almost think #that it's their dad for a moment sometimes? I have feelings and thoughts all over the place) #a ghost varric has only ever met through the reflection he left behind in his children and especially hawke #the ghost of a ghost through the story. so interesting

[theokusgallery]

The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

#siiiiiiigh... #im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT #poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay #writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying #there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and #(starts crying) #he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless #(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course) #god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him #he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires #he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem #don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw. #but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything. #even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy #he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay. #that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does #it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish #my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before... #which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much. #(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course) #arsenic #rant #sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)