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#I am like can you see what I am capable of can you feel what I do to her....hahahaha
lulublack90 · 3 days
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Prompt 27 - Diplomacy
@jegulus-microfic April 27, Word count 760
Previous part First part
He couldn’t believe Regulus was just going along with it. The boy’s hands were in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp. He’d never felt anything like it. James needed him to be closer, needed to feel him. So, without warning, James put his hands under his skinny thighs, and lifted him into the air, using the wall to take some of the pressure off his arms, he held Regulus. 
Regulus let out a small gasp as his feet left the floor. James had fully expected to be punched, but Regulus reacted positively. He wrapped his legs around James’s waist and deepened their kiss with his newfound height. 
James felt his whole body melting. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. Nothing mattered, only the boy in front of him. 
They broke apart, panting, hearts racing, gulping down air into their oxygen-starved lungs.
“Hi,” James smiled at him, tilting his head, so he could look into those sparking eyes. 
“Hi,” Regulus murmured back, the hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. James let his head thump forward into Regulus's chest and Regulus tangled his fingers still further into the short unruly curls. He angled his head and pressed open-mouthed kisses into Regulus’s neck.   
“What the bloody hell are you doing?” They froze as Sirius’s voice broke the silence of their corridor. “Get your hands off my brother!” James and Regulus looked at each other this was not going to go well. James tried to convince himself that all they needed was a little diplomacy, but with Sirius’s hot temper and Regulus’s sharp tongue, it would be a challenge to keep them quiet enough not to get caught out of bounds after curfew. 
Slowly, he lowered Regulus to the floor, and together they turned and raised their hands to Sirius.
“Why are you raising your hands?” He asked Regulus, confused. 
“I wasn’t sure which brother he was referring to, so I thought I’d better be safe.” He shrugged. James let out an almighty snort and had to bury his face in his arm to quell the laughter.
“Put your hands down you idiots.” Sirius rolled his eyes at the pair. “I came looking for you when I noticed you weren’t in bed. This,” He waved his hands at them. “Was not what I expected to find.” He looked wild like he was about to explode at any provocation. 
“It’s none of your business what we do, Sirius.” Regulus drawled. “I don’t know why you think you can make a fuss.” All mirth left James as he quickly started damage control to hopefully stop Sirius from seeing red. 
“Sirius go back up to the dorm, I’ll meet you there,” He cut Sirius off before he could complain. “I’m going to take Reg back to the Slytherin Common room first.” 
“I don’t need an escort, Potter.” Regulus griped. But James ignored him and began to pull out the invisibility cloak. Sirius stormed forward, shoved his hand into James’s pocket and stole the Marauder’s Map. 
“Best hurry, Prongs. I’ll be watching.” And with that, Sirius turned on his heel and disappeared into darkness. 
James sighed and covered himself and Regulus with the cloak. 
“You don’t need to do this, I am quite capable of getting back on my own.” Regulus clearly wasn’t happy. James grinned at him and, making sure Sirius was well and truly gone, pushed Regulus back against the wall and kissed him again. All the fight went out of the other boy. 
“We’ve got a couple of minutes before we need to move. Sirius will think we’re bickering still.” James said, pulling away for a moment before pressing his lips against Regulus’s again. 
Regulus turned his head slightly, breaking the kiss.
“What does this mean?” Regulus asked, his eyes overly bright as though he was nervous. James shrugged.
“I don’t know, but I like it so far.” He grinned, wriggling his eyebrows. Regulus rolled his eyes in a strange imitation of his brother. He pushed James away from the wall, but grabbed his hand and started pulling him down the corridor towards the dungeons.  
“What was that bit of parchment?” Regulus asked as they walked.
“Oh,” James paused, he didn’t know if he could trust Regulus with that information. “Just a useful tool for Mischief makers.” He gave Regulus a final kiss before watching him enter the Slytherin’s secret entrance and headed back to Gryffindor Tower where his best friend waited for him. Maybe he’d go sleep in moaning Myrtle's bathroom, he’d probably get more rest.   
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mm-lurking · 2 days
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MAY I REQUEST FOR ANGST POOKS 😘😝 MYBE ABT BRINGING UP THEIR DEAD EX BY ACCIDENT DURING AN ARGUEMENT? THERES RARELY ANY ANGST IM GETTING MAD 👹
I saw your ask at 11 pm and something about the way you wrote your request made me giggle so hard idk why 🤣 Since you demand angst I shall give it to you. You’re my first ask btw so thank you very much! 
I’m not sure which character you wanted me to write for so I’m going to go for Blade and Aventurine. Though feel free to send me specific characters through the ask again!
Warnings: no fluff at all, pure angst, fem! reader and ex, reader has no chill running her mouth, Aventurine’s kinda feels ooc sorry about that WC: 1881
Blade
You were a hair’s breadth away from being gravely injured. If it weren’t for Blade’s interruption you would have been Antimatter Legion dinner tonight. In your eyes you weren’t in that much danger, you knew you could handle it on your own but in Blade’s eyes, it was just another flashback to how he lost her. It felt frustrating to watch him downplay your capabilities, it's not like you were some weak damsel in distress. There was a reason your relations with the Stellaron Hunters had lasted as far as it had; you were good at wielding your weapon and making good use of the enemy’s weaknesses. Sure there were moments when you were in trouble but you never really got to live the thrill of it because Blade would always step in to help you even when you didn’t ask for it. 
You loved him dearly and appreciated his assistance but just for this instance, you wanted to deal with things by yourself. Ultimately your agitation got the best of you and so now here you were with your arms crossed, glaring at Blade after the enemy was taken care of.
“Have you always been this foolish?”
You stare at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, questioning his audacity of insulting you like this.
“Excuse me?”
“You could have gotten hurt.”
He says matter-of-factly and you feel your jaws clench at the way he speaks to you.
“Blade I am fully capable of looking after myself! I need you to stop interrupting my fights!”
“If I didn’t that Antimatter Legion pawn would have sliced your head off your shoulders.”
“And how the hell do you know that was going to happen?! I could have fought it easily if it weren’t for you!”
He turns around and looks at you with cold eyes which make you flinch momentarily.
“You overestimate yourself.”
“I do not! I have worked relentlessly on my skills! I know what I can handle or what I can’t! You just never allow me to prove it!”
“You are a fool. I do not need to see you pushed to your limits to acknowledge your skills.”
“Then why the hell won’t you let me do what I want?!”
You both argue back and forth with neither of you backing down. Blade speaks calmly, just as he always has but with slight frustration whereas you on the other hand are full-on yelling and boiling over to the point of rage. He takes a deep breath and continues.
“I am just looking out for you-”
“I am not weak like Chun. Stop treating me like I am.”
You almost immediately regret it the moment those words leave your mouth. Your words are sharp and bitter, and pierce his heart like a blade slashing through flesh. His eyes are ablaze with fury and pain and the way his jaw clenches is enough to let you know you have overstepped your boundary.
Chun was his first love. She was a good woman with a kind heart, and despite how odd she looked amongst the Stellaron Hunters, they welcomed her as long as it made Blade happy. But in a world full of evil, being kind is a weakness and ultimately she met her end in the hands of an enemy during heated negotiations. For the one whose life was already cursed by immortality, he took her death hard and swore never to love again, for he couldn’t bear to witness yet another loved one depart for the nth time in his long life. His already broken heart took ages to heal and by the time you crossed paths with him, he was still grieving over her. You knew this very well because it was you who assured him that history wouldn’t repeat itself with you. It was you who helped him heal further and gave him the confidence to open his heart up once more to you. You knew what she meant to him because he had been honest with you about his past yet-
“Blade I-”
-here you were driving the very knife you had taken out of him so lovingly back into his heart in full force. He looks at you with so much despise and agony that your heart hurts knowing you are the cause for it. A blade being stabbed over and over into his body hurt, but those wounds always healed after a while. Yet the wound your words had caused was one that no medication could fix. Your throat tightens and you want to reach out to him and hold him but you stay glued to your feet.
“We don’t need to be around each other anymore.”
Despite the torment he feels, he looks straight into your eyes and monotonously speaks. There is not even a single moment spared for you to reply as he walks out of the room and slams the door shut, indicating he is done with you. The door closing was not just the end of the argument you both were having, it was also the end of what you were to each other. You stand there rooted to the ground as tears sting your eyes. Why did you have to be like this?
Aventurine
“Aventurine I swear to god I am not playing your petty games again.”
You angrily huff as you cross your arms and glare at Aventurine with disapproval. The audacity of this man was truly something, especially at a time like this. You both were stuck in an interesting situation, where Aventurine had made a gamble with an enemy territory and he wanted you to be part of it. More precisely, he wanted to turn you into his bargaining chip for a while. There was one tiny problem. He wasn’t asking for your approval, he had already made the deal.
“The table has already been set, friend. You just have to play your role real well.”
Your jaw hangs low when you realise what he has done. 
“Aventurine don’t tell me….”
“They have decided to ask for you in exchange of information. Do not worry, I will find a way to-“
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as a loud slap resonates across the room. You stare at him in disbelief with tears welling your eyes, unable to process what he has done. A shaky sigh leaves his mouth and he stares at you, bewildered by your behaviour.
“It hasn’t even been a full week since we finished another deal and you want me to jump head-on into another one?!”
“Was there a need to slap me like this? If you’re forgetting, friend, you agreed to help me out on these deals regardless of the risk. Or should I have the doctor examine your memory?”
“Aventurine I agreed to help you out, not be used however you please! You could have at least asked me first before making the deal!”
You rub your temples and rethink the entire situation through. Your relationship with Aventurine was compatible due to one simple fact: you both loved taking risks. The thrill of the gamble and the adrenaline of waiting for the results kept you both alive. It was the drug you both needed in this cruel unjust world.
But this, this was different. This wasn’t just any gamble and it wasn’t a small one either. Being traded off to the enemy territory for a few weeks was no easy task and you have no idea what the hell Aventurine was thinking. In your last deal, you barely made it out alive as the tables turned against your favour. It was a miracle your assets weren’t taken and that you weren’t killed in the process.
“…I promise you will be fine, friend.”
Tears sting your eyes and you try to take a deep breath. 
“How can you be so sure?”
“The gaiaithra triclops blesses me abundantly. We will not lose.”
“Is that what you said to Lilac as well before her demise?”
You hear how his breath hitches in his throat at the mention of Lilac. He coughs a little and then stares at you with a look you cannot decipher.
“Do not bring her up.”
His voice is a mere whisper and you know you’re crossing some lines already. Yet you don’t stop there. You jab your right index finger into his chest with every word you speak.
“I don’t know what’s worse, being a gambling chip on purpose or being a gambling chip unknowingly, like she was.”
He grips the hand you have on his chest tightly. You can’t help but wince a little at how he’s looking at you with red eyes filled with regret and anger. He tries to speak but you cut him off.
“Was losing her not enough to learn your lesson? Or do you turn everyone you love into pawns of your game?”
“You’re crossing the line now.”
He warns and you shake your head.
“You treat everyone like an asset, even the ones who truly love you without any hidden agenda. No wonder you couldn’t save Lilac-“
“Enough!”
Before you can process what is going on Aventurine pulls out a gun from his inner coat pocket and shoots a random vase on the table behind you. The bang of the gun and the loud shattering of the ceramic into pieces makes you jump and shake a little. He then shifts his gaze on you and lets your hand go before issuing his warning.
“…you need to leave. Leave before I accidentally hurt you.”
“I-“
“I said leave!”
He points the gun at you. His hand is shaking in a manner you have never seen before and you can tell he doesn’t want to do this but you’re giving him no choice. You stare at him for a moment and nod your head before scurrying away.
Once you’re out of his sight he plops onto the nearest sofa and drops his gun. It lands with a loud thud as he puts his head into his hands and shakes visibly. Flashbacks of that dreaded day start to play over and over in his head and he clenches his teeth as a tear rolls down his eye.
Lilac was a woman he met during one of his travels as an IPC stoneheart. They got along pretty well and eventually fell in love. A few years ago, Aventurine asked her for help during a deal he made and she agreed only for the other party to target her as leverage against Aventurine. He still remembers the pain in her eyes as she looked at him, confused and hurt from how she became the target. He remembers holding her in his arms apologising over and over for his lack of foresight, unable to figure out where he went wrong.
It was the first and last deal he ever lost. And now you, his new partner after several hard years of grief, were bringing up old wounds that never healed. Gaps of his heart that nothing would ever fill. Another tear rolls down his eye as he grits his teeth further. Had he known you would bring her up like this, he would have never told you about her. It’s always the closest ones that hurt you the most. ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.
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roguekhajiit · 3 days
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A debate I had on Reddit about abortion rights.
The person I'm arguing with is an active participant of the Mensa subreddit, so they already fancy themselves a genius to some extent.
Me:
No arms, no legs, no heart, no brain. Just a blood vessel pumping blood from the host to the clump of cells.
And the "But there's a heartbeat" excuse is a lie. You're only hearing the host's blood pumping into cells cause the heart isn't fully formed until 10 weeks. Additionally, the brain isn't even fully developed until 24 weeks. No heart organ, no brain, it's not a viable life outside its host body.
Them:
Yeah that's an empirical argument to deny ontology. That's not convincing to anyone who thinks there is an essence to being human that isn't tied to having arms and legs.
Me:
I'm sorry, but are you trying to use philosophy to argue whether or not someone is capable of living without a heart, brain, and lungs?
Them:
How do you determine what is human and what is not? Arms and legs? What do you call someone without arms and legs? Or a mechanic heart? You can't answer the question 'what is human' based on physical qualities only. So yes, logically you cannot answer the question without philosophy.
Me:
I think you are confusing personhood with the human species.
A person is someone who can think, breathe, and exist on their own. They have a personality and their own opinions on subjects like abortion.
A human being or homo sapiens is a species on earth that evolved enough to form social groups and cultures and, therefore, are capable of personhood. Some other more complex animals might be capable of personhood, like Koko the Gorilla. She was intelligent, learned to communicate using sign language, and even had her own pet.
I'm not discussing this subject in terms of personhood. A fetus isn't developed enough to form a sense of personhood if it can't even survive on its own at 2 months gestation.
Them:
I'm talking about the essence of what makes one a living human. As long as pregnant women before the 3rd month believe they're carrying a child, which is all of them who want to *keep* the child, I am not appealed by the argument that it's suddenly no longer a child but rather a fetus for biological/scientific/empirical reasons when there are various financial and social advantages of it being so.
The points you mention are even still different from mine.
Me:
>The points you mention are even still different from mine.
Correct because again, you fail to see the point of the argument.
You yourself say;
>As long as pregnant women before the 3rd month believe they're carrying a child, which is all of them who want to *keep* the child,
That's all fine and dandy cause it's her *choice* to do so, not yours and not the government's. But it's not yours or anyone else's place to force your philosophical or religious views on an entire nation and bully us all into following them by making your opinions a law.
Them:
It's a choice to recognise a human as a human, you're saying? So where's the end to that travesty of logic? A cat is a dog, a man is a woman, that dog is a man and that man is a dog. That's a wild world you're living in. I don't see the world that way, it defeats both logic and common sense. But it surely makes a way to justify doing whatever the hell you like doing. I won't force morality on you, but I'll tell you when it's absent.
Me:
Again, you're trying to use philosophy to argue science, and that gets us nowhere. I already stated I'm not talking from a philosophical standpoint.
You can see the world however you want. Your morals aren't always going to line up with your neighbors morals. Your neighbor might think it's immoral to eat any kind of meat. Are you gonna give up that steak dinner cause they can smell it in their living room? How would you feel if the entire government decided eating meat is a crime and, therefore, it's banned and you go to jail just for eating a hamburger. Kinda sucks when other people force their philosophy and religion on you by passing laws to get their way.
Now I know you're gonna be like, "But you can't compare pregnancies to diets!" But you're already equating philosophy with science. So, let me give you another scenario.
Do you like eggs? Eggs are just undeveloped chickens who were denied the ability to develop and hatch. Will you give up your eggs and bacon just because your vegan neighbor says it's immoral?
Since to you personhood and human are one and the same. Say aliens decide to visit earth; they have arms and legs and a brain, can speak, express emotions, and have their own culture. Are they human? Do we give them the same rights as you and me even though they weren't born on earth and are basically invading our planet? Or are they just displaying personhood?
If you say yes, they are human and deserve the same rights as you and me, then you also need to give those same rights to the "illegal aliens" that cross the border.
Why are undeveloped fetuses given more rights to life than families with children who are trying to seek a better life? Why do we value a fetus over the actual baby? Once it's born, if the mother says she needs help, she's scorned and looked down on for asking for WIC, foodstamps, and cash benefits to help feed and cloth her baby. She should have thought of that before deciding to have a baby, right? But if she decides she's unable to afford a baby, and she can't afford to take time off because the pregnancy is making it hard for her to work, she's called a murderer for seeking an abortion.
To pro-life advocates, a fetus is more important before it's born than after it's born. And you won't convince me otherwise. The same people pushing for abortion bans, banning mifepristone (a drug that's also necessary to help with incomplete miscarriages), and even simple birth control are the same people who vote to cut funding to welfare programs, free lunch programs, and to entire school districts. That's not very pro-life of them now, is it?
-------
They gave up the argument after that.
I could have converted this into a rant solely from my perspective, but I felt it would be better just to copy it as a script.
Pro-lifers are not actually pro-life. They are just anti-women and anti-choice. If they actually cared about the fetus, they would care about it after its born by passing laws and regulations that would ensure the child has the best quality of life possible and every chance to succeed. Instead, time and again, they vote against those laws.
They don't care about the fetus once it's born. Why is that? Could it be that their true goal all along is to force women back into submission because they romanticize the bygone era of the 1800s and early 1900s when women didn't hold jobs, didn't vote, and couldn't do anything without their husband's explicit permission?
I dunno, that's just the vibe I get from the anti-choice supporters. Why else would they say things like, "Stop riding dick if you can't take accountability." But then start foaming at the mouth when you remind them accountability goes both ways. When's the last time they made a child support payment?
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destinygoldenstar · 19 hours
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Ninjago Dragons Rising Season 2 - Is It Good Or Nah?
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So, I'm late to the party, aren't I?
Well I've had so much work that I think I'm having an existential crisis. So I had to wait till I had a free day to watch this season because I wanted to watch it with my GF.
We got to Episode 6, and then what did my boss do?
Slap me in the face with long work hours several days of the week.
I feel like I'm in a spiral of work after work after work with no purpose to life besides failure cause I can't trust myself to be capable at anything-
ANYWAY. We finished it now.
You know what the insane part about the season is? That it got the show trending on Tumblr.
That's an INSANE level of hype right there.
So I seriously had to ask myself "What the actual f**k happened in the show that caused THIS much hype?!"
So... here are my thoughts on the season.
SPOILER WARNING
Okay, so this may be a factor of my judgement, but due to my schedule, I was forced to watch only 6 Episodes one day, and then the last 4 Episodes today. Keep that in mind.
When it came to the first half of the season, was it good?
Yes. Obviously.
Was it living up to the insane level of hype?
Uh... not really for me??
Now, don't take that as a negative. This season is still REALLY good.
After the first season took awhile to get started as it needed to set up its characters and this new world, it makes sense for this season to throw the punches immediately.
The season gets started with its main plot right away with Ras immediately putting his plan into action, and by Episode 2, it's very clear the threat level he opposes and it's believable that we should be intimidated by what he wants.
Even though in Episode 2's fight, while AMAZINGLY choreographed, I was just screaming at the screen "HIT THE PERSON HOLDING THE GONG."
Like seriously, more than one of the characters in this fight can use projectiles with their powers AND they have a blaster in the Bounty, and the show never says that Ras has some sort of armor defense preventing him from getting blasted. He's literally standing out in the open. And the gong is clearly what's giving Cinder power. So HIT THE PERSON WITH THE GONG.
GOSH.
Anyway, that's not important. What's important is that this season's fight choreo is genuinely AMAZING. I am obsessed with the way the camera moves with the characters in these fights you have no idea. I was genuinely blown away by the last episode's fight in particular. But more on the ending later.
What also shocked me was how BRUTAL some of the stuff that happens here is, which caught me off guard.
I mean, Episode 2 has Euphrasia getting ambushed and crashed off the Cloud Kingdom with clear injuries, and Wyldfyre getting her leg SHATTERED. Like, WHAT?! HOW OFTEN DOES THAT HAPPEN?!! (Even though the latter's healing was unrealistic. Like, it would realistically take months for an injury like that to heal. Not a critique, just saying.)
Ras body slams Jordanna at one point. He puts Arin in a CHOKEHOLD. And also beats him up so brutally... like OMG this guy does not mess around.
The Fear Cave Trial also REALLY got me tripping. Not only was it such a visually appealing moment, but it also, as the same suggests, showed several character psyches that were insane.
Except Kai for some reason. That's gonna drive me NUTS until I get an answer. WHAT DID HE SEE-?!
Then we get to the dragon mentors, and...
Yeah the season kinda loses me in the middle.
Don't get me wrong, I love the character bits here as much as anyone. But with how dyer they made the threat of Ras before, Ras and his forces take a backseat in the middle portion of the season and we're mostly just sitting at these training grounds talking. And for four episodes of it? It's a little grating, even if it is important.
The middle is mostly where most of my issues with the season stand. And here's where I get all my negatives out of the way:
Like I said, because this season is so long, there's an awkward pause in the conflict on the dragons plotline to learn this Rising Dragon Technique. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't FOUR EPISODES of it.
With the exception of the attack at the Land of Lost Things ONCE, Ras's army doesn't go after the ninja at all. I can kinda get the dragons group since they didn't have Bonzle, but he has to know that they ARE a threat, right? They're obviously trying to figure out how to stop you.
And even with the group that has Bonzle, what they NEED, the forces that go after that group is the Administration and the one off magician man villain, the former really didn't need to be in this season even if it was for a compelling Jay cameo, and the latter has overstayed his welcome at this point and I just rolled my eyes when he showed up on screen.
I'm all for Cole being a badass as much as the next guy, but WHY this magician man, who at this point, is so disconnected with the main antagonistic forces that he serves no purpose?
Why not, I don't know, use this screen time instead to explain what in the world happened with Cole when he left?
Seriously, the first season had this huge cliffhanger with Cole's character and him going after Wu's ghost. I wonder what's gonna happen to him and what he's gonna find out-
Oh. He's just back.
That to me is a huge disappointment. What was the point of him leaving the Lost Family in the first place if this journey was basically nothing? He doesn't even talk about it! COME ON NOW.
Also I think Zane should get slay pass on the Administration guy that called him equipment. What do y'all think?
I don't like Egot. Or whatever his name was. He's very condescending and cryptic and talks down to his only hope of the world being saved. But I think I'm supposed to dislike him for it, and there's gonna be more of his characterization revealed later, so don't take this one as a critique. The female one is great though.
The sorceress lady was... a choice in the narrative. My one critique for the ending was the potion shenanigans. Not because they were bad, but because they just felt so out of place among everything else. Like, "Oh, this finale is too dark and intense! We need to occasionally cut to wacky shenanigans with this sorceress's magic to prevent kids from feeling too much dread!"
I don't know, for me, I would've placed this stuff with the Administration instead, and instead have the group fight Jordanna, lose, and have her get away and flow that to Arin getting to her. Especially since the Administration posed such little threat to them and they even say such.
(I also have a theory that this sorceress is Wyldfyre's birth mom. I have no evidence to back this up besides "They both have red hair and similar facial structure")
With Cloud Kingdom getting taken over and Euphrasia captured, I thought she would have more of a role to play in this since this is, you know, her HOME and she's their guardian.
But nope. She does next to nothing up until the very end and plays prisoner and waits for the ninja to save her.
For gosh sake girl, you're the master of wind. FLY.
And finally, my last critique, Cinder.
Yeah I'm sorry, I'm not buying this character so far. Not that I don't think he'll have anything to do in the second part, but for how threatening he was in Episode 2, that threat level kinda vanishes in the middle and only comes back at the end. He does next to nothing and we learn nothing about him other than "He likes power". Jordanna is probably more unlikeable, but at least she has conflict going on with Ras and her magic, and she still serves more of a role in the plan besides being a foot soldier.
And... yep. That's all my critiques for this season. Which all seem pretty minor.
You know what this season is real good at? Characters.
As though that wasn't obvious already.
I did NOT expect Bonzle to play any major role at all, I thought she was just gonna be the dry and cynical side character. But no. She has a history. She has a life. She has emotions. All of which REALLY shine through at the end when you hear her voice have more range in it. The VA killed it. I ended up feeling so bad for her.
Especially considering what happens to her.
They're also not even hiding it anymore with Geo x Cole. They're just NOT. I love them and I hope we see more of their relationship in the future.
I genuinely don't understand the critique of "Geo is so selfish referring to him as Cole's family when it's obvious Cole has other people in his life."
Well no shit, you ever heard of a character flaw?
But it's also a completely understandable flaw. You guys aren't forgetting the part where Geo was abandoned for being a mixed race, right? Of course he's gonna cling to someone as compassionate and encouraging as Cole.
The Jay cameo was nice. I expect him to play no role in this season, but it's really compelling what they showed and I was satisfied with it.
Lloyd's conflict was handled very well in my opinion.
What's it called when it's PTSD, but it's about future events rather than past events? Foresight Traumatic Stress Disorder? FTSD? Yeah let's go with that.
For a kids show that glosses over trauma, (That's not a Ninjago problem, that's a kids show problem), it was really refreshing for them to not do that for once. It's actually explored and talked about and Lloyd is given advice on how to cope with it, and he freezes up in panic attacks when these visions happen and-THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR NOT IGNORING HOW HARD SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS.
Seriously, as someone who is going through stuff like this, minus the magic element, it spoke to me a lot. It really shows that this show grew up with me, and I both love and hate that.
I do think this sort of arc is going to hit hard for adults much more than kids.
Are kids constantly terrified of the future and getting paralyzed with these fears and finding it difficult to cope with the traumas that is time and human life?
No?
Kai is also a standout in this, especially towards the end. This is by far the best Kai has been in a long time in terms of quality. I love how one of his most significant flaws gets addressed here, that being his overreliance on himself and his own abilities over the others, who he feels responsible to protect.
And the way he grasps with that and learns to let loose like he did as a child back in the old days through what he loves the most, that being his family. And the flashbacks with him and his sister. And the whole sequence of him learning Rising Dragon - AUGH ITS SO GOOD.
How poetic is it that the character most devoted to family since childhood is only cocky and angry because of his own desire to be the one with power to keep them safe, gets power by letting that go, being a kid again, and joining the same roots as his own family?
AND THEN HE GIVES UP HIS LIFE FOR THEM-
And finally, Arin.
Oh you poor sweet, sweet child.
First of all, yes, I am completely subscribed to the theory that the show is building up Arin turning on the ninja and becoming a villain. It's all there. It all fits. The amount of times they say how sweet he is as though that's gonna get lost. The dragons, the creators of the world, the gods basically, telling him he's not good enough. Ras confronting him. Sora's stunt even after she's been the most encouraging of him, like the BETRAYAL there. It's all there. And I will be posting my theory scenario on this don't you worry.
BUT, I don't think that's the route they're gonna go. Kids show and all of that. They wouldn't do that to one of their main characters. Unless you're Star Wars. At most I think Arin will be tempted by Ras's master's power in an episode and even do it, but then with the power of love and friendship, it'll get fixed.
So instead I'd rather say that Arin, by far, has the BEST power crisis arc of the entire show so far.
I LOVE that he doesn't get powers. That's something the original show would've done. I LOVE that he doesn't figure anything out in the end and his inner doubts get proven correct. That's something the original show would not have the guts to do.
I liked Arin in the first season, but he didn't interest me too much. Mostly because Sora had the lion share of focus in the first season. Here though? He might just take the crown for THE most relatable character. And I both love and hate it so much.
Like, seeing everyone else succeed in mastery while you can't even figure out your own thing. You get told you have a natural talent and a lot of potential and that you're good at a lot of things, only for that to be put to the test in the real world and you end up letting everyone down. Even when your loved ones encourage you that you are good enough and you're special in your own way, you can't get those voices out of your head and you mess up again and again and again to try and meet the world's expectations. Then those in charge tell you you're not good enough and wasted potential. Then you try everything out in the real world anyway and you FAIL, and those that doubt you and your own insecurities get proven correct as you're left a broken mess of a young child who doesn't know what the hell they're doing-
I'M IN THIS SHOW AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
I probably love Sora more as a character, but I will admit I grasp towards Arin more right now. Sora's a great trans allegory in a world that hates trans people. But I'm not trans so I relate to it a bit less. Arin's a great autistic allegory in a world that doesn't know how to help autistic people. And I am autistic so I relate to it more. That's just a me situation.
I am so invested in where Arin's story goes from here. Evil or not.
So yeah, the season was good, but didn't completely live up to the insane hype, which, to be fair, is a high bar.
UNTIL THE LAST FOUR EPISODES.
And then all of a sudden, I AM SHOCKED AND SHAKEN TO MY CORE.
These last four episodes are an absolute emotional roller coaster that left me shaking and screaming the whole time.
I actually SCREAMED at multiple occasions.
I actually screamed so many times watching this that I am now HOARSE.
THAT'S how hard it hit me.
The story goes from 0 to 100 the moment the Blood Moon shows up. Which was what the whole season was building up to. And it did NOT disappoint.
The race to try and protect Bonzle. The intense visions and paralysis Lloyd suffers from. Ras and the army coming back to the plot to be absolute powerhouses. The last episode of DREAD the entire time to desperately try to stop this ritual.
HUMAN SACRIFICES?! AM I WATCHING A KIDS SHOW RIGHT NOW?!?!
I was begging for Arin to succeed at getting Bonzle to safety, even though I knew he stood no chance against Ras. "Come on Arin! You got this!! YOU GOT THIS, SWEETIE!!"
And then Ras just goes to TOWN on the poor boy and taunts his utter failure, which HURTS SO BAD MAN.
The entire fight with the army, Cinder, and Ras. The destruction of the mechs which knocks them unconscious for a bit. Kai figuring out Rising Dragon again when his family gets put in danger. The way Nya avenges her brother afterwards.
When Bonzle was getting morphed back into spell form, BEGGING, I was begging too.
But they still do it!
And KAI?!?!
I couldn't even process what happened other than me screaming. From the moment Ras alluded to sacrificing Kai against his consent, I was screaming "NO. DON'T DO IT."
AND THEN THEY SACRIFICE HIM.
LIKE HOLY GOSH THIS FINALE DID NOT MESS AROUND.
I predicted a while back, in the first season actually, that Kai was gonna get sacrificed at some point. Who's laughing now? I DID NOT WANT TO BE RIGHT.
Like, usually in Ninjago the character would be willing to sacrifice themselves for the others. But here? This is without Kai's consent at all. Ras might as well have killed him right here.
It definitely felt that way with the way the others react and BEG for his safety. The way Nya avenges him.
And Kai giving up his shot at escape for the sake of his family? BRO. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
It hurts even more when you realize that when the Merge happened, Lloyd was ALONE thinking only he survived. He only gained hope again because of his reunion with Kai. His beloved surrogate brother!
AND NOW HE'S GONE.
NYA AND LLOYD LOST THEIR BROTHER.
WYLDFYRE LOST HER SURROGATE FATHER.
THEY THINK HE'S BASICALLY DEAD.
BRO. THAT'S SOUL CRUSHING.
And then Sora?! Why you gotta betray Arin like that?!
The most encouraging friend towards Arin, the person who held onto hope and praises for him the most, betrays that hope and doesn't trust him enough to get the winning blow himself. Then LIES about it.
GIRL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
That's going to be SO compelling once that gets outed. Like, morally, that was messed up and she was definitely in the wrong, BUT it led to the best possible outcome for them at the moment. They WON because she did NOT believe in Arin's abilities. Which only proves that the doubts about Arin's said abilities are correct.
And I have a gut feeling she's gonna learn Spinjitsu on top of that. And once that happens... double ouch.
Again, Evil Arin Theory.
I really hate to say it, but this reminds way too much of Arcane. If you know what I'm talking about.
I am totally imagining a situation similar to that in my head, that being a rescue mission for Kai, they decide to leave Arin out of it because of the lack of faith in him, he tags along anyway and he ruins their plan and Kai stays trapped there, Lloyd and Sora lash out on him for it, and before they can apologize they get thrusted back by something and Ras and Ras's master find Arin and take him in-
Again, I'll make a post about that.
The finale was by far the best part of this season. It has been a long time since Ninjago has made me HOARSE from being too invested.
That has not happened to me since Sons of Garmadon.
Because, yeah, I actually have NO IDEA where any of this is headed. How are they gonna save Kai and Bonzle? Why did some of Lloyd's visions not come true? What in the world is going on with Ras? Will the Administration help with that? Will the source dragons help with that?
What I probably do know is that Part 2 of this season is going to turn this into the best Ninjago Product since Tournament of Elements. Maybe even top it depending on my rewatches if my problems are still problems.
So... yeah. Good or Nah? Good. Obviously.
The hype is a little overblown to me, but it still deserves the hype.
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luveline · 3 days
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I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.
Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx
that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention
So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!
so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.
I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.
There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.
I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.
sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!
I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout! again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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zerodaryls · 6 months
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku ����)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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ef-1 · 3 months
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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piplupod · 2 months
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why do counsellors think it's helpful to tell you "you shouldn't feel that way!" when you tell them something like "I am so stressed about spiders to the point where i have crying breakdowns thrice a week" or "I feel like I am somehow secretly a terrible person that needs to push everyone away to keep them safe from the rot that is inside of me"
like ... golly gee, thank you so much, that's soooo helpful, can't believe i never thought "wow! i shouldn't be feeling this way!" before, pretty crazy that you can just cure me with that one declaration!
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hella1975 · 1 year
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I'm not done yet but hey are you giving zuko eldest daughter trauma because I'll fucking kill you I read ONE line it's probably the first of what's to come but I'm sending the hate ask now xoxo
ofc i wouldn't do that! he's just fistfighting a saviour complex and is eternally burdened by the responsibility of raising and caring for his sister while simultaneously being a child himself and always putting himself before the worst of the war so that azula doesn't have to all the while growing more and more rage towards the situation until it all comes out in a very cataclysmic scene that i will definitely cry at when writing :)
#he's got that fiona gallagher in him#big thief rlly went to town with mythological beauty and 'there is a child inside you who is trying to raise a child in me' v tams zukocore#the funny thing about zuko and azula's relationship is that yes it's kinda wholesome but it is still ultimately fucked#and yet i find them pretty easy to write bc i literally just go 'what would me and my sister be like in this situation'#like ive said before how my sister never really stepped up as the eldest and ive always felt like we shared that role#like i'll give it to her she's better at being the eldest in certain situations and im better in others#and it's always been us helping our mum bc as capable and brilliant as my mum is she's also doing everything alone#and her temper is... not great. so me and my sister took care of each other in our own way#and by 'our own way' i mean we have NEVER had a stereotypical relationship. our age gap is too small and we're both too mean#literally zuko's ch1 quote about 'they'd never been protective of each other' is directly inspired by me and my sister#i dont feel protective of her i dont feel a need to keep her safe and happy and it's really odd bc i KNOW im supposed to but i just dont#and she doesnt for me even though she's the 'eldest'. and yet i love her and would kill and die for her#and also if we were in this situation and we were trying to shield each other#from certain horrors that we thought the other couldn't handle then we'd have to be SO CLEVER ABOUT IT#bc just like zuko with azula if i caught my sister trying to patronise me/protect me i would HIT THE ROOF#like i am thoroughly convinced there is nothing she can handle that i cant and vice versa so we'd have to be soooo slick about it#and while with zuko and azula that only holds to an extent bc azula is ultimately YEARS younger than zuko#and whatever you think of her personality she just straight up should not be exposed to certain things#(neither should zuko but yk what i mean)#it still stands and we see throughout tams the v clever ways zuko has learned to protect azula so that she doesnt catch on#like either the next chapter or the one after (probs the one after) there's a really horrific scene#that's just super dark and gory and while with a normal younger sibling you'd do something to keep their eyes on you and not on the scene#like lie to them or make it into a game or something so they're unaware of what's happening#but instead zuko sees what's happening and before azula can he quickly gets her to check their supplies and count their money or some shit#like giving her a job to acknowledge her capability and not patronise her while still shielding her from a really brutal scene#and it just goes over zuko's head that at sixteen he ALSO SHOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO THAT#but long story short i just think that's so funny. like the fire hazards are sooo fucked and for good reason#but it literally just boils down to me and my dumbass sister#so yeah. very niche eldest daughter syndrome emanating from tams zuko#ask
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plexippusangel · 2 months
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I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.
#faer personal files#i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming#also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of#ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess#but i don't think that's the case#idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up#from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off#and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try#if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that#i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability#but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong#and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21#or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart#bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times.#and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!!#and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine#but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart#like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like#no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can#and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going#too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa#more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around#idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian#but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the#FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on#anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.
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ok yea but don't forget about what daigo did in yakuza 4. how could he throw away his most valuable officer like that? he made such terrible decisions there. he was not a good choice and kiryu should have known better. (i am not prev anon btw but i do agree with them)
i didnt forget: i make fun of him every other day for it actually. His Widow Era, i dub it
but in all seriousness i never said daigo was perfect or the "perfect choice"- every time i defend him i emphasize that he isn't perfect and more or less joke about yayoi being chairwoman. but i don't intend to make him seem perfect- i just want to say he's not totally helpless and he didn't run the tojo into the ground like people seem to believe. daigo making one fuck up that got resolved in a week isn't fair enough grounds to brand him a failure for his twelve years of service
plus, who else was kiryu supposed to choose? we already went over how kashiwagi isn't the kind of man to lead people- guide, sure- but not lead. and majima surely didn't want to lead the tojo, he hardly even wanted to be there. kiryu made it clear his options were exhausted and anyone but daigo would be an irresponsible choice (and that was made evident with the likes of shindo running around). again, it was a gamble, and luckily daigo managed to work things out despite his inexperience and hasty inauguration
BUT this ask has inspired me to make a general timeline of daigo's career complete with W's, L's, and things totally out of his control so we can all come to our own conclusions on whether he was cringe fail or not
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text version below, left to right:
(Post-Y2) Daigo's Inauguration - January, 2007
Peace Period - January 2007 to March 2009 (2 years, 2 months)
(Y3) Daigo is shot in an attempt to protect Kazuma Kiryu's land - March, 2009
Peace Period - March 2009 to March 2010 (1 year)
(Y4) Daigo is cornered by Isao Katsuragi and the police - March 2010
Peace Period - March 2010 to December 2012 (2 years, 9 months)
(Y5) Daigo slips from the Tojo to visit Tatsuo Shinada and causes a potential rift between the Tojo and the Yamagasa family - December, 2012
(Post-Y5) Daigo resolves the tension between the Yamagasa family and the Tojo Clan - December, 2012
Peace Period - December 2012 to 2015 (3 years)
(Pre-Y6) Daigo, alongside Goro Majima, are framed and arrested for the fire in Little Asia - 2015 to January 2017 (~2 years)
(Post-Y6) Daigo and co. are released from prison, deciding not to get revenge for Kiryu's sake - January, 2017
Peace Period - January 2017 to Late 2017 (~1 year)
(Pre-Y7) The Tojo Clan is pushed out of Kamurocho as a part f the Kamurocho 3K Plan (Late 2017)
Daigo, Saejima, and Majima are forced into hiding - Late 2017 to Mid 2019 (~2 years)
(Y7) Daigo and Masaru Watase put an end to the yakuza and go legit as a security company - Mid 2019
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kalach-cha · 7 months
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idk why but so many gifmakers online are absolutely insufferable. like you'll see the most gorgeous sets from one person who's in a bunch of your fandoms, and then you'll scroll and see the most heinous takes floating about on their blogs
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nyanryan · 2 years
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if you do acid twice you will stop caring about shipping discourse. this Is a suggestion btw. a recommendation maybe. i do not think weird ppl writing weird stories on an obscure website is an actual problem that effects the real world. ❤️
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yo9urt · 1 year
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i never know how good i am at hiding a crush and i’ve always felt like i’m not that good at it and every time i get a new crush it’s always a game of like. how long until someone who isn’t that close to me finds out
#mine#cause obviously my friends know about it pretty quickly#family doesn't count because sometimes i tell them sometimes i don't#but with like. in this case other coworkers i guess but it can be diff groups depending on the context#its like. when will someone find out#i think with this one im doing an ok job at hiding it#i can't really tell obviously but i feel like im capable of acting at least sort of normal around him and disguising it to some extent#but i always panic and overthink and freak out#but also my biggest tell by far is my eyes#when i like someone and they're within view i just want to look at them for as long as i possibly can#i am VERY visual#and when someone i like is nearby i DO just look at them like even if its just peripheral i'm always following them visually#when i clocked out of work i went downstairs to buy some stuff at the little convenience store thing on the fisrt floor#then when i went back up so i could leave out the back door of my job i saw cute coworker in his usual place#and after chatting a little with the coworker who was at the door i turned my gay little eyes to you know who#and watched him for like a large amount of the time that i spent walking away#mainly because i knew only like one other coworker could see me doing it because only one other coworker could see where i was looking#and it was some girl ive never met and everyone else was occupied so i was like ok im just going to stare at him gayly wihle i leave#but if anyone ever decides to watch where my eyes go when he's in the room they could easily guess what's going on#god i want him
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bsaka7 · 2 years
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☕️ the current state of f1 fanfic
first off, i haven't read a f1 fic in ages. and the stuff i have read has just been stuff written by my friends (who i love and think are so interesting and smart etc). some of this is probably just 1) my own life changing massively and 2) general ebbs and flows of posting in fandom. i'm putting this under a cut even though i'm holding myself back a lot. like r u trying to get me canceled :( i like hanging out with all of you but in my heart i am sad and judgy and a hater and i think about everything like i think about school.
second, uh. i think i have been generally disillusioned with f1fic for a while. i think there's some real good an interesting stuff that has been written in the past couple of months but just. i think the act of interacting with fic as its happening as opposed to diving into a fandom and sifting through for all the "good" inevitably changes how you view it. if that makes sense.
that's all to say. there are things i'm into and things i am interested in and those are not the things that i've been reading nor the things i've been writing. like i truly feel. terrible about most of the fic i've written in the past six months??? i know this is no good to say as an author -- i'm not fishing for compliments and i know my writing is decent and there are things people enjoy about it and i don't want to like...make people feel bad about that -- but its kind of true. its like. i don't know what i want but its out of reach.
lastly, i guess, fandom trends have been moving away from things that i am interested in/comfortable with for like. the entire time i've been in f1 fandom so that's probably part of it too. i don't want to touch [type of fic]. i don't like [this kink]. i don't care about [this pairing]. things like that. which is okay!! i too have shifted and adapted a lot!! and i think part of it is -- what i like in books and in fic overlap and those things are never as prevalent in fic, and in a small fandom...etc.
so tldr. i think there is nothing i'm interested in right now so to me the state is bad but like. that means nothing. i don't think that there was an era of "better" f1 fic necessarily (or maybe there was...). but i don't know that i can say the state of it feels particularly strong to me right now. maybe we are just in a lull.
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mythvoiced · 2 years
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-. PSA
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EDIT: GUIDELINES & MUSES LINK IS GOOGLE DOCS FILE ♥
Summer break! It has become a sort of semi-established habit of my family that things don’t go too well during summer break, it’s been a few years this way and I’m still not quite sure what prompts it, but I’m expecting poor times ahead unless I manage to do enough damage control to prevent anything, because that’s my job! Still, I expect some emotional and mental exhaustion starting from today actually, so consider me formally announcing that I’ll be EXTREMELY LOW-ACTIVITY especially ooc because I just don’t have the mindset for it~ I hope you can forgive my pace and thank you so for your patience~
Again, I will be EXTREMELY LOW-ACTIVITY and I might be giving up on filling my queue as well, because I’m just too tired mentally. Things might change again in the future once things seem more settled, but until then, hope you can forgive this!
AND PLEASE UNFOLLOW if you feel it’s time or if it’s simply something you want, I won’t hold it against you AT ALL, I’d appreciate if you took care of yourself and your dash and would be happy to know you’re curating things for your mental health~ ♥ BUT please soft-block/hard-block (according to your preferences) me as well so I know it wasn’t a mistake on my or Dumblr’s part~
I’m just terribly demotivated at the time so I’d rather not offer poor quality things and wait ‘til when I can actually put something together that is worth your time and writing!
Thank you so for reading ♥
EDIT: Nae-Gil Flubber Dumbass Stan ♥#6074 in case you’d like to nyoom at me on Discord, I’m slow there too, but a lil faster than via IMs ♥
💖 CLICK ONCE DAILY TO AID PALESTINE 💖
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