#I can’t make friends I’m as uninteresting as it gets and I’m distant and communicating is a struggle for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blasphemecel · 4 months

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Michael Kaiser — Molasses

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader WORD COUNT: 2.5k TYPE: Humor, Established relationship, Idk if i'd call this fluff lol, bad communication gets resolved at the end WARNING: trigger warning for CRINGE

“Is it easy for you to keep up with him?”

Your friend is interrogating you about Kaiser again. After a while, the topic of your relationship lost novelty, making way for newer drama, but it’s difficult for them to disregard that you’re dating a football player. Like, a real one, not just some dude who goes to play every other Sunday with his buddies.

You swirl your straw around your drink, looking at it like there’s slop in the glass instead of what you ordered. You wouldn’t say you keep up with Kaiser, so you shrug. “Give him a ball to kick around and he’ll be content.”

They raise an eyebrow, picking up on your sulking. Not like you’re being subtle about it. “So, I take it you’re not super stoked about things right now?”

Well, that’s the thing. You have nothing to do with what makes him happy. You don’t even call him by his first name, which is odd for obvious reasons, but also because it gives off the impression you’re one of the lackeys on his team, even though you don’t play. Or worse, a stalker fan who follows him around a lot.

Of course, you know what he’s like. That he’s a jerk who isn’t occupied with much besides himself, whose personality is cold and distant, and despite being a bit of a romantic, you’d prefer to think you didn’t have any unrealistic expectations. Maybe you overestimated your ability to tolerate how unavailable he is. And still — still! — is it such a crime to expect your boyfriend to display some vulnerability after several months of dating?

He doesn’t show you much of himself besides his persona, but you find it unnecessary, this covering up and playing His Majesty and forcing distance between you two with his paper thin smiles and showy kisses after games. You’re not a journalist trying to write an exposé on him (‘Michael Kaiser Is a Big Bitch’). You just… You just like him is all, and have a desire for a more profound closeness.

Does he share the same sentiments of affection towards you? It’s kind of a ridiculous question to ask yourself, and he’s way too pompous to allow anyone he finds uninteresting in his presence, but are you on his mind as often as he is on yours? Does he wonder about you the same way? You don’t believe you’re even half as elusive as he is, so it doesn’t seem plausible.

On the other hand, are you too overbearing? Should you pull back and relax?

You’ve been meaning to be mature and speak up about your concerns, but have been procrastinating on the conversation. For now, you wallow in your doubts while your friend suggests you break up with him and points out how big his forehead is, and how dumping a star is a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity.’

___

Kaiser is… off balance.

Not really. He’s standing upright and his posture is perfect and he’s not dizzy, but right now, the world is wrong and he can only hope the way he is clawing at his phone doesn’t betray how upset he is.

“Ness,” he says in his ‘I am about to complain’ tone. It is also only slightly different from his usual voice.

“Yes?”

“Before I continue, I just want you to know that I’m being very brave and nonchalant about this.”

Ness smiles, the expression seeming guileless as usual. “Of course,” he says eventually.

Kaiser all but shoves the screen in his face, since putting all of your offenses into words is beyond him, though it soon occurs to him Ness can’t read from this proximity and ceases the assault he’s committing on his eyes. Ness scans over your sparse chat, looks up at Kaiser again, and raises his eyebrows.

“They can’t make it to practice?” He states it in the form of a question when it appears that Kaiser is unwilling to talk, even though he’s the one who started the conversation.

“Congratulations, you can read. How many times has this happened?”

“I don’t know,” Ness says, despite knowing this is the fifth since he counted every time you didn’t show up the last two weeks. “Are they not feeling well?”

You shot him down the last two times he asked you to go out on a date. And you haven’t called before bed in a while. And you didn’t even add a kissy emoji when you told him good luck (not like he cares about your stupid emojis, but you didn’t). And whenever you see him lately, you act closed off.

“No, they’re totally avoiding me,” he says, after going through a mental flashback of all of your betrayals as if he was in a war instead of on iMessage. “Do you think I’m ugly? Or maybe boring?”

“Never.”

“Then what should I do?”

Did he have a plan for if he were unattractive? Get plastic surgery just to keep dating you or something? “You should try asking.”

“Maybe our relationship is losing its spark,” Kaiser says, completely disregarding Ness’s input. Ness continues smiling. It is unnerving, but an idea comes to Kaiser’s mind, and he’s too busy marveling at his genius to notice. “It’s an easy fix. I just need to romance [Y/n] again.”

Ness is still smiling.

“Anyway,” Kaiser continues despite the lack of answer, “you know they love those comics or whatever. It can be like a challenge. Recreate the atmosphere, sweep them off their feet. I can make my sweetie’s dreams come true. Because I’m not replaceable, and only I can do that for them. Right?”

For a brief moment, Ness considers telling him this is not the way and that he’s jumping through so many hoops, he’s going to trip and fall, but decides against it. Maybe there’s a grain of truth to what he’s saying. He doubts anyone else would come to this conclusion, for one, let alone devise a plan around it. If irreplaceable is synonymous with unique by some stretch of the imagination, then sure.

“Of course,” he says again. His eyes are big and innocent. Kaiser gets the distinct impression that Ness is judging him right now.

___

It’s already dark outside and you’re still sitting at your desk, doing mundane things on your computer, once again distracted from an assignment you’ve been meaning to do for a while. Something smacks against the window, startling you, but when you pull the curtains, you don’t see anything near the sill. You assume you imagined the noise, but another pebble hits the window, and this time you witness it as it happens.

The thought of some asshole throwing rocks at your windows irritates you, so you stand up to investigate, pressing your forehead against the glass.

Kaiser waves at you from below, looking way too cheery. You don’t know what he’s doing here, but you turn to go and let him in through the intercom — did he ring? you don’t remember him doing so — until you notice him gesturing at you to open the windows. Confused, you comply, peeking your head out, the cold breeze blowing against your cheeks and invading your already poorly insulated apartment.

“You look lovely today,” he yells out. Not a strong start, but he can redeem himself. Maybe.

“Thanks? Do you wanna come in?”

“Yes.” You lean away from the window again, but he stops you with another bizarre request. “No, wait. Later.”

This perplexes you even more, but you humor him with a weary expression anyway, resting your face against your palm.

… You interrupt his unnecessarily loud reading of some obscure love poem with a flail of your hands and a, “Cut it out and just come up!”

God, you hope none of your neighbors heard. To spare you both of this embarrassment, you don’t give him a chance to continue and instead close the windows, hurrying to let him in and unlock your door.

What’s with him, anyway? You feel a pinprick of anxiety at what’s about to come after such a strange… greeting from him, but try your best to seem stoic while you wait for Kaiser to climb up the stairs.

When he comes into view, you offer him what you consider a cool nod (which you may or may not have practiced in the mirror), and he continues to stand there at the doorway as if waiting for something. You move aside to give him space. Kaiser blinks once, figures this isn’t going his way, then follows your lead.

“Please don’t make me ask ‘where’s my hug at?’” he says, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. “That’s not like me at all.”

In your struggle to think of a neutral response, all you come up with is, “No one’s making you do anything,” which sounds more disagreeable than what you’re going for.

His lips settle into a thin line, the action calculating, as if he’s contemplating his next move. Both of you are being tactical. It’s weird considering this is supposed to be a sweet surprise visit from your boyfriend, not a battle of psychological warfare, but you don’t even know what’s going on anymore.

Then he takes a step closer until he’s in front of you, invading your personal space with his face leaning in so close to yours, resting his palm against the wall, almost pinning you to the wall but not quite. “Why not?”

“Do you need something? I kind of wasn’t expecting you, so,” you say irrelevantly. In your head, you’re still trying to make sense of this, not understanding where these corny gestures are coming from all of a sudden.

“No, I just wanted to see you. Is that a crime?” he says, backing away, folding his hands behind his back. There’s an artificial grin on his face. “Was this enjoyable for you?”

“Well, um, it was alright.”

“Did you like my recitation?”

“No…”

He read your stupid favorite series and the idiot love interest did both of those things. Does he have something that Kaiser doesn’t? And should he throw an irrational and jealous tantrum about it, shoujo style, or should he move onto the amnesia subplot?

This is awkward. You can’t think of an inoffensive topic to bring up. Perhaps deliberately withdrawing yourself from him has impaired your conversational skills? Either way, his unpredictable actions from earlier are throwing you off your game.

Kaiser follows you when you lead him to the couch, sitting in a manner you think is far too dignified considering he was serenading you from under your balcony not too long ago — prim and proper, with his ankle crossed over his knee and his hands intertwined together like he’s at a fancy meeting, offering opinions about a business deal.

You fumble for the remote with sweaty fingers, turning on the TV, hoping for a distraction. You can’t focus because you can feel Kaiser’s gaze on you, putting you on edge, burning into your side profile. He’s not even paying attention to whatever random show you started.

You turn towards him, conveying your incredulity with a raise of your eyebrows because you’re not even sure what you’re supposed to ask. ‘Why are you looking at me?’ doesn’t communicate what you want to say to the fullest extent.

“Oh, you caught me staring longingly at you. How embarrassing,” Kaiser says with the same sly smile, not sounding the slightest bit ashamed.

“Are you okay?”

“No. Have we met before?”

You scrunch your face in evident disbelief and think, OBVIOUSLY?

It makes Kaiser contemplate whether the amnesiac subplot is worth continuing.

“Seriously, you’re acting weird,” you say after gathering your wits.

“‘Weird,’” he repeats in fake amusement and looks away, switching from… whatever he’s been doing to a strange defensiveness, then adjusts the collar of his shirt. “I think the definition of that word is subjective.”

“I mean, sure.”

“And anyway, you were the one who was acting strange first.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Instead of acting like I don’t exist anymore, you should’ve just said you want to separate.”

God, Kaiser is so dramatic. Saying you were ‘acting like he doesn’t exist’ just because your world doesn’t revolve around him. You’re struggling to keep up with these mood swings. “But I don’t want to break up?”

“Oh,” he says before his lips turn up again. “That’s good,” he settles on, figuring it makes him come across as calm and collected enough.

“Honestly, I don’t know what you were doing, but… if you were worried about something, maybe you should’ve just told me?”

“You’re so cute when you’re being hypocritical.”

You cross your arms and frown, offended.

“I mean,” Kaiser elaborates, “you haven’t told me why you’re avoiding me either. And what was I doing? I wanted to find a new way to woo you again, but since you didn’t notice, it obviously didn’t work. Let’s just pretend it never happened.”

“Well, it’s hard to put it into words,” you say, picking at a hangnail on your finger to distract yourself. “I don’t want you to woo me or anything. A lot of the things you do are performative, just for show. Even all this wasn’t sincere… So I don’t wanna be in a situation where I’m opening up to you when you’re not doing the same.”

He seems taken aback by this. “Do you doubt my feelings for you?”

“Not exactly. More like the depth of them, if that makes sense?”

“When I thought I was losing you, I started acting irrational,” he says in a disdainful tone, vaguely gesturing at nothing in particular to imply this entire ordeal. “I hate to admit it, but it scared me how much it was affecting me.” Kaiser appears to regret admitting this almost immediately, though, because he tries to divert your attention by asking, “Is this the appealing kind of vulnerable? Or the pathetic one? I could repeat myself while flipping my hair from my best angle if it’d help.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry,” you say. “I should’ve just been upfront instead of playing games. You were right, that’s pretty hypocritical of me.”

“Yes, you should be sorry, making me act like a clown.” You narrow your eyes at him in annoyance. “But I guess I was confusing you, so I’ll forgive you this time.”

“Hold on,” you say, when the tropes finally click into your head (though you have to admit, as much as you love the romance genre, these things do come across as really bizarre in real life). “I don’t know if you were reading with your ass or what, but all these things are supposed to happen before the characters get together. It was way too late for any of this!”

“Haha. Is that so?” Kaiser asks, pretending he’s not dying of even more mortification on the inside. Then he pulls out his phone. “That reminds me, I organized a duel for your hand against Ness at the city center for later. I guess I should cancel it.”

“What-”

“Don’t worry, we choreographed it to be quick and painless, with a decisive win in my favor,” he says, as if any of what he mentioned is what you were questioning.

“Choreographed- Never mind, actually, I don’t wanna know. Why would Ness even agree?”

“Because I asked him to do it…?”

#michael kaiser x reader #kaiser x reader #michael kaiser x you #bllk x reader #bllk x you

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beann-e · 3 years

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Entitlement Of A Class

summary ; shinso loves to get in your head during arguements

You’d been sitting here communicating your annoyance through your facial expressions for the last 15 minutes yet, you couldn’t tell if shinso just didn’t care or he didn’t want to

“ whenever you stop acting like an emoji keyboard and decide to use your words we can talk “

you looked to the floor wishing it could swallow you whole as you sat next to your boyfriend on the couch his arm wrapped around you as your body laid back against the couch feet tucked under yourself

“ unless your scared “ his eyebrow coming up as he turned to look at you

“ and my precious kitty has no reason to fear me right “

you looked away from him shaking your head lightly as his hand came down to rub your thigh “ see then we’re fine lets just watch the movie ‘k— i’ve been wanting to see this since it came out “

You knew he never cared much and you didn’t know how to communicate it wasn’t that you felt like you couldn’t talk to him ‘ which you did ‘ you just simply found it hard to when he would always use his quirk to shut the argument down when it approached a point he didn’t want to discuss or simply talk anymore

“ I-i’m mad “ you decided to start out slow you knew you had to go about this a certain way or it could all go left . He blinked as he continued to stare at the tv his body relaxed showing no interest as he repeated your words plainly “ you are mad “

you took a gulp “ and i’m — I want you to apologize for making me mad “ you studied him as you kept speaking slowly “ I would like for you to pay attention to me while I talk s-shin “

“ how do you expect me to pay attention to someone who’s just listing effects and solutions but wont provide me the cause to said ‘ anger ‘ “ you nodded your head you were doing ok he seemed to be taking you slightly serious

“ i’m sorry it was my fault for not explaing “ he grunted as your continued “ earlier before we watched the movie you ignored me when I said hi to your class — in the hallways — at training I just it was kinda hurtful babe“

“ I told you I don’t want people to know “ he moved his hand over to turn the tv up trying to focus on his — y’all’s— movie “ why would I hold your hand or request you as my sparring partner if I don’t want people to think we’re dating “

“ but because of that I had to pair with bakugou and he burned me “ you gripped at your side “ badly “

he nodded “ yeah saw that — you should get recovery girl to fix it she’ll have you as good as new — ask deku he should be a medical intern by now“

you looked to the floor “ shinso I wish you cared more “ your voice was low “ I know your trying your best really I do but you just your so distant even when we’re not around people “

you pointed between the two of you “ honestly if you didn’t use your pet names I myself would think we’re just really close friends — look how uninterested you are when I talk“

“ I am not uninterested “

“ then what was I just talking about shin “

he paused as he looked at you speaking “ why do you always do this “ his gaze on you harsh

“ why do you always pick fights with me I told you I was listening y/n why can’t that be it ? why can’t it be over “

he reached out to pull you in his arms “ I don’t understand arguments baby — I don’t understand the point when half the time the problems aren’t that important “ he whispered as he spoke to you “ your mad because I didn’t pick you as my sparring partner really y/n ? not because I didn’t save you from villians or because I let you almost get hit by a car “ his eyebrows creased “ but because I let you fight bakugou “

“ it’s not li— “

“ baby , honestly it’s not my fault you can’t beat bakugou — it’s not my fault your not on his level “

he shifted you off of his lap as he moved to turn the tv off “ so stop trying to start pointless fights that you know we’re gonna get no where with and go practice in the training room — you wanna be a hero right “

you shook your head slowly “ well then it’s gonna be hard for me to advocate for you to aizawa— to get out of class 1-B if you can’t even beat the top student and then cry about it after he scratches you“ he waved you off as he stood up stretching “ no one wants to deal with that “

“ shinso that’s not nice —he literally blasted me into the brick wall for even approaching him to start the fight— you know i’d give anything to be in your new class just becuase I can’t beat bakugou doesn’t mean anything“

“ clearly it does if your bringing it up to me like what do you want me to do about it — I can’t magically make you fight better “

“ I know and that’s not what i’m upset abo- “

“ then what the fuck are you so upset about y/n “ his hand slammed into the couch face lit up in annoyance

“ n-nevermind “

“ oh now it’s never mind ? where was this earlier when I just wanted to watch my movie huh “

his voice was so calm but his actions were saying otherwise as he was gripping the remote in his hands knuckles white “ answer me — I told you this argument was pointless that it was a waste of my time and I didn’t understand it and you kept going“ his face came up in disbelief “ and now you wanna end it here ? “

“ no I just — your there — at the peak— it’s no need to keep going i’m gonna screw myself over “

“ how ? huh how are you ?— what the hell are you talking about “

“ I would like to s-stop please “

he stalked over to where you sat looking down on you who was now trapped. You’d pissed him off even if he was the calmest and rational person you’d ever met. You knew his attitude when he had one always showed his annoyance especially when he felt the situation was as trivial as this

“ oh you wanna stop ? now ? and i’m just suppose to let you after I said I wanted to stop and you kept going “

“ because I — I thought I had the go ahead I didn’t know i messed up “

“ what are you talking about-why do you keep saying that ? “

you went quiet you knew not to answer he knows what he’s doing

“ y/n come on baby “

you weren’t gonna speak , you felt as the couch dipped him sitting down as he pulled you in his lap kissing you softly as you returned it . It was rare for him to give you affection and you enjoyed it he knew this . You found yourself pulled into a long kiss you both breaking away as he moved to nuzzle into your neck “ y/n come on talk to me “ he nipped at your neck

“ I love when you talk no matter if your mad or not — I hate when your quiet makes me feel like I did something wrong “

you groaned at his words you felt bad you didn’t want to leave him hanging “ did I do something wrong baby ? “

you felt your heart strings pull he never got soft like this you knew he felt bad and you couldn’t help but answer softly “ no shinso “

the smirk that spread across his face was so sinister if you could have seen it you would have packed your things and ran. Your brain going wonky as you felt your head start pounding it was almost like you’d lost control over your own thoughts —mind racing

“ I know babe I know “ you whimpered at the feeling

“ calm down i’ll help you out “ you felt as he sat you down on the couch gently

“ y/n you see your hand “ he pointed to your hand

“ bring it up to your head for me real quick and let your quirk go to work ok “ you did as you were told hand falling when you were done him sitting back on the couch and your body swiftly falling to lay back on the pillows eyes closed as snores fell from your lips

“ thank god you have a sleep quirk any other and it might not always work “ he laid his back on the couch starting the movie over and relaxing peacefully as he sighed out

“ shoulda done that as soon as they pissed me off when they first opened their mouths “

#my hero academia shinsou #bnha shinso hitoshi #hitoshi shinso x reader #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou x y/n #shinsou headcanons #mha shinsou #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #mha x y/n #mha imagines #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha #fanfic #oneshot

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engelkeijsers · 4 years

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i thought keeping this all to myself for some time until it passes would be a good idea and i actually did that, but with every day it's getting harder so you know what fuck it and nevermind i'm actually gonna rant here,, i'm not expecting anyone to respond this is one is just for me to get this out of my system

a little context first for all those that are actually reading if there are any: last wednesday, thursday and friday were SHIT, like really really bad days for me mentally but i had to go to school and so i went. the day before i've lost my clean days (as in self-harm) which were like three weeks already but i tried not to think about it too much cause you know ✨ guilt ✨ so i just sat down my ass in one of the desks and waited for mt friends to come (i'm gonna refer to them as x y z cause privacy). i usually sit with z cause whe comes aeound the same time as i do, but that day x came before her and so she sat with me. normal, literally not the first time we've done this. x noticed my forearm and we talked a little about how i'm feeling and all, really nice i love her. then y came and x talked with her too and then came z late to class cause her bus didn't come. again, not the first time. the whole day we didn't change the rooms so i was stuck at my chair between x and the wall, fine with it cause that way i didn't have to engage much into the conversations and bro i was SO thankful for that, also x helped a little so win. friday was practically the same as that. the whole weekend i was kinda recovering and just relaxing a bit and then monday came. monday was for me one of these days when i'm oveely energetic like i literally can't sit my ass in one place cause i have to either pkay with my pen or swing in my chair or something, just really energetic. and so i was that, again next to a wall place with x beside me. and after the second lesson we had to move the rooms so fine i packed, waited for them. y and z packed before me and x and left early tho, which was kinda surprising since we always wait for every one of us. but fine, i waited for x and we left and then we sat before the classroom. i tried to start a convo with z but she quickly cut off, like completely uninterested?? so i just stood up and left, cause i felt like now she might be having a bad day and i didn't want to make it harder for her to go through. so i walked up to x and jokingly said that i was blown off and x said seriously "and do you know why that is?" and at that moment i understood something was wrong so i asked what's going on and x told me that z felt like i pushed her off last week and it hurt her a little. at that second the bell rang and we went to class. when i tell you u got so fucking sad- like i didn't notice that i might have done that until x pointed out and i just felt so bad?? cause even if i have the worst fucking day i have no right to make my friends feel bad you know. so i spent the whole lesson thinking about how should i apologize to her like what words to use and how to approach this. and so the bell rang again and we left and i sat next to z on the corridor and said (i am quoting here) «i'm sorry» «for what?» she fake laughed here, not looking me in the eyes not even once during the whole 'convo'* «for being so distant those last two days of the previous week, i didn't want you to feel bad» «it's fine» «no but for real bro, i didn't want to» (we use bro to each other very often okay) «it's okay». that was it. i know she said it was okay, but she didn't look me im the eyes even once and the tone of her voice clearly indicated something different?? idk but i got really upset, at the verge of tears even (cause like i said, very energetic day so therefore also VERY strong emotions, even exaggerated some would say) and we haven't talked since except one 'hello' from yesterday morning cause we were the first ones from our friend group to come. and she's talking normally with x and y, just not with me, so that makes me even more upset?? and me and y were never really close, so only x left for me to talk on breaks and she wasn't at school yesterday fun!! but the reason is serious and i don't blame her at all though. also!! x is practically the only person answering me when i'm asking/texting in our group chat, y always seeing but not responding and z seeing either like y or after few hours

my point here is basically that right now i feel just really pushed aside and out of place with people that i've been friends with for more than a year now and it hurts a lot to be honest. and i really don't get it!! i know z has every right to be angry with me, but i already said i'm sorry twice and tried to make up for it since then, so i don't understand why she's acting like that?? i would understand if she'd said «you know what yeah i am mad at you actually» but she said it was all fine so?? what the fuck is going on, what's that fucked up kind of punishing me?? cause it does feel as if she's trying to do that ngl and the same people were talking about communication in our relationships while we were quarantined? like we then laughed at people that don't talk to each other at all but have expectations and yet they're now doing the fucking same?? i'm just so damn tired cause the whole evening yesterday i felt like i was going to cry in any moment but couldn't and i still feel like that now and this state is just so tiring physically and mentally and i'm so done with them acting like that but also i don't feel like i have the right to call them out on it?? cause i feel like it was me that started it all?? i don't know anymore i'm just so tired of this whole situation i wanna cry tbh

#long post #self harm mention #sh mention #mare talks shit #sorry it's so long i just had to get it out #probably delete later

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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years

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𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

Can I get a Kuroko no Basuke matchup please? Also could you make me anonymous? Thanks! :)

Aquarius and INFJ. Enneagram Type 4 & 5 (I’m more of 5, though it’s close). I have a hypersensitive personality and mild social anxiety. I’m very shy and socially awkward, sometimes even to my own family and friends. I’m not very good with keeping conversations; I’m lacking much in the communication department and so I often worry that people get bored with the things I talk about so it’s hard for me to maintain one other than the basic greetings. I have rather low self-esteem. That’s why I avoid being around people a little too much. That and also because I’m quite the loner type. I don’t dislike people (that much) but I usually prefer being alone and doing things alone. I’m mostly serious and quiet, but I can be talkative when I’m conversing with someone I’m very comfortable with about things I like.

By nature I’m very childlike, and generally I have an easy laughter. Although inside I’m a mature thinker and feeler. I’m quite a deep person. I’m very sentimental and melancholic, and very often gets nostalgic about everything that happened in my life. I often think about philosophical ideas, about love, life, and the future.

Only I have grown colder and more distant the past few years; due to my hypersensitive personality, I feel very strongly, which, in its own, is not a negative thing, but coupled with my knack for letting a lot of things get to me, I always let the resulting emotions - whether they’re positive or negative - get the better of me. I easily get hurt and bothered by the slightest things even if they’re not even meant to be thrown negatively in any way. So over the years I’ve forced myself to toughen up and not care too much about things as much as I did before. I have a very short temper and I get irritated, annoyed, and angry too easily and too often, especially when things don’t go my way. I have a tendency to be cruel and harsh to people when it gets too much, sometimes lashing out, or more often giving the silent treatment. I hold grudges, and I shut people out when I want to. Though I never actually say what my problem with them is; they know I’m mad, but have no idea why.

I’m not very good at keeping friends partly because I can’t fully commit myself to a relationship (friendship). I’m good with the initial, light conversation but I don’t find myself being further interested or wanting to get too attached. It’s most probably because I’m too much of a loner; I value and need my personal space too much. It’s not that I don’t like clingy people. I simply don’t like being disturbed or demanded of my time and attention, especially when I’m doing something. And also possibly because my interest in something/someone has a tendency to waver.

I’m a coward above all things. I’m way too scared to step out of my comfort zone. That’s why I avoid confrontations and fears as much as possible. When things start to become too much for me, I tend to escape, thus my preference to be alone and separated from the rest of the world. When things start to get a little complicated, always, my first option is to leave everything behind and run away. I’m terrible at commitments, and I’m too anxious of responsibilities, especially those that come with adulthood. I’m also not very keen on entertaining new ideas and concepts because I want to deal only with what’s already established and, more importantly, what I’m familiar with.

I’m dramatic, a worrier, and an overthinker. There’s a part of me that wants to please other people and have them accept me. Sometimes I even tend to act a little out of character because I think people would find the real me uninteresting and boring - though it doesn’t mean I succumb to drastic measures just for that (when it comes to relating with others, I may oftentimes feel that I’m not good enough, but if it’s just me and myself, I acknowledge and accept who I am, and there are certain aspects of myself that I’m quite proud of, too). I only try to be more agreeable, I guess. I fear rejection, so I tend to reject others before they can reject me. This, along with anger and indifference, are my defense mechanisms.

I’m also prideful. I never want others to see me hurt or cry. I don’t apologize as well. I used to be able to express my emotions well, but after I allowed myself to change it’s really hard to express even positive emotions now. Since I barely talk especially when I’m not in the mood, to others I appear to be absorbed in my own world and have an I-don’t-care attitude, and to an extent, they’re right. I’m usually cooped up in my room (I can spend a whole day without talking to anyone, just reading anything or surfing the net). I care for very few things in life, but when I care about something, I care a lot deep inside. I just very seldom act on those feelings.

I have a very defiant attitude; unless it’s an official rule that needs to be followed, I dislike complying with the norms or trends for two reasons: one, I simply like being different, and two, I’m not interested. I don’t like the mainstream at all. One thing that greatly defines my personality is I dislike being ordered around, demanded of anything, or looked down upon, no matter who it is. I don’t like being expected of something because I hate being pressured (when I’m working under pressure it’s either I’ll yield good results, or I’ll mess up big time, end up not accomplishing anything, and run away). When I don’t approve of something, most likely (if it can be helped) I would refuse to do it. For me, unless I feel there’s a need to surrender to the situation, no means an absolute “no.” When I make up my mind about something, nobody can sway me into thinking otherwise. I don’t appreciate being told what to do - if I’m going to do something for other people, it has to be of my own will. I’m not good at taking orders and requests from people. And unless I asked for it or it’s really necessary, I don’t listen (or at least follow) to advice either. I’m prideful as well in this sense. I like to take credit and responsibility for every good and bad thing that happen in my life. If I fail, it’s my own fault. If I succeed, it’s mostly because I made the right decisions for myself.

On the brighter side of things (me), underneath, my old self hasn’t abandoned me completely. I used to be a generally sweet and caring person, I still am sometimes when I’m not annoyed with someone or something. I’m the youngest in the family, so it makes me really happy (and feel somewhat proud and accomplished) when I’m the one taking care of people, especially when I’m treated like an older sister and depended on by those younger than me.

When I’m being my nicer self I tend to be very considerate and thoughtful of other people. My perceptiveness and sensitivity allows me to read moods and situations and therefore I can act accordingly. An example of this is when I usually filter what I say depending on the situation and the feelings of the person I’m talking to. I always put myself in their shoes so I’d know what not to do or say. Mostly I try not to do things I wouldn’t want others to do to me. I consider this perceptiveness and sensitivity/awareness of other people’s feelings as well as my own as my strengths. Although most of the time (and this is after I started to change myself), I’m too perceptive to the point of being somewhat cynical and untrusting. I used to see only the good in people, but now I almost always wonder what motivation drives a person to do something good (Is it innate kindness? Or are they doing it just for show?).

I value fairness greatly. I tend to feel disdain towards a person, even if s/he is someone I also love, if that person says or does something I consider demeaning or hurtful towards another person I love. My attitude greatly depends on the attitude of others around me. When people are nice to me or to the people I care about, I act so much nicer to them in return. But when they’re being mean, I tend to be meaner and harsher. So it’s either I’m too nice or I’m too evil, it’s both on the extremes.

I tend to be quite protective of everything I love - from my family (this is especially true with my mom) down to my pets. That’s why sometimes my nicer self still feels guilty for shutting them out. Despite being a colder person now, I still have a tendency to feel guilty or be moved very easily when I feel that someone in the family is emotionally troubled, so even if I wasn’t originally in the mood to do anything involving people (or I was initially pissed off with him/her), I still try my best to offer some sort of comfort by “trying” to bond/spend time with the person (try, because I can’t make conversations to save my life so sometimes it just turns awkward, but yeah, at least I’m there). When I feel like being a good, loving daughter, I volunteer to do things for them so they would be spared from the burden of doing the chore themselves (on my own will, not taking requests).

I’m very passionate about a current interest or hobby of mine and am very devoted and loyal to it. I’m single-minded to the point of obsession, so I can only be interested in ONE thing in a period of time. When I like a certain something, my complete attention is focused into it - it’s like zoning in on it - and I can’t be bothered to care for anything else. I have a fairly short attention span though and I easily get swayed as well so after a few months or a year I’d switch interest and loyalty.

When it comes to something I like, I’m quite the perfectionist - too much so that I’m actually being too obsessive-compulsive about it. On the contrary, I have a tendency to hugely slack off in things which I absolutely hold no interest in. I’m slightly above average in intelligence, but I consider myself wiser rather than intelligent. I can be very sly and manipulative in order to get what I want (I’m excellent at subtlety and I play my cards well). The saying, “If there’s a will, there’s a way,” greatly applies to me. I can find a whole lot of ways to achieve something I really want. Just the same, when I don’t want to do a particular thing, I can come up with a million excuses to put it off until the next century. I tell white lies to save myself. I’m also very stubborn. I’m open-minded about some things which people would normally consider as taboo.

I value love, understanding, fairness, and faithfulness way too much. When it comes to people, I like someone who understands me completely, or at least someone who I feel won’t judge me in any way no matter what silly things I say or do, someone who shares the same interests as I do, or basically just someone whom I feel very much comfortable with. I want someone whom I can completely bare my heart to and have them deeply understand me. I want someone who is respectful and trustworthy, one who is one hundred percent faithful to me, even when I’m not around. My hobbies/passions/interests are watching anime and horror movies, reading manga and novels, writing, surfing the net, collecting action figures and manga of my favorite anime, listening to music, mind games, cooking (only because I enjoy eating), sleeping, and daydreaming. I have a soft spot for dogs. I love thrills (although most of the time I don’t get to actually proceed with doing them because I’m such a careful, paranoid, scaredy-cat).

I greatly dislike people who are judgmental, unfair, arrogant, show-off, sarcastic, and insentive, and girls who care so much about fashion, make-up, and boys more than anything. I dislike violence, and on some occasions where it’s portrayed realistically, it makes me so anxious and uncomfortable (at one time, our class watched a play depicting political dirt, it was completely uncensored and there was just too much violence going on and I felt disturbed and very uncomfortable inside that I was reduced to a crying mess). I fear anything that’s not secure or anything (destructive) that’s out of my control. I don’t like being judged, looked down upon, and being told what to do. I hate it when people use the concept of love so casually. I hate superficial things, especially when they relate to people’s feelings. I run away from responsibilities. I also don’t like any kind of distraction when I’m doing something like reading, writing, or watching.

Regarding physical appearance and how I generally appear to people, I’m very simple, conservative (when it comes to my physical appearance at least, my mind’s way too corrupted by my fandoms), and reserved. I’m pretty formal in my way of speaking, and basically I’m an old-school type of girl. But to everyone who knows me, I’m very childlike, both in the manner of speaking and acting. I grew up being like a child so it’s just natural for me to be seen skipping around the house or acting like an eight-year-old despite being in my mid-20s. That’s why I can relate easily and get along well with my much younger nieces and nephews. I’m around 5'3, slender and small-framed, with wavy black hair and equally black eyes. I wear glasses. My usual get-up are shirts/blouses and jeans. I don’t have interest in girly things like clothes, shoes, and make-up, preferring to shop for books instead.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello sweet pea~! Of course, I’ll go ahead and make you anonymous. Thank you for requesting with us and I hope you enjoy the match up I’ve given you~! We really appreciate the support and hope you’ll continue to stick around~!

Without further ado, onto the match up~!

» » Admin Ko

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙...

ᴋᴜʀᴏᴋᴏ ᴛᴇᴛꜱᴜʏᴀ

Now, I understand it might’ve been obvious at a first glance, but in reading what you’ve sent in I feel as though he’d practically be the perfect match for you!

Passionate and kind, Kuroko is the observant one within your relationship. He enjoys the real you, despite how ‘boring’ it may seem, after all it’s often said that despite his aloof and lack of presence, his own personality can seem boring in itself. Similar to you, Kuroko is usually caught by himself and at times can prefer to be on his own to better clear his mind and gain a better understanding of what’s going on in the world.

He’s not exactly the best at keeping conversations, but he does immensely enjoy the time he gets to spend with you. To him, merely being in the presence of someone you hold dear is just as good as being able to have a conversation with. He’d most likely try to pursue the type of silence where it’s comfortable between two parties in the same room with no conversation and merely appreciating that the other is there to spend time with them despite working on something else.

Your childlike attitude and easy laughter hold a special place in his heart, and he always reflects back to it whenever he feels down or just needs a simple pick me up. He does worry about you however, with the desire to live the lone wolf life and allowing friendships to fade, he does try to at least invite you to small social gatherings as well as helping to ease any suspicions or clear distrust of others.

Because Kuroko isn’t one to implement anything without good reason, I find that he won’t trigger many episodes that will involve your short temper. Of course he isn’t immune to it, and at times can find a lot of the anger, annoyance, and irritation completely unnecessary, but he slowly works to at least gain a better understanding with you.

The main conflict I do find that may occur is the bluntness and desire for communication from the phantom 6th man. He wants a clear and 2 way relationship where he won’t feel as though he’s working hard alone in maintaining the relationship. He’s patient and will wait for you to open up whenever you feel comfortable, and at times will leave little reminders in his own unique way that he’s there for you and will always support you no matter what.

He really only realizes your fear and immediate takes to fleeing a situation after the first attempt at a confrontation. He’s clearly upset, thinking that you were turning a blind eye to a problem that arose, but takes the time to calm down to think of a better way to approach the situation. He’s the type who wants you to feel comfortable around him, and to be able to communicate easily with him as he does with you.

He understands your desire to be alone a majority of the time and only desires the simple updates via text or call just so he’s aware you’re okay. Loyal and honest to a fault, Kuroko will most definitely not stray from you. However, he will need at least a reminder here and there that you do truly love and care for him.

With him, he at least desires the same amount of effort he’s going to be putting in the relationship, and will most definitely feel hurt if he can clearly see if there is a lack of effort.

Other then that, he’s a complete gentlemen through and through. He’s considerate of the intimacy levels and what you may desire just a tad too much and is always looking for things that fit your hobbies / interests if he happens to be out and about.

If there was one thing Kuroko had to say that he gets hurt by the most within your relationship, it’s most likely the avoidance of one on one communication, the lack of apologizing, and dismissing advice given. He wants to help and at least provide insights as well as a different perspective, but understands the hard ‘no’s that come along.

If there is one thing that he would most desire, it would just be the communication. It doesn’t have to be full blown conversations to him, nor does it need to be interesting. For Kuroko, all he wants is clear concise communication and trust when speaking with you. Through both text and call he just desires honesty and no lies.

#anime matchup #anime imagines #match-ups #matchup #submissions #submission #kuroko no basket matchup #knb match up

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tantkill · 5 years

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Misconception: Kirigiri is cold-hearted, manipulative and utterly lacking in emotions or sympathy for others outside of their use to her in solving mysteries

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT KIRIGIRI ||

This is honestly the greatest misconceptions regarding Kirigiri mostly because the ones who believe this only go by how wikipedia writes her, as well as watching only the anime. Yes I say this because of how little information we are delivered in the anime and that’s why watching the anime is the WORST METHOD of getting interested in the Danganronpa cast. Kirigiri is one of the characters where you’ll fail to receive much and just reduced to a tacky summary in the animation while the gameplay offers more about her character, especially the Free Time Events ( believe me, Wikipedia of these characters is not going to give the true depths about them AT ALL ). Even watching a gameplay on Youtube is a step of improvement into understanding these characters since they upload the most important part of these characters: their Free Time Events. Wikipedia is a site where you can edit it as much as you want so are you going to entrust the word of people who possibly have a bias on the characters? Nope so the game is the only means of understanding! Now that I’ve added my little touch to how I feel about the birth of this misconception in full, I’ll be proving that this is a false misconception with actual game screenshots!

Kirigiri is cold-hearted and utterly lacking in emotions or sympathy

It’s a crime apparently to most people of a character being mysterious or the capability to conceal her emotions while misinterpreting it as being ‘cold-hearted’. The whole concept of Kirigiri concealing her emotions and hiding them is by how she stated that people who are far worse are capable of taking advantage of it. Her movements itself don’t ever suggest Kirigiri had ill-intentions from the start nor was she obligated to reveal it before people who were supposedly ‘strangers’ from the beginning. She acted upon an instinct where there’s no gain from letting others you don’t know how you’re feeling, especially if you’re being foolishly open. It sounds harsh coming from her mouth by how she stated it to Naegi but really she’s trying to properly educate him how his trust can be taken advantage ( spoiler alert: Maizono did just that and it basically opens a wound that guess what was mended by?

Kirigiri herself. Quite frankly, she wasn’t too thrilled to speak ‘noble’ of someone who did implant betrayal as being someone who experienced that kind of sensation…knowing how unpleasant it feels but the relation itself is what made Kirigiri feel she had to ) Being in a killing game doesn’t necessarily entitle every person to be absolutely trusting or kind to everyone. Everyone had their distrust and it expanded with every killing. If Kirigiri was being cold-hearted, you’d think she would make it obvious by fully interacting with everyone but she kept herself distant because of her condition. Kirigiri had practically her entire existence erased from her, subconsciously enacting her detective skills as if it was second nature, all the while keeping a cool head during the trials. She didn’t have a reason to not act as if she wasn’t cold-hearted but also displayed no such thing. Even Kirigiri’s intention of speaking with Naegi to move forward the betrayal he underwent showed the consideration she carried for him. From the beginning of the trial, she asked for him to figure it out and uncover the truth.

Sure the results of it might have left a scar but Kirigiri acknowledged the potential of his ability and went far to say ‘he was the kind of person they needed in order to press forward from this desperate situation’. I’m pretty certain this is another demonstration of Kirigiri’s attempts at being sympathetic all while pushing Naegi to move past those deaths. No, it wasn’t an enforced means of looking at it that way. This was a foreshadowing of the toll it’d take for Naegi to carry everyone’s deaths: SURVIVOR GUILT WILL BECOME HIS DESPAIR ( this was seen in Naegi’s brainwashing film in DR3 Future Arc where Kirigiri tried to make him move forward these deaths instead of keeping them; keeping these deaths will pile up and believing this was all his fault ). KIRIGIRI IS AWARE OF THE TOLL EMOTIONS HAVE ON ANOTHER PERSON BECAUSE, AS WE SHALL SEE, SHE DOES POSSESS EMOTIONS.

Now let’s move on to the ‘UTTERLY LACKING IN EMOTIONS AND SYMPATHY’ part…

Ahhhh Kirigiri is comical enough that she humors people who have this misconception with her own intake about the matter. This is why I adore her to bits for practically saying ‘How clever of you to say such things when I have already stated before I don’t need to entertain your type of ideal waifu by being heavily emotional. What part of I prefer to conceal my emotions do you not understand? You realize characters like this exist right? No? Okay then’.

Apparently characters who have a stoic/enigma trait going about them, or the favored kuudere personification, are charged with being uninteresting or something is wrong with them for not being the emotional messes tsundere characters tend to be. Kirigiri’s Free Time Events gives us a more thorough understanding that she constantly emphasizes about being the kind of person who doesn’t wish to expose her emotions. She accepts these circumstances, accepts this motive for hiding them even if she acknowledges the other’s people intake on the matter, all while shooting down their assumptions. Without fully knowing she was a detective who did this for good intentions, Kirigiri was aware of taking this perspective when communicating with other people.

As stated before, they were PUT IN A KILLING GAME WHERE YOU WERE FOOLED TO BELIEVE THEY’RE ABSOLUTE STRANGERS AND MEMORIES OF BONDING WITH A HANDFUL OF EACH OTHER WERE TAKEN AWAY. Enoshima’s drive for manipulating everyone into accepting the motives and killing their own friends was a sadly successful tactic, dividing them at every chapter though they struggled to try and put some amount of trust. Each time, their trust was sourly mistaken which is what made the despair grow around them until the sixth trial.

Knowing this, Kirigiri instinctively knew this predicament felt like something similar and why she presents herself with this stoic persona while trying to solve the mysteries surrounding the school. Her motive was to obtain her memories as there wasn’t a reason to fully state it when someone must have been behind their ‘imprisonment’. Every character had a practical excuse for behaving as they did: wary of one another and only communicating with who they felt to have bonded with. Kirigiri, on the other hand, was only seen speaking with Naegi alone because of his foolishly open book persona. That itself gave her the confidence into at least cooperating with him, however she rarely expressed her emotions. This ties with her profession as a detective and we shall see why it connects to how Kirigiri’s personality is shaped. She didn’t become ‘emotionless’ as a way to make enemies. Rather, the following gives us an understanding to why she hides her emotions. She clearly states…

Reading your emotions easily by the enemy is the worst predicament for any good detective. In other words, Kirigiri won’t let someone who is the culprit to know what she’s capable of feeling. Reading her like an open book means inviting a chance at outsmarting her or the worst case scenery ENDING HER LIFE. People keep neglecting the motives behind Kirigiri’s ‘concealment of her emotions’ by forgetting she’s a detective. Even her views of what a good detective is not out of mocking or degrading other fellow detectives; this is simply stating her pride as a Kirigiri detective. She states along Chapter 6 during her aiding Naegi from escaping the trash pit about her pride as one. Her family had always taken pride in their legacy and mentioned it was SACRED. This is everything Kirigiri is, thus making her character of the stoic woman who people don’t appreciate or misunderstand to great lengths.

Kirigiri is manipulative…for others outside of their use to her in solving mysteries

It’s crucial to see Kirigiri’s standing of her neutral alignment as it plays a part to how she sees herself when it comes to a person. Being manipulative isn’t part of a neutral state where she doesn’t benefit from doing it as a means to obtain the absolute truth. People argued she was during the Fifth Trial because Kirigiri went against Naegi. Immediate standing goes to Naegi because he’s the protagonist and it seems like Kirigiri was playing a Maizono ‘backstabbing card’ against him. That is where PEOPLE ARE WRONG TO MAKE THIS ASSUMPTION.

Kirigiri didn’t manipulate as the trial itself was a manipulation itself to turn the outcome under Enoshima’s favor where she was looking for a viable reason to execute her. People didn’t play the game if they can’t understand the reasons behind Kirigiri’s attempts at pointing the finger at Naegi was due to this being a trial that ends the mystery all together. She acknowledges in putting the mystery above saving Naegi’s life but truthfully THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY. If you chose to pursuit the lie, there’s the bad ending for you if Kirigiri dies. In reality, this trial’s evidence was manipulated by Enoshima though Kirigiri manages to at least witness how screwed up it was which is why she’s desperately trying to survive. If we’re going for the anime, before the trial begins, she states to Naegi how this would become a trial that determines her survival and how she must come out of it alive. She realized the absolute truth behind it and it honestly pained her having to choose her own life against Naegi. In the end, Kirigiri jumped god knows how long that fall was without hesitation and saved Naegi from starving to death.

tltr; kirigiri is not cold-hearted, nor manipulative and utterly lacking in emotions or sympathy for others outside of their use to her in solving mysteries. she is a complex character who carries a stoic persona though when you truly earn her trust, kirigiri shall bless you with her emotions and not betray you.

#✖ ┇ ❝ what lies as truth ( prompts )#✖ ┇ ❝ anonymous inquires ( cold cases )#✖ ┇ ❝ inquiries hold depth ( cases responded )#long post tw #meta post

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futurezombi5 · 5 years

Text

Friendship

TW: Abuse and suicidal thoughts

I have very few friends in life, and that’s because of the trauma I endured. I know that now, but back then I just thought I was the outcast. I thought I was abnormal because I didn’t have all of these friends surrounding me and I didn’t want them either. Too many people to try to trust who could turn their backs on you. Too many expectations you could break. Too much. But I found my group. My one friend who is smarter than hell and has helped me through my toughest times. When my grandfather died she was the only one who understood that pain because of her mother dying. We spent many nights laughing and crying on the phone together and she helped us clean out my granddads house. She taught me what it was like to mourn and I consider her my closest friend to this day. My other friend who i considered my best was my mirror. She was spontaneous and crazy like me and had the same likes and interestes. We were inseparable and anywhere I was, she was and vice verse. When she graduated she still visited me nearly everyday, but when I graduated things changed. She started dating a guy whom she’s still with and started doing things I’d never consider and when I confronted her about it she reassured me she was ok and she knew what she was doing. I listened to her but she got so distant from me I barely hear from her once a month. I blame myself for letting her in and being able to hurt me. I loved her like a sister, but she seems uninterested in the friendship. Did I do something wrong? Did I make her hate me? Why were we so close and then nothing? We spent every single night at each other’s houses and chilling and now I barely get a text unless out of convienience. I miss her the most... after everything happened with her I relied on my other closest friend. She was shy when we first met, but I saw who she really was. Everyone just thought of her as the weird art kid who didn’t communicate with others, but I saw so much more. She was the most caring and hilarious person I’ve met to the point that she’s had me in tears before with some of the jokes and her caring used to cost her a great with other friends of hers. I warned her that they weren’t who she thought they were but she reassured me until her hand got burned one too many times. She would get me food when I didn’t even have enough money to make it to next week and would visit me when i wanted nothing more than to die. She spent so many nights at my house it was unrealistic and watched over my animals when I went to see my dad. She was the only person to go with me to see my boyfriend in person for the first time. She taught me what true friendship was like, but this doesn’t have a happy ending. She got silent. For days, weeks, i think even a month has passed by, and frankly I don’t know what to do without her. I miss us laughing till we cried and just weird and awkward moments we’ve had. I found myself feeling the same discomfort i did with the second friend. Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said? Please... I can’t lose another best friend. Still.. no response... and in the back of my head I’m worried, terrified, frightened she’s not ok, but all signs point to yes she is. My first best friend who is also my longest friend and the love of my life. I’ve known you since I was 10 years old and you were 12. You would text me late at night to make sure my father hadn’t killed me and it’s become an ongoing joke of “are you alive?” But when it started it was very real. The abuse I endured and he was my only outlet. He expressed his hatred for my father and his worry for me. I will never, ever forget that. I wasn’t that close with him at that point tho, and what really changed it was when he broke up with his girlfriend and expressed suicidal thoughts on skype. I was apparently the only person who had concern for him and the only one that cared. Of course I did he was my friend but according to him, not everyone else thought that way. We spent the entire night together just talking because I was depressed to, and at the time in an abusive relationship. Cont. in pt2

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shitmygaywifesays · 6 years

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your wife is a writer!! do you think she'd have any writing tips for a young aspiring author who's only recently started planning for an original book?

This is the Gay Wifeanswering herself!

Some disclaimers:

1.This turned into amonster, I am so sorry. I apparently had a lot to say on the matter.

2. I assume you readthe blog and don’t have a huge problem with cuss words. I normally wouldn’t dothis to a stranger online, so…

3. I am so fuckingpretentious. Lord. I added a bunch of links to things that have caused me topause and think about writing, and some of them are just??? I am so sorry,please don’t judge me too harshly.

Thank you so much for this ask! I was surprised,admittingly, that you’d ask for my writing tips despite the fact that I haven’tpublished anything online for you to read. But I am glad you did! My wife (theblog owner) is so very kind and supportive of me. Maybe a bit too much? Shetalked me up quite a lot in her answer to that ask. Because I don’t think I amall that special. Nor do I think myself and the spaceman living and my head area wellspring of great ideas, BUT HERE GOES. [Note from the blog owner: I neverexaggerate baby’s talents 😉]

I have hadthoughts on writing advice blogs/posts in the past, as in, they aren’talways useful. K J Charles, an author Ireally like, recentlymade a post about writing advice that is really worth a read if you wouldlike to seek out advice in the future.

That’s not to say I am not totally willing and excited toanswer you! This might just be a weird tip list, that’s all, because all ‘tiplists’ are biased to one writer’s processes. My ideas on writing might not workfor you, may be disastrous, or may be where you set your flagstones. I’ll trymy best to communicate what I think will help. But with that, take it with agrain of salt.

Writing a story, byits nature alone, is a product of desperate translation of something that isintangible; emotions, moments,places one has never been, experiences one’s never had. A story becomesgood when the translation of ideas switches from the surreal to the profoundlyrelatable. That might be something to keep in mind as you write; that youaren’t telling a story, you’re translatingthis idea in your mind and heart into words – into language, into a story,into a pathway to follow, into this brand new experience that will sit with areader for long time after they finish the story.

The writing process is labyrinthine and elaborate andintricate. I’m going to list a couple of things that have helped me, specifically what I did when I wasfeeling uninspired or frustrated with what I was writing. Again, these workedfor me, so if they don’t for you, don’t use them. Try something else! Explore!Innovate! Grow! And allow yourself mistakes!

I constantly think about classic writers and how theydiffer. I’m kind of a nerd for quotes and delight in spending hours pouringmyself over them. And writersso vastlydiffer fromeach otherwhen it comesto how they approachedtheir craft (I think about that last one a lot because it directlycontradicts every ‘writingadvice’ blog post I’ve ever seen). You’ll have to do that, too, or riskbeing drowned out by the static of how you think you should be writing. You should neverlet your unique way of writing be chained down by all that bullshit out there.

Plotting/Outlining/and the dirty work—

I try to do NanoWriMoevery year and fucking hate it to shards and jagged pieces. If there was oneoverwhelming thing I have learned, it is that I need an outline to function. Thiscame as quite the surprise to me personally because I am such a messy bitch. Butdear merciful Lord in heaven, if I don’t have an outline I can’t move forward.So I embraced that and outlined my scenes like a motherfucker on a lone motorcycle, reaching for that burning redsunset, running from my sordid past, man!Here is just three notebooks from the last year’s NaNo:

Now that is three notebooks, not including the forth one Ialso filled up. One of them is initial notes; themes I had in mind, characteroutlines, a summary of the plot – basic stuff. I also wrote out some rules.This was a supernatural/horror/comedy, all three of those genres I have nopractice in. So I wrote out tropes that I wanted to avoid, points that I wantedto greatly impress, character traits I had etched in stone (for instance,“Edwidge will stay a kind person.”)

Then I dive into outlining by chapter with a rough first go,then another notebook where I re-wrote that outline, then a forth with fleshed-outdialogue exchanges, character movements (both in detail, such as the hands, theeyes) and within the constructed space (sits on a desk, leans against a wall,observes the pictures on the wall), and with random details I decided whileoutlining. In that same vain, the nightmarish scribbles off to the side of thenotebook pages are products of an idea striking me and the muses directing myhand. Muses have horrible handwriting.

Now I know there are people out there in the great greenworld who can write with vague outlines, or no outlines at all (I’m looking atyou, @onedamnminuteadmiral, you wicked ho). And those people are witches andheathens that must meet with the pyre. I’ll bring the gasoline if you bring thematches. [Note from the blog owner: Heeeyyyyyyyy!]

I probably shouldn’t admit to it, but I would often getreally frustrated with outlining and resort to stick figure storyboards. Yes,like I’m a writer for derivative cartoon about a wacky suburban family. My stick figure storyboard was surprisinglyeffective (???I guess???). I got a sense of space, of movement, I made notesabout the way the eyes moved. This, coupled with the far more wordy outline,added a lot of hot sauce to that beef.

I also saw this methodof storyboarding today and I am thinking I might take it up. It looksfantastic!

So, yes, either outline or don’t. I really worked for me,but it might come more natural for you to fly by the seat of your pants. Ifthere is one thing I would do, it would be to make notes on how the charactersmove within the space. Specifically, placement of hands, how their eyes move,the lighting, anything that gives the characters a solid weight in their world.

SPEAKING OF

A slice of characters—

Human nature, by the definitions divined by humankinditself, is fucking absurd. A personleft unobserved will always devolve into subtle rule-breaking based purely andthe common, everydayswerves their free will dictates (ie. I never wear lipstick, but thismorning I was feeling kicky by no outside influences what-so-ever, so, fireengine red?). There is more glorious spark and untold, unfolding of brilliancein a real person sitting quietly in a chair for a half and hour than there willever be in a fully-realized, well-rounded, fictional character. That might be aharsh statement, but it is something I constantly have buzzing in my bonnetwhen I write characters. It causes me to strive for something more from my characters.

I bring up that (jfc am I pretentious) philosophy videoabout fate/free will because in writing characters, you’ll constantly have tothink if your characters are acting as youbelieve they will, or how they would more naturally behave.

People are series of moments with great contradictions.Characters who are well developed, compounded and complex, and interesting toread, should also be weighed at the center in how they contradict themselves. I find this to be a really important standard in writing characters. This is so damnhard to explain, so let me give some silly examples.

Characters tend to have traits/characteristics/personalityrules cemented by the author. I see it constantly in books, and it reallysteams my vegetables. For example:

Valen was raised in a polite society—he is a politeand considerate man – he will act politely as a matter of keeping thecharacter consistent.

Valen was raised to be strong — he would be calm in thissituation— he would not be afraid at the climax of the book.

It’s… not a wrong way of writing character. Constancy iscertainly important. Its just flat? ‘Uninteresting’ may be a bit too much.Writing a character as a series of set rules can be this transitive, it justfeels manufactured, distant from reality.

For example, consider at how I act:

Gay wife spent her formative years in the South —she was trained to be a polite person, professionally— she calls hercustomers Mr. Meyers and Ms. Linda and her boss solely as Ms. Jeanne—she workshard to be a polite person – she always uses ‘pardon me’ and ‘excuse me’. Thatis honestly who I am.

BUT ALSO

Gay Wife had a weird home life growing up—she had a rocky,religious upbringing— this manifests in reallyvulgar humor at home— shecalls her wife whore-tits and expressesreligious terror to her cats. This is also honestly who I am.

Am I vulgar person? Am I cautious and polite? Thosecontradict each other, and they are both true about me! I try to be as politeas possible, but at home where I am comfortable and unobserved (other than bymy wife, who is now stuck with me so whatever), I turn into a total asshole.

When I read a love story, for example, I get concerned whena character stays exactly the same as when they started out. I’m notspecifically talking about character growth, per say, but in the way the carrythemselves, in the way they behave. I read one fantastic book where a characterspoke differently with the other servants than he did to the lord of the house,even after they started a relationship together. As you proceed to write yourcharacters, I would recommend thinking about how differently people behavedepending on their current situation, and contradict the rules you have set forthe character. Everyone act different around their grandma than they do aroundtheir high school friends. Both those situations, the person is stillthemselves, just affected by compulsions lent to them by the situation.

So consider writing a character that is both compassionateand open-minded, but is also bigoted towards someone/something. It tells thereader where that compassion ends, the lines that character draws. Or acharacter that is brave, but only because he is a coward (that is one of myfavorites.) A character that is a brilliant genius, but a fuckin’ idiot. I’vepersonally known plenty of real people I would describe as genius fuckin’idiots.

Please consider how funny, upbeat people are so fucking sad inside. Or rather, theytend to be. Within two weeks of knowing the funniest person I’ve ever met, Iwas asking him if he was okay. And he was fuckin’ not, and I knew to askbecause despite this blog making people laugh (of which I am proud), I’ve haddepression since I was a child and have struggled with it to the extreme(aside: if anyone needs to talk, feel free to message me @thewaltzrio). I’veborrowed that so many times when writing. [Triggerwarning on this link, but it is worthreading.]

You play your cards right, you’ll also be subverting tropesleft and right.

Compound contradictions, add in swerves of free will, mix ina pinch of chaos caused by fate (that you have set for them), and you’ve got ainteresting, more real and weighty character on your hands. People will relateto that. The best compliment I’ve ever received was, “Hadrian [one of mycharacters] has really stuck with me.” That meant a lot to me, more thananything I’ve heard about the story or the setting or the world building I’vedone for the story.

The second best thing I’ve heard is when I let someone readwhat I have written, and the first question I ask is “which was your favoritecharacter?”. I’ve done it dozens of times with the same work and I’ve gotten adifferent answer every single time.If you do the same, you will know you’ve got a good cast of characters on yourhands.

It is only my personal opinion that characters are worthmore than the story itself. You connect with characters, you believe in them,you root for them, you love them with an unhealthy dependency. Look aroundevery fandom — it is characters that draw people into a show, make them stickwith it, make them care about the 2nd season getting greenlighted.The plot is a series of situations done tothe characters. It happens to them.The interest in the story is cultivated from the perspective of a character andhow they react.

Which brings me to thedetails. Fuck yeah DETAILS.

Write details when it comes to character creation beyondhair color, zodiac signs, or height and weight. Now, you’re on tumblr andwithout a doubt a smart and well informed person, so I don’t need to go intothe importance of a diverse cast of characters. So here are some of my favoriteways of meshing the character into the world, and making them seem more like people.

I like mentioning the condition of their fingernails. Youmight find something else that works for you, but I like fingernails. I mademention that my main character has “acres of real-estate under his fingernails.”Now that is a handful of words that tells the reader that: He works hard, hedoesn’t have time to clean them, he isn’t vain, he doesn’t consider clean nailssomething worth his time worrying about. Everyone in his community probablycarries the same kind of dirt and grime around with them.

I adore using verbal ticks as markers of a character’spersonality. I probably go overboard with this; I go out of my way to add atick to each character. My character Hadrian ended up saying ‘in any matter’ toswitch topics. He is the only one who says that, and it’s a nice verbal tick. Mycharacter Raif is trying to be seen as a poor tradesmen, so he uses impropergrammar when speaking on the daily, and (in exposing his true background) uses expressly proper grammar when in a stressfulsituation. If a reader picked up on that tick, then they would feel so damnclever when Raif is exposed as the lost prince! That is satisfying payoff!

My favorite one I’ve written so far is Seymour, a 15-year-oldwho was raised mostly in isolation, without a real home or community to callhis own. So he parrots other people, he borrows from his friends and those headmires. It tells a reader than he lacks a sense of self, of place, of how tointeract with people. I never actuallysay he does this, but he constantly repeats phrases he hears from hisfriend Raif. And, by the end of the book, he is also saying ‘in any matter’ toswitch topics. It is a satisfying way of showing how Seymour interacts withother characters.

Mentioning the condition of a character’s clothing is sobaseline it might as well be chapter one, line one, in the guidebook of how towrite characters. But you can really have fun with this one. For example, Imade of point of introducing my main characters in very particular ways. WhenDouglas meets Hadrian, they are at a costume party. Douglas is in his Fleet cadetuniform (which tells the reader he is the type of person who didn’t feel theneed to change his out of his everyday uniform for the sake of a costume — Ishe too proud of it? Is he too shy to dress in something bizarre? Is it alreadya costume to him?) and he sees Hadrian across the way. Hadrian is wearing thedraping robes and ivy and burning candle crown of a pagan god of mischief(which tells the reader damn neareverything they are in for with him. That he pays attention to ancientpagan god history in a religious society, that he isn’t concerned with lookingridiculous in public, that he is a huge fuck-head.) [note from the blog owner:I love him.]

That is different! That isn’t going into details aboutfineries/tatters/tailored clothing vs. hand-me-downs.

Clever segue to thenext section!!

A student of curiosity—

So you may notice that I am not going to mention a very hugepart about writing in this bullshit thing I’m claiming as writing advice, andthat is how you construct your plot. Who gives a shit? Sorry that was harsh.But we’ve all seen that chart in school about rising action and climax andfalling action and UGH.Because seriously, who gives a shit? You write what you want, there are no rules.

But! I can add a few words about how to help your story getswol. Or at least, what worked best with what I do. Like I said earlier, humansare fucking absurd. And human history is so broad and sweeping and fantasticthat you can find endless sources for inspiration to draw upon. It is importantto stay curious and make a habit of studying the bizarre. I utilize my love ofhistory to find inspiration. History pulls from and contains so many other topicsto learn about and utilize; superstitions, unsolved mysteries, trends, deadreligions, all sorts of niches that have wedged their way into the buildingblocks of history.

If you find history dry, that’s fine! Loads of people do.The point is, if something really grabs you, take the time to think about whyit did. Those wiki binges that last until 3am? What is it about those subjectsthat drew you in that you could borrow for your story? (I once based an entireromance novel on a wiki binge about the quartering of soldiers in the colonial UnitedStates.) Podcasts are fantastic for this! I’d recommend Lore if you haven’t already checked itout. Even though Aaron Mahnke drives me fucking crazy with that “well, yousee, maybe human beings were the monsters the whole time” bullshit, I stilllove this podcast.

But remain curious as you write. Think about moments inbooks and movies that have stuck with you and you don’t know why. Some cleverlittle thing that made you pause. Like, for me, the kitchen scene in JurassicPark. I’d never seen kids under such threat before, just pure terror, and thatis my very first thought upon thinking about that movie. I know that I writenotes (usually when I’m at work) on what about a thing made me sit up and payattention. Then I break it down and mold it into something new. Who knows,maybe it will help add a great twist into the plot that you didn’t think of.

The literal scene, a quick note—

I’m also a huge nerd for movies and the way movies are shot.I know this is coming out of the blue, and may seem odd to add in a monsterpost about writing, but stickwith me on this. Movies and writing have some overlap if you’re willing tospend time thinking about constructing a scene in your book the same way adirector frames a shot. I swear, it works if you let it.

When I get frustrated with how a scene is playing out whileI am writing, I try approaching it based on how it would be framedcinematically. Every reader has (what my wife calls) the theater of the mind,and you can use that to your advantage as you write. Think about how acharacter would view a room upon entering it for the first time. What draws theireye, what piques their interest, what is central to them. Film directors to thesame thing when they frame a shot. They carefully plan how the light falls overa character’s face. They deconstruct and reconstruct the layout of a room. Theyblock the actors. They pan over book titles to show a character’s interest.They they keep important things out offrame to remind the viewer that it will come back into play in a few moments. You can do that all, too, when you write!

I recommended once that my wife and I watch a very well shottv show when we were both frustrated with writing. We got sketchbooks and drewwhat caught our eyes. I remember I latched on to the way a character’s earringsmoved every time she did; it was subtle, but vibrant, kinetic, and a detail Idon’t think I would have thought to add if I was writing that same scene. Iliked how the bloodshot eyes of a character didn’t come into view until thescene grew tense and they filmed a closeup of the actor. I thought that wouldtranslate well in writing; add tension when my character got too close and sawthat the other character was influenced by something yet unseen. I detailed theway shadows fell over a staircase, and how the beam of light was on only themost enlightened of the characters in an ensemble cast.

This is something you can do on days when your brain is afried pancake and yet you still want to work on advancing your story. Take a TVshow or a movie that left an impression on you and take notes on the environment,or the actors’ expressions, etc. As strange as this sounds, it works well withanimation. Every single thing in awork of animation was purposely chosen to be there. Every single thing wascreated – like your writing will be. I’d say look at Satoshi Kon’sanimation process. Not only is his work a fantastic exploration of writingand storytelling, he is very purposeful in what is seen, shown, understood, andthen subverted. Think about how you’d write that, how you’d describe it. How a “quickcut” can translate into writing the impressions and feelings in a character.(ie. The smoke clouds, into a clear sky, how a character looking at one can getthe impression of another).

I’d recommend looking at Every Frame aPainting YouTube page. I know I got a swell of inspiration on how to paceout and detail a scene based on the importance of subtle details in this video.Or, if you want to think about how to construct a plot, Lindsey Ellis on YouTubeand her video essays are fantastic, too. For example, if you want to think ofhow your characters address and interact with your narrative, consider what shehas to sayabout RENT. The last minute of this video is gut-wrenchingly powerful and saysmore about the dissonance between characters and their narrative/the event thatnarrative was based on in that ONE MINUTE than months of research could tellyou. (Note, don’t watch this if you love RENT. If you love RENT, that’s okay,my wife reeaaallly does.) [note from the blog owner: I do love RENT, but thisis a really great video and I don’t disagree with anything she had to say. Stilllove RENT, but boy it’s got its problems, haha]

Aaaaand that’s all I think I have to say about that! Thank youso much for sticking with me this far! I hope something in this mess helps you.Thank you again!

In final—

Your voice moving forward with your manuscript is unique,and your voice is powerful. There will never be one like it again and there hasnever been one like it before you. There has never been a day of your life that wasn’t aproduct of chaos and mayhem from unseen struggles of the universe, and yet youmade it through some boring Tuesday! Good luck, and I’ll be rooting for you!

Sincerely, The Gay Wife

#writing #snufflypuffly #long post #too long really #the gay wife answers #sorry i am not really that funny when i sit down to write stuff out

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cgcpoems · 6 years

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I’m truly afraid that I will be forever lonely, without anyone by my side. I’m in my late 20’s and I haven’t had a friend since 2013 and much less a romantic partner and I’m afraid it’s going to be that way. I loved someone who was way better looking and driven but he seems to have forgotten me and I have a crush on a friend I haven’t seen in a while but I tried to get in touch and she seems distant and completely uninterested and I’m just so lonely and have no clue what to do. What do I do?

I’ve found that when we’re in the middle of things, whether that’s bad or good, we tend to feel as though it’ll last forever. if there’s no clear and immediate end we just treat it as something that will remain constant. this generally isn’t an intentional or conscious thought, it’s just something we do. and I’m saying that because even though it feels like this is something you’re always going to feel, it isn’t. it won’t be. just because you can’t see the metaphorical finish line, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. it’s easy to forget that.

I think that reconnecting with old friends, like it sounds like you tried to do, is a good start. ease into the social scene again. if that doesn’t pan out, then common interests are always good ways to meet people. go to events in your community, get out of the house if you can and take advantage of the things that are available to you. you can start out small, too. make little goals for yourself, like “talk to one person that you don’t know today.” you can even use apps, for dating or friendship. there are sites for both of those needs and if you’re more comfortable doing that, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t.

unfortunately there’s no magical thing that just, helps people see how wonderful you are. you need to make that effort in order to get it back. & you will get it back. like I said, this isn’t a permanent fixture in your life. I know it.

you’re going to be okay. sending you hugs.

#caitlin answers things #anon

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ajokeformur-ray · 7 years

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Harry Potter Matchup Request

Aquarius. INFJ. Ravenclaw. Female, Straight.

I have a hypersensitive personality and mild social anxiety. I’m very shy and socially awkward, sometimes even to my own family and friends. I’m not very good with keeping conversations; I’m lacking much in the communication department and so I often worry that people get bored with the things I talk about so it’s hard for me to maintain one other than the basic greetings. I have rather low self-esteem. That’s why I avoid being around people a little too much. That and also because I’m quite the loner type. I don’t dislike people (that much) but I usually prefer being alone and doing things alone. I’m mostly serious and quiet, but I can be talkative when I’m conversing with someone I’m very comfortable with about things I like.

By nature I’m very childlike, and generally I have an easy laughter. Although inside I’m a mature thinker and feeler. I’m quite a deep person. I’m very sentimental, and very often gets nostalgic about everything that happened in my life. I often think about philosophical ideas, about love, life, and the future.

This was such an incredible matchup description, it must have taken you a long time to write almost 2k words. I’ve done my best to match each paragraph in length, I wrote it in my notebook at about 3 AM this morning and it took me two hours; 6 sides of A4 paper to write and just as long to type it up. I hope you enjoy this!

Neville Longbottom

- Neville would be a really great s/o for someone who has social anxiety. He’s not a man of many words so you’d be the unlikely couple who rely on actions to communicate with each other. He’s quite perceptive, though shy, and you friendship would develop very slowly and your relationship would develop at an even slower pace. People would be surprised upon finding out that you’re together but it does make a lot of sense. When you want to be alone, Neville will leave you alone. He wouldn’t get bored of you. If anything, he’d expect you to be bored of him.

- He enjoys that laughter comes easily to you. When he’s struggling to deal with the reality of what happened to his parents or with the war looming over his head, he finds himself seeking you out in a crowd. You remind him of the simpler times in his life, which is never a bad thing. I think your childlike nature would leave him wanting to protect you. Not in a demeaning way, but because he is able to find another part of himself in you… A part he thought he’d lost as a result of everything he’d ever been through.

- Because of your hypersensitivity, you feel with everything you have. Neville would know when you’re overwhelmed with emotion and would be there with open arms if you needed a physical way of grounding yourself. Your short temper and irritation doesn’t really bother him and though it offended him a little in the beginning, he learned what you weren’t saying and came to see that you don’t really mean anything by it. When it gets too much and you start lashing out, Neville is sure to clear everyone out so that you have the space and time to yourself that you need to recover and deal with everything. He may come to find you later, just to see if you’re any better or if you need anything from him. He would encourage you to talk to him but would fully understand if you didn’t want to. You’d definitely be his biggest concern.

- Neville would be careful to not ever demand any of your time and attention, even if he really needed you in that moment. He admires your complete independence and often wonders if he shouldn’t be a little bit more like you in that respect. Everything in the friendship and eventual relationship would be at your pace. He’d want to make sure that you’re completely sure that you want to be with him, if only to save himself some heartbreak further down the line.

- Neville would completely understand your fear of stepping outside of your comfort zone/avoidance of confrontation. He’s a little braver than you as he’s scared of a few of the Professors, namely Professor Snape, but he attends each class anyway because he fears the consequences more. Neville would always be careful to never push you beyond what you’re comfortable with, though I think he’d like to, at least once, have a proper discussion about each of your boundaries and any warning signs you exhibit when things get too much, just so he knows what to expect. I feel like he’d note key points after he’s digested what you’ve said and store it in his suitcase. It’d be his first port of call when he feels that you’re not okay.

- Neville would make it a point to almost constantly reassure you that heloves you forwho you are and that you don’t need to act out of character to be accepted and loved for who you are because, well, you’re already loved and accepted. He knows and understands your defence mechanisms and probably wishes he could do that too, sometimes, but he tries to break through those walls when he’s faced with no other option. He fears rejection, too. So often he’s been told that he’s inadequate at magic, so to find acceptance in his relationship with you and then face losing it really riles him and he may do some of his own lashing out in the form of having a tense but very candid and much-needed heart to heart with you. This would likely lead to an argument that would make or break you as individuals and as a couple.

- I think your pride against Neville’s own vulnerability would lead to a few arguments or disagreements between the two of you and knowing that you won’t apologise even if you’re in the wrong, Neville would apologise or even just totally move past the issue as he isn’t fond of confrontation either. This would leave unspoken words that would cause tension but between that and you shutting him out, Neville’s willing to take his chances. He would also encourage you to act on your feelings, whatever they may be.

- Your blatant defiance is a Gryffindor trait, because it’s entirely possible to have traits from more than one House. Neville would admire your lack of respect for authority and how set you are in your decisions but he’d worry big time in fifth year when Professor Umbridge is essentially in power because youd end up constantly in detention. He’d become your Healer, I think, using his newly acquired knowledge in Herbology to heal you and soothe your pain, which would likely be every night. This would be another occasion when Neville sets you down and gives you advice. Or, an ultimatum along the lines of, “This has to stop, Y/N.” and a plea for you to be better behaved around Umbridge before she ‘accidentally’ goes too far. He’d expose you to his own fears because his parents are gone - he can’t lose you, too.

- Your caring nature hasn’t completely abandoned you though, and if you ever ended up taking care of one of the younger Ravenclaws and helped them with their homework, Neville would watch you with a soft smile on his face, not wanting to say anything in case it’d stop you in your tracks. He’d rather stay silent and savour the moment.

- Following on from what I said earlier about arguments between the two of you, you act according to each situation so I think confrontation or not, the two of you would work out each issue set before you and come to a peaceful decision about your next step as a couple, though if you parroted, he might get frustrated ad want to hear your opinion. Your cynicism could actually be called wisdom because you see people as they really are, which would come in handy when the battle is in full swing and even friends can’t be trusted. The feeling between you both would be inviting and people would find themselves sticking close, feeling safe when they do so. You’d probably become some kind of power couple, with you taking care of a lot of the younger Ravenclaws.

- Neville lacks a mean bone in his body. He will stand up to friends and enemies, defend those he loves fiercely, but for sure he’s never mean or cruel. He’s so tolerant and accepting of others and I think you’d have a lot of trust and respect for each other.

- You would try to comfort Neville when he’s emotionally troubleed and your somewhat awkward attempts would definitely be appreciated and I daresay he’d chuckle at you, but not in a mean way. It’d be more like he laughs because it’s just so you. You’d bond in the weirdest of times but it the best of ways.

- You switch up between hobbies often because your interest exists only for a short time when you’re hyper-focused on it and Neville would do his best to keep up with your attention span. He may ocasionally need reassurance that you’re not going to do the same to him but he wouldn’t need much reassurance. The test of time would be all that he would need.

- You’re a Ravenclaw but you show traits from all four Houses. Your perfectionism would definitely be your saving grace duing Hogwarts years and the way you can manipulate would really help you during the War, knowing how to get people to tell you their secrets. You’d likely be one of Dumbledore’s Army greatest assets, and not just for your manipulation skills.

- Neville would love you. He would see you for who you are and wuld understand that you are who you are and he can’t change that but he wouldn’t want to. You give him a challenge because he never quite knows where he stands with you or what you’re thinking and he loves that about you; the unpredictability. He’d be happy to do what you want to do, no matter what kind of mood he’s in, he just wants to spend time with you. He definitely ticks every criterion you have listed!

- Neville is very emotional, as I already said, and he rarely trusts what’s on the surface. He takes the time to see underneath the underneath to be sure that he knows you as he thinks he does and can’t get enough of you. His Nan adores you, which always helps. Your abhorrence towards anything destructive or violent means that he sticks close to you to make sure that you’re okay, especially towards the end of fifth year.

- He admires you, I think, and holds a great deal of respect for you. You;d have a very deep bond, despite all your differences. You’re his favourite person and Neville’s unsure as to how he was quite so lucky as to have ended up with you. Your simple, childlike nature makes him want to lmost protect you even though he knows you’re more than capable of looking after yourself.

#match up #harry potter #submission #neville longbottom #this is so bloody long #took two hours to write and just as long to type it up #whoo #finally done #enjoy! :)#i love long ones like this but holy shit it's so time consuming

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yourhaicuties-blog · 7 years

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Match up

Kuroko no Basuke Matchup Request

Aquarius. INFJ. Female, Straight.

I match you up with Shoichi Imayoshi!

His teasing might be a problem at the begining of your relationship but eventually he helps you become a little more easy going. You too, would get used to his teasing. Conversations with Imayoshi would be a breeze because he always has a topic to talk about. Knowing your initial communication issues, he would make an extra effort to keep the conversation going. Imayoshi himself does not really surround himself with many people so he'd understand your reluctance to socialize as well. Not only that, but being close to Imayoshi will boost yourself esteem too because he keeps it real, acknowledges your strengths and helps you with your weaknesses. I imagine you and him to have many late night conversations about deep issues. He'd love to listen to you speak and talk about your life and about anything in general. You'd both get into really intense conversations about things like philiosophy and just pass the night listening to each other. Your cold, sensitive personality doen't really bother him, in fact, he'd probably try to irritate you just for the fun of it. He loves that you're opinionated and the two of you would have many friendly debates about things. While you and Imayoshi may fight a lot, it's never extreme. Usually it would be because he teased you but he'd make up for it by apologising.

Imayoshi will also help you step out of your comfort zone and become more confident. While initally it would seem like he's putting you in the spotlight, you'll eventually realise he's trying to help. Another great thing is that when you try to leave him because you're afraid of commitments, or because you're insecure, Imayoshi will make you feel loved. Overtime, he would be able to make you less afraid of becoming attached because you realise it isn't so bad after all. With him, you never have to doubt whether he has an ulterior motive. This seems odd because I know in the show he's known to be very cunning. However, I feel that when he's in a committed relationship he'd keep things straightforward and transparent because there would be no reason to hide anything. This is what makes him one of the most trustworthy people as well.

He would know the 'real' you even before you show him, because he's very perceptive. SImilarly, if you were feeling down, he'd know immediately. He'd also appreciate your fierce loyalty, which is what attracted him to you in the first place.

Overall, I feel like Imayoshi would complement your personality really well and he'd do his best to keep you by his side. At the start you may dislike his advances but when he truly understand you, he'd change his approach to be more sensitive. you'd both bring out the best in each other. The start of the relationship may be rocky but it will develop to become somthing pretty strong and wonderful. Like they say, things need to get worse before they get better.

Other matchups I thought of: - Takao Kazunari - Kiyoshi Teppei

#anon #matchup #imayoshi #this is fun

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supernovawriting · 7 years

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Kuroko no Basuke Matchup Request

Aquarius. INFJ. Female, Straight.

Matchup: Kuroko

You two will be perfect together because you both are socially awkward together. Kuroko will make sure you are comfort when it comes to social gathering. If you are not comfortable, then Kuroko will pull his ghost mode to make him and you disappear. Kuroko will respect your need for space because he feels the same after what the GOM did to him. The first time you two meet would be when you were in the same class in highschool, and you both get paired together because everyone has partener expect for you two. You would work on the project together, but neither of you make much effort in talking. After the project is done, Kuroko will still try to found ways to hang out with you. Kagami has to intervene because you two are as dense as brick when it comes to realizing that you like each other. After the first stage of awkward conversation/date, you both realized that you both are not good at conversation and you are right with that. Most people think it is strange for you both not to talk to each other very much, but you know that you love Kuroko because he respects you and does not push your limits.

#askalice #fluff #kuroko no basket #Kuroko Tetsuya #matchups #submission

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aworldformythoughts · 7 years

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9/6/17 started:1:49am ended:2:31am

so i always could've assumed that I'd come back here again. always a different pain to share and type down here. but this time it's different. this time it's about me and my girlfriend.

I think it'd help me if I were to start from the beginning and so I will. the problems within our relationship started about November/December of our junior year. she was just so stressed out about every single thing, math tests, avid notes, and even just simple homework. everything was weighing down on her and my grandmother's passing didn't help me and her at all. instead of focusing on her work she focused on me to get better, to make me feel better. I felt like such a burden, just such a complete waste of resources that could've been used to a greater cause. this ultimately caused her to become behind on her work, piled up with all the already created stress and now with my emotional problems. I took it upon myself to not tell her about my mental state or my emotions. which at first sounded like a good idea because she'd get her work done, she wouldn't know that I was still depressed and suicidal, and I wouldn't feel like such a sack of shit. but now looking back, it was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire lifetime. it caused her to feel incapable, not good enough, worthless for me. and it hurt me so much, and it still does today.

fast forward a few months, my mother starts planning what I'm going to do in the future, without me having a say in my own future. she planned that I head into the medical field. that I apply for kaiser as a volunteer to get familiar with the workplace. while this is all happening, I'm having problems with my relationship and decided to talk about it with my language arts teacher, ms. schiff. she helped me so much, and she was there for me nearly every time I needed to talk about something. she means so much to me as a teacher. the problems in my relationship at this time consisted of communication, lack of time together, and sadness surrounding the two of us. back to my forced future, all I want to do is to just do something art related. become a teacher in a high school or college, or be an online artists taking commissions, just anything. but I can't ever get the future I want. instead in forced to do this predestined medical field bullshit.

nearing the end of junior year is where it got difficult in my relationship. she had insisted on that we see each other less, go on dates less, and to give each other space. all in an effort to aid us in education. but god damnit this was the last thing I wanted. I never EVER wanted this. I never ever longed or wished for this. but I love her so much and I want her to have a better future so I decided to just suck it up. and from this moment on we began to lose the intimacy in our relationship. though it didn't vanish in one day, it waned over the summer vacation.

now in the summer vacation between junior and senior year. we hardly ever see each other, or talk to each other, or even share intimate private moments with each other. I love her so much, and to describe that it hurt to not show affection the same way we used to is a god damn extreme understatement. the intimacy slowly died down. and it was gone before I knew it. the day I realized it, I became extremely depressed. I was slitting my wrists, I was starving myself, I was crying every night. I hated myself for letting this happen. and I still do hate myself.

during I believe august, she goes on a camp trip with her church for an entire week. which meant no communication, no lucero. for a week, when all I wanted to do was talk to her. all I wanted to do was to hug her, hold her, show how much I love her. but I couldn't. and when she came back, she was different. it felt so different. she felt so distant, she felt so uninterested in me, she felt so strange to talk to. and I hated it so so much. all I wanted was to talk to her, I just wanted to have conversations like we used to. and I couldn't even get that. my depression and self harm worsened, and I thought i couldve ended it.

Monday. before the first day of school, I was doing community service with a friend. and I was very excited for school, because I finally get to see her. my love, my demolition lover. Tuesday comes and there's just such a clear disconnect with us. my excited mood self destructs and turns into depression and a mental breakdown. and yet I still had to go to the kaiser volunteering service that I was so forcefully signed up to. upon working there a stranger yells at me while my head was having a war with itself. the moment I get home I break down. harder than ever before.

skip to wednesday/thursday. wednesday was pretty normal and basic. until I get a message from my friend after school asking if I'd like to go to the park with her, and so I asked who's there, and she's there with my other friends and my girlfriend. I don't know why but I'm just so confused and angry and sad that I have no clue why I wasn't invited or even if i should be there. I still show up anyway and keep in mind that it was me and my girlfriend's monthly anniversary. I asked her to come out of the club but she refused and continued to do homework. I get sad and just go home instead, only to find out that she had forgotten that it was our anniversary. it hurt a lot, but I just said its ok, because it's just an anniversary and I didn't want to make her feel bad.

thursday comes and the two of us meet before school to just sit together. Im finally hugging and kissing her just like how I had always wanted, until she says something that broke my heart and honestly hurt so much. and that something was that she didn't want to show public affection anymore, and that she felt uncomfortable showing it. I'm just sad the entire day because it's all I had wanted to do. during lunch I wanted to run up to her and hug her, but then I remember that I can't. so I end up just listening to this song called "want you gone" and sit across from her at the table. she calls my name and says something but am not able to hear her correctly, so she gave up on trying to tell me and continued on laughing and having fun with her friends. skip to after school and I'm staying in the ceramics classroom with a good friend of mine who was trying to distract me from the problems she didn't even know about. and it was at this moment when lucero texted me that she doesn't even feel like she's my girlfriend anymore. and of course me and my over reactive ass starts to panic internally and cry on the inside. now by this time it has been the fourth time she tried to break up with me, and the other three time were for the future beneficial for us. for example the first two attempts were because she knew that she wouldn't have the time to care about me or be able to spend time with me. and I honestly loved her consideration and made me fall in love with her even more. the third time was because she felt like she wasn't good enough, and had wanted me to go find someone else who had the time to spend with me. the dates of when these occurred have left my memory but the most recent is what I obviously remember the most. this time I didn't want her to back out on her desire to breakup with me just because she felt bad for me or she just didn't want to hurt me. so I let her this time. I told her that I'd be okay, and we could breakup temporarily just like she had wanted. but hours later she regrets it and wants to come back to me. and at this moment I told her that I didn't want to (lie) and I had wanted her to stick to her word. this makes her sad and she says "you said you'd fight for me and that you'd do everything for me. I guess you don't love me anymore." and this only makes me so, SO angry. honestly, did she really think that I wanted to create distance, that I wanted to delete intimacy, that I wanted to not show public affection? @#$& no. I tell her all of this and it changes her mind. whether or not she's even remotely concerned as she's too busy, or even she even loves me, or even wants to try in this relationship is beyond my knowledge. however I believe that things are getting better now. the first time in forever she was the one to make plans, and she had wanted to go on a date on Friday. I can't help but be excited, even though excited doesn't quite meet the level of emotion I'm feeling whenever I think about it. but I'm trying my absolute best to balance optimism and the truth to not be completely crushed if it doesn't happen. I really really do want this date to happen but in this relationship? I don't know.

owari desu

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