#I don’t know if this was articulate enough

[suspiciouscharacter1895]

I have something that has been banging around in my head related to Crowley’s apparent loss of memory. This is probably not original but I haven’t seen it articulated quite this way so I’m just going to write it out. Crowley has a few interactions with Gabriel where he is trying to remember things that Heaven “erased”. On one occasion Gabriel says - “I can’t” and Crowley says “Yes you can” with certainty. Another time, Gabriel says “It hurts” and Crowley says, “I know, do it anyway.” I have THINGS TO SAY about this below the cut.

I think we can take it as given that Crowley has had his memory erased by Heaven, as evidenced by him not remembering Furfur or Saraqael or why they decided to have gravity. If it was one thing, I would buy it as a throwaway but the lack of memory is so specifically and repeatedly called out that I don’t think we can take it as a coincidence.

It’s equally clear to me that he hasn’t forgotten EVERYTHING about his time as an angel. He remembers that he worked on a specific nebula in S1, he remembers going into battle, he knows that if he gets into Heaven he’ll be able to access top secret files. And you cannot convince me that he doesn’t remember Aziraphale in Eden. Aziraphale doesn’t know his *demon* name, so Crowley introduces himself, but Aziraphale never does the same because Crowley already knows who he is.

SO I have made the mental leap to conclude the following - Crowley had his memory wiped by Heaven when he fell, he remembered nothing just like Gabriel, and he FORCED himself to remember some parts of his time in Heaven. Meaning, he tried hard to remember, it *hurt* and he *did it anyway*. I like to imagine that he did so because he wanted to know who he was (which of course is reason enough) but also because he wanted very much to remember a friendship with a certain Principality.

When Gabriel had his memory wiped, he still knew he needed to get to Beelzebub. I believe that when Crowley had his memory wiped, he still knew he needed to get to Aziraphale. So he went through a lot of pain to claw back some of his memory. He didn’t get everything back, but he got something. We know Heaven didn’t wipe the memories of all the Fallen, so Crowley’s memory was probably erased (or I would argue ‘suppressed’ is more accurate because the memory is still there, he just can’t access it readily) because he was high ranking, but also because he *knew or saw something specific and significant*.

Upshot is, I now desperately need a fic that features Crowley fighting to remember himself. Does this exist?? Do I need to write it?? Anybody else have this train of thought?

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #anthony j crowley #good omens 2 #good omens fanfiction #angel crowley

[hannahssimblr]

I shoulder through the front doors into the fresh spring air, still a little breathless with adrenaline, to where Michelle is waiting for me. She looks unhappy. 

“How did it go?” I say. 

“Oh, awful, they were like robots, so intimidating. I didn’t know what they thought of my work, you know? I really thought I’d start crying at one point.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and that woman was so cold. She was pulling all of these faces at my self portraits and saying they were naive.”

“Oh, God,” In an attempt at reassurance I start rubbing her arm, “I’m sure they liked plenty things about your work.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I sensed they hated all of it.”

“They couldn’t have, it’s probably just your perception, they… I bet they’re harsh to everyone, you know? They probably don’t want to get anyone's hopes up with there being limited places and all…”

She looks at me, “Was yours bad too?”

“Awful,” I say without missing a beat, “Same as you, they gave me nothing. It was hard to tell what they really thought of my work, but they didn’t seem overjoyed by any of it to be honest.”

“Oh,” her shoulders relax, “well if they were like that with you then they must be just playing hard ball.”

“I think so.”

“What if we don’t get in?”

“Well fuck ‘em,” I grin, “We don’t need them. NCAD? Who cares, right? It’s not exactly at the top of our list.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“I usually am.”

“Something else will work out, right?”

“Of course it will! C’mon, let’s just grab a coffee and chill out,” I drape my arm over her shoulder and walk her around the corner to where I parked the car. 

The car, the brand new, shiny, blue Volkswagen Polo that my parents got me for my eighteenth birthday, is gleaming under the afternoon sun, one tyre wedged awkwardly against the kerb because I haven’t yet mastered the art of parallel parking when there are two other impatient drivers beeping their horns at me and gesticulating wildly out their windows. 

“He just got his fucking licence, you spas!” Michelle screamed at them from the passenger window as I manoeuvred myself into a gap big enough to house an articulated truck but somehow felt the width of a water closet as soon as I tried to fit my 1.0 litre hatchback into it. I could have told her that firing middle fingers at other drivers left and right wasn’t really doing much to diffuse the situation, but it seemed she was reaching some sort of catharsis from it. She likes that. Screaming, I mean.

This car has been a point of contention, not because I can’t park it well, but because it was an extravagance I neither needed nor desired. “We live in the city,” I protested when my parents handed me the keys, “I can just take the bus.” But they had this idea that I might like to drive it into school and be the envy of all the other students, poverty stricken losers without parents who can buy them vehicles worth half the average national salary. I told them I can just walk like always, and they didn’t like that. 

“This is a good present,” said my dad, as though insisting could make it so, “You can drive all over, you won’t have to rely on public transport any more.”

“Did I say I didn’t like public transport?”

“Well, you could get mugged on the bus, someone could pull out a knife and take your phone and all of your money! That kind of thing is happening all over the city lately.”

I showed him my Nokia from 2004 and asked him what kind of person might like to risk prison for it, but he didn’t appreciate that, and it just escalated the argument further. 

“I’m not going to even live in Ireland in a year, not if I can help it!” I cried with exasperation, after a further ten minutes of his dramatics, “What’s the point?”

“Sell it then!” he bellowed back, “I don’t care what you do! It’s yours!”

“I just don’t need it! It’s too much. You can use that money for something better.”

“Money? Money is not an issue.”

“Well that car will be wasted just sitting in the driveway.”

“You’ll figure out what to use it for.”

And I did. I still walk to school, I still take the bus into town most days (when I’m not hauling two A1 portfolio cases along with me), but sometimes, late at night Michelle and I drive up and down the coast. We get ice cream at the drive through, we talk, but mostly I park it in the darkest corner of some car park, sea facing for maximum romance, and we fuck in the passenger seat. Not that I’ve kept track of it by any means, but I’m almost certain I have spent more time having sex in my shiny, blue, Volkswagen Polo than actually driving it. I’m sure it wasn’t Christopher’s intention for it, and it might affect the resale value, but the car has become a haven of sorts, a place where we can go to be alone, at a safe distance from my nosy sister, from Michelle’s anxious father, and perhaps most vitally, from Jen, who has never quite stopped being weirded out by our relationship, even with nine full months to get used to it.

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy 2010 #the car <3 #you'll be happy to know that Christopher is such a fucker #tw: sex

[codename-adler]

i’m afraid of diving into good omens tumblr discourse but i just–i have to say

Aziraphale’s face. it’s. that is the expression of someone who does not want to be kissed, but knows it’s inevitable. though even more subtle than that, it’s the face of someone who does not want the thing to happen not because they don’t want it, but because they do, they really do, and yet it is not the way they wish it would be. Aziraphale knows something here. and he isn’t telling Crowley, nor us. he’s got some kind of higher pressure weighing down on him, forcing him to act against his nature and heart, forcing him to act against Crowley. he backs Crowley into a corner with his talk of joining Metatron in Heaven, and knows it. and that is what he wants, because that’s where he needs Crowley to be–away from him; but he pushes too strong, pushes Crowley to risk it all and end up cornering Aziraphale right back. all Aziraphale wanted, all he needed to do, was protect Crowley by breaking his heart and abandoning him, but you can’t undo 6,000 years of companionship without a miracle. it’s a failure.

whatever the Metatron told or did to Aziraphale that was hidden from us, it terrified him enough to make up a wobbly plan that could keep Crowley safe, if he would just go along with it. Aziraphale may have been strong enough, may have loved Crowley that much, to put his heart on the line and sacrifice himself if it meant Crowley could live on, but he underestimated Crowley’s love for him. underestimated Crowley’s courage and capacity for honesty.

the angel lied and the demon spoke his truth and everything crashed and failed.

and it is painful failure and remorse that i see on Aziraphale’s face.

it’s Please don’t ruin my attempt at saving you and Can’t you see what I’m trying to do and I’m sorry I’m breaking your heart but I have to if I want to keep you and To choose you I have to choose Heaven but I know you’re not seeing it that way and Crowley look at me I’m lying just go along and

Oh no, you believed me entirely too much, what have I done?

with the kiss, Crowley seals his fate as undeniably tied to Aziraphale’s. and Metatron will know.

#sorry aftg fam for this special good omens broadcast #anywhoo #i’m trying so hard to articulate what i see in every line of aziraphales face in this shot #he’s so afraid #not of crowley but FOR crowley #like he’s watching Crowley doom himself all over again but this time it’s for him because of him #and he wasn’t good enough to protect his demon #´No Crowley no no no no don’t do this please don’t do this he will know Metatron will know you mustn’t please!’ #nothing can stop Crowley’s love for Aziraphale and angel wants to cry for the unfairness of it all #where does this face fit in the grand scheme of s3 i don’t know #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #ineffable divorce #ineffable fandom #neil gaiman #david tennant and michael sheen #david tennant #michael sheen #anthony j crowley #aziracrow #good god good omens #terry pratchett

[starlooove]

Why are y’all surprised that borderline capitalists and liberals like Hobie when they hate leftists, especially black leftists, irl 💀

Real people saying these things make them think and feel guilty, when a real person says we cannot thrive or make significant change by utilizing systems stacked against said change, they have to think about their own lifestyles and ideals. When a real person says violence is the answer and money needs to become meaningless, all they think is “but I could get hurt or in trouble” and “but I’ll never be rich”.

When Hobie says it it’s just a character being entertaining. There’s a bit of truth but you don’t take it seriously because you don’t have to. It’s the same way they’re fine with saying ACAB posts and reading books on anti-racism but can’t muster up the courage to tell their friend to stop saying the n word. It’s all cute till it’s you irl, so ppl who know leftists irl and don’t like them will love hobie. It feels like KNOWING Hobie maybe kinda sorta has a point is enough to negate the idea that their complicity in these systems irl is actually harmful.

It’s like that thing where ppl do bad things and think knowing it’s bad is the same as being apologetic and changing or deserving forgiveness.

Like in conclusion, it’s easy to like Hobie when you’re not face to face with someone like him and you’re not expected to do any work. It’s the same thing as yt ppl liking the Medea movies. God forbid a black person is actually loud in public but it’s fine when they’re doing their little jigs just for you.

#me personally #i cant be friends with people who aren’t far far left #and thats not saying we can’t have diff end game opinions or whatever #and this post isn’t to say I don’t like hobie #y’all know damn well I like hobie #this is to say it’s very obvious that y’all don’t actually like hobie #at least not for who he is a character #i just think he is succeeding at his narrative role #y’all like hobie the way the other spider ppl prolly like hobie #hes chill and says quirky stuff about cops and capitalism but not enough to actually be a problem #hobie actively helping miles at the end to the other spider people is what leftists actually believing what they preach is to y’all #It’s cute till it bothers you #and then the whole thing is a sham and doesn’t matter #whatever tho I don’t think I’m articulating well

[millennium-queen]

No because I was so surprised at the amount of people who think Peeta would have pressured Katniss into having kids. Like did they not understand his character at all?? If anything the MOST he would have done is ask her over the years of she felt she was ready, and then backed off when she said no. It's more likely that Katniss could tell that he pined for children by watching him interact with the kids in the district, and others (possibly Haymitch) brought the topic up with her. But Peeta forcing her or guiltily her into it? Never!

HONESTLY!! HONESTLY!!

My personal headcannon is maybe a little controversial lmaoo but I actually think that Peeta wouldn’t be in a rush to have a baby post MJ anyway?

Just like how Katniss has her reservations about having kids because of the trauma that the games inflicted on every aspect of her life, (along with a very disjointed relationship with her own mother) Peeta has his own host of things to work through before I think he’d be ready enough to admit he wants to start a family.

Once he does tho I think he’d only bring it up the once, see she wasn’t on the same page, and then he’d leave it because hey!! he never even dreamed they’d get to where they are now!! Safe!! And in love!! He doesn’t need kids to be happy he just needs her!!

So in my head it’s Katniss who starts the first real conversation about having kids once she sees just how sweet and kind he is to the little ones coming into the bakery with their parents and even then I think he’d probably drive her insane just double and triple checking that she actually wants this?? And it’s real?? They can try for a baby??

This whole idea that he would pressure her is just Peeta slander!! plain and simple!! lmaoo

#anon #the hunger games #everlark #everlark headcannon #sorry I took so long to respond I was trying to figure out the best way to word my HC lmaoo #also not mentioned in the main post because I’m not articulate enough #but Peeta’s relationship with his family (from what we saw) was uhhh not the best #and he still has episodes and flashbacks #I don’t think he’d want kids until he felt like he’d healed enough from all that #- which is another reason why he wouldn’t force Katniss!! #because he knows she has to heal too!! #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen #got super excited this morning to have an anon ask lmaoo

[bbq-potato-chip]

does anyone else think that link is so short because getting the master sword at such a young age stunted him or is it just me

#I don’t know maybe this is dumb but #The weight of the sword weighs him down and he chooses not speak. I think it’s kind of represents how he represses himself #<- I really hope that this makes sense #Correct me if I’m erong #But in Oot link needed to go thru the whole sleep thing so that hee be old enough to carry the sword #But I think botw link had been using it since he was like twelve #Idk. Idk just throwing thoughts out there #Maybe I’ll write a more coherent post abt it #I’m not fluent in loz lore lol #Loz #botw #totk #I feel like I am on to something but idk how to articulate. Anyway it might a dumb idea. I dont know I’m bad at this kinda stuff

[otrtbs]

PSA: Nat’s ranting abt art! (again) What’s new?

for context ,, some people went to the museum of modern art in nyc and made a tiktok where they jokingly posed in front of all the paintings “they could’ve easily done themselves” and I knew scrolling through the comments would be a masochistic move even if the video itself was funny ,,, but I did it anyway and was punished for it 😭 like,,,

anyway,,, thinking about when Walter Benjamin said the rise of cinema and television and ad culture has led the masses to contemplate true art as a form of seeking out distraction:

“Reception of art now normally happens in a state of distraction. […] The public is an examiner, but an absent-minded one.”

People are no longer looking at art to seek but they’re looking at art to tell. Rothkos and Kleins don’t provide the adequate distraction for the public eye. The art and artists demand you seek outside of the work, or else it feels like a comical joke (if you’re not willing to do that). A joke that you’re not in on. Which is why so many people have so many problems with Modern Art.

Historicizing Art would tell you that the blue square was a completely new handmade pigment that had never been seen before! It was a completely new color that the artist had made! It would also tell you that the the technical level of artistry required to paint the blue completely smooth canvas was profound. Even the smallest brushstroke or fleck of dust on wet paint would cause texture and unwanted dimension. Furthermore, monochrome paintings were not common during this time. In fact Ives Klein’s blue square was one of the first of its kind. He wanted to viewer to spend a great deal of time with his paintings so that they would get lost in the color as one gets lost in the vastness of the ocean or the infiniteness of the sky. He wanted viewers to appreciate the color he so masterfully crafted. (he did not account for viewers looking at it for .2 seconds, scoffing abt how easy it looked to make, and then writing it off as a money laundering scheme) He not only invented a new painting but a new way to look at art. It’s a painting about the artists’ process, about his artistic mastery and level of skill. Its also about breaking the mold. That’s what it’s means. None of these things you could know from simply looking at the square. No one would expect you too. But asking questions, researching things that don’t make sense to you, talking to a museum curator, reading the wall text, popping onto to google, these are easy things to to do.

Also fun fact: A color blind Eddie Redmayne wrote his thesis on Ives Klein Blue because he was actually able to distinguish it from other hues for his Art History Thesis! That’s pretty cool!

Anyway, the point is, it makes me sad how quick people are to write off things they don’t understand. They don’t want to bother learning especially when it comes to art. Because the paintings no longer spell out exactly what is there and what it’s trying to say for the viewer, they become useless. Any further need for explanation is written off as pretentious. You don’t have to love modern art! But it would be nice if more people were at least open to trying to understand it a bit better.

#ARH talks #does this make me pretentious?? i don’t think so. #just because you don’t know or understand something doesn’t make it bad!! #and if we all asked questions instead of mocked #then everything would be a lot better around here a lot of the time!! #anyway everyone be proud of me I didn’t say anything on tiktok #i just took it to my tumblr blog lmaooo #but the thing is no one on tiktok would listen to me anyway as is evident from the comment section #rip the art history nerds out there who tried tho 🤧 fallen soldiers methinks #I’m with them in spirit and in the form of comment likes #one day I will be articulate enough to get all my thoughts out coherently ! #when though? cant say #nat speaks #ramblings

[redhotarsenic]

I wanna do commissions but also like. What if I overcharge. What if I fuck something up. What if I take too long and people get Mad At Me. Agh.

#I’ve been approached multiple times about this! I am aware that people would like to buy a picture! but I don’t wanna fuck it up!! #plus like. I don’t feel like I’m good enough yet. you know? #I can’t articulate this properly rn but ​I don’t wanna charge something that’s like. too much for how it looks? if you get what I mean? #hopefully? #this isn’t limited to just that either #‘hey a zine maybe I should get In There!’ #<- but what if my art’s too poopy #aghgg

[apotelesmaa]

It’s so fucked bc like. Rui never really had friends before especially not any that are as important to him as the rest of wxs so he’s so incredibly unused to basic very human emotions like loving your friends that whenever he indulges these feelings & works towards keeping wxs together he’s like I’m so selfish. As if the rest of wxs doesn’t want to stay together too. Him saying he was greedy for staying w wxs in curtain call (why don’t I want to follow Facts And Logic and pursue my goals why do I feel sad abt leaving my friends) … him saying he’s selfish for getting wxs to go freelance (I believe the implication is that he feels like he’s getting in the way of emu’s dreams as if emu didn’t choose to join them & is very happy to be there) his intense fear of abandonment/being “too much” for his friends -> guilt complex over loving his friends. (Horse on a beach dot jpeg) Man…. I don’t think he comprehends how much wxs values him (& their friendship as a group). Guy who would do anything for his friends shocked to discover they would do anything for him in return.

#parallels to emu in that they both don’t realize how much their friends love them #someone said wxs WL might have emu’s grandpa show up like what happened w an in the vbs wl. i will go insane. #i don’t think that will happen (vbs sekai is a group sekai wxs sekai is tsukasa’s sekai after all. he didn’t know her grandpa) #but that would be crazy. lots of thoughts on the symbolism of chasing a Phoenix to star island but I’m not articulating that #i would need like 5 hours locked alone in a room with the transcripts of every wxs event including the ones not on en yet #& it’s abt tsukasa. ​and I refuse to write tsukasa analysis. #there’s enough of it out there already. most of it absolute dog water. he’s hard to analyze and this fanbase is shit at analysis already. #I’m confident enough in my own skills to think I could do it. it’s just too much work. #+ the nature of analysis is that every so often someone says smthn that ur like oh wow so tru I didn’t notice that #I’ll incorporate that into my world view. so 50% of what I would say I would change my mind on later. #^ ignore all of that this is a rui post. canon typical tsukasa making himself the center of attention moment. #rui: I’m the worst. vocaloids: why. rui: bc I love my friends a lot :( #i think wxs kaito needs to sit wxs down in a therapy circle.

[oscarkelfbom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANZA!!!💙🎉🩷🎉💜🎉❤️ I hope you have a wonderful day! I hope everyone lets you know how loved and appreciated and cherished you are on your special day because you are!!💐💐💐 You're one of a kind and I'm so blessed and happy to know you and call you my friend!🫂💕 I wish nothing but the best for you always but especially today! You deserve everything your heart desires, once again happy birthday!!!💫❣️

BEA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS!!!!!!!!! Thank you for being more than a friend but truly a sister. I literally don’t even know what to say, my head is in my hands you mean everything to me. You add so much joy and love and warmth to my life, I would not be the same without you. Thank you for everything!!!!! 💙💙💙💙💙

#i literally don’t know what to say nothing that i can articulate is enough #the way my heart literally grows 1000000x because of you! i love you so much!!!!!!!! #bea tag

[area51-escapee]

I don’t like talking about the whole trans people and bathrooms issue because it’s fucking stupid and I’m also not very articulate but I was listening to this video about “gender criticals” and women’s only spaces that was very interesting and all these posts they’re referencing make it sound like if somebody goes into a bathroom and commits a crime then the actual issue isn’t the crime committed but which bathroom they were in. And that by claiming to be the “correct” gender suddenly the hypothetical crime never took place or doesn’t matter cuz I guess bathrooms are places where the law doesn’t apply. The fucking Wild West or some shit. It did make me wonder if they fear trans women joining the ranks of primarily white cisgender women who commit crimes, even serious and violent crimes, and get off with shorter sentences than a cis man would receive or even with just a warning but I don’t think they’re actually self aware enough to even think of that. But that’s what it sounds like when they’re making all these claims that all a man has to do is claim to be a woman and suddenly there will be no punishment for the crime.

Like I said it’s fucking stupid. Who cares what gender somebody is or what parts they may have if somebody takes a piss washes their hands and leaves who gives a shit. I like that one post about Alamo drafthouse bathrooms every establishment should have bathrooms like that I’ve been to one and they’re great. I don’t really have much of a choice but to use women’s restrooms and they sure as shit ain’t some holy sanctuary of divine feminine energy and girls supporting girls or whatever. They’re gross and people try to get out as soon as they can because who the hell wants to be in here longer than necessary you fucking weirdos.

#transphobia tw #I know I’m not articulate enough to talk about anything ever #but I don’t have anyone to talk to at work and these thoughts just sit in my head so now #im inflicting them on you #don’t even get me started on the fucking sex segregated sports #when feminists have been trying to draw awareness to the fact that it’s fucking useless #and only serves to further the idea that women are inherently biologically inferior to men #fucking imagine insisting ‘but women ARE biologically inferior to men they CANT compete on the same level’ #and still calling yourself a feminist what a fucking idiot

[orchideius]

genuinely, when will it end??? I am so tired of being here and I am not sure how much longer I can push myself to keep going. i’m exhausted.

#it’s 4am and I am feeling the Deep Darkies #I literally passed out at 9pm from mental exhaustion & also bc I wanted to start to get up early to start a morning routine #so I actually got a ton of sleep but the second I woke up I felt like I wanted to cry and now I feel so depressed out of no where #like girl WHYYYY #genuinely I am so debilitatingly depressed I have suicidal thoughts every single day #and I feel like ive tried everything to help myself like ive been to therapy ive been on and off meds for over a decade at this point #im starting to eat better and sleep more #like what the duck else do I do? #I genuinely feel like my brain is broken #I just want to cry and lay in bed every single day #like I cannot articulate the profound sadness into words but it’s. so bad #and it takes literally all my brain power to do one assignment a day for class like none of this is sustainable #and I just feel so much shame over it bc whenever I tell my mom she gets mad like it effects her or something and the few times ive made th #mistake of trying to confide in my dad he gave me the whole pull yourself up by the bootstraps talk so never again lol #my entire family has made me feel so much shame over it and none of my friends here even bother to ask how I feel and don’t make me feel #comfortable enough to talk to bc i’m always the fucking therapist friend helping everyone else #hence why I always vent on here lol I have no one to talk to #I just really don’t know what to do at this point like I feel like I need inpatient therapy at this point but that’s expensive and I don’t #want to tell my job why i’d need extended time off bc that would be so embarrassing and plus now i’m in school #so like what do I do #im tired of feeling like this I know this isn’t how life is supposed to be but it’s also all ive ever known #and what’s the point of living if i’m going to feel like this everyday? I don’t know how much longer I can take it #personal

[peapod20001]

Bro I’m </3 thinking too hard </3

#vent #ugh. artfight. bullshit. fucking shit #I would rather have banter with my friends than draw for people that don’t care #but alas. the all consuming art game #I love drawing for people in theory but I hate how it makes me feel. do you understand what I mean by this #idk what it is but the fact art fight starts TOMORROW has me feeling like a worthless sack of shit #and that feeling is only heightened by the fact that everyone is going to be invested in it while I fucking crumble for what? the 3rd? #4th year in a row?? god. fucking sucks. I get so in my head with this bullshit every year. but I want to do it #ugh. awful. and I feel worse when people make me things and then I don’t get to send something back #awful gross beast. and now I’m just feeling worse thinking about other things. I’m so overwhelmed #and not a damn person to talk to cus 1. there’s no one to listen and 2. I can’t articulate my feelings! I don’t understand myself! #the only reason I know how to act is because I do research for my fucking characters! I’m my own fucking character! #and I wish someone was there to make me feel special like how I (hypothetically) make my ocs feel!! #ugh. whatever I’m cool and fine and dandy and NOT on the verge of tears and I’m going to eat fucking jellybeans #am I going to have a breakdown every time there’s a Holliday or event? I canNOT be caught feeling like a fucking ball of lint every #valentines day dawg. I can’t be that person. I already did that one time too many ok #how’s it feel to have people enjoy talking to you? cus I’m either too much or not enough for people

[persephoneflouwers]

-

#there’s this thriad of blogs that always ALWAYS #and when I say ALWAYS i mean ALWAYS #have different opinions on fandom stuff #like grow ass women always going in the opposite direction of what fandom says #like you read the way they reply to anons and i promise your jaw will drop on the floor #because the tone is basically like ‘what you saying i dumb/stupid/not important/get a grip’ #and then it’s the most well written anonymous ask and most articulated argument ever #but it just doesn’t align to their current opinion #which is always like ‘we know nothing we don’t have to know nothing. we are just guessing and every possibility is on the table and #you guys are not curious about the wrong things’ #and im like ‘well that’s a reason why nobody likes ******* people’ #(one of them is actually not entirely ******* but close enough lmao #and i swear if I want to have a laugh i read their blogs #or if I want a confirmation that what I think is right just read their takes that usually are the opposite of mine <3

[cryptid-on-a-string]

having friends is fun because I know exactly who could physically beat me in a fight if they ever turn against me and I know that I absolutely do not stand a chance against any of them

#/pos /lh #sometimes it kind of scares me how I’m physically the weakest out of all my friends #Can’t really articulate why but it just kinda does ya know? #One time a couple of my friends taught me like 2 basic martial arts moves at a Halloween party just for fun #Because we did this fun little thing where two people just go in the middle of the room and fight each other #And I mentioned I never had any real training #So they taught me a couple things and I was surprisingly really good at 1 specific move and they were both impressed by that #But other than that I know nothing about fighting and I don’t have enough physical strength either #I’m really sad because if I ever got into a real fist fight or anything I would probably get the shit kicked outta me #Not even as upset about potentially getting hurt as much as just how embarrassing that would be

[branchiopod]

can’t sleep. keep making myself mad about shit

#it’s like three things rn #someone from my old college had it out for me and i genuinely have no idea why #like they were always rude as fuck to me and in the first few weeks we knew each other i was being interrogated ab slur and pronoundiscourse #asked how i felt ab he/him lesbians and i was like i’m not a lesbian so…who fucking cares #and we got into slurs somehow and i wish i could’ve been more articulate bc i was like yeah. i think some trans men can say the d slur #and they were like why aren’t you saying it and my response was cuz i don’t feel like it #but the point i wish i had thought well enough to make is like first of all slur discourse is stupid #and the word dyke is central to so many people’s identities not just currently but in the past too #when i was still fem-presenting and pre-any sort of transition i was a dyke. that’s the best word for how i felt then and now looking back #AND you don’t know the intricacies of someone’s identity. are you gonna police this shit? leave me tf alone #also pissing me off lol #is the fact that i dated someone who hated the parts of me that i like #shit spanned from like him saying it about tank tops and sweatpants immediately after i said they’re gender affirming for me #to not being able to deal with me being loud to the point that i re-triggered a depressive episode as soon as i got out of one #when im doing well im loud and excitable but they couldn’t handle that so i just shoved it down #and last thing. did anyone else deal with the predatory gay stereotype bc i never see ppl talk ab it but i was a huge target for it #it’s affected my ability to just. function as person like i can’t compliment people without making myself panic #the few times i’ve seen it talked ab is specifically the predatory lesbian stereotype #which does make me wonder how much of my experience was fueled by that and how much was just generic homophobia