#I feel so much less alone

[nandorisms]

hey im proud of u king. it takes a lot of guts to know who you are with so many outside forces trying to make u believe otherwise. your bf kinda sounds like a shithead, you deserve someone who will love you for the man you are and will treat you with respect, yknow? godspeed my dude

Thank you 😭 Never felt comfortable within my own skin. I've mentioned this numerous times over the course of years with my bf, but never knew what it meant, until I met my coworker. She suspected I was trans, trans masc specifically. Now, I was reluctant, because I come from a family in which emotions are used a weakness. I've grown, but don't think my bf has grown with the times. I was treated as a female at large, but my coworker and my boss, I was treated like a male.

it awoken something in me, fulfilled a need, I have no idea that I had, until I realized the implication of everything.

My bf wants me to stay soft and his, and I am slowly working my way from that.

I don't think I would mind belonging to anyone if that meant I could be me...

but I can't.

Not with him anyway.

I am he. While you can appreciate the parts left that are she, you need to respect, he.

#shameless reblog #thank you so much #I feel so much less alone

[emblazonet]

It’s really exciting to me that I’m seeing so much anticar content recently! For YEARS I thought I was the only person who looked at car-dependent infrastructure in N America and thought it looked like hell. I never wanted to learn to drive a car as a kid in the 00s and that freaked people out.

I guess one reason I never left this island is because it’s pretty walkable! (Not to mention green, lush and beautiful, with a marked lack of stroads.) The busses are kinda trash but with my feet and an ebike I can get around easily - I’ve even biked in the snow!

#I feel so much less alone #my family LOVES cars #and I felt like an aberration #turns out it's not cities I hate it's car infrastructure

[thelovethatyouhad]

Scrolling through my top 100 and thinking about how lucky we are to live in a time where we can listen to any and all music that we want, whenever we want, every day, wherever we go, privately in our own ears, and there’s so much music to choose from that you could go a lifetime without hearing all of it??? Imagine giving Spotify access to someone 100 years ago. Or even 25 years ago.

#all these songs that meant so much to me #movie soundtracks and musical theater #songs that I related to and made me feel less alone #it was in MY lifetime that streaming music became a thing #I remember a time when if you heard a song that you liked you just had to hope they played it on the radio again so you could tape it #me #music #Spotify wrapped

[knife-dad]

When a story starts with the worst thing that could possibly happen so that the rest of it can be dedicated to the messy uphill battle to recovery? That's the good shit. 10/10 beautiful incredible spectacular I love to see it every time

#maybe because it makes you feel a little less alone. #im doing the uphill battle but its okay because ive got this fictional little guy with me. yknow? #and maybe thats why i love dnd characters so much. a lot of times theyve already had the worst thing happen #and bonding with their party/facing their past means recovery can be baked into the campaign. #idk its just good and i love it very much

[uniquezombiedestiny]

come on

please tell me

#link leads to the music used in malks 5th story - alone by dan farley #art #malkuth #lc malkuth #malkuth lobcorp #lobotomy corporation #lobotomy corporation spoilers #made this at like 2-3 am in a fit of 'god i love malkuths story and dialogue so much' #i could go on forever and ever but here ill talk about how much i love her expressions. they way the cognition filter has her with that #constant cheery look #when shes not smiling it looks odd #and in her 5th story cutscene the music really hammers in the feeling of like. loneliness. of the facade fading away or crumbling #'come on; please tell me. so i can feel rewarded; just a bit.' #this final moment when her smile fades hits the hardest of all for me #knowing it doesnt come back beyond that (ofc until post meltdown) #the just... desolation. desperation? it feels so alone. calling out into the void #the entire time it feels so profoundly sad honestly #but this makes it feel hollow. when malkuth truly feels/looks entirely hollow #though here i may have drawn it less empty more like. expectant #i hope it still gets that across - the feeling of hollowness #again i could go on about malkuth forever. my favorite sephirah i love her so much

[irafuwas]

i don't know why, but in the sparse five hours of sleep i got last night, my brain decided to plague me with dreams of lilia taking care of an elderly silver, up until the final moments of his life. i could hear silver's thoughts the whole time, and he was so absolutely inundated with shame and guilt it almost seemed like he was suffocating. he kept thinking over and over and over again that this all should've been the other way around. he should've been the one looking after his father in the twilight of his life. he should've been his aging father's rock, his safe place to land, his stalwart defender against a world so unbelievably cruel to its most vulnerable denizens. again and again his heart cried out in vain, it should've been the other way around.

as a child he had once wished - prayed, even, to the same force now threatening to reclaim his spirit back into its unconscious designs - for his father to live a long and prosperous life, and it was as though that very wish had backfired on him in a way he never could have possibly imagined

#twst silver #lilia vanrouge #twst spoilers #twst #mumbles #txt #i hate it here #i litearlly woke up crying you gusy dont unerstand #he was so ashamed of himself but not once in my dream was lilia anything less than happy to take care of him #i feel like part of the reason lilia is trying to run away is because like so many of our elderly and our disabled #he didn't want his loved ones to worry about him and “waste” their time taking care of him #so he thought the best decision for everyone would be if he just went off to go die alone #i have no idea if twst would actually touch on something like that but i do think you could interepret his departure that way #anyways if any of you have caretakers or aides or just are disabled in anyway #i want you to know you are not and have never been and never will be a burden on anyone or anything #and that i love you so so much #im getting so emotional over a dream fkjgh but i want silver to understand that good parents dont have kids expecting that #their children will someday “pay them back” for everythinng they did for them growing up!! u don't owe ur parents jack shit!! #silver you just existing as you are is enough for your father!!!

[just-rainbow-thoughts]

Something something similar yet different idk I’ve never been good at comics or captions

#very much enjoy that face on the bottom #i am the op #jus sum doodly doos #pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #you judge his habits he judges yours #also if your clone is weird where do you think they got it from? #you can’t tell me peppino’s a totally normal guy #probably does shit like ice cream hand just to feel something (diy frostbite👍) #probably lived alone for so long he forgot how to normal #it’s okay I never learned how to normal #strange man and the only brother he actually cares about who’s even stranger than him #also I do have something made for the noise update I just wanna wait til it’s less of a spoiler

[phoen1xr0se]

I want you to know that you’re a source of hope and faith for all of us in the fandom. Every word you write is poetry, the sort of lyrical wonder which everyone and anyone can appreciate. You straddle the line of literary and unfathomably approachable in your writing and I couldn’t ever stress enough how much we all love you. I know you’ve been going through hell recently and I just want to tell you that, for someone who is being constantly challenged and tested, you give other people an awful lot of happiness. Just in case no one’s said it recently: you are a wonder to us all.

Sometimes, especially recently, I wonder what I could possibly have done to have earned so much darkness and pain, what did I do to deserve so much devastation and trauma? It can feel extremely... hopeless.

But then sometimes I get little signs from the universe, that all is not lost.

Like this beautiful, heartfelt message that reduced me to a blubbering wreck.

Thank you, nameless person, for bringing me back a little further from the brink of utter hopelessness today. Today was... bad. But now it's that tiny little bit better.

I don't feel much like a light right now, but whatever sputtering spark I have left, I'll try to keep it lit.

#thank you #phoenixrose314 #good omens fandom #despair #hopelessness #i feel so much less alone here than irl and i love all of you for that #❤️

[cariocake]

the cassandra kristen reunion is going to hit so hard i feel it in my soul

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #kristen applebees #d20 cassandra #solving a mystery for your goddess of mystery #drowning in doubt #unearthing ancient magics #kristen whispering her doubts into her little twilight shards and feeling less alone when they glow in response #cassandra protecting her cleric and her friends from beyond the grave despite feeling so angry at them #i miss cassandra soooo much #cant wait for kristen to visit bucky and the shards in her pocket glow as he confesses his doubts about helio

[anxiously-sidequesting]

okay wait stop. okay wait for me, okay just- (steps around my mountains of garbage and slime)

Listen we all love Malorn Ashthorn (as we fuckin' should) but I just realized. okay, just how much undeserved mess that poor blessed soul went through

Like okay think about it for a second. He's introduced early on in the first arc as Malistaire's former top student and now impromptu Death Professor at Ravenwood, okay so we all know that. But the implications man. The implications, I didn't think about the IMPLICATIONS.

He's like this 12 year old kid, okay. Already even BEFORE his official appearance in the game, imagine being a straight A student, one of the very best (to the point where it's noted and revered amongst the other professors AND your fellow students), under THE Malistaire Drake, who, even before his villain arc, was also one of the most esteemed and powerful Death professors ever. Like I couldn't even keep a C in school that shit must be wild

AND THEN. And then, your professor literally commits several war crimes, causes irreversible damage and trauma, and becomes a national criminal against.... the universe???? Like Malistaite commits heinous terrible shit, and sinks the entire Death School along with him. And then it falls to Malorn Ashthorn, once again who's like a teenager, to PICK UP THE METAPHORICAL PIECES because he had no choice. He was literally the only candidate to fill in Malistaire's place, a legend turned monster, to teach and guide GENERATIONS of new children that are HIS AGE or even OLDER THAN Malorn is.

And then the actual changes in the school. Malorn, former student, now has to learn how to become a professor with his limited knowledge of Death Magic. Like imagine filling in for the college astrophysicist teacher when you've only graduated 6th grade. He has to change his SCHEDULE, from waking up early as a student to get up and get ready even EARLIER as a professor to prepare the classes HE comes up with. Not to mention late nights grading hundreds of papers from multiple students??? AND he either is the ONLY tutor (which means more overtime and work for him, to personally help individual students with different Death lessons), or he has to actually call upon help from other students to help him get his job done.

And then there's like the relationship aspect of it. Malorn is literally just a child, like any other student, but adopting a role as a professor, an adult, means that he also has to adopt a certain mindset. Malorn literally HAS to be patient, HAS to be guiding and nurturing, HAS to be the adult in every situation in order to be a GOOD professor. Malorn has to train hard not only in magic to be ahead of the others in order to teach them properly, but has to retrain his mindset to be ABLE to handle to teach properly. Like you can't be a regular tween teaching other tweens.

And then it's just the pressure after that. The PRESSURE GUYS, of not only living up to one of the most talented and accomplished the school has ever seen, but deal with the fact that the very same person also became a tyrant and war criminal and left Malorn, his most promised student, in his place. Like I could easily imagine the rumors, the judgement, and the fear surrounding that boy, wondering if he would ever turn out to be the same as Malistaire.

No one asked for this. This soap opera I mean, nobody asked me about Malorn Ashthorn or this long ass post but I don't care because I'm crying. Girls I'm crying my entire bed is wet with tears of despair and snot. Malorn is literally a sweetie oh my God he does not, and never will deserve this shit I'm so sorry honey. Sweetie Malorn baby I'm so fuckign sorry, i'm so so sorry,

#no im not actually crying LMAO but #malorn....... #his personality hasnt really changed from pre update to poet update #he was still very chill and welcoming towards The Wizard as always and whenever they speak #he's just a kid. thats it. just a kid #AND IM SURE HE ACTUALLY DOES RECIEVE HELP. like yeah i bet the headmaster and other professors help him out so that hes not totally alone #or like suffering in agony or anything #but all of that is STILL so much pressure on ANYONE #much less a child who has done absolutely nothing wrong #like malorn wasnt even prepared. no one but malistaire knew the shit that was happening #and all of a sudden in like a day malorn's entire lifestyle changed #i wonder how he actually feels about all this inside #hashtag get malorn ashthorn a therapist and support group please #let him go to therapy along with the wizard #wizard101 #w101 #malorn ashthorn #text posts

[goldkirk]

Hi, just wanted to say that I also escaped a high control group (not quite a cult) because of fanfic. Go us! I hope you’re having as wonderful a time as I am being human!

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I am SO delighted for you! I’m so excited you get to live your life as hard as you want to and get so much joy from it now!

I’m filled with so much grief and suffering etc etc but I also experience so much gratitude and pure wonder and excitement and delight and good amount of the time too. This is more than enough for me. 🤙

I love this new wonderful experience of life we both get to have now! I wish you a bright and deep and rich and magical recovery as you keep always exploring on your journey ever onward!

#thank you so much for sharing your own story with me and my story in this brief moment #cult escapee #it helps me feel less alone too and I get to have secondhand delight from you too!! #I wish you the BEST #proud of you for clawing your way to the freedom to be and choose and live who you are and what you do #shutterbug series #for bad days #anonymous #katie answers asks

[psychofreakforc]

Just thought about sam coming back from work one day with a cute little cat because tara always wanted one.

Christina and Mr. Carpenter had no intention of taking care of another creature, so they never got one. The closest thing tara got to a pet was a small teddy bear plushie sam won for her when they were kids.

But today, on her way back home from work, sam saw a cute kitty on the sidewalk. She saw its cute brown eyes begging her not to leave, they reminded her a lot of tara's. Then she noticed that the little cat had a small scar on its paw (just like her little sister), and that's when she decided this cat was meant to be theirs.

Sam has noticed that tara has been feeling lonely lately, chad and mindy are coming over less often because chad is still recovering and mindy is spending time taking care of her brother and sam is always at work or at therapy.

Maybe a cute little friend would be helpful.

#as someone that is often left at home alone and as a cat owner i can confirm that my 4 little kitties make me feel a lot less lonely #so this is pretty much based on that #also sam will definitely become a little bit jealous of how much attention tara gives the cat #and the cat is called mia from now on (just like mine) #AND IT'S A VERY GOOFY CAT #and because of that tara loves her even more and makes her feel like she's a kid all over again #mia has abandonment issues just like tara. So they both they never leave each other's sides #tara carpenter #sam carpenter #carpenter sisters

[isfjmel-phleg]

🤯

#random personal stuff #you know...it's nice to have social interactions that you come away from feeling tired (inevitable) but ultimately refreshed #like everybody enjoyed each other's company and you both listened and talked and nobody is upset with each other and you can speak freely #the social gatherings in the last couple of days have been so different from some others recently #and it reminds me how much I appreciate my friends #they're good people and I am honored to have them in my life #rest is always in order after social stress but thoroughly positive interactions help recalibrate things too #and you can feel less alone

[cxpperhead]

Belated munday post but the little one is settling in nicely! He's taken to watching me when he thinks I'm not looking at him, horrible camera quality as the angle is wonky but the tank looks better/is more sizable than it appears from the side!

Unfortunately I forgot that flash was enabled and he slipped back into his cool hide after. Sorry for startling you, sweetheart. 😔

#🐍 || ooc #;; mun bullshit #He's been here just over a week and seems to be settling in quite nicely <3 #Loves his pinkies and is getting better with handling #The first two times he was quite a bit more flightly #Today he was calmer and just slithering through my fingers nicely #Gonna leave him alone a day or two so he can keep settling in and he'll get another pinky in another couple of days #I have no idea how old he is but think he was a bit underfed #Needs more than a little pinky every week sagsfsf #Sorry to have been quiet today was mostly recouping and resting up all day #Didn't have much energy beyond typical chores but feeling way less sore/exhausted now :D #Ror's an anery corn btw! #He looks so much prettier irl than the camera shows all these lovely greys and blacks and mochas <3 #Will try and get something done tonight now I'm feeling a bit better about writing

[carefulfears]

what do you think mulder thinks of diana fowley after biogenesis through amor fati? i don't think we really see anything on screen/in text (though i think it says a lot that he didn't have much of a reaction when scully came to his apartment & instead focuses on scully & their relationship lol)

yeah there’s basically NOTHING in the text but tbh i think finding out for certain that she was working with CSM really kindaaaa snapped him out of some things…mulder doesn’t give a fuck what people do to him, obviously, but it’s a different thing entirely to find out that your ex is involved in something like that. like there are MILES from “my partner makes me feel like shit and is maybe pretty abusive” and “my partner is like 3rd on the call list of a eugenics group that treats women like test subjects”

like, scully was right, diana was monitoring MUFON women and collecting data on them. she was heading up the tests on cassandra. she probably knew the truth about samantha the whole time. just nasty nasty shit.

she’s the villain in the amor fati dream: the dismissive symbol of abandonment that offers another path.

one of the most interesting scenes of diana’s character to me, is in the sixth extinction, when she comes to see mulder in the hospital. and she knows what the effects of the artifact are, that he can hear what she’s thinking. that, therefore, he knows who she works for and what she’s doing. (imagine your ex-husband/wannabe boyfriend/obsession finds out you’re lying to him because he can read your mind….shit is crazy!)

and she tells him that she knows he knows. but that he also knows that she loves him.

and she does love him. there’s no reason to lie about that then, she knows he would be able to tell.

scully knows it without hearing it, that’s how she gets diana to save mulder’s life, ultimately. she comes to her and begs. tells her to please just think of him, who he is, who he was when she met him, who he is now. in the end, because of scully weaponizing how diana feels, diana can’t go through with it. she gives her life to help him.

diana seems to be one of those influences on mulder that’s only really all that significant when she’s close by. it’s like how all the tension in the beginning builds up to him getting in her car when she tells him to, leaving scully, when diana is there instructing him.

i think being able to know who she truly was and her true intentions and allegiances, prior to her death, really goes a long way in the way he responds to losing her.

don’t get me wrong, i think he’s upset. you can kind of see the shock cross his face when scully tells him. but he stays focused on his goal, which is to express to scully how important she is to him, in the wake of how discarded diana always made her feel.

mulder loved diana and grieves that she was killed, he doesn’t have it in him not to, but mostly he…wanted something from her, right? he wanted that approval and “affection” and to please her. he wanted her to believe him. the first thing that she says to disarm him (in the end) when she can tell he’s uneasy, is, “hey. i’m on your side.”

learning who she really is, it’s easier not to crave her approval so badly.

(this is the crux of amor fati’s “last temptation.” it’s diana saying: you’re childish. you are going to fail. your path is not your own. “you have to let go, fox.” and it’s scully countering: we need you. this is who you are.)

(it’s why he responds in the end by telling scully that it’s her that’s the voice of truth.)

and then in death, diana’s not…there for him to want anything from!! so it’s like, again, yeah he obviously feels the loss, this was someone who meant a lot to him for over a decade. but also it’s likeeeeee freeing in a way? it makes things simpler in a way? (he’s able to communicate all of that to scully instantly after hearing diana is gone, after over a year of the tension hanging around it)

if you asked him about diana now, or even a year later, i think he’d be like…damn that’s crazy! 😭😭 mulder doesn’t have an awful lot of object permanence you guys sjdjsjfj

when scully comes to tell mulder that diana was killed, and he says to her, “you were my friend, and you told me the truth,” the language matters so much. that’s what scully called diana, “i know she was your friend,” and he turns it back onto her. you were my friend. you told me the truth.

in my opinion, it’s not that he doesn’t love and grieve diana, but that there’s a freedom in knowing the truth. knowing who someone is, and their intentions. knowing who has your best interest at heart. knowing where you stand in the world, what you want to do.

that’s really what allows for the openness and lightness of s7, in the wake of diana’s absence. mulder’s always seeking, always learning.

#in a lot of ways diana knows mulder sooo well #like her mannerisms and every little word and phrase are so carefully chosen #like that moment in ‘the end’ when she says she’s on his side and takes his hand #her VERY first line on the show is telling a room full of people that she thinks mulder is right. that she believes him. #something she continues to enforce when she needs to #i was just looking at ‘the beginning’ and the way that when he kinda doesn’t trust her after she took over the x-files #and they find her outside #she says ‘fox. i’m going to get out of the car. i’m alone. alright?’ #like she communicates with him in a way where like….if she had good intentions it would be exactly how to help/calm him #but because she DOESNT it’s EXACTLY how to have him eating out of the palm of her hand #very interesting character very vile woman #anyway idk i think there’s something very ‘good for him!’ esque about how quickly he moves on from her 💀 #i think he’s able to for all the reasons i cited here about knowing what she’s doing and who she is #but mulder is sooooo easily wrapped up in trying to please someone or trying to help someone and getting in a shit situation #and that controls so much of their lives for so long #and i was trying to think about it and i feel like diana’s death kinda is the last time that he’s so trapped in that! #he still does it on a smaller extent ofc but it’s less about the person more the situation after diana if i recall #asks #amor fati #diana

[brittlebutch]

honestly Adaine is so good at clarifying/directing Ayda socially that it begins to circle back to a dynamic of like, Ayda saying "i don't know or understand these rules" and Adaine responding "have no fear, I've been carefully studying and manually interfacing with these for years, I will explain:" in a way that to me is so autism4autism

#N posts stuff #like Ayda feels like someone who has spent most of her life alone / with adults and so lacks any context at all for socializing with Peers #she's good at Information (bc she's a librarian) and communicating Facts (bc likely most of her socializing has been helping #with research in one way or another on Leviathan) BUT she struggles a lot more with like #friendly gossip and flirting and boundaries <- because she's never interfaced much with people her own age so it's like being lost at sea #BUT Adaine to me at a certain point Stops reading to me as 'Neurotypical who intuits the rules and is just good at explaining them' #and becomes 'autistic with a special interest in social rules/dynamics' and it's less 'i grew up speaking this language natively' #and WAY MORE 'i've been studying this language intentionally for many years so I can help clarify and give you advice' #and i Love That for them I love when they're talking in Hellbound and Adaine is like 'oh lovely! do you have notes on this social phenom?' #because she's 100% canonically the autistic person who is taking notes on social cues (outright in Daddies&Demons) and is like #'Excellent. Surely with these I am going to get a good grade in Social Conversation.' #Autism win! You and the Librarian on a pirate ship have become Best Friends who think each other are SO cool and lovely and kind <3 #d20lb #fhsy #d20: bad kids