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fox-bee926 · 10 months

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Who did this?

Harvey Specter x fem!reader

Masterlist A/N: Wow another one? I'm going to do one more after this and then answer an ask and put all my harvey fics on one post. Then after that who knows. I have an awesome aragorn x reader fic I've been playing around with so I might work on that. Definitely going to try and do more one shots to improve my writing. I really enjoy it but depression makes it a tad hard. Anyways! Enjoy! TW: **This story focuses on the physical abuse between the Reader character and her boyfriend. I am not responsible for the content you consume so please be advised. There are explanations of abuse, but no explicit scenes of abuse occurring.** abuse (physical and emotional), hurt/comfort, Harvey being very sweet, mention of painkillers but I'm talking like 2 tylenol or ibuprofen or something Word Count: 2.5k

You run across the street to the Pearson Hardman office building, just about soaking wet. All that protected you from the rain was a newspaper you bought right outside your building. You prayed all the way to work that it wouldn’t just completely break under the force of the rain. You had spent almost thirty minutes on makeup, twenty five more minutes than you usually spend. To go along with that, you couldn’t find an available taxi because of the rain. Not even the pain in your shoulder had let up, despite taking a couple painkillers.

Your boyfriend had gotten a bit angry with you last night after you went out socializing with some friends. It wasn’t your smartest move. You knew he didn’t like you to hang out with your guy friends without his permission. But you didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The feelings of your heart conflicted with your rational mind. All you know is you love him and he loves you. Which is why he gets upset when you go out without him. But then why wouldn’t he make time to go out with me alone?

You shook those thoughts out of your head as you swiped your card into the building. You took the time in the elevator to dry off with your sweater. Which was consequently soaked. Curses rang out in the elevator- cursing the sweater, the weather, your boyfriend, you didn’t know.

You sat down in the chair next to Donna and exchanged greetings. “How are we looking today, Donna?” You smiled as you saw Harvey sitting in his office. The only person getting into the office earlier than him was Donna.

“Full day as always. Oh, Jonathan from accounting asked for Harvey to look at his expense accounts for this last month. He won’t of course- but as long as they get to Harvey’s desk, Jon won’t speak another word about it until the next thousand dollar dinner with a client.” Donna goes back to typing rapidly on her computer.

“And then the cycle continues,” You let out a hearty laugh for the first time since you left work last Friday. “I’ll get on that. Anything else while I’m in accounting?” You gather up different file folders that you need to take down to accounting anyway.

“Nope, say hi to Mr. Expense Forms for me!”

“Will do, Donna.”

You quickly walk to the elevator and down to the accounting department for Jonathan's expense reports. Harvey is still in the same spot as he was when you left as you open the door to his office. You make sure to open the door with your left arm, with the papers in your right.

“I got a delivery for Harvey Specter from Mr. Jonathan Expense Forms from accounting. Fuming as always. You might want to lay off the fancy dinners for a week.” Harvey rolls his eyes at the notion.

“Sweetheart, you think I’m that good at my job that I don’t need fancy dinners to win over clients? You must think very highly of me.” He chuckles smugly as he writes words you can barely read on a legal pad. You deal his snark back just the same.

“Of course I think you’re good. You’re my boss, I’m legally obligated to think so.” You both laugh until you reach with your right arm to set the folder on his desk. You let out a noise just loud enough for Harvey to be concerned.

“What happened to your shoulder?”

“It’s nothing, I just fell.”

At this, Harvey looks up. You were never one to be clumsy, let alone fall so hard as to hurt yourself. As Harvey’s eyes assess you, he notices a large dark bruise on your wrist- both your wrists in fact.

His silence worries you, and you follow his eyes to your wrists. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry-” You quickly try to pull your sleeves down to cover the spots. Remnants of rain water drove through the foundation.

Harvey takes a few deep breaths as you stand there in shocked silence. For the smallest second, you think he’s going to hurt you. Rationally, you know the notion is absurd, but the mind that has dealt with angry men keeps you silent.

Harvey finally speaks after taking a minute to process the information he’s pieced together.

“Who did this to you?”

You’re taken aback, that small part of your mind thinking he would call you unprofessional or weak. “My... My boyfriend. He just gets a little annoyed with me sometimes. It’s truly nothing. I’ll do better to cover them-”

“A good man being annoyed never results in bruises. How did this happen?” Harvey has to go against every part of his nature not to rush out and ask Donna everything about this man, then subsequently find him. He’s thinking that those boxing lessons are actually going to come in handy.

But he knows he can’t. He knows that if he moves like that, or moves at all, he’d terrify you. He can see how your eyes dart around. Towards the door, towards your wrists, and towards himself. He didn’t know how you would react if he even stood up.

“I fell into a bookshelf. He pushed me a bit and I lost balance.”

“You mean he shoved you into a shelf.”

The way Harvey phrased it made you feel uncomfortable. “That’s a bit harsh, but you could phrase it like that.”

He stared at you in disbelief. This wasn’t the woman he saw on a daily basis. The woman that dealt with almost every slimy man that came into the building. The woman that he had slowly fallen in love with since she arrived here.

The woman before him seemed like a shell of the woman he met three years ago, and he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next.

“Do you know how you sound? You should never be bruised, shoved, or red eyed if you’re in love. That’s simply not how it is, and I’m sorry you’ve been made to believe that.”

At this, the dam broke.

Tears had been pooling in your eyes from the moment Harvey saw the bruises. But at his last words you let out a pained sob. It hadn't sunk in just how bad it had gotten. Your boyfriend had done this a few times before, but had never gotten so harsh until last night.

All the pain from the last year had come rushing in, and you were about to break right in front of your boss. Heavy tears started to run down your face. It was at this moment you were glad you never wore heavy makeup. You did your best to stifle the sounds and cries that tried to escape, but outside, Donna still saw through the glass.

Immediately, Donna calmly walks in. She takes one look at you, then Harvey. With a single nod from Harvey, Donna lets out a quiet "Car is on its way."

Unfortunately that made you feel even worse. "I'm so sorry, Harvey. This is completely unprofessional-"

Harvey finally stands up and walks towards you. At this point, what you need isn't space. He places his hands as gentle as can be on your arms to coax you to look at him. And you do, but looking at your red eyes and wet tears streaming down your face up close make his heart break even more.

"I don't give a shit about professionalism. Donna is getting the car and my driver is going to take you home-"

"No! He's there, he's been trying to move in with me and doesn't have a day job. He's just been staying there..." Your sentence trails off as you’re trying to process what you’re actually saying. Are you really doing this?

"Okay, then my driver will take you to my place and give you a key. We'll talk about the next steps when I get home. I'll get you some things from your apartment, okay?"

The tears were gone purely by witnessing Harvey be so calm, and you nodded slowly. All you could do was follow the sound of his voice. Like a lighthouse in a raging storm.

Donna entered the room quietly, "The car is here."

"Good. Donna will walk you out." You nodded, not saying a word. You turn to walk out of Harvey’s office, but he reaches out for your hand. “You’ll get through this, alright?”

You give a small smile. However, your mental state did not display the same sentiment. Your mind was reeling from what had happened in the last- what, 10? 15 minutes?

Donna leads you out the back staircase as a gesture of mercy. She knew that you didn’t want anyone else to see you like this. Harvey wasn’t exaggerating his view of you. Everyone in the office saw you as an unbreakable force.

Harvey’s driver opens the door for you. You look back at Donna, who is smiling sweetly. “I promise, Harvey will take care of everything. The only thing you need to worry about is taking care of yourself, okay?”

You gave Donna the same small smile you gave Harvey. You were at the edge of your sanity at this point. Now that you’ve gone through all the sadness and shock of the... situation, you were embarrassed. Angry. Angry at yourself for letting a man put his hands on you for a full year. Angry at Donna for knowing exactly what was going on and getting exactly what was needed. Angry at Harvey Specter for being so goddamn perfect that you couldn’t help the butterflies that always arose in your stomach whenever he talked to you. Angry at the world for putting you in this position.

Wordlessly, you exited the car once it stopped in front of Harvey’s building. You reached his apartment without thought. You took your heels off, and put your purse on the closest counter you saw.

And you cried.

_______

Harvey exited the elevator with a large box held in his hands. It was purely full of necessities. A week's change of clothes, toiletries, some books he knew were your favorite. Everything else he could buy new. He looked down and saw your heels on the ground and your purse on the table beside him.

Once he set down the box on the floor, he saw you. You looked even worse than at the office. Your beautiful hair was frizzy and pulled in odd directions. The worst part was the absolutely destroyed look on your face. Eyeshadow and liner were smudged on your red tinged eyes which stared into space in front of you.

Harvey sees your body stiff as a board on the edge of his soft couch, seemingly ready to run at a moment’s thought. “Have you been sitting like that since you got here?”

“No. I’ve only just sat down.” Your arms leaned on your knees, hands folded in your lap.

Harvey tries to ignore the hoarse sound in your voice. “Well, you can relax a bit if you’d like. I got you some more comfortable clothes if you want to change.”

Your brows furrow as you think. “Did he give you any problems?” For the first time since he came in the front door you look at him. He was visibly more relaxed than he is in the office. His suit jacket was tossed on the coat rake next to the door and the sleeves of his dress shirt were neatly folded up his arms. He walked towards the kitchen to the freezer.

“He didn’t get a chance. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you again.” He walks over to where you’re sitting on the couch and sets down an ice pack. His shirt was obviously wrinkled, and his knuckles held the slightest tinge of blue. The thought of Harvey hurting someone made your stomach flip, but you didn’t feel quite so bad for the receiving party.

“Let’s get some ice on that shoulder, huh?” He could tell you were still sensitive, but it felt more subdued than the scared woman he saw in his office.

You nodded in agreement about the ice pack. You hadn’t really stopped to think about it until he said something. As you unbutton your shirt to reveal your nude colored undershirt, you wince. The swelling of the bruise had gotten worse since you hadn’t taken anything for it. You hadn’t noticed the pain when you were crying, but now it just felt terrible.

“Let me help.” You give Harvey a look when the words come out of his mouth, a glimpse of that fiery woman that he knows. But you sigh and relent. You managed to undo a few buttons at least before Harvey steps in.

He unbuttons your shirt down to your stomach and pulls the shoulder of the shirt down just enough to slide the ice pack onto the skin. As soon as it’s securely placed between you and the couch, you let out a groan. In relief or pain, you don’t know. All you knew was that the cold felt absolutely wonderful on your swelled skin.

You and Harvey stay like that for a while, the exact amount of minutes you don’t know and neither does he. Harvey is the first to speak.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.”

You give him a look that says “I wonder why, dumbass.” But you refrain. “I’m thinking.”

He finally sits next to you on the couch and reaches his arm to grasp the top of the cushions. In his mind he excuses it as getting more comfortable, but the opportunity to touch you is also a bonus. Harvey was not a man of wise words for comfort, moreso actions and touch.

In a singsong voice, trying to lighten the mood, he says “Whatcha thinkin’ about.”

You smile a true smile and look towards him. Then the thoughts in your head come rushing in and the smile falls from your face. “I’m thinking about how I’ve been with him for so long that I don’t know how to live my life without him. So much of my life has been conforming to his ideals, his feelings. How am I supposed to love and be loved after him? After I’ve split my soul into so many pieces that I’ve lost track of where they all are?”

Both of you sit in silence, not sure what to say.

“I was definitely not expecting that.”

“I am... extremely sorry I said that, please just ignore-”

“I wasn’t finished, sweetheart. Firstly, I think you should see a professional about these feelings. But in the meantime, we can work on that together.” Harvey smiles, but then falters. “I- I mean, if you want. I’m not trying to get in your pants, I promise, all I’m saying is that I’m here whenever and you can stay as long as you want and-”

“Thank you, Harvey. It means a lot to hear you say that.” You laugh at the sight of a flustered Harvey Specter.

“To paraphrase, you're not alone in this. Not ever.”

You reach over with your good arm and pull him into as much of a hug as you can muster. In return, he pulls you close. Neither of you ever want to leave.

#xreader #harvey specter #harvey specter x reader #harvey specter x fem!reader #fanfiction #fics by foxbee #suits #fics #harvey specter/reader #harveyspecter/fem!reader #harvey specter/you

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iamthat-iam · 2 months

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"Ego", The Final Boss

Olivia (she prefers to be called Liv) has been on quite the spiritual journey for a couple of years. She was born and raised Catholic, then as a teen she decided to leave the church because it didn't resonate with her. She went through a law of attraction phase, followed by law of assumption, and finally, she found non dualism from a few Twitter and Tumblr accounts.

The message, from what she gathered, was that she needed to fully drop the ego in order to realize her true self/true nature and to experience whatever she wanted. She even read a few books where realized masters have spoken about their own personal journeys of dropping ego and how life is generally more peaceful for them now that they've done so.

Now, Liv is one with a troubled past. She would give anything to become an entirely different person with no childhood trauma, and just a happy life all around. She meditated every single day, practiced "sitting in silence", and tried her hardest to detach from her "ego."

She stopped enjoying her usual hobbies out of fear of identifying too much with the character. She would go out of her way to correct thoughts that she felt were "too related to being the person." Needless to say, her mental health began to go downhill very fast.

One of her best friends, Marcus, decided to check up on her one day through face-time. "Hey sis! How have you been?! Haven't seen you in a while."

"Hey..." Liv answered. "I'm not doing all that great to be honest."

"Yeah I figured that. That's why I reached out to you," Marcus stated. "I'm worried about you. It seems like you barely leave the house. Everytime myself or anyone else tries to make plans with you, you either cancel last minute or come up with some bogus excuse as to why you can't come out."

Liv had to laugh because everything he said was true. "So I'm guessing you didn't believe the story about my pet rabbit dying."

Marcus cackled. "GIRL. I've known you for years and not once have you ever had a pet rabbit. Stop playing."

"Okay let me tell you what's really going on with me," Liv began, "So a few months ago I found this 'spiritual practice' called Non Dualism, and the premise of it is you need to 'let go of ego' in order to realize your true nature as God, or Awareness, whatever you want to call it. Also you get to experience whatever you want."

"So this is the reason why you've stopped enjoying your usual hobbies, and why you've stopped having a social life?" Marcus inquired. "I'm going to be honest here. As your friend, I feel like I owe it to you to tell you the Truth even if it isn't what you want to hear. I don't think that this 'practice' has helped you one bit. Either you have misinterpreted the message, or these people are spreading misinformation. Never at any point should you sacrifice your mental health for the sake of 'becoming enlightened.'"

"I don't know what else to do," Liv started to cry a little. "I just want to become a different person living a life full of happiness, one without trauma and constant reminders of my horrible past. I hate being this broken person!"

"It's okay hun, I totally understand," Marcus consoled her. "I can help you. You remember my family guru right? She hates being called that, but I don't know how else to refer to her. Her name is Sage. My family has gone to her for spiritual advice and healing for years."

"Yes, I remember her! Didn't she help your mom heal her lower back pain?" Liv asked excitedly.

"She sure did. I can give you her number if you want!"

After Liv ended her face-time call with Marcus, he gave her Sage's number. She immediately reached out to her to schedule a day where they can meet up.

- -

One day, Liv arrived at a beautiful park to discover Sage already sitting on one of the benches waiting. "Hi! I don't know if you remember me, I'm Marcus' friend Liv."

"Yes! Hi Liv, it's nice to see you again," Sage reached out and gave Liv a warm hug. "Now what can I help you with?"

Liv sat down next to Sage. "Well, I discovered Non dualism a few months ago, and I'm not sure if I misunderstood the message or not, but I thought you had to let go of ego in order to realize your true nature as awareness. And after you realize this, you can experience whatever you want. So long story short, I stopped enjoying life because I thought I had to do that in order to be enlightened."

Sage hesitated for a moment, and then smiled. "Think about it this way.. if it's true that our true nature is awareness, or God, whatever label you put on it, why would you have to go through these unnecessary steps in order to 'become' it? If that's what you already are in the first place?"

Liv opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. Maybe Sage had a point.

"Here are my thoughts. If anyone is telling you to 'drop the ego', it's bullshit," Sage chuckled. "The point of Non Dualism is realizing that you were always awareness. You were always the awareness behind everything that seems to appear. The ever-stretching, limitless silence that can take on the form of anything. The ego is just a thought. The idea that you are not already fully realized is also just a thought. In reality, there's no ego or person here to let go of. No person here who needs to become 'fully realized.' Just drop the idea that you are a limited human that has to become something, and you'll be golden."

Liv's jaw dropped to the ground. "You're telling me it was THAT SIMPLE THIS ENTIRE TIME?"

Sage laughed heartily. "Yes it is. Why do you think it took masters like Lester or Sri Nisgardatta months or YEARS to 'realize Self?' because they spent so much time trying to get rid of an ego that doesn't exist!"

Liv let out a sigh of relief. "So there really is nothing to do. I can't believe I exerted all that effort for nothing. I do have one more question, how can I experience whatever I want knowing I'm awareness? I want to be a completely different person with a different past."

"The person you think you are now, and the one you want to be are both illusions. You, as awareness, can 'choose' either one like a costume. Everytime you think about this ideal version of you, you've already experienced it," Sage grinned.

Suddenly a wave of emotions flooded through Liv, a mixture of relief and happiness. She felt the urge to give Sage a tight hug. "Thank you so much for helping me today."

"You're so welcome, sweetie."

Good for Liv, she has finally accepted her omnipotence and freedom to experience anything!

#non dualism #nondualism #consciousness #awareness #self #self realization #another long story but i hope the message was clear

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127luvr · 2 months

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our season ✮⋆˙ᝰ.ᐟ

shen ricky x (mute) male reader

in which ricky is convinced he has no soulmate.

four is an important age for any growing child. at four you are learning to read and write. at four you are learning to socialize with other children your age outside of your parents' constant watch. at four you are still struggling to tie your own shoes without the help of an adult. at four, in this world, it was the first you heard of soulmates.

for ricky it was his first year of private education. being away from his parents had proven to be difficult at first, but he adjusted accordingly. even at a young age he was a charismatic, charming every boy and every girl he encountered. he was never alienated for not having a soulmate mark like the rest--at least--not at this age.

he never questioned it. there were reports of many others not getting their soulmate's words until many years later. he felt he was surrounded by all the love he needed, regardless of whether or not the universe granted him a soulmate. he was never without someone who cared for him.

for you, it was different. you had little to no memory of your time as a four year old. you had trouble recalling your youth--your years before becoming an adult. you learned to be independent from a very young age. learning to fend for yourself before any of your classmates. it was a given--after all--having to navigate the world by communicating through your hands or the letters on your phone rather than speaking aloud was difficult.

but you weren't four years old anymore. and although the pain still sticks with you--you hadn't been the neglected child in your home for years. no longer ashamed of being alive--but still not comfortable enough in your own skin to be able to communicate with your own voice. it was a double-edged sword.

you never got the soulmate speech from your parents. you remember one day suddenly having a plethora of apologies appear on your arm in perfect cursive handwriting. your first attempt at scrubbing it off deeming unsuccessful. the words were more prominent against your irritated, red skin. 'hey, i'm so sorry, are you okay?' you wore them like a curse, hiding them no matter where you went. you can't remember the last time someone apologized to you, but it didn't bother you anymore. the world was harsh--cold against anyone who didn't conform to societal norms.

it had been some time since you moved away from your hometown. somewhere more diverse, where they didn't look at you weird for coming in with your order already written in your notes app. you moved to a place where they offered sign language as a course in university. something you never thought you'd see in your life, having been holed up in a small town full of people who only thought about themselves.

it was refreshing.

sitting in the quaint coffee shop where you had become a regular. you look over the screen of your laptop every now and again, watching new faces appear every couple of hours. you loved hearing the buzz of people, picking up on conversations between friends as they walked past your table cautiously. some gave you polite smiles, recognizing you from campus. others sat at the tables surrounding you, their fingers hovering over their keyboards as their eyes scan the words on their screens.

you shut your laptop. stretching your arms out in front of you as quietly as you could. the sleeve of your shirt coming up towards your elbow as you do so. you catch a glimpse of the words on your left forearm, the letters still as perfect as the day they appeared. but you swore they were lighter. a deep shade of brown instead of the jet black you remember them being.

you pay it no mind, shaking your head to yourself as you gather your things to leave. you never bothered to learn about soulmates, tuning it out when it was brought up in study groups. it wasn't something you could avoid forever, but living in ignorance for as long as you have had you deluded into thinking the day would never come.

the bell on top of the door rings as you push your chair in. the sudden noise startling you into looking up.

he's almost as tall as the door frame. with bright blonde hair that barely reaches his shoulders. he is adorned in all black from head to toe--black button up tucked into his black slacks--a branded belt accentuating his waist. the moment passes in slow motion. with the light from the afternoon sun shining behind him as he steps through the threshold. he looks angelic--otherworldly, even.

but you snap out of it, walking towards the counter to ask for a refill before you walk out of the shop.

you stand in line a few feet behind him, admiring his broad shoulders and long legs in the process. you've never seen anyone like him before. not around campus, and definitely never in the cafe you're standing in. he screams elegance--with the branded wallet and platinum card he pulls out of his pocket to pay. he has a strange pull to him.

ricky is no stranger to having all eyes on him wherever he goes. but you're different. he feels your eyes burning holes into his skin as you stand behind him. he feels your presence. the way you mindlessly tap your fingers on your thighs as a distraction as you wait for him to get his drink and leave. but he keeps his posture straight, only engaging in conversation with the barista when he has to.

you hear a small thank you come from him, his soft voice startling you as it contrasted greatly from the way he was dressed. you pull your eyes off of him as soon as he bows his head, swallowing hard when you see his shoes turn to you. you take a step forward, not taking into account how close your bodies were.

ricky takes a step towards your direction simultaneously, trying to get a sip before walking out.

but he's unsure of how his drink ended up on the floor. too busy staring at your wide eyes and dropped mouth to notice the way his coffee stained the bottom of your pants an odd shade of brown. he doesn't even take into account the way the line behind the two of you grows more and more impatient with each second that passes.

his heart threatens to jump out of his chest, his composure finally giving into your fervent gaze, "hey, i'm so sorry, are you okay?"

your arms come up immediately, your (f/c) tote bag sliding off your shoulder as you struggle to sign. but his question sounds familiar. it stings at your arm, the cursive letters now golden under your long sleeve as you roll it up to relieve the pinching. you eyes shift from ricky's face to your arm, heat spreading from your face all the way down to your chest.

his large hands pull you to the side, standing beside you to look at your arm. his eyebrows furrow as he pulls his own sleeves up to his elbows, showing you blank milky wrists. but he can feel your pull, as if you were both attached by an invisible string. regardless of how bizarre the situation was, ricky was already planning a future with you in his mind. he hadn't even heard you speak a word but he was enthralled. enchanted by your charming sense of style and eccentric (h/c) hair.

"i'm ricky."

your hands move before you can form a coherent sentence in your mind, i'm y/n.

and suddenly everything clicks for ricky. for once, he is grateful he learned sign language instead of a language he'll never get to use. and he smiles at you, a smile that over time will only be reserved for you.

#this has been sitting in my drafts for over a month.#ricky shen #shen quanrui #ricky x male reader #zerobaseone #zb1 x male reader

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missbabyjay · 1 year

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I Could Never Leave You Behind - Pedro Pascal x Reader

ANGST & FLUFF

MASTERLIST - CHECK OUT MY PAGE FOR MORE!

I'm just messing around with some random prompts, trying to improve my writing and step outside of my comfort zone! Hope you enjoy :)

Warnings/Content: Mature, Angst, Fluff, A little bit of spice, Alcohol

Summary: Your thoughts get the best of you, leaving you feeling confused... when all of a sudden Pedro arrives home earlier than planned.

Word Count: 1.5 K

Feel free to send me requests! I am writing for Pedro, Agent Whiskey, Javi Gutierrez, and Bill Hader hehe

. . .

The warm, evening wind tickled your skin as you sat comfortably nuzzled in the corner of the loveseat that was placed on your balcony, facing the warm and mellow sunset as the day said goodbye. You were treating yourself to a glass of chilled pinot noir; your favourite. As you brought the delicate, crystal clear glass to your hungry lips you fiddled with the soft, plush blanket that wrapped around you - wishing the blanket would be replaced with your partner’s loving embrace.

As you continued to watch the sun die out behind the horizon you couldn’t help your mind from wandering. It had been a couple of months since you last saw Pedro - he was finishing up the filming for The Last Of Us, far away from you in Canada.

You knew what you were in for when you began seeing Pedro; he was constantly looking for new ways to branch out in his career, whether it was a new movie or an ongoing series he was already a part of. As much as you tried to understand, you couldn’t fully grasp the life of an actor. You were normal, for lack of a better word. You worked as an assistant for a local magazine in New York City. Sure, you lived what one could say was a “bustling NYC lifestyle”, but you weren’t a celebrity. You worked a regular schedule, and always had time for your personal life outside of your career. That was the big difference between the two of you.

You were longing for the touch of Pedro’s large hands on your body, caressing your soft skin while his lustful eyes soaked in your presence. The touch of his lips on yours… then your neck, lingering to your collarbone, trailing downwards…

Suddenly you were snapped out of your daze when your phone vibrated in your lap - indicating you were receiving a text. You sighed, using your free hand to gently toss over your phone so that you were facing the bright screen contrasting with the dusk of the night that had fallen over you.

Pedro: Mi Amor, I will be coming home in a few days. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face. I love you

You: Sounds good baby, I love you too.

Your eyes were locked with the words placed across your phone’s screen. You loved Pedro so much, but you were reaching a point of uncertainty. Constantly being away from each other for long periods of time was beginning to take a toll on your mental health. You knew you had the strength within you to overcome these feelings, but at this moment in time you couldn’t seem to find it. You were aching for him to be home, long enough for the two of you to enjoy what you thought would be a regular, domestic life.

You downed the remainder of your ruby red wine, quickly reaching for the sleek bottle to fill your glass again. The sun had completely set at this point, and you were accompanied by small, glowing lights you had placed on the railing of the balcony. You tried to clear your mind by scrolling on social media - catching up on celebrity gossip and trending tik-toks. Eventually the evening air chilled and you figured it would be time to make your way inside.

“9:05” read the clock on your phone screen. “Time for bed I guess,” you mumbled to yourself.

You gathered the lush blanket, tossing it over your shoulder, then grabbed the nearly empty wine bottle that sat in front of you. As you made your way inside you realised the effects of the liquids you had consumed seemed to have not hit you until you stood. You rubbed your temple, and then placed the blanket on the couch. You proceeded to the kitchen to grab yourself some water and a few Advil - hoping this would cure the hangover you were bound to have in the morning. As you were pouring the cold and transparent liquid into your tumbler cup you heard the door for your apartment open. “What the fuck?” you thought to yourself, until you were met with the voice of Pedro, “Mi amor!”. You set down the glass and hurried to see Pedro placing his luggage against the wall, tossing his shoes to the side.

“What are you doing here? We were just texting, you said you weren’t going to be home for a few days?” you said, looking at pedro with a confused look. The amount of wine you had drenched your system did not make this moment any more believable, “Am I really that drunk?” you thought to yourself.

“I wanted to surprise you baby,” he exclaimed as he approached you with open arms, eager to feel your body in his arms. But to Pedro’s surprise you broke down in tears.

An overwhelming feeling washed over you, leaving you to lose all control of your emotions. Your vision became blurred as tears took over your eyes, your heart rate rose to an extreme level indicating you were experiencing a panic attack. Your body froze, and you were unable to move leaving you locked in the moment.

Pedro rushed to you, encapsulating you within his large arms. “Woah, baby, what’s going on?” he said as he caressed your head, rubbing his thumb against your cheek. You melted into him, not being able to put together a sentence. He let you unleash your feelings until you were able to control yourself, pulling away from him when you were capable.

You grabbed Pedro’s hand, leading him to the couch. The man felt an immense amount of confusion, unable to connect any dots. His mind began racing at a speed that matched the racing thoughts controlling your mind at the moment; the both of you feeling overwhelmed.

“I don’t know if I can do this P,” you began, seeing his face instantly drop.

“What do you mean you can’t do this? Do you mean you and I?” His voice was trembling, and he began to feel heat gathering in his chest. He had no clue where this came from.

“Not seeing you for months is so painful. I crave your presence. Texts and calls aren’t enough. I feel like you don’t have time for me, but I don’t want to stop you from the successful career you have built for yourself,” you said between gasps, slowly gathering yourself more and more.

Pedro grabbed both of your hands, and locked eyes with you. You could see the fear plastered on his face - this was not what he was expecting to come home to. “Mi amor, I don’t know where this is coming from. We have been living like this for over a year now… have you felt this way the entire time?”

You shrugged, leaving Pedro in a puddle of turmoil. You couldn’t put your finger on the reason why you suddenly felt these feelings - and you hated the state you were putting Pedro in.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even brought this up. This was stupid. The last few months have been tough here at home and I am just overthinking things. I feel like I don’t deserve to be with someone who lives the lifestyle you live,” you mumbled, looking down and shaking your head in hopes of your thoughts disappearing.

Pedro took one of his hands and placed it on your cheek, before he spoke he kept his eye contact with you - giving you a gentle, yet sad smile, “Baby, you deserve everything you want. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. You are so understanding and supportive… I can’t imagine living without you, mi corazon.”

His pet names for you always sent shivers down your spine, leaving you in a pile of mush. Just hearing his reassurance allowed the tension in your body to be released, and although you still felt a sliver of those negative feelings, you wanted to do everything and anything for that man.

You reached forward to lock your lips with Pedro’s. The warmth of your alcohol ridden cheeks radiating on to him, causing him to feel weak. Wrapping your arms around his neck you closed in the space between the two of you; this was the first time you had touched in what felt like a thousand trips around the sun. You soaked in his scent, and the feeling of his arms wrapped around you. The kiss quickly became heated; Pablo slowly led you to lay on the coach as laid overtop of you.

Pedro released his lips from yours, gently placing his forehead on yours, “I promise you are worth everything to me, princesa. My life would be incomplete without you… as well as quiet,” he chuckled, “And why would I want that?” he finished with a cheeky smile. You giggled, and pulled him back towards your lips.

Relationships are a tough thing to navigate, but the passion that burned between the two of you was irreversible at this point. You would rather manoeuvre the ups and downs of life with Pedro at your side, even if that didn’t mean he was always physically there.

Tags: @purplerain85

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fan fic #daddy pedro

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millysastroblog · 1 year

Text

✨Solar Return Chart 2023✨

#Birthday Edition 🥳

Hello Hello guys ,I am so happy to be back on track with my Solar Return Chart Series. In the last couple of weeks if found myself to be inspiered by my last Solar Return Chart 2022 that changed my life. So I thought why not share my knowledge and experience for this year since my birthday is today 🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳! Some might wonder how is it possible to experience the manifestations of a SR Chart so soon. For me personally my SR Chart gets activated 3 months prior to my actual birthday.

So let’s start.

✨SR ASC in Virgo:

Oh boy, since the past 3 months my daily routines have been a bit more chaotic and stressful becuase of work and school. I am very busy at work trying to get my task orderly and efficently done. Since SR ASC Virgo has been activted, i feel less emotinal but more analytical, perfectinistic and focused on what needs to fixed and done. Recently i have meet so many different people through my working enviroument that i have help with diffucult or complicated tasks, trying to be the one who carrys the heavy load . My anxiety has increaed out of no where like I get nervous and anxious about the smallest things like attending social gatherings puncutal, my work projects, school, about how I handle my health etc. Speaking off health matters. I try to balance it out with meditations, mindful eating, healthy diets, Yoga etc.

✨SR ASC ruling natal 5th house:

Thankfully I have the SR Rising placement connected to the my natal 5th house ruler and it's surely not boring or draining. It's more of a lighthearted, fun, relaxing energy .that gave or still gives me the opportunity to explore my creative pursuits like a hobby, engaging in things that bring me joy. And interestingly in January I started this Astro Blog. I found writing and reading to be one of my main passions additionally with dancing,cooking, binge watching shows, singing, and yoga .The 5th house also represents children the past couple months i have been bonding with my little sister like crazy, i literally just want to spend every hour of the day just with her. Sadly i haven't had experiences around dating or the romantic sector, maybe it will happen later on, who knows ? #hobbys, creativity, fun

✨7th house stellium (Sun,Mercury,Neptune) :

Ummmhh love? Relationships? are things I think about frequently. Lately I started to reflect on my past destructive behaviors in my past close connections/relationships and how I used to sabotage them because of my unhealed wounds . Having a 7th house SR Chart Stellium doesn't always determine that someone will be in a relationship but I surely have the desire to connect with different types of people. I have this inner craving to form healthy close bonds and heal from past traumatic relationships . I am kind of still processing my last close connection which i ended 6 months ago thinking about what i could have done better, why i did it, do i regret it, Will i ever be ready for a relationship? and so on.... but I still have hope of finding my soulmate. # life commitment

✨Moon Libra in the 2nd house:

With Moon in Libra the need to have people around me is two times intensified since Libra rules the 7th house. One thing I can definitely say is that my finances (personal income) is fluctuating like ebb and flow. I earn my money normally through my job but I spend huge amounts of it recklessly. It's the emotional impulse that drives me very loose and irresponsible because I feel ( moon) like doing it, but I do gain little finacial gains out my regular income out of know where though. #money honey

✨Chiron, Venus, Jupiter in the 8th house ruled by Aries:

Ohhh god, the packed 8th house....luckily its in Jupiter and Venus which defently helped me with gaining money from other sources like people. Venus showed me how to see beauty in things that are underneath the surface and not tangible. I truly want to have passionate romantic lustful relationship where I can share so many undiscovered, hidden parts that hopefully will be received with acceptance and understanding . Jupiter ummmm... my libido is on skyrockets at this point. Sry to mention it but it's true. Chiron in this house will assist me in healing the ugly and nasty parts about sexual matters, money and deep intimate connections that i am scared and deeply ashamed of.

✨Mars in the 10th house ruled by Gemini :

Now this is one of the most intense SR chart placements because I possess mars in the 10th house natally. Ahh again with work my career path is right now very intense, my workaholic nature comes even more out, like a crazy uncontrollable working machine. Lately I have been questioning if my career path is the right one, or if I would want to switch into another department where I can express my truest passions and talents. I haven't had conflicts with bosses or people at work yet but with my mother since she counts as an authority figure which is from a natal standing point nothing knew, but just 10 times intensified.

✨Saturn in the 6th :

Ohh boy boy work work work literally the only thing that pops up in my SR Chart for this year. So Saturn as we all know represents hardships and restrictions and lately I have been very lazy lacking, energy and motivation for my daily activities .I just feel drained and burnt out from my working life. But the positive thing about Saturn is that it sheds light on certain patterns that are not useful or productive for us. In my case it would be how I overindulge in unhealthy habits like binge watching shows everday, overeating, procrastination and the list goes on. Saturn in the 6th house has had subtle impact on my physical health with constant neck and back pains :(

✨Uranus, North Node in the 9th house :

Now with Uranus in the 9th I have been also traveling a lot of course for work purposes, visited new different places and had interesting experiences. But this is a very disruptive and chaotic energy while traveling long distance or for longer hours, I tend to be so nervous and all over the place losing my cool when I misse my plane or train. I look forward to plane multiple trips for this year :)

✨Pluto in the 5th house:

Pluto made me create an obsession with my hobby’s like posting Astro content. As I mentioned before children can be a huge part , deciding whether I would want to have kids in the future or not at all. This placement gave me introspective and insightful moments about myself who I identify as, what makes me happy and what my passion and talents are.

You guys probably know my entire life story through this Solar Return Observation 😅. I hoped this kind of helped to see how a SR Chart can manifest in real life situations.

Down below there is a question about if you guys might want another Observation from my chart from last year because that is when I can spell some interesting facts and predictions since it lasted a whole entire year.

Im just going to enjoy my birthday and wish u guys a beautiful blessed day 🥰!

#astro notes #astro observations #astrology #astro community #astro placements #astro posts #astroloji #astroblr #astrology asteroids #writing #solar retun chart #solar return #birthday 🥳

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watermelonsugacry · 2 years

Note

You said YN and Harry's relationship was EXPOSED? Please say more.

Grapejuice

A/N: Double update!! Yeah so I was able to find the original post I saw a while back and thought that this was for sure how it happened.

SUMMARY: With the world knowing of their once secret relationship, Harry and YN navigate life together as an official couple and everything that comes with it. (4.6k)

GENRE: 1dbandmember!reader, famous!yn

Previous Song Here! 🍣// Building Harry's House masterlist // SINCE 2010 masterlist

—2019—

One week.

It's been 7 days since Harry and YN have officially confirmed their relationship, cutting out all the back and forth, walking on eggshells of confused feelings and paranoia. The two have finally locked hands and officially crossed the fine line of friendship, unofficial lovers and everything in between.

It's also been 7 days since Harry has persuaded his girlfriend to go to Jonny's, one of his close childhood friends, house for a New Years Eve party with the security and reassurance that the guests attending are only going to be a couple of close friends. In simple terms, there's going to be people who aren't going to plaster the couple on social media or spread rumors about them after the night is over.

They’ve been at the party for about two hours now and it's apparent that Jonny has a different definition of “a couple of close friends.” There has to be at least a hundred people at his property. His penthouse has people flowing about it with the music blasting. Every room seemed to be filled with gold decorations: streamers, balloons, confetti, there were even some of those cheesy 2020 party sunglasses going around.

The moon has officially appeared its way into the night sky and this is YN’s only indication of the time. Her and Harry agreed to keep off of their phones for the night with the exception of calling their families once it was the new year. They wanted the night to just be focused on them two without a worry from the outside world.

YN dries her hands on the bathroom towel and fixes her hair a bit in the mirror. She runs her hands down her corset-like top to make sure it was not too tight but enough to feature her curves. She turned to the side to fix the waistband of her black trousers one last time before her white heels ring through the lavish bathroom as she starts heading out.

When she exits the bathroom, she politely smiles at a couple waiting outside. They return the gesture and both go inside the large bathroom giggling.

Oh the joys of new year’s eve parties: sex, alcohol, and more sex.

She walks through the kitchen to the huge living room. Some people are dancing to the DJ's music, other couples are suction cupped together by the mouth and some people are simply chatting with others.

YN goes to the kitchen where Jonny is currently mixing drinks for the people around him.

She wasn’t planning to drink the night away, but Harry's words keep flooding back into her mind, “I think we deserve to enjoy more of our holiday before it’s over, don’t y’think?”

“Hey YN! What can I get yeh, love?” Jonny asks with a friendly smile, throwing the dish towel to lay over his shoulder after handing off the freshly made drinks.

Harry has been the one making her drinks for the night (for as long as she can remember really) mixing drinks for her when they’ve tasted too strong or way too bitter. So she goes with her one selected drink choice that she knows she’ll like.

YN blows out a raspberry before saying, “Got something old and red?”

"V'got just the thing." She smiles as he excitedly taps the marble counter before scurrying off to the cabinet just for storing wine. She’s only met Jonny a hand-full of times whenever they visit her boyfriend’s hometown. From what she’s gathered, he's a fun, out-going kind of guy who’s always throwing a party for some sort of occasion. He’s really genuine, down-to-earth, and (from what Harry told her) he cares about everyone no matter if they’ve known each other for 10 years or 10 minutes.

When she leans her elbows on the marble island to wait for her drink to be ready, she feels two large hands make their way around her waist and press their body to her backside.

“Excuse me, m’am,” she hears Harry say in her ear, a smirk creeping onto her face. “But I saw you from across the room and couldn’t help but notice how gorgeous you look tonight. Can I get yeh a drink?”

“Sorry sir,” YN says, turning her head lightly to where his is resting on her shoulder. “But I don't think my boyfriend will like another bloke getting me a drink.”

Just as the words finish leaving her lips a wine glass is placed in front of her.

“1982 Chateau Lafleur, from Pomerol, France for the lady.” Jonny says, giving the couple a friendly nod before being whisked away by his other guests. She grabs her drink and turns around in Harry's arms, careful not to spill the red liquid on her top.

“Well, whoever this fella is, he’s a lucky guy to have yeh.” Harry says, towering over her. She feels his arms tighten around her back and she giggles, her neck craning as she looks up at him.

“Yeah well, between you and me,” she makes a motion with her finger to bring his head down to hers, the smirk never leaving Harry's face. “I think he’s gay.” She says into his ear and walks away from his embrace taking a sip from her drink. She laughs as he hears him groan, quick on her heels.

“Oi c’mon. Why y’gotta ruin the game, lovie?” He goes in front of her and walks backwards, taking her hand in his.

YN hasn’t been able to wipe the smile off her face that her cheeks might be sore tomorrow. All evening, they haven’t been able to keep their hands off of each other. Whether it’s a hand on her back while catching up with some old friends, an arm over her shoulder when having a drink, or like now when they’re hands are in each others. Any chance he gets, Harry tells everyone they meet that she’s been nominated for five grammys and how proud he is of her.

While still holding her hand, Harry sits down on an open corner of one of the couches. He opens his legs a bit so she can stand in between them. It’s times like these where she’s taller than Harry and has him looking up at her that makes her think back to other times he’s been beneath her. She giggles as she thinks of what it would be like to actually be taller than him.

Maybe she should quit drinking now before the alcohol really kicks in.

“What’s got you all giggly, huh?” Harry asks her while tugging her to him, unable to hold back a smile when he hears her laugh.

“Harry, my grapejuice!” she laughs as her wine almost spills on the both of them from his pulling. She straddles his lap and leans forward to place her drink on the side table behind him. She feels his hand slide up and press down on her lower back to keep her there as he leans back into the velvet couch cushions. She places a hand next to his head on the back of the couch as she looks down at him.

It feels oddly satisfying to be out in a semi public place and to be able to touch each other. Nothing too crazy like the other people around them but enough to just openly show some affection. Especially when he looks up at YN like the way he is now, with his eyes slightly pink from the drinks he’s had throughout the night and the way his two front teeth begin to nip at his lower lip while glancing down at hers.

As comfortable as she is, she can’t help but sit up and look around to make sure no one is taking any pictures of them out of habit.

“Hey,” Harry sits up as he looks up at her in a serious manner. “No one is watching us. They’re too busy getting drunk off their asses to even glance our direction. If anything, we’re the most tame couple here.”

He puts a hand to her cheek to make her wandering eyes go back to him. He hates that she’s so paranoid like this. He loves his job and he knows that she loves her’s, but it’s times like these where he wishes they were someone else. Someone who isn’t in the public eye or can end up in tabloids for just walking down the street to go out to eat.

“Yeah. Yeah you’re right. M’sorry.” YN says, putting her head down and starts to fidget with the rings on her fingers. “Just a habit y’know?”

“Yeah, I know baby.” Her eyes meet his and she gives him a smile that doesn’t meet her eyes.

“M’sorry it bothers me so much. I wish it didn’t.”

She’s the most stubborn, head-stronged person he knows so it makes his heart sink at the fact that she’s acting this way. He’ll admit, it does boost his ego up a bit that she’s so confident about everything else but he can make her nervous when it comes to the two of them.

“Nothing to be sorry for love.” Harry softly taps his knuckle under her chin. “The only thing you should be sorry for is not letting me see this top before at home.”

YN throws her head back in laughter at the unexpected statement. She knew he would like her top. His fingers haven’t stopped running over the lace texture on her back ever since she put it on.

“You really like it?” she says, already knowing the answer. The hand on her cheek now moves down to her neck, his palm resting at the base of her throat. Harry’s fingers squeeze slightly as an indication for her to move her ear to be at the same level as his lips. Her fingers peak into the top part of his black shirt and she runs them lightly over the curve of his collarbones.

“I think you already know the answer to that.” Harry says seductively. “Or do you need me to show you in another way?” A shiver goes down YN’s spine and when she pulls her head back slightly, his eyes bore into hers.

The hand running up and down her back moves lower to rest on the top part of her bum. They both lean into each other’s touches and their lips touch for the first time tonight.

At the start of the night, YN was very paranoid to show PDA; her hands were always cold and clammy, her fingers a fidgety mess and her overall anxiety was through the roof. She’s been trained for the majority of her career to be nothing but discreet, her management painting her with this forced “good girl” image that was hard to break out of.

It was comforting to know that Harry cares about their relationship and has put in the same amount of effort into keeping their love a secret. So it was kind of shocking for her to hear that Harry wanted to let loose tonight and act as if their relationship wasn’t a secret. But at the same time...it also was exciting and freeing to be able to act like a couple in love in their twenties, to act like any other couple here tonight. A significant amount of weight has been lifted off of their shoulders and the night could not get any better than this.

They both have had their fair share of relationships not only being ruined by the media, but by their management. But tonight, they both feel an overwhelming amount of happiness by their actions. Nothing else matters, nobody else exists, it’s just the two of them.

The two stay like this for a while. YN stays on Harry's lap as they share kisses mixed with giggles. It’s not long before she shifts around so she sits sideways across his thighs. Harry steals some of her drink every now and then and they talk with some other guests as they pass by. They take shots with Jonny and some of his friends before she drags Harry to the dancefloor once they’ve had enough drinks in their systems.

Before they know it, everyone begins to pile into the living room. Jonny stands on top of the coffee table, holding his drink up in the air as he begins to count down from 10.

Harry pulls YN close to his chest from amongst the crowd, arms over her shoulders as they look at where Jonny stands in the middle of the room as everyone joins in.

3...

“I love you, YN.” Harry nudges against the shell of her ear.

2...

“I love you, Harry.” She leans her head back to meet his eyes.

1...Happy new year!

YN throws her arms in the air and she yells her first words of 2020. Harry has his arms spread out beside him and he cheers with an open mouthed smile. He bends forward and wraps his arms around YN's low back. Her arms encircle his neck and they both lean in to kiss with bright, tipsy smiles on their faces. As they kiss, Harry leans forward and makes YN arch her back. Her hands go to the nape of his neck and slightly tug at hair there.

"Happy new year, baby." Harry says against her lips.

"Happy new year."

"Let's call our mums and then let's go sneak off somewhere private, yeah? Go christen in the new year?" Harry suggests, a sly smirk tugs on the corner of his lips when she nods excitedly.

He gives her a final peck before he reaches around to take out his phone out of his back pocket. He blinks quite a bit when he sees his manager's name lighting up his screen.

"Happy new years, Jeffy!" He yells from over the cheers and music around him.

YN's eyes go wide with drunken excitement, grabbing Harry's forearm to bring the phone close to her mouth.

"It's a new year, Jeffery! Sending love from yeh favorite Love Birds.” She laughs.

As random guests come up to YN and hug her, but in the midst of the celebration she sees the way Harry’s smile slowly tugs itself down. His eyebrows furrow and his serious gaze meets hers. Dismissing herself with a smile to a random girl, she makes her way over to her love.

"H? Baby, what's wrong?"

Harry doesn't say anything, he just looks around the crowded living room for a second before interlocking their hands. Unable to go outside on the patio due to it snowing, he leads her to the empty kitchen with the phone still pressed to his cheek.

"What's wrong?" She repeats when he hangs up the phone. He hasn’t said another word since he answered the phone. "Harry, you're scaring me."

“Jonny just exposed our relationship.” He finally says, avoiding her wide eyes. He curses under his breath and runs a frustrated hand through his hair before quickly typing away on his phone.

His words don’t fully seem real, like they weren’t even meant for her and they almost go in one ear and out the other. The alcohol running through her veins certainly doesn't help the situation; she has to blink a few times to ground herself. But once it finally registers in her brain, her heart drops right down to her feet. She quickly steps over to him and pulls her phone out from his trouser pocket. Before she could even unlock it, her manager’s name lights up the screen.

“YN?” Jenny’s panicked voice comes through the speaker. “What the hell happened? Are you guys ok? Don’t worry, hun, we’re gonna figure this out...”

Her manager’s voice drowns out as Harry stands next to his love so they can see his phone screen together. Their names are trending all over Twitter and he doesn’t have to scroll at all before clicking on a video with their names in the caption.

They both look at a screen recorded Instagram story video of Jonny taking shots with his friends earlier tonight in selfie mode. It seems like a perfectly normal video, nothing out of the ordinary as a group of friends drink for the upcoming new year. That is until the couple could be seen in the background, YN on Harry's lap as she throws her head back in laughter. Both of their eyes widen at the sight.

As the video goes on, Jonny’s head blocks their figures but once they are in view again, Harry's hand can be clearly seen on her bum and their heads are way too close together to pass off as friendly. Now what has them both sucking in a sharp breath through their lips is right before the video ends, there is no possible way to miss that fact that the video captures their once freeing kiss.

One week.

It's been 7 days since they've made their relationship official and for it to be exposed.

—2020—

“We used to book a studio and be like, ‘Okay, we’ve got it for two months, grind it out.’ But some days you just don’t want to be there, and eventually you’ve been in the studio so long, the only thing you can write about is nothing because you haven’t done anything." Harry moves his hand around as he talks, his chunky rings clink together every now and then. "So with this album, we’d work for a couple of weeks and then everyone would go off and live their lives.”

The couple was trying to stay under the radar for as long as they possibly can for the time being. The two have been keeping off of social media and focusing on solely each other during this vulnerable time, but what they didn’t know was that the Internet was going absolutely crazy over the leaked video. Harry remembers when he went out for the first time since the new year began to go down to a hidden flower shop down in Homes Chapel.

In the small shop, there’s was a small TV hung up in the corner mostly playing as background noise to fill the plant covered space. So as Harry brings out his wallet to pay for a small bouquet for his love, the social media news reporter makes his ears perk up.

"Former One Direction stars, Harry Styles and YN YL, were seen getting up close and personal this New Years Eve. A video was released from one of the couple’s close friend’s Instagram Story with the former band members in the background. Since 1D went on hiatus, the two have been seen spending more and more time together, always claiming how much they're simply close friends and nothing more. Could this have been a spur of the moment incident or were they merely caught doing something that they've been doing for years? The pop stars’ fan base is buzzing with their opinions. Some are against them being together while others have claimed they knew this information since their One Direction days. But for the most part, the fandom is purely overjoyed by the news. Now the new question on everyone's mind is where are the couple now? And when is their anniversary?

Harry remembers politely thanking the old woman behind the counter and quickly leaving the shop. He remembers setting down her bouquet of assorted flowers with his shoes by the door at the sight of his love still sleeping in his bed. Her back bare with a thin white sheets covering her lower half, her face squished against the pillow. He remembers stripping down to his briefs and sliding under the covers with her. How can he forget the warmth in his chest as she sleepily shuffles her way close to his side, snuggling her face deep into the crook of his neck, and feeling the need for nothing else?

It was right there and then that he decided to take his girlfriend to a little villa he owns in Italy to lay low. The couple went MIA for nearly two months and after loaded discussions between themselves and then their management teams, they decided to make their official public debut as a couple at the Brits Awards. As terrifying as it seemed at the start, they both an unexpected sense of ease when being in the red carpet together, hands intertwined the entire night, and being snuggled up in one another during the interviews the host was making at each table.

Their time in Italy did them more good than they ever thought to imagine. So as the world slowly started to open their doors back up, one of the first places they went back to was the peaceful scenery of Italy.

“Are you writing a love song about me?"

Harry peaks over his writing journal to find YN leaning against the doorframe of the recording studio with a playful smirk on her face. He'a laying down on one of the leather couches in the small space and decided to write down his song inspiration before it escaped him.

“Wouldn’t be the first time. And I can tell you that it won’t be the last.”

“Well.” YN sighs as she takes a seat at the end of the couch by his feet.

“Well.” Harry mocks back, imitating her shaking her head and wide eyes.

“Lemme read it.” She says with a matter of fact, like he should have already handed her the journal.

“Um...no?”

“Why not?”

“S’private.”

“Come on, m’gonna hear it anyways when yeh put it on the album.”

Harry lets out a playful scoff. “Well that’s very narcissistic of yeh to think that yet another song about you s’going on the album.” He teases, knowing full well that it’s going to be.

His smile only grows further when she pushes her shoulder to her ear in a shrug. “Yeh rubbing off on me. Now lemme see it.”

Harry smirks when she reaches for his journal but he moves it out of her grasp just in time for her to miss.

She keeps reaching for it until she’s practically crawling on top of him. He drops the journal on the floor behind him before wrapping his arms around her torso, trapping her between the couch and himself. He presses his smiling lips to hers and she lazily wraps her arms around his shoulders, blindly taking off the blue baseball cap off his head to card her fingers through his hair.

“Alright Love Birds, get a room.” Jeff comes into the room with the rest of the production team following behind him. For the sake of semi-professionalism, YN reluctantly crawls her way out of her sandwiched position and leaves her love laying spread on the couch.

"Wait, are yeh telling me we aren't in a room?" YN sarcastically knocks on the wall by Harry's head. "Damn it, H. Looks like we've been outside this whole fookin' time."

"Alright, alright. No need for the sass." Harry's manager puts his hands up as the room chuckles at their banter. "Let's get to work."

With a playful roll of her eyes, YN snatches Harry's journal and baseball cap from the floor.

"Think yeh dropped this." She places the leather bound book on his chest, giving her boyfriend a wink before sliding the cap onto her head and situating herself in front of the studio console.

"A line that I helped write and I feel has a subtle double meanin' is I pay for it more than I did back then. Not only am I paying more for an actual bottle of wine, but for what has happened when my relationship was publicly outed." Although her hands are out of view from the interview camera, Harry still notices from the sidelines how she twists at the ring on her index finger out of nerves. Talking about their newly public relationship was still a sensitive topic for the both of them and it screams volumes at the sight of his girl visibly (though subtle) getting anxious.

"I think we did a fair job at keeping things under-wraps for as long as we did but eh, now it's just something we gotta move forward from I guess." YN chuckles.

There's just no gettin' through

Without you

A bottle of rouge

Just me and you

With the song halfway finished, the production team has moved out to the patio area of the house the couple rented for the week. The table was buzzing with chatter, laughter and lots and lots of wine. Everyone sits around in the comfortable lounging seating that's surrounded by various vines and greenery and Harry can't help but feel a bit of nostalgia.

When the group was making his last album, they sat in similar position, the only difference this time around is that instead of Harry longing to be in Mitch's seat next to YN, Harry was now actually snuggled up against his love. With a few drinks in, he can't help but fondly look towards his girlfriend as she listens in and chats with the rest of the team.

Through his tipsy thoughts, he's suddenly overcome with the realization that he's actually in Italy with YN not merely as his best friend, not with the woman he's secretly in love with, not even as her secret on and off lover, but as his official girlfriend. During their time in the band to their solo careers, for almost a decade they've traveled to so many parts of the world that it's been impossible to keep count. But now, Italy has become the first place they've traveled together as a couple.

“YN! Y’phone’s ringin’!” Kid calls over from the doorway of the brick home. YN hums in acknowledgement as she takes her last sip of wine before untangling herself from Harry's arm over her shoulders. Before she can stand up from her seat, Harry can’t help but pull her back and cup her cheeks for a quick kiss.

“Hurry back,” He mumbles shyly.

“Ugh, I think I miss when you guys weren’t together so I don’t have to look at that all the time.”

“Aw don’t worry, Jeffery.” YN says with a sweet smile as Kid hands her her phone. “One day you’ll grow up and find love, too.” She giggles when the group makes a playful “ooo” sound to Harry’s manager before swiping her thumb across the screen without looking at the caller ID. “‘Ello?”

The team goes back to their conversation, laughing and passing around various bottles of wine. But of course, Harry can’t keep his eyes away from his love for too long. He can’t help but admire her sun-kissed sun—one of his favorite things about coming to sunny locations like this—or the way her eyes seem to sparkle under the backyard fairy lights.

But a weary feeling comes over him when he sees her golden smile dim down to a frown, her eyebrows pulling in together, and her once relaxed shoulders become tense. He doesn’t think twice about getting up from his spot as he sees her quickly hang up the phone and look down at it as if she’d seen a ghost.

“Baby?” He gently puts a hand on her shoulder and he’s taken back by the way she flinches back, startled from his touch. “YN, what’s wrong? Who was that on the phone, honey?”

His heart nearly breaks in two at the glossy eyes that blink up at him. She takes in a shaky breath and his body go cold by what she says next.

“I—I think that was my father.”

There's just no gettin' through

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drdemonprince · 5 months

Note

Probably a trivial question during a shitty time globally, but I'm going a bit crazy trying to figure this out and need help.

For some reason, people cancel last-minute alarmingly frequently when I host gatherings on days that are extremely important to me. I am talking mainly about my birthday and that of my partner but also a huge milestone graduation do last year was a nightmare as well. Neither I nor my partner have any meaningful relationships with our families anymore due to political differences and rely on our friends for the sense of home and belonging most people get from families.

Except this is a bit of a wasteland, as I struggle to form and maintain close friendships because of how unreliable and disappointing people have been for a while. This is not an individual (although there are a couple of people who I know will cancel every time) but a pattern. Someone will forget to book the right train ticket, another will only lurk on the event group chat and then comment for the first time before the event to say no. One person memorably just said they wanted to keep the option of a weekend gateway open so they could only come to my graduation party if they decided not to do that. Am I missing something here? Is this normal? I need consistency and dependability to feel safe and I feel like people I'd normally choose as friends (witty, nerdy interests, progressive) turn out to be incredibly bad at showing up for me when I need them. A friend I thought was close went completely mum after I graduated and didn't congratulate me at all - after having discussed the degree and its struggles with me for 2 years. Part of me feels like I need to rebuild my circle from scratch and maybe find people I can talk to honestly about my needs from the beginning of the friendship. But it feels so late and desolate to start this process in my mid-thirties. Everyone else has friends they grew up with and who know everything about their lives. Meanwhile, I am at the stage where I have no close friends at all anymore because my needs seem too absurd to even discuss with anyone except my partner, and if I do, I just lose friendships. I remember reading your piece on how to do social things as an autistic person last year and feeling very inspired so I thought I'd reach out to you.

This is all exceedingly, exceedingly normal, especially in the days post COVID for a variety of reasons. When I make plans with people, I assume that roughly 30-75% of the people invited are not going to show up, and I've completely made my peace with that. A friend of mine hosted a movie night a few weeks back, invited I believe around 15 people, and ultimately four showed up, many people being last-minute cancellations or total no shows.

This happens for a variety of reasons. Many people are very socially anxious and decide at the last minute they don't have it in them to show up because they're freaking out. Other people say yes when the event is days or weeks down the line, wanting in the abstract to be there, but then on the actual day of the event, practical daily life constraints are far more visible than they were when the event was just an idea, and so then they have to bail. Other people feel really bad saying no, and so they wait for the last minute to share that they can't make it. And lots of people are so bombarded with notifications on a variety of social media sites and chatting platforms that they just forget all that they've committed to. And then you add into that random illness, flat tires, crying kids, and the like, and you have a lot of reasons why people don't show up to things.

Personally, I have come to accept this. If I go into event planning assuming most people can't make it, my feelings aren't hurt. Every person who does show up is a gift. My invites are an opportunity, a true invitation, not an obligation or an expectation. I don't hurt my feelings in advance by telling myself that I need a high turnout for my birthday or that because I've worked hard making a certain dish for a party (I never actually do that admittedly lol) that a lot of people need to come and eat it.

And I invite people that I like and want to see, over and over again, because I care about them, and I want to show them that I care about them and that I understand they have other things going on and I am not offended that life got in the way for them. I want them to feel loved and included, even if they can't make it. Even the gesture of inviting a person to an event and them showing some interest is a meaningful act of maintaining social connections, for me. And so if they can't make it on the day of, that's fine by me.

I'm 35. My friends are anywhere from 21 to 60-something. People cancel events because of sick kids, broken down cars, long work weeks, depression, double-bookings, writing deadlines, social anxiety, busted ankles, not wanting to see one person they're currently having a difficult situation with, and any number of other factors. If you love people long enough, they get really complicated and their lives get really hard. I find that the most beautiful and friendship-sustaining thing one can do is to not take it personally, because you're going to need that same grace yourself plenty of times. People will drop of the map for months or years sometimes because they're going through hell, and you dont to deprive yourself of being open to reconnection when they're available again.

There's really no need to read anything into the randomness of life. This stuff will happen, so it's rational to expect it, and loving to not mind it too much.

Do you need to make some new friends? Maybe so! I have multiple different friend groups and I think that's healthy. You may find the no-shows less painful if you have more people to lean on. It's always good to form new connections, learn new things about yourself, expand your skills and understanding of the world through new information and experiences. But should you start over, and ditch your friends who are flakey? I don't think so. To be loved is to be sometimes flaked upon (and to flake). In this capitalistic, individualistic hellscape it's vitally important that we extend one another grace.

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schoopsahoy · 1 year

Text

back to december

steve harrington x fem!reader {2.9k} friends-to-strangers-to-lovers. three holiday seasons. broken promises and stolen kisses. break ups and make ups and saying what you always meant. no use of y/n.

part one | part two | part three

DECEMBER 1984

The feeling of the bass rattling through speakers and into the floors and walls of the Harrington house was the only indication that any music was playing at all. The volume turned so loud that any lyrics were swallowed by the sheer noise of the system trying to keep up, and the chorus of teenage voices sealed the song's fate of being background noise at best.

You stood at the edge of the living room, a red cup filled with a sickly sweet concoction gripped in one of your hands as the other absentmindedly fiddled with your hair. You’d been inside this house countless times, less so now you were older, but it didn’t seem to have changed much. You knew the Harringtons were gone a lot, work trips and holidays stealing them away, so it wasn’t a surprise that the home seemed untouched by time.

You’d been surprised when Steve had offered you an invite to his New Year’s eve party on the last day of the semester. Though you’d always been friendly, you wouldn’t exactly call him a friend, and you certainly didn’t expect him to want you at one of his famous house parties. You’d grown up close, your families having been friends since before you were born. And as kids it was easy, before the social pressures of teenage years kicked in and drove a wedge in the friendship you’d both held dear.

There was no dramatic fallout, no meanness or fighting or low blows, just a slow fade when your social lives both started jeering on to different tracks. The closest you’d been in years was when he started dating Nancy Wheeler, a girl you’d grown close to over the last couple of years. Steve had been around more, and it’d been nice if a bit strange. But when they broke up he faded away from you again, not that you could blame him. He’d seemed pretty cut up about the break up, and most of the time in school you were in the company of Nancy and Jonathan. It was probably like pouring salt in the wound.

But you were never invited to parties, not like this anyway. You’d never been too fussed about it, the thought of being around people you could barely stand sober only amplified with alcohol wasn’t your idea of fun. But you didn’t want to be rude, turn down the invite extended to you by your old friend, so that’s how you found yourself lingering on the outskirts of the party hoping the liquor would take the edge off the discomfort you felt.

The room was too warm, almost sticky from the heat, and had your head pounding along to the beat of the music. The slip dress you were wearing felt like it was clinging to your skin in all the wrong ways, your denim jacket suddenly scratching at your arms and only making you feel warmer. You forced your way through the edge of the crowd that was gathered in the living room, nobody taking much notice of you as you pushed your way out into the garden desperate for the relief of the cold winter air.

There were still a few people gathered outside, dotted around the large space engrossed in drunken conversation and far enough apart that it was easy to find a quiet spot for some solace. You perched yourself on one of the converged lounge chairs by the pool, the cold fabric instantly seeping through your dress and onto your skin as you sat down but it was nice in a way, grounding you in the moment.

With your now empty cup placed on the ground beside you, you rooted through your jacket pocket to pull out a battered pack of smokes. You placed one in between your lips, closing your eyes taking a deep inhale as you lit the end.

“Since when did you smoke?” The question pulled you out of your moment of peace, your eyes flitting up to see Steve stood in front of you with a teasing smile on his lips.

“I don’t really. Special occasions y’know? Celebrations, funerals, that sorta thing.” You shrugged, flicking the ash from the end of your cigarette onto the ground beneath you.

“Right, right.” Steve nodded at you slowly. “Which category does this party fall into?” He sat down next to you on the lounger, the soft fabric bending under the added pressure and forcing your body closer to his.

You hummed, scrunching your face a little as if in deep thought. “Yet to decide, I’ll be sure to let you know when I figure it out though.” You gave him a close lipped smile, offering the open pack out to him.

Steve pulled one of the cigarettes out, taking a lighter from his own pocket and swiftly lighting it whilst mumbling a thank you against the filter. “I didn’t think you’d come. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you at one of these things.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever been invited.” Your voice was flat, not particularly sad but more straight to the point.

“Oh, right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“Steve, it’s fine.” You let out a small laugh, taking one last drag of your cigarette before dropping it and stubbing it out under your heels. “I didn’t think I’d come either, not really my scene.”

“Well I’m glad you came. It’s good to see you. Really good, actually.” Steve smiled at you, his warm brown eyes scanning over your face and making your skin flush from the attention.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. It’s weird, seeing your house so full. It was always just the two of us when we were kids.” You glanced over towards the bustling house, the noise spilling out into the garden along with those who needed a break from the chaos that was held inside.

“It gets pretty boring being here alone, at least with the parties everyone’s happy to be here. Happy to see me.” His words were so nonchalant, as if the truth behind them wasn’t heartbreaking. You knew Steve had a tense relationship with his parents, if you could even call it a relationship. It’d always been the same, but it still hurt to hear him talk about it so casually.

You pressed your lips together, the bottom tucked under your teeth as you tried to find the right words to say.

“Of course people are happy to see you. People love you, Steve. Word on the street is you're King of Hawkin’s high school.” You nudged his side with your elbow, eliciting a chuckle from the boy beside you.

“Doesn’t mean shit, really. It’s all pretty fake.” His eyes were still focused on you, the warmth from his body radiating on to your own from how close you were sat. It’d been years since you’d been this close to him, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel different now. The childlike innocence lost in the time apart, now you were both practically adults. On the cusp of being let out into the real world. Steve looked different, too. Not majorly, he’d always been handsome. But he’d grown a lot, filled out his clothes more than the scrawny kid you’d grown up with. You understood why he seemed to have all the girls in school in a trance.

“S’real enough for now. It’s all we know.” Your voice was quiet, your sudden awareness of how close you were to him pushing on your chest and swallowing your own words.

“You always seemed above it all though. Always just did your own thing. Wish I’d been brave enough to do that.”

“Not too late to start.” You shuffled a little in your spot, hands gripping onto the edge of the lounger as you stared at your feet.

Steve chuckled, nodding in agreement with your words. “Always were the smart one.”

You picked your cup up off the ground, tipping it a little as if to check it was still as empty as you left it. “Smart enough to know I need another drink if I’m gonna make it to midnight.” You met Steve’s gaze again now, his eyes full of something that looked like admiration. Like he was finally seeing you properly after all these years, taking in every inch of you.

“C’mon, I’ll let you have some of the good stuff.” He pushed himself up off the lounger, holding his hand out to you as he now towered above you.

It took you a moment to register that he was waiting for you to take it, your eyes blinking a few times to make sure it wasn’t the dark playing tricks on you before reaching out and placing your hand in his, allowing him to pull you up off the lounger and lead you back inside.

Once back in the throws of the party it became much too easy to throw back the punch that sat on the kitchen counter, the taste of the mixture of unknown alcohol masked by the various sugary drinks that had been tipped in. There was something about spending time with Steve again after so long that had your head feeling a little dizzy too. The rekindling of a friendship amongst loud music and dim lights and what felt like hundreds of other people was something straight out of a movie.

Time didn't seem to pass at all, the rest of the world carrying on as it were whilst you were trapped in conversation with a boy you’d known practically all your life but felt like you were meeting all over again. You were giddy and tumbling over your words from excitement or nerves or maybe a little too much to drink but you didn’t care, not in that moment.

The only indicator to the night passing you by was when you heard somebody shout from the living room that it was only five minutes to midnight, a drunken cheer erupting throughout the house like a wall of sound.

“I should probably let you go, aren't you meant to like, lead the procession or something?” You were leaning against the countertop as you looked up at Steve, eyes jutting to the crowd gathering in the living room all humming with excitement for the countdown.

“They’ve all got watches, I’m sure they’ll cope.” Steve shrugged, eyes not leaving you as they traced over your figure. The dim lights casting warm shadows across his face and turning his eyes a deeper brown, his lids a little low from the booze.

“Isn’t it the whole point of the night though? What if they’re all waiting on a speech.” Your eyes only briefly locked with his, his gaze making you feel exposed and bare and it was much easier to stare down at your shoes and hope that he didn’t notice how his stare made your cheeks flush and the corners of your mouth curl up.

“I don’t think anyone would even care about speech.” He chuckled, your shy demeanor only making him smile more. You were always a little timid, always thinking ahead and calculating the risk, the balance to the endless energy he seemed to have growing up. But it was different now, endearing in a way. Like even though you knew practically everything about his life, all the important stuff anyway, you still weren’t sure if he was really there. Really invested in you and your time together. God, he was.

“I would.” Your words came out as an almost whisper, the noise of the house nearly swallowing them whole. Taking them straight out of the air as soon as they left your mouth. But Steve heard them, and he knew you were telling the truth. Because you always cared what he had to say. No matter how little or stupid, you always paid attention.

Steve moved a hand forward to tuck the hair that had fallen in front of your face behind your ear. His touch was gentle, careful in case anything too sudden or intense would cause you to disappear.

There was a loud cheer of “One minute!” from the other room as the countdown to midnight began, but whatever bubble was encasing you and Steve in the kitchen remained unbroken.

“I really missed you, y’know? Wanted to speak to you all the time but didn’t know how.” Steve’s voice was soft as his hand lingered by your cheek, your chin lifting a little so you could make eye contact with him.

Your brows furrowed a little in confusion at first, because it was Steve. The boy you’d shared all your secrets with around his pool in lazy summers, who’d always given you the last sweet out of the packet and always let you pick the movie. The thought of him not knowing how to speak to you was puzzling. Because he was the one who’d drifted first. You’d always been there, waiting in the sidelines. He’d only had to say the word and you would’ve reappeared as if nothing had happened, like no time had been spent apart.

“You could’ve, any time. I missed you too.” Your hands gripped the counter a little tighter, a sweet smile on your lips as you gazed up through your eyelashes. Steve’s hand brushed your cheek and you hoped he couldn't feel the heat radiating off it, or you could at least blame it on the alcohol.

Steve paused for a moment, taking a small breath in and swallowing before he spoke again. “You’re really somethin’.” His words felt like they were trapped in his chest, rattling around his ribcage and coming out lackluster. “Like, really. You’re special. So smart and sweet and beautiful.” The words tumbled from his lips too quickly for him to process what he was saying, not giving him the time to consider the repercussions.

“Steve.” You exhaled, head tilting almost subconsciously to lean against his hand that had stayed hovering by your cheek. You could hear your schoolmates start the countdown to midnight, numbers shouted slightly out of sync with such excitement.

“Ten! Nine!”

“It’s true, you are.” His thumb stroked slowly across your skin, each movement leaving behind a tingling sensation as if his touch was electrically charged.

“Eight! Seven!”

You chewed on your bottom lip as you blinked up at him, trying to come up with some response to his words but failing miserably. “Steve.” You breathed his name out again, softly and almost like a question. Asking him Really? Do you mean it?

“Six! Five!”

“Can I kiss you?” His words came out rushed, pushed from his chest before he could back out. And you knew you could say no, if you wanted to. That he wouldn’t take offense or leave you standing there alone in search of someone else. He was genuine with it, asking because he cared and because he really, truly wanted to kiss you.

“Four! Three!”

You nodded your head before you spoke, your body moving for you without even thinking about it. “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that.”

“Two! One!”

As the countdown came to an end, cheers and fireworks erupting from all over Hawkins, the clocks striking midnight and the calendars turning over into a new year, Steve brought his lips down to yours and kissed you. It was soft, barely there at first like he was testing the waters and making sure you were really sure you wanted to. But when you kissed him back, your hands moving to cup his jaw softly to hold his face close to your own, his lips pressed against yours a little stronger. You could taste the spearmint gum he always kept on him mixed with the beer he’d been drinking, the light stubble on his jaw brushing under the pads of your fingers and the smell of his cologne all mixing into your senses and leaving you feeling a little dizzy.

Your lips parted slightly, him following your lead as his other hand moved to your waist and pulled your body closer to him. It was easy to kiss Steve, like it was something that was always going to happen. Like how the trees shed their leaves each autumn and the sun rises in the sky each day, out of your own control and instead just destined to happen.

When he finally pulled his lips away, resting his forehead on your own and keeping you close, you couldn’t help but let a grin wash over your face. A small laugh spilling from his lips. Not in a cruel way, never with Steve. More like a sound of relief, a way to say finally without actually saying anything at all.

“I’m really glad you came.” He whispered, his breath fanning against your skin and making your chest swell with warmth and your hairs stand on end.

“You’ve said that.” You teased, properly taking in the way his freckles dusted over his cheeks and how his pupils seemed to take up his iris’s completely and how he almost didn't look real. Like this could easily be some figment of your imagination or a dream you’re moments away from waking from.

“I mean it.” He let his words hang in the air for a moment, letting you really take them in and understand how much he did mean them, before bringing his lips to your own again with more confidence this time.

You were fairly certain that you could kiss Steve Harrington forever, and you were absolutely certain he’d let you.

#steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington one shot #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington blurb

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carolinaboy34 · 1 year

Text

“School Nurse”

He had me laid out on the exam table, my shirt pushed up and my sweatpants and underwear tucked under my balls, tweaking a nipple while he deep throated my dick to the base. He was pulling and squeezing my balls with his other hand and using his tongue to rub the head of my dick when he pulled up off of it and swallowing it when he dropped back down. I started to hump into his face and moan quietly, breathing more deeply as my orgasm was approaching. He pulled off and said “Not yet! And grabbed my shaft and squeezed hard, pushing my orgasm back into my body.

I had been pushing really hard at school, up late studying for midterms, working out and being as social as I could stand, which meant late nights and decreased sleep, so I wasn’t surprised when I caught what I hoped was just a cold. We wash our hands and use sanitizer all the time, but those little bugs have a way of making it through our defenses, especially when our body isn’t optimized. So, I put on my mask and went to the health center at school for a check-up. If I had the flu, or worse, it meant quarantine and school work in my room. Ugh.

When I got there and checked in, I gathered in the waiting room with at least 20 other people, all coughing and sneezing on each other, so I sat in the corner and tried not to breathe very deeply. I read stories, posted on Instagram, sent some messages on Grindr and exhausted just about every form of entertainment my phone could supply when I was finally called back to an exam room. The nurse that called me was really attractive, tall and skinny with dark hair and a smirk on his bearded face. His gray scrubs fit nice and snug and didn’t leave much to my imagination, showing off his tight ass and bulge in the front very well.

He brought me into an exam room and shut the door, then he introduced himself.

“Hello, Drew. I’m Matt, one of the nurse practitioners staffing the clinic today. Man, it’s been crazy! How are you?”

“Hi, Matt. I’m alright. I got sick about three days ago with congestion and a sore throat, but then I threw up last night. I’ve been up a lot with midterms, so I haven’t been sleeping well. And my roommate brought something back from home last weekend, so I wanted to make sure I didn’t have the flu or something.” I was rambling, but the way he was sitting in his chair across from me made his bulge stick out prominently, and it was very distracting.

“Ahh. Yes, as you could see, we’ve had quite a few sick people in the clinic the past couple of days. They called us all in and are paying extra to cover the clinic! Anyway, have you taken anything to make it better?”

“Yeah, I took some cold medicine and had some tea with honey, but it really hasn’t helped much.” I felt like I was talking to his crotch, because I don’t think I took my eyes off of it. He caught on and was opening and closing his thighs, which caused his bulge to move up and down, popping up into my view.

“Ok. Let me see if there is anything to worry about. We’ve been seeing lots of upper respiratory infections and flu.”

He put his stethoscope to my chest with the other hand on my back. He listened to the different areas of my chest, then switched hands and listened to my back, his other hand on my chest and very lightly rubbing over my nipple. After finishing listening, he got his ear light and looked in my ears, using his hand on my chin to hold me steady and move my head back and forth to see both sides. My knee lightly brushed against his crotch when he leaned in, and I could feel his semi-hard cock hidden behind his snug scrubs. His face was right next to mine while he looked at my ears, and I could feel his breath on my cheek. He seemed to linger for a few seconds then asked me to lay down on the exam table so he could examine my abdomen.

I layed back on the table, the paper crinkling underneath me, and brought my legs up so I was supine. I rested my arms to my side, while he came up to the edge of the table, his crotch bulging out and resting on the paper next to me. He started to push on my abdomen and raised my shirt up to touch my skin. I flexed my wrist slightly, and the back of my hand rubbed against his dick, which was harder than it was before. He continued to push on my abdomen, but he started to go further down, his fingers able to work under the waistband of my underwear and sweatpants. I was hard as stone, and the erotic energy in the room was zinging each of us. My dick reached up to the waistband too, and his fingers brushed against the tip, causing it to jump up.

I pushed back against his dick harder then twisted my hand around and rubbed him through the outside of his scrubs, and he reached his hand into my pants and wrapped his hand around me. He humped into my hand and pushed the waist of my pants down to hook them under my balls, and he began to openly stroke my shaft. Precum began to ooze out the tip of my dick and run down the shaft, coating it and lubricating his hand. I untied his scrub pants and worked my hand into the waist, wrapping my hand around him and stroking him as well.

He pulled his body away from the edge of the table and bent at the waist as he held my dick upright and took me into his mouth. His tongue rubbed against the head and shaft as he took me further into his mouth until he bottomed out, and his throat enveloped my dick head. His hand took my balls into his grasp and rolled them around in my sac, then gripped them tight and began to pull on them. I raised up off the bed and let out a gasp and a moan, pushing my dick all the way into his throat. I started to hump into his face and moan quietly, breathing more deeply as my orgasm was approaching. He pulled off and said “Not yet!” and grabbed my shaft and squeezed hard, pushing my orgasm back into my body. He dropped my wet dick back onto my abs. His hand left my balls and pushed down against my taint, and I spread my legs a little to give him some room. His middle finger pushed further down until it came in contact with my pucker, rubbing against it and spreading my cheeks apart.

I reached out and grabbed his dick again, pulled him over to me and took him into my mouth. I throated his dick in one move and then rapidly sucked him and stroked him with my hand, my spit lubricating my movement and making a squishing sound in the tiny room. He pulled his hand out and pushed my pants down my legs while I kicked my shoes off and worked my sweats off as well. I bent my knees, brought them up and let them fall to my sides, exposing my hole to him and the cool air of the exam room. He reached back down and started to rub my hole again before sucking a finger into his mouth and coating it. He then worked it back down my taint and over my hole before pushing in to the first knuckle. I moaned out loud and pushed against his hand, and he sank all the way to the base and rubbed my prostate with the tip of his finger.

“You’d better be quiet! The nurse might want to see what’s going on!”

“Oh fuck! OK. Just feels so good!”

He leaned over and grabbed my underwear then stuffed it into my mouth and went to the end of the table. He pulled me down the bed until my ass was hanging over the edge and then bent down and pushed my knees up to my chest. He leaned in and started to kiss my butt cheeks before zeroing in on my hole and eating me out. His tongue lapped at my hole then stiffened and entered me, his mouth and teeth rubbing against my taint while his tongue sank into me. He massaged my legs while he held them against my chest and continued to tongue fuck me, lubing up my entrance for his dick.

He then stood and took off his clothes, getting naked before me and allowing me to admire his body. His broad shoulders topped a firm chest covered with a light fur that he clearly kept clipped. His pecs were well pronounced but not huge, and they were topped with small, pale nipples. His abs rippled as he stood there, and his hair formed a trail that descended across his six-pack then spread out to a wide pubic bush that was also clipped. His hard dick rose out of his pubes and was about 6.5” long with a wicked curve upright, back toward his body. It had a flared, flat head and was covered with a glistening coating of precum.

He grabbed his dick and stroked it a few times then came up close to me and pushed it down until the flat head kissed my hole. I flexed my hole a few times to accept him as he started to slowly push into me. I brought my legs up around his waist and pulled him in quickly, his abs and pubes bumping into my taint. I held him tight against me as I wrapped my legs tightly around him, and he ground his dick into me and stretched me open.

I spit my underwear out then said “Fuck me, Matt. Come on. You feel great!”

“OK, Drew. Fuck, your hole is amazing. It’s like stroking me and I’m not moving!”

With that, I relaxed my legs and let him slowly pull out before he pushed back into me, then he began to stroke in and out of my hole, his balls slapping against my ass with each push into me. He grabbed my legs and brought them up against his body, my feet by his face and held tight, fucking me with long, deep strokes. The curve of his dick felt so amazing as it went in and out, his head rubbing the walls of my colon and the shaft stroking against my prostate with each thrust. His regular fucking felt amazing, and I was getting close to cumming, my balls trapped by my thighs held tight by Matt’s grip.

“Drew, I need to cum before they start looking for me. Can I give you my load?”

“Yeah, Matt, Breed my hole. Fill me up with your babies!”

He started to really slam his dick into my hole, never letting go of my legs, his body slapping against me with each thrust. My trapped balls were being hit by his body, causing delicious pain with each thrust, and I felt my orgasm rising up from deep within. I screeched into my hands as my orgasm fired out of my dick and sprayed my chest with my load. The contractions of my body caused by my orgasm gripped his dick and caused him to push into me one last time and hold me tight as he fired his 7-8 shots directly into my ass.

As his orgasm slowed, he continued to hold my legs tight and stayed deep within me. I flexed my legs and pulled them from his grip, my knees falling to the side. My ass contracted and ejected him from inside me, his load leaking out onto the table under me. He stood there and just caught his breath for several seconds, looking down at my relaxed body covered in my load, his leaking from my loose hole.

He then moved over and started gathering his clothes that were strewn all over the room and got dressed. He gathered mine and threw them at me.

“Drew. That was awesome. I think you’re fine with just an upper respiratory infection. Drink plenty of fluids and take medicine for the symptoms. OK?”

“Uh, sure Matt. Sounds good.”

“Great. Be sure to gather all of your things, we have lots of patients to see!”

With that, he left me on the exam table. I slowly rose and got dressed, leaving my cum to soak into my shirt and his into my underwear. As I walked back to my dorm and felt the squish of his cum between my cheeks, I knew that a good protein injection was what I needed to feel better!

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jtargaryen18 · 2 years

Text

Barber & Weiss ~ Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Series Masterlist

Words: 4.7K

Pairing: Dark Andy Barber x Dark Mike Weiss x Reader

Warnings: Expletive use. References to drug dealing, drug use, and embezzlement. Dubious consent, mild coercion, sexual blackmail, contract for sex as repayment, theft. Explicit sexual content to include face-sitting and double penetration.

Disclaimer: The author of this work claims no ownership of characters aside from the reader, and original secondary characters mentioned. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content and darker themes. By reading this work or any works on my blog (jtargaryen18), you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I do not consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown and tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.

Summary: You run the office at Barber & Weiss and love your job and employers. When your drug-dealing boyfriend gets in trouble with a loan shark, you’re hesitant to embezzle money from the law firm to bail him out. But he promises you he’ll be able to return the money quickly, before someone notices it’s gone. What’s going to happen to you when your boyfriend is arrested and your bosses know about your theft?

~~~*~~~*~~~

The day your firm won the Fields’ case was cause for celebration.

The three of you had spent many nights at Andy’s house working long hours on that case, going over endless possibilities and theories. Mike could unearth anything anyone tried to keep hidden with uncanny precision. Last week he had brought a huge dry-erase board over to Andy’s house, marking it up with your combined ideas.

Andy didn’t seem to mind that. He got into it. Did it bother him Mike ended up shirtless in those suspenders he loved so much?

It did. Oh, you could tell. Eventually, it was time for each evening to end. You stayed there with Andy, and neither you nor Mike missed the smirk he wore as he watched his partner leave each night.

Yeah, there was some underlying tension there as the weeks passed.

As the court dates approached, the three of you spent a lot of time together working on that vital case there in Andy’s home. The evening usually ended the same way. The three of you in the guest room. In the living room. In the kitchen. One night they laid you out on Andy’s dining room table like a buffet, tormented and fucked you until you were dozing. You slept through someone carrying you to bed, slept through to the next morning.

It was a tired you’d grown accustomed to. You yawned there at your desk, waiting for them to get back. You probably could have learned the verdict of the case on social media. But you couldn’t fool either of them. Especially, Andy. They’d know if your reaction to the verdict wasn’t genuine and you didn’t want to disappoint them.

Mike strutted into the office first that evening and you grinned. Andy followed him, barely holding back a smile and confirming your suspicions.

“You won?” you asked excitedly.

“We won,” Andy told you, grinning.

Running out from behind the desk, you gave each of them a hug. You had to keep it polite because there were others in the office. A couple of secretaries, various interns. It was the reason all three of you made an effort not to act any differently than you had before your private arrangement.

It was almost the end of the day. All of you who worked for the firm gathered as the two of them went over the verdict and the likely sentencing. They thanked you all for your efforts and told you all to go home early.

When you caught Andy’s eye, thinking to go back to your desk, he winked at you. “That goes for you too.”

Really?

You went back around your desk to get your things. Andy followed you.

“We’ll be right behind you,” he said low in your ear. Then he pressed a credit card into your hand. “Order takeout. Anything you want. We’re celebrating tonight.”

You smiled, nodded. “Thank you.”

You left with the others, getting in your car, and headed first for the store to get some things you were aware you needed. Your mind was on what would make a good dinner tonight. Winning the case was special.

In the last few weeks since your arrangement began, you were learning a lot about your bosses. Mike loved spicy food, lighter and healthier dishes. Then he indulged in expensive scotch. Andy favored decadent dishes, rich in flavor and heavier. His poison was good whiskey, particularly fine bourbon.

When it came to sex? You grinned to yourself as you thought about their individual preferences there.

Your younger boss was up for anything all the time. He enjoyed tormenting you with his mouth and hands until you were incoherent mess and then he’d fuck you. Mike loved pushing you to the edge until you were in tears, until you were so eager for the release he withheld from you that you’d beg him to let you come. And if you tried to get Andy to intercede for you, he’d get Andy to hold you down and torture you even more.

Andy was a little older and more romantic. It was important to him to set the mood. Even on crazy busy nights when you were all sorting through notes, trying to find a new angle on the case, it was the little things Andy did. He’d sit next to you on the couch, pull your feet into his lap to massage them and he was so good at that. When he knew you were tired from a long day at the office, or from their attentions the night before, he’d serve you dinner or run you a bath. Andy enjoyed sex as much as any man, but he appreciated intimacy. And he had the advantage of having you live in his home. No matter how the evening went, if Andy was there, you felt taken care of, safe.

More than once you felt grateful that it was a temporary arrangement and that feelings weren’t involved. How would a woman ever choose between the two gorgeous men?

As you got back into your car, some ideas came to you. You were so caught up in coming up with a celebratory dinner, that you weren’t as aware of your surroundings as you should have been.

There was a wonderful Spanish restaurant that Andy talked about, but you’d never been there. The staff were so friendly. All you’d had to do was drop Andy’s name and they helped you put together a dinner of sumptuous, exotic Catalan coast seafood. They’d even sold you white wine that they recommended with the meal. Oh, it cost a fortune but from what they told you it was light and flavorful which would make Mike happy. But it was upscale and from one of Andy’s favorite restaurants.

In short, you were pretty damn proud of yourself.

It wasn’t until you’d pulled up in the driveway with everything that you felt it. You felt like someone was watching you.

Before it could occur to you to be nervous about that, Andy pulled in behind you with Mike next to him in his Audi. They were talking away in there, no doubt still preening about the case. Everything else was forgotten as you climbed out of your car, running around to the other side to grab dinner.

Strong arms came around, grabbing the larger bags. Andy snuck a kiss before letting you get the rest.

“I love your idea for dinner,” he told you. That smile had your heart racing. You loved making Andy happy. Of the two of them, he was always harder to impress.

“I was hoping so,” you told them, smiling.

Mike led the way, opening the door and disabling the alarm system. The case was all they could talk about as you all headed for the kitchen, working together to get dinner unpacked and served up. Mike was quick to get into the wine, encouraging you to drink up as you helped get everything plated.

Over dinner, they told you how everything went leading up to the verdict. Both were pretty proud of themselves, and they deserved to be. You’d all been working on the case for months.

“With this we should be able to get bigger cases,” Mike mused as the three of you got seated at the dining room table. “This is next level.”

Andy cocked a brow at him. He was always the realist, but he was having a trouble keeping a smile from his lips at the thought. “Maybe so,” he said after a moment.

“We can take on other cases that matter,” Mike pointed out. “We’ve got a winning team.”

You had to agree with that. Each of them was good lawyers but together? They were a pretty formidable force in the courtroom.

You raised your glass to them. “The best team I’ve ever worked for.”

They cut each other a look and you quickly took a drink. You’d meant it. Or did they think you only said it because of the arrangement?

Andy shook his head. “You’re part of this team. You put in as many hours as we did on the Fields case. Not sure we could have pulled it off without you.”

You had to laugh. “I’m not a brilliant lawyer like the two of you. If I was able to help, I’ll take that.”

“You’re still important to us,” Mike told you, charming you with a grin.

By the time you’d finished eating, you were all a couple of glasses of wine in, which was plenty for you. Still, you gathered the dishes and tried to clean up. You’d just put your own plate in the sink when someone pressed into you from behind and carefully took it from your hands and placed it in the sink.

Heated kisses pressed into the side of your neck. Something else that was heated pressed into your lower back.

“Leave them,” Mike purred into your ear.

Andy had said you were all celebrating tonight. What did they have in mind for you?

When Mike ground himself into you, you shivered. All their attentions over the last few weeks had you conditioned to their touch. There were times in the office when one of them winked at you passing by your desk and you turned into a needy puddle in your chair.

What had you become?

Normally, this was the part where they took this to Andy’s guest room unless one or both of them were too impatient. But something felt different tonight, you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

Mike’s hands slid up your waist, sliding over your breasts as he continued to layer kisses down your neck. Your thighs clenched in anticipation, you just couldn’t help it.

When Mike scooped you up to carry bridal style, you licked your lips to watch Andy loosen his tie and pull it free from his shirt. He followed Mike who carried you back into the living room where Andy had built a nice fire in the fireplace. It was cooler this evening, the chill of fall in the air.

When Andy went to pull the drapes closed, you knew they meant to stay there. It wasn’t the first time. But the coffee table had been moved and a comforter had been put down in front of the fire.

Carefully lowering you onto it, you shivered at the warmth from the cheery blaze in front of you. From the hunger in two sets of blue eyes on you.

What were they up to?

“Hang on,” Mike told you, dashing out of the room.

Andy toed off his shoes and sat next to you on the comforter. His smile did things to your insides as he toyed with the strap of your dress shoes, careful in removing it. Then he removed the other, pressing a kiss to your knee as he did.

As his hands smoothed up your calves, fingertips just skimming under the hem of your skirt, Mike returned with the unopened bottle of wine in an ice-filled bucket. There were three fresh glasses in his hand.

“You’re trying to get me drunk,” you teased them. “Is that it?”

“No.” Andy crawled closer, a long arm reaching behind you to unzip your skirt. “Today was a good day for us. Tonight is all about you.”

Really?

Mike filled a glass for you, held it to your lips as Andy worked the skirt down your body. The wine was sweet on your tongue, almost as sweet as the grin Andy wore when he saw what was under your skirt.

And what wasn’t under there.

Hooking one long finger at the edge of your black stocking, he pulled it to snap back against your skin. The lace tops gripped your thighs, but there were no panties to hide the glistening flesh between them. You sucked in a breath at the excited look that earned you.

“The whole day?” Andy wondered aloud with a grin.

You nodded. “If we didn’t win the Fields case, I thought maybe it would cheer you up.”

And you were a little nervous about it because you’d never done anything like that in your entire life.

Mike joined the two of you on the comforter, encouraging you to finish your wine. Once you had, he took the glass from you with one hand as the other slid up your thigh and into your wet heat. You gasped as his fingers explored you, teasing circles around your clit.

“You’ve been thinking about celebrating too, huh?” Mike looked so pleased.

Leaning in, Mike claimed your lips in a heated kiss as Andy moved closer. Someone was unbuttoning your blouse as Andy’s lips teased your neck. The brush of whiskers and heated lips, the feel of Andy’s hands as he pulled off your blouse and bra pushed up the need you’d battled all day. Had your body weeping, clenching for them.

You’d never been that into sex until now. Before sex was good, depending on your partner, but it had been almost as transactional as your current situation. Sex helped you move things from a hook up to a relationship. Maybe one day you’d find someone that cared about you, wanted to spend their life with you. If the sex was good, all the better.

Now? Either of your lawyers could make you melt with a glance.

Two sets of hands skimmed over your body, and you shivered. When Mike’s lips blazed a trail down your jaw to your neck, Andy’s mouth claimed yours as a finger traced around one of your nipples. When it tightened into a hard little peak, he covered it with his mouth. As Mike chained kisses over your neck and shoulder, he slid a finger into your channel. And you tried to clench around that digit. It wasn’t enough.

You didn’t mean for the whine to escape your lips, but it did. Mike eased back from you with a knowing smirk. His fingers made quick work of the buttons of his dress shirt, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him as he stripped it off. While Andy teased your breast, his fingers skimming the tender flesh at your inner thigh, Mike resumed teasing your pussy. When he slid two fingers inside you, teasing your walls, you were breathless and needy.

Mike stole a kiss. “Want to try something new tonight?” he whispered against your lips.

Andy paused at the question before stripping off his own shirt.

Mike’s fingers slid in and out of you in a way he knew would make you squirm. His lips were warm on yours.

“Use your words, beautiful,” he prompted you.

“What did you… want to try?” you managed to ask.

His large fingers pulled free of you, and you whined again. A single finger slid on the wetness between your lower lips, carefully, and slid back to your other entrance. You froze at the unfamiliar touch.

You didn’t miss the warning look Andy shot him. Wrapping his arms around you, he eased you back into his solid warmth. His lips were gentle on your shoulder. “Easy,” he whispered.

Mike was nothing if not tenacious. His finger lightly traced around that tight ring as he brushed more careful kisses over your lips.

“Never tried anything like that, huh?” he asked.

“No,” you whispered as his finger continued his campaign.

“Mike…” Andy started.

Pulling back to gaze into your eyes, Mike’s smile was gentle. “Want to try? If you really don’t like it, we’ll stop.”

Andy cut him another look.

“I’ll stop,” he corrected. “But if you relax, and trust me, this just might be amazing for all three of us.”

It was then when it occurred to you what he wanted. And Andy wasn’t interfering yet. You knew he absolutely would if he thought you were uncomfortable. It was the biggest reason that you nodded.

“Lay back, Andy,” Mike directed.

And Andy did, keeping his gaze on you. His gaze was caring, willing you to trust him.

“Okay, baby,” Mike purred in your ear. “Why don’t you sit on Andy’s face? Be a good girl for him while I go get something.”

Tipsy on lust and wine, you didn’t resist when they moved you over Andy. Embarrassment burned and gave way to desire as his strong hands wrapped around your thighs and situated you just where he wanted you. With his mouth, he started burning you down. The tip of his tongue traced around your clit until you were fighting his hold. He held you there to tease around your entrance, making you desperate for more in a short period of time.

You weren’t even aware that Mike had returned until you felt him behind you, the heat of his excitement drawing your attention to the way his hands skimmed over your back, feather light. While Andy took you apart with his mouth, started fucking you with that talented tongue, Mike had goose flesh rising down your back. Those hands smoothed over your hips, and ass. The delicacy of his touch combined with the wicked slide of Andy’s tongue to make you crazy. Your hands clawed at Andy’s thick hair, and you unwittingly moved your hips with him, wanting more of that.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the small white tube in Mike's hand. When Mike’s finger slid slowly between the globes of your ass, you shivered. Tingles of pleasure were already racing through your bloodstream from Andy’s efforts. That finger was slick, circling the untried ring of your ass with care. Mike kept that touch light, tempting.

Their attentions pushed you to the edge of release. You were a desperate thing straddling Andy’s face with Mike’s finger pushing carefully into your other opening. You felt good. You were so close…

Pressing up against you, Mike’s heat seeped into you. His lips teased your ear. “You gonna come on Andy’s tongue, beautiful?”

You gasped when he pulled the lobe of your ear between his lips. His finger pushed a little deeper into your ass.

“The sooner you come for us, the sooner you can ride his cock, baby,” Mike whispered. “I know you want him to fill that little pussy right now.”

Between those words and Andy’s teasing tongue, you came hard. Your cries had Andy moaning into the center of you, intensifying the waves that shook you to your core. While you rode out that euphoria, Mike worked a second finger into your ass. By the time you were aware of that slight stretch and burn, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It did remind you how empty your pussy felt.

Mike held you there and you felt Andy shifting beneath you. He was frantically undoing his slacks, pushing them down with his boxers. With Mike’s help, he eased you down his body until you felt the heated stalk of his cock against the wet flesh that craved it.

“Andy, please…” you begged. You wanted more and Mike’s teasing fingers were doing a lot to push your craving higher.

“I’ve got you,” Andy whispered with your juices shining off his lips and beard. His color was high as he positioned you over his cock, he and Mike guiding you to sink down on it. Andy stretched your walls, filled you up just the way you needed right now.

You were so full, rotating your hips to take all of Andy and reveling in how fucking wonderful he felt. His hands gripped your hips, guiding you to slowly start moving on him. Your movements didn’t dislodge Mike’s fingers. The fullness as he pressed a third finger into you, combined with Andy’s length, had your heart racing in excitement.

Like any woman, you’d thought about taking two men at once. You never thought you’d ever have the opportunity. But as you slid up and down on Andy’s cock and Mike’s fingers fucked your ass, you wanted more. You needed more.

When those fingers left you, you unapologetically whined. Andy took advantage of the moment to fuck up into you with firm quick strokes. You heard the sound of a zipper, felt Mike shifting behind you. When he moved behind you, pressing the head of himself at the opening of your ass you froze. Andy slowed down, his heated gaze meeting yours.

“Anything hurts,” he said in a breathy voice, “or you don’t like it, tell me. We’ll stop.”

You were struggling to breathe as Mike pushed past that tight ring. It stung.

“Tell me you understand,” Andy said gently.

You winced, as Mike’s slick cock pushed in a little further. But you nodded.

You clenched around Andy as Mike worked his way into you. It was uncomfortable at first and your hands clutched Andy’s shoulders tightly.

“Look at me,” Andy bid you. “Breathe, okay? Breathe. Try to relax.”

You did and once Mike was fully seated in you, the sting eased. When Mike began to move, he slid easily enough with the help of the lubricant. Andy watched you but didn’t move, allowing you to adjust.

“Oh, fuck,” Mike muttered behind you. “Your ass feels incredible, baby.”

It was feeling a lot better and after a couple of moments, you were moving with him. At that, Andy started moving in you again and the feeling of being impaled on both of them was unreal. The thought of what you were doing made you a slave to whatever they wanted. Two sets of hands gripped your ass. Two cocks worked into you, hitting every pleasure point you possessed.

Mike’s hand clutched in your hair, using it to pull your head back. With your neck bared to his teasing mouth, he took advantage as Andy bounced you on his cock. Mike worked into you from behind with care. You could tell he was holding back.

“You’re so good to us, baby,” Mike whispered into your skin. “Taking us both. You look so good riding our cocks… You feel like heaven.”

Andy, like you, seemed beyond speech. His lips gaped open as he watched you, pulling you down on his cock again and again. When he eased you down to him, his mouth claimed yours. You could taste yourself on his lips. When you couldn’t breathe anymore, you broke the kiss. Andy dipped his head to capture one of your nipples with his mouth. The wet lash of his tongue had you unraveling again, clenching around both of them as the orgasm rode you as hard as your two lovers were.

You were wilted between them, but they weren’t done. Their motions intensified as they chased their own release. Lying against Andy, you let them dominate you as they thrust into you faster and faster.

Mike reached his end first, pulling free of you and shooting his warm release all over your ass. Andy stayed seated inside of you, his cock punching up into you until a sob tore from his throat and he pumped his release into you like it was the last thing he’d ever do.

Andy’s heart was a steady cadence in your ear once you collapsed over him. His breath was as rushed as yours and his hands skimmed over your back with infinite care. Soft kisses pressed into your hair as he held you.

You felt the linen of Mike’s shirt as he wiped his release from your skin. Leaning up, he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You knew he was about to leave and you felt bad you were so out of it at the moment.

“You heading out?” Andy’s voice was a rumble beneath you.

“I think I’ll crash here for the night,” Mike sounded tired.

Andy’s hands froze. Blowing out a sigh, he rolled to his side and eased you onto the comforter. You stretched, got comfortable. Andy pulled the comfort over you to keep you from being chilled without him.

“I’ll be back for cuddles in just a minute,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your ear. You heard a little shuffling before you drifted off to sleep.

***

Andy pulled on his slacks as he led Mike from the living room. It wasn’t a conversation their girl needed to hear.

His girl.

Mike had pulled on his boxers, followed Andy to his home office.

Scrubbing a hand down his face, the smell of her was all over him, Andy regarded his partner.

“Is there a problem?” Mike asked, arms folded across his tatted chest. “With me staying over?”

“We didn’t talk about that,” Andy pointed out.

“There are a lot of things we didn’t talk about,” Mike came back.

Andy shook his head, heading for the mini bar to the side of his desk. He knew where this was going. He just didn’t want to have this discussion.

“Such as?” he asked, pulling out two glasses and pouring bourbon.

“When we came up with this, deal,” Mike said, “I guess I just assumed we’d get equal time with her.”

Handing him a glass, Andy drank from his own. “You know why she has to stay here, Mike. Your place isn’t safe. No offense.”

His partner nodded, his gaze dropped. He had no argument to make there.

“That’s why I don’t see why my staying here is a problem,” Mike went on. “It would give me more time with her. Even the playing field.”

“You want more sex?” Andy tried, hoping that was what Mike was getting at but suspecting that wasn’t his motivation.

“No. I want more time with her,” Mike explained. “It’s not just about sex. Not anymore. She’s more than that to me.”

Andy knew.

“I don’t know,” Andy stalled, having more bourbon.

“What’s the problem?” Mike wanted to know. “We have three-way sex pretty often. Why would actually sleeping together be an issue?”

Mike went further than Andy expected. He could see the younger lawyer asking to sleep next to her in the guest room. But was he really suggesting they all share a bed?

Tired as he was, Andy’s mind still spun. “Here and there I guess it would be okay. But often? People talk.”

Mike rolled his eyes, setting the glass of alcohol on Andy’s desk untouched. “How many nights have I been over here until midnight or after, huh? We’re partners in a law firm. No one would give a shit.”

“I really don’t want some of your friends showing up,” Andy admitted. "I don't want them around her."

“Fuck, are you really going to bring up Ali stopping by here last week?” Mike asked, his frustration growing. “It wasn’t drugs. I paid him to dig up some dirt for me. It was part of the reason we won the case today in case you don't remember.”

“I still don’t want anyone like that around my house,” Andy warned. “Or her.”

That stopped him, had Mike pacing and raking a hand through his sandy hair.

“Look,” Mike said after a minute. “When we came up with this idea, it sounded great. But I didn’t immediately grasp the advantages you have in this situation. I want more.”

Draining his glass, Andy regarded his partner.

“She can’t be at my place,” Mike said before he could. “I know that. But I’m sick of being a guest star in the bedroom while we ride this contract out. I want equal time. I deserve that.”

“Mike,” Andy struggled with what he wanted to say. “If I agree to this, it’s just until the six months is up.”

Mike stopped, his brows rose. “And then?”

Andy blew out an exhale.

“And then the contract is up,” Andy told him. “She will have kept her end of the arrangement. She’s then free to do what she wants. Choose who she wants.”

Andy just hoped to God she chose him.

“That include living here?” Mike demanded.

Yes. Andy hoped she’d want to stay.

Mike shook his head. “I can’t match that. And I’m… I’m sorry, I’m not willing to just let you have her.”

“Excuse me?”

“I have a lot to offer her too.” Mike meant it.

Andy knew he did and he was younger.

But how were they going to deal with the situation?

“So how does this play out?” Andy threw it back at him.

Mike studied him for a moment, thinking. That razor-sharp mind was going a mile a minute. It was one of Mike’s strengths. And weaknesses. Mike so easily got lost in his head. Feelings? He didn’t navigate so well.

“When the contract is over,” Mike said finally, “we leave it up to her.”

Oh, it sounded good. But Andy knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“Whoever she chooses, the other one just needs to accept it,” Mike said flatly. And with the way his chin lifted when he said it, Andy knew he intended for their girl to choose him.

Andy nodded.

But he had a very different plan.

@21stcenturywitchcraft @abyssaint @alyssaforever2671 @buckybarnesplumwhore @bval-1 @caffiend-queen @candy-and-writing @capsicle-shield @chaoticfiretaconerd @chrisevansgirl @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @coldmuffinbanditshoe @daughterofthenight117 @hv-chw3 @iheartsebandchris @imanuglywombat @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @justrae9903 @lok1sgrl @lokislastlove @mariaenchanted @marvelouspottering @maxwelllee2020 @nannies-dont-date @nekoannie-chan @nerdwholikesword @notyourtypicalrose @peaceinourtime82 @rainbowkisses31 @rayofdawnworld @richonne4life @rissysthoughts-blog @saiyanprincessswanie @scarletsoldierrr @shygirl-00 @stargazingfangirl18 @supernaturaldean67 @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @team-iron-wannabe-man @titty-teetee @tonib666 @villanellevi @weebid @what-is-your-backupplan-today @what-is-your-wish @xoxabs88xox @onetwo3000 @rosalynshields @naturalthrone22 @marvelovernfan @made-ofsilkandroses @mustangshelby04 @starlightcrystalline @gotnofucks @nerdygirl8203 @princesssterek @vampy-doll @alexakeyloveloki @littlelurkinglark @bluemusickid @tenaciousperfectionunknown @marvelovernfan @violentyoshi

#Barber & Weiss #Andy Barber #Mike Weiss #Who gets the girl?

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weepingfromacedartree · 1 year

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Dancing Around the Truth: Chapter 1

Hi friends!! Chapter 1 of Dancing Around the Truth is now available for anyone who is interested! Please find the chapter below, or on the link above.

Chapter 1: Friday (Before)

Tonight marks the final ball of the season. The social gathering to celebrate every social gathering that came before it. Each one an important chapter in some lucky couple’s love story. That’s what Violet Bridgerton would say, at least. Benedict would call it a celebration of the friendship and art (and sex, wine, drugs, etc.) forged in the last six months or so. Eloise would say it’s the last time she’s forced to endure a corset before retreating to the country for the remainder of the year. Tonight, Colin would argue that it’s an excellent place to drink. And to catch a glimpse of a certain elusive redhead.

He stands in the depths of Lady Danbury’s ballroom, swishing back the last drops of champagne from his glass. As the bubbles prick his throat, he half-listens to Violet and Francesca’s commentary on his sister’s first official season.

Colin had earnestly attempted to take interest in his sister’s debut. It’s a momentous time in any woman’s life — or at least that was what he was told. But despite these attempts, Colin did not take an active role in Francesca’s debut. Nor Eloise’s second season. Truthfully, he did not even take an active role in his own social expectations this year. There were simply other, more important things occupying his mind, leaving little room for other matters.

Well, there was one thing on his mind.

One person, really.

One of Francesca’s (discarded) suitors approaches the group to share a word. If Colin gave slightly more of a damn, he might roll his eyes at the man’s feeble attempt to win a lady’s favor on the final night of the season. Instead, he takes the opportunity to slip away. He follows the path his eyes have been trained on all night.

Moving through the crowd between them, Colin watches Penelope as she dances across the floor. He supposes “dance” is somewhat of a generous term for the act. It would be more accurate to describe Penelope as being “thrown around” by the geezer she’s been paired with.

Her “dance” partner is Jeremy Michaelson, a Welsh lord who’s attended these events a few weeks now. To this day, Colin has never spoken a word to the man, but he knows his type. The type to wander into the Ton halfway through a season and expect to scoop up whichever young bride fits his liking. Judging from his performance on the dance floor, out of sync with not just his partner, but the room around him, Colin also takes him for a deaf man with two left feet.

As the orchestra grows louder, the strings building towards a climax, Colin’s eyes shift back to Penelope. She’s wearing a dress of blush and gold, the floral fabric reflecting the light of the room. It’s as if every step she takes changes the light around her. It’s entrancing. Literally. Colin cannot take his eyes off of her.

Penelope’s hair is loosely pinned atop her head, pink flowers laced through red curls. She looks beautiful, even with that unmistakable frown persisting on her lips as she’s guided by Michaelson. When Colin thinks of Penelope, he usually thinks of her smile before anything else. Before this season, she rarely spoke to him without that smile gracing her lips.

When the music finally draws to a close, Penelope takes a step back from Michaelson and nods politely. Her partner, in turn, starts hacking relentlessly. His old lungs were clearly not built for the dance routine. His greasy fingers latch onto Penelope’s shoulder for balance. That is Colin’s last straw.

The 1815 season had been markedly different than years past for several reasons. The most prominent, distressing difference for Colin was in his relationship with his best friend. Before the season even began, he could sense that something had shifted between them. During his travels, he had sent her countless letters, persistent but always unanswered. While it was not unusual for his siblings to leave such letters unanswered, he did not expect the same from Penelope.

In that time between seasons, he could sense that a shift had occurred between them. But, for the life of him, he could not think of a single logical reason why — so he brushed it off. For months, he foolishly held on to hope that he was simply over-thinking Penelope’s silence. That all would be well once they were together again. Once he could look into her eyes and speak to her directly.

“Mr. Bridgerton,” she had called him, the night of the Queen’s inaugural ball. Her eyes were apathetic. Her voice was cool. The fact that she had run out of every room he had walked into that night should have been the first clue that his suspicions were correct. That something of significance had changed between them. But Colin has a tendency to overlook such details.

“Miss Featherington,” he calls to her now.

Penelope’s head turns quickly, a look of surprise on her face. Although Colin’s eyes have been transfixed on her all night, clearly she was unaware of his presence.

“Colin?” she says quickly. Her surprise carries through to her voice. He suppresses a grin when he hears his Christian name fall from her lips.

“It is getting quite late.” Colin takes his eyes off of her for just a second, just to glance at the old man. He’s coughing up a storm a foot away from where they stand. “I was hoping you might save me a dance before the night is finished.”

Colin looks down at the dance card tied around Penelope’s gloved wrist. From this distance, it appears disappointingly full.

“I believe the lady said she was about to retire —”

“Yes. I believe I have one dance left in me,” she says, cutting the old man off. Colin is so pleasantly surprised that his brain seems to stop working for a moment. Then Penelope’s hand is in his, leading him towards the other side of the dance floor.

“Thank you,” she whispers once they find their positions across from one another.

“Whatever for?” Colin responds, a smirk on his face. The music starts.

He pulls Penelope, hand already resting in his own, a few inches closer as their feet move in step.

“For saving me from that…” She glances behind her. Michaelson is now walking towards the staircase at the opposite end of the room. It looks as though the distance might kill him.

“Walking corpse?”

Penelope laughs in spite of herself. Colin considers it a win.

Though his mouth remains closed, Colin wants to tell her that he would save her from a million men like Jeremy Michaelson. He wants to tell her that he would do anything to make her happy, to protect her. He wants to tell her all of this, but he fears uttering those words aloud will only make it easier for him to let her down. Again.

The music picks up and, despite the tension between them this past season, Colin cannot help but notice their movements are as natural as they ever were. It always feels natural with Penelope, he remembers.

About halfway through the dance, Colin notices Penelope’s attention float to the back of the room. Curiosity getting the better of him, he turns to investigate what has stolen her attention away from him. That’s when he sees Portia Featherington… speaking very closely with Jeremy Michaelson.

Suppressing a groan from deep within his gut, Colin gently pulls his dance partner towards the other side of the room. Towards the garden. As if taking Portia out of view could magically save Penelope from her mother’s scheming.

Colin’s movement disrupts the flow of the dance floor. He weaves Penelope through the other couples while they continue following the intended steps (silently, Colin prays Anthony is not watching from the corner somewhere, or else he will surely receive a lecture on the embarrassment of improper dance etiquette later that night). While Cressida Cowper may throw him a disgusted look for nearly stepping on her dress, Penelope does not miss a step.

Once they land on the edge of the dance floor, Penelope squeezes his hand. Leaning in a bit closer, she says, “This hall is starting to feel a bit crowded, would you say?”

Colin’s brow furrows. What is she getting at?

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

“I believe a stroll through the garden would be quite refreshing at this time of night,” she says, her eyes fixed on his intently. Earlier in the season, Penelope would have said something like this to avoid Colin’s company. The way she’s looking up at him now, her gaze open and uninterrupted… This is an invitation.

Maybe there’s hope for them yet.

Colin clears his throat. “Yes. And the perfect weather for star gazing.”

The orchestra plays on. The other couples move in sync. Colin and Penelope exit the dance floor. No one notices them slip into the moonlight.

⚘ ⚘ ⚘

Colin has no idea if his comment on star gazing was true or not. As he strolls along a row of lily bushes, the only sight his eyes can focus on is the girl walking beside him.

She’s telling him about her friendship with Lady Danbury, who had taken Penelope under her wing that season. Her voice grows louder as they walk farther away from the crowd behind them. She’s telling him about the many hours she spent in this very garden. She’s talking with her hands; she nearly chops a lily off its stem as she recounts stories Danbury had shared with her. Particularly, about Queen Charlotte and her many… quirks.

“She has somewhat of an obsession with flowers. She has them sent here from points all around the world, just to ensure that there is always something blooming in her garden.”

“Even in January?”

“Yes!” Penelope exclaims excitedly. Her gloved hand accidentally brushes against Colin’s bare knuckles. “Well, not necessarily in her garden, of course. But she supposedly has a magnificent bush of Jasmine in her green house. It blooms at the start of every new year.”

“Flowers for the new year,” he repeats back to her, a soft chuckle escaping his lips.

Penelope approaches a rather large willow tree and presses her back against it. Colin realizes that they’ve walked so deeply into Danbury’s garden that they can no longer hear the ball they left behind.

Silence hangs between them.

For months, Colin had been very cautious around Penelope. At the start of the season, he could barely speak a word to her without her running off. When she did stick around long enough to spare him a conversation, it was brief. Formal. Always delivered to a “Mr. Bridgerton.” Never to “Colin.” Those first few months were difficult for him to navigate, but eventually, he learned to adapt.

Desperate not to lose her for good, Colin found a balance between giving Penelope the space she needed and receiving the company he so ardently desired. Around the midpoint of the season, they spoke briefly, but politely to one another at most social gatherings. Although not as familiar as the conversations they had once entertained, they were certainly preferable to silence.

Around the time that Prudence had gotten engaged, things had shifted between them again. He’s not sure exactly what did it, but Penelope’s defenses began to lower. Slowly.

Although rare, Colin lived for the moments when he and Penelope resembled the friends they once were. But he also knew that if he wanted their relationship to truly go back to what it once was -- or perhaps even more -- he needed to remain cautious. He could not push things too far. He could not say the wrong thing. He could not meddle too much, even if…

“Do I need to worry about that Michaelson fellow harassing you?”

“Harassing me?” Penelope questions, incredulously. “No. Lord Michaelson is harmless. Just old. And quite boring.” Her words relax him. A little. “It’s my mama I am more worried about.”

“How so?” Although he doesn’t have to ask.

Colin is no stranger to meddling mamas, and he knows Portia Featherington well enough to know she would do anything in her power to secure prosperous futures for each of her daughters. His mind goes back to that image of Portia and Michaelson conversing at the base of Lady Danbury’s stairway; his heart sinks before he can push it aside.

“She thinks he would be a suitable marriage match for me.”

“That’s ridiculous! He’s old enough to be your grandfather,” he exclaims without thought. He knows this conversation is anything but cautious -- that it could potentially derail all the work he had done that season. But that fact is greatly overshadowed by threat of Penelope marrying a man like Jeremy Michaelson.

“I am not going to marry him, Colin.” There’s a confidence in her voice that soothes his nerves. A bit. “I do not wish to marry for any reason other than love, and I certainly do not see any prospect of love with that man.”

“Well… good.” Colin stammers out. He’s having trouble finding the proper words to navigate this exchange. He had discussed the topic of marriage with Penelope on occasion before, but the matter had never felt so… serious.

“You deserve to marry for love, Pen.”

Even in the dark cover of night, he can see her nose scrunch tightly. A look of doubt crosses her face. She opens her mouth, but instead of arguing with him, she merely says: “As do you.”

A short, comfortable silence passes between them. Then Penelope speaks up again, a forced-perkiness to her voice. “Tonight marks the end of the season. What foreign land will you be setting off to in the morning?”

“Oh… No. I’m planning on staying in Mayfair. For a little while at least,” he says, hoping his response sounds casual enough. Penelope looks baffled.

“What happened to your insatiable need to explore exotic lands? To forge new experiences, to eat delicious foods, to —” She’s throwing his words back at him. Words he had written to her in confidence while on his previous travels. It does not escape his mind that she is reciting fragments of letters she had previously claimed not to have read at all. Colin knows she could go on like this for hours. While he does find it somewhat amusing, he does wish to move past the subject.

“I can do all those things after next year’s season. I am four and twenty. I surely hope that time is not running out to achieve such goals.”

“Well… Yes. But you could be married by the end of next season. It will surely be more difficult to explore the world once you have a family of your own.”

Colin desperately wants to move past this subject.

“The last time I checked, I have a family now. If you were to ask my mama to inquire on the subject, she would undoubtedly tell you that I have spent enough time away from my family as it is. Enough to last us all a lifetime.”

While that may technically be true, Colin feels guilty implying that that it is the primary reason behind his choice to remain in England in the coming months. In truth, there are too many reasons to count and he refuses to spend enough time on the subject to determine which is most pressing. But if he were to rank them, he knows that Violet’s passive aggressive comments would be far from the top of that list.

“Will any of your family be with you here? In Mayfair?”

“No — well, Anthony will be traveling back and forth. And Benedict always grows bored of the country and returns to Mayfair early. But… mor than that… I doubt I will remain in Mayfair all that time. Without any travel plans restricting me, I’ll be able to visit Daph and Aubrey Hall as much as I please.” Colin realizes that he is rambling. That he is talking stupidly fast. Attempting to bring himself back to a normal tempo, he says, “Actually, the entire family is traveling to Aubrey Hall for a week to cap off the season. Daphne’s even bringing little Auggie.”

Penelope smiles at him, earnestly. “When do you depart?”

“Tuesday.” Less than four days from now.

They are silent a moment. Then Penelope says, “It’s admirable, how close you are with your family.” There is an unmistakable sadness — or maybe longing — in her voice as she says this.

“Will you be presiding in the country for the remainder of the year?”

“No, actually,” she says, to Colin’s surprise. The Featheringtons always travel to the country during the off-season. The whole Ton does, really. “I will be here in Mayfair, as well.”

If he hadn’t sensed an unease in her voice, Colin would have been elated to hear that he and Penelope would be living in the same city a little while longer. He might have taken it as a sign. A blessing, even.

“So you and your mother —”

“No,” she cuts him off. She looks away. “Mama is traveling to Ireland to visit an ailing aunt. She’s likely only traveling there to secure me a rich cousin to marry. Either way, I would only get in the way.”

Colin’s body goes rigid, panic coursing up and down his back. When she finishes speaking, he manages to say, “So you’ll be here… alone?”

Penelope pushes herself off the willow tree. She is back standing firmly on two feet. “No, the staff remains here year-round.”

“That is not what I meant.” Pleasantry quickly fades from Colin’s tone, panic rising up to take its place.

“Did you not just pronounce that you, yourself, will remain alone in Mayfair for some time?”

“That is different.”

“How so?”

“You are an unmarried lady of nineteen. Do you really think —”

“Colin.” Her voice is stern, cutting him off before he has the chance to say something truly insulting. “I know it is unusual, but these are my circumstances. My father is gone. Philipa and Prudence are both married off. It is just mama and myself now. And I can promise you that traveling with her to Ireland would result in an infinitely worse fate than whatever could happen to me alone in Mayfair.”

When she stops speaking, she watches him, waiting for him to object to the obviously insane notion that she should stay in Mayfair alone for any amount of time. But Colin doesn’t object, he’s too busy weighing the scales in his mind. Questioning if he needs to push Penelope towards logic, or if that will simply push her away from him.

Softer now, both in the tone of her voice and look in her eyes, she says, “People tend to underestimate wallflowers. They assume that there is an inherent weakness in those who are overlooked. A lack of sense in those who do not speak up. But I do have sense. I have spent enough time alone to learn how to survive on my own.”

He knows there is truth to her words. He knows firsthand how easily it is to overlook Penelope’s intelligence. Her resourcefulness. Her value. But if her words were meant to convince Colin to accept her preposterous plans, they surely failed her.

“I know your worth, Pen. But even if you can live on your own, it should not mean you have to.”

Her shoulders move backwards, as if his words land a physical blow to her body.

“I will be fine. I promise.”

Colin has to literally bite his tongue to keep himself from saying the wrong thing. He wants to protect her, of course, but it is not just that. He wants her to be happy. He wants her to be surrounded by people who love and care for her. He wants her to possess the family she deserves.

“You could come with me to Aubrey Hall this —”

“No, Colin. I cannot.” Any ounce of anger or annoyance is gone from her voice. She simply sounds tired. “Eloise has made it clear that she does not wish for me to remain in her company any longer. It would be wrong of me to cross that boundary.”

“You would be my guest.” His words reek of desperation.

Penelope simply shakes her head. “I will stay here, in Mayfair. I shall be here when you return.” Then, “Goodnight, Colin.”

As she turns on her heel, Colin feels a sense of dread boiling up from his stomach. He had spent the last six months expertly towing the line to bring himself back into Penelope’s favor. Ten minutes ago, they were laughing and conversing like old friends. Ten seconds ago, Penelope said goodbye to him with a familiar coolness to her voice. He wishes she had left him angrily. That would have given him more hope for their future.

Feeling lost within himself, Colin watches as Penelope walks away from him. Her skirt sways behind her. The gold beading reflects the silver of the full moon above. The iridescent reflection turns her dress into a constellation across her skin. It’s mesmerizing.

He wants to walk towards her. He wants to call after her. He wants to go back in time. He should step forward. He should, but he doesn’t. It’s like ivy suddenly sprouts from the ground and twists around his ankles. He could easily break free from its grasp, but he can’t.

He wants to follow her, but he fears that if he gets too close, she might disappear forever.

#polin #penelope x colin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #bridgerton #fanfic #fanfiction #dancing around the truth #weepingfromacedartree

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brightgnosis · 1 year

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Hagging Out 🧹 I Came As A Cat — Or, At Least ... I Tried To.

I've been looking forward to my dual celebration of Walpurgisnacht and Maifest since I put them on the calendar last year- though they have slightly different intents in my tradition not altogether unlike their traditional forms. Just a little to the left, as is typical with the way I like to do things.

🔮 Walpurgisnacht is the Oneiric celebration of the Witch Spirit: The great connection to the Wellspring Eternal which makes my magic flow, and ties me to the Ancestors of the Work.

🌸 Maifest celebrates the local Genii Locorum by greeting their fully awakened forms in Spring. But more importantly, it uses water gathered all the way back in March at Lá Céadamh to tie my space (my Garden) to my magical place of Power and Pilgrimage and the specific Spirits over there.

As time grew closer, though, I started to panic a little; I had a bunch of stuff planned, but I overworked myself leading up to the day- plus time just got away from me and I wound up with less time to prepare than I meant to leave myself.

I wound up making a few concessions and compromises- like not making herbed Sima like I'd originally wanted to, and instead just purchasing a couple shooters of Moonshine instead (one 'Java Mountain' for Walpurgisnacht, and a 'White Chocolate Strawberry Cream' for Maifest). I did manage to make a couple Incenses, however, which I was really proud of.

🔮 Walpurgisnacht ⤖ Mugwort leaf ⬩ «homegrown» Periwinkle blossoms ❴Vinca Major + V. Minor❵ ⬩ A Special «locally grown» Something ⬩ Fennel seed ⬩ «homegrown» Sage leaf ❴Salvia Officinalis + S. Leucophylla❵ ⬩ «homegrown» Rue leaf ⬩ «homegrown» Rosemary leaf ⬩ «locally foraged» Austrian Pine resin ⬩ Benzoin resin ⬩ crystalized Linden Honey

🌸 Maifest ⤖ «homegrown» Japanese Honeysuckle blossom ⬩ «homegrown» Eastern Redbud blossom ⬩ «homegrown» Apple blossom ⬩ Jasmine blossom ⬩ Rose petals ⬩ «homegrown» Korean Lilac blossom ⬩ «homegrown» French Marigold blossom ⬩ «locally foraged» Austrian Pine resin ⬩ Myrrh resin ⬩ crystalized Linden Honey

I spent the whole day on Walpurgisnacht in the Garden cleaning, repotting a few things, and getting the rest of the seeds planted so that I could do everything the next two days would entail; the whole weekend had been busy, actually- spent between the Garden and socializing with a childhood friend I was reconnecting with. Plus I'd been fighting a Migraine from several days of rain.

In a full blow Fibro flair by that point, finally done, I went in and started getting everything together for the rites later in the night. Then my phone decided to take its own break and do a system update, which put a giant pause on my prep and forced me to wait because I couldn't take any photos while it was going.

When it was finally finished I took a couple hour long soak in a mixture of my usual blend of ½ my ’Chronic Pain and Fatigue’ and ½ my ’Joint Health’ Bath Salts- plus the last remaining dredges of my Lustral Water I made for cleansing ages ago.

💧 Lustral Water ⤖ Rosemary, Jasmine, Bay Leaf, Kosher Sea Salt, Spring Water

After it was sufficiently dark-ish I finally dressed in my outfit for the night (consisting of the nightgown my mother wore on her Wedding Night with my Father all the way back in the 1980's, a black lacey-armed and ample-tittied Boudoir Robe I picked up from a Vintage shop but have never bothered to date, and a Bob Mackie Barbie Brooch from the 1990's) and hauled my box of supplies outside to the Garden.

Unfortunately I never actually achieved anything significant during my Walpurgisnacht rite, thanks to the fact I live cattycorner to one giant, obnoxious doufus our household calls Jr, who, for some reason, decided to have every equally annoying friend of his over that night. And instead of staying inside where they would be less noticeable at 10 o'clock at night ... They decided to proceed to loudly play musical cars in the driveway, the street, and even their yard for three solid hours straight.

Why? I have no idea. But it meant I was stuck very firmly in my body the entire time I was out there, no matter what substance I imbibed to aid my travel: Aminata Oil, Moonshine, Delta-8 THC "Tincture" (really an Oil) and Gummy both, Mugwort and Wormwood Leaf, CBD Oil, and even inhaling the incense I made. Because Out-of-Bodying About is hard enough for me as is without any kind of distractions- and it becomes outright impossible for me with them.

Though there was finally a 30 minute period where they were quiet enough I nearly made it while kneading my Cat Skull, it just wasn't quite enough to make it.

Eventually I gave up, snuffed everything out, packed my stuff up, and went inside ... Only to be repeatedly awoken throughout the night by our youngest Cat- Echo- using me as a launching bad / spring board for her Zoomies 🤦‍♀️ It's really just what I get for trying to "Go As A Cat", I guess.

The next morning I woke to my body in full out rebellion and I seriously considered not finishing the celebrations at all. But after another bath- and a solid round of Tylenol Extra Strength, Excedrin Extra Strength, and a Ketorolac- I decided to force myself out into the garden to finish it anyways; I'd already started it, and I was already in a flair regardless, so I figured I should get it done. So I gathered up my stuff and got dressed again (this time in a brightly floral patterned "80's does 60's" wrap dress that's honestly way too large for me)

The second (Maifest) rite went a lot smoother and faster than the first- mostly because the neighborhood actually stayed quiet and largely distraction free; I was able to bless all of the garden statues I had (save for my 1950's style Lawn Flamingo), and use the water gathered from my Place of Power to bless all of the garden beds and plants I currently have growing (save for the new Nasturtiums I plan on planting soon). Then I sat and meditated in a cloud of the Maifest incense with my Deer Leg Bone for a bit.

Eventually my Brother in Law came home and I had to quickly snuff everything out and put it all away before he saw what I was up to; my Garden's unfortunately very visible from the driveway and the road both, and I'm technically utilizing a couple of loopholes to do any of my stuff while living here. I don't want Questions™, and frankly it's none of their business what I do, anyways (especially if I'm not technically breaking the agreed-upon rules).

Overall, it really wasn't that bad all things considering. there's certainly some kinks that need to be worked out. But for what it was (a spontaneous, un-circled set of intuitive rituals), and for what I'm capable of putting together here with the limitations I have? It went better than expected. And honestly, given how my Madrona ritual went (or, rather, didn't go at all) after all the planning and work I put into it last year? It could've been a lot worse.

Obligatory ping for @graveyarddirt / @msgraveyarddirt

#REBLOG SAFE #Hagging Out #Original Content #Original Community Content #Personal #2023 #Religion & Magic #Calendar Nonsense #A Direct Look At My Practice #Gardening 2023 #Gardening #Scent & Senses #Verderer #Green Witch #Green Witchcraft #Oklahoma #Witchy Gardening #Witches Garden

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whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

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ok just need to do some head/heart-clearing journaling below the cut.

i’m in my sixth month in this job and nothing has really gotten better. i spent the first couple months crying after work multiple times a week, including perhaps my lowest moment where i was so overcome by existential despair i felt myself starting to cry IN A MEETING and had to make up an excuse to gather myself off camera. the last few months have been a little better (the existential despair is humming along at bearable background levels!) but i still feel out of sorts, disconnected from myself, and just... listless.

here are the biggest issues:

not enough work. this is killing me. i don’t need to be working literally every second from 9-5 and i don’t miss the teacher lifestyle of grading all weekend, but goddd I need projects you know? i need short- and long-term projects. i need things i’m working on or goals i’m working towards. and i need that work to feel purposeful. not every task has to be imbued with Deep Meaning but i need to be doing more than sitting in a teams call watching my lead copy and paste text from an email onto a powerpoint for 45 minutes. i had that one big project that i got to project manage and collaborate with another team on and i REALLY enjoyed that even though i didn’t care at all about the content. i guess what i enjoyed was just like, that feeling of breaking a complex task up into smaller chunks and then make meaningful decisions about how to tackle different parts of it. and i really liked the team i was working with too and felt like i did a really good job building a positive working relationship with them & running some interference for them at a moment where our boss was really stressing them out. all of that was good! but that project is over now and my lead has been blocking me from taking on other projects like that for reasons unclear (i mean i have my theories but).

work is too solitary. i need like a 40% solitary 60% social balance in my work life. instead it’s like 90% solitary 10% social and most of my social contact is with a person who doesn’t listen to my ideas and at times is actively undermining me or taking credit for my work in front of others.

the way this organization thinks about learning is so, so flawed and so ineffective but my lead simply does not want to hear it and shuts down every effort i make to try to incorporate or introduce evidence-based methods into our work. everyone is really set on doing things the way they’ve always done them, largely i think because they have no real conception of how else things could look/feel/function or why that might be more effective. we’re supposed to be learning experts but the person right above me is so committed to managing our boss’s feelings that she never actually provides expertise.

i’m not gonna rehearse my litany of grievances against the person who manages my day to day work here but let’s just say i am at my breaking point!!!! it is so exhausting to be under the thumb of someone who needs total control over everything i do and who seems to be so insecure about their own role/expertise/whatever that they have to actively block me from taking on new projects or pursuing professional development opportunities or communicating with anyone else in the office or speaking in meetings. like literally i can’t speak in meetings because they will tell me to ‘let them handle it’ & won’t let me get a word in edgewise & then if i do speak they’ll interrupt or speak over me to clarify what i ‘really’ meant. also this person wronged me last week lol and i’m going to be a grownup about it but i am certainly not going to forget that it happened.

there are no signs of improvement on the horizon & no route to getting out from under from this person’s supervision. honestly this job would be Fine if this person would get out of my way and let me do my job. but they will not and the more i try to make this job useful/purposeful to myself the more they perceive me as a threat who must be neutralized, even if nothing i am doing is challenging their position at all. i think i have one nuclear option (lol) which is going to my contractor boss and saying that i’d like them to consider assigning me to a completely different office, like essentially creating the same position for me in a place where there currently isn’t an L&D team... and that could work because i think there’s need for that, but the person who currently supervises me would interpret this as a declaration of all-out war and if it didn’t pan out i would really fuck up my own working life there. so i am loath to try that unless things get a lot worse or until i have some other potential job prospects on the horizon.

here’s what’s “good” about the job: the money is stupid, there’s no commute, i can do the work with 95% of my brain tied behind my back, and my schedule is stupidly flexible.

people keep telling me that when i have a tiny shrieking infant living in my house i will wish i had a job that paid stupid money and required absolutely nothing from me. and i am sure that they are right in some ways! having an easy pointless well-compensated job would certainly relieve many financial and mental stressors! but also, as i’ve been thinking about the ways in which my life is likely to change, i also feel like... hmm. how to articulate this. my sense is that becoming a parent for the first time is a pretty intense crisis of the self moment, where the self you were and the life that self lived at least partially dissolve or are exploded or whatever and you find yourself in a new life structured by radically different routines and obligations and emotions. i know you can’t really prepare for that but maybe you can at least sort of start to mentally prepare the groundwork for: i’m not going to feel like my old self for a while, maybe for a very long time, and that’s going to be both exciting and profoundly destabilizing, in the way that huge life transformations or upheavals always are.

the problem is, i’ve already spent the past six months feeling disconnected from my sense of self, listless, unsure of my purpose, cognitively dulled, etc etc. i feel like i’ve tried to fill the void of meaning in my life with small, self-focused, kinda myopic activities that are “nice” and enjoyable but do not make me feel connected to any kind of purpose or meaning that transcends the self and its petty little concerns. i’ve obsessively focused on decorating my house. i’ve focused on food and cooking. i’ve focused on exercise and my weight and on buying a new wardrobe. like, don’t get me wrong, it’s really good for me to get enough exercise and learn how to cook good, nutritious food and create a home space that i love living in. but those activities, for me, are best when they’re kind of at the margins of my “real” life, a life of intellectual and interpersonal and professional purpose. it’s nice to cook a nice meal, but it’s much, much better (to me!) to spend the day absorbed in a big planning project or doing work with students and then come home and make a nice meal. i guess the simple way of putting it is: i’ve been nourishing my senses and that’s good, that’s important, but i gotta be nourishing my spirit too. i believe in the soul, you know? and i believe in the soul-expanding power of really meaningful work, really meaningful relationships. the power of a life that’s well & usefully & purposefully lived. and right now i just feel... idk. i feel cramped, listless, self-absorbed in my soul. and that feels so bad to me. that hurts me. it’s like this dull ache inside of me all the time that i try to soothe by buying more things or painting another wall or whatever.

and i guess like... i don’t want to bring new life into the world when i’m feeling like that. i don’t want to move directly from a period of feeling totally adrift and lost and disconnected from myself into a period of my life where i will maybe feel overwhelmed and terrified by new responsibility and adrift in a new way. i don’t want to have to do the work of rebuilding my sense of self twice over, you know? idk i’m not articulating this well i need to think about it a bit more i think. but i guess too like... i don’t want to raise a kid doing a job that kills my soul. i want to have a part of myself that feels like a writer or a thinker or a teacher, even if i am also a parent and have to find ways to integrate those different facets of myself. i want to be a parent very badly but i want to find a way to parent that feelis aligned with my values and ultimately, in the long run, makes me feel more like myself, even if that self undergoes many transformations in the process. IDK can’t untangle my own feelings here, not sure i am really managing to articulate what’s in my head/heart, but like.. i guess...

i don’t feel like me right now

i may be about to experience a crisis of the self (parenthood) that may make me feel very alien to myself in some ways

i would like to embark on that journey of self-dissolution / self re-formation from a place of feeling really solid in myself, rather than from a place of feeling extremely adrift, unmoored, at sea. i want to feel like there’s a solid place .. not to return to exactly, but to find again or find in another way on the other side of the sleeplessness and the terror of being responsible for a small person and so on.

i also just want my kid to see me as someone who loves their work. not “work” in the capitalist sense but work in the life’s work sense. i think it is so deeply human, maybe the most deeply human thing of all, to crave purpose and to seek out purposeful work that makes us feel more like ourselves and more connected to the people around us. maybe not everyone feels that way! but i do! that’s an important thing to me! and i think it’s worth starting to take some big life re-evaluation steps now to bring myself closer to that way of living.

#blah blah blah #personal #mw

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