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awetistic-things · 2 years

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I was talking to my friend online today and like. I got to thinking—and I also just realized another thing too but I'll get to that—that like.

My friend said my experiences are typical to me. I've always been the way I am. But I was thinking, if I have a neurodivergency, how much of "me" is "me" and how will I change if I ever get diagnosed? How will the way I view myself change?

And like. The thing I just realized is, I'm pretty sure I've got some sorta ADHD. My mom has it and one of my brothers has it, so there's some close family history of it. But I'm not stereotypically hyperactive. I'm AFAB and most of my "hyperactivity" is my mind will *not* slow tf down. I've literally had sleeping problems for years because of it. I'm twenty now, and I've had issues falling asleep for as long as I can possibly remember.

So that's one thing. Another thing is... I might be autistic? But the one thing holding me back from being "sure" is that I have little to no sensory issues and I'm not *always* uncertain about social situations. Am I awkward and prefer not to speak if I don't know what to say (which is almost all the time)? Yes. Do I sometimes struggle determining tone or other people's emotions? Yes. I feel like if i had more sensory issues then I might be "sure" I'm autistic, because I just constantly feel so out of place in social situations and I have no clue why.

(I'm adding this here after I've written everything else because, surprise surprise, I had Another Thought). How can I know if I'm masking, if i am neurodiverse? I interact the same way with my family that I do with strangers, except I'm more comfortable with my family. But with my friends, I can ask about their tone. I can ask if they were being sarcastic. I can ask millions (not literally) of follow up questions and it is so damn helpful. But I don't do that with my family and i feel.... "small" when I do that at work. So I try not to ask them a lot of questions and it really does not help at all because then I'm just left confused and anxious because I don't know what to do because I didn't ask for clarification from them because I didn't want to seem like a burden or like I couldn't think for myself or like i was, for lack of a better term, "stupid."

But also I've been shy my entire life. Super quiet. And I'm also *very* soft-spoken so that doesn't help at all. I have a total of like six or seven friends and they're literally all neurodivergent. I get along with them. I feel safe with them. They know me. I relate to them and they often relate to me too. Five of them have ADHD, two have autism for sure and another one suspect it, just like me.

And also like. How... can I know, like, what someone who doesn't have ADHD or autism experiences? Do I compare my experiences with those accounts?

Ugh. I'm tired and I have a headache. Sorry if this is rambling. I suspect I have ADHD and that... might help my paragraphs to be all funky and long, so, sorry about that.

Any advice is appreciated, but not necessary if you don't feel like giving any. This goes for any replies too, if you wanna share your thoughts, please feel free to because I am Very Very Confused.

Sorry for the super long post. Thank you for reading and thank you if you decide to give any advice. Like I said, it's not necessary.

okay i’m gonna break down my answers one at a time, but also here’s a link to a really helpful article on autism and adhd if you wanna check it out :) (child mind institute is my personal favorite)

now for the “how will my view of myself change after a diagnose” i’m not sure personally speaking because i’ve yet to be diagnosed. but once i decided to research autism, i initially felt like a fraud and thought i was desperate to be somebody other than myself. however, the more involved i got in the community, the more confident i became. so, i suggest looking up some reddit answers maybe on people who got diagnosed and their experiences. but also to do a lot of research, because that could definitely answer a lot of your questions (just searching up “autism” “adhd” or “comorbidity between adhd and autism”)

sensory issues are a big thing with autism, but comorbidity (how different disorders interact with eachother) can maybe explain some of that. then again, if you mask a lot (unintentionally) you can become unaware of a lot of autistic traits which could lead to a lot of your confusion

sleeping is a big problem for people with autism and/or adhd (pretty sure it’s an issue for neurodiverse people in general) here’s an article for autism and adhd about sleeping problems:

unintentional masking can lead to a lot of “oh i know social cues” or “i’m just an introvert” so doing a deep dive, comparing autistic traits and your own, can really help with that. also, some autistic people can become better at tone, social cues, etc. over time, especially if they don’t know they’re autistic

not knowing if you’re masking or not is definitely a neurodiverse experience. it’s really hard to figure it out, but becoming more involved in the community (i suggest adhd and autistic spaces) can help you see relatability with other people and have a lot of “oh! i thought that was just a me thing!” i understand what you mean about not wanting to come across as “stupid” (asking for clarification is never a “stupid” thing to do and it’s good that you do that), and becoming more confident in yourself and essentially knowing that you’re not “stupid” you just need some help, and that’s okay

asking neurotypicals what their experiences are like is not something i have ever tried, mainly because growing up all i heard and saw was the neurotypical experience. i personally think it’s more important to talk to your neurodiverse friends and seek out that reliability. i think figuring out if you’re neurodiverse is mainly “let’s evaluate how i’m “different”” rather than “let’s evaluate how i’m “normal””)

i appreciate all the questions and feel free to dm me if you want to talk more :) /gen

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #asd #autism spectrum disorder #autistic things #on the spectrum #autistic problems #autism problems #autism resources #autism masking #autistic masking #masking #adhd masking #adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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How did we get here?

Since my last post “Don't you know that you're toxic?”, I thought more and more about how I (and when I say I, I mean we as people) process things happening in and around our lives.

How did we get here?

In my 20's, I worked in the UK in offices with a lot of other folks. My work was very computer based, and I enjoyed figuring out the quickest and easiest way to get things done. I learned the old school ways, but I was eager to find a new process that helped speed up my work. I learned a lot of short cuts and eventually had a quick workflow. People were impressed.

Some colleagues would process everything manually just as their bosses had shown them, but I spent the time figuring how to get a quicker answer from a larger sample of data by refining my skills.

I realized it was the process that I was really interested in.

How could I do this more efficiently? How could I make sure I am getting the most out of this workflow? Is this even my responsibility? Can I change how I am doing this, to get better faster and get more accurate results?

Is this the best way to do this?

This is how I still live my life, except rarely is it in front of a database anymore, now it's more about how I reflect and develop myself. I still feel it is not the result that I care so much about, it's about how you get to that result.

Let's take the blog post I published about my ex partner.

I published that blog to process my thoughts and feelings. I felt things, realized I'd bottled it up too long and it was time to let it out. I felt that as I had written a few blogs recently which helped me process my feelings and thoughts on both happy and sad subjects and I was happy with the development within myself after posting, I would do it again. I wanted to express how I processed our relationship, break up and post break up mess. Easy.

So, what was really interesting to me was how other people processed my blog so differently.

Extremes at both ends!

There were also the ones who didn't respond; didn't say anything, why is that? Because they didn't care or have any thoughts about what I wrote? Because they didn't want to have a conversation with me that they thought might become awkward? Because they already saw negative comments and didn't want to give an opinion for or against?

I received private messages from folks who understood the purpose of the blog and how I still cared for my ex and mean her no harm. I had other people who (may or may not have read the blog completely) felt I was cruel and mean to publish such a thing and decided to publicly shame me.

Ironically, these messages and comments (good or bad) are just people's reaction after processing their thoughts and feelings as I had done while writing it.

In fact, while I write (even now) I refine how I write... It's a process within a process... Am I writing this document the best way I can? Is it complete? Should I clarify points further or delete parts that are useless information? Am I writing how I really feel or am I glossing over parts?

Funnily enough, I am surprised that none of the comments on the negative side affected me. I felt totally fine about someone called me a name or told me I was not a good person for posting something.

I realize I have learnt to process those negative responses in a way that doesn't actually affect me personally. That was an outcome which I did not expect, but I was really pleased about.

In therapy we did talk about how people have treated me at times. My doc helped me realize while it's not OK, I should remember anyone's opinion of me, is just that: it's their opinion.

I really enjoyed the fact that I didn't feel any issue about them taking issue to my writing. Having a different point of view is totally fine. In fact I encourage folks to contact me to give me feedback, although I do prefer constructive criticism over personal attacks. But either way, I'm fine with it.

I stopped drinking alcohol almost 6 years ago... What a process that was, but I got there.

I hit my rock bottom in early 2015 (not surprisingly during a drunk fight with the above mentioned ex) and to get out of a psychiatric hospital in a foreign country, I promised the doctor I would not drink again. Just so you know, I have never felt better after making that decision, but the processing of my feelings, anxiety and depression were far from over.

Even to this day I am learning new ways to cope, to evaluate and to process in my heart, mind and soul what is happening around me and, more importantly, within me.

Ask any of my old band members, they'll remember in mid 2017 when I was a couple of years sober, I was struggling on tour socially. At the time I couldn't handle tour life. You see, I used to drink to medicate myself to be the life of the party. Now, as I had to face the issue of social anxiety head on or stay in bed, I realized I had to open up to my band members and ask them for support and understanding while I process what was happening within me.

I was learning to process my insecurities. I learned that speaking up isn't such a bad thing. Being vulnerable isn't such a bad thing...

After all, I'm only human...

It took me many months to come to terms with another band whose band members weren't actually friends. I thought all bands members in all bands were friends. After all they share the cool vibes on stage... It's how I have experienced it all my life. But this was a working band. Eventually the only way I could go on was by thinking, “this is a job, and you don't always have to get along with your colleagues as friends.” I figured out a process that worked for me! I had to act on stage, and off stage, well, I did my own thing. It was tough at first, but I got there... After all, it is a process.

By the way, those band members weren't particularly mean, they just had their way and I had to learn it. No harm, no foul.

For 7 years, with the help of my therapist in Germany, I learned more and more ways to cope, to process and to learn. I'm forever grateful for that process we went through together. The workflow... The goals... The listening... The talking... It was an amazing experience...

Now that I don't have a doc, I'm finding new ways to cope with my issues (a new process to replace the old process...). That would be this blog... Just writing about my problems helps me process them and learn that really, I am doing well, I am handling things pretty well and my future isn't as gloomy as I once thought.

I have surrounded myself with some amazing friends and I have a great family too. Just like talking to my band members, opening up and talking about my problems and fears has really given my life a positive turn.

I always thought I should behave like a man... And a man shouldn't cry, shouldn't tell someone he loves them (other than his Mum and wife) and has a duty to be stoic and tough... I am not that kind of man... I am human... I make mistakes, I have feelings and I know now, to talk about it all, to share it, helps me process it.

Often, just pressing “publish” after writing gives me a wave of relief.

For months and months I've been holding in my feelings about my daughter, Mijita, who I blogged about a few weeks ago. I had many sleepless nights, crying in frustration that I let her go. I couldn't even look at a photo of her, without crying and feeling guilty. I felt pain. I was silly, and kept a lot of that in. I had to change how I was processing the loss of her in my life.

Then I wrote about her.

I hadn't told anyone (other than a few close friends) how important she is to me until that public display of love and devotion. And it was a like a 1000 kilos were taken off my shoulders...

Today I looked at a few photos of her, and I smiled. She is such a wonderful dog, and I miss her so, but now I'm starting to think back with happiness. We spent 4.5 years together, trained, swam, hiked and explored the world together. We grew together, she was my first. I am learning to be grateful for her in my life, not sad that she's no longer with me.

I've started to process the grief I felt.

Writing about Mijita has helped me so much with the trauma of saying goodbye to her... What a process... I'm so glad I figured out a way to find love again...

I will not look at my phone ever again just before going to sleep. Why? Because if I do get any message, from anyone, it sets the mood for my sleep. If I had just learned not to read those messages earlier, I'd have slept better on many many occasions.

The process is, don't look at your phone if you wanna sleep well tonight. I love learning...

Yes, I know it's a pretty simple thing to know—most of us know it—but my wife could easily read a message before bed and just roll over and sleep... Me, my brain thinks and thinks and doesn't let up. I'm going around in circles in my head, then I start thinking about other things, the past, the future... scenario after scenario... And I'm wide awake for another 2 hours... Sometimes crying... Sometimes wishing I could shut off... Damn you boy, just don't pick up the phone!

Speaking of my wife, she has ASD. Yes, that means she has what most of us know as Aspergers.

I'm always learning new processes to help our relationship. She is a unique person, and unlike most folks I know. I have learned to be as direct as possible. To be as open as possible. To make sure I am clear with any “suggestions”. I've learned to listen to her too, and to clarify anything that could be a “suggestion” or a direct request. I know she processes things differently to me, so I have to take steps towards her if I want to communicate with her.

We have a workflow, a process, a relationship. It's unique to us, and it works for us. It keeps us talking openly. It keeps us in love.

I know I have to keep an eye out for her in social situations so that she doesn't feel too overwhelmed and she knows full well how my anxiety can kick in (sometimes at the same time!). We help support each other's process... And gosh damn it, I love the fact that we process our processes together..

Sometimes I forget about my past. What I mean is, I forget that I lived in Germany or the UK, I have like a black spot in my memory. I may even forget some of my friends! I forget some of the wonderful experiences I have had in my 18 years there. The next minute, I'm sad and missing the hell out of Europe!! What's up with that?? I still haven't figured that one out... Any ideas?

Of course then I feel guilty that I even forgot such amazing people, places and experiences in my life!

I've had long discussions with Alex about ourselves and others, figuring out ways to process what is happening within us and around us. We suggest theories back and forwards at a rate of knots. I've also had long extensive discussions with close friends about “people”, and how and why they do the things they do... Or how and why I do things... ! I love it... The theoretical hypothesis... and sometimes conclusions... And sometimes more processing... Sometimes no solution...

Recently I've been working on my part of Alex's visa application to live in Australia. It's a real pain in the butt, but part of the process for me, was figuring out the workflow and best practices to systematically provide evidence of our genuine and continuous relationship. Here I am at a computer, once again, figuring out the best way to make sure nothing is left behind, the results are full and complete and that I am satisfied with the quality of my work.

I continuously question what I am doing... Is it the best way? Can I do better?

Refine the process... Strive for success... Develop Ideas... Evaluate solutions...

Don't we all do that??

If I'm not happy with how I feel, or how I'm feeling about something, I look at the way I've been dealing with it. I look at ways to change the process to gain a more comfortable feeling/result. Maybe I look at it from a different point of view. Maybe I question my reasons for feeling bad in the first place. Maybe I ask someone to be a sounding board for ideas how to cope better.

Often times, the solution, or change of process that I come up with, is not an easy one to execute, sometimes it confronts my belief system, sometimes it's really hard (like a break up) but the result is actually an easy life... Didn't someone once quote “hard choices, easy life... easy choices, hard life” ???

I hope my ex will reach out one day, to show me she has learned how to process breakups in a new and much improved way. I mean, that would be awesome, wouldn't it? I'd love to learn how she got to that point, what thought process she took. What feelings she had to get to the point she could contact me again.

I'd answer her call without malice, without agenda, without judgement. Only interest... Cause my first question would be:

“How did we get here?”.

That's right, no hard feelings. Not to my ex, not to those who wrote negative comments, not to anyone...

Honestly I've just tried to use this blog as a way to process my thoughts and feelings, to help you and me, by sharing what's on my mind and in my heart.

Thanks for reading and being part of the process,

Josh

#self healing #self help #awareness #personal growth #growth mindset #relationships #happiness

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rorvk · 5 years

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FFXIII Analysis: Lightning is ASD

In a game like FFXIII with a heavy focus on an emotional narrative, we are able to observe the cast in situations in a more psychological angle. In this thinkpiece, I would like to talk about how Lightning exhibits qualities in her life as a whole that heavily read as those of an autistic person, and reading her as such contextualizes her reactions and actions further. Spoiler-free.

Mental Machinations and Special Interest

Since childhood, Lightning as been characterized as someone who entirely relies on logical decision-making and strictly following the rules she sets to get through life to shy away from emotion, a trait commonly associated with autism. Ever since her father died when she was little, she decided herself to play the job of “second parent”, neglecting facing any pain she faced associated with bereavement, and also neglecting emotional support from Serah and her mother. She does this again when her mother dies, and specifically instructs her to emotionally rely on Serah––the directive of which is not a set “rule” but an opening of a step-by-step emotional path to healing, which Lightning has trouble comprehending.

Exhibited through childhood and adulthood, Lightning prefers to think “logically” in terms of tasks, her actual job, and mission-like objectives––just like when she was a child. For her mental machinations of rule-based thinking, Lightning joined the GC to accommodate this, a job in which the general task is to enforce the laws of Cocoon.

One can further interpret Lightning’s interest in the GC as her special interest (an intense hobby associated with autistic people). It’s obsessively intense to the point where she doesn’t have friends because of it, and in the novel she even admits her schedule would have permitted time for her to spend with Serah.

She also excels in her field as she is a raid commander at such a young age, and autistic people tend to excel in their special interest. Lightning also thinks in terms of battle, and applies it to her penchant for expressing said rule-based way of thinking towards others. She attempts to deal with Hope’s emotional struggle by treating it as a “battle strategy.” She also equates a reason to live with a “target”, and when angered with Serah describes her as “my job.”

Emotional Intelligence and Reading Social Cues

-Lightning has hardly been an emotionally intelligent person, which is one of the reasons her mother attempted to give her a pep-talk away from Serah on her deathbed. Lightning explicitly has trouble understanding this, and misinterprets her mother’s well-intentioned suggestion of allowing support from Serah as a criticism of Lightning’s external fortitude. Lightning decides to reinvent herself to cast off her childhood and “skip” the grieving process, but ends up developing unhealthy coping mechanisms and does not allow herself the headspace to emotionally grow––largely due to an emotional misinterpretation of her mother’s intent. Additionally, in the pickpocket sidequest in LR, Lightning says she misinterpreted the government’s welfare support as “pity” despite substantial welfare being given to literally every orphaned child on the planet.

Further examples of misunderstanding others’ intent in Lightning’s “different” theory of mind is her first encounter with Snow. She mistakes his genuine kindness as a threat, then struggles to understand why Serah even likes Snow. She also expresses insecurity over Snow outdoing her in aspects of life, but would rather “rationalize” a distaste for him (that she needs to defend Serah…..from a person who cares for her?) than deal with such emotions. She also assumes her birthday is ruined because of Snow and Serah, and not herself having a disruptive reaction rooted in emotional issues she had been shying away from.

Lightning’s lack of emotional intelligence and recognizing of social cues extends not just into the novels, but in the game itself. Ali Hillis in -> this interview states that Lightning struggles to understand the emotions of others because of her “different” mindset. It’s also notable that Ali Hillis is actually familiar with and explicitly supportive of people with autism (you can search her twitter). In the fireworks scene, Amodar, Lightning’s boss, extends friendliness to Lightning, contextualized more appropriately by the festive environment. Lightning struggles to pick up on this, and is even perplexed when Amodar suggests Lightning should take the night off for the festivities and be a regular person. A more watered-down version of this misunderstanding is the scene where Fang pulls up Vanille’s skirt to examine her brand. Sazh, Hope, and Snow turn around out of politeness while Lightning turns her head in confusion. It’s made explicit that Lightning has a deficiency in understanding social cues.

Another instance of consistent lack of emotional intelligence is that Lightning continually is emotionally unaware of how she affects the people around her. Pivotal points of her arc revolve around realization of things like her negative effects on Hope’s mind, understanding the specific reason why she poisoned her and Serah’s relationship, and understanding Snow’s genuinity. One of the most redemptive personality traits of Lightning is her sense of justice, and even if it takes longer for her to understand such pivotal moments, she immediately tries to reapply herself to address and work through the problem. The game makes it clear that Lightning cannot change who she is, but can change her application and make efforts to understand others. Lightning being autistic is not inherently a “negative” character trait, it’s a different mental machination that was unsupported because of trauma. It’s something she ultimately has to work around, reapply, and accept instead of “fix”.

Body Language

More minor observations of Lightning’s symptoms of ASD is her habits and body language. A notable example is Lightning’s habit of spacing out. In Chapter 3, Lightning zones out over a crystallized Serah, appearing to be blocking all else out of her attention span. She also does this mid-conversation with Hope in the Palumpolum tunnel system, then in the novel when she is getting dressed for work, to the point of unintentionally dropping her holster. A smaller instance, but Lightning also self-stimulates with the survival knife repetitively in the calm environment of the Estheim Residence. The most contextual explanation as to why she would do this is because…she is on the spectrum.

Applied to social situations, Lightning in any circumstance that isn’t endangering, will avoid eye contact for the majority of the conversation, whether happy, sad, or frustrated. Autistic people often struggle with making eye contact, and I believe this can be attributed to her condition.

Lightning additionally has self-isolating tendencies. Rather than deal with her emotions of anger and insecurity towards Snow after their first encounter, Lightning shuts herself in her room. She also picked a career with minimal social interaction outside of discussing rules, orders, and strategies.

Lightning also has had trouble with facial expressions since childhood (she remarks that in above), and in the novels it states “Lightning’s bad moods hardly ever showed in her face.” Struggles with facial expressiveness is a notable symptom of people with autism, which can be applied to this instance.

Concluding Thoughts

All of these attributes and more lead me to believe that Lightning is autistic, the state of which surprisingly contextualizes her actions further than they already were. This is not a criticism or inherent attack on who Lightning is as a person, rather, an observation on a state of mind that influences Lightning’s traits and habits. What’s fantastic is that no one ever tries to “cure” Lightning either, and in reading her as such I think she would be optimal to read as an autistic character.

#final fantasy xiii #lightning farron #ffxiii #ff #final fantasy #final fantasy 13

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patchworkelephantposts · 5 years

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Travel Destination Posts - December - Disneyland Paris

Unusually, I'm going to start this post categorically saying that this wasn't top of the my list of places to visit in the world, and if you've read my other posts you'll see this is a little out of character. So, why go and why Christmas?

Well, the answer to the first question is "kids" and the second bit is more to do with family politics and deciding years ago to vacation at Christmas to avoid the whole uncomfortable situation.... but that's a whole other story.

I'm sure I'm not far from the truth when I say that most adults visit any Disney resort because they have kids, especially Paris. Before ours, it wouldn't have been anywhere near somewhere we'd contemplate - after-all why go to Disneyland when you have the delights of Paris on the doorstep.

I’m sure you’ve probably sussed already that I’m not a fan of Disneyland Paris – I much preferred Disneyland in California mainly because it was a day accommodated into a wider, varied holiday. We had a stressful holiday full of problems, so this will be unlike any of my other reviews; instead of a guide of highlights and extolling the virtues of the place, this is more of a guide to what not to do and hopefully ensure people don’t make the same mistakes we did.

Anyway, you’ve decided to do a Disney theme park. It doesn’t matter whether that be Paris, Florida or California, the same main piece of advice is applicable to all – research, plan, research, plan, research and plan, and repeat x 100. You really do need to do a lot of research and planning to make sure you get the right holiday for you. Which one you choose is down to personal preference but one thing I will say is that there is a reason why most UK families choose Disney in Florida – the weather, the space and the fact that you can have a full holiday and take in other attractions such as Universal Studios as well. Similarly, with Disneyland California, it’s an easy to fit into a family holiday especially for older children or diverse age groups. You can do an awful lot more than just go to Disneyland. But maybe you prefer somewhere more local – you don’t like long haul, or you only have a short break in mind - then if you live in the UK, you’ve decided Disneyland Paris is your only option.

Aside from the “Research & Plan” advice on repeat, the first piece of advice I would give is to book with Disney direct. Now I know this goes against a lot of advice out there when booking holidays, but I do believe that NO-ONE will give you the service or the expertise that Disney themselves do. The issue I have is that so many of the “Disneyland Paris experts” out there are the sort of independent travel agents that are just two-man bands; and whilst they may have been 20 times themselves, they will have been on “their” holiday which will not necessarily be the holiday you want. Sadly, they only know their holiday so if your requirements are very different, that may not be fully appreciated, and they may well think they know best and advise or book accordingly. Now given their often very very limited travel experience, they will not know everything even about somewhere as small as the Disneyland Paris resort. I know there are exceptions to this and your local one maybe that exception but if you do decide to use them and not Disney, ask a lot of questions of when they have been, how they went and what they did and stayed. Just so you get a feel of what they have experienced and what they can offer. We booked with supposedly one of the best (message me direct and I’ll let you know who to avoid) and this advice comes from having an awful holiday because of their limited experience. Why did they fail? Well they failed abysmally mainly due to the complete lack of advice on what “extras” we needed to book, what we should expect regarding meals and what is the best way to “do” Disney. All advice that should have been available to us when booking and before we went; so I am hoping with this post, I can give some of the advice that we think would be useful.

The second piece of advice is to ask yourself, “Do we need to stay onsite at Disneyland Paris?” Would you actually prefer to stay in Paris and commute in? The reason for asking is that, in our opinion, there is better food and better hotels in Paris. If you’re Disney mad and want the full Disney experience, then stay onsite – there are some good deals to be had with fast passes for rides, breakfast or other bits included. However, we found both the main Disney hotel (at the entrance to the park) and Newport Bay hotel to be tired and dated. They need a revamp. We stayed at Newport Bay Hotel and we had a Compass Club family room. It was supposedly one of the best rooms aside from a suite but I can honestly sum it up as tired, dated, and above all else small – it just fitted 2 double beds in it. We’ve stayed at bigger family rooms in a Premier Inn. So bear this in mind. Also, the food in the hotels wasn’t great quality but exceptionally expensive. We ended up eating in the park or Disney village – better quality and less pricey.

Which brings us onto the third main piece of advice, and that is to think hard about meals and your plans for each day. Meal Plans are a good option because they do give you discounted meals, but you need to ensure the restaurants have menus you want to eat and that they are open when you want to eat. If you do go down this route, make sure you book the number of meals you want for the time you are there. Sounds obvious but you may be there on days where lunch isn’t available (its not available in the hotel buffet at lunchtimes, for instance) or even dinner (especially during the Christmas/New Year Holiday period). Also, look at your travel times – you may arrive after lunch on your first day or need to leave before lunch on your departure day. Don’t be caught out – instead of listening to experts, do your own research and ask the questions.

The final piece of advice, and probably one of the most important, is to look at when you are going. There is an urban myth that a lot of the “experts” like to put out around about the Christmas/New Year holiday period. They will tell you that the local French people who have annual passes are busy at home with their families from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day, making this the quietest time of the year to go. This is a LIE. I still recall the shocked laugh and look of disbelief from the Compass Club concierge when I told them what we had been told (enough for them to want to make a note of the so called “DLP experts” who had sold us this lie). As she calmly corrected, Christmas Eve to Boxing Day are some of their 3 busiest days of the year as is New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day. They had the stats to show me. When I say busy, I mean 45-minute queues minimum for any ride. Not great for adults; a complete torture for kids of any age. Their quiet time during the holiday period, if you do want to go at this time? 27th – 29th December, or whenever there is no general holiday for everyone as bank holidays do move depending on when Christmas falls. Similarly, for the rest of the year – if you want the best experience, go out of season or out of French school holidays.

This leads nicely back to “do you need to stay onsite?”. Quite obviously the majority of those in DLP are French, and they don’t stay onsite. Instead they commute in which is remarkably easy from Paris and the train stop is so close to the entrance to the park. It’s a 10-minute walk closer than any of the hotels unless you’re at the Disney hotel which is above the noisy entrance to the park. There is a supposed magic to staying onsite – you can arrange for character meet and greets at the hotels – but they are a 15-minute walk (with kids) through the Disney village to the park. Just bear this in mind when you are planning.

What else do you need to know?

1. Its quieter if you’re in the Park from 7pm onwards – especially the rides for smaller kids such as Dumbo or the Teacups. Not great for their bedtime routine but if you do find it busy, it’s worth the sacrifice.

2. Use the Disney staff for advice whilst you’re there too– they saved our holiday and understandably are the real experts.

3. Book your meals before you go, and research all your options. The restaurants do get booked up.

4. If you are travelling with a child with ASD, however minor, again talk to Disney. They understand ASD and the issues you may have and will have suggestions as to help. We wish we’d done this, but the lack of awareness we’d experienced at other tourist sites meant we didn’t think there would be measures in place. We were so wrong and wish we’d flagged it earlier rather than trying to manage the situation ourselves as we usually do. Thankfully Disney came to the rescue when we were struggling whilst we were there and for that we will always be eternally grateful (see pt 2)

5. Look into the experiences that you pay extra for and work out whether it’s something you’d want to do. They get booked up well in advance and its important you do your research depending on what you want.

6. Parades. For the 5pm parade, we found the best place was as you first walk into Market Street, by the Disney train. At that time, most people are in the main body of the park and so those bits of the parade route get easily clogged up. If you’re by the exit/entrance, there are less people there and you can get a front row spot easily just 15 minutes before it starts. Also, stand on a bend – they have to slow down for bends for you get a longer view.

7. Work our whether you need to stay up for the Fireworks. You’ll see better displays on the TV at NYE, and its mainly just a light projection of a mashup of Disney films with the songs – sung in French mainly. Decide if it’s worth a crotchety kid the next day for staying up so late.

8. We found the rides closed at 9pm – an hour before the fireworks at 10pm. It may have just been they did this during the winter but just something to be aware of.

9. If you want a meal in your Disney hotel on Christmas Eve dinner or Christmas Day lunch, be prepared to pay for it. There are no meal plans for these 2 meals and the price for a family of 2 adults and 1 child was 452Euros per meal. Disney will push this option but there are other restaurants open during this period that you can use if you’d prefer – the set meals at the hotels are not the only option.

10. Disneyland Paris site is quite small. Whilst you will spend a lot of time queuing, actually walking around the site won’t take you very long – we did a recce in about an hour with our 5-year-old. Take this into account when planning how long to spend there. We had 3 full days there (and we stayed onsite) and it was far too long. Two days would be enough and actually we’d have been happy having a day trip from Paris, although it would be a long day.

So I’ll end the advice as I started…..Plan, Plan, Plan, Plan, Plan, Plan. DO YOUR RESEARCH and be honest on what you want from the holiday. Go into detail - what rides you want to do, where you are going to eat; plan to take snacks with you and bottle of drink (one bottle of cordial and one bottle for water is a good idea as there are good water fountains to refil around the site); take varied clothing and layers for your time in the park especially if you’ll be there all day (and foldaway rainy gear if needed). It may all seem like an awfully lot of hard work but you will benefit and you’re less likely to feel like you’ve faced an endurance test.

#disneylandparis #advice #patchworkelephantposts #travelblog #traveladvice

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tonystarktogo · 7 years

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I have a headcanon that a lot of Tony's quirks come from being autistic. Sure, he can pass in public just fine, but when he gets home after a party with all the lights and people, he just crashes. He needs to be alone,he needs to drown out all the little sounds with one big sound, his music, he needs to focus, to use his hands, and even alcohol can be a coping mechanism, dulling the sensory input he receives. (1... follow up follows)

(2: ) So, sometimes, when he’s running low on energy, his asd shows a bit more, he’s more fidgety, worse at looking at people and either unisually monosyllabic or extremely hyperverbal, unable to keep in even the worst of his snark. He forgets to eat and sleep. I’d love to think that the others slowly get behind why these things happen and are completely unbothered by his quirks and his partner would completely have his back when Tony needs support.

This is a beautiful headcanon, thank you so much for sharing it!! [Warning: My knowledge on autism is limited. I did some research on scriptautistic as a resource (I can recommend all the script blogs, by the way), but that has hardly turned me into an all-knowing goddess (it’s more comparable with being upgraded from ‘utterly ignorant’ to ‘slightly less ignorant’), so please take everything with a healthy dose of scepticism. And if you have any concerns or I’ve messed up in any way, please shoot me a quick ask/message to let me know!]

Let’s start with the team first: It would probably take them a while to catch on. Not entirely through their or Tony’s fault, it’s mostly that Tony’s rarely around those first weeks after the other Avengers have moved into the tower. And even when he is, he usually manages to shut himself off into the workshop before he has a meltdown, which is hardly unusual behaviour as far as the team is concerned.

I think Thor might be the one who figures it out first? Maybe not that Tony is autistic, at least not right away, but he’s very loud usually. And for all that some gossip magazines like to paint him as the dumb foreigner/comic relief, he’s actually very attentive and notices when Tony reacts negatively to him. Maybe he flinches, maybe he avoids Thor when possible, whatever it is, Thor notices and it bothers him. So he pays more attention.

He eventually asks Bruce for help once he’s sufficiently confused by the mixed signals Tony is sending him (aka whether Tony dislikes him personally or it’s something else). Once Bruce actually pays attention and he starts pulling up relevant data and stuff, it’s really just a matter of time until he figures it out. And when that happens, well. A secret doesn’t stay a secret inside the Avengers’ home for very long…

Nobody on the team approaches Tony though. They all agree–well, Bruce agreed, and once he side-eyed everyone with sufficient greenery, no one was going to disagree–that he should come to them when he’s ready, etc. Still, Thor takes care to speak on a lower volume. And Natasha returns all the system settings, from the binds to the usual volume of the TV, that Clint messed around with at one point back to their former settings. Oh, and nobody protests anymore or tries to stop Tony from suddenly fleeing the room.

In the end, they never find out whether Tony would have told them on his own, because life happens and he suffers a complete meltdown in front of the team only two weeks later.

Natasha is the first to realise what’s happening and is pulling Steve back even as Tony throws himself behind the couch, pure terror written across his face. “Back off!” she snaps, low and all the more serious for it. “Give him space!”

It’s the kind of battle voice they’re all used to obeying, even before understanding dawns in Bruce’s eyes as well. “JARVIS!” he calls out softly. “Shutdown mode, please.”

The AI doesn’t answer, but the TV and radio in the kitchen are immediately turned off and the lights are dimmed. Even the running dishwasher stops and within moments the entire room is dark and quiet.

Minutes pass like this, before finally Tony crawls out from his hiding place again.

“Are you feeling better?” Clint asks, not moving from where he sits cross-legged on the floor, waiting patiently.

Eventually, it earns him a quick nod and a quiet “Sorry about that.” There’s an odd mixture of shame and embarrassment in Tony’s expression. Both of which are emotions the team isn’t used to seeing on him–and it bothers them all the more that they see it under these circumstances.

“You don’t have anything to apologise for,” Clint states firmly, leaving no room for argument.

(Not that Tony truly believes them that first time. But at least they can finally talk about what they can do to make things easier, what to avoid etc. It’s a surprisingly fruitful discussion, never mind the confused and suspicious glances Tony keeps shooting them.)

(A couple of things are still trial and error for the team. It takes them some time to figure Tony’s non-verbal signs out, to be able to tell when he needs a hug and when any touch might overwhelm him. And even when they do everything right, shutdowns and meltdowns are still a part of it, and though they aren’t that common for Tony, they get never any easier to watch.)

(Tony meanwhile is blown away by how much the others try to take his limits into account and are they actually respecting his boundaries?

It’s weird. It’s great.)

Now to the partner: I couldn’t decide for the longest time who Tony’s partner would be in this ‘verse (really, go with whomever you prefer) but I eventually decided on Clint. Clint, who is absolutely perfect–as far as Tony is concerned at least–and who is absolutely sickening in love–as far as Natasha is concerned.

They’ve been friends for a long time before they finally start dating, so in some regards at least, not a lot of change is required. The entire team has learned (and later been told by Tony) that he sometimes struggles to interpret their mood and body-language. So they have a system where, when Tony asks Clint about their day, he tells him directly how he feels. (Which is probably the first time Clint’s bluntness comes into handy relationship-wise.)

(Also, while Clint has free access towards Tony’s penthouse and sleeps there more often than in his own bed, the workshop remains off-limits except for short exceptions. That’s Tony’s room alone, where he gets to hide from any and everything, and it remains that way.)

(By the way, there’s absolutely no denying it, not that Clint ever would: he loves being with Tony. Whether it’s sex or cuddling or a massage, it doesn’t matter. Tony’s just so damn sensitive to even the slightest touch and Clint loves it.)

All in all their relationship isn’t perfect, of course it isn’t, but they’re doing pretty damn well–and will kick the ass of whatever unfortunate person says otherwise. Together. Because they’re awesome like that.

(The slap you just heard in the background was Natasha hitting Clint upside the head, but you already knew that, didn’t you?)

#ReRe answers #autistic Tony #autism #supportive Avengers #Avengers as a team #headcanon #meltdowns #friendship #romance #IronHawk #though you are free to imagine another pairing instead #ClintTony #Clint x Tony #Thor is not stupid #protective Natasha #supportive Clint #ReRe writes

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