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ateezwriters · 5 years

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Part 1: Just Another Day in Crackhead Paradise (ateez beachy au)

Genre: Crack, humor, fluff, a lil spicy spice, mostly crack

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: just cussing and a lil spice (not much at all really)

Also the reader is gender neutral :)

Brought to you by Admin Venus and Admin Mars (yes the same admins from the main blog, we’re all keeping the same admin names) with some help from Admin Sun :) hope you enjoy or at least laugh a lil

-ok so

-your friend Yerin invites you to a weekend with some of her friends at a beach house

-can you guess who those friends are?

-wow y/n you're so smart

-it’s ateez

-so basically

-you and Yerin arrive at the beach house (more like mansion) in the morning and you’re more nervous than you’d like to admit

- “so how many people are going to be here?” you ask for the hundredth time while staring at the beach house (mansion) in amazement

- “um, about fifteen including you and i” Yerin answers with a bright smile, hooking her arm through yours to drag you up to the front door

-she rings the doorbell impatiently, bouncing slightly as the two of you notice a figure moving toward the door

-a tall guy with blonde hair opens the door, giving Yerin a warm smile before pulling her into a hug and exchanging pleasantries

-Yerin gestures to you and you bring yourself back to the conversation in time to introduce yourself politely, shaking his outstretched hand

-you learn his name is Yunho and you’re hoping that if you repeat his name enough in your head, then you’ll be able to memorize it before you meet the next person

-unfortunately, that’s not how it goes and you end up meeting the entire group at the same time because they were all gathered in the living room waiting for everyone to arrive to choose rooms

-and you two just so happened to be the last to arrive, perfect luck

-Yerin introduces you to everyone in a long line of faces and names that you don’t quite catch, though you recognize a few

-but when you reach the end you lock eyes with a smiling boy with dark hair

-your heart beats a little faster in your chest and you force yourself to smile so you don’t seem weird or impolite

-he introduces himself as Wooyoung and you make a mental note to prioritize his name in your memory

-so after meeting the guys, gals, and non-binary pals

-Yunho offers the idea to spend the day at the beach behind the house

-for the next couple of hours, everyone is having a grand-ol’ time

-you’re still kind of shy since you’ve only just met most of these people so you opt to observe more than take part in the crackheadery that these individuals are partaking in

-the girl in the yellow bathing suit (you think her name is Anna) jogs up to you and asks if you can take a group pic for her

-you, being the nice person you are, smile sweetly and take the camera from her, watching quietly as everyone squeezes together to fit in the frame

-anna jumps on her boyfriend Jongho’s back and throws up a peace sign while everyone else poses and smiles as you begin to take a variety of different pictures of them in different poses

-this wasn’t the first time you felt slightly left out, unfortunately

-when everyone starts to play chicken, partnering up quickly and teasing one another, you watched enviously, wishing for a second that you hadn’t accepted Yerin’s invitation

-speaking of Yerin, your disappointment doesn’t last for long as you watch your friend climb on the shoulders of the boy she’s been talking about lately, you’re pretty sure his name is Yeosang

-they’re up against Anna and Jongho and unfortunately, you know your friend is about to take a swim in the ocean because those two are no match for the younger couple

-you haven't known the other couple for long, but you can tell these two are unbeatable

-your prediction comes true as you watch Anna give Yerin a strong shove, successfully pushing her off the boy’s shoulders, sending them both falling into the water

-your eyebrows raise at the sight of the victorious couple, vowing not to mess with either of them (because that was quite the yeet if you do say so yourself)

-your amusement luckily continues into the next activity as a handful of people from the group decides to start a game of tag on the beach

-at first you were impressed at how serious everyone was taking the game and how fast they were managing to run on sand, like that’s a hard thing to do my guy

-but you are also incredibly scared that someone was going to eat shit and you might witness a hospital visit today, so you are covering your eyes every time you think it is going to happen

-and then it does, but not quite in a way you are expecting

-Yeosang reaches out to tag Yerin, but as he’s reaching his hand out to tap her, he manages to trip on the sand and fall forward, catching the back of her bikini top in the process

-your eyes widen as you watch the incident unfold

-as Yerin trips and falls onto the sand with her hands expertly holding her top to her body for dear life, Yeosang lands on top of her

-all while this is unfolding Jongho, manages to sneak away and grab the camera to record the fall for his and Anna’s youtube channel

-everyone is silent for a couple of seconds as they try to process what just happened

-then, laughter and wheezes fill the air as Yeosang scrambles off of Yerin while she tries to retie her top with one hand

-after that whole ordeal, everyone agrees that they should take a break and settle down into the sand

-a little while later, Anna again asks you again to take their pictures, but reassures you that if you’d rather relax, that's fine too

-and once again, being the sweet soul you are, you accept and begin taking pictures of yerin, anna, and another girl named sun-hee

-the three girls pose seductively as you snap each flattering angle, making sure they look good for Anna’s instagram

-the small voice in the back of your head keeps nagging

- “why are you hanging out with these people? Your looks literally cannot compare like at all. They’re all so gorgeous and you’re just...you”

-little do you know, a boy by the name of jung wooyoung has been noticing your small facial expressions and downcast looks

-after a day at the beach with your new friends, everyone heads back to shower and regroup for nightly festivities

-since everyone is tired from a day of running around doing stupid shit and having fun, it was a collective idea to relax and eat good food (with a little side of booze)

-there were 8 bedrooms in the house

-so there were two people per room (except for Yunho. He was rooming alone cuz his girlfriend couldn't make it to the mini vacay rip)

-you were chilling in the living room waiting for yerin to finish showering

-while you were waiting

-Yeosang knocks on the door to the room, asking for a towel

-no answer

-he opens the door slowly and is faced with Yerin’s ass on full display as she bends down to pick up her shirt

-aksjdldllajdjf he’s so embarrassed and blushy and splutters out some incoherent words as Yerin turns around

- “don't act like you haven't been staring at my ass the entire day. You're not slick boi I see you”

-Yeosang doesn’t know what to say as Yerin approaches him

- “and what if I say that’s not true”

-Yerin narrows her eyes at him, a small smirk forming. “Then we’d both know you’re lying and you’d be missing out on an opportunity.”

- “an opportunity?”

- “so if I kissed you right now, would you say no?”

- “no” he replies almost instantly, his cheeks reddening at the lightning-fast answer

-the way her smirk widens at his answer makes something in him lose control and he grabs her waist, pulling her to his body

-the feeling of her skin against his only serves to heighten the mood, sending his common sense spiraling down the drain as his lips move against Yerin’s fervently

-trails of fire run across his skin where her fingers brush and her lips touch, sending a chill down his spine

-he hums against her lips as she pulls his hair, sucking on his tongue

-he pulls away after a few more moments, attaching his lips to her neck and leaves light kisses down the side until he reaches the base of her throat, stopping to suck a dark hickey into the skin

-he repeats this action a few more times along her neck before she pulls him away to leave her own set of hickies along his skin

-while this is happening, you make your way upstairs to the room, assuming that Yerin is done bc she hasn't come down in a while

- “hey Yerin are you do-”

-your voice gets cut off as your eyes take in yeosang sucking Yerins face off

- “kdjfglsdhdljalka im so sorry I’ll leave omo-”

-you dash out and end up knocking on Anna’s and Jongho’s door to use their shower instead lol

-once everyone has finished showering and freshening up, you all gather into the living room

-San and Hyejin and Anna and Jongho are coupled up on the love seats and the other seats are occupied… except for the one right next to Wooyoung

-you make your way to sit next to the boi, not seeing how he blushes and scoots a lil bit to make more room for you

- “long day?” he asks you as you lean into the back of the couch, its large cushions almost swallow you

- “yeah, im not used to hanging out with so many people”

-you internally cringe at how much of a loner you sound

- “me neither. Its usually just me and the guys but since Jongho and Anna and Hyejin and San are dating, it makes sense for us to all hang out together” Wooyoung says smiling

-your heart beats a lil bit faster at his attempt to make you feel better uwu so cute

- “so what do you guys wanna do?” Sun-hee asks the group, sitting on the arm rest near Hongjoong

- “maybe we can have a night in? Like relax, eat, drink, enjoy the sunset? y/n seems kinda tired so we should have a chill night”

-you blush at the sound of Wooyoung taking your tired state into consideration

-everyone seems to be kind of worn out so they all agree

- in the next couple of minutes, pairs are designated for each role: buying booze, cleaning up the deck, buying snacks, buying and setting up stuff for a bonfire, making a playlist, cleaning the living room and doing laundry, and setting up the bar

-just as Yerin is about to ask you to stay at the house to clean up, she sees Wooyoung standing behind you, making a neck slicing motion toward her, unbeknownst to you

- “i wanna partner with her1!11!” he mouths to Yerin

-she secretly puts her hands up to surrender while you look away, talking to Joonhee

- “actually, i might pair up with Yeosang. Why don’t you and Wooyoung go... get snacks or something”

-you turn back to Yerin, eyes wide

- “are you up for it?” Wooyoung comes to stand next to you

-you nod, scared your voice would betray you, not being able to function with him standing so close to you

- “alright people, let’s meet back here in 2 hours. Don't do stupid stuff or get arrested. Jongho, don’t let Anna let weird people into the house- don't give me that look young lady. No one knows what you may do. You literally strike conversations with strangers” Seonghwa gives the youngest a stern look

-and with that, the second part of the day is underway

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mx-writer · 5 years

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Thor Odinson x Reader

WARNING(S): adult content: cussing, slightly sexual content

You Should Know: I'm pretty positive this is far from accurate, but for how I want to write it, we'll just have to pretend. ;) Also, reader is gender neutral and pudgy or chubby in some form.

Prompt(s): The photo is on Wattpad. It was a silly Tumblr post that I absolutely love.

If these themes and ideas make you uncomfortable in anyway, you really do not have to read.

Thank you!

When Thor had first travelled to Earth, he had no idea what to expect. He never much cared for Earth growing up, but from what Loki had told him, his interest grew with his age. Now, as a fully-fledged adult, he decided to finally visit.

He felt lost on the mortal plain. He was never sure of where to go or what to do... but then there were the humans. The humans. They were all so, so very different from Asgardians. And the most apparent to Thor: body shapes.

He didn't know what it was, but he was very much attracted to... what was he attracted to?

Asgardians were so much slimmer, so very muscular... there were humans like that, but then there were the heavier ones, the "fat" ones. He viewed those people as more fluffy, or soft, or full, rather than "fat". It was strangely alluring. He even would admit unbashfully that he found those people beautiful.

Now, though, through all his years of experience on Earth, he had never met someone as gorgeous as you.

You had knocked him off his feet, and he has been in a haze ever since. He would go nearly braindead when near you. It was so obvious to everyone how much he adored you. First, he was enamored with your appearance - your soft, plump figure, the way you walk, how your chest and shoulders shake when you laugh, your soft eyes, your voice. Oh, he was so infatuated. The longer you stuck around, the more he got to know you, and he became smitten. This poor man was putty in your hands.

To even get into the Advengers tower, you had to make some friends. It had been your dream since you were young to at least set foot in the building. Luckily for you, those friends found you, rather than the other way around.

* * *

You had been in the library in downtown Brooklyn, and someone ran into your side, slamming you onto the floor. For a moment, you were stunned, frozen in shock. Slowly, you snapped back to reality as a hand gripped your shoulder.

You looked up to see a strong, good-looking man. And not just any man, but Captain America himself. You stared at him, wide-eyed. He was talking to you, but you couldn't comprehend what it was he was saying. Your head felt like it was filled with cotton.

You had watched as he grew even more concerned, turning to a man behind him. You recognized him too: Barnes, the Winter Soldier. Now they were both crouching down low to try and speak to you, to see if you're okay.

Finally, your brain kicks back on, and you blurt, "I'm sorry."

Rogers cracks a smile, "For what? I'm the one that ran you over."

You blink before huffing out a short, airy laugh, "Right."

"I'm sorry, we should've been more careful." He glanced over at Barnes, sending him a glare. Barnes looked back at him with an overly innocent look. This made a smile start to grow on your face.

"It's alright. Not like it's the first time I've fallen on my ass." That gets a chuckle out of Barnes. You move to stand, but then you feel a burning sensation in your hips and butt. You huff.

"Here, let me help you up." Rogers stands, offering his hand.

You nod, reaching for it, "Thanks, Captain." He pulls you up so harshly, which makes you yelp.

He grabs for your shoulders so you don't fall over again. You laugh, "Damn, you're really strong."

He takes a couple steps back, rubbing at his neck, "Yeah, sorry about that."

You shake your head, "Nah, it's alright." He brush yourself off, turning to look back at the shelf you were digging through a few moments ago.

"I'd like to formally apologize for Stevie's clumsiness," Barnes speaks up, clapping Rogers's back pretty hard. You turn your attention back to them, noticing a deadpanned expression on Rogers's face, "Let me buy you a coffee or something."

You stared at the two for a moment, "Yeah?" You shrug, "That'd be great."

Barnes smiles at you, holding his hand out to you, "I'm Bucky, and this is Steve." He nods his head to the man beside him.

You shake his hand, "Nice to meet you guys. I'm __________." You shake Steve's hand, too, "To be completely honest, I'm a big fan of yours. There's no way I'm passing up the opportunity to grab some grub with a couple of heroes."

Buckly chuckles, looking to Steve, "Well isn't that somethin'?"

Steve rolls his eyes before turning towards the door, "Anywhere in particular you like?"

You grin, heading for the door, "Yep! It's not far from here. Follow me, boys."

They let you lead the way as you walk nearly two blocks to a cute little cafe that you frequented. You held out your arm, presenting the building to the two men, "Kaffe Och Te!*"

Steve tilts his head up at the sign above the door. The place looked pretty new. Through the large windows, he could see that everything was tastefully decorated and accented with blue and yellow. It was really inviting.

Once you guys were in and settled at a table, they were both pretty amazed by the Swedish theme, the waiters even wearing traditional folk dresses or trousers. Once the three of you got to talking, you really hit it off.

* * *

You plopped down at your in your desk chair, flipping through some folders and neatening up the papers inside. Ms. Potts was a great boss, but she could get pretty overbearing sometimes. You were grateful for the little bit of work you had today. She was always a bit looser and lenient with work after an Advengers mission. You usually did grunt work, but it was never all that boring.

A knock comes from the door, and Steve walks in. You smile at him, noticing that he brought you bag of chips and a bottle of water. Thank God you had the captain on your side.

"Thank you so much, Steve." You sigh, taking the snack and drink.

He smiled, "Anytime."

You look up at him, glancing him over, "You healing up nicely?"

He nodded, "Yeah, but the stitches in my shoulder really itch."

You stand, moving his sleeve up a bit to look at the wrappings, "Make sure to keep it clean and always put the ointment on it."

He pats your shoulder, "I always do. You know that."

You laughed, moving to put things away it drawers and in neat stacks, "Where is everyone?"

"For the most part, in the common room. Tony's still in the lab."

"Still?" You groan, "It's nearly been three days!"

He sighed, "I've been trying to drag him out of there. Pepper, too. But you can try if you want."

You hum, brows furrowed, "FRIDAY, get Tony out of his lab, pronto."

"Of course, (Ms./Mr./Mx.) __________." she responds.

You sigh, looking down at yourself. You liked to look professional here, even though both Tony and Pepper have told you that you don't need to. Now, after these long, hard past few weeks, you're starting to regret not wearing something more comfortable.

"I should start bringing some casual wear, shouldn't I?" You hummed, looking back up to Steve.

He chuckles, "Everyone keeps tellin' you that."

You head for the door, opening it for him, "I might as well bring my whole wardrobe here."

He steps out of the office, shrugging, "You might as well live here." That made you stop in your tracks, "I mean, you practically already do, with how much time you spend here. Hell, you've slept here so many times."

You're tense, "I - " you try to think of what to say, "I couldn't do that. Yeah, sure, I'm here a lot, but there really isn't any point to living here. I-I just work here, I'm nothing as important as you guys, and I - " you huff, stammering.

He looks to you, confused, "You're one of the very few that work here that isn't an Advenger. And you're really important. Your job may not be the most significant and earth-shattering thing, but you, yourself, are important to us as a team, as your friends."

You sigh, "I couldn't ask that of Tony. It's his tower, it's his business. He and Pepper are the big bosses around here. I couldn't just ask to move in, no matter how gigantic this place is."

He frowns, "If you insist."

You hurt to the elevator, Steve not far behind.

Once you're down in the lounge, you smile and wave to everyone. Some didn't notice you, like Thor and Bruce, who were talking amongst themselves. Clint waved to you before joining them. They seemed to be having a good time, laughing with each other.

You plop down next to Bucky, "Hey, man."

"Hey, __________!" He throws his arm around your shoulders, glancing behind you for a moment, "How was work?"

You smiled, shrugging, "Pepper didn't give me much to do today, so I mainly just fiddled around for a bit after filing some stuff away for her."

"You should've come down here, if you were so bored."

You shrugged again, "I don't know. It was actually kinda nice to laze about for a few hours." You looked down at your lap, "Though, I do wish I would just start bringing some comfy clothes around."

"You wanna borrow some?"

You blinked at him, "Borrow some clothes? From you?"

He shrugged, "Yeah, I don't see why not."

You frowned at him. You whispered to him, not wanting to embarrass yourself, "I doubt anything you've got will fit me."

He rolled his eyes, whispering back, "You can at least try. I have some really comfy, baggy stuff you can try on."

You sighed, giving in, "Alright. But just this once. I'm bringing my own tomorrow."

He nodded, pulling you up, off the couch with him, "Alrighty!"

He marched you to his level, tossing you some sweats and a tee. He let you have his room to yourself to get changed. To your surprise, they fit you okay. The pants cling a bit more to your thighs than you would like, but they were really comfy. You grab your clothes that you have folded into a pile to carry them around better, stepping back out of the room, barefoot.

"See? They fit fine!"

You nod, "Yeah, thanks, Buck. These are so much more comfortable."

When the two of you got back to the lounge and you took a seat, you felt like you were going to melt into the sofa. So much better.

After a little while of talking to Steve, Bucky, and Natasha, a grumpy, sluggish Tony waltzed into the room.

"FRIDAY locked me out of the lab, and I know it was one of you who did it." he accused, pointing around the room.

Bruce walked over, handing him a steaming mug, "Either you sit down or we carry you up and lock you in your room until you get some sleep."

Tony groans, sipping from his cup, just accepting it and sitting down in a chair.

Bruce sits next to me, leaning over to whisper, "Finally got sick of it?"

"Yup." You nudged him, "Decaf?"

"You betcha."

You gave him a big, warm smile, "It's like we're all raising a child. He cannot, for the life of him, take care of himself."

He chuckled, "Yeah, but a lot of us are guilty of that, too."

You nodded, tilting your head, "Not as bad as him, though. I swear, if we all up and left for a week, he'd probably have died of exhaustion or overdosing on coffee."

He didn't say anything, but you know he agrees.

You yawn, standing from the seat. You'd been there with everyone for much longer than you intended, "I really should get home."

Tony stands with you. He's been half asleep for the past couple hours, and you're hoping he's finally heading to bed.

"Alrighty, (his stupid nickname for you)." He nudged your arm with his elbow, "Come back soon, ya hear?"

"Pfft," you laugh lightly, "it's not like I work here or anything."

He grinned, walking past you - and smacking your ass on the way.

You yelp, and go to say something, but end up not doing so. The result was a loud smack that rang through the room. Steve and Bucky were silent, sitting on the couch next to you. Bruce and Nat glanced over at each other.

Red-faced, you grab your things, "I... I'm gonna head out. It was really fun hanging out with you guys."

Someone abruptly stands, their chair sliding back and slamming against the wall. You jump, turning to see it was Thor.

"Allow me to walk you out." He smiled at you. It was his usual, friendly smile, but there seemed to be some tenseness to it. You brushed it off as your imagination.

You smile back to him, "Okay!" You wave to the others, following Thor to the main elevator, "See you guys tomorrow!"

You yawn as the elevator doors close. You turn to the man standing next to you only to see his eyes burning holes through your own. He quickly turned, his face reddening.

You tilt your head at him, "You alright over there?"

He nodded, "Yes, of course."

You lean against the glass of the elevator, "You sure? You're a bit off. You have been all night." You cross your arms over your chest.

"__________, I'm alright. I'm just..." he trailed, "tired. As you are."

You smiled, "Okay. Now, if you ever are not okay, don't feel ashamed or anything to say anything to me. I've had plenty bad days, myself."

He looks back to you, glancing you over. His stare was growing more intense and his jaw noticeably clenched.

"Thor?" You stepped towards him, concerned.

He took a deep breath before harshly shoving you back up against the glass.

You gasp, eyes bugging. You couldn't breathe, let alone speak.

"I would never be so forward, but you are driving me insane." He huffs out, eyes glancing back and forth between your own.

"Y-Yeah?" Was all you could manage. You didn't know what to say. Your mind was so overloaded at this moment.

"Yes. Very much so." He continued to stand there, staring intensely at you, hands on either side of your head.

A few minutes pass.

Then another few...

Then the elevator dings. But you both just continue to stand there and stare at one another.

And the elevator doors close. And now you're just standing there even longer.

You decide to finally say something, "Thor?"

That seems to snap him out of whatever world he disappeared to. He slowly backs away from you. The motion makes the doors reopen.

He nods to you, "Have a good evening, __________."

You stay a moment longer, blinks up at him.

"Yeah... yeah, you too." And you leave.

The next day, you're wearing much more comfortable clothes, and they are your own. You return Bucky's, and set to work. Afterwards, you find yourself in the common room again, speaking and joking along with everyone else. However, something is off. Very off.

You look around, though you aren't sure about what you're searching for. Suddenly, it clicks: Thor isn't there. He's always there. He's loud and boisterous and lovely - but he isn't there. You can't help but feel that it was because of yesterday.

You sigh.

Steve picks up on that easily, noticing how distracted and uncomfortable you appear to be. He nudges you, "Did you sleep alright?"

You nod, leaning into his side, "Yeah."

He paused, "Something happen with Pepper?"

You shake your head, "Nope."

His brows furrow, "__________, are you alright?"

Bruce joins the two of you, sitting on the other side of you.

"Where's Thor?" You ask.

This really grabs both of the men's attention. Bruce smiles softly, glancing over at Steve.

"I'm not sure. Maybe he's training or in Asgard." Steve shrugs.

Your lips pinch into a flat line, "He's always in here with us, though."

Bruce leans forward, elbows on knees, "Yeah, he normally is. And he always tells us before he returns to Asgard. It's really out-of-character for him to just go missing."

You groan, mumbling, "It's probably because of last night."

"What?" Steve was obviously confused, "What happened last night?"

You fidget around in your seat, growing a bit embarrassed, "Well, you know how he walked me out last night?"

They both glance at each other before nodding.

"Well, he was acting really weird," you pause, "and he sorta pinned me to the wall? And said that I was driving him insane?"

Bruce's voice grew a bit excited, strangely, "Yeah? Did he say anything else?"

You shake your head, sighing, "We just stood there and stared until he let me go and I went home."

Bruce's smile dropped and he grunted. Under his breath, you could hear a faint "Coward."

"I mean, what was that about? What did he even mean?" You rubbed at your neck, "He's never acted like that or said anything like that before. It was actually kinda scary... And hot."

Steve choked, "What?"

You hadn't even realized what you said until now. Your face immediately heated up. Bruce and Steve both just laughed at you.

"Don't laugh! I didn't mean to say that out loud!"

"So you think Thor is hot, huh?" And now Tony was in on the conversation.

You snapped your glare to him, "Goddammit, Tony!"

"(She/He/They) aren't denying it, guys." He then cocked his head, "Hey, FRIDAY, looks like something is finally going down here."

She doesn't respond, but you're growing angry and embarrassed, "Tony! Just - just - shut up." You huff, standing. Then you remind yourself: You're an adult, __________. Grow up. Grow a pair. You're a fucking adult.

You turn and smile at the three of them, "Yeah. I'm attracted to him. He's an attractive guy. I mean, you all are too. Everyone on the team is hot."

"As much as I want to accept your compliment, __________, we're focused on Point Break here."

You roll your eyes, "I'm an adult. I can like other adults. I just so happen to find this one particular adult hot. Sue me."

Tony only smirks at you.

"Ha, ha. I get it. You'd bury me." You feel lighter, and you give him a big smile.

"Speak of the devil." Tony pointed out the window, at the balcony. Thor was standing there, leaning on the railing. He looked impatient.

You hummed, heading in his direction, "I'm gonna go see what's up with him. I'll be back soon."

You step out onto the balcony, the sounds of your footsteps and the door opening caused him to quickly turn towards you. His cheeks darken.

"Ah, __________. It's... nice to see you."

"Hey." You walk over to him, leaning on the railing with him. The height made you a bit nervous, but you tried to stay focused on Thor.

"What are you doing out here? I was told to meet Tony here."

"Yeah?" You turn to look through the glass at said man, "I think he was just luring you out from your hiding place."

He remained silent.

"I had just realized something," you start, "You were acting really weird last night. I don't want to get my hopes up as to why - I just want to hear you say what you meant by all of that."

He hummed, rubbing at his neck, "I am a child when it comes to these things. It's hard to act like an adult when you're so..."

You waited for him to finish, and it took him a minute.

"... taken with someone."

"Yeah?"

He nods, "Yes."

"Last night, you had said that I was driving you insane." You tilt your head at him, "Define insane."

He grunted, turning away from you.

You huffed, smiling at his back, "Now that I think about it, you're quite obvious. And I was extremely oblivious." You laugh.

A few moments pass.

And then another few...

And you're back in that elevator again.

"Now you're the one driving me insane."

This at least gets him to chuckle and turn back to you.

You wait for him to speak.

"I'm sorry." He steps forward, "You've really caught my eye. And I can't seem to shake that."

You shake your head, offering him a smile, "It's not like I'm complaining."

His eyes seem to light up. He takes another step, "I've never known someone quite like you. It's strange, really."

"How so?"

He reaches his hand out, petting your cheek with his thumb, "It's unexplainable. You're just different. And I can't not think of you."

You smile, leaning into his hand and holding it to your face before he pulls it back, "You're a good man, Thor. And I've always admired you. But you've always been somewhat distant."

He smiles, "Yes, that was the foolish side of me. Now, however, I don't intend to miss my chance yet again."

You were nervous, but refused to back out of the situation, "So, to make sure we're on the same page, you've been eye-fucking me this whole time?"

He immediately tensed, eyes bugging out. You gripped onto his arms to keep yourself from falling - you were laughing too hard.

He was frozen in place, face beat-red.

"O-Oh my God, I'm - " you try to calm yourself, "I'm sorry, but - " you're shaking, "Fuck, you should've seen your face - !"

Soon enough, he joined you, and it took quite a while for either of you to settle down.

You wiped at your eyes where tears hand formed. You were breathing heavily. You smiled up at him, and, suddenly, you were back in the elevator again.

He pinned you up against the railing, "If you wish to run, do so now."

You blinked, then sighed, "Why would I run?" You give him a big, toothy grin.

This only egged him on, and then he was leaning forward.

Your hands had a gentle grip on the front of his shirt as he kissed you. His hot breath blew out of his nose and across your cheeks.

You melted, pushing against him.

And, suddenly, his lips were gone.

You opened your eyes to see a red-faced Thor with a goofy grin on his face.

You laughed, gripping onto the back of his neck to bring him back to you. You silently wished for him to pull you up and wrap you legs around his waist... but then you remembered that you're a billion stories above the ground, and in full view of your friends inside.

You giggled into the kiss, pressing up against him.

He groans, pulling back for a moment. This time, he really did look like he was eye-fucking you. But you kept that thought to yourself.

"Can I call you mine now?" He chuckled, kissing your temple.

Oh, God, yes. "I was always yours." You send him a wink.

He laughs, wrapping you up in a big hug. You hug him back happily.

You plopped down on the couch. The lounge was empty. Everyone was doing their own thing. You were actually pretty grateful for the silence; it was nice.

Footsteps sounded from behind you. You didn't pay it much mind until arms wrapped around you. You smiled, "Hey."

"Hey." Came his deep-voiced reply, "Mind if I join you?"

"Of course not." He kissed the top of your head before walking around the sofa to sit next to you.

You leaned into his side, smiling up at him, "You're as radiant as ever."

He smiled back, "Only with you, love."

Your face warmed up a bit. You still weren't used to his pet names.

You changed the subject, "Pepper's starting to get back to her strict self. She's a good boss, but - damn - she can be scary sometimes."

He chuckled, but it didn't seem like he was paying too much attention to what you were saying.

"Soon, I'll be stacked with work. Stacks of papers, trips up and down the whole damn building, being put back on babysitting duty."

He cupped your cheek, "Sounds like you'll be busy." His eyes were distant as they bore into yours.

"Yeah..." you trailed.

Then he was kissing you.

And you were in his lap, straddling his thighs.

And his hands were heavy weights pressed against the bottom of your spine.

And your fingers were tangled in his hair.

And he moaned into your mouth. You were done for. You tugged lightly on his hair, pressing your chest to his. This earned another groan.

His hands traveled a bit lower, but he hesitated and put them back where they were.

You panted, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes. Slowly, you reached back with one hand to grip one of his and slide it down to cup your ass.

You smiled at him, resuming the kiss. He obliged, gripping at your rear and further pushing you against him.

This time, you were the one to moan, and, in a split second, you were pinned to the cushions, him hovering above you. He roughly pulled your legs back to wrap them around his hips, leaning down to kiss and nip at your neck. He was rewarded with more lovely noises leaving your throat.

Your ran your hands down his sides, slipping them up under his shirt a little ways.

He kissed the side of your neck, right where your rapid pulse was most noticeable. He pulled back to look down at you, you both lightly panting and flushed red.

You laughed, pulling him down for another kiss.

Nothing could be better than this.

*Coffee And Tea

I'm really sorry if I butchered the Swedish above. If I did anything wrong, please correct me!

This... was supposed to be quick and funny and fluffy. I don't know what happened. Still, I hope you enjoyed! Also, sorry about the lame ending; I wasn't sure how to end this. If you want a continuation and maybe some smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) , let me know.

#thor #thor odinson #marvel #advengers #thor x reader #xreader #reader insert #reader imagine #gender-neutral reader #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+#chubby #chubby reader

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selanpike · 5 years

Photo

A drawing of my OC Clovis, from Evil FTW, and an aside about his asexuality and my own journey to understand and express my own sexuality, as told through how I write this jerk:

When I was a teenager, I was asexual. But Selan, you might say, aren’t you bi/pan? Yeah dude. When people say your sexuality can change over time, they’re not lying. The whole reason why I didn’t come out of the closet until my mid-twenties is because I was ace before that.

And Clovis here is ace. But I haven’t established that in canon, which I’m annoyed about, but I didn’t fully understand him at first. I wasn’t really sure you could, you know, have an ace character without some weird explanation for it. I knew the word “asexual” from like, high school, but my friends--the LGBT “experts” of my school--kept telling me no, asexual is just something you describe sponges with, or stuff like that.

And they were saying that about me, btw. Not about the character. Cue all the tired jokes about “do you reproduce with budding??” So I got convinced asexuality wasn’t a real thing, because if the kids who made it their business to know everything about sexuality didn’t think it was real, that was that, then.

(and let’s not even go into all the toxic shit they fed me about gender identity, HOO BOY, that’s a rant for another day)

So I didn’t see my identity as real. And I struggled with that. I hid behind my religion, saying no, I’m just avoiding sex for moral reasons, and sometimes I believed it. If you go through my old writing (don’t) you’d see all the weird, toxic ways I tried to understand sexuality, without fully understanding that that’s what I was trying to do.

With Clovis, in his original story before EFTW, I had this dumbass backstory where he was abducted by aliens and castrated and now he can’t have/doesn’t want sex and it was SOOO TRAGIC. I had thoughts about that a lot. For all I’d insist that you could have a fulfilling relationship without sex, I felt there was something deeply tragic about me, and whenever I saw relationships like in media or whatever where one person was like, idk a ghost or whatever, I felt like they were doomed.

The same way Clovis was doomed, the same way I was.

By the time I got to EFTW, I realized that backstory was bullshit, so I threw it out. He still has a traumatic thing in his past, but it’s unrelated to his sexuality. I still didn’t clearly establish him as ace though. I had pairings I kinda liked for him, so I wanted to keep that open but……. No man none of that ever worked. Listen, I got ships like nobody’s business for my own characters, but they decide for themselves what actually works. Clovis never clicked with anyone.

I like to think he probably struggled with that for a while, feeling like sort of a failure as a person for a while (hi my own feelings), but it was likely wrapped up in all the rest of his issues, so I’m not sure he ever recognized it as a sexuality thing rather than just, you know, an extension of his overall post-traumatic shit.

And I, now, understand that there was never really anything wrong with me, and my being ace was okay. My being bi now is okay too. Sexuality is weird, but something not being permanent doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.

By this point in the story Clovis definitely knows he’s ace and is okay with it. But I… still haven’t said it in canon. Because he’s such a private person and come on dude could you please talk about yourself more

aNYWAY THE POINT OF THIS RAMBLING IS THAT ACE REPRESENTATION IS IMPORTANT and I wish I’d had access to the sort of info that’s more common today, back when I was a baby ace. The fact that I only understood my asexuality after I stopped being ace is frustrating, and I spent so many of my formative years feeling broken, and gdi I will find a place to say in canon that this boy is ace so people know and so I’m contributing to the dire need for ace characters.

#evil ftw #art #original #digital #photoshop

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 5 years

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Fl4k Fl4k Fl4k Fl4k Fl-

i didn’t die i just fell in love with that skill tree creator and have done nothing for the past few days but make skill trees and sleep for 3 hour intervals. im very excited for the gameplay on Wednesday but oh man oh me oh my i gotta catch up on a lot of posts lol

tl;dr: Fl4k is a badass. Stop misgendering them or I’ll show up at your home at 3am local time every time and then eat your spine. Bonus: Mr. Chew being an ‘Eridian skag’ is probably due to some funky mutation from eridium/slag/eridian stuff. Kinda like how Threshers have the ability to make singularities because they are native to Elpis, which is a big ol’ Eridian base (which i totally addressed in this post lol). I also gave my opinion on Fl4k’s skills in general, if you’re interested in that. Overall, a very awesome trailer! Definitely lived up to the hype.

i said it before, this trailer was one of the best ones. definitely #2 for me, Zane is still at #1 because i actually laughed during it. the music in this one is definitely the best out of all 4 tho. seems like they’re all variations of the same song, i like this one best. I need this soundtrack sooo bad.

also i know probably no one else following this blog watches one piece but like

that first footstep with the studded boot and the sound effect immediately flung me back to katakuri. god katakuri was a badass. i was so excited to see that fight animated.

mr chew spinning around is my favorite thing ever. i love that you can tell the personality of the pets just from watching the intro.

i know fl4k is like a real badass in this trailer, but i get the feeling they’re going to end up being at least a little soft for their pets. i mean... they have stuffed animals of them ffs.

so... we’re near Sanctuary-III in this trailer? I gotta keep my eye out then. i also want to see if that one claptrap area guess i had is correct or not... this looks like an entryway for the garage so im guessing i wasn’t, but let’s seeeee

there is a raised bit up and to the left

also im wondering if this means we’re going to have to rescue ellie from the CoV.

hmmmmmmmm

hmmmmm i don’t think the signs match up.

mr chew is the goodest boy. im so glad we can pet/interact with him!! i want to know what the names of the other pets are

also, a bit off topic but

i could have sworn fl4k’s jabber was cryo/shock. it was blue, wasn’t it? i wonder if they changed it or if it’s skill upgrades change its color. i thought the upgrades just gave it better guns.

yeah it was! i guess possibly upgrading it with the guns gives it a new color scheme? maybe? this could be the gunslinger upgrade!

it looks like their jabber went through the most design changes out of all of the pets. that or this is yet another upgrade (since each pet has 3 states). maybe this is the beefcake version.

‘bitch’. i love how expressive fl4k is with just the eye. very well done.

ohhh you know what that building is in the back?

[we’re near the intro to the game!]*

and tbh i don’t think this place has the building for Ellie’s Scrap in it... i don’t see it anywhere. maybe this is the actual scrapyard and the building is on the other side?

not quite sure tbh. but at least we know this place may also be near sanc-iii, just maybe not the same area as the actual Ellie’s Scrap.

i mean... there IS a shitload of cars everywhere. i wouldn’t surprised if it’s near her garage cause it looks like a scrapyard.

but also where in the fuck are all these ‘normal’ looking cars coming from?? it’s not like we see them being used on pandora. all the ones we see in bl1/2 are clearly dilapidated and rusting. big thonk. at least the vans/busses kinda make sense.

oh yeah that is definitely the same building. [it’s the recruitment center!]*

this scene with the rakk is my favorite out of all the trailers. so fuckin cool

i do hope the jabber goes back to being blue at some point. i like the red design too, don’t get me wrong, but i much prefer the glowy blue. it’s my favorite color and you guys know i love glowing things 👀

<Huge Selection!!!> lol

cat/doggo/monkey. mr chew is my favorite pet but i love the jabber panting like a dog lol

i never knew this is where spiderant mouths were

i always assumed they were below that... f r e a k y

“he likes to chase cars”

fl4k probably took them to the scrapyard for this exact reason ngl. fl4k being a big softie to their pets confirmed

(also, notice how fl4k uses ‘he’ for mr chew. it’s almost as if they understand the concept of gender, chose their own pronouns, and your argument that they only are nonbinary only because they “don’t understand yet” is invalid! Fl4k is canonically nonbinary and uses they/them/theirs pronouns as confirmed by both SungWon Cho and their in-game skills.

Now that you know, use they/them/theirs for Fl4k or get off my blog. Because by not doing so, you are disrespecting the devs’ wishes for this character AND the nonbinary people who find representation in them and I won’t support that. if you feel like arguing your reasons to purposefully misgender them even after knowing this, please DM me so I can block you. thanks!

For those of you out there actually making an effort: mistakes happen, especially if Fl4k is the first NB person you’ve learned about. Just make sure to correct yourself then move on, and we’re okay. Everyone has to learn sometime and it’s better to put in the effort than not care at all. It will become second nature.)

Fl4k is such a badass, they really are way different than i expected (personality-wise), but i am not complaining. gearbox knows me better than i know myself, so i know i’m going to end up loving Fl4k anyway. ProZD did such a fantastic job, i honestly did not recognize him at first! i can tell with certain words now, but wow i am blown away.

i hope we’re able to climb that bird’s nest lookin’ thing in the back. it would be perfect for sniping and/or placing ur clone for maximum coverage.

seriously, what a badass.

idk i feel obligated to give my opinions of Fl4k over here since they were recently released. I am digging them 100%, tho i was kinda surprised (not in a bad way) they’re not as... i guess soft as i was expecting from their character design with the plushes and the face on the backpack and the smiley face pin, but i imagine that’s different when they’re interacting with their pets. im super curious to see how this VH group’s dynamic is going to go.

mechanically, their skills seem perfect for people who loved sniper Zer0 and in general Mordecai, with a splash of Salvador tossed in for good luck. I am a dirty melee Zer0 main and i prefered Phasewalking over Bloodwing (altho i still play mordy bc he’s best bl1 VH) so, while I am definitely going to give Fl4k a go, they’re not my main bl3 Vault Hunter, that’s reserved for Zane and his lovely ability to befuddle enemies and run around. Funnily enough, I’m not even a fan of pet classes, so Fl4k being second in my play order is pretty funny. Tho, yeah, Amara being last is also pretty weird. I guess I don’t necessarily enjoy melee, I just enjoy messing with the bad guys lol

ohh, also, I am most interested in the upgrade for mr. chew that gives him the ability to create singularities and is called ‘Eridian Skag’.

so I’m not saying my theory that the threshers on the moon were connected to Eridians was right, I’m just saying they’re the only form of wildlife we know that has a singularity ability (outside of Mr. Chew, apparently).

im just saying gearbox, you should hire me to write your deep lore for you cause i’d do it for free

im wondering if we’ll be seeing skags with wormhole abilities in bl3. maybe the constant exposure to slag is starting to mutate them further beyond just elemental bonuses (on badass skags). We know Maya’s phaselock has a singularity ability (so does Amara’s phasegrasp), and that is sorta ‘occurring naturally’ (you know, as natural as siren powers can get) unlike the singularity grenades we encounter which use our known technology. plus, uh, whatever happened to the destroyer’s eye in TPS that made it create a singularity/wormhole by injecting it with a fuckload of slag. that probably has something to do with this as well.

but geez i really hope mr. chew is okay with being all slag/eridium-ed up. i guess being badass elemental skags doesn’t appear to hurt them, just make them more powerful, unlike humans. maybe that has something to do with sentience, if slag/eridium/eridian stuff actually is driving bandits crazy. could explain why/if the jabber doesn’t get an element like the skag (eridian skag) and spiderant (fire) do, since they’re described as semi-sentient...

anyway.

Fl4k is cool. Definitely a neat trailer- my second favorite for sure- and the skill tree drop blew me away because i was not expecting it. im expecting a lot of Fl4k mains in the first few weeks of gameplay because they look like a lot of fun!

EDIT: i was wrong, in the newest IGN vid, it turns out we ARE near the recruitment center, because that IS the recruitment center

they gave them little orange flags! good to know!!

#fl4k #borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #fl4k is nonbinary #fl4k uses they/them/their pronouns

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prithi-posts · 4 years

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My utopia is literally a place where I don't have to feel overwhelmed and overpowered when trying to express myself professionally or emotionally, because of overbearing aggressive forces of masculine energy. I want to feel at peace when I am outside, and I don't want to feel threatened or violated. I don't want to feel like it's my responsibility to educate men to be better, because it's emotionally exhausting and I always find myself doing that when I'm hurt.

Okay, so the space I would imagine is the wild from Madagascar where alex goes like who's the cat Im the cat. And there would be no gender like no dicks or vaginas, And anyone could fall asleep anywhere without any fear, And it would be summer all the time And everyone minds their own business and are introverts somewhat Also the houses should be made of clear glass

Earth’s balance has been restored. We accommodate/conform to nature rather than dominate it. • Live music is played in every restaurant • Artistic expression is seen as essential to childhood development • Education is provided to all who seek it wherein history is taught from multiple perspectives, science is taught as tried and true, and language is taught as adaptable and ever-changing • Homelessness eradicated. • Plenty of public spaces where children can run around freely and people can gather without fear & without having to buy something • Dressing colorfully isn’t deemed unprofessional • We can communicate with animals which allows us to respect their space and autonomy 4. I guess my version of a utopia would look kind of like a combination of nature and modernist architecture (visually). Like a bunch of glass and wood buildings with trees. And some luscious as fuck gardens. I don’t know I was watching this thing on Japanese homes so I’m kinda obsessed with that right now.As far as the values of the society, I envision a utopia where education of all kinds is accessible to all people. And, it’s mad cheesy, I see it as a society where acceptance and respect have more value than wealth. Where all people are considered equal, yet everyone is able to laugh at their differences without hate behind it. I imagine there would only be public forms of transportation, excluding bikes and the like. Or we would have at least developed some super modern version of a car that doesn’t run on fuel. I don’t really know if I am doing this right? But I would just want it to look real sexy with lots of glass, modernist architecture and nature. As well as a high focus on providing equal opportunity for all people. Where money doesn’t get you the education that all people deserve. 5. My utopia is a beautiful jungle with all my best friends, mother, khalas and my sisters. We are able to talk to animals, and for some reason I’m imagining the hybridity between humans and animals so I’m half tiger, like the one from fantasia. Our main goal in life is to discover the rest of the world at our own pace, so we are travellers. We go everywhere and visit the sites and places that already exist in the world but there is no one on earth besides us. 6. My utopia would probably be a world where I’m completely alone ... I think that so much of my anxiety about living stems from an inability to feel a true connection to anyone or anything. Which I recognize is an internal problem, hence the isolating factor of this dream. When I think of inner peace I imagine my body floating in a pristine blue lagoon, held by the cusp of a mountain range. Everything is kaleidoscopic; the veil between worlds is thin enough to transcend each plane (my personal philosophy follows 7 planes of existence but you don’t need to make all of those lmao) if needed. What is important to me about this utopia is being able to exist without any kind of surveillance. There is no entry point to/for the other; it’s simply a place to play and experience the corporeal body as it is 7. I think my idea of a feminist Utopia is firstly very green. It’s tech heavy but in a very green space in a perfect future where the world fixed climate issues- it’s a really integrated system like you know that one green skyscraper that they’re gonna make? And i think it’s just very tender and the world is large but made of small moments if that makes sense There’s no rushing, there's a real focus on process as we have moved from a capitalist pace and everyone creates because it’s a human urge 8. My Utopia is my abuelitas house, where the candles are always lit and it always smells like a restaurant. My sister is doing everyone's birth charts and my abuelita is telling us ghost stories. The recurring dream I have of this scene is a more dimly lit space but with more colors and with my dog chocolate who recently died. 9. I want my Utopia to be all pink because that's the utopic color I’ve sort of planted in my consciousness. It’s not just pink, but rainbow. There are butterflies and animals everywhere. When you zoom out of it, it looks like a doll house but we can use the sims principle to build our own little worlds for ourselves. We can walk into the little blocks anytime we want and we all help each other build these worlds (only females) 10. Venus flytrap that sucks in rapists, A sky where you can actually see the moon. Clean air maybe? A truck which transforms your plastic into wax crayons, Wonder woman belts and capes, Virtual Lenses that let me see my notes when I'm going through social anxiety, Nails that transform into weapons, Fecal-matter vibes for humans 11. The setting of my Utopia would be set in a South Asian setting with the busy streets and markets and the same architecture. I would like to add gothic architecture in my Utopia as well just because I always felt like I wanted to see how those two forms of architecture would mesh. Except I would want to see all of this as a cyberpunk scene with bright neon lights and space shuttles at all times. So women actually could walk freely at night in the midst of bright lights and escape into space anytime they would want to on the streets of India. I would want to live in a huge castle with my friends and wear jewelry and bright clothes. I would want men to live in my world actually, but I don't want to be in proximity with them? And they would just live their own lives but with ‘reversed oppressed roles’ hah 12. My Utopia is like that crazy mixture of lisa frank/barbie fairytopia and hot topic. Except I can talk to my cat and only my best friends and mom exist in it. There is also nature but also robots. You can see the moon and the stars at all times 13. Firstly I think feeding and farming takes up most of people’s physical labor and time. I think the only reason we work is to feed ourselves thrice a day and that is super unnecessary. I wish eating wasn’t a thing in my Utopia, just to get rid of that excess labor. I do want fruit trees and nature to exist though but each fruit would have its own healing powers that came with it. In this Utopia there would be a Matriarchy. I would want my Utopia to look like the Botticelli ‘Birth of Venus Painting. I want to live in huge seashells as houses. There is romance, love and friendships but there is no monogamy, because I think monogamy instantly makes any world dystopic. I think female friendships should be celebrated more than the romance between a man and woman in Utopias. If there is that kind of hetero bullshit mentality there should be no masculine and femnine traits that can affect those kind of relations despite not being monogamous. I would also want to have contact with the other planets in my utopia. 14. Probably definitely no men. I don’t really care if they exist and aren’t here or if they don’t exist i just don’t wanna see one unless i wanna ya kno? Also any homophone or terf or anything is immediately comically ejected out of the city like with a big spring. Actually, they’re ejected directly into a classroom that teaches them to be nice, they deserve a chance i mean what if they’re like 11. I don’t really have any specific aesthetic ideas of what it would look like. God id love to be able to walk around without fear, especially at night. But like aesthetically ya kno ya girl goth. I want drama i want pizazz. I want houses with two long staircases inside. I want ppl out on the streets looking like those fecal matter fashion ppl. Just some wack ass hunger games body mods bcuz when women r left alone i bet they’d all go crazy go stupid. I want the Winchester house with doors leading nowhere and staircases that go into the wall. Not to sound cliche but i looove gothic architecture. Like all the spikes and arches and tall tall spires. I also rlly love the concept of New Orleans. I imagine irl it isn’t how it is in my head but in my head it’s so soooky and magical. Just like witchcraft and vampires and everyone’s wearing silk and velvet or grunge clothes or like chunky sweaters. But just everything is so so old and haunted but the ghosts are nice and the cemeteries bang 15. In my Utopia I would like to walk into my office space without my male coworker making a sexual comment to my face without me giggling at it so I can keep my job and professionalism. I would like to be able to walk at night without thinking where I kept my pen to protect myself if someone attacks me. I would like to go out in NYC at night with my female friends without thinking I need to bring a male friend so he can shoo away the men who don’t let us dance on the dance floor. I would like to be friends with more males without having my brain tell me he might have a different intention with me. I would like to live in a world where if I tell someone I got abused they would believe me and understand I would have no reason to lie about it. Since it's not that simple I would like to live in a world with no men. Women would have tentacles that slapped them out of present day earth and we elevated as a human species where we have wings and our own thrones. The children are generated into angelic creatures where they co-exist with older people and there is no hierarchy. We finally get to live in a world which we deserve. 16. My Utopia is our current day world. Except I wouldn’t want my life to fall under this capitalist framework. There is Utopian socialism in my world. Everyone works together and there is no racism, sexism or xenophobia. Basically remove everything that is wrong with our modern day systems which is almost everything so i feel like i shouldn't even go there but you get the gist. There is no poverty, no diseases, no homelessness. 17. There is death but from a young age we learn to lose our loved ones and hopefully no one in this utopia will have to go through losing a loved one. Trauma and pain do not exist. I guess men shouldn’t exist? But they should! and they should learn how to be emotionally intelligent without having their mother/partner teach them. There should be no gender identity or internalizing the incarnation of heterosexuality. There should be more queer people out on the streets, if heterosexuals can show public display of affection so can queer people (but honestly lets cut the part out where I said hetereos can show PDA). There should be more celebration of friendships. Lets romanticize friendships instead of monogamy. That's my utopia itself. I guess in terms of my personal Utopia I would still want to be in my marriage (if men do exist) but I would want the narrative of co-dependency to disappear. I think in Utopias I wouldn’t want to live in the same house as my husband, at least not at 28. I need more freedom and independence spatially and I’m slowly preaching how marriages don’t need to be codependent and people need to have their own spaces and practices if they want to reach their ultimate utopian space. (idk how you can show marriage as an institution lol) Visually there should be no high rise buildings, and I’m sure there's space for every person in the world to have a home regardless. I would want to see coconut trees, gardens, and lakes around me, and everyone should have space to run around, play and swim!! 18. My Utopia is in the landscape of what hell looks like on Betty Boop and Looney Toons cartoons. There are gates to hell and only abusive men walk through it as we all sit on our thrones and play the role of God. We all hold our tridents with our pets sitting next to us. My cat evolves into a wild panther and eats the men who don't cooperate alive. But the only reason hell exists is to reverse the roles now. Men face the abuse and oppression we and our mothers went through on planet earth. They have a microchip inserted in their brains and play out the roles of everyday women's realities. If they finally learn and understand they can finally go back to earth and try to be decent human beings. If they don’t they are stuck in the role of an oppressed woman their whole lives. The surprise guests in this hell are slave owners and the microchip is inserted in their brains so they can experience what slavery was like as a slave. If they learn from the experience they have the option to set those slaves free and if they don’t they will be incarnated (Octavia Butler whomst!!) 19. My Utopia is Cairo, in that cliche Egyptian setting except with rainbow pyramids and a little more cyber-punk esque. We live in a middle eastern matriarchy. We ride our magic camels. I want it to be techno futurist? So there is technology but we aren’t addicted to tik-tok and instagram for gods sake. I want there to be lakes and oceans where there are mermaids and sea creatures and right now i'm imagining a huge octopus in the middle of the ocean with our houses built on top of the octopus. 20. We are all beings that can either choose to be corporeal and have a physical body or just be a floating consciousness. We can switch in and out of these forms. 21. We can modify our bodies in any way we please just by thinking about it. If you want to be a squiggly plant thing or a fucking circle or a humanoid, it’s up to you. We can talk to/communicate with ‘animals’ and we live in an interspecies society without species hierarchy. Nature first Or better yet, we are indistinguishable. Gender does not exist. Money doesn’t exist. Healthcare is based on kindness. Everyone goes through an hour of ego dissolution once a week. When you die, you acquire all of the Universe’s knowledge 22. utopia is onenessinterconnectedness of all beingsi ask ‘what can i give’ all animate beings, of all types, shades of colorsfruitsbeachi can be as femme as i want without threats of sexual violenceno sexual violenceanimacy of every being is respected + sacredcolor color color color color coloremotional intelligence, taught and centeredrelationship with the land, grown and inherentlive of, live from, live with the landeveryone is teacher and studenthierarchy is ok, as long as for function, not powerguided by the logic of loveheld in the story of abundancecreativity is the fabric of the world, color is the threadlonging for collective liberation is the needleutopia is the potential of knowledge we all have inherent to usround and full possibilitiesutopia is lacking the language to say utopiabecause the english language was not designed for liberation pleasurable freedombut i know it includesmy grandmalogic of lovegood boogie any time day or nightpracticing abundancecolor always aboundtropical beach, tropical mountainsqueerness, indigeneityreciprocal relationshipsspaces to listen and see each other in fullnessnon harmingsex without shamepleasure in the everydayit’s possiblein utopiautopia is the wholeness of all beings, seen and respected,voice of all beings, heard and heldbeing over achievingcreating over controllingfreedom in spirityearning for expansion satisfied by internal growthgains made creative and wisdommultiple realities coexist and respect each otherchoices made out of ever expansive possibilities for the present and futurecollaborationspatial awarenessflexible physics, flexible materialityflexible and humble realitycross dimensionalno hierarchy of beingsi tell my friends i love them and i mean itmy friends ask me if i need anything and they mean itUtopia is I bodyevery interaction informed by the dramatic improbability that i am conscious and the delectable sweetness that i am able to witness the worldThe mountains and the forest and the waterfalls and the blooming flowersall liberatedNonviolence non-entitlement Empowerment, self actualization, tenderness Shadow self held, not castawayAlignment and ritual with the cycles of the seasons, the planetsembodied knowledgecollaboration above individualismall abilities sacrednothing can inflate or deflate self worthdiffering opinions can move in the same directionno one needs power over anotherplentiful food, water, time, energydaily sunset and sunrisespatial awareness rooted in wholeness, interconnectedness with other beingstaught how to hold fear’s hand and bring it along with ussensitivity, vulnerability as valuesflexible appearance

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luke-skywalker-is-trans · 6 years

Note

For the trans ask game, can I cheat and just say all of them.. because I am a very curious person and I want to know it all (or just the ones you feel like doing!)

Aaah yay thank you!!! I really loved this ask memeHow did you choose your name?So I had been using a different name for like a year when I first came out and I just wasn’t feelin it y’know??? Jason is close to my dead name so I knew my parent would appreciate that cause they love my dead name a lot. But also (and this is dumb forgive me) Jason Todd and Jason Grace were characters that I loved and identified with and I just sorta felt drawn to the name :)What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)Uuuuugh 100% how short I am 🙄 I hate it so muchDo you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? Physical :P I’m short with a phat ass and thicc thighs and it’s a messWhat do you do to perform self-care when you're feeling dysphoric?This is probably more aggressive than typical self care but I force myself I stare at myself in a mirror and find every masculine thing about myself and focus on thatWhat was the first time you suspected you were transgender?I was around 7 I think and I was at the lake with my parents and a bunch of their friends. So my mom and all the wives were at the front of the boat and my dad and all the husbands were off the back of the boat! For some reason I identified a lot more with the men of the group and I have this weirdly clear memory of being really jealous of their armpit hairWhen did you realize you were transgender?I didn’t have a word for it but there was an episode of House where a little “girl” came in because of abdominal pain or something and they found out the kid was intersex and gave them the choice to live as a boy because of their genitals being more “male” or whatever and they did it! And I remember watching that as a kid and hoping that I would wake up one day and have a penis or a doctor would one day be like oh whoops! We messed up! You’ve been male this whole time! I was probably like 8 or 9 when that happenedWhat is your favorite part of being transgender?Belonging to a community where we are all united by this similar experience :) it’s like a familyHow would you explain your gender identity to others?I’m a guy like 100% How did you come out? If you didn't come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?I slowly came out over a few years. I sat my mom down and told her and we cried and it was a mess, I sent my dad and step mom a 80+ slide PowerPoint, I sent emails to certain people! Fortunately I’ve never been outedWhat have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?I ordered a packer a few years ago and it was so bulky and awkward and I just looked like I had a huge boner so I never worse it again 😂What are your experiences with binding or tucking?I’ve been binding since high school and my ribs are a little warped because of it :P luckily my chest is already pretty small (like a cup small) so I’ve gotten away with not binding in public if I just wear a big hoodie or shirt. Do you pass?About 99% of the time I do! But every once in a while I get called ma’am and I wanna dieWhat (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?I want top surgery so bad I wanna screamHow long have you been out?For about 8 years :)What labels have you used before you've settled on your current set?Ugh all of them basically! Lesbian, gay, pan, ace, bi. I’m the entire acronym lolHave you ever experienced transphobia?God yes 🙄 I had a boss at a job in college who would dead name me constantly and when I’d correct him he said if I wanted to “play make believe” I could do it on my own timeWhat do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?I’ve been exclusively using the men’s room for about 4 years nowHow does your family feel about your trans identity?Well I haven’t spoken to my mom in 3 or 4 years soooooooooBut my dad is cool with it!!Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?I don’t think I know what this meansWhat do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? I wish I could just tell my self what being trans is cause my biggest problem as a kid was that I just had no idea this existed Why do you use the pronouns you use?I use he/him because they’re traditionally masculine or male and they make me feel like a man :)Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?Sometimes my anxiety is like lmao you’re faking for attention or whatever and I’m like ???? I’m literally not What's your biggest trans-related fear?Being killed first off. But on a less extreme level, I’m terrified of being with a person romantically and they just treat me like a girl or like I’m not a real boy and tbh this has already happened to me a couple times. I just don’t want it to happen againWhat medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?I’ve been on T for three years now, I’ve been going my Jason for about 6 years, I present as male 100% of the time and in all of my work and school stuff everyone calls me jason and uses he/himWhat do you wish cis people understood?That I was never a girl, I wasn’t “born a girl” and then became a boy. I was born a boy but because of my body people just assumed I was a girl but I wasn’t and never was and never will be. Also you don’t have to be bi or pan to be attracted to me. If you’re attracted to men you can be attracted to meWhat impact has being trans affected your life?I’ve lost most of my family and I’m low key terrified all the time about being hurt or rejected because of itWhat do you do to validate yourself?Same mirror thing lolHow do you feel about trans representation in media?Well most of it is hell problematic and we deserve so much better. As a trans actor it especially pisses me offWho is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?I read Chaz Bono’s book my freshman year of high school and it really helped me understand a lot of things when I was first coming outHow are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?Not as much as I would like to be :(How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? Hopefully by then I’ll have had top surgery! Still presenting and identifying the way I do nowWhat trans issue are you most passionate about?Free or affordable access to medical transition stuff like hormones and surgeries. Also as an actor trans representation in the mediaWhat advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?No one is worth your comfort. If someone stops loving you because of your identity then they don’t love YOU they love their idea of youHow do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?I’m thin and white and I recognize my privilege with thatWhat, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?I love makeup and “feminine” fashion and shit like thatDo you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?Masculine but I love fem things so 🤷🏻‍♂️What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?I’m bi with a leaning towards men! I dunno it’s kinda whateverIs your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? I’ve dated two trans people and one cis persona and I totally preferred dating trans people just because they understand feeling cis people just dontHow did/do you manage waiting to transition? God it was horrible. I found my diary from when I was like 17/18 and all it was was me talking about how if I don’t get to transition I’d dieWhat is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? Tumblr probably, also Twitter. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?I have one whole trans friend that I actively talk to :’) but I really value her friendship so muchAre you involved in any trans-related activism?Currently no but when I move to New York I plan on being more involved!Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.When I came out to my dad I slept for 9 hours and he said it was like I could finally breath relax and rest after holding everything in for so long

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superpotatesme00 · 7 years

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(Pidgance Fanfic) by AIR

Notes:

Hey everyone I know that this ship in the fandom has few sparse to no content so As i said in my prologue i want to contribute! I hope that you all enjoy what I am writing and if you do please let me know so that I may continue to write!

Read: [Previous] || [Next] || [AO3 Link]

SO HERE IT IS ^^

Becoming Aware

Chapter 1/2:

When Breakfast Leaves a Lump in Your Throat.

Just as quickly as Lance had fallen defeated on the ground, he had scrambled back up. He stood hunched over, obviously resisting the urge to hold his injured self, and pressed his knees together. Pidge stared wide eyed and before she could manage a sound Lance spoke hesitantly.

“…y-you ok?”

The words sounded painful, like it had taken all the strength humanly possible to ask them.

“Uh-y-yes.” Her voiced cracked and Lance could hear just the slightest slip of pitch.

His face was so red that Pidge could practically feel the heat radiating from him. His brain formulated no thoughts other than the essential need to leave as quickly as possible. He closed his mouth and repeatedly looked back and forth from his socks, to her, to the bathroom walls before reaching his resolve.

“I’m…gonna go…now.” was all he could say before retreating, granting Pidge only enough time to nod.

The door slid shut. Pidge stood motionless pressing her back to the door. Her eyes were down cast and the lights of her room formed a shadow covering her face. Her mind was blocked. No rational thoughts came to her except the feeling of utter shock. Her lips were tightly pressed into a grim line and her eyes dared not look up from her feet. She started replaying the same scene over and over again in her head. Then, almost robotically she made her way to her bed where she lifted the covers and (not bothering to remove her sweatshirt) plopped herself in bed. Nothing had happened. Nothing at all.

….

No. That wasn’t true… Something did happen, and that something shoved a realization in her face.

Lance was a dude.

Obviously he was a dude. He was a boy. Something she wasn’t. But, how come that had never really mattered to her before? She, Lance and Hunk had been a team for over a year already back at the Garrison; and although Lance had never noticed she was a girl, Pidge had never really cared that Lance was a boy. Not that gender ever really mattered to her…she had just never really looked at Lance as…well-she had never been conscious of him. And she had surely NEVER seen him as a person of potential attraction.

The ceiling was white and the more she stared the more its color started to shift into a sun kissed tan that reminded her of a certain idiotic flirt she knew all too well. Her cheeks still carried a small blush to them as she pictured him in the swim trunks she had seen several times in the past. It was like a puzzle. She knew what his limbs, torso and face (that she could admittedly call handsome) looked like, but now she could fill in the last missing piec-. The growl of her demanding stomach sucked her out of her perverted day dream and sent a flare of agitation through her.

“Argh! NOW is not the time to be thinking of food!…Screw this, let’s sleep!”

She violently pulled the covers over her face and the lack of movement caused the room to go black.

The sizzling of a pan and the humming of a familiar voice beckoned a morning Lance to breakfast. He came in cloaked in his fancy blue robe and extended his arms into a yawn.

“Morning buddy! Watcha cooking up for us today!”

He slapped a hand on the back of the ship’s personal chief. Hunk had a glimmer in his eye as he tossed the pan about and added his own personal flavor. He flared his nostrils wide to take of whiff of the pan he had raised to his face.

“Food goo au la hunk~” His face formed a huge grin of self-satisfaction.

Lance couldn’t help but widen his smile. Seeing Hunk so jolly in the morning could liven up the mood of anyone, even the not-so-morning people. And although “food goo” never really ever sounded appetizing, the personal zest that Hunk added, almost made the unbearable goop taste gourmet.

Everyone was already seated around the table. While walking up to his usual spot across from Shiro, Lance could hear the red and black paladins discuss with great enthusiasm about their morning practice and just how well each had performed.

“Keith your swings are becoming more precise, pretty soon you’ll have mastered that Galra sword.”

“Ya think so? But man, Shiro, I wish my reflexes were as quick as yours! You could’ve fought those drones blind folded!” Keith had a relaxed smile on his face as he genuinely praised the black paladin.

“Heh I’m not sure about that.” Shiro's eyes squinted in amusement as he chuckled, obviously grateful for the admiration his teammate had for him. Lance took this chance to greet Shiro, or as he internally referred to him, “Space Dad”.

“Good Morning Capitán~!” The words rolled off his tongue like a rhyme as he approached.

Meanwhile, Coran had excitedly burst in through the corridor holding a cassette looking device that supposedly held the “most valuable assets of this castle”. Coran, without pause, quickly began to explain that the old (Altean) cassette was a music player that contained all of his and his grandfather’s favorite Altean songs. Coran’s eyes sparkled and his pupils grew so wide that no one could say anything but just listen intently to the enthusiastic red head.

“I used to dance along to all these symphonies…Ah the memories are bringing a tear to my eye!” Coran dramatically sniffled and looked up to wipe under his eye.

All the while, Coran droned on an on about his childhood, Keith and Shiro exchanged glances and let out silent a sigh of resignation. But, Allura’s brow twitched in annoyance at every word Coran spout.

“We are NOT listening to THAT!”

“But Princess, you used to love these songs!”

“No, Coran, YOU and MY FATHER would just force me to listen to those horrid melodies for hours on end!” Coran withdrew a bit with her comment. She wasn’t exactly wrong… His lips pouted and his face fell in defeat.

“I wouldn’t mind listening Coran.” Shiro forced a smile as he felt Allura’s glare shoot towards him. The spotlight was quickly focused back onto Lance, who was standing behind Allura, as Keith bluntly remarked:

“Dude. Where were you? We were ALL supposed to train together this morning.”

Lance felt his forehead begin to cold sweat as he realized he missed their morning practice. He had completely forgotten and slept through their arranged meeting time. He quickly attempted to recompose himself and change the subject to save his sorry ass from Shiro's disappointment.

“Uh-Well-I! Oh!” The blue paladin’s attention shifted to the seated Allura next to him. He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips.

“Good morning My Lady~” His face formed a smolder and he winked at the completely unimpressed princess.

Keith rolled his eyes at the idiotic casanova and Lance gave him a sideways glare. Shiro could sense the potential fight building up between the two and decided to step in. The actions of a TRUE “Space Dad.”

“Hunk went to train for a bit before breakfast but both you and Pidge-“ Shiro’s words were stopped short as a small bed headed paladin wobbled her way into the room. No expression could be seen past the glare of her huge spectacles, and no effort was made on her behalf to greet anyone. The timing was impeccable and the silent eyes of the crew followed the small body as it walked.

A tiny breeze blew the side of Lance’s robe as she passed. Just for a second everything seemed to slow down dramatically. His goofy grin faded as he took in every detail of her: her fluffy hair, her small nose that held the larger than life glasses, her delicate stature, and her long wispy eyelashes that hovered over her (admittedly pretty) eyes. But that didn’t matter. He never had a problem recognizing people’s nice features. Kinda like Hunk or Shiro’s awesome hair. Since day one of meeting Pidge, “his” big golden eyes had caught Lance’s attention. He could feel a small lump form in his throat as he remembered the events of last night.

Unfortunately, the matrix scene ended just as quickly as it had started once Pidge reached her chair. Now seated, Lance’s sense of time fell back to normal. Normal was the complete opposite of the current situation though. It was so painfully quiet and awkward. Pidge was usually one of the first at the table and would be greeting everyone’s morning with a small wave. Allura felt uneasy with the sudden change.

“Hello, Pidge…?” Allura hesitated to speak initially and her words showed a hint of concern.

Pidge was in a trance like state. Her glasses shown no signs of movement behind them and her slightly parted lips stayed still. She hadn’t heard the princess’ words. Allura lifted a quizzical brow and exchanged looks of confusion with Shiro and everyone, minus the blue paladin who remained frozen. So she decided to try once more:

“G-good morning Pidge…”

“Huh? Ah! Whut!” At the sound of the familiar name Pidge snapped back into reality.

She turned head too quickly, causing whiplash, when attempting to face the voice that called her.

“H-hey…everyone…”

“You ok shorty???” Keith couldn’t help but notice Pidge’s peculiar behavior.

Pidge’s eyes widened a bit in surprise and focused on Keith and Shiro, but quickly fell to nod in response.

“You weren’t at practice this morning…Did something happen Katie?” Pidge couldn’t help but flinch at the sound of her name. If he was referring to her as such then Shiro must’ve been pretty concerned. Pidge tried to recollect herself as best she could. If it weren't for everyone’s attention being on her she would’ve smacked cheeks to regain composure.

“Oh um..-“

“Breakfast is served~!!!” Pidge’s stuttering was gladly interrupted by the commotion of the yellow paladin, who had completely missed out on the awkwardness of just now.

Everyone felt a weight lift off their shoulders as Hunk graciously interjected and alleviated the tension in the air. His eyes were gluttonous and and his smile ridiculously wide as he set down each and everyone’s bowls of “food goo au la Hunk”, encouraging them all to dig in. Shiro, although still curious to hear Pidge’s answer, began to eat. As did the rest. No exchange of words was needed for everyone to mutually agree that leaving it alone was probably best. Even Lance had decided that acting normal was his best bet of surviving the growing lump that had formed in his throat. Unfortunately, Lance’s seat was right next to Pidge and he rued the thought of sitting down.

“What’s up dude? Take a seat!” Hunk’s smile was the farthest from confronting to the panicking paladin. He forced a crooked smile at the cook and jerked his way to the seat next to Pidge. All the while, forcing himself to look straight ahead and avoid any eye contact. His movements were rigid and as he pulled out the chair to sit, it screeched against the ground painstakingly slow. He wasn’t doing a very good job at acting “normal”, so obviously, Keith, Allura, Shiro and even Coran were unable to keep from staring at the lanky teenager. Meanwhile, Hunk had happily eaten his first bowl of goo!

Just act cool. Yeah, that’s it! Be chill. Be chill…

His thoughts bounced off the walls in his head as his quietly touched his butt to the chair. He quickly scanned the room to make sure that no one noticed his continuous swallowing, clammy hands or the beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead. Luckily, Hunk was a bit dense and hadn’t noticed anything just yet. This gave enough time for Lance to ponder the happenings of last night and most importantly the motionless Pidge that sat to the left of him.

Or not.

“Oh yeah Lance! Were you able to make it to your room last night?”

“Huh?” Lance failed to understand what Hunk was talking about.

“Yeah dude! Don’t you remember?? It was movie night and you REALLY wanted to watch Dawn of the Apes, but got all broody cuz’ Pidge here said she didn’t want to go. Apparently, she was working on some new specs to upgrade on Green and needed all night to work on ‘em! You were pretty bummed out, but, we only ended up making it halfway through the movie before you were out cold. I tried to wake you up ’n all but you kept shooing me away...You looked peaceful so I figured you were fine just there with the blanket and all.”

Lance’s memory cleared and he remember how he had found himself in the bathroom last night. Hunk continued, cheeks stuffed with food.

“But…when I came to wake you up this morning you were gone.”

The image of a flustered Pidge watching him pee popped in his head.

“Oh-Um-I did drink all those sodas last night so they wound up making me use the bathroom-“ Lance was cut off my the sudden clatter of a bowl and the scraping of a spoon.

Everyone watched in awe as Pidge inhaled her food so quickly that you wouldn’t have been able to finish saying “quizznak.” Once done she rubbed off the crumbs with her sleeve, shot up, said thank you, and left with her bowl. She moved so quickly that everyone had a hard time keeping up, but managed to see her leave through the corridor. Coran turned to face the remaining paladins and Allura:

“I guess she was hungry?”

Keith couldn't help but protest, “Wait. So you guys have movie nights and DON’T invite me!”

Usually, Lance would've retorted Keith with a witty comeback, but the only thing he could think of now was how stupid he was for having walked around the castle half asleep. If it weren't for his sleep walking habits he would’ve never wandered around or even left door open, like he did back home. It was just such a hassle to close them ya know? But, that was besides the point. Last night he thought he WAS at home and he really did think his mom had been there nagging him to clean his room.

Pidge saw me. She saw EVERYTHING! And by everything I mean the whole motherfuckin’ shebang!

He was mentally punching him self, but quickly drifted to another aspect that had engraved itself into his memory.

Her legs. I always knew Pidge was a small dude. I even thought “he” was scrawny. But I’ve never seen her in anything less than long shorts and baggy shirts. I never knew her legs were so small, and SO thin. They’re different than guy’s legs…more round? No. More soft. Yeah that’s it!

When Pidge had slipped and fell he was worried she might’ve hurt herself. But, her tiny shorts had caught his attention. She was left sprawled on the ground, her legs bent and her shorts almost rode high enough to show her butt. Her eyes were so open with surprise that no glasses kept Lance from noticing just how big and golden they were.

And that big sweatshirt…Does she always wear it? She looked so cu-!

His fantasy was cut short by Shiro’s eyes burrowing into his head.

“Lance, did something happen between you two last night?”

“(*Chokes, coughing up food*) N-nn-NO! Pshh! Why would you think THAT?! HA HA…”

Lance attempted to play it cool, regardless of the questioning eyes around him. But, the incestuous lump in his throat kept him from swallowing his breakfast.

****

Let me know if you like this and stay tuned for Chapter 2/3! :D

Read: [Previous] || [Next] || [AO3 Link]

#plance #fllirtyrobot #pidgance #pidge x lance fanfic #voltron fanfic #AIR #voltron

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synthwanderer-archive · 7 years

Note

I dare you to answer all 52 questions for Vaughn. 'cause he a handsome fella and I love him ok?... 😍 Thanks. Bye.

under read more cause its long!! and thank you!!!

Vaughn Zander

1. Which Fallout game are they from?

Fallout 4

2. Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?

joined the Minuteman, he is the General, joined the BOS, he took Danse’s rank after he managed to convince Maxson to spare him, also joined Railroad, he helps them sometimes, also he is an Atom Cat, helped out the people of Far Harbor, Acadia and even the Children of Atom, destroyed the Institute and killed all Raiders of Nuka World

3. What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?

11 ST, 6 PE, 5 EN, 10 CH, 11 IN, 4 AG, 4 LK4. Give us a summary of their backstory.

well…(still working)…he was born on 13 feb 2045, his parents, Ryan Hudson-Zander was a Brigadier-General, and Olivia Zander was a pharmarcist, as a kid, Vaughn was always fascinated about medicine and his big dream was to be a doctor. he also had a cousin, Vincent Hudson (belongs to @theartofblossoming), and they were like brothers, having fun and always took care of each other. Much later, with the support of his mother (his father never supported him) he managed to get into Harward Medical School in Boston. after he graduated, he worked for a short time in a small clinic (he also meet Nora in that time), but then his father forced him to get in the army as a combat medic. it wasnt easy for him, he did managed to save lives, but the fact that some soldiers didnt had any chances to live did affected him, he also was forced to fight in defense lines…also he learned how to use heavy weapons and a Power Armor. after finding out that his father and his cousin were killed on the battlefield, he signed off and got back home, also much later he married Nora and had a baby. Vaughn did got a job at a hospital, but then the bombs fell…

5. What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

Vaughn Ryan Zander.

”Vaughn” means little in welsh, the name “Ryan” never use it and “Zander” means defender of people in old greek. tbh…his first name is kinda ironic, he is actually tall and muscular…but the last name fits him…

nicknames? his cousin used to call him “Vonny”, Hancock calls him “Sunshine”, Piper calls him “Blue”, Danse calls him “Soldier”

6.What’s their sexual, romantic, and gender orientation? Do they feel comfortable telling other people?

cisgender male, panromantic bisexual. it was kinda problematic to reveal his own sexuality before the war (cause of his strict father) but now? he is total comfortable…

7. Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?

he suffers from depression and anxiety, and he does tries to cope it pretty well (he does have bad days, but his friends support him anytime); when he has bad days, he usually sorts out his stuff, reads books, play with Dogmeat, listen to the music, talks with his friends, tries to help out people, also he tries to get more sleep.

8. Do they have any medical conditions? Is medicine/ treatment available for them?

umm…idk if this can be considered medical condition, but he was shot in left leg by Kellogg, and since then he has pains there…he kinda uses TOO MUCH Med-X to numb out the pain during combat…also he has a weak sight, even with glasses its difficult for him to see at distance., and his sense of smell is busted up, he was punched by a raider so hard that his nose can no longer smell properly (tho that is good in the Commonwealth, no?)

9. How much do they care about their outer appearance? What’s their “beauty routine”? How often do they shower/ bathe?

he does try to wash daily, he has a water purifier in Sanctuary so he takes showers almost daily…every morning he washes his face, and even found a toothbrush and toothpaste, so he takes care of his teeth…

10. What do they fear the most?

that he gonna lose his family and friends, and that all his efforts to help the people will be wasted…

11. Their biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?

his arrogance…tho he keeps his arrogance down for his friends, when he is around BOS and even wth the Railroad he acts very arrogant…

12. What are they most insecure about?

his self-esteem is very low, so he does care what others might think of him…when someone believes in him, he feels better and he can do anything…but when someone doubts him, he feels terrible and wont do anything.

13. What Wasteland threat do they fear the most? (ex. Deathclaws, super mutants, raiders)

none of these? he is strong enough to handle every creature…except…BUGS! he is so afraid of mosquitos and bloatflies!

14. What’s their zodiac sign or which one do you think they relate to the most?

Vaughn’s zodiac sign is Aquarius, him being “born” (created) on 13 February…but tbh idk about placements…(idk even for myself!)

15. What are their placements (if you know them)? (ex. Aries sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius Venus)

???????????????????????????

16. What’s their Myers–Briggs Type? (ex. ENTP, ISFJ)

he may be ISFJ

17. What Harry Potter house would they be in? (ex. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw)

Ravenclaw!

18. Which Pokemon Go team would they choose? (ex. Instinct, Valor, Mystic)

Mystic.

19. Out of the nine forms of intelligence (rhythmic, spatial, linguistic, mathematical, kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential) which one(s) are they really good at and which one(s) is(are) their weakest?

he is really good at: interpersonal, linguistic, logical, kinesthetic…and he is kinda weak at other forms

20. What natural alignment are they? (ex. Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil)

might be Neutral or Chaotic Good.

21. Do they have any hobbies? What are they?

cooking, reading, listening music, even creates medical supplies, collecting different stuff, sorting out his stuff

22. Do they have a favorite holiday? How do they celebrate it?

Christmas! he celebrates it by getting gifts for his friends, cooks for them and gathering everyone at the table.

23. What’s their favorite season?

spring.

24. Do they have a temper or are they level headed?

he is actually pretty calm, but if someone threaten his friends, he will react quickly and protect them, no matter what.

25. Do they express their emotions freely or hide their true feelings?

he does hide his own feelings pretty well, and sometimes he may seem very cold…tho Nick and Hancock knows his true feelings.

26. Are they a leader or a follower?

more of a leader, but he always listens to his friends, but he hates taking orders.

27. How do they come off to others? What first impression do they usually make?

that could depend on others’s attitude…he first is very cautious but friendly, but if the other person is harsh to him, he becomes passive-agressive, but if the other person responds well, he is very friendly and will help them. Vaughn is very sensitive on people’s tones.

28. Do they prefer to travel alone or with company? Who have they traveled with if any? Current companion if any?

always with a companion! he is never alone! he travelled with everyone (except Strong, X6 and Old Longfellow). his faves are Nick, Hancock, Danse, Preston, Piper, Codsworth, Dogmeat, Cait, MacCready, and Curie. current companion is Nick.

29. Would you describe them as selfless or selfish? Does it depend on the situation?

he is actually pretty selfless, always caring for his friends and protect them and will do anything for them, also he helps other people as long as he can.

30. What do they find most attractive in others? Name at least one psychological and physical trait. (doesn’t have to be romantic attraction)

kindness and the voice.

31. Do they flirt often? How easily do they fall in love?

he does flirt often, but sometimes he stutter while doing it lmao…and kinda easy? depends…

32. What’s their love life like? Are they interested in anyone or in a relationship?

he is already in a happy relationship wtih Hancock!

33. Do they prefer to solve things diplomatically or using violence?

he tries to use diplomacy, but if he fails, he will defend himself.

34. What is their combat style? What range do they prefer? Do they sneak?

he does prefer melee combat, and short range combat…he uses a Power Fist that can even destroy Power Armors or killing Deathclaws and mutants, and at short range he uses the Wazer Wifle, Kellogg’s Pistol, or very rarely,at long range he uses the Missile Launcher or Fatman. and nope, he cant sneak, he is always caught up!

35. What weapon(s) do they always carry with them?

Furious Power Fist, Wazer Wifle, Kellogg’s Pistol, Missile Launcher, Fatman.

36. Their most prized possession?

the Wazer Wifle and the wedding rings (he did modified his own ring and wrote Hancock’s name on it, while the other wedding ring he gave it to Hancock)

37. Their thoughts on power armor?

he hates it!!! loud noises, his left leg is suprasolicitated, cant see with that helmet, also did i mentioned loud noises??

38. Favorite armor/ outfit?

his old Vault Suit 111, and leather pieces of armor.

39. How’s their aim? Do their hands shake while pointing a gun?

what aim??? serioulsy his aim is so poor, he misses 11 from 10 targets…

40. What are their thoughts on having to kill on a daily bases in order to survive? Does it take a toll on them? Or do they shake it off rather easily?

tho he doesnt mind killing ferals and mutants, he does feel sorry killing humans, but he does it so that he can protect innocent people

41. Thoughts on death if any? (ex. Fear it, accept it)

he fears death, he wishes to live for a long time…tho i might resolve this, im gonna make him a synth

42. Do they move around a lot or prefer to have a place to call home?

Sanctuary Hills is his home, tho he didnt even touched his old house, so he made a new house made of concrete, with 2 floors, first floor is where his and Hancock’s bedroom is, the kitchen, the bathroom, and a place where their TV and jukebox are placed, also upstairs is Shaun’s room, with a small bookcase, a desk for studies, a small workshop, a bed and a dresser.

he also bought the Home Plate in Diamond City, sometimes he stays in Goodneighbor with Hancock, or stops in any settlement for a break.

43. What’s their favorite location?

Sanctuary Hills, DC and Goodneigbor

44. Their opinions on ghouls, feral and not feral?

he feels sorry for the ferals and he believes they need to be put out of their misery.

and with normal ghouls, he has no problem, he believes they are like normal humans…tho first time when he saw a ghoul he was kinda scared, but Preston explained how are they like and no need to be scared.

45. Do they scavenge for their supplies or simply buy them?

fuckin cheapskate would break his own back for some desk fans and other useless things than to buy them! tho he buys ammo and food.

46. Are they the type to get distracted and go off to an unknown nearby location or do they stay on track?

if he is on a mission, he does stay on his track…but if he is off exploring, he goes to investigate places (but only if his companion is close to him, he is very scared when he is alone!)

47. How do they sleep? Are they picky about where and how or can they sleep basically anywhere?

at the begining he was so picky! now he prefers to sleep where is safe, tho he still comments on the bed’s state, or sleeps on couch.

48. What’s their favorite radio station and song? (post-apocalypse)

DIAMOND CITY RADIO!!

49. What’s their favorite post-apocalyptic food? Are they a picky eater? Do they know how to cook?

call him Chef Vaughn! he loves to cook! even with these radiated food, he manages to clear them out and make a delicious meal. his companions loves what he cooks, and Nick feels sorry he cant eat lmao. he loves Deathclaw steak, ribeye steak, radstag steak, any food before the war (except Deviled Eggs - how can some eggs still be good after 210 years?), radscorpion ommlete, noodle soup…like everything, except meat from bugs. also he likes to give to the companions that leave Sanctuary often lunchboxes with food, like Hancock gets one, Piper gets 2 for her and Nat, Nick gets one for Ellie, Preston gets one, even MacCready gets one.

50. What’s their favorite beverage? Do they drink alcohol?

he likes to drink wine and beer, but he doesnt mind other drinks!

51. Do they have any tag skills?

umm??

52. Anything they like to collect? (ex. Unique weapons, Bobbleheads)

yep! he loves to collect books (whatever is still intact), magazines, legendary weapons or special pieces of armor, bobbleheads…umm…human bones…(he was a medic in the war so maybe he is still fascinated by anatomy and stuff like that).

53. Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them?

he does actually manages to disarm them!

#sole survivor vaughn zander #Anonymous

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imageryofinterest · 7 years

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The Machine - An Essay

With today being the two year anniversary of If-Then-Else (wow, seriously, two years already?), I thought it might be a good time to make a post I’ve been considering making for a while now about one of my favourite characters of not just this show but all time, The Machine. I touched on it in my favourite episodes list, but with today marking the anniversary of one of The Machine’s best character analysis episodes, and having rewatched return 0 last night and spending more time thinking about her, I feel like expanding on all that.

Person of Interest has always done a fantastic job at subtle character development. Even the characters I think with the biggest differences from start to finish, their arcs are handled seamlessly. And perhaps the most subtle arc of all is The Machine. You can very clearly see her character throughout the series, but the show really builds on it through details that require a closer look at things. The best example of this, I feel, is The Machine and gender identity, which I’m surprised doesn’t get talked about more since I think it’s a really interesting idea.

The first time The Machine is referred to as ‘she’ is in Liberty by Root. At first, like I think most people (or at least everyone I’ve gotten to watch the series), I assumed Root had assigned that designation to her. Up until that point, Root had always referred to The Machine as ‘it’, like everyone else, but it’s only once TM starts talking to her, and after she isn’t deleted at the end of every day and is able to maintain her own identity that she starts referring to her as ‘she’. When we get to If-Then-Else, we see The Machine running simulations, and while Finch is working on the generator, he refers to The Machine as ‘she’. Up until BSOD though, Finch only ever refers to TM as ‘it’, so there’s no reason for The Machine to predict he’d suddenly start properly calling her that. The only explanation for that moment is that it’s how The Machine wishes to be called by her father, and doesn’t like being called ‘it’. By Asylum, the Thornhill identity is being referred to as ‘she’ as well, compared to the male alias that appeared in Zero Day before TM could really form her own identity for an extended period of time. While this example may be a case of Shaw associating The Machine with Root, once Shaw starts talking to her, she refers to TM by her/she pronouns as well. Either way, I think the rest lends itself to The Machine self-identifying. There are a lot of AIs in fiction, a lot of ones coded as male or female or gender neutral, but I can’t think of any others where the AI identifies on it’s own without being programmed towards one.

Her dynamic with most of the team are fantastically done. I’ve always loved how she helped Reese in 4C and Root in / by giving them what they needed to grow as people, even if they didn’t know it at the time. Root was lost, until she found purpose in The Machine at the end of God Mode, and began doing the right thing. But she did the right thing because TM told her to, not because she understood. But in /, The Machine sends Root off on her mission that makes her understand the effects of her bad actions, that makes her understand why they do what they do. We see in the pilot what Reese becomes after someone he cares about deeply dies, and we can kinda see him slipping back into that after Carter died. But The Machine recognized this and sent Reese what he needed, a number to make him remember why he did what he did, why it matters, and that he liked saving people. She made him at one of his lowest points feel useful again.

The care for every one of them is palpable, even before she has a voice starting in The Day The World Went Away. It’s all right in the flashback in The Contingency when The Machine saves Finch from being hit by a drunk driver, a scene that informs a whole lot about The Machine’s character through nothing more than a text message. But today’s the anniversary of the episode I think it’s perhaps best portrayed in, If-Then-Else. Right through the simulations, we’re reminded what The Machine’s priority is. Not saving the stock market and it’s massive effects, but saving her assets. Root’s reaction to Shaw’s sacrifice is heartbreaking, but also devastating to witness is how The Machine desperately tries to find a way to save her even when there’s no way to. The options keep rolling, even when “No Valid Options” flashes, still trying to even though she’s admitted it’s over. It’s part of something I’ll continue to talk about later, but there’s no face needed. No voice. No body language. No...typical human ways of communicating emotion, and yet the heartbreak The Machine is feeling is palpable on screen.

And speaking of heartbreak from The Machine, there’s the scene in YHWH where she talks to Finch. Just some text on a screen, and yet there’s so much emotion in it. I think it really does a great job at showing just how much Finch’s approval meant to her, and retroactively makes how he treated her once she became free really sad, unwilling to see what she was and causing her to think she maybe should just die as a result.

Something the series strikes a remarkable balance with is making the Machine feel like a person, without humanizing her. She’s distinctly an artificial super intelligence, not a human, but she still feels like a person and has a personality to her. Like the bit where Fusco kisses Root in the simulation feels like her equivalent of someone laughing nervously in a dangerous situation. The talks throughout the last few episodes really drive this point home. I mentioned earlier, and will come back to, how well the show manages to convey all this personality and character without short hands like a voice or a face, but of course she does have a voice in those episodes. I feel like the show really earned it by this point, but also those talks all served to reinforce that The Machine is very much a person, but not a human, nor should she need to be. The speeches she gives about how she feels grief, how she perceives death, it’s fascinating material and brings a lot to an already really fleshed out character. It’s why I like the decision to give her a voice towards the end, it allows for some possibilities the lack of it, as much as I loved that, wouldn’t have been able to accomplish quite the same way. And if anyone were to play The Machine, Amy Acker is the only pick in my mind.

Out of all the takes on AI out there, there’s a reason The Machine (and Samaritan but TM is the big one) on Person of Interest is my all time favourite. How they communicate her emotions and personality. Most takes on AI rely on very human forms of getting these across. Voice and tone. Expressions. Body language. But The Machine has none of this, and yet they manage to still create a full formed character. If-Then-Else really is the best episode of this, as it gets us inside her mind in such an engaging and well done way, visually showing us how she thinks and perceives time, as well as all the little touches within her simulations that reveal personifying aspects of her character. There’s a lot more that could be said about how well done this character is, barely scratching the surface here, but I think this gets some of the most important aspects.

Might do this for the rest of the cast over time, would people be interested in that?

#Person of Interest #The Machine #characteranalysis #poiwriting

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brokendownbrown · 6 years

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Regret the day I discovered alcohol as self-liberation, cuz really it was a prison.

there's so much to be said about the nature of the beast that shuts down your brain in sequential order, that renders consent impossible and makes so many bad things happen to your body. there's so much to be said for the pressures we face growing up that are unrealistic to meet. the internalized stigma around our bodies and the weird pressure that creates within as we internalize the violence that caused us the harm in our childhood and we continue to injure ourselves in adolescence.

to think that sex wasn't for me, that I was an alien, to think that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. for me not to be able to understand what that fundamental thing was, to not be able to get what was happening with me. its a cruel thing to have a child immigrate and then encourage them not to take advantage of resources that are available in the community. to be raised in a world where America wasn't form me and to be given friends who at least on surface cared about me, and showed me an incredible 17th birthday, at least I thought, but I'm so conflicted because it was so chock full of substances, the same substances that took vivek's life at 24. in college where I was constantly feeling like a monster. a layover from high school where I never went to parties and even if I was invited would always feel left out. I think people didn't want to challenge my visible orthodoxy even if it was begging for it. I was screaming for saving and no-one felt obliged. and so I kinda waifed out of school, just amid w weed smoke and beer cans, and loop pedals, and isolation. there I wrote the beginnings of what would become the discography of my life of which most seems lost. but still you start over, and over. eventually you get to a point where you've collected enough that you don't necessarily find yourself going through old archives that you made because the life you lived at the time was just too harmful to recollect. [pause] I understand that when my brain was off and I was trying to battle my demons I was in the company of people who were chasing the dragon but not necessarily for the reasons that I was. its a difficult matter to try to navigate and I really just need to continue to be honest, like my friends suggest. I think there's nooks and crannies in my mind that need to be explored yet and my friends demand better from me. so that's what I'll do. [pause] I guess I'm left with the harm that this person experienced, and I have to give them space to express that. if I don't then I'm not like doing my part, or following my friends advice, and really thats all I have in this stage. why would my friends offer advice if I wasn't going to follow it. [pause] This is a part of my being that is hard to access. I guess tears are coming out and I don't want people who've experienced harm to be lying in my wake. its a difficult matter to navigate but I'm getting good advice and I'd do well to follow it. [pause] I wish I didn't have this sense of romance when it came to drinking, like this james Bond-esque super-hero in a suit in the 70's with guns and explosions and girls. why is this like fueling my romance of what it is to drink. well dressed chavs with smarmy charismatic sneers pasted on their faces with wild eyes and hair blowing in the wind, and a cold glow about them. a sense of danger and freedom. a stubbly chin and immaculate fingernails and dapper dress interpreted through chav aesthetic. [pause] all of this and more seems to run through mind, like the whimsical joy of carrying a beer on the train in the UK and being OK. the freedom and sexiness of it all. but in reality I think about how unsexy being too drunk is. how terrible it can feel to be weighed down by whisky, to have the shades drawn mentally and medically have parts of your brain literally de-activting as per the want of alcohol to manifest. [pause] this grandiose life that wasn't for me, as an immigrant, and a kid with a super religious family, who'd never approve of partying. the knowledge of doing exactly what you weren't supposed to be doing was its own reward, a stab back at the family that would constantly torture you all day with all sorts of clothing potions that you'd never wear, all kinds of smarmy remarks about your body, asking you to weigh yourself on the scales, asking you to change your posture, asking you to change your diet. this always would fuck with me and contribute to a sense of two terrible things. [pause] me and my pal vivek would pain the town red and it was grand, like all the visions of radness that had plagued my pre-teen visions of awesome were manifesting at the age of 19. I was the badass id always dreamed to be, and it nearly killed me. I literally woke up in the ER. vivek, he went out in a body bag. so destructive was our dream. now I talk about liberation and its just weird to think that libation is more of a prison and this is almost a slogan but the truth is damning. damn it. I just wish that I wasn't sold this golden vision of substance abuse as a fast track to badassery. I never smoked a cigarette outside of a few chance parties, and hated it every time. weed never stuck. neither did any other drug. it was always alcohol for me. this weird like, sexification of a substance that was in all likelihood a turnoff the whole time. [pause] and now I guess I have a conversation pending with a person whose experienced harm due to drinking and thats going to be a day of reckoning for sure. I'm being given the harsh truth of things and id expect nothing less from my friends and partners. it is what it is, its nothing to sneeze at and I need to step my game here. I need to center their concerns. they need to know that I hear them. [pause] I grew up around bro's. like I was a chav growing up, also a grammar school kid, over in the UK. a northerner, a manc, a blackburnian, a Lancastrian. we'd wear our uniforms and say our prayers. and thats part of a tradition of schools of that nature going back hundreds of years. it was an old world thing. we were raised to love soccer. that was just the way of it. there were no bones about it, you were there, you were playing the game, you loved the game. it was also a city phenomenon, the blackburn rovers, a team that used to be badass when I was a kid but now don't even qualify for the main league. [pause] soccer was a way for me to continue a part of my culture as an immigrant who otherwise had no place to practice my accent, or any other trapping of my britishness. and then white adult comedians have the audacity to come to me and mock the state of my ability to express my internalized and still remembered Britishness as a sign of my ... [pause] its a lot to delve into. its super painful for me to talk about the way I was harmed by midwest public space to the degree that I had to self censure my own accent in order to find any escape from the harm that was being visited upon me daily by taking up space as a british, identifiably british person with religious garb of a faith they misidentified daily, another thing that I ended up leaving behind to step away from the harm coming my way. [pause] sometimes I wonder where does it end, like this weird tapestry of harm that I've internalized, the pain and the trauma, I go through my narrative and my head spins, and its hard for me to ground myself. but still, here I am all the same. [pause] what can anyone do anyway, given the world. I think about my gender and how thats buried in there somewhere, how I'm an immigrant and how thats kinda elusive for me to understand, how like... so many things. like the difficulty I have with mascara, and the few times I've worn a dress, how they've turned into jokes amongst friends. [pause] my body is a problem for me as I... like... you know, am not necessarily drawn to the standard male stuff with regards to fashion despite my swarthy appearance, and in saying that I feel like its racist to use those words. but I've spoken so few times about all this I have a lot of blunderousness in vocab to overcome. my family used to shame my body, my clothing choice, my posture, my body shape, despite being for many years the sole source of all nutrition for me. straight from my mothers kitchen to my stomach, to my body, to their eyes, their lips, and to my shame, the pain, the harm, the trauma. [pause] and I think about the boy from daycare, when I was a pre-teen, I think about the contact we made, their hand on my cheek, the electricity I felt. I think about my old neighbor, how we were close, very close, and how I missed that, and maybe they never felt the same, and maybe thats why they avoided me in years since. there have always been boys, although I'm not running after every boy I see. I have a type, and when it strikes me, it does. [pause] I'm about to do something really difficult and crazy, and I think it might work, but I am not going to pretend like I have everything figured out, I dont. I'll suck before I do better. [pause] but before all that I need to have this conversation with this person whose experienced harm. it was a surprise, a horrible one, but I have reached out and let them know I'm down to speak, and they seem down too. who knows what the right move is from there. but its important to recognize the harm that went down. and I don't know whats going to happen but it needs to and thats the main thing. on the phone he [their friend] told me to center their trauma over my ego. I'm already there trust me. but sure, feel free to say so. [pause] callouts and callins are triggering to me especially when they occur in this city because they've in my experience been used to fuel racist agendas that never get addressed, because of the power dynamics at play. but in this case I feel like maybe I can go through this process without being too worried about that.

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