#I love what we do for ourselves

[daydadahlias]

not to sound mentally ill at 1:30 am on a Sunday night but. when I find leftovers that past!me put in the fridge bc she meal prepped for the week, or when I find sticky notes with reminders on them to brush my teeth or shower that I wrote for myself knowing I might be awake until 1 am again and forget, or when I see that a past version of me has already done an assignment last week so I don’t have to do it tonight,, I just want to say thanks to her for taking care of me.

#it’s probably just bc I haven’t slept a lot this last week bc of all the stuff I’ve had to do #but :( #I’m like oddly emotional over past!jess like we’re not the same person #bc like :( idk :( past me bought chocolate bars a couple weeks ago knowing current me would want them #I stocked up on food so I wouldn’t be hungry #I wrote reminders so that even when I got swamped with work I wouldn’t forget to eat or bathe or take care of myself #and I know that seems stupid to notice and like it should just be Inherent for a person lol #but !! freshman me didn’t do this !! freshman/sophomore me was all outta whack #and so :( idk #I’m usually so sleep deprived and chaotic that I forget I’ve even done things for myself until I see them #and sometimes I am consciously like ‘future Jess will really appreciate this’ #like last night !! I did an assignment that’s not even due until the 29TH!!!!!!! #bc I had the motivation and I knew future Jess would be happy #and when it comes to the 29TH and I don’t have to worry about it I WILL be so happy!!!!!!! #I love people :( #I love what we do for ourselves #I love me #so yeah :) #that’s my bit for the night ok byeee

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

zany to me how these um actually nihilists like to pretend that "um actually love/friendship/cooperation/kindness isn't real bc we evolved that way to benefit ourselves as a species..." um YES? that's also where tool use comes from? that's where cooking comes from? am i supposed to think social bonds & tool use & cooking aren't "real" because they evolved over time instead of appearing fully formed from the ether?

sorry u can't enjoy things. im a superior being twirling a fork in my bowl of delicious noodles whilst staring in adoration at the world

#'love isn't real it's a chemical reaction' #hon i got news for u about chemical reactions and the nature of existence #'we evolved social bonds to benefit ourselves' so you agree? #you agree that social bonds are helpful and important enough that they literally shaped the history of human evolution? #i do not think u are saying. what u think u are saying.

[miwtual]

im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website

#kai.txt #negativity tw #(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them) #we make gifs and nobody reblogs them #when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds #'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op' #reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something #that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place #we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does #to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting #and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces #go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets #that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases #or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place #but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces #they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either #they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters #im just so fucking tired of the disrespect #and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site #we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.

[aslyran]

Force the last page of our story

You're my favourite allegory

Hope to god that you'll forgive me

My mistakes will long outlive me

Mine, mine is the unkind, kindest cut of all.

#i always felt like 51% 49% was quite relatable bc like #we are all always choosing what part of ourselves we want the other to love #this is such a selfish act #even as i want to do it myself i want others to be able to show themselves fully to me #to know them complete #anyways #the song that goes w this is #turtles all the way down #by sammy copley #fanart #illustration #kim dokja #orv kdj #orv #orv fanart #orv spoilers #orv kim dokja #omniscent reader #omniscient reader spoilers #omniscient reader's viewpoint

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Something about how Fire & Ice give up on going after Pearl directly, and instead both arrow in on dissing Marina-

Something about, Pearl having no shame at all, outright telling Frye right off that Off the Hook is here to “take control” and then literally talking over Frye’s turn. Frye’s snarking on how Pearl isn’t the boss here and no one’s cheering for her, ignored. How she goes after both Frye and Shiver asking where Frye’s big friend is to help her pass this test, moving right on to saying they’re both just goons making a mess anyway, little fish who should stay in they're bowl, but

that seems to give Frye the idea of hitting back with the “who’s backing you? Imaginary friends?” line… like Marina doesn’t even count as a music partner- or a friend?

Pearl literally yaps about Marina being divine, one of a kind, voice so fine, big mind- raps the lines off her cuff and the heart that's proudly pinned there

And Frye and Shiver go TARGET DETECTED. They lock onto Marina.

Shiver doesn’t bother trying to needle Marina about Pearl, the way their partners were each doing- if Pearl has no shame then at least she DOES still have a weakness, a soft spot, a thing she openly cares about- something they can try riling her up over

(problem: Pearl actually has all the confidence in Marina as a musician, partner, and performer. She's WATCHED Marina be all those things for YEARS now)

In the end Frye and Shiver just rile up the gay feels. Because Marina’s been living with a rapper who LOVES hyping her up even when they’re not on stage- Pearl who said she’d cut a fish for Marina. And if you don’t come to Inkopolis with a lot of self confidence, well then getting some from your girlfriend is fine too  

But it’s cute that Pearl’s still so obvious about being Marina's no. 1 fan that Fire & Ice thought they could use it against her XD

#splatoon 3 #pearl houzuki #marina ida #pearlina #. #suffer no fools #suffer from the og gays instead #forever i love that Off the Hook just don't have drama with each other #LOTS of things they don't agree on #plenty of teasing #some not fun fights over their music #(when it comes to our art we have to be true to ourselves! NO compromises!) <- marina that's so sweet u guys only fight when you #AGREE it's IMPORTANT and that you both SHOULD #but otherwise? #they just are best buddies #......bedfellows even.... #.....canon sharers of the same bed.... #like their careers are a thing they do bc they like doing it with each other #(ahaha whoops the phrasing there uhh) #they like spending TIME together #OUTSIDE of music and band stuff #i love that for them #they're not family or childhood neighbors #they just picked each other up one day like 'oh hey cool this is what i've been missing' #:) #i love them

[dayurno]

this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it

and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?

anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode

two hours later edit: you're allowed to reblog this! sorry about the confusion

#this has been so upsetting to notice but 🥹whatever #there is a different kind of bitterness to thinking about how ten years have passed #and we are getting new content that changes and maybe even rectifies many of the ways we see and interact w aftg #and none of it not a bit of it addresses the racism #how it’s been ten years and the only thing we really get to show it is a book about a ship between two white men the fandom came up with #after seeing them be Suggested to interact in canon #i understand not wanting to hurt nora sakavics feelings by asking her about this #but imagine how tired we are. Imagine how tired we are #do you know how bad it feels to read through nicky’s worst moments in aftg #and know that he was written this way because he looks like me? #do you understand how exhausting it all is. can you imagine? #the fandom has been so quick to undo the criticism fans of colors have been making since day one #and for what. for what! my doves. for what? #have we come out of it any greater? have we done anything but lie to ourselves? #and anyway this is not some mindless pessimism #this is not me telling you that aftg is bad and you cant love it; cant have it mean anything to you #this is me saying that when we acknowledge these things it makes us better readers and better people #nora sakavic if you are reading this from whatever hellhole america you find yourself in #grabs you by the shoulders. This is not the end #this is not something to sit back and feel bad about #you have opened the floodgates of hell with tsc. kick the door in and release a revised version of aftg #there is a real material way for you to make this better. it is possible and it will not kill you #i would read a revised aftg. my mutuals would. many many many many fans would #making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability #but we do not have to let ourselves get defined by them. We can do hard things #lets go of nora sakavics shoulders. anyway. where were we #aftg #txt #tsc

[uncanny-tranny]

And another thing that gets me about the human condition is how we weren't even meant to survive this world alone - humans with humans. We chose to trust certain animals, to nourish them, to be symbiotic with them, to love them like we love ourselves. I think a lot of people talk about how selfish it is for humans to take advantage of animals, but I think that's too simplistic. It's closer to friendship - if you do not foster the relationship, then it simply won't go anywhere, and I think the implication that animals can't ever know anything for themselves, for their survival, is also human-centric and selfish (selfishness not inherently being a bad thing).

It's just nice to know that we want to be around people - we want to be around comfort and security and safety so much that we now have animals by our side. Every time I cuddle with my cat, I think that we weren't meant to survive this world alone; she is shaped to fit in my chest, and my arms were made to wrap around her.

#positivity #and i know many people are like 'but we domesticated animals for what they could do for us 😞' and that's not the full picture... #...YES we fostered certain relationships with animals because they are skilled and they are qualified so to speak... #...but we also must prove ourselves in order to keep our end of the deal. would an animal really WANT to do their work if they... #...weren't taken care of? ESPECIALLY if they're stubborn in nature? #it just seems human-centric to think that all animals are at the mercy of us and could NEVER think or feel #and even then!!! we won't ever KNOW because they have different thoughts and feelings and perspectives we won't KNOW ABOUT #maybe we should just bask in the company and love that animals give us without worrying about committing Awful Heinous Sins #YOU ARE A PART OF NATURE. YOU ARE ALSO AN AMIMAL. YOU CAN SURVIVE WITH OTHER ANIMALS #when you take the time and care to learn about animals you can even relate and feel for them and understand a little better #i just love that humans tend to pack bond so intensely that it doesn't just apply to other people #our instinct to love and care is a good thing. our pack bonding will help us survive. #to live is to be 'selfish'. it is you IMPERATIVE to be selfish

[tragicotps]

Asriel Belacqua + his biggest weakness aka Marisa Coulter

#his dark materials #masriel #asriel x marisa #asriel belacqua #marisa coulter #a little compilation of Asriel being a sucker for marisa #its kinda funny how she's all like HE obvi LOATHES me&wants me and our daughter DeaD so F hiM and he's all like I LOVE YOU Pls LOVE ME BACk #*puppy dog eyes* #he tries and fails so hard lmao #this took me waaaaay longer to make than I expected #but it was worth it 😆 #I love this idiot of a man #the subtle eyebrow raise when he says 'not just her' 😭😭 #like he wants to say HAVE I NOT BEEN SUPERCLEAR ABOUT THIS OR DO YOU NEED ME TO SPELL IT OUT #these actors really gave it their best with the material they had #i still cant believe they didnt even use one good marisa line from the books in s3 #we shouldve married and brought her up ourselves #what will happen to us #is this the end of everything #ive never hated you but I could see why you might hate me #i cant bear the thought of oblivion asriel #i told him i was going to betray you but i lied too well #She felt as soft and light in his arms as she had when Lyra was conceived thirteen years before #GAHHHHHH im just 🥺🥺🥺 whyyy #ignore all these useless tags #i wanted to add more to this set but tumblr didnt let me #mine

[hurlockomega]

im really glad i see so many of us anders and alistair enjoyers coming together to enjoy gale of waterdeep. i felt like we were already secretly kissing each other on the mouth on a semi-regular basis, but regardless it's nice to see us out in the open without pretending we don't know each other intimately.

#gale of waterdeep #alistair theirin #anders #its been fun having yet another sad wet cat of a man to go insane over. i literally feel like we've time travelled back to either 2009 #or 2011 when these men were fresh and new to us and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. #peace and love on earth etc

[emblazons]

WARNING: FFVII spoilers + ship talk—scroll if you want to skip, because I am simply commentating my own gaming experience & not trying to start a war in the comments

-

It’s the way I’m DESPERATELY trying to play FFVII with an openness to Cloud and Aerith because I know it means so much to so many people—and yet even when I go to YouTube and watch alt versions of mandatory scenes I cannot fathom how people are missing the subtext of “Aerith knows and acknowledges Tifa is so much more than Cloud’s friend even as she wants his attention because she doesn’t know if he’s really himself, has been extremely lonely since Zack left + knows somewhere she’s going to die for herself” ☠️

Like I am 3000% for FF ships that have a lot of groundwork but aren’t primary canon, because Square is notorious for building true chemistry between people who are not ever canonically romantic (hello Phoenixflare) but…it’s getting kind of absurd to see how many people are denying the subtext of Aerith as secondary to Tifa solely because they love their ship.

Perfect example: the scene where Aerith goes up on the Nebelheim water tower (a place wholly and entirely tied to Cloud and Tifa’s ongoing relatonship) and asks Cloud about his town…only for us to get this:

As someone who just consumes media generally…the whole subtext of the scene is clearly that Aerith trying to 1) pull Cloud’s actual memories up from the mind muck he’s going through (something she and Tifa both do repeatedly) and 2) remind Cloud of the side of him that inherently has always had a whole ass crush on his childhood best friend to help jog his memory.

Sure, it reads as a cute moment between them if you want that…but if you’re paying attention to the purpose of the scene itself and what’s being said (verbally and subtextually)…it’s astronomically clear this is a Cloud x Tifa recognition delivered to the audience through a Cloud/Aerith moment…and this happens repeatedly ☠️

And then…immediately after having her be upset that she doesn’t have someone the way Cloud has Tifa, and asking to be alone? I…I just. Like it’s so hard to be here in the middle of a war about “optional scenes” when shit that happens to everyone happens just like this 😭

#example of what I’m talking about under the cut #I just. LISTEN. #I fucking love Aerith #I really do #and even though some of her actions are quite curious to me re: cloud romance #I can clearly tell they are setting her up as loving him as a friend more than a romantic partner #and her still feeling so tied to Zack…while knowing she’s in for something terrible. #even with all the whispers shit that’s crystal mf clear—she’s just trying to find joy while she can #and cloud is more than willing to indulge her because he cares deeply for her too! #…and yet #we are so clearly in for a cloud x tifa romance in the long haul #Tifa and cloud love each other. cloud and Aerith LIKE each other—and even she comments DIRECTLY on ‘liking v LIKING’ #I just…whew #ship your ship #but let’s not outright lie to ourselves here LMAOOOO #ffvii analysis #cloti #ffvii #ffvii spoilers #remake spoilers #final fantasy spoilers #the me tag

[zainmalik]

faith in the future deserves to win album of the year for all this time alone

#and i keep on building mountains hoping that they'll turn to gold #but the truth is i still doubt that what i do can get me home #our eyes meet and i can tell that you’re the same as me? #it’s the way we see ourselves through walls of trees? #but the friends we make the love it takes it’s worth the pain? #a masterpiece #logan.txt

[chucktaylorupset]

its been a million years.  percy has gone from young millenial to squarely gen z.  i think that while he’s up on that mountain demanding the gods pay their fucking child support, he should tell hera at the top of his sixteen year old pipsqueak lungs that polyamory is a thing now and she doesn’t have to define her marriage the traditional way if she doesn’t want to.  she’s the goddess of all marriages!  that includes these modern ones too!!

hera is like zeus would you agree to an open relationship zeus is like SOLD i have been trying to do this for years, completely neglects to read the fine print that this goes two ways before signing on the dotted line for this deal with the prada wearing devil because fundamentally, zeus is an asshole

hera starts hooking up with committed married couples and having SUPREMELY powerful demigod children.  they are all her favorites and she lavishes them with powers and gifts and attention.  she has, unlike the other gods, no millenia of experience with mortal children to temper her reaction, and so this whole move honestly causes more problems than not.

meanwhile hades and persephone; poeseidon and amphirite; dionysus and ariadne; all of them have been trying to talk to hera about this thing for DECADES and then perseus fucking protagonist powers jackson comes in and turns a quarter of a century into wasted work.

#my post #pjo #it's very key that zeus is big butthurt about this #and that most of the olympians are ethically nonmonogamous thanks to some great work done by either aphrodite or eros #back at the end of the 1900s #being a child of hera is extremely weird because you're not prepared for it like most single parents of demigods are #also most of heras partners come out okay but ALL of them are 'blessed' to never be divorced which uh #can have some variability in terms of results #gods are complicated kids #a lot of hera demigods come up with parents who have very healthy relationships and pass on those emotional intelligence skills! #and then they start coming into their powers and suddenly they inherit a girlboss pta mom who will speak to the manager #and WILL support them taking over the world cause it's what they deserve. if that's what they want <3 #most of them are emotionally healthy enough that they don't even Want to take over the world but uh. they sure are offered that as option #if they want to #hera kids have the Oposite problem of a lot of demigods who have gods practiced in loving mortal kids #they're like i cannot stress how much we Do Not Have To Prove Ourselves to her #we have to be very careful about wanting things she will just handle them to us also #once we get married we can't divorce she would either kill us or it would Be A Thing for the rest of our lives #it's... very stressful to be a child of hera #they mostly try to befriend the chill party kids because they need to catch some Chill

[apostaterevolutionary]

Marvelling at the mutual trust it takes to play with a cat (or dog or many other pets, but in my case it’s a cat) with your hands

My hand is holding his shoulders, but it’s close to his fragile neck. Yet he doesn’t worry about me ever hurting him, even by accident. It would never cross my mind, of course, other than ensuring I don’t accidentally injure him, but it’s impossible for him to know that for sure. Still, he never hesitates to invite me to play this game with him and to put himself in the vulnerable position of belly and throat exposed

Meanwhile his paws are on my skin and even though he might get a little sharp sometimes when he’s excited, if he really wanted to shred me, he could. He doesn’t. He could do the same with his teeth, but he never does. He doesn’t even break the skin with them and only ever does with his claws shallowly and by accident. He could tear my flesh and spill my blood at any point, he’s in the perfect position to do so and his instincts would tell him exactly how, yet he always chooses not to

And through all this, we can’t talk to each other. He knows a few commands and I can read his body language, but we can’t actually communicate directly at all. No words can be shared, only actions. So much vulnerability, so much trust needed, and yet it’s just a fun game for both of us, one we play often multiple times a day, and nothing more

Idk just. The relationship you can have with a member of another species that loves and trusts you is just so special, I don’t think there is a purer version of love that exists in the world than the love for a pet

#idk what I’m talking about lmao I just love my little guy so much #and my sweet old dear that passed last year (that I still very much miss) #and idk just. the beauty of that #of sharing these experiences where we both choose to put ourselves in a vulnerable position #when we can’t even communicate #and we do that *for fun* and have a good time #the trust. it’s really beautiful. it requires so much love #text #misc #shut up nerd #cats

[overleftdown]

i saw this review a bit ago and i've been thinking about it a lot. i want to talk about it. i love hilton als, good god (although how could you hate any character more than oliver? i suppose it's the reality of people like farleigh).

"...while leading a nearly completely fictive life and pretending said gallery isn't paying them to be black. or some branch of show business. authenticity is their enemy, and declaiming 'whiteness'--usually in the press--covets it, reveres it. emotional exhibitionism is all, but not truth--if they could find it." this is such a poignant explanation of what it means to be colored and to exploit said color. declaiming whiteness covets authenticity. emotional exhibitionism is all, but not truth. GOD.

this concept of what it means to utilize your marginalization--to externalize it, to remove yourself from it only until it's useful, to disconnect so ardently from that which is a part of you. it's something i've thought about a lot. als' specific words get me, "the piddling career." because it is piddling, isn't it? god, is it meaningless and pathetic. it makes me think of archie's quote, "i understand this sort of peddling you're doing, trying to catch up to these people."

when i look at farleigh, i see him the same way i see the other boys at school that try so hard to obey whiteness and everything that comes with it. i see him the say way i see my younger self, surrounded by invisible strings that i was terrified of tripping into. running away from something so uncomfortable that you'll use any self-contained currency you own. unsure of when to use your race for the sake of social credit, or when to attempt some odd form of camouflage that never really works. and there's other things that follow or maybe prelude that; your body, your name, the fabric of what makes you an individual. it's heartbreaking and terrifying all the same.

i guess farleigh is my own form of escapism, in the way that i can imagine whatever future i'd like for him. i can imagine that he learns to love, deeply and entirely, what it means to be hurt and heal from it. maybe i kind of do resent part of this fandom for unknowingly attacking my hopeful imagination. whether they hate the character or whether they create their own imaginative realities of farleigh that don't really fit into mine. i have an unhealthy attachment to this character, basically. chatterboxing, who's abt to step into the ring w me?

#farleigh start #and everything that comes with him! #saltburn #saltburn 2023 #this movie is so important to me actually #do you understand what it means to be terrified and starved to the point of sickness? #wow wow wow #i can't even explain myself here #mfs be escaping thru toxic yaoi and my escapism is imagining that someday #this person might love himself #so that i might love myself #so that these pathetic little kids might love themselves #so that we become more than the version of ourselves that wanted validation above everything else #to run and run and run and #and????? #farleigh u will always be famous and a little too real #looking into the mirror and the mirror is looking back #i jus need a gucci sweater to consummate our mutual trauma

[rusquared]

i think we all need to spend more time staring at art. like the moment you see a piece of art (whatever medium it might be) float past you online/irl. look at it. someone did that. they didn't have to. it probably took them a non-negligible amount of time and effort, with no 100% guarantee that anyone would appreciate it. but they made it. and every one of them made something different, unique, theirs. what the fuck man.

#sometimes i get very ill thinking about all the art i see here and am exposed to daily #like so many fucking styles i love and admire. all of them coming from someone #its fucked up how we all develop unique handwriting and drawing and writing styles. #what do you mean we leave little pieces of ourselves in everything we touch!

[hythlodaes]

every time i go on twitter i’m like what the hell and then i close the app

#i’m just argdjdjx why are we patting ourselves on the back for this !! #a certain kind of love and adoration ??? #i get what they mean. i do. #but everyone has their quirks in xiv and i’ve seen a lot worse said about other races #like i don’t think this is something to feel brave about #and lowkey sucks to be like. yall play elezen DESPITE how weird and awful ppl think they are #apparently. #i think this is just for engagement #so people will show off their elezen wols #but it made me mad dkdjdkd #i will delete this post in five minutes when i get over it #ffxiv