#making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability

[dead-dove-yandere]

OC Intro - ╹◡╹

Secret Admirer Yandere

??? ♡ ??? ♡ Human? ♡ Office Worker

TW: Stalking, obsession, delusional behaviour, threats, mention of a blade, implied kidnapping/murder

♡ - You’re an office worker - it’s not your ideal job, but it pays the bills. You keep your work life strictly separate from the rest of your life, always keeping your head down and focusing on the task at hand rather than talking to any of your colleagues, but not working hard enough to get noticed for a promotion. You don’t plan to stick around in this career after all.

♡ - Any of your coworkers shouldn’t have known much about you at all. To be honest, you didn’t know much about any of them anyway. You were perfectly happy just blending into the background.

♡ - But, one Monday morning, as you near your desk, you notice something unusual. Pasted right on the corner of your computer monitor, sits a post it note. At first you assume someone missed you and wanted to leave a reminder for some kind of memo or meeting, but reading it sends a shiver down your spine.

♡ - “Have a wonderful day at work, honey. ╹◡╹”

♡ - You stare at the message on the yellow post it, written in red biro, trying to fathom who it’s from. You assume someone must have left it on the wrong desk by mistake, and throw the post it away.

♡ - The post its don’t stop though. Everyday you come to your desk and see a new one, all with similar cutesy messages, all signed off with that smiley face.

♡ - “Make sure to drink plenty of water! ╹◡╹”

♡ - “You look amazing today, honey. ╹◡╹”

♡ - “I miss you so much! ╹◡╹”

♡ - On Friday, you get sick of it. You go around, asking all your coworkers if their partners have perhaps got the wrong desk, but no one seems to recognise the handwriting.

♡ - Giving it up as a bad job, you decide to talk to HR about it once Monday rolls around again.

♡ - The weekend comes as a bit of relief, but it doesn’t last long.

♡ - Monday inevitably arrives, and again, there is a post it note on your desk. You do a quick tour of the office, hoping to perhaps catch the culprit, but everyone has yellow post it notes on their desk - there is no way to tell who it is from.

♡ - You go to HR, but there is little they can do for you without any knowledge or proof of who is leaving them. Deflated, you go back to your desk and work, trying to focus but unable to.

♡ - When Friday rolls around again, the note reads differently than usual.

♡ - “You seemed stressed, honey. Let me take you out tonight - my treat. Meet me at 7, at that restaurant we both like. Wear something nice. ╹◡╹”

♡ - You haven’t a clue what restaurant they mean, and even if you did, there is no way in hell you are going with some stranger that seems to have some strange one sided love for you. You crumple the note in frustration and throw it away, as you have with all the other post it notes.

♡ - Monday arrives again, but this time instead of a note, it seems there is a letter.

♡ - it’s written on the standard issue memo paper found anywhere around the office. It seems crumpled and tear stained. Whoever is writing them seems to have switched from a red biro to a red ink pen, but the ink seems oddly dark and brown.

♡ - “Honey. I waited for you all night. You never showed. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? How humiliating it was to be sobbing in the middle of the restaurant? I came back here at the weekend and found all my love notes for you in your bin. Why are you so cruel? Did I do something wrong? Do you not love me anymore? You’re coming home tonight. I let you stay at your own place long enough, I know new couples need time before moving in together but this has gone too far. You haven’t even visited or called or texted once. Come home. We have some serious discussion to do. ╹︵╹”

♡ - You can’t bring yourself to get any work done, you can’t bring yourself to eat, you can’t even bring yourself to try and tell HR again. You stand up and do another lap of the office, carefully examining everyone’s faces, trying to work out who might have sent this damned letter, but you can’t tell. You haven’t even the faintest idea.

♡ - You eye all your coworkers with suspicion, until finally you can’t take it anymore and hide in the toilets. You stay there, frightened to leave, right up until it’s time to clock out, and even then, it takes you a long time to work up the courage to leave.

♡ - When you finally get out, the office is empty. There is no one else there, apart from you. You find the darkened cubicles eerie, yet you breathe a sigh of relief anyway. Surely that must mean the note writer is gone too? You run out into the car park, making a mad dash for it, then stop short just as your car comes into view.

♡ - It’s covered in post it notes of varying colours, each one scrawled in that weird red ink. Some are angry, others plead for your forgiveness or return. Every single one is wet with tear stains.

♡ - You freeze. You have to call the police - you’ve let this go one long enough. You take a step back, ready to run back to the office and hole yourself up until the police arrive, only to stop when you feel a knife against your back and hear a voice you don’t recognise.

♡ - “Oh honey, you aren’t getting away with this that easily…”

Personality

The most mysterious of all, “Smiley” (╹◡╹) hasn’t quite seemed to grasp that it wouldn’t be obvious to their darling who they are. In their eyes, they’re already with their darling, and their tactics are less trying to get close to their daring and moreso engaging in what they think is cute couple behaviour. When their darling ignores or dismisses their bids for attention? Well, hell hath no fury like a lover scorned. It’s probably too late for their darling by the time they finally see the face of their admirer.

Dividers Credit: See Pinned Post

#yancore #yandere #yandere fic #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #oc intro #yandere imagines #gender neutral reader #gender neutral yandere #yandere drabble #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc intro #yandere oc #gender neutral yandere oc #male yandere #female yandere #Smiley #Story #Meet Cute

[violentviolette]

i think a lot of people would benefit from internalizing the reality that just because u had a negative emotion doesnt always mean someone else did something wrong

we can be hurt without someone else being to blame for being the epicenter of that hurt. just because something makes us upset or hurts us, doesnt mean the other person made a mistake or should have done something differently or needs to apologize

negative emotions are an inevitable part of life and sometimes they were always going to happen no matter what because of the situation and there was no way to avoid them and thats okay. sometimes there's nothing to be done to fix a negative emotion or prevent it from happening. sometimes people we love and care about are going to hurt us and thats okay. its a part of being human. we will inevitably do the same to them. but just because we were hurt doesnt mean they did something wrong.

and we can take the time and space to be upset about that privately without involving them in our emotions at all. because even when our emotions are triggered by someone else, that doesnt mean they have to answer for them

the world is not divided into victims and perpetrators and sometimes people hurt us when they do the right thing. sometimes everyone can do everything right and we can still get hurt and be upset. that doesnt make them bad people and it doesnt give us the right to blame them for it or hold them responsible

#jack.speaks #aspd #npd #bpd #hpd #cluster b #cluster b pd #cluster b personality disorder #dbt

[starsinfinitynotes]

you cannot make your human/ego self “manifest”: you are beyond the limits of your body and the physical world ᯓ★

your human self and your human body (which are part of the 3d) are NOT manifesting, and cannot manifest because of its limitations. your human self is locked to the state it’s a part of. your human body is not what is infinite and to force it to be is to live in delusion.

worrying about your thoughts, worrying about your feelings, whether you’re doing things right, doubting and fearing, feeling trapped in cycles of pining & yearning over your desires, being so forceful on making things happen physically, and being so reliant on what’s physically happening outside of you for your happiness and fulfillment are examples your human self tryna take control of things and make things happen for you.

you have to accept the fact that there are limitations of your human body. this is why logic and fallibility exists, and why we are able to make mistakes. you can’t push your human body beyond it’s limitations. acceptance of this is NOT defeat, it’s you being gentle to the capabilities of your human body. do not push your body beyond its limits.

HERE’S THE CATCH: if you know creation is finished, everything i just told you just now wouldn’t phase you one bit. because while our human self does have its limits, and while a state might be conditioned to what it just has - IT IS NOT the only state or only version of you that exists. to believe in the law of assumption is to have the guts to live and believe beyond the limitations of the physical world.

you have the ultimate freedom to occupy the self you want to BE anything out of the infinite states available to you. to apply law of assumption is continuously go back to CHOOSING that self you want to be; the reflected byproduct (manifestation) is inevitable from there on out.

this is why manifesting is not about being delusional, it has never been about denying anything in your present physical experience. it’s just been about EXPANDING that experience of yours beyond what is just physical (as you die from one state to another). it’s about remembering that that physical experience of yours is just a dead shadow of what you’re experiencing within.

as long as you’ve had an imagination (which is basically as long as you’ve ever been alive), you’ve ALWAYS been experiencing what is beyond the physical world: you experiencing that has always been your proof. that infinite awareness of yours that’s experiencing imagination is your true nature as GOD (I AM). all you are doing now by practicing loass is tapping back into that and realizing that you’ve already had everything within you, realizing that NO separation exists between you and anything at all in your reality.

#law of assumption #loassumption #loassblog #loa blog #loa tumblr #loablr #loass angel #loa success #manifesting #neville goddard #edward art #nondualism #consciousness #inner self #loa states #advaita vedanta

[kuekyuuq]

Supercorp - Rehashing the Fallout once more

Today's menu: Kara Danvers' Double-Standards.

I am rewatching Supergirl, and it occurred to me why I am with Lena on the "you lied to me" point. (Not the brain-wash the planet or taking a year to get over herself and realize her own - horrible - mistakes parts, though.) Not because of the lie itself or its content, but its context with Kara's very own history!

Let's take a walk...

In the pilot Kara gets mad at Alex for her having kept her double-life as a DEO agent secret from her.

Kara is utterly disappointed and distraught at the secrets her parents kept from her (Medusa, Myriad), some of which affected her directly (Krypton's impending destruction).

Kara finds out that James is Guardian before he told her and she was pretty upset, explains it's because they are humans throwing themselves into danger.

When J'onn explains to Kara how bonded Martians share their minds, Kara expresses how she thinks the “no secrets, no lies” sounds “beautiful”.

Kara ends their relationship with Mon-El over him lying about his true identity (and him being the Prince of a cruel society), ignoring him when he said he tried several times to tell her. When Mon-El let himself into Kara's apartment to apologize, he BEGS for forgiveness

but Kara says she deserved better than being lied to… Yes, she secretly forgave him at this point but still breaks up with him (Rhea told her to do so) and cries over it.

Music Meister teaches Kara (and Barry): “Love is about letting yourself be saved, it's not just about saving other people.”

Trust.

Lillian tells Kara, she doesn't need to spill SG's identity, because when Lena FINDS OUT, it'll be so much worse.

(And Lillian was SO on point!)

When Kara and Clark spar and have a heart-to-heart, Kara wonders if she can have it all, Clark assures her about the most important people make keeping the secret worth it and how letting (only) those important people in IS enough. Later, asked the same questions, Cat tells Kara that women have the guts to be vulnerable, lists her accomplishments.

Kara does not take Lena possessing some of Lex's Kryptonite nor the whole Sam/Reign-secret kept from her well. Gets even angrier when Lena creates her own Kryptonite (in her quest to fight/cure Reign …and cancer and other human ailments).

Or Mon-El hesitating to tell and keeping from Kara about his time-travelling, marriage and his actual mission…

That is up until mid-s03 and not even counting the many times how the show also taught us through Alex', J'onns and Lena's lenses that lying and pretending to be someone one is not to those important/close to oneself, is harmful to their (romantic and platonic) relationships and themselves.

Do I need to go on?

...Kara is clearly fully aware at that point that secrets (even her own) do not bode well in any type of relationships she would like to have and keep.

And, yes, I am fully aware of the "point of no return" argument, in all its validity, that at some point the lies had stacked up so much, that the hurt was inevitable, the fear of rejection more and more founded, of Kara wanting to be "just Kara" with Lena… Every season, every in-show year that passed and Kara kept her secret(s), it became impossibly harder to come clean. But, re-watching the show, it just seems so… irresponsible? And the more often Kara makes a point herself being lied to is a bad thing, even …hypocritical.

I am not saying any of the people who lied to or kept things from Kara were in the right or wrong - a totally different discussion that would require individual assessment. But, Kara, making the same point over and over again? Several times about the very topic of hidden/fake identities and double-lives… But then proceeding to keep her proclaimed best friend in the dark about herself, still?

Yeah, that bugs me. A lot.

IMO, after the whole Mon-El returned thing Kara would or should have had an epiphany about telling Lena the truth about herself… but then Reign beat her into a coma and all kinds of hell broke loose.

But… Yeah. Not even for Supercorp reasons. But internal logic.

From a story-writing perspective; you have your (main) character face a (similar but slightly different) situation a couple times before they learn their lesson. You plant the seeds (in this case: identity reveal) and then have it play out, based on what the character had learned(!) this far. And you have them deal with the worst-case-scenario backlash, if you need any for drama's sake, but it should make some level of sense… Instead they had Kara learn nothing, had her lie to Lena for another two years, and turned Lena into a spiraling madwoman. And Kara… well, now in Mon-El's shoes, could not quite understand how Lena (in Kara's former shoes, but with much more tainted personal experiences) was deeply, intimately hurt, devastated, and struggling.

Kara saw this coming - but tbh, when Lillian spoke so (unintentionally) truthful, Kara should have focused on the implied "if someone ELSE but you tells her", and when talking to Kal, realized that he didn't keep his secret FROM his most important people (Lois, James…) to protect them. Taken Cat's advice to have the guts to be vulnerable to reap Lena's long-term trust instead of settling for "for now this works, right?".

Not to mention that the whole show over and over stressed, that Kara could "have it all" without revealing herself to the world (the 100th episode even making a point that telling the world WILL put her loved ones at risk) or deciding on one half of herself, but then the show ended, and… yeah… I guess, some sort of witness protection for everyone?

No more casual strolls for "just Kara" through the park…

I adore the show, but… continuity?

It's just a bit painful to re-watch the show and watch Kara fault and shame others over and over again, only to go ahead and do the thing herself... Aware, yet oblivious. And NOBODY calls her out on it. (The one time Alex asked her and Kara was all like "I had to take the dog to the vet" is too little too late.)

Thankfully the fandom is so amazingly creative <3

#Kue out.

#supergirl #supercorp #the reveal #lena luthor #kara danvers #kara zor-el #lies #none of the pics or gifs are mine! #rant #picture heavy #long post

[brightgoat]

How is Pucci both the most human of the main villains and a top tier personification of the crushing weight of inevitable destiny that binds us all? Is he hacking?

He's just peak jjba villain, that's all-

no but fr, what's not human about fearing fate, destiny and the future? His backstory is the most sympathetic and arguably most tragic, he's shown the most genuine humanity and hurt out of all the villains (to me anyway), and even though on the outside his goal and rise to heaven is insane, the core idea of 'wouldnt we be happier if we knew what bad things would happen to us' is quite relatable.

To me anyway, i hate uncertainty and unpredictability, so I get the core idea.

Not only that but also his goal stems from his fear of free will. He's afraid of making things go wrong or making mistakes like he once did so he's subscribed to the idea that everything is predestined and we can't change anything and its out of our control therefore not our fault. He's blinded himself with inevitable destiny while thinking he's actually the one seeing the truth of the world. And its crushing because 1) YEAH the future is crushing, the idea of fate is scary, religion is often about fearing a higher power for a reason and 2) in the universe of JJBA, he's fucking RIGHT- fate DOES exist, everyone follows a script, everyone falls in place, until he himself fucks it up accidentally, makes a mistake, and fucks himself over and destroys his own theory.

He really WAS hacking the story but he accidentally hacked against himself-

I veered way off script myself here but thats what happens when I start talking about the man the myth the legend Enrico Pucci god i love that bastard

[carionto]

So uhh... we found something really, REALLY strange

As the tectonic activity continues to shift ever more chaotically across the globe, randomly elevating or crumbling parts of mountains, opening up fissures and expanding fault lines, not to mention all the volcanic eruptions, to say it is important to monitor the inner workings of Earth would be a criminal understatement.

On the remains of what used to be Hawaii, now a singular landmass, lies a monitoring station closest to the epicenter of the Fusion Detonation Event, some 400km away. Seismographer and tectonics expert Joannie du'Preeste was finalizing this months deep level mapping of the area of detonation and directly below to give the algorithm-driven disaster prediction model at least an above 50% accuracy rate for this month.

Typical readings, increase in magma outflow, collapses of internal caverns, formation of new ones, and irregular shifts from the various efforts to stymie and direct the disastrous plate movements. Now that Humanity and Earth were properly back in dimensional space instead of in-between, some additional hectic activity in the form of directional nuclear detonation had been performed for the upcoming plan of "plug the hole with a large piece of another planet or moon".

They've selected Sycorax by the way, just waiting for it to get further away from Uranus in its irregular orbit, hook it up to several Dreadnoughts and haul it over to Earth and gently plop it in the hole. It is about the right size and nobody will miss it if it doesn't work.

Anyway, as she pondered the likely inevitable yet another calamitous event we'll be willingly conducting, the mapper finished its work.

At first, more of the same chaos as usual, but something at the back of her mind said to glance closer at the density readings from the deepest level measurements. With not much else to do today before the work day ends, she highlighted the appropriate levels, and as she started to remove clutter data, a shape began to emerge.

A tendril.

While scans and maps often show things that our minds interpret as something already familiar to us, once you look at each individual part, you see that it is just a coincidence. The brain wants to see what it knows to make sense of the unknown, life would be too complicated and overstimulating otherwise.

No mistake, however. As she removed more of the clutter and focused in on the object, there was no mistaking its resemblance to a biological structure. Hints of veins, pores, hairs, scales, needles, eyes... seemingly everything you could find on the surface layer of a creature was there, or parts of it anyway. Composition-wise it was more of the same silicates and such compounds found within the mantle. But... denser, more concentrated, almost deliberately shaped.

She quickly loaded up older data and after a bit of filtering and comparing, sure enough, the same tendril-like structure is there, just a little closer to the regular density levels of the surrounding. Even years old data provided similar results, though you could only find the shape if you already knew it was there.

Loading up the oldest records she had access to from around 300 years ago revealed the same, just even less distinguishable from the surrounding materials.

The scans don't go deep enough to show what the tendril leads to, if anything, but what is it? How did it get there? Why is something clearly biological in structure within the mantle layer? And if it does continue, how far? Does the core of the planet itself house some impossible creature? If so... what does that mean? For Earth? For Humanity? For the Universe? This is way above Joannie's pay grade and expertise, way past her regular waking hours as well at this point, and way too big to know how or if to reveal any information to the public. Some higher ups can have a headache instead.

Maybe the Coalition aliens know something similar.

Maybe this is all a big load of nothing and she just imagined it all.

Yeah.

That'd be nice.

Wouldn't it be nice if Cthulu wasn't potentially real?

#humanity fuck yeah #humans are space orcs #humans are deathworlders #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #lovecrafian #fiction #short story #story #I'm not gonna tease and slow burn this #I suggested Cthulu exists in this verse so gotta advance that #how is this gonna work? dunno #I should probably read Lovecrafts works huh #cuz right now i'm just improving eldritch beings #also just casually dooming a moon to a pointless death #carionto

[the-s1lly-corner]

jealous/clingy spot/johnathon headcannons?

Jealous and Clingy hcs for Jonathan/Spot!

Knocking this out before I take a nap (eepy <\3)! Usually I would split this into 2 sections buuuuut since I think there wasnt much change in this department I'm not gonna bother!!

So!! Yeah!!

Fair warning that this will probably be OOC and/or have mistakes since I'm eepy but I'm too stubborn to leave this for later ☝️😔

This ones gonna be on the shorter side, maybe

Idk I write these opening/author notes before + as I'm writing

Starting off Jonathan is.

Whoooboy!

Like he tries not to be toxic about it, he doesn't want to hurt you or drive you away, and that sentiment is still there even after he becomes spot

He doesn't have many friends and he'll never forgive himself if he makes you leave

What he needs is loads of reassurance that you only have eyes for him, and communication is key! Let him know when you're going to be late or going to hang out with someone for a bit; if he sees you with someone else, or another *guy* it'll eat him up all day

Though sometimes he can still jump to conclusions so arguments are inevitable every now and then but again, communication and patience is key; he'll never go as far as to accuse you of cheating though (unless he truly has reason to suspect)

He doesn't think hes the prettiest, or nicest, or smartest, or-

I mean of all people, you chose him?

He feels lucky to have you, but he believes you can do so much better than him and that thought is constantly plaguing his mind

Not very self assured tbh

After the collider incident his self image issues get way way WAY worse; from the fact he can hardly consider himself human, to his new powers, to the fact everyone from his old life dropped him

Except, for you

You stayed

Through it all the fact you stuck around does give him comfort, more so than if you were to meet him after the collider incident

Like

Its one thing to meet him as spot

But I feel its another to see and know how he was before, as just Jonathan, and to still stick around after his life was flipped upside down

His jealousy still spikes up every now and then

As a side thing I feel like as Jonathan he liked having you in his sight and, if possible, he liked holding your hand. Think of it as a "you're still here, you're here for me, you're not going anywhere and you love me," sort of thing

As spot that turns into him wanting to be even closer to you anytime he has the chance

The whole "oh I'm not the most (x)" thing REALLY amps up when he becomes spot, especially in the beauty department

Remind him that you dont mind the holes, shower him in affection

Overall it's going to be a while until hes confident in himself, both as Jonathan and as Spot

So please be patient with him, but remember to set clear boundaries for the relationship! I feel like with a lot of hc lists for insecurity and jealousy stuff, boundaries are hardly touched up on!! No hate to those writing like that and not including it but I feel like its important to stress that the other partner has the right to enforce their own things

Though that might be because when I was younger, jealous hcs were more... yandere-esque or getting REAL close to it, and it kinda. Made me think that was normal and desirable and okay in relationships so

Idk maybe that's just that part of me wanting to prevent that from happening to someone else

With that aside, ultimately Jonathan/Spot will try his best to not get too intense or pushy or controlling; again, he loves you, and he doesn't want to love you

#atsv #the spot x reader #the spot #spot x reader #atsv spot #jonathan ohnn #jonathan ohnn x reader #x reader #spiderverse

[morallyinept]

Hey, D. How are you doing buddy?

I see. Feeling a bit down in the dumps, huh?

Well, I've got just the thing for you, handsome...

No... it's not that, D. 🙄

No, this week we're going to have a look at how you can show yourself some self-compassion. Something that is better than, uh... that.

What? Showing yourself some self-compassion is a great thing to do. Well, yes, so is that... okay.

Yes. You've made your point. Okay fine. Jeez... Take your pants off... 🥲

Hold tight, it's Self-Care With Dieter & Jett time!

So, D, have you ever lost your temper at… yourself?

Blamed and then beat yourself up a little inside for doing something you regret, even if in the grand scheme of things, it was something relatively small?

And how did you cope with that afterwards, D?

Hmm. Probably wasn't the wisest idea, was it?

Nah. Didn't think so. Clean up this time, okay? 🤨

It’s easy to be tough on yourself when things go wrong or you feel stressed - and spend hours kissing the bottom of the toilet, too - we tend to do it to ourselves a lot, much more than we actually realize.

But what if there's a better way? 🤔

In the heat of the moment, or during a crisis, no matter how big or small, it's easy to self sabotage. Convince ourselves we're the problem, or even caused a problem to exist. That we're stupid, not talented, or just not worth having around.

And none of that is true, my friends.

Our inner critic has its best intentions for us – maybe it wants us to be safe, to contribute, to succeed, to belong. 

Granted, the good intention is often, heavily veiled under a belittling tone. When you think back to a moment where you were especially hard on yourself, can you conjure up the message you heard? What was the tone? If you could give your inner critic a physical face, what would it look like?

When we forgive ourselves, accept our perceived flaws, and show ourselves some much needed kindness, we practice self-compassion.

Having self-compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting, and loving when situations might be fraught, worrisome or stressful.

If you ever judge or criticize yourself for no justifiable reason, you might find some of the below techniques helpful in showing yourself some kindness and self-compassion.

Treat Yourself As You’d Treat A Friend

One good place to start is by thinking about how you would treat others that you care about. Think about how you'd offer support to a friend who is feeling down or upset.

You'd comfort them, right? Offer them some assuring words, maybe even a hug?

You wouldn't kick them when they're down-

D!! That's not helpful! 🤨

No. Don't argue with me. You'll lose, bud. 😎

Whilst we can’t always take away other people's pain, we can validate it and provide support to help them get through it.

The same can be said for yourself.

Validate your feelings and accept that it's okay to feel like this. Give yourself a reassuring word or two, take a few deep breaths, and wrap your arms around yourself figuratively, and literally. A self-hug can be very healing and reassuring.

Understand Your Reactions

Think about how you would react in a situation when someone else does it. For example, your friend doesn't call when they say they will. You don't get mad, or fly off the hook, right?

Or maybe you do... Sorry, D. I just forgot. 😬

No, I didn't go out to the movies with Ezra. That was last week... Oops.

We had a great time, FYI... 😏

There could be a valid reason why they can't call. Perhaps there's an emergency, or a situation beyond their control? You won't instantly assume they're a bad person, so why are you doing that to yourself?

Ground yourself in the moment and rationalise. You are not a bad person.

Learn From Your Mistakes

When something inevitably goes wrong, we focus too much on the negative. Too much on the uh-oh factor. Meaning we always look at the negatives in a situation and how it impacts us negatively.

Making mistakes is what makes us human. Learning from them is what makes us grow. If we never made mistakes, we wouldn't have life-experience.

Try not to judge yourself too quickly.

Think about what you have learnt from the experience and what you can take away from it, rather than focusing on the negatives. Look for the positives. How can you better equip yourself so next time it happens (if it happens again) you can be prepared? What lesson have you taken away from it?

Take a deep breath and move on. It's in the past now. You can only move forward.

Get Some Perspective

When something bad happens, it always feels like the end of the world, doesn't it? That no-one could relate or possibly be going through what we're experiencing.

And to some degree, that is true. Your crisis is different from another's and affects you differently. But reminding yourself that things aren't all completely doom and gloom can help.

Personally, when I feel down, I try to remember that I'm healthy, that I have friends, I am creative, I have a roof over my head, etc... making a list of all the positives things - even if it's a mental list, and even if they are small things - in your life, can help you regain some perspective away from the negative and help to ground you again.

Reach Out To Others

A problem shared, is a problem halved, right, D?

Uh, D? Honestly, I cannot take you anywhere... 😒

When we talk with others, friends, family, colleagues or even someone professional if we need it, we realize that we’re not alone in feeling pain.

That we are not the only one's gong through it and this can help us gain perspective.

You are not alone.

It’s an important part of reaffirming our sense of being connected, reframing the ‘bigger picture’, and building a social support network that is invaluable to our wellbeing and growth.

Reach out when things go wrong and ask for advice. Ask for feedback too.

Perhaps someone else's perspective of the situation might convince you, and offer validation, that actually, you handled it pretty well and shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Ditch The Guilt

Self-care is just as important as caring for others. Some would even argue it's more important.

Think about this; how can you expect to give adequate care to someone else, if you don't care for yourself first?

I know, thought provoking, isn't it, D? 💡

Research shows that people who practice self-compassion are found to be more caring, more affectionate and considerate according to their partners, resulting in more romantic relationships; have more acceptance of their own partner's imperfections, and are more likely to compromise when there is conflict.

So you can see why showing yourself some kindness and self-compassion can spread positively into your personal relationships in your life too.

Self-compassion has also been found as key in the fight for injustices, such as equality; including sexual, racial and disability. This is because self-compassion strengthens our personal accountability, and in turn we're more receptive to showing compassion to others.

Self compassion allows us to be more emotionally resilient in times of success and adversity. It helps us assess situations more objectively and supports us in making sound decisions that we won't regret or worry about later.

So, when was the last time you showed yourself some self-compassion, D?

No. That, is not showing self-compassion... No I don't need a lesson.

Put that away... I-

Oh, Dieter... 🤤

Wait, where did you learn moves like that?!

Alexa. Play "We Got The Moves" by Electric Callboy... 😏

Dieter and I hope we helped enlighten you on how to show yourself some self-compassion this week. Remember, be kind to yourself, always.

Until next time, stay kind & stay creamy. 🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

More Dieter & Jett love here

ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.

#self care with dieter and jett #dieter bravo #ezra prospect #dieter bravo the bubble #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #jett's pedro boys #you are stronger than you think #do you #then do dieter #self-compassion #be kind #positivity

[oh-shes-lit]

I've been firmly anti-citadel in my thoughts (their long-war strategy of slowly gathering information and weaponising it in every way possible, taking human lives and turning them into machines, taking human behaviour and weaponising that in every way they can)

Which also inevitably means being anti wizard because the citadel and wizardry are Very difficult to separate. Every time suvi has aligned herself with the citadel it sets alarm bells off, the way the suvi seems to disappear and the sky salutes and marches to the drum of their standing orders, it feels wrong and is frightening to see it happen.

When suvi gets mad at ame and eursulon it's because they've taken upon the graces of her house and proceeded to throw paint on the walls and set fire to the kitchen. But they also tend not to recognise that the kitchen wanted to eat eursulon and if the walls got the chance they might be the ones staining ame's clothes with citadel paint. The citadel is an institution with motives and (to us the audience) pretty clear goals.

(control it's control they want to control everything all of the time which is why it lines up with wizardry because that Requires bringing control to the chaos of umora's magic)

That being said.

I am starting to recognise how this doesn't go one way only. Suvi is justified in feeling how she feels and, more importantly, ame is also the child and product of an institution.

The institution of The Coven of Witches seems to wield unfathomable power that is divided in far, far greater pieces to its members. One (one!!!) slight from suvi and ame can ruin her life 100 years from now??? Ame (semi-unwittingly) committed some casual terrorist acts and gets off with a social reprimanding from suvi because suvi went out of her way to Make That Happen

The rules of witchery are esoteric and complex, to suvi and us the audience - much in the same way the rules of the citadel are esoteric and complex to ame and eursulon. There's certainly some commentary here about how i can recognise and call out most of the political mistakes ame makes in the citadel and yet would be lost entering the domain of a witch

I'm so glad we're getting to see more of all of the witches because it's actually highlighting how much power they wield. Seeing indri ask if ame knows the names of suvi's entourage is just as terrifying as watching the suvi be questioned at the gallothopter (ornithopter? Heli-boat.)

We The Audience know that the coven seems to have access to the power to End Wizardry which is frankly, rather insane to think about. Imagine if 7 people had the power to just turn off the internet and 6 of them were random strangers that live at the most intense extremes of nature and the 7th was Doris who makes cool clockwork watches at the summer fair - oh but she died so her adoptive granddaughter (no living relatives) that she trained for a decade gets to do it instead. 20-ish is old enough for a key to a nuclear button, right?

...maybe that was too much metaphor but you can see how insane it feels when you actually give it some context. It's heartbreaking to watch it tear them apart but if they're able to start recognising where their lines are drawn then they might actually be able to use their rocket powered institutions to fly instead of just staying afloat in the ocean.

Anyway, I think I'm getting on the -goes both ways- train for how suvi has been treated. I still think she fails to recognise why her institution causes her true friends to act the way they do but i now also think that ame fails to see the same for her own institution. In the end, they're both victims atop their own Situations which are themselves 16 situations deep, this is either gonna be a beautiful story or a beautiful tragedy and it's going to take a hell of a lot of finesse if they want to survive.

#meanwhile eursulon's institution is the air that keeps them alive and sometimes the air wants to kill them dead #wbn #worlds beyond number #wbn spoilers #worlds beyond number spoilers #whew that was a long one haven't quite worded like that in a while #im terminally insane for the podcast <3

[fire-lizard-ro]

Jing Yuan

CW: angst with some fluff to soften the blow, mention of death, SPOILERS FOR 1.2, discussion of mortality, discussion of identity, maybe OOC?, Jing Yuan being a sad old man

GN reader

(This is Jing Yuan-centric, however, so the reader isn't in there all too much. Sort of.)

Perhaps the violence of his early years was what made him the way he is now. Seemingly lazy, napping away his afternoons like a cat in the sun. But this was merely a beast hiding its claws; tucking its teeth behind a languid smile. Now the only battles he fought were the piles of paperwork he often found himself whittling away at or the starchess matches he regularly had with Yanqing. It seemed worth it when his seemingly harmless facade managed to lure his pretty bird right into his arms. You. But make no mistake. A predator is still a predator. You put your trust in him so easily. So easily when he'd felled droves of creatures who were once human like he and you were. So easily when he could break you without even trying. And yet... And yet... Something about it helped heal the hole in his chest that often still felt like a gaping, bleeding wound despite all the time that had passed since he lost all the people he cared about.

Jing Yuan is the kind of man to have a quiet sort of sadness to him that he hides behind that charming smile and commanding presence. It's always present somewhere in the back of his mind, just beneath the surface of the carefully crafted mask and persona.

Yet in the privacy of only your company it feels as though he sheds the layers of armor around his heart, the bone-deep weariness sliding off his form along with it. He swears you must have some kind of magic healing touch because his worries seem to melt away with every stroke of your hand on his head, fingers carding through his hair. He always enjoys the times you spend together in the garden, allowing him to rest his head in your lap. Or when his little bird friends fly down to visit and you look at them with those sparkles in your eyes and he helps you gently hold one.

There are nights where he lays awake and reminisces days long gone. Sometimes he wished that time could have frozen. That he could bottle up these moments to keep forever. But unfortunately those were the hopes of a child who had stars in his eyes. Any memories he could have kept bottled up like the jar of paper cranes you made for him were shattered, contents spilling out. Unable to be regathered.

Sometimes he would listen to the sound of the rain and it would remind him of the times he would stand in it because it felt nice. He would try to convince the others to join him, but they would just shake their heads with fond smiles on their faces. Faces he hadn't seen in hundreds of years. When was it that they stopped smiling? One by one they disappeared from his life like a photo slowly burning at the edges until there was nothing left.

Yet on those nights, you'd stay awake with him and talk about everything and nothing to distract him from his thoughts. Yet on those rainy days, you would pull him to dance in the rain with you. You looked beautiful even with the rain plastering your hair to your face and soaking through your clothes.

But it was inevitable. Unavoidable.

You cannot hide the smell of blood with flowers.

Yingxing- ...Blade... was back on the Luofu. The house of cards he took his time building piece by piece was beginning to wobble- tilt just a bit. For what reason did someone who may as well be dead have to be back here? In the once broken home they'd shared? The one he was left behind to pick up the pieces of?

Dan Feng- ... Imbi- ...no. Dan Heng was also here. A man he didn't know. Shouldn't know. Yet he couldn't separate the man he once knew, the man he once called friend, from the visage of the man before him. It was him. And yet it also was not.

The cards had long since fallen, now showing his hand that he'd been hiding. As much as he wished for his old friends to return, he knew they never would.

Looking at the black hair and burning red eyes that greeted him alongside green scales and sea colored eyes, he couldn't help but think about the once white hair, the spark of recognition, the smiles- All things that disappeared when his friend died for the first time while the other was reborn as a new person. Both equally people he could no longer say he knew. Could no longer say were his old friends. For he was almost certain they shared no such sentiment.

A selfish part of him said that it was at least better than seeing blood streaking Blade’s body or the vessel that contained his once friend, the man who was now Dan Heng. At least they were alive in some capacity.

Even if he'd never again call the names of Yingxing and Dan Feng.

(He could quietly admit to himself in the dark of his room in the middle of the night, laying next to you, that at least this way he was less conflicted on what he must do. The hands of time stop for none and the past cannot be changed. Both a comfort and a disappointment.)

Some of this was in the hands of fate itself. But most of it? Most of the results were from his meticulous planning.

The Divine Foresight. Always thinking 10 steps ahead to triumph over his adversaries and seize victory.

But at what cost? Nights of sleep? Peace of mind? His life?

As the Emanator of Destruction made her move, lifted him into the air and prepared to turn him into a beast unable to control himself beyond vying for the destruction of all things, he thought, 'Ah. Maybe this is where it ends.' He always assumed he'd die on the battlefield. It would only be fitting for him, he would think to himself. As a long life species, he wasn't all too sure of dying peacefully. The mara could strike him at any time. Or a battle against a foe of insurmountable power would bring about the curtain call on his long story. He planned for this. And yet he knew he may never live to see the fruits of his labor. (Of his sacrifice, if things didn't go well.)

As he fell from the grasp of Phantylia's power while her stolen body perished, felt the heaviness of his body and the pain that lanced through him, he knew that he was still alive. Still able to go home to you.

As he blacked out...

Well he didn't think anything.

He was awake and speaking one moment and then in the next moment, things had quickly become blurry. He thought he could hear someone speaking before his eyes slid shut.

When he awoke, he found himself staring at a familiar ceiling. Taking stock of his body, he felt the burn of his wounds and the soreness of an intense battle. It was then that he noticed the feeling of a hand in his. Moving only his eyes, he found you sleeping in a chair, slumped onto the side of the bed while holding his hand in yours.

Gently, ever so gently so as to not wake-to not startle his precious little bird, he squeezed his hand around yours to make sure you were there. That you were real. That he was alive and awake and not in a dream or perhaps the afterlife. The familiar warmth and feel of your hand in his was very real and he felt a small warmth bloom in his chest.

He had thwarted a threat to the Xianzhou and protected the the Alliance once again. He had kept you safe. And that made it all the more worth it.

This is the first time I've written creatively like this in a while. So apologies if I'm a bit rusty.

I should probably write something with the reader in there more, but I really wanted to get this one out. I suddenly had the idea and inspiration to, so I just let it flow.

So maybe next I'll do a part 2 to this or just another Jing Yuan writing with the reader being more present.

I think I wrote just enough fluff to make the angst not so bad. Good job me!

I'll edit any typos or confusing things that may still be in there tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed! <333

#Roro writes #jing yuan x reader #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #gn reader #jing yuan x gn reader #hsr x gn reader

[thechosenanubis]

Hey, @mask-of-anubis hope you don't mind that i made a separate post with your tags as the main focus point. ( the tags are taken from this post if anyone is curious) But I felt the the topic is too important to just be kept in the tags.

Thoughts under the cut.

I want to preface this post by saying that you're completely right, that the hoa girls are held at a much higher standard compared to the boys. Sadly this is a common reccurence in most media.

Female characters are scrutinized for everything they do, no matter if you are a "traditonal gal", a "female warrior" or something in between.

As you pointed out, these girls are complex and they make mistakes ( and thank god that they do, because if they didn't and were instead some mary sues hoa would be boring as hell). We have to thank the writers for that because they wanted to create human characters.

Simply put: people scream about wanting "complex female characters!" and when they get them on screen they whine about how "toxic" "pathetic" "whiny" "bitchy" they are.

Let's take for example the worst form of this behavior: The S2 Joy-Nina rivalry. (yes, i'm really going there).

I'm one of the few people in the entire hoa fandom, that thinks that their rivalry ( while i can agree that it overstayed its welcome sometimes) was actually a good arc, and in some ways was inevitable.

People thinks that feminism means "the girls must always get along!" Ignoring that forcing two girls who have very different views, becoming friends just for the sake of Feminism™ is actually going to diminsh the quality of the story, and the characters themselves too.

In fact, since its quite implied in the pilot that joy has a major crush of Fabian, and i'm sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but no girl is going to be happy that her crush isn't single anymore, especially when (at least from joy's pov) she and fabian were quite close. Of course, the way joy went about it in s2 was wrong, but the girl is traumatized ( as all the characters in the show are to various degrees lol) and instead of blaming the teachers, she focused her anger on the easy target.

But keep in mind that Nina isn't a saint either: she's passive aggressive to an unhealthy degree, she lashes out at her friends, and is very possessive about a boy who isn't her boyfriend anymore.

But people, instead of trying to understand why they act that way, They prefer the easy way out aka calling them something along the lines of "Bitch" "Horrible" "Toxic" "Pathetic" "Whiny" "Bully" and everything else under the sun.

Really it's quite concerning that i've seen this behavior in multiple fandoms, and it has no intention of stopping. And no matter how you spin it, female characters can never win, because people will find a way to hate them regardless.

Because as you said, when did male characters ever been held responsible for their own actions? Right, never.

Because fans, somehow to make their fave male character "he's just a soft boy™ who can do no wrong ever" , they have to ignore every single flaw they have. Even if those flaws make them interesting.

Instead female characters are always blamed, villified for the same things the male characters do.

And really everything comes down to the double standard , doesn't it?

#house of anubis #hoa meta #fandom critical #selikor rant #sorry i'm quite heated about this topic #since its something i debated quite often in other fandoms #where people villanize the female characters just to prop up the male fave #sorry for any incoherence i wrote this right before i went to bed lmao

[tenebrius-excellium]

I don’t know how this narrative principle is properly called in English but today I finished reading an academic paper on “backend vs. frontend motivation” in stories and I am nerding off big-time.

One of the most important elements of modern media to me, especially in film, is for it to be motivated from the ‘front’, that means from the beginning. You gotta have a starting conflict so well fleshed out that it justifies all which comes next in a domino chain of such bulletproof logical consequence that it cannot be questioned until it inevitably culminates in the grand, satisfying finish. Only then is an ending good and only then can it be truly enjoyable.

The best example of which that remains to this day is How To Train Your Dragon.

In my opinion this movie leaves no room for a different ending. Were it to be replayed thousands and thousands of times, it would always unfold the same way. It’s that solid. Solid in its core conflict, in its character designs, in its stakes. It would choose to happen the exact same way again every time. Everything is in-universe consistent and character-consistent to a T. I believe luck, or chance, played a role in the creation of this movie because humanity is just not able to think up something as perfect as this on purpose.

While the sequels are - generally speaking - good, the failure to recreate the artistic mastery of the first movie can be seen in them. Glimpses of the original magic do appear more often than I had feared, which pleasantly surprised me for both the second and the third movie. However, both sequels have obvious weak points. The first movie has none. None. It’s somehow flawless.

I attribute its success to strong frontend motivation. There is an age-old war yet it threatens the current generation’s survival as acutely as it did on the first day. The People are tired and it’s either the annihilation of the enemy or resigning themselves to poverty and death. Berk is backed into a strategic corner and while Stoick is far from giving up, he doesn’t know where to take fresh ideas from. The absurd third possibility of talking peace with the dragons comes from the innocence of a child human and a child dragon. The grown-ups couldn’t have done it, yet so unexpectedly balance is achieved. It’s brilliant.

Httyd1: Shitty war -> needs to end (peacefully if possible, because the vikings are not bad people...but Stoick doesn’t see hope). + DRAGONS.

Httyd2: Hiccup Will Be Chief, therefore let’s throw some growth at him and kill off Stoick so that the two won’t fight about how to run the village later (because that would be in their characters).

Httyd3: The Dragons Will Leave, therefore let’s create an artificial villain, and a convenient dragon girlfriend, and make Toothless ooc to achieve it.

See, Httyd gradually declines into using backend motivation and that’s why the third movie works even less than the second. At least Httyd2 had a strong middle, that is, from Flying With Mother til Hiccup starts talking to Drago. Don’t make the mistake of buying into the rest: Nowhere was the topic of Hiccup becoming Chief even a thing before Httyd2. Also, Hiccup behaved ooc with his sole focus on dragons (at the so-uncaring-that-it-must-be-intentional expense of humans) and the no-kill rule. And Stoick died not from a plasma blast, but for plot convenience.

The third movie, in turn, gave Hiccup his original character back and bestowed a glow-up onto him and Astrid and their relationship, but at the cost of Toothless’ personality and backstory... and the general in-universe logic, such as Grimmel’s hollow arc (stressing his intelligence when he’s clearly NOT). You see, both movies have their strengths, but it just doesn’t work when the creators think up the ending first and are willing to bend everything else, however painfully, to achieve exactly that desired ending.

The newest marvel of frontend motivation done right is of course Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. The reason why it’s just so good is because the arc of Puss eventually losing his lives was not a forced narrative, simply conjured up to Have Puss Do More Jiggling On Screen. It was an innate part of his self, already there in his character from the start, and was inevitably going to become a problem some day. The creators made the most of it by dealing with it not after 8 more daring adventures that were clearly fabricated to generate money in theaters (what a nightmare to think about), but by insinuating that Puss has already lived some of those lives, giving him depth. Because we have not seen all of them, yet our famed hero has been shaped by them.

One could argue that the quest for the Wishing Star was a little too cheap of a narrative. But Puss has been a serious character stuck in a world full of dumb magical creatures and artefacts before. That’s literally the universe he lives in. So it works. And ohh, how magnificently it works.

So anyway. Front-end motivation, people. Has usually better characters too because the plot is tied to their consistency. It makes the ending of their story depend on themselves, not on ex-universe tinkering or budgets. Use it more, please and thank you.

#httyd #httyd2 #httyd3 #httyd franchise #analysis #httyd analysis #puss in boots 2 #puss in boots the last wish #wherethekiteflies #storytelling #yup I like this; this may be one of my best posts yet

[wordsandrobots]

002 for Shino please 🙏

For this ask game. Major spoilers herein

How I feel about this character: 

What a perfect dummy.

Norba Shino is the living embodiment of why we care about Tekkadan. Because they are, despite their profession, just as capable of warmth, enthusiasm, care and love as any other bunch of kids. And of being idiots, of being horny, of committing all the mistakes and stupid arguments you'd expect from teenagers.

Which is why it's the right move for him to be the first major casualty as season 2 races towards its inevitable conclusion. All those things -- all that humanity -- leads to Shino's rash attempt to kill Rustal Elion, to him throwing his life away on something that serves very little purpose beyond making everyone feel better about having tried. It's prideful, stupid and reckless, driven by a desperate need to be taken seriously. Everything that makes Tekkadan what it is.

Also he's bi as hell. I adore the great big jug-eared lunk.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

Hmm. See, sexually, I could ship Shino with practically anyone. My man is not fussy and he has the kind of personality that could mesh well with most of the cast, frankly. But romance . . . I dunno. I don't actually think, at the point he is in the show itself, Shino is very much capable of romance.

Regardless, current run down of slash-pairings I have written/may write:

Yamagi/Shino = 'I finally got a clue and also PTSD'

Yamagi/Shino/Eugene = 'hey, did you know I'm allowed to sleep with my friends?'

Yamagi/Chad/Shino = 'my partner's boyfriend is having a bad day'

598/Yamagi/Shino = 'that kid we met once grew up hench as fuck and just blurted out 'you're really pretty' at Yamagi while half-drunk - let's go!'

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

Shino and Eugene are best buddies for life. Poly-shipping aside, I see those two as joined at the hip forever, with their friendship long predating Orga and Mika's arrival at the CGS.

And yes, Shino's been winding Eugene all the time they've known each other but 1) Eugene needs people to call him on his ego and 2) the way he's still prepared to be vulnerable around Shino anyway means something, you know?

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

OK, I don't know if this is unpopular, but I stand by the idea Shino is not actually a fundamentally nice person. That is to say, for all he's an unabashed cheerleader for his friends, a walking bear-hug of a personality, and generally quite sweet in his ignorance, he's also completely at home with violent behaviour. Of all the mecha pilots on Tekkadan's side, Shino is the one who most readily gives the impression of *enjoying* the fights. He's eager for it, wants to prove he's capable of winning, and readily lashes out when he's angry. He is, to my mind, very much a product of being socialised in a military setting and has absolutely no issues with solving problems via beating the tar out of them. A hell of a friend to have at your back but you do *not* want to be on his bad side.

Though obviously my actual unpopular opinion is it 100% took him that long to notice Yamagi was into him and didn't consciously consider being attracted to the guy until then. The pining was *never* mutual.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

*stares at the 600,000 words of fanfic predicated on him surviving his suicide run against the Arianrhod Fleet*

Funny you should ask.

No but seriously though, I would have liked his bisexuality to have been referenced outside the context of Yamagi. Like, it is pretty definitively text that Shino *is* bi, I just think it'd have been funny to establish that, no, he's capable of being attracted to other guys, he just genuinely had it fixed in his head that because Tekkadan were family, sex between them was off the table.

my OTP:

I mean it's not like I'm *not* a total sucker for the doomed in-canon pairing, is it?

What I think it is, is that it's established very quickly that Shino sees Yamagi as a friend and respects his abilities. To an extent, he even thinks Yamagi is really cool! Which, well, he thinks that about all his friends, but it establishes Yamagi isn't pining for nothing. This isn't a 'barely knows I exist' kind of crush, it's a 'I cannot spit out what I actually feel despite the fact the other guy likes hanging around with me and is never less than friendly and complementary'. It feels very 'normal teenager' in a way that, similar to Mika/Atra/Kudelia, contrasts poignantly with the situation everyone is in.

But there are also layers to it, or at least enough attendant details that allow for the possibility of layers. Shino has moments suggesting a fatal lack of self-confidence, for all his bigging up Tekkadan as a whole. He doesn't congratulate *himself* much and he reacts really badly to his skills being doubted, and to letting everybody else down. He's also not a pushy person which sits a little strangely with his otherwise loud, extroverted personality: despite having basically had Eugene confirm Yamagi is into him, he still makes space for the whole 'drinking the night away' thing to be an invitation rather than an assumption.

Yamagi, meanwhile, is blatantly not a shy person in general. He explores ideas off his own bat and presents them to Yukinojo, he's in his element ordering Dane and Hush around, and he gets to be a sarcastic little jerk more often than he pours oil on the troubled waters that are Takaki and Ride. Furthermore, while he lets his crush on Shino show blatantly when it can't be seen, his go-to reaction when observed is to become quite curt and cold. Shino jokes that Yamagi is 'scary' and it's clear the kid knows how to make his displeasure known. Plus, of course, Yamagi rejects -- off his own initiative -- a yearning to have died alongside Shino in favour of picking up where he left off, protecting Tekkadan.

There are angles there, is my point, to explore their similarities and to have their differences run counter to assumptions about who they are based on first appearances. I'm too deep into writing my version of this to be be objective any more but I really do think it's interesting to posit that Yamagi has the more durable personality and Shino a far more vulnerable one, ill-equipped to deal with, say, thinking his failure caused all his friends to die.

In the show, they're a could-have-been. They don't get their chance to be together and if they had, and things had generally gone better, it might not actually have lasted. I don't know how well Shino would have done in a first-time relationship after years of growing up too fast, and I don't know if Yamagi would have gotten what he was looking for out of it.

But give it a few years of Yamagi trying to live up to a Shino-shaped hole in the world and of Shino trying (failing) to live with himself over what happened and they become this wonderful, spiky ball of love, trauma and an enthusiastic openness about sex that comes of learning the cost of taking things too slow.

my cross over ship:

I'm semi-allergic to crossovers (they're just usually not my thing) so I really don't know . . .

a headcanon fact:

I already posted the one about how the thing he wanted to shut Zack up about was getting turned on by a dominatrix so let's go with . . .

Shino is from a big family. Like, over half a dozen kids stuck in one household with over-worked/struggling/absentee parents. That's why he tends to gravitate towards sharing space with the younger boys: it's what he's used to, since he's played the roll of an additional care-giver from the age of too-flipping-young-to-have-that-kind-of-responsibility. He is *really* good with kids, albeit more in a 'on their wavelength' kind of way than actually being anything like a responsible adult.

This is not the tragic part, at least not dramatically so since this is probably the case for a not- insignificant fraction of the Third Group. No, the kicker is that one day Shino's family upped and disappeared and he has absolutely no idea what happened to them. He was off earning money at the CGS and then the next time he went home, the building had been entirely cleared out.

He never talks about it.

------

Well that was probably an unnecessarily sad note to end on. But I really enjoyed writing this! I think I like this ask game :)

#ask game #gundam ibo #gundam iron blooded orphans #g tekketsu #tekketsu no orphans #norba shino #spoilers #lilenui

[blorbologist]

The next mistake

[TLOVM Season 2 spoilers up to episode 3, + vague nods to non-plot-relevant events in Campaign 1 and its epilogue.]

[Vex character study + Perc’ahlia / G / 2.3k / Cross-posted to AO3]

Her first mistake is one lost to time: how many firsts of childhood do we really keep with us? How many pivotal moments eroded to a vague feeling, or a quirk of personality? 

Maybe it was a classic: little baby Vex thought she could hold something, but her grubby grip let it slip and sent it falling, sent her crying, likely sent Vax crying as well. Perhaps something fitting: a childish cruelty inflicted on her brother, or her mother, that registered only after the damage dealt. 

Could very well be that there is a whole story behind it. Vex will never know: she has no mother to loan her memories in fond murmurs. Vax, being her twin, can cover for some blind spots as small children and teenagers, but not that small.

So: Vex’ahlia does not know the story behind her first mistake.

She just knows she is a mistake. 

Was the mistake ever thinking she was otherwise? She had asked Elaina about it, once or twice. Only late at night, and only when Vax fell asleep before she did, so he wouldn’t hear her voice quaver. Asked Mom what their father was like, because everyone had at least two parents, right? 

(That anything could not come in pairs was unfathomable to little Vex, you must understand. She had two of everything, or was one of two for everything. Mom being alone felt odd.)

Elaina, each time, had kissed her and smiled and reminded her no, she did not have a father, but distracted her with tall tales of what he could be, what Vex might like him to be, what she’d guess. She and Vax were paler than Mom, so he must be pale, too - like the sun! And Mom’s ears were so round, so his must have been pointed. 

Vex has always been sharp, sharper than people give her credit for. She likes it that way. So when her mother’s smiles would stretch thin, her pauses weighted with cautious wording, she’d blurt out something ridiculous to make up for the mistake. Oh, Mom, what if he’s a prince, huh? 

--

Noticing at all was certainly a mistake. 

He was exactly what logic would dictate: paler, pointier, and certainly considered himself princely. 

Syldor Vessar had crouched down low. Bent out of shape, for how awkward it felt for everyone involved, and told the twins they were coming with him. He did not ask. 

Elaina had asked, when Vex scrambled up a tree, Vax clinging to their mother's skirts and doing his damndest not to cry. Please, darlings. Please. And when Vex sobbed ‘Why don’t you want us?’, had offered gentle, sensible reasons. 

They hadn’t been enough to convince Vex. She’d decided, then, she would never come down, she’d live in this tree, if it just meant she wouldn’t have to leave because even if Syldor was everything she’d told Mom he wasn’t a father if their mother wasn’t with them, too.

Vex had made two mistakes at once: 

she screamed at her mother. Terrible, hateful things, like only a red-faced ten-year-old can.  That is, without a doubt, the worst of the many bad decisions she’d made that day. Coward, that she’s glad she can’t remember.

and Vex tried climbing even higher. Like it might prevent the inevitable. The tears muddied her vision, and she misjudged the distance to the next branch.

That had settled things: it was no difficulty to haul the child into the carriage, then, when she could hardly walk on her sprained ankle. When Syldor none too subtly touted the medical expertise of Syngorn. When Vax, shaking with rage, dutifully slunk in, because he would not leave her, not even now. He bit his lip until it bled, to keep from sobbing as Mom and Syldor talked outside the ornate wooden doors. 

Vex’s ears are sharp in more ways than one. They had been here, too. 

The next mistake was listening. 

(Syldor was on the short list for a promotion: diplomat, apparently. And it would be quite the scandal if the envoy to Tal’Dorei, a predominantly human kingdom, was found to be letting his half-elven brood living in squalor. He would beat the scheming to the punch, Elaina’s children would be well cared for: a win-win.)

(Hearing her mother cry was the worst part.)

--

She tells Vax about it, one day. Another mistake: it ends in a huge row with Syldor, who has them locked in their separate bedrooms. 

Perhaps it’s not a mistake after all: two hours in, wrung of all her tears, Vex’s head jerks up as her door swings open, a smug Vax’ildan wielding makeshift lockpicks in his hands. 

They make so many more mistakes after that, but at least more of them are of their choosing.

--

And then the big one.

Syldor had tried - she would spare him scraps of appreciation, he tried - to integrate them more thoroughly. He explained as carefully as he could why other elves were like this, not seeing he was no exception to this rule. His family history was shared with them. Oh, our was certainly used, but he grimaced something foul each time.

Eventually Syldor settled for avoiding our altogether, during that lesson. It was late, but they were not in bed: instead seated dutifully in his study, scrapping away at paper in a language they were learning quickly but still too slowly to be easy. 

Vex’s hand had cramped: she wanted badly to get every detail down, to drink them through her skin, like the genealogy would make up for half of it being bare, pruned. Vax, she thought, mostly wrote to avoid Father’s rising ire. They were all tired.

He’d said something, about a fall from grace. How Vessar had been a name of great nobility, not two generations past. (Vex did not dare ask how many human generations, to better grasp the time.) There was a circlet, made while the embers of the Calamity still cooled, to celebrate the rebirth of their civilization, fashioned in the form of gold boughs cradling a tear of whitestone glass. 

What is clear is this:

“Following the Yenlara decree, it was thought wise not to provoke ire by wearing such a symbol so openly.” Father had smiled, truly smiled, at some fond memory, and added: “Though, it is worn at weddings, or moments of great achievement where the slight could be overlooked.”

It must have been the smile that made her hope. 

“Do you think I could wear that, one day?” Forgive her, she had been so tired, more than half a lifetime ago. Spoke her thoughts without thinking. Vax caught on a second later, opening his mouth to snap the first outrageous thing to come to mind. 

Before Father took his irritation out on Vax, there was a moment - only a moment - where he looked at Vex with such pity, such dismay, she could not tell if it was for her or for himself. 

She brought up the whim to Vax early the next day, playing hooky. 

Of course he agreed, not without ample griping. 

So many mistakes, leading up to that. Is every mistake not a culmination of those before it? Mistaken to want at all, mistaken to hope, mistaken to plan, mistaken to go through with it, mistaken to put it on.

Wouldn’t you know it: the tiara fit perfectly. Half-elven or not, it fit, and for a moment, a moment, she could really believe she was Vex’ahlia Vessar. 

“What are you doing?!”

Her perfect family tree, shattered on the floor. 

“It-” he’s moving forward and her chin is already quavering, “- it was an accident, I only wanted to-”

“That heirloom has been passed down through generations of elven nobility,” spits Syldor.

Elven nobility. 

Stupid little Vex’ahlia, to think you could be elven enough. It was never her heirloom, or Vax’s, and never would be.

(Maybe, a selfish part of her thinks, years later, it was better off broken, then.)

“You are nothing but a mistake.”

(It was an accident. They were an accident.)

Vex never thought about it. Tried, tried to never think about it. Clings to that part of her that hoped it was some fairytale story with a happy ending. Did she even want to know? Did it even matter? 

Vax tugs insistently, and she resists. Just in case, trying, trying not to fuck things up again. What if leaving will make it worse? 

Syldor looks at the golden debris, ruins of his legacy, and Vex makes the mistake of believing him. 

(She just wanted to be part of that legacy, and instead she broke it.)

--

Vex’ahlia takes to owning her mistakes. She can’t stop making them - but they can stop hurting her if they don’t matter. If she can pretend they do not sting, do not starve her every other day when rations run low. 

She gets very good at it. Sometimes she believes herself, too.

--

The tomb, in all fairness, is not her mistake. 

--

(… or perhaps it is? )

(She should have known better. “Your brother certainly wouldn’t approve”, Percy hummed, and Vex thought of how she hadn’t approved, either. Roses and thorns, and her judgment had been sound, then. So why not now? Between Zahra’s antagonism and Vax’s coddling she was high-strung and irritated, and Percival was absolutely flirting back at last, and who was she to deny him an opportunity to show off?)

(... she does not like heaving it all on his shoulders. She’d spoken too late, and for any other trap it would have been just in time.)

(Can they share this mistake? Just the one?)

--

(They end up sharing more than just the one.)

--

She tells Percy about the circlet, about the tree she and Vax were never part of, the night before she’s expected in Syngorn. Her first day as ambassador (higher rank than any mere diplomat. That was a deliberate choice on Cassandra’s part, being just as smug as her brother about it).

It’s a mistake, because he gets a Look about him and scuttles down to his workshop shouting something about an idea and sticking it to her father.

Vex sleeps in fits, alone, and wakes to Percy with bags under his eyes and a pretty little diadem he perches on her head. It fits perfectly, leaves like those of the Sun Tree, shading her, half-elven ears in prominence beneath this canopy. Six stars, cradled in the branches, one she knows to be hers.  

“There,” he declares. “Your own heirloom, to become priceless for having crowned you. And I hope it gives the bastard an aneurysm.”

Not a mistake, then? Good and bad both, and as she kisses her fool man senseless she definitely favors the former. 

--

Vesper is an accident. 

They hadn’t known, they’d taken every precaution. Practical reasons: yes, they were enjoying time off now, but they still looked forward to more years of adventures. Whitestone demanded much of them. 

And then the world demanded more.

Then - then it had been a hectic few weeks, the worst of her life, of their lives. Every day their last, until proven otherwise. 

(One was the last, the last day Vex’ahlia was ever whole.)

And after, when nausea left Vex skipping meals and queasy, they knew. 

She’d carried her through the domains of gods, through the belly of a dragon, through death, too. 

A mistake. Or not - maybe you can do everything right, everything, and fate finds still new ways to surprise you.

An accident, then. Not a mistake - and the first bud on their family tree. 

“Would we have done anything differently?” Percy asks her, hoarsely, that night, still thrumming with the revelation. Panic, elation, waring in every fiber of him.

“I - I don’t think we could have, darling, even if we’d wanted to.”

It becomes very quiet, then, before Percy squeezes her as hard as he dares.

--

Years… years and years later, Vesper Elaina de Rolo will thunder through the halls of Castle Whitestone. Vex’ahlia will be ambushed by her eldest after a hunt, a mess of tears.

It’s so easy to see it:

“Darling, darling,” she coos, shucking her archery gloves to hold her daughter’s face, “what’s wrong?”

“I’m - I stepped on Cathy’s tail and she said I’m the worst and she hated me!” Vesper is absolutely inconsolable.

“Oh, Vesper, sweetheart, it was an accident.” 

“But it - it wasn't!” Vex’s heart drops as her girl keeps wailing. “She was saying stupid things and I told her to stop and she didn’t so I - I’m -”

She won’t get a word out of the girl by that point, reduced to blubbering as Vex shhhs and shhhs and leads her baby to sit on the floor with her. 

(She’d carry her to her room, but, well. Vex can’t quite handle lifting a child past age five, they’ve found, so the entire extended family gets to cradle and toss and spin them round while Vex must settle. She’s not bitter about it.)

“It’s okay,” Vex murmurs, rocking them back and forth. She might get a little grief from her girl, later, for getting mud on her, but for now it matters little. There’s sure to be a talk with Zahra, too - Pelor knows what she’s dealing with on her end.

“She’ll hate me forever!”

“She won’t, Egg, I promise.”

(The nickname is… a long story. Also riddled with mistakes.)

Those big blue eyes - Percy’s, through and through - are dewy with doubt. “Promise?”

Oh dear. Promises and children, she’s learned, are practically fey bargains of their own. She might have said the wrong thing, here.

“If you say sorry,” Vex corrects herself gently, “I don’t doubt she’ll come around. And if not, it will be okay - alright, dear? We all make mistakes.”

“Even you, Mommy?”

“Especially me.” Vesper giggles when Vex baps her perfect little nose, still a little snotty.

Vex’ahlia is not immune to mistakes, even in this hard-won happy ending. Sometimes she acts on impulse, or simply makes a wrong call, or bone-deep reflexes manifest in ways less productive to her life today. 

They’re all manageable. 

As the tantrum works itself out in last bursts of frustration, Vex stands them up and, holding her girl’s little hand, walks them off to find Zahra and Cathy to apologize. 

Perhaps only because she’s survived the unmanageable, the end of the world, or perhaps because she knows she is forgiven for her every misstep. Even being born.

However unintended her existence, it's this mistake of a woman who helped save Tal’Dorei, saved the world. It's this mistake who sees her ears in Vesper's, her chin wobbling on a tiny face, and knows in her heart she cannot fathom regretting a lick of it. Without those mistakes, her daughter wouldn't be here.

And onwards to the next mistake.

#tlovm #tlovm spoilers #tlovm s2 #critical role #cr fanfic #critical role fanfic #tlovm fanfic #perc'ahlia #percahlia #vex'ahlia #vesper de rolo #man i am on a ROLL TODAY HUH #my writing

[muzzleroars]

Do you have anything for V2 loosing its arm the first battle? Reactions the thought process…or even a frantic confusion, if it was by mistake in a fleeing frenzy or even getting hit with its own arm by V1? I’m OBSESSED with your brain you smart person

aaaaa thank you!! and i do definitely have ideas about v2's reaction to that first battle and the loss of its arm which, in a word, are hard for it to properly process. v2, as i mentioned before, is a being caught in a dream - it dreams of its potential and what could have been if only it had gotten its chance to bring peace like everyone told it it would. its confrontation with v1 is a part of its dream and in fact may be one of the most important factors in it as v1 is war, it is the only tangible thing v2 can destroy to achieve a symbolic victory if not a real one. because it knows the world it belongs to now has run past it but it knows too that v1 will see its utter and complete collapse if it is left to roam. so v2 engages it with confidence...but something is very wrong from the start. v1 moves and behaves oddly, its code has clearly deteriorated and while v2 initially believes this offers it the advantage, it quickly comes to realize whatever v1's done to its software has turned it into something far beyond what the v series was meant to be. and, importantly to v2's survival, it sees just when v1 gets the idea to harvest its arm for itself - this should be blocked in its programming, but v2 uses the error to escape in a split second of distraction. and the retreat leaves it on a precipice.

it has survived, but now it's badly damaged and has lost an arm. that loss had gained it a tactical retreat, but it looms in its mind far beyond the damage that was caused - in the moment, it barely had time to process what had occurred even if it understood each step and responded with the best course of action. that was survival, to almost allow v1 the opening it needed to rip the arm off right there so v2 could flee while its attention was diverted for mere seconds. it couldn't let that window go by and it used it...but now what can it do? what does this loss precipitate? it obsesses over the recording of the fight, it attempts desperately to understand the patterns of v1's tactics, but nothing yields. and only two emotions can grow from its fruitless efforts: a deep, gnawing fear with a burning, bitter anger.

anxiety winds around v1's presence, its bizarre mannerisms and unorthodox way of engagement leaving it indecipherable to the extent that it would be foolish at best to confront it a second time. but v2 can do nothing else. it is drawn into it, because beyond anything else, v2 must preserve the dream that it's in or nothing matters. it is aware the world is dying, that it can't change course and humanity has passed, but its potential can still be salvaged. the first loss to v1 threatens that promise, and the loss of its arm is the concrete manifestation of that threat, almost an omen - an arm made specifically for v2, one that complements how it must fight, unique, special, stolen. its mind teeters, it feels the brink it's reached but it cannot despair, it cannot run or give up or change anything. it lets anger devour its fear instead, driven in one defining goal that will make or break everything that it is and everything that it believes. it will tear apart other machines, barely seeing them as it harvests their parts for the whiplash to move ever faster toward its inevitable end.

but v2 stays on that threshold, and it determines that it will try over and over and over if that's what it takes. it will never stop finding v1 and facing off against it because it can face dozens of losses if it must - it only takes one win to realize its dream. because v1 will never run, it will win or it will die. and that's what matters, that's how it can still save its dream because the only way it truly shatters is if v2 dies. so in the time between these two fights, v2 is wholly locked into a liminal mental state in which it must actively achieve its potential and its mind loops on nothing but its rematch with v1. it cannot exist outside of that, nor will it until it secures a victory against its predecessor, or dies trying.

#ESSENTIALLY locked in a quantum state of mind #it is in-between it proving itself or not #and its mental state can't be changed from it hence the obsession #which is basically all protecting its mind/ego against the bleakness of its reality at that point #if any of that makes sense!!! #ALSO...i think i drastically skewed off from the prompt lol #but the loss of the arm is bigger in its mind in some ways than the loss of the battle #it's what really sets this in motion #cake answers #v2

[girl4music]

Analyzing the Grey Identity of Willow Rosenberg and how Dark Willow emerges

One of Willow Rosenberg’s worst fears (possibly her greatest worst fear) is that she’s going to lose the ones she loves because of her perceived inadequacies at being somebody who can protect and defend them. She believes that she will fail because she lacks the capability and capacity to perform to her best quality and intention. She worries that she isn’t enough for them to keep her in their life and especially not enough to be loved by them. This fear she has really is just a fear because she proves time and time again that she’s more than capable and that she is worthy of being loved when she’s not trying to control everything that happens between herself and the ones she loves. Her hunger for magical power and specifically accumulating more and more of it as she keeps reaching her milestones in her witchcraft is fully grounded in this belief that she needs to be and do more so that she can be a warrior and hero equal to Buffy if not better than Buffy. Because it goes the other way - because she ends up becoming more like a killer and villain - this changes Willow forevermore. She truly did cross the point of no return. She is never as she was before she became a killer and villain. To use an analogy used in Xena that I love very much: the water that had a stone thrown into it that created ripples eventually calmed down, but that stone still remained under it. Meaning it was now part of it instead of separate from it. So she had to find a way to work with it since it was never going to be something that could leave her. Never something she could just simply discard from her persona as if it was a piece of clothing she was wearing then and didn’t need to wear now. If you will - her villain costume. Her cosplay of villainy.

You could also argue that Dark Willow was always a part of Willow and therefore it was inevitable it would emerge in all its terrifying glory. And that is a perspective I have considered many times given there’s so many instances in Willow’s character representation that show that she’s not quite right. That there is darkness bubbling under the surface. Not evil as such. Just darkness. But darkness carrying a tendency to do evil things. To act them out even if it’s just words at that point because she didn’t possess enough power to act them out. You could most definitely argue that Dark Willow was always what and who Willow was. But I would say to believe that would significantly regress the development of the character. It would make her one-dimensional to put her evil arc down as “she was always this way - it was just well hidden”. That’s a little short-sighted and so I have since abandoned that idea because as fascinating as I think it is in terms of studying Willow as a character, I think it just weakens her as a person. The real Willow is a much stronger spirit than that and she really only ever does evil things because she ultimately is a good person. It’s just with so much power that she can’t control - power that is mostly fuelled by Black Magic - that goodness and intention to do good becomes corrupted and she can’t really differentiate anymore between what is “evil” and what is “good”. She loses that of which gives her a conscience. The ability to differentiate between right and wrong, good and evil, light and dark, and peace and war. This essentially means that, as Dark Willow, her moral compass is missing. That’s a much more accurate explanation for her evil arc than “she was always secretly evil” because it’s much more human. Humans do get corrupted by that of which is more powerful or stronger than themselves. By forces that are above their capacity to withstand. And there’s no shame in that. It’s just what happens because humans ultimately are good but flawed beings. They make mistakes. They mess up. They do evil things. And they act as if they can handle the power given to them when they really can’t. Not because they’re weak. But because they’re pure. They have never encountered a powerful experience like this before and so it goes straight to their head because it feels good to have it. It feels good to be powerful. They feel like they can be and do more through it as that’s what they’ve always wanted. To be and do more. And I would say that’s a better description of Willow Rosenberg and all that she goes through as a character in the show because Dark Willow is still part of all that Willow Rosenberg is. She's just not all she is.

I have ruled out that Dark Willow is any kind of possession of Willow. Willow suddenly doesn’t become evil out of some demonic spirit taking over her body and mind. It’s not an Exorcist-type situation that’s going on with Dark Willow. There’s rhyme and reason for Willow to turn evil when you really analyze the character and her development. But I’ve also recently ruled out that Dark Willow is any kind of incarceration within Willow too. She is still part of Willow but she’s not Willow’s whole existence. Therefore, she’s not who Willow really is because Willow is many things. There’s many dimensions to Willow Rosenberg and not a solitary one of those dimensions completely encapsulate and define her character. All of them combined do because that’s a lot more realistic. Identity is made up of many facets of the human experience and that’s partially why I don’t believe identity to be a real thing in itself. Because the human experience is an interaction with all of existence - human or not. Identity instead to me is the attempt to box experience itself into a specific narrative that the person believes it must be based on its interactions. And I think what Willow represents as a character is that identity isn’t a solid, permanent thing at all. It’s wavy and fluctuating and essentially just… made up. Abstract. It's not a permanence. There is no such existing thing as “identity” in the sense that it has a specific face and name and age and gender and sexuality - ‘cause it doesn’t. Identity is whatever feels right to be whenever it feels right to be it. Willow absolutely expresses that philosophy as a person that is always fluctuating between one perceived ideal to the next. So identity is always an ideal of which fits for the moment. It’s never what anything is fundamentally. Just whatever is suitable at the time. Willow is a very “in the moment” person not in the sense that she lives by the moment, because she most definitely doesn't as a character constantly plagued by anxiety, but that the moment becomes her. She’s a very grey character that doesn’t recognize how grey she actually is because she’s so busy expressing herself by extremities. By a “black” and then a “white” and then back to “black” again. She doesn’t seem to realize that it’s black and white together. That it’s grey. And maybe this is me just projecting my philosophy into the character here but I think it makes more sense to understand this character as “grey” from the get-go because Dark Willow doesn’t seem so shocking when the boxed-in specific narrative of the “pure, innocent, helpless wallflower” is understood as just a passing phase. It’s not who Willow really is either. So it’s not a loss when that phase of her is tarnished by the dirty, guilty, offensive and abrasive phase. It’s just more to her that we haven’t been introduced to yet. That we have yet to know. And that she herself has yet to come to be aware of. That’s what being grey ultimately means in my head. There’s more to “black” and “white” than can be seen on the palette when mixed in together on the canvass. You’re painting something with much more depth and complexity and nuance than “good” or “evil”. You’re painting the whats-in-between of all that. The potentiality. You’re painting that of which resides in a state and position of “there” and “not there” at the same time. And for some people that might not make much sense because if it doesn’t exist yet, why should it matter? Well, the point is that it doesn’t matter until you make it matter. If it’s in your perception, it already exists to you. You perceive it as clearly as anything else you perceive. It is already a part of your subjective experience regardless whether it’s objectively “real” or not. And you will make actions and choices based on it. To avoid it. To claim it. To instate it. To either make it disappear or emerge. Thus, it is a real experience if not a real existence as it's still on your canvass. 

Willow does this. She overcompensates for that of which she already possesses but has no belief in. She identifies with situations that have no bearing on her character to control that of which she believes she has to for the sake of others. She performs all these different identities and characters and personas in order to be and do more than what she is already being and doing. Her paranoia being that if she doesn’t be and do all of this, she will lose those she loves and most cares about. Her only real problem is that she fundamentally does not believe she is enough just as she is. Just being “plain old Willow”. To her, that’s something that must be changed, must be avoided, must be improved upon, must go away. The only thing that makes that possible for her is magic. So the only solution to her problem to her is accumulating magical power. Because with magical power she can be and do more. And she can get people to forget “plain old Willow” - either voluntarily and naturally or forcibly and unnaturally. And she is so desperate that either way is fine. Either way will get the job done. She ignores all the consequences and potential damage because she’s powerful enough to fix all of that if need be. She’s powerful enough to control anything that happens as a result of her wanting to get the job done quickly and easily. Willow believes that her "plain old Willow" identity is her Achilles’ heel. That it's the weakest point in her character. It’s the place where it’s easiest for people to attack or criticize her. To her, to remain just that is what will bring about failure, pain, grief, loss and humiliation. And someone with her level of intelligence just cannot let that happen. See, she's always had the smarts, just not the power. And now she has both, she’s not taking any chances. That’s where Dark Willow resides before she completely emerges through rage and vengeance. In Willow’s arrogance and entitlement that she’s powerful enough to do whatever she wants in whatever way she believes is quickest and easiest. In her insistence to take control. And you have to pay very close attention but there’s a particular expression on her face throughout all seasons of the show, a particular glare that she gives, that shows that there’s definitely darkness within her that is just waiting to be pushed over the threshold. But it is as I said: The character is grey - so this part of her personality doesn’t completely define her - all it does it just gives her more depth to admire about her if you can appreciate that her evil arc is a development of her character and not a regression of it and is therefore something that had to happen so that her character could continue to grow and expand into whatever this Willow was:

It's all Willow - the light and the dark - and she had to live and work with that because it was the only way she was ever going to be happy with herself - or at least content. The character was never satisfied with just being and doing whatever she did naturally. She was always striving towards a loftier goal to prove herself to others. The medical term for her condition is "imposter syndrome" or "perceived fraudulence" but I think the most accurate term to call it is "grey" because there was never a point when anything she was being or doing was an imposter or fraud. She just perceived it as such and therefore had a constant anxiety that she would be exposed for it, which led to her doing horrifically abusive things to her loved ones so that she would never lose them or they would never leave her. Didn't quite plan out that way. In the end, she was her own worst enemy and she proved her greatest worst fears true by believing they would happen to begin with. She never meant to be or do evil. She never meant to be a villain. She was just so afraid that she would lose the ones she loves and so when she did - Dark Willow emerged. I'll likely never come across another non-lead female character in TV art/entertainment like Willow Rosenberg again and that's a shame. But now that I think about it... I don't think I want to. She's special and TV today would only cancel her.

#buffy the vampire slayer #lessons #chosen #season 7 #willow rosenberg #dark willow #light willow #alyson hannigan #rupert giles #anthony stewart head #identity #power corruption #addiction #vengeance #control #insecurity #magic #character representation #character development