#I love when he goes off on 10 different tangents and then tries to work his way back to his original topic

[alittledizzy]

29 Things I Love About Dan

1. That he came out to his family via email. Aspirational.

2. Dude really, really loves his grandma.

3. That one time at a book signing when the bookstore overpromised tickets and there was a dad that was really upset because his daughter had been waiting in line so long and didn't get to meet them. The dad was just shouting at Dan and Phil and everyone else was trying to just quickly walk on but Dan stopped, turned around, and talked to the dad.

4. That he's the first person to defend someone he loves in any situation where he even perceives they're being shit upon, but in the same breath will make fun of them himself. He's the epitome of older brother attitude.

5. He spends a lot of money on clothes but then he wears what he buys every single day for a span of at least a year so he does at least get his money's worth.

6. That time on vyou when someone asked him what he looks for in a girl and his answer was the ring that fell off his hand last time that he really wants back.

7. His reaction to the Phil's wife story. I still laugh thinking about Sabrina and Lola. In the process of answering that he made a remark about how Phil leaves to go with his 'real' family and sometimes that just latches itself onto my brain. There was a similar comment during the blue/gold dress debate where Phil referenced Dan in with family and it's just... like, yeah, they're in love, they're in a relationship. But they're not just partners, they are full on out and out family to each other and that Dan found that at a time when he was so scared and felt so isolated with his own family is worth everything.

8. The depth of feeling in his voice during that one "Katie, Katie, Katie... Katie, Katie, Katie. No." liveshow answer. You know the one. He was having none of that and if Katie got verbally incinerated in the process of his answering, so be it.

9. When he'd be doing a liveshow and get on a tangent and end up talking about condiments or dips for like four minutes straight.

10. The way he never minded putting someone on blast that pissed him off but knew that it bothered Phil so he would consult with Phil first sometimes but then if the situation actually involved Phil being hurt in some way all bets were off he Was naming that trainer that made Phil puke he did not Care if Phil gave him an alias for the video Kai deserved what he got for pushing Phil too far.

11. That after a decade he still wants to impress Phil's family by doing things like cleaning before they come and making them all coffee.

12. And yet still made a cake to give to Phil in front of them that talked about wanting to see Phil's ass. The duality of man is real, indeed.

13. Nicer Internet. Young Minds. Make-a-Wish. Mermaids. He only just came into his own with being charity-minded in the last few years and I don't for a second doubt he does more privately than publicly and probably has some mental spirals about using his platform vs being accused of virtue signaling. But this is just one way I love watching him find his footing in the world as an adult with privilege.

14. He introduced an important word to my personal lexicon with Haru and I'd like the rest of the world to catch on because it's just a very specific action of lying while obviously lying and pretending you aren't lying and I love it.

15. When he was fifteen he was so in his emo kid feelings that he wanted black angel wings tattooed on his back.

16. That little tune he'd hum when he was trying to space out thoughts during liveshows.

17. That somehow he beat all the odds and is best friends with the first person he subscribed to (Bryony) and in a relationship with his teenage self's favorite youtuber (Phil, obviously). Teenage Dan had a really shit time of almost everything but in that one specific 'meet your idols' area he was truly blessed with all of the luck.

18. "All I can taste is cherry, all I can smell is cherry, all I can hear is cherry and all I can feel is cherry. Can't really see much though."

19. The fact that he owned up to previous bad takes and opinions and deleted old videos and tweets.

20. Litralee.

21. They originally wanted Phil to run the board at the radio show but he did such a bad job of it after the first episode that they gave it to Dan instead, and I think for someone with zero radio work experience or training Dan did an amazing job. He may spend a lot of time doubting himself but when a spotlight is on him he's clever and confident and adapts quickly.

22. The way when he says 'at all' he still sounds like his five year old self.

23.  That he tried to run the marathon last year, and didn't, and tried again this year. When you're someone that fears judgement for your failures and knows everything you do is scrutinized by a very large audience - not just fans but people waiting for you to fail so they can report on that, too - sharing in that way seems like it would be really hard. It was shit luck that he couldn't run it this year either but I have faith he's gonna cross that finish line because the man Dan Howell has turned into goes after what he wants and fuck what anyone else thinks or expects of him.

24. That one liveshow they did without pants. You know that was Dan's idea. Phil is a respectable young man who does not go live on the internet to thousands of people in just his underwear. But Dan? Dan would. Dan does. And Dan is a terrible blerson.

25. That in a video to ten million people he said with his whole chest that his relationship with Phil made him feel safe for the first time since he was a small child. And like, yeah, sure, I'm infatuated with their relationship so it made me happy on a personal level. But beyond that; putting words to things is clearly not easy for Dan. It took him decades to acknowledge he was gay to himself. It took decades plus a little to tell his family. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much people know things, giving it a label is fucking scary and I think his fear of labeling his relationship with Phil (to the public) felt like a different kind of exposure than just his sexuality and he still faced them both.

26. He clearly has a very complicated relationship with his parents and family in general but that one story he told about being young and on holiday to Disneyland Paris and his mum is terrified of roller coasters but went on one with him like six times because she didn't want him to be alone. I'm glad through all the badness and doubt and fear he's had at how conditional his parents' love might be, that he had those good memories as well.

27. It was Dan that coined the phrase 'post-baking universe.' He's very aware of the stages of their life and his growth and he shares that self-awareness with the viewers even if he doesn't share all the depth of reasoning behind them. (He also coined the term 'phan' but in that instance I think uhh he didn't know what he was doing so.)

28. That he's learned better coping mechanisms than lashing out online. That he's got therapy now and the option for medication when he needs it. That depression doesn't go away but he knows he has options and support now.

29. He's given us almost a decade of content to watch and rewatch and enjoy and view through the different lights of his growth and our own growth, and who knows what the future will hold.

Okay, last minute addition - we'll call it one to grow on:

30. That Starcourt selfie.

#phan #meta

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs #3 - the (mostly) longfic edition!

It’s been a while since my last rec post - mostly because I’ve been wallowing in a number of longer fics (50-350k!) so it’s taken me a while to have enough to talk about in one post (and boy do I talk a lot, here!)

With these longer fics, I do sometimes have some caveats with my recs - or at least reasons why they might not appeal to every Dean/Cas reader. But note that if I didn’t overall strongly recommend reading the fic I wouldn’t include it in my recs here at all, so any quibbles I bring up are minor compared to my overall enjoyment of the stories. Just, I don’t want someone to commit to a long read without knowing what they’re getting into and why it might not be their thing.

I’m still not into reading complete setting AUs at this time, but a lot/most of these are canon-divergence AUs, often written/set at the end of a season and giving an alternative take on what happened next. I love those kind of stories, as it’s often so interesting to see how fans thought of what might happen in the next season (especially when it’s better than what we actually got.)

Onto the recs & discussion behind the cut!

The Sinking Ship by UnfortunatelyObsessed (114k). This is a story that ripped my heart to pieces (in a good way!). I stayed up all night to finish reading because I simply couldn’t stop once I started on it and it gave me a massive fic hanger from all my emotions. Season 14 divergence, imagine if Dean did go into the Ma’lak box to trap Michael under the ocean with him forever...and once there, he discovers that Cas has stowed away with him. Because of course Cas would never leave Dean to such a fate on his own.

I loved literally. Every. Damn. Thing. About this fic. Cas telling Dean stories to pass the (endless) time. Their small intimate moments while realizing they can never consummate physically while trapped in the box but finding every other way to express their love. The absolute heartbreak that had me SOBBING when Michael fights for control of Dean and destroys everything they’ve built together and Cas thinks he’s lost Dean forever. Sam & Gabriel & Rowena & Claire & Jack doing everything they can to devise a plan back home to try to save them both while keeping Michael trapped. Also even just the wonderfully sensitive portrayal of aroace Jack still closely bonded with Claire and Maggie and just. And just. This is a story I’ve already re-read just to savor how much I loved it and its portrayal of everyone in TFW 2.0 and their extended family, it just hit my id in all the most incredible ways and I have nothing but absolute love for this one.

Beautiful Chaos by anyrei, mugglerock (141k). Season 9 canon-divergence, in which Dean doesn’t simply abandon Cas to fend for himself post 09x03. Instead he sets Cas up in a kind of squatter’s nest in an abandoned building near the bunker so he can keep tabs on him and help him out. 

This fic definitely gets the award for FILTHIEST, HOTTEST, SMUTTIEST Dean/Cas (and Cas/other) I’ve read in, like, ever, for human!Cas turns out to be a rather insatiable sex fiend/cock slut and Dean is too up his own repressed ass to easily give Cas what he wants/needs. It is dark at times, Cas ends up in some very unsavory/non-con situations, and the authors do mention that they tried to hone in on endverse!Cas’s characterization more than what we saw in Season 9...so you might roll with it, you might not. I adored their original character Jerry the tattoo artist in this, and like I said it was seriously hot (if you are good with total bottom!Cas and Cas with others, I know those are not everyone’s cuppa). I did have a few minor issues. For one, the last chapter felt a bit rushed and hand-wavey, but clearly the authors weren’t fond of the canon conflicts of season 9 & 10 (Abbadon, Mark of Cain) and just wanted to be done with them. Can’t say I really blame them. And I did have to laugh a bit at Lebanon, Kansas apparently having such a bustling gay bar/tattoo artist/etc scene being someone from a butt-fuck nowhere American small town myself. But, SPN was never all that realistic in how Lebanon was shown (and yes I’ve spent too much time roaming around it on Google maps), so if you can suspend some disbelief this is an awesome hot/angsty/occasionally heartbreaking read.

These Forsaken Lands by destielpasta (53k). I came upon this story when looking for fics that dealt in some way with the aftermath of Godstiel. This is a wonderfully atmospheric late Season 9 “fill-in” case fic (post Meta-fiction) where Cas ends up in a small town that had been visited by Godstiel...and while initially residents have reaped much good fortune, there has suddenly been a wave of deaths/bad events and he is determined to find out what happened and set things right. He calls upon Dean for help, but Dean is fighting the Mark of Cain and it’s going to take a lot to get past its control and find a way out for both of them. Together they work on repairing an old church while trying to repair each other and their damaged relationship.

I loved this story for how well written it was, really invoking a gothic small-town/Americana atmosphere. The original characters blend in very well with the case-fic at the center of it, and the author deals really well with Cas at a very fragile point when he’s running on borrowed grace and trying to navigate Dean’s MoC-enhanced anger. It’s Dean/Cas but actually much more of a Cas character study, so I highly recommend it to my fellow/compatriot Cas-girls who love a good wallow in his head.

Mixed Emotions by Tierra469 (50k). Canon 12 “parallel” fic that then goes canon-divergent with the season finale. I actually stumbled on this while in the mood to read some Cas/ or & Mary fic after enjoying their interactions in Season 12 (don’t hate me). This is sort of two fics in one. The first half focuses mostly on filling in the gaps with some critical S12 Cas episodes, especially Cas & Mary’s developing friendship (and one night of something more). But of course Cas’s feelings for Dean (and vice-versa) are always there, and when Cas figures out a way to get his powers fully back, the question is if Dean can open himself up to be vulnerable - and express love - the way Cas needs for this to work.

This was an interesting fic in a lot of ways. I loved the author’s take on angels’ connections to their vessels and grace, it was very consistent in a way the show sometimes/often wasn’t. Cas is very Cas in not understanding privacy and personal boundaries (so he does some questionable things, admittedly, which might squick some readers). The smut is fucking HOT - though I will caution at one point it involves Cas temporarily in a younger (NOT underage) female vessel (and the story does point out Dean’s discomfort with this and some of the consent issues involved, I don’t want to spoil too much). I wanted the Mary plot resolved more than it was, but I still recommend this story strongly for the quality of the writing and unique/well-developed take on angel lore and mechanics that was quite different from what I’m used to reading.

We Are Either Here Or Not Here by petramacneary (54k) A post-season 12 fic that goes on a different tangent to how Cas returns, and what happens in the meantime. Particularly, it offers a different take on what apocalypseverse!Cas would be like—as Mary makes her own way back from that world with AU!Cas as her prisoner.

What I loved about this story: first off, BAMF!Mary is awesome here. Dean is so heartbreaking, not quite knowing what the fuck to do with this different Cas who at times is just a painful reminder of who/what Dean’s lost...but then becomes a chance for Dean to say and express some of the things he always was afraid to in the past. And when (real/our) Cas finally returns, there’s some very interesting stuff that happens with both Cas & AU!Cas and Cas & Dean that I don’t want to spoil. (And let’s also just say that when real!Cas and Dean finally get together it’s AMAZINGLY awesome. Like, hot Impala!sex. So is the artwork that goes with this story.)

You Can Keep Holding On by NorthernSparrow (353k) The longest fic I read this time around and probably the one I have the most mixed feelings about, but a while on I do keep thinking about parts of it so I do rec it with some caveats. This is a canon-divergence after the end of Season 11. Dean & Sam find Cas after he’s been blasted out of the bunker...to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Mary isn’t in this one except for a brief appearance/visit, which Dean thinks is Amara’s gift to him. Life seems good for a while, they’re enjoying dealing with mundane problems for a change, but then Cas seems to be pulling away from the brothers, spending less and less time with them at the bunker, taking a mundane job at another Gas ‘n Sip, and clearly preoccupied by something else. Or is it someone else? Dean is worried yet finally ready to accept that Cas maybe has a girlfriend, or a boyfried, but then it turns out that is not at all what Cas has going on. It’s something far more serious than that.

Honestly I almost stopped reading when the reveal happened - it’s a subject that’s very sensitive to me from personal/family experience and not something I usually like reading in fic (especially if there is a sad ending.) So I admit I jumped ahead to read how it would end first before committing to finishing it. And I am glad I did, because the author handles the subject matter with a realism and obvious knowledge of experience as well, not how I often see it in fanfic. There are a lot of emotional ups and downs but it’s nice seeing Dean in his momma-hen/mode, and Sam is so so good in this one! I think I enjoyed Sam’s characterization here most of all! And the author has a really cool/well developed angel/wing lore that hit my wing-kink pretty hard. I do think it could have all been edited down a bit - I found myself skimming parts, especially in the last third, just to get on with things. But it’s definitely a story you can disappear into for a good long time and I’ve bookmarked the author’s other works to read later, so again, I do rec it even with a few caveats.

A few shorter fics, too, just because I don’t want to forget about them...

Eleven Erogenous Zones of a Fallen Angel by almaasi (15k) Pure gratuitous wing!kink for me :) Cas uses the last of his grace to manifest his wings...but then is stuck with them in his human form and not even able to use them to fly as he used to. This presents a lot of awkward problems to deal with but also the excuse for Dean to help him keep them clean :) I did say wing kink, right? :D :D I loved how Cas seemed confused about the pleasure signals he got from bathing vs. sex vs. grooming and all of that. It’s sweet and hot and has my favorite kind of caretaking Dean in it.

Fossil Tracks by SegaBarrett  (3k). Dean & Sam & Cas and dinosaurs. How can you go wrong with that? One of the SPN stories from the Id Pro Quo collection I really enjoyed reading (and didn’t write myself, lol).

#destiel recs #my fic recs #deancas recs #fandom that ate my life hello #destiel fic recs #my destiel recs

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

My MMA Instructor is Wild

So I've mentioned my martial arts in passing on here, but I've decided that I NEED to tell tumblr about the Master of my dojo because he is equally as confusing as he is amazing.

Master T is basically the CEO of my specific dojo. The Master is in charge of all of the other instructors, events, belt orders, etc. He is only under the guidance of Grand Master H who is the founder alongside his wife.

It is important to me that you know what Master T looks like. Master T is TALL. He is an extremely tall, skinny, white man who looks to be in about his late forties or fifties. He does not look like he has any muscle. You probably wouldn't be able to tell he was a fourth degree blackbelt unless you saw him in uniform.

I didnt have much interaction with Master T prior to pandemic. The days he taught and the days I attended just never corresponded. After we got locked into quarantine, he started doing zoom classes and I finally got to learn more about him. Let me tell you, this man is a BLESSING. He is always super accommodating, and when students were having trouble getting supplies for home practice, he pitched in cash and sent links to good pads. When I thought I was going to need to drop half my classes due to money issues, he waived half the fee. He remembers each of his students and will ask me about how my college apps were going, when are you moving, etc. He is very sweet.

Aside from that though, he is also a bit of a goofball. He has this habit during instruction where he goes off on a story and drops vague, BOMBSHELL information about his life on us. No context whatsoever. I started compiling some of these tangents and a few other instances that I have decided to share with you. All of these are directly from my notes.

"The only time I ever tried to go all the way through with a side kick was that one time in the alley. I was anticipating I would also end up on the floor but the police showed up so I didn't have to."

"When I was a newer blackbelt I was taking these kids to an international tournament and we were walking down this hall to get to our room. This guy was walking towards me swinging his nunchucks like he was telling me that he was going to take me down. I told him I had kids behind me but he didn't stop so I figured I would put him to the floor so he wouldn't hurt anyone As I prepared to do the side kick he got caught off guard and was distracted. He ended up hitting himself in the head with the nunchucks and fell on the floor by himself. I just kind of walked around him and led the kids back to the room. It probably wasn't my best idea, but I was twenty one."

"I got put into a grab like that (both arms against body and held in air) when i went to boarding school in India. The other kid was a lot taller than me and he was holding me above a bank with an arm around my throat. I was in the boxing club but I didnt have the martial arts training you have, but I instinctively kicked behind me in his groin with my heel and he dropped me and I rolled down the bank and got away. He didnt mess with me again for 9 months. When he did it was with a knife but that's a different story."

Is from New Zealand (which begs the question why did he go to boarding school in India?)

update: it was a British boarding school In india.

Has a dog named Diesel. On one memorable occasion, Diesel was unhappy that he was teaching and was whining in the background. Diesel was bribed out of the room with treats by an unknown voice.

"Never break a board with a punch. It's possible, but don't. I once was talking to a blackbelt of 30 years, and he said he had never broken a board with a punch. I told him he probably could, and after egging him on, he did." *all of a sudden sheepish* "He broke the board, but he also broke his hand. His hand has never been the same. That was 10 years ago. So...don't."

Stopped mid sentence once because a stray cat was in his window staring him down. "I don't own a cat? Why are you here?"

Strongly implied that Mohammad Ali is a god on multiple occasions.

"I used to love breaking boards with ridge hand. That was my go-to break for years. Then one day, Grand Master H lit two boards on fire and held them up for me (he says this like it's no big deal btw). I broke the boards with ridge hand but it landed wrong and my hand and arm tingled for the next year and a half. Don't do that."

*working on Self Defense* "So I'm going to teach you how to do a trachea grab. This is for a life threatening situation. Kids at my boarding school used to do it all the time. It's super easy, let me show you." *procceds to accidentally choke himself* " Be careful practicing this because you might make yourself cough." *starts to hack his lungs out*

I love Master T and trying to piece together this disaster human who is somehow simultaneously competent.

#mma #mixed martial arts #taekwondo #bjj #brazilian jiu jitsu #krav maga #muay thái #sports #text post

[brownstonearmy]

2021-08-01: Out In The Styx (Part 1)

Tuesday September 15 (evening)

In the days since our last adventure, the poopy tornadoes have subsided. Unfortunately, another threat has begun to take its toll on the citizens of Brownstone. There's something in the water that seems to be making the residents (for lack of a better word) stupid. Rooney thinks that Brynnan is probably behind (or at least involved with) whatever is going on with the water. The party has been tasked by new mayor Zaribeth Quickfingers to find and fix the problem, but the usual culprits for water problems aren't involved this time.

Lucky suggests flipping a coin to determine where the party should investigate next, and the options are these: several holes that have opened up in the ground in recent adventures, the shadow spire, some other plane, and (just for funsies) trying to gain access to the Nine Hells. Lucky doesn't want to flip the coin herself because the coin tends to land sideways far too often. Spleenifer performs the coin flips and it is determined that the hole where Yula got incinerated at the Harvest Festival is where the party will start today's investigation.

Aside from a few safety cones and a sign warning about the dangers of falling into the hole, not much repair work has been done on the massive hole. The sewer's magical rubbish incinerator is still visible at the bottom of the hole, along with a few stray pieces of outhouse lumber that didn't hit the incinerator 10 feet below. A viscous orange goo is seeping onto the floor of the incineration chamber.

Lucky eyes the goo and says "Someone should probably taste it and see if it's the Dumb Liquid."

Dear reader, this is the exact moment where the adventure train starts to go off the rails in the most wonderful way possible. No one in the party wants to taste it, so naturally the role of test subject falls upon Zaribeth Quickfingers. Who, it should be noted, isn't present at all for this discussion. The party will secretly give it to the mayor in the guise of a pie to test the liquid.

Lucky dumps out four jars' worth of jam from her pack and uses Mage Hand to get the liquid in the jar. She also prestidigitates the words "DO NOT EAT" onto the jar. You know, for safety. Once the samples have been captured, some additional details about the goo emerges. It's about the consistency of honey, just barely translucent, and smells a bit musty. Now all that's left is to enlist the help of a talented baker with questionable morals.

That's where Granny Agatha comes in. "What brings you to my doorstep?" she asks.

"Mischief," says the party.

This resonates with Granny Agatha, who has been nursing a grudge against government and politicians for a while after her court appearance. She agrees to make a pie for the party's use, but only on the condition that she gets to bake and keep a similar pie for her own purposes. Pie-based political revolution is agreeable for both parties, and two mystery liquid pies come out of the oven a short time later.

Once everyone gets close to the Mayoral Manor, Spleenifer and Q (who is going as Disco today) split up to provide reconnaissance and distractions as Lucky polymorphs into regular halfing who works for the just-now-made-up Halfling Food Delivery Service. Lucky knocks on the door and a guard signs for the delivery. As the guard turns around, Lucky becomes invisible and sneaks through the door before it closes.

Guards in the Mayor Manor are a new addition under the Quickfingers administration, and Disco notices that there are also four plainclothes guards making regular patrols of the area. Disco slinks into the shadows of the evening's twilight and becomes effectively invisible. Meanwhile, Spleenifer does not attempt to hide her great height in the slightest and starts wandering the outside perimeter of the building.

Spleenifer finds a suitable spot of wall and gives it a mighty kick. It makes a terrible racket as Spleenifer kicks a hole clean through the wall. It appears that Shepherd Dunwall, the previous mayor, had renovated some of the building's exterior after the town flooded with some of his ample manure collection.

Back inside the manor, the invisible Lucky is dealing with a different situation. The guard with the pie is waffling on whether or not to sneak a taste. Lucky does her best mimicry of the guard's voice to convince him that it's probably not a good idea.

Disco's employing a similar tactic on the plainclothes guards from their hiding spot in the shadows. Their first attempt convinces a guard that Disco's whispering is actually a ghost, and that guard refuses to listen to sassy ghosts as a matter of principle. But Disco's second attempt on the next guard... that gets some traction.

"Does your father know where you work?" Disco asks the guard. The guard, whom we'll call Randy, comes to realize that he's working for a criminal and that Disco's voice is actually the voice of his conscience. "Randy's conscience" tells him to cause trouble for his employer. How much trouble should he cause? Pooping on the mayor's desk without getting caught would be a good start. Randy's convinced and leaves his post to go inside.

On a different side of the building, two uniformed guards have confronted Spleenifer. She places her Handy Haversack on her head and screams "I AM THE WRONG DISHONORABLE SPLEENIE MEANIE!" The guards are taken aback for a moment before realizing that she's likely a victim of the so-called "stupid juice" in the water.

The guards march back inside to give Zaribeth an update on the situation. Lucky is still invisible and has managed to sneak her way through several doors to reach Zaribeth's office. The pie guard (I'm just gonna call him Gordy) has placed the pie on Zaribeth's desk, but she's in the middle of doing a pile of mayoral paperwork. Zaribeth tells Spleenifer's guards (Jerome and Albert) to just handle the situation however they see fit. Even if it involves a little bit of light murder.

Randy almost comes into Zaribeth's office but sees Zaribeth sitting there and sneaks back a bit. "WHAT SHOULD I DO, CONSCIENCE?" Randy whispers. And Lucky, who is unaware of Disco's previous conversation with Randy, is able to reply in such a way that only Randy can hear: "Do it right outside."

And thus, Randy drops his trousers and poops right outside the boss's office door.

Zaribeth knows Randy is afflicted with a condition where he sometimes hears voices, but curtly asks him to do it somewhere else because she's trying to get all this paperwork done.

Jerome and Albert confront Spleenifer again and try to convince her to leave without having to resort to violence. But when Spleenifer corrects their grammar while using the phrase "second person pronouns," the guards know that she's not actually on the stupid juice. But this doesn't immediately trigger violence in the guards. Instead, it causes a moral debate between the Albert and Jerome about the merits of killing. Spleenifer goes off on a series of tangents and eventually convinces the guards that if they let her be a guard for the next five to fifteen minutes, she'll leave on her own.

Albert and Jerome fold like cheap lawnchairs, leaving their posts to go get a drink instead. Randy has the misfortune of emerging from the main door after his act of bowel rebellion, and Spleenifer berates him for using the door instead of this new "entrance" that Speenifer's sizable boot just added to the wall.

Inside the mayor's office, Zaribeth gets distracted enough to eat the delicious-smelling pie on her desk. But the problem now is that she doesn't have a fork handy. But Lucky's got that covered! She uses sleight of hand to shove a fork into Zaribeth's desk drawer.

Zaribeth checks the drawer for the fork that she "forgot" she put in there and tucks into the pie. "THIS PIE GOOD," she says. With the party's suspicions confirmed, Lucky begins the process of vacating the premises with Disco and Spleenifer.

Now that the party's identified part of the problem, they go to collect more samples of the goo. Lucky once again uses Mage Hand to secure the samples, which causes a wild magic surge that results in her hair to try to escape Lucky's head and also makes the hair repeat back random words it overhears. With four more jam jars full of treacherous ooze, the party searches out a familiar (and technically dead) person: Jangles.

Jangles' house looks condemned and covered in caution tape, but Disco understands that this is probably some sort of illusion to keep up the appearances of Jangles' death. "Yoohoo!" Disco shouts from the parlor of Jangles' house once they've let themselves in.

"Yoohoo!" Lucky's hair repeats.

After a bit of searching, the party is able to coax Jangles out of hiding. Jangles is wearing disheveled clothes and presenting as masculine today. When Jangles hears about Lucky's pie-related treachery, they want to see it firsthand via memory viewing. They offer Lucky an ugly hat that is part of a pair that allows memories to flow between the hats. Lucky declines the offer for now until her hair calms down.

It turns out that Jangles may have created an item during their lockdown that might be helpful to the party. Jangles retrieves an airtight box that contains an object called the Towel of McClane. It basically works like a reverse-version of the Decanter of Endless Water and endlessly absorbs liquids instead of producing them. Jangles gives the party a brief safety lesson on this partially-tested object, and the party prepares to depart for the evening.

As the party is going out the door, Jangles learns that Spleenifer is "practicing law" and asks if she would be willing to help "settle the Jangles estate." You know, as much as you can settle an estate while the person in question is actually alive. Oh, and there's one last little tidbit before we conclude for the adventure for the evening:

Lucky makes it home to Hilaria to show off her new talking hair. Hilaria loves it and tries to teach it how to swear like a parrot. She also tries to feed the hair crackers. Those two are just so cute together!

Stay tuned next time for more!

#Dungeons and Dragons #adventure log #stupid juice #dumb #granny agatha #hair #shits and giggles #towel #pie

[asterekmess]

S3A - E8

I’m realizing just how damn far behind I am on working on season 3, but I don’t wanna skip any episodes of the rewatch, so let’s get to it! Double time, double time!

Content warnings for discussion of cannibalism.

Forewarning, this one is a doozy, so be prepared to Read More:

Lesgo!:

First thing’s first, Derek has experience with those awful sound thingies? Can you imagine how freaked he must’ve been seeing Chris bring those out when they were tracking Boyd and Erica?

Also, Chris Argent has been hunting Derek one way or another since he was a child. Even BEFORE Kate. Why the hell do we have a Derek & Chris broness in the later seasons? This kind of shit doesn’t just go away. I can’t believe I forgot about it.

I love how awkward sweet bby Derek is trying to run through the trees and tripping on branches everywhere. It’s honestly so much more realistic for a teenager than just the crazy cgi stuff. Also, since we know Derek is comfortable in the woods, it really gives you a hint as to how truly messed up he is from fear right now. He’s off balance in a dozen ways.

DEREK HAS BEEN WATCHING PEOPLE DIE IN FRONT OF HIM SINCE HE WAS 15. I’m gonna CRY. If I wanna hurt myself even More, you could argue that the Random Beta (RB) got shot bc he stopped to talk to Derek. So...guilty minds would assume Derek has been watching people die because of him since 15. I hate everything.

PETER comin’ in clutch. Also, hilarious that they use that arrow catching move so much.

I almost like how they tried to make Gerard look younger by just having him wear a douchey leather jacket instead of the serious grandpa one he wears in S2. He swaggers over to the body of RB, and it’s hilarious.

Okay, what is this bullshit about “Bring them back alive, we go by the code?” If you were going by the code then you wouldn’t be fucking hunting them AT ALL. They’re innocent! Why the fuck are you ‘bringing them back’ in the first place? Chris, you piece of shit. This is supposed to demonstrate that you’ve always been a stickler for the code, but all it does is emphasize how little that code actually means. “We hunt those who hunt us.” Fuck off, you hunt anything you deem ‘dangerous’ and find excuses to kill them so you can feel righteous.

Gonna casually note that RB was shot in the Throat with an arrow, but bc of makeup necessities they moved the arrow down to his chest when he’s shown on the ground. It’s funny. :)

It’s seriously so hard to hate Peter, do the writers realize that? Like, yes, he did horrible shit and I’m not denying that, but when you show him running into the hunter-filled woods to save his nephew’s life at 24 years old, then hiding with him in a cellar for two fucking days when he could probably have escaped on his own, it’s hard to see him as a heartless bastard.

I’m almost afraid to find out why Cora knows the details. Can you imagine? She would’ve been, what, 9-10? Her big brother and uncle both go missing for two days after a hunt and she had to stay at home waiting for someone to say they’d found their bodies. God, the lives of the Hales are so fucked up.

The rain is really making the mood here.

I gotta say, I’m confused about this initial Cora-Stiles interaction. He goes on about everyone who’s died or nearly died, but then Cora assumes he wants Derek to do something about the deaths, and Stiles agrees? Except that Derek currently fits the COD that all the other sacrifices have hit. Missing for about two days. Everything Stiles has said implies that he’s worried Derek is also dead. I don’t get why they go with ‘I’m worried about the missing man that I’ve been helping for the last four months because I blame him for the Alphas even coming to town”?

One thing they got on point here is just how disgusting they made Gerard. The slime and the spitting and ugh *shudders* it’s just so gross.

I’m also...I think intrigued is the right word--that they shoved this whole story into the episode without ever addressing the fact that Derek IS missing and they should go looking for him or something. It starts with Stiles asking where the hell he is, but then everything else is about this past moment. Talk about going off on a tangent. I mean, I don’t blame them, but if I shoved this much character background into one chapter people would call me out for the infodump that it is.

Which is all this episode is. Info-dumped exposition. Here’s how werewolves were made. Here’s why Derek’s cranky. Here’s why Duke’s an asshole. Here’s why the Hales are ‘special’

Again, I don’t blame them. It’s just...a lot.

Just a tiny thing: Why do they both roll up their sleeves when Scott only has to touch Gerard’s hand?

It is also very hard to believe that either Allison or Scott are remotely good people when they’re both lying to everyone about Gerard’s existence.

*finger guns, bc now i have to use the tag* I think this is the longest I’ve ever gotten before using it.

Another thing: Why does Gerard make the gross noises like he’s in pain, when we know it doesn’t hurt to get the pain taken away from him? It certainly didn’t hurt that lady in the ER.

I know this is a weird thing to notice, but I find it interesting that Paige is wearing actual makeup. Not just the ‘natural’ look, but eyeshadow that’s visibly dark. *shrug*

Is she Actually playing the cello? The notes Don’t look like they match up with her bowing and fingerings.

HA that music cut in is fucking Hilarious. Derek turns around like he’s in a teen rom-com, with that casual “I never stop smiling all the way bc I’m the coolest guy around” grin and the music just WHAM. That’s right, Derek Hale used to be a JOCK. He didn’t used to be ‘a lot like Scott.’ He was a lot like JACKSON.

So, this group of cronies Derek has. What is that about? He’s gotta have that posse just like Jackson did in S1? Unnamed people to cackle at his jokes.

Paige’s face, right there? That is the SHIT for me. That’s not hidden attraction, that’s genuinely “What the fuck is my life, why are you so lame?” and I am LIVING for it.

Derek peacocking is also hilarious. Peacocking so hard he (THE WEREWOLF) didn’t notice that she’d left the hall, is even more so.

I hate to tell you this Paige, but THAT is where I could tell you liked him. Giving in to his bullshit offer was the first step, that look on your face when he said, “Hold on” was Blatant “Holy shit, my crush wants to talk to me” but then all you idiots did was make eye contact. Paige, if you’re trying to get the ball, try looking away from those pretty eyes, okay?

Derek, you always go too far. You can see Paige lose interest when she realizes that he’s not actually into Her, he’s into showing off.

OOOF, i guess they weren’t such good friends after all, cus’ they left when Paige did.

I also feel the need to point out Derek is WEARING A CHECKERED SHIRT. *inarticulate screaming* Everyone who makes jokes about him thinking plaid is disgusting owes me five bucks bc he CLEARLY didn’t think checkers/plaid were that bad when he was in high school.

I’ll admit...the instant sorry is like...really good. If they’d had him come in and be More of a dick and then end up together, I’d be a lot more bugged. But his First real introduction to her is an apology.

THEN he goes back to being a dick. But at least this time it’s not about him, he wants to know about Her.

And I LOVE the turnaround! THIS is flirting. THIS is cute teasing. She plays his game Back at him, shows her own skill and forces him to get on her level. Then he weasels out of it, but in a Cute Way.

If there’s one thing that I’m routinely impressed by in TW it’s the scoring. They’re Really good with music to fit the moods and the vibes of the whole episode. For instance, all the transition music in this episode is Cello, bc it’s about Paige.

I hate agreeing with Gerard on Anything, but he makes a good point about the Dark Druid taking and killing someone else right alongside Deaton. Why would she take 4 people when she only needed three? She wouldn’t know that Deaton got a message out or that Scott would save Deaton. Plus the addition of the mountain ash circle is kind of weird, don’t you think?

Yah, I have no clue why your body is producing anything Either. You literally make no sense and you shouldn’t be alive. Period. Bringing you back was a lazy way to have someone who could be a sub-sub plot and hand out exposition and red herrings that are totally useless.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT GERARD? You weren’t There when Deucalion found out he could still see with his Alpha Eyes (Which makes no sense btw, he doesn’t have TWO sets of eyes???) and if you’d interacted with Deuc since then he’d have ripped you to shreds.

SERIOUSLY people, why the FUCK are we getting this information from Gerard when it makes WAY more sense for Deaton to tell them this? He was THERE for the whole thing!

I get that the point of the episode is supposed to be “Unreliable Narrators” (The whole show has an unreliable narrator.) but you had that covered with Peter’s story. You could’ve Instilled TRUST in Deaton by making a contrast and having Deaton TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Show the difference between reliable and unreliable. Gerard doesn’t need to be here!

Stiles, asking the real questions.

AND GETTING THE MOST BULLSHIT ANSWER IN THE UNIVERSE.

Could these writers GET any lazier? Put some fucking effort in and give us some information about Werewolves IN YOUR WEREWOLF TV SHOW.

What the fuck were Paige and Derek into that they knew where an abandoned distillery was when it wasn’t even in TOWN? And you’re telling me they left town every time they wanted to make out? Even worse, are you implying they had SEX in that distillery? And then trying to tell me that none of the fucking Alphas and their packs noticed the smell of Derek and his girlfriend all over the building?

...what...do people seriously not remember being teenagers? What the fuck Peter? In what fucking universe  is “one minute it’s ‘i hate you, don’t talk to me’ the next it’s frantic groping in any dark corner’ remotely accurate to real life?

Teenagers in the majority don’t DO that. I really fucking hate that all teenagers are made out to be like this. Like they’re “run by their hormones” and “everything is sex to you” STOP. Seriously, STOP. Saying shit like that completely negates the fact that Teenagers are Real fucking People. They’re not just buckets of hormones and sweat that need to be shaped into an adult. They’re fucking PEOPLE and reducing them to sex-crazed idiots is lazy and stupid.

Are you ALSO telling me that the hunters dragged RB’s DEad Body to an abandoned building, then strung the corpse up and cut it in half? AND that someone happened to go the abandoned building and found the body and called the cops, or that they MOVEd the two halves somewhere they would be found, Or that They were the ones to call and report the body?

Has teen wolf got even a Single brain cell?

ALSO, what the fuck is this timeline? Derek and Peter went missing for two days after RB was killed, but the packs don’t get together to discuss RB’s death until After Derek has run out of the building with Paige because he could smell blood from RB being hemisected. So, they waited at Least two days before talking to each other about RB’s death? And Derek apparently recovered Instantaneously from his two day nightmare and went right back to macking on his girlfriend and laughing freely the Day he was found? Or did they wait even longer? I’m so fucking confused!

Okay, you tell me that this place is their favorite makeout/groping spot, but they seriously just walk in the door and start kissing in the middle of the room? You guys didn’t bring some blankets and pillows here? You’re gonna stand there the whole time?

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING PETER A PERVERT? He was fucking watching his nephew make out with his girlfriend through the wall??? WHat is WRONG with you?

ALSO, Cora was alive and active in Derek’s life at that point. She wasn’t That young. She could easily point out that Peter being Derek’s best friend is total bullshit if it weren’t actually true. Which means Peter is telling the TRUTH here. Hell, she doesn’t call out his heartbeat for lies the entire time, and while they imply at the end of the episode that Really Good Liars can just force their heart to be steady while lying so they don’t get caught, that isn’t a thing for the entire rest of the show. Derek trusts KATE when she says she’s not lying. So the evidence actually points toward Peter telling the TRUTH in this entire episode.

THAT is accurate to teenagers. Using the word “like” and “liking” so many times in a conversation that it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore.

Paige...dude, I’m so torn. Like I’m glad you’re being honest with Derek about your worries, but also it’s a complete dick move to just Assume that he’s gonna bail? To say to his face that you Know he’s leaving you and you’re just waiting for it? Fucking rude.

Ennis...bro...how exactly did your Beta “Accidentally” kill a hunter? How would that happen?

AGAIN WITH THE TIMELINE. If the packs only CAME to beacon hills because of Ennis issue with the hunters, why was RB running through beacon hills when he was killed?

Also, side note: Where are all of these werewolves staying? Are they territorial so they like, all claimed different hotels to take over? Or do they not mind, and THAT’S why the Hale house is so big for such a small family? Because they had a ton of guest rooms for packs that visited to get that sweet, sweet Hale Wisdom?

I firmly believe that werewolves are clothing-optional people. Talia straight shifts into a naked human form in front of over a dozen other wolves.

Also, where the hell is the Hale pack here? Some random chick comes up and gives Talia a robe, but that person is standing with Deuc’s pack. So....what?

I’m so curious about the formation the wolves make when they hear Talia coming. Everybody backs away, except Deucalion. And they do this weird focus on his face as he watches her come in. And her eye contact is JUST with him.

OH GROSS. DID DEUC HAVE A THING FOR DEREK’S MOM????

I will admit that watching things with subtitles sometimes ruins the surprise. There’s that little pause before “I’m just a deputy” like it was supposed to be shocking to the audience, but the subtitle on Amazon Prime just Pops up right away and it kind of ruins the effect.

Here we go! The one piece of concrete information on “Packs” and “pack members” that we’re given in the whole fucking show. Word for Word. “Losing a member of your pack isn’t like losing family, it’s like you lose a limb.”

That is....severe. Now imagine that your entire family IS your pack. And losing almost every one of them. Is it any wonder that Cora, Peter, and Derek are so messed up? That they’re so dark and wounded looking?

I s2g sometimes Peter literally just sounds like he’s a self-insert for the writers. He explains shit that the writer’s are showing Really Badly as if to wave away the fact that the Ennis flashback is pretty much Completely unnecessary. “You just don’t understand my artistic genius, it’s never just a single moment, it’s a confluence of events. I have to show you all these random flashbacks because you need to understand why Derek is soaked in MANPAIN all the time. Which is totally relevant to the current plot bc....bc....bc ART (and also Tyler Hoechlin was busy so we could only get one shot of him for the entire episode)”

That is just the cutest shit oh my god. Derek listens to Paige’s music while he’s in class and doing homework. THAT is love, you realize? He doesn’t just deal with her dedication to her music, he loves it.

THat little wince when he says “Are you sure about that?” Paige knows he’s gonna screw with her.

THAT IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. He gives her space! She likes studying during lunch so he Leaves her Alone. I LIKE IT.

What do you mean “Laura told you about the packs being here.” Derek KNOWS they’re here because he watched RB DIE IN THE WOODS. Seriously, I”M SO CONFUSED.

FUN FACT (that I might’ve already shared) Oak wood was liked by the Celts because it was really sturdy and hardy and bore food, but it wasn’t their favorite type of wood! Rowan was the favorite, and Irish pagan practitioners used to sleep in rowan trees so they could have prophetic dreams. After that, it was Hazelwood. :P

I...do not enjoy when they bring up the Celtic Druids. *Scuttles to get my textbook bc this is my nerd shit*

“We’re in a Nemeton” This is the correct wording, actually! A “Nemeton” isn’t a thing, it’s a “sacred meeting place” as Chris calls it. Go chris! Nemeton refers to the entire grove/area around the main tree.

I can’t speak to whether they chose a ‘Large, older tree in a grove” but it does make sense bc if we’re talking about Oaks they were a symbol of food and safety (acorns were a staple to Celtic diets) so choosing an older tree would not only look more impressive, but it would probably bear more acorns for the clan.

“It would represent the center of the world” *Puts on vine voice* THat is NOt Correct! The tree at the center of the Nemeton was called a “crann bethadh” or “Tree of Life” and it was essentially a Totem that marked the center of the tribe’s territory. It was not ‘the center of the world’ it was the center of THEIR world. Their land.

“There was a belief that cutting or harming the tree would cause serious problems for the surrounding villages” Not sure if ‘villages’ is the correct term for the era, but the rest of it sounds like a close mistranslation. See, in Ireland there were raids people would do against other clans where the SOLE PURPOSE was to destroy their crann bethadh, because it was demoralizing. It’s like graffiti-ing the front of a church. But technically, it WAS severely frowned upon to harm the tree in any way.

This is mostly because in most Celtic areas, Oak trees were considered symbols of the “Father of the Sky” or the “God of Thunder.” Of course you don’t wanna piss off Thunder man.

Also, you notice how I’m saying CELTS and not DRUIDS. It’s because DRUID isn’t a cultural label, it’s a SOCIAL CLASS. It’s like saying “The Educated”

Okay, back to the--OH WAIT. Before anyone gets any ideas, the blood on the crann bethadh isn’t human. Estonian Celts smeared animal blood on the tree roots as an assurance for rain and good harvests. This is the same concept as TONS of other religions, including Christianity. (Abraham was supposed to sacrifice his son, Isaac, to God, but God stopped him and had him sacrifice a Ram instead. So, Yes. Christians used to perform animal sacrifices.)

NOW back to the show.

THe fact that gerard doesn’t know this stuff implies that Chris is the nerd of the family.

I LIKE THIS. I hate that I like it bc it’s Gerard, but I LIKE IT. Gerard gets up from his wheelchair. He doesn’t need it All the Time.

I’ve never seen another show that bothered to have a wheelchair user who wasn’t wheelchair-bound, which is stupid because it’s Very Common for people using wheelchairs to not need them all the time.

though it does beg the question of why he’s sitting in a wheelchair when he’s in his own bedroom? Was he going somewhere? Or did he know he wouldn’t have enough chairs and didn’t want Allison or Scott to sit in his chair?

The story of Lycaon, who was considered a savage ruler of Arcadia and Zeus went to his house disguised as a human (this is v common in myth) to find out if he was batshit. Lycaon and his FIFTY SONS (he also had one daughter) wanted to know if the stranger was a human or a mortal, so they fed him human flesh in stew. Zeus flipped shit and blasted the room with thunderbolts, murdering all but one of Lycaon’s sons, and then turned Lycaon into a wolf.

So...this whole ‘myth of lycaon’ is totally fucked up when it didn’t need to be? Like, they didn’t NEED to change it to make it a messed up origin story of wolves. It already was.

There’s three major versions to choose from

Lycaon was a pius man who founded the city of Lycosura on Mount Lycaeus and used a child as a sacrifice to Zeus, thinking it would please him. Zeus flips shit and turns Lycaon into a wolf. FROM THEN ON; at every sacrifice made to zeus a man was transformed into a wolf and if he managed to restrain himself from eating human flesh for 8-9 years, he would be turned human again.

The same story as the first, except Lycaon Knew Zeus was in disguise and the child he fed him was Zeus’ own son, and it was revenge for seducing his only daughter Callisto.

If you want to make it match what you’ve already said about wolves in the show, they could’ve used the last one and it would’ve demonstrated how Ingrained the concept of vendetta/revenge is for wolves.

If you wanted to focus on the Turning Human part and working with Celtic Druids to learn to become werewolves, you could’ve used the second one.

there was no reason to add in the bullshit about Prometheus except as an excuse to make Deucalion look like he picked his name to be an asshole, which he fucking didn’t.

 I’m so sorry about all the classical shit (i’m really not) but I studied it in college and I can’t just let this bullshit stand.

I’ll give them a pass on the ‘the lesser known part’ bc it’s technically plausible for the wolves to have run north to the Celts and beg for help, And the Druids (those who’s education was specifically in magic, not all of them) were known for shapeshifting (though not usually into animals. They did that to Other people, not themselves)

I cannot believe this is so long, i’m so sorry.

But WHY tho, Cora? How is an Emissary supposed to keep you connected to humanity if No ONe KNows Who They Are?? How are they supposed to do their job??

Yeah, well now Deaton is a sour bitch who has a chip on his shoulder against the Hale pack so like...fuck his advice.

I will say though! Pre-fire Deaton doesn’t give me the heebies like post-fire Deaton. He’s much more clear about the advice he’s giving, and it’s actually helpful! He still has a dumb little anecdote/parable about the scorpion and the frog (which...in most circumstances I hate. It doesn’t even match what happens) but he gives Real Advice instead of vague asshole nonsense.

“I’m an Alpha, I never walk alone.” I have an inordinate affection for this line.

Paige is clearly some kinda bad bitch if she thought nothing of going to hang out in the school in the middle of the night with Derek.

Okay, but like...why would he attack Ennis like that if he was the one who asked him to bite Paige? And why is the moment played up “A fifteen-year-old boy against a giant” Derek was literally swatted to the side while Ennis walked out of the building. this wasn’t some big showdown.

If she’d already been bitten, why was Ennis still grabbing at her??

....seriously? Peter is literally right there? And no one noticed?

Again with the “Scott is a genius now” LIsten, bro, why the fuck would Scott know a sanskrit fable? If he Did know a story like that, it would be bc Deaton taught him. In which case he would know the FROG and the scorpion. Come on, guys.

OH MY GOD GERARD DOES IT TOO. GERARD, PETER, AND DEUC all have a CHRONIC case of verbal diarrhea when they’re trying to be intimidating.

I do NOT understand this warehouse scene. It’s a GAS gerard, if you stabbed yourself with some sort of...antidote or whatever it wouldn’t save you from the GAS you’re inhaling. At the very least you would be shouting like everyone else because it HURTS going in.

why did it take so long for Talia to come? It’s implied that Peter left to get her, so why did it take so long? Even PAST peter looks fucked up at seeing that Paige is dying, it’s not like he would wait.

I’ll be real, i get weepy so i’m skipping the actual death. Just know that it hurts me. Severely.

Y’all know how much I hate this ‘innocent life’ bullshit for blue eyes. It’s very True Alpha-y in that it’s impossible to pin down the specifics. What constitutes an ‘innocent life’? What constitutes taking it? With wolf claws? With a gun? What counts and what doesn’t count? Ugh.

Eyyy, so I’m exhausted and this is so long that my computer is fritzing. There are five minutes left and nothing happens in them at all. Just Scott pointing out the heartbeat thing and threatening to kill Gerard (so he’s still fine with murder at this point in time. Good to know). Stiles telling Cora that he doesn’t think Peter was telling the truth (which she would Know if he wasn’t) and that he’s gonna ask Derek about it (which we never got to see). And Deucalion murdering his own Beta (who, tbf, tried to kill him first. Which, again, what the fuck is up with Deaton’s office that wolves are able to rip each other apart in it, but it’s still ‘hard for someone like Scott to cause me any trouble.’ I’m just so confused

Final Thoughts: This episode actually had some interesting stuff in it, which is kind of sad considering there was no PLOT, just Exposition. I look forward to tweezing the bits out that I want and dumping the rest in the garbage where it belongs. Oh, and like I said, the music was on Point.

#personal #anti-Scott McCall #TeenWolf-Rewatch #long post

[iooiu]

Hey, so I've been thinking about this AU and I have a few questions. 1) how does exactly the haddock siblings happen? I mean, did Valka stayed longer? Are they adopted? 2) What's their interaction with Gobber? 3) How does Stoick manage them? 4)When Hiccup goes and ends the war with the dragons what's their reaction? 5) How do the haddock kids interact? Who's the leader and stuff like that 6) How do they interact with the main crew? (Astrid, Fishlegs, Snoutloud, the twins). Have a nice day!!

Hey hey hey! Fire those questions away!

(Tbh this au is super sporadic and half the time I end up changing what I’ve already planned, but hopefully some of these answers will stay the same lo)

Okay so;

1. From my (very limited, very sad, very uneducated) knowledge people would actually have kids a lot earlier in life (during their teenage years actually), and my best guess is that has something to do with the fact that they wouldn’t live nearly as long as we do now, but I know in many cultures and even in the last few generations couples had children very early in life, as it was a common practice (though please don’t take my full word for it, like I said, I’m no expert). 

Because of this, Valka would have had Dagur and Heather earlier, and would’ve been taken away around the same time as canon (when Hiccup was a wee little baby).

2. When they were little Dagur would poke Gobber with sticks and then run away because he’s a jerk, but Heather never really interacted with him much.

2.5? I like to match my au’s with canon events as I’m not a very creative person who can just recreate a whole series lmao. 

So basically when HIccup was around 4 (maybe like idk) Stoick gave Dagur and Heather to Oswald (who I decided would be Stoick’s relative, like a brother or smth) because of some political tensions (that I’ll leave to interpretation because I know shit about Viking politics) with outside tribes. It’s the main reason why Hiccup doesn’t remember a whole lot about his siblings and why Dagur seems to retain the most knowledge over it (and Heather to a certain extent too).

3. Before all of this happened, Stoick obviously had to raise them like the absolute single-father unit he is, but man, was it tough.

Between running a whole tribe, fighting a war with giant fire-breathing reptiles, losing his wife, and having to maintain peace with other tribes, that man had a lot on his plate. He would often give Dagur the responsibility of looking after the other two (he would have totally given the responsibility to Heather, but Dagur’s the oldest (8-10 years older than Hiccup, as reference)).

But he cared deeply for them, and would try to spend what free time he had with them.

That doesn’t mean Dagur wasn’t a little shit-eating menace though, because he totally was. He would set whole houses on fire and claim that he was training when really he just wanted to let the sheep roam free around the village. He would take Hiccup and Heather exploring in the forests (though it was more of carrying Hiccup around and holding Heather’s hand because they were too little lol).

Stoick always tried reprimanding him, but no one can tame the boy so why even try. 

Stoick also taught Heather how to braid her hair, because she had been too young to learn by the time Valka disappeared. 

4. As I said before, this au followed canon for the most part, so their reactions are much the same as in the show (though with a few more aggressive head ruffles and hugs because like, duh, their baby bro changed the world).

5. Oh boy, this is a long one.

Dagur is a demon, like literally. The Berserkers and Berkians are known to have had a strong alliance for decades, and because of this the two chieftains often met with each other for celebrations and trades. When Stoick gave the two to Oswald, the Berserker chief often brought them with him, so Hiccup remained familiar with his siblings.

Dagur tried to teach Hiccup how to swim, but almost drowned him. Heather liked roaming the forests and dragged the two with her. They bonded for years like this (until Oswald gave Heather away to a different tribe because of political tension and threat of war, which is partly the reason why Dagur destroyed them later in the series).

When Heather is given away, Hiccup is around 6-7, and doesn’t see her again until the time frame of Riders of Berk (is that what the show is called?? lol I forgot).

Dagur continued to accompany Oswald to Berk, and Hiccup with Stoick to Berseker Island, and because of the distance between them, Dagur didn’t really know how to be gentle with his brother. In his mind, he already lost his sister, and Hiccup was always so small and so he feared the worst for him as well. He tried to ‘toughen him up’ the best way he knew how, but he was kind of jagged in the head and always ended up giving off the wrong impression. Poor Hiccup became traumatized lol, but took it in stride later in the series (around RTTE).

I could go on forever and ever about how they interact afterwards (in Race to the Edge) but I know it’ll be super annoying for me to go on a tangent about it.

6. Basically the same way they interact with them in canon? Dagur never really liked any of them when he visited Berk, and the three of them didn’t even know them when they were all living with Stoick. Remember that they were all around Hiccup’s age, and that Dagur and Heather would both older (Dagur by 8-10 years and Heather by 2-3).

So yeah, their interactions are exactly the same as in canon RTTE.

Though when Dagur first broke the news to Hiccup about all three of them being siblings (poor baby had been young when they had left, and was fed the impression that they were nothing more than kids from neighbouring tribes, but he had his speculations), he wanted to keep it a secret from the gang. But this boy is shit at lying to people’s faces and when everyone found out it was like an exe.stopped-working moment.

After that they got used to the idea of the three of them being a family, and Heather never failed to complain about her brothers’ stupidity to Astrid and Dagur would constantly tell Snotlout (who was they cousin, but Dagur and Heather only found out after they all reconciled) embarrassing stories about how Hiccup used to cry when either Dagur to Heather left their shared room at night.

Again, I would love to rant about their interactions (and the sheer amount of teasing that Hiccup would receive over his little lovey-dovey crush on Astrid because come on, what kind of older sibling wouldn’t embarrass the hell out of you for something like that?), but it’ll be super long and annoying lol.

Thanks for giving me the chance to spill my guts on this au! I know I kind of went a bit overboard, but my love for these three never ceases to escape me haha.

#my grammer is off the charts like wow #uhm but yeah #thanks for asking!! #i hope this thing isn't too long #this ask made my day #haddock siblings #dagur the deranged #heather the unhinged #hiccup horrendous haddock lll #stoick the vast #oswald the agreeable #ig?? lol he's that uncle that disappeared for years and unleashed a rabid dagur on the world woop #kk im done

[fanficy-au]

Not Enough Time | Deidara x Obito

Title: Not Enough Time For: Tracy  Summary: Obito has tried to reject the idea of his soulmate for years, but as the day approaches closer he can’t deny the growing curiosity. Requested Word Count: 2000 Final Word Count: 2015 Rating: G Tags: Deidara x Obito, male x male pairing, soulmate AU, soulmate - timer AU View on A03 |  Commission Me | Tip A Writer 

Not Enough Time | Deidara x Obito 

The timer has been there for as long as Obito can remember. When he was a child, he sat down and carefully, if a bit simply, told why it was there. His grandmother had filled him with idealizations and stories of finding his soulmate. She tried to make it something for him to look forward to and to not be discouraged by long numbers. He listened for what seemed like hours to stories of how she met her soulmate, how his parents met. He still remembers each story very well.  It almost worked - it would have worked - until all of the other kids ignored him because they couldn’t read his timer; if it was not happening anytime soon, it did not matter.

As he got older, especially  in high school, they explained it in more detail - followed afterward about sexual education. He paid more attention to the former than the later, he will admit.

The timer on his wrist, they had explained, counts down to when he will meet his soulmate. Like him, it is something that everyone has. They still did not explain as well as he had hoped though. No explanations as to why it was there. No questions were asked other than the typical high schooler questions of what if my soulmate is ugly? Which was reassured with it’s your soulmate, you’ll be paired with someone you will love. All ‘reassurances’ felt so empty to him, rehearsed and expected answers that were expected of adults that never actually answered anything; he never got a chance, or the courage, to ask the questions on his mind.

No one else seemed to have the same hesitation that he did. He first noticed this when some of his friends in high school ended up meeting their soulmate; some of the lucky ones had even met their soulmate as children. Always happy. Always excited. Always I have been waiting for you, you are just as I imagined. You are everything I have ever dreamed of. You are even more beautiful than I hoped for.

There was always rumors and chatter about each other’s timers, who may end up who if their timers were even a little bit similar. Some rumors are more scandalous than others. Some of them, ones whose numbers were short and easy to predict, did not even bother trying to date in high school, waiting for their ‘ one true love’. Others liked to dabble, to get experience so they knew what to do when they finally met them; those ones usually had decently long numbers with hopes of meeting their soulmates in college. There never seemed to be that much of a market for kids who just wanted to date; it was seen as pointless if they were not your soulmate (now being in the city, he is sure that most of that was small town thinking). So any hopes he had of gaining the sort of experience had hoped to were shot down fast.

Growing up, none of it ever reassured him the way he thought it would. Seeing so many soulmates meet and suddenly, viola, they are together the next day. Surely, if it worked for everyone else it would work for him, wouldn’t it? Then again, he never was like anyone else in other categories. Never athletic enough. Never good-looking enough. Never enough.

Instead he just grew anxious. He never understood the hype. The numbers on his wrist felt too long and the longer he had to wait, the more he grew sure that even his soulmate would not want him. What if he was not  ‘everything his soulmate dreamed of?’ What if he was not ‘what they expected?’  What if he didn’t want to be suddenly with someone just because of his timer? What if he doesn’t like them? Or what if they don’t like him?

Or worse, Obito was sure that his soulmate had to be a man. What if they were expecting a girl or someone else?

Obito has learned, with time, that the best way to not be anxious about something was to simply not care about it.

Now, even at twenty-five years old, Obito still does not worry too much about his timer; or at least, he tries not to. He ignores it for the longest time, going as far as wearing sleeves or jewelry that covers the timer. He puts it into the back of his mind, trying his best to not even check how much time is left. If he pretends that it is not there, maybe it will not come true or maybe it will go away all together.

But at his age, the timer is quickly approaching its end. The last time he checked it, he nearly spilled his coffee realizing that it would happen so soon. Four days, five hours, six minutes, 45 seconds. It felt surreal that so much time had passed. That the number that seemed so far away, so out of reach as a small child, is finally approaching. He almost took off work for the rest of the week, just so he could stay home and lock himself away where he can’t possibly run into anyone. His boss, however, had very different plans that led him working so much overtime that he stressed about meeting his soulmate through work.

Of course, this was four days ago. Now, he has no idea how much time is left on his timer. A few hours maybe? Minutes? He bites at the inner cheek of his mouth. He taps his fingers against his desk. It takes all he can to not look at the timer obsessively all through the work day. He tries his best to focus instead, on all the work piling up in front of him.

But just as he is about to clock out for work, heart beating against his chest, he can no longer resist the temptation to look. His hands shake as he lifts up the edge of his sleeve, carefully moving his watch just enough for a small peek at the numbers.

15 minutes. 45 seconds.

He gags, glancing at the watch as if that may have a different time. He thinks wildly about what it is he is about to do and where to go. Will he meet them on the subway? No, he won’t make it there in time. Will he meet them at the coffee shop that he goes to on his way home? Maybe. Hopefully he won’t end up meeting them by accidently spilling something on them. Will it be someone just coming into the building as he is leaving?

Will his soulmate see him and leave? Get mad that it’s him? Will they be disappointed? Turn him away before he even has a chance?

Or will the timer hit zero and he will be walking down an empty street with no one in sight.

Just as his panic is reaching its peek, he hears his boss’ voice over the intercom calling him to the office. He quickly gathers himself together, fixes his tie, runs his fingers through his hair and hopes that there are no signs of his internal struggle.

The only good news, among all this chaos, in this situation is that he already knows his boss, which means the likelihood of meeting someone in his office is slim… right?

He tries his best to listen to his boss, he really does. Every word, however, goes in one ear and out the other. If he gets anything out of this, it is  that he never quite got the chance to clock out so at very least he is getting paid for the long tangent that his boss rambles on.

He normally isn’t so disconnected from work like this - and admittedly, if it was something positive, he would be much more interested -  but all he can think about is the timer on his wrist, ticking away while he sits in the office. He keeps an eye on the clock behind his boss, counting the minutes passing by, and the longer he waits, the more convinced he is that he was right that he never even had a soulmate to begin with.

Leave it to him to be the one whose timer goes off while his boss is rambling mad.

“-But,” his boss takes a deep breath - the first one in what feels like forever, “I have to say that your performance is exactly what this company needs which is why I’ll leave it to you to train our new associate. I trust that you’ll instill the same work ethic to him.”

“He will be completing his six week internship first,” his boss continues, “Then hopefully, we can add him as a permanent hire. With your training of him, we hope that can happen.”

Obito’s eyes widen, an immediate sense of panic rushing over him. He tries his best to cover it up as his boss stands to let someone into the room. He takes that moment to glance at the timer on his wrist. 10 seconds.

Whomever is walking through that door will be his soulmate - or should be, at least. He wonders if their timer will be going off any second now. He stands, double checks that his shirt is tucked in perfectly to make a good impression, and faces the door.

“Please welcome Mister Deidara onto the team.”

A man struts in, almost idly as if he is not nearly as concerned about the situation as Obito is. Blonde hair pulled back into a professional ponytail, sharp blue eyes glancing at his own wrist. Obito swallows thickly, not quite expecting him to get so lucky as to get someone so good looking. He can feel his face warming and hopes that no one else can hear his heart beating against his chest like a hard drum.

“Huh, what do you know,” Deidara says easily as he watches his timer hit zero before glancing up to meet Obito’s nervous gaze. It takes everything for Obito to stand still as Deidara gets closer to him, a flirtatious smile on his lips. Obito wonders if this is just a set up before Deidara does something like hit him or push him away. He braces himself for the worst, but it never quite comes.

Instead, Deidara  looks Obito over carefully, lingering on certain aspects. The smile never wavers. If not for their boss not far off, who has kindly given the pair a bit of space, Deidara may have done or said something more dramatic.

“Look at you…” Deidara states instead, “Well, you’re quite the piece of art, aren’t you?”

He leans in closely, his mouth just by Obitio’s ear as he whispers, “ An absolute, ultimate piece of art.”

Obito’s blush reaches his ears and he tries not to scream when he feels Deidara’s breath against his neck. He almost jumps out of his skin, forgetting how to breathe for a moment as he tries to get his heart under control.

“Obito,” Obito shoves his hand out to greet him, nearly hitting the other man in the chest. He flinches at just how forced his greeting is and the fact that he can not think of anything else to do or say. He figures that his name is a decent start.

Deidara looks at him amused; Obito is thankful that at least the other man has not outright rejected him or worse, ran away. He imagines that it would not look good in front of his boss if he is the reason they lost the new hire. He will be lucky if this whole situation does not get him fired. Actually - he will be lucky if this situation turns out well at all for any of them. Especially him.

Obito holds his breath, waiting anxiously for an answer. Finally, Deidara takes his hand. Obito hopes that his palm is not too sweaty, not too clammy, but Deidara doesn’t seem phased as he grips his hand in a firm handshake.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Deidara grins, “Sorry it took so long.”

#naruto #fanfic #fic #deidara x obito #obito #deidara #male x male #myworks #myfics #commission #mycommissions

[ravioliwings]

Honestly I’m glad that I’m never touching a man again for the rest of my life but I still can’t get over how absolutely busted some men’s perception of the world is

This is hopefully just anecdotal, but I’ve been in relationships with men where it was like all of their thoughts/feelings/actions were based off of things they’ve seen in media. 

On the less harmful but still annoying side, those men would perform “romantic” gestures for me as if their only exposure to relationships was through romance movies. I’d received roses several times (which I don’t particularly care for, especially not around valentines day), chocolate (I’m not big on chocolate), a “promise ring” (I am very vocal about my hatred of promise rings), lingerie (that I never wore because it would have made me dysphoric), poems (if a man is not actually a poet and he says he wants to write you a poem, run for the hills), and I’m sure plenty of other things that I’ve blocked out of my memory. There was also a time where one of them almost bought an engraved “promise ring,” for my birthday or something, but he was acting super nervous about it and saying that I might hate it, so I had him tell me what it was, and he was right; I hated it.

And the thing is, is that some of these men knew me for a WHILE. Like they should have known what I liked, what I actually found romantic; but instead it was all stuff you’d see in a movie. Almost every single time a man has ever given me a gift, instead of being grateful and happy that they were thinking of me, my stomach would sink. Because it was as if the gifts were for a totally different person. It’s like every one of them bypassed the thought of “hm what would this individual appreciate” and went straight for “[girls] like roses and chocolate and empty promises, so I’ll get those.”

And it’s so fucked because you can see them as their own person, meanwhile they’re thinking of you as a category. They’re thinking of you as whatever they want, as opposed to what you are. I just really can’t wrap my head around the thought of dating someone and telling them you love them while also apparently not knowing anything about them? And not really wanting to know anything about them that doesn’t affirm whatever character you’ve decided you wanted them to be?

It was like I was smart when they wanted me to be, dumb when they wanted me to be, nerdy when they wanted me to be, not nerdy enough when they wanted me to be, funny when they wanted me to be, unfunny when they wanted me to be. There was one time when I was hanging out at someone’s house with one of my exes and he was gassing me up to his friend, talking about how “oh I’m so smart” blah blah blah, but behind closed doors he would never believe a word I said. Anything that I knew that he didn’t had to be wrong. He wanted everyone to see that I was intelligent while he acted like I was uneducated when it was just the two of us. 

Another one of my exes would constantly tell me that I was funny/unfunny. Sometimes it would happen within the same day, where he’d praise me for being so funny and interesting, and then an hour later I was “the most boring person to talk to” and I wasn’t funny at all. This one was kind of the opposite, because most of the time he would praise me behind closed doors, and degrade me in front of his friends. 

The most recent one had a complex about being a “nerd;” when all that really meant was that he fawned over every single marvel movie and watched dragon ball z as a kid. And sometimes he’d find it great that we were both “nerds,” but sometimes he would feel threatened by the fact that I liked things that were less socially accepted as the things he like and I didn’t have a nerd complex. Once again, it was a man who felt that his identity was threatened by my own. I was a nerd when he wanted a nerd partner, but not the right kind of nerd when he wanted to feel victimized.

Shit, this even goes back to like the third person I dated? Where in public I was so good at art, but in private I was really terrible at art. That’s a little more forgivable though because we were both like 15.

And it’s funny, because these men would always try to fit me into whatever box they’d picked out, and then be shocked when they realized I wasn’t in the box at all.

Like the same ex that tried to give me an engraved ring; near the end of our relationship (this was essentially the last of many straws for me), he was going off on some tangent about wanting to get married so that “people would finally see him as a man.” And that enraged me pretty quickly. Because not only did he apparently think that’s something I would have done, but also because he thought that would actually work. He was the type of guy who would bitch and moan about things but wouldn’t ever try to change them. And he was upset because other adults didn’t take him seriously. Which they had every right not to; he couldn’t do anything for himself (cook, clean, laundry, fix anything), all he ate was sugar (he was also diabetic, that didn’t stop him), all he drank was monster, he smoked a pack a day, he had a car with like a 24% interest rate, and he blew all of his money on yugioh cards. He was like if a middle school boy worked full time and had to pay taxes, with the maturity level to boot. 

He was surprised that I didn’t want to get married (I was 18) and that I also didn’t really respect him as an adult. And he was still surprised when I finally broke up with him after 3 years and didn’t buy his promises of change anymore. 

My most recent ex from 2 years ago wanted me to be more passive than I am. And it’s funny, looking back, because I was definitely more passive back then than I am now.

It was like he wanted a “proper” girlfriend but still dated me anyways. He would get irritated if I opened a door for him, or if I took the lead when we went places, or that I preferred to be the one driving. Actually, the taking the lead part was actually one of the reasons he broke up with me, and to this day it does not make any sense. And I guess as he got to know me throughout the relationship, the more he decided he didn’t like who I was. Which at the base level, is fine. But he realized this after like 4 months of dating, while we continued to date for another 6 (so only 4/10 months he actually had feelings for me). And he told me that only when he broke up with me after 10 months. So nice of him.

And the thing is, is that men want so badly for me to be terrible. They want me to be mean, to be cruel, to be heartless, so much so that they’ll even tell me that I need to be more compassionate and understanding after treating me worse than I treat strangers, and after using me.

And they say these things because sometimes I wouldn’t put up with their shit. Because I would talk to them about their behavior towards other people, and how they shouldn’t treat others that way. Because I wouldn’t recoil in fear whenever they threw something or tried to tip a fridge over. Because I wouldn’t coddle them when they “felt bad” for hurting me.

They’ll preach compassion until the cows come home, but really they only care about it when it can benefit them. They won’t show an ounce of compassion to another person, but as soon as they’ve done something wrong, all of a sudden you’re the most cruel person in the world for saying “hey, when you said x it hurt my feelings” and then not consoling them when they say they’re “sad now because you brought up how they hurt you.”

Idk I really got away from what I started writing about here. 

And I know not every man is like this, but I’ve encountered enough of them to where I am no longer dealing with them if I don’t have to. I consider myself lucky to be bi because at least I still have the (better) option to date women and nonbinaries. Honestly wish stopped dating men sooner, but whatever. The past is the past now, no sense in beating myself up over it.

#this is....an essay #like its LONG #its also more personal than a statement so if u read this youve been warned #long post

[precure-stuff]

Aikatsu On Parade Rewrite Part 3(Episode 11-15)

Part I:https://precure-stuff.tumblr.com/post/615727361525202944/aikatsu-on-parade-rewrite

Part II:https://precure-stuff.tumblr.com/post/615851689210167296/aikatsu-on-parade-rewrite-episode-6-10

It took a bit longer than the rest but here we are. Any support for this fanfic is appreciated. I used to think fanfic was a bad word or embarrassing but I don’t feel that way anymore. Tangent aside here it is.

Episode 11-

The next episode starts with Ichigo, Yume and Raki baking with Yotsuba Shun. He tells them that mixing different ingredients makes new refreshing flavors as Yume mentions that she and Akari are different flavors. Ichigo asks what they mean and they decide to perform Future Jewel in their LPRs. The appeals are duo versions Star Cute Flash and Cute Flash. Ichigo and Raki are impressed and she insists that they show her their combined flavor. As they head to the Dressing Room, Ichigo prepares to place her cards in but Raki’s Aikatsu Pass glows and transports them to a Dressing Room machine inside a tent. Ichigo seems excited to be somewhere new and rushes out. Raki asks her to wait and pants as she leaves the tent in chase. A warm breeze catches her attention as she realizes that they’re on a beach. Ichigo turns to ace Raki as nearby, Aoi’s eyes light up. Aoi runs up to Raki and asks her for an interview on her teleportation. Raki is overwhelmed by Aoi’s torrent of questions and Shion comes to the rescue. “Give the newbie some space.” She utters. Raki is surrounded by three unfamiliar idols namely, Shion,Hinaki and Ema. Aoi rambles a little about each of them and mentions that they’re here to shoot a film. The movie is also being sponsored by the pop brands, Vivid Kiss and Colorful Shake. Hinaki says she wishes that Mikuru were here but she mysteriously disappeared(cut to her on Venus Ark with Mizuki) Raki cuts her off and asks to see the cards they have. Aoi explains their brand themes with glee as Ako laments that they’ll never finish shooting at this point. Raki asks her what the problem is and Ako tells her that a few minutes ago the shooting staff went missing along with Tsubasa. Shion suggests that Raki could fill in to help them shoot their lines more organically and she agrees. Raki tries her best to read her lines and we see her do a few lines shakily. She’s stunned by the impressive acting of Shion, Aoi and Ako. Ichigo, Ema and Hinaki play in the ocean as shooting goes on when Shion rudely interrupts. “It’s time to film our live,” she reminds them. Ichigo tells Shion they need to have fun too and tells Shion she should relax after shooting. Shion remarks that she wants to finish the job first. Hinaki, Ema and Hinaki enter the Dressing Room. Hinaki wears the Neon Rothbart Coord, Ema wears the Denim Neon Coord and Shion wears the Cyber Monotone Coord and Aoi wears the Sky Blue Coord. The song is Original Star. Appeal could be Cube Quartet or a quartet version of Melody Musical. Ideally it would be a new Appeal

 Episode 12- This episode starts with Karen arriving at the island. She brings Tsubasa along who thanks Raki for filling in for her and she alights with the crew. Raki asks if she can stay and watch but Karen tells her she’s needed on the ship. Raki follows her and Karen sits her down. “May I see your Aikatsu Pass?” Raki hands over her pass. “I’m afraid I’ll have to confiscate this.” Karen has her guards hold Raki as she takes the Pass into an inner room. Raki whines and watches the door close. She bangs on the door and Mirai comes out. Raki lights up and asks Mirai to let her in. Mirai tells her that Karen was worried about what else the Pass could do and that they were going somewhere to analyze it. She calms Raki down and the two stare at the ocean as they approach the shore. Once the ship docks, Mirai takes Raki to an imposing building before her. Raki adores the colorful building and Karen appears behind her announcing their arrival at Dream Academy. Headmaster Tiara welcomes them and leads the trio to Kii’s Computer Room. Karen says that she was referred to Kii by a recent friend. She hands the Pass to Kii and Kii starts to work on it. Raki sits nervously between Karen and Mirai. Mirai gets a call and mentions that she has to go. Kii turns to them and laments she needs a break. When Karen asks what the pass is, Kii says that it was too advanced to figure out. Karen sighs and pulls out her phone. After asking Coco a few questions, she gives up and hands Raki the Pass. Kii takes Raki’s hand and offers her a tour. Raki stops to watch Seira as does Kii. Kii mentions that Seira was Ichigo’s partner and Raki mentions that she’s performed with Ichigo too. This catches Seira’s attention and her focus shifts to the two of them. Seira says her titular catchphrase. Seira decides to challenge Raki and performs Magical Time with KiiPrincess Tiara arrives and asks what the sudden performance is for. Seira tells her that Raki is a special idol like Ichigo was and Tiara asks Raki to stay a while. Raki goes along with it to try out the design course. She sings the “Your Entrance” in the Charmy Ribbon Coord from episode 1 and performs Ribbon Holic. Seira realizes that Raki is still a beginner but decides to remain silent as she wants to know what kind of idol Raki will be.

Episode 13-This episode starts with Raki and Sora shopping for fabric in the afternoon. They are looking for stores with new or trendy designs. Sora acts kind of like an older sister to Raki giving her advice as a student who started her own brand. They stop at a café where Maria is waiting for her. They paint Raki’s nails and Maria brushes her hair. They try on different styles and jewelry then Raki gives them a makeover. At the end of the day they return to the Dream Academy and share cards from their respective brands. As they share cards, Noelle comes by to see what’s going on. Raki compliments her hair and they all stay up sharing their cards. As they quiet down, Noelle brings up that she’s never performed. Raki is shocked and asks her why. Sora says that Noelle only recently joined Dream Academy and has yet to debut. Raki lets Noelle know that she hasn’t been an idol that long either but by trying she was able to have new experiences. Noelle smiles and goes off to bed. The next day, Sora invites Raki to a fashion she’s putting on for the first years. Raki meets Ran once more and Ran comments that she’s changed a little. We get to see Kira Pata Shining performed by Sora and Ran. Sora wears the Earth Vibration Coord and Ran wears the Peridot Leo Coord. Maria performs her solo in the Diamond Aries Coord. As the fashion show comes to an end PP shows up looking disgruntled. “We’ve been looking all over for you. With all these new idols we could barely get a lead” Raki apologises and they take her back to Star Harmony. Raki is marched into Tamaki’s office where she remarks that Raki is back in time for Christmas. Raki asks why that’s important and Tamaki tells her she’s been chosen for an upcoming event. Tamaki tells Raki of the event but we don’t hear of it. The episode ends.

Episode 14- The episode continues from the scene left off on and we see that Raki was entered to particitpate in the Joint School Christmas Live. The principals have had a meeting as the worlds have united and they decided to hold a joint live on Christmas The rest of this episode is a little fillery. We meet the Akari gen girls as well as the Ichigo-gen girls. The Star Harmony main eight(RM included)  This is basically where all the idols we’ve met so far get to appear in montages together. The main event is the Christmas Live which is now Hello Winter Love with Hinaki,Ichigo,Raki,Lily,Maika,Juri.The appeal is Melody Musical. Also this version has Hinaki start the song because I love her voice in the Luminas Version. To whom it may concern the lines are switched around from the original six person version as such

·         Akari>Hinaki

·         Hinaki>Raki

·         Sumire>Lily

·         Juri>Juri

·         Mizuki.>Maika

·         Ichigo>Ichigo

Episode 15- This brings us to the final episode of this part of the rewrite. It’s New Years and Raki rejoices that the new year will bring in even more Aikatsu activities. She leaves the Star Harmony dorms to be met by Pure Palette. Since Raki started in Star Harmony I thought they should use Your Entrance with Raki and PP this episode, Raki will get introduced to Jeweling Dresses now that all the other MCs have had their own screentime and stories. This episode doesn’t have much going on except for Raki being interested in Sugar Melody and Material Color. Yeah you can tell I’m not super interested in Pure Palette’s characters but they get their own episode and sing your Entrance with Raki in their Link Coords. The appeal is Ribbon Holic triple version.

CHANGES TO CANON

Raki gets along with Koharu,Sora and other designers

Madoka is intimidated by sharing a brand with Ichigo

Ako,Shion,Aoi and Tsubasa act together

#aikatsu #friends #on parade #rewrite #cure ice #precure stuff #raki #mio #hinaki #shion #ema #aoi #ichigo #madoka #rin

[chxoticmuses]

SHIP QUESTIONS THINGY

Status: Accepting

@streetsofsecrets said: our ships?? 🥺 ( Bella & Ben )

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?: Bella was being nosey like always and happened to go to the video store he was working at that day to pick up some videos for research purposes. They then proceeded to spend her whole lunch break plus some more time talking about conspiracy theories.

What was their first impression of each other?: She thought he was a very quirky guy, but in a good way because she’s quirky too. He was able to keep up with a conversation and all her little tangents for a while and that was just an even bigger plus in her eyes. Pretty cool dude. 100/10.

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?: Yes!! Everyone Bella talked about Ben with, especially Andre and her mom, pushed her to get with him and start making moves on him. He can thank Andre for their first kiss because he kept pressuring and persuading Bella into doing it the whole night over text until she built up the courage.

Who felt romantic feelings first?: Bella kinda? I mean, that dream happened and the next day she was thinking about him in a new light so I’d say her.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?: Yeah, Bella tried to push them back since they were just good friends and she didn’t want to mess up their dynamic by confessing her feelings. So for a while she acted like they weren’t even there.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?: That it’s the truth!! They both faced so many subliminals hinting towards their relationship before they were even in a relationship, so they must’ve been meant to be.

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?: Heh, Bella did. One day while they were out eating she just asked him out if the blue, “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” And luckily he said yes. It still took them a while to start acting like a couple instead of friends, but they got there eventually.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?: For a first date, Bella just decided to invite him over to her house to watch a movie and order takeout. They spent majority of the time just talking and getting to know each other better through playing board games and question games like 21 questions. It was really nice and proved to be a successful first date.

What was their first kiss like?: Something out a Hallmark holiday movie based in New York. Very dramatic and drawn out like that gif you sent me a while back because Bella is just extra like that. Plus, she spent the whole night planning it out. I feel like it happened on their first date when she was walking him out.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?: Off the top of my head I can’t really think about anything because Bella’s dating history is not all that clear to me. I’m pretty sure he’s her first long time relationship.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?: I never realized how big the height difference between them was. It’s a good nine inches, so I’m positive Bella has to get on her tippy toes to give him kisses or hugs. As for age difference, I’m pretty sure they’re the same age but Bella is just older but like some months? There you go making me do math again.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?: AMAZING! Considering that Bella has known Leah for some years before even meeting Ben and June fell in love with her their first time meeting, I’d say his family likes her a lot. And those feelings are reciprocated on her side of the family as well! Her parents might not come visit New York often and get a chance to see him in person, but from conversations on the phone and Bella’s words, they love him as well. Especially her mom, she thinks he’s absolutely adorable.

Who takes the lead in social situations?: Bella. She’s much more affirmative and stern with her words and knows what to say, most of the time, to make sure things go smoothly. Or at least as smoothe as they can be.

Who gets jealous easier?: Hmmmm, this is a trick question. I feel like it’s Bella? Ben is a very social person who can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and anything and while Bella can do that too, she’s not nearly as friendly as he is. She finds herself on the side of him giving people the sideye all the time when she thinks they’re getting a little too friendly with him.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?: Bella. She accidentally let it slip out when she was saying goodbye to him one day and stood there for a whole minute like ‘😮’.

What are their primary love languages?: Words of affirmation. Touch is a close second, but Bella will take a “You’re working really hard today, I’m proud of you!” Over a hug any day. Compliments are flying around their house on the daily!

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?: They’re nowhere near teenage couples who kiss every five minutes, but they’re very close and that’s mostly because of Bella. She’s a big toucher out in public and is usually the one to initiate things like hugs, kissing, and handholding. She likes to do it to the point where Ben is blushing and flustered, but not to the point where other people around them are uncomfortable, if that makes sense?

What are their favorite things to do together?: Drunk karaoke, watching movies, and binge watching documentaries on crazy conspiracy theories.

Who’s better at comforting the other?: Bella. She’s good at giving Ben the space or affection that he needs when he’s feeling down and when he wants to talk to someone or about something else to get his mind off of things she’s always there for him.

Who’s more protective?: I feel like it’s a tie between the two of them. They each have their own things that each other should be concerned about that makes them wanna protect each other.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?: Both are amazing and practiced all the time between them, but verbal takes the cake since it’s Bella’s love language.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?: I feel like Soulmate by Mac Miller captures their vibes and feelings perfectly.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?: Bella calls him broccoli from time to time and besides name abbreviations, they just stick with basic pet names.

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?: Ben! It was nothing too extravagant, most likely in the comfort of their own home, a dinner at June’s, or a lazy day in bed.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?: Surprisingly, they (really Bella) go all out for the wedding! It’s fairytale themed because she’s a kid at heart and the whole reception is decorated beautiful. A bunch of people attend their wedding; friends, colleagues, and family alike so it took place at a pretty big venue.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?: Just Delilah and Audell. To most they seem like these really shy introverted children who stay to themselves because, well, they are, BUT they act completely different when they’re around their family. They’re nerve wreckers when they’re at home and always getting themselves into situations. You know that one vine where the family is at a restaurant and one of the siblings dare the other sibling to take a swig of their parent’s alcoholic drink? That’s them!! One time, they thought it would be a good idea to ride their bikes off of a car which resulted in Delilah with a broken arm. Very wild children when they want to be.

Do they have any pets?: Besides Bella’s few cats that remain as the years go on, they were forced to get a dog because Delilah was obsessed with Pluto from Mickey Mouse. They had a rabbit for a while but it never vibed with anyone in the house and after it bit Audell they decided to get rid of it.

Who’s the stricter parent?: Hm, Bella? She’s not too strict, they’re both pretty chill parents, but the kids tend to listen to her more and be more playful when it comes to Ben.

Who kills the bugs in the house?: Ben got that !!

How do they celebrate holidays?: Usually the whole family meets up somewhere whether it’s their house, June’s house, or Leah’s house and spend the whole day together.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?: Bella. Ben’s alarm goes off every morning and she just places her arm around him and is always like “Just ignore it and go back to sleep.”

Who’s the better cook?: I’d say they’re both on the same level of cooking and rotates who cooks a lot.

#( ANSWERED ASKS. ) #( BELLA ANSWERED ASKS. ) #STREETSOFSECRETS ( BEN. ) #streetsofsecrets

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 4: Pegasus and His Unlimited Moxie

So, I’m finally back after that long--time--when I was sick, then busy, etc etc. Long story, I peaced out from social media for the large part, and my method for finding solace mostly involved watching so much  “big living in a tiny house.”

Those houses are so damn tiny.

And now I feel better, so lets get back to business.

Just FYI, this is a midweek post because this weekend I’ll be exploring a part of California I didn’t know existed before my friend was like “Napa’s booked, so we’re going South to do our wedding in the other wine country” and it’s like “the hell are you talking about other wine country?????”

So I might be driving to a large cardboard cutout of a winery, and me and 400 guests are going to just stand in front of it and pretend that it’s real for a couple days. This means that I will probably make only like maybe three updates this month and I’m just going to have to come to terms with that.

And in case you are wondering (you’re not) the bye bye bye mashup dance we’re doing for the wedding is going great. It’s really freakin great that the Seahawks decided to choose this week to steal our thunder, so now everyone at this wedding will think we’re just all really into Football. (I’m just telling you that because I feel a need to complain so thank you for listening.)

But anyway, it was a nice surprise amongst all this *stuff* I didn’t really want to do, that this particular episode of Yugioh is pretty great. Like...guys we get Pegasus, we get Kaiba having a meltdown, we get PEGASUS. Like I forgot how much I like Pegasus.

So first off, Yugi and friends decided to watch the news about the whole shpeal from last episode, probably because each and every one of them was certain they all shared the same collective fever dream.

Something to note about Yugioh is they use a lot of near future tech, and I don’t know how much of that sci-fi goes completely over the heads of kids nowadays since this has become so normal. But yo, people in 2002 were still using AOL.

A lot has changed in 10 years. Just let that sink in, babies in the back.

(read more under the cut)

Also, please turn your entire attention over to this

Man.

the weird orange cookie on this painting is what really gets to me. It looks like a handmade soap. Because in order to soothe my soul during this stressful month I also watched a lot of cold-process soap making videos.

*quickly looks up to see if there’s Yugioh Soap*

Yeah that doesn’t exist. Hey do you think that if I sent in a Yugioh soap design into Royalty Soaps she’d actually make it? I mean, she did Studio Ghibli. This is just Studio Ghibli but on fire and with terrible hair and actually very different.

(And yes, I did, just now, in fact, make a soap design that I’m absolutely mailing to Royalty Soaps. I’ll put it at the end. No idea what it should smell like, mostly because the last thing I want to do when watching Yugioh is think about how ANY of this smells.)

See, tangents like this are why I don’t have more time.

Anyway, Yugi recalls that he was supposed to *do a thing* but also recalls that he was given really no instructions at all.

When something absolutely wonderful happens.

Y’all I was like shouting at the screen “BE A TAPE BE A TAPE BE A TAPE” and lo and behold:

Dude. Pegasus is such freakin mastermind. Remember that this show started out with them streaming video on a computer, and what did he decide to do? He sent them a tape. Pegasus knows FULL WELL how much they want to see this tape but at the same time...don’t want to watch this tape, and what follows is everyone deciding if they should or should not open Pandora’s box. A Pandora’s box they opened once before and then murdered Grandpa entirely by accident.

I can’t believe they sat on this joke for four seasons. It’s such a freakin good joke.

So of course it’s the same kid who once decided it would be a great idea to put together a puzzle that came in a box that said “WARNING THIS GODAWFUL THING KILLS PEOPLE” who decided to just stick this in the VCR when everyone else was fighting and no one was looking.

And, this is not a joke, this is literally how Pegasus decided to open this tape by scolding him for not keeping in touch when Pegasus tried to kill them not once but multiple times back on murder island. Pegasus thinks this deserves him at least a Christmas card.

Something that’s also very Pegasus is that he um--doesn’t even bother wearing an eyepatch nowadays. He’s just got...one eye now...just an empty socket that he covers with bangs and is like “ya I dare you not look at it.”

And then on, this kid’s show, they basically go through the checklist of things that are “things a child abductor would ask you to do”

And that’s it. That’s the whole tape. It’s the end of the world and Pegasus wants to get one last good prank in before it all goes belly up.

And it worked really good on Joey. But unfortunately, did not seem to phase Yugi.

And then after this, the show gets very sidetracked by some side characters that are...they still exist.

First of all, how much did Weevil spend on a bug drone? Like...what’s this guy’s day job?

Second of all, Rex and Weevil live on some weird brain plane, where they’re pretty sure that the upper echelon of card people are all in love with eachother (which, I don’t blame them, I’ve seen tumblr, it does give that impression if you’ve never watched this show). What they don’t realize is how badly each of the upper echelon of card people want to murder the Hell out of eachother, wipe eachother’s brains, and blow eachother up on a 6000 ft tower on an abandoned island.

so I guess...Unfortunately...Rex and Weevil are...still with us. Their reasoning is kind of weird--they want super good cards--but like...what’s the point of having super good cards if you’re still Rex and Weevil? Rex is so bad at cards we didn’t even get to see him lose in S2.

Also, the biker gang is back, and I still don't know their font color because they’re in dim lighting in this scene so I’ll just use these temporary font colors for now.

So, having done his one last good Joke (and maybe the only good joke that Pegasus has ever made) Pegasus decided to sit and wait for someone to do a murder on him. I mean he’s not psychic anymore, but he’s figured he’s screwed enough people that this was how he was going to go out anyway.

Mai....Valentine....

So I guess she’s back for another season? It’s weird, she made one cameo and then that was it for this episode, but it was very clearly Mai Valentine. Bro brought up that they had to make her a villain again, because she’s literally their only girl villain and I was like “no that’s, not right they’ve got...” and then I kinda sat there for a couple of seconds and I realized “oh dude there’s only been one girl villain so far in all of Yugioh!” and he was like “YEP.”

Because both of us completely forgot about Rebecca until I wrote this in this post and he was double checking it just now. My apologies to the Rebecca stans.

And then Yugi decided to let us know something extremely disturbing about his curse. The showed played it off like this was a cute thing you would want to have happen. But no. No one would ever want this.

Ho boy! They share FEELINGS?

So like...

...bear with me here--when Yugi is scared, Pharaoh gets scared. When Yugi is tired, Pharaoh feels tired. When Yugi has a complete meltdown basically every single day, Pharaoh reaches for his Tums. So um...I have to ask the question...

So who’s dating Tea? Yes, I know the real answer is neither of them, but who is the one that keeps bringing forth this ship that this show is supposed to be shipping? Both of them??? I mean they have the same feelings, and before I was like, well, I’m sure Pharaoh just kinda turns around and watches brain TV when Yugi and Tea talk about...deadlifting, or whatever she’s into, but nah he’s like...he’s got the same feelings as Yugi.

Does that just...never bother them? Like...they never get jealous? Ever?

It’s so freakin weird.

This whole sequence was Yugi being like “You can’t keep a secret from me Pharaoh, I will instantly know since I can feel you lying to me” and it’s like hot damn that’s a big lore drop that they just hop and skip away from.

So the next day they go to the airport and just go unsupervised to a foreign country.

This makes complete sense on Gramps’ part, because he was exploring Egyptian caves most of his life, so in comparison, California is baby town and Yugi would be fine. Clearly Gramps doesn’t know enough about Oakland.

Then again, Grandpa spent a very long and mysterious time in the Middle East raiding so many tombs and stealing an entire artifact that contains the whole history of a lost age of Egypt and an actual Pharaoh’s soul so like...probably wouldn’t get you past TSA in 2002. He’d send off like every red flag warning in the airport.

Give me an Air Joey spinoff this instant, Yugioh, you cowards.

It’ll be just like Wings, except all the pilots are very bad at their job and haunted by multiple ghosts.

There’s a very long pissing segment where there was no piss, but Rex begging Weevil to let him piss in the airplane. It’s about as much as you can expect out of a Rex and Weevil segment. And like, basically at this point, Rex and Weevil are married, yet this ship is never, not once, ever surfaced in my feed of fanart I see out of y’all.

And I don't blame you.

Now, when we get to California, we find out that Croquet either went completely gray or was replaced with an identical twin and also...

GUYS IT’S MY HOMESLICE.

Which doesn’t really look like this, PS.

So bro has already told me that they’re going to San Fransisco next episode or so (OMG I’m so excited to talk about it), so this is absolutely supposed to be SFO in the show. (maaaybe Oakland Airport? But I super doubt it)

Most people outside of CA don’t know the vast scale of Bay Area and that the San Fransisco Airport is not very well named since it is...not close to San Fransisco at all.

So, I’m going to guess that the show thinks they landed directly in the heart of SF. With the way this vista looks, I think they basically just painted the view from north of Downtown. Which is especially fun because that is a pretty bougie community and the thought of having just a major airport smack in the middle of it makes my heart warm and fuzzy because they have voted out an affordable housing community SO many more times than is morally acceptable. Serves you right, here’s your international airport across the street.

But Bro has warned me ahead of time that this season makes absolutely no sense geography wise...and I’m pretty stoked for that.

And then, as if reading my mind, Tea removes Rex and Weevil from the show, yet again.

Incredible that they got through customs like that, but they did arrive on a private plane, and maybe customs are different for them? I...don’t think it would be, even for a private plane, everyone has to go through customs. But, it’s a kids show, so Rex and Weevil snuck into America in a luggage bag, just like how Fox News warned us about.

Then again, I imagine that the customs agent was like “yo there’s two human bodies stuffed in here!????” and was like “ohhhhh wait, it’s a Pegasus’ plane. That adds up. Ya.” and just let it through.

Time for a classic Kaiba meltdown sequence, where he puts on a show of being really competent but is in reality acting like a stack of screaming cats in a purple trench coat.

Mokuba just working overtime to keep this ship afloat because man.

And then this next part isn’t a joke I made up--Kaiba only took as long as it took to monologue for five seconds about his reputation before doing this:

It’s more than possible that the translators have no idea who Roland is, and unlike me, isn’t keeping tabs on Roland every second that green haired fourthKaiba is on screen.

So Pegasus decides to give Kaiba a call on his video phone--because again he only saves the Panasonic Camcorder for spooking Yugi.

Pegasus could have just *called* Yugi the entire time, lol.

Anyway, without the camcorder, Pegasus now has room to stretch out his legs and stick his feet directly in the screen like the end of the world wasn’t less than 2 days ago.

And the show isn’t telling us why or how this is happening after the whole Mai thing that happened. But it’s nice to know that even when Pegasus may be absolutely held up against his will, he still freakin slays.

Youknow, Pegasus does more in this one episode to remind me that “oh yeah, Pegasus was my favorite character this whole time” than anyone else and he did in like two calls, sitting in a chair behind his desk, just screwing with people to screw with them.

And what I enjoy about Pegasus is that, although he had his eyeball removed--he’s still a freakin asshole. He still super sucks. I had a lot of questions about “how much of Pegasus being the worst was the eyeball?” And apparently the answer was “VERY little, this guy is just the freakin worst. Didn’t need to be cursed at all.”

And so, Yugioh doesn’t really do transformation sequences--unless you count when Yugi sometimes goes “yugiohhhhhh” and then to everyone else looks virtually the same. Instead Yugioh does gear up sequences.

Where we find out that Seto promised Mokuba he wouldn’t play cards anymore until he was done building all those theme parks.

I guess it’s unfortunate for Mokuba that this whole Pegasus end of the world thing happened out of nowhere and also unfortunate for Mokuba that Kaiba can build card-themed theme parks Really Quickly. I think Mokuba was banking on it taking an entire lifetime to build a park but youknow, looking at how many sequels of Yugioh there are...eh, Mokuba should have instead dared Seto to give up dueling until he finished a single semester of public school. Then those cards would have stayed buried.

Hey um...did Kaiba add hip spikes on this purple coat since Season 2? I don’t remember him having those.

Good thing I write a blog and I can check. Time for some time travel to Season 2.

Ah, yes, the hip spikes were not there in Season 2. So, at some point in between then and now, Kaiba looked at this old ass coat hanging in his closet and was like “Not Enough Butt Spikes!” and just glued em on there.

But anyway, back to Season 4...

I’m pretty sure this is one of the doors from Evangelion.

And so, off they go, straight to their death, in the world’s most un-aerodynamic vehicle.

Really glad that Dragon Plane seems to have become a permanent character, as it would if you spent 10 million dollars building a dragon plane that can’t possibly fly using real world physics.

So, Yugi and Co are going to California, and Seto is going to Season One.

And I guess Bakura was like “Oi! Loves! Is every body ready for me to murder them?” and Gramps was like “sorry, they’re getting murdered by Pegasus today” and he was like “bloody hell, every time.”

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to read all these recaps from the beginning, in chrono order--it’s a lot of content, and I can’t believe I spent this much time doing this.

And because you’re curious, here’s the soap design that will get absolutely rejected by Royalty Soaps because they say they like to watch anime but they also pronounced “Ghibli” wrong like over 20 times on that one video so I have a strong feeling this is not their brand.

#yugioh #ygo #photo recap #episode recap #yugi muto #seto kaiba #mokuba #joey wheeler #pegasus #tea gardner #tristan taylor #grandpa muto #rex raptor #weevil underwood #a bunch of biker gang people I don't know the name of #some guy with huge ass blue hair #s4 ep4

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Date: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 Time: 11:56 pm

I’m curious. Does anyone look forward to reading my letters? -calls out- “Anyone?” -dead silence emits so deafening, I stop talking-

So.. I was reading letters I have sent you. And, shit. The people who take the time to read these letters must think I am selfish.

All I talk about are men, my attraction to men, my desire to have a girlfriend, or whatever.

Which, if y'all know me, you KNOW, I’m going to get back to it.

But for a short bit, let’s talk about things that aren’t guys or girls.

Here are a number of facts about me you, Charlie, and other people reading this may not know about…

I’m very unsatisfied with my weight. I weigh about 195 pounds, and am working to drop to 120 pounds. I don’t feel attractive in my skin. I can’t see my vag anymore.

I haven’t orgasmed ever. I am 24 fucking years old. Why the fuck haven’t I cum yet? God..

Happier topics, Mare. Okay. There is this app I use called SLOWLY, where you create a username, and bio about yourself. You can start sending letters to people across the world. I’ve had letters coming in from China, India especially, the U.K., Australia, Taiwan, Russia, Portugal, tip of Africa. So many letters. And, you do get standard. ‘Yo baby. Send me nudes.’ This one guy got clever and asked me for nudes in Morse Code. I kindly sent him back to go fuck himself. The only person who gets to see my beautiful breasts is me, and the barren vag, cause I swear to myself, I never ever see Nic. (<– Sorry. No talk of guys for the next few paragraphs). The issue is.. like, there is an option where you can send three letters at a time. With an intro letter. One night, I thought it would he fun (WORST. MISTAKE. EVER.) to send 15 letters. (Keep in mind about 4 of the many letters I have sent, do I keep up a regular correspondence with. So, add 15 potential regular friends, and you have a recipe for disaster). Omgosh, Charlie + readers: I never have time to respond to these letters. Damnit, me. Why the fuck did you do that?

Okay. I started a new job. Yeah. You heard right. The ever so fucking afflicted depressed, intoroverted, frustrated, book crazy, bisexual who cant hold down a job, found a new one. Through a temp agency. I work with ______ _____ ____, at _____ _____, which is just 10 minutes from my house. The job is way better than the piece of shit I put up with for 6 mths. I love the different calls we get. But the mother fucking training at this call centre was mother flipping shit. There are so many 'processes’ you have to remember when helping a 'guest’ with a request that I want to cry. (I hope I keep at the job). Please fucking pray for me.

Did you know I didn’t always used to curse the way I do? Throughout high school, I would only curse when I would get hurt (like for example that time an anvil crushed my toe. Lol. This totally didnt happen. Though, this one time. I cut myself on this chunk of thick glass from a broken lamp at 12 urs old, that I was taking to the dumpster. It sliced my thigh, blood was gushing out I imagine. I started screaming. My mom, uncle, and cousin freaked the fuck out. I obviously lived to tell the tale. Y'all should see the scar.) And then I was influenced by boys (since I only hung out with guys through the last two years of high school) to curse. And now, I can’t seem to stop.

I make weird posts on Whisper. My username is ______ For anyone who wants to chat with me about my crazy life, follow me on ____ at @_______. Lol. (I hope y'all know when I include the blanks I’m being funny).

What other facts to share.. I made a friend on Slowly, but work really got me busy, plus I am always freaking tired. I didn’t respond for nine days with a letter, and I noticed she deactivated her account. It really hurt. Her name was Becca. She was trans, but didn’t tell her crazy conservative family. 19, super sweet. Liked video games and Eminem for a bit. I seriously miss her.

Other facts.. Did I mention (no, of course you didn’t mention Mare. All you ever talk about are failed relationships, current relationships, or almost relationships), I’m looking to learn Italian AND Spanish? Of course! Why the hell wouldn’t I try to influence my American self with my Mexican self? (Totally Hispanic in case y'all cohldn’t guess. My mom says I speak Spanish like a white girl. Well, shit… Time to go to Mexico and get ridiculed for being too white and not knowing Spanish or customs) Joking aside, I’m looking forward to teaching myself Spanish and Italian. (Don’t tell the family, but I prefer Italy over Mexico).

Y'all ready to get to the real reason why y'all stick through my letters?

Nic doesn’t want me to explore my bi side. Ken hasn’t been on Skype for a month. I miss him.. (Great, conflicted Mary is back again). Did I mention that today is my 3rd year anniversary with the Nicholas? Totally is. What did we do to celebrate? I woke up at 5 in the morning, waited for him to show up at 6, and ate tacos in my apartment parking lot. Then, I went to work, and he went home to sleep. We are going to Bastrop for the weekend which is just 20 minutes from my grandparents. Maybe I should go visit. (Why the hell don’t I call my family? Am I really that fucking self absorbed? Family trumps dudes any fucking day..) and I hope the trip is nice. I just texted him like 45 min ago of us drifting apart. Because… he will talk about things that seriously, Charlie, I could give two fucks about, then we will talk about ice cream, for example, and he goes off on a tangent about something little do with ice cream. Sometimes, I feel like I guilty stay with him because I do fucking love him, but I could be holding myself back from experiencing new things.

I want to write more. Bare with me for a moment, Charlie. Okay, I’m back. (That was a second break, in real time in case y'all were wondering)

My thoughts aren’t flowing as well. I wish I knew a friend who was bi or a lesbian who would like to explore with me. And not have it change things.

So, I have a shit sleep schedule. I’ll come home at 5 ish in the evening. I’ll sit in traffic for twenty min. Come home. Eat something. Fall asleep by 7. Wake up at 10, and stay awak indefinitely. Then wake up at 6, and start over. (What is wrong with me?)

Oh. More breaks from relationship shit. I saw a therapist. Three visits. It was nice. His name is Tim. (Had to stop because I literally have no fucking time to see a dr anymore psychologist or medical, because my schedule is a fucking bitch). He graduated from Harvard! That is awesome. His attire was well groomed, always. I never told him he intimidated me because of that. But he was a nice guy. Time to go to psychologytoday.com to look for weekend available therapists who take my insurance. I hope if I am to become a psychologist, that I’m a tiny better than Tim. He was lovely, I was just unnerved by someone focusing such time on me. But, that is kind of what he is paid for? So….

Oh. Have I mentioned at all to you, Charlie about how I want to start a YouTube channel? I want to read stories I find on the internet. Annnd, I’m pretty excited. I get my mic maybe with next weeks paycheck.

I feel like there is more to add. For anyone you may have lost touch with over the years, Charlie, does the thought of that person and the memories you shared together ever make you cry? I found a CD an old friend left to me for my birthday. And it broke my heart that we aren’t close anymore. I feel like I .. let my true relationships go in my worst state of mind.. And, I miss her so much. It really really hurts. I’m crying just thinking about it.

Also, I’m not sure if I mentioned, there are rare cases where I will laugh so hard at something I found to be funny, that I make others worried or uncomfortable. But the laughter turns to sobbing (sobbing such as my mom dying, or my brother getting hit by a car, or someone killing me) just as severe. I tried asking like crazy, and no one seems to know. That is, until a month ago, a friend from the meetings I go to (please tell me I’m not so vapid that I forgot to tell you I go to Monday meetings with DBSA for my depression) showed me what I have.. which I forgot the name of. But it is a treatable condition. Something to do with sensitivity.

I can’t hear well out of my right ear. I need to see a doctor.

Thanks to those who stayed with me this far.

I hope to have more news on my relationship status.

I seriously have like two friends on Tumblr. Why do I use this app again?

I love you, Charlie

Always,

Mary

#dear charlie #Mary

[maskmakervega]

First entry: clearing my head on the end of the relationship

I don’t know if i’ll really use this much, but for now I’m just going to describe the issues with, and surrounding the end of my breakup. First and foremost, love doesn’t die. It can change, like energy, but it never goes away, once it is present it will always be there.  For her, lets just call her X, she seems to believe that love is the only thing a relationship needs, and if the relationship ends, the love was never real. This was a common thing she would either directly say or elude to after our numerous breakups. We got together in january 2019, but didn’t really start dating until around march, which is when she stopped pulling the plug on it. She was very indecisive at first, and considering we work together, it is both understandable and smart, we both had reservations... but both of us grew emotionally attached very quickly.  To say that she is both very harsh on herself, and hugely jealous, is accurate but underselling it as well. This became very evident after we started having sex, as she was intimidated by how many people I slept with back in my “confused and wanting to feel normal” days. She was also uncomfortable with the fact that i am attracted to certain aesthetics, and she doesn’t look that way, so she would always tell me that she isn’t my type and then let it get to her. This was a big bag of red flags that I should have run from, but I was really into her and figured she would learn that I am absolutely faithful and do not require someone to dress like a goth for me to be attracted to them. That did not happen, really ever, regardless of what she said. During the planning of her friends wedding (march?), they all decided to scour fetlife to see if they knew people on it, and she found my profile. It outlined what i find attractive, but also that I am not looking for anything but friendship, and that I hadn’t used the website in like 4 months. She saw that i liked a face picture of someone she knows, and that irked her (this person is goth). The profile description and lack of time i logged into it (before we dated) didn’t seem to matter, a week or so later she told me about that and that she couldn’t stop thinking about it, and how she isn’t right for me and she doesn’t know if she is happy. After hearing about that and me arguing with her for over an hour, I decided that this time I needed to break the relationship off. Clearly she wasn’t happy, and I didn’t like being told that a personal taste of mine is responsible for her feeling like she can’t be with me, something entirely out of my control and was never brought up to her.  X had returned my key and my things with a “sorry” card. I made the mistake of telling a mutual friend that i wanted her to make sure X is ok, and that shared the information and we started talking again. After 3 days we got back together. Up until this point, she really wanted to keep our relationship a secret from everyone at work, adamantly, but within a month or two a few people knew. Not a big deal. 

In april/may, basically her birthday, she was going on about how one of her friends thought i was dark and bla bla bla, The dude is in love with her and tries to get into her head. It kinda worked, because a few weeks later when she had a little get together where 5 of us drank and played cards, she got hammered. We ended up leaving and going to my place, and that same guy texted her the entire time, trashing me again. She drunkenly broke up with me that night, didn’t remember in the morning. That let to another fight and honestly i don’t remember much about it.   It was about May/June when she really went ballistic, jealousy, over my roommates girlfriend. I had known this person for 14 years, and we slept together maybe 3 or 4 times (this person only remembers once). She was a long time friend, and her long distance boyfriend needed a place to stay in the area, so i let him move in as a favor. I am an unnecessarily honest person, I can’t keep lies straight and i don’t like to lie, so i just don’t. I told X about all of that before he even moved in, and she didn’t seem to make that much of a deal other than calling her a whore and all that (not to her face). The roommate was almost always in his room, and his girlfriend really only came over on weekends.  Things seemed fine, until one day X started blowing up about the other chick at random. Talking about how i shouldn’t be friends with her, how she doesn't want her to come over, how shes a whore and she doesn’t trust her (by proxy me) This was a vicious fight, and it made no sense. To make a long story short, i broke up with her because of how ridiculously unreasonable she was being. Her jealousy caused 2 breakups at that point, and we had only been dating for a few months.  I can’t think at the moment, there were several more breakups, i think 6 more. She counts 1 as me breaking up with her, but really it was her drunkenly making a fool of herself, embarrassing me with this in an up-scale bar, telling me every horrible thing she can about me, and breaking up with me on my birthday. But, she doesn't remember any of it and expected me to just forgive her. What caused it? Well we went out to dinner and then went to a club i like, it was a really great day until 30 seconds after we left the club. 

Outside there were 2 chicks and she was telling me they were checking me out, and i said something along the lines of “eh it happens”. It kinda snowballed for the next few minutes, delicately, enough so we drunkenly walked into the nice bar and sat down to order our desert martinis. This is where she kinda goes off on a tangent and then brings up how she doesnt trust a long time friend that i talk to, because MONTHS before, she got onto my COMPUTER while i was in the shower, and read my old messages with this person. Old messages from before we even started dating, and saw that i had told her i missed her (we had a romantic connection but never met in person, again, this was a different 16 year friendship). I was not making the best judgement, and gave her my phone to scroll through my messages to that person. to the effect of “really? prove it, prove where i said i miss her”.   She scrolled through about 6 months of texts, going “oh you talk a lot huh?” and things of that nature, but she never found what she was looking for. She accused me of deleting the message, which i didn’t even know you could do. I told her she had major trust issues and was blowing everything out of proportion and cant hold it against me that i have female friends, and she said “yeah well i’m not a whore, like you”.  Then went OFF as we were leaving. This went on for about 20 minutes, as we are driving home and she is piss drunk. Its at this point she gets even madder and says she is done with me. We get back home about an hour later, i have to shake her to get her out of the car because she is so blackout drunk. she goes inside, takes my blankets and wraps herself in them in the middle of my bed, so i have to go sleep in the living room.  Justifiably hurt and pissed off, i made a jab on facebook about how great it is to be dumped on your birthday.  She sees this because one of her 4 friends that is in love with her, buzzes her asking to hang out, so we wakes up to the knowledge that people understand her to be single. Then she freaks out at me, i take the post down (its about 7am), only a small handful of people saw it, unfortunately they were coworkers. I didn’t think or plan it out, i was hurt and angry and it seemed like a good idea.  We get into a big discussion about it, and how she would never break up with me, i tell her about every detail from the night before and she doesn’t even remember leaving the bar. That made it worse, because i drank A LOT when i was with her. About a bottle of scotch every 10 days, and we would go to get beers and stuff sometimes. She loves her booze, a lot of people do, but she doesn’t pace herself.  Days went by with her trying to whittle me down and take her back, i think it turned into about a week by the end. When she had whittled me down to the bone with begging, i folded to an extent. I told her she needs to cut back on the drinking, and we got together.  This lasted a few weeks (toward mid september) until she got into the jealousy issues again. It was a friend on facebook, who posted a workout photo and they had lost a lot of weight. I liked the photo, and that turned into a fight. Between that, and her telling me she was feeling like i didn’t love her as much since the last breakup, i broke it off again for about another week.  I was going to have surgery in a few days and we started talking again, we made peace and agreed that as long as she started seeing a therapist we could try dating again, but i didn’t want to jump back into it super quickly, just hang out.  That lasted a good while,and she really seemed to be trying.  Bla bla bla, 2 breakups later we are where we are now.  The final breakup was January 10th.  We had been together, secretly, for about 6 weeks at that point.  It was secret because her friends all hated me by this point, and her roommate (her ex of 5 years) said he would kick her out if we started dating again. Yeah, she left that last part out, which really burned me. Her housing situation was dependent on her roommate not finding out we were together again, and that meant she had to spend less time with me.  Between the 2nd week of december and the first week of january, i saw her probably 8 days... we used to spend nearly every day together. I started seeing the pattern more clearly, and saw how this would not work. It was also about this time that my depression started to kick in again (huge theme that entire year, go figure), and i couldn’t help but over-analyze. You think quite a lot when there is deafening silence in your head, you feel nothing but empty, and the dark swallows you whole. I ended up doing what I should have done months ago, which was to be good to myself and take some much needed space.  I needed to look out for me, because this relationship was making me feel unwanted and depressed.

The relationship was a roller coaster every few weeks, of whether she would freudian-slip some jealousy (that she said she fixed in therapy), or seem to withhold affection and time alone because of reasons she wouldn’t share (usually relating to those incidents). I couldn’t continue question myself because she’d question me, i couldn’t feel like i was nothing but a warm body to cuddle up next to. We didn’t have the ability to get into long conversations, she was afraid of them, and it made me feel a growing divide between us.   At the one month mark of the breakup she was still trying to hang on. We talked about trying to hang out as friends, and she swore thats all it would be, but within 2 days she completely changed her tune and said she didn’t want to hang out unless it was to move toward getting back together. As of last week (valentines day) she had to leave work because someone decided to give her anonymous flowers and she thought it was me. She started messaging me and i had to shutdown what she was thinking, which made her cry and she left for the day.  This has not been an easy process, because i deeply care for X. Although we had a lot of good times, i am a realist and to many, a pessimist, and looking back I see more bad than good. Distrust is a demon that must be slain to make a relationship function, and that is why ours was so dysfunctional. Hell, i think i have trust issues too now at this point. A lot of detail has been left out here, I don’t know if she will ever find this so I left a lot of personal and identifying details out, many of which are crucial to why the relationship failed so many times... but, i also don’t think anyone will read this.

#reflection breakup confusion heartbreak selfimprovement space staystrong

[thadelightfulone]

The ‘E’ Commandments - Interlude: Lose It (Stress Relief)

Use Me (Intro)

Daddy’s Rules

Sunset

Velvet Rope/ Sequel

Summary: Erik wants to teach his girl some thangs…

Pairing: Erik x Black!OC

Genre: SMUT…build up, cool down…there is always some SMUT.

Warning: BDSM heavy…so if that is not your thing, there are plenty of other BP fics for you to read. Since the chapter names include the kink, please feel free to bypass any one that is not your speed. Unless you’re curious and want to learn a few things for yourself…in that case, ENJOY!!!

A/N: So, I did this for me. I had to get this out of my head. There is NO SEX in this part...it is literally just a consensual scene between our favorite exploring couple. 

Rattling on the hinges, the door handle is jiggling and scrapes from a key can be heard as Erik walked into his living room from the back of his apartment. Imani bursts through his apartment door, and looks up at him. Erik takes in the sight of her. Purse hanging haphazardly off her shoulder nearly touching the ground, chest heaving as she catches her breath, curls all over her head like she has been running her hands through it, and eyes full of contained emotion.

He walks up to her, taking her bag and brings her to the couch. “What’s wrong babygirl?” She sits down and he takes the seat next to her.

“Nothing is working.” She doesn’t look at him as she continues. “Music, coloring, puzzles…” her voice fades.

Erik just lets her talk it out, silently observing Imani as she goes off on her tangent.

Not paying him any attention, Imani resumes speaking. “Emails. Idiots. Phone calls. Missing. Rushed. Errors. Flaky. Empty. No delivery.”

She is speeding through her thoughts but none of it is making sense for Erik. He grabs her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Stop it.” Imani’s eyes drift to his face. “Complete your sentences.”

Jerking her head out of his grasp, she inhales deeply. “Too much happened today and now, I just…” The big bright brown eyes that Erik is used to seeing are full of anger.

“How do you feel, pretty girl?” He reaches for her and she pulls away abruptly. She can hear his growl in response but Erik does not move to touch her again.

“I’m sorry, E. I just don’t want to be held or anything right now.”

“Fine, then talk to me. You said nothing is working, what did you mean?”

“Everything that I normally do to calm down…none of it is working. My affirmations, too. I left work so that I wouldn’t dwell on it but I keep running everything over in my head, and the more I do, the angrier I get.” Imani stopped and dropped her head in her lap. “I hate feeling like this…work is where I need to feel in control and I am not able to do that right now.” Standing up, she grabs her purse and heads to the door. “I don’t even know why I came here. Sorry for barging in, E. I think I’m just gonna go home now.

“Sit down, Imani.” She stops and looks over her shoulder at him. “Do I need to repeat myself?” Dragging her bag behind her, Imani sluggishly walks back to the couch and takes a seat away from Erik. “Now, you know why you came over here. So, tell me.”

Barely audible over the TV playing in the background, Erik makes out, “Can you help me?” Grabbing the remote, Erik turns up the TV. Looking at Imani, he raises an eyebrow daring her to say something other than what he heard. Over Martin and Pam arguing, she repeats her request much louder, “Can you help me?”

Waving his hand, “Can who help you?”

“Are we really doing this right now?”

“Don’t do that little one. You came to me, and not on some ‘I’m your loving man shit,’ so act like it and speak up.” Placing his hand to his ear, he hears some shuffling before Imani responds.

“Daddy, can you help me?”

“Now, was that so hard?” She doesn’t respond. “Imani, I asked you a question.” He looks over and she is rubbing her neck with a dead stare towards his TV. He stands up and strolls over to her, pulling her up. “Come on, Daddy got you.”

They walk back towards the bedroom. Imani is in front of him, eyes following her feet and nearly walking into the door. Erik pulls her back before she connects. Holding her waist, he stands her near the bed, “Strip.” He walks over to his closet and unlocks his vault. Looking over, he sees Imani has not made one move. “I’m not tryna fuck you girl. But I damn sure am not helping you while you are fully clothed, so STRIP!”

Imani slips out of her sandals and unties her dress letting it fall to the floor. As she moves to release her bra, Erik walks over to her with two different leather belts. She looks at him as the bra hits the floor. “This one,” pointing to the one with a smaller width, and he nods at her putting the other one away. Imani reaches for the waistline of her panties when a hand stops her.

“Keep those on, you don’t have to be completely nude for this.” Imani stands ramrod straight by the bed, awaiting Erik’s next command. “Good girl.” He gives her a short peck on the lips and walks around her. “Get up on the bed, on all fours. 30 strikes, ok?”

“Yes Sir,” Erik watches as Imani climbs on the bed and into position. She is stiff, but he expected that from all the tension she is carrying.

“Ready babygirl?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“Now, remember I need you here and present.” Erik does not give Imani a chance to respond as the first set of five hits land across both of her cheeks. Imani holds the position and barely makes a peep. Erik snaps his wrist on the next five, increasing the strength behind each hit. She hisses as his hand caresses her ass after the first 10 swats. “Imani?”

“Here Daddy.” Imani’s legs burn and his aim never left her ass. She normally feels that burn when Erik’s belt or floggers land on them. Inhaling deeply, she rolls her shoulders back as she prepares for the next set of hits from E.

“Count the next 10.” With the same intensity, the belt lands across one cheek and then the other, followed by his hands rubbing and pinching them. He repeats the process as she counts them out loud.

“1, 2…3, 4…5, 6…” through gritted teeth, Imani curses as the burning sensation increases along her ass, “shit, 7, 8…9, 10.”

“Stop fighting it, Imani.” Erik is watching as Imani clenches her hands in the bedspread and doesn’t let up on her hold. Her position falters and then she goes back to the tense all fours stance that she started with, “We talked about this.”

Before Erik launches his final set of 10 swats, he runs the belt along Imani’s upper back and legs. Each part he touches, prickles with goosebumps as his fingertips follow the belt down her body.

Erik lifts the belt away and a loud whoosh breaks the air as it comes down on her ass. Imani whimpers but gives nothing else. Erik cracks the belt mid-air and brings it back down on her ass. Imani’s small whimper gets louder. “Good girl, you don’t have anything to prove to me.” He lands the next two across the back of her thighs.

As Erik continues the assault on her back, ass and thighs, Imani focuses on her breathing. Each time the belt connects with her body, she feels something. The tightness in her chest is waning, the burn on her back and legs keeps her present. Her death grip on the comforter, eases up as Erik reaches the last few hits. Through watery eyes, Imani keeps track of the count in her head. Erik has four more hits and these last ten were much more powerful than when he started. As she feels the penultimate strike, she tries to pay attention to what Erik is saying.

“You are so close baby. I hear you.” As the belt rises for what should be the last time, Imani looks below her and can barely make out the bedspread but she can feel the wet spot growing beneath her. The belt lands and Imani falls flat on her stomach as she realizes that she has been screaming and crying for the last few hits.

Erik drops the belt, picks her up, and moves up to the headboard. She curls up into his lap and continues to cry, letting everything out. “That’s my girl. You’re ok, I got you.”

Imani vaguely recalls Erik telling her to let go. Now, she understands what he meant. She wasn’t feeling anything when she busted in his place. None of her calming efforts helped because her stress levels reached a place, she had never been before. She feels calmer now and in a small voice asks, “How did you know that was what I needed?”

“I know my girl,” he shrugs. “I have been there, I will never need what worked for you. But I have been in the position where I felt numb and needed to feel again.” He glances at his chest, and Imani nods her head in understanding. “You don’t have to be strong and in control with me. I just want you to feel comfortable enough with me to be as vulnerable as you need to be. It will not change how I feel about you. And besides, I can help you so don’t be afraid to ask.” He playfully swats her ass causing her to giggle.

“Thank you Daddy.” She buries her head in his chest, and he lifts her chin to give her a slow kiss. “Who would have thought, this would work.”

“I told you spanking can be a stress reliever. Now, don’t let this shit happen again ok. I don’t like seeing you like this princess.” Running his hands along her back, “Maybe, we should set up some strategies to help you from getting to this point again.”

“Sure thing, Daddy.” Imani agrees as she lays her head on his studded chest. Soon enough, Erik can hear her lightly snoring as the rise and fall of his chest lulls her to sleep.

“Rest well, little bit.”

A/A/N: As you can see this was Short & Sweet. As always, thank you all for the support for this series. I have been given a few more ideas...so I am no where near done having Erik & Imani explore their D/s dynamic. However, I guess you can consider this a transition point in their relationship. 

Taglist: @thehonorablekingerik @panthergoddessbast @myboyfriendgiriboy @wakanda-inspired @hearteyes-for-killmonger @thememoireeofme @muse-of-mbaku @youcantkillamutant @princessstevens @bartierbakarimobisson @msincognito67 @drsunshine97 @youreadthatright @amethyst1993 @shesfromwakanda @killmongersaidheyauntie @killmongerdispussy @thatbish27 @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @ljstraightnochaser @mamipeachy @thickoreo @thiccdaddy-mbaku @heyauntieeee @laketaj24 @eemahnee @bidibidibombaclaat @wikiwakanda  @hidden-treasures21 @killmongersgurl @whoramilaje @monizzle96 @ajspencer1892 @jayjaydrama @blackpinup22 @almostpurelysmut @wakanda4neva @marvelpotterlove @great-neckpectations

#erik killmonger #erik killmonger x oc #erik killmonger smut #the e commandments #thadelightfulone

[scandinaviacroatiaengbergs]

Sunday: Oslo to Gothenburg (Bye-Bye to our Car, for Now!) and on to Copenhagen

There are a few things I wanted to note, just in general, but I’ve been forgetting to do so.  One: there are wind turbines all over the countryside in Norway and Sweden.  Two: the recycling program in Norway is very ahead-of-our-time (or the U.S.’s time, and I know to roll out such programs on a nationwide scale is easier to do in a smaller country than a larger one) and everyone recycles and composts  and the robot-directed sorting of bags of garbage is a sight to see (I saw it in a video that Ryley showed me).  Three: there are sooooooo many Teslas in Norway.  It is an actual fact that there are more Teslas per capita in Norway than in any other country (per my source: Eric Engberg).  Now, you’d think that this must just mean the people are super stoked to protect the environment and have loads of money to spend on buying expensive electric cars, and that is partially true, but Ryley and Roar said that many people spend way beyond their means and the government really incentivized electric car ownership, and Tesla was a huge resulting beneficiary of that.  Electric cars could drive in the bus lane for a while and there were more benefits, too, which I am forgetting.  It is really crazy how many Teslas there are on the road, and aside from that, there are just a lot of new cars, with very few that would qualify as “old” in the central city.  When we drove out of town, we saw more older models, but in the city, nope. I’ve also been thinking a lot about immigration in the late-19th and early-20th century to the U.S. from Scandinavia.  So I will digress for a minute: I know that when countries are war-torn, it makes a lot of sense for individuals and families to leave those regions, when they can (and as we see globally today and throughout history, there are so many tragic regions in which civilians are stuck in unlivable circumstances with no respite from the wars surrounding them). I also know from my own family history that people fled, say, Ireland because of famine, or Lithuania to seek an improved life in the U.S., even before abject ethic and religious persecution made conditions unsurvivable. I need to learn more about the causes for migration out of Scandinavia during the turn of the last century.  But, the lure of the “American Dream” was strong, even when a country wasn’t in a depression or there wasn’t a crop failure (though Norway had a huge potato crop failure that made many people leave, at the same time as Ireland, according to Roar), as far as I know.  And we see that immigrants from the turn of the last century to the U.S. have, by and large, left improved socio-economic legacies for their  descendants. But, when I travel to these areas today, and see some of the beauties of their regions, and size of cities and how these countries are able to develop social systems where there are many fewer people in poverty per capita than there are in our own U.S., I realize I need to learn more about why so many people left in the first place, and what the crises they were fleeing were, or whether they were just leaving to pursue riches in the U.S. when its doors were more open to such waves of immigrants (I mean, I wrote a book about this period, so I know very well the increasingly tight immigration laws of the late-19th to early-20th centuries and what “kinds” of people they privileged).  Anyway, I thought this about my Grandpa Sam too when we were in Lithuania, since he could certainly not have predicted the genocide that would develop there thirty years after he left.  He came to the U.S. alone from his family of two parents and five siblings (all but one of whom perished in the Holocaust), and seems to have traveled with a cousin. I do think about the asylum seekers who I’ve volunteered with in Albuquerque and somewhat like my uncle, they were really going into the unknown, because they hoped that gamble would make their lives better.  In the case of the asylum seekers, they’re often fleeing so much death, corruption, and destruction around them, and they hope that in the U.S. they’ll have a safer home for their children and more viable earning options for themselves. So, I am sorry to go along this tangent for so long, but I really do drive through the countryside here and I wonder why so many people left in the first place – simple as that.  I am sure different people left in different decades for very different reasons. Anyway, our last morning in Oslo was leisurely. We had to go out and find an ATM, though, since I had to leave about $70 for our Airbnb hosts to pay for parking, since we’d agreed upon this. To find an ATM on Sunday, though, was no easy task, so we went on a long walk to get to the nearest one, but that actually turned out very well, because we didn’t have to be out of the apartment at a particular time and we got to see some more neighborhoods that we hadn’t seen before.  We even found a little park right near our place that had a high hill, and we could see quite a panorama from the top. So, around 1, we left Oslo, avoiding by the smallest margin a collision in a roundabout (the Volvo’s brakes work really well, we learned!), and then made it to Gothenburg without much trouble at all. Eric booked our Airbnb in a suburb, and by the time we got in, the kids were ragged, unruly, and wild as hyenas with their squawking and back-talking and general silliness.  It was a mess. It took some stern words and some taking away of things (Rowan’s beloved Blundstone boots) to get them to know that they needed to pull it together, which they did, and we went to the Willy’s grocery store and got some dinner and got back and ate dinner, and the kids ate voluminously. After that, we tried to get the kids to bed, but that, again, was more protracted than ideal, and they weren’t asleep until nearly 10 p.m.  I should mention that the navigation in this suburb called Askim was hilarious and so convoluted; it was like driving from driveway to driveway, on tiny, tiny roads that, before GPS, I have no idea how anyone could’ve given directions to anyone unfamiliar with the area. So, the kids needed one thing after the next at bedtime – a story “from your mouth” (specifically, the serial saga of the cats Pickles and Mr. Pink that I’ve been telling since last summer), a story from a book, some water, to go to the bathroom, it’s too hot, there’s too much light, I want to sleep in with Cece, I want to go downstairs, etc. etc.  It was endless.  But, finally, they both zonked out, and then I couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight. I hope it doesn’t seem like I am complaining about the kids or their behavior a lot, because really, they roll with all of this traveling and moving from town to town pretty well, and they seem to love the adventure, and Rowan even expresses how much he loves it, repeatedly, and how sad he’s going to be when it’s over (though he has his art camp later this summer, and he *is* excited for that). But, our kids really are the loudest kids in any given room and the goofiest, so that is fun for us sometimes, but sometimes we need a knob with which we can dial down their volume considerably. We dropped our Volvo off this morning for its journey home, and while we were there, we saw another family, with two kids ages probably 8 and 6, and they were just sitting at a table with their parents while they waited for their car to be brought out. Our kids, by contrast, were needling each other and I actually heard a scream out of Cece when I was in the bathroom right before we left. Some great things can come out of their energy and curiosity, and we’re grateful for that, but, as I noted, sometimes, a dial would be useful ;)  I guess what goes around, comes around, since my mom once left my brother and I (at ages 4 and 6) with the guard at the front of some Smithsonian museum because we were being intolerable and she wanted to see the exhibit without our annoying behavior, so with the guard we sat.  That was also the day I flat-out insisted on wearing pleather boots and jeans in the humid, insane D.C. summertime weather. Anyway, I guess my kids come by their low points honestly ;) Anyway, so we *did* return the Volvo for its ocean journey home!  And now, I write this from a train to Copenhagen, and we’ll spend two nights there before flying to Croatia, land of my grandmother’s mother and ancestors.  The kids and I know, from Grandma Marion, how to say “I love you!” in Yugoslavian (as she calls it), so we’re ready for our travels there! This train ride started a bit stressfully, a) because we have a lot of loot to get situated on board, and b) there are no seat numbers above all of the seats, so it was a total frustrating guessing game to figure out which seats are ours.  But we did, and since then, the ride has been uneventful, with some beautiful ocean scenery and small towns (and some not-so-small towns) with red houses and intensely green fields. The kids have had some iPad time (Cece is doing a Montessori “hundreds board” right now and Rowan was laughing loud enough for all in our car to hear to Shawn the Sheep).  They are going to be tired tonight in Copenhagen, but we might tow them around in a bike trailer, so we’ll see what develops! More soon!

[bensbigbadboxofficebreview-blog]

Toy Story 4 (2019) - Disappointingly Okay

Let me preface this review with something: Pixar never makes bad films.

Uh... Pixar rarely makes bad films, and Toy Story 4 is not a bad film, but I have many, many issues with it (please don’t kill me). My biggest issue with Toy Story 4 is that it’s okay.

The original trilogy was fantastic. Okay, there were rocky patches in all three of the films but they all form part of one, cohesive story - Andy’s story with his toys. That story ended with Toy Story 3 when he gave all his toys to Bonnie. It was a bittersweet ending that wrapped up Andy’s coming-of-age perfectly. I was done with Toy Story from that point, and I think everybody else was too. God only knows why Pixar felt the need to make this fourth film. Not only is Toy Story 4 unnecessary, but it has far too much to live up to.

Those were my thoughts when the new addition to this franchise was announced. Still, I tried to keep an open mind as I walked into the cinema today. Having seen the film, my thoughts are unchanged and I feel deeply disappointed.

*SPOILERS FROM HERE ONWARD*

Perhaps I should start with the good parts of Toy Story 4, considering I do actually think it’s an alright movie. Firstly, you just can’t ignore the stellar animation.

Pixar somehow brings it up a notch with every film and this is no exception. Every shot is so visually pleasing and bleeds with life and emotion. The animators really are the at the top of their field and I’m excited to see it get better and better as time goes on.

Secondly, I enjoyed (the majority of) the characters in this film, especially Bo Peep. She’s the feminist icon we all deserve and it felt like she was lifted out of Mad Max with her skunk and scavenged goods. She is a strong, well-crafted and complex character who drives most of the plot, and Annie Potts voices her immaculately. Speaking of complex, it is also a joy to watch Gabby Gabby and her progression throughout the film, and us learning all she wants is to make a child happy. We love a good old “villain is really a misunderstood good guy” done well.

I also did just enjoy the film. Like I said above, it isn’t bad and the plot is somewhat interesting.

Unfortunately, that’s about where it ends for me in terms of the positives.

I found myself rolling my eyes constantly throughout this film as Pixar brought its humour down to the level of, dare I say it, Illumination Entertainment. There are far too many cheap jokes that take up far too much time. Essentially, Bunny and Ducky had me raging. I understand it’s a children film, but do we really need to see an argument between these two nothing-characters that does nothing for the plot or character development? Do we really need to see them jump in the face of an old lady three times? It’s just insulting.

And please don’t get me started on Forky. Yes, yes, I know. He represents the dilemma of what it means to be a toy, childhood creativity, et cetera, but every scene with Forky in is infuriating. 

The montage of saving Forky from the trash at the start of film fifty times simply wastes time. His dialogue is lazy and bland. His progression from wanting to be thrown away to wanting to bring happiness to Bonnie is so sudden that it gives you whiplash. It’s almost as if he is just a plot device that the writers, Stanton and Folsom, want to literally discard as trash once he kicks the whole story off. For the rest of the film, he acts as a dead leg and only serves to annoy the viewer (or just me. Seems most people quite like him).

But one of my biggest gripes with this film is that it fails to take us anywhere new. Not to go off on a tangent, but it feels like the same story as Toy Story 3 rehashed but with a different ending which not only seems to come out of nowhere, but directly contradicts the other three films of the franchise. All of a sudden belonging to a kid doesn’t matter, even though in Toy Story 1, 2 and 3 the fear of being lost is what drives those three films. However, despite this contradiction in message, it is a safe film which does nothing special and, apart from technologically, it is not innovative in the slightest.

We’ve heard the story of the lost toy before and it never felt old until now. Maybe it’s just because I’m older than I was when Toy Story 3 came out, but in some parts it felt as if I had already seen this movie. The ending was the only thing different, but as I said earlier, it’s an unsatisfactory one.

I get that I sound super bitter. I’m not bitter; I’m just supremely disappointed. I miss the glory days of Pixar when every film was a whole new concept. When they used to push the boundaries of what stories they can tell through animation. When they weren’t afraid to take a risk. Now, it looks as if they are sticking by formulas which undoubtedly work, but aren’t exciting.

For me, Pixar has been going downhill since Cars 2. This was not only a major blip for this elite animation studio, but marked the start of this trend of clinging to old concepts which made them money in the past. Of course there have been recent gems such as Inside Out, but including Cars 2, six out of the most recent ten films Pixar have released have been sequels, the majority of which are nothing really noteworthy and pretty unnecessary. While Toy Story 4 may, despite my rantings, be the best of these recent sequels, it just continues this upsetting and disappointing trajectory of Pixar losing what once made it special. Sequels aren’t necessarily a bad thing, but when the majority of your films are sequels nobody really wanted or asked for, it’s not great. Every film used to pretty much be a knockout-blow. Nowadays, it’s not producing bad films per se, but films which are just alright.

With two new films coming next year, both with completely new stories, I hope that Pixar can find its spark again. Until then, I’ll just go back and watch WALL-E.

For now, Toy Story 4 gets a:

6/10

Thanks for getting through this review lol. It’s the first one I’ve done properly and I get I’m in the tiniest minority which thinks Toy Story 4 wasn’t great, so if you have any comments or feedback, please let me know. I’m hoping to do more reviews and want to do one of my favourite film ever - Arrival. So, stay tuned for that. It’ll be a bit more positive.

#film review #toy story 4 #toy story #pixar #cinema #film critique