#I need to stop writing such long posts x_x

[tekutiger]

For the past week or so, I've been logging in to Disney Dreamlight Valley again (after a 2 month hiatus 😅). They have a "Haunted Holiday Star Path" event going on right now. When it comes to games I genuinely like, I do actually have fomo and I hate it, lol. So, here I am 🙃

I've been playing a bit of catch up. Like, they added Beauty and the Beast! That was my favorite OG Disney movie growing up. And then Mulan came along and I was like !!! Okay now those two are my favorites (because I couldn't decide between the two).

I also finally watched the live action Beauty and the Beast for the first time. It's been out for a while now, I know... I'm just slow when it comes to watching movies or anything on tv. In my opinion it was very well done! I'm not a harsh critic though.

I also watched the live action Little Mermaid and I really loved it. It gave the characters so much more depth, and displayed more marine creatures than I thought they would have. The actors put so much life and emotion into their vocals in their songs, I was very impressed.

And I touch on this a bit below, but being an octo-nerd, there were things about Ursula that they added to the movie, that was not in the original, and I was like holy crap! I wonder how many people are going to catch onto that? It's when she's shuffling through her ingredient cabinets to create one of her concoctions and her 'arms' (she refers to them as 'tentacles', probably because younger audiences will be like ??? if she says arms, but the correct term is actually 'arms'). They are acting independently from her because octopuses have nine brains. One brain in each arm and one in the mantle (head). So each arm thinks for itself. When she says she can't find anything, everything always gets lost, it's probably because her eight arms are putting things back on the shelves however they please and her main-brain (mantle i.e. head) isn't paying attention to keep track of it all 😅

Okay- weird thing that I complain about often to my friends cause we all play this, and unrelated to the live action movie. Eric, in this game, stalks me, and it's flippen weird. I think everyone who plays this has a character that stalks them though, as if it's in the programming and it's RNG of who it is. I say that because I'll go to Twitch and watch it happen to streamers, and they'll make comments about their 'stalker'. It's just somehow my 'stalker' ended up being Eric 🤷🏻‍♀️. For some, it's Kristoff. Others, it's Maui. I dunno... it's weird.

(For the record, I know they're all programmed to come and find you, but I mean- in this case, there's ONE specific character that follows you WAY MORE than usual.)

Anyone who knows me, knows I have this obsession with the Ocean (also space) and octopuses, and jellyfish... hence why I have the Ursula attire (she's the Octo Queen!). Her quest line, should you put out the moonstones and buy her bundle, is worth it imo, but I'm also biased as heck. I just find it ironic that I'm literally dressed like Ursula 2.0 and Eric stalks me more than half the time I'm in-game, lol 😓. The sound of his flute puts me in that state of like 🙀 -startled cat, eyes wide, looking everywhere, ducking behind furniture-

Ariel, go pay more attention to your man plskthx. I will give it to the live action production for the movie. The actor who plays Eric is handsome and plays the role well 👌🏻 (doesn't make me wanna hide any less though in-game 😑)

I totally veered off course of why I'm writing this post. My rambling is getting worse, akjdhjs.

SO. The star path...!

Last year when we got the first Halloween star path, if memory serves, I recall it not having any Tim Burton, The Nightmare Before Christmas items at all and being really bummed out about it. I figured it was because they couldn't get a contract signed, permission, copyright something or other. The game was still very new afterall.

There's a biome in DDLV named the Forgotten Lands and it's mostly purple hues. I knew the aesthetics would be perfect for The Nightmare Before Christmas if I just waited for it... and now this year a handful of items are in the Star Path event. I've been so ready.

Oh, and we also get... !!

😄

With the new items, I totally remodeled my biome. It's looking cute~

Here's some better shots of a couple Nightmare Before Christmas outdoor furniture pieces (just a couple but they're big pieces). The notorious Skellington's Hill and the popular Frightful Fountain. 👇🏻

And the great thing about this game is, we're just going to continue to get even more fun items and grow as the game develops. We also have the Christmas Star path coming up, at some point. Wonder if there's going to be some interesting items in that 🤔

Oh yeah, I got a cutie Pirate Parrot from this Star Path too ❤️

One Final Edit: On Twitter they mentioned that they added an "AUTUMNBUNDLE" code. If you're playing and missed it, you can copy and paste that in for some furniture pieces.

Should be in the Settings menu > Help > Code box (under 'import avatar') > hit 'claim' after typing it in.

#teku.blog #teku.ddlv #ddlv spoilers #ddlv #disney dreamlight valley #dreamlight valley #ramble ramble ramble #this is one of the few games I like to play when I'm feeling burnout from FFXIV #it's also a really cute and chill game #it has quests- housing decorating- gathering- crafting- cooking- fishing... #I need to stop writing such long posts x_x

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hi Momdad, I'm not entirely sure how to word this, so I'm sorry if I ramble. (Honestly feel free to ignore this if you don't have time/spoons, it's not pressing.) I've been struggling recently with questions concerning purity culture ish and critical thinking skills in regards to reading and media consumption. I have friends that tend to "vet" their authors, looking up on Twitter or Google if an author has had any scandals or has been known to have homophobic, transphobic, etc. views—(1/4)

or write -phobic portrayals into their work, and if they find stuff like that, they'll tend to decide against reading the book. And I tend not to pay attention so much to what authors do or discourse on Twitter. I just read books that interest me. But it makes me question like... is it wrong to consume works written by people who are known to be [insert]-phobic here or having poor takes, or have portrayed certain demographics poorly in their writing? (2/4)

I don't have great critical thinking skills (which makes me feel dumb because I feel like I just... never learned it well in school—live in US and mid-20s, for reference) but would it not be okay to... to read things, keeping in mind potentially poor takes the author has, or has written into their work, and see how it affects the work itself? Is it bad to still enjoy a work knowing the author's a not great person (either in views or just like, bad behavior online or to fans or whatever)? (3/4)

Like I stopped having anything to do with Harry Potter outside of fanfic due to JKR, but most authors... don't have her level of reach and power and sway, I feel? I don't know. I feel silly for struggling with these questions but they always come to mind whenever my friends share the latest ish with authors and whatnot. I'm sorry for such a long ask. x_x; I hope you're doing all right, and thank you for always being such a comforting presence online here. (4/4)

hello, dear! i think this is an issue that a lot of people are questioning right now, and i'd like to compliment you on, in fact, having the critical thinking skills to question whether this is the right thing to do and ask someone else their opinion instead of mindlessly following everyone else. the fact that you want to consider this topic carefully reflects well on you, i think.

so, i have strong feelings about purity culture, largely because i was raised as a homeschooled conservative in texas, and i spent my adolescence in the baptist church. i signed a purity pledge and wore a purity ring, the whole nine yards. having broken out of that mind-prison, i have absolutely no patience for anyone trying to talk me back into it.

BUT, i think this topic does, in fact, have nuance, as almost everything does, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to every piece of media, so we need to keep considering this from multiple angles.

i know i'm going to have a lot to say here and this post is already long, so i'm going to break them down into separate chunks for ease of my writing and your reading.

EDIT: i tried to put this as bullets with spaces between them, but posting removed the spaces, making it harder to read. i’m going to replace the bullets with an emoji symbol.

🔸 first off, we have to understand and accept that there is no such thing as "moral purity" or "unproblematic media", much less unproblematic humans. humans are inherently flawed. humans make mistakes. humans commit selfish acts. humans fuck up and do the wrong thing, even if they don't mean to. most people have bad opinions about something, if you ask long enough. i'm certainly not morally pure, and you should NEVER trust someone who claims that THEY are.

🔸 part of the issue with purity culture, in this context, is the way it flattens everything to issues of black and white, so that everything Bad becomes equally bad by virtue of being ~problematic~. thereby, an active nazi can be on the same list as someone who said something homophobic ten years ago. these things are not the fucking same.

🔸 the true difference, in my opinion, is someone who means active harm and someone who commits harm unintentionally. jk rowling means active harm to trans people, and she uses the revenue from her media to fund her campaign against trans people. THAT'S why you boycott her, not simply because she has bad opinions. if you were to come across another author who portrayed trans people negatively in their work, look them up online and find that they've realized they were wrong and have apologized for it, that's perfectly fine. we all have to learn and grow, and unfortunately sometimes your old Bad Opinions exist out in the world where you can't change them.

🔸 now you might go online and look up the author who wrote something transphobic and find that they haven't said anything one way or another about trans people. they've neither apologized nor gone all in on trans hate. (or any other form of bigotry.) at that point, it's your call. it's 100% up to you whether you enjoy the media enough that you want to keep going anyway, or if the content makes you too uncomfortable to continue.

🔸 since nothing is 100% pure and unproblematic, it's about what we personally can tolerate and what makes us most uncomfortable. some people have thick skins, some people don't. that's okay.

🔸 now, even though i say that, i think it's also a mistake to surround ourselves entirely with media that makes us comfortable 100% of the time. art doesn't exist just to be Good and Pure, it also exists to express dark emotions, give catharsis, push us, make us think, make us grow, open our minds to new experiences and new truths. a piece of media can contain absolute heinous depictions of bigotry for many purposes other than to say that bigotry is good. bigotry exists, trauma induced by bigotry exists, and we can't just bury it under pretty and nice stories and act like it doesn't.

🔸 part of learning to think critically is exposing yourself to things you don't agree with and coming to understand why you don't agree with them. if you support trans people but don't know WHY you support trans people, do you even support trans people? you shouldn't believe what you believe just because people tell you it's the right thing to believe. you need to understand why it's right, or else you're in serious danger of someone skilled at manipulation convincing you to believe whatever they want you to believe.

🔸 we have to relearn that consuming media doesn't inherently mean endorsing all of its messages. reading a book does not mean you approve of everything it says or everything the author has ever done, even if you enjoy the book. you do not somehow become responsible for the author's flaws just because you took enjoyment from a story they told. that is a simply preposterous concept. no art in the world could be consumed if we were all held accountable for anything the artist had ever done wrong, because we have ALL done things wrong.

🔸 there are a lot of "problematic" things that are problematic only in some people's opinions. some people might look at shows like our flag means death, what we do in the shadows, hannibal, and interview with a vampire and say that it's homophobic to represent queer people as murderers who kill without remorse. some people say "queer people can have a little murder, as a treat." one person's problematic is another person's playground.

🔸 don't trust people who tell you that you aren't allowed to read certain books. seriously.

🔸 now, on the other hand, there are some pieces of media that are made as deliberate propaganda. brooklyn nine-nine is a great example, because it's a hilarious show with fantastic characters, but it's also police propaganda. it's made to make young people - the sort who don't watch law and order or blue bloods - believe that there are good cops fighting against discrimination from the inside. it teaches you that a gay black cop is a good cop, that a bisexual latina cop is a good cop. they're not. there are no good cops. so while it's not that you shouldn't be "allowed" to watch b99, i think that you should only watch it if you're capable of watching it fully aware that its goal is to feed you propaganda. you definitely should not recommend it to people like it's a harmless sitcom.

🔸 i don't think it can ever be morally wrong to simply read a book or enjoy a story, and at the same time, you can never assure yourself that what you're consuming is 100% free from any form of bigotry. i'm not saying you need to write an essay deconstructing every piece of media you ever consume, but you also can't do a quick google, find no dirt on an author, and assure yourself that everything you're about to read is good and correct. there's nothing wrong with wanting to just turn your brain off for a while and read a damn story, but you still need to have enough wits about you think, "hold on, describing a fat person as a slob and a pig and a mean, selfish bully with many degrading descriptions of their fatness used to emphasize how they're a bad person isn't okay." (which is, you know, another problem with the harry potter books.) you can relax and read a story but also keep watch for bullshit.

🔸 in my opinion, most of this stuff about obsessing over which authors and artists and other creators are Bad has absolutely nothing to do with morality and everything with wanting to feel superior. it's like a godless religion, as there are many religious people out there who only go to church so they can be seen going to church, so they can assure themselves they're better than people who don't go to church. since most of the youth aren't religious, they're finding new ways to feel morally superior to others, and instead of righteous vs sinful, it's pure vs problematic. and just the same, they find ways to justify the things they like as righteous, while always maintaining superiority over people who enjoy the sinful things they don't like.

🔸 bottom line: read whatever the hell you want, but keep your eyes open.

if you'd like to read more, check out my purity culture tag.

#purity culture #fiction #long post for ts #anonymous #ask

[cosmos-soso-happeh]

"If We Stopped Time Tonight, There'd Be No Goodbye"

HENLOOOOOO, I'M COSMOCORN! XD But just call meh Cosmo! ;3 *Throws fork @ u*

☆ Q ☆ "Who tf r u?" ☆ A ☆ Glad u asked! Henlo, I'm UniCosmicCometCorn also known as Cosmocorn A L S O known as Cosmo! XD I'm just another meddling teen 2 add 2 the already giant pile of meddling teens on here XD Introductions r BORING so I'll just tell u what u need 2 know: 1. I'm a Christian, remember; If Jesus can love me even after I sunk the Titanic Had absolutely nothing to do with the sinking of the Titanic, he can love u no matter what! :D 2. RLLY a meddling teen, not 4 long but... A meddling teen nonetheless :P 3. Label me whatever u want, "scene kid", "emo kid", "goth", I rlly don't care T_T XD 4. I'm 2 random 4 my own good x_x Speaking of which, u bore me >.> *KICKS U INTO A HOLE* DIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!!

☆ Q ☆ "How about the nerd shit?" ☆ A ☆ Fiiiine, we can talk about the nerd shit T.T

On the topic of fandoms; I'm quite fond of dEEZ SWEET DEALS U CAN GET 4 THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF 999.99: FNaF is like my FAVORITE THING in the... YA- O.o Springtrap is easily my fav animatronic, has been for years! XD I rlly liek Creepypasta too, my favs Ben Drowned ;3, MLP:FiM is GR8! Especially season 9! I won't spoil it tho~ ;3, Invader Zim is easily my favorite TV show, I quote Gir a bit TOO much! XD, it's not reaaaaaaaaaally a fandom but u can tell by my Tumblr username that I rlly like SoSo Happy Monster XDD

More nerd shit about me... WELL, my only three hobbies r drawing, writing, and mass consuming media 2 get more ideas of things 2 write and draw XD Maybe I'll post some of my drawings or writings here... Or... Drawings AND writings?? WHOOF- NOW T H A T ' D BE A SWEET DEAL U CAN GET 4 THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF-

Ok, ya, I know what u RLLY came 4 so- Let's just- Drop T h e H o a r d XDD

One thing u NEED 2 know about me is that I am a TOTAL music nerd, ULTRA music nerd, I CONSTANTLY reference music XDD I like a lot of bands O.o 2 many T_T Likeeeee...

Breathe Carolina! MEH FAVORITE BAND! XDD Family Force 5 Watchout! There's Ghosts Nickasaur! 3OH!3 I Set My Friends on Fire Jeffree Star I typically don't like rap, but Dot Dot Curve somehow manages 2 make it sound SOOO GOOD >o< A cup full of crunk juice will make everyone hardcore two step, hardcore two step, hardcore two steeeep~ XD Same 4 some BrokeNCYDE, I love their album "The Broken" XD Falling In Reverse Sleeping W/ Sirens Pierce The Veil Attack Attack! S3RL A good few BOTDF songs XD I don't like their pervy songs T.T But their songs like PLUR and Death To Your Heart r SOOO GOOD! XD Oh ya... Oooo *Waves hands like a ghost* I'm problematic, woooo... My Chemical Romance, who dosen't? XD Amy Can Flyyy The Medic Droid Forever The Sickest Kids The Ready Set Breathe Electric Set It Off Hellogoodbye Paramore Ghost Town (This is getting long...) Caravan Palace Avril Lavigne Your Favorite Martian Send Request Cobra Starship Hurry! Lets Go! Teen Hearts

And probably much much MUCH more I'm just 4getting XDD

Always feel free 2 recommend me moar bands 2 check out >3>

☆ Q ☆ "Well, am I allowed 2 be here or not!? Drop the DNI already, bIIIITCH-" ☆ A ☆ Well, bIIIITCH- Ya uh- *Scratches back of neck awkwardly* The thing is... *Pulls on sweaty collar* ... I don't have one... wHoOpS-

No, but srsly, I never got the idea of coming into a public platform and... Restricting public access- Eugh- >_> So I don't have one, any1 can come, even if u eat puppies! u^u (I should add though: I would encourage u 2 STOP eating puppies '>.> XD)

As 4 UR hypothetical DNI list, if ur looking through this blog 2 see if I fit it or not, let me make it easy 4 u 2 avoid heartbreak, tears, and long conversations about life on rooftops: Since the terms on a majority of DNI lists barely have meaning anymore, just assume I fit every "ist", "ism", and "phobe" you can think of (Even though I don't... Or I do, idk, no1 knows what these words mean anymore! XD) and if that bothers u then I WON'T hold u hostage this time! (I've been improving!) and u can leave, if it dosen't... Give me your hand. *Gets out ritual knife-* IT IS TIME 4 THE BLOOD PACT, BROTHA

Soooo, yee! Enjoy ur stay @ my blog, and DON'T talk 2 the clown in the corner

He's uh... O.o

He's not friendly... >.>

☆ Other socials ☆

Deviantart GaiaOnline Animal Jam: Cosmofuzz Feralheart: XxComet_BeFuzzy Roblox

Top 8 (In no particular order XD)

@crumchylettuce

@averrazor

@inkrizz

@thedeadcomic

@dolliedyhard

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#introduction #hello tumblr #2000s scene #emo scene #introduction post #introducing myself #scene kid #Spotify

[cranky-kyrati]

Okay I just finished the main game for Far Cry 4 and.... wow, oh my gosh. So Mohan kills Ishwari and Pagan's child, and Pagan fell into such grief that he just completely stopped caring about anything because there was nothing else to care about after his kid was murdered? x_x Oh and Mohan also wanted to train child Ajay as a soldier for the Golden Path (which Ishwari obviously strenuously objected to), so he's down with both child soldiers and child marriage??? I feel like I need a solid 24 hours just to absorb the ending.

Hahaha I know right?! I mean, my own experience of this aspect of the story was rather, uh, underwhelming, since my first experience of the story was a compilation of Pagan's cutscenes, meaning I learned about Lakshmana before I even knew that "finding Lakshmana" (while not knowing what it was) was Ajay's primary motivator throughout the entire game. xD

Anyway I think we're supposed to take from what Pagan says (and some other clues) that he went on a bit of a murderous rampage after Lakshmana's death, and then he kinda withdrew a few years later. There's a loading screen tip saying he's been cooped up in his palace for the past decade (which is also supported by a number of NPC lines about how no one has seen him in a long time), and that still leaves a few years of him establishing his reputation as brutal in his own right. As Pagan says:

"I killed so many people for them... But then I realised: I was only using Lakshmana's death as an excuse to do whatever I wanted to do. Just as you use those ashes as an excuse to do whatever you want to do."

Which brings me to what I was alluding to in a previous post - Ajay, too, comes to Kyrat and warps it. His intentions are (probably mostly) pure, but the fact remains that he lets himself become a weapon and a figurehead in a war he knows nothing about, and had he made different choices (admittedly predominantly ones that weren't available to the player), perhaps not quite so many people would have had to die before the war ended.

What are your thoughts now that it's had time to sink in? (Oh and where did you pick up the thing about Mohan wanting to train Ajay as a child soldier? Can't remember seeing that anywhere - in his journal, he writes about wishing Ajay to grow up in a free Kyrat.)

#far cry 4 #pagan min #mohan ghale #ajay ghale #lakshmana min #far cry

[multifandomwritings]

Hi there! I LOVE your writing for Otis - could you do one where his SO gets their period and makes a mess on the bed? (Unintentionally) and he notices when he wakes up in the middle of the night or something and reader is super embarrassed? Sorry my ask is so long!

I'm so glad you liked it! :) I changed this a bit to general period headcanons, I hope you don't mind. I did include something like this for Otis though~ ^^ (Didn't do many for this, just had some extra ideas for some of them I wanted to include ^^)

Also sorry this took like a whole decade to write omg

How the slashers would be when it's that time of the month for their S/O

(Thomas, Brahms, Michael, Beetlejuice, Bo, Vincent, Lester, Billy Lenz, Asa, Otis, Josef)

Thomas: 

- Thomas is very sweet and understanding. If you aren't feeling well you won't lift a finger to help out with anything and he'll spoil you until you feel better

- Somehow, he knows exactly what to do to make you feel better (somehow meaning every time he leaves the room Luda Mae tells him what to do lol) Brings you teas, snacks, whatever you like that makes you feel better

- Probably neglects his own duties because he's concerned about you more than anything. Absolutely will snuggle with you all day if it makes you feel better. Tbh even if it doesn't he's happy to anyway

Brahms: 

- Doesn't know what's wrong at first and won't pick up on it unless you say something. If you aren't feel well though he'll be really concerned, which he shows by following you around and staring at you like 👁👄👁 until you tell him

- He takes care of you for once. Where you are usually the more caring one that tends to him often, he'll do his best to be like that for you, even mimicking the things you do for him and taking care of the things you'd normally do instead. Even if it's sloppily, he'll try his best!

- Really sweet tbh. Will make you food and take care of you if you like, doing his best to make your favorites and do whatever he can think of to make you feel better and cheer you up

Michael: 

- Pretty oblivious, probably won't notice if you don't say anything

- If you're not feeling well of course he'll be a little more concerned, though Michael being Michael he isn't great at expressing it

- He'll linger around a little more than usual to see if you're alright. Half the time you won't even notice this though because he'll just peep in on your from afar more often than usual (which, while being a little creepy, is his way of being sweet so ;-;)

Beetlejuice: 

- Won't make a fuss, he'll just offer to help you however he can

- Beetlejuice would be surprisingly sweet with his S/O so he'll always look after you however he can (gotta write some individual headcanons for him bc I have /thoughts/)

- If you're not feeling well he'll cheer you up however he can. Coming from him there really isn't much of a limit as to what he can do to make you laugh and cheer you up so x_x

Bo: 

- Kind of awkward? Of course he'd want to make you feel better but like...Probably doesn't really know what would make you feel better and is too afraid to ask lol

- A little sweeter than usual. He'll check in on you a lot to make sure you're okay, without really asking anything specific

- He would completely shock you by suddenly inviting you over to snuggle up next to him, for no reason. Though he'd really like cuddling secretly, he wouldn't often give the opportunity for it, so you'd be shocked!...But it would be his way of trying to comfort you. And probably himself too lol

Vincent: 

- Hates seeing you being uncomfortable/not feeling well, and actually gets a little panicked because he doesn't really know how to make you feel better at first

- Thoughtful and attentive, nervously checking in and making sure you're alright. Anything that makes you feel better he'll happily try!

- Very gentle and reserved with you while secretly worried all the while about making you feel better and such. Probably needs a little reassurance himself. If you ask him to just come sit with you and snuggle up he'll melt :')

Lester: 

- Similar to Vincent, he hates seeing you feel bad, but I think he'd be *slightly* less panicked. Asks you a bunch of questions about what he should do and what will make you feel better and does whatever you need/want without question

- Really sweet, he'd tend to you so attentively that it would almost be too much. He'd happily make a trip out to get you whatever you need, bringing you a little surprise specific to your personality to cheer you up and completely lighting up if he got a smile out of you

- A complete sweetheart in pretty much every regard. Very caring, sweet and thoughtful both when you aren't feeling well and otherwise

Billy Lenz: 

- Kinda similar to Brahms, won't leave your side if he knows you aren't feeling well

- Will bombard you with things that he thinks will make you feel better. You end up surrounded with a pile of things around you and him standing there like plz 😶

- Very sweet, gets really upset if you're visibly not feeling well. Will snuggle you up without prompting, holding you tight and mumbling to you quietly, being surprisingly sweet (by his standards anyway) to make you feel better

Asa Emory (The Collector): 

- Asa is surprisingly nice. Like yeah, you wouldn't think all things considered he would be nice/caring etc, but he is? Especially when he's ~Asa~ (I could do a whole post on this tbh)

- Mostly he just leaves you be, though he'll do anything he can to make you more comfortable. He's very attentive to you specifically so he quickly picks up one what makes you feel better

- Makes you smile with how often he checks in on you. He isn't really the most sweet/tender but sometimes he'll surprise you (and even himself) with how much he cares for you

Otis Driftwood: 

- Otis certainly isn't the most thoughtful and considerate of the slashers, but he doesn't like to see you uncomfortable or feeling unwell, either

- He'd do his best to make sure you were comfortable, in his own way, asking surprisingly sweet questions (disguised in a grumpy voice, because he can't be too tender of course!) and check in on you a lot

- If you accidentally make a mess he really doesn't mind. Those things happen! He wouldn't want you to feel embarrassed so he might even pretend he didn't notice. If you know he knows he'll try so hard to make it seem like not a big deal, trying to cheer you up in his own way

Josef (Creep):

- Sweet! And kind of arrogant admittedly. He's very sure of himself that he can make you feel better, even though he doesn't know what to do really

- Will get so dramatic if you aren't feeling well and there's nothing he can do about it really. Wants to be helpful:(

- If you just want to snuggle up with him and rest he will both melt and clam up so bad. Just being close with him can make you feel better and comfort you? Umm :) (will be thinking about this forever, won't stop smiling to himself)

#slashers x reader #thomas hewitt x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #michael myers x reader #beetlejuice x reader #bo sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x reader #billy lenz x reader #asa emory x reader #otis driftwood x reader #the collector x reader #josef x reader #slasher x reader #slasher imagines #slasher imagine #slashers

[thelefthandersdilemma]

Dining with Hands with Muslims

I didn’t always think about my handedness. Being left-handed means being subjected to a series of minor inconveniences that affects the fabric of everyday life. But it’s mostly invisible. There are times, though, when situations force me to confront my handedness. Like when someone sees me writing and they feel compelled to point out that I’m left-handed. Or when my handedness clashes with another’s culture and deep-seated beliefs. Like in this story I’m about to tell you. Bear with me here, this will be long—mostly because I want the world to meet the man behind the most absurd(?) extraordinary(?) experiences of my life.

Two of my friends and I were flying to India via Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Because it was a cheap flight, there was a 6-hour gap between our arrival in Malaysia and our flight to India. BUT instead of checking in early like responsible young adults, we hung back and waited at the last minute to check in. Like the idiots that we were.

At this point, I must note that Filipinos need a visa to travel to India. You could either get a visa beforehand or get one upon arrival. It’s a long story, but my friends got a visa beforehand while I opted to get a visa-on-arrival. In hindsight, I was the one idiot here.

We took our sweet time and arrived at the check-in counter with only 15 minutes before the flight took off. The girl at the counter looked at my visa-on-arrival papers and paused. She called to her supervisor, shuffled my papers around, and talked between themselves. Then the supervisor looked at me and said, ‘You can’t take this flight’.

What.

‘You don’t have a hotel booking. You need a hotel booking for your visa.’ He went on to explain that if I get denied a visa, the airline would have to shoulder the costs of my flight back to Malaysia. And then I’d have to book a flight back to India. It was too much trouble for everyone involved. He kept looking at his watch.

“But... But...”

‘Look, there’s a computer shop there.’ He points at a shop directly behind us. Does this happen often enough that it actually made sense to put a computer shop right by the check-in counter? ‘Run to that shop, book a hotel, and print it. The flight is in 10 minutes. Go go go!’

So we ran. I rushed to book a hotel, any hotel. But the supervisor burst into the shop and called out desperately, ‘they can’t wait anymore the plane is about to leave!’ Just as I received my booking confirmation.

‘I’m printing it out!’ I shouted just as desperately, watching him herding my two friends to an attendant.

‘We’re not leaving without her!’ My other friend cried out as the escort took them.

‘If you stay here, you’ll all have to buy new flights!’ We were backpacking. I guess we looked the part.

Running, my friend looked back at him and hollered, ‘Take care of her!!!’

‘I will!’, he hollered back.

Jesus Christ. Was I in a movie? It wouldn’t have been more absurd to me if my friend turned into a pillar of salt. But my disbelief waned quickly. I went back to the shop and had my booking printed. It was about 10pm. At least I was in Kuala Lumpur, right? There was bound to be a hotel just a stone’s throw away from here. I walked out of the shop to find the supe standing there, waiting for me. There was no one else to turn to. He took me back to the counter to buy the earliest flight to India. It wasn’t until mid-afternoon the next day.

‘Are there any buses or cabs that could take me to the nearest hotel?’, I asked. Apparently, buses only ran until 10pm. And we were not in Kuala Lumpur. Kuala Lumpur was 45km away. And no taxi would take me there at this hour. And he himself would take me to the nearest hotel. The movie in my head was turning into a thriller real quick.

To prove he was trustworthy, he gave me his business card. Mr. X Nizam. 100% certified employee of Air Asia. Nothing in there about whether or not he liked to kidnap stranded backpackers on the side.

We passed by the bus station and there were people lined up to board it. I don’t remember now if I asked him where those buses were going and why I couldn’t ride those. I just blindly followed this guy to a dark parking lot, gave him my bag, which he dumped into his trunk, and then sat on the passenger seat. I didn’t even realize he had a ‘talking car’.

‘Door unlocked. Door open. Door closed. Door locked.’ It announced ominously, in what I could now only describe as a Hello Kitty voice.

All the blood was draining out of my head as we drove farther and farther from the airport. I had no Internet, my cellphone battery was dying, and I didn’t have the appropriate plug adapter for Malaysia. The road was dark and the ride was long. I had one hand on the door latch and the other on the seatbelt latch. Where was he taking me? To his house? To a dingy motel room?

Then a building with blue neon signage came into view. A hotel! An actual, not-shady-looking hotel! But why was he going in with me? He insisted on carrying my bag and talking to the clerk. He then escorted me to an upper floor. Oh god, what if this was a secret human trafficking ring? He opened the door to a room, dropped my bag inside, and gave me the key. Did I have everything I needed, he asked. I told him about my charger situation. (WHY!)

But he did not cross the threshold. He stayed right outside the door as he bid good night and promised to come by the next morning.

He arrived at exactly 8am the next morning with a plug adapter in hand. We had plenty of time ‘til the flight—he thought he’d take me to a traditional Muslim breakfast and a tour of KL while we waited. By this time, I was 90% convinced that he was not a human trafficking crime lord.

LEFT-HANDER CONTENT STARTS HERE

He took me to a Muslim family eatery. The food choices were all burning red with spice—I couldn’t tell them apart! When I sat on a table with my plate, I immediately got confused.

‘Why aren’t you starting?’ He asked.

‘Where can I get utensils?’

He let out a chuckle and called to a staff, who chuckled along with him. The staff excused herself and went to the kitchen and prepared some utensils for me. ‘We don’t eat with utensils here’, he explained.

‘Oh, are we eating with our hands? I’m sorry, it’s fine! I can do it. I’m a Filipino. I know how to eat with my hands!’ I quickly dipped my left hand in the washing bowl and proceeded to grab some food from my plate.

‘Nooooo!’ He exclaimed, an unmistakable expression of disgust on his face.

‘What?’

‘You don’t eat with your left hand!’

‘Why?’

He lowered his voice in a whisper, ‘that’s what you use to clean your butt when you poo...’

Should I have told him that I was left-handed? That I actually use my right hand to clean my butt? I didn’t. If I did, he’d probably be even more disgusted. Probably lose his appetite too. So I took a deep breath and used my right hand instead. Having breached a major law of hand-eating conduct, he decided to observe as I flailed about with my right hand.

‘You eat like a 5-year old’, he concluded. ‘That’s how I ate when I was 5, before my mom taught me how to eat properly.’

‘You mean there are rules?’ The tide has certainly changed now but during these times and as I was growing up, eating with your hands was looked down upon, especially among the upper-middle class. You definitely won’t see people doing it in restaurants. Even in small family eateries like the one we were in, it would be pretty rare to see someone using their hands to eat. Some people wouldn’t even admit to knowing how to do it. This is of course rooted in our colonial past. In our history class, we were taught that one of the “good things” our colonizers “gave us” were the spoon and fork (and occasionally the knife).

To discover that hand-eating actually has a dignified, deeply-rooted tradition was a revelation to me. It definitely gave me a sense of pride in my cultural identity—an identity that centuries of colonial oppression tried to erase.

’You have to teach me!’ It was one of the most educational dining experiences of my life. One that I will now teach anyone bored enough to read this long-ass post.

Mr X Nizam’s Lessons on Dining with your Hands

Use only one hand*. Your right hand. Because your left hand is “dirty”. X_X

Rest your left arm at the edge of the table across your chest. Place your right elbow on the table and keep it there. Don’t lift it. Only your forearm should move at an angle to reach the food.

If you’re eating meat, pull a small, bite-sized chunk of meat with your fingers. Then pinch some rice and push them in to a small, bite-sized clump at your fingertips.

Use your thumb to push the food into your mouth.

Keep your hands clean. Keep your food on your fingers—absolutely no food should reach your palms. Anything you put on your fingers should go to your mouth.

Remember I mentioned the food being full of spices? Well, it did a number on both of us and we had to run back to the hotel to, erm, relieve ourselves. Don’t you just hate it when you meet someone through strange circumstances and then suddenly you need to drop big noisy ones just hours into knowing each other? I just sat there, enduring the noise he was obviously hearing from the other side of the room. And when I was done, I had to stop, pause, and reflect. Not because I just dropped a deuce noisy enough to wake the entire hotel, but because I now faced a dilemma. A LEFT HANDER’S DILEMMA. *dun-dun*

After what I’ve learned about dining with your hands and the left hand’s place in its etiquette, was I really going to wash myself with my right hand? What if we eat with our hands again for lunch? How would that make me feel then? But I couldn’t use my left hand. I had no idea how to do it. As far as I know, it was always bidet on the left and cleaning on the right. So I had to what was “right” for me. Heh. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and washed with my right hand.

---

*There are some types of food where you’re allowed to use both hands, but there are rules about it. Sadly I can’t remember them anymore. :(

#leftie #lefties #left handed #kamayan #left handed problems #left handers #left handedness

[muffinrecord]

Archive Progress Report: 9/8/2020

I ended up taking the night off socially, but not for recording.

I’m having a lot of technical difficulties with the main story and now with the remaining magical girl side stories. I record via iphone and need to use an app called Handbrake afterwards to sync up the audio, but recently the audio simply isn’t syncing correctly at all, which is real obnoxious. TBH, if you can’t tell, I’m not very good at any of this and am sort of learning on the fly. Luckily, my remaining videos to work on are:

Madoka Kimono 

Kyoko Swimsuit (Leaf is helping me with this)

Hanna Sarasa (Weather-cluddy will be helping me with this one)

Ayame Mikuri

Ryo Midori

Sayuki Fumino (a real life friend will be recording this for me)

So I’m pretty close to done! Phew!

Next I’m working on finalizing all the quote videos. I actually don’t have much left to do here! Like I’ve mentioned before, Kizmin has recorded a ton of videos for me (in super high quality too)-- and with the characters I have, and @leafbladie‘s help, I actually have mostly everyone covered.

Here is some stuff waiting to go up on youtube...

And here are the quotes that need to be edited + exported. 

A few of these (from friends) are in a different format from what I can use, so I have to work on them in VLC Media Player first. I’ve been procrastinating on this part for a bit but I’m going to woman up soon and get it done.

After I finish with the MSS and the quotes, I’m going to work on the main story. Unfortunately, as I mentioned above, I’m having technical difficulties and all the footage I recorded a week ago was corrupted somehow, so I need to redo it. This has kind of... made me not want to work on it, which is why I’ve been focusing on MSS and easy event stuff. But!!! It’s time to stop avoiding it and get to work.

I’m going to continue to sprinkle in events here and there, but I’m going to let you all know RIGHT NOW that the last things I’ll be working on are the branching style events, so the Azaleas, See You Tomorrow, ect. These are really frustrating to record because of all the different paths and the different choices you can make in-story-- I’m going by the archive, but it still wants you to make choices and sometimes my dumbass brain is too tired to figure things out, if that makes sense. x_x 

I feel like the event stories are well documented online though, and I do still have lots of time... So it’ll all go up there, eventually.

Events being worked on:

Azaleas Bloom

Christmas at Mikazuki Villa

New Years at Mizuna Shrine

Mirrors Ranking (easy peasy)

The Maiden of Hope

See You Tomorrow

FM Kamihama

MIT Mitama

Cross Connection

Voices From Beyond

Breakpoint

Summer with Mikazuki Villa

Nagisa’s Wish

Wings in the Wind

Alina is Coming to Town

Mitama’s Festive Feast

Endless Beginnings

Cherry Blossom Dreams

A Fledgeling First Flight

Magia Clash

One Fleeting Summer Night

Rebel of a Dawnless Land

Summer Treasures

A New Beginning

The Flowers’ Lament

400 Day Release Celebration

Kamihama Joy Service

I might do Breakpoint next because it was one of my favorite events and it might be a nice break. haahahaha. get it. break. break? I’m breaking apart myself, how are you guys?

I’d also like to give a MASSIVE shoutout to @leafbladie for having helped me so long with all the quote videos and with everything else. He has been so helpful and amazing this whole time. ;_; I want to plug the Ashley Taylor Memoria Collage/Zine Project (@ashleytaylormemoria​) real quick-- check it out and maybe try submitting stuff too :) I’ll be making an art piece for it as well! Winx (@thefairywithdrawings​) is also involved and overseeing all the design work.

I think that’s one of the nicest things going on right now... a lot of folks have different fan projects going on and are working together to make the best of a bad situation.

Future Plans

When the archive recording project is done, I want to write up a few posts on starting over on JP and how to use SE effectively. I know that there is a lot of really helpful (and frankly better) content out there already, but I still would like to add to it.

I mentioned before, but I do intend to start up the memoria review project up again, but that’ll be after everything else as well.

Tentatively... I might also make a unit review blog as well, which will go over characters and their various niches, along with a look into their SE, connects, ect. But that will be a whiles off from now and will require a ton of research.

Uhh I think that’s it! Thanks again for all of you guys’ support. I get overwhelmed easily and am not taking the whole situation well, but I’m trying to focus on my goals. It helps that the fandom is collectively working together right now. 

See you until next time!

#Muffin Record #Magia Record #Long Post #Archive Progress Report

[badwolf-in-the-impala]

~Whiskey Lullaby~

~Chapter 11~

Image credit: Myself @badwolf-in-the-impala​. None of the images are mine, only the editing.

Previous Chapters:  ((Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10))

Rating: Mature/18+

Warnings: Alcohol and drug use/abuse, violence, suggested physical/sexual abuse, kidnapping, sexual content, angst...So much angst.

Chapter warnings: Language, smoking, someone gets punched in the face and a whole lotta feels.

Word count: 4,264

A/N: I’m a shitty person when it comes to posting, I’m sorry...I also forget this chapter even existed. Oops. x_x Also huge shoutout to @jacksonroseroth​ who helped in the making of this chapter and always comes to my recue when I get stuck writing! ^-^

-----------------------------------

Once they were sure Tawni had left the room, Tig gave Teagan one last hug before jetting off, having gotten a text to meet the guys in the chapel. Teagan bit back her tears, having enough with crying for the day as she sat down in the chair beside Chibs’ bed. The steady beeping of the EKG machine drummed in her head as she sat there in silence. He wasn’t out of the woods, but he wasn’t dead. Her only regret was he hadn’t woken up yet so he could talk to her. Teagan just wanted to hear his voice right now, more than anything.

���God...I’ve really fucked it up this time.” She gave a bitter laugh as she shook her head, leaning her elbows forward onto the edge of the bed as she cradled her head in her hands. “I feel like this is all my fault, and the two people I trust and care about most? Well, Tawni hates me; And you?” 

Teagan let out a long sigh as she ran a hand through her dark hair, looking up to study a very unconscious Chibs. His head bandaged and face scraped in places from where he hit the ground during the explosion. He looked so broken and helpless lying in a hospital bed compared to his usual tough exterior that everyone saw. 

“Well -- You almost died.” She finally whispered, catching a stray tear with the back of her sleeve. “Shit, you still could. Please don’t.” Teagan choked out a sob as she took his hand gently, her voice going soft as she spoke to him. The fact that he likely couldn’t hear her briefly crossed her mind as she chewed her lower lip anxiously, but she continued anyway. 

 “There’s so much I need to tell you still...Things I should’ve told you already, probably, if I wasn’t so shit at talking about my feelings.” Teagan admitted guiltily. “Things I’m scared to admit because I’ve been here before, and I fucking swore to myself; I fucking swore! That I wouldn’t go down this road again. But alas, here I am. God I’m an idiot.” 

Things fell silent again for a little while, the steady beeping of the EKG machine being the only noise to fill the room once more. Teagan not knowing how to continue on, not that it mattered anyway. Chibs was unconscious and he would likely remain that way for quite a while. But the bigger question that had been weighing heavily on her mind -- Especially following her blow up with Tawni -- was not so much her own feelings, but his. It wasn’t something she had really even considered bringing up yet, what with everything that had been going on. But now? Now she wondered.

Just what exactly was it that he saw he saw in her? I mean sure, it wasn’t like things were really that serious between them, but they were serious enough that he cared for her well being. Her safety even. He cared enough to help her put herself back together every time she fell apart, even though he barely knew anything about her. Save for the story that had been pieced together all those years ago when she left Charming. The story that everyone knew so well. The story, that was only half truth.

Teagan could feel the tears beginning to prick behind her eyes again, forcing herself to draw in a few deep breaths as she tightened her grip on Chibs’ hand, trying her best to ground her emotions again. But her voice still faltered as she spoke aloud the question she wasn’t certain would ever be answered.

“What is it exactly that you see in me?” Tegan whispered. Her brows pulled tightly together in confusion as she ran a thumb carefully across his scared cheek and down his jawline before allowing her hand to fall away. Before Teagan could say anything else, the door swung open, making her jump. She quickly pulled her hand away and wiped her face as she stood. “Sorry, Doc. I just wanted to-”

As Teagan turned, expecting Tara to be standing in the doorway, she, instead, came face to face with an older, darker skinned woman with black hair that had begun to salt and pepper, holding onto the bag slung over her shoulder with a hip popped, hand propped on it, with a posh and annoyed look on her face.

“Oh. Um, sorry. I thought you were--Who are you?” Teagan asked, slightly confused. She’d never seen this woman around the clubhouse before and Chibs never mentioned any woman that even came close to what she looked like.

“I think the question here would be who the hell are you?” She asked, a thick Irish accent coming through. Teagan’s eyes shrunk back.

Oh, God, not another one. Teagan thought. She’d never met Tawni’s mother and she hoped to God this wasn’t her. Granted Tawni was as pale as the day was long, but stranger things have happened. Taken aback by the woman, Teagan blinked and cleared her throat before she said, “Um, I’m-I’m Teagan?”

The woman pursed her lips and gave a soft ‘Mhm’ as she rounded the bed and set her bag down. Tossing her dark mane over her shoulder, she turned back to Teagan and said, “And would ye mind tellin’ me why yeh’re so broken and upset over m’husband’s accident? And why you were touchin’ him like that?”

It took everything Teagan had to not let her mouth drop open in shock and start yelling. Chibs never once mentioned he had a wife. Not when he held her that first night, not when she spent multiple nights in his bed. He didn't even bother to tell her when they were mere articles of clothing away from doing the do.

‘Alright…That puts a new spin on shit.’ Teagan thought, not trusting herself enough to say anything out loud just yet. Teagan opened her mouth to explain, but the woman cut her off with a wave of her hand and said, “No. Don’t tell me. I don’ need ta’hear any lies out’o a Crow Eaters mouth.”

“Excuse me?!” Teagan shrieked. That one label sent her over the edge. She did her share of whoring around when she was younger, but goddamnit! She was the sister of one of the members! She was as far from a Crow Eater as you could get without being an Old Lady! “Listen, who the hell do you think you are?! You don’t know me!”

“Oh, sure, please!” The woman shouted back. “I know Filip has his fun wit’ you American girls. But never once has one o’them shown their face when I’m around!”

Teagan was about to channel Tawni and reach across Chibs’ bed for a right hook to her face, when a nurse hurried in through the open door.

“What is going on? ICU is for immediate family only!” She said. Teagan opened her mouth to lie and say she was family, but the Irish woman beat her to it with, “I’m his wife.”

The nurse gave her a sweet smile and nodded before turning to Teagan and saying, “Miss Trager, you need to leave. Dr. Knowles is looking for you anyway.”

Teagan huffed at the nurse, shooting daggers at the woman before turning on her heel and marching out of the room.

~

Gemma had lost track of Teagan after reprimanding Jax and just prayed that Teagan didn't end up running back into Tawni. She really didn't need to deal with an angry Irish girl and a Trager, at least not at the same time. The last thing they needed was an all out brawl between a couple of hot headed biker chicks on hospital grounds. But after checking around with a few of the guys, she confirmed that Tawni had indeed gone back to the Clubhouse. And judging from the commotion coming from down the hall nearest Chibs’ room, Gemma could only guess that’s where Teagan had ended up.

“Shit.” Gemma muttered under her breath as she quickened her pace as she moved towards whatever in the hell was going on; Stepping back just in time as Teagan blew around the corner and passed her, Tara hot on her heels trying her best to stop her.

“I’m serious, Teagan, you really need to stay overnight for observation! You have a concussion for Christ sake, just let me help!” Tara tried to reason.

“I don’t fucking need anymore help!” Teagan stopped so suddenly that Tara almost smacked right into her. Taking a quick step back with a wide eyed expression as Teagan rounded on her like a viper about to strike its prey. 

“Hey! Knock it the hell off!” Gemma managed to butt in between the two, putting a hand to Teagan’s chest as she pushed her back. “This isn’t the goddamn WWE. Now why don’t you calm down and tell me what the hell is going on?” 

“He has a fuckin’ wife!” Teagan all but screeched before storming off down the hall towards the exit to the stairs. ‘Explains a lot.’ Gemma thought to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose as she turned to face Tara. “I got it from here, Doc.”

“Good luck.” Tara called after her as Gemma took off after Teagan, catching her on the stairs.

“Wanna slow down before I have a fucking heart attack?” Gemma shouted as she struggled to catch up in hopes of talking Teagan out of whatever in the hell she was about to do.

“Fuck off, Gem!” Teagan shouted back as she hit the last flight of stairs and made her break for the door. Gemma caught her by the arm just as she was stepping outside. “Seriously, Gem, I don’t want to fucking hear it.”

“And what is it exactly you think I’m gonna say?” Gemma shot back, hands flying to her hips as she gave Teagan an irritated and disapproving look. 

“I don’t fucking know!?” Teagan yelled as she fished around in her pockets angrily for her pack of smokes, struggling to light one as her hands trembled from all the emotions coursing through her. So angry at this point she could hardly see straight. “I told you so? You’re a fucking idiot? Stay away and stop getting involved with the fucking Club members?!” 

Teagan gave a brief pause as she took a long drag off of her cigarette, running a hand aggressively through her dark hair as she exhaled. “Jesus, fuck; Why didn’t you tell me he had a fucking wife?!” She rounded on Gemma, who stood still as a statue, waiting for her moment to interject. 

“Maybe ‘cause it ain’t my place, for starters.” Gemma snapped. “And before you go jumping on that fuckin’ high horse of yours, maybe take a step back and think? It’s not like he fuckin’ knows shit about your own past, aside from the bullshit story everyone else knows. So why would he feel obligated to tell you anything about his? Especially when you two aren’t even exclusive. I mean Jesus, Teag, have you two even talked about your feelings?”

“No…” Teagan admitted reluctantly, taking another drag off the cigarette burning between her fingers as she turned her back. Gemma had a point, even if Teagan didn’t want to admit it. But that didn’t change the fact she felt lied to. Betrayed even. Even if Chibs was never hers to begin with, it didn’t change the fact that he had kept this very important bit of information from her. 

“Then why should it matter?” Gemma stated. “His business is his business, nobody else’s!”

“He’s fuckin’ married, Gem!” Teagan shouted as she whirled around, seething again. “I don’t give two fucking shits why, or what his reasonings for not telling me are, that’s not something you just keep from the person you’re getting involved with!”

 “Jesus Christ…” Gemma gave a frustrated sigh as she closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Teage--”

“NO, Gemma, I’m done. I’m.Fucking.Done.” Teagan cut her off before taking one last drag, flicking the cigarette butt to the sidewalk as she began looking around for a way back to the Clubhouse. Panic setting in as she realized everyone had gone home except for Gemma. 

“Look, Sweetheart, I know you’re upset, and don’t get me wrong, you have every right to be--But this ain’t the time.”

“Seriously, just save it! OK?” Teagan snapped, closing her eyes as she rubbed at her temples. A sudden wave of dizziness hitting her out of nowhere.

“You need to calm down…Let’s just go back inside for a bit till you cool off.” Gemma stated firmly as she moved to take Teagan by the arm and lead her back inside. Gritting her teeth as Teagan pushed her way.

“I’m fine...Gem…” Teagan shot back as she pulled away, reaching a hand out to steady herself against the pillar in front of her as the edges of her vision started to blur. But by then, it was already too late. Her hand missed the pillar entirely and her vision quickly went black as she fell to the ground, Gemma managing to grab her before her head hit the concrete.

“Shit…” Gemma muttered as she laid Teagan carefully on the sidewalk before rushing back inside the hospital to grab a nurse.

~

The slow and steady beeping filled her ears as Teagan came to, finally hooked up to monitors and IVs. She let out a soft groan as the EKG beeps began to pound against her skull. Before she could have any other reaction, from the corner, almost making her jump and fall out of bed, she heard Gemma say, “Oh, good. You’re not dead.”

“Jesus Fuck, Gemma!” Teagan shouted, the EKG beeping wildly for a moment or two before the steady pace continued. Teagan sighed and tried to move but found it rather painful with needles sticking out of her arms. She sighed and shifted, trying to get a better look at her surroundings. “Why am I still here?”

Gemma slapped down the magazine in her hand and crossed her legs. “Because you almost took a fuckin’ cement nap if I hadn’t caught you, Teagan Marie.” She said. Teagan let out another groan.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Gemma! Not the middle name shit! I got that enough growing up!” She said. Gemma uncrossed her legs and stood, stalking over to her bed.

“I don’t give a shit what you got growing up, missy.” Gemma said. “You’ve done enough damage, you don’t need any more in your life. You don’t want me to treat you like you did growing up? Then fuckin’ grow up!”

Gemma walked away from the bed and grabbed her purse from the table next to her chair and made for the door. With her emotions running high, probably from the drugs Tara put her on, Teagan fought her tears, though they came through as she said, “Wait...Gem. Please don’t leave me alone…”

Gemma stopped and turned to her. Teagan couldn’t stop the tears seeping from the corners of her eyes as she struggled not to completely break down and sob. Gemma sighed and set her bag back down, going back over to her and taking her hand.

“Teagan...This is serious shit we’re in right now. And if you’re gonna stick around, you’ll be involved. Do you really think it’s a good idea to get involved with Chibs? Let alone any member right now?” Gemma asked, lowering her voice to a softer tone. Teagan sighed, looking away from Gemma, angry with herself for crying again.

“I don’t know, Gem. It-It’s different this time. With Chibs.” She said. “He doesn’t treat me like I’m a no good degenerate like everyone else does.”

“Oh, baby.” Gemma said with a soft chuckle. “That’s not true; Jax doesn’t. Tawni never did. Clay doesn’t. I don't.”

Teagan gave her a look that made Gemma smirk and add, “Alright...Not all the time. But still, Teagan, I mean…”

“Gemma.” Teagan took a breath and said, “I think I might be in love with him.”

Gemma blinked, shocked, and said, “Are-Are you serious? Jesus, Teage, you’ve known him for like, a month.”

Teagan rolled her eyes and sighed. “Fuck. Gemma. I’m trying to be fucking happy for once in my life! Genuinely happy! And he’s fucking married!” Teagan said.

“Honey. That’s never stopped him before. Jimmy O’Phelan stole Fiona from Chibs before he exiled him from Ireland. Sure he still loves her, but...Well, he has needs too. He’s had relationships in the past. It doesn’t bother him. Why should it bother you?” Gemma asked.

“Maybe because I don’t want to be called a fucking Crow Eater by that bitch again?” Teagan hissed, her anger getting the better of her and making the EKG go off again. Gemma sighed and said, “Alright, honey, you need to calm down. If you want the Doc to clear you to leave, you’ve gotta get that anger under control.”

Teagan sighed and nodded, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Good God, did she want to get out of this fucking hospital. She cleared her throat and said, “Um, is-is he awake?”

“Teagan…” Gemma sighed.

“Gem, I just want to make sure he’s okay. Tell him I’m sorry.” She said.

“For what?” Gemma asked. Teagan opened her mouth to respond, but stopped when she realized she wasn’t quite sure.

“I-I-” Gemma stopped her and said, “Look. Before you do anything, I want you cleared by the doc. Make sure everything is working right up there. You’ve taken a few punches already and we don’t need you passing out on us again.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Alright. But can we make it quick? I want to fucking shower too.” Teagan said. Gemma chuckled and gave Teagan a kiss on her cheek before she left the room to flag down Tara.

~

After a lengthy talk about making sure she was monitored for the next few days, Tara finally cleared her to leave. Teagan couldn’t change fast enough. Gemma had run back to the clubhouse and packed her a small bag of new clothes. Once she changed and the papers were signed, Gemma walked Teagan up to Chibs’ floor and stopped her.

“Just give me a minute, Teagan, okay?” Gemma said, sitting the girl down in a nearby chair before sidestepping to the door. With her hand on the door knob, she stopped when she saw Fiona sitting in the chair, reading a magazine.

‘Oh, shit.’ She thought as she slowly opened the door and walked in. Fiona glanced up as the door opened as surprised to see Gemma as Gemma was to see her. With a sigh and uncrossing her legs, Fiona put down her magazine and stood. Gemma went to the counter to set down her bag as she said, “You’re a long way from home, sweetheart.”

“Yes. I am.” Fiona said, rather matter of factly. Gemma braced a hand on the counter, the other on her hip and asked, plainly, “Why?”

“I was worried about him.” Fiona said, almost a hint of offence in her voice. Gemma looked unconvinced as she said, “Could’ve sent flowers.”

Fiona’s face was full of annoyance at this point, uphased at how much Gemma hadn’t changed over the years. With an equal annoyance in her voice, she said, “Just needed to see him, Gemma.”

Gemma glanced at Chibs, making sure he wasn’t awake and listening as she crossed in front of Fiona and said, “We are in a shit storm here. The last thing we need is you turning him inside out.”

Teagan stayed out of view from the window on the door, ear pressed to it, listening. She didn't know what Gemma meant by ‘turning him inside out’, but she didn't need an interpreter for it, and booked it, swiping her bag from the chair and beelining for the elevator. Clearly, this Fiona woman had an effect on Chibs and, after all, she was his fucking wife. She didn't want to ruin Chibs’ relationship with her and had her mind made up, even before she hijacked Tig’s bike, parked with the others. She hotwired the Harley, strapped on Tig’s helmet and took off as the club came running back outside, ready to deal a beat down, but they were all caught off guard to see Teagan as the thief.

“Hey! Teagan-!” Tig called in disbelief. He sighed and turned to his crew, staring at them for a moment before he said, “Unbelievable.”

~

Teagan lit into the Clubhouse like the place was on fire. Ignoring Piney’s attempts to slow her down and tell him what the hell was going on as she passed by the bar and made her way down the hall to the dorms; Throwing the door to her room open. The sound of it slamming against the wall sending an echo loud enough down the hallway that it could’ve woke people up in the next County over. 

Grabbing her pack from the closet she quickly began to stuff in the essentials. Making sure to do so quickly as she knew at least a few of the guys would be on their way back and pulling in soon. Tig being among them, given she had just stolen his pride and joy. So the sooner she got out of there, the better. Besides, the last thing she wanted was anyone trying to stop her…

Her mind was made up...She was done. Charming had been her last chance at a safe haven, but now that had been shattered into a million pieces and all because she let her feelings get in the way. Just like she always did. Funny she had actually believed that things had actually turned in her favor for once, and that maybe she finally had a shot at real happiness despite the shitstorm that had been chasing her all her life. But she couldn’t have been more wrong.

“What in the fuck are you doing?” Tawni grumbled crankily from the doorway of Teagan’s room, still half asleep; Teagan turning and narrowing her gaze. 

“Leaving.” Teagan snapped as she tugged the zipper on her pack shut and threw it over her shoulder before stalking out of the room. Shoulder checking Tawni on the way out when she didn’t move.

“Seriously?!” Tawni huffed as she turned and started after Teagan. “You’re gonna be a bitch this fucking early?!”

“I’m done. Gone. Not fucking coming back. You should be fucking happy!” Teagan rounded on Tawni, causing her to take a step back as she stared at Teagan a little shocked as those few that remained in the Clubhouse fell silent. “Can’t fuck your Uncle if I’m not around anymore, right? Because as if things weren’t shitty enough -- To add insult to injury, my best fucking friend--Sorry ex best friend, just assumes, that I would go behind her back in such a way--”

“Teagan--”

“Fuckin’ save it Tawn, ‘cause I don’t give a shit anymore.” Teagan cut her off before she could even start. “And to think, I actually fucking cared...I mean genuinely fucking cared, for the first time in a long time...But he’s married, so crisis averted. ” She laughed bitterly, turning on her heel as she started for the door again.

“And you’re answer to it all is to run like a fucking coward? Just like you’ve always done?!” Tawni started after Teagan again, not ready to let her go so easily. But she stopped when Teagan dropped her bag abruptly, her fist suddenly connecting with Tawni’s jaw, sending her to the floor.  

“I thought you were my fucking friend.” Teagan’s voice was calm, showing in it the level of hurt she was feeling right now as she shook her head.

“C’mon, Kid, don’t do this.” Piney butted in as he got to his feet, holding his hands out as if he was trying to calm a wild animal as he approached her. Stopping when Teagan held out a hand to stop him, and picked up her bag.

“Save it.”

“What the fucking Christ, Teagan?!” Tig hollered as he came bursting through the doors of the Clubhouse, Jax and Opie close behind. 

“Don’t.” Teagan snapped coldly as she pushed past her brother and out the door; yanking her arm from Opie’s grasp when he tried to grab her.

“Come on, Rave...Don’t do it like this.” Opie pleaded with a sympathetic expression as he stared down at her as she pushed past him out the door. “At least tell us what’s going on?”

“She’s fuckin’ my Goddamn Uncle, is wha’s goin’ on!” Tawni shouted as she came flying out the door in the midst of all the chaos, hellbent on finishing what had just been started.

“You know…” Teagan gave another hollow sounding laugh, turning with tears in her eyes to face Tawni who stopped when she saw her twisted expression. “I actually wish I had gotten the chance.”

Without another word she turned, crossing the lot the rest of the way to her bike, securing her pack to the sissy bar before she climbed on and pulled on her helmet. The sound of the engine roaring to life drowning out Tig’s shouts as he came running across the Teller-Morrow lot after her; Falling just short  of reaching her as she pulled out of her space and hit the throttle. Leaving behind a sea of shocked and confused faces in her wake as she left it all behind.

Hellbent on never looking back.

----------------------------------------------------

Lemme know what you guys think! I promise things pick up soon and get more interesting lol And if you want to be added the taglist, or removed ((it’s been a long time, I’d understand if anyone's lost interest)) just let me know. I’m actually getting ahead on chapters, so hopefully I’ll be able to start posting a little more often.

TAGLIST: @jacksonroseroth​ @cole-winchester​ @stacie-marie-bloom​ @journeyrose​ @penny4yourthot​ @xbreezymeadowsx​ @miss-nori85​

#Sons of Anarchy #SOA #SAMCRO #Chibs Telford #Filip Chibs Telford #Tommy Flanagan #Sons of Anarchy Fic #SOA fanfiction #Chibs Telford x OFC #Filip Telford #Filip Telford x OFC #Fanfiction #Fanfic #Writing #original female character #Whiskey Lullaby #Megan halfway gets her life together enough to post a story update #Sorry I'm a shit person

[une-erreur-inconnur]

Tagged - Answer 21 questions

I've been tagged by @ninakh a while ago, however as usual I took a while to make it. Sorry about it >w<

Name: honestly I wouldn't advice anyone to give their name on Internet, but maybe it's just my old safe too attached to anonymity ^^' You can call me Mineko though, a lot of people use it (like a real name actually ) but it's the username I go to first generally in any website.

Nickname: I have a lot of nickname but most of them aren't used anymore

Zodiac: Cancer. By the way story time. Last year in uni I met a friend of one of my classmate that I was working with for a group project (we were assigned group by random so it's to tell you how much of a stranger this guy was). And in like 10 mn of discussion (and 10 mn of discussion with me when I don't know you is NOT a lot) the friend of my classmate just blurted out "you're born in July right?" So I just looked at him surprised before saying that yes I was. And then he told me I was acting like a typical cancer, so I guess if you're good in astrology you know now a lot about me? XD

Height: I know I already answered this before, I think it was close to 170 cm but not quite. Too lazy to search -_-

Time: 12:49

Favorite Musician: Stromae. If you don't know Stromae go check any of his song. Some are bellow his average level but otherwise he is a great artist. I know that in English a lot of his play of word are lost but hmm try anyway.

Recently I also had a liking for Chase Holfelder. You know this guy who remade "animal" which is used for amv in every fandom ever xD and it's the same for almost all the song he takes from major to minor keys. His kitchen cover are good too and made me dicover imagine dragon.

Recently, and on another genre Yann tiersen is also a musician I discovered recently and every song from him are beautiful to listen.

Also if you study biology acapella science is really good. It's where I first listened to evo devo- I mean despacito (yes I don't listen to radio) and while in the original song the good rythm is ruined by stupid lyrics, their evo devo version make this song have a great rythm AND being intelligent ! (Really if I had this song back when I was studying embryo development it could have helped at least a bit much x_x)

Song Stuck in my Head: The portrait of Pirate which is an old 2015 vocaloid song that I discovered just now.

Last Movie I Saw: The fantastical beast. I actually watched it in English, it was cool. Even if I was HIGLY disappointed by a certain character while having it coming since the first <.< if watched the movie you know who

Last Thing I Googled: a dandelion because I needed a reference for the last picture I made :3 but generally I don't google thing, I just go back to my three favourite site already saved xD

Other Blogs: mineko-mairhiel that I use to gather my drawings. I could have done that on this blog by tagging properly, but I didn't know how it worked before xp but I didn't post since a while on there. I mean tumblr is great to share fandom stuff but I mostly draw random character, not even OC, it's just, pictures x). But if I obsess on another game/series and the fandom isn't dead by the time I do (mystic messenger was a big exception, I usually start to be enthusiastic about things that people stop caring about xD) I might be active on there again, who knows.

Do I get Asks: It almost never happen but when I do get ask, I answer them ridiculously late (a bit like tag game) I'm sorry for the few soul who dropped by there, I swear it wasn't on purpose.

Why Did I Choose This Nickname: my current url? I guess it's the url since nicknames aren't chosen and generally just "happen" xD Well you know how there wasn't any proposition to chose an url before. And I tried absolutely every damn username I ever used in my life and none of them worked. And I got upset to see that it wasn't even "this url is already taken" but an unknown error happened (une erreur inconnue est survenue). So, out of spite I wrote "une fucking erreur inconnur" without caring about orthograph and it passed. I was so done when I wrote that that I just rolled with it xD Then a few month later I thought "hmm the word fucking in my url make me seems violent let's get rid of that. And I could also get rid of the typo while I'm at it." I'll let you guess why I ended up leaving the typo xD

Following: 102 o.o I honestly think most are inactive user because my blog isn't even centered around anything anymore. But for the few people who are still active and consciously following my blog... I can't understand you but a lot of love for you :3 may the silliness or the beautiful artwork I reblog help have you a good day!

Amount of sleep: If life was fair I could sleep 10 to 12 hours everyday. Since I have to study it's around 5-6. 8 if I don't work as much as I should o/

Lucky Number: 4 it's such a beautiful number. Look at it. Beautiful.

What am I wearing: my 8 yo pyjama that's not even purple anymore but fit wonderfully on me and that will never be thrown away unless it's shredded to piece or my mother come visit me.

My Dream Job: Huh honestly I currently don't know. I don't even have a expected job. I hope I'll be able to program things but life can take 90 degree turn so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Dream Trip: either a country where I can witness a solar eclipse or northern/southern light.

Favorite Food: anything with cream in it I guess? Carbs? Fat? I can't choose a specific thing T_T

Instruments Played: well I think the good old recorder is universal. But I also had the chance to learn a bit of guitar (I can do some very very VERY basic song :p)

Favorite songs: this tag game is becoming too much long for what it is so I'll try to just give song without explaining why xD

Défiler -Stromae

Bâtard- Stromae

Quand c'est -Stromae

Basically the whole song track of Hamilton

Blessed Messiah and the Tower of Ai- I don't want to write q.q : Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

Firework (minor key version)- chase holfelder

The portrait of pirate -Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

Sister's mercy -Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

The tree of reincarnation-Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei (gosh I guess he is my favourite composer)

The night series- Hitoshizuku-Yamasankakkei

How far I'll go(minor key version)- chase holfelder

Best day of my life (minor key version)- chase holfelder

What's up(minor key version)- chase holfelder

The willow maid-erutan

Natural- imagine dragon

I think we're good with those! As always sorry that it came that late, but tumblr acted up the first time I wrote it and I lost everything. So I was a bit disheartened. Thanks to @ninakh who still had the patience to tag me, even if I have a talent to answer super late ^^'

[md3artjournal]

7:39 PM 8/15/2021

So that VaatiVidya artbook is amazing.

This is the type of art I'm up against. x_x; I can't compete with that. I can't compete with artist alley. I can't make my living this way. But I also get suicidal when I return to "normal" lifestyles, so I can't just have a "normal" job.

If I could just compete on the level of web comic artists, maybe I wouldn't have to feel so bad about myself and my art. Maybe I'll never be on the level of videogame artists. But I could be like Marzi from Introvert Doodles, Sarah Andersen from Sarah's Scribbles, Emm Roy's Positive Doodles, etc. My dream is to be like kirakiradoodles---gods rest her good good soul ;.;! To just make cute, simple things, into adorable collages and calming/positive colors and just be CUTE. She's the farthest from some videogame concept artist, but her art makes me FEEL so happy and calm about life. Her and other web artists prove that you don't have to be an intricate digital painter. It gives me hope.

But then I also look at artist alley artists' also beautiful, simply stylized work. Like cosmically tiki. And I can see how little emotion my art holds. All my doodles are stiff and non-gestural. They barely convey emotion, let alone emotions! ;o;!!! I just feel like such a failure. At the very least, I don't belong in artist alley. ;_;

But the crazy thing is that my art, though objectively bad, even by my own observations, still makes me happy. I love seeing how far I've come compared to my old skills. And even if my art isn't as expressive with emotions and movement as most other people's art, it still can have a level of cuteness that makes me happy. And for such a long time, I've just wanted to be able to draw cute things. All my best art is realism, sharpness, and aggressive, chaotic brushstrokes. But all I've wanted is to make cute things! ;o;!!! I just want cute things...Is that too much to ask? ;~; And now, sometimes, fairly often, I can get it. I can make it. I don't think it's objectively good enough for other people, but *I* like it.

So maybe I should give up on artist alley and just be a hobbyist? But I don't know if I could sustain myself with a dayjob. I used to have an office job and tell myself that I'll just do the things to feed my soul and make life worth living, during my time off. But I spent all that time in traffic, exhausted, or stressing over running out of time before my next shift, instead. x~x I found myself "suicidal" for "no reason", even though I had all the financial stability that everyone told me was all I needed to live. And yet, I wanted to die. I used to go through life constantly attempting to die. I'm afriad to go back to that. I'm afraid to go back out there. Because I know me, and that's what I'll eventually do. Not that I should be afraid of death. I don't have any dreams, goals, or aspirations. But I'm just so tired and afriad of experiencing pain and fear everyday. Is that all life is? "Life is suffering", the Buddah says. Back in school, when school constantly made me wish I was dead, I didn't understand why I couldn't just leave being alive,since I had no goals or dreams to stay for. Then after my college years' botched suicide attempts, I realized that millions of years of evolution towards survival instinct, is not something easy to overcome. And I gave it my best. But I'm generally incompetent in all things AND coward. I knew that statistically men have higher suicide successes than women because they tend to use guns. I should have bought a gun if I wanted to be successful suiciding. But I realized I'm a coward. So I'll just drift through life, waiting to die. That's all I've been doing lately, during my 10 years hiding inside my house being a NEET, pretending to be an artist who "makes a living" in artist alley. And apparently not technically enough of a "hikikomori" to self-identify as one, without some rando on the internet telling me "I'm not a real hikikomori", I'm just "romanticizing mental illness", and implying all my feelings are invalid. I suddenly remembered that when I was little, I had these constant homicidal feelings and everyone who really knew me was afriad I'd grow up to be a serial killer. Nothing for years before that rando reminded me of my intense feelings to hurt other people, until them. But of course, I was only feeling homicidal when I wasn't suicidal. And both of those feelings were when I wasn't watching cartoons. That's the funny thing. There are things in this world/life that I like, but for most of my life, everything/everyone (I respected) has been telling me that those things don't count. "Cartoons aren't important." "Comic books aren't important." "Stop wasting time on that or we'll get angry." So if those things don't count, then there really is nothing to live for. I know objectively that they were probably wrong, since those things are the only thing I enjoy in life. So many times during childhood, I remember easing suicidal thought spirals, by remembering fandoms I loved or being afraid to die and not finishing a series. So even if the world was telling me that those things weren't important, I knew they were. But knowing and really feeling/understanding that are so different. It's hard to reverse a lifetime of conditioning, especially from people you respect. That's why the recent sentiment I've seen online has really struck me: Maybe life can just be "...wander through life finding interesting things until you die". That's the shard of Hope I need. Maybe it could even get me through a job, purely for getting money, so I could buy all the otaku/geek merch and time to enjoy geeky things.

I've always been obsessed with Hope. Was I aware it was because I was always so depressed?

I've always jumped at academic and psychological media studies, proving that geeky things---like videogames, comics, art, fiction, even daydreaming and Personal Myths, etc.---were important and significant in life. Was I aware it was some part of me was trying to fight back against all those voices in my head and all around me telling me that the things I loved weren't important?

Sometimes I think I should go back to school to study media's impact on psychology, culture, sociology, etc. Society especially needs it now, that social media, information systems, and entertainment media has becomes such an integral part of everyone's life, and are all using the same brain tricks as videogames or tapping into the same basics human psychologies as myths and folklore. But I'm so afriad of going back to school. The only reason I got through it before, was because I promised myself that once I was done, I'd never ever EVER have to return to ANYTHING LIKE IT ever again. I just hate the continual failure, every single day, at every single project, reminding me how I'm just not suited to this whole being alive thing and really should try harder at suicide. So I can't just go back to school and become some kind of media studies scholar/consultant. Besides, I'll fail at it, like I do everything else.

Why did I give up writing? That was the only thing I was confident at. ;_; I only became an art major because I wanted to be a writer who draws their own comics. Did studying art really take up so much of my time? ---Oh, now I remember. This was before always-on internet was a thing. Let alone, cheap. As soon as I was separated from my online writing community and my college dorms' always-on internet, I just lost all that encouragement to draw. And I probably wasn't reading as much anymore. Because after high school, I vowed off reading novels, in retaliation to all the crap they gave us to read for stereotyped reasons..."'We won't stereotype women', my ass...! Then why did you give us nothing but goddamned Romance novels to read in high school!? If you wanted our all-girls school to learn about prominent female writers, my brother's all-boys school a few minutes away was reading freaking Mary Stonecraft Shelley! Frankenstein! The first scifi novel, at a time when women weren't even given the intellectual credit to be anywhere near the science fields! But noooooo..."All girls love the Romance genre"...godfreakingdamnedbullsh...! Anyway, I switched to reading comics and fanfiction instead. So when I got disconnected from my fanfic/writer community, when I moved out of the college dorms, I must have gotten disconnected from reading/writing altogether. ;_; Good news: I got into manga; quickly absorbed a reflexive sense of storyboarding/paneling. Bad news, after the last Borders closed, I lost my habit of buying/reading new manga everyday, and lost even that skill. I guess I can't keep anything. Jeeze, no wonder I panic and obsess whenever I lose something, whether keys or a thought. But I'm still journaling-writing. And Tumblr-post writing. The other week, I thought about writing an article for a website, but my life experience is so idiosyncratic, I didn't know how to write for that audience. Apparently, I can't even write about my mental illness because it's not "real" compared to other people with the same mental illnesses I identify with. ~_~; I can't even write about struggling with the same doctor-prescribed regimens, because I've avoided doctors all my life. Too much anxiety there. Whenever a psychiatrist manages to trap me in an appointment, I can't think about anything except how to get out of there and avoid talking to another human being, especially about myself. No matter what tricks I have to pull to get out of there ASAP. Too bad I'm good at that. I should try NaNoWriMo more seriously this year.

#negative thought spirals #depression #life direction #artist problems #quitting art #venting #please ignore my idiocy

[fuck-customers]

fuck absentee managers!!

Sorry this is SO long, but fuck managers who ONLY appear to criticize you!!

In my store the min wage workers do e v e r y t h i n g besides the stuff on the offical computers. I could write a novel about everything wrong with having managers who N E V E R leave their closed-door office but that's not this particular complaint. 

Today we got truck like we do every Friday and we had three workers (1 new, didn't know anything) and 1 manager (who went into the office to do ~offical stuff~ and let us check in the palletts). The way our truck comes is 50-100 huge boxes filled in RANDOM SHIT from every single brand we carry, no rhyme or reason to how they're filled besides by department. This means your literally stocking an item in isle 1, then the second item in isle 5, the next item back in isle 2, the next in isle 10... and so on.  In addition inside every big box all the products are either in small individual boxes or bags (aka 10 of the same items will come in 1 bag within the 1 huge box) that we have to open. Four (*cough* three) works 50-100 boxes and 4 hours until the store opens (the first hour is recieving). 

Don't get me wrong, it's  a lot of work, but the truck team is usually the same people (manager, me, other person... not always a 4/5th) each week so we (we= me/other person) have gotten a pretty good routine going. We put away 1/4 of the boxes first since their the most important. Then we take the middle half and take the products out of their individual packaging and throw all the products back into the big boxes and then stock from those. We find this the easiest way because we have limited carts to move this boxes around and it's been PROVEN faster than bringing out the big box and unwrapping 1 product, stocking it, unwrapping another, stocking it... etc. Plus there's no where for all the extra wrapping besides the floor which is another hassel to clean up after.

So I'm in the back room condensing three hugeass boxes into 1 1/2 (the individual packaging is literally that much) and the manager happens to be coming back from the bathroom, stares at me and the four boxes on the floor filled with smaller product boxes and goes 'STOP! YOU'RE JUST WASTING TIME. JUST BRING ALL THE BOXES OUT!" and gives me the dirtiest look like I'm the stupidest person and stands there literally with her hand on her hip until I do it. She then follows me onto the floor and as I'm opening a bag goes 'see, isn't that easier????" AND THEN DISSAPPEARS BACK INTO HER OFFICE X_X

I 100% understand that's probably the procedure they were taught or that is "official" from coorporate on how to do truck.... but trust ME the person who has finished stocking truck week after week EARLY BEFORE OPENING to know how to do my job not some coorporate fuckhead who has never in their life greeted a truck at 5am.

Just to compare the first half of our shift we were stocking boxes our way and had a going rate of TWO boxes every 10-15 mintues... after getting scolded for stocking our production rate went down to one box every 45 MINUTES. Our carts are maybe 1.5ft and can carry 3 boxes side to side. They have a bottom layer but those are filled with random  broke  plastic shelving that we CAN'T MOVE. 

Why is not common sense that it would be faster to take 10-20 minutes to organize your shit before hand and bring out 1-2 boxes at a time to QUICKLY stock the floor instead of bring out 3-6 boxes at ones (aka TWO LAYERS OFF HEAVY ASS BOXES on the top of this car) and bring it all out to the floor and wrap it all on the floor. Not only is it just harder to do, you also get 100% more anxious being surrounded with 5 carts stacked with 6 full boxes each to the point that you're inclosed by them and can't really move around and all the packaging is everywhere and you feel hopeless. By doing 2 organized boxes you really do feel more productive everytime you finish and when you're doing boxes your full damn shift every boost in moral helps, ok???

It's like managers think the second we step into the stock room we stop working. Spare 20 minutes to organize these shitstorm boxes and I promise we can stock 10000000000000000% faster!!

Organizing = working = easier to stock  = FASTER STOCKING

Sorry this is long and super disorganized but I'm just super frustrated and needed to let it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully someone understands this longass posts. Sorry x__x

#submissions #fuck retail #fuck managers #submission

[kuresoto]

*eyes emoji* 7, 11, 21, 29, 37 for the 40 Qs meme

Mah babe, ty

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it. 

Arghhhh I have two from the same chapter of Smoke and Retribution lmfao spoilers w/e

“You’re a monster,” she whispered, fear creeping into her voice.

“How else does anyone survive? How do you destroy a monster without becoming one?” His dishevelled hair fell across his face but his dark eyes still found her. “It’s just us now.” He moved to caress her cheek but the tears streaming down her face made him stop, fingertips inches from her face. “Whatever you decide to do now, I won’t stop you. Whether you decide to leave or stay, I won’t stop you.”

and

Rey exhaled slowly and repositioned her grip on the knife. She shifted her knees and flexed her fingers. She had to do it. It was now or never.

“You should have reported me when you had the chance.”

Ben’s sleep-ridden voice caught her off guard but not enough for her to pull the knife away from his throat. “I didn’t know you had killed everyone who had wronged me in my life.”

“No, I don’t mean recently. I mean before, when we first met, years ago.”

She pressed the tip further against his throat, the dull edge sinking into his flesh. “What do you mean?” she whispered harshly.

“Rey, sweet Rey, the small girl who used to masquerade as a boy. The small girl who helped an injured man she found in an alleyway one night. The girl who understood that the Security Force could not be trusted. Rey, the girl who was nobody but somebody at the same time.”

“You.”

Ben opened his eyes lazily, his dark orbs watching her through his long lashes. “I recognised you the moment you bumped into me on the street. I was even more surprised when you managed to find your way back into my life, in this very room. The moon was out, just like tonight. You had changed but yet hadn’t at the same time.” He chuckled. “You still had that hair.”

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

It’s a hobby I’m passionate about heh, but srs, it’s just a hobby and I know it’ll never be more than that, which I’m okay with. It distracts from my monotonous job :)

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I try and read my one-shots like….at least once before posting, which is TERRIBRO. For my 2+ chapter fics, I try and get a beta since my eyes just zone out, and then do a final once over as I post.

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? 

Alright alright alright so @extrakyloren​ @lariren-shadow​ and I read @coupdefoudrey​ mermaid reylo fic and have been losing our shit over it bc WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS NEXT we don’t know but we sure are fucking thirsty to find out and headcanon-ed about it for two days sweats

37. Talk about your current wips.

I mean….do you really want to know? Skldfhsdjg alrighty

Sunblossum: My inception AU fic for @reylofanfictionanthology that I’m busting my balls to finish the draft x_x

Paper Minds (Kylo origin story): currently written 8/11 (? maybe?) and it’s at that part where it’s fucking complicated and I need to make sure shit makes sense

One Month Vacation (Reydar for @red-applesith): MAN I’m like halfway through the second chapter (ngl, I haven’t touched it since Feb) and it’ll probably have like…idk another chapter and I’m trying to think of more crack scenarios for it

Bad Neighbors: lmfao I do actually want to write a second chapter that is Kylo’s POV

Professor/Pole Dancer AU: Rey is older than Ben and they’re both teachers at a high school and Ben obvs has a crush on Rey who is peak Hot Older Woman™ and he finds out she’s also a pole dancer whaaaaat pole dance pole dance drop splits fishnet bodysuits stripper heels my aesthetic i love

Smuggler Ben/Rey follow up from this that is stupid long and probably going to be a bullshit mutlichap and borderline crack but the title would be ‘Ben Solo’s Guide To Surviving The GalaxyWhile Trying To Not Fall In Love With Your Partner (And Ultimately Failing)’…yes, the title is purposely long and I’m still intending it to be a present for @politicalmamaduck​ who has to deal with me just dropping 15k+ shit for her to beta ;-; tq bby D;

And then I have Ideas™ that haven’t been written up but already blurted out to @reyloporn​ (Spy AU, xenomorph AU, demon/witch AU continuation, and that one canon divergent AU with clock emojis)

40 questions meme for fic writers

#fic meme #ask meme #tiaraofsapphires #*mine

[the-cryptographer]

Here, I'll help get your ideas going about the rest of Lottery Ticket. Pick the most helpful? 001 for Polar OR Violet OR Ettushipping OR even Arrogantshipping, OR 002 for Mai OR Joey OR Seto??? (also I can't decide either lol)

Thank you for the ask  :D

Lotto Ticket’s pretty much planned out. I just need to stop making things difficult and write more, but-

mmm, I already answered 002 for Mai, and I talked a little teeny bit there about how I see her and Seto’s being bros. So… I answered 001 for JouKai and Polar. Under the cut because whining about Jou and Kaiba gets long in particular x_x

JouKai

when I started shipping it if I did:

Somewhere in the nebulous time between watching the show as akid and when I started first reading fanfic for this show, my subconsciousdecided this was the combination of characters to slot into ffnet’s searchengine.

my thoughts:

F- F- F- F- FOILS! It’s a ship of conflicting circumstanceand ideology. It’s super fun to watch them butt heads at every turn, until somethingmanages to break through.

I think- In the series itself, Jounouchi and Kaiba both, ina sense, have their worlds and eyes opened by Yuugi and Atem respectively.Yuugi opens Jou up to opportunity – the possibility that there are ways he cansucceed without having to be a bully and a thug, and that it’s okay for him tonurture the more kind and loving aspects of himself. Atem opens Kaiba up to theidea that there can be trust and opportunity and connection with other people,that there is a way that cooperation and friendship (and maybe even miracles)can happen. I guess I think Jounouchi and Kaiba’s relationship is a kind ofnext step? Jounouchi & Kaiba are far more dissimilar than Yuugi &Jounouchi and Kaiba & Atem – so the process of reconciling their worldviewsin a way that is made to accommodate one another, while allowing them to retaintheir differences, is one that is able to open their eyes further to grandbreadth of the world and its possibilities – that there are many ways to liveand to be and they only need choose what works for them.

Also they both really deeply understand what it is to be desperate. I don’t really think they’dbe able to empathise much with the particular circumstances of such desperation,but I think they could really begin to understand on a deep level that alldesperation looks the same and it’s ugly and brings out the worst in people. If they could come to have sympathy for each other and themselves it would be nice.

Also I’m addicted to the class background spin *gnashesteeth* Jou’s more prototypically lower class than Kaiba’s prototypically upperclass in a cultural sense, but it’s still fun as heck~

What makes me happy about them:

The process of them coming to respect one another. Theprocess of them learning not to hurt each other. The process of them learningto cut themselves a break and deciding that there’s no reason they shouldn’t eachbe allowed their own happiness and fulfilment.

What makes me sad about them:

They already have an established relationship based on beingreally cruel to each other, and it’s really hard to alter patterns of behaviourthat have already been established. I can easily see them making efforts torepair how they interact with one another, and then, in some moment whenthey’re both angry and under pressure, losing the traction they’d built up tothat point – slipping into old patterns of being really nasty and cruel, exceptworse because they would be armed with an amount of intimacy that meant theywould really /know/ how to make the other one hurt. I wouldn’t want them tostay together if they crossed that kind of line, but it makes me sad how easilyI think they could cross that line, especially within the span of the firstcouple of years they’re together. It makes me extra sad how easily I think they mightbe inclined to /purposefully/ cross those lines as a means of sabotaging a lovethey feel they don’t deserve.

Also, something that doesn’t make me sad so much as frustrates me in my attempts to write them: In the pre-DSoD world, or given a post-DSoD world where Atemisn’t able to be Seto’s continued outlet for duelling/interpersonal connection,it’s very, very easy for me toimagine Seto isolating himself to the point of potential fatality. Seto… couldbe very rigid about this… and I find Jounouchi uniquely capable of addressingthis problem. Given that Jounouchi has some pretense or motivation for hasslingSeto, I think Jounouchi would – and that becomes self-perpetuating as Jounouchiis met with resistance. The more barriers Seto puts up, the more Jounouchi seesthis as a challenge, and the more he takes a sadistic glee in tearing thosebarriers down. In some ways, I think you need somebody with Jounouchi’s levelof reckless, self-destructive persistence to break through to Seto. But, at the same time,Jounouchi’s not being nice when he does this. He’s being forceful. He’s beingdisrespectful of other people’s boundaries. He’s not doing it out of concernfor Seto (at least not at first). He just enjoys forcing Seto into situationswhere Seto is off-balance, so he can feel steady in comparison. He’s being a bully. So I’m kind of torn betweenwanting to say, ‘jfc, Jou, STOP!’, and ‘jfc, Jou, KEEP FUCKING GOING! You willrestrain Seto and physically drag him out of his comfort zone if you have to,bc Seto’s comfort zone is such a small stretch of barren land – it’s only amatter of time before he dies of starvation!’ Ugh, and as Jou does this, he’salso being met with Seto giving off terrible mixed signals and periodically beingreally, really terrible in an attempt to get Jou to buzz the fuck off, but it doesn’t work because Jou is a neglectbaby who doesn’t care if people hurt him so long as they’re paying attention tohim. And then Seto gets to be all relieved when Jou hasn’t given up on him evenafter he’s gone and stabbed Jou with a pen.So all around it feels like I’mrewarding them for behaving really, really terribly. But it feels so organic to me the way it’s happening - let me stew in thistrash a little bit longer, okay?

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

Everything.

Offthe top of my head – the narrative pushing the idea that either Jou or Kaiba isthe better person, or the idea that their power struggle can be resolved in theprocess of finding the winner, instead of abandoning the fight. Seme/uketropes. I think everyone at this point has acknowledged Seto calls Jou doggythings is an attempt to dehumanise him, so Seto using such terminology as a petname is really fucking gross.

things I look for in fanfic:

Sometimes I’m just in the mood to read something fluffy, butmost of the time I’m looking for fic that acknowledges that they are bothreally cruel to one another, and that that cruelty isn’t superficial. That theyare both angry and maladjusted as fuck, and they have very, very valid reasons to have beef with oneanother and, without reaching and reassessing the deep insecurities and beliefsthat cause that anger, any attempts they make to play nice and be kind aresuperficial af and unlikely to last.

(I mean… I think there’s value to thembeing able to indulge in a little kindness even superficially – certainly theycan’t spend the whole long, gruelling process of self-change being at eachother’s throats, it would be too exhausting. So I don’t mind reading about thembeing superficially kind, but it can’t be sold to me as being somehow deeperthan it is, you feel?)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

As much as I’m SUPER invested in Kaiba and Jou having someset of postcanon foibles that allow them to better understand one another andgrow as individuals - yeah I’m okay with them ultimately ending up with other people.

For Jou – Mai. For Kaiba – either Isis or Atem. I likerivalshipping too, but jumping from Jou to Yuugi would definitely be the causeof upsetting dramas.

My happily ever after for them:

Theylearn to fucking chill a little

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Once more – “Jou doesn’t so much spoon people as he wraps hislegs around their chest and awkwardly strangle-hugs their face like it’s astrange laying-down-on-your-side sleepy piggyback ride.”

It’s things like this that, at first, make Seto wonder whyhe puts up with Jou. But, as time goes on, he gives up on wondering because he’snever going to find the answer. (Or, rather, admit the answer to himself.)

…At least one of the answers is that Jou likes running hishands softly through Kaiba’s hair and soothing him to sleep by massaging hisforehead, and it’s very comforting.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

They both enjoy duelling to a certain extent, but I thinkKaiba finds duelling Jou much less fun and challenging than the other wayaround, so that mismatch probably discourages it from being their true go-toactivity. But Yuugi invites them over for game nights periodically, and it’sbecomes a kind of fun thing for both of them to do.

They kind of have different interests, so I imagine they’rethe kind of couple that does their own things and then reconvenes to sharestories or otherwise silently enjoy each other’s presence. Kaiba’s aworkaholic, so a lot of times he’s on his laptop in the evenings, while Jousits next to him reading manga, or watching TV shows with headphones in. Kaiba oftenstays at the office late too, and Jou will come over just to be a reassuringpresence. He brings a sleeping bag and something to do and camps out on thedivan. Jou has learned not to bother Kaiba, and Kaiba’s learned not to bebothered in a complementary fashion.

For a very long time, Seto proves to be kind of difficult todrag out for dates and the like with any regularity. But, as Seto ages andstarts trusting Mokuba with more Kaiba Corp responsibilities, he’ll have morefree time. Jou starts taking him out for walks – sometimes to really date-ishplaces like theme parks or the promenade or the aquarium, but a lot of timesthey just go to the park or on nature-lite hikes. Jou’s extremely chatty onthese walks and runs ahead to look at this or that and points things out toSeto. Jou kind of gets worked up because Kaiba’s really quiet and mostly justnods and doesn’t say much, and then Jou becomes worried he’s annoying Kaiba,and then he gets annoyed that he’s worried and resolves to be extra loud andannoying. Really though Kaiba’s not annoyed at all – he enjoys listening to Joutalk and enjoys watching Jou get really cheerful and excited about these walks– Kaiba’s just quiet. By this point they won’t be so incapable of propercommunication though so, within the span of a walk or two, either Seto willnotice Jou’s being angry about talking and pointing things out instead ofproperly cheerful and ask him why, or Jou will break and ask Seto if he’sannoyed and that’s why isn’t he talking, and then they’ll clear up theirmisunderstanding. Jou will feel kind of silly for worrying afterwards~

==

JouMai

when I started shipping it if I did:

I was shipping this in 2001, when I didn’t know whatshipping was. I don’t remember what about Duellist Kingdom convinced me… Butsomething in Duellist Kingdom convinced me!!!

my thoughts:

Oh, geez, I mean- They’re just so lovely!!! I think theirDuellist Kingdom repertoire convinces me more than their Battle City one does.The way Jounouchi convinced Mai to take the star chips from Yuugi and kind ofconvinces her they’re friends, and then the way Mai returns the favour when shegives Jou the entry card. I feel like it was a really strong base of give andtake that wasn’t borne out of some kind of attempt to return favours upon eachother, but to genuinely help one another. It’s just so sweet.

And I feel like they buzz at similar levels. They’re bothkind of high energy and outgoing. And they’re both kind of immature, but inways that can both cause conflict and complement each other.

Also, it is kind of important to me that, in canon, theyseem to react to each other in the realm of being attracted to one another.Something about how it’s presented in the series, with Jou immediately going ‘wow,’and Mai being both dismissive and smitten seems really honest to me.

What makes me happy about them:

When they can be honest with each other and really bask inhow much they are cherished.

What makes me sad about them:

I think they don’t have a very good grasp on when theteasing things they do and say become genuinely hurtful to other.

I think theymight never meet each other at the right time to make their romance work.

And, also, I think Mai’s highkey convinced there’s somethingwrong with her for being attracted to Jou, given he’s eight years younger andalso washed-out thug with no prospects. Which… I won’t say her tastes aren’tinteresting, or that she shouldn’t absolutely keep in mind that he’s still aminor during the series, but I think it’s just one of many data points that Maicherry picks to use as part of her thesis on why she is fundamentally flawedand unloveable, which is kind of – fuckingstop it, Mai.

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

Excepting a couple of key stories, a lot of JouMai fic seemsto blend together in my mind in one really indistinct blob. I’m not sure there’sanything that outright annoys me so much as a lot of things that haven’tinspired me. I’m sorry, I still haven’t read yours yet miranova~

things I look for in fanfic:

I’mnot really sure what to say except, ‘something unique’ or ‘something thoughtprovoking

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Vivian for Mai. And pretty much anyone for Jou, but Yuugi andYuugi&Kaiba both come to mind. I’ll confess I flat out don’t want to readabout Jounouchi and Mai breaking up though. Even in passing, like, a throwawayline about how they dated once and it didn’t work out. In all the fics I’veread, I can only think of two that did this that I didn’t x-out of andneither one was JouKai

My happily ever after for them:

Maigets to have her career and make lots of moolah and live her life, and thenthey get together when they’re both older (Mai might even be pushing 40 at thatpoint, lol) and have lots of new exciting adventures together :)I think they’d want a kid or two but, even after the kids, Mai probably won’t be convinced on marriagefor another ten or twenty years, lol

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Mai gets fed up with Jounouchi’s strangehold piggyback ride versionof spooning and takes over big spoon responsibilities… at least part of thetime. I think Mai likes feeling warm and surrounded, so she might curl upfacing him and he kind of curls in around her.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

Duelling and talking duel monsters, tbh. But I also thinkthey’re a very date-y couple. They’re always going places, whether it’s to themall or the movies or biking out to scenic kinds of places. Mai would like totake Jou on vacation abroad too~

I’ve talked about Jou and Mai going to the spa together too, but that might be overly indulgent of me~

#i wanted to edit the middle bit where i was bitching about the dynamic in my own fic #but the library is closing and i need to go home and i don't want to sit on this for another day #maybe it will be interesting #JouKai #polarship #save me from this card game hell #ask

[kitsunerokko]

i feel i should write my 2016 retrospective while my ears still need to recover from the headphone use+the walk so i can’t continue my video work i want i get done today, right now:

i’ll concur with what a lot of people have said about 2016 being awful, as some extremely troubling developments happened that’s like... god like. for the sake of not making any big errors, this post will be mostly talking about like my personal stuff than the external world stuff.

i still hadn’t been very art productive as-planned. i wanted to resume pyc for its 10th anniversary, which, granted, i did, for 2 pages before getting depressed again. this also affected the commission work i got from my one client, where i ultimately got 1 out of 3 done. i also failed my goal of one YTP a month, too. just, not my best year at all. i think i was hoping to be less depressed than i was in arizona, like, i didn’t really like my job but living there was like infinitely more preferable to living here and i can’t wait to like, correct the mistake by living away from all family once again with gray, now that i know like, how good we had it. (i can’t wait to no longer have to take care of their mom’s dog @_@)

speaking of jobs boy was that a frustration this year. all of my efforts to get a stable job went nowhere and i eventually resorted to temp jobs only to have one end up scarring me because of an accident i had and the other to... i don’t even remember i think it was just, severe depression dip making me call out and then get too scared to go back. i feel the lesson is like at the very least when i get a job again stick with it even if i hate it, long enough to formulate a proper backup anyway.

aside from my impulsiveness like going along too readily to moving here, i also like set up a trip to visit my family which spent a lot of the year hanging over me as i had a lot of regrets over the consequences of it. glad it’s no longer a future thing. the trip itself was nice enough when i was with my siblings, though. the not-nice parts are the parts where i’m like “yeah i was totally correct to stop being around my mom and the men she keeps bringing into her life.” (misgendering, discouragement from being recognized the way i want to be, having the actual belief that trump will make it easier on me on the basis of some fucking hollow job promise like mom fucking seriously you say this to your gay trans kid?)

also the temptation from like, regularly seeing pizzas and stuff around this house got to me and i cracked and stopped being vegan because of the combination of the stress+temptation. it feels >_< that i couldn’t keep up the willpower and strength... food addiction is x_x... at the very least i still eat less animal product than i did before being vegan, so better than nothing? (though of course nothing would be even better than less but like, then i’m going in circles)

one like big shining positive thing did happen though and that was gray proposing to me!!! like, omg i still get butterflies about it i’m so gay. i’m so gay and i’m gonna get married to them! the person who treats me so very well and also loves me somehow like i am so lucky and blessed QwQ

i think that’s about it. i’m hoping in 2017 i improve to the point i can do a weekly comic again, so to actually make good on resuming pyc, and also actually do the monthly ytps. my one commission client also proposed a project that might be like, an avenue for like steady work too? i dunno much yet to like actually accept the offer but it is something i expect to like, either happen or fall through in 2017. plus, i gotta get that temp job to get us out of here and then once out of here, keep a string of temps until i finally land a stable job! and i’ll do it to help gray whom i love and i’m gonna get married toooooo!

#end of year retrospective #long post #really long post #misgendering mention #art stuff #job stuff #food

[dontyougiveuponme]

6/19/2018 - Diary post (alot of mixed shit)

Hey, so glancing back at the previous post from April, I realize that I wasn’t able to stop smoking. Especially around the time after I made that post (-____-). Well to be honest now though, I only have been smoking when I drink. One thing is for sure though, smoking immediately makes me sorta sad! I don’t know if its self disappointment or what, but whatever the case, the nicotine buzz does not overpower my sense of feeling-badness. Anyway, at this point, I’m glad that I cut it down to at least to only when I drink! I think it’s a great step in to improving myself.  One day, I won’t need it at all and I’ll only light one up very rarely. Let’s put that aside now, on to the next subject! 

I need to be a man. I’m at a quarter of a century old, and I’m very much a child. It’s a great thing to have a young heart, but to have the tendencies of a child when someone is at this age is just not right. I want to become the man I always wanted to be. I always dream of becoming someone great, I really do. I can’t count how many times I have tried to do this. To become a man. I’m very irresponsible. I used to be better at being on top of things, but that changed probably when I was in middle school. I became more aware of the world around me, to be honest, up to that point, I don’t know how I existed in relation to everything else. I just WAS. I just WENT TO SCHOOL. I just PLAYED VIDEO GAMES. I just did as was normal, and as I thought was normal. Then came highschool and then maybe still sort of stuck in this “just being phase”, but gradually realizing who I am as an individual, but still so many question marks. I remember for one art assignment we had to make a page in our sketchbooks, like an “About Me” kind of spread. If I remember correctly I put some stupid stuff like eating fast food (lol), riding a car with the windows down, and some normal stuff like listening to music. At the time I was also dancing, so I put that down as well. To be honest beyond that, I really didn’t know too much about myself. Graduate highschool, I did nothing for a few months, I literally lived with some dude and bboys in some random ass house. That was probably the biggest waste of time in my life (lol). I really had no future planned out. It felt like everyone else did though, and I was being left behind. Looking back, I definitely left myself behind. I let myself down. I should have at least started working earlier, or just had some definite goals. I never had any, I never even knew myself. For the sake of this point, let’s skip to today. Between graduating highschool and now, I really do know myself a lot more than I did before, and it’s really because I experienced loneliness. I feel it’s because I have had the time to really see myself for who and what I am, I am able to realize my dreams, my goals more easily, not affected by anyone else. I understand that my chances have shrunk as opposed to as if I had just taken a much more ordinary path, but this is my life, and this is what I have. I want to love, and to be loved. I want to be happy, and to make others happy. I want to be myself, I want to become a man. I want to be responsible. I want to work really hard, and I want to laugh with all my heart. I want to feel like I accomplished something at the end of each day. I want to protect everything important to me. I want to fight. I want to always be fighting for a better tomorrow. I don’t want to give up.

Which brings me to my next subject. How is this done? I have failed so many times in trying to do this, what makes this time any different?  The answer is NOTHING. There is nothing different, if anything, I am more tired of trying, but if I can wake up and live a new day, and if I BELIEVE, then I should be able to do it. If I fail, I know I can always get up and try again!!  have so many problems I want to fix. I’m really such a mess. Anyway, what I want to write about is the importance of short term AND long term goals. I think long term goals are more important, but they aren’t possible to accomplish without many many short term goals and sacrifices. So, in a sense short term goals are actually just as important as long term goals, because in the big picture, they are the stairs that take you to your ultimate goal. So don’t lose sight of the GOAL, but remember to WATCH YOUR FEET, YOUR STEPS, as you approach, or you may never reach where you want to be! I think that’s a big difference between a “grown-up” and a kid. Long term goals, well at least realistic long term goals. I don’t think I’m asking for too much though hahaha. I’m out of brain juice (x_x) Let’s all move forward to a better tomorrow!!