#I wish I could see her one last time

[secureattachmentbarbie]

Don't introduce me to your pet unless you're sure that we will be together forever because if our relationship ends I will mourn the relationship I had with your pet for a long time and it's gonna hurt.

#I think about D every single day #I wish I could see her one last time #personal

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;; #hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

[m00ngbin]

TFS TUESDAY!!! (WEDNESDAY??)

#whoops i had a really long day and i got really tired and fell asleep early #so ik TECHNICALLY its not tuesday but in my heart and soul today is still tuesday #actually i thought it was thursday #all day #but yk #tuesday!! #at least its not thursday like last time #ALSO #I WOULD HAVE GIVEN AN ARM AND A LEG TO GO TO THAT MITSKI CONCERT LAST NIGHT #JUST TO SEE HER SING GEYSER TBH #but its fine. totally fine. its not like im super upset about it or anything. #ALSO. TYLER THE CREATOR IS GOING TO BE AT COACHELLA??? HELLO??? #GODD I HATE THE WEST COAST WHY DO ALL OF THE BANDS AND ARTISTS I LIKE GO TO CALIFORNIA AND NOT HERE #anyways enough about concerts i wish id gone to or could go to #let me shut up for five minutes so i can get to the new chapter #ik ive already asked this but be honest if you guys think these are annoying just tell me and ill shut up so fast and never make another one #ever

[angellurgy]

squeak

#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it. #my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal. #there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach. #it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer. #im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next #i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan #we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me. #even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal #if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love #and friendship #i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species. #but still. ty those who'll remember yk... #and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more #i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself. #gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this #its the last one of these for this period either way #god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times #bye

[just1gnome]

"that sounds tediously boring"

gnome beat the game

here they are on the boat

#SPOILERS BELOW !!!!!! #they are so precious to me i dont know what i would do without them #ive been insanely emotional about them since last night #i wish you could see how the other characters are doing before the credits #thats my one gripe i wanna know what shadowhearts up to #SHOW ME THE CELEBRATION YALL KEEP TALKING ABOUT !!!! #i want to see them happy and hanging out and smiling :((( #also im sure theres some way to avoid this but karlach does live in their basement and they do feed her brains #all in all its a pretty good set up #shes not gonna explode any time soon and theyre all roommates #could be worse #i do mean she volunteered to turn illithid btw and from where i was standing that looked like the best option #she looks a little weird now but thats still my Best Friend karlach #im sure lae'zel will visit on holidays.... #shes like the cool aunt you only see for family reunions i think #ALSO HEY LARIAN ? I ROMANCED THE FUCK OUT OF HALSIN !!!! I SHOULD GET AN EPILOGUE SCENE WITH HIM TOO !!!!!!! #i shouldve brought him with me but gale...... the carefully crafted narrative that lives only in my head........ #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion #astarion fanart #astarion x tav #astarion ancunin #bg3 tav #my art

[nonsensemonkey]

jfc i love my biceps💪🏾😏

#i wish i'd thought to take a picture of my arms this time last year so i could see the difference #in a couple months it'll have been a year since i've been at this station and ahhhhhhhhhhh #i remember when i couldn't pick up shit #used my dolly for EVERYTHING #now it's over the shoulder all day everyday baby! #i still can't believe i've reached the 100lb milestone #100lbs!!!! ON MY SHOULDER??? #NEXT YOU'LL TELL ME THAT I CAN PICK UP REINA AND CARRY HER OVER MY SHOULDER!!!! 😏 #god one can only hope #i hate when safety bitches at me about lifting things BUT NEVER SAYS ANYTHING TO THE MEN ABOUT LIFTING INSTEAD OF PUSHING A DOLLY! #they want all the women to pretend we're not capable #until you see me struggling or dislocating a joint gtfoutta my face and let me have my fun 🙄

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn) #so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

[cowboyhorsegirl]

Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.

They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…

#not to get too real but i love queer people. we see each other and we save each other #i wish i could talk in depth about this lgbtq history panel i went to tonight without doxxing myself #but basically all of these panelists were older gay ppl & one of them won a very monumental court case in the state #and right after introductions one of the other panelists turned to her and thanked her so profusely for the sacrifices she had made #and the work she did to win that case #and that by achieving that win for herself she paved the way for this other panelist to have her own family recognized legally by the state #i don't know i'm not explaining it well but something about knowing and seeing that gratitude in real time. understanding so viscerally tha #so much of our history has happened within one or two lifetimes. to the point that many of the champions of our current rights are alive #today for us to learn from and listen to and THANK #i met two nb ppl through school last year and have since become very close to them #they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them #a little bit more each time i hear them talk about me. it's magical #my childhood best friend told me he liked boys and girls like a month after we first met each other in the fourth grade #he told me there's a word for that; he's bisexual #i think abt how incredible that was a lot. how brave he was to say that and to own that and how long it might have taken me to figure #out that i was the same had he not said it. #anyway all this to say that yes absolutely i love this #steve and tony meet at a military gala. steve's being recognized for his service and tony and his wife were invited by some higher-up who #imagined he could use the event as a way to cozy up to him and earn some good favor before negotiations start on SI's contract renewal #their eyes meet while steve's up on stage. he hates these things. hates being dragged into the spotlight. he feels naked and bare and #vulnerable every time. trapped in enemy territory with no cover. but he sucks it up he kisses his wife on the cheek and she smiles #big and beautiful; perfect like they've run their lines 1000 times over. like they could recite each other's parts by heart #he makes his way to the podium. breathes deep to center himself before he launches into his thankless thank-yous. steve's a terrible liar #but somehow he's made it this far in his career. he can manage for one more night. except #right as he lifts his eyes to speak he sees him. bright eyes burning into his from a shadowed table in the corner. the brass speaking at hi #on his left and a lovely woman who's bored and unimpressed on his right. and him looking directly back at steve #steve's breath catches and he chokes on air. trips on his lines. forgets himself and loses the beat of the scene #he looks down at his notes and ignores them. raises his face to the light and plays himself to be seen by an audience of one. #anon #signed sealed delivered

[slightlytoastedbagel]

Yuka Shiraishi. btw.

#she has 20 lines at most but i love her #i'd really like for an 5 to have more yuka content... especially since ken is training vbs #ken is working them rough which for people surrounding vivid street (or at least vbs) would seem tough but understandable #but yuka is an outsider. yuka is a caring mother who still supports her daughter and her friends despite not growing up in vivid street #yuka would possibly consider this too much for the moment and try to get them to relax #and. i really want the current vbs arc to end with them relaxing a little #i don't think they'll go straight from “we're surpassing rad weekend and carrying nagi's wish” #to “we're tying ourselves down to this one event when we could go even further” #but they could definitely recognise “we're still kids we have time” #and yuka could be the one to bring that up. radder were all adults when rad weekend happened. vbs are in their second year of high school #and they're talented. so incredibly talented. kohane showed that at crawl green. akito finally realises his growth in his 4th event #toya has just came to terms with his classical music background and draws from it to write songs for the group #and an has had years of experience singing. except she also holds herself back in her want to be line nagi #which i'm almost certain will be addressed in her 5th event. and with yuka being the one who comforted an during lutf (in her card) #well. i think it would be nice for her to come back #especially as she is - again - an outsider to vivid street. she could represent how vbs can go beyond vivid street #another possibility is kohane's father. he sort of just disappeared after sdsc (at least i recall akito and an mentioning meeting him?) #and considering the impact he has on kohane (photography and his doubts regarding her sudden change in early game) #it could be nice seeing him again since with kohane/akito/toya seemingly reaching the end of a current arc in the last year #(ie the kohane and taiga plot/akito no longer feeling like he's behind the others/toya and classical music) #the next step in the group's story could be happening #half of this has nothing to do with yuka fjrjdiejd. i just like the concept of her being the group's link to going outside of vivid street #or going beyond is suppose. beyond the way... #bagel's rambles #i'm on break. watch me draw yuka design

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[genderfluid-druid]

finally learning emotional intelligence as an adult in my 30s feels like playing with goddamn tinker toys while i watch other people my age building these beautiful emotional ecosystems out of hand carved mahogany. but the alternative is to continue being glib and dismissive of every emotion i experience for the rest of my life so 👍 pass me that green rod i guess. and do you see any more hubs

#at some point last fall i visited my parents and was telling them about my plants #i had just bought a nerve plant aka fittonia #i got her because nerve plants are famous for wilting dramatically when their water conditions aren't just right #i thought it was interesting and funny and maybe a good way to keep an eye on my plant area. catch any moisture problems early #bit of a canary in a coal mine idea you know #anyway i told my parents about this plant #and they kind of laughed and rolled their eyes about this plant being so dramatic #and I said no. you see. i like a plant that communicates its needs #and i swear to God #i could See the thought passing through their eyes for the first time #that that might be a good thing #oh i think I'm gonna scream actually #DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I SUFFERED CRIPPLING PERIOD CRAMPS EVERY GODDAMN MONTH AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE #by the way. nerve plants are fine after you water them. once you fix the problem they perk right back up again #my parents did their best. and frankly i think there's someone to be said that they raised an autistic child without traumatizing me #my depression and shit didn't appear until high school when i had to start interacting with the wider more complex world in earnest #and didn't have the tools for it #but my childhood of being given art supplies and left to my own devices was pretty chill #but i do wish unhappiness and discomfort hadn't been. like. something to be avoided or fixed immediately so no one had to talk about it #anyway. the birdcage is a good movie

[redflannelsheets]

One day I hope I’ll love someone who doesn’t want to hide me in a dark crevice away from their “real” life where I can’t make them look bad to their family and friends. One day I hope I’ll love someone who knows what I want to eat when my tummy feels grumbly or wants to cook me a meal because I’m precious to them and they want to take care of me. One day I hope I’ll love someone who actually wants to cuddle me on cold days instead of wearing jeans and shoes until bedtime and putting all sorts of devices between me and them. One day I hope I’ll love someone who wants to love me back instead of hurling me away like trash. One day I hope I’ll love someone who doesn’t seem to see me as just part of the furniture.

One day.

#i’m allowed to feel sad and slightly bitter when i’m not feeling great #this isn’t an all-the-time thing #but since I was *was* hurled away #can you blame me for thinking about it sometimes? #clearly i’m not getting in your face about it #i’m cowardly posting on a tumblr you’ll probably never look at again and hiding my extra grumbly bullshit in the tags #i don’t think I’ll be emailing you any time soon if ever again #i listen to my dreams and my dreams tell me *she hates me* #i remember when you said that hipster bint hated me #and i never asked you more about it but i should have #like how does someone who has never even interacted with me hate me? #did you talk about me? #did she see my pictures? #i’m still really confused about that #and i can see why the last one—prob still current one—hates me #if you’ve even mentioned me that is #i only told you to be honest and tell her about me so you could have a clean slate without my interference #somehow i think you interpreted this as a threat #i wish I’d communicated better #can’t do anything about it now #i’m just a pot plant #never mind me

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[transsexualraskolnikov]

MY FRIEND IS FINALLY BETA READING MY FIC. i am both extremely excited and immeasurably terrified of what she’s gonna say (she hates the way i write prose) (i love torturing her with my 2016 fanfiction writing style)

#the last time she read one of my fics she just looked at me and said: #’it’s just 8 pages of edging and then they get off on one page’ #and that was when i realized that i find the tension 10 times hotter than the actual sex #god i wish you could see her do a dramatic reading of one of my fics …… the way she pronounced ‘Cock’ …… immpeccable #fic update

[kakusu-shipping]

This scene from Virtue's Las Reward with GTM-CM-G-OLM but instead of Luna, Sigma, and Alice being the dumbest dummies when it comes to technology it's just me going ham info dumping robot nonsense while I'm massaging his poor stiff joints and he's flirting with me the entire time

#Virtue's Last Reward #Am I F/Oing the Cockney Robot who died after 30 minutes of screen time? Who's to say #I'm actually so obsessed with him I need everyone to know I have his full ID memorized already #Not that it's really all that hard #Ayo Alice shut UP about his ID being 'too long' if that's what he wants to be called THAT'S WHAT WE CALL HIM #I'LL BITE YOU #I've rewatched Lucah's episode that's JUST his scene at LEAST four times #Which isn't a lot but other things are happening and I am trying to keep up with the series #positive Lucah's computer crashed just for me so that episode would be just GTM-CM-G-OLM's scene #Thankyou Lucah's computer for forcing her episode short #So I could be a simp #He'd call me like. His little White Bird #And it'd be sooooo cute #I wish his voice was a little more metalic with a filter like K's #But I guess the point of Gaulems is to be near indistinguishable from humans #So him having a filter would kind of ruin that effect #I wonder what he's look like with ABT... #I like him better without it though <3 #Does Lucahjin still use tumblr what are the chances she sees this post??? djsjgfdjhgj Minimal I'd say #No one tell her I crashed her computer for Simp Reasons

[bo0zey]

being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩‍🍳👌💋

#i don’t know why i always end up crying when i know exactly what to expect from him #the constant belittling then turning around and crying victim on how i ‘hurt’ him bc he can’t accept the fact that he did something wrong #i know i shouldn’t expect anything from him but it’s like this stupid fucking useless part of me during these moments is just #so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human #nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too #he’s supposed to be my dad he’s my only parent left and he never should’ve been a parent to begin #i can’t believe how easily he turns things on me saying it’s my fault i never come talk to him and it’s like how the fuck #you were barely basically nonexistent the first 5 years of my life then barely there from then on out #how could i ever come to you how could i trust you just because i’m your daughter by blood doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger to me #you’re supposed to be the adult you’re my father you’re supposed to come to me and guide me why are you such a helpless fucking child #i do everything on my own i have nothing to say to you just like you have nothing to say to me #small talk only does so much i don’t want to talk to him i don’t care about our relationship #i’m just literally flabbergasted at the audacity he has to gaslight and manipulate me and ply victim when i’m the one he keeps hurting #it just reinforces the idea that my feelings are invalid my feelings have been invalid to him for the past 23years #i wish i was emotionless and unfeeling i wish he didn’t have the power to affect my emotions so strongly #i’m such a little kid i wish my mom was here i wish someone wanted to protect me and talk to me and at least try to understand me #i can’t wait to be dead i just want this to be over i’m just wasting time taking up someone else’s space #i think the only time i’ll be genuinely happy is when i’m dead #i don’t remember the last time i was actually happy unless i’m distracting myself #i’m constantly maladaptive daydreaming and when i’m not i’m at work trying to be a functioning an adult #but as soon as i’m home i’m back in my dream world where i don’t have to think about me at all #when gerard said When i grow up i want to be nothing at All that man read my my mind #ramblings #vent