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favefandomimagines · 4 years

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Reservations (r.p.)

Summary: joining the cast of a show with one of the most sought after young stars, tends to result in reservations

AN: posting chapter 8 of soul surfer TOMORROW!!! (shoutout to @jjsfineline for the cutest gif on the internet! i just found your post again & needed to give you credit for the gif!!!)

You were beyond thrill when you were cast in season two of Outer Banks. It wasn’t your first acting role, having been apart of the MCU since 2016.

But Outer Banks was a hit Netflix series and it was a new platform for you. You were playing JJ’s kook love interest and you were very excited to be working alongside Rudy Pankow.

He may or may not have been your celebrity crush since you watched season one.

And for him, you were the ultimate “superhero babe.” He made the whole cast watch every movie you were in since the very beginning of your acting career.

The whole cast knew Rudy’s crush on you so when you were cast, the teasing began.

It was the first day on set for you and you and Madelyn were getting put into your outfits for your first scene of the day.

“We’re all going out for dinner tonight. Wanna come?” She offered. “Really? You want me to come?” You questioned. “Of course! You’re apart of this family now and I won’t take no for an answer.” Madelyn told you.

You smiled at her before nodding your head. “Okay, I’m in.” You said.

The director called for you two to report to set. You walked out. with Madelyn, making small talk and instantly gaining the attention of Rudy.

He found it hard not to stare at you, especially with how the sun made your skin glow.

“Dude quit staring. It’s creepy.” Chase told him. “What? I-I’m not staring.” Rudy rebutted. “You totally are.” JD said. The three stopped their discussion of you when you and Madelyn approached them.

“Hey guys! Y/N is gonna come with us tonight!” Madelyn informed them. “Great! I feel like we haven’t gotten to know you yet.” Chase replied. “Even though we read your Wikipedia page and stalked your Instagram.” JD added.

You found it sort of flattering that they were so interested in getting to know you.

The day went on without any issues. You and Rudy filmed your your first couple scenes together and it felt natural to be scene partners. You’ve been opposite of Tom Holland, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans and with Rudy, it felt like that rapport was already there.

After everyone was changed out of their character outfits, Madelyn and Madison came to your trailer to get you for dinner.

“Hey! Are you ready to go?” Madelyn asked. “Yeah! Just let me put some perfume on.” You answered. “Rudy could not keep his eyes off of you.” Madison commented.

“What?” You laughed. “He is so into you.” Madelyn teased. “He made us watch every Marvel movie you were in.” Madison added.

You looked down at your feet trying to hide how much you were blushing. “Oh my god! You like him too!” Madelyn exclaimed. “It’s just a little crush.” You replied quietly. “Aw, that’s so cute.” Madison said.

“But he’s dating that photographer. I’ve seen the pictures and the videos and don’t even get me started on the Instagram page dedicated to them.” You quickly said. “Wh-” Madelyn started before a knock on the door cut her off.

The three girls exited the trailer and met up with the boys. They went to a local restaurant in Charleston. One they hoped they wouldn’t get recognized at now that the show has blown up.

You were seated between Drew and Rudy, taking turns talking to them. As you were talking to Drew, you felt a light tap on your shoulder.

You turned around and saw a little girl standing behind you, wearing a shirt with your Marvel character on it.

“Are you Y/F/N Y/L/N?” She asked. “Yes I am.” You answered sweetly. “Ruby is my favorite superhero. I love you. Can I get a picture with you?” She asked. “Of course you can!” You told her.

You situated your chair so you were facing the camera and hugged the girl. Her mom took the picture and they both thanked you and said goodbye.

You turned back around and saw Rudy staring at you rather fondly. “What?” You asked. “That was amazing. You’re amazing.” He answered. “Oh, thanks.” You answered bashfully.

“Do you do that all the time?” He asked. “Yeah, when I can. Especially when they’re younger like that.” You answered.

He smiled at you you before he nudged you playfully. “Could you be anymore perfect?” He asked rhetorically.

‘He’s really laying it on thick.’ You thought. Then you remembered the potential girlfriend. Your face fell slightly and you were grateful that Drew had started talking to you.

Rudy saw the way your expression changed. He furrowed his eyebrows and then nudged Madelyn.

“What’s up with Y/N?” He asked. “She’s totally gonna kill me for this but she thinks you and Elaine are dating. Apparently there’s a huge conspiracy theory about the two of you?” Madelyn answered.

“What? I’m not dating Elaine! Everyone knows that.” Rudy said. “Apparently not everyone.” The girl said.

He then looked back at you, a smile adorning your face as you talked to Drew. After that night, Rudy tried to make it painfully obvious that he was single and into you.

Daily flirting, going to lunch and dinner with you, offering to run lines with you.

The night it actually worked in his favor, was the night before you two had to shoot a big scene. It was the turning point of your characters’ relationship.

You were struggling to convey your character’s emotions and feelings towards Rudy’s character. Of course filming with Rudy was easy but sometimes it was still hard.

You were sitting on the couch of your apartment in Charleston, going over your lines when Rudy just walked in.

“You know there’s a door for a reason.” You greeted the blonde. “Oh come on, we’re past that point. We can come and go as we please.” He replied. “Whatcha doin?” He asked sitting next to you.

“Trying to convey the proper amount of emotion for our scene tomorrow.” You said. That’s when Rudy had an idea.

“I know something that may help.” He said. “Oh and what’s that? Nothing could be worse than Russo’s telling me to pretend Tony Stark as my actual father to make me cry harder.” You said.

Rudy smiled at you as he took the script from your hands and tossed it on the coffee table.

“I like you, Y/N. And not as a friend, as more than a friend. I’ve had the biggest crush on you and before you say anything, I’m not dating Elaine. You know how fans can get. I mean, I was convinced you were dating Tom Holland for months.” He said.

“Me and Tom have never dated.” You laughed. “And me and Elaine have never dated because I like you and only you.” Rudy said.

You looked over at him and rested your legs on his lap. “Really?” You questioned. “I’d be stupid not to.” He answered. “So what now?” You asked. “Go out with me. Just us.” He answered. “I’m in.” You said. “Oh thank god.” Rudy replied, a sigh of relief leaving his lips.

It had been three months since you and Rudy had started dating and you hoped the shipping of him and Elaine would cease.

But it didn’t. The theories kept coming and the various Instagram pages continued to be made.

Rudy seemed to have no idea and you even noticed that Elaine was even liking the most recent posts.

You of course were not comfortable with it so you knew you had to tell Rudy.

You were sitting in your shared apartment, watching Netflix when you turned to him.

“Hey, Rudy?” You asked. “What’s up, babe?” He replied. “I’ve noticed that Elaine has been liking a lot of the posts about you and her dating and it’s making me a little uncomfortable because she’s apart of the friend group and I don’t know if she has feelings for you or what. And I don’t know it just doesn’t sit right with me.” You explained.

Rudy was quiet for a moment, looking back at all the times Elaine did something and liked photos that but he didn’t notice.

“I’m not saying you should stop being friends with her, I’d never dictate your friend ships but maybe you can talk to her or something.” You added.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t realize you were feeling this way. I’ll call her right now.” He said, resting a hand on your thigh and pulling out his phone. “No, Rudy,” You started but it was already too late.

He put the phone on speaker as the line started ringing.

“Hello?” The girl answered. “Hey, Elaine. There’s something I need to talk to you about.” Rudy said. “Uh oh.” She laughed.

Rudy gave her a half-hearted version of a laugh before continuing.

“Y/N has noticed that you are liking posts about you and I dating and being a couple and it’s making her uncomfortable. And I never want to put her in a situation that would make her feel that way. I love her and I respect her and her feelings so I’m kindly asking you to stop doing that.” He explained.

“Oh come on, Rudy, they’re just jokes.” Elaine said. Your face fell slightly as you started to nervously play with the ring on your finger.

Rudy noticed and took your hand in his before he replied.

“They’re not jokes to her and they’re not to me. Everyone else respects my relationship so why can’t you?” He asked a little more harshly.

“Look, Elaine, I want to keep being your friend but Y/N is my girlfriend and I’m in love with her. So if you can’t start respecting Y/N and I’s relationship then we can’t be friends anymore.” Rudy added.

You looked up at him with wide eyes, not wanting him to give up a friendship because you were insecure.

“Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was that serious. And I’m sorry if it’s putting a strain on your relationship.” Elaine finally said. The conversation seemed to die after that and Rudy hung up.

“You love me?” You asked with a shy smile on your face. Rudy smiled at you and cupped your face in his hands. “Of course I do. So much.” He replied before kissing you deeply.

@rudeth: my love, my life @y/f/n_

#imagine #imagines #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #outer banks #jj maybank x reader #kiara carrera #outer banks imagine #rafe cameron #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow imagine #john b routledge #pope heyward #sarah cameron

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years

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(未定事件簿) 莫弈 [剧情: 第2章] [Tears of Themis] Mo Yi Private Story Translations (Chapter 2-6)

*Tears of Themis Masterlist / Mo Yi’s Masterlist / Mobile Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Mo Yi’s Private Story tag is #Tears of a Personal Psychiatrist. *Chapter 1 can be viewed here!

Location: Mo's Mental Health Research Center

After the questioning session, Mo Yi and I both came to the conclusion that Li Yu had been lying.

But a coffee shop with a huge influx of customers wasn’t really the place to be talking about things like this, therefore, we both returned back to Mo Yi’s Research Center to continue our discussion about Li Yu.

MC: You think Li Yu’s lying too? I was worried that maybe I was just overthinking things.

Mo Yi: Of course; the contradictions on her person were obvious enough, but before that...

He poured a cup of tea, gently nudging it towards me.

Mo Yi: Humor me and my selfishness a little, would you? Can I hear what you think about this first?

MC: Sure. You can also help me see if there are any loopholes in my own conclusions.

Mo Yi: Okay.

MC: The story that Li Yu told was very distinct, and very confusing.

MC: The “Five-step trapping method” was perfect and complete without a single fault or flaw; so much that it was to the point of being fake.

MC: But;

Mo Yi: But, what?

MC: Maybe she wanted to put the focus on the five-steps. That’s why she glazed over the more important details of the questions.

Li Yu’s slightly panicked expression flashed through my mind, making me frown.

MC: Firstly, she’d secretly downloaded the social application that everyone around her had been using out of curiosity; intending to try it out for herself.

MC: The system recommended Wang Chen to her after she had filled in the APP’s information collecting questionnaire. That’s when they both had their first contact with each other.

MC: ...But if that’s the case here, then some of her previous statements as well as some of the things she did will be, logically speaking, contradictory of itself.

Mo Yi: Oh?

MC: At that time, I had asked her if she usually used social software like this. Her answer was no.

MC: She'd also added that she had only wanted to take a look before deleting it immediately after.

MC: If so, then why would she waste so much time filling in that content-heavy questionnaire? And even then, why truthfully so?

Mo Yi: Maybe it's just a mandatory requirement from the software itself? Or perhaps Li Yu's just the type of person who's so serious that she's stubborn to a fault?

MC: ...We can't rule out that possibility either; but this isn't the only strange thing at this point.

MC: How would Wang Chen have ever known about that one unique line of hers if she didn't set up her own profile page?

MC: Even if the system was able to match people in accordance with their interests, even taking it a step further and connecting the two who both love the same title.

MC: This is still a line unique to herself. So just how will someone else, not to mention, a stranger, even learn about it all so easily like that?

I looked at Mo Yi, seeking his opinion.

He nodded.

Mo YI: Any other suspicious points?

MC: Yes. The second strange thing about all of this is the reason behind her suicidal scars.

MC: Li Yu said that those wounds were inflicted after they had broken up, because she couldn't bear to leave him; and used this as a way to convince him to get back together with her, but...

MC: But the end-goal of all PUAs tend to be the complete emotional obedience of the girl.

MC: In order to attain this goal, they'll have to be the one to take the initiative throughout all their interactions together and take control of their relationship. This is the only way that PUAs can guarantee that the girl will be put through the "Five-step Trap" according to every dictated step, until they completely fall apart in a desperate mess.

MC: But in Li Yu's case, this dynamic appears to have been switched since Wang Chen was the one making the compromises. This fails to fall in line with the usual PUA line of thought.

Mo Yi: But then, what if Wang Chen’s motive was to crush Li Yu’s self-esteem? He did accomplish that in the end after all.

MC: No. Generally speaking, when the girl reaches the state where their self-esteem has been all but crushed, they'd have already built a high level of emotional dependence with the PUA.

MC: Only through doing this, will the PUA be able to make a mountain out of a molehill with the girl's mistakes, using it to completely destroy their personality.

MC: Let's suppose that Wang Chen wished to use how she had "previously tried to break up" as the mistake to amplify; if so, then,

MC: He'd have to first ensure that Li Yu's emotional dependence on him is at a high enough level that she'd definitely want to get back together with him after breaking up; but…

I recalled what Li Yu had said back then.

MC: Li Yu suggested a breakup because she couldn't stomach how Wang Chen was also simultaneously dating many other girls. This goes to show that she has still maintained her sense of reason.

MC: Under these circumstances, there is a higher chance that Li Yu wouldn't get back with him. On the contrary, Wang Chen blocking her seems to be the more reasonable response here.

MC: If I were in his shoes, I'd much rather maintain the romantic relationship we have going between us and continue "brain-washing" Li Yu, rather than to run the risk of losing my prey.

MC: This way, all the previous work I've done doesn't go to waste, am I right?

MC: Besides… How should I put this…? The way she presented herself already exposed her.

Mo Yi: ……

MC: If I'm not wrong, that shiny thing under her eyes was probably to make her lower eyelids appear plumper to sell the "teary eyed" look.

MC: And judging from the color of the scars on her hand… I'd say that that was special effects make-up at play.

Having said that, I couldn't help but to sigh, feeling conflicted and semi-dejected about it all.

After hearing my explanation, Mo Yi's mood appeared no worse for the wear. He lowered his eyes as he thought on it for a while before the sides of his mouth slightly lifted.

Mo Yi: It looks like you don’t need me to explain anything anymore; you’ve already thought this whole thing through.

MC: Did you conclude that Li Yu was lying through these factors too?

Mo Yi: Not completely. The reason why I deduced as such was mainly through her moods and state of being as she spoke.

MC: Her mood and her state of being?

Mo Yi: Correct. It's normally a difficult feat for someone to remain completely impartial and rational when it comes to someone else, or another matter.

Mo Yi: This is especially true for PUA Victims. As they sink deeper and deeper into the web of lies that the opposing party weaves, they'll end up losing their judgement towards reality in exchange.

Mo Yi: If you study the self-accounts of these victims in detail, you’ll come to realize that most of them veer more towards “feeling” than “reason”.

Mo Yi: It is hard for them to take an impartial stance and completely tell someone else about the PUA techniques that they’ve been subjected to.

Mo Yu: But Li Yu was different.

I don’t know what thought had just slid into his mind, but his lips quirked up in a hint of mockery.

Mo Yi: The logic and explanation she gave was clear; the important points were all clearly highlighted. All the steps of the “Five-step Trap”; it’s progress, is clearly shown in her story.

Mo Yi: Also, Li Yu didn’t have any emotional fluctuations while she was re-telling the entire story, asides from the couple of times where she displayed some un-interesting waterworks, if it even counts.

MC: ...No wonder she gave me a weird sense of disconnect when I talked to her; It’s just as if she’s...

Mo Yi: As if she’s a third-party, who’s telling a story that has absolutely nothing to do with herself. It doesn’t hurt, nor does it tickle; but she has to put on an act by faking emotions.

MC: That’s it; that’s just how it feels like! Although she’d occasionally break out into tears at the table, I can’t really feel that she’s actually upset or anything like that.

MC: But based on what she said, she’d obviously already gone so far down the hole that she even contemplated suicide. If so, then how can she still be so calm?

Mo Yi: That’s precisely the case here.

MC: ...I’ve still got to give Li Yu a pat on the back for being able to make such an almost realistic lie.

MC: Truth to be told, if I didn’t notice the way she had presented herself and held onto a shred of suspicion, it’d be hard for me to say for sure that I wouldn’t fall for her bluff.

Mo Yi: Actually, what Li Yu said wasn’t entirely a lie. It was something fabricated from truth.

MC: A lie fabricated from truth!?

His words held such profound meaning that it shocked me the moment it came out of his mouth.

MC: Wha… Sorry, Dr. Mo; I really don’t understand what you’re getting at this time.

Mo Yi: It’s a very clever and high-handed way of doing things. I’d never have thought of this either, if I hadn’t noticed her little slip ups during her conversation.

Mo Yi: Earlier, you said that she had presented many loopholes when speaking of the details pertaining to the matter throughout the conversation; correct?

MC: Yes.

Mo Yi: Knowing all of the specifics detailing the “Five-step Trap”, yet nothing about the details when it comes to daily life.

Mo Yi: There's only one way this sort of narrative will appear in PUA-related cases.

MC: How?

Mo Yi: Most of the so-called "relationship mentors" use this sort of narratives to share their "hunting methods" with others when writing their own accounts.

MC: Dr. Mo, are you saying that Li Yu is...

Mo Yi: That's right. I think Li Yu should be someone from the PUA group herself; a staff member who’s responsible for converting the experiences of the Mentors into actual text.

Mo Yi: She put several cases to her knowledge to use by piecing them into a story. And it’s precisely because she’d haphazardly pieced them together, that the logical loopholes came to be.

Mo Yi: I think that the truth that binds all these stories together beneath the lie should be that Wang Chen had found a girl to target through a social media platform.

Mo Yi: Disguising himself as his persona of a “poet”, he approaches his target through an extremely targeted approach, succeeds, and everything goes smoothly without so much as a hitch.

Mo Yi: But the good times didn’t last long, for the girl realizes just who he really was and asked to break up; Wang Chen could only accede.

Mo Yi: This story should have ended here, at this point; but a story like this isn’t captivating at all, so she added suicide to the fray.

MC: Captivating…? So, you’re saying that Li Yu is knowingly trying to get us to investigate Wang Chen by guiding us to him?

MC: Hang on… I remember that she’d asked about the whole incident with He Kunpeng before she left, which means...

MC: Li Yu came charging headfirst at us! The groups that both she and Wang Chen hail from should be the very same one that we’re looking for!

Mo Yi: Correct.

MC: But if that’s the case, then wouldn’t it mean that the progress of our investigation has already been exposed?

Mo Yi: Probably not; Li Yu wouldn’t have asked you over and over again if you’d found any important leads otherwise.

Mo Yi: This is similar to how that chat group has suddenly disappeared; I think the other party is only aware of our actions.

Mo Yi: It’s just that this time, they got the information from somewhere or another that we were looking for a PUA Mentor who had hurt female students before, so that’s why...

Mo Yi: Rather than being a sitting duck and awaiting their own doom, how about taking the initiative and making the first move? Maybe abandoning this “pawn” that’s already been targeted will be able to save the rest of this game of chess.

Mo Yi: And Wang Chen just so happens to be both the one we’re looking for, and the “pawn”.

He expressed his deductions slowly and impactfully, answering several of the questions that had been nagging at me along his train of thought.

MC: So, we’re still going to investigate Wang Chen?

Mo Yi: Of course. A “pawn” he might be, but as long as he’s been on the chessboard before, he’ll have definitely left traces in his wake.

MC: If that’s the case, then let’s make the best of our time and act fast.

I enthusiastically voiced my assent and invited him to proceed on together, but he had suddenly gone quiet.

He looked at me quietly for a while before he finally spoke. But the words that left his lips were akin to a basin of cold water that had been set outside in a cold winter’s day, bearing a cold and biting chill.

Mo Yi: It'll be for the best if you don't take part in the upcoming course of action.

☆⋅⋆…⋅─────────── ⋆⋅✾⋅⋆ ───────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Previous Part: (Chapter 2-4) | Next Part: (Chapter 2-7)

#Tears of Themis #Mo Yi #Translations #Otome #Mihoyo #未定事件簿 #莫弈 #Private Story #Tears of a Personal Psychiatrist

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bellamygateoldblog · 4 years

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how do we feel about bellamy abandoning a suicidal octavia in a toxic forest in the name of monty, 'monty gave his life for us so we could have another change, and im not going to let you destroy it' who repeatedly made it clear in his final season that he wished he did more to save jasper

…we don’t feel great about it. Lol.

Got a little carried away. Apparently I had a stronger opinion on this on this than I thought I did.

There’s an LT;DR at the bottom if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing :)

The Blake relationship is a really complicated one. And I think how you see this event in particular depends on how you interpret this dynamic during the rest of the show, and how sympathetic you are towards Octavia as a character.

I want to start with this: the second chance was Monty’s to give, and only Monty’s. Bellamy doesn’t get to dictate who that message does and does not apply to, because Monty made it perfectly clear he holds no grudges, and wants the best for what’s left of the human race regardless of who they’ve been in the past or what they’ve done. That’s the whole point of ‘doing better’. He just wants everyone to do better than they did, whichever way that is. Monty didn’t specifically say ‘oh but not Octavia she can choke’ so therefore Bellamy had no right to be cowering behind Monty’s words.

He’s telling them to try a bit harder to be more understanding, compassionate, and rational. He wants them to choose to be farmers rather than warriors- to rebuild rather than destroy, to grow rather than deforest, to choose peace over war no matter what. It means a lot more than just ‘hey! maybe don’t go on another genocidal rampage?’

And by abandoning/banishing Octavia, Bellamy did the opposite of what Monty wanted. It almost felt, as i was watching, like he’d sentenced her to death. Like Clarke was banishing Murphy all over again. Or like he was Clarke abandoning him to die in the fighting pits. And I don’t know…repeating old mistakes doesn’t exactly scream ‘doing better’ to me.

Maybe this was Bellamy’s way of ridding the toxicity from the group?

But deciding she’s a lost cause and leaving her there, a clearly mentally unstable woman (and not only just some ‘woman’, but the baby sister he’s shared his life with), on an alien planet that none of them even know is safe at this point, or if it’s inhabited with hostile entities, from some moral high horse/manpainTM point of view is so low. It’s unearned at this point in the series.

Our attention was drawn to how hard it was for him. How upset he was after he did it. Rather than to Octavia and how she felt about it. It brought me back to that moment in season five, to how the camera focused in on Clarke’s pained teary-eyed expression while the child she was electrocuting was a blurry spot the background. Just what the fuck? Is all i have to say about that. He was very much Clarke in this moment; pulling a lever, leaving someone he loves on the outside *for the people* and feeling a bit ashamed but justified about it regardless.

She was trying to do the S1 Bellamy thing and stowaway to an alien planet to protect the one she loved. But the emotional fallout of season five was immense and both of them were way too amped up for any of it to go as planned. Which makes me wonder why the writers even attempted it in the first place?

But let’s just take a minute to think about how reckless and borderline insane this whole decision is from Bellamy- this is the girl who started out an illegal child, unwanted by the people she was born into, who assimilated with the indigenous people, earned their respect, found belonging with them until ultimately she became their leader. Like, if you really thought she was this much of a hazard, throwing her adaptive ass into the wilderness ready to meet another set of warrior people maybe isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had?

HOWEVER

I’m not actually opposed to a detail like this. Because of the unhealthy and sometimes poisonous nature of the Blake sibling relationship. And because they both absolutely needed time apart if Octavia were ever to grow out of Blodreina.

No matter what Monty never gave up on Jasper. But Jasper was usually self-destructive and didn’t act out emotionally using violence like how Octavia does so naturally. He could be a pain in Monty’s ass from time-to-time, but Jasper was never a threat to anyone but himself.

Bellamy cast Octavia out because she killed those guards unnecessarily. She hadn’t yet reflected on what became of her, nor had she processed any of the trauma from the bunker and following battle for Eden, in which some of the heaviest casualties were her most important relationships, with Indra, and with Bellamy. As convinient as it was to utilise violence as a tool for maintaining power, law, and order within the bunker…they aren’t in the bunker anymore, and she is no longer someone with a crushing responsibility.

Was any of that Bellamy’s fault? No.

Was it Bellamy’s job to ‘fix’ her? No.

(Do I think Monty would encourage him to mend their relationship anyway after losing his best friend and brother? Yes.)

But as her big brother and psudo-father, someone that spent his entire life protecting and taking care of her, the bare minimum i’d expect from him in a situation like this is for him to show some empathy, listen to the whole story from her point of view rather than basing his entire livelyhood on the biased accounts of a couple of Wonkru defectors, and make an attempt to understand why she is no longer the baby sister he remembers her being. If anyone was in the position to understand her- her behaviour, her mindset, the weight of leadership and how it shapes a person, and the pressure of making potentially morally corrupt decisions to ensure the people’s safety putting your humanity on the line for it- it’s him.

This was just cheap drama in place of where they could’ve written a meaningful conflict between them.

It was an oppurtunity to address Octavia’s past treatment of him, their co-dependence, their mother, Bellamy deeply believing his life was stolen from him and Octavia feeling she never had a chance to begin with, Bellamy’s inclination to make himself smaller so Octavia can take up as much space as she possibly can, both of their perverse insecurities that manifest in equally debilitating ways, Bellamy’s skewed sense of self pushing him to orbit around her, Octavia’s identity issues and lack of socialisation and resulting narrow black-or-white mindset, I could go on and on. There’s so so much content here to explore. There’s so much stress and pain in this relationship. It’s a shame that despite all that they decided to go omg cannibalism!!!!!!!!

Octavia took forever to forgive Bellamy for what happened to Lincoln, she demonised him, she attacked him over it in one of the most grotesque and unhinged displays of violence i’ve ever seen, and that wasn’t even his fault. I think we can afford Bellamy the same amount of room.

If this ‘banishment’ was the long-time-coming storm of past trauma of their intertwined existences that has long since been buried, if the time of physical peace spent on the ring building a family of his own pushed Bellamy to make a realisation or two about love and family, and the stressful draining qualities of his relationship with Octavia began to morph into resentment of her, and all this abandonment is, is just a beautifully crafted, carefully maintained facade collapsing between them, I WOULD LOVE IT. It’s understandable. But I need to see them have it out with each other first. If nothing is addressed, if they still go on carrying those things around and never find closure, not only is that hindering Octavia’s growth, but Bellamy’s, too.

But none of that happened in season six. Instead i got to see yet another female with her autonomy ripped from her and i got to see manpain.

Over time she supressed any parts of herself that would make her appear weak. It was always going to take time to pull herself out of that dark place and find a way to shape an identity that isn’t based in something that can easily be ripped away from her. So removing her from the group to find ‘the self’ is a good choice. But it had to be her choice.

I think if everything had blown up and Octavia had chosen to leave on her own volition because she recognises her own tragedy and calamity and wants to do what’s right, it would’ve been the perfect place to begin a redemption/reflection arc for her. With self-awareness. What do they say? The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one in the first place?

In an answer to another ask I said it would make some sense for Bellamy (and Clarke & Spacekru) to be unintentionally hypocritcal and judgemental considering the time distance between their last violent experience and how long they’ve had to make peace with the past. While Octavia was in the most stressful position she’s ever been in, and right in the thick of things for the six years that everyone else spent healing and maturing in.

So we have Bellamy as his most reassurred, most contented self- and he comes to Earth, he comes face-to-face with an unhinged Octavia, and is overwhelmed immediately with biased and incomplete information recapping the last six years during an erratic situation with enemies. I’d be confused and paranoid, too tf?

Bellamy loves Octavia more than life. But she’s morphed into a woman he no longer recognises and it could even come as a personal betrayal to him. He’s been disconnected from her for six years. He’s no longer intoxicated by his love and devotion to her. And he’s having a hard time accepting that the baby sister he thinks the world of is capable of such cruelty. So he’s having trouble forgiving her for it. I think it makes a lot of sense. Except, again, they never addressed anything like this.

Season five Bellamy I get. I’m sympathetic to him just as I am Octavia.

But in season six he appeared, not like he was acting on years of supressed emotional turmoil, but like he was on some moral high horse looking down on her from it.

The end of season five left things open, and there was a lot of potential there for things between them to improve, but season six took it and threw it out the nearest window. And we saw Octavia crawling on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness from a man that 1) doesn’t want her, 2) doesn’t respect her, 3) refused to listen to her, and 4) only accepted her once she was the woman he wanted her to be, who was now no longer traumatised.

TL;DR: I’m not opposed to the whole idea of them seperating in season six, with Octavia being the castaway, but it should’ve been Octavia’s choice, not Bellamy’s. And I think Monty might be disappointed that this was what (season six) Bellamy took away from his video on ‘doing better’. To ‘do better’ he decided to choose just one person that can represent all the evil that exists within both his people and himself and throw her out the dropship door. Problem solved! But there are many ways in which I think the writers could’ve done a lot more with this idea, and a lot better, too.

#hopefully this i objective I tried to make it so #the 100 #octavia blake #pro octavia blake #bellamy blake #rosie tag: share with the group #took me a couple days to answer so i hope whoever sent it will see

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years

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Hello! I was wondering if you had any advice for my scenario: I don't think I am anything but heterosexual (most of my crushes have been women) but I think I might be potentially interested in my best friend (to give a description, he's gay himself)? I dunno, I think about the possibility and I'm not entirely adverse to the idea. I remember even cuddling with him and liking it. I don't know what to do or how to feel. Any advice?

Hi Nonny!

First of all, it’s totally okay to be confused about who you are and what you’re feeling: despite what the media and bigots want you to believe, sexuality is fluid and sometimes it really is “straight with an exception” as cringy as some people make that out to be.

Second of all, I’m not an expert, so this is my disclaimer to say that take my words with a grain of salt; I have never had any serious relationship in my life, but I’ve spent endless hours consoling my friends with my thoughts, so hopefully that will help you

Finally, I’m assuming you are self-identified as a male since you do offer a pronoun for your friend, and given the context of the wording of this ask, it’s the deduction I’m making here.

Now that that’s all done and done: IT’S OKAY. Sometimes, we discover things late in life about ourselves *coughs* either due to environment or our own ignorance, and when we take a moment to sit down and self reflect, the whole world suddenly clicks. It IS a scary thing to think you’re one thing but as our understanding of sexuality continues to expand pretty much daily, the more everything starts to make sense. Lovely, it could be anything from just feeling comfortable around your friend to actual attraction. I think with men, it’s difficult to parse those feelings because you guys are forced to not engage in them because “it’s not manly” or “you’re such a girl if you do” (which I don’t understand why that’s an insult but go off I guess). For that reason, my heart hurts for guys because societal norms dictate that you aren’t allowed to discover yourself. It’s slowly getting better, but there’s still a lot of work to do.

So in that sense, Nonny, I understand why you may be confused and unsure, especially if you may have been brought up to bottle up those feelings or to not be allowed to self-reflect. I’m here to tell you: IT’S OKAY. Be emotional. YOU ARE HUMAN, and as such, we are emotional creatures. I’d rather you cry and talk about them than bottle up your emotions to a point where they convert into anger and bitterness.

So, back to your question after my little tangent there. I’m NOT going to label you, Lovely, that’s not my place, but many-a-people I’ve talked to mention similar feelings when realizing that they were bi- or pan- romantic/sexual, and only realized it later BECAUSE they were in similar situations or escaped confining lives that shunned anything other than the heteronormative.

Sexuality is a GINORMOUS scale that ranges from “not at all”(sexuality) to “very very”(sexuality) and there’s so much in between that, that it’s PERFECTLY NORMAL to possibly be “straight with an exception” if THAT’S the label YOU choose for yourself. I’m not going to tell you “nope, you’re bi, sorry”. That’s not my place. You know yourself better than some rando blogger on the internet, LOL. THAT SAID Lovely, I am going to encourage you to at least sit down and do a LOT of internal self-reflection, and reading up on sexuality on Wikipedia, or, just doing a bit of Googling I found the Bisexuality Resource Centre and I don’t know what its reputation is amongst other bis, but just like AVEN helped me as a STARTING POINT to understanding who I am, perhaps that site will also help you as you begin this journey. From there, like I did, you’ll find some terms and other books you can read and Google and begin to formulate your own opinions and understanding about you. Here’s an interesting article on wikiHow that talks about trying to define friendship from romantic feelings. And another one here from Psychology Today on Platonic love.

So, where does that leave you with your friend, then? I think it’s important for me to note here that it’s VERY IMPORTANT that through your journey, you NEED to also take your friend’s feelings into consideration; PLEASE don’t lead him on if you have no intention of following through. It’s very possible that you and your best friend are just SO comfortable with each other that seeking physical contact is y’all’s way of expressing your appreciation and platonic love for each other. Chances are good, depending on where you live, that he feels constantly on-guard when he’s in public and when he’s with his family, so letting his guard down around you is a high honour that you should NOT exploit. Cuddle and hug, there’s nothing wrong with that; there IS such a thing and queerplatonic life partners / relationships (my best friends have this very thing, in fact), and you guys could love each other very much and get everything you need out of a relationship without sex.

Here’s where it gets tricky and scary, though, Lovely, and it may be better to address it before it morphs into something that will irreparably damage your friendship. I think in this case it may be worth talking to your friend about your confusion, but don’t necessarily say it’s because of him. Express to him that you’ve been having some feelings lately that you’re not sure about, and you’re currently trying to learn about yourself and his opinions and strength will be valued. If he is your best friend, he will encourage you and be a shoulder for you while you navigate your emotions. He should be able to provide you with that “in the know” knowledge of how you can understand yourself so that you will be happier and less confused. Men so often don’t talk about their feelings, and trust me, it will be beneficial to you in this case, I think. Talking makes it REAL. Keeping it to yourself only internalizes it and can fester wrong conclusions.

Will it become awkward between y’all? Maybe, possibly, or not. The cuddles may stop, if only so that you guys don’t get your feelings mixed up with your friendship. But know that everything will be OKAY at the end of it all. My self-discovery journey took 4 years, so it’s NOT an overnight thing. But having someone you trust to talk about it, and to acknowledge it makes you feel more valid. And in the end, if it becomes something else or not, at least you know a lot more about you and about where you want to stand in your relationship with your best friend.

Now, I’ve avoided saying this next bit up until this point because the important thing to focus on is YOU, BUT. There’s ALSO the slight possibility that you guys got yourself into a Sherlock-and-John situation where he’s ENDLESSLY pining for his only-dated-women-since-we’ve-been-together best friend, and he’s keeping quiet because he loves you and your friendship is more important to him than losing you… which is why he allows the cuddles with you. IF that scenario is the case, AGAIN, you guys NEED to talk about it so you’re not leading each other on. A strong friendship will survive an emotional upheaval / revelation like that, and even if nothing comes of it, you guys will still be besties.

Bah, sorry it took me so long to answer this, Lovely. I was crying the whole time I wrote this because I’m a sap and it reminds me of my own “oh shit I’m not broken” moment. That and I am SO worried that your friendship will break, but you guys seem to be very close so the TL;DR version of this is: TALK. Honestly, many problems are solved with open and honest communication, and having someone close to you hold your hand on your journey will be a welcome thing to have.

In the end, this is YOUR decision to make, so have a think on it, weigh your options, and do what your heart feels is right.

If any of my followers experienced something similar, or if I have erred anywhere, please feel free to add your own, Lovelies, so that Nonny doesn’t feel so alone and so that they can know that everything will be alright.

#steph replies #my advice #life advice #friendship vs relationship #friends #chatting with nonnies #Anonymous #sexuality

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shawnjacksonsbs · 3 years

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Turning molehills into mountains isn't a prerequisite for the boy to become the man. Oh on the contrary. . . . 11-1-20

"What do you do with the mad that you feel When you feel so mad you could bite? When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong... And nothing you do seems very right?" - What do you with the mad that you feel by Fred Rogers

So do you want Fred Rogers style help or real adult assistance to help you through your troubled waters? Oh wait, they're the same fucking thing. I'll choose the way that walks with light toward the side with love, trust, and understanding. That way I can pick up some compassion, loyalty, and grace along the way as well. Sometimes being the example alone just doesn't feel like enough. To kind of, cosign last week's entry, I suppose . . . Internal turmoil makes me feel off. And of course, I don't like it. Completely out of my control. Without too much dirty laundry aired, sometimes our positive life choices, or the good that comes our way, can make others feel, not so good about them. It's rough knowing that it's hard for loved ones to completely get behind a choice you've made that has proven to be in your best interest so far, because it feels like a lot for them to take on. Although it's not supposed to be taken personally, it absolutely feels personal. Outside of social media though, it has not, nor do I think it ever will, affect my life in a direct, outward, negative fashion. I just don't like the way it makes me feel. . . without clarity. Like I have to give up other parts, and other pieces of relationships. It's not exactly like walking on eggshells, but it definitely means walking a certain way or missing out on some other stuff for sure. I suppose when I first started writing this one it was more questioning, "How should I proceed?" Now, once again, the answer quite obviously presents itself. If it's not bad, keep living it. Keep putting as much good and love out into the world as I can, as I have been. Be the example I want to see, and hope for the healing of others to come quicker, while being as patient and understanding as I can. I cannot allow anything, rational or not, that comes from anyone else to make me fall either though. Every now and then faltering off the path by even an inch [an inch or a mile all feels the same], and it has me feeling things, negative things that I'd just rather not. That's always going to be a thing though isn’t it? Other people doing them I mean. Especially if they're doing their lives the best way they know how, no matter what it makes me feel, or how. They're allowed to feel how they feel, just as I am. Sometimes, just being the example is all we get to have, or even share, because we can't control the lives of others, and we sure as hell can't tell them what they're feeling is wrong. Mainly, because it's not wrong, like ever, to feel anything. It is still unrealistic to put any expectations on other people, even and maybe especially those closer to my heart. I can't always do the things I'm supposed to do, why would I ever expect more from anyone else than I know of myself? Lol Hurt heals, in its own time, not in my time. Not even in my time, if it's my hurt. First, we break it down. It's not really anger at all. Anger generally stems from hurt and/or fear. In my case, it could be both and is probably also a little rational hurt mixed with irrational fears. It's a deep break . . .breakdown. The finite damage I carry from the old life still runs deep, but it's more recognizable these days when they surface. Bonus. lol no lol This is what I needed to write, after feeling some kind of way about someone else's actions. It's obviously my problem, and not theirs. How I feel about anything, ever, in life, will always only be mine to deal with. Having you guys out there reading, as I pour my heart and soul out once in a while keeps me healthy, responsible, accountable, loving, and . . . kind. It helps to know that there are plenty of people that care, about their feelings, and about mine. And when the hurt stems from someone we love, it just hurts harder. The closer they are to our heart, the deeper the hurt goes. Hence, little molehills feel like giant mountains crushing our hearts. And still yet, the silver is always out there, waiting for us to scoop it up, and there is always fuel for this fire. Believe that. In the great grand scheme of things, with millions and millions of year behind us, and so much more ahead of us, the thought of how short a lifespan we truly get, should help us to reach a deeper appreciation for what we have and our, oh so, short time here, together. If we hold onto a blink for too long, we miss so much. Regret is such a cold, uncomfortable, and unforgiving bitch. Forgiveness helps, but the best policy is to limit those future deathbed regrets while in the moment if you can. Don't let shit linger too long, if you know, like truly know, in your heart the ways around. Limiting my deathbed regrets means knowing that empathy and understanding will always feel better than anger. Even if they hit differently at first, it does not last. The wisdom that people believe rests in the minds and hearts of our elders is in them because of the number of times they bumped their heads into the wall. Eventually, like them, we will learn to sidestep brick walls and the sooner we figure this out, the sooner we can live more happy, content, and peaceful lives. I'm trying to reach a higher point of perspective before I reach the "elderly" side of life. The walls appear to me sooner these days than they ever used to in the past. Experience, alongside love, is going to keep me sharp and with peace in my soul earlier than had I not fucked up so much of my life before. Grateful for where I am now, and why. Not everyone is there yet. Trying to reason with somebody, especially a loved one who isn't there yet can be terribly frustrating. If I know someone wears an “inability” to reach a consensus through reason, it's on me to find another approach or move on. How on earth could that possibly be the responsibility of the one who doesn't understand? Huge leaps forward, aren't for the faint of heart. It also sometimes means solutions have to be found against the judgment or opinions of the ones who aren't there yet. Get it? When left with no choice, that is the choice. It couldn't be more obvious. This entry started with a hurt from my youngest, as I was caught off guard, and ended on an anger involving my oldest, because reasoning for one isn't the same as reasoning with another. I suppose that's enough rambling for now. Feeling some kind of better version of myself through these writings, so thank you guys again for that. ~As it is now Sunday morning, I thought I'd add that I've enjoyed the weekend so far, very much. There are a few people that we didn't get to see, that we missed, but it was good nonetheless. Friday evening was an adult costume party with friends and family in the city, and yesterday [actual Halloween] was spent with friends and family too, although it was more for the littles of our lives out here in the country at my momma's. My life is still beyond amazing and my wish for the rest of the world is still love, but . . . I would absolutely settle for peace. Keep sharing the love and the laughter with the world around, and try to always be kind when and where you can. Those very few, and very isolated times where you can't, maybe just be civil instead. Respect, until disrespect dictates another course of action. It really is that easy. Its changed my life . . . so much.

Until next week; "I can stop when I want to Can stop when I wish I can stop, stop, stop any time. And what a good feeling to feel like this And know that the feeling is really mine. Know that there's something deep inside That helps us become what we can. For a girl can be someday a woman And a boy can be someday a man." - What do you with the mad that you feel by Fred Rogers

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emperorren · 7 years

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on reylo being one-sided

(and why I’m not a huge fan of this scenario)

This is something I’ve wanted to address for a while---the fairly popular idea that the “only” romance we’re going to get in canon between Rey and Kylo will be one-sided on Kylo’s part. That there’s no way Rey can ever return his feelings (or, more accurately, his obsession), and will never forgive him for what he’s done.

I’m curious as to why this became so easy to believe in our corner of the fandom (and I mean specifically reylo shippers). Is this because we want to keep our expectations low? Is it because we recognize that some of the arguments “against” this ship are valid? Is it because, despite all meta and character analysis, we ultimately see Rey’s character as incompatible with Kylo’s, or we don’t believe in the writers’ ability to make her compatible without “ruining” her? Are there any actual signs of this dynamic being necessarily, intrinsically unrequited?

The answer to the last question, in my opinion, is no. Kind of the opposite. But I’ll get to this later; meanwhile, I’ll concede that this is probably the easiest, safest scenario to speculate on. Kylo being fixated on Rey is already de facto canon, we’re not exactly making wild speculation here. From “what girl?”, to "forget the droid, we have what we need”, to the way he watches her for who the hell knows how long while she’s unconscious, to “I can be your teacher”, it’s clear that our bad boy finds Rey fascinating, and it’s not a stretch of imagination at all to assume that this fixation will only get worse from this point on---that he’ll probably try again to kidnap or lure her again to his side, now that he knows how powerful she is. Villainous crushes are a Thing, so there’s nothing particularly outrageous or unrealistic about this.

Rey, however, is much more problematic. Her developing some feelings (whatever their nature) for Kylo really seems at odds with the way her character is portrayed and with her other main relationship (Finn). She doesn’t seem to feel anything but unadulterated hatred for Kylo at the end of the movie, and she has every reason to feel this way: the guy killed her newly found parental figure, hurt her best friend, is complicit in genocides and the destruction of an entire solar system, his every action proved that Leia was wrong about him. That Rey can ever feel even the slightest sympathy, let alone attraction, for such a person does sound like a stretch. "Falling” for Kylo would either irreparably taint her likability as a protagonist (what kind of person is attracted to someone who hurt her friends?), or, as many ant*s fear, turn her into an ooc, pallid imitation of the strong willed, independent, loyal young woman we’ve seen in TFA. Rey doesn’t have any real “reasons” to fall for Kylo, and the authors can’t make it happen unless they bend her character in really unpleasant ways. That’s the assumption.

But we shippers still want to see some romance---because what we saw blossoming in Kylo is unmistakable and too juicy not to be explored by the narrative. A tragic unrequited love on Kylo’s part that ends with him embracing the fact that Rey will never return his feelings, but still sacrificing himself for her safety, and redeeming himself with this purely selfless act---that sounds like a good compromise, right? Right. It’s not bad. It’s feasible from a storytelling perspective, it leaves Rey’s agency, personality, motivations etc. intact, while giving a payoff to Kylo’s anticipated *pull to the Light* without turning the story into a cheesy, bad trope-ridden romance in which the bad guy “gets the girl” as a prize for becoming good.

Still, I'm skeptical.

I’m 100% here for angst and a conflicted, tortured Kylo Ren who doesn’t know what to make of his feelings for the enemy, but do I really want to watch him chase a recalcitrant, disgusted Rey around the galaxy for the next two movies? Hell, no. Not only I’m afraid I’d find this repetitive and quickly exhausting, but the discourse around him would only get nastier, the “stalker” reading of his character more substantiated. Honestly, I don’t want to hear any of that.

But more importantly: even if it’s done well and the stalkey vibes are kept at minimum, it would work for Kylo, for his arc. Rey, on the other hand, would remain crystallized in her rejection of everything Kylo Ren is and stands for, which reeks of character stagnation, tbh. Especially compared to the enormous development that Kylo would undergo should he start to genuinely care for Rey.

You know, if you put all the burden of character evolution---of “meeting halfway”---on Kylo Ren and none on Rey, the inevitable risk is making him much more interesting than her. (honestly, he already is, because the writers bothered to give him some complexity, some flaws that read as flaws, and not just as endearing quirks that don’t compromise the overall adorableness of the character.)

I personally don’t see Rey as already whole, and I strongly reject the idea that “she shouldn’t change anything about herself”. Not changing anything about yourself doesn’t sound like a great idea if you’re the protagonist of a trilogy that is simultaneously a hero’s journey and a rite of passage into adulthood. Rey needs an identity arc, a trajectory. She starts as a character with a rather black/white sense of morality, that the narrative doesn’t really challenge or present as even remotely problematic. That’s definitely less complex than, for example, Finn, who has a moment of “fuck, I’m getting the hell out of dodge” and then comes around, who lies repeatedly to Rey, to Poe, to Han, to the Resistance, who has this huge shadow of his former identity as a stormtrooper looming above him for 3/4 of the movie. Finn is conflicted---he doesn’t share Rey’s unflinching loyalty to bb8 (although, unlike Rey, he did meet bb8′s owner), and his primary concern is getting the FO out of his system and saving Rey. Rey otoh jumps on the good guys’ bandwagon almost immediately, the only thing holding her back (her desire to go back to Jakku to wait for her family) conveniently pushed aside to shove her into action. Amazing, but two more movies of Rey never questioning herself, her loyalties, her assumptions, never showing a single flaw, never even being tempted, sound absolutely dull to me. Luke is so memorable as a hero because he evolves throughout the movies; he’s not stagnant. He begins his journey as an idealist, naive farm boy with a very black/white mentality (the same we find in Rey), but then he’s broken, he learns something that forces him to reconsider his place in the war (in the universe) and his perspective shifts, and he sees a man to save where he used to see only an enemy.

Of course, Rey’s arc doesn’t necessarily have to be similar to Luke’s, and her evolution surely doesn’t hinge on her relationship with the main (anti)villain. But the way they’ve framed her interactions with Kylo---including the fact that their duel represents the climax of the movie---tells me that this dynamic is going to be crucial. It would be a missed opportunity if Rey’s feelings weren’t as complex and layered as the ones Luke has for Vader.

I see the word “agency” tossed around a lot when promoting the idea of Rey never *falling* for Kylo. It’s a legitimate concern. But I think there’s a difference between:

a) feeling something for a person; b) acting on those feelings; c) letting those feelings define all you are or, worse, destroy who you are d) becoming a passive object of someone else’s desire

I definitely don’t want options C & D for Rey, and I only want B with... reservations (that is, if Kylo stop being an aggressive, self entitled ass, and changes himself in turn) but I think A is crucial---not for Kylo, but for Rey’s arc and complexity as a character. Feelings don’t have to be explicitly romantic, and she might continue on her path without giving in to them (i.e., refuse to let them dictate her actions)... but that she’s never going to feel sympathy for him in her heart is nonsensical given the way they shaped them as each other’s foil.

It’s important to note that Rey’s esteem of Kylo has already hit rock bottom by the end of TFA. Henceforth, it either rises or remains static, and I think we can all agree we can’t just watch two more movies of Rey thinking of Kylo as a monster. Well, I suppose someone could, but I for one would be bored to tears. (storytelling-wise, a character screaming their hate against their enemy in such a transparent, literal way in the first act is only a good choice if it’s going to be subverted later.)

Unrequited love is also at odds with my perception of this dynamic as intrinsically mutual.

Everyone commented on the yin and yang subtext, that was possibly a source of inspiration for a lot of imagery surrounding Rey and Ren (starting from their curiously similar names). The thing about yin and yang is that they both need each other---they both strive to incorporate the other to achieve wholeness; it’s a two sided feedback. If Rey, the yang, doesn’t need, or care for, or feel temptation for Kylo, the yin, then you can throw the whole yin/yang narrative out of the window. There’s no yin/yang dynamic if the yang doesn’t need, or want, the yin.

Even at this early stage, it’s a give and take between them. Kylo invades Rey’s consciousness to grab the map, Rey turns the tables on him and “steals” power and knowledge from his mind. The duel is a power play, a battle for dominance where each of them gets to have the upper hand at some point. Everything Kylo does to Rey, Rey returns in spades, almost mirroring him. So far, their interactions have been essentially violent, but should Kylo begin to feel something akin to affection, or compassion, or attraction for Rey, it makes sense to me that this would stir something of the same nature in her, an equal but opposite reaction. Why? Because they’re linked through the Force, she “feels” him as he “feels” her. Because she learns his story, and realizes that he wasn’t born bad. Because she starts dealing with her own darkness, and this makes her see Kylo’s in a different... light, no pun intended. I think these issues are already solidly rooted in canon, and in the hands of a skilled writer (and I think the authors behind this trilogy are skilled, if maybe lacking a bit of courage), can become a perfectly realistic premise for Rey to start feeling “something” for Kylo while maintaining her complexity

tl;dr; “Rey redeems Kylo by doing absolutely nothing” is infinitely less interesting to me than “Rey and Kylo change and redefine each other through their collisions and interactions”. If I had to choose between a one sided romance on Kylo’s part and no romance at all (but rather, a mutual... friendship? ambiguous antagonism?) I’d choose the latter without blinking. I’m more interested in the mutual nature of whatever’s going on between them (even if it’s just platonic), than I am in any explicit (but one sided) depiction of romantic feelings.

#ramblings #possibly fanwank #tagging later #**#one sided reylo

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your-kaleidoscope-girl · 7 years

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Do ALL OF THEM

😳 oh yikes all of them??

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?depends on the relationship i guess. i suppose not if it’s poly. but in a monogamous relationship it also depends on the people. some think anything physical is considered cheating. personally, i think cheating can happen way before things get physical, so yeah to me a kiss would be cheating unless it was obviously completely platonic and something silly

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?i guess you could say i faked an orgasm when i lost my virginity

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?i’d wanna be like an animorph, able to change into any animal i touch. but like not have to touch them, so i could be any animal in the world. i could turn into a fishy and swim the entire ocean. or a hawk and soar through the sky. or a cat and just be a lazy asshole

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?wow that would be nice! at this rate, it’s only happen if i hit the lotto and i’ve never bought a ticket so that’s not likely

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.oh gosh. well there was this one time i went and visited my best friend at college. and we went to this party and i had jungle juice for the first time, which i didn’t realize is just a shit ton of alcohol poured together and fruit punch or something. so at one point i laughed so hard that i ended up crouching, but then i couldn’t stand up so i said to this random guy next to me “i’m going to use your shorts to pull myself up, i’m not getting frisky, i promise” suffice to say me and Kelsey were toasted af by the time we left. and at this point she lived in these off campus apartments that were a very long walk. we had to pee really bad and weren’t even halfway back to her place, so i drunkenly decided to do a sloppy wall squat against a chainlink fence with my pants pulled down and proceed to urinate on the path. not my brightest moment. we laughed about it all the way back to her apartment though

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?we broke up on a mutual agreement that neither of us were in good places and needed to work on ourselves, that this wasn’t a forever solution and that if it was meant to be we’d come back to one another sometime down the line when we were both on our right paths

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? peacefully in my sleep due to old age. but honestly i’ll probably die trying to save someone from something dangerous

8. What are your current goals?just to name a few; get back to school, start my own business, move out

9. Do you like someone?i don’t just like her, i love her

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?James. he acted like a twat tonight at work and i’m severely disappointed in the way he’s been holding himself at work lately. he’s better than he’s been acting

11. Do you like your body?not really. i’m far too skinny. i’d like to get to the gym and build some muscle

12. Can you keep a diet?maybe a diet of junk food, cheese, pasta, bread, butter and steak AND BAGELs

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?treat everyone as you would like to be treated and maybe this world would might get a little brighter

14. Do you work?five days a week, 40+ hours

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?fuck. uhm. BAGELS bc bagels can be turned into just about anything 😉

16. Would you get a tattoo?i have three already! and so many more planned

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?LUSH cosmetic bathbombs 😳

18. Can you drive?yessir

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?Chef George tells me every day i work with him, today included 😋

20. What was the last thing you cried for?i was watching the titanic 😂

21. Do you keep a journal?yeah i’ve got a couple that i’ve written in. tumblr mostly though haha

22. Is life fun?most of the time yeah!

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?i only fart in front of people when i don’t feel well and can’t really control it. i usually manage to fart in private

24. What’s your dream car?soft blue convertible VW bug

25. Are grades in school important?personally i feel like shit when i fail, so to me yeah

26. Describe your crush.oh goodness. she’s remarkable. one of the strongest women i know, she fights every day. she gives the best hugs bc she’s not afraid to squeeze me like everyone else, and she does that almost let go but wait i need more time kinda squeezes too, and she does this thing where when we drop our arms she grabs at my waist with one hand in a half-hearted tickle kinda gesture. she has wicked beautifully expressive eyes. she doesn’t need to wear makeup bc she’s got natural beauty but when she does it’s just wow. her laugh is contagious and i can’t stop smiling when i spend time with her. she knows me better than i known myself sometimes. she makes time for me and is always there when i really need her. i can’t lie to her, she hears it in my voice, knows it by my eyes, but doesn’t force me to talk if i’m not ready. i’ve cried on her shoulder more times than i can count, she’s held me in the middle of panic attacks, reigned in my anger and told me exactly when i’m in the wrong. she’s incredible

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?codependent no more. i’m not even done, only a couple chapters in actually and it’s written with this raw truth and it’s eye opening

28. What was your last lie?i try not to lie so i can’t really remember 🤔

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? every time someone asked if i was okay and i lied and said i was fine

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?i fucking hate crying in front of people. i am not okay with that level of vulnerability in front of just anyone. but i also angry cry, which is annoying

31. Something you did and you are proud of?I’ve cut toxic friends out. I’m an assistant supervisor after working there for only two years, chosen above everyone else who’s worked there longer

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?i enjoy a good mai tai

33. Something you are good at?i’m a decent writer

34. Do you like small kids?in small doses they’re fun and adorable

35. How are you feeling right now?quite content, thank you

36. What would you name your daughter/son?Josephine for a little lady and Michael for my son. i’m open minded though

37. What do you need to be happy?general feeling of acceptance and love

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?Karen 😤

39. What was the last gift you received?like formal gift? probably my birthday presents. but i enjoy minimal gifts, like someone paying for my coffee or grabbing the bill for a lunch we had together (but i always fight and usually win bc i hate people paying for my food). i’m thinking hard about the last gift someone got me specifically though.. hmm… i think the last gift i got was the necklace Erin got me for my birthday, engraved with the latitude/longitude of where we first met 😊

40. What was the last gift you gave?i paid for dinner when i went out with my friends thursday night?

41. What was the last concert you went to?oh boy i haven’t been to a concert since…. three years ago when i saw Scotty McCreery with Dani?

42. Favourite place to shop at?Fabletics.com !!!

43. Who inspires you?honestly all the residents at work, hearing about what they’ve done or wish they’d done and how supportive they all are when i talk about any new lavish idea i have

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?probably eighteen or nineteen

45. How old were you when you first got high?again 18 or 19 i didn’t do these things until my college years when visiting Kelsey

46. How old were you when you first had sex?i was 23 believe it or not 😲

47. When was your first kiss?i was kissing by the time i was 12 i think lol

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? get it done by the end of the year? ah well i’d like to be able to move out. or i’d like to be with the love of my life. or both and possibly living somewhere with her?

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?i have so many regrets. but i wouldn’t change anything. every moment and choice i’ve made in the last has made me who i am today

50. Post a selfie.i’ll post one soon

51. Who are you most comfortable around?Erin, Kelsey, Ashley and Ryan

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.dying too young

53. What kind of books do you read?raunchy adult books, supernatural themes, murder mysteries, self help books

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?people come and go, love them while they’re with you. you’re gay as fuck, embrace it sooner rather than later. don’t let your parents dictate your choices.

55. What is your favourite flower?white carnations partially dyed blue

56. Any bad habits you have?i scratch/pick my scabs

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?strong personalities with pretty faces and nice butts 🤷🏼‍♀️

58. What was the last thing you cried for?i said this before, Titanic

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?calves liver, lamb, purée. working in an old folks home i see a lot of food that’s disgusting to me

60. Are you in love?i’m absolutely head over heels

61. Something you find romantic?intimate moments with candle light, deep talks, massages and food

62. How long was your longest relationship? 6 months

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?don’t get me started. petty, manipulative, emotional

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? fragile masculinity, arrogance, “friend zone”

65. What are you saving money for?everything! i’ve been saving money since i started working and it’s the smartest thing i’ve ever done. i have a safety cushion if my Jeep decides to die (which it very well might), or to use for school or whatever

66. How would you describe your bad side?insecure, selfish, self doubting and gullible

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?i’ve been told that my inner essence is so white and pure that it brought someone to tears when she saw it. she nicknamed me Angel from that moment. i’m a do-gooder, trying to save everyone i meet. i think i’m a good person

68. What are you living for?i’m still trying to figure that one out

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?what?! noo neverrrr

70. Do you like your body?didn’t i answer this earlier?

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?not that i can think of

72. Ever sent nudes?come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve sent full on nude photos before. there’s usually something covered and they’re more like “coming attractions” or teasers. but yeah, if those are considered nudes then fuck yeah man i love sending nudes to my person

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?i haven’t

74. Favourite candy?ooh that’s no fair i don’t like choosing. probably a toss up between butterfingers and milk duds though. but there’s also milky ways and ugh i just really like candy okay??

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!i kinda stalk @kenzicocapontas blog on the regular but she doesn’t know that so shh

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?L4D is my most favorite PC game! but also Diablo II and all of the Sims

77. Favourite TV series?Charmed 😍

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?i believe in a higher power and submit to the truth that i may never know exactly who/what it is or why things happens the way they do if there’s someone watching over us

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?didn’t i just answer this too?

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?props to y'all but i love me some filet mignon

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?hm my original account jmagerr i believe started in 2009 or 10

82. Do you like Chineese food?LOVE IT

83. McDonalds or Subway?both?!

84. Vodka or whiskey?vodka cranberry and jack/ginger are my go to’s

85. Alcohol or drugs?honestly not a huge fan of either

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?only out of the state so far, haven’t left the country just yet

87. Meaning behind your blog name?just that i’m always changing

88. What are you scared of?too many things. i’m very scared of failure, it’s kind of debilitating at times

89. Last time you were insulted?bleh my period makes me a cranky baby so everything’s hurt my feelings this last week

90. Most traumatic experience ?i’ve gone through some pretty emotionally traumatic relationships; verbal abuse, manipulation, cheating. my first girlfriend really did a number on me, left me with so many self esteem issues. it’s hard to get over internalized damage

91. Perfect date idea?coming home to a house softly lit, sitting down for a small dinner together among pillows and blankets in a fort we built together giggling like kids. laying together in the cramped space, feeding each other bites of food. and then we can push away the plates of food and start up a movie, or go upstairs to take a hot bath togetheri just really like intimate domesticity. another great date could literally be shopping all day and grabbing food, doing more shopping and going home to go through all the bags together

92. Favourite app on your phone?tumblr 😋

93. What colour are the walls in your room?we painted them a light grey then sponged a darker grey over it

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?actually i just use youtube for songs still

95. Share your favourite quote.“Be the change you wish to see in the world” gandhi

96. What is the meaning of life?also still trying to figure that one out

97. Do you like horror movies?yessss

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?i told her i wanted to go to therapy, that i’ve felt depressed for years and didn’t want to go to her and dad about it bc i didn’t wanna disappoint them

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?i feel blessed to have such a loving and understanding family. they accepted my sexuality when i went from straight to bi to lesbian and supported me even when i was considering dating a guy even though i said i was a lesbian. once i told them about my anxiety and depression they’ve been nothing but understanding, and helpful

100. Can you keep a secret?indeed i can 😊

oh boy that was a lot of work 😪 might just have to go to sleep now 😴

#asks #anon #get to know me #kelsey #erin #me

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