#I’m too scared to write it

[maddipoof]

della i'm sad and i wanna talk about knight steve so i offer u,

waking up really early and steve's just next to u waiting for u to wake up, cos let's face it he's a morning person/sociopath, and he's got this little glimmer in his eyes cos he's just so in love with u <3

I’m crying I just started it and it was so good then my phone shut off and I lost it lajdjendjdn 😭😭 I’m a whore for Sir Steve and commas so please bear with me

So it’s the three of you, Sir Steve, you, and squire Dustin. You’re on your journey away to wherever it is you’re going, probably to sir Eddie to perform the marriage in his kingdom that offered him sanctuary.

It was Dustin’s turn to keep watch the night before and as usual, Steve wakes up with the first sliver of the sun. So he sends Dustin to his tent and goes back to lay with you. Just admiring you, how soft and peaceful you look now that you get to rest. You’ve been so exhausted, so high strung the last few weeks on the run, he’s noticed it in the way your brow has taken a permanent furrow, your mouth taking a permanent frown. Both only broken for a moments rest, looking out at beautiful things ahead. Sparkling lakes, vibrant sunsets, the view of a swaying flower field from the side of a mountain. But his favorite look, his absolute favorite vision in all his days, is the way you look at him. The way your eyes fill with such adoration and your face just radiates joy when you get a moment alone. Even in a crowded tavern, people jostling against you every five seconds, in thick disguises. He pulls you closer, an arm firm around your waist, and plays up the act of a dashing knight, just for you. And the smile you give him is…heaven.

But that’s not what he’s seeing now, no, this is his other favorite thing to see. You completely at peace, lost in a dream, clearly a good one if your little lazy half smirk is anything to go by. And he just looks, and adores you. Tracing your eyebrow down to your cheekbone, pulling his hand away when he notices you stirring. You subconsciously let out a whimper at the loss of contact, one he wouldn’t have picked up on if he wasn’t so close to you. He moves closer and smooths his hand over your waist then up your back. Playing with the ends of your hair and pushing you closer.

He thinks he might cry looking at you. His only idea of love forged by the marriage of his parents was nothing to emulate he was sure, and the great romances he read of were something he thought he could only ever dream of. Never imagining it’d ever be something he’d really find, especially after taking his vow.

But you’re real, and you’re leaving your whole life behind for him, you’re his and he’s yours, and you love him and he loves you.

His sniffles are what wake you up. No tears but you notice an unusual shine to his waterline, only two short sniffs, loud enough to steal you from your dreams. But you’d argue this reality is better. Waking up to the birds singing from one side, the brook splashing from the other, and the love of your life looking at you like that. He presses his hand flat against your back between your shoulder blades, pulling you in even closer, gently rolling you both over so he’s hovering over you with a leg between yours to keep from crushing you. “I love you” and he says it so…reverently. You’re confused for just a second, not used to waking up to such a declaration, but that’d never stop you from saying it back. He kisses the space between your brows in hopes they’d relax which they always do.

Your thumbs run back and forth over his cheekbones, “I love you”

He lowers himself further into your touch, wishing he could stay there forever

#sorry but this really took a mind of its own #it’s way too long #ivy❤️ #knight!steve #he’s in love with you #sir Steve #is so very whipped #the end almost got real smutty I’m so sorry #I’m too scared to write it

[crybaby-bkg]

method actor boyfriend yuuta who gets a little too invested in his upcoming movie role. he’s playing some psycho character; someone calculated and manipulative; cunning; a stalker; eventually a killer. he’s always been a good actor, but sometimes he has to delve deep in order to portray a role to the best of his abilities.

you start to notice a difference in him after a while, though. he tells you he has to leave you for a few hours at a time, only for you to catch sight of his gaze lingering in the bushes outside of your home. or do you? you’re never really sure, always catching glimpses and glances that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. but you’re never really sure if you see him, his low stare, his tightly pulled mouth, the weapon his character uses slung over his shoulder.

he starts speaking to you differently, too. his vocabulary starts to be riddled with love and devotion and adoration, every chance he gets. he holds you close to him, too close, too tight, rests his face against your hairline, whispers against your skin, “don’t leave me—don’t ever leave me—I love you—you love me, don’t you?—don’t you?—you love me, right?”

sex with him isn’t really the same, either. he doesn’t even call it that anymore, calls it making love, and it wouldn’t be as unsettling if he didn’t look at you like that every time. like you hung the moon and the stars with your bare hands, like you breathed life into his very being, like you broke off a piece of your rib to place it so delicately inside his sternum.

his eyes get so rounded, so wide, seeing every inch of you, even the pieces hidden under the covers. his hands are so soft but they grip you so tightly, as if he’s scared that you might slip away if he blinks too long. his mouth constantly connected to your skin, whispering praises, his love for you, how you’re meant for him, how he can’t wait to be one.

he’s already inside of you, though. how else could he connect his body to yours? you know he’s playing a killer, someone willing to cut and scrape and bruise and maim the one he loves most. but he knows that it’s just a movie, right? that you’re not the star, that you’re his real partner, that he’s not actually like that? right?

#first posting of him ever and it’s on New Year’s Day 😝 #but that means I have to make a masterlist for him tho 😔 #I love writing this kind of stuff tho #creepy and unsettling without ever being full on horror #bc I’m too scared of my own imagination LOL #I have to watch the new season too bc I also wanna write for choso #he is. so pretty. but I don’t know him well enough yet :( #—new treat in the streets! 🍫 #yuuta treats! 🍬

[dragonsareverycool]

The figure turned to look at Damian and seemed to freeze before its form shifted, rings of light covering it as it did. When the rings faded, there they floated with white hair that moved like it was uneffected by gravity and was moved by wind that wasn’t there. Freckles that looked like stars covered the beings skin, tanned but washed out and ashen, like a corpse. Wide, expressionless eyes that glowed a bright eeire green. Despite this, Damian recognized that face. He recognized that expression too. Despite looking like Tim’s dead eyed stare to most anyone else, Damian knew the expression as one of surprise, of shock. And that face was almost identical to the one in his nightmares of the worst day of his life. He knew that face every time he glanced in a mirror.

“Danyal” he said softly, his own face almost certainly in an identical expression. Despite the distance and chaos between them, Damian was certain Danyal heard him, as Danyal perked up a bit. Then, his form seemed to glitch, colors distorting as his body twitched and part of his body seemed to disappear for a moment. Then, he seemed to fade into nothing, leaving Damian to start panicking. He worried that he had just lost Danyal again.

Then he reappeared startlingly close, putting his hand on Damian’s chest “Here,” he said, the difference in how he spoke compared to Damian achingly familiar, “A drop of your blood and an offering of food if you’re feeling nice. Call my name, it may take a moment but I will appear” he removed his hand, and a piece of neon green glowing paper with strange symbols on it floated after Danyal’s hand before Damian caught it. Danyal’s form glitched again, harder, and his face set in a grimace before he faded into invisibility again.

Fun fact! Sometimes when the grief got bad enough, Damian would mimic how Danny talked and would recite stories about constellations like Danny did. He took many, many precautions to make sure that no one, not even Talia knows that he’s done this. Only Alfred the cat and maybe Alfred the Human knows, and neither will speak a word to anyone about it.

#I’m so scared of this getting popular #I am a lurker and this is my first personal writing offering to the screaming void #If too many eyes are on me I may startle and disappear into the underbrush #dpxdc #demon twins #demon twins au #it has me by the throat #just a little shred of the loving chaos in my mind #I’m so sorry I don’t have much else to give for this au rn #if people want I can make a post explaining the context for this

[syrupfog]

AU where Sanji never actually left Germa, and Judge made him a test subject early on, successfully getting rid of his empathy after years of torture.

But like, he has those years of bullying from his brothers first, and his empathy’s gone but his anger’s still there. Also with no Zeff, he fights with his fists and doesn’t treat women Like That. Because Zeff’s the one who instilled in him to never hit a woman (and made it weird but that’s not the point).

He’s out on some mission in the Grand Line when he runs into the Straw Hats and he sees Zoro’s green hair and associates it with Yonji and he just haaaates him on sight.

The fight is super evenly matched and Zoro manages to knock him out eventually but he’s like what’s the guy’s DEAL. Wtf is his problem.

Maybe Law’s with them when it goes down and he recognizes that costume and fanboys…

Oh actually yeah— Law’s with them! And after Zoro knocks him out, Law goes into Creepy Surgeon Mode and is like for the love of god please let me get my fingers in that chest cavity

And everyone else (bar Robin ofc) is like Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）

But Law gets a room going and finds all sort of odd Germa technology literally implanted in him and starts pulling it out and messing with it and suddenly Sanji wakes UP and he’s— he’s scared. And overwhelmed. He’s in real time having to reckon with years of torturing people.

And Law’s like oh the emotional part of this is not in my pay grade this is not my job anymore and dips.

So Sanji’s there in the Sunny’s infirmary like “I’m a monster I need to be put down oh my god” and Luffy shows up like HEY you’re cool as hell join my crew.

Zoro is not a fan of this option and also it turns out neither is Sanji BUT sanji has nowhere to go so he makes a deal to sail with them until the next habitable island. So Zoro watches him like a hawk bc he’s like “you’re definitely faking this and are gonna turn evil and try to kill people again right”

But instead he just keeps finding Sanji being really pathetic and sad and looking longingly at the kitchen (Robin doubles as the cook and her food is damn near inedible but that’s just the life of a pirate innit)

Late one night Zoro comes off watch and he sees Sanji sneaking into the kitchen and he thinks OH he’s going to try to POISON US so he sneaks in after him and confronts him, swords and all. And Sanji, who knows what an awful person he’s been and knows he deserves death, just starts crying and is like “yeah you can kill me just let me cook one thing once I just want to remember what it feels like”

So Zoro lets him cook, and is like yeah I’m killing you after this, and Sanji spends a long time sniffling as he re-familiarizes himself with pots and pans and spices and knives and ends up making something garlic-y and delicious that smells strong enough to wake up the crew, and everyone traipses in enraptured by the smell. So Sanji serves them and Zoro tries it first because if it’s poisoned he’s not letting EVERYONE go down. But it’s not poisoned and it’s really good, and anyway Zoro can’t kill him now in front of everyone.

But three nights later the same thing happens— he sees Sanji sneaking into the kitchen and follows him and Sanji says “I know you should’ve killed me last time but you couldn’t, I get that, but I’m dangerous. So let me cook just one more time and then you can kill me.”

And it doesn’t happen of course. Everyone comes in and everyone eats and Zoro watches Sanji recover a little of himself.

And so it goes. At first every few nights and then every other night, and then every single night.

And whenever Zoro comes in, Sanji says, I know I deserve to die but let me cook just one more thing.

And at some point Zoro stops thinking about killing Sanji. He’s a part of the crew now. He’s proving himself, and anyway Zoro can beat him and hold him down and Law can reverse whatever it is again if needs be.

So it’s just a thing they do. Zoro lightly threatens him and Sanji begs for his life and they move on. It’s routine but it doesn’t actually MEAN anything anymore.

That is, until one really bad night where Sanji doesn’t show up in the kitchen like he always does, and Zoro goes looking and finally finds him deep in the steerage, and Sanji says, “I can’t keep living like this, please just kill me. I can’t keep living knowing I’m going to die the next day.”

And Zoro’s like ???? You’re not gonna die the next day wtf

And Sanji says, please, just get it over with.

Zoro realizes that Sanji has continued all this time assuming Zoro really is coming to kill him every night

But it’s been MONTHS at this point. Surely he wouldn’t still think—

But Sanji’s wracked with more than a decade’s worth of guilt, is so sure he deserves the worst the world possibly has to offer.

Too bad Zoro’s a little in love with him at this point. And says anyone who wants to kill Sanji will have to go through Zoro first.

Which Sanji DOESNT UNDERSTAND and he doesn’t understand the kiss Zoro follows it up with, but he returns it. Greedily.

Because as much as he knows he deserves death, he also relishes every moment of life, every chance to feel the emotions he wasn’t allowed. And Zoro goes from jailer to protector in his mind. Slowly. Hesitantly.

He spends years working through the trauma, decades really, but the simplicity with which Zoro sees the world helps. Zoro doesn’t blame him. Zoro loves him. Sanji doesn’t know much but he knows he’ll defend this ship that saved him with his life.

And he knows Zoro wouldn’t let Sanji defend HIM with his life, because Zoro views his life as precious and important.

Which is something Sanji is still learning.

He’ll get there.

#zosan #it’s always a toss up what fics to write vs what to just throw out into the void like this #uhhhhh I need a tag for this #would this go in the Zosan fanfic tag I dunno if that’s just for finished fic #my writing #I guess that works #anyway cross posted from twitter since I have like 3 followers lmao #and tbh it’s been a week I’m still thinking about this #(I’m thinking about writing omegaverse Zosan more tho) #(and ptsd law who’s scared of luffy) #(too little time in the world)

[weadapt]

I think it’s interesting storytelling how in the beginning of the game Cal says the Sixth Sister’s name, Masana Tide, and reminds her of who she used to be—and it visibly distresses her because it hurts what was done to her and Cal isn’t wrong in what he’s saying. The shocking thing for me was the moment when Cal said “It’s time to set you free”. It was such a surreal feeling hearing Cal say that, those kinds of words, to know he decided it was time to strike her down; it’s understandable because she killed his entire crew, but for Cal to be the executioner in that way was scary to see coming after only experiencing the young kid he was in Fallen Order. Now you really get the feeling Cal has been through a lot, he’s grown as a man since Fallen Order and he’s calloused, not entirely in a bad way given he’d have to be to survive but still in a depressing way, as a result. I know overall and gameplay wise, Cal has killed a lot of people, it’s nothing new, but storytelling wise it’s a serious moment for Cal. It’s a moment you know is going to follow him the rest of the game for character development. After he kills her, it’s made clear by the music and by Cal’s body language that this isn’t a good thing coming from him. It isn’t a triumph. Even BD-1 knows and worries for Cal with his little “Boop…?” and Cal is only able to respond rather shakily, “Yeah… I’m okay”.

When he meets up with Bode and Bravo and they ask him what happened to the Inquisitor, he gives a simple, no emotion, “Dead”. The long pause of Bravo not saying anything in response to me says a lot; it feels like he isn’t used to Cal having a reaction like that.

Then we have Rayvis. Cal defeats him in battle and asks him to join in the fight against Dagan. He doesn’t want to kill Rayvis—“You don’t have to do this”. The oddly tragic part to me is that Rayvis has dreams of seeing Tanalorr again. If Dagan succeeds his dream will be realized, but he’s given up on the dream and wants a warrior’s death now. He wants to die, and in his mind, honorably, by Cal’s hands, and he’s going to force Cal to do it. But for Cal it’s another execution on his part. He pauses before he lifts his saber and kills Rayvis. It isn’t a triumph. Again we’re given a sudden swell of music to tell us the emotion behind the action of killing Rayvis. You can see it’s affected Cal badly. BD-1 seems to ask Cal the same question as before, “Boop…?” but this time Cal doesn’t acknowledge the question and just replies, “We should go”.

Killing Dagan hurts for Cal too. Dagan is a Jedi, someone who held onto the Order, who tied his entire identity to it and all of his goals are focused on restoring the Order and fighting to change the universe. Just like Cal in a way. Dagan is single-mindedly focused on the mission, so obsessively, he lost himself and the one he loved as a result. Cal understands and see the parallel of that kind of drive in his own mission against the Empire and it terrifies him. Dagan could’ve helped him fight the Empire but it became another tragic moment of having to kill a once fellow Jedi. This is another tragedy. Bode doesn’t care about Dagan being dead on the floor but Cal does. Cal has enough respect to place Dagan’s lightsaber on his chest. Cal pauses to reflect but Bode immediately gets back to getting the compass.

We have this interesting arch of reactions to killing his opponents. They were each killed for the mission. It was necessary. They each started the fight against him. No matter the reason though, it’s still very painful for Cal.

Cal is being pushed into this direction of forcing him to question his beliefs and who he is. His whole identity at this point has been tied to the Order, of being a Jedi, and it’s very clear by his conversations in Fallen Order that it really matters to who he is. By the end of Survivor, we have three fallen Jedi: Masana Tide, Dagan Gera, and Bode Akuna. So who is Cal Kestis? What will he become? Is he doomed to fall like they did? That’s what troubles him—“Let’s just say I don’t wanna end up like him [Dagan]”.

He’s afraid he’s going to lose himself.

The fear is almost realized when he’s about to kill another opponent. The one behind the murders of his friends and mentors. Cal’s been killing each of his main opponents up to the point at Nova Garon—this one will be no different. Except killing the man who sent Bode on the mission to infiltrate his team is different. Cal is on the edge of losing himself to the Dark Side. In Fallen Order he pleaded for Cere not to use the Dark Side because “She’s stronger than that”, “[she] still had a choice”. But Cal is failing to remember any of that for himself. He wants to kill because he’s angry, grieving, and in immense pain. Merrin has to bring him back—“This is not you!” There’s a question of whether or not Cal would’ve been able to stop himself if Merrin hadn’t been there though.

When we get to the final battle, Merrin is warning Cal of what’s likely going to happen but he ignores her for a while which prompts her to say, “Well? Say something!” He doesn’t want to acknowledge that Merrin is right and they’re likely going to have to kill Bode, and with that, taking Kata’s father away—a loss of family Cal and Merrin know too much about. So they both try and give Bode every chance to stop and turn away from what he’s done, despite how much Bode had hurt them. Sadly, Cal once again is forced into using the Dark Side to prevent Bode from killing Merrin. It was worth it. It was worth using it to save Merrin. He couldn’t let her be killed. He couldn’t see that happen before his eyes like he had with all of his friends and mentors.

After everything is over, there’s this sickly feeling left behind. Not simply because of Bode’s death, but because of the impact on Merrin realizing Kata has lost family just like she and Cal had, but also because of the impact the death of Bode has on Cal. And after Cal carries away Bode’s body, the music changes to an eerie, ominous, high pitch, minor key when we see Cal board the Mantis. The kind of change in music which lets the audience know there’s something seriously wrong. Things are different now. Cal’s different. And he knows it.

He’s lost in time watching the pyre, reflecting on everything that had happened but also on how grateful he is to Cere, but he knows the impact of her loss will continue to be with him for the rest of his life. Just like Jaro Tapal. Another guiding force in his life is gone. With Cere and Cordova gone, there is no longer any Jedi wisdom to seek out. He’s now alone in that way as a Jedi.

“I’m scared… I almost lost myself… I don’t know if I’m ready.”

Cal and the audience are left with the dreadful realization—

“I don’t know if I’m ready for what comes next”.

#legit don’t know what I’m taking about . #I honestly don’t want a third game cuz I’m scared #sorry for the ramble I really think about this game too much #I’ve only play it once but I gotta play it again so I can be traumatized a second time #thanks for listening to my Ted talk #mc talks #sobbing #cal kestis #jedi survivor #merrin #star wars #merrical #jedi fallen order #jedi survivor spoilers #nightsister merrin #greez dritus #jaro tapal #kata akuna #dagan gera #santari khri #rayvis #Jedi #I don’t want anything to happen to cal #I really really don’t #I have so much more to say about cal but imma try #*cry #I gotta stop writing this stuff in my phone

[why-the-heck-not]

computer science was a hoax from the universe to get me to study math in the pretense of ”hehe coding’s cool look at all these things u can do” *some mf vectors looming just around the corner* ”noNO dont look there; look here!! It’s ’hello world’ but in green heheh wOoOoo now it’s blue !! u are a god of this website” *matrices sharpening their knives somewhere*

#idk whY I’m going to the mathematical side of things #it’s ME who chooses the thesis topic #so could we maybe do without vectors MAYBE PERHAPS #(i dont like vectors. when we learned them at school I looked at them went ’’well I’ll never use this’’ and now look where we are #I owe my highschool math teacher’s an apology like oh no sometimes u do use vectors) #(I’m scared I’ll somehow choose a too difficult topic and make this impossible for myself) #(but also like I’m not MAKING anything from scratch; I’m just reading articles & writing from there (tho gotta have some own thoughts there #also I think?)) #(if I was smart I would’ve chosen this abt something I already know something abt instead of ’’I wanna see if I could like this’’) #(but alas im not) #codeblr #january 2024 #2024

[hamable]

Hey I just finished Hilda season 3 and I am forever changed.

I joke that I could write a thesis about some media but I could really truly talk for hours about how fucking good Hilda is.

It’s core strength, which tears at my heart and soul so earnestly, is that it is not just a story about child adventurer, but equally a story about the MOTHER of a child adventurer and it’s just so beautiful. So impactful.

I think Johanna may be one of my favorite characters… ever. I think she is Absolutey Incredible.

Season three was just so amazing, the whole series is. I beg y’all to watch it because it’s so so good and deserves all the love it can get.

#hilda #hilda netflix #hilda season 3 #Hilda is so so important to me and I think it always will be #I’ve had a fear for a long time that as I get older I will no longer see myself in adventure stories bc I’ll be too old #bc they’re all written for younger demographics #someone once said something on here about how young ppl are easier to write bc adults get… specific… as they get older #and that’s so true and I was scared I’d lose my sense of adventure in the stories I read #but Johanna proved me wrong and was everything I’ve ever needed #I see so much of myself in her and she means so much to me #I’m gonna be sobbing about this the rest of the night #that and nursing a headache bc I straight up was either hunched forward or actively on my feet jumping while watching this season #god it’s so fucking good gang #and what a send off #that final goodbye. it’s been a year and we’re back and the raven festival and back to sitting on that wall #god it’s beautiful #my ONLY critique is that they fucked up woodman. I’ll expound later but they fully messed up woodman.

[sexynetra]

Good morning to me and me only :)

#dame posting this while I’m asleep she knows what she’s doing #anyways god now I want to write damedoll again which I do NOT have time for #and also I’m too scared of writing Nicky #anyways. god. fuck #I’m too sleepy to be this sexually attracted #it’s 7 am please get your heel off my neck #drag race #rpdr #RuPaul’s drag race #drag race 12 #rpdr 12 #RuPaul’s drag race 12 #drf #drag race france #drf1 #drag race France 1 #la grande dame #Nicky doll #damedoll

[evansbby]

poyt 5 is such a fucking rollercoaster, y’all! like i feel like people may not like it bc it’s so all over the place and it reads more like a book than a chapter 😭😭 in the sense that there isn’t just a beginning - middle - climax - end. It’s more like, a bazillion ups and downs, about three climaxes, three very emotional and poignant scenes (although I guess the main heart-wrenching scene is the big one in the middle, and then there’s a lot of mini heart-wrenches) and then there’s also a bit of comedic stuff which we haven’t seen in the other poyt parts, and some heavy romance stuff and revelation stuff, of course the main biggest climax, and then the ending and then the epilogue…

I guess I’m saying all this bc I feel like people will get bored halfway through bc it’s so super long 😭😭😭😭 I’m so so so anxious about people losing interest bc poyt 5 is very different structure wise 😭😭 I just threw EVERYTHING in without caution and now I’m editing and it’s like… some scenes are way too long but then I don’t want to cut anything, I feel like everything is so important to the story!!! And I keep thinking back to poyt 4 to reassure myself, bc it was 22k words long but I remember some of you saying that it didn’t FEEL like 22k words bc it went by quickly! I JUST HOPE y’all feel the same way about poyt 5😭

#god I’m so fuckign nervous about this you’d think I’m writing a bestselling novel or smth 😭 #but no it’s just my silly little Steve Rogers fic 😭😭 which I am so attached to and I don’t want anything to go wrong #I’m already so scared bc half the poyt fanbase has vanished 😭 #like they’ve left tumblr or some have even unfollowed me bc they didn’t like my views on chris musty evans #which is like fair but YALL USED TO LEAVE SUCH DETAILED REVIEWS on the other chapters #I hope this last chapter gets detailed reviews too bc it’s so long jsjsjsjsk and the finale!!! #also remember my 💙 anon they used to leave the most detailed reviews and I miss them 😔😔😔 #anyways #my thoughts 💭

[crossbackpoke-check]

it’s all the rest of what i want with you

connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k

Summary:

“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”

“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.

in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!

#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu #HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand #in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred #because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it #including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines. #like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like #‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted #and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.) #i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on #this one but the full quote was too long: #all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless #so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one #and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o. #liv in the replies #shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs. #if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡 #the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is. #far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze #laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…) #also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy

[itsalwaysforyou]

jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….

#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried #man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN #<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc #but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment #coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him #the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team #train them and critique them and lead them to victory #and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team #but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask #coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy #like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking……. #and then obviously he gives it up!!!!! #he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team #& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM #it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint #but also character wise for jay #like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway….. #it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay #oh it makes me crazy #damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things #im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2 #I AM UNWELL #anyway. jesus christ #descendants #jay son of jafar #EDIT i’m not finished actually #do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word? #bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle #but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’……. #he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me: sits down to write feeling full of inspiration

chronic pain: no 🙃

#sorry i just needed to vent #UGH #i mean obviously having a chronic pain condition is never fun #but when it decides to sink its teeth in when i just want an evening to capitalise on the inspiration that’s been building up all week #it’s just so frustrating #getting to sit down in the evenings to write is one of the few times i get to feel peaceful and comforted #and i’m just so done with my body taking that from me too #sorry i will resume my usual flaily milex posting soon i’m sure #but tonight i’m just feeling sad and a little bit scared of my own body #and my flatmate and best friend are otherwise occupied #so apparently i’m venting about it here instead #chronic pain #lulu posts

[herebecritters]

Please understand that, more often than not, works of fiction are a fictional exploration of concepts and ideas rather than a declaration of morality

#there’s a difference between fiction that condones disgusting things and one that’s breaking them apart and analyzing them through fiction #reading comprehension and understanding context is important YALL #please I beg learn how to separate fiction from reality folks #every so often I’ll see people making WILD claims about a person because they wrote a complex and flawed character #most of the people I know who enjoy exploring dark and questionable themes in their work are the kindest and most selfless people I know #while the people who sit atop a pedestal and judge every aspect of a stranger that they don’t know turn out to be the most selfish and vile #i should not be scared to write a story about morally questionable characters finding humanity #but yet here we are #Ive seen this kinda stuff do more harm than good too many times #sorry to post a hot take #just good lord I’m old I’ve seen this shit too many times #stop eating each other #you will see conflict and dark themes in my stories #if you cant handle messy themes in fiction please feel free to unfollow or block me for your own mental well-being #I’m sure I’ll regret posting this later but just putting it out there #hate being reminded that as a creator strangers are staring at you and making horrifying assumptions about who you are as a person

[weadapt]

Dear Fanfic Writers, I request fics based on what I wrote below:

How is Cal even functioning with psychometry…? How was he when he was really, really young? Could his family have thought he was severely sick or going crazy? And when the Jedi found him, it was a relief that someone knew he was Force-sensitive and knew how to help and train him? I wonder when he was little if Jaro Tapal had him wear gloves for a long while until Cal started really learning how to control his ability… it must have been really, really scary and terrifying as a little kid, or even as a baby, experiencing visions that took over his mind when he touched certain things. I can imagine he was constantly crying and screaming as a baby and as a little kid and his family couldn’t for the life of them figure out why…

I need fics of baby/toddler Cal before the Jedi find him because of the dialog in the game where he says “I barely knew my parents”. I need his parents trying to figure out what’s wrong with him and perhaps realizing Cal cries and screams when he interacts with certain items when he’s at home or out and about but they can’t figure out why he’s so sick and has such bad reactions. It’s hard too letting anyone they know hold him because he seems to react to the jewelry or other clothing accessories they may be wearing when he touches the accessories. I need the panic when some reactions is just him spacing out and they don’t know how to bring him back. I need the moment when the Jedi find him and telling his parent he’s force sensitive and telling them they can help him but his parents can’t find it in themselves to say goodbye to him. I need them realizing after Cal has an especially bad reaction that they can’t help him and only the Jedi can and deciding, for his wellbeing, to give him up.

I need Jaro Tapal trying to soothe Cal

#i need the angst #i need the comfort #it’s so heartbreaking to know Cal had his ability at birth and that the vision would scare him #cal kestis #jedi survivor #star wars #merrin #merrical #jedi fallen order #nightsister merrin #greez dritus #jaro tapal #writing #ao3 writer #fanfic #fanfiction #writing requests #writers block #I want a fic I don’t want to write I’m too lazy and busy and I have other fics I’m working on #please I need this fix #I’ll a million different versions by a million different writers I just need it #cal kestis making me sad #mc talks

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

holy fuck, this gives the zenin so much more lore than what we got in the manga. like the potential is right there to have this great inter-clan generational dispute and cold war but gege just breezes past it and then gets rid of it completely.

with all this cool new shut we’re getting about them, im almost glad that megumi was born a boy. like could you imagine just how much worse the zenin would have been to him if he was a girl? they already have the whole misogyny thing going for them and then their version of jesus pops up and it turns out that it’s a girl who wields their prized technique?

god, i can’t imagine just how much more controlling they would be towards megs, although im still not sure if the whole training until ur bones fall off would still happen. i feel like naoya would be different towards megs but we also know that the zenin are totally okay with incest so i hate where that would go.

It would have been bad.

See, I think the entire training until your bones fall off thing would still happen, but there would be an added layer of cruelty towards it. Because megumi was a little boy who was being trained in a way that even adults couldn’t have handled, so of course he spent a lot of time getting hit and a lot of time crumpling under the pressure and exhaustion. There are very, very few instances where he remembers actually leaving the training room on his own two feet. He usually was pushed until he collapsed and woke up later in the room they kept for him. But if he was a little girl in the same circumstances? They’d make every “failing” about her sex. They’d blame her being a girl for it and constantly use it as a source of sneering superiority.

It would also be bad because she would very much be seen as a source of descendants. Boy Megumi wouldn’t necessarily be exempt from that, but it would happen sooner for girl Megumi.

Bloodline is very important to the Zenin. Inheriting power, techniques—they want to continue the flow of power through the generations. And most of the Zenin clan (and the wider jujutsu world) believe that Megumi is the most powerful Zenin alive right now, if not Gojo’s equal, and the only reason why hes being graded as a Grade Two sorcerer is because gojo’s purposefully sabotaging his development. Like. Mindset is a huge amount of jujutsu ability. Yuuta went from getting beaten up by normal high schoolers to having some combat ability but needing inumaki to handle a semi grade one to being the second most powerful person alive in the span of a few months. He absolutely blitzed the previous second most powerful person alive when he would have lost that same fight a few hours previous. There’s a lot of people convinced Megumi’s on Gojo’s level but he’s been keeping him on a leash since childhood. But the powers still there in his blood.

That’s power the Zenin want to pass on, regardless of gender. But as a boy, Megumi’s got a little bit more leeway—men are accepted as warriors first in the clan, and age won’t affect his ability to procreate. If megumi was a girl? She’s got that goddamn biological clock ticking down. As the ten shadows, I think the Zenin would still expect her as a warrior, but they’d also have a fucking quota she needs to fill before the clock hits zero. And they’d have some very proprietary concerns about making sure no one outside of the clan has a chance to become involved with her. They’d want her to stay within the clan with her partners. And they’d be absolutely creepy and weird about how they went about it. It’s a little bit of a mercy that Megumi’s a boy.

#sea glass gardens #the Zenin already see boy megumi as their property #girl megumi? she’d be doomed #they already see women as property #they’d take a fucking hit out on yuuji I can tell you that #I’m a shameless itafushi shipper and while I don’t really write genderbend I don’t see a reason to change shipping them if I did #yuuji has this angry scary pretty girl who for some reason is down to hold his hand and then her fucking cousins hire a sniper #editing tags because I have more to say it’s one of my flaws #there’s so much of Megumi’s situation as a kid that was just horrible and miserable and full of pain #there were so many times he woke up in that stupid room too beaten up and bruised and exhausted to move #he was too tired to summon his dogs for comfort #and the Zenin hated when he treated his shikigami as pets anyway #I like to think megumi was actually scared of the dark when he was a kid #he was a child who saw monsters and didn’t have an explanation for them #they terrified him #his sister had a monster in the hall closet that wanted to eat her and he tried to be brave but he shook every time it came out #and it only came out at night #he was six. he was afraid of the dark. #he never told the Zenin but he could tell they somehow knew #his room was always kept so dark and there was never a nightlight permitted #he’d just wake up in the pitch and never know if anything was in there with him #he was hurt. he couldn’t move. and he was afraid of the dark #and sometimes megumi feels like he’s still that fucking six year old who got lugged from the training room unconscious and dumped in #the dark alone

[scottie-draws-sometimes]

Some GotG Boatem scene drawings. They’re all dancing, listening to music, and all that together :)

While it was drawn with Fooled Around and Fell in Love in mind, i realized I could also see Southern Nights or Cantina Band fitting. But honestly it could fit w whatever song yall feel like

#I SWEAR I have a story for these guys #and I want to write a whole fic #I’m just being. extremely slow with it #if I ever finish it I will tell you guys about it #..maybe. if I’m not too scared to be seen as egotistical or smth #next week will probably be SL.. if finales don’t take up alllll my time #Hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #boatem #gotg boatem au #grian #mumbo jumbo #pearlescentmoon #goodtimeswithscar #impulsesv #Crab Doodles