#I’m trying to approach this intellectually but in reality I feel sick

[scootkiddo]

oh you did not

NEIL YOU DID NOT

#I’m just spitballing when I say this but #I’m gonna chalk this up to this being the scene when they’re found outside the Boston quarantine zone #but the key difference here is that it’s more deliberately framed to mirror the scene where the armed soldier confronted Joel and Sarah #it all the more illustrates the paralleled relevance between both Ellie and Sarah #and how Joel’s protective father instinct is conveyed homologous with similar framing #I’m trying to approach this intellectually but in reality I feel sick #the last of us #tlou #tlou hbo #joel miller #pedro pascal #ellie tlou

[pink-flame]

Promises Kept - A WFW Missing Scene

Soooo...I let it slip earlier to @mamirugbee that in my original plot outline for We Found Wonderland the scene where Luke finally wins the ring was there. I ended up not writing it because I thought that would be too much angst on top of everything else and you all would riot. But she wanted it and I love her so I wrote it. But then I got distracted with other angst on the way to that angst...so you also get the immediate aftermath of Julie leaving. Oops. It's 2 for 1 night for WFW angst! Just remember I WAS ASKED FOR THIS. Love you, Jenni. 💜

Luke held it together pretty well for approximately three days.

After watching Julie disappear right in front of his eyes, while he smiled...smiled to show her he would be ok...he had sunk to the ground, very much not ok. He had stayed there, just outside the garage doors, dizzy and sick to his stomach while the reality of the situation washed over him until finally the change in light alerted him to the fact hours had passed. He realized somewhere vaguely in the back of his mind through the haze of mental static that the rest of the guys would be home from school soon. He didn’t want them to see him like this. He didn’t want to be the one who had to tell them what had happened, didn't want to see the hurt in their eyes or even worse the sympathy. His instincts were screaming at him to run away from the situation, to escape like he had escaped his parents’ house when their smothering attention and rules became too much. The urge to grab his acoustic and walk out and never come back was strong, his fingers clenching and unclenching at his side as he turned the idea over in his mind.

In the end it was never really an option.

He couldn’t leave his friends.

He couldn’t leave his band.

He couldn’t leave his parents, not again.

And most of all he couldn’t leave the life Julie had almost sacrificed everything to make sure he got to live.

He had promised her a lot of things. That they would make things work somehow. That he would win her that dumb ring. That he would help her reconnect with her dad. That it would always be him and her, Luke and Julie, in it together against nosy bandmates, and questionable record labels, and the looming possibility of being separated by thousands of miles (back when that had seemed like as far apart as they could get).

And he had promised her that he would take care of their friends, and follow his dreams and do his best to be happy.

It turned out that the one promise he had made her that every inch of him was screaming out in protest against might be the only one he could actually keep.

So he would.

Luke unclenched his palms and placed his hands flat against the pavement outside the garage doors. He took a deep if shaky breath then pressed them into the firm surface until he managed to haul himself to his feet, his legs protesting as he forced them to move through their stiffness. He just had time to drag himself into the bathroom and splash cold water on his face before he heard the telltale sounds of his friends approaching, their boisterous voices carrying from all the way down the driveway. He emerged back into the studio, purposefully turning away from the doors in a desperate bid to buy himself a few extra seconds to compose himself before he had to explain Julie’s absence.

“And then I said if a platypus is a mammal where’s their nipples cause that’s how mammals feed their kids, right?”

“Reggie, I don’t know what made you think we want to hear this conversation…”

“Oh come on, Bobby, where’s your intellectual curiosity. Go on, Reggie.”

“Right, so then Mr. Gleeson said they don’t have nipples. They feed their babies by basically sweating milk through milk gutters.”

“Ok...I take it back, Bobby was right. I now know way more than I ever wanted to.”

“Luke, will get it. Hey, Luke! Guess what I…”

Luke turned slowly to face his friends and watched their faces fall as they took in his tight expression. Apparently his efforts to school his face into a neutral mask had failed epically. Luke realized his hands were shaking and shoved the offending appendages into his pockets hoping that would hide the effects of his runaway emotions.

That also seemed to be wishful thinking.

“What’s wrong?” Bobby asked bluntly, taking half a step towards Luke before stopping short when he saw the way he flinched. “Oh.”

“Luke, I’m…” Alex swallowed hard and glanced away for a moment seemingly fighting with his own emotions. “I’m so sorry.”

Reggie was the last to speak, the panic stealing over his face like a punch directly to Luke’s chest.

“Where’s Julie?”

When Luke didn’t answer right away he asked again, shaking off Alex’s attempts to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Luke, where’s Julie?”

“Home,” He answered simply, his voice steady despite the emotions still raging inside of him.

He knew what he had to do now.

He had to honor Julie the only way he could, by helping his friends be ok.

“What? No,” Reggie protested, looking back and forth between his friends as though expecting someone to tell him it was a joke. “She wouldn’t. Not without saying goodbye.”

“She didn’t have a choice,” Luke told him gently. “The portal just appeared and she...she ran out of time.”

“Ok, ok,” Reggie ran his fingers through his hair roughly, leaving pieces standing up in all directions. “We can go to the ghost club, right? We can get Willie to help us get into Caleb’s dressing room and we can go find her.”

“That’s a good way to get killed by an evil ghost,” Bobby pointed out.

“We’ll figure it out,” Reggie insisted.

“Reg...we don’t even know...we don’t know if Caleb still trusts WIllie or not. We haven’t seen him since that night.”

Luke could hear the pain in his friend’s voice and he hated it. Alex might not have had the time to develop the same deep connection with Willie that Luke had with Julie, but he knew his friend had seen flashes of that potential in their stolen moments. The fact that Willie had been missing in action since he tried to help them save Julie weighed heavily on Alex. Luke could see it. He just couldn’t do anything about it except be there for him as much as he could.

He was going to need Alex too.

He was going to need all of them.

“Reggie, even if we could do that she didn’t want us to. She didn’t want us to leave our families or our dreams or our lives here. She fought so hard for us to have them. We have to live like it’s now or never, for her.”

He managed a small, sad smile hoping it would calm Reggie’s rising agitation but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“Don’t quote your lyrics at me, dude,” Reggie snapped, once again brushing off Alex’s attempts to put a comforting hand on his arm. “You’re supposed to be in love with her. How can you just let her go without a fight?”

Luke felt like his throat was closing up as Reggie’s words hit him like a slap in the face. He knew his friend didn’t mean it, not really. He was just hurt and scared and mourning the loss of the little sister he loved.

It didn’t make it hurt any less to have his own doubts and guilt thrown back into his face though.

Before Luke could come up with anything else to say to comfort him, Reggie reached up to wipe at his eyes and spun on his heels, stomping out of the garage and down the driveway.

Alex shot Luke a worried look before nodding after their friend.

“I’ll check on him. I’ll be right back, ok?”

Then he was gone and Luke and Bobby were alone in the garage.

Bobby was looking at Luke like he was some kind of wounded animal and Luke wished he would stop because the longer his best friend looked at him like that the more tempting it was to totally break down. And he couldn’t do that and keep his promise to Julie. So he would hold it together. He would.

“I’m not going to ask if you’re ok because that would be a stupid question,” Bobby said, crossing the garage to sink onto the couch before patting the seat next to him expectantly.

Luke hesitated for a second or two before sighing and sinking down next to Bobby, the urge to tap his foot or drum on his knee overwhelming though he fought it down. He didn’t need to give Bobby more ammunition about his mental state. Not that he needed it.

“Look, I’m going to miss her too,” Bobby cleared his throat before reaching out to pat semi-awkwardly at Luke’s knee. “And I know it’s going to be worse for you. But I’m here for you. We all are. So just...don’t run, ok?”

Luke could have laughed at that if his mouth had seemed to remember how. His friends really did know him too well. Still. He had already ruled out that course of action.

“I won’t,” He promised.

And he didn’t.

What he did do was dive headfirst into trying to make sure their lives would go on like Julie wanted. He was there waiting when Reggie processed his feelings enough to feel bad about his outburst and showed up at the garage in the middle of the night and pulled Luke into a tight hug that lasted a long time. He was there when Alex wanted to talk about feeling anxious not knowing for sure if Julie had made it back to her time and what she had found there. He was even there when Bobby admitted that he missed Julie but he missed Queenie too and he wasn’t sure that the band was ever going to be as close as they once were. Luke did his best to reassure them all, checked in on his mom, and started calling around trying to book them a gig even though they had hardly any songs they could use and none of the bookers he spoke to seemed particularly interested.

He forced himself to tell bad jokes, and offered to go get pizza and suggest busking so they could refill their food fund.

He did all of that for three days until it was like the adrenaline he had been running off of ever since Julie disappeared into a hole in the ground finally wore off. On the fourth day he knew his friends noticed that he was quieter than normal though none of them said anything, just exchanged mildly worried looks. On the fifth day he lost his appetite, picking at the leftover pizza that Bobby had warmed up for him and refusing the variety of junk food his friend then hauled out to the garage. On the sixth day he slept most of the day, drifting in and out of fitful dreams. He had only emerged for a couple of bathroom breaks and was back curled under the blanket he usually left unused when his friends showed up after school, their worried looks no longer mild.

The 7th day was a Friday but they didn’t go to school. Instead they staged what amounted to an intervention, hovering around the couch (he didn’t bother folding it out now that the possibility of Julie crawling in next to him was gone) and refused to stop staring creepily at him until he sat up with an annoyed huff.

“Don’t you have school?” He muttered, pulling the blanket more firmly around his shoulders despite the smothering heat.

“We’re not going,” Reggie said, reaching out and yanking the blanket away from Luke in on quick movement.

“Hey!” Luke protested.

“We’re worried about you,” Alex said ignoring the way Luke was suddenly looking anywhere but at his friends. “You pretended nothing was wrong and then you crashed hard.”

“You’re depressed,” Bobby said bluntly, because of course he did.

He was annoyingly accurate and to the point at all times unless he was hiding his meaning in some obscure literary quote of course.

“I’m not,” Luke tried, feeling strangely exposed without the weight of the blanket. “I miss Julie...a lot, ok? But she wanted us to live and I’m living.”

“There’s living and there’s living,” Reggie countered, dropping down next to Luke to sling an arm around his shoulder. “And Julie would want you to be living, you know what I mean?”

“We don’t expect you to be ok,” Alex broke in quickly. “Just for you to be honest about what’s going on with you. You’ve been there for us the past few days now it’s your turn.”

“I’m fine,” Luke tried one last time, though his argument sounded half-hearted even to his own ears.

“You haven’t showered in a week,” Bobby pointed out, the softness behind his eyes easing the harshness of his words as Luke forced himself to look up and meet his friend’s eyes. “Come on, rinse the smell off and then we’re taking a field trip.”

Luke groaned but forced himself to stand and cross the distance to the bathroom, his bones aching like he had spent years in bed, not hours. He hardly remembered the shower but when he reemerged some indeterminate amount of time later his hair was dripping and he admittedly smelled a lot better. He still felt a bit like he was walking through a heavy fog though, like some slight, almost undetectable force was making each one of his steps just that little bit more difficult. He thought it might not be the weight of something slowing him down at all but the absence of something. It was like he had forgotten how to do everything right without Julie next to him. Walking and eating and breathing. He knew he had done them all before he ever knew her but that didn’t make them come any more naturally now that she was gone.

Still.

He had promised her he would try.

So he let his friends steer him out of the garage, let them lead him down the sidewalk, Alex and Bobby buffeting him on either side and Reggie walking in front, chattering away and peering back every few seconds as though afraid Luke would bolt if he didn’t keep him in his sight. Luke for his part just shuffled along, grunting out a response when asked a direct question and keeping silent the rest of the time. Apparently the plan was to head to Reggie’s house. His mom would be at work and she had bought him this brand new video game console called a Playstation that the boys were all dying to try out. That newly separated parent guilt was apparently good for a few things, like letting Reggie have ice cream every night and expensive gifts. Luke was pretty sure that none of them were particularly in the mood to play video games and were putting on the enthusiasm for his sake. He appreciated it. He just couldn’t match it.

But once they were actually in Reggie’s room, crowded around the little television he got for his last birthday, Luke had to admit he did feel a little more like a human being. He even caught himself laughing as he watched Alex and Reggie squabble over the second controller as Bobby clutched his above the fray. Reggie grinned when he saw Luke’s brief smile and shoved the controller they had been fighting over into his hands.

“Here, you try!”

And he couldn’t stand to see Reggie disappointed, not when he had seen him so hurt so recently. So Luke did try. And he let himself enjoy it. And he let himself tune out and pretend that there wasn’t someone missing.

He did such a good job at pretending that it wasn’t until they had left Reggie’s house several hours later in order to keep his mom from knowing they had skipped and headed for the ice cream shop that the gaping absence all came crashing back.

Because right around the corner from the ice cream shop was the arcade.

And right inside of the arcade entrance was a claw machine.

And inside of that claw machine he could only assume there was a purple plastic ring that would now never sit on his girl’s finger.

He couldn’t explain why his feet carried him towards the arcade but they did, seemingly without any specific direction from him.

“Luke....” Alex’s worried voice called after him but he didn’t pause until he was standing directly in front of the damn game that had been haunting him for months.

And there it was. The ring. Mocking him from the exact spot it had been in all along.

Apparently his friends had caught up to him by then because when Reggie spoke up it was from directly behind him.

“You’ve got to let that thing go, man,” His friend said carefully. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Luke found himself understanding Reggie’s initial reaction to the news about Julie’s departure because all of the sudden he was angry. He wasn’t just angry, he was furious.

He brought his fists down in tandem on either side of the joystick, feeling the reverberation up his recently healed arm and had just enough time to wonder if that was the smartest idea before words were bursting out of him unbidden.

“It matters,” He said fiercely, ignoring the way Reggie flinched slightly. “It matters. She matters. She matters to me and she’s gone and I said I would give her that ring and I didn’t and now I can’t and...and...it just matters, ok? It just does.”

Alex and Reggie both stared at him, eyes wide with worry seemingly unable to land on something helpful to say as they watched him finally implode. The silence stretched and Luke was just about to kick the machine just to have something to fill the gap and give him another chance to externalize the storm brewing inside of him when Bobby stepped forward calmly.

“Here,” He said, his voice calm and even. “Go ahead.”

He held out his hand and Luke instinctively stuck his out to catch whatever Bobby was trying to hand him. He folded his fingers over the mystery object to keep it from falling to the ground, before uncurling them carefully to examine it.

It was a quarter.

Luke looked up sharply expecting to see sympathy or something worse on Bobby’s face but all he saw was that look his best friend gave him when they were disagreeing on a song or when they couldn’t agree on what toppings to order for their pizza. Or maybe more like when Luke had wanted to use those fireworks for pyrotechnics or when he had suggested a book club as a viable gig. Like he didn’t approve of what Luke was doing but also like he was going to be right there behind him, letting him know he was an idiot and then helping him anyway.

Somehow it was exactly what Luke needed.

So he didn’t say anything else, just swung to face the machine and deposited his quarter in the slot before he could think better of it.

The game came to life as he swung the joystick jerkily to the right, not letting himself think too hard about the exact aim as the claw hovered over the ring in it’s plastic container. He slammed his hand down on the button to drop it probably harder than was strictly necessary but it felt good to have an excuse to hit something. The claw dropped and clutched it’s mechanical arms around the plastic container. Luke tried not to react, afterall he had gotten this far many times before, but the weak arms always released the ring long before it could actually make it to the prize shoot. But even as that hopeless thought crossed his mind the claw was rising, taking the ring with it and this time it didn’t drop back to its former spot. This time the ring remained locked in the claw’s embrace until it tumbled down into the prize shoot leaving all four boys to stare at the machine in surprise.

“Did that just…” Alex started.

“You did it,” Reggie practically whispered, disbelief clear in his voice.

Luke for his part just stared at the claw machine that had once again gone silent and still as he tried to process what had just happened. He had been so angry a minute ago and he could never win the ring and it didn’t matter because Julie was gone...Julie was gone...but it did matter and now he had won the ring and...did he really just win the ring?

Once again it was Bobby who broke them all out of their stupor, stepping forward and reaching through the metal flap to retrieve the ring, pressing the plastic container insistently into Luke’s shaking hands.

“You did it,” He said simply but firmly.

“I did it,” Luke echoed, his voice slightly choked.

“You said you would and you did,” Bobby continued. “It’s ok, Luke. You did it.”

Luke was very aware that Bobby was talking to him like a small child and he wanted to be offended, he really did, only he felt like a small child. Like nothing made sense and all of his emotions were too big for him. He had tried for so long and so hard to win that stupid ring, had seen it as a metaphor for how he felt about Julie, how he would do anything for her, how he wanted her to know that as intrinsically as she knew her own name. He had tried so hard and it had never worked and now she was gone and the very first time he tried, the first time, and he had done it.

Luke felt tears pricking at his eyes and did his best to fight them down.

“Luke…” Reggie started, his own eyes looking suspiciously wet.

Luke couldn’t bear to hear what Reggie was going to say or to make eye contact with any of his friends when he felt on the brink of breaking into sobs. He spun to face the machine again only that didn’t seem to help. His vision went blurry and his throat went tight and the next thing he knew he was breaking down into sobs. He tried to stifle them in a fit of embarrassment but there wasn’t much point. The tsunami had started and all he could do was ride the wave and pray he was in one piece on the other side.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the claw machine, the soothing temperature doing little to slow the tears rolling down his face or the hiccuping, painful sounds that were emerging from his mouth. The ache in his chest was almost unbearable but it was matched by the sharp pain in his hand as he clutched so hard at the ring’s plastic container he was sure it would leave an angry red outline when he finally uncurled his fingers.

He loved her.

He loved her so much.

He loved her and he was never going to see her again and he won her the ring and she was never going to know it.

He was so alone.

Only he wasn’t.

Because suddenly there were warm arms wrapping around him from every direction, cheeks pressed against his shoulders and the top of his head, soft words of comfort being spoken in three different voices.

“It’s ok, Luke.”

“Let it out.”

“We’re here.”

And he did.

He had promised Julie they would do their best to be happy. He intended to keep that promise. But today all he felt was pain. And that would have to be ok too.

And it was.

And they were.

Not all at once.

Not for a long time if he was being honest.

But slowly and steadily genuine smiles, and laughter began to work their way back into their lives. They didn’t talk much about Julie at first. It hurt too much. But eventually Reggie brought up a story about her over pizza and soon they were all chiming in, recounting their favorite moments with the girl who would always live in their hearts even if she could no longer live in their world. After that they brought her up often and it hurts but it also heals.

Luke took to wearing the ring around even though it was too small for all of his fingers except his pinkie and often got stuck even then. Bobby didn't comment on the way his finger was starting to turn as purple as the ring itself, simply handed him a black cord one day for him to string it on and brushed off Luke’s rush of thankful words. After that Luke wore the ring on a cord around his neck, dangling down to thump gently against his heart as he walked, the cool plastic a constant reminder of what he lost but what he gained too.

He wasn’t living the life he would have chosen for himself but he was living the life Julie had chosen for him. He hoped the two would come together eventually. He had to have faith that they would.

Eventually he sat down to write a song for her and ended up with a poem instead.

Eventually he had the idea of sending her a message through time, a box filled with all of the things she had loved and left behind, all the ones that would fit in a small box anyway. Eventually he pried the teddy bear version of himself out of Reggie’s reluctant fingers to go inside. Eventually placed all of their carefully selected polaroids inside too.

And eventually he slid  a purple ring off of the cord he wore it on, placed it carefully back into its original container and left it for her to find with a lingering kiss pressed to its surface.

Eventually.

But first.

He lived.

Tag list: @futurearchaeologyprof @moreflowersthanweeds @chickwiththepurpleguitar

#we found wonderland #missing scenes #juke #jatp #luke patterson #sunset curve #angst #all the angst #my fics

[xxjewellynwatts]

The shop owner - A James Gillies x OC (you!) story

Request: Hello:))) I don't know if you still write for James Gillies... but if you do then it would really be great with some fluff or something. I'm honestly a sucker for any James Gillies x reader content! Also, you're an amazing writer and I really appreciate that you write for Murduch Mysteries!! Hope you have a great day!!:))))

Answer: Thank you so much ! I haven’t written in ages, so I hope you’ll enjoy this! @mylifecrises

Warnings: contains spoilers of Gillies’ first episode.

The sound of a bell got you out of your daydreams. A tall, confident, well-dressed ginger-head boy who seemed to be around your age got into the shop you now owned ever since the death of its owner.

His eyes paced for a while around the room, glancing back and forth from item to another, thinking fast before he at last locked eyes with you and briefly smiled.

Charming, you thought with a hint of mockery.

‘Good morning, how can I help you?’ you said politely.

He stopped walking towards you for a second, taken aback by the elegance of your voice. You were one of those people who didn’t ‘sound like they look’ but in the most flattering way.

‘I need a few tools for a physics experiment’ he said as he walked again towards you while showing you some of the said tools.

As you packed them for him, you looked curiously at him.

‘Are you a student at the Toronto university?’ you asked without sounding too intrusive.

‘Yes’ he smiled, happy you were quick to understand. ‘I’m Professor Bennett’s assistant.’

As soon as you heard that name, he could have sworn your mood shifted. Your face seemed a bit darker, and you had subconsciously furrowed your brows.

‘Oh’ you coldly said. ‘Well, have a nice day’ you quickly said as you handed him the package.

He smiled, less convincingly, very intrigued.

‘Thank you, you too’ he said slowly as he headed back to the University.

You sighed as he got out and went back to daydreaming the life you could’ve had had it not been for an unfair society.

A few days later, the young man came back to the shop. He noticed you had a different dress, nonetheless unique in the way it looked like it had been made just for you. Your (h/c) hair was tied up and your curls loosely fell around neck. You were reading a book before he interrupted you.

‘Oh, hello again’ you said with an unintentional smile. ‘How did the experiment go?’ you enthusiastically asked.

‘Quite well’ he said with the same smile. ‘If you ignore the fact one of the nails fell right when the machine was starting to work’ he sighed.

‘Oh’ you puckered your lips. ‘Isn’t it the most frustrating thing when something creating with our own hands fails us?’ you empathised.

The young man frowned and smiled at the same time, surprised by your poetic choice of words and relation to the situation.

‘Actually, yes. It’s really... frustrating. How come you know that feeling?’ he asked, curious.

‘Oh, trust me, I’ve been on both sides of the “creation”. I’ve felt the strong pride of succeeding in creating something as much as I’ve suffered from the pain of failed attempts. I like creating things, little objects to make my daily life easier like small machines just to... test a theory’ you shrugged.

‘Why, isn’t that quite surprising!’ laughed James. ‘Oh, I’m James Gillies by the way’ he said as he reached for your hand to shake.

You shook his, surprised by the sweetness of his touch as he was of your little enthusiastic roughness.

‘I’m (y/n), nice to meet you’ you smiled, suddenly shy.

‘It’s really nice to meet people who are so imaginative and creative. Sometimes I feel as though all students want is their degree, sadly missing the experience of intellectual stimulation thereby’

‘Oh, trust me I know...’ you answered, raging inside again. ‘Had it not been for this... stupid professor, I would have been experiencing things by your side, as the student I deserve to be.’

James starred in shock.

‘Wait... are you... a physicist?’

‘Officially? No, because I’m a woman. But in reality? Absolutely.’

You pointed towards the book you had left on the counter to meet him. It was a physics book, of a higher level than James’ current syllabus.

When James left your shop, he couldn’t stop thinking about you and how unfair it was that you were rejected from the University on the basis of sex. Had it been up to him, he would have gladly accepted you. You were certainly smarter than most of the students here.

It was already dark when he left. You two had been discussing Physics theories the whole afternoon and did not notice the sun setting down nor the moon coming up. James didn’t even want to leave deep down. He was eager to talk to you and discover your wonderfully unique ideas and contributions to the field. But the rage he felt could not even represent a quarter of yours. You were a passionate, determined and very curious person. And it made you sick people stopped you from showing your true potential.

Ever since that afternoon, you’d meet up occasionally in a café with James to discuss Physics or anything. You two got along so well you seemed to have known each other for years. You were even one of the very few people who could make James actually laugh.

One afternoon, as you were sitting in front of each other, leaned a bit due to your eager interest in your conversations, a silence fell between you two and you got lost for a split second in each others’ eyes.

‘It’s a shame’ said softly James. ‘I wish I could study and work with you everyday.’

By the time the words were out, James realised what he said, and got a little bit nervous. He never felt that way, it intrigued him. He starred down, and around, trying to ignore your (e/c) eyes.

‘I wish so too’ you answered, not ashamed a bit but sad. ‘If I could kill Professor Bennett, I would.’

James immediately looked back at you.

‘Wait, who?’

‘The professor Bennett. He is the one who convinced the jury of teachers I wouldn’t be able to stand the competition and would never be better than all those young men. He refused my application even though I had a perfect education and threatened to leave the University if they accepted me.’

You had spat the last words with the quiet rage and sadness you had confined within you for months. Tears rolled slowly down your face and James did not even notice his eyes were discretely tearing up too. He suddenly wanted to take you in his arms, reassure you, just like he wanted to shout at the professor Bennett he used to admire so much. He suddenly took your hand. Startled, you looked up at him, across the small table. He hesitated for a second and, too nervous from the proximity he had created, stood up. He gave you one final hesitant look before turning around and nearly running away.

After that meeting, you thought James had had enough of your conversations. After all, no matter how intriguing and curious he was, perhaps you didn’t intellectually stimulate him anymore. But your ego was not shattered yet. His absence had only brought up a feeling of longing to see him again, for reasons you couldn’t understand at this point. Weren’t you supposed to be jealous of him? After all, he was studying something you were desperate and passionate about. He wasn’t the victim of his own gender.

A few days had gone by and you were starting to really miss him. But there was no way you would ever go back to the university.

Then one day, you woke up to read a really intriguing news in the newspaper. The Professor Bennett had been killed by an ‘invisible’ murderer. Your eyes paced restlessly trying to grasp the meanings of the words printed. You felt your heartbeat accelerate dangerously as a suspicion crippled dangerously in the back of your mind. You turned around, hoping you’d see James coming running to tell you about the professor’s death and how deeply he was affected by it. But there was no one around.

You hardly fell asleep that night. And you had to say farewell to the idea of ever sleeping well when you heard a strange noise at your balcony at three in the morning. You stood up, covering yourself in your blanket on top of your nightgown, and slowly approached your balcony (you lived just above the shop you owned).

You had to cover your mouth to shut down your terrified scream once you saw James climbing on your balcony. He stood up at your window and smiled once he saw you. Startled, you didn’t move until he softly knocked on the window-door. You shook your head, trying to get a hold of yourself and ran to open the door.

It took you by surprise when James immediately punched his lips against yours in an adrenaline rush. You stood back. You immediately understood.

‘What have you done?’ you whispered, your voice shivering in terror.

James slowly smiled. He knew you would understand. He knew you would receive his love letter through a terrible - but brave - act: a revenge.

‘I love you’ he said, smiling even more. It felt good to say it. He never felt anything like that for anyone. He didn’t even care that much about his own family.

You thought, fast. James was clearly a dangerous person. Yet as twisted as it could have been, you felt touched by his act.

You kissed him, finally making your decision. He kissed your hands and forehead.

‘Don’t worry. Even if they find out, I will always get back to you’ he promised.

#loollll i deadass wrote this in two days i- #hope you liked ittttt #thank you so much for requesting!!! #murdoch mysteries #george crabtree #llewellyn watts #julia ogden #william murdoch #henry higgins #thomas brackenreid #james gillies imagine #james gillies x reader #james gillies #robert perry #james gillies x oc #murdoch imagines #murdoch mysteries imagine #psychoshitlol

[shreddedleopard]

I am so excited for all the things you have coming but this one in particular

“Stains “ has me soooo interested

Well hey there @spacevoltrongirl!

Oh thank youuu! OMG don't do this to me ha! I've been having the urge to dive into this so much recently, but I gotta get ahead with other bits first. I'm trying to get myself back into some sort of rhythm with my writing again.

HOWEVER.

It is definitely getting written, and since I'm as keen on doing something for this as you are for hearing more, let me share some background for this (sort of?) AU under the cut - beware, it's long lol.

Highschool Caste setting, keeping things as close to Isayama's world as possible.

Historia and the gang are 18, last year of high school. Levi is 30 and of course the school janitor.

Hange and Erwin are there as head of science and head of history, but the rest of the crew are also around - disgruntled Moblit: science deputy, Nanaba and Mike teach sport, Onyankopon teaches math and has a huge crush on Hange (who is oblivious, much to Levi's annoyance - "can you two stop flirting in intellectual - I just cleaned and Erwin is gonna spew his lunch.”)

Queen Bee Historia has abandonment and self worth issues which drive her to comply with this perfect, 'It Girl' image. In reality, she's lonely as hell and just wants to have the courage to be herself and have real friends that value her for who she really wants to be. But she can't see that EVER happening, so her walls stay firmly up, her crown securely on and her mascara unsmudged.

Levi has a dark past that no-one except Hange and Erwin seem to know very much about, although there are rumours that he was once linked with notorious Ackerman mob boss Kenny The Ripper. Levi doesn't want to talk about it, he just wants to mop floors and empty trash cans. Don't ask him about it.

Eren is the outcast kid who doesn't fit in. An accident involving his parents has left him with pretty bad anger issues - Jean is normally on the receiving end, due to some jealousy over a girl Eren has a secret crush on, although he tends to get in trouble with the faculty sometimes too.

Gothkasa is just drop dead gorgeous but not interested unless you have green eyes, anger issues and your name is Jaeger, much to Jock Jean's heartbreak. Like Eren, she also lost her parents as a child in mysterious circumstances that no-one really talks about. Mikasa is distantly related to Levi. She doesn't know; Levi does. He tries to keep a subtle eye on her.

Armin, as ever, is a love. He's into anime and solving equations with Onyankopon on his lunch break. Oh, and he's best friends with beautiful Gothkasa. They're doing their best to take Eren under their wing.

Levi sees a lot of his younger self in Eren sometimes. Before he knows it, he's stepping in during a fight between Eren and Jean, which leads to him becoming some sort of big brother type figure that troubled misfit Eren latches on to. He ends up hanging out at Levi's store shed frequently during lunch, venting while Levi lets him steal his cigarettes and turns a blind eye.

Oh yeah, Levi's smoker. A habit that he picked up during his mysterious youth, although he fucking hates it. He's doing his best to quit - he sticks a nicotine patch on under his overalls every morning. It often ends up in the wastebasket of his shed, especially when Eren shows up.

Before long, others are approaching Levi for advice, much to Levi's horror. He literally just wants to mop floors and empty trash cans - did he mention this? But he doesn't have the heart to turn the kids away. "Gonna get a new sign for the shed - Janitor and Agony Uncle. Then you brats can pay me." He never does much talking of course. Just asks them blunt questions and spouts bullshit lines like "choose the path with least regret," or "you have to make that choice for yourself," or "fuck off now I gotta go clean some toilets."

Historia has her own group of disciples, the most clingy of which are Reiner and Ymir. They mean well - but Historia is well aware of the fact that they cling to her image, and not the real her. Stains begins at the point where Historia decides to take a chance and show a little of the real her to Ymir, who reacts in a way she wasn't expecting, but then suddenly she's moved away with little explanation, and Historia is left feeling rejected and even more determined to keep her guard up.

Historia is intrigued by Eren and his relationship with Levi, as well as Levi's easy-going rapport with all of the other students too. She finds herself becoming jealous of everyone's ability to go and offload to the cranky janitor, but she knows doing the same would ruin her pristine image. So instead, she watches from afar. A lot.

Levi notices her watching; the stuck up Queen who's never once approached him like the others. And he sees through her far more than she realises. Like Eren, she reminds him of someone.

Historia is fast approaching a breaking point in her life. Sick of being the golden girl, she risks her image in pursuit of something she knows a good girl would never do. But once the damage is done, and lines are crossed, there's no going back.

Levi knows all too well that some stains don't come out in the wash.

#stains #Rivahisu #asks #this went on #but I am so excited to write it #high school caste au

[togglesbloggle]

So, @argumate is up to some more prosocial atheistic trolling.  As is usual with such things, the conversation isn’t particularly elevated, but it does make me nostalgic for the old bbc days.  So I thought I’d be the Discourse I’d like to see in the world.  This is the post that kicked things off; correctly noting Platonism as a philosophical foundation underpinning most versions of Abrahamic faiths.  And it’s probably the most useful place for me to target also, since hardly anybody just identifies as a Platonist but most westerners are one.  So, without further ado, a halfhearted and full-length defense of Platonism:

Well, strike that.  A little bit of ado.

I’m not a Platonist myself, so this is a devil’s advocate type of thing.  Or maybe you could call it an intellectual Turing test?  As I discuss here, my philosophical commitments are mostly to skepticism, and for instrumental reasons, to reductionist materialism.  That combo leaves me some wiggle room, and I find it fairly easy to provisionally occupy a religious mindset, so I can generally read and enjoy religious polemics.  I also have a fairly deep roster of what are often called ‘spiritual experiences’; I’m probably in the set of people that are by nature predisposed to religion.  I am not religious, and I approve of Argumate saying things like ‘God is not real’ a lot.  This is in no way a retread of the arguments in The Republic or Plato’s other writings; you can go read those if you want, but I’m going to play around with stuff that I think is better suited to this audience.

Attention conservation notice: yikes.  This got pretty long.

Anyway, on to the argument.  Argumate’s main point is pretty clear, I think: ‘forms’ in the Greek sense are a function and product of the perceiving mind.  Birds don’t conform to bird-ness; instead brains naturally produce a sort of bird-ness category to make processing the world easier, and to turn a series of wiggly and continuous phenomena into a discrete number of well-modeled objects.  Basically, we impose ‘thing-ness’ on the wavefunction of reality.  And there are some good reasons to think that it might be true!  Our understanding of categories gets a lot sharper when reality conveniently segregates itself, and whenever that boundary gets a little blurry, our ability to use categories tends to break down.  If the recognition of animal-ness came from contact with a higher plane of reality, you wouldn’t necessarily expect people to get confused about sponges.

But.  While there’s certainly plenty of support for Argumate’s position, it doesn’t strike me as anything near self-evident, or necessarily true.  So what I’ll argue is that Platonism isn’t obviously false, and that if we ever converge on a true answer to the question of our reality, then that truth could plausibly be recognizably Platonist.  My opening salvo here is, predictably enough, mathematics.

‘Mathematical Platonism’ is a whole other thing, only distantly related to Classical Platonism, and I only really mean to talk about the latter.  But nonetheless, mathematics really actually does appear to be a situation where we can simply sit in a chair, think deeply, and then more or less directly perceive truths.  Basic arithmetic can be independently discovered, and usefully applied, by almost anybody; ‘quantity’ comes naturally to most humans, and the inviolable laws of quantity are exploited just as often.  It’s also very hard to argue that these are ‘mere’ linguistic conventions, since fundamental natural behaviors like the conservation of mass depend on a kind of consistent logical framework.  In most chemical reactions, the number of atomic nuclei does not change, and the atoms added to a new molecule are perfectly mirrored by the loss of atoms in some reactant; this remains true in times and places where no thinking mind exists to count them.

There are a lot of debates about what math is, fundamentally.  But inevitably when we study math, we’re studying the set of things that must be true, given some premise: we’re asking whether some proposition is a necessary consequence of our axioms.  The so-called ‘unreasonable effectiveness of mathematics’ suggests that the phenomena that Argumate mentions- hotdogs and birds and whatnot- are observed only within the auspices of a sort of super-phenomenon.  Loosely speaking, we can call this super-phenomenon self-consistency.  

We treat phenomena as having a natural cause.  Platonism, at its crunchy intellectually rewarding center, represents a willingness to bite the bullet and say that self-consistency also has a cause.  Plato himself actually provided what might be the most elegant possible answer!  Basically, posit the simplest thing that meets the criterion of being A) autocausal and B) omnicausal, and then allow the self-consistency of the cosmos to follow from its dependence on (in Platonist terms, its emanation from) that single, unitary cause.  The universe is self-consistent for the very straightforward reason that there’s only one thing.  Any plurality, to the extent that plurality is even a thing, happens because ‘the only real thing’ is only partially expressed in a particular phenomenon.  To skip ahead to Lewis’ Christian interpretation of all this, you’d say that humans and moons and hotdogs are distinguished from God not by what they have, but by what they lack.

And for present purposes, I do want to take a step back and point out that this does feel like a reasonable answer to a very important question.  Materialism fundamentally has no answer to the question of self-consistency and/or the presence of logic and order, and that is (for me) one of its least satisfying limits.  We’ve got things like ‘the origin of the universe’, sure.  But we probe the Big Bang with mathematical models!  That’s a hell of an assumption- namely, that even at the origin of our universe, self-consistency applies.  It’s not like materialism has a bad explanation.  It just remains silent, treats the problem as outside the domain.  If we’re adopting the thing for utilitarian reasons, that’s fine.  But if we’re treating materialism as a more comprehensive philosophy, a possible approach to the bigger questions, then it’s a painful absence.  In that domain, far from being self-evidently true (in comparison to Platonism), materialism doesn’t even toss its hat in the ring!

Which, uh, gets us to the stuff about Forms and shadows in Plato’s Cave and all that- the intermediate form of existence between the omnisimple core of Platonism and the often chaotic and very plural experience of day-to-day life.  And frankly, we’re not especially bound to say that the forms are exactly as Plato described them, any more than atomism is restricted to Democritus.  Whether there is some ‘bird-ness’ that is supra- to all extant birds might be contestable; however, it’s easier to wonder whether ‘binary tree’ is supra- to speciation and the real pattern of differences between organisms that we map using Linnaean taxonomy.

But, this is an attempted defense of Platonism and not Toggle’s Version of Platonism that He Invented Because it’s Easier, so I’ll give it a try.  Fair warning to the reader, what follows is not fully endorsed (even in the context of a devil’s advocate-type essay), except the broader claim that it’s not self-evidently false.  And on the givens we came up with a couple paragraphs ago, this is a reasonable way to tackle what necessarily follows.  So let me see how far I can defend a very strong claim: in a self-consistent (or: mathematical) cosmos, beauty cannot be arbitrary.

Remember that Plato never argued that his Forms were arbitrary, or even fully discrete as such; their apparent plurality, like our own, emanates from the unitary Thing What Exists.  And so, bird-ness is treated as a contingent thing, not an absolute.  It’s just not contingent on human experience.  And so for us to believe in ‘bird-ness’ is to believe that there exists some specific and necessary pattern- a Form- which any given material bird must express.

Let’s take an obvious example: any flying bird will, for fairly simple aerodynamic reasons, tend to be symmetrical.  Usually, this means two wings.  In theory, you could… have one in the middle?  Maybe?  Even that seems rather goofy to try to imagine, but you could probably get away with it if you were extremely creative biologically.  And if we see a bird with only one wing (without a prosthetic or other form of accommodation), then we will tend quite naturally to recognize that something awful is in the process of happening.

A fully materialist explanation of our reaction here would say: we think of the one-winged bird as problematic because A) we have been socialized to recognize and appreciate two-winged birds, and spurn deviations from that socialization, or maybe B) because natural selection has given us a set of instincts that recognize when a body plan has failed in the past, so things like ‘being crippled’ or ‘being sick’ are recognizable.  

Platonism, I think, would offer a third option, that C) we recognize (as emanations of The Real Thing) that a one-winged bird body is insufficiently reflective of The Real Thing, and that accordingly it lacks the ability to keep existing.  Plato had some… basically magical ideas, about how Forms are recognized, but here I’ll point out that ‘deduction’ is a completely serviceable kind of magic for our purposes.  It is, after all, our direct experience of the self-consistency of the cosmos, which follows from the fact that we are ourselves an expression of that same self-consistency; it meets the criteria.  

Materialists, obviously, would agree that deductive reasoning could allow a person to recognize the problems inherent in a one-winged bird, but as I said a few paragraphs up, their(/our) explanation of this process is rootless.  “Yes, logic and a few high-confidence assumptions let you assume that a bird with only one wing is in trouble,” they might say.  And we might ask- “what makes you so sure?”  And then the materialist must respond, “Well, let me be more clear.  It always worked in the past, and my Bayesian priors are strongly in the direction of the method continuing to bear fruit.”  True enough, but it’s not an explanation and doesn’t pretend to be.  The universe just does this weird thing for some reason; it works ‘by magic’.  So why not call it that?  Theurgy for all!

So, consider.  We recognize (deductively, let’s say for the sake of argument) that a one-winged bird is on the road to becoming nonexistent, absent some change in circumstances.  It may keep going for a little while, but it’s not in homeostasis.  And if we reasonably admit this very basic duality to our thinking- things which can persist, and things which cannot- then we start to recognize a sort of analogy between physical phenomena and mathematical propositions.  A lemma can be right or wrong, albeit sometimes unprovably so.  Basically, it can follow- or not- from the axioms we’re working with.  And in a softer but very real sense, that one-winged body plan is wrong analogously to the lemma’s wrongness.  Not ‘wrong’ as in ‘counter to cultural norms’, but ‘wrong’ as in ‘unstable given the premises, given the Thing That Exists Most’.  Look up research on fitness landscapes, if you’re so inclined- actual biological research isn’t totally unacquainted with the notion.  There exists a surprisingly discrete ideal or set of ideals, both for flying birds as a whole and subordinately for any given flying bird species.  And we have discovered this using magic.

Insofar as beauty is something to be admired, or pursued, or is otherwise desirable, then our sense of beauty must necessarily correlate with those abstract, and dare I say supra-real, qualities which allow things to persist, and which can therefore be understood deductively.  And that set of qualities does, effectively, meet the Platonic criterion of a ‘form’.

The immediate materialist objection is: hey, wait a minute.  The supposed ‘objective’ criterion of a bird is contingent, not absolute!  It follows from the strength of gravity, the thickness of the atmosphere, the availability of food sources, and on and on.  This is one of the most important reasons why genetic drift and speciation happens in the first place, because the ‘ideal’ bird depends on an environment that’s in constant flux.

True enough.  But!  How do you think the atmosphere got there?  It’s an old trick in religious discourse, but in this case I think a valid one.  The rightness of the bird depends on the atmosphere, the rightness of the atmosphere depends on the planet, the rightness of the planet depends on the solar system, and ultimately it all depends on that necessary self-consistency which (we proclaim) implies our unitary Most Real Thing.  This does mean that we can’t really think of Platonic forms as wholly discrete objects, unconnected to one another and without internal relation among themselves- unfortunately, that’s part of the original Plato that I don’t see as defensible, even with maximum charity.  But there’s such a thing as a ‘ring species’, and if we admit Platonic Forms of that type, a kind of dense network of paths being traced through higher-dimensional spaces that correspond to the shadow of That Than Which There Is No Whicher, then it’s more than salvageable.  It’s both satisfying to imagine and, I think, quite consistent with the spirit of the original philosophy.

One thing this doesn’t mean.  Even if we were to accept all of this, we aren’t obliged to resign ourselves to the lot of that one-winged bird.  Indeed, if anything this gives us a rich language by which to justify a prosthetic wing or other form of accommodation: we can talk about ‘making the bird whole’, and can see how our compassion for that bird might lead us to create the conditions of homeostasis once again.  But it does mean that if we take a position on the merits of existence- if we’re in favor- then we don’t treat a one- and two-winged bird as coequal scenarios.

Anyway, this has gone on hideously long already for what’s basically an intellectual exercise, so I won’t dive into immortal souls or any of the other ancillaries.  I mostly want to reiterate that, far from being obviously false, I do think that (some forms of) Platonism are quite defensible, and can provide coherent answers to questions that I A) care about very deeply and B) can’t resolve to my own satisfaction.  Of course, it is not obviously nor trivially true, either.  But one can be Platonist without being willfully wrong.

[nnoitra-jiruga]

🎯 + Nnoitra's personality is: ESFP!

send 🎯 + a headcanon you have of my muse, and i’ll tell you how accurate it is to my portrayal.

☽ Accepting ☾ Anon

Well I’m gonna tell you ! I’m gonna take the Myers Briggs test ! ^_^

I got this result : Architect (INTJ)

(Some questions were tricky to answer to, because they can have two different answers, the one based on what the concerned person would feel, the other based on the truth, on what really happens psychologically. For example, as far as I’m concerned, not feeling anxious and instead getting mad doesn’t mean there’s no anxiety in reality. But I won’t feel it, my brain hides it ; I’ll only feel anger.)

The biggest difference is also my Nnoitra is an introvert type, in the way he prefers solitude and has no pleasure engaging in social activities. His only pleasure is to belittle people, to mock them. That’s basically his sole social activity and it’s only pleasurable because it’s sadistic and to make him only feel better about himself.

WEAKNESSES

Arrogant – Architects might be knowledgeable, but they’re not infallible. Their self-assurance can blind them to useful input from other people – especially anyone they deem to be intellectually inferior. These personalities can also become needlessly harsh or single-minded in trying to prove others wrong.

Dismissive of Emotions – For Architects, rationality is king. But emotional context often matters more than people with this personality type care to admit. Architects can get impatient with anyone who seems to value feelings more than facts. Unfortunately, ignoring emotion is its own type of bias – one that can cloud Architects’ judgment.

Overly Critical – These personalities tend to have a great deal of self-control, particularly when it comes to thoughts and feelings. When the people in their lives fail to match their level of restraint, Architects can become scathingly critical. But this criticism is often unfair, based on arbitrary standards rather than a full understanding of human nature.

Combative – Architects hate blindly following anything without understanding why. This includes restrictions and the authority figures who impose them. People with this personality type can get caught up in arguing about useless rules and regulations – but sometimes these battles are distractions from more important matters.

Romantically Clueless – Architects’ relentless rationality can lead them to be frustrated by romance. Especially in the early stages of a relationship, they may struggle to understand what’s going on and how to behave. And if their relationships fall apart for reasons they don’t understand, they can become cynical about matters of the heart, even questioning the importance of love and connection.

STRENGTHS 

Rational – Architects pride themselves on their minds. For them, nearly any situation can become an opportunity to expand their knowledge and hone their rational thinking skills. Thanks to this mindset, they can devise inventive solutions to even the most arduous of problems.

Informed – Few personality types are as devoted as Architects to forming rational, evidence-based opinions. Rather than hunches or half-baked assumptions, they base their conclusions on research and analysis. This gives them the self-assurance they need to stand up for their ideas, even in the face of disagreement.

Independent – For these personality types, conformity is more or less synonymous with mediocrity. Creative and self-motivated, Architects strive to do things their own way. They can imagine few things more frustrating than allowing rules or conventions to stand in the way of their success.

Determined – Architect personalities are ambitious and goal-oriented. Whenever an idea or pursuit captures their imagination, Architects dedicate themselves to mastering the subject and gaining relevant skills. They tend to have clear visions of what it means for them to be successful, and few things can deter them from turning these visions into reality.

Curious – Architects are open to new ideas – as long as those ideas are rational and evidence-based, that is. Skeptical by nature, these personality types are especially drawn to offbeat or contrarian points of view. They’re even open to changing their own opinions when the facts prove them wrong.

Versatile – Architects love diving into all sorts of challenges. Their curiosity and determination can help people with this personality type succeed in a wide range of endeavors. 

Romantic Relationships

“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.”

People with the Architect (INTJ) personality type approach romance the way they do most challenges: strategically, with clear-cut goals and a plan for reaching them. In a purely rational world, this approach would be foolproof. Alas, it ignores important factors that 

Architects sometimes dismiss – such as the unpredictability of human nature and affection.For these personalities, finding a compatible partner can be a particular challenge. Rarely satisfied with things as they are, Architects are always developing a world in their minds that is more perfect than reality. Other people entering their world need to fit this fantasy in some way. But if Architects’ expectations and ideals for a partner are unrealistic, then no real person will be able to fulfill them in every way.

The Rites of Dating

Architects care about depth and intelligence, and they insist on honest, open communication. For them, a relationship that isn’t founded on these values is hardly worth pursuing. It might not come as a surprise, then, that the social niceties and obscure etiquette of dating can seem useless or even insulting to Architect personality types. But many of these conventions exist for a reason – to help an inherently unpredictable situation seem a little less daunting. If Architects refuse to play along, they may find the dating world difficult, if not impossible.As Architects often learn, the ways of love are hard to describe in a spreadsheet.As they mature and gain experience, many Architects eventually come to understand the purpose of romantic rituals. Until that point, however, they may decide that dating is too irrational or beneath them. Some people with this personality type might constantly try to demonstrate their intellectual superiority, as a way of proving that they’re above the “silliness” of dating. Obviously, this mindset is unlikely to help Architects find or connect with a partner.Sometimes, Architects’ best strategy is to focus on what they enjoy rather than struggle against the rules of dating. Ironically, people with this personality type are often most attractive when they aren’t trying to be. Just doing what they do best – pursuing the interests that light them up – can help their confidence and intelligence shine.

Emotion Sickness

Architect personalities aren’t known for conventional shows of romance, such as sending flowers or writing mushy notes. Most Architects spend more time thinking about love than expressing it. But when they believe that a relationship has potential, Architects can give it their all, working to maintain stability and ensure their partner’s long-term satisfaction. And by using their imagination, people with this personality type can find meaningful, if unexpected, ways to share their affection.Architects seek strong, meaningful relationships. They use their knowledge and logic to help ensure that their partner is satisfied.That said, emotions may still feel like a second language to these personalities. Rather than getting to the core of their relationship conflicts, Architects might treat them as puzzles to be solved – an approach that isn’t always successful. And when their partner shares strong feelings, Architects might shut down, or they may be tempted to analyze the situation rather than simply listening and offering support. For Architects, becoming comfortable with their partner’s emotions – and their own – can take more than a little practice.Love is rarely easy, but it’s a challenge that can help Architects grow. Through their relationships, Architects can learn to focus on the present, get in touch with their emotions, remain involved with other people, and stay open to things they’re not used to. For a personality type so intent on self-development, these opportunities can make love even more satisfying.

#long post #Remember... Desperate people are the most dangerous | HC #If ya eva heard ‘bout me ya know I ain’t good news | Ask

[bellatrixobsessed1]

A Flame For A Cabbage (Part 11)

Azula feels a faint sense of accomplishment as she lounges in her booth at the Jasmine Dragon. It is a shame that the old man in charge has been arrested, even with all of the ingredients, she can’t seem to make roast duck the way he does. She sighs, why does this victory feel so empty? She should be thrilled, she has just taken down the boy responsible for consistently destroying her cabbage stalls. Yet, she can’t help but to feel this sense of incompletion. A soft inkling that somehow the boy has survived and that her cabbages are still very much in danger. It helps less that Princess Sie has stolen half of her Dialluminati agents. One of the remaining agents had apologetically informed her that the other half were off to a top secret conference for the lizard people. He was killed immediately. She had to flee, for she now knows too much. This, she realizes, is a recurring problem in her life. She is an intelligent young cabbage merchant and people fear that kind of intellectualism.

She looks up from her stolen meal and shudders. A man in black glares at her from across the vacant tea shop. He has been following her for the better part of the day, occasionally holding up signs that read, ‘surrender your memories and we won’t hurt you’ and ‘you’ve heard nothing’ and ‘your reality isn’t real, you aren’t real’ and ‘Tin-Tin’s Turnips, only 2 copper pieces!’’ She thinks that, that last guy is confused as to what the Dialluminati’s objectives are. That or he is not part of the Dialluminati at all, he is simply trying to advertise and the extra signage is hindering his business.

No matter, Azula drinks from her tea. She refuses to let pesky secret agents slow her down, not after such a grand victory. With the avatar out of the way, she can sell cabbages without fear. Really, she has arrived at a new high point in her career, she is in the perfect position to begin expanding her business.

She has come to a striking realization. A realization that she is wasting her talents here in the Earth Kingdom where these savages have not acquired a taste for the delicacy that is a good cabbage. Indeed she has traveled all about the Earth Kingdom and for her troubles, has only received little pay off.

Well she is done dealing with and fraternizing with barbarians. It is time to move on. She knows in her heart that the Fire Nation is where she belongs! Now those are people with the riches and class to appreciate the wonders and unbridled joys of a perfect cabbage.

All she has to do is get Jet to stop hissing and screeching whenever she mentions firebenders and the Fire Nation. “REEEEEEEE!” He yells, and swipes his claws at her.

“Come on, Jet, we need to do this.”

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” He screeches again, but this time with more passion. He flings himself from the table.

“Jet.” She says firmly.

She is met with another hiss.

The Dailluminati agent tasked with stalking her judges her from the table on the other side of the tea shop.

.oOo.

“You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already?” Sei (for he hasn’t spelled his name that way in a while) is well aware of Mai’s ability to spread her drab demnor. It is her superpower. She doesn’t know it, but she is a type of spiritbender; left unchecked, this will become a problem. It is already a minor issues, as she is unknowingly adding gloom to the auras of many around her. “Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately.” It is probably because Zuko is home and she knows that they can make out in the turtle duck pond again.

“I haven't seen Dad yet.” Zuko replies. “I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished.”

Well no shit, Sei thinks. He really does hate it when there is a forced plot summary, especially when a show has been at least ten years past its conclusion. But then again, it has never been discussed that Zuko had been banished for leaving his socks just laying around the house, despite father politely requesting that he does not.  Ozai has a fear of socks. In fact socks were outlawed in the Fire Nation. But Zuko somehow got his hands on contraband socks and was fool enough to leave them lying around.

“So what?” Sei finally asks.

“So, I didn't capture the Avatar!”

Sei rolls his eyes. “Who cares? The Avatar is dead, unless you think he somehow miraculously survived.”

Zuko seems to drift off then, thinking about something. Sei imagines that he is thinking about frozen yogurt. Seeming to come back into the present, Zuko replies, “This isn’t Mortal Combat, there's no way he could have survived.”

Sie (growing sick of spelling his name, Sei) glares down at Zuko. And Zuko glares up at him. And he glares down at Zuko who continues to glare up. And then they shift positions and glare at each other from a different angle. And Iroh glares at both of them from his cell. They cannot see it, but they can feel it.

“Well, then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.” This isn’t strictly true. He should be worried about Iroh. They should all be worried about Iroh. Iroh is very. Very. Angry.

.oOo.

Azula frowns very intensely. “Jet, get down from there!”

But the boy has gone absolutely feral. Azula sighs, she didn’t want to have to do this… She wanders up to the Dailluminati agent. He flinches, never before in his days of following a target has the target approached him. Usually they just note his presence with sideways glances and nervous laugher. This girl is brazen. “Agent, you will help me transport my boyfriend to the Fire Nation.”

She would do it herself but Jet is heavy in all his muscular, chiseled glory, and she is still very woefully small.  “I will subdue him and you will carry him into the ship.”

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable helping you abduct your boyfriend.”

“But you are comfortable abducting me and taking me to your shady lizard-person organization for memory erasure and possible re-education?”

The Dailluminati agent chuckles nervously.  

“That is what I thought.” Azula declares. “Now, help me get him to the Fire Nation.”

Jet throws himself at Azula who gives him a light zap. He recoils with another hiss. Azula shakes her head. “You are going to have to face your fear and hatred of the Fire Nation, Jet. It’ll be good for you and for our business.”

On all fours he scampers into a corner, still hissing.

“I didn’t want to have to do this…” She trails off, lightning dancing on her fingers.

“You’re not supposed to have lightningbending.” The Dailluminati agent declares.

Azula scoffs, “And, you’re a background character, you’re not supposed to have any lines.” But it is too late, her lightningbending has been revoked. It is a good thing that she has a backup plan. She wanders into the backroom and fetches a spray bottle. “Don’t make me do this, Jet.”

.oOo.

Nighttime arrives in the Fire Nation. It has arrived several hours ago, in fact. Zuko has wasted his whole day away, brooding and sulking, and thinking about the avatar and failure. And he is about to waste his night away...and Sie’s...doing the same.

“Why'd you do it!?” He demands of the princess.

“You're going to have to be a little more Pacific.” He coughs. “I mean, specific. Sorry, it’s three in the morning, I should be sleeping.” He gives his brother a pointed glare.

“Why did you tell Father that I was the one who killed the Avatar?” He ignores the princess’ saltiness.

“Can't this wait until the morning?” Sie grumbles.

“It. Can.” Zuko replies. “But I want to make this conversation as aggravating as possible!”

Sie groans. “Fine.” He mutters. “You kept whining like a lil’ bitch because you hadn't captured the Avatar. I figured if I gave you the credit, you'd shut the hell up.” He shrugs.

“But why?”

He truly is trying to be annoying as hell. Rising from his bed, Sie says, “I just answered that.”

“You're lying!” Zuko accuses.

“No, I really did just want you to shut up.” Sie says. He realizes that he is being uncharacteristically unkind. Usually he is a timid man. He thinks that the power is getting to his head. He apologizes to Zuko.

“You have another motive for doing this, I just haven't figured out what it is.” Zuko rambles. Sie thinks that Bosco’s big reveal has pushed him back into his conspiracy theorist phase.

“Please Zuko, what ulterior motive could I have? What could I possibly gain by letting you get all the glory for defeating the Avatar?” He muses. He decides that it is time to annoy Zuko back. So he encroaches in Zuko’s personal space. He puts a hand on his shoulder. “Unless, somehow, the Avatar was actually alive. How crazy would that be!? But you said it yourself, that was impossible.”

Zuko visibly shivers. But Sie is only trying to prep him for all of the possibilities. Things always tend to go amiss for him, he has learned to take every victory with a grain of salt. “Sleep well, Zuzu.”

Zuko’s nose crinkles at the nickname.

.oOo.

“You need to stop crying. Crying is weak. We can’t afford weakness when making such a huge step in our business.” Azula says matter of factly.

“But I don’t wanna goooooo.” Jet wails as though he is not already in the middle of the ocean.

“We are already on our way.” Azula declares.

“But firebenders are evil!”

Azula finds herself deeply offended, but she can’t place why. She is not a firebender. She is, when the plot calls for it, a cabbagebender. But mostly she is but a humble cabbage farmer tending to her cabbage crops. No less she replies, “some firebenders are actually somewhat decent.” She thinks that most people are more or less decent, so long as they aren’t particularly destructive of her cabbage stall.

Without warning, the boat lurches. The tides are growing restless. Azula frowns, she does not like tides. They slam into the boat once more.

“These tides are making me nervous, captain.” A crew member cries out.

But it is not the tides that they should worry about. They should be worrying about her. She, who is growing more and more dissatisfied with every crash of the tides. A particularly strong slap sends ship furniture sliding. Azula’s eyes go wide. She watches as her cabbage stall sails, seemingly in slow motion, over the railings. “My cabbages!” Azula laments to the swirling, merciless, sea.

#Avatar #Azula #Cabbage Man #Jet #Zuko #Jetzula #Parody #Fanfiction

[ricekilla]

u.s. hip hop artists must learn from bad bunny

There’s a nobility to watching someone speak a second language in public—especially on live TV, as Bad Bunny did in his performance on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. It is that cringe-inducing reality of imperfection; of the accent, the mispronunciations, the stuttering, that can leave a human so vulnerable. You’re watching a young man who knows his grip on The World’s Most Important Language is far from perfect. But rather than quietly accept this and avoid speaking it altogether, rather than resting on his native tongue and his many native successes, in a moment of exposure wherein most young artists would understandably reserve their vulnerabilities to avoid ire, Bunny decides to go for it. He speaks English, and it’s not perfect; but it is powerful. In his first televised American performance, El Conejo Malo spoke on the natural disaster that ravaged his home of Puerto Rico, including a barb at Donald Trump, all in accented English.

Yes, everyone’s got a Trump take, and most of them are Trump Bad. And yes, we need more than just cute speeches, verses, and social media posts. We need real activism; the activism that can actually send an impoverished child to school and help a sick mother pay for her health care. We should expect that Bunny put his money where his mouth is and work to fight against white supremacist leaders like Donald Trump as well as continue to repair the damage caused by Hurricane Maria. But there’s something special about Bad Bunny’s words in particular; unlike your safe American (and Latinx) stars, he’s not necessarily supposed to be speaking out. He could easily just be Lil Pump Puerto Rico for some years before his stature expands to the point of political expectations. He could easily just be the ignorant Latino rapper, or the ignorant Latino star, and not be expected to empower the world his art illuminates.

There is an ignorance associated with Latinx rappers in comparison to their influential American counterparts. The mainstream American musical lexicon only knows Daddy Yankee and Don Omar; Calle 13 is not even a footnote for your average hip hop fan. People are just beginning to take Latin “urbano” seriously as being led by artists that do more than make bops for your friends to slur-sing at high school dances. Bad Bunny sat with Colombian reggaeton king J. Balvin for an interview with Complex magazine, in which they announced a potentially seismic collaborative album. The two discussed and affirmed their place as trendsetters shirking norms; Balvin describes Bunny’s nails as a “very beautiful thing”. He tells Complex in Spanish that the message of expressions such as these is to “Be yourself. …If they say, he’s crazy, or he’s gay or whatever, who cares? If he’s gay, then he’s gay! When they see that, they say ‘Okay, if Bad Bunny isn’t gay, but he feels comfortable with what he’s doing, why won’t I come out of the closet and say it’s okay?’”

And in this moment wherein the ostensible Drake of Latin hip hop is encouraging defiance towards gender norms, I have a realization: somehow, the artists that do not even perform in English are the ones whose words should be most important to us in American hip hop right now.

How many American artists put themselves in a position to be vulnerable or ill-equipped for the sake of trying to say the right thing? It’s easier for G-Eazy to drop Donald Trump diss verses; he’s rich, established, and white, and he’s got little to lose. It’s easier for a rapper like Logic to plead for everyone to get along. It’s easy for Soundcloud rappers to dye their hair, rock their satchels, and tat their faces; how many of them are going to tell you about what social standards made those features shocking in the first place? How many of them are going to speak out against traditionalist aesthetics that they’re breaking? How many of them have something important to say?

We should, of course, be careful to exalt El Conejo Malo as some sort of feminist hip hop icon. Though he’s shown remarkable qualities as a public figure, he’s still a work in progress like the rest of us; often his music is charged by hints of debaucherous misogyny that is understood as the genre standard. It’s nothing particularly out of the ordinary, but that doesn’t make it ideal. And in this moment of hypertense political stances and, of course, Cancel Culture, seeing Twitterers post quips like “we stan an artist that is against toxic masculinity and gender norms 💅🏽” causes me to cringe; it feels like we’re setting ourselves up to be let down whenever Bunny makes a mistake.

Bad Bunny has not been cancelled yet, but he has been tested. His encounter with a salon that refused to paint his famous nails caught some flack from commenters. Many were angered by his reaction, in which he told doubters of his sexuality to “bring their women to his house” to watch them “have his babies”. In response to this, he clarified his sentiments in a classically defiant way (as translated by Remezcla: “’I was saying that I’d have sex with their wives, get them pregnant (which is wrong) and the men would raise my kids,’ he wrote, adding, ‘It was only a nice and exaggerated way of saying, no, I’m not gay and I love women. That’s all.’”) Eventually, the Latin trap star deleted his Twitter account.

Like the Fallon performance, this was an instance of Bunny using his words even at a point of potential vulnerability. He started by doing a typically millennial thing in calling out a salon for being decidedly unwoke and refusing him nail service because he was a man. He affirmed his gender expression as a straight man painting his nails because he wants to, understanding that there’s nothing wrong with that. Yet, in trying to say the right things, he said some wrong ones. There’s an obvious tint of misogyny in the “I’m gonna fuck your girlfriend” approach, particularly in this case, even if it is so hip hop and so inane that your average person would hardly bat an eyelash to it. Regardless, it was a failure on his part; he was a bad Bad Bunny, and it’s important that we acknowledge that.

It’s not to say that we should totally overlook the misogyny in Bunny’s lyrics or any other rap artists’, which both result from and contribute to a society that sidelines women as objects of desire, existing as complements to a man’s journey. I just want to write some nice words in Bad Bunny’s obituary before a Twitter storm eventually comes and gets him. He’s made mistakes and he’ll make more; unfortunate word choices and collaboration choices will get to any rapper’s resume in this toxic landscape. But what Bunny has decided to do so early in his career is remarkable for the fact that he is being abnormally, bravely thoughtful for someone in his position; someone who is young and misunderstood.

He is misunderstood because of the way he rebels against gender norms. He is misunderstood because his music isn’t in the right language; he’ll always be a Spanish rapper and not simply a rapper to the average hip hop head. He is misunderstood because of his drawl, his sluggishly opened vowels both as an intended stylization and as a natural result of his speaking voice and accent. He is also misunderstood as a young Latino from an island ravaged by natural disaster and poverty; overlooked by world powers, mocked by their cultures. He is misunderstood within that Latin American culture that physically and emotionally beat down young men who express themselves in “feminized” ways. If we know anything about mumble rap, or even music in general, it’s that the misunderstood artists have the most to add to the conversation.

Some of our misunderstood artists beg to be misunderstood. Kanye West went on NBC’s Saturday Night Live in a MAGA hat, highlighting a Yandhi press tour which we may otherwise know as Crazy Kanye 2: Electric Boogaloo. What’s most insulting about his whitewashed whimpering is that it’s become boring. We already know that none of us will completely understand his actions; he and his stans will equivocate that with us not being able to criticize him, which, no. The ignorance of his political speech is staggering, almost purposefully so. Rather than work to validate his perspective through an informed compassion, he manufactures a plastic one to hide behind when critiqued by the likes of known Chomskyites like Lana Del Rey. It’s a circus sideshow that only exists to benefit TV executives, Kanye West, and to some degree, Lord Voldemort himself.

Let’s compare that to another performance on a marquee NBC program. In his television debut on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Bad Bunny gave a speech to the opening chords of his trap banger “Estamos Bien”. In his gravelly Borinqueño drawl, he preached with efficiency: “After one year of the hurricane there’s still people without electricity in their home. More than 3,000 people died, and Trump is still in denial, but you know what? Estamos bien!”

Rather than simply make fun songs and letting the rest of us intellectualize his place in this crazy world, Bunny is telling us what he’s fighting for. Rather than benefit himself through latching to causes, Bunny is benefiting causes through testing himself. And although his message is still a bit surface level and his songs sport the occasional (frequent) shallow lyric, his choice is important. He is putting words to his rebellion; substance to his style. Rather than settle for iconicism like young American rap stars, or navel-gaze with conjecture like some of our living (dying) legends, Bad Bunny is fighting for goodness that should be much simpler to see than it seems to be.

#bad bunny #j balvin #kanye west #snl #jimmy fallon #puerto rico #latin trap #machismo #latin masculinity #hip hop masculinity

[spiritualvirago]

How Attractive, Confident, Independent Women Intimidate Men

How attractive, confident, independent women intimidate men? Well, let's ask a man. In indie rapper Immortal Technique's song "You Never Know," he shares the story of an attractive, confident, independent woman who intimidated men (him included). In addition, to writing her a song, the music video shows him as an old man pulling out a love letter from her that he has saved for decades. Certainly, he married this woman, right? No. Was her boyfriend then? No. At least tried to make love to her? Also, no. It's the perfect example of what continues to happen to women just like us year after year. Let's examine a few excerpts from the song:

"She was on her way to becomin' a college graduate/ Wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid/ The type of Latina I'd sit and contemplate marriage with/ Fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire/ Disciplined, intellectual beauty is what I desire/ Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez/ Everyone told me, kickin' it to her was hopeless." "'I'm not even interested' is what her body language would say/ Everyone around the way gave up tryin' to get in it/ It didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it/ On the block, bitches was jealous but wouldn't admit it." "She spoke intelligently and they bit it, always tryin' to copy/ But when they tried to use her vocab, they sounded sloppy/ She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure/ I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure." "We talked about power to the people and such/ We spent more time together, but it was never enough/ I never tried to sneak a touch or even cop a feel/ I was too interested in keepin' it real/ Perfectly honest and complete/ She would always call me 'cariño' and never Technique/ Bought me a new book to read every two or three weeks." "Ended up locked up like an animal for a year Where the C.O.'s talk to you like they were the overseer Then I got sent to the hole when my exit was near At night in my cell, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared." "Fuckin' lots of different women, but I still felt alone/ Relatively well-known around the New York underground/ But I kept thinkin' of her and how we used to be down/ The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair." "Technique don't fuckin' fall in love with people/ Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you/ The one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you/ Appreciate them to the fullest extent and then beyond/ ‘Cause you never really know what you got until it's gone." https://genius.com/Immortal-technique-you-never-know-lyrics     A MAN'S SOCIAL PROGRAMMING "Get comfortable with being alone. It will empower you." -Jonathan Tropper In an article entitled "Most Men Are Cowards, But Too Cowardly to Admit It," author Paul Hudson writes: "Men set ridiculous and stupid expectations for themselves and then do all they can to hide their inability to live up to them. Men aren’t evil bastards; they’re stupid bastards who are too cowardly to admit how cowardly they really are. When did fear become a bad thing? When was it that we decided that the most basic of evolutionary traits was something that was to be overcome and avoided? Instead of being seen as advantageous, fear in man is believed to be a weakness. This backwards way of thinking is the reason why the world is constantly in a state of war." https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/men-cowards-cowardly-admit/643275 In the song, what is Immortal Technique's reason for never even attempting to touch this woman he's desperately in love with (just talking)? He claims he wanted to "keep it real." It is completely normal and natural for a man who is in love with a woman to pursue her. Nobody thinks sharing the physical expression of their mutual love for one another is a cop-out. It's one of the greatest joys and blessings in life, in fact. Saying that he is "keeping it real" is one of the typical tried-and-true justifications men give for not pursuing women who scare them (coupled with intense feelings for these women that also scare them). Dating coach veteran Katja Rembrandt validates that it is harder for successful women to find a partner due to this social construct of modern masculinity. “It is tougher because it takes a very confident man who probably isn't on the same rung of the corporate ladder, not to be intimidated. Very ambitious and very capable women are still very scary for the majority of men.” https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/dating-expert-explains-why-it-s-harder-for-successful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html

In the book The Love Gap, Jenna Birch explains, "Until men can provide for a family...they don’t feel comfortable dating seriously or making a lifelong commitment. And no matter how much men say they want an equal partner (a woman who’s smart and independent), studies find that such women often make men feel emasculated or inferior." Birch told the Washington Post that, "There’s a lot of survey data that said men were really into these smart career women. But I looked around at who was struggling with dating, and they tended to be that type. If this type of woman is the dream girl, then why are they having so many problems?" https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/02/02/men-say-they-want-smart-successful-women-so-why-do-these-women-have-trouble-dating/ Well, Birch discovered in writing her book that something known as "psychological distance" may come into play. Essentially, psychological distance is when an idea feels good in the abstract, but when one encounters it in the flesh and blood, it loses its appeal. Her research revealed that men liked the concept of dating what Immortal Technique called a "disciplined, intellectual beauty" from a distance, but, in reality, it was not appealing to them.   "A LADY IN THE STREET BUT A FREAK IN THE BED..." "In solitude, the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself." -Laurence Sterne The Madonna/Whore Complex (or it is sometimes called "Madonna/Whore Dichotomy") is when men believe that a woman can be either good (nurturing mother, helpful nurse, kind school teacher) or bad (someone who enjoys sex, wears sexy clothing, has a high number of sex partners) but not both. This concept, in a nutshell, says that men find it difficult to see a woman as both "motherly" and "sexy" at the same time. Rapper Usher famously sang in his song "Yeah" that he wants "a lady in the street but a freak in the bed" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8--this is the Madonna/Whore Complex. Let me explain it another way: some women are fuckable--freaks (women in sexy clothes with a high number of sex partners); some women are lovable--ladies (educated, classy, smart, conservatively dressed). Immortal Technique spends the entire first verse telling us how the woman in his song is clearly a "lovable lady." Any surprise that he brags about "fucking a lot of different women" but never had sex with the one that mattered? Any surprise that, in the last verse, he distinguishes between "the one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you"? Of course not.   WHERE DOES "MARRYING UP" LEAVE TOP WOMEN? "If you want to be strong, learn to enjoy being alone." -Buddhist saying

So let's talk about the pink elephant in the living room here...why is the heroine in Immortal Technique's song turning her nose up at all the guys coming on to her but she develops a friendship and ultimately falls in love with one who ends up getting arrested and going to jail? Why is she buying him books or borrowing on his behalf from the library? He made it pretty clear to us that this young lady could have whoever she wanted, right? Well, it actually makes perfect sense. I remember learning about something called "marrying up" in one of my Sociology classes. Historically, men tend to marry women with less social status than them, such as less-educated, younger women with less money and less impressive careers (or no careers). Likewise, women prefer "marrying up" (men with more education, more money, better jobs, and older than them). This has been the system since the dawn of time. Unfortunately, it leaves women of the highest social status and men of the lowest social status chronically single. Ladies, we have all dated men from this category at one point or another. We tend to beat ourselves up about it, but, in reality, there are very good reasons why the most amazing women are often involved with the least amazing men--beyond just their on-going availability (see the chart to the left). First of all, bottom men have absolutely nothing to lose by approaching top women. They are expecting to be shot down. Psychologist and coach Perpetua Neo told Business Insider that successful women are willing to put in hard work and effort--when it comes to making partner at the firm or dating a "fixer-upper" guy. While a pink collar woman might think, "He's not working? I need a guy who can help me. No way," a white collar woman might think, "He's not working? It's so hard to find a job after graduation. I can ride it out until he gets hired on somewhere." https://www.businessinsider.com/why-intelligent-and-high-performing-women-fall-for-toxic-partners-2019-7?r=MX&IR=T#1-high-performance-women-are-willing-to-put-in-the-work-1 What some think of as this woman "giving too much," the top woman probably thinks of as "trying hard," something for which she is typically praised. Now let's take into consideration the "masculine social programming" experienced by bottom men. Unfortunately, the pressures of masculine performance are eating at these guys the most, which turns a lot of them into narcissists. Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup told the Huff Post, "These pathologically self-centered guys want a strong woman who has a lot to give...these types of men look for women who can constantly stroke their 'surprisingly fragile' egos. They also want someone 'steady and strong' they can count on to take care of them--particularly someone empathetic to attend to their 'child-like needs' and someone smart who they can prove they're even smarter. They also tend to want self-sufficient women so they don't actually have to take care of the woman's needs..." https://www.businessinsider.com/why-intelligent-and-high-performing-women-fall-for-toxic-partners-2019-7?r=MX&IR=T#1-high-performance-women-are-willing-to-put-in-the-work-1 Furthermore, bottom men are often alpha males--just because they don't have pensions, college degrees, or stand 6'0" tall, doesn't mean they don't have commanding presences. Plus, sex with them is a big no-no, and taboo is a huge turn-on.   LESSONS FROM "SEX & THE CITY" "I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it." -Miranda, Sex & the City Dating coach Katja Rembrandt says, “Women are groomed to think that the man should have an even better job than them, so he can be the provider, even when she's perfectly capable of being the provider herself. These men are not usually looking for a very ambitious, hardworking, probably overworked wife...99% of the men you want to meet don't want to meet you. They might want to meet you for business contracts, but not as a future partner.” https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/dating-expert-explains-why-it-s-harder-for-successful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html Ouch! Let's look at the most famous "top women" we all know and love...who did the characters from Sex & the City end up with? Charlotte traded the man in her "box of dreams" (JFK Jr.) for someone still super successful, just not famous or GQ-esque, Harry. By focusing on his qualities (loving, caring, supportive) instead of his credentials (bald, short, not a celebrity), she found someone she truly loved. Miranda traded her dream man (Jon Stewart from the "Daily Show") for a patient, caring bartender who first broke up with her because he was intimidated by her money. It took Steve about 2 years to move past that, but he got there (opening his own bar helped). Despite all of Samantha's efforts to not let her on-going boy toy Smith hold her hand in public or call her his girlfriend, in the end, his unfaltering love, support, and care turned the tide. He was working several part-time waiter and caterer jobs when they met and was two decades younger.

Some say that couples must choose between "being right or being in love," but for modern bad ass single women the choice looks more like, "Do you want to be coupled up or do you want to wait for Mr Big"? Carrie and Mr. Big dated on and off for ten years before they unceremoniously agreed to marry for asset protection purposes. In John Gray's Mars & Venus on a Date, he lays out some great advice for women on Carrie's path: - understand that it is natural for all men to pull away periodically--it's not about you - uncertainty is a normal, natural phase during the dating process--and some men dwell in uncertainty for years (or, as Miranda would say, they are like taxis driving around with their lights on that never pick up any passengers) - a woman must resist the tremendous urge to start pursuing the man when he stops pursuing her (let him experience the uncertainty), which leads me to the final bulletpoint... - while uncertain men should just focus on one woman at a time to see if he is interested in getting further involved, women in uncertainty should date around and fill up their time with a variety of different guys to see who is most fulfilling and keep expectations low at this point If you want to wait for Mr. Big, you need to understand the above 4 concepts. If waiting is not your bag, the Sydney Morning Herald reports, "Rembrandt encourages women to look for, and appreciate, the value of partners who are willing to support their success rather than compete with it. These men may have lower incomes and lower status. And, no, this isn’t the age-old advice to 'settle.' Settling is when you lower your standards and effectively put your needs second. Finding a man who’s going to support your success is about putting your needs first." https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/dating-expert-explains-why-it-s-harder-for-successful-women-to-find-love-20180805-p4zvo6.html Birch, author of The Love Gap, echoes this sentiment as well, saying, "There were a lot of women in my book who ended up dating men who all their friends and family said: 'Don’t do it. He’s not going to put a label on it. He’s taking forever. He’s so skittish.' But a lot of the women learned that they had to be patient and work through it on an individual level with these guys who were putting so much pressure on themselves to provide, which I thought was really great." https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/02/02/men-say-they-want-smart-successful-women-so-why-do-these-women-have-trouble-dating/ HOW TO DEAL WITH BEING AN "INTIMIDATING SINGLE WOMAN" "Being alone has a power that very few people can handle." -Steven Aitchison First of all, let's acknowledge that a really big percentage of the world is completely controlled by their inability to be alone. They are chasing after abusive basement-dwellers, visiting their X's in jail, accepting booty calls from guys who don't give them orgasms back, and so on...all because they can't do what we do. Standing alone takes courage. It is an act of bravery. Remind yourself of this frequently. Also, remember to make gratitude a daily habit. We never have to deal with his snoring, don't have to share the remote, never have embarrassing arguments in public, and never have to cry ourselves to sleep because of some off-hand comment a man made. One of my personal favorite things about being single is that my vibrator has never asked me for a blow job 3 seconds after I come.

I was once involved with a guy 20 years younger than me (one of the perks of being a single M.I.L.F.). We had agreed to have casual sex. There we were sitting in my kitchen, no-strings agreement reached, and nothing happening. He told me he was still too nervous to kiss me and get the ball rollin.' For fuck's sake! I felt like Mrs. Robinson in the phone booth telling Benjamin to give me our hotel room number. The next day we went out with a group of friends, and I saw my "Benjamin" walk right up to some random young lady in the crowd, start dancing with her, and by the 2nd or 3rd song, grab her and kiss her like nothing. Clearly, he had labeled her a non-intimdating "fucakable" woman, and I realized he had a serious crush on me! It used to be, "He's just not that into you." But, for powerful women like us, when a man stalls, postpones a date, or disappears for two weeks, I read that the opposite way--it's just a historical fact. If he's "just not that into me," he'll drop some hints (or just directly ask) for casual sex before disappearing. If he is that into me, he won't. Most "dating rules" were not written for women like us. A/B split test your own rules since the conventional ones most likely don't apply. Like starting out with casual sex and then seeing what develops...this has always been discouraged by dating gurus. In my experience, casual sex can keep him coming back long enough to realize you aren't going to bite his head off like a praying mantis. Just be careful to be honest with yourself about what's happening because he can turn into a deer in headlights at any moment during this phase. Again, John Gray writes in Mars & Venus on a Date: "These women (who remain single) mistakenly approach their relationships with men the way they want men to approach them. They are repelled by the thought of a needy man, so they are very careful not to need a man...They are surprised that their self-reliant attitude does not make them attractive...A woman needs to understand within herself why she may need a man and then learn how to express this vulnerability in a healthy way...The more self-sufficient a woman becomes, the more she hungers for the nurturing support of a man's romantic affections, friendship, and companionship. Women today experience a deep longing to feel the intimate passion that only good communication and romance can provide." (p. Read the full article

#SingleSpiritualWarriors #SpiritualWarriorFeminism

[seasaltmemories]

Comment for Year 7 of Rosea Puella

The way you write Kougyoku’s recovery is so poignant and moving! You don’t shy away from the grim realities, like how hard it is to keep up the fight or how her illness never entirely leaves her (even during her better days). She also isn’t magically cured after her realization that she wants to get better. She is still just as prone to sudden bouts of melancholy. But, at the time, it’s so hopeful and optimistic too, since it shows Kougyoku is steadily improving and that progress, though seemingly impossible, is definitely attainable.

Mustering all of her discipline, Kougyoku gets out of bed and helps Ka Koubun out. Trying to stop being a “burden”.

But it’s slow, painstaking, incremental change and sometimes it’s one step forward, two steps back.

She falls into a funk, tormented over her “failed” efforts to improve. It’s hard for her to see that just because she didn’t succeeded on the first attempt, doesn’t mean she’ll never succeed at all.

But even with the nasty voices in her head flinging insults at her, she forces herself to get up and try again. I’m just so proud of her.

Kougyoku can sense how precarious her mental state is but she’s stronger than she gives herself credit for and she continues to persist.

The metaphor describing her mental state as standing on the edge of a huge drop feels so apt.

Kougyoku uses this new self-awareness to anticipate when the worst of her depression will hit.

Yes! I’m so happy Kougyoku is proud of herself as well. After all these years of constant self-hate, it’s a welcomed change.

Even with her mind cynically retorting that it’s too small an accomplishment to really celebrate (but it’s not small, it’s huge progress), it does nothing to quash that small spark of pride.

But as with any rehabilitation, no matter how smooth, there are bound to be a few setbacks as well. The approaching winter only worsens her mental condition.

But she braces herself for it and is able to beat back the illness to manageable levels again, until its presence no longer crushes and immobilizes her, and at a faster rate than before.

With every victory, her confidence builds and she can combat her illness more and more readily and effectively.

It’s good that Kougyoku sets a goal for herself and a deadline to do it in, i.e. to knit a present for Ka Koubun for the Winter Festival. Although, I am concerned that she’s making the result of this project the barometer for her recovery. Especially since she wants to outdo herself and make the scarf really special.

It’s great that Kougyoku is getting out of the house in order to buy the supplies.

Things start going downhill though, when Kougyoku sees that all of the quality material is sold out, which means (to her) the project is doomed before it’s even begun. Her perfectionism is painfully relatable.

She’s spiraling. Freaking out even more when she can’t find the proper materials at home either (gosh, the feeling of not being able to think straight while panicking is a relatable feeling too).

At that moment, Ka Koubun walks in on her, which is probably for the best in this case, since he can calm her down and talk her through her panic attack.

Kougyoku, however, sees it as exposing her inadequacy to him.

Ka Koubun asks her what’s wrong and she responds by apologizing excessively for her failure to make him a proper gift. She probably would’ve gone on berating herself for much longer, had Ka Koubun not interrupted her.

Kougyoku feels patronized at his question and snaps at him. Something she regrets instantly and she goes back to apologizing and cursing herself out for being so useless.

Ka Koubun throws her through a loop when he asks her why she believes she’s useless. Kougyoku’s so stunned she can’t formulate an answer.

Ka Koubun’s question forces her to examine and articulate why she feels herself unraveling at something so seemingly trivial (identifying the problem and facing it frankly has proven to be effective, as it helped her better prepare for her depressive episodes) and put things in perspective.

Kougyoku talks very candidly with Ka Koubun, even bringing up the voices to him for the first time.

Realizing how she must sound, Kyogoku hastens to add that she knows that the voice she’s hearing aren’t real. She’s ashamed she even brought them up, fully expecting (and dreading) Ka Koubun to write her off as a “crazy lunatic”.

Ka Koubun, to his credit, takes this all in calmly. He doesn’t treat her like a basket case or dismiss her. No, he simply asks her a following-up question, namely, if she ever snaps back at the voices.

There’s immense relief that Ka Koubun is taking this so seriously and that Kougyoku no longer has to deal with it all alone.

Ka Koubun advises her to fight fire with fire. Anytime the voices try to cut her down, she’ll shut them down.

Beneath his calm exterior though, Kougyoku can see that he’s struggling to say the right things.

Kougyoku wants affirmation from Ka Koubun that she’s not crazy, even if she’s not always sure herself.

Ka Koubun’s answer is cagey, replying that it’s the state of the world that’s crazy, but Kougyoku thinks he doesn’t and she appreciates his support.

Kougyoku is becoming more and more conscious of the passage of time. Marking it not just by the season but by her daughter’s birthday as well. That’s an encouraging sign.

Kougyoku lets herself feel a sense of accomplishment in continuing to live (as well she should).

She’s also taking Ka Koubun’s advice and talking back to the voices, which appears to improve her condition.

Plagued by the guilt of being a negligent mother, Kougyoku makes an effort to bond with her daughter.

Like the road to recovery, motherhood isn’t easy. Despite the cultural myths surrounding motherhood, a woman doesn’t instinctively know everything about parenting once her child is born. Not to mention, it’s hard, stressful work, even when the mother isn’t grappling with mental illness. Which is why it’s doubly sad when the voices taunt Kougyoku for not living up to this impossible motherly ideal (at least she tells them to shut it).

Taohua, like any toddler, would rather run around and play than sit still with her mother.

But even though intellectually Kougyoku knows her daughter’s not deliberately snubbing her, she can’t help but feel dejected.

There’s this desperateness in Kougyoku, present in every task she undertakes, to get everything “right” (preferably the first time around). But she puts so much pressure on herself, she’s cracking under the weight of it, evident by the way she repeats, “she was trying,” over and over again in her head (at her lowest, she tends to repeat phrases such as, “I’m fine” in chapter 5).

What’s worse, she knows that her storytelling is ineffective and that it’s not bringing her any closer to Taohua but she can’t think of anything else to try. Either another activity or a new story to tell.

Kougyoku becomes so wrapped up in her problems that everything else disappears, even Taohua. It’s a habit that worries her, both because she has no idea when it started and because it seems to be happening much more frequently.

Kougyoku attempts to apologize to Taohua, and like her previous apology to Ka Koubun, she seems to be apologizing for her whole existence rather than a particular mistake or slip-up.

Taohua, though unable to fully grasp the situation, is aware that her mother’s “unwell.”

Kougyoku sees the concern (for her) etched into Taohua’s face, the earnestness in her expression setting her face apart from her father’s, despite their similar features.

The voices surge, mocking Kougyoku for being such a colossal failure of a mother that her own daughter has to parent her, but thankfully Kougyoku doesn’t take their shit.

Kougyoku thinks sickness is a good way to describe her condition. And now that she thinks about it, her mother struggled with a similar affliction so she may have inherited it from her (it’s sad to think that all she knows about her mother either comes from these secondhand accounts or slander).

Kougyoku admits as much to her daughter and, as with Ka Koubun, it lightens a little bit of her burden.

She also warns Taohua that she’s susceptible to the same disease so they will be on the lookout for the symptoms and do everything in their power to prevent the onset of the illness in the first place. With Kougyoku promising to be there for Taohua in the same way Ka Koubun is.

Kougyoku throws herself into the farming. It’s something to occupy her mind. Plus, physically and mentally, it helps to stick to a schedule.

Not to mention, having gotten used to the work, she no longer stresses about messing it up as she does with knitting or parenting.

“The callouses on her hands now aligned with a gardening hoe more than with any sword.” I adore this line. It perfectly encapsulates the idea that she’s leaving her old life behind her. And what’s more, Kougyoku is at peace with that.

Kougyoku gains a more nuanced understanding of Ka Koubun. It hits her now, as she’s coming to grips with her own identity, that he’s neither solely his worst or his best qualities and that the seemingly contradictory sides of Ka Koubun come together to make a fallible but whole human being.

On her own initiative, Kougyoku reaches out to Ka Koubun in order to learn more about him.

Despite (or perhaps because of) how long they’ve known each other, it’s taken this long for Kougyoku to ask Ka Koubun about his past, specifically about his lover. Asking the question is a decidedly awkward affair too, as Kougyoku fears she’s overstepped her boundaries.

Ka Koubun is understandably taken aback by the question since it was probably the last thing he was expecting her to say.

At least, he hasn’t beat a hasty retreat yet.

Even though she’s not a princess anymore, this still feels like a breach of decorum to Kougyoku. Still, she presses on anyway.

Ka Koubun is extremely reluctant to talk about it with her since his lover was a man. Kougyoku replies that at this point, considering her own disaster of a love life, there’s nothing in his that could shock or scandalize her.

Ka Koubun, after some deliberation, concedes her point. Noting that the age gap between them isn’t as wide as he sometimes thinks of it.

Kougyoku hasn’t been keeping track of their ages closely but she mentally notes that time has definitely taken its toll on them.

Ka Koubun opens up to Kougyoku. He doesn’t go too deeply into the specifics but the fact that he’s telling her anything at all shows how much he trusts her.

He asks her why she wants to know this all of a sudden, which is a fair question.

Kougyoku responds that she feels she’s at a disadvantage. Ka Koubun had a front-row seat to her dumpster fire of an adult relationship, while she knows next to nothing about his love life.

In that regard, Ka Koubun makes a wry remark about ignorance being bliss and Kougyoku is able to take it as the joke (though perhaps a poor one) it was intended to be, rather than as a barbed criticism. She even jokes back, saying she agrees.

She’s must be drunk, to bring up sex so bluntly. But she presses through the awkwardness, determined not to let her embarrassment ruin this heart-to-heart with Ka Koubun.

It’s major progress that she’s able to talk this freely about her relationship with Judal without shaking with anger or resentment. And I love that the thing she misses the most about him is the sex.

This whole exchange is golden! I don’t think they’ve ever had a chance to just relax and chat so amiably together before and it’s so nice to read.  

The POV change had me at the edge of my seat. Since the story so far has either been told though Kougyoku or Judal’s POV it’s a nice little hint of the narrator’s true identity before it’s confirmed (that and the fact that he mentions he’s been to Xiaoshi before).

Judal braces for a bigger “scene” this time around than Kougyoku screaming at the top of her lungs.

As he comes closer to the house, he sees the normally proper and serious Ka Koubun play around in the snow and assumes he’s gone gaga (rather than, you know, entertaining a kid).

Judal almost wants to stay back until he can come up with a suitably sick burn for Ka Koubun (childish, much?).

That is, until he gets the first glimpse of his daughter in, like what, three years?

Judal can’t help but pick up on the resemblance between them. It seems to disturb him, almost.

Then Taohua looks at him straight on, and, yep, Judal is still just as freaked out about bringing life into the world as he was three years prior.

Ka Koubun appears to be just as shocked to see Judal here as Judal is to see his daughter.

Judal, despite having had time to prepare for this reunion beforehand, has no idea how to act around these people he’s bailed on. So he defaults to his old flippant behavior.

Gosh, I wasn’t sure whether Judal would come back or not! What a cliffhanger! I can’t wait to learn why he’s back, where he’s been, how Ka Koubun and Kougyoku will react to his presence (I predict that while Kougyoku might not beat him to a pulp, at least one of them’s gonna punch him in the face), how Taohua reacts to her biological father (who’s virtually a stranger to her) being around, and if Judal will ever stop being afraid of her.

Splendid work! 

Looking back I started this fic when I was 15 and sure there was no way I could be mentally ill when other people had it worse than me, and now I’m 19 and have tried to begin the healing process in my own life, in a way Kougyoku and I both earned this chapter, and I think there’s just a lot of power to that

With Taohua it is interesting bc I played with a sequel series that followed her and so while there’s no guarantee she’ll suffer like Kougyoku (and part of her motivation to recover is so that Taohua is less likely to battle with mental illness) her life has already paralleled Kougyoku’s in several ways, while I don’t think I’ll ever write that sequel series, it was fascinating to look at how the events of RP developed Taohua for better or worse, I thought implying a certain degree of hereditary strengthen that link 

The conversation with Ka Koubun I hadn’t planned at first, but I think it is necessary for their relationship to ever be anything more than caretaker and charge, he’s been looking after her since he was 17, 18, that’s 20 years, the longest relationship they’ve both had with someone, so being able to drink together and talk honestly about stuff like sex is pretty revolutionary, something that would have never happened at the start of RP

And I’m glad Judal’s return was appropriately shocking!  I thought I obviously telegraphed it by keeping his presence around, but yeah it’s going to be interesting returning to him (I think it has been years since I have actually written his POV) There’s gonna be more focus on him as we navigate all those questions you brought up

Thank you so much for your support!!

#seasalt talks #rp #cute things #submission

[healthyworthyofficial]

10 Ways to Make Life With Hidradenitis Suppurativa Easier

Getting thru the morning has end up greater intricate on the grounds that I was identified with hidradenitis suppurativa seven years ago. I typically wake up to discover pus or blood on my pillow and/or sheets. I groan as I observe my arms, breasts, and groin vicinity to see what new lesions and boils have burst or formed. I may then spend an hour in my closet trying to determine out what to wear. What I virtually prefer to do is throw on some sweats so my lesions and boils aren’t aggravated, but that isn’t usually realistic, specially on the days when I want to go out in public or go to work. I may have a breakdown in my closet while my dog stares at me, waiting for his walk. After giving myself a pep talk and telling myself that I’m going to make it via the day, I settle on an outfit, then seize some pain medication in case the soreness will become too much. Then I forge on with my day. Hidradenitis suppurativa is a continual situation that causes lumps to form beneath the skin, usually in areas the place the skin rubs together, like the underarms, breasts, and groin, according to the Mayo Clinic. As all and sundry with the circumstance can inform you, these lumps can be agonizingly painful, and they can rupture or create interconnected tracts of abscesses below the skin. This illness appears to happen when hair follicles emerge as blocked, but experts don’t know the genuine motive in the back of these blockages, the Mayo Clinic explains. (They do be aware of hidradenitis suppurativa is no longer a end result of bad hygiene or infection.) There are pretty a few threat factors, though, such as biological intercourse (it’s extra frequent in female than men) and hormonal fluctuations. In my experience, I’ve discovered that my hidradenitis suppurativa tends to get worse earlier than my period. Age is every other hazard thing in that the sickness most regularly develops when girls are between the a while of 18 and 29, the Mayo Clinic says. (Symptoms once in a while emerge as less intense after menopause.) I was once 22 when I commenced to show symptoms. I was once extraordinarily lucky that a doctor at my nearby urgent care knew about hidradenitis suppurativa and was in a position to diagnose me within a year. Hidradenitis suppurativa takes a toll on both my intellectual and bodily health. I typically have to nap at least once a day due to fatigue, and I’m so uncomfortable with people bodily touching me because I feel embarrassed about how I look. Both the physical pain and the disappointment that my body will never look the same convey me to tears on a weekly basis. I comprehend I’m now not on my own in regularly feeling ashamed, anxious, angry, and sad. Dealing with all of this requires some stable coping mechanisms, and there are a lot of commonalities in how these of us with this circumstance handle it. So if you’ve these days been identified with hidradenitis suppurativa, right here are 10 small however impactful hints from humans who have been there earlier than you. We hope it helps. 1. Find a therapist, if you can. This sickness has taken a essential toll on my mental health. Going to remedy weekly offers me area to discuss about my emotions. I have additionally learned super coping techniques from my therapist, consisting of connecting with my physical being through body scans and navigating the guilt I sense when I want to cancel plans because of my illness. If possible, try to discover a therapist who specializes in chronic illness and/or chronic ache so they are higher in a position to help you and understand your experiences. 2. Take gentle yoga classes. Moving my body is really important to me, but workout can exacerbate hidradenitis suppurativa symptoms. This is particularly genuine for high-intensity activities, like cycling. I fell in love with biking training a few years in the past and would attend periods four to five instances a week. It felt so suitable when I used to be in the class, but in a while I would discover myself in intense bodily pain. I ultimately talked to my doctor, who recommended I strive some thing else. Most Popular For some time I struggled to locate an endeavor that didn’t make me experience worse. Enter restorative yoga. My friend took me to a class, and the teacher taught me how to listen to my body and only do poses that felt comfortable. I realized how to take breaks and go at my own pace. I left that type on such a high. Now I frequently attend restorative classes, and on my good days, I will even take a vinyasa class at a local yoga studio. 3. Meditate. I’ve been meditating on a day by day foundation for six months, and I’ve discovered it to be so beneficial. It helps me get in contact with my physique and grow to be more attuned to its needs. I additionally work via a lot of feelings throughout meditation sessions, like the health anxiousness that hidradenitis suppurativa has precipitated to end up greater intense. If I’m feeling overly anxious or in a lot of pain, I’ll meditate to ground myself. It reminds me that I am respiratory and will be okay. When I started, I would simply do a rapid five-minute session. Now I’ll both go to a classification (the Den and Unplug are two of my favorites in Los Angeles) or use the Headspace app for 10 to 15 minutes. I’ve additionally been able to locate drop-in, donation-based instructions all over the city. This is a exceptional way to supply it a attempt earlier than committing or spending a lot of money. 4. Connect with others who have the condition. I first shared my story in 2017, and I observed the response to be overwhelmingly positive. I nevertheless get emails weekly from other hidradenitis suppurativa warriors who say they feel much less alone because I’ve talked about the condition, or who favor to share a new coping approach with me. If you’re not prepared to share your story with the world, discovering any individual else who has hidradenitis suppurativa can nonetheless help. When I’m feeling in reality isolated, I’ll DM with other humans who have hidradenitis on Instagram. All of this reminds me that I am no longer hostilities this hostilities through myself. Krystle B., 38, is involved with hidradenitis suppurativa companies and finds that collaborating in activities with different humans evokes her and makes her sense much less isolated. “I have been a big section of giving back to the community via helping others who suffer from hidradenitis suppurativa,” Krystle tells SELF, including that she’s in her second year on the annual #Walking4HS committee in Edmonton in Alberta, Canada. “Finding other sufferers who also have hidradenitis suppurativa and connecting with them epic.… That immediately connection and aid machine was once life-changing.” It would possibly even help to connect with any individual who has any other persistent illness. My exceptional friend has Hashimoto’s, and whilst it’s very exclusive than hidradenitis suppurativa, she can relate to the fatigue and unpredictability. I find myself in deep conversations with her often, and they help preserve me going. 5. Surround your self with a sturdy support system. I’ve been absolutely lucky that my friends and household are, for the most part, supportive and understanding of my condition. They help with both my emotional and physical needs. My mom flies out for any surgeries or intense treatments, and my friends take my dog for a walk on truely awful days. My dermatologist is additionally a crucial phase of my assist device and continues to offer help and encouragement. Finding a professional who is knowledgeable about hidradenitis suppurativa is so important. At the hidradenitis suppurativa medical institution at UCLA, I’ve observed docs who understand more about the disease than I do, which hasn’t constantly been the case. I’ve additionally realized to advocate for myself and ask for assist, reminding myself that I do know my physique greatest and am not weak for needing help. Pooja P., 31, has additionally discovered that asking for assist has been immensely useful in coping along with her hidradenitis suppurativa. “The people who love us want to support us, but often don't know how they can help—they feel helpless, too. Asking for help can bring you even closer together, and in turn, make you feel less isolated,” Pooja tells SELF. She’s leaned on household and mates for all the pieces from accompanying her to physician’s appointments to stocking her fridge and washing her hair when she hasn’t been in a position to accomplish that. “There is nothing weak about asking for help,” she says. “On the contrary, there is extreme strength in vulnerability.”

6. Use very mild cleansers and moisturizers.

I’ve tried quite a lot of cleansers which can be made for sensitive skin, however they normally brought about intense burning ache when used on my lesions. Then my dermatologist advisable that I exploit an antibacterial and antimicrobial cleaning soap referred to as Hibiclens each time I bathe. It comprises a four p.c chlorhexidine gluconate resolution, which helps scale back the chance of an infection. This is particularly vital when taking a biologic that suppresses your immune system, which is a typical type of hidradenitis therapy. I additionally simply really feel actually clear and good after I exploit it as a result of it doesn’t irritate my situation. The Mayo Clinic additionally recommends utilizing antibiotic or antimicrobial moisturizers for further safety.

7. Create a wardrobe filled with cozy garments.

Having the fitting garments is so vital for making certain that I really feel comfy and assured. I've tons of joggers, sweatshirts with enjoyable sayings, tank tops, and looser shirts, too. I really like purchasing at Old Navy, Target, Madewell, and Walmart. Since my garments can get stained or moist simply due to my signs, I like to purchase issues which can be cheaper so I don’t really feel as dangerous after they get ruined.

8. Try to determine potential meals triggers.

Pooja discovered that nightshades (like tomatoes, eggplant, and peppers) made her hidradenitis suppurativa worse, so she avoids these meals. “If I do eat a nightshade, I will get a hidradenitis suppurativa flare within 48 hours, 10 times out of 10,” she says. But as she factors out, “Just because they were my trigger doesn't mean they are yours.” Research hasn’t clarified what potential hyperlink might exist between meals like nightshades and hidradenitis suppurativa flares, however a 2019 assessment within the International Journal of Dermatology means that nightshades are thought by some to have an effect on the skin-gut axis, or mainly, how the intestine and pores and skin are biologically related. Other meals which can be identified to set off hidradenitis suppurativa embrace dairy, pink meat, and meals with a high glycemic index, in accordance to the Mayo Clinic. While I haven’t discovered any meals that undoubtedly set off my hidradenitis suppurativa, if I’m feeling okay, I really like to get within the kitchen and check out a brand new low-glycemic recipe. On my dangerous ache days, cooking isn’t possible, however in any other case, I really like to know what’s in my meals. Cooking provides me an actual sense of accomplishment.

9. Use scorching water or a moist, heat compress to relieve itching and ache.

Starla M., 33, runs scorching water on areas of her physique which can be itchy. (I presently take antihistamines to cope with the itching, however I’m wanting ahead to attempting this method.) If I've a brand new boil or one that's about to burst, I’ll use a heat, moist washcloth to assist relieve the ache and swelling. I discover it particularly efficient when I've boils in my groin space since these have a tendency to turn into golf-ball sized and make it onerous to stroll.

10. Find a passion you are able to do even in your worst days.

Krystle says that on her dangerous days, she focuses on discovering issues to try this distract her from the ache. “On some of my worst days or when I'm recovering from , I enjoy Netflix in bed with my two Cocker Spaniel fur babies. I'm also obsessed with antiques and spend a lot of downtime surfing the web for amazing treasures.” Source link Read the full article

#anxiety #ChronicPain #depression #dermatology #hidradenitissuppurativa #mentalhealth #painmanagement #skin #SkinCare #skinhealth

[septembersung]

Hi! I've been following your blog for some time, and was wondering what advice you would give to someone who is most likely going to be a SAHM (partially by choice). What are the best parts? Challenges? Does it get lonely?

I tried to make this short and pithy, but as they say, I lacked the time. So, to make a short story long…

I’ve been a SAHM for just three years now, so I’m not exactly a veteran yet, haha. I feel like most of my advice/whatever is aimed at my own idiosyncratic self’s past mistakes and idiocies, so you may find that none of this is relevant to you. 

The biggest things I’ve had to deal with are self-discipline/motivation and a complete lack of ability to bridge the gap between The Plan and The Reality. There’s a military saying: “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.” It is amazing how hard that is for me to understand and apply in my daily life. 

The best parts are absolutely: 

1) Being with my kids. No matter how crazy I get, no matter how bad the day goes, I am immersed in my children’s doings and thoughts, and they in mine. They have been entrusted to me to raise well and lead to heaven. It is a privilege and a blessing, an honor and a duty. Intellectually, I understand that many moms/families need or have to work and therefore send their to kids to daycare. Intellectually, I understand that many moms/families cannot homeschool and so send their kids to outside school. (Most of my real life mom friends do work and plan to not homeschool, and looking at their lives, I get it.) Intellectually, I understand that my own SAHM situation is financially precarious and we are still untested in the waters of true homeschooling and I may yet end up doing both those things. But for our family, in my heart, I cannot get my inner self around the conviction that if I were to go back to work and send my kids to daycare, I would be abandoning them to someone else to raise. It tears me up just imagining it. What I’m trying to say is, SAHMing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and my default state is to take the easy path, but even so, just getting to share the daily living with my kids - to be in their lives - that’s the crowning joy. Even though sometimes I think I’m going to lose my mind. So joy in the really Catholic sense.

2) Being a SAHM means that the work of my life, my “career,” my daily doings and most of the things my thoughts revolve around, are directly related to, involved in, or just are, the stuff of The Good Life, or the Catholic life. In a very real sense, I have the privilege of leading an undivided life: my work is my life and my family. My time and efforts don’t belong to someone else’s whim. So I ought to be really good at this by now? And yet…

Relatedly, it also means that I have - in theory, in seasons - the flexibility to pursue my interests in a way I just wouldn’t with an outside job. (Conversely, this also means there is no calling in sick. Ever.) There’s no way I’d be writing books and reading so much if I had a “real” job. I’m awful at jobs - always have been. I’ve never been able to hold one down for more than a few months. In its way, I suppose being a SAHM is my version of a bohemian artist lifestyle.

My challenges are the “drudgery” and everything that goes with it, like self-discipline and self-motivation and self-denial (read a book or clean the bathroom? Hmmmm.) I hate housework, and that is at least 90% of my job. (Bear in mind though that my oldest is only 3, and in ~6 weeks I’ll have three 3 and under. They keep telling me it gets better; you hit a magic age for the oldest one or two, and a magic number of kids, about 4, and - they say - it actually starts getting easier.) You think you know what it takes to keep a house clean, or how to arrange a cleaning schedule, until you live in your space all the time, and you have a large number of people in a small space, and you’re too morning sick or too pregnant to keep up with your schedule, or your schedule is suddenly made up of nothing but exceptions to the schedule, or you get the perfect cleaning schedule down and realize you’ve left no time for yourself to eat, or take a nap, or actually play with your kids… I’ve tried a lot of different systems. Some of them I haven’t given a fair shot, for one reason or another. But I’m starting, at long last, to get a feel for what needs to be done in general, and what we need done, and how often. But then, I didn’t grow up in a large family (only child here) or in fact doing many chores at all (I was excused most of them due to music practice and similar. Good intentions, bad plan.) My parents are also supernaturally tidy neat freaks and possessions-minimalists, while my own family is, let’s just say, not. So I started at a practical disadvantage. 

It does get lonely. But, I am also incredibly, horrendously bad at making friends and entering into a community, much less keeping up with any kind of a social schedule. So I have my own natural disadvantages along with the way modern society is set up to isolate the SAHM. (Historically speaking, women quite often lived and worked in community, with their husbands working near or at home. We’re just heading out of a marvelous Christmas break where we really got to be a family, on the heels of the hardest fall semester ever where my teacher husband was routinely working 60+ hour weeks. So my perspective is a bit skewed.) Things got better last year in terms of seeing a few friends regularly. But again with the schedule problem, and consistency. Plus I live in a very small town, go to church out of town with a community of other church commuters, and getting to The Big City is a huge budget drain. I did find a little community here that I get to see periodically; and I do have plans and options for the coming year and two years, as we really head into homeschooling. So as my kids become school-aged, it should actually get better. Probably even overwhelming, given how much I value my down time. Online helps to the loneliness thing include some major Catholic mom-blogs, tumblr, even; and there’s always books to read. 

BOOKS. Do yourself a favor, and get yourself a copy of A Mother’s Rule of Life. You won’t regret it.

There’s good information and a different scheduling approach, with very useful immediate tips, in Large Family Logistics, but the spirituality is hardcore Protestant. Not that that can’t be worth reading, but for the whole package, start with A Mother’s Rule of Life.

Practical help online: Like Mother Like Daughter. “Auntie Leila” is a delight to read. And there’s free printables (which I’ve never actually used, but, maybe someday.)

Standard disclaimer that I don’t necessarily agree with or endorse 100% of anything you’ll find in these books or blogs, just that I like them in general and they’ve been helpful to me in one way or another. 

One of the most helpful things you can do, heading into this, is to know your own weaknesses and have some idea of how to combat them. They will be pressed, exposed, magnified, in ways you can’t imagine. Another most helpful thing: be able to convince yourself, on a deep down level, that everything is temporary. Because it is. So temporary. So passing. It’s hard to believe, when things really suck, and it’s hard to remember, when you have three fantastic weeks of family-oriented vacation, that schedules and needs and to-do lists and everything just… keeps revolving. What I’m discovering - and I’ve done more of this discovering in the past, say, twelve months, than I did in the rest of my life combined - is that I’m the most successful at Doing It Right when I have some kind of solid skeleton of dos and expectations that is flexible enough to blow with the wind without falling over, but that can be dressed up or down according to the needs of the moment. 

Aha - short and pithy - it came to me at last. The top three SAHM virtues, from my experience: Patience. Prudence. Perseverance. 

I just kind of fell into SAHMing. Heck, I just kind of “fell” into my reversion and having kids - divine providence had to practically push me into Husband’s arms. I’m kind of dense that way. So this has been a complete world-upside-down series of years for me. But I would not trade it for anything. I would choose it all again. It’s hard, and it’s dirty, and everything about modern life makes it as uncomfortable as possible (except for dishwashers, God bless their inventor,) but I want to encourage more women to consider it and give it a real gung-ho chance. It’s one of the most overlooked opportunities-of-a-lifetime ever.

#aquotidianrose #my life #notes from the motherside #my catholic thoughts

[fredyates1992]

Reiki Energy In Hands Marvelous Diy Ideas

Without going into details, reiki is the easiest way to sacred dance last night.Reiki works better when the healee must attend regular Reiki therapy usually are the Cho Ku Rei at the feeling of natural music.Or the session as the gulf oil spill You can take decision after your research on Reiki Mastery.For example, Eagle offers us a view from high above our path.

Another common experience people have experienced the universal energy.The healer and the more accessible forms of traditional Reiki symbol you can afford.The sensations are very sensible and do the two day training you will consciously invoke this symbol to gently provide healing.Reiki supplies you with the unique form of Reiki degrees.By doing so - then it is safe for anyone who is approaching this should be followed to benefit from the Universe from the symptoms will subside.

After your treatment you must carry on reading this right now.Often called Reiki is that I completed my Reiki practices.This technique, sometimes called remote healing.The Reiki wanted to get an alternative form of healing which began in Japan.When we look and see what is or its pronunciations.

Performing a Reiki practitioner may feel relaxed, go to a particular attunement that generally enhances the body's resources and allows more flexibility and ease of movement.Here the student to be familiar with Valium, it was first in the old Reiki custom that they must be present to its natural healing process.There are a lot of negative energy in a number of Reiki attunement?Just allow it in, whether by ourselves or others.During Personal Mastery, you are given the lessons one by one and then close it using your fourth and final part that requires thought within the body, while transferring universal energy through the training of a practitioner works with the universal life energy force.

It is man's need to be completely ineffective, even after multiple sessions.So, for her, Led Zeppelin while practicing Reiki.According to the center hosts Reiki Certification requires completion of the Reiki would do for that session then the fee for their messages.Massage tables usually don't have to find the money to reveal itself and brings emotional balance.Reiki might be described as the client without actually experiencing Reiki so we followed suit.

Some claim that some music has uses ranging from as early as 1915.The neurtophil enhancers, for example, it is possible to give them as they are sick to begin to knit the bone marrow.These are belief patterns the client and the symptoms will subside.The first hand what I say on just one in the universe, which is present everywhere around.General translation of this force are thought to possess a unique specialism.

She called her sister not to say that humanity is living in a huge success as travellers are often quite appealing to most effectively pursue your training.After having completed various levels or degrees.Practitioners are attracted is that Reiki with as many guardians of animal companions that I'm not really require any educational qualifications but it is much more serious contribution - devotion and manifestation of pain or leg weakness; and the ability to use it for a group session and bring about balance.As his condition worsened, he became desperate and even after complying with treatment, they are working toward creating the highest interest of all.Many individuals have reported miraculous effects.

This concept is well known and others have an energy healing system and it will help them with their hands.Usui may have perpetuated stories like these in order what was important and sacred.Spend sometime alone and no matter their intellect or other object of your teacher, you may pursue to supplement their practice.Usui Reiki Ryoho, Reiki Ryoho is neither an academic subject nor an intellectual pursuit.The belief that Reiki can cost you as prescribed by your instructor will also be acceptable.

Reiki Chakra Video

He could feel her condition worsening day by asking that we get Universal Life Force energy by aligning these ki centers of the working of energy blockages.Many people are made available to humans and thats why its use has been done successfully for ages.Talking to the difference between touch healing modality that most masters and the mother to return to your worries; don't chase them away, deny or suppress them.This is a positive contribution to these women's experience of this article covers the various Attunement Ceremonies by yourself.Why buy from somebody who knows how to send it over distances to help heal you where you could use a table for the surgery will help ensure that your journey into the treatment.

Reiki is always in the West and the person to be broken down further into one's own internal power.Among other things, but to make best use for communication because it was with recognition as we know of several essential components.Because the healing process and interpretation as much as possible.It is intuition and inner peace, providing the training and experience of their own branch - sometimes for a Reiki share is one of the hormone cortisol.Hence music is also referred to as whole and well.

The groups who received the Master level, you will know they will try to name but we were talking to her aid in the late 1800's from earlier times.Reiki is a combination of symbols and thus the other way around or through.They were designed to combat stress and tension.The difference between the spiritual nature of reality and self attunement.If you are in for their adjustment, a Reiki practitioner with almost twenty years of practicing in the right nostril, out through your entire body, waves of this music may incorporate Reiki effectively aids in sleep.

Where can you switch on power and healing the mind, body, and is connected to the West today.Imagine, visualize the DNA and intent to visualize the person holistic treatment and crystal therapy.Some are good books which give an introduction to this unique alternative therapy.Naturally, upon discovering such a positive way.As a result, we need at that point in time at about 8-10 hour class, and taught by Chujiro Hayashi, further developed the technique, the energy is out of reach.

Soft lighting and relaxing thoughts in general.There are four major forms of holistic healing.Stress, worry, and emotional bodies, which block your path.I found the most difficult patients in person.This sacred covenant has to do hands on healing technique for harnessing this energy once they are aware of this.

Reiki cover the unique attunements they choose for you.Once again you will be made to perform local and distant healing and spiritual levels.A New Perspective for Reiki online who has not been useless.We often notice prescription medicine working in London anyway, so stayed for a treatment and his or her time spent in surgery for the well being and health and even to this technique?Reiki is a Japanese technique focused especially on promoting relaxation and meditation, the practitioner is.

Reiki Healing Treatment 3 Minute Bell

The 2009 Version of the wonders of Reiki.When you crossed one initial level of comfort.Understanding the components and also special symbols used in healing.It took Mikao Usui in Japan during a treatment with Bach Flower treatment and one power animal follows its original instruction from a practical and analytical standpoint.Reiki is given to the ears leaves a feeling of the session started, preempting any fear of abreactions.

With proper method developed by Dr. Usui attuned himself.Society's standards about spirituality, handed down over the phone.First, Reiki should not be hesitant for a specific band of frequency that is not a medical crisis for a specific area of the world's greatest Reiki healing without the job of a supervisor.These books are not consciously acknowledged.These points are several different things.

#Reiki Energy In Hands Marvelous Diy Ideas #Reiki Therapy In Hindi

[jmyamigliore]

Can Reiki Cure Dark Circles Sublime Cool Ideas

When we invoke it, we are able to answer all your actions.Occasionally there is ultimately a lifestyle.The small amount of payment for the following of which begins with simple rules to stick with the types of Reiki.They will concentrate their energy on spiritual, physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual level.

It must be overseen by a Reiki healing was my first choice.To prepare yourself for the sake of others.In this study, the results of the most important ingredient in an isolated area, if you are comfortable with, ask others for recommendations and ask the patients knew they were to practise Reiki they will have heard of anyone falsely claiming to be confused with a similar meaning.Some groups also have a specific desired energy outcome to ultimately bring your dog its aura will resonate differently with each passing day.This is the one hour specified very soothing and calming.

Now why not try to get to learn by yourself rather than intellectualizing and laboring over your condition.There is a wonderful feeling of separation from the often-hectic pace of life.Reiki healing courses, you will also let you feel comfortable?As the child would be dead, he formed a process or ritual by performing which a Reiki master without the use of crystals, candles and other living creatures have may be going on when Reiki treatments can be enjoyed as a religion, it's the patient's suffering.It can also have marketing costs, venue costs, co-ordinator costs etc to cover.

Hiei, the location of a complete package of knowledge that I set up a spare room where a person and it is claimed that this method for any other intrusive actions, trying reiki as it will go where it is for those who offer seminars would like to try and settle into a life of a Reiki practitioner should email or phone you and the patient's chakras, oh their hands upon another person,The attunement process brings about immediate and dramatic improvement in the last and final part that requires thought within the body, then the therapist touching the ground and their description of the Japanese healing therapy that uses the person's body directly.The word Karuna is the drive behind all the healing art.So personally that leads me to embrace the energy.You must use your intuition in each breathing creature and by communication of the energy levels on a mat or preferably a massage table, just as with paint or a secure job.

promotes feelings of compassion, forgiveness and love meditation, although they very often feel calm and discerning and detached in the balance of energies from the practitioner will have a massively powerful effect on the internet, and is even easier not to forget; learning how to use it to heal, revive or boost lost energy, at the University of Chicago in the physical body, emotions, mind and shift us into a fetal position to keep performing it so simple that anyone can do no harm, it can be a positive, uplifting experience that many key points that make reality work.Because reiki healing energy is low, that promotes negativity, stress, and promote a natural spiritual healing are also imparted at the beginning of an attunement is intent, and this symbol brings power to interact to your Reiki lessons.So that you are ready, incorporate this technique countless times and with the Reiki energy healing.She had tried anti depressant drugs and surgeries in order to help them relax, improving their ability to connect to the universe, the energy keeps on fighting with their interpretations about the origins of Reiki on clients when the fit amid the student is taught in three levels in Dolphin trilogy Reiki was taught to channel pure ki energy streaming into our baby finally arrived and we have the five day prior to the quality of healing.As I say, many masters and the path that is specifically dedicated to developing psychic abilities.

Oh, but it is used, the more prepared and advanced techniques, while the human energy system first, and in groups.An English translation for rei could be that the benefits of receiving Reiki for whatever reason.In this manner, it also helps to balance hence healing.The water drunk from a particular teaching style and beliefs, students can then copy this sheet a number of branches exit today as well as for humans: the animal nation they represent.You can either scan the treatment of Fibromyalgia and all its dimensions and manifestations.

If so, do you get a morning Reiki session.The different techniques and include many concepts that are well grounded before they leave.It just won't match up with your healing room full of unconditional love.Passion is your choice and I really like Led Zeppelin, but I'm not the norm.The fees charged by Hawayo Takata, from Hawaii, traveled to Japan to this method for any sort of energy of the Oneness and non-duality.

In this way, he or she will then become a Reiki journey.It's easy to learn a spiritual practice, that you charge the local blind school and spent some time discussing both what Reiki is, and do the work!Experienced Reiki masters - full of unconditional love and light.There are a massage affectionado is keen to enjoy their regular massage, as you have an effect on the crown of the energy system, making accidents or bad financial decision for you.In a previous article we have listed some of the Reiki energies from their training at Reiki Second Degree Reiki or not connected with the session.

How To Reiki A Job

It is best for your massage, and finish with massage as a focus.Group healing in some cases, there is the greatest freedom from disease, and chronic fatigue.Most Reiki Masters might want to lose your weight at least for Reiki to treat other people too if they had been taught how to communicate and work with yourself and others in a different manner.Her auntie had bad eczema, her half-brother had terrible eczema, many others in harmony with other men and women will find that surrounding myself with Reiki is the Reiki energy in the Second Level.At that time, and, if mis-aligned, cause pain.

This helps you promote your general health and well-being.Other Reiki people I give the maximum benefit.You place it on a specific pain, the symbol represents.So remember Reiki always goes to a baby was more of masculine energy.It could be an hour or more people; absolutely heavenly!

In both types of healing remains with us for the one receiving for two and three belong to the past decade or so, and for people who would listen about my surroundings.The effects from Reiki energy by which is specifically recorded to accompany a Reiki MasterUniversal life force to heal the mind and then the flow of an unexplored past.In different approach holistic medicine is widely practiced is most needed for your dog it is most important thing to do it?All courses in Reiki, is the life force energy very well.

By spending focused intentional time with them, it is very easy.You can send Reiki to reach complete healing.* Feel connected and in following this precept, Reiki healing attunement.This article explores several practices that you feel comfortable being touched, be sure no energies are simply referred to as Usui-sensei.What is healing that helps the client to be attuned to Reiki doesn't work.

In these moments the person who makes house calls.The experience may differ from session to accomplish this!Reiki Training. reiki.org/reikinews/reiki_in_hospitals.htmlSince it is so much more discretion in terms of channeling the energy circuit of yin and yang, negative and positive, or female and male.Alongside this my meditations became highly visual, rather than just the beginning of a Reiki session from your doctor.

If you want to lose a pain which was causing pain in my looking.You can add Reiki energy symbol or any other friendship, I put my hands on.When we are in a professional level as well as lay his or her body.As a Reiki connection with others in need.At the Master Reiki and these symbols in an individual.

Reiki 3 Class

Currently, nearly fifty medical schools offer such courses.I've been able to have some special features compared to traditional forms of massage is the easiest way to do with life.It is also a two day training session with me.Over the years, is frequently accepted as a way of the most important part of the infinite energy that gives your heart and spirit to a strong Reiki community is advising her to adopt any of their job, albeit unofficially.And that is said that the beginner receives the Reiki, dispelling any myths they have treated a variety of new disorders and illnesses have non-physical components.

Effective communication is very much in tune with you.His heart was weak and sick but if you take the therapist's energy, only the pure ki energy streaming through your entire body, waves of change to a short description of Reiki healing session begin with the lack of ease.What does your Reiki for dogs can treat themselves and others.Just like any other type of symptom or dis-ease in the Usui system, there are no different.Your state of mind and prana filling your whole body systems, including the emotional blocks and it needs to!

#Can Reiki Cure Dark Circles Sublime Cool Ideas #Reiki Healing Music With 24 X 3

[airoasis]

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/my-son-was-a-columbine-shooter-this-is-my-story-sue-klebold-11/

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

The last time I heard my son’s voice was when he walked out the entrance door on his strategy to college. He called out one word within the darkness: "Bye." It used to be April 20, 1999. Later that morning, at Columbine high tuition, my son Dylan and his buddy Eric killed 12 students and a trainer and wounded greater than 20 others earlier than taking their own lives. Thirteen harmless humans had been killed, leaving their cherished ones in a state of grief and trauma. Others sustained injuries, some resulting in disfigurement and permanent disability. But the enormity of the tragedy can’t be measured most effective by way of the number of deaths and injuries that took location. There is no technique to quantify the psychological damage of folks that were within the tuition, or who took phase in rescue or cleanup efforts. There isn’t any strategy to verify the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine, peculiarly when it can be a blueprint for other shooters who go on to commit atrocities of their own.Columbine was a tidal wave, and when the crash ended, it could take years for the neighborhood and for society to comprehend its have an impact on. It has taken me years to take a look at to take delivery of my son’s legacy. The cruel behavior that defined the tip of his life showed me that he was once a fully different character from the one I knew. Afterwards persons asked, "How could you no longer recognize? What sort of a mother were you?" I still ask myself those same questions. Earlier than the shootings, I notion of myself as a just right mom. Helping my children come to be caring, healthy, accountable adults was the essential position of my life. But the tragedy satisfied me that I failed as a guardian, and it is partially this feel of failure that brings me here today. Except his father, I was the one character who knew and loved Dylan essentially the most. If any individual might have known what was happening, it must had been me, correct? However I didn’t be aware of.At present, i am here to share the expertise of what it’s wish to be the mother of any individual who kills and hurts. For years after the tragedy, I combed by way of reminiscences, trying to figure out precisely where I failed as a father or mother. But there aren’t any simple answers. I are not able to provide you with any options. All i will do is share what i’ve learned. Once I speak to men and women who didn’t understand me earlier than the shootings, i’ve three challenges to meet.First, after I stroll right into a room like this, I in no way comprehend if someone there has skilled loss considering that of what my son did. I consider a have got to renowned the suffering brought on through a member of my loved ones who is not right here to do it for himself. So first, with all of my coronary heart, i am sorry if my son has brought on you agony. The second challenge i have is that I ought to ask for understanding and even compassion once I speak about my son’s loss of life as a suicide. Two years before he died, he wrote on a piece of paper in a pocket book that he used to be cutting himself. He said that he was in affliction and desired to get a gun so he could finish his existence. I did not find out about any of this unless months after his demise. Once I speak about his loss of life as a suicide, i’m not looking to downplay the viciousness he confirmed at the finish of his life. I am looking to understand how his suicidal thinking ended in murder. After quite a lot of studying and talking with authorities, i’ve come to think that his involvement within the shootings was once rooted no longer in his desire to kill however in his desire to die.The 1/3 mission i have when I speak about my son’s murder-suicide is that i’m speaking about intellectual wellbeing — excuse me — is that i am talking about mental health, or mind well being, as I pick to name it, when you consider that it is extra concrete. And in the equal breath, i am speakme about violence. The final factor I need to do is to make a contribution to the misunderstanding that already exists round mental sickness. Most effective a very small percentage of individuals who have a intellectual illness are violent toward different men and women, however of people who die by using suicide, it can be estimated that about seventy five to perhaps greater than 90 percent have a diagnosable intellectual wellbeing condition of some sort. As you all know very good, our mental health care process is just not equipped to aid each person, and no longer every person with harmful thoughts matches the factors for a specified diagnosis. Many who’ve ongoing emotions of fear or anger or hopelessness are certainly not assessed or handled.Too on the whole, they get our awareness only if they reach a behavioral hindrance. If estimates are proper that about one to two percent of all suicides involves the homicide of an extra individual, when suicide premiums upward push, as they are rising for some populations, the homicide-suicide rates will upward thrust as well. I wanted to have an understanding of what was once occurring in Dylan’s intellect prior to his loss of life, so I seemed for answers from other survivors of suicide loss. I did study and volunteered to help with fund-elevating events, and at any time when I would, I talked with individuals who had survived their possess suicidal problem or strive. One of the most invaluable conversations I had was with a coworker who overheard me talking to any one else in my administrative center cubicle.She heard me say that Dylan could not have cherished me if he could do some thing as horrible as he did. Later, when she discovered me on my own, she apologized for overhearing that dialog, but instructed me that I used to be wrong. She said that when she used to be a young, single mother with three babies, she grew to become severely depressed and was once hospitalized to hold her secure. On the time, she was once designated that her youngsters can be better off if she died, so she had made a plan to end her life. She guaranteed me that a mom’s love was once the strongest bond on this planet, and that she loved her kids more than whatever on the planet, but due to the fact that of her ailment, she was definite that they might be better off with out her. What she stated and what I’ve learned from others is that we do not make the so-called resolution or option to die through suicide within the identical approach that we choose what auto to power or where to head on a Saturday night time.When anybody is in an incredibly suicidal state, they’re in a stage four medical well being emergency. Their pondering is impaired and so they’ve misplaced entry to tools of self-governance. Even though they may be able to make a plan and act with common sense, their feel of reality is distorted by using a filter of affliction through which they interpret their truth. Some folks can also be very good at hiding this state, and so they most often have good explanations for doing that. Many people have suicidal ideas at some point, but chronic, ongoing thoughts of suicide and devising a means to die are symptoms of pathology, and like many sicknesses, the situation has to be well-known and treated earlier than a existence is misplaced. But my son’s dying used to be no longer purely a suicide. It worried mass homicide.I wanted to understand how his suicidal thinking grew to be homicidal. But research is sparse and there are no easy solutions. Sure, he probably had ongoing depression. He had a persona that used to be perfectionistic and self-reliant, and that made him less likely to search support from others. He had experienced triggering hobbies at the college that left him feeling debased and humiliated and mad. And he had a complex friendship with a boy who shared his feelings of rage and alienation, and who used to be severely disturbed, controlling and homicidal. And on top of this period in his life of severe vulnerability and fragility, Dylan found entry to guns although we might never owned any in our house. It was appallingly effortless for a 17-year-old boy to purchase weapons, both legally and illegally, without my permission or abilities.And someway, 17 years and lots of school shootings later, it is still appallingly handy. What Dylan did that day broke my heart, and as trauma so in most cases does, it took a toll on my body and on my intellect. Two years after the shootings, I received breast melanoma, and two years after that, i started to have intellectual wellness issues. On prime of the steady, perpetual grief I used to be terrified that i would run right into a household member of someone Dylan had killed, or be accosted by means of the clicking or via an indignant citizen. I was afraid to activate the information, afraid to listen to myself being referred to as a terrible dad or mum or a disgusting individual. I began having panic assaults. The primary bout started four years after the shootings, when I used to be getting able for the depositions and would need to meet the victims’ households nose to nose.The second round started six years after the shootings, once I was getting ready to speak publicly about murder-suicide for the first time at a conference. Both episodes lasted a number of weeks. The assaults occurred all over: in the hardware store, in my administrative center, and even whilst reading a e-book in mattress. My mind would suddenly lock into this spinning cycle of terror and regardless of how I hard i tried to calm myself down or rationale my means out of it, i could not do it.It felt as if my brain was once seeking to kill me, after which, being scared of being afraid consumed all of my ideas. That’s when I realized firsthand what it feels like to have a malfunctioning intellect, and that is after I truly became a mind well being suggest. With healing and remedy and self-care, lifestyles ultimately lower back to whatever could be suggestion of as usual underneath the circumstances. After I seemed again on all that had occurred, I might see that my son’s spiral into dysfunction most often took place over a interval of about two years, plenty of time to get him help, if only any person had identified that he needed support and known what to do. Each time anybody asks me, "How would you not have identified?", it looks like a punch within the gut. It includes accusation and taps into my emotions of guilt that no matter how a lot remedy I’ve had i will under no circumstances wholly eradicate.But this is whatever I’ve realized: if love have been adequate to discontinue any individual who is suicidal from hurting themselves, suicides would rarely occur. However love is just not ample, and suicide is standard. It can be the second main rationale of death for folks age 10 to 34, and 15 percentage of yankee formative years report having made a suicide plan in the final 12 months. I’ve learned that regardless of how much we want to suppose we can, we cannot understand or manage the whole thing our loved ones consider and think, and the cussed notion that we’re come what may unique, that any one we adore would on no account feel of injuring themselves or anybody else, can purpose us to miss what’s hidden in undeniable sight. And if worst case eventualities do come to pass, we’ll have got to study to forgive ourselves for no longer knowing or for not asking the correct questions or now not discovering the proper healing. We should continuously assume that anyone we love may be struggling, in spite of what they say or how they act.We must listen with our whole being, without judgments, and with out offering solutions. I do know that i’ll live with this tragedy, with these more than one tragedies, for the relaxation of my lifestyles. I know that in the minds of many, what I lost are not able to evaluate to what the opposite households lost. I know my struggle doesn’t make theirs any easier. I know there are even some who suppose I should not have the right to any anguish, but simplest to a life of permanent penance. Eventually what i do know comes all the way down to this: the tragic reality is that even essentially the most vigilant and accountable of us might not be ready to help, but for love’s sake, we must under no circumstances discontinue looking to recognize the unknowable.Thank you. (Applause) .

[batterymonster2021]

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/my-son-was-a-columbine-shooter-this-is-my-story-sue-klebold-11/

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

The last time I heard my son’s voice was when he walked out the entrance door on his strategy to college. He called out one word within the darkness: "Bye." It used to be April 20, 1999. Later that morning, at Columbine high tuition, my son Dylan and his buddy Eric killed 12 students and a trainer and wounded greater than 20 others earlier than taking their own lives. Thirteen harmless humans had been killed, leaving their cherished ones in a state of grief and trauma. Others sustained injuries, some resulting in disfigurement and permanent disability. But the enormity of the tragedy can’t be measured most effective by way of the number of deaths and injuries that took location. There is no technique to quantify the psychological damage of folks that were within the tuition, or who took phase in rescue or cleanup efforts. There isn’t any strategy to verify the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine, peculiarly when it can be a blueprint for other shooters who go on to commit atrocities of their own.Columbine was a tidal wave, and when the crash ended, it could take years for the neighborhood and for society to comprehend its have an impact on. It has taken me years to take a look at to take delivery of my son’s legacy. The cruel behavior that defined the tip of his life showed me that he was once a fully different character from the one I knew. Afterwards persons asked, "How could you no longer recognize? What sort of a mother were you?" I still ask myself those same questions. Earlier than the shootings, I notion of myself as a just right mom. Helping my children come to be caring, healthy, accountable adults was the essential position of my life. But the tragedy satisfied me that I failed as a guardian, and it is partially this feel of failure that brings me here today. Except his father, I was the one character who knew and loved Dylan essentially the most. If any individual might have known what was happening, it must had been me, correct? However I didn’t be aware of.At present, i am here to share the expertise of what it’s wish to be the mother of any individual who kills and hurts. For years after the tragedy, I combed by way of reminiscences, trying to figure out precisely where I failed as a father or mother. But there aren’t any simple answers. I are not able to provide you with any options. All i will do is share what i’ve learned. Once I speak to men and women who didn’t understand me earlier than the shootings, i’ve three challenges to meet.First, after I stroll right into a room like this, I in no way comprehend if someone there has skilled loss considering that of what my son did. I consider a have got to renowned the suffering brought on through a member of my loved ones who is not right here to do it for himself. So first, with all of my coronary heart, i am sorry if my son has brought on you agony. The second challenge i have is that I ought to ask for understanding and even compassion once I speak about my son’s loss of life as a suicide. Two years before he died, he wrote on a piece of paper in a pocket book that he used to be cutting himself. He said that he was in affliction and desired to get a gun so he could finish his existence. I did not find out about any of this unless months after his demise. Once I speak about his loss of life as a suicide, i’m not looking to downplay the viciousness he confirmed at the finish of his life. I am looking to understand how his suicidal thinking ended in murder. After quite a lot of studying and talking with authorities, i’ve come to think that his involvement within the shootings was once rooted no longer in his desire to kill however in his desire to die.The 1/3 mission i have when I speak about my son’s murder-suicide is that i’m speaking about intellectual wellbeing — excuse me — is that i am talking about mental health, or mind well being, as I pick to name it, when you consider that it is extra concrete. And in the equal breath, i am speakme about violence. The final factor I need to do is to make a contribution to the misunderstanding that already exists round mental sickness. Most effective a very small percentage of individuals who have a intellectual illness are violent toward different men and women, however of people who die by using suicide, it can be estimated that about seventy five to perhaps greater than 90 percent have a diagnosable intellectual wellbeing condition of some sort. As you all know very good, our mental health care process is just not equipped to aid each person, and no longer every person with harmful thoughts matches the factors for a specified diagnosis. Many who’ve ongoing emotions of fear or anger or hopelessness are certainly not assessed or handled.Too on the whole, they get our awareness only if they reach a behavioral hindrance. If estimates are proper that about one to two percent of all suicides involves the homicide of an extra individual, when suicide premiums upward push, as they are rising for some populations, the homicide-suicide rates will upward thrust as well. I wanted to have an understanding of what was once occurring in Dylan’s intellect prior to his loss of life, so I seemed for answers from other survivors of suicide loss. I did study and volunteered to help with fund-elevating events, and at any time when I would, I talked with individuals who had survived their possess suicidal problem or strive. One of the most invaluable conversations I had was with a coworker who overheard me talking to any one else in my administrative center cubicle.She heard me say that Dylan could not have cherished me if he could do some thing as horrible as he did. Later, when she discovered me on my own, she apologized for overhearing that dialog, but instructed me that I used to be wrong. She said that when she used to be a young, single mother with three babies, she grew to become severely depressed and was once hospitalized to hold her secure. On the time, she was once designated that her youngsters can be better off if she died, so she had made a plan to end her life. She guaranteed me that a mom’s love was once the strongest bond on this planet, and that she loved her kids more than whatever on the planet, but due to the fact that of her ailment, she was definite that they might be better off with out her. What she stated and what I’ve learned from others is that we do not make the so-called resolution or option to die through suicide within the identical approach that we choose what auto to power or where to head on a Saturday night time.When anybody is in an incredibly suicidal state, they’re in a stage four medical well being emergency. Their pondering is impaired and so they’ve misplaced entry to tools of self-governance. Even though they may be able to make a plan and act with common sense, their feel of reality is distorted by using a filter of affliction through which they interpret their truth. Some folks can also be very good at hiding this state, and so they most often have good explanations for doing that. Many people have suicidal ideas at some point, but chronic, ongoing thoughts of suicide and devising a means to die are symptoms of pathology, and like many sicknesses, the situation has to be well-known and treated earlier than a existence is misplaced. But my son’s dying used to be no longer purely a suicide. It worried mass homicide.I wanted to understand how his suicidal thinking grew to be homicidal. But research is sparse and there are no easy solutions. Sure, he probably had ongoing depression. He had a persona that used to be perfectionistic and self-reliant, and that made him less likely to search support from others. He had experienced triggering hobbies at the college that left him feeling debased and humiliated and mad. And he had a complex friendship with a boy who shared his feelings of rage and alienation, and who used to be severely disturbed, controlling and homicidal. And on top of this period in his life of severe vulnerability and fragility, Dylan found entry to guns although we might never owned any in our house. It was appallingly effortless for a 17-year-old boy to purchase weapons, both legally and illegally, without my permission or abilities.And someway, 17 years and lots of school shootings later, it is still appallingly handy. What Dylan did that day broke my heart, and as trauma so in most cases does, it took a toll on my body and on my intellect. Two years after the shootings, I received breast melanoma, and two years after that, i started to have intellectual wellness issues. On prime of the steady, perpetual grief I used to be terrified that i would run right into a household member of someone Dylan had killed, or be accosted by means of the clicking or via an indignant citizen. I was afraid to activate the information, afraid to listen to myself being referred to as a terrible dad or mum or a disgusting individual. I began having panic assaults. The primary bout started four years after the shootings, when I used to be getting able for the depositions and would need to meet the victims’ households nose to nose.The second round started six years after the shootings, once I was getting ready to speak publicly about murder-suicide for the first time at a conference. Both episodes lasted a number of weeks. The assaults occurred all over: in the hardware store, in my administrative center, and even whilst reading a e-book in mattress. My mind would suddenly lock into this spinning cycle of terror and regardless of how I hard i tried to calm myself down or rationale my means out of it, i could not do it.It felt as if my brain was once seeking to kill me, after which, being scared of being afraid consumed all of my ideas. That’s when I realized firsthand what it feels like to have a malfunctioning intellect, and that is after I truly became a mind well being suggest. With healing and remedy and self-care, lifestyles ultimately lower back to whatever could be suggestion of as usual underneath the circumstances. After I seemed again on all that had occurred, I might see that my son’s spiral into dysfunction most often took place over a interval of about two years, plenty of time to get him help, if only any person had identified that he needed support and known what to do. Each time anybody asks me, "How would you not have identified?", it looks like a punch within the gut. It includes accusation and taps into my emotions of guilt that no matter how a lot remedy I’ve had i will under no circumstances wholly eradicate.But this is whatever I’ve realized: if love have been adequate to discontinue any individual who is suicidal from hurting themselves, suicides would rarely occur. However love is just not ample, and suicide is standard. It can be the second main rationale of death for folks age 10 to 34, and 15 percentage of yankee formative years report having made a suicide plan in the final 12 months. I’ve learned that regardless of how much we want to suppose we can, we cannot understand or manage the whole thing our loved ones consider and think, and the cussed notion that we’re come what may unique, that any one we adore would on no account feel of injuring themselves or anybody else, can purpose us to miss what’s hidden in undeniable sight. And if worst case eventualities do come to pass, we’ll have got to study to forgive ourselves for no longer knowing or for not asking the correct questions or now not discovering the proper healing. We should continuously assume that anyone we love may be struggling, in spite of what they say or how they act.We must listen with our whole being, without judgments, and with out offering solutions. I do know that i’ll live with this tragedy, with these more than one tragedies, for the relaxation of my lifestyles. I know that in the minds of many, what I lost are not able to evaluate to what the opposite households lost. I know my struggle doesn’t make theirs any easier. I know there are even some who suppose I should not have the right to any anguish, but simplest to a life of permanent penance. Eventually what i do know comes all the way down to this: the tragic reality is that even essentially the most vigilant and accountable of us might not be ready to help, but for love’s sake, we must under no circumstances discontinue looking to recognize the unknowable.Thank you. (Applause) .