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#I’ve been meaning to do one of these things forever
ataraxiaspainting · 3 days
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Can you write for black swan as a yandre?
Lovers Forever, Until The World Falls Down.
Yan Black Swan x F Reader.
Synopsis: Her tarot cards are just as well used to predict the past as they are to predict the future.
Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, major spoilers for Honkai: Star Rail 2.0 and 2.1 Updates, implied stalking, and mentions of violence/character deaths.
Word Count: 1.3k.
*~*~*~*
When Black Swan’s eyes first lay upon you, she has multiple impressions of you.
The Remembrance has caused her to have manifolds of judgments, some lapses and others more thorough. But never once did the Remembrance ever cause her to be so deeply enveloped in someone that she would proudly showcase what Fuli has blessed her with.
She knows what you are, all of you. Your past, present, and future… all of it is seen within the eyes of the Garden of Recollection.
It is only natural for her to want you to know her as much as she knows you. With social creatures comes the need to connect. When it comes to Black Swan, her wants and her needs are equally important, and thus she has no need to separate them.
“What brings you to me, fair maiden? What ails you?”
The only sounds that arise from you are slight grumbles, and the only fresh sights she has of you are fading tear stains on your cheeks. As a response, she repeats her words softer this time, crosses one of her legs over the other, and rests her head on one of her gloved hands.
“I want…” You start, clenching your nails into your palms so deep they almost bleed. “To know the… thing that killed my friend, Memokeeper.”
In her other hand are a few of her beloved tarot cards, tucked so lovingly between her pointer and middle fingers. 
“Ah,” Black Swan lets out a sigh so gentle you do not hear it. “I presume you are speaking of Miss Robin?”
You nod, looking down at your lap as she lays out the cards in a simple, singular motion on the table.
“Who else would I be talking about?” Your tone is that of an angry hiss, but she knows it is not directed at her. For you, you two had only just met. But to her, with the powers that come with the followers of the Remembrance, it feels like she has known you your entire life.
Black Swan’s gaze is all-seeing, and nothing that is not in the dark can be unseen once she has seen it–even when she wishes it were otherwise, like that dance she had with that Galaxy Ranger.
She wishes now that perhaps she was dancing with you instead.
“Pick a card,” The Memokeeper requests, her now free hand gesturing towards the sight she had just made. “We’ll continue from there.”
“Why?”
She shakes her head slightly as she closes her eyes for a moment. From that expression on your face, she can tell that you have to stop yourself from scoffing at her. “Just trust me; I don’t mean any ill will towards you… and nor will I harbor any.”
“I’ve heard odd things like this about you, Miss Black Swan, but I didn’t think they would have been true.” She knows the comment is not an insult, but it is not a compliment either. “Do people blessed by the Remembrance always act like this? I’m… just curious is all.”
When you point to the card on the center’s right. “Are you planning to replace me already? I thought we were getting along quite well…” 
She turns over the card as her palm faces you, and that causes you to loudly gasp. 
“The Eternal Freeze… Jarillo-VI.”
She turns over the card on the center’s left without asking you to pick another. She stifled a chuckle.
 “Cocolia Rand. A Silvermane Guard trapped in what looks to be a block of ice…”
One after the other, things are revealed. It is faster than either of you could catch your breath. It is faster than what you wanted it to go. It is not faster than the realization that hits when Black Swan connects all your memories into a perfectly completed puzzle.
“Stop it-”
“You have lost someone before, haven’t you?” She can imagine… no, presume, the suffocating atmosphere surrounding you, as you appear on the verge of gasping for air. “You couldn’t save them either… Am I right, Miss [First]?”
You don’t answer, but you don’t look angry anymore. Despite the venomous nature of her words, her tone manages to grow even gentler as she utters them.
“Despite everything you tried to do, you couldn’t save them… Who were they, if you don’t mind me asking such a thing, oh dear citizen of Belobog?”
You avert your gaze from her, once again opting not to respond. Black Swan patiently waits, arranging the cards in her hand to create a semi-circle. As a Memokeeper, she has acquired numerous lessons from the Remembrance, but the most valuable one is knowing the significance of patience.
The fingers that wrap around your own are both warm and freezing cold.
“My… partner.”
She tilts her head to the side, her lips pursing up into a kind smile. “Ah… I see… I didn’t know.” She lies. “I’m sorry for your loss. But… my apologies for saying this… if you couldn’t even save your partner from the blizzard, I believe you cannot avenge Miss Robin’s death.”
Your eyebrows simply furrow like she expected them to.
“For Peniconians, death is a grand illusion, a state of falsehood, something that is not supposed to exist within the Dreamscape… thus, something much more powerful than you or I or even the Family had to break the rules of the Harmony and become… well… Death.”
When Black Swan’s eyes look at new tears as they start to fall, she has only two impressions of you, the others fading away like an amnesiac’s memories.
“I don’t mean any harm when I tell you this. It is the truth, plain and simple.”
Her hand squeezes slightly against yours. Once again, you do not respond.
“You do not have to fight something you cannot defeat.” She scoots her chair slightly closer to your side of the table.
She is met by a few more moments of quietness before you ultimately choose to break the silence. “Her death will be in vain then. Just like theirs. I do not want to be a coward anymore.”
Another sigh escapes her lips, and once again it is not out of exhaustion but rather curiosity.
Her grin remains unwavering, just as she had taught herself to. “You were never a coward in the first place, dear.”
Black Swan continues to move her chair quietly, but not at all subtly, until your thighs touch hers.
“I really won’t be able to… at least help the Family?” You ask. “I am really not… useful?”
“You’re useful in other ways to the people you love and trust, and those who reciprocate.” Her initial judgment is that you require safeguarding from the dangers of the world. It is in your best interest, her best interest, to remain inside a safe and small space, as there is a risk of you inadvertently harming yourself while attempting to assist others.
“Am I?” You mutter, clasping your hands together. “Am I… really? People… really like me?”
She affirms with a slight movement of her head.
Black Swan's second opinion of you is that you pose too great of a risk to be released, as it would result in her being left alone without any chance of ever seeing you again.
It is selfishness that prevents her from showing the two remaining cards, both hidden elsewhere. One of which has the depiction of you dead, and the other has you smiling proudly as she watches from afar in hiding.
The Remembrance has taught Black Swan how to be many things, but it is Black Swan who has taught herself how to be selfish.
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lavendermoonlitskies · 23 hours
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Fanfic Friday: fic recs!
Hiii everyone, happy Friday! I forgot that I made a post like this ages ago for fanfic Friday, but I’ve read a bunch since then so here are some recommendations of Good Omens fics I’ve enjoyed recently:
“Heaven isn't built to house a love like you and I” by ItsScottiesStark
Rating: T
Length: 37,291 (8 chapters)
Summary: They did it. They stopped Armageddon. They survived.
This was it, the first time they were actually free to finally figure out what their side entailed.
Aziraphale is a being of love. Always has been. And now, all the love he has for Crowley is free to flow from the edge of his fingertips to the demon's, in a gesture that could only mean one thing; I'm with you. I'm here.
As much as his hands itch to reach out for the love of his existence, his words seem to fail him, time and time again. He knows Crowley deserves more than gentle hand holding and forehead kisses in the dark. He aches to scream his love from the top of his lungs, for the whole world to hear. And the demon knows it.
And he waits. Because he'll wait forever for Aziraphale. Because he knows they are meant to be one.
This one is great at immediately grabbing your attention. It starts on the bus during that scene towards the end of season 1 where Aziraphale holds Crowley’s hand, which very smoothly leads in to this theme of physical contact and how although they’re both unfamiliar with it, it’s secretly something they both long for from the other. Without spoiling too much, they sort of subtly lean into this desire for physical affection in a way that’s incredibly sweet yet almost tragic with how hesitant they are at the start of it. You can tell that they want so desperately to let the other know how much they care, but they still don’t know if the other is on the same page (so “he waits. Because he’ll wait forever for Aziraphale.”). This writer is really great at conveying how much they really love each other, highly recommend!
“Twin Suns” by IneffableDoll
Rating: T
Length: 7,291 words (3 chapters)
Summary: “I thought you were gone,” Crowley mumbled, and it was almost cliché, it was almost the kind of sentimental rubbish he would’ve moaned at had he heard it from someone else. But they were the rawest words he could manage. He’d thought Aziraphale was gone. That was all, and it said everything.
***
Directly following their celebratory meal at the Ritz, Aziraphale and Crowley clash with the feelings that struggle to settle after everything they’ve been through. And, in so doing, learn to rely on and communicate with each other in new ways.
Similar in concept to the previous one I mentioned, this fic takes place after the events of season 1. They get into some real honest conversations (something I love reading in fics because the characters in canon are not at that point yet and I am HUNGRY for some emotional honesty from them), and something I really love about this one is how patient they are with each other. In chapter one Crowley says that he’s not ready for this conversation, and Aziraphale respects that. Without spoiling too much more, they’re both super careful with the other’s boundaries as they kind of start to think and talk more about the love they have for each other that they’ve never really gotten the chance to explore until now. I absolutely love how they take things nice and slow, attentive to how the other is feeling about all of this. This kind of love is a new concept for the both of them, but they wouldn’t want it with anyone else, and so they try. And I think that’s beautiful.
“Icebergs and Angels” by The_Bentley
Rating: T/M (two versions)
Length: 23,498/24,929 words (8 chapters each)
Summary: It's 1912 and Aziraphale, not wanting to be lonely during his mission aboard Titanic, invites Crowley along for a cruise. But he boards the ship before knowing exactly what his mission is. When he learns Heaven wants to teach humanity a lesson for the claim even God couldn't sink it, it could damage his relationship with Crowley, who has his own views on Heaven's need to punish innocents. Can he repair things with Crowley and can they work together to save as many lives as possible?
The concept of this one is so cool, and very much something I could see actually happening in the show as another historical flashback/mini-sode. Aziraphale is given a mission from Heaven that entails many humans losing their lives, he’s obviously not on-board with that, and Crowley is there to help him save as many human lives as possible because, as much as he’d hate to admit it, he really is a nice demon who very much disapproves of Heaven’s disregard for human life. Throughout this one you get to see how the two of them interact with the humans, all while Aziraphale is battling this inner conflict of wanting to just go along with Heaven’s orders without questioning it while simultaneously knowing that it’s wrong. The narration is great, beautifully written and I really felt like the writer understands these characters on a very deep level. There are two different versions of this one, both of which are fantastic. I personally felt that the more platonic/aroace approach to Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship in the context of this particular story was more fitting, but if you’d like something a little spicier I thought that the Mature rated one was just as good! (I’m linking the non-spicy version here, but the link to the spicy one is in the summary!)
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wolfpawzjakey · 3 days
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The ghost of Jason who decides to stay with Percy.
kinder, but still creepy - your lover's ghost doesn't want to kill you or hurt you, he just wants to be with you, even if by all laws he is supposed to be in hades.
Percy always feels Jason - a fleeting touch on his cheeks, shoulders and arms, a light breeze or a draft walking in his apartment, the way the electricity hums, a shadow too human to be a play of light that is always next to him, the feelings of familiar but cold hugs at night.
Percy has watched horror movies, he knows what to do... but he doesn't want to part with Jason either, and neither does Jason with him.
Oog anon, this one.
I was thinking about ghost Jason recently. In many ways and senses. I like this idea a lot.
Jason’s ghost haunting Percy, and Percy really struggles with it. A memory of his dead lover, a memory of something he could’ve changed if he had just been there, prophecy be damned. It wasn’t his fault, but to him it was. Having Jason surround him as a ghost, always there, leaving his body cold and shuddering as he laid beside Percy, was an unending mental battle. Jason was attached to Percy, stuck to him with a tie that he couldn’t break and Percy had to struggle to find comfort in the sharp and stark anguish he felt by having Jason here again. Because he couldn’t mourn properly while having his dead boyfriend follow him around, he couldn’t mourn properly when he noticed how the wind would caress him gently or the electricity in his house would flicker whenever Percy said him name, a reminder of “I am here and will be here forever”. But Percy moves through it, the motions are harder, his days are longer, because Jason is here, he’s with him, in ways that matter but these ways can’t make up for what he’s missing. He finds comfort through Jason’s subtle reminders though, slowly but surely they make him.
The others notice subtle differences about Percy since Jason’s ghost has found him, but Nico is the first to bring it up, because of course he can see Jason, not that Jason’s really paid him much mind, too focused on Percy. Nico warns Percy against allowing Jason’s presence to stay, he knows neither would be happy, but he knows it would only kill Percy, one way or another. And knowing that, Percy doesn’t care, but Jason’s ghost, he shifts solemnly and as usual, wordlessly.
This issue in the air now, Jason has been quieter than usual, Percy’s place is warmer and he doesn’t get to feel the cold presence around him as often, not unless he begs and cries. He’s desperate, Jason’s ghost is ill at ease. Jason may be dead, may want with his whole might to be with Percy, but he doesn’t want that by the means of Percy dying as well. He wants to be back with Percy when time says it’s right, not because he’s selfish and not ready to let go and wait that time out. But in the moments he keeps his distance, watching from a point away in the house, where he isn’t sucking Percy’s energy from his body just to be able to announce his present, he can’t help but break his own rules when Percy’s eyes well up with tears. He folds instantly, the contact point between Percy’s body and his incorporeal form buzzing with energy that makes him more powerful, but sucks that power right from Percy’s soul.
The two dance this dance, their wants to be together even after Jason’s death stronger than anything, but Nico puts his foot down for them, Percy looks like hell, he’s exhausted all the time and easily sick. The teen is rough about it all but is easy to give solutions. Sure, these solutions are taxing on him, but he won’t die that’s for sure, and his strength in his power has only been getting better, letting Percy see and speak to Jason on some occasion unless Jason so decides to reincarnate. It’s a save for them both, as uneasy it is to let Jason go, they both go for this. Somehow an easy out but also the hardest thing to do for them.
-
I’ve read a few fics of the dead haunting their past lovers in good ways, either visibly or not, I’ve always really liked them. Plus the ability to choose if they stay with their people or move on to the other side it’s so 😭😭😭
Thank you for your ask anon!
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f-oighear · 3 hours
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The Big Black Clover Fanfic Recommendation Post
I've been talking about making that post since forever and I think I've finally finished compiling them!
So. Grab a notepad. Take out your TBR list. Get ready to bookmark or mark for later. And let's go.
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I guess I should start with a few disclaimers 🫡
I haven't read every fic out there and there are notably a few fics I know I'm going to love but haven't started yet. I think I'll update the post regularly.
The fics on this post are fics I enjoyed and remember having read. considering how many things I forget on a daily basis, it means a lot.
I have my favorite characters, tropes, and themes and this will definitely show.
I'm attempting to organize the fics in categories but ofc some shippy fics also have feels or are angsty or are fluffy, same for the AUs... An attempt is made to organize them based on the vibes I remember (I’ve read some of those literal years ago).
If you're in this post and you think I've put your fic in the wrong category: don't hesitate to reach out!
For the shippy fics, I have my favorite ships but I'm a multishipper sooooo there's that.
I'm recommending oneshots, multichaptered fics, entire AUs, series and fics that are unfinished and probably never will be. Do keep that in mind if you don't like reading abandoned works (you'll be missing out but I can understand).
Let's start! It'll be a long one.
General/Feels/Character studies
💜 Threads, Solarwitchwrites
Vanessa is a stitch witch. She is the best stitch witch of her generation, possibly in an age. But she has one power she doesn’t brag about: she can see the threads of fate that bind destined souls together. It’s rarely been useful, often it’s painful; but sometimes she gets to watch something amazing unfold.
💜 A World Without You, Acacia_May
Vanessa grows concerned for Finral when he begins to act tense and distant after they return from the Forest of Witches. In her attempts to comfort him, however, she may find some comfort of her own.
💜 Teammates, Cour104
Still adjusting to her newfound freedom after escaping from her cage and the Witch Queen, Vanessa has a nightmare. Finral is there to help her through it and remind her that she's no longer alone.
💜 You're Not Alone, IAmStoryteller
For Noelle, there has always been one person in her corner. For Mimosa, there has always been one person that made her want to be better. Noelle Silva and Mimosa Vermillion are cousins, but they are also each other’s greatest support.
💜 It Used To Be So Simple (Once Upon A Time), WildFlowerWoods
A collection of short stories about the childhoods of various Black Bulls, among other things, containing my own headcanons.
💜 fated, orphaned
Some Magic Knights are bonded by something stronger than just kinship. (Charlotte x Yami, Asta x Noelle, Nozel x Vanessa)
💜 Think about it (series), thoughtfullyrainynightmare
This is a collection of short drabbles that exist to give insight to the canon characters presented in Black Clover from my personal perspective. This is about how I see them
AUs
🩷 Black Bulls Pirate AU, Firefutte
An infamous pirate crew sails across the sea's waves. Many rumours and stories exists of this crew. Always one thing they all have in common and that's the tale describing them as chaotic, lawless and crazy hooligans in dire need of mercy from the gods. In reality they're simply living as them, chaotic, lawless and crazy hooligans they may be, but this ship's crew have found a family amongst each other in a world that denied them such comfort for years. And they would have it no other way if you asked them, such is the reality of The Black Bull.
🩷 Mimosa & Noelle Ideale AU, IAmStoryteller
Seven-year-old Noelle and Mimosa run away from home while traveling with their grandparents. Meanwhile, 16-year-old Zora is trying his very best to be a Super-Wizard and takedown corrupt Magic Knights. But one day he runs into two little girls who clearly are nobility, but also who need help. This changes everything.
🩷 Black Bulls Steampunk AU, IAmStoryteller
The Black Bulls Crew is about to officially retire from being sky pirates. After years of working together and becoming a family, they agree that it’s time for one last hurrah to prove that they are the best of the best, especially after they heard about a map for the infamous treasure of Elf King.
🩷 New World, Bulls99
Following a second devastating defeat to Vanica, Noelle expects to die peacefully - painfully, but peacefully. Instead she wakes up in a world where everything seems upside down. But how much is really different?
Romance
❤️ Ubi Amor, Ibi Dolor, Supernaturalgrant
“He’s dumb as fuck.” She asserts bluntly. It surprises an honest laugh out of Nozel, which seems to amuse her slightly. “You know that, right?” “I can’t force him to be with me, Mereoleona. Even I am not that high-reaching.” He tells her honestly. Or- Fuegoleon and Nozel break up when Nozel is promoted to the Silver Eagles captain, neither of them really knows why. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)
❤️ Running Out of Time, IAmStoryteller
On the day that elves reincarnated and Zagred the Word-Devil nearly gained a physical body, something went wrong—Zora Ideale and Kirsch Vermillion wind up in a time loop. They have to relive the horrible, long day over and over again, while reluctantly working together to figure out why. (Zora x Kirsch)
❤️ The Clover Kingdom in Chaos: A Dire Tale, Mamavino
Over a month after defeating Lucius Zogratis, new troubles lie ahead. When Sol comes knocking on Yami's door in a panic because Charlotte is missing, he acts indifferent at first. But what happened after their tea-drinking date? And is it true that she has been trapped by a curse again? Yami puts every effort into finding out what happened and sets out to find Charlotte. Noelle Silva falls into a strange sleep. Rouge, Vanessa's cat, is now attached to young Silva's life. Nozel insists on having his sister in the palace. But that also means opening the doors to the Black Bulls. This will certainly provide some challenges. In addition, all the spirits are falling ill, and everyone seems to be in a total panic. Mereoleona, Asta and a small team sets out to seek out the cause and solution to all this. Is it all connected? In the library they will find help, or is it an enemy After all? (Charlotte x Yami, Nozel x Vanessa, Mereoleona x OC, Fuegoleon x OC)
❤️ Night of Vows, Vilandel
She kissed him again, more deeply this time, smiling as she felt him giving in to the kiss. As they parted, she poked his cheek and said with a smirk, “Consider this a vow I just made.” (Nozel x Vanessa)
❤️ wildest dreams (because falling's not the problem), IAmStoryteller
Yuno/Langris/Mimosa series (Yuno x Langris x Mimosa)
❤️ This Was A Mistake, JaylinnW
“You really think this will be a restful break,” the larger man grinned. “You are in for a surprise. You will not be getting much time to relax,” William opened his mouth but Yami stopped him. “I’m not talking about that, Goldie Guts.” He paused, smirking. “Well not only that. I’m talking about the fact that we brought all our idiots with us. I know my bulls- shit’s gonna hit the roof.” “It won’t be that bad I’m sure,” William moved away from his boyfriend to get up from the bed. (William x Yami, minor Nozel x Vanessa)
❤️ Masquerade, IAmStoryteller
The Masquerade Ball hadn't happened in many years in Clover, but that changes when Julius Novachrono decides that it's high time to bring back some old traditions. (Asta x Yuno, Nozel x Vanessa, Finral x Leopold, Magna x Nebra, Fragil x Luck, Zora x Kirsch, Letoile x Gordon, Gauche x Grey, Rill x Charmy)
❤️ Green, Pink, and Grayscale, juviin
Soulmates are a thing of the past, or at least, they should be. So why does the youngest child of the royal Silva family see no colors? (Asta x Noelle)
❤️ Now All My Dreams are Melting on the Asphalt in the Heat, IAmStoryteller
Vanessa Enoteca, the lead singer and guitarist of the Punk band Arresting Dark Weave, is asked by her mentor/friend/first love Yami Sukehiro, the lead guitarist of The Black Bulls, to compose songs for his and Charlotte Roselei’s wedding. Except, she has got to work with Charlotte’s friend Nozel Silva, the First Seat Cello Player of the Clover Kingdom Baroque Orchestra, who just so happens to a composer. Can Vanessa and Nozel create some amazing songs for the Yami/Charlotte wedding in time? Or will it go up in smoke? (Nozel x Vanessa)
❤️ MUSIC CONNECTS ALL, UNLESS IT'S OFF BEAT, orphaned
In Noelle's defense, it was all Kahono's fault. Noelle so happens to be listening to Kahono's rant before she gets into this entire complicated situation that had just happened, (fuck fate, by the way), and now she had dug a hole too deep to get out of. Who the hell was Tchaikovsky, what the hell was a quarter note, and why are there eighty–eight keys on a piano? To think it just started with a simple walk on the beach. (Kahono x Noelle)
❤️ Children of the Future, LightNova
When Yami and Charlotte had been summoned to see the Wizard king they had not been expecting to find out they had a 19 year old daughter from the future! Nor had they been expecting even more children from the future to appear in their world shortly after her. Just what was going on, and who was sending them here and why? (Charlotte x Yami, Finral x Vanessa, Zora x Nebra, Gauche x Grey, Fuegoleon x OC, William x OC, Julius x OC, Yuno x OC, Asta x Noelle)
❤️ I'll Be Home for Christmas, HotaruGFC (JaclynGFC)
Charlotte gets an invitation to a wedding, and she can't go alone. (Charlotte x Yami)
❤️ Oh What Am I Supposed to Do Without You?, Supernaturalgrant
“Mercury poisoning.” The silence that follows Owen's statement is deafening. The occupants of the room share looks of utter confusion. “That’s like saying Fuegoleon has third-degree burns from that cool ass fire arm situation he has going on.” Yami’s the first to break it. Or: Nozel is diagnosed with mercury poisoning and forced to give his magic up until the can find a cure. Chaos ensues. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)
❤️ Paper Hearts, KaLolasFantasyWorld
Helena Drazel is a twenty five year old Royal from Diamond Kingdom. She's a charming and cheerful woman, ready to leave the sheltered embrace of her family's estate. Her mother previously a Clover citizen and an old friend of late Acier Silva, gets her daughter an invitation to study healing magic in the Capital. Because of that friendship Helena is placed under the care of Royal House of Silva. However the siblings, especially the eldest Nozel, are not so fond of her at the beginning. (Nozel x OC)
❤️ Boys will be Embarrassing, loafingdragon, subtleassiduities
A series of stories documenting Fuegoleon and Nozel's totally-not-gay-completely-serious very-manly escapades over the years. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)
❤️ Damn Eyes, musicalinny
The first time their eyes met he doesn't notice that he actually gave a damn. (Zora x Nebra)
❤️ (Not) At first sight, BBRosenfeld
Finesse is bethrothed to the son of the Vaude family, and she doesn't really mind. However, she was not expecting how much he'd grow on her. (Finral x Finesse)
Fluffy, Funny, Fix-it
💚 Flower Crowns, Angeliccharizard
During an off day, Asta decides it's a great idea to bring a devil to a church
💚 Owen vs The Black Bulls, WildflowerWoods
Owen has seen a lot in his time as a doctor in the magic knights infirmary, even more since his promotion to head of the royal infirmary, overseeing both the magic knights and ordinary patients. he has dealt with his fair share of stubborn visitors, people hiding injuries and patients trying to escape out the window—Lord Julius himself was a common offender for the last of those—but even treating Mereoleona Vermillion's self-inflicted burns was better than the Black Bulls. There was nothing that could have prepared Owen for the Black Bulls.
💚 Why Asta (and Liebe) are Banned From the Kitchen, Bluemeanies
After Yami's katana becomes Demon Slicer and joins Asta's grimoire, Asta and Liebe start looking for other things that could be good anti-magic weapons. Liebe might be taking the concept a little too far.
💚 Early Black Bulls (series), Acacia_May
Early Black Bulls Days
💚 An Impossible Decision, MysticalShizz
Mereoleona’s head pops into view, first taking in you, then turning to observe the small girl perched on your hip. Her look of confusion slowly morphs into disbelief, then into incredulity. “Did … Darling. Did you steal the Silva’s youngest child?”  Fix-It fic where Mereoleona and spouse reader adopt Noelle.
💚 Ghosts, IAmStoryteller
Julius has a bit of a secret. He can see ghosts of his dear departed friends.
💚 Doggy Days, Undefeated_Lionmess
Yami sends Vanessa, Finral, and Charmy to explore a dungeon. Only two of them come back still human. Finral supposes he’s had worse days.
💚 That One Time When Julius Was Late, wintermelon_soldier
"We're late... again," Marx said with a worried expression. "Don't worry, Marx. I'm sure everything is just f-" The Magic Emperor pushed both doors open hoping to greet the Captains only to be welcomed by a vast wasteland. The conference room where it once stood is replaced by a large, empty landmass with no trees or building in sight. "W-what in the world is happening?" Marx cried at his mentor.
💚 The Vice-Captains of the Magic Knights (series), IAmStoryteller
The Vice-Captains of the Magic Knights series
💚 Teenagers, Kaitouahiru
Yami was going to talk to Julius about the recruitable age of Magic Knights. Make no mistake, Yami did not care that fifteen year olds were being put in dangerous or life threatening situations. He didn’t care that they could be drafted to go to war if the situation called for it. He cared that almost none of these brats knew how to do basic home skills.
💚 faith bleeds through the cracks, TellNearaToWrite
Yami knew three things. First, that being a squad captain was shaping up to be a lot like fatherhood, and second, he was definitely not cut out for that shit. Third. Well. Julius had a lot to answer for, that was for sure. The least he could do was help a bit.
Angst!
🧡 Geranium, Azuvist
The flowers in Yami's lungs never really stopped growing. (Yami x William)
🧡 Black Clover: The Blood of Fate, ChanceQueen
In a dark alternate universe of the clover kingdom, there is one question that no one ever wanted to ask, let alone know the answer to. A question that wraps its claws around you, ripping scars that cannot be seen and will never heal. What if Vanessa had never manifested the red thread of fate?
🧡 Megicula's Curse by MaryJoeycoco
After everything, the Black Bulls thought they were safe. They thought Noelle took care of the devil Megicula. They soon realize how wrong they were. Now it's up to Asta to save her but he soon realizes how his feelings change about Noelle through the nightmare land. (Asta x Noelle)
The Silva Fics™
Yes, they get their own category. It's the birb siblings. They deserve it.
💙 Artifice, subtleassiduities
When a retrieval mission traps Nozel with a dangerous and powerful artifact, Nebra and Solid struggle to find help before time runs out for him. But their attempts are thwarted by a widespread, rapidly progressing phenomenon: Everybody in the Clover Kingdom is forgetting about Nozel Silva. Their only choice is to depend on one another-- and Noelle, the only other person who can hold onto a memory of their dear brother. Their rescue mission forces them to face their own memories, twisted against them in ways they may not be able to overcome.
💙 Casa Silva, Mouxe (SPANISH)
Conjunto de historias que comenzo para mostrar la relacion de Acier Silva con sus hijos durante la infancia pero termino convirtiendose en relatos de la relacion de los hermanos silva.
💙 Lay Beside Me, Under Wicked Sky, Avacelt
Noelle leaves, and the chips fall where they do. [Silva family!fic, post-canon]
💙 The Boy Who Played with Water, BeamMeUpCas
Nozel only becomes aware of the extreme lengths his siblings were going to torment their youngest when Nebra, of all people, appears sweaty and disheveled in his office, stuttering and stammering about how Solid has Noelle trapped in a water bubble in the rose garden and she isn't moving Or: Solid nearly drowns Noelle. Nozel flips his shit and becomes the halfway decent big brother he was meant to be.
💙 My Father Told Me (series), succulentsunrise
My Father Told Me is a series, which attempts to understand the effects that the Silva parents must have had on their children, and how the age gaps and personalities between the children themselves affected their relationships.
💙 Make an Effort, IAmStoryteller
Solid isn’t very nice or kind or gentle. He knows this, but when he is hit with the realization that Nozel and Nebra might not know that he loves them, he sets out to show his love and appreciation for his two older siblings. And maybe, extend an olive brand or two…
💙 What Yami Saw by BeamMeUpCas
Nozel needs a favor. Yami will maybe not hold it over his head for all eternity but he'll take great delight in letting Nozel think he will.
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gillianthecat · 10 months
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The non-gendered urge to sit out in the sun to do my homework vs. the modern reality that I can’t see my screen in the sunshine.
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cuteniaarts · 15 days
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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hypaalicious · 2 years
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Some good tips I definitely did not figure out until I played most of a year of Twisted Wonderland:
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Save your LP refill items for events that require you to farm lessons for event coins. I used to blow through them when I first started because the grind is REAL in this game, but once you get a decent roster it’s best to just stockpile.
Save your macarons/cupcakes/waffles/sugar for Training Camps. You’ll get the biggest bang for your buck, then. I used to blow through them in regular lessons too cause leveling EXP is ASS without them but… not the greatest use of items.
R cards can be your friend. In fact, they carried me through exams and most early content no problem. If you resolve to only use SRs/SSRs from jump you will not have enough mats to flesh out your roster quickly.
Save alchemy tokens for spellbooks. They are STINGY in this game! 😩
Spell scaling is super ambiguous; it won’t matter if your spell goes from level 1 to 2, but it will matter if the spell evolves from like Leaf Blast to Forest Strike. So pay attention to phrases like, “spell changes at level 5/10” and only use spellbooks to reach those benchmarks.
Card level does more for DPS than spells, so if you have to choose what to do first, just level your card and worry about tweaking the spells later. Unless it’s an SSR; you’ll wanna level that second spell up to 5 for Duo Magic!
When leveling cards, pick one character and stick with them as a lesson partner until you reach 1000 lessons so you can net an easy 50 gems. Don’t skip around like I did at first 🥲 I woulda had a lot more gems by now if I was smart LOL
Pay attention to the card type: Defense will be a tank but won’t do shit for DPS. Attack cards will be glass cannons. Balanced cards bring the best of both worlds.
During event shop things, save event currency to buy the keys first, then the SSR/SR Awakening potions, then any SR event card dupes. I don’t recommend buying the event R card dupes only because you’ll get a shitton of R awakening potions doing normal pulls or completing Twistune missions so saving event currency for the most rare things makes sense.
Only use your SSR/SR level uncap potions on event cards if you can help it. Those will be the hardest to get dupes on cause they’re limited.
Unless you will die without having your bias, refrain from pulling on standard banners. Event banners are more rare and anything in the standard pool has a chance to spark while you’re pulling for something else.
Please have one favorite, for the sake of your pocketbook. Especially if you’re F2P. You will not be able to get everyone’s cards. 🥲
The only thing worth buying with real money in the gem shop is the 30-day pass. The rest have HORRIBLE value, imo. I know I’m spoiled to shit by games like Arknights and PAD but twst is not that generous.
How to know if you pulled an SSR; watch the beginning animation of the pull(s). If Grim is on the balcony of the castle when it pans up, you got yourself an SSR. The mirror also says a different phrase than usual.
Twistunes suck, but you can make them suck slightly less by going into options and choosing “Light” setting. The distracting background animations will be minimized and you can actually focus on hitting them damn notes. 😑 Also, watch the demos so you can see what the timing or mechanics are. The Purple twistune mechanic is a MENACE and I simply refuse to do them past the bare minimum. The music don’t hit like that for me to justify putting myself through that torture.
Basic exams judge you on how much DPS you throw out. Defense exams judge you on how much HP you have left at the end. You’ll also wanna time it so that you defeat the other team on round 3 or 4, with your hardest hitting card for the highest possible score. Do NOT attempt Hard mode unless you got some sleek ass high leveled back to back Duo magic cause the difficulty spike is not a joke.
Playing on your phone and you listening to music or get a notif right before lessons start? Reload the game and turn off your other audio or else the game will glitch out and you’ll lose a lesson point. The reason for that is how they trigger lesson starts: by voice line. So if the game don’t pick up that the voice line started because you have music or any other app that has sound playing in the background, it won’t start the lesson. Learned this the hard way. 🥲
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milo-is-rambling · 10 months
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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it
#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with#no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to#ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and#then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there#like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this#inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m#normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans#are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of#getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and#I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage#where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not#like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my#friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the#only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so#long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy#forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s#what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is#destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)
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dadbots · 5 months
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cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)
#dadbots.txt#starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it#and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold#Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday.#Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better -#- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately.#But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice?#Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more.#Back to pain relievers and heat ig.#Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross.#But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo#This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago.#But hey. You live and learn.#And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised#Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it.#Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all.#Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened.#But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little.#There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc#So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow#December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all
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drydak · 10 months
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thinking again about how eddie didn’t say “i thought you were an asshole because of how you used to act towards me but i realized you’ve become a good dude” he said “based on my preconceived notions i thought you were a douche but now i’m realizing none of that mattered and you’re good”. and yet steve constantly has to prove himself to eddie in fics. hm…
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Things I have learned tonight: I am much better at taking care of myself than I was able to in the past, I have absolute faith in myself that I can do things if I set my mind to them, and forgiveness is not always the right answer nor am I a forgiving person
#i was one of those people who got taught to always forgive and forget live laugh love issues away#and I’ve been feeling like oh I have to move on from this so we can go move cross country together#like bestie red flag alert why are you moving cross country with someone who broke your trust like that???#ur gonna resent them forever if u move in with them!!!#also like. yeah it’s more helpful to move to an expensive place with more people but 4 total is fine#considering I’m moving for career reasons I think I’ll be able to have the energy to pull the weight of 1.5x people if needed#maybe 2 but let’s not go there until absolutely needed#and man. i am so glad I can look out for myself in this situation#my exact nightmare scenario is my parents finding this blog. genuinely a debilitating fear throughout my last 7 years#I’d have nightmares about it whenever I got hit with waves of anxiety I’d start deleting things off my phone#but then I couldn’t do anything but hide. hope for the best. and I did hide for 8 years going on now. thankful for every day of peace#i loved this thing so much and I was so afraid to lose it. I don’t know how I didn’t crack under the amount of strain I was under#i don’t need to deal with any of that ever again. I’m in college now if I want my blog I keep my blog#even if it means losing a friendship#Yknow. when I cut off contact with my best friend I realized in a post very similar to this one#though that was more I’m sick of feeling worthless and this will hurt a lot but I need to take care of myself type#this one. well we’ve never been emotionally close ever. so. it’ll more be irritating when I want to do something I’d do with her#then I’ll have to go with someone else#this one I don’t think I’m going to completely cut off all contact tho. we have common friends and they don’t need to be dragged into this#but 1 on 1 we will not be seeing each other again#and I am only extending the invite if absolutely necessary#soup talks
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arthur-r · 1 year
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my fire opal converse arrived i’m screaming
#/hyperbole but the color is so perfect#i spent around twenty seconds screaming in a bad way because of how friggin white they are it scares me#like i don’t want to ruin them. i have owned two pairs of not-hand-me-down sneakers in my life and this is one of them#and so then i felt like a terrible person for doing purchases and wanting things and not just sticking with my old hand me down red converse#which are too small for me now and literally stained with blood. and also mud but the blood is the problem part#anyway mal blum voice oh my god look at all the stuff you got does it make your loneliness more bearable#but genuinely it kind of does. they’re my exact color it’s ridiculous guys. like it’s the color of my walls exactly#and they will make me taller so i can actually see at concerts and in the school hallway. and i’ll keep them forever#(this was an early christmas present from me to myself i put a bunch of tip money on my debit card and bought myself the shoes i’ve wanted)#they are custom because the color doesn’t come in regular converse you have to get a custom fall colors pair so i did#and so they’re lift platforms with a gold star logo patch and stripey gold and white laces it’s really cool#anyway they were supposed to arrive in time for the happy fits concert and they didn’t. but the concert didnt even happen for me so whatever#good news!!!! daisy the great is coming back this april on their first headlining tour it’s gonna be so cool#no news on the happy fits and i really want to see them and also meet them but they did say something about how they can’t wait to be back#so i hope that comes sooner rather than later and that i’m still minneapolis-adjacent enough to go#or i guess i might have to go to a show in chicago!! we grow and change with the times#anyway i’m kind of disjointed cause i woke up recently and also have been in an anxious spiral for like a week but we’re managing great#playing sudoku and being parented by my dad which means: sitting alone in my room with the door closed for hours on end#so i’m here if anybody needs me!! usually dad parenting comes with caring for my sister but she has gymnastics today so i’m like. here#anyway yeah i have these bright red-orange converse with gold on them and i’m gonna cry#i’ll post a picture soon if i’m feeling up to it they’re really exciting like almost enough to fix me#like it’s literally my color. it’s the color that i am. i’m going slightly insane about this (is insane already)#and i painted my electric guitar with nail polish so now the tuning pegs are sparkly red and it’s just a good time for the arthur community#period-induced paranoia that i thought i was done with put aside. and general anxiety put aside. the arthur community is doing great#do y’all remember mononokay by sorority noise? the arthurcore song? it still is. i’m listening to it rn and it still is#anyway idk what to say. i’m here and things are weird but i’m going back to school on monday and it won’t be as weird anymore. i hope#and i cleaned my room like actually deep cleaned it and it’s fixed now. my room is actually good now. how did that happen#anyway i want to go home but i am home. i should also eat breakfast. yeah. so i will do that now. yep#me. my post. mine.#friends only
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I’ll walk a mile?
#this dude. ugh I love him#I was so bummed out abt my car yesterday but he knows exactly how 2 cheer me up#if he wasn’t with me when it happened I probably would’ve been crying and screaming and throwing up like I was freaking out#but he made me feel safe and like everything was going to be ok#he handled everything for me and had one of his friends come take a look and got it towed to his shop and paid for it and everything#like I didn’t have to even worry abt it.#which again makes me feel so bad and I’ve expressed it to him several times#this morning when he brought me breakfast I told him he made me feel completely spoiled and he was just like. good#you deserve 2 be spoiled. and I will not stop.#LIKE AGAHDHJDJFKD he’s sooo romantic it drives me insane I’ve literally never been treated like this#the way he looks at me . ughh. makes me feel all warm and tingly just thinking abt him like yes ok I’m definitely in love AAAA#before I left this morning we were lying next to each other in the living room and we had this deep talk#abt like our relationship and what we mean to each other and our feelings n shit#it was really sweet. I cried a lil.#I expressed some of my worries and insecurities and problems etc#and he just held me n told me if I let him then he’d love me forever and make sure I always have everything I need#he said he’d do anything to make sure I’m happy and comfortable#and said all this dumb corny shit abt how he’s so glad he met me and that I make him happy and just started saying things he loves abt me#like it was too much I was just flabbergasted I had tears in my eyes I didn’t even know what to say#like ugh so cute wtf wtf wtf#swooning fr fr on god no cap 💯💯#what a complete nerd. fucking dork. but my dork <33333#hmnnnnnnngbgnkfjshdj I miss him already#at least I have no conventions next month I’ll just get to be with bf the whole time agshjdkshwcahkddbvagejkfbsg he jus make me so happy#tess talks
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badolmen · 3 months
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‘ummm you shouldn’t tag your writing of a character with [x] as #[x] you’re clogging the community tag :/’
beloved a) if it contains [x] and someone wants to find/block a post with [x], and my post is tagged #[x], it’s a very reasonable and TOS abiding thing to do and
b) do you think the #actually[x] tag is just for quirky points? that tag originated bc autism moms wouldn’t shut up or get out of the autism tag. hence #actuallyautistic was born, which spread to things like BPD or disability or chronic illness. THAT is you community tag, because it’s used by people who are #actually[x]. if someone without [X] writes a character/headcanon/meta about a story with [x] they are within their rights to tag it as [x] but not actually[X] because they are not actually[X].
how is this controversial.
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hellfireeddiemunson · 7 months
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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sensitivegoblin · 11 months
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#now I’m pretty sure my sister is crying and mad at me for being upset#like??? WHY#also I’ve been meaning to say this for YEARS but; since you have a diagnosed autistic sister#how in the hell did you decide your forever was gonna be him?#how did someone with that vocabulary come into your life?#why did you let that happen?#I’m just so fucking angry but I’m also in the depths of sorrow#he gave a half ass lie apology after my sister made him#I’m just…..why do I have to deal with everything and care about everyone’s feelings??????#no one clearly cares about mine#i wish I was dead seriously what is the point#maybe if I kll myself tonight my sister will break up with that loser cus I’ll say it’s his fault#I’m so at the end of my rope and I have no one to help me#i just have to play pretend#i do this thing where I zone out and it’s kinda like a ‘perfect’ program controls my body#it’s like auto pilot? or the master computer in Mario party during mini games#it’s a lot on me but it just spits out the info everyone wants to hear#‘hahahaha’#‘omg yeah! crazy!’#‘mhm!’#‘wowwww’#‘yeah yeah 😃’#<- that’s literally what it feels like😃#but it’s all fake and I’m floating in my head during#i don’t like doing that but it’s my only option rb#i really wish I was just never born or died in HS I think my family would’ve been better off#i constantly feel like I cheated death but not dying in HS cus I was too scared what my parents would do if I failed#I’m literally so worthless and the world is useless to me#i hate myself and o hate others I’m so tired I’m tired of not getting real hugs when i need them
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