#I'm a mess all over again

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

There was no reason for Buck to be involved with the Diaz situation. No reason at all. Literally speaking, Buck has no reason to be there. Not his kid. Not his marriage. Not his parents. Etc.

And yet there was every reason for him to be there. That's his child. That's his partner. Frankly I think Chris would've asked to live with Buck and not his grandparents if Buck wasn't so close to Eddie and their lives weren't so intertwined (Chris wants to get as far away from his dad as he can right now).

Buck had no reason to be there. But Buck is family. So of course he was there.

#911 spoilers #the show just keeps emphasizing it over and over again #LIKE COME ON #Buck was practically the spouse who also has to let the kid go because of all the mess #I guarantee you Chris is speaking to Buck even if he's not speaking to Eddie #LIKE??? #THERE WAS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE THERE AND YET OF COURSE HE WAS THERE #G O D #I love you Tommy but GOD THEY BETTER FUCKING KISS IN SEASON EIGHT OR I'M GOING TO START SETTING FIRES #I'VE DONE MY TIME!!! #IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS!!! #ahem anyway I'm normal

[whathorselegs]

Notes on BSD characters from reading the author's works but I slowly loose my mind the more I read

(This was just originally just supposed to be notes for me to reference when writing characters, but Rimbaud broke me)

Dazai - No Longer Human and other stories - Insecurity formed around feelings of inadequacy, masking pain with humour, fear of strangers but a love of people society considers weak, self-loathing but unrelentingly himself, just a walking contradiction of world views.

Chuuya - Poetry Collection - Heartache, weariness, loss of innocence and resentment for stolen childhoods, want for things to be simple and feeling crushed under the world's complexities, feeling stuck and stagnant in life but not knowing how to fix it.

Akutagawa - Rashomon and other stories - Self-loathing, cynicism, a lot of self-doubt, mistrust in other people, fear of the future (having no future/death and what lies beyond), bitter humour, his mind is his own worst enemy.

Lucy - Anne of Green Gables - Overtly imaginative as a coping mechanism, hope and wonder above everything, longing for security and a safe home, finds it difficult to make friends but is fiercely loyal to those who take the time to know her.

Fyodor - Crime and Punishment - so much self-righteousness, constantly needing to be right (both for petty things and morally)- speaking of morals- morally bankrupt but will justify his actions so he doesn't feel that way, selfishness, always three seconds away from loosing it, needs to be sicker

Rimbaud - Poetry collection - uh.... uuuuhhhhh.... *stares at the many sex poems I had to read through* Not horny enough apparently

Bram - Keeps a journal. Charismatic but in a he's everyone's grampa way, should have a pet wolf, into disguises, forever society's outsider, very lonely but also very paranoid, yearning to be loved/accepted

Fitzgerald (and by extension Zelda's character) - The Great Gatsby - Momentous regret, unable to move on from the past, unable to properly grieve their losses because of it. A life wasted on an unachievable dream that tears them apart. Money won't cure the sadness but it sure helps drowning in it. THE GREEN LIGHT, HIS ABILITY IS THE GREEN LIGHT NOT THE COLOUR OF MONEY, ITS THE COLOUR OF ALL THAT HE CAN NEVER HAVE, HIS WIFE AND HIS DAUGHTER ALWAYS AND FOREVER OUT OF HIS REACH AND YET ETCHED ONTO HIS SKIN GUIDING HIS EVERY ACTION

#bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd akutagawa #bsd lucy #bsd fyodor #bsd rimbaud #bsd bram #bsd fitzgerald #sorry for the inactivity #my brain has been bad again so I started reading The Great Gatsby as it's really short #then I lost my mind over it in this draft #which has been a mess since Rimbaud #so I'm sharing my mess with you all #<3 #(also I havent finished the great gatsby yet headache got too bad halfway through so I watched the movie shhhhh)

[mattodore]

pretty girl (who has clawed her way through multiple chest cavities)

#river dipping #delphi sol #lykos #ts4 #ts4 edit #ts4 cas #simblr #she's so cute i remember i intentionally gave her sharper angles when i was messing w/ her last year #but when i did her over last month i just made her rounder again so like. what was the point of that exactly lmao #i'm gonna edit ria jussst a little then fix imani's eyes #i still have an absolute MESS in my library like so many saves i have to go through and delete i'm fr a pack rat in my saves library #but anyway i'm just gonna tweak some faces #my wrists are hurting so i should probably sit down and just watch red dwarf after... #mattodore might start calling to me tho idk #ALSO... added magic bloom to my cas preset :3c have i tested it with matthias yet? ...................no. #palest man aliveeeee he ruins bloom for me all the time like i think bloom can look sooo pretty but i can't even use it like i want </3 #i'll probably have to toss it but it looks pretty to me rn

[mymarifae]

i think the most important thing in the world is vbs being best friends who love each other so much and are super affectionate with each other like. listen to me:

- when toya hugs kohane he'll pick her up a tiny bit (a tiny bit is all he can manage. noodle arms) and she squeals with delight every time

- toya just really likes hugs in general. it's suuuuper common for him to just come up behind akito or an or kohane and wrap his arms around them and lean his head against theirs. hello and goodbye hugs with him always last a good 20 seconds because he won't let go sdjfjsnfkd

- kohane loooooves to tuck her hand in the crooks of her teammates' elbows while they're walking together. this way she won't get lost <3 sometimes she'll hold onto like, akito's elbow with one hand and an's with the other. it's very cute. and as vbs has grown closer, she's started to switch to hand holding. (don't tell anyone but akito's her favorite to hold hands with because he swings their arms as they walk and it's cute)

- also, kohane's hair tends to be messy because of her damn hats and this bugs akito so he spends a lot of time fussing over it. he'll just sort of...tug her closer and take out the pigtails and comb through it with his fingers. at some point she starts packing a brush in her bag to placate him. i like to think akito knows how to do hair because ena will sometimes make him do hers so after a while he stops just rebrushing kohane's hair and starts pulling it up in different ways... braiding it... etc... and he starts keeping things like hairspray in His bag. yknow. jic

- the hairstyling extravaganza extends to an and toya too. (i mean there's only so much akito can do with toya but he tries...) it's a calming thing for him - fiddling with his teammates' hair as they plan setlists or wait backstage. and having your hair played with is always nice <3

- i think shortly after teaming up an started giving kohane little kisses on the cheek. not as a romantic gesture - just simple affection! and after a while, she starts kissing toya and akito too. toya is always happy to lean down so she can pepper his face with little platonic kisses, but she usually has to wrestle akito. it's all in good fun and he'll always relent and let her kiss him in the end

- speaking of platonic kisses, i ALSO think that akito gives toya little kisses from time to time. it started back when they were still BAD DOGS. toya wasn't having a great time one night and after soothing him with a good sturdy hug, akito kissed the top of his head. it completely floored toya and akito blew up when he realized what he did. and they never fucking talked about it <3 but since toya didn't seem MAD about it, akito decided to stick with it and kept giving toya kisses like that. it's not common, and he ONLY does it when they're alone. except for when they make up after their little divorce arc in the main story. IGNORE the gunjo sanka mv and listen to me. they HUG after their heart to heart. and akito kisses toya's cheek. right around where he punched him

- but an's overaffectionate nature kind of rubs off on akito after a while. so he becomes less stingy when it comes to kisses and starts giving them to kohane and an too <3

- they lean against each other while sitting like kohane might cuddle into toya's side or an goes and lays her head on akito's shoulder

- and they have sleepovers and they fall asleep comfortably tangled up together (or not comfortably. at all. seriously cuddling while sleeping can get so uncomfy but it's worth it to be so close to someone you love). ken's taken quite a few adorable (and sometimes really funny) pictures of all four of them passed out on piles of blankets and futons. just dad things

i could go on forever it's just. platonic affection is so important to me and it's so frequently Ignored in fandom spaces. and in the case of vbs and the prsk fandom specifically, there's a tendency to separate vbs into akitoya VS anhane. which is so 💔 because the whole POINT of their story is that while they started off as separate duos, that's no longer the case! they've become such good friends. they're inseparable.

like even jokes about akito and an being "wlw and mlm hostility" are starting to wear on me because... they're friends, guys. they're incredibly close. akito is always looking out for an and is right by her side to support her through all the shit she's currently struggling with. there's no "hostility" present in their relationship. like, if you actually look at the game's text, an... rarely teases akito. the person who teases him the most is actually toya but you know... whatever... gotta reduce an down to a mean lesbian amirite... completely ignoring that she's one of the kindest characters in the whole game...

idk. i juuuuuust wish that this fandom wasn't so defensive and obsessive over shipping akitoya and anhane (mostly akitoya while anhane is a second thought but YOU KNOW) because it results in so many people watering down vbs as individuals And as pairs - because all they care about is shipping. like i promise that the other dynamics in vbs are worth exploring (both platonicallyand romantically but too much of this fandom still feels threatened by m/f vbs ships). and hell, explore akitoya and anhane on a platonic level, too! don't just jump to shipping them because teehee boyxboy and girlxgirl. take the time to understand what draws them together in the first place

i love friendship. i love when friends outwardly express their affection for each other and it doesn't have to have any romantic implications. can we talk about friendship for once like this game is literally The Ultimate Friendship Simulator feat. Hatsune Miku

#it's so dark in here #project sekai #akito shinonome #an shiraishi #kohane azusawa #toya aoyagi #vivid bad squad #kind of a cross-post from twitter i'm just thinking about these dorks again... #every day i become more and more partial to akikoha and antoya over akitoya and anhane. like i'll always love vbs every way but #the set up of akikoha and antoya more clearly represents how much their friendships have grown. yknow. i'm going to cry #also antoya is so funny because it's like the only an ship where she gets completely disarmed and becomes an easily flustered mess #and toya isn't even doing anything. he's just standing there being a corny dork and an's like AAAAAA AKITO HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH HIM #and akito just laughs. and gets a pillow thrown in his face for it #polysquad and m/f vbs ships are GOODyou are all just mean. #also if you ask me there is no 'm' in vbs anyway akito's a lesbian and toya is. um. all of it.evrry gender but also NONE of them 💖

[deweyduck]

@pscentral​​ event 22: 2023 wrapped

↳ DISNEY CHANNEL IN 2023

#disney channel #pscentral #disneyedit #disneychanneledit #dcomedit #disneynetwork #userjessica #userzackmartin #usergif #usersource #usercreate #userrobin #userkraina #tuserheidi #tuservaleria #usershreyu #rogerhealey #tuserkit #smallscreensource #*edits #this gifset took me way too long bc i had to do so much maths to figure out the size of all the gifs and i kept getting it wrong #and also i kept messing up the order of the dates so i'd have to rearrange the whole thing and do the maths over again #generally got so frustrated i'm over this set here just have it #so please don't tell me if i missed anything bc i will in fact cry <3 #also the chibi birthday short didn't actually come out on the 18th that's just the day of the anniversary #and hamster and gretel started last year but had new episodes that lead into this year but were still part of s1 #and i didn't know what date to do so i just did the finale don't question it i had to include it somewhere or someone would complain #ANYWAY i hope at least one person who isn't me cares about this bc i spent way too much time on it

[2sw]

You got to wake up. because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Supernatural S8E08 Hunteri Heroici ( + S8E06 Southern Comfort )

#sam winchester #spn 8x08 #spn 8x06 #s8 #gifs #I wish they had actually shown how Sam dealt with his grief after s7 #but it's not that hard to understand why he didn't try harder to find Dean #It was just too much for him. He was left all alone in the world #Bobby was already dead at that point #Dean and Cas disappeared before his eyes (he probably thought they were dead. certainly didn't know they were in purgatory) #and the king of hell took Kevin #Isn't it obvious why he was running from all of it and trying to hold on to something? it was too much for anyone to go through alone #I'm saying it wasn't the best thing to do but totally understandable #(and what's so criminal about trying to make his life less miserable anyway??) #the sad thing is almost every choice he made while running from the burden of reality turned into messes #He had to leave the woman he loves and now his brother trusts a vampire over him #All of that piled up and weighed down on him #It made him question his self-worth #And that insecurity led him to the church in the season finale (not to mention the whole “I'm not clean” thing) #and even after s8... oh I can't do this rn. I'm sad again

[birdietrait]

frances fisher <3

damon hooked up with cj, one of his friend's roommates...and she stopped by a couple days later sporting a bump. damon was not happy about it at first, but the idea grew on him and soon the soon-to-be parents decided to move in together. soon, baby frances was born!

#fisher.gp #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 simblr #simblr #little paragraph of explanation 🕺 #ted hates cj unfortunately and it's caused a huge rift between him and damon #and poor dakota is going through a mood swing + she's been having a lot of panic attacks + they have a fear of homework #oh and ted quit his job and he just watches tv all day #everyone's such a mess but i love them <3 #i need to get the no ea lashes for infants...that's why i'm not showing her face clearly lol #but she's so cute 😭🥺 #damon is still warming up to her but he'll get over it #i'm so happy that i'm having fun playing the game again teehee

[dylanconrique]

yeah chenford breakup era is sad but the sheer amount of sexual tension brewing between them still is absolutely fucking. hilarious!!! and i'm so living for it. 😂😂

#*carly catalogs #i keep replaying that sneak peak clip of grey appointmenting lucy as a temp t.o. for the day #the way they look at each other when tim enters grey's office is just so funny to me lmaoooo #they look like 'oh! i'm still very upsetti spaghetti with you but god i wanna fuck your brains out' #truly cannot wait for the 'fuck it' moment or something like that and they're all over each other again #we better get AT LEAST 1 ☝️sexy scene of them after this mess i'm sohohohohoho serious!!!!!! #IT'S WHAT WE DESERRRVVE!!!!!!!!!!! #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #chenford #otp: you know me so well

[lover-of-skellies]

Where the hell is my lens cleaner wipe thing

I'm the only one awake. I put the wipe on my bed, left to use the bathroom, came back, and it was gone. I looked everywhere that makes sense, and I CANNOT find it ANYWHERE

Whatever fucking demon is playing with me right now is about to get punched in the throat, I stg >:(

#not skeleton stuff #rambles #its not Sylvester. I leave things with him all the time and he never messes with it #the wipe didn’t somehow travel out of my room #it wasn't in my pockets or on the floor #its not buried by blankets and its not between my bed and the wall #wtf is this #I'm losing my mind rn #((I'm not actually super mad over it. I'm being silly goofy again)) #/joke post

[lale-txt]

Good luck with your challenge, I stopped commenting because I never got a reply back which sucksss 😭🥱

in all honesty, writers don't owe you a reply.

and i get where you're coming from; it is nice to get a reply to a comment you left! but expecting one back feels a bit entitled, doesn't it? you already got a fic FOR FREE. you leave a comment to thank them for this gift. and then you expect them to thank you in return?

i don't mean to sound ungrateful because i can promise you, it's not like us writers are getting swamped with comments LOL. i have many writer friends and no matter for how many years we've all been actively writing, a single comment will still make our day. no matter how small that comment is! just a simple "hey, i loved reading this" or "it's 4am and i'm reading this instead of sleeping" or a silly keysmash shows us that someone out there really enjoyed what we wrote.

idk but hearing you say you stopped commenting simply because you never get a reply back left a really bitter taste in my mouth. maybe the person behind the fic is out of spoons, maybe they simply forgot to reply, maybe they're keeping your comment in their inbox and stare at it lovingly because it gives them fuel for the entire week. the reasons for it are endless. not getting a reply to your comment doesn't mean the writer is ungrateful. it's just a really shitty thing of you to say.

i'm gonna keep commenting on my fav fics because it makes me happy that i get to show my gratitude. it's a little kindness that doesn't hurt anyone and honestly the energy you spent on sending this ask could have been used to do the very same, but oh well.

#you don't come into my house and complain like that without having me reach for my sandal LOL #i could have blocked and deleted this but honestly i feel like quite a lot of people think this way and it bothers me #A LOT #and i'm getting so tired of repeating the same things over and over again #everyone and their mom is having a menty b when AO3 is down but no one bothers to leave a little loving comment #i'm not even actively sharing my writing on Tumblr atm and the like-reblog ratio has me laughing out loud #it's really a mess and we all sound like broken records at this point it feels #so excuse my little rant there but i'm tired #lale.ask

[galactigatorr]

on cracker island it was born

#where the truth is autotuned and all that mess #so yeah the gorillaz brainrot is taking over again #i'm too hype for cracker island send help #gorillaz #stuart pot #2d gorillaz #cracker island #my art

[meimi-haneoka]

Every time I see the English translation of a certain Clear Card panel with Touyuki appearing on my TL I want to pull my hair because that line was mistranslated so, so badly and people are making speculations and going nuts about it in the tags and it's all based on something that doesn't exists because that's not what Touya says, not at all. Like, not even remotely. It's also so out of character for him to say something like that, I don't know how his fans don't realize something is off in that line.

One day I will compile those translation mistakes in one giant google sheet or something, I need to turn this into a mission because it's honestly so irritating to see how riddled with mistakes this localization is, sometimes to the point of messing with important parts of the plot. I don't see them releasing a decently translated edition in the near future, so it's all I can do to give back some respect to the story. Clamp are aware of the translation mistakes and how they change the perception of the story for the foreign readers, just as they are aware of the posts I've made about them over the years (they talked about this in a Space long time ago, and I still cherish that mention in my heart with pride). But there was basically nothing they could do at the time, if not suggesting the English readers to check the posts mentioning the translation differences. That's great and all, I'm glad I have their blessing but this is also not really how ideally one should read a story. My posts are long and filled with personal comments and maybe that would deter many people from checking out what a certain line actually says, so I need to find a quicker and easier way. Also, I started to do those only from chapter 40 onwards (and in the beginning I was way overzealous, I would need to revise) and this panel I'm mentioning above is part of the butchery they did in the first volumes, which weren't covered by my posts yet.

#sorry for the vent but everytime I see certain panels my blood boils #i love Touyuki they're soulmates and I'm all for their moments together but damn that line was really NOT IT #it's so maddening to think how little respect was used in the translation of this work #and how much of the translator's bias shows through shamelessly #this is also referencing to how people probably still believe Lilie had a thing with Momo #while being very much engaged to Akiho's future father #another terrible translation mistake that hinted at a wlw pair when there was none of it #as I always say headcanons are free real estate #and you can mess around with them however you like #but canon must stay canon and the translation has to reflect precisely what's been said in the original JP text #no ifs and no buts #people deserve to know the real story #not being lied to for the sake of inventing stuff or giving 'flavor' to things #that's not Clamp's story anymore #it's the translator's story at that point #me being mad about this shitty translation all over again was really not what I needed when I'm so tired after a wedding party #goodnight #please do me a favor and read this story in Spanish if you can read Spanish #Norma's translation is really WELL DONE #always grateful to Agnes Perez for actually doing her job with love #goodnight again

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[anto-pops]

Heard you got covid and came here to drop something. Hope it lifts your spirits in these troubling times 👀

(it's a pov from that bj in you library scene)

I'M HYPERVENTILATING OH MY GO D

#MY WATCH ALERTED ME THAT MY HEART RATE SPIKED #I'M STUTTERING I'M FLUSTERED I'MFUCKIN SOBBING #this HAS TO BE what wet dreams are made of sweet baby jesus I'm an absolute MESS #this took me out #I feel like a million bucks but I'm also deceased #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH KAJHFSJGS #I'm still catching my breath from staring at this for five uninterrupted minutes #it's hot in here is anyone else sweating a little. or a lot. #every time I scroll up I get frazzled all over again #this did A LOT MORE than lift my spirits oh my god #I gotta go reread the fic now fuckfingskg #THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU A THOUSAND THANK YOUS #asks #sallowly #sebastian sallow

[rethcore]

sometimes i feel like i'm getting so invested in palia lore that it's breaking my heart and driving me insane :'Dt

#palia but tangentially #i literally made a second character this evening to straight edge romance Tish #because i want to learn more about Reth through the relationship the two of them have as siblings #and tish's wiki page is SO. BARE BONES. compared to her brother's???? she doesn't even have her full level 4 romance quest/dialogue up #no pin reactions or anything either and it just makes me really sad to see it #like i am 110% prepared to step up to the wiki and contribute the necessary info once I get Basil where he needs to be questwise but man #accidentally 4d chessed myself into caring about tish so much i want to come out from under my rock and contribute to the community #this is me and Richter Belmont and Maria Renard all over again #this is all so i can write accurate fanfic btw #because i'm a terrible stickler for canon #i'm a mess i'm a disgrace #come talk to me about palia i'm ILL #anyway if you see someone named Albert Serdio running around kilima that's me lmao

[cronenfag]

okay peace and love i'm never posting like that again

#now i look like someone who's like. “my 🌟trauma🌟 made me funny” #or a someone who just says “ed” loosely but doesn't mean it and/or brags abt being anorexic #things got way bad again at a speed i didn't know it would have. that's a bit of what i've been up to lately #@cronenfag blog is the worst bc in like april 2023 i made a post like “that's it i swear off recovery i'm better off being worse” #and then in like late 2023 i was posting like “yay ^_^ i'm gonna get better FORREAL. i'm seriously gonna try this time :)” #and now we're here #the entirety of 2023 was a back and forth of that #to be fair even when i was in the “i wanna get better” stage i was directed to a clinic and was like “i don't need to go i'm normal now” #when really i didn't wanna go mostly bc it's like. a coping mechanism i don't want to let go of in case i need it #i don't think i ever truly wanted to rule out the idea of reeeelapsing and i knew that obviously #i've dug myself so deep i have no idea how long this whole mess will go on for. because i don't want to die like i used to #but it's all still been engrained in my mind over the past few years #whatever #m