#I'm just.... at the end of my rope.

[mac-and-thefox]

Positive thoughts and vibes very much needed.

Old Man Cat is sick, he has a myriad of chronic health issues that I'm not going to go into here, but this week he has been...extra old, and has begun rapidly declining health wise. My partner is gone on a work trip, so I have been trying to manage things on my own as best as I can.

Any spare spoons or soft thoughts or positive intentions/ vibes are so... so appreciated.

#cw sick pet #tw sick pet #I'm just.... at the end of my rope. #i haven't slept properly in days #and my nerves are frayed #I'm sorry...

[vincentbriggs]

I was feeling really restless and couldn't focus on any of the Tasks I want to be doing, but I also didn't want to go for a walk because the sidewalks are covered in ice right now, so I made a jumprope out of a pair of old curtain pulls and skipped a little bit and that seems to have sufficiently tired me out. Hopefully now I can get back to work on the glove sewing video!

#tassels #skipping rope #I got these at the thrift store because I'm a sucker for light green and they matched my curtains at the time #(also they're rayon and somewhat old & faded which is neat!) #but my curtains were not big enough to use ties on so I just kinda hung them off the ends of the curtain rod for decoration #and they've just been in my trim stash since I moved

[liquidstar]

A lot of you guys in the replies had really good/funny things to say about the concept of a "subaru being technically under house arrest in the felt camp route" tags and I'd love to talk about it w you too but I feel kinda bad taking over ops post 😭

#someone did say that rein does the lap pillow emotional breakdown scene in this route though which is great 👍 but what i wanted to say was #well does the seemingly-inevitable-in-every-route reinbaru divorce still happen???? #they're already good friends in the main route but we're proposing one here where they're far closer if not just due to proximity #but like just going through more shit together instead of reinhard being MIA most of the time bc him being around makes the group too strong #so #but actually it would be kinda funny if it happens in a similar way to his falling out with emilia in arc 3 but this time #he ends up staying at the roswaal estate instead of with the crusch camp #it'll let him get closer with the others before they're all attacked by the witch cult #and then stuff can go down similarly but differently. I'm sure there's some way to rope in the ana and crusch camps though #''ferris julius i have some important business i need to tend to can you guys go check on my idiot for me? #yes the one you beat up last week please just go.'' #''he's not signing the papers'' LOL #re:zero

[hydrachea]

Still no Kaveh rerun in 4.5, so it's looking like he'll first rerun a full version after his release. Man isn't even pregnant anymore he's on maternity leave.

#WHERE IS HE MIHOYOOOOOOOOOOOO #I WANT CONSTELLATIONS MINE IS STILL C0 I'M AT THE END OF MY ROPE #genshin #genshin impact #genshin kaveh #please just rerun him #i mean i guess it's fine if he reruns with alhaitham since i want alhaitham #but oh my god it's been since may 2023 #it's march 2024 now and he officially won't be on banners for at least until april #mihoyo where are you keeping him... #mpreg #ray's records #yes this still gets a blacklist warning

[bosspigeon]

*BEEP BEEP* IT'S ME AGAIN

So, because my life is one cosmic dick punch after another, I am getting booted out of my apartment after this weekend.

Due to the actions of my housemate over the past 8 months, which began with the carpet being torn up in one of the rooms in our unit and ended with her being arrested for assaulting me, the landlord would not renew the lease even with just me. I have another apartment (hopefully) lined up for July, but between now and then, I'm Pretty Well Boned.

I've got the money put aside for my deposit for the place, a steady job with pretty good pay, and very understanding employers, but I'm still scrambling to find a place to stay for this month. And with that, on top of costs of things like a storage unit and (potentially) movers, I need help again. I thought I was past this, but once again, here we are. Anything helps, donations or just sharing around!

PayPal

Cashapp: $banditpants

Venmo: @kingpigeon94

#signal boost #donations post #i'm looking into potentially a month long sublease but idk if thats viable at this point #i even looked into extended stay motels and even the cheapest shittiest ones are like 300 bucks a week #i am just at the end of my fucking rope here #the landlord said he'd give me until the 15th but apparently he just meant i had until then to get my stuff out #not that i could stay here until the 15th #so now i have even less time than i thought #might have to stay with family again but idk if thats even viable either #i do need to make sure to get a copy of the police report for my records #hhhhhhhhh #o|-<

[ace-of-hearts-and-spades]

.

#i'm kind of at the end of my rope guys #i'm scared all the time #i feel powerless #i feel hopeless #things are only getting worse and it doesn't seem like there's an end in sight #every day is a struggle not to collapse under the weight of how fucking bad things are and i don't know how much longer i can do this #i just want everything to stop #vent #to be deleted

[arcandoria]

.

#I'm so emotionally drained with Mist having these back leg problems that never go away or go away and come back #and there's no clear answer to what's going on #nothing on xrays #nothing on blood work #and he takes meds for arthritis but limps again #and he's fine then he's not again #I'm spending whatever little of savings I have to get him to a vet specialized on cats #but I'm at the end of my rope here and I'm desperate #I just want him to be okay and have a life without pain #I want to know WHAT is going on I'm fine with giving him any sort of specialized care for the rest of his life if I need to #but I need to know what's wrong and no one can figure out what's wrong with my baby #I don't know what to do anymore #rambling

[ageless-aislynn]

Prayer circle for Georgette (my computer). The demons overcame her with just 15 minutes of up time tonight.

Pretty sure the demons live in the Nvidia card because that thing 👿GROWLS 👿 like you wouldn't believe when it becomes possessed hangs up.

In what I'm sure is a total coincidence, Dell has an emergency Nvidia driver update now available, marked critical for system stability. I installed it immediately, if not sooner.

Now, please say it with me, frens...

Dear Lord,

Please remove the demons from Georgette so she can be the awesome computer friend she was meant to be and we can have many fun times together playing Halo (and the various other games in my Steam account that can't be installed right now), vidding and GIFmaking as well as just surfing the Internet without dying multiple times.

Amen.

#ageless aislynn #computer issues #computer problems #georgette #prayer circle #i'm so tired of my computer having the demons #i just want to play halo again #and mass effect andromeda #i just want to be able to turn the computer on and trust it will still be on in 5 minutes #to be able to watch a youtube video without it crashing #to have it sit frickin' idle and crash anyway #she's so unstable and untrustworthy right now and i want that to change #it's got to be a driver compatibility issue but when there are no new drivers available #what are you supposed to do??? #*sigh* #i'm not even joking about this right now #if you pray please pray i'm at the end of my rope with this #alternatively good thoughts or whatever you do at times like this are also welcome

[holygroundgone]

I must not buy pins. Pins are the wallet-killer. Pins are the wallet-death that bring total bankruptcy. I will face my desire. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone bought I will click the refresh button to see its path. Where the pins have gone there will be no money. Only my merchbux will remain.

#truescholar.txt #ok but for real pins are the one type of merch that i die for and love but try so hard to keep from buying because what am i going to do #with them!!!! #too valuable to wear but somewhat lackluster in display compared to standees and plushies (my opinion) #PLEASE don't remind me of how uniquely beautiful and shiny and gorgeous and well designed they are i am holding on by a thread #not even just the price the way they have to be one of the most elusive and limited edition-feeling types of merch would drive me into #insanity #i'm already at the end of my rope with my current inability to acquire taxian jun plushie #i can't take much more 🥹

[revenantghost]

Holy! Shit! WHY!!! I was at a craft fair today in an ATTEMPT to get out of my head and earn something, and while I was at my little booth I got rearended?!?!? And luckily some witnesses left a note thinking they got the plates but if not I'm sol!!!!! Why!!!!!!! I'm so fucking tired and overwhelmed and I already have a migraine from crying so much from BEFORE this, why!!!! Is life!!!!!!! Like this!!!!!!!!! This is all I have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#Sorry I'm just #I'm at the end of my fucking rope and then some #Sorry for just having only crap to share lately #Especially after everyone being so supportive #My cat still isn't doing so well and I just #I'm trying so hard and WHY #I just want to cease to exist #Just a LITTLE bit of calm #God I need sleep I wish I could actually get some decent sleep #Yadda yadda

[isfjmel-phleg]

Here's the tentative outline of the TSG paper, as okayed by the professor whom I've been discussing the project with:

intro to the trend of recent adaptations/retellings reframing TSG as a story about grief

an assertion that the book is really about healing from childhood e m o t i o n a l n e g l e c t (CEN) (my thesis?)

defining CEN and distinguishing it from traditional grief

an analysis of CEN in the text

how this interacts with what these adaptations/retellings are doing

conclusion about the importance of the text’s depiction of CEN and why it’s worth acknowledging/exploring

It's a relief to pin this down and be able to go into this with some kind of focus. I've already got a start on the first paragraph. I'm trying a method of drafting by just constructing the basic argument and then working in all the evidence and research later. My college papers tended to take forever to write because I drafted them with Finished Perfection in mind for each sentence, which is stressful and easy to get bogged down with. We'll see how it works. The paper needs to be completed by October, probably the end of the month at the very latest, but I'd like to get it finished in enough time to fully polish and not have to stress about a tight deadline.

I can do this. Probably. It's been a few years but I might still have it in me.

#random personal stuff #of course I write mini-essays here all the time! #but those aren't presented as scholarly with proper citations and you guys presumably forgive me if I'm not clever enough #Dr. B. (the one who tried to rope me into that roundtable presentation) is already talking about #trying to get some of my old papers published in a journal #or working on a book #she is so full of enthusiasm and confidence and grandiose ideas that it's both impressive and kind of terrifying #don't know if I really want to do any of these things #I mean even assuming a journal would want my work (which isn't really on that level I think) what would be the point #I used to want to be an academic but lost that after the thesis and everything before that #the last time I was working with a professor who wanted me to do Grand Things...it didn't end well #and of course Dr. B. is nothing like That Man and would not have his motivations #but all the same I don't want to commit to anything on this level for the foreseeable future #I'm just writing a paper so I can present it at a convention because that's about the only thing I can do that makes anyone proud #got to justify my existence somehow

[supercantaloupe]

aw. my boss emailed me tonight to tell me what a great job she thought i did at work this week...

#i wanna talk about me #this week has been kind of brutal #including two nearly full days of just preparing and making letters to 100+ students #And sending email copies... #on top of my usual weekly tasks like the newsletter #i got it all done (with a little printing help midweek from my coworker...tjank you kat for have my back) but man #between work and Work 2 and a brutal amount of assigned readings for class.. i'm struggling #and orchestra of course. concerts next weekend of course. #idk if i looked or seemed particularly at the end of my rope this week or what..maestro also unprompted told me to tap out/call in backup #at any point if work 2 becomes Too Much for me... #idk. i do appreciate the reassurance that i'm doing okay at least. and the...appreciation. ha

[thethingything]

anyway I need 2024 to stop doing whatever the fuck it's doing and just let me exist in peace for once

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I'm getting flashbacks to shit I don't think I've ever had flashbacks to before #like stuff I knew about and could kind of access those memories but they've never specifically shown up as flashbacks while I've been here #really feeling that post that's like ''I'm at the end of my rope but it just keeps getting longer like a clown handkerchief trick'' #I'm getting flashbacks to shit that isn't even related to the stuff that's triggered all this. what the fuck #it's like our brain just went ''hmm I feel bad what trauma can I grab onto'' and grabbed everything

[popcornsalty]

the mutual of my mutual is my blocked blog number 3939933

#poke post #bro i wake up and i see the most fucking insufferable take and i just cant take it anymore man. i just cant take it. its really easy to #shut the fuck up if you dont watch someones pov #anyhow. sorry ill prolly delete this later I'm just at the end of my rope here

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3

#woo now i get to work on the hsr events #and if i wanna i can finish up exploration now that the quest's over #the quest roped so many areas off which was silly - i just wanted the chests in the various dead ends lol #but anyways #that's my main like 'plan' for today #other than that i'll probably like try to write a little or smth #still trying to come up with a tag for raf - maybe i need to read his anecdotes again for ideas #i'm very picky when it comes to the tags i give f/os so this is just usual for me lol #anyways #i hope today/tonight is kind to you <33 #morning rambles

[moinsbienquekaworu]

The absolute indignity of begging uni administration for extensions and redos. The needle to thread between "I am doing so poorly please just give me this I'm at the fucking end of my rope" and "promise it's just right now though I'm going to get soo much better and be so normal for next time it's just this once". The way I'm sent into horrendous spirals about my self-worth and future every time I have a deadline.

#genuinely getting an epidermic reaction to assignments #i hate hate hate begging them to be nice to me #like guys. i know 'it's the bare minimum though'. #i'm in a foreign country living on my own for the first time #i've been struggling with undiagnosed/untreated adhd for like four years now at least #i've been crying over homework and assignments for fours years at least!! #this isn't even the end of my rope #the rope has been over for a while now #it's not the the last dregs of my motivation. i've been trying to make more motivation from those dregs for years #i'm so far past the end it's not funny #and masters applications.... #i want to live so so bad but every time i start thinking. what if i wasn't alive to be living through this though #like if say. i wasn't conscious for a few months. it'd all be over by then #fucking hell #and then if they don't grant me the redos i'm going to fail my year :) #and have to redo it next year at home #argh #the more i think about it the more i get less. viscerally disgusted by the concept #it's just... man i don't want my luck to be coming to an end #i guess in some ways it's admirable i've been pushing my limits this far and i'm doing so well outside of schoolwork #but nobody else except me my family and my friends see it like that #anyway. off to submit special cons again for another assignment. i hate this #wow i have a ramble tag now