#I'm not sharing any personal info about myself on the fucking internet

[magic-recoveries]

what's with this trend where kids block you on sight if you don't have as many details as possible about yourself in you bio???? do these kids know about anonymity on the internet????

#I'm not sharing any personal info about myself on the fucking internet #plus I'm not following any of the RuLeS these ppl are bringing to social media and whatnot #i want to stay as much as anonymous as possible #i believe i shared too much about myself in 10+ years on here sooooo #that's your problem if you think people who don't have their age/pronouns/name/ethnicity/skin colour and god knows what else deserve -> #-> to be blocked bc you feel exposed or in danger or idk kid you're on the web lmao there are so many dangers on the internet #and you're concerned about people with no personal info in their bio???? or idk a link to their carrd profile lol #I'm done #I'm too old to be dealing with all of this

[sicariodechinchulines]

Damijon headcanon: Dami doesn't flirt, he COURTS.

•We tend to forgot WHERE and HOW Damian was raised. He just doesn't get the concept "Highschool sweetheart". when he first mentioned that, they were at a gala.

"-Im not interested on playdates, that's a waste of time.-" and they nodded because that's SOOO him, but then... "-If someone is interested on my being and dare to ask for my hand, I expect them to be ready for marriage. If not, then is just to be mean a ephemeral game that I won't even bother to remember, they shouldn't either."

Unnecessary to say that reporters we're so fucking excited with that response, so much that they didn't notice Dick Grayson hanging from a chandelier.

• and yes, he had a girlfriend before, even shared some kisses with other ladies and acted like a gentleman for them, but the truth is: he didn't take them seriously.

• Dami was ready for living alone and single, that's not the big deal, but Jon appeared again, and things started to get weird... in an amusing and warming way. Jon was now a mature good looking man, strong and good-natured as always. The little naive and childish boy was gone, and now was a man; a man worthy of his attention, in any areas.

• Without saying ANYTHING about his feels, he started to court Jon in the way he learned was appropriate, the problem is: Jon Kent is not a lady.

AND IS NEITHER SINGLE.

• Flowers, luxurious gifts and expensive jewelry. People started to suspect if Jon became some type of sugar baby for Damian, but when is questioned, Jon unsuspecting, answer "I don't know, rich people are weird"

• yes, people, Damian does HOLD the doors open for Jon, while ignoring the people behind, usually ending on them smashing their faces with the door.

• They rarely travel on cars, but when they do, Dami open the door for him; the bats are BEWILDERED by that.

• Needless to say that Jay DOES want to beat the shit out of him. (I don't blame him, if a sort of Arabic prince- heir of one of the biggest fortune in the world- a fucking Robin is trying to conquer MY boyfriend, I would love to beat the shit out of him too.)

Even if he's mad at him, don't see the point on competing with a child, because after all he's not even 15.

• Everyone knows that this boy is weird in SOOO many ways, but waiting 4 years until the object of your courtship is legally able to touch you, is little to much... even for Superman, who lost his virginity in his late twenties.

• Clark never say anything about that matter, first because he doesn't want to feed rumors, and second..

Because if he ADMIT that he would be okay with Damian marrying his son, Batman will KILL HIM.

•Even if he is worried about the future that Damian and Jon hold as best friends or partners, he can't denied that Damian devotion to Jon is cute.

Sorry but Clark is a hopeless romantic who loves his wife DEEPLY

(and he doesn't like Jay at all, he doesn't knows him as much he would like, neither is happy with the amount of info about his son that is on internet now thanks to jay's activism... but this ray of sunshine don't talk about that because, wHAT IF HE IS BEING HOMOPHOBIC OR SOMETHING?? Don't want to stress his boy with that.)

• after the SHOW Damian Wayne gave at that gala talking about his expectations on a partner and the PROPER way of courtship, the rumors about the younger Wayne being a heartbreaker like his father were over. NOW, they love to talk about how amazing and romantic Damian would be as a boyfriend.

When in an interview, a reporter mentioned Tim Drake-Wayne the titular "The teens dream: A prince like Damian Wayne. His thoughts about dating and how court a lady" he dissociated for 1 whole minute.

• the worst-best come now. Still hanging from that titular a journalist did DARE to ask about PRE-MARITAL SEX. (yes, Bruce demanded that journalist, yes, Bruce won.)

"- Isn't obvious? I'm against it, at least for myself. I don't find shame on waiting the proper person to lost your virginity with... even if I fall in love with SOMEONE who isn't virgin anymore, I'll wait anyway."

And yes, that was a hint for Jon. Jon didn't get it, but the press did.

It was funny how teen boys were so spiteful towards him and how teen girls were so delighted. Damian set the bar so high for Gotham boys.

• even with all the gifts and flowers and food, Jon is the ONLY ONE who don't notice. His mother did, his father did, Batman, Redhood, RedRobin and Nightwing DID, even StARFIRE AND THAT'S A LOT. a night after a mission she just said "Correct me if I'm wrong... but the little Robin is courting Superman according his culture standards, isn't?" And the whole Bat Boys just stared.

"That's adorable... a little gentleman!"

• They usually cuddle. It was hard for Jon getting used to it after YEARS gone, but Damian was weirdly okay with it, even pleased Jon can say.

But there was something unsettling. He don't cuddle him as before, instead he do it in a way that makes Jon feel incredibly conscious about himself, but safe anyway.

Damian does it on purpose, holding Jon head close to his chest when they are on the couch, caressing the side of Jon's jaw and lightly touching his temple.

If Jon is being lucky and Damian too tired, he will press his nose against his curls and close his eyes, answering anything with a lazy "mmh"

• Bruce is worried. He's not Clark, he's not tHAT optimistic. He knows his son and how unhinged and dangerous he can be, and see this said devotion as a time bomb. What if Jon is not that good??? Or Damian manage to CONQUER the teen's heart and decide to guide him into a darker path???? Jon probed that he can DIE for him in most of one occasion, Damian is starting to act the same and is unsettling.

Sorry if isn't readable, my mother language is Spanish and i learned English from comics, translator and weirdly poetic AO3 p0rn. If you're that kind, please point out my mistakes or care to give me an advice so I can better my grammar, ty so much!!!!

#damijon headcanon #damian wayne #damijon #jon kent #superman #jonathan kent #damian al ghul #headcanon #dc robin #dc comics #dc headcanon #jondami #jondami headcanon

[spicedwatermel0n]

Look man I know this is probably the last thing you'd wanna hear and I say this with all due respect (which is a lot) but PLEASE be careful with what you are sharing out there. I am NOT saying don't vent at all (as that would be unhealthy and definitely do you no good) but please be careful with some of the things you're putting out there, such as your disabilities, mental health and trauma.

I am not saying this to be a meanie, (can't stress that enough as someone with trauma and ASD themself), while i think its totally great you're providing/shedding some light on certain and lesser known health issues, please be careful with what you're putting out there about yourself.

Think of it like "Do they really need to know what traumatic event happened to me?" "If someone malicious online wanted to hurt me, would this information help them proceed?" "What if someone takes this information to bully/harass me more?" While I personally have nothing against projecting as it helps some folks relate to their favorite characters more and can be a creative way to vent, I still want to stress the importance of being careful with this kind of vulnerable info on the internet. Believe me, I've been on the same page as you before (in terms of sharing and bad experiences), and it absolutely breaks my heart seeing you and others suffer, but it scares me more at the thought of someone with actual malicious intent finding those vulnerable. Not to mention, God forbid, this ends up leaking your irl life and worse.

If some of that makes no sense, I do apologize. But i stress, I am not trying to be mean by any stretch, all I ask is please please PLEASE be careful man. While you CAN find genuinely good and altruistic folks online, sadly won't mean you always will.

Just be careful out there.

//TW for anger through text because I kinda went off in this. I've had a bad day so I apologize

I assure you I am being careful. Most of this info about me is not on my record anyways because I don't want to suffer the consequences society and the government put on people diagnosed. And most that I post about are online occurrences, not a personal encounter.

I don't give a damn who sees this. Malicious people sharing my information (of which I don't share) can be easily banned for it. I refuse to silence myself after being silenced and shamed for my vent art countless times. I don't care if someone wants to shame my trauma, I don't care it they want to make me feel like it isn't valid. I seriously don't. Again, I will NOT silence myself like I did long ago because of people who thought my vent art was creepy/obsessive and weren't afraid to let me know. I'm not putting my personal information out there. You can't find me just because I explained an online experience - and if you do, policies for social media will slam the ban hammer on you for doing it.

I've received this exact type of message 5 times now, and I'm tired of it. I get it - be careful about what you post. But it gets annoying. If me helping people understand that they aren't alone through my art puts me in danger, so fucking be it. I didn't get to have that growing up because people were shamed out of it. I would've done anything to see art of characters I enjoy going through the same things as me, so I knew I wasn't alone. I didn't get it, so now I'll provide it. I won't be shamed out of it. Good day

Edit: I'd also like to add that warnings are put on the content if it's a vent so if no one wants to hear my trauma, they don't have to. It's your fault if you ignore the warnings and look at talk of my trauma when you don't want to know a random artist's trauma.

[ashlynniis-bracketeers]

Alrighty, have a remade Pinned Post

Decided to go ahead and remake my old pinned post. This should have all the info about me you need lmao. Will probably have some copy-pasted info, this is mostly for formatting, adding extra information, and the like. Also should be easier for me to edit.

I don't use "Carrd" or whatever you people are calling it nowadays. I grew up in the era of “don’t give out personal information dear god wtf are you doing”, so this is basically going to be the only info you’ll know about me, most likely for a long time. You are not obliged to give out your legal information (age, living location, etc.) to self-entitled randos on the internet. The internet honestly shouldn't know anything about you lmao.

Also no real specific DNI, if somebody doesn't like my content then there's no need to bitch at me, and if I block somebody, this is my space first and foremost for me to curate. Closest thing is that I don't trust people who make aggressive dumbass discourse/stupid in-fighting discourse 99% of their identity lmao, people like that could be actually learning about nuances and doing actual activism instead... And I'm going to leave that at that.

Seriously, stop in-fighting, you're just making it easier for jackasses to legislate you out of existence because you're divide-and-conquering/eating yourselves instead of having proper solidarity and respect for people's personal choices/experiences/variance/identity. It's getting extremely annoying. I guarantee that 99% of people outside of the community/microcommunities don't even know about all of these arbitrary distinctions/arguments, let alone care. You're just cannibalizing yourselves while alienating potential allies/potential members of your community. This world isn't black-and-white, stop stressing yourself into grey hairs before the age of 16, what the fuck.

Shipping/fanfiction discourse is stupid. Don't come to me about shipping/fanfiction discourse. None of the terms used in the "greater" discourse mean anything, they're vague, ephemeral, and easy to rewrite. Both "sides" are ridiculous and filled with jackasses and fools, both have serious problems with using abuse survivors as "gotchas" against the other, being racist, queerphobic, xenophobic, and literally every other prejudice under the sky, and not having any discipline, tact, or the ability to mind their own damn business. Both sides need to learn some self-awareness, proper tagging (especially if being posted in a public forum), proper blacklisting, and that 90% of the shit they're fighting about doesn't matter in non-fanfic media spaces. I don't consider myself to be on either "side" because my experience with people who get so wrapped up in it has been overwhelmingly negative and with people on both sides accusing me of being on their opposite side. There's a lot more nuance here. Some people just read things in bad faith, whether it be through ignorance, being deliberately malicious, or the story just being really badly written. It's ridiculous.

If you have no unique icon+description+content when following me, I'm probably going to report you as a bot. I know about this place's bot problem (and the forms the bots can take) and don't really like taking chances on that.

I also do not share donation posts. Those are not my wheelhouse and I can never tell if it's a scam or not.

Other than that, if I think you're annoying and/or the like, I block. I've been getting more liberal with my blocking lately.

Name: [REDACTED]. I am not giving out real names, what the fuck? Just call me Brackets, though I still respond to Ashlynnii and sometimes to Frost/Ashes (i.e. my Steam username).

Just try to figure out my pronouns lmao. I don't really give any fucks, this is the internet and again, nobody is entitled to that information. I'm honestly fine with anything that isn't neos/xenos.

Also, Asexual (I think... I've don't really recall ever having sexual attraction to anyone, real-or-fake) and [still-figuring-it-out]romantic. 👍‍

I’m all over the damn place with my fandoms, honestly. That’s for you to figure out. I also feel gender envy for unhinged middle-aged/old men lmao.

I draw and write, though I only post my writings on DeviantArt due to their… strange content. Art tag(s) here are “Brackets Draws” and “Brackets's Art”. For original text posts I use "Brackets Talks", for posting original video game-related stuff I use "Brackets Games", and if I add something to a post in a reblog (and not just ramble in the tags) I use "Brackets Adds". If I tag something “lmao” it means I’m filing it under “funny”.

...Politics has been heating up more and more lately, so if you don't want to see when I reblog stuff like that, then watch out for the "politics" and "discourse" tags.

Misc. interests include memes, being a furry (just have a fursona, not really a fursuit-er or the like. Fursona’s name is Brackets.) and Transformation content. No, not bloody Transformers, Transformation! They’re different! That’s what my “strange content” that I write about on DA is about, and I also make memes of it on Reddit/YouTube. It’s commonly just called “TF”. If you look in my TF folder on DA… be warned! Weird shit! I post it to Reddit (on a specific subreddit), but I don’t post it on Tumblr! I've seen enough people brigading against TF content exclusively on this site way too much for me to risk drawing in those asses. If you post weirdo horny comments on them you're getting cursed out lmao.

Now to list off other places you can find my content:

DeviantArt - Newgrounds - Reddit - Youtube - Art Fight - Toyhou.se - Neocities (Still huge WIP)

#Brackets Talks #Pinned Post #long post

[hot-take-tournament]

sorry if my take sounds deeply incomprehensible i just kept going back on submitting it and knew if i didn’t ramble it all out in one take i was gonna chicken out again LMAO

don't worry about it at all!

i think an incoherent infodump every once in a while is good for the soul!

look, if we're being totally candid -

i have pretty severe adhd comorbid with bipolar disorder, which i do my best to mask - yeah yeah, i know you're not supposed to, but i doubt i'll ever truly shake the shame, especially given the things i've done as a result of failing to mask, both online and irl (the latter being much, much worse) - so i've resolved to do it for the rest of my life

i did talk a little bit about what i was like on my main blog here, which you might need for context:

(speaking of which, please don't actually follow or even go to my main blog just because you like this one - i'm 100% fucking serious. i'm a very different person over there to the point of being almost unrecognisable, even to myself - and i guarantee that side of myself wouldn't recognise me either; we're like two parts of a very fucked up whole. so for that reason i want to keep these two blogs separate; like i said, i'm bipolar, so that's where i let the venom out, and when i feel joyful again, i come back here. i'm more active here anyway, to the point where i basically consider this my main blog now - i mean, my bio isn't even up to date over there)

the point is although i plan to mask for the rest of my life, even i'm partial to an unprompted infodump or oversharing session every once in a while

that's the reason i want this blog to be a safe place for people to vent/infodump/just share their wildest takes anonymously, while still having a little fun by making it a tournament - it's partly to atone in a cringe kinda way, but also because this dumbass site has actually been a huge source of support in some of the darker points in my life

it's almost ironic in a weird way - i spent so much time targeting other people for their mental health problems, but when i had some of my own i came crawling back to those same people. maybe karma does exist lol

no, i didn't ever interact with any of them; but just lurking on their blogs and reading their posts helped normalise what i was going through when i felt so alone after receiving my diagnosis; though it was always in the back of my mind that maybe a year earlier i would've seen those same posts and done my level best to make them feel like shit for it just for the sake of a little dopamine hit

i'm a proud airhead, but i'm not naive - i'm not going to lie to you and say that tumblr is a safe space, partly because nowhere on the internet is safe, partly because i've read some of your takes and they terrify me, but mostly because i'm living proof of how awful this site can be

but i do want to at least create one semi-safe place on the internet after ruining so many other people's

jesus i'm fucking crying that's new lol

anyway sorry for taking your incoherent infodump and exchanging it with one of my own, that's probably more info about me than you ever wanted to know

but i hope this provides a little context for why i decided to start this blog

the point i was actually trying to make, because i'm pretty sure i never actually responded to what you were saying - never feel embarassed to submit anything! trust me, i totally get it; but i promise, even when i make jokes about some unhinged takes, it's all light-hearted, and if it ever comes across otherwise, please let me know! <3 <3 <3

i'm gonna take a quick break, i'll catch up with you all again later

#i'm absolutely serious about what i said about my main blog #that's now a tournament rule #although if you stumble across it in the wild - i've had two posts go viral - i guess it's fine #but strictly no jumping from this blog over to there #tournament updates #asks #tournament info #tumblr

[bthearst]

The Gentleman's Club - a series.

Some time ago I flirted with the idea of creating a long-form play set in 19th century London that revolved around an exclusive society consisting only of queer men. It was to be a dark comedy, something that played with societal expectations and gender norms, but I eventually scrapped it because it did not feel like the proper venue for such a story.

Fast forward to a few days ago, while whining about rewrites and revisions and them being no fun. The idea popped back into my head but in a much different form. Cue two entire days of feverish typing, sketching, info dumping, and outlining. Plots were formed (both literary and personal), game plans rudimentarily established, and eggs were sorted into neat little whicker baskets.

The Gentleman's Club, as it currently stands on paper, will be an anthology series comprised of five (so far!) novellas, each one following a narrator's frankly nightmarish encounter with each of The Bacchant Five -- the top ranking members of the aforementioned Gentleman's Club. The catch? Not only is each member The World's Worst Human Being tm, but they're also the love interest. Meaning that this series is a series for villainfuckers. It's gothic, it's horrific, it's romantic, it's queer.

Do not be fooled by the title. The Gentleman's Club is named as such because it was initially meant to be strictly for men, but in the brave new world of 1898, women and individuals who do not quite fit within that binary are also esteemed members.

Of the five planned novellas, three features men, one a woman, and another a nonbinary love interest. Each also has their unique take on sexuality as well, because asexual friends deserve some villain shenanigans too.

It is my intention to selfpub this series for a variety of reasons that I will explain beneath the cut, but I want to point out that chapters will be available over on my Patre0n! As well as a detailed account of the whole process for anyone interested.

I've been exceptionally focused on my high-stakes projects for quite some time out of some fear that I need to censor myself or else no agent will take me seriously. It's genuinely sucked a lot of the fun out of writing, and this series really taps into my writing roots in such a way that I am genuinely excited to take it on. I've been writing erotic literature for almost 17 years and I was always of the mindset that to make it in any way in the traditional industry I'd have to change my tune.

This is me saying screw it, we ball. Given the questionable state of "spicy lit" going around on the internet, especially the queer kind, I decided to square up and write what feels needed. Is it fucked up shit? Genuinely dark romances? Messy people navigating messy situations? Absolutely! And I am not in the mood to have the industry try and water any of it down, so we're going selfpub, baby.

I'm unsure as to what venue will be the best because, honestly, selfpub requires a lot of legwork. Amaz*n does a lot of the work but takes an obscene amount of royalties and a 90 day exclusivity period, and well, they're evil, obviously. I would love to be able to afford actual physical copies with properly paid-for covers by actual artists, so stats are pretty complicated given where I'm currently at.

I do intend to share each chapter on Patre0n, making the first book entirely free to read! People who sub at the lowest tier will get chapters a month in advance, but with some patience you'll able to indulge on all 9 chapters without spending cent.

Every day I walk the line of wanting all of my work to be accessible to everyone at the press of a button and being reminded that I, unfortunately, need to pay for the power that keeps the computer on.

I'll make a more detailed post on Patre0n because I don't want tumblr to just straight up nuke this, although I'm sure it's already on the shitlist for even referencing adult stuff.

#updates from yours truly. #the gentleman's club series #writeblr #writing community #indie author #lgbt #queer writers #queer reads #gothic horror #horror #idk what all to tag this as

[spurgie-cousin]

watching my friend (who previously stated she respected people's pronouns and identity, and was a generally supportive and kind person) become slowly radicalized through instagram reels and becoming transphobic. fuck the algorithm. im not sure what to do. i send her info (im not rlly good at debating and making points) and try my best to dissect the video but she doesn't reply. i have a hard time making friends so its hard to distance myself. i also am bad at making points and arguing and finding sources.

i've also had people in my life radicalized online to various degrees, and yea, unfortunately, i don't think there is one set way to address that.

the problem is that the videos your friend is watching are confirming some sort of fear or anxiety they have about trans people, whether that fear is subconscious or not, and that is what is motivating them to interact with that kind of content as opposed to them actually wanting to learn about trans people/issues.

so when people are motivated only by having their biases confirmed, it doesn't matter how many facts you try to share with them. if they were concerned with that, they could very easily test their biases against mountains of documented, scientific information that is available to all of us at any given time of day (esp if your friend is a younger person and knows how to do basic internet research). at the end of the day we're all responsible for our own education, and i feel like if people purposefully avoid doing research on obviously controversial topics, it's for a reason; they want to keep believing the thing they believe (unless it's due to mental illness or something the person can't control, which is a whole 'nother rant).

they way i've dealt with it just depends on the person in question. for friends and acquaintances, it's usually too exhausting for me to have those kinds of people in my life who want to argue all the time and be cruel to minorities, so they just get cut out or put at an extreme distance (and if they ask why, i'm honest with them). if that's not an option for you my only advice is to make your beliefs very clear, and set boundaries as needed, like no political talk if this person is going to dehumanize trans people. or set a boundary for yourself, like if this person crosses this line, then i need to be done with them.

for family that this applies to, i just shut down all political conversations because they're pointless for the reasons i described above. i keep the lines of communication open as long as my own boundaries aren't crossed and am very vocal when they are. it's harder for me to cut them off for a lot of reasons, but mainly because i know i'm the only left-leaning person some of them even interact with and i guess i have this idea that if i can be a person they love who they know holds different beliefs, then maybe they'll connect the dots and realize that people who disagree with them can be worth knowing. and that they aren't the caricatures they've been fed by the conservative media.

anyway, this got way longer than intended sorry, it's a hard subject for sure. the tldr i guess would be: make your beliefs known, try to identify the emotional factor that's motivating their shitty behavior, and protect your own peace at all costs.

#politics #advice

[leseigneurdufeu]

finding it funny and ironic that you said you block people for any reason of any kind in your info page but when you get blocked for something an user doesn’t like to interact w/ / feels uncomfortable w/, you get annoyed and mad at it

ok so as I said earlier and as anyone who saw the ask i sent should know, I didn't get annoyed and mad them for blocking me. I wanted to know if I was blocked because 1) could have been a bug on my part 2) since I block people for no reason it might have been the same here, I myself unblocked someone yesterday because they appeared as "based on your likes" repeatedly and didn't want to see them (blocked) but also didn't have anything against them (unblocked, but i generally forget).

I didn't ask them to unblock me or anything, just wanted to be sure it was on purpose.

I made them uncomfortable? Well I'm sorry about that. It's totally fair that they would block me. What I'm annoyed at or "mad" about as you say, is going to great length (investigating a side blog of mine looking for screenshots) to prove i'm an awful person or whatever, calling me names and telling me to go fuck myself completely unprovoked. Lemme remind you that I was polite in my ask and didn't strike back (not only because I was blocked, I truly don't believe in being aggressive on the internet).

Now what makes me uncomfortable is the number of people I don't know and who don't know me who've been sending me anon messages to either blame me or call me names ever since it happened. I've been blocking those in the askbox but I felt like this one was at least neither aggressive nor full of swears and might come from a genuine place of finding funny the situation and wanting to share.

Again, I might have made them uncomfortable by the past, which I didn't realize at the time, and if so I'm sorry. But I didn't strike first with my ask and I didn't strike back after. So if the people who saw the ask and are now coming into my askbox to insult me (and you anon who are not among them because you were civil) could stop wasting both their time and mine on whatever they think they're doing for social justice or something, I'd appreciate.

#anon ask

[littlewalken]

May 15

I am serious about the older, especially Victorian and early 20th century eras, spoopy texts being Harry Potter levels of fucked up. Even the colored fairy books by Andrew Lang are awful in ways where you could have just put 'goblin' or 'djinn' or 'demon' or the name of some other fictional folklore being that embodies general evil and trickery but you had to go there, didn't you?

It is important to have these texts available for study as they are so that people can understand the times they were created in and how those times were wrong, it's also important to not let children and impressionable minds see them without understanding why they were wrong.

If I saw a kid reading and enjoying Harry Potter I'm going to let them read and enjoy the books. We all read problematic stuff when we were younger and didn't know any better and did most of us turn in to monsters? Let little kids read and enjoy it and find out literature is fun.

When they're older and can understand, or if they express an interest in why house elves do all the work, have an age appropriate discussion about it.

Purity culture creates people like that umpteen kids and counting pervert. Going off on a kid reading something you don't like creates secrecy and sends them down rabbit holes they don't need to go down until they're in college.

The biggest takeaway I got from my parental unit not liking the age appropriate stuff others in my class were in to, I wasn't allowed to have friends but that's a different story, was I learned at a very early age how to hide my interests. Guess who knows less about me than strangers on the internet?

And it's not even like hiding the adult situation interests. It's just TV shows I like, music I listen to, the type of books I buy. Such a fuss was made about hating Star Trek because my father used to watch it that all I did was internalize how I was as bad of a person as he was because I watched Star Trek. Didn't stop me from watching Star Trek. It just stopped me from sharing an important part of myself at that time.

And kept me from sharing anything else I felt was important.

I might not know who Splinkydoo is but I'm not going to stop someone, especially a kid or developmentally hindered adult, from info dumping.

I'm not gonna gate keep either.

Asking if you're at the Eyes in My Mouth and we have brownies but Roger made them level yet is so I don't spoil things for you. I'm going to sit over here and just make internal tippy taps for now. Have some cookies before Robert eats them all, mkay.

[belehakalife]

Okay, finally back to finish my MinnCon recap!

I realized I never actually wrote about my photo ops on Saturday, despite putting the pictures up.

Honestly, it went by so fast that it's a bit of a blur, but it was awesome! I got to hug Rachel! And Ruth! And I got a great picture with Kim & Briana! Four amazing ladies that I didn't really know a whole lot about before this weekend, but they have now gained another fan for life. Seriously. Awesome.

So, got half of my photo ops on Saturday, other half on Sunday.

First thing Sunday morning, photo op with Rich! Because I just had to buy one after my Karaoke Selfie with him and Briana didn't work out.

Me: "Can I have a hug?"

Rich: "You may!"

I know everyone always talks about how amazing Jared's hugs are (and they speak truth!!), but seriously guys, look at that picture! Does that not look like an awesome hug? Because it really, really was. 😊

So then I went to wait in line for the auditorium to open. Sat down and started talking with the girl in line behind me - I wish I could remember her name, we ended up sitting next to each other and hanging out most of the day, but I only asked her name once, and now I can't remember! I think it started with an M, and I remember thinking it was a really pretty name.

Anyway, if you happen to see this, Sunday con friend from Shakopee who goes to the U and has a pretty name that I think starts with M, I would love to stay in touch! I meant to exchange contact info before we left and then I forgot. 😞

Loved the beginning of Ruth's panel! Hoping to see the rest of it online, because then I had to go get in line for my photo op with Jared.

And oh my gosh, I was shaking! Which surprised me a bit, because it seems like a lot of times when I think I'm going to be nervous about something, I end up being strangely calm. Yeah, not this time. Shaking.

I was glad I had my little note to give to Jared, because I know I would not have been able to get the words out. I was having a hard time even explaining the note to the volunteer/staff person when I got to the front of the line. She saw the notecard and asked if I had written down my pose and I said no, it's a note. So she wanted me to give it to the handler and they'd make sure Jared got it, and I couldn't get the words out to explain, "No, I'm autistic and this is my way of communicating right now because I know I'm not going to be able to get the words I want to come out of my mouth."

But! The line was moving quickly and I ended up being able to hand the note to Jared. (Although now I'm totally doubting myself and afraid that I did the wrong thing and what if the note was too personal or too heavy and what if I broke the rules about no personal stories without meaning to and they think I'm one of those fans who just thinks the rules don't apply to me and......)

And once again, it's all kind of a blur, but he read the note and told me he was proud of me, and he hugged me (and he really, really does give amazing hugs!!):

And then I do clearly remember his hand on the back of my head, ruffling my hair a bit, and he told me that he was proud of me again. 😊😊😊

And I was still kind of shaking as I walked away, but I was also so happy because I got to hug Jared and thank him for AKF and let him know just a little bit of how SPN and AKF have helped me, and he told me he was proud of me!!!

And that was secretly the one thing I really wanted to hear from him. I really wanted to hear that he was proud of me, and I actually got to hear that and it meant so much.

Back up to the auditorium then, and thanks to my new friend for saving my seat! 💜

Mark Pellegrino's panel was next. I'm not really a huge fan, to be honest he kind of creeps me out. For those of you who like him, that's cool, you do you, you won't be getting any hate from me, but I don't really have anything to say here.

Finally, it was time for Jared & Jensen's panel It was awesome and hilarious and I laughed so much. Especially at Jared's bad jokes. Bad jokes are my favorite kind of jokes, and he told a bunch of them!

(Sidenote, one thing I love about my family is that we have pretty much all read Garrison Keillor's "Pretty Good Joke Book" enough times that if one of us starts telling a joke, someone else will finish it and we'll just start rapid-fire telling all these awesome bad jokes and it's the most hilarious thing. One of my personal favorites? "What's brown and sticky?" (A stick) OR. Another one: "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?" (A carrot.) 😂 Okay, I'm going to stop now because I keep thinking of more and they're just not as funny when you read them.)

Anyway. I'm so bad at remembering everything that was said, but it was a really good time, and I know it's up on YouTube for anyone who wasn't there (or anyone who *was* there and just wants to relive it like me 😜)

Then I went to go grab some food, because I was *really* hungry.

And then it was time for my J2M photo op! And so I was shaking again. Not quite as bad this time, but still. Was having a hard time talking, but I managed to say something like, "I just really want a hug!" And so I got a hug from the guys and I look kind of ridiculous because I had no idea what to do with my hands so I'm just like... standing there...but it was still awesome. 😁

Then I hung out for a while, waiting for my photo to be ready to pick up. Browsed the vendor booths and bought a bunch more stuff.

Eventually picked up my last picture and then it was time to go. And I really didn't want to. There were a couple other people standing by the door feeling the same way - "Once we go out these doors, it's over..." so that helped a bit. Knowing I wasn't the only one having a hard time leaving.

But eventually we all walked out the door and I went back to my car and headed home. I had said that I *might* stop by my parents' house on the way, but then I had a little talk with myself (out loud) while I was driving that went something like this:

"Now, I know you told them you might stop over, but you said *might*! You do not have to. And you are not going to, because it's a BAD IDEA. You are going to go home and you are going to relax, and you are going to skip going to mom and dad's house because it's a BAD IDEA. I know you feel like it's a good idea right now, because you're really excited and you feel like you have to share that with someone, but they are not going to share your excitement. You know what's going to happen if you go over there? They will probably ask about how much money you spent, and even if you don't tell them, they will lecture you about how much money you spent, and they will *not* get it, and you will end up feeling like shit! So you know what? Let's NOT DO THAT! We are going to go home and we are going to be happy and we are going to go on the internet where people will actually get it and share in the excitement. So there." (I think there were also some "Fuck that!"s thrown in there too, because Kim and Briana's language kinda rubbed off on me a little bit, which is totally not a bad thing! 😜)

So I did the smart self-caring thing and went home, and it was a good decision.

Also, I made a Twitter at some point in the past few days, because going to MinnCon kind of brought me out of my shell just a little bit and I really want to keep moving in that direction and actually interacting with people instead of hiding and lurking. So, twitter.com/belehakalife if anyone wants to look me up! 💜

#minncon 2018 #minncon #spnminn