#I'm scared I'll ruin it

[floydsteeth]

I fucking miss drawing this silly nerd >:3

#I'm too lazy to colour it #I'm scared I'll ruin it #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #obey me fanart #I really miss playing om #But it's still so hard to get back into playing :P #I had to delete to game off my old phone cause storage and I just #Never got back into playing #Even though I got a new phone 5 months later #And like nightbringer came out right around then #And ooof #Getting back into om #AND getting into nb? #Plus the like 4 other otome games I play? #Naaahhh #It's already ruining my life hahaha #I'll stick to drawing the boys sometimes #And missing the game but rarely touching it #Arsons art :p #The proportion of his hand is a bit wonky #Bur ignore that! #It's fine

[fenkko]

cant believe i reached 30 tags in prev post rambling about homestuck i didnt even know there was a limit

#i usually save word diarrhea for twitter but hope someone enjoys the huge dump i took here for once #anyways tldr homestuck orv and taz are all special stories to me in kind of similar ways #that i would elaborate on if i thought i could piece together my words that would entice people rather than scare them off lmao #so i'll just say IT's COOL.. I SWEAR #and also genshin which is an outlier i suppose bc its the only capital P Popular thing #but i'd also put genshin w those first three stories in terms of how interesting i find their storytelling methods and narrative themes #i love the pockets of genshin fandom that are ppl obsessing over fragments of lore and making big conspiracy boards #i dont really interact w main genshin fandom but i like peeking at the other pockets haha. like the people investigating khaenri'ah lore.. #very cool.. and people invested in sumeru gang. the sumeru characters are so interesting #whole city of eccentrics you can bash together and examine #i'm scara and childe fan forever idk what they did to my brain but i think they were a psyop #made specifically in ways they knew would target me and the things i like damn ‼️ #someone at genshin HQ put crack in these guys and i cant stop drawing them and coming up w ideas to draw my beautiful muses that ruined me

[skeletoninthemelonland]

cw // possible eyestrain

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Sound Sensitivity

#here is some unrelated artwork i'll be posting occasionally for now on #this might seem confusing to you (and I'm not talking specifically about the drawing) #i don't usually bring up anything about my personal problems but this one really is a thing #all i have to tell you. person reading the tags. is that sound sensitivity really fucking sucks. #and if someone reading this has sound sensitivity well i do hope the people around you are understanding of your condition #and that you find efficient ways to diminish the impact it has on you #whether if it's by using noise cancelling headphones. by leaving the loud environment or by learning to focus on something else #/// #this christmas i'm receiving a noise cancelling headphone from my bsf #im very happy and so thankfull for them #this gift is appreciated by my younger self #who. during birthday parties. couldnt stand anywhere close to ballons #who cried at the sounds of fireworks #who cried in class numerous times because it was too much #who was accused of faking it and blamed for ruining everyone's fun time #i remember being very confused and scared #my art #eye strain #artists on tumblr

[rusquared]

i suppose one important piece of lore to understand how pathetic i get when i have a crush is that the first page of one of my notebooks has a sketch of two hands, in the same position as when i briefly held my (then) crush's hand while he was taking a nap. we're friends now btw but what the fuck ru.

#i'm scared of my first relationship i think it could ruin me for life #i'll just be alone

[thepetesimp]

Dead Friend Forever - Trailer 2

Release Date: 23rd December 2023 Platform: iQIYI

#dead friend forever #be on cloud #I skipped some moments from the trailer to not make this too long #Also because it was too creepy #I'm so easily scared and I'm 100% sure the forest portion of the show will ruin my sleep for weeks #but I'll watch the show regardless #It's BOC's fault #They shouldn't make good shows if they don't want me to watch them

[joellesolo]

I am fucking STRESSED.

It's hard being a chronically ill mom. It's hard during the 'normal times' to keep up with everything.

I've lost five pounds in the last two weeks puking my guts up because of the amount of pain I've been in.

But tomorrow? Tomorrow we leave for Anaheim. We're going to fucking DISNEYLAND. And that should be so fucking exhilarating, I should be so fucking EXCITED, but instead I'm just stressed out because I'm so worried I'll just be a strain on my family and won't be able to keep up and I'll just bring everyone down with my pain and fatigue.

First world problems, right? We've been planning this for over a year. I thought I'd be 'better' by now. Like, yes I know I'd be sickish, but, I thought the humira would have kicked in and I wouldn't be as sick as I am.

Fuck. I just wanted to have fun. I wanted to make this as special and magical as possible for the girls and now I'm worried that all they'll remember is how different their mommy is from normal mommies, and all that dumb shit, and I just want to cry.

Please send me good vibes if you've got them.

#joelle's life #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #crohn's disease #endometriosis #disneyland #motherhood #chronically ill mom #it doesn't help i have to do ALL THE PACKING BY MYSELF #with lillian badgering me all day #ugh #send help #i'm so scared #i just wanted to have a good time #and i'm worried i'll ruin it for everyone #😭 #disneyland 2024

[heckoffmate]

Do you think that's Danielle's natural hair colour? He is related to Nurse Bendy, who dyes her hair blonde.

#one day i'll line a fucking sketch #honestly i'm scared i'll ruin it cuz danielle looks hot as hell in sketch form #my art #fan art #moral orel #danielle stopframe #daniel stopframe #coach stopframe

[ervona]

it worries me how bad I am at art considering what I'm studying. but I'm genuinely not very good at anything else either so you know... 👍 that's a worry for another day. I might improve though I haven't improved in years it's possible

#if anyone has any kind of advice just shoot. i know i'm not the only person struggling but i'm very bad at whatever i do #i'm too depressed to draw most days and when it looks like shit i just don't want to bother. but i'll never improve that way. yeah... #i am just really scared for my future once i graduate i know i won't be able to do anything i am 'qualified' for because i'm not good #i'm so scared and i have made so many bad decisions in life leading me up to this point. i feel like i've completely ruined my life

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice #and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me #and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also #and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then #and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬 #but now i really wish i'd taken that interview #i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday #so i wont literally have to take time off for it #and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early #either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something #but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol #but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no #compared to a few months later #they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good #idkkk #my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break #the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate #but i literally dont care its such a better working environment #and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months #and the work will be so much easier #and the commute #and i Definitely know i can work with my friend #vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly #anyway!! #im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now #but i really hope they give me another chance #also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol #this has been a shitpost

[the-casbah-way]

i wish i could explain how hard it is to interact and function in the real world when you feel so deeply out of place and so ashamed and disgusted by your own existence and physical form i can't make eye contact with anyone i feel like someone is watching me constantly when i'm anywhere that isn't in my own bedroom i have to avoid speaking as much as possible i can't sit still because i'm always trying to fix everything that looks off about me even though i know i can't change any of it i don't feel like a person at all when i'm around other people. i feel like they don't see me as human i feel like they can just sense that i'm different and weird and it goes so much deeper than just being ugly i feel like i can't do anything or exist in front of anyone because i'm so embarrassed and disgusted by the idea of being perceived and every single thing about me is off and wrong and ugly and i've been trying to fix it all for as long as i can remember but i don't know where to start

#work is so fucking hard right now. i literally sit in a tiny office all day with two other people #but i still feel paralysed by the idea of being around others #i will genuinely avoid moving when they're in the room i'm so scared to do literally anything #in case it catches someone's eye even for half a second #i don't even know what this is or why i feel like this i don't usually feel this weird and bad about myself #i always have this underlying self hatred and i'll always be hyper aware of how ugly i am but this is different #it's like genuinely ruining my life i can't do fucking anything. i'm so scared of being looked at.

[thebleedingeffect]

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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[roran01]

Werewolf AU I think

Maybe I am just looking for excuses to draw him half a furry, can't help it.

(It's either that or to flex on how good I can draw fangs and ears) my phone camera sucks btw

#hetalia #aph #hws romania #wip #I was thinking to try whatever color on this piece #but it looks so good I'm scared I'll ruin it #even just by inking #so I'll wait until I can color it on pc maybe #strong emphasis on maybe #aph romania

[eorzeashan]

Was struck by a thought drifting in and out of sleep last night as to what kind of fear Jadus represents, if he focuses solely on that emotion, and I realized... he might represent the fears of the Sith.

It's easy to say he represents the worst of what a Sith could be. Yet he acts nothing like the rest of his peers. He hates them so much as to not have a single force-user in his power base. He disavows hate itself in Sith terms, saying it does nothing for him; when approached with the subject of Zhorrid dying like a true Sith, he says he does not care for it. He spends the entirety of chapter 1 spreading his agenda: th democratization of fear. But what does this mean, beyond simple insane chaos that most write off as the ravings of a madman?

Easy. The Sith constantly say how hate, anger, pain will free you and break your chains. It will give you power beyond your wildest dreams. Many such Sith rise to power from nothing through this code. Why hoard it for only force-users who then perpetuate this petty cycle of their society? It stands to reason that Jadus believes even the lowest of citizens in the Empire could do the same if he spread his power to them and gave them the chance to break their chains, so to speak, which is why he is so intent on only democratizing fear to those he feels would benefit from it most. The slaves. The aliens. The insignificant and nameless. These are his power base and these are the masses he wants to give power to. He sees his brand of hatred and fear as a gift; a chance to transcend your boundaries rather than mere suffering-- a fact few understand when they are broken by it, such as Zhorrid and those aboard the Dominator. In the end, few could bear his vision of the world.

His vision represents the worst fears of the Sith: of commoners that outnumber them gaining power from their own Code and overthrowing them. Not to mention Jadus' own pro-alien support, which he is right about being uncompromised in their ideals if the agent is an alien although a bit spacist in assumption: it's that difference in power and experiences that guarantee said agent not to be blind to the corruption and biased in the Empire. To know exactly what it means to be at the lowest on the rung.

Jadus wants to break Sith society in every way. He represents the deepest of fears of a people who no longer can feel such a thing, comfortable atop their thrones built on the backs of others. Others like Marr reinforce the status quo. Then some like Malgus too want to change its ways, but none so drastic as to give power to non-human, non-Sith slaves, much less treat those beneath you as a potential equal. Jadus is generous to the Agent, if you are not cowed by his pretense of fear. Other Sith would choke you where you stand, but he constantly gives the Agent opportunity to discuss. He allows a verbal victory. He does not even hold the thought of retaliation. It's clear he respects the Agent even as his enemy, though most do not read it as such if you disrespect him when he orders you to kneel (a very, very basic courtesy any Imperial save for green recruits would extend).

This does not wipe clean his sins and he is very much a being of terror and pain, but it's an interesting examination of one that many treat like any other terrible Sith when he is... nothing like them even in his ideals. As his Hand, he does not press you into constant tasks with the threat of failure like Marr; he asks you to do one thing that is quite easy if you have the time to and doesn't bother you about it afterwards. Then, there's the matter of him generously funding Intelligence even after its dissolution, which was a surprise given he could've left the Hand to fend for themselves.

Overall, Keeper is not thrilled by it as the game more or less implies you're a loyalist lapdog if you do choose Jadus, which is a bit strange given your master's plans which are very much not that.

Anyhow, it's all food for thought. Jadus is an interesting, one-of-a-kind Sith that I'm glad wasn't shoehorned into death or reuse. His element of open mystery serves him better than most.

#swtor #darth jadus #i'll get into the part about him leaving for seclusion no matter what you choose another time #bc that's real chunky #everyone on forums always calls for them to write him back into the game but i'm so scared they'll ruin him if the same writer isn't back #KEEP HIM ALIVE

[pisceskink]

I hate that I can't have sex without shame. Every time I have sex I feel so disgusted in myself and so ashamed.

#I feel like i hate myself #I feel like i need to ghost and disappear now to protect myself #I'm scared I'll ruin this #my ex really destroyed me and ability to trust

[tvrningout-a]

"found you." it was a low whisper that pierced through the dead of night. stood amidst the living room, within shadows that not even the moon could illuminate, was he. the man whose name gaia never wanted to utter in front of chiyo. but he was faster in making himself known . . . invading private spaces with ease, staring at the other with eyes born of hellfire. "you reek of her. have you two gotten that close?" his voice was mocking, a sick chuckle falling from his lips before he phases in & out of smoke to invade personal space. "now, don't scream. we don't want this to get messy, do we?" & he grins before tilting his head to the side. "keep away from her, you understand? if you don't . . . i might just have to get really mean. and we wouldn't want that, right? you have such a peaceful life . . . don't want it ruined, hm?" ( from caspian, for chiyo )

unprompted | @vonerde attempts to coerce chiyo!

the late hour and lack of sleep make the experience all the more jarring. her mind races to make sense of the stranger standing amidst unnatural shadows and how he's able to get so close so quickly. of course she's scared -- who wouldn't be frightened when a stranger invades their home? but a colder sliver of fear wedges itself within chiyo's chest as it sinks in that this is clearly one of the people after gaia ( surprisingly, it's all for the goddess, that fear -- what will happen to her? what does he want with her? chiyo doesn't want to see her hurt or worse ).

for some reason, a person is much scarier than some monster.

yet chiyo glares up at the man as he threatens her. as stupid as it is to reply with obstinate defiance, she does it anyway, pushing down her fear. she thinks of that day she discovered the truth, the way her heart stuttered as she watched gaia fight, the words she spoke to goddess in her cottage. chiyo thinks of how she feels when she's with gaia, of the desire to protect her that flares bright like the sun as this man grins down at the mangaka. he must think she'll shrink before him, abandon the goddess if it means living another day. humans are fickle like that, no?

if she weren't sure it'd land her in more trouble than her mouth, she'd punch him ( see if he's still smiling then; like hell she's being pushed around by someone, magical entity or not ).

" does that little speech usually work? " chiyo asks. thankfully her voice doesn't waver, sounds unimpressed as she crosses her arms. " you started out strong, but you lost me at the end. my life hasn't been peaceful for a while, and however mean you can get, i'm sure gaia can match it. " she mockingly tilts her head just as caspian had earlier, returning his grin with a sharp smile. " is that why you wanted to scare me into cutting ties with her? so you can hurt her without angering her? "

the implication of cowardice hangs heavily in the air. chiyo holds her breath but doesn't back down. if she dies tonight ( her stomach drops but this possibility is nothing new -- it just has a face now ), she hopes to make the experience as unpleasant for this man as possible. chiyo might not have powers, but she has teeth; she cannot fight like a god, but she can bite like a dog.

#vonerde #ASDFGHJHGFDS I'M LOSING IT VEEEEEE #caspian said: wouldn't it be terrible if i ruined your life : ) #and chiyo said: lmao pls try if you wanna evoke a goddess' wrath <3 be my guest and get wreckt <3 i'll die before i leave gaia <3 #honestly i'm clapping my hands so loudly -- wincing at what caspian's reaction might be -- but AHHHHHHH you know??? #the anger and utter defiance he managed to bring out of chiyo is absolutely delicious and so entertaining like buddy pal #you're going at this the wrong way!! chiyo's too loyal to be scared away!! you gotta threaten her loved ones or something my guy!! #self preservation?? chiyo's never heard of that sorry ASDFGH #truly your ask grabbed me by the throat so thank you so much vee!! <3 #interactions | chiyoko #a chain reaction in your heart | adulthood | chiyoko

[cicadaknight]

cw gender dysphoria? // i do be having the gender thoughts like "if my body didn't look like this i could transition but i can't because i won't ever look the way i feel"

#haha #heehee #hoohoo #much to unpack on this casual monday night #i think i'll just kick this rock down the road a few more years #my gender euphoria is mischievous elven men and masculine modern dancers dancing to britney spears and soft cowboys with pearl earrings #and yet i am in a feminine flesh prison in america #i've been universally 'apathetic' about my gender in whatever identity i've settled on #and now i'm finally in a space where i can explore with a bit of joy and i just feel scared and sad and unprepared #and my dumbass ocd brain is like 'what if you're wrong and if you look any closer you'll ruin your entire life? #-better spend the next 50 hours cataloging every thought you've ever had and torment yourself with scenarios' #but on this casual monday evening i'm not gonna do that #i'm gonna think about the joy of being feminine in the way that men are feminine!!!! i want that! and my brain can't take that away from me #cw dysphoria #personal #h #vent #editing to say #hmmmmmmm i just told my partner some of this and i shit u not they said #‘sorry i’m getting a call right now’ and mimed picking up a phone and then made a fart noise and walked away #:)))) unbelievable #i don’t know that i’ve ever been more disrespected in my entire fucking life