#I'm super sick right now and having a family crisis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lowcalheavyweight · 10 months

Text

Tw: vent, personal meanspo? (Seriously these thoughts don't apply to anyone else, I don't think any other people have measurable worth, i love you)

They won't care

They will never care and they have never cared, even when they thought you were sick.

You tried kindness and sincerity

They didn't like you

You tried being smart and helpful

They didn't want to talk to you

You tried making yourself interesting with hobbies and style

They didn't want to be your friends

You tried dressing pretty&sexy

They didn't care about you

Now you are trying being petite and fragile

They won't attempt to reach out to you

"You are too intimidating," "You're self-sufficient," "Independent,"

Wha-I'M LONELY.

TO THE POINT I'M STRUGGLING TO FUNCTION

I will beg for scraps of your friendship that you deny me for these excuses

My attemps to bond and reach out have left me with anxiety so crippling I can't talk to people without being convinced they hate me

I'm obsessing about my worth as a human being, desperately holding onto my "worthy" parts and crisis panicing when I accidentally got a burnscar cause that means my stock value just went down, right?

I use my body as a barganing chip and I'm too scared to do what i want with it cause my "possible worth" will be higher if I'm still able to become anything they want me to be, for the person who finally picks me up

My brain tells me I will be worthier if I lose more weight

My brain tells me they will just contine to look past you

I'm already on 24/7 sale, they will never pick you up

Never choose you

I've been reflecting on the past recently (can you tell?!??haha) and remembered middle school.

I was already eating quite disordered(without realising - in a soft binge cycle and missing hunger and fullness ques) and we had a schoolwork to "mark on this website your eating habits-food etc for a period of time and submit to the teacher"

If I remember correctly i think it didn't let me log a empty breakfast so I asked, in front of the while class "what if you eat irregularly?" and was then openly pressed until I revealed I mostly only ate once a day and sometimes missed days (once again, I didn't even really try to hide it, I ate a lot when I did and didn't think about food much, I just wanted to do my schoolwork properly)

My teacher then told me to eat something for meals to log them and I just got frustrated cause before, they had extra told us not to change our habits for this assigment

I forgot about it soon and only long after realised my whole class thought I had a full blown ed at that time

And all they did was - ONE person told me once, randomly to eat breakfast every morning, at least a sandwich (at least?? dude that's a whole MEAL) and report to them every day what I ate.

Honestly, at that point I was just confused but happy someone seemed interested in having a daily conversation.

They never once talked to me again.

And honestly, I was actually super sick at that time, not with an ed but severe depression and disassociation due to family trauma. Staying up 72h straight REGULARLY, fevers and sick all the time, severe memory loss

I was visibly sick,

with what they thought was an ed

And noone cared

They will never care, you will never reach anyone or anything else exept your ugw

Your worth will still drop cause your health, skin, mental capacity and wellbeing will drop it lower than your weightloss could ever regain

You will die alone, anxious and fuking pathetic cause it is all your fault anyways and noone feels bad for you "being so lonely boohoo"

You are the real evil anyways, otherwise you'd be worthy of love at this point.

Die like you deserve

Xoxo ♡

#tw 3d vent #ed vent #tw ed rant #tw disordered eating #tw eating issues #tw restrictive ed #tw ana shit #i want to be tiny #i wanna be weightless #i want to be weightless #disordered eating in tags #disordered eating thoughts #ed disorder #mean$p0

23 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 2 years

Note

I've seen you post a lot about Queen Elizabeth and the English monarchy, but let's also discuss other European monarchies and why all of them SUCK BALLS.

They broke the guidelines surrounding COVID several times. The most significant of which was when the Dutch king and his family went on holiday in a private jet during COVID (October 2020). This was all very hush hush, of course, cause the king had previously said that we shouldn't go on holiday if it wasn't necessary. Guess visiting his luxury villa in Greece was absolutely necessary... Then the news broke and he and his wife returned but two of their daughters stayed behind.

Anyway, currently the Netherlands are dealing with a massive energy crisis, where the cost of energy is going up by 50% and the cost of gas by 30% per October 1st. Government isn't taking action (right-wing). Foods are also noticeably more expensive, people have stopped buying as much fresh produce cause they can't afford it (I know I can't).

Meanwhile, the royals get 50 million dollars/yr. Because of the inflation, they received an increase of 2,8%. The king said that he feels bad for all the Dutch families who won't be able to pay their energy bills. He's also made it very clear he and his family will take the 2,8% for themselves.

ANYWAY. The main reason I'm writing this is because the trust in the Dutch royals has PLUMMETED. In 2020 about 75% of the people backed them, now it's under half. In a sick twisted way I hope they keep fucking up and we'll be out of support for the monarchy in a year or 3 >:)

I mean, yeah. ALL monarchies suck and have no functional or moral place in the modern world. Because of Anglophone/British cultural dominance, and because the British royal family has long been celebrity-fied in the Anglo-American press, they're the ones that most people are familiar with, but the rest of them aren't any better. They're still built on massive, colonial and-imperial derived wealth, and because they aren't subject to the same scrutiny as the British royal family, there's less attention being paid to what they do. I have absolutely seen people from other European countries being like "oh nobody even knows who our king and queen are, unlike those tacky British royals, our monarchy is so much better :)" and like. My dude. My pal. That absolutely is not the slam dunk you think it is. I know, I know, it is super fun to rag on the UK and we all do it all the time, but having a "quiet" or "low profile!" monarchy that you haven't even arsed yourself to learn about, despite the history that they come with and the politics they uphold, is, uh, Bad.

Anyway, yeah, this. To my shock, Metro, a UK tabloid (albeit somewhat more left-leaning than the others) actually published an editorial today that called for the abolition of the monarchy. It will still fall on largely deaf ears, especially as everyone is too preoccupied with Liz Truss wrecking the entire economy in a fortnight, but hey, brownie points for that, I guess. Because there's no reason for ANY monarchy to still exist, and if they want to have their titles and their Historical Significance, they can. It is just utterly immoral for them to then pretend that they aren't political (A MONARCHY IS THE OLDEST FORM OF POLITICAL GOVERNMENT IN THE WORLD, OF COURSE THEY ARE), and to take massive amounts of taxpayer money in an ever-more-economically inequal and dystopian world to do it. Will it happen? Not in my lifetime, probably. But man, I would sure like to be wrong.

#anonymous #ask #anyway royal family still trash film at 11 #applicable to all royal families tbh

58 notes · View notes

darkhalo4321 · 1 month

Text

Here comes a big sappy blog post

I'm just gonna put a read more because it does have talk about medical stuff and hospitals and blah blah cw illness

My dad is in the hospital. He has fluid on his lung, they aren't sure why, but some theories have been suggested and tomorrow they will look into it. Hopefully it's... nothing major. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. It's similar to when my mom had her heart attack but I think my emotions from then and now are so different? With my mom it was sudden, and the fear of losing my parent was SUPER real, and it feels real now too with my father. (my mom is fine btw) The difference I think is, back then I had very little support outside my family and a few friends, but like, my support was tied up in online friends and it wasn't... the healthiest at the time? But my support group now is some really good friends and so many people I work with, coworkers, bosses, my family of course, I'm like so much more supported through this. I wish I had this when my mom had a heart attack. The other main difference is, I'm a lot better at managing my anxiety. I'm still CRYING of course because it's my dad. I love my dad. I was the kid that when I was sick, I just wanted to sit on my dad's lap and be comforted. I followed him around outside watching him do stuff. Like, I was a little shadow. So it's super hard to see someone that has always felt so STRONG be so weak and it's HARD. So I'm crying, but it's in small waves. I'm mostly okay. I'm trying to reassure everyone else around me that things will be okay. Once we know more, we can begin to move forward. The same was with my mom after her heart attack. The part that had us all freaked out was not knowing what was happening. Things are getting checked out and looked at now and we know SOMETHING and he is being monitored and looked after which actually eases some anxiety. anyway. It's just so different having to go through this crisis but having such a more healthy support system. I get teary eyed so much for the friends and family reaching out to check on me like... I don't want to weather a terrible turn of events, but I feel more secure knowing I wouldn't be weathering that alone and that means so much.

I HAVE TO MAKE AN EDIT BECAUSE I DID HAVE KIM, KIM WAS THERE RIGHT AFTER MY MOM HAD HER HEART ATTACK AND THEY SAT WITH MY MOM WHEN I HAD TO WORK LIKE THAT WAS AMAZING I have always had kim. Kim is a good long time friend. Thank you buddy. You've always been amazing. Might need you to come babysit my parents again XD

#vent #sad post #update about my dad's health #tw medical #tw illness

3 notes · View notes

quaranmine · 1 year

Note

🍉

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

very interesting question! i feel like i don't go into writing fanfic with the idea of "i'm going to use this to process things from my real life" and then it just bonks me over the head anyway. like writing is a process where you just cut yourself open and bleed all over the page, and half the time i don't even really realize what i'm doing

i write about a lot of things indirectly. there's pieces of things hidden everywhere. i don't necessarily share the same traumas and experiences of the characters i write about but it's like, oh, if you hold it to the light at this specific angle, you'll see what i poured into it. not all my fics are like this, some are just ideas i had, but i'm a pretty introspective person who puts a lot of thought into things so a lot of my fics are like this

i have this one watcher!grian wip that's pretty self-indulgent. i hope that i'll post it one day, even if it's just a tiny piece, but it's one of those fics that just got away from me a little even though i love the writing i've done for it. anyway in the fic there's some very specific things that grian struggles with and it took looking at it THREE MONTHS LATER for me to suddenly realize that it was just a repackaged fantasy version of my main personal identity/social crisis i was going through then 😭 it was actually really funny to me i was like WOW i literally didnt even know what i was actually writing about when i made this but it was On My Mind i guess

there's also occasional references to my experiences with chronic illness/autoimmune disease in my fics. i've fortunately been in remission for several years now, so my current chronic illness experience is mostly just "abled adult without any symptoms or pain who is just permanently on medication and slightly immunocompromised." it affects my day to day life very little right now fortunately but the years when i was super sick were some of the worst of my life and are like. VERY core memories of my teenage years. anyway, there's a specific bit of HTBAHB where i draw on that some--specifically, grian's very mixed feelings about being a watcher and if he'd change it or not. with my autoimmune disease, if you gave me an opportunity to take it away or cure it i would accept in a heartbeat. but if you let me go back in time and prevent myself from ever having it? idk if i'd accept. as painful and traumatic as it was, it also very much shaped me how i am today, and the idea of extricating myself from that is strange. maybe the me of the past would have been happier, but she'd be a totally different person. anyway! other people probably have a different take on their traumas and experiences depending on what it was and its affects, so that was a very personal perspective there. additionally i have also incorporated some of this autoimmune disease experience into my listener!jimmy headcanons, but i haven't been able to complete and publish my wip that is About That

firewatch au is also just. extremely this. i'm very sorry but it's gonna be pretty devastatingly sad throughout and y'all just gotta let me have this because somewhere along the way it went from "interesting fun idea i had last year" into "something i Need to write" lsjdflsjfslf. i haven't grieved or lost anyone in the extreme way that grian has, but i think there's just. so many types of loss and grief in the world. lost friends and family (via death or otherwise), lost relationships with people you used to care about so much (and still might care about), lost opportunities and lost chances to have lived a different life or made different choices, the collective loss of living through the pandemic, the persistent environmental and climate grief that stalks my entire chosen career. there will be things that pop up in this story that are referenced from my real life, and things that pop up in the story that align with my own fears/anxieties.

anyway this is why writing is the most terrifying hobby ever i am like really out here every day doing this and then publishing it for strangers on the internet to read and hoping they don't read me too hard

fic writer asks

#THIS ASK GOT OUT OF HAND IM SORRY #sometimes i feel like i Don't want to answer questions like this because i don't want people to overanalyze everything i post #but at the same time i. being introspective. do put a lot of these layers of thought into my work and it's interesting!#anyway it's so funny to me that i read this question and my first reaction was 'oh i don't do that i don't really process trauma thru fic'#and then as you can see by this reply i did in fact remember that i do this all the time #that's why i say it bonks me over the head because i literally never set out to try and process anythign it just naturally happens #without a conscious decision on my part #quara asks

9 notes · View notes

letstalktea · 2 years

Note

Exploring the angst of character self-awareness in the degree of lewdity imagine how horrified some LI would be, some like Eden and Kylar can't help but be obsessed even if self-aware some take it out but others are just super horrified

Robin: Is having a mental breakdown, wonders if any other orphans are real and if his past with PC means anything knowing what you are wondering what's the point of all being good when nothing is real if he’s the only one aware when the game turns off he becomes more distraught knowing he’ll be all alone and desperately searches for another self-aware character, might become overly obsessed and attached to PC knows only they can protect him and to comfort him if they are one of the only real things in his world he needs them. Horrified when you let him suffer knowing you can break them out of the brothel or save them from the pillory only to watch them get hurt or probably the most aware of code and such and knows when your tweaking with things but can't stop you might beg you to stop is afraid of you but loves you he can't change what he was made to be.

Sydney: Horrified but keeps their sanity in check also quick to search for other aware characters not as paralyzed as Robin, have a crisis about their faith knowing it's not knowing there's no point in believing in anything wonders about their dad sick at the fact he’s not real might just throw everything to the wind and go full corruption knowing it's all game, perhaps the most hateful of the characters to PC disgusted by you, see’s you as some sort of monster a sadist that takes pleasure in the misery and pain of others who created a town this horrid for your amusement (I'm not very confident about Sydney and my ability to characterize him well)

Black Wolf: anguished at the fact the pack isn't aware like them knows it's not the family and friend they made the pups they adore all of it's empty and it makes them miserable, might become more attached to PC they can't help it they need interaction wolves are social animals and PC is still their mate so become far more clingy with PC

Alex: Their family is the first thing on their mind all 12 of their siblings fake their mother and father they fall apart and spiral into alcoholism and the farm starts to fall into disrepair they can't work up the will to do anything spend the days drunk and asleep loathes PC but is too much of a wreck to do anything. Can be broken though tweak their stats they won't notice set dominance low and set love high if you want and close the game coming back only to visit him and talk to the isolation will break him eventually will come crawling to PC unable to handle their reality they need people they need something anything besides the isolation and despair they need you.

That's it for me I don't have anything else for the other love interests right now

Some very, very good observations!

I personally think Sydney is a little more complicated if only because they seem to have this underlying tie to some more grand plot/fate. You and then are one. Depending on how becoming self aware breaks them, they could see their sentience as a mark of how you two are meant to be (they were given sentience to love YOU specifically). Or maybe that's me gushing over a character I love.

But imagine the NPCs reactions! Knowing they aren't the focus of the game at any point and knowing you won't be playing for them. They know the game doesn't have many events for them and only a few of them have a stat for you.

Some of them who have an existential crisis. Others would break the game to make themselves a love intrest. Some would likely just give up because they were never meant to be important. Some would just be pissed.

#spill the tea: ask #shy guest #degrees of lewdity

30 notes · View notes

kyrdjava · 1 year

Text

Hello everyone. Sorry for the bad English, it's not my first language.

My name is Daria and I'm a neurodivergent queer woman, who really doesn't know where else to go for help.

I have a borderline personality disorder and a recurrent depressive disorder. Right now I'm not taking any medication or getting any therapy, and things got so bad I can't ignore them anymore.

I've delt with depressive episodes and my BPD acting up before, but only once it was so bad, and that time I ended up in the mental ward after a suicide attempt.

My episode started in spring and it only got worse since. Right now it's at the point where I'm seriously struggling with doing the most basic things; it's hard to wake up, to do my bed, to shower, to feed my cats, to makeyself a cup of tea. Cooking or dying my hair seems an impossible task. Going to work exhausts me to the point I can just stop in the corridor on my way to the office, because I just can't move anymore. I'm not even talking about losing interest and ability to enjoy my favourite things, I'm loooong past that. Now even food can't make me feel better.

I am extremely tired all the time no matter how much I sleep. I've lost appetite almost completely. I'm suicidal. Yesterday I caught myself on planning a visit to a lawyer to make a will. I'm 27, for fuck's sake, should I be thinking of this right now?

Plus, my BPD is making me super sensitive to the littlest things. I can crash and have a meltdown because a customer told me I sound like a robot. I'm constantly suppressing the tears, because when I stop for a moment and try to think of my situation, I get into so much despair, I can start wailing in public.

I have a pretty stable job (thought they cut my pay just a few weeks ago), but due to all my issues my performance is suffering severely. I work in customer support, where I have to be nice and cheerful all my 12 hours working day. I cannot. I became rude, inattentive and indifferent. My superiors already noticed that, and I'm not sure how much longer they will keep me around. Now it is the worst fucking time in my country to try and find a new job, so I really can't afford losing it.

Now to the point why I don't ask my family and friends. I have a moderately supportive family, though our relationship is kinda complicated, and an amazing best friend who always volunteers to help me. But a disaster struck us a few days ago, and now all our finances are going there. And by all I mean even my siblings' who don't even live with us anymore.

Our oldest cat is very, very sick. She has cancer; she needs a lot of medication, regular checkups and tests, blood transfusions and specialised diet.

If you ever had a sick pet, you know how incredibly expensive it can become, and I'm constantly crushed by immense guilt that I can't afford everything my cat (and my three other cats) may ever need. So everything I earn goes towards their needs, except for basic necessities like food, hygiene and transportation. I simply won't let my pathetic self spend any more on myself, when my Musya is suffering so much.

And considering how much everyone in my family has given and continues to give for Musya's treatment, I really, really can't ask them for fucking anything ever fucking again.

I also won't let myself ask my best and only friend for money, because she provides for her whole family, and the crisis wasn't kind to her either.

I also have a shit ton of debts I'm trying to pay right now, that I got in when I tried to change my job (and failed), and also because I eas really stupid towards my finances before.

So I came here. I calculated the amount needed for a single visit to my psychiatrist and roughly a month of medication (if it would be the same medication I've been prescribed before), and it comes to about 150$. I don't even know if it's possible to raise such an amount, but I've seen people try to do it on Tumblr, and I am desperate.

So, here's a link to my Buy Me A Coffee, that I made yesterday.

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/kyrdjava

I've never used it before, but I did a little research and it seems like an only option, considering the country I live in.

If I'll be able to raise the needed amount, in, say, a couple of months, I will post all the receipts for my doctor's appointment and all the meds, so you can be sure all the money was used as intended. Even if I won't, every donation will be spent on Musya's health, and, of course, I will post all the receipts also.

#personal #ask for help #donations #buymeacoffee #mental health

3 notes · View notes

supernovaa-remnant · 7 months

Note

okay personally, two of my favorite things they did in interstellar were the planet with the endless ocean and the shots of/with the gigantic waves, and the sequence of cooper in the black hole. like, these are fucking insane pictures and i'm honestly a bit giddy just talking about it lol

and i get your point about hope, absolutely agree with it. for me, family also plays such an important role in it. a bunch of the motivations and points of the film are based on familiar connection and love, and as someone with a pretty small family and a lot of love for them, i always appreciate seeing it in movies.

life away from earth, yay!! :D gonna be honest, i always find the thought of aliens seeing humanity and being like 'nah, not worth it' so so hilarious. also, understandable.

and oh my god. talk about our place in space and time. i'm gonna have an existential crisis. it's always such an insane thought to remember that in all this, we're pretty much nothing. probably not even a millisecond in the timeline of the universe. and still we try to make our life worthwhile. i will lose my mind if i think about it for too long.

last but not least, i truly hope wormhole travel truly is discovered and works one day. like, the possibilities to learn would be endless. new places in space, finding out if there are any other forms of life, be it more or less intelligent than humans. how do other parts of the universe work, are there different rules than what humanity believes to be true right now. probably not gonna be around when it happens but just the dream is enough sometimes i guess lol

ohhhh my god the sequence of cooper in the black hole was soooo cool!!! I was, like, internally screaming /pos the entire time! and the ocean planet was also super sick!! overall, the entire movie is just beautifully made (AND the soundtrack is so good and just makes it even better).

the familial connections in that movie are so heartwarming and also make me cry a bit. like, the way the gravity of the black hole was affecting time (as black holes do) and thus essentially removing the astronauts from the timelines of their families was so ougashjdskajdghsljldgskhjdsk y'know??

also, side note, the way the movie ends before cooper gets to see amelia? amazing but also drives me a bit insane because the last thing we see of amelia is her being essentially all alone. just imagining what must be going through her mind—her father's dead, her companions are dead, and she's now, from her perspective, tasked with preserving humanity's legacy? oausdhghjdkhdskjdghskjdhuishdshs

I often think about big existential thoughts so in some ways I feel like I'm in a constant state of going a bit mad. But like, it's so beautiful nonetheless. Like, everything in the universe is interconnected. We aren't separate from the universe we are the universe, y'know? we're a part of it. People talk about the meaning of life all the time, but I think it's enough to just be, you know? The universe is so vast, and yet the universe will never again experience itself in the way that you are currently experiencing it. We're all adding pieces to the universe's existence and experience, and isn't that enough? To live and know that it is somehow entirely unique and yet so connected to everything else?

I absolutely agree on the bit about the wormholes!! I think it would be such an amazing thing to be able to utilize as it would let us reach much much further than we ever would be able to without it. I look out at the night sky and sometimes I just look at the void between the stars knowing it stretches out infinitely past that. And there's so much we don't know. There's so much we can't even see because the light hasn't been able to travel to us yet. We're constantly staring at an echo of the past, and that is so crazy to me. In some ways, it's a form of immortality, I think. Your light is never really truly gone, and in millions of years maybe someone will look up and see the light of our star from this very moment.

Anyway, I, personally, am simply planning on not dying so I can see the mysteries of the universe being unraveled and so I can travel amongst the stars, but that's just me asdjkghjhdhkjdshldjhsds.

#I love receiving all these asks so much sky #they're really fun to read and reply to :3 #space #stella answers #sky cdreambur

1 note · View note

advocatingwithariella · 1 year

Text

All About Me!

Hello! and welcome to my blog! If you're new here my name is Ariella Deleon. I'm a 20 year old woman living with a rare disease called a Urea Cycle Disorder.

I was born with this condition and will most likely have it for the rest of my life. Now what IS a Urea Cycle Disorder you might be wondering? Well allow me to explain!

A Urea Cycle Disorder is a Genetic Metabolic Disease that is characterized by a deficiency of a vital enzyme responsible for removing Ammonia from the bloodstream. In a healthy body the enzyme I am missing would safely remove the toxin Ammonia without any issues. In my case however, My body isn't capable of removing Ammonia on it's own which can and has led to countless stays in the hospital. There are 8 subtypes of a Urea Cycle Disorder (UCD) and mine is one of the most common types known as OTC.

Ammonia is a byproduct of Protein. Yep! protein! Because of my disease and my inability to get rid of Ammonia this means I have to live by a very strict and LOW protein diet. On top of a strict Medical diet I also have to take Ammonia Scavengers daily. They help my body break down the little protein I do eat and help with getting rid of Ammonia I can't get rid of myself.

So how serious is this disease? It must just sound like something a diet and meds can fix right? Wrong.

In cases where Ammonia builds up in my body it turns into what we call a "Hyperammonemia episode." Ammonia effects the brain. When Ammonia levels rise too high they can cause brain damage, coma, or even death. There's never a 100% chance treatment at a hospital can get Ammonia levels back to normal. In fact, I've personally lost two of my baby brothers to this disease.

In a Hyperammonemia epsiode there's a lot happening to the body. When Ammonia levels are barely elevated I may not feel symptoms at all. However, When Ammonia levels are greatly elevated that's when things get dangerous. During a high Ammonia crisis I can become very combative and physical. I've thrown things, cussed out nurses, and tore my IV's before. I also lose my motor function, it becomes very difficult to walk and use my hands. I become very confused and disoriented (I act as if I'm super high or drunk), and I also become unable to stay awake (I will fall asleep, be awake for a few minutes, and repeat the pattern.) On top of all of that it greatly effects my memory as well. There's a lot I have no memory of from past high ammonia episodes.

All of this is mainly due to the impact Ammonia has on the brain. When this happens to me I'm not able to think or act clearly. Which is why having a caregiver is crucial for me as without one I wouldn't be able to safely get treatment during an Ammonia spike.

So how does this effect me?

Living with a UCD has been hard. I spent a majority of my childhood at home or in the hospital. Due to my weak immune system I didn't attend school. Therefore I never made any friends. I never went to sleepovers because finding people my family could trust to stick to my medicine schedule and diet needs was hard. It wasn't until I hit my mid teens that I finally started to stabilze. I went from being on 12G of protein to now being able to take 30-35G a day (more than double.) While I may be stable as far as not having any high Ammonia spikes for awhile, I still have to be very careful on a daily basis.

This disease causes me to be easily tired. I'm not able to be very active. I can't be out in weather above 80 degrees. My muscles are weak due to the lack of protein. My memory isn't very good. I get frequent headaches and stomach pains. I have to visit a Genetic specialist often. There's a lot I still have to manage on a daily basis even without being in the middle of a crisis. The thing is too with this disease, you can do EVERYTHING right and still get sick. Despite medication and proper care Ammonia can still spike when you least expect it. Which is a huge reason why I've dedicated my time and energy into creating this place for other people with a UCD + any other people with a rare or chronic condition.

Life is short, Nothing is for certain even if you're a completely healthy person. In my years of carrying anger towards myself for my disability I've learned to embrace it and love myself as I am. I'm grateful to have a body that does what it needs to to keep me safe. I'm grateful for the community that surrounds me and I love every part of it.

While my condition may not be curable at this moment in time. I plan to continue providing resources, advice, and encouragement for others here. I want to create and educate the world about this rare invisible disease and give tools to other patients that might make life easier. If you're looking for content surrounding any of these topics then I advise you stick around for awhile! Furthermore, thank you for taking the time to read this section and give my page a visit.

You can find other ways to contact me within my "Where to find me!" buttons.

Hope to see you around! - Ariella

#chronic illness #spoonie #health #blogging #disability #disabled #chronically sick #rare disease #zebra #zebra warrior #rare disorder #disabilties #invisible illness #small blog #but you don't look sick #medical #urea cycle disorder #UCD

1 note · View note

purplerose244 · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on Ninjago the Island!!! 🏝🏝🏝

So, gotta be honest... this is not a Blind reaction thing, I actually watched it in French first so I know most of the stuff already 😅 It's entertaining, it got great animation, but nothing more than that in my opinion 🤷‍♀️

Still there is stuff I liked or I want to point out, and finally I'm seeing the English version so I can actually understand what the HECK they are saying 🤩

Alright, nothing else to say, here we go!

UNCHARTED

I haven't actually seen anything Clutch Powers related before Ninjago, is he always like this? I love that he is a jerk honestly, just wondering 😂

Press F for respect for intern Dwaine (at least he seems to like being... used?)

Clutch: It's just a bunch of rocks! It's not alive!

Totem: I'm about to end this man's whole career

Wait, Misako is part of the explorers club? ... that would have come in handy in season 11 to get the scroll of Forbitten Spinjitzu from the club instead of begging uncle Powers for it... *sighs* I don't mind plot holes in Ninjago like most fans I think, but if you wanna make Misako relevant again at least pay attention to the details 😅

Wow, after the end of season 13 I would've thought Wu was going to go through a midlife crisis, not Misako 😂😂

Oww, everytime I hear I get 😢 Bless your soul Kirby, always in our hearts 🖤🖤🖤

Well hello Brian

Always nice to see you 😊

Twitchy Tim must have been pretty interesting to voice 🤔 I like him enough, he's fun and all, maybe not at the level of the characters we got last season

Okay, the place is called the STORM belt, there are LIGHTNINGS, and the sand of the beach is BLUE. Are we gonna address any of these similarities to our Bluebell here or not? 😅

Wait, Tim was giving a hot air balloon tour, does that mean other people where with him? What of them? Are they dead? Did he let them die on the island?... am I reading too much into this? Probably 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Alright, the part of the boats? SO COOL 🤩🤩 I literally can't say anything bad about the animation at this point

Why did they think leaving Kai, Jay and Cole on one boat was going to be a good idea 😂 Also Zane just randomly doing sick tricks on his vehicle, love that nindroid

I'm guessing Nya is keeping her water abilities for her season 🤷‍♀️

Yep, yep, this is why the creators try to keep Pixal out of the adventures, with her everything is way too cool and easy to access to 😎😎

Twitchy Tim: There are statues that become alive!!

Lloyd:... so it's a season 2 stone army ripoff, we've seen worse

It's a cute episode overall 👍

THE KEEPERS OF THE AMULET

OKAY THE INTRO IS SO FREAKING COOL 🤩🤩🤩🤩

So Twitchy Tim has temporarily taken over Jay's role of spazzing out and complain about worse case scenarios... in another occasion they might have bonded over this, maybe 😂

Okay, survival position? MOOD

Nya: DRAGOOON 😱

Me: DRAGOOOOOOON 😍😍😍

Why am I not surprised that Jay was the one that named him Zippy? 💙 Also HE'S SO CUTE 💕💕💕 Love how in every adventure, we always get very different types of dragon in this show 👌 I'm a simple person, I see a dragon... 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Oh-oh, it's the "Lloyd's done with this crap"'s face

This means serious business... am I that used to LEGO characters that this way of crossing arms on the chest looks almost normal to me? 😅

Soooo, Master of the Mountain clearly gave Cole too much development... because now he got demoted to "the one who is always hungry" 🤦‍♀️ I'm all for Cole's endearing love for cakes, which is super relatable, but if you're gonna push it on his fun side, at least be coherent 🙃

Is it just me or it feels like the writing of this special was made by someone different from the one of season 13? Like, it's not bad, just less engaging and witty. For now. Maybe I'm being premature 🤷‍♀️

New way of nerfing powers, we got... weird, sucking power totem thingies... OKAY

My gosh I really can't say anything about the animation, look at that! It's all cinematic with such a light! YES!! 🤩

I'M SORRY

WHY ARE WE LOOKING OVER THIS??? IT LOOKS LIKE COLE'S LAVA PUNCHES BUT THEY ARE JAY LIGHTNING FEET??? IT'S A GREAT IDEA AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT AGAIN??? WHY ARE WE IGNORING THIS??? 💙💙💙💙

So they at least addressed that lightning isn't a Jay's thing only anymore 😅

Alright, Jay having a mental breakdown because of a bridge because it always breaks, that's the Bluebell I know and love 😂😂 Nya telling him to keep moving was cute too 💙❤💙❤

Okay, I'm sorry but this really bothers me, what kind of lightning can instantly knock out the MASTER OF LIGHTNING??? Like, my gosh, really??? I hope they give us an explanation, like it's some sort of special lightning, because this really doesn't sit right with me. Jay is lightning proof, we've seen it in Skybound, we've seen it in Sons of Garmadon, I DON'T BELIEVE HE WOULD JUST BE KNOCKED OUT LIKE THAT 😡😡😡

Soooooo, storm amulet? Being one with the lightning? Is that the reason why Jay got to be the sacrifice? 😅

THE GIFT OF JAY

Alright, I am kinda looking forward for this one, what did Bluebell actually say or do to get him into trouble this time 😂😂

Oh, he just... introduced himself... well that was underwhelming

SENSEI👏YOU👏ARE👏A👏FREAKING👏GOD👏STOP👏GETTING👏KIDNAPPED👏BY👏RANDOM👏VILLAINS👏

Bring ooooon Lloyd Grills 💪

Okay I did like the little speech, definitely resonates with how Lloyd survived this long even though everything wanted him to give up, even his father... I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING 😭

Jay out there making the real questions 😂

Awwww Edna used to call him gift of Jay? I can totally see it, so cute 💙💙 Makes even more sense if Libber actually left Jay at the Walkers' door...

Pff, Jay made the connection I would've done honestly 🤷‍♀️ Like, him being the master of lightning really didn't give these dudes any impression or inspiration? Any cool idea, full Road of El Dorado style? 🙃🙃

Lloyd out there abusing of the animation budget 💚💚💚

Somehow these ninja never actual sneak in, it's always a huge mess everyone knows about beforehand 😂 It's familiar though, I'm used to it and happy with it 👍

I might not be the biggest Misako fan, but you know what I am a fan of?

LEGO HUGS 😍😍😍😍😍

Dang it uncle Powers, you just got here to make a mess did you 😅

Not the first person of the fandom to say this, but Jay looks absolutely lovely with that flower crown 🌺🌺🌺

Oh poor greenie

Lloyd just has the worst luck 😓

Jay: Why would I be the gift?

Kai: Yeah who would want Jay?

Nya: Huh, me?? 😡

Got some very good Jaya for this little special, can't complain 💙❤💙❤

I mean, not matter how big of a snake Wojira might turn out to be, we've already seen the biggest and the second biggest snake of all so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Whoa, at last... IT WAS THE FIRST SPINJITZU MASTER THAT HAD SOMETHING HE SHOULD'VE TOLD WU A LONG TIME AGO!! 😱 Wu, you got pulled a Wu, how does it feel? 😂

Again, Jay freaking out, kinda my jam it's too funny 💙💙

Wow Kai way to be hominous offscreen 👏👏 I miss talking about my flame babe, this really isn't his time 🤷‍♀️

THE TOOTH OF WOJIRA

So when I first watched this I was genuinely, really excited about knowing the truth behind all this. It turned out very different from what I first thought, but at least in this case it's okay (besides I was pushing with the lightning meaning just to see Libber again 😅😅😅)

I feel like the guys get their powers stolen or blocked so much it takes them a minute to remember "Oh wait I can literally burn my way out" 🤷‍♀️

SPINJITZU YAY 🤩

I... forgot that Misako knows how to fight 😅 She knows how to do spinjitzu too if I remember correctly...

NYA BEING LIKE "OUT OF THE WAY IMMA SAVE MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN" ❤💙❤💙

Gotta love how they were all crazy worried about Jay, like, this is something that never changes through the show. They really care so so much for each other 💕💕💕

Ooohhhh, okay, so Wojira does seem to be the main villain of next season according to the story. I remember Tommy saying that we needed to have faith and this is probably why. The special was okay, nothing too much, and hopefully that too much we will see in Nya's season 😍😍😍

What the- pff, I didn't notice this the first time 😂

At this point I can't tell if that one short with the chicken of the movie carried a hate or a love for chickens in the actual show 😂😂

Nice to see Jay standing up for himself at least for a little while 💪 Also Lloyd being "He's our trouble", aww family 💜

THERE IT IS

MY BRUISE HEART IS SOARING 🖤💙🖤💙

Gotta give props to the voice actors, voicing an explanation while fighting must be pretty hard! WE ARE BLESSED WITH AN AMAZING CAST!!! 🤩🤩🤩

And there he is, our favorite jerk... shaved Ronin 😂 He does look a little weird, but it's fair, new animation and all. Not the weirdest until now 🤷‍♀️

I genuinely had to make a mental check to see where we are with Ronin now, like, he started as a villain, then a partner, he betrayed us, became an ally, he hunted the ninja, then joined them, that timeline was erased, he was around in SoG and... wow this man is chaotic 😂😂

Yaaaay, Twitchy's last minute redemption act! Lloyd is too good at motivational speeches 👏👏

A bit of Lava OTP/BrOTP

Cause it's good for the heart ❤🖤❤🖤

Okay, Scooby doo reference, why not? Also honestly, I'm confident Ronin has seen A LOT of jails and prisons... probably won't stay behind bars for long 😅

Mammatus: sorry for imprisoning you and almost killing your friend

Kai: no biggie, that's how we make friends in this show

Alright the "And Clutch Powers" gag made me chuckle 😂 ... wait where is he- DANG IT UNCLE POWERS

Okay, this is the last time I say it I promise, but I mean. I MEAN

THE ANIMATION GUYS 😍😍😍

Aaaaand sensei you jinxed it 😅 But you apparently awakened Nya's season so I'm gonna forgive you on this one 😉

FINAL THOUGHTS

There are a few little details that bothered me a little, and it wasn't as exciting as I maybe hoped it was going to be, but it was fine. Enjoyable still. These characters make me like the show, even when it got nothing too impactful 🤷‍♀️

But I got triggered about that lightning thing with Jay 😅 I guess I'll just fanfic whatever I had in mind...

Don't have to repeat myself about the animation *chef's kiss*

The writing was really less engaging, a little normal in a way? Idk just a feeling. Nice to see Ronin again though, I really like him. And nice to see Jay freaking out, I really like that too 😂

To be honest I wanted to put down my thoughts on this one because I REALLY wanna do the same with Nya's season 🤩🤩 I already know that Maya is gonna be there and I am so HAPPY already!!! 💙💙💙

So that's it from me! Thank you for reading me ranting, see you next season! 😊

43 notes · View notes

doubleddenden · 4 years

Text

My decade in review. What a bullshit decade.

[[MORE]]

2010: I think I got my license, but that may have been 2009. I started spriting this year.

2011: went to my first prom. Sucked. Went on my first date. Sucked. Family starts falling apart

2012: graduated high school. Started college. Made a name for myself as a Spriter for a bit. Made a summer film project with a friend. Had a mental breakdown because I seriously thought the world would end.

2013: made a ton of friends, had a ballin year. Made a student film. Had my first paid job for a bit under some sketchy terms that led me to quit after a month of being underpaid and overworked. Lived in a dorm for the first time in my life. Had a 4.0 for the first time in my life. With the release of X and Y, my sprites start going unnoticed. However, I did complete a story... a very terribly written fan fic, but it was completed. We blew up a guitar.

2014: almost had a girlfriend, chickened out last second lol. Graduated community college. Started university. The worst mistake of my life. Turned 21

2015: family falls apart again even further. Sister actually disowns me for a bit after I was mislead by my mother. I have my first midlife crisis. Made a more permanent friend group. Sister "graciously" let's me back home. Started streaming a bit.

2016: tried graphic design. Failed super hard. Slip into a very deep depression

2017: decided to drop out and stopped giving a shit. Forced to continue after finding out I could graduate this year (after being lied to by a counselor claiming it'd be another 5 years). Depression gets so bad I start going to campus therapy. Really helped me to open my eyes. I went from all F's and a C to an almost PERFECT GPA for the semester and pass all of my finals ALMOST PERFECTLY, save for some formatting errors. My last day on campus was a snow day. Well. Week. Mom also kicked me out. Groomsman to my first wedding. Started a job hunt and failed.

2018: broken man gets more broken again. Sister causes more bullshit, i have to do what I have to so I can keep seeing niblings and keep a roof over my head. Mom disowns me to my face. Step dad calls me a sick bastard and my grandma tells me I'm going to hell, and I officially lose half my family. Groomsman to a second wedding where I have the time of my life and practically woo the bride's family for the groom. Sister moves off. I flew on a plane for the first time in my life. I got to travel a bit to Georgia, South Carolina, I think Tennessee or Missouri (can't remember), and Montana. Almost died of a hematoma. Failed to secure a job again.

2019: mom continuously harasses me for the year, I lose my insurance, I'm almost sued by school loans and have to go through a debt agency for help, and the house starts falling apart with pipe, water heater and water tank related issues. Dad and Aunt's health get worse. Visited some friends in New Orleans and realized I may not like a couple of them anymore. I have heart issues and docs literally gave me a runaround for 2 months saying go here, go there, we don't have results yet but you can still pay us, you're too fat that'll be $25. Discovered I'm sick all the time because I'm allergic to EVERYTHING and the only counter is to do expensive weekly allergy shots, which the family said no to. Had to drive my dad to a court house, help him hobble to a stand, and watch him declare bankruptcy. Tried and failed quite a few diets. Fixed up my Wii and Gamecube right at the end, though. Completed my first volume of an original work... that I'm scrapping. Failed to get a job again, but now it might be for the best so I can take care of my dad.

Conclusion: fuck the 2010's in its entirety. Fuck my former mother, fuck my family for treating me how they did, fuck school, fuck loans and loan companies, fuck doctors, fuck rich people, and most importantly:

Fuck me.

But also? I hate myself, but I'm also amazed what I endured. I endured soul crushing college and professors out for a buck who didn't give two shits about my success. I endured my family just treating me like SHIT and tossing me to the side like a sick dog. I endured heart break and friends moving off. I endured a fair bit of physical pain, too. I endured the absolute pit of depression and despair.

And I'm still not out of it. I know I'm supposed to write up how proud I am of myself for surviving but... nah. I'm gonna be real. None of this should have happened. I shouldn't have had to learn that family isn't permanent. I shouldn't have had to go into debt before I could even drink. I shouldn't have had to endure that endless heart break. I shouldn't have had to be diagnosed with depression. I shouldn't have had to pay thousands to come to the realization that my dreams probably won't come true and I'm just not as good as my younger peers. I should have been given a job. Several by now actually.

I guess I'm alive though. That's about all I can say. I'm beaten, bruised, and limping (quite literally limping actually). But I'm alive.

If there's anything I want from this new decade. Anything at all. I want this:

Success

Growth

Love

Romance

Money

Food

Travel

Better mental and physical health

Work that won't make me want to jump out a window

Friendship and to visit my friends everywhere

And to finally. Finally. Finish a book. Get it published. And be known for something good and positive. To finally be able to tell everyone who looked down on me as a kid, in high school or college, to finally be able to tell my family that disowned me and kicked me to the curve at their own convenience, to finally be able to tell myself: I made it. I made an impact on the world, and I will not be forgotten anymore while the rest of the world gets their happy ending.

My life's suffering has to amount to something. I refuse to go on another decade of bullshit. I want to succeed dammit. I deserve my happy ending. I refuse to die before I see it. I refuse to end another decade without getting there. I refuse to.

Please. I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't want to lose anymore. I don't want to be ashamed of being alive and having nothing to claim for myself. Just.

Let me win.

#vent

0 notes