#Idk no one really gets excited when trans men do something cool and it's kind of a bummer thinking about it too much

[solradguy]

I wish I was more openly hype about being a trans dude because there's like zero positive stuff for trans men like anywhere and it would be nice to help change that, but I've been out/on HRT for like idk 8 years now and being trans is like the 4th on the list of things I think are interesting about myself rofl

#textpost #I was thinking again about how there's literally like just 3 trans men in media that aren't one-off side characters #or that don't die/detransition lol #Also memes about trans men generally just kinda fuckin suck #Like memes for trans women are awesome they're about how like cool and beautiful trans women are and it's really nice #And then memes for trans men are like 'Let's writhe in garbage pits and eat spoiled food together' #Or they're just super sexualized. All of the time. I've blocked people over trans boy pussy memes ngl #Idk no one really gets excited when trans men do something cool and it's kind of a bummer thinking about it too much

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello, it me :D

Idk how you want to structure this or how it's gonna sound when I try to type out what's in my brain rn, I do know that I want this to be a full hc tho

Ok. So. I've seen some art here & there of some of the M6 with their own children; mostly just babies but there are a couple older kids in the mix as well. This is where things in my head get weird so bear with me:

I'm thinking this ask could go three ways (I also don't know if Nadia & Portia will be able to fit in to this ask but it is what it is), and you can do just one of the options or all of them, I'll let you choose:

A. M6 reacting to MC telling them they're pregnant

B. M6 & MC mid-pregnancy preparing for the baby

Or C. M6 getting to hold their kid for the first time

Hopefully this makes sense I think it provides an opportunity for incredible wholesomeness whatever you decide :)

The Arcana HCs: M6 during MC's pregnancy

~ ohoho, now this, this is the kind of prompt that makes my heart sing! @themushroomgoesyeet I hope you're ready because I'm doing all three of those suggestions in here, just you wait >:3 - brainrot ~

Other baby-related hcs: M6 when someone hands them a baby

The M6 when the child they have with you is an exact carbon copy of them

-- for the purpose of these headcanons and because I write for a gender-neutral reader, MC is pregnant with a baby that is equal parts their and their LI's DNA. This could have happened the traditional way (depending on how you envision your MC or if you headcanon your LI as trans), or simply by magical means. For my fellow trans men, seahorse dads are still dads! And to my fellow AO3 readers, mpreg is possible. Always. O.O --

Julian

For the first time in his life, he was well and truly speechless

And delighted. In fact, his speechlessness was because of the unforeseen tidal wave of joy that crashed over him as soon as you told him and it knocked all the air out of his lungs

Pulling you into an embrace as soon as he can move again and trembling with excitement: "Really? You're going to have my baby? We're going to be parents? I'm going to be a father? Haha!"

If he was bad about hovering before he's terrible about it now

Detailed research on all potential issues (which leads to him having crippling spirals over all the ways this could go wrong)

Auntie Pasha and Great-Grandma Mazelinka are here for it and so overwhelmingly supportive. It's hard to resist Julian's regular suggestions of bed rest because they make it so feasible

Mazelinka's soup was heavenly for your morning sickness

Julian collected at least three different remedies for every single pregnancy symptom you had and filled multiple notebooks with doctor's observations. Even down to tracking your sleep cycle

He also called in several favors to make sure that at least two other doctors would be available leading up to your due date - one for you and one for the baby. (he still insisted on being the main one)

He managed the birth impressively well - years of medical expertise kicked in and he went full "doctor" mode, keeping a cool head and open communication and anticipating every need

Until he held his child for the first time and had to sit down because his knees gave out. He has a whole new reason to live well

Asra

You know that panicked blushy face they make? Yeah, that was it

You briefly mistook it for horror - you know he likes surprises, but this is something else - but it was really his own panic at suddenly being plunged into a whole new world of emotion and instincts

Their first motion was to reach out and place their hand over your heart to confirm it through your bond, if only because they couldn't get their words to work and they needed that grounding touch

Once he's collected himself, he's over the moon. Is it terrifying? Sure, but it's also going to be the adventure of a lifetime, and it means building a new future and family with you! As parents!

They want to tell Aisha and Salim about it as soon as you're comfortable because they've done this before, they can help. And also because they’re going to be grandparents

Covers you with enchantments to keep you and the baby safe and happy and keeps a growing list of the most unhinged baby names to make you laugh. Faust likes to gently squeeze your bump

Makes every pregnancy craving you have and tries it with you, no matter how weird. He's got three years of practice being your caregiver and his patience for the mood swings is unending

Spends an hour every night with an ear against your baby bump, listening to them grow and thrive

Offers you every type of pain relief they can find. If not for your sake, then for theirs, because seeing you hurt makes them panic

Holds you the whole way through childbirth, no matter how messy, and stays so reassuring and supportive

Scared to hold the baby at first because he's so shaky from emotions. Won't put it down once he does

Nadia

The news is so unexpected that she just can't believe it at first

As in, her brain is genuinely incapable of immediately processing what you've just told her, so she just finishes her task before running it through her head a second time before it sinks in

The loudest gasp you've ever heard, you see her drop her teacup as her hands fly to cover her mouth and she stares at you in surprise

So happy. So, so, so very happy

She was never going to pressure you into having children. Between her driven nature and her ongoing loneliness, she'd resigned herself to never being a mother after marrying Lucio

But oh my! What a wonderful surprise! There's so much to do, she's slightly worried that nine months isn't going to be enough time

She sends for multiple physicians and invites several of them to live in the Palace through the pregnancy, and begins the interview process for your baby's pediatrician as well. She wants you healthy

Has the time of her life decorating the baby's future room and ends up getting so emotional looking at all the tiny clothes and shoes

Refuses to let you sleep by yourself. She doesn't want you to feel limited on a day-to-day basis at all, but she doesn't like you being alone for too long, especially during such quiet and precious hours

Prefers to hold off on giving her family any news or updates until she's had at least a few days to let it sink it. Each update she does send provokes a tidal wave of letters and advice and offers, not to mention Grandpa Namar's tear-stained letters of excitement

Has to hide sobs when she holds her child and announces its name

Muriel

Straight up disassociates. Not due to any fault of yours, it's just a lot. Especially given his own context for parenting (or lack thereof)

"Muriel, I'm pregnant." soul gets yoinked through the stratosphere

You know him well enough to expect him to need a moment, so you're not surprised when he shakily nods, takes a deep breath, and tells you he'll be back before dark before walking off into the trees

Deeply apologetic once he gets back because in hindsight ghosting you might not have been the most appropriate response

He's happy, if not deeply anxious, but he gets more and more excited with every pregnancy update

He makes the baby's crib himself, seeking out the tree with the best wood, chopping it up, designing and cutting the pieces, carving and sanding and painting them with the utmost care

As your due date gets closer he starts reverting to an old habit of his, waking up several times through the night with a need to keep watch for any dangers or discomforts and make sure you're warm

You wake up to this sometimes, with him sitting quietly next to you in bed, one large hand resting protectively on your belly, a quiet smile on his face as he stares at the cradle on the other side of the room and counts every tiny kick the baby lands on his warm palm

He doesn't hesitate to tell Asra, Nadia, (and yes, Julian) about your pregnancy, because he knows they'll be able to help you in ways he can't. Watching you in pain during birth is almost traumatic for him

Doesn't say a word when you hand him his baby, just looks back and forth between you and them in delight and awestruck joy

Portia

Screams. Legitimate, jaw dropped, lung-deep screaming

Yes it's because she's excited!!! You're pregnant! That's amazing!!

Funnily enough, she doesn't bring up telling anybody else until several weeks have gone by or until you suggest it. She's used to keeping secrets and this is so special she's still finding words for it

She's also more familiar with what pregnancy can look like, and she doesn't want to make any big announcements with you too early

Borderline obsessive about making sure that you're properly fed and cared for. She keeps every snack stocked, gives you massages every night, asks you about any symptoms and offers relief

She ends up inviting everyone over for dinner so you two can break the news to them together, and if one Devorak wasn't loud and emotional enough, two of them are almost too much for the roof

Mazelinka is quick to offer her services, whether that be bringing soup, taking you two (three?!) to Nevivon so the grandmas can help, grabbing one of the grandmas and bringing them here, etc

Pepi develops a new habit of bringing you stolen fish at least once a day to make sure your growing kitten is properly nourished. the smell doesn't help your morning sickness but you appreciate it

Portia cries every time she sits down to work on another onesie or baby blanket or cloth diaper, which is several times a day

When it's time for you to give birth, she holds your hands as tightly as you hold hers and nearly knocks a doctor out of the way to catch the baby

Full-on happy sobbing when she holds them. Gets jealous anytime someone besides you gets to hold them longer than her

Lucio

Assumes you're joking until you tell him otherwise because what

It's not that he's against it, but realistically speaking he knows that one of him is already a lot to handle. And you're cooking another??

Once you convince him, his exuberant yells startle flocks of birds from the treetops in a half-mile radius. Speaking of trees ...

You two are journeymen. Where are you going to settle down?

You end up picking a spot close enough to Vesuvia for your old friends to be able to help, in a town where you know you'll have a fresh start. Buying a cottage is hard when you're used to a palace

Lucio occasionally remembers his mother's comments about how her pregnancy with him made the Red Plague seem like a summer cold, and then he panics about how much pain you must be in

Sits bolt-upright in bed four months in to your pregnancy in a cold sweat because it just hit him that your belly bump is actually an entire tiny human that's half him and half you and it's miraculous

Starts talking to your bump almost constantly after that

Everything from what the dogs are doing, to the right way to start a fire, to the best types of cookies - he's telling it all to the bump

Does he know, logically, that your baby isn't likely to be born missing an arm because of his amputation? Yes. Does he still have an irrational fear of that happening? Also yes.

Has such a hard time controlling his frustration during the birth when you're in pain and there's nothing he can do about it

Wraps his golden arm in a baby blanket and doesn't care about the mess the first time he holds them and presses a kiss to their head

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana fluff #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

[bard-llama]

New fic universe premise (pregnant trans!Roche)

So, yesterday I came upon a list of pregnancy prompts (feel free to send me some!) and I decided to make all the prompts part of the same universe that would involve pregnant Roche. 

Now, idk how many of you know this about me, but pregnancy used to SERIOUSLY squick me out. Like, there’s a lot of dysphoria stuff related to it, but the idea of me and a baby anywhere close to each other? YIKES! But somehow this fandom/pairing has made me... idk, more comfortable with the idea? To the point that pregnancy is a plot point in a few of my WiPs. So when I saw the prompts, I figured, ‘hey, why not?’

Now for the spoilery part: (don’t read if you prefer to be surprised!)

So with the prompt for pregnant Roche, I had to figure out how the Roche in my head would get there, especially considering my own issues with it, which he might share some of in a world where he’s a transman. And what I decided is to make it PAINFUL first lmao. Sorry? So basically, I have a few specific installments in this series planned out. (again, don’t read if you don’t want spoiled):

Iorveth and Roche decide to have a baby. They’re old retired men in Vergen, they’ve been raising Anais and Boussy, they’ve been together for several years now - they decide they’re ready. Then they have to talk about who carries the kid (which is a standard part of elven baby discussions, but is a bit more surprising to Roche). Both of them have the physical, biological capability, but in Iorveth’s culture, there’s a certain amount of... idk, honor? in carrying a child. So they decide Iorveth will carry. But wait, didn’t you say this was a pregnant!Roche story? Yes, yes I did. XD Just wait. 😇

Iorveth is SUPER excited about having a baby with Roche. Babies are a big deal to a species as longlived as elves, especially now that there aren’t as many of them as there once were. And Roche loves him enough to want to have a baby with him. That’s pretty magical. So he tells EVERYONE. And I do mean everyone. If he feels safe with you? He is telling you all about how he’s having a baby with Roche. It’s kind of annoying, tbh, but he’s so excited!

So excited, in fact, that maybe he gets a bit careless. idk exactly how yet, but Iorveth gets injured. Badly. Bad enough that he physically cannot carry a child anymore. Which definitely leads to a depressive spiral, but also everyone around them (cares about them) pities them, and Iorveth hates that.

I think he gets injured protecting Saskia, which he hates that he regrets doing. She wasn’t in dragon form at the time, so she like, legit needed the protection? But also, he can’t have a baby anymore. Their future is ruined.

Saskia feels HELLA guilty and fretful and like... Iorveth is her BFF. This hurts.

It takes Roche a little bit, but he suddenly remembers, ‘hey. I can carry a child. We can still have a baby, we can still do this. Iorveth can still be happy with me. 

Which leads to Roche getting pregnant. Idk if my ideas about elven reproduction (i.e. eggs, because ovi is fun) will apply here or not, because tbh I think Roche would find the actual making a baby bit with his parts awkward and uncomfortable. Like, he wants to do it. He genuinely wants to have a baby with Iorveth and he wants to make Iorveth happy and he’s kind of excited about doing this. But it’s also just... uncomfortable. He usually doesn’t think about that part of anatomy like at all. 

Then he actually gets pregnant and once they’re sure, they share the news. I think a lot of people are a bit shocked (”wait, the Boss can do that??? Can all humans do that?” “No, Fenn, that’s not how it works.”), but excited for them. 

Then we get idk cute stories while he’s pregnant? This part is a lil fuzzy to me.

So, what do Anais and Boussy (who are now 12) think? Anais is pretty excited, honestly, caught up in the hype with everyone else. Boussy... well, Boussy’s kind of dealing with a lot at the moment, so he’s not thinking very hard about it, but he’s like “uh... cool?” But of course, things aren’t that easy.

So what’s going on with Boussy? Well, before the story (maybe about a year), Boussy lost his left arm. Not a fun time. BUT he has a really, really awesome prosthetic that’s both magical and mechanical and gives him the ability to manipulate magic! So he’s started training with Triss and Philippa and he’s honestly pretty busy. 

Which leaves Anais the odd one out. Everyone’s excited about the new baby and now Boussy has magic, and what does she have? (Fight training with Maeral? ‘cause Anais is a heavy hitter badass, but she doesn’t quite get that yet). She tries to be happy for everyone, because that’s what she’s supposed to do, but eventually something has to break. Which leads to tantrums and heart to heart communication and appointments penciled into their calendars to spend time with Anais specifically.

Did I mention Philippa? Yes, yes I did. Because I have a whoooole idea for the role Philippa plays in this universe, but idk if she’ll get a whole separate fic or if it’ll be woven into the background of the more pregnancy-centric ideas.

I really, really wanna write Philippa’s POV, tbh. Philippa flees after Witcher 2, trying to recover from all her plans shattering around her and losing her fucking eyes. 

But the fact is Vergen is able to stand against Nilfgaard. And that’s exactly what Philippa wanted - an independent state that could resist Nilfgaard and that would view magic favourably. And she decides she can’t not be part of her plans coming to fruition. So she returns to Vergen, even though she mindcontrolled Saskia and most everyone except Saskia really hates her. But ultimately, everyone defers to Saskia’s decisions and Saskia decides to give Philippa a second chance. But she has to earn her trust back.

The worries of many a dwarf, elf, and human are soothed by the knowledge that as head of Saskia’s guard, Iorveth is watching Philippa like a hawk. Or... an owl? A fox? Some metaphor.

Because we’re all thinking it: yeah, I think Saskia/Philippa happens at some point in the 4 years before the pregnancy stuff takes place. Maybe Philippa helps when Saskia feels super, super guilty about Iorveth’s injury? idk.

And then of course, they gotta HAVE the baby. I know there’s gonna be some emergency surgery involved, just because, but honestly, idk anything about their baby. Anyone have any thoughts? Ideas?

#rorveth #iorveth x roche #WiPs #new fic idea #my fics #the witcher #pregnancy #trans!Roche #fic planning

[i-did]

1/ 4 oh it's funny you brought up the ace people thing bc i'm actually aro/ace so i can elucidate on it a little xD i don't currently write smut but i sure have read a lot of it. i think a lot of ace people find fic a safe way to like? satisfy their curiosity about sexual things without having to look at real people or even watch porn which (esp mainstream porn) can be a lot. and also to like.

2/4 idk when you don't get something but it's such a big part of what so many other people seem to find super important it makes you kinda want to figure it out? i guess? and also a lot of people have a libido even if they don’t experience attraction so that’s a thing too. 3/4 part of the reason m/m is so popular is bc it’s just like. been that way in fandom so long that it’s a habit, and i don’t think the percentage of people fetisizing m/m relationships is really as high as it’s made out to be (although it does still exist, more or less prominently in every fandom) 4/4 my closest friend is a trans dude and he identified as a lesbian for a very long time and he’d never written lesbian porn and one day he was like. “its bc im not a lesbian and i want to write about dudes bc i am one” and i think there are a lot of younger people who are still figuring stuff out which is why i try not to be too harsh on individual people. i do still think it’s important to critique and look at why broader fandom trends turn out the way they do. anyway sorry for sending you a barrage of asks i just get excited about fandom meta xD

-mild nsfw and pwp discussion-

Hey! Yeah no worries, my blog has been pretty quiet activity and ask wise until just now so I'm kind of surprised by the amount of asks I started getting literally over night, but yeah I dont mind getting them lol.

I think "habit" is an interesting word to use in regards to people whipping mlm over wlw, and probably a pretty accurate one. I think however that the percentage of people who are fetishizing mlm is higher than people realize, because from my point of view... i haven't really heard many people talk about it or take it seriously. I don't think its just fetishization, I think its also lack of well written women as well as the default in lgbt being gay man, but i also think the fact that well developed characters get flattened out and a heteronormative dynamic gets placed on them, and the abundance of pwp proves that there is definitely fetishization and people need to start to unlearn it in fandom imo. It makes it a very uncomfortable place to be for mlm otherwise.

Also I know a lot of similar stories to the one you're saying about your friend, trans guys who didn't know who they were, especially gay trans men feeling like they fetishize mlm when they don't they're 100% mlm too, and having room for exploration is important like you said. Your friend is a straight trans guy but the point still stands.

About the ace thing: yeah and I totally get that, I know someone who reads pwp of mlm because its unemotional unlike wlw pwp and as someone who is aro they want to not feel like theyre missing out and know whats up with sexual psychology.

I've heard of a lot of ace people reading pwp to "figure out what the deal is" but its interesting to me how many people look into pwp that would be outside of their demographic, aka cis women reading pwp mlm. I think its important to note that probably 97% of mlm pwp isn't written by mlm for mlm, and isn't actually accurate not only in the mlm gaze, but also functionality and how sex feels. Its porn. Porn exaggerates things, it makes things sound bigger and more extreme and extraordinary because it os inherently performative in a way to arouse the consumer. In had an ace friend tell me they were sad sex wasn't something that they could experience in pwp but, no one can lol. I mean there is more toned down realistic pwp, but the vast majority talks about full body feeling (which btw amab people experience orgasums localized while afab experience more full body)

I get the appeal to not want to look at real people but wanting to know, but why only read mlm if thats the case? Why not also wlw or wlm, etc.

Also its important to note it still isn't actually accurate in a lot of small ways beyond gaze, but also proper prep, health, sanitization, eating habits, body hair, positions, terminology, sensations, culture etc.

I've had someone state that if they wanted accuracy they would go out and actually sleep with someone, but still that person was a cis woman reading mlm pwp, and I think accuracy is important to a degree to prevent issues like fetishization, but also unrealistic expectations.

You stated that mainstream porn is a lot, and it is, but also so is pwp imo, especially as a mlm. The pwp tag in ant fandom is quite wild lol. Thats. Thats my 2 cents, its quite wild.

But yeah overall the best thing is to assume people don't have ill intent, they usually don't! But that doesn't mean that overall some people aren't also causing harm by doing such things like fetishizing mlm in fandom.

Cool asks lol wasn't expecting this everyones been chill so far thanks for the lack of anon hate and remember that the internet is a public space and to try to be respectful of others.

#aftg #all for the game #fandom politics #fandom psychology #ask #mailob

[jinkisbelly]

Kiss Drabbles : Jongyu

Alright, so there was this like prompt post thing about kisses and I started these back in January, like.. one a day or something and while I failed at that, these are the Jongyu ones I have done. There will be an Onkey, Ontae and Onho post once I’m done with those lol Each is separate au but will have ratings and w/c and warnings. 

Overall: 2.6k, rating from like pg to pg13 post coitus/makeout session.  There are six in total.

Hot, Steamy Kiss (pg-13, w/c 365 idk warning alcohal)

Jonghyun had to admit that making out with an almost stranger in a classmates’ pantry felt very 7th grade playing seven minutes in heaven. The way the other boy was kissing him was a lot MORE than the nervous teeth clacking he remembered 7th-grade kissing experience consisted of. Besides, with the warm tingly sensation of the few rum and cokes he had in his system and how cute his making out partner was, he couldn’t find a real reason to complain. The boy’s name was on the tip of his tongue. Coincidently so was the boy’s tongue as he pressed forward.

Kibum’s parents had gone to France or maybe Italy. Jonghyun couldn’t recall with how his ass was being palmed firmly. Something uncomfortable was poking into his back, but then the boy grunted roughly when his hair was pulled and the object was forgotten for the time being. The boy pulled away, just long enough to pull Jonghyun’s bottom lip between his teeth, before he was lifting Jonghyun up against the pantry’s build in shelves. There was the taste of beer on his lips that he hadn’t drunk himself.

Jinki! That was his name. The boy from that Women’s History class he took last semester to fulfill his upper history requirement for graduation. He wrapped his legs loosely around Jinki’s hips, pushing his fingers into his long hair that was falling slowly from the messy bun he had in it. As he tightened his fingers very roughly, Jinki growled and it made his toes curl in his boots. How much time had even passed n- Oh sweet baby Jesus that had to be illegal.

Then he felt the rush of air, heard the full volume of the party as the door was pulled open, but their kissing didn’t stop. His tongue was halfway in Jinki’s mouth probably when Kibum finally whistled loudly and they both rushed apart, flushed.

It was sometime later that Jinki pressed a napkin into his palm with a charming smile. “If you want more than just seven minutes in heaven, beautiful.”

He was gone by the time Jonghyun looked down to figure out it was his phone number.

Underwater Kiss ( Pg, w/c 484, happens before both parts of Atlantis Au, a  month before Jonghyun meets Taemin)

Jinki’s hands were warm pressed against him as he held him tightly. The bracelet on the Atlantian’s wrist blocked out the coolness of the deeper water of the lagoon and allowed them to not worry about needing air to breathe. Jinki grinned brightly, the warm sunlight filtering through the blue water reaching them dimly. He looked up for a moment and Jonghyun pressed his face into his neck as he swam toward the surface, one arm held tightly around Jonghyun’s waist. As they broke the surface Jonghyun pushed bits of Jinki’s hair from his face, smiling fondly as Jinki’s face scrunched rather cutely with the brightness of the sun fully hitting him now. “The warmth of that great ball of fire doesn’t negate the unnecessity of the brightness.”

“Are you being a grumpy old man again?”

The frown on Jinki’s face deepened. “I apologize for not being from this century.”

“You kiss well for someone that’s over a thousand years old.”

“Oh, is that so?”

Jonghyun giggled as Jinki dipped to kiss at his neck, before growing gloom. “I wish I could return with you once again.”

“As do I,” Jinki’s voice was slightly muffled with how close he was pressing his face into him. “But there’s only a few more months of my time before you will be down there with me forever.”

“Oh Jinki,” He breathed out quickly. When Jinki rose his gaze again, he was kissed rather roughly, “I love you so much. I’m so lucky to have met you, to be invited into your world. You know I appreciate everything you’ve ever risked for me... For us.”

“I’d give you the entire world Jonghyun. You must know that.”

Before Jonghyun could respond, the church bells over the crest of the hill in the distance chimed, signaling it is six. “I must go, Baby.”

“I will be thinking of you until the next time I can have you within my arms once again, my love.” Jinki pressed one more gentle kiss to his lips before smiling. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Jinki watched as he swam to the shore and up the dirt path to the grass-covered hill at the top. Jonghyun smiled so beautifully as he looked back and waved, the wind blowing softly through his hair, the sun for once using it’s light for something of a wonder as fell across his pretty features. It was only when he was out of sight Jinki lowered into the water. He would take every moment he had to take him in, for he wasn’t sure how long it would be until he saw him again.

As he twisted through the hole at the bottom of the lagoon that led to the greater ocean, he smiled remembering not too long in the future he would be taking the final trip down to his home with the love of his life.

Jawline Kiss (Pg, w/c 367, happens after this old au [x] but before [x] again all you really need to know is Jinki is an Elf, Jjong human (both princes) and their races/cultures are at war with each other(brief mention of.. death?)

Jonghyun had seen Jinki take out half a regiment of men by himself. His hands an instrument of death and destruction if he willed them to be, but as they moved over his waist and down his hips, pulling him back, he couldn’t view them as such. He was so soft, almost delicate,as if he was afraid he would break him if he touched too hard. For the time being that was. Jinki tugged him back against him, holding him close with his arms around his waist and his chin on Jonghyun’s shoulder. He managed to kiss his neck and then his jaw. “I woke up and you were gone from the cot. I grew worried.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Save me.”

Jinki smiled a little, an amused tilt in his voice as he asked, “Which time?”

“The first. Against your people.”

Silence fell between them for some time before Jonghyun twisted in the hold to look up at him. Jinki’s eyes were quick to lock with his own, “Is the reason not obvious enough?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if it was.”

“It’s the same reason as all the other times.” Jinki cupped his cheek, still holding him close with the other arm. “Because I love you. And my kind only falls in love once. I couldn’t… choose anything over you. I won’t.”

“You only fall in love once?”

“I have been with many people in my life, but I’ve never been able to fall in love with any of them.” Jinki pressed soft kisses up his jaw until his lips were brushing the curve of his ear. “Until you, Stardust.”

“I never knew.”

“There’s much about me you have yet to learn.” Jinki smiled, “Now, come back to bed. We have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow.”

As he curved against Jinki’s side, walking back to their tent a short ways away, Jonghyun commented, “You almost sound excited to meet my Father.”

“Oh, not excited.” Jinki hummed. “Just… intrigued.”

“Scared?”

Jinki scuffed as he held the flap open for him, letting him slip through. ‘I’m not scared of any human. Except you, when you’re pissed at me.”

Jonghyun snorted. “Good boy.”

Kiss in the Rain ( pg, w/c 340, set during the epilogue of Bring Us Home AU if you go to read the main fic just know theres a lot of PTSD stuff involved)

They managed to get off the rowboat they rented and made a mad dash to the boathouse to hide from the rain, but more people were gathering in the limited space. Jinki grabbed his wrist, stopping him from continuing. He smile widely as Jonghyun looked back at him as they stood in the middle of the downpour. “What are you doing?”

“We’re already soaked.” Jinki giggled and Jonghyun paused for a moment, startled before he softened at the beauty of Jinki’s glee. “What’s a little more rain?”

“We’ll get sick.” Jonghyun frowned, pushing his hair from his face with his free hand. Then he sighed, avoiding Jinki’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I had this entire day planned for weeks and I just-” He looked at the ground, at the puddle of mud beginning to accumulate around their feet in the edge of the grass. “I forgot to check the weather and our date… it’s ruined, Babe.”

“As long as I am with you, nothing is ruined,” Jinki said as quietly as he could after stepping close so his lips were against Jonghyun’s ear.

In a blink of an eye, Jonghyun was clinging to him, pressing his nose into his neck, “I just wanted to give you something back that was the same. I wanted you to not worry about anything just for one afternoon.”

Dazed, it took Jinki a moment to understand what he meant, but once it dawned on him, he swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Hey, hey come on look at me.” Once Jonghyun had, Jinki took his face between his hands, thumbs moving on his cheeks. “Oh, you sweet little man.” And then he was pressing their lips together, shifting until his arms were tight around Jonghyun’s thin waist. The rain was a bit cold and the way their clothes were plastered to their skin felt uncomfortable, but the kisses were warm and familiar, comforting, and it stopped Jinki from getting too emotional over how much he felt Jonghyun’s love for him.

Stomach Kiss (Pg, w/c 712, Set between [x] and [x]  Where Jjongs trans, Jinki’s nonbinary and they’re expecting. This is their I want to raise the baby discussion around month 4 and a half. Warning for conversation mentioning abortion, body dysphoria if that bothers or makes you uncomfy.)

“Hey, Sweetums?” Jonghyun slowly looked up from his stomach where his fingers were gently moving over the taut skin to find Jinki across the way bent over their history paper due the following week. There was a soft, uncommitted hum, and Jonghyun frowned. “Jinki.”

Slowly, they put their pencil down and twisted, a soft, yet tired smile on their face. “Yes, Baby boy?”

“Can we talk?”

Jinki looked back at their spread of textbooks and their laptop and then again at Jonghyun before they had their back toward him for a moment. Then they were standing and turning the desk light off, climbing over the bed until they were hovering a little over him. Jinki smiled sweetly, playing with a curl of Jonghyun’s hair as they softly asked, “Is something bothering you?”

“Have you thought about…” Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered a little as he took a deep breath, moving his left hand to gesture in the general area of his stomach.

“What I want to do after?” Jonghyun could only manage a small nod. Jinki hummed quietly, before resting gently beside him. They reached over and intertwined their fingers with Jonghyun’s left hand, smiling, “I have a bit actually. Is that what you want to talk about?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to go first?” Jonghyun shook his head quickly, and Jinki was quick to squeeze his hand. “Alright, I’ll go.” They flashed a quick smile, meant to be reassuring, before speaking again. Their eyes flicked to Jonghyun’s ever-growing belly before hesitantly placing their hand flat upon it, moving their thumb across the bare skin. “When you told me you were pregnant the first thought through my head was we should end it. My feelings about having children didn’t really matter at that moment. You and your body’s integrity did. However, now, I…”

As their voice trailed off Jonghyun picked up, guessing how Jinki had meant to finish it. “You want to keep them, don’t you sweetums?”

“I love them, Jonghyun.” Jinki had such a beautiful expression on their face. All soft, fond eyes, just a hint of a smile on their lips as they gazed upon the growing child they both made. “They’re made of little parts of each of us, the best parts. The beautiful parts that I haven’t tarnished. If you didn’t want… don’t want to keep them, I’ll understand. At least in time.” Then their head lifted to look at Jonghyun. “I don’t want my thoughts and desires to cloud your feelings and ultimate stance on this. We both have to agree wholeheartedly.”

“This entire experience feels… unlike me.” Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut, letting his head fall back against the headboard of their bed. “I never wanted to experience pregnancy. I never wanted to have my body doing something viewed so feminine and womanly.”

“I know, Baby.”

“But I’ve always wanted children and I’ve seen myself raising children with you for a very long time. I just thought it would be through adoption.” Jonghyun pressed his lips together in a thin line before he opened his eyes to find Jinki’s looking at him. Wide, nervous, but vulnerable. Everything about them was open and understanding and it made Jonghyun want to cry. “What I’m saying Jinki, is that through everything I’m so happy it was you this happened with. I don’t think I could get through it with anyone else. I don’t want to raise a child with anyone else.”

Jinki bit into their lower lip to stop the damn thing from trembling too much, as if they tears threatening to spill over their lashes wasn’t going to give them away. “You want to raise this baby with me?”

Jonghyun squeezed Jinki’s thigh, “I do Sweetums. I want to keep them. They’re ours.”

In very quick moments, Jinki was pressing soft kisses all over Jonghyun’s face. Jonghyun giggled quietly as they did so. Then they pressed a long kiss to his stomach, smiling from ear to ear. “Your Za can’t wait to meet you.”

“Za, huh?”

Jinki’s cheeks were such a pretty shade of pink in the light from the lamp on the table. “I looked up gender-neutral parent names. Just in case.”

“You’re so fucking cute, Sweetums.”

“Shh, language~” Jonghyun snorted as Jinki giggled at their joke.

Chest Kiss (pg-13 because they nakey and post coitus. w/c 344. Star wars au, but after every part, I’ve posted so UH, here’s the tag if you’re interested)  

They should be getting up soon to clean up. Both had a Council meeting to attend once they landed on Coruscant, but with the clock flashing on the wall that they had another hour before they dropped out of hyperspace, they figured they could relish in the small moments after making love most of the time they aren’t given the luxury of having. The blanket was behind him, pushed back when he had climbed into Jinki’s lap. The man’s braids were becoming frizzy and coming undone in parts, and Jonghyun made a mental note to redo it for him before they landed. Content in the warmth and presence of the other in the force, Jonghyun ran his fingers over Jinki’s chest softly but stopped as he felt the raised skin of a rather large scar across his pectorals. “How did you get this one?”

“A nasty encounter with spice smugglers a few years back.”

“Oh, that’s right.” He looked up and gave him a sweet kiss. “I do wish you were more careful. I see you more in the Halls of healing than I do alone outside in the Temple.”

“Ever thought I might keep going just to see you?” Jinki grinned, and Jonghyun deemed it illegal across the entire galaxy to look that good post-coitus. “Besides, we just had a two-month long negotiation between the rebels and the Senator on Ryloth. Doesn’t that count?”

“Telling the Senator I did not wish to be pleased with a woman ‘gifted’ to me for the night nine different times was not what I meant by spending time with you.”

“Mm, you’re right. I apologize.” Jinki tilted his head to the left, puzzlement on his expression.

“What?”

“How come the force allowed you to be so beautiful, dear one?”

Jonghyun swatted at his chest from where his hand had still been resting, “Oh do shut up.”

“Ow, that hurt.”

With a sigh, Jonghyun leaned down slightly to press a few soft kisses against Jinki’s chest. “Does that make it better, Love?”

“Quite so, Master Jedi.”  

#jongyu #onjong #jonghyun #onew #shinee #god I have a lot of au tags to remember #UH #star wars au #bring us home au #atlantis au #Idk if I remember the tag for the elf one #well shit #anyway #first one we will tag #7 minutes in heaven au

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2018 Anime Overview: Continuing Series- Golden Kamuy Season 2 and Banana Fish

Golden Kamuy Season 2

If you enjoyed the first season, this is pretty much more of the same, so check out my review of season one to know what to expect.

Though I guess you could say this portion of the season DOES lean even harder into weirdness than the first one did. There’s not many anime where you’ll see two dudes having the time of their lives modeling fashionable outfits made out of human skin, which include...crotch appendages...only in Golden Kamuy y’all.

Interestingly bizarreness tends to overlap with queerness a lot in this season and its hard to know how to feel about it. For instance, it’s definitely an unexpected revelation that dudes are attracted to Lieutenant Tsurumi like whoa. 

IDK apparently he’s a catch. Half of his subordinates are in love with him. It’s handled as comical and of course the dudes are mentally unbalanced weirdos (as is everyone in Golden Kamuy except Asirpa and Sugimoto only sometimes) and one of them dies, but the show is never overtly mean to them either. Nobody acts disgusted about it and when one character observes the attraction, he basically shrugs about it.

 Satoru Noda apparently also REALLY loose with his fixation with dudes muscles with this part of the story, to the point we got the beef-cakiest hotsprings episode I’ve ever seen, which includes an extended fight scene where the male characters were naked throughout. There’s also an entire scene where apparently otter meat is an aphrodisiac that causes the dudes to be really into each other, so they engage in nearly naked sumo wrestling.

This is all clearly supposed to be wacky and funny, but at the same time it’s pretty clear the mangaka must REALLY LIKE drawing these scenes of muscular, naked men, and I support him following his dreams. Also I won’t deny it’s refreshing to see a hot springs episode where not a single woman got objectified, but there was dude oglin’ a plenty. It healed me a little.

I guess while we’re talking about this show and its weird relationship with queerness I should reporting that my prediction was right and the trans woman I mentioned in the previous review did become an ally. Her transness hasn’t been bought up again (though for some reason the subs decided to switch to “he” despite sticking with “she” before) and her role is pretty minor, she does reveal she’s skilled in both cooking and surgery (because she likes dismembering people) and talks about how great it would be to see people murdered every so often, so pretty much more of the same.

And that’s really all there is to say. Golden Kamuy has only gotten weirder and the plot only more convoluted (I’m starting to have a hard time keeping track of the characters tbh), but it’s an entertaining story and there’s still characters with resonance and heart underneath it all (the scene where Sugimoto discusses his trauma from being in the war with Asirpa genuinely tugged a heartstring. These two are still great and have really settled into a kinda of adorable dad-daughter dynamic at this point) and the historical and cultural research that went into this story is still amazing. 

I can tell the anime’s still skipping a lot of the manga (most of volume 7 was completely skipped), but since the English release of the manga is so slow, I’m happy to watch it in the meantime. It helps that the show has a bangin’ soundtrack and and it managed to pull its ginormous cast together for some truly exciting and action packed final episodes that left me eager for more. 

Banana Fish (13-24)

Again, if you read my review for the first half of the show, you can basically expect more of the same, both with the good and especially the bad parts. We do get more downtime with Ash and Eiji’s relationship, and they continued to make me think this show would be so much better if it focused more on these quiet scenes rather than on piling as much trauma on Ash as it possibly can. 

I think this second half did allow me to see what was compelling about Ash and Eiji’s relationship and why it’s stayed with so many people. When Ash explained that he’s finally found someone who will love him without expecting anything in return, so of course he’s willing to do anything for that person, that got me in the heart. Ash is someone who has either been viewed as a threat or someone to exploit- he’s especially used to being treated like he’s nothing more than a body, a receptacle for desires. Eiji isn’t afraid of Ash, or in awe of him, and never asks anything of him other than for him to be okay and by his side. Ash genuinely can just be a dumb teenager with him while he can’t with anyone else. Eiji is an outsider, to Ash’s gang-bangin’ world, to his culture in general, and that allows him to see Ash as he truly is, just a kid who needs to get out of this mess.

The romantic in me really loves that concept, and as an ace person, I especially connect to the underlying implication that Eiji is a romantic partner who isn’t going to demand sex from Ash or try to force him into it. Though Ash’s implied desire to avoid sex almost certainly stems from trauma, I know how he feels in a broad sense. And I think it’s a thing a lot of women can relate to even if they aren’t ace, wanting to find a relationship where they aren’t used or objectified, so it goes back around to how Ash acts as kind of a representation for the anxieties and desires of (likely) the mangaka and many women despite being a male character, and I still find that very interesting. The scene where Ash has a complete breakdown and screams at his rapist while laughing hysterically was really affecting.

So there’s moments of real resonance here, but is it worth the bullshit surrounding it, which includes every single gay man being represented as a rapist, to the point a gay bar is connected to a child porn ring? The nasty implication that gay sex is inherently evil and non-consensual, and Ash and Eiji’s relationship is only okay because they’re not doing it is very strong, and as much as this ace appreciates a romance that doesn’t require sex, I don’t want it THIS way.

There’s also some SERIOUS anti-Semitic bullshit that I can’t believe MAPPA didn’t edit out in a couple episodes. Like it would have been so easy to cut. Also some more pretty rough scenes of black men being murdered (they’re extras this time at least, and the main black dude for this part of the anime miraculously manages to both survive and not be an offensive caricature. Also his name is Cain Blood which is the best name in this story, and possibly ever). 

The second half of the anime also involved some of the more absurd elements worsening. I got REALLY tired of every character commenting on how hot and amazing Ash is like. I GET IT.  Also Ash’s life of being sexually exploited somehow gives him the ability to seduce any man holding him captive, and every bad guy is down for raping a teenage boy, I guess. It’s actually again, a little surreal to see these tropes with a male character. I’m used to seeing hot female characters who’ve been through sexual trauma and have magic seduction powers and are endlessly drooled over...I almost want guys to watch these segments so they can see how uncomfortable it feels when the tables are turned. 

There’s also some really good examples of ACTUAL jarring tone shifts, where the anime really fails to land some of its attempts at a funny, light moment in the midst of really tense and tragic situations. I think it’s possible the manga managed this better, but I can’t imagine the “joke” where Ash has to crossdress and a male doctor gropes him and Ash punches him out cold and his friends chortle and tell him he’s not a gentle woman could ever be done in a non jarring way. Like, I don’t like sexual harassment humor in anime at the best of times, but it’s especially bad when the person who is harassed has been raped more times than he can count.  We’re expected to take that seriously, but not this, because Ash is in a dress? It’s also like, appalling that his friends who are fully aware of his history would laugh about him getting assaulted again. It’s a moment that feels like it comes from a completely different anime. 

So um, yeah. My conclusion is those resonant moments are not worth the bullshit. The ending really cemented this for me. I had an (admittedly overly flippant) reaction that kind of sums my feelings up. Let’s just say I HATE meaningless cruel tragedy for the sake of tragedy, and I especially hate the implication abuse victims can never find happiness. 

I can’t say Banana Fish is an anime I’ll think fondly of or recommend. I do still find the discussion about it interesting, much more interesting than the actual story (as presented in the anime, again, haven’t read the manga), tbh. And I can see the seeds of a good story there, and I can understand why fans would want to see a reboot that truly modernized the story, cutting out the worst stuff and giving it a better ending, while keeping the resonance of the main relationship and the good characters (I really did like Sing, and Yut Lung was interesting. Shorter and Skip both deserved way better. Also Jessica, who at least got to do something besides be victimized at the last minute. One whole female character got a few moments of agency. Hallelujah.) Maybe someday it will happen. 

In the meantime, there’s a bunch of cool articles on Banana Fish that are worth a read. All of the pieces published on animefeminist as well as this post on Otaku, She Wrote are really informative, illuminating, and break down a lot of the issues I found here.

#golden kamuy #banana fish #anime overview #anime #my reviews #body horror cw #fall 2018 anime

[weaselle]

I want to share something hidden about myself.

I’m sort of a girl? so I started this tumblr as just, like, a catch-all and curation: anything I miss on other social media usually makes it’s way to my dash here, and it’s also full of cute animals and cool art - win. And I have almost no cross followers and irl friends here, like close to zero people from my facebook friends know me here, so it’s… almost like an alone place with imaginary friends. Anyway, I’ve slowly been filling with this desire to say something about myself for years, I want it out in the universe but I don’t necessarily want a bunch of people in my life to know it, so this seems the right platform, maybe. I’m going to be talking about being… some kind of non-binary. And I would like to start with a kind of disclaimer: I don’t want to move into spaces that I feel are best left for others, people who need those spaces more than I do. I’m not trying to join any communities or participate in other people’s identity situations. This disclaimer will make more sense as I go on. I’m 40 years old (still pretty tho ;) ) and I’ve always presented myself as, and mostly conceived of myself as: cis white male. But I’ve also always been … other than that. On the inside; like, both things. I feel, idk, like… I read about two-spirit shamans, and I think about how that kind of identity must have always been a reality for some people since the dawn of humans, and I feel something on that spectrum, maybe. And there’s a whole other dimension to it, which is that my mother died when I was young - I was very lucky to be adopted right away by her sister, but, since I was 6 years old, I have actively tried to let her spirit live on this earth through me. This is part of the reason for my disclaimer- I don’t necessarily think my experience is very representative of many people who are non-binary. Or maybe it mostly is, I’m more of an accepting-my-friends-as-being-who-they-present-as and less a delving-into-the-deep-personal-exploration-of-WHY-they-are-who-they-are kind of friend, but at least, I don’t think housing the ghost of a dead parent inside your own soul is a component for most people. Anyway, that’s certainly not the whole story with me, either, but I definitely started from a place of trying to live life how a woman would live it. Like, especially when I was in 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th grade, I was intensely curious about what it would be like to be a woman. In 7th grade I carried around books like Are You There God It’s Me Margaret  - which fact didn’t create a lot of social capital for me (but I feel ultimately that was a far better investment in socialization than I knew at the time). Along with LOTR and everything else a person who loves books reads, I read romance novels and stuff like Clan of the Cave Bear. Books by women that dealt with sexuality and women’s points of view - like The Mists of Avalon, which I devoured over the summer before freshman year. And the whole time I was exploring my sexual awakening, this curiosity of what it would be like to be a woman was present, and sometimes the focus. Women’s underwear, for example, feels super sexy and exciting to wear, if only it didn’t look ridiculous to me on my male anatomy. The thing is, I am DEFINITELY attracted to women. Like, I find some men attractive in a non-sexual way, the way a leopard in peak condition is beautiful, if that makes sense.. and I’ve known three or four men that I’ve thought “if only I wanted to fuck you, I would totally date you” - but, I’ve sucked a couple dicks over the years, and I’m just not that into it. I remember standing naked in the mirror trying to imagine what it would be like to just BE a girl, thinking about how as a late-blooming 14 year old physical body there seemed very little difference anyway, but I wanted so much to experience the entire reality… and trying to reconcile that desire with the fact that no matter how I tried to get into that fantasy, boys just weren’t sexy to me. In 1992 in a small town, with no internet access, I was definitely unknowingly trapped in binary preconceptions of gender and sexuality, while I tried to understand the possibility that I was a lesbian inside. But I never let that thought develop much. I mean the thought has been pretty omnipresent on the back burner of my being, but I’ve always kind of overlooked it with a “not really though”. The reasons are difficult to pin down, but … I had friends who were guys, and I heard their take on things, and I sort of felt that me getting off on pretending to be a lesbian would be participating in something similar to things I found kind of gross about the ways some of these boys were about women. I still wrestle with that. And, while I was lucky enough to have friends and family that I knew were sufficiently supportive that I could tell them I felt like a girl inside, I felt like that understanding would instantly shift to skepticism if I added “and I’m sexually attracted to women”. Like, that felt, and still feels, like one solid step too far to be taken seriously by most of my friends and family, hell, I barely comprehend it myself. Like, if I want to be a girl, but the girl I want to be would be described as a tomboy and I’m attracted to girls… what even am I doing? (It was weird, when I was young and imagined myself as a girl, I wanted to be a girl doing “boy” things like skateboarding and climbing trees and playing video games and fighting and playing in the mud - but when I imagined myself as a boy, I wanted to be a boy doing “girl” things, dressing up and singing and cooking and dancing and being the hub of a spy-network gossip circle. Now, as an adult in this the year 2018, with the exception of social-progression issues, it is utterly unimportant to me what things are “man” things and what things are “woman” things so this isn’t the same; like, I know men are often super gossipy and I’m no longer stuck thinking of ballet as a “girl” thing, so that part of my situation has resolved.) So I went on with my life, as a boy. I mean, sometimes people wondered if I was gay, and my theater-kid ass didn’t get into the overt parts of male culture by any means, but I was definitely a boy. And, as much as I fantasized about being a woman, I fantasized about growing into a man, too. A tall, lithe, broad-shouldered, slim-hipped, ninja-werewolf man in a killer business suit with a harem of super talented funny smart women who were all lovers and let me be their beloved bodyguard and sex parter. Or whatever, I’ve never been good at having realistic goals. And I definitely grew into a man. Like, I still have to consciously check myself to make sure I’m not interrupting women or talking over them, because I didn’t learn how inherent a quality that was in me until I was an adult, because I grew up in modern America AS a MAN, in ways that are undeniable and very real. And while I still STRONGLY wish I could experience life in a woman’s body (y’know, for three weeks out of the month) I’m very comfortable with my male body. Despite my lifelong social and mental issues (or maybe because of addressing them my whole life?) I’m pretty well-adjusted. I like myself, physically, spiritually (liking myself mentally is a 50/50 proposition, but whatever). I’ve come a long way. From a clumsy, socially inept, tantrum throwing, ugly duckling with a scalp condition and a bunch of warts on my hands, I’ve grown into a physically and socially skilled, wart-free healthy-scalped adult man, with slim hips and decently broad shoulders (still no luck on the werewolf thing) and a good handle on my anger management; fit and kind and thoughtful and only a little crazy… I’m pretty damn happy and comfortable with who I have become. I have even wound up in a couple romantic relationships with women who almost exclusively prefer dating other women, and that has been a wonderful low-key way to sort of be this other thing I feel I am. I just ALSO feel this desire to be a woman on the outside, sometimes, because I still feel like a woman on the inside, in many ways. And that leads me right back around to my starting point. I have a huge amount of privilege, and I don’t want to give it up. I feel like it’s my duty to use that privilege on behalf of those who don’t have it, but I do have it, and I take full advantage of it, so, I don’t think it’s fair of me to “come out” as any kind of trans or non-binary person. I feel like I would be taking space away from people who need it more than I do. I am, for all intents and purposes, a cis white male, and I have enjoyed every advantage that comes with that: I get to talk about being attracted to the people I’m attracted to, and it is the “cultural norm” for them to be attracted people who look like me… I don’t even really have any body dysphoria or anything. I’m just mostly comfortable with who I am while wishing I could be more, and isn’t that the human experience anyway? And part of that privilege is getting to not have this, whatever this gender sexuality non-binary thing I experience in my soul, not be society’s defining characteristic of me - I get to have it NOT be the main thing that everyone insists on bringing up with/about me. I’m grateful that it doesn’t have to be what takes all my time and energy, because I have a lot of other things I want to focus on. I have a very real socio-economic revolution I’ve spent almost 25 years putting together that I’m finally starting to get off the ground, in fact- I can’t really afford to get derailed over this. I just… I don’t want it to be THE part of my reality, but the older I get, the more I feel like I need to acknowledge that it is A part of my reality, a real part of me. Somewhere, on the inside, and to whatever extent regrettably not on the outside, I am a lesbian woman… in as much as a person can be who has grown up being treated by society as a cis man. As much as it makes me furious and sad that I cannot avoid adding such an addendum, that I cannot simply say “I feel in my soul that I am a lesbian woman” the plain fact is I have spent 40 years enjoying the privileges of a cis man, and that experience does not a lesbian make. But just here. Just this once. I want to say it anyway. To just accept this part of myself without all those qualifiers and conditions. I am a woman who loves other women. It has literally made me cry now, to have typed that simple sentence alone. So thank you, Tumblr, for being the void I can say this into.

[thefandomhouse]

just wanted to write out a bunch of My Hero thoughts/opinions because idk anybody else who watches it (or who would want to), but i don't really want to get into deep enough into the fandom to see the #drama

so, a bunch of random shit in no particular order:

- this is more about my relationship with anime in general but.... i always feel like i need to put a disclaimer on My Anime Opinions because of the perviness and fanservice and sexualization. it’s frustrating because the “shounen” genre (and yeah i know it’s not exactly a genre. whatever) caters to my interests in so many other ways!!! big, flashy battles, cool powers and magic systems, huge emphasis on The Power of Friendship, cheesy humor, great animation, everything is all kinds of HYPE and EXCITEMENT and FUN....but since shows like this are targeted towards teenage boys and often made by horny men, there’s also Boobs and token pervert characters that serve as an excuse to show More Boobs or Fantasize About Boobs. and the women’s powers are either “look i’m a girl!!!” (there were a couple of women early on in hunter x hunter whose powers were....sewing and vacuuming?? seriously??? and then another one later on who was an older woman who chose to make herself look like a little girl as her superpower??) or “what’s a power-related excuse to make these costumes As Skimpy As Possible” (cough cough Momo and Hagakure cough cough) or even having NO excuse (what the fuck, Bubble Girl, i know it was a fan design contest thing but that never should have been accepted it makes no sense i--) and that’s. really damn tiring and annoying. mha hasn’t quite crossed the line for me yet overall -- meaning my disgust with grape trash and other gross tropes hasn’t outweighed my enjoyment of every other aspect of the story and characters, and i hope that never becomes the case. (i tried to watch 7 deadly sins on netflix and??? the main character gropes an unconscious woman in literally the first episode with no consequences???? no fucking thank you!!!!! i’m OUT)

- anyway if anybody reads this and has any show recs that hit that Good Shounen Hype vibe with good animation, fantasy/sci-fi/superpower elements, but minimal (or nonexistent??) Creep Vibes, please send them my way. i know there are a bunch of good slice-of-life or comedy or drama shows that have queer themes and sensitive storytelling but man.....if there’s no magic or dragons what’s even the POINT

- on a related note, god fucking bless every “AU - M!neta M!norou Doesn’t Exist” fic on ao3, and everyone who makes every member of class 1-a queer in some way or another, so i can get my cool powers and great characters and dramatic plots without the threat of disgust and frustration

- also i just read the School Briefs series and while there were entirely too many chapters/sections that focused on grape trash, it WAS mentioned that Tiger of the Wild Wild Pussycats is canonically a trans man (who hasn’t been killed off!), and Shinso Hitoshi became the only man at UA I respect with one line: “He’s gotta be expelled for sexual harassment one of these days, right?”

- seriously, if shinso’s transfer gets approved i would literally rather have grape trash expelled than whoever ends up being the traitor (if it’s a hero course student. i honestly don’t really care about traitor speculation/theories).

- and yes “only man i respect” includes aizawa and every other 1-a boy who just!! lets shit happen with barely a comment!!! again, bless every fic where grape trash gets expelled early on or at the training camp because Hey, What He Does Is Fucked Up Actually and maybe someone who consistently disrespects and violates his peers’ boundaries and privacy shouldn’t be accepted as a HERO without getting some behavioral therapy first???? same kinda goes for bakugo too though, they really need to address his anger issues and beef with mido beyond “let’s force them to team up in high-stress situations even though this boy basically tried to obliterate the other one on, like, the second day of class. they’ll probably work it out!!”

- and on the subject of bakugo! i really fucking can’t ship him romantically with mido as their history and relationship stands in canon. (this is not meant to shame anybody for shipping it, i just want to articulate why it’s a notp for me personally. expressing my opinions is the point of this list.) i can see the foundations -- mido obsessed with baku, baku constantly frustrated by yet aware of mido, both of them being drawn to each other and tangled up in each other’s ideas of what it means to be a hero. but. baku made mido’s entire childhood hell. rejected and abused him for something he couldn’t control, ostracized him from all of his peers, mocked his passions, crushed his dreams, told him to jump off a roof. of course mido still clung to him--baku’s strong and smart and talented, and he was the only friend mido ever had, the only friend he had left, the “hero” he could see in his own life.

but at UA he has other friends, other heroes, people who support him and believe in him. it’s his chance to step outside of baku’s shadow and see his own self worth. and it’s baku’s chance to see how wrong he was, and outgrow his anger and prejudice!! see others as his equals instead of his inferiors! but it’s gonna take years for that to happen for both of them, and while i can see them becoming partners and friends who can finally talk to each other on the same level, and work together better than anyone because they know each other so damn well after everything they went through....i think they need to do that healing and growth separately, for the most part.

and like...okay, disclaimer, i am fully asexual and aromantic, so while i love reading shippy fics, there are some things i just cannot fucking understand or relate to. the whole “sexual tension between people who hate each other but can’t stop thinking about each other” or “arguments turn into make-out sessions” thing is just beyond me. if i hate a person i Do Not Want to be around them! at all!! so the idea that baku treats mido like that BECAUSE he’s attracted to him?? incomprehensible.

and on mido’s end, no matter how much he respects or admires baku, or even if he was endlessly infatuated with/attracted to him when they were younger, why the FUCK would he want to stay with someone who made him feel like dirt for so long, when he’s finally surrounded by people who love him fully and unapologetically? i want him to have more self-respect than that. i honestly, truly want to see baku grow and develop to the extent that he and mido can stand on the same level as equals. i want to see mido unashamed and unafraid, i want baku to apologize and mean it, i want mido to forgive him, i want baku to become the kind of hero mido always believed he could be.

but to me, that depth and complexity of relationship (while very very very good!!) is NOT the same thing as a romance, and turning it into one feels wrong when the foundations of it are just....baku tormenting mido, while mido had nothing and no one else to turn to. (his mom is great, but a parent is not the same as a friend, and she was literally the only person in his life who cared about him while baku and his cronies were beating him up and ridiculing him in front of teachers who turned a blind eye.) if they had been equal rivals from the beginning, with mido able to hold his own physically, socially, and/or emotionally instead of being left bruised and battered in the dirt every time, then sure! rivals to lovers, have at it. but for me, there’s gotta be that give-and-take.

i haven’t read shippy fic for those two and i’m sure there’s a lot of great stuff!! i’ve read platonic bk//dk-centric fic by writers who DO ship them and write mostly shippy stuff, and their take on that relationship is great and engaging and everything. but i feel like, to me, even when the growth and development of their canon-based relationship is handled really well, it’d feel wrong to me as soon as it turned romantic.

- .....which is one of the reasons why todo//mido is my JAM. bonding over shared loneliness and trauma, respecting each other as rivals right from the beginning, the contrast of chatty and sunny mido with quiet and calm todo, hurt/comfort on both sides, navigating their relationships with the people who have hurt them so much in the past, the capacity to be gentle and tender with each other while remaining passionate and dedicated rivals, growing and healing together, that good good Pining because neither one of them believes that they deserve the other, all of it!!! now THAT i can relate to and understand and see as the basis for romance. mido changed todo’s whole damn worldview in ONE FIGHT after todo spilled his whole tragic backstory to mido in their second conversation.

even so (and again, this might be ace/aro me not relating) i kinda roll my eyes whenever a fic emphasizes how attractive they find each other right away (especially on todo’s end, when mido is consistently described as plain or unremarkable). worst offenders are when they ~just so happen~ to be EXACTLY each other’s “type.” like, alright, sure, i gUESS.

it’s just so much more interesting to me if attraction follows affection instead of the other way around? especially in the context of canon events. but whatever, love at first sight’s just not my thing. never has been. and i like the idea that even though the start of their friendship is so chaotic and rushed in some ways, it still takes them time to get to know each other and come to terms with their own feelings. (slow burn slow burn SLOW BURN)

- okay those are all my more sincere/serious opinions

- i know canon is like “stop being such a crybaby :/” but mido crying all the time is one of my favorite things about him and i hope it never goes away, at least not completely

- some fics have mido getting growth spurts and getting really tall, and it’s an anime trope that getting taller parallels character growth/maturity (like Ed growing up in FMA after being short and mad about it was one of his defining characteristics for so long) but again......i just want him to stay short....please let my boy stay a small overemotional nerd.... hori please i’m begging you

-  it’s hilarious to me that the “dabi is a todoroki” theory is present in almost every single damn fic where that character makes an appearance. personally i have no stake in the theory (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true, wouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t) but i feel like it’s never gonna die even after his identity is truly revealed

- apparently shinso/kami is a decently popular ship and i.....have no idea if those two have ever interacted at all?? did they talk to each other in the show or in the manga or some side story and i missed it? are they popular JUST because they parallel eraser//mic to some extent??? or is it purely a case of “those personalities would be fun together--SHIP TIME”?? idk i don’t get it but it’s funny

- back to School Briefs, there’s a neat Kendo-centric chapter during the school festival that ends up being an introspective on kendo’s relationship with her own gender and the idea of performing femininity for the beauty pageant and it kind of rules??

- there’s also an entire chapter from the pov of koda’s bunny during their first couple days in the dorms. apparently koda can’t understand animals, he can just control them by talking to them!

- in shinso’s chapter he overhears the dance squad talking about the sports festival and he hears mido talk about how useful and great shinso’s quirk will be for hero work and shinso’s like “!!! thank you???? finally???” and then resolves to get stronger and make it into the hero course before they meet again

- during the school festival when mido ran off to make eri’s candy apples, iida and todo were like “is he running into trouble again?? can he PLEASE tell us where he’s going? we would track his phone but he never brings it with him anyways!!! what are we supposed to do about him!!!!” and then they found out what he was doing and went “oh ;u;”

- School Briefs in general (minus grape trash sections) were exactly the kind of “slice of life but there are superpowers” fluffy nonsense i always crave, would recommend

- also hilarious: baby mido in fic (especially de-aging fic) is often either a) the Most Precious Sunshine Child in Existence, even villains can’t help but adore him, or b) the most obnoxious, borderline-creepy, whiny little brat in existence, No Wonder Baku Couldn’t Stand Him. i imagine the “reality” would fall somewhere in the middle and it’s always a little jarring when authors so solidly fall on one extreme or the other lmfao

- just bnha fanfic things: “is this an intentional use of All for One vs One for All or was it a typo/mistake on the author’s part??”

- that’s all i’ve got for now yall i love these characters

#some minor efforts have been taken to keep this from showing up in main tags #but not really #so if it does uh: these are just a bunch of barely coherent opinions thrown together inone long monster post #mine

[secondaryaftermathhq]

Welcome to the secondary aftermath

Hi! I thought a good place to start would be to make an introduction post to explain what the point of this blog is.

So first off, what is Secondary Aftermath?

Secondary aftermath is the name of the TV show I’m currently writing. I don’t know what’s going to happen with it - it may sit on my laptop for the rest of time, it may get picked up and actually put into production, I could end up doing it myself, I don’t know.

The title is a work in progress (and bonus points if you get the reference) but for now I’m happy with it. I’ve got 4 seasons mapped out so far but I’m confident I can go further, currently I’m finishing writing season 1 but I keep getting sidetracked by designing characters and writing parts of the later seasons that I’m SUPER excited for. I also have a prequel series surrounding Aliana’s time in Denver and everything that happened before she met the gang that sits in my brain, constantly knocking on the walls to remind me I need to write it. It’s fun.

I made this blog because I’m going stir crazy having this entire world inside my head with nobody to share it with. I realise nobody might even seen this account but at least I know it’s out there this way.

What’s the plot?

...So here’s the thing. I suck at descriptions. Really, really suck at descriptions. Here’s the short version:

Superpowers, robots, clones, bowling for soup, lgbt+ representation, My Chemical Romance and all the 2000’s alternative music you can take. That’s the best I can offer without making it over complicated. I’ll do a more detailed description below for season 1 but I can’t promise it’ll be great.

“Felix, Kurt, Rory and Vince are 4 people with different superpowers (I’m gonna do a detailed character post soon) who live in a gas station. The gas station is outside the town Felix and Kurt used to live in before it got burnt and all the residents were kidnapped 6 years ago. When Felix goes back to the town to get an important part for the car, they find Kayla cowering as she hides from the very people that took Felix’s town. After years of trying to find the people that committed the crime, they finally have a lead to chase - except that lead is now chasing them.

The group leave the station and head north, where they encounter the straight talking Aliana and her motorbike. After listening to Aliana explain that she can help them stop the bad guys and discovering she is also a special like the rest of the group, they agree to go with her to another abandoned town where Angus is waiting for them.

Together they make plans to stop the evil Planetary Inc. (more bonus points for getting the reference) and release all the captured citizens of various towns in the area whilst keeping Kayla safe, but it won’t be that simple. When the right hand man of Planetary’s leader shows up wanting to help, the group discover more about the company’s history in a day than they had in 6 years and trust is called into question.”

I like to keep a lot of things hidden so that’s a pretty vague description but I think it covers the basics of season 1. I might update it in future idk.

Who are the characters?

So like I said, I’ll do a detailed characters post soon where I give more information about each individual but for now I offer you some blurbs -

Felix

Felix can only be described as a non-binary sweetheart. They deserve the world and I’ll fight anyone that fucks with them. Their powers are that they can conjure force fields and play music as loud as possible. They feel responsible for what happened to the town and have spent the last 6 years trying to make it right, with no luck. They’re a total worry wart. The kind of person who would start vibrating if they found out someone they cared about was anything less than 100% happy. They act as the leader of the group but they’re not the firm type. Mcr stan if I ever saw one.

Kurt/K

Felix’s best friend, they’re inseparable. He also feels responsible for what happened but he’s better at hiding it. Kurt is the voice of reason within the group, when everyone else wants to act first and think later, he’s the one that sets them straight. His power is that he can conjure elements from his hands and control the weather within the area he’s located. Kurt’s the friend you go to when you’ve had a day from hell and just need someone to sit and listen to you without any interruption or judgement.

Rory

Imagine if you could capture chaos in a jar and eat it. That’s Rory. He used to be a doctor before he joined Felix and Kurt at the station which is handy because his powers are he can heal anything and see places in real time within his head. Rory is Vince’s boyfriend and it seems like they never stop arguing but god help you if you say something rude about one of them in the presence in the other. Rory seems tough but he’s seen some shit and been through some shit, it’s what got him and Vince bonding at first. The last person you’d expect to be giving sage advice but he’s actually really good at it. Rory’s brought some unsavoury characters to the station in the past but the group never hold it against him.

Vince/Vinnie

The only reason Rory hasn’t died yet. Vince is seen as “the strong one” of the group, he’s actually a big softie and a good man but that’s exactly why he’s the last person you’d want to piss off. His power is he can look into people’s memories to find the information he needs. Vince lost his daughter and her mother a year before finding the station after an experiment conducted by Planetary went horribly wrong, despite all that, he’s in good spirits and likes to look on the bright side of life.

Aliana

She’ll buy you dinner then poison your wine. Aliana is a no-nonsense, speak her mind kind of gal. Her power is that she can turn invisible which has helped her a lot when hiding from Planetary Inc. in the past. She’s “married” to Angus and lives in an abandoned town, courtesy of Planetary, a couple hours from the Station. Aliana briefly worked for Planetary at a pop-up research facility in Denver and struck up a good friendship with Phoenix before it all went pear shaped and she was forced to flee back home, where she found her own town abandoned.

Angus

We need to put bells on his ankles because you barely notice he’s in the room until he speaks. Angus prefers to observe than participate, he keeps to himself and doesn’t judge you on anything you share with him. He’s just full of wisdom. His power is that he can spawn in multiple places, giving him eyes and ears everywhere. Angus can be found caring for Kayla when the others are out dealing with Planetary, he prefers to deal with the logical side of things rather than the physical side.

Kayla

She literally didn’t ask for any of this but Nolan just had to bring a kid into this didn’t he. Ugh. Kayla is an absolute sweetheart who doesn’t really know what’s happening, she just knows the bad men are after her. Kayla was artificially born within the facility 4 years ago, but they had managed to rapidly speed up her aging so she was closer to the age at which children gain their powers. Kayla was the first success I.e the first person to be given powers without being born into them. Her power is that she can start and stop time but for obvious reasons, she’s not having the best time controlling them yet.

(The)Phoenix

He’s made some big mistakes in the past but he’s trying to turn himself around and regain Aliana’s friendship. He’s Nolan’s right hand man and ex-boyfriend, he spent many years dedicated to the cause but after Nolan’s experiment killed Vince’s town and they broke up, things went downhill. Phoenix is a tricky one, you’re never really sure what side he’s on and even when you think you know, there’s always room for doubt. He rarely makes sense and likes to keep you on your toes by never telling you the whole story. He originally never had powers but after Kayla, they found the right formula and he was able to acquire his own. His power is that he’s able to manipulate the minds of others to make them say and do whatever he wants them to, which is why you can never fully trust him.

Nolan

This is all I’m willing to say on the matter.

Lindsey

I love her. I love her so much. Lindsey is a bass player in Felix’s favourite band who also coincidentally met Aliana when she was flying into Denver and became her best friend. Lindsey, along with her brother Tiger, helped Aliana and Phoenix in solving the mystery surrounding Planetary Inc. when Aliana worked for them. After Aliana was forced to leave without saying goodbye, Lindsey and Tiger were captured by Planetary but escaped after they were given powers of their own and Lindsey acquired her robot arm. Lindsey lost her left arm after a cockup on Planetary’s part during testing and was quickly given a robotic prosthetic arm by the facility in Denver. Her power is similar to Aliana’s, by request, she can camouflage to anything.

Tiger

On this show we support and cover trans individuals. Tiger is ftm and has cool lilac hair. As stated above, he helped the group when Aliana was in Denver and became good friends with her like his sister. Tiger plays lead guitar in the band with Lindsey and is often found with a book or a knife, it depends on the day. He’s a total sweetheart that would do anything for almost anyone if they asked. Tiger’s power is that he can sprout wings and fly, he can also produce balls of energy that reaaaally pack a punch.

The other stuff

I can’t really think of what else to say about the show? I’ve got drawings of the characters that I’ll definitely post, they’re not amazing in terms of detail but they’re simple enough that my level of talent can manage it and they look nice. I don’t actually expect anyone to pay attention to this account but if anyone wants to know more or has questions, shoot. I’ll be using the hashtag ‘#Release the secondary aftermath’ on all my posts (unless I think of a better one, in which case I’ll update this) so you can find everything there

#secondary aftermath #intro post #release the secondary aftermath

[michaelcmunis]

let's be honest

1) name: michael

2) age: 15

3) three fears: attractive people, blushing, and being forgotten

4) three things i love: being on the phone having an amusing conversation even if the topic is stupid, i love eyes and their colors, and listening/watching a thunderstorm.

5) four turn ons: biting my bottom lip, having the person on my lap grinding, heavy breathing, SOMETIMES sexting.

6) four turn offs: talking too much about your ex, talking shit about your ex, bad breath, poor hygiene.

7) my best friend: i have like… three.

8) sexual orientation: pansexual

9) best first date: going to the movies

10) my height: five foot four inches

11) what do i miss: wendy’s

12) what time was i born: idk how ik this but i was born at 4:12 pm

13) favorite color: blue or black

14) do i have a crush: yes

15) favorite quote: “i don’t need a piece of paper saying i succeeded, i just need food.” ~ shane dawson

16) favorite place: my bed

17) favorite food: ramen

18) do i use sarcasm: EVERY CHANCE I GET

19) what am i listening to right now: certain things by james arthur

20) first things i notice in a person: eyes

21) shoe size: 8 men

22) eye color: hazel

23) hair color: brown but it gets lighter in the summer

24) favorite style of clothing: grunge clothing can be cool, but i also like basic clothes, idk i’m boring

25) ever done a prank call: yes, that was my childhood

26) meaning behind my url: it’s literally my first name, middle initial, then last name

27) favorite movie: mr. nobody, it doesn’t make any sense until the very end

28) favorite song: can i be him by james arthur

29) favorite band: maroon 5

30) how i feel right now: kind of lonely, excited but upset that i have to leave soon

31) someone i love: all three of my best friends

32) my current relationship status: taken

33) my relationship with my parents: i have a pretty good life with my mom and stepdad, my bio dad kind of gave up on me because i’m trans and my stepdad took his place

34) favorite holiday: christmas

35) tattoos and piercings i have: none atm

36) tattoos and piercings i want: i kind of want sleeves, i want some of my dad’s tattoos, and for piercings… i’m not really a huge fan, i kind of want a tongue piercing and maybe an industrial bar.

37) reason i joined tumblr: oh boy… i stan ryan stalvey so i decided i wanted to see what tumblr’s about, and i got sucked in, i’m on this more than all of my other apps.

38) do me and my last ex hate each other: oh god no, we’re on great terms

39: do i ever get good morning or good night texts: yes

40) have i ever kissed the last person i texted: almost

41) when did i last hold hands: i have no fucking clue

42) how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: like fifteen minutes, because i skip breakfast

43) have i shaved my legs within the last three days: lmao i haven’t shaved my legs in like a year

44) where am i right now: in my room

45) if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’d help me: my dd

46) do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level: i used to blast my music in my headphones but i started to lose hearing so i like it at a reasonable level

47) do i live with my mom AND dad: no, my parents divorced when i was barely two, i live with my mom

48) am i excited for anything: well i’m waiting on my sixteenth birthday so that i can start taking testosterone

49) do i have someone of the opposite sex/gender i can tell everything to: yes

50) how often do i wear a fake smile: i don’t even attempt to fake a smile, i have a plain expression most of the time

51) when was the last time i hugged someone: last friday, the 23rd??

52) what if the last person i kissed were to kiss someone else in front of me: they’re dead to me, i’d never talk to him again

53) is there anyone i trust even though I shouldn’t: i have trust issues so i either believe you or don’t

54) what is something i disliked about today: coming inside sweating my ass off because i mowed the lawn

55) if i could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be: the new dog my dad got but eeeee

56) what do i think about the most: food

57) what’s my strangest talent: i once picked up a quarter with my toes

58) do i have any strange phobias: if i blush and someone comments on it i get very defensive and embarrassed, and i’m also afraid of talking to people i find attractive, i either stutter a lot or have way too much confidence.

59) do i prefer to be behind or in front of the camera: behind!

60) what was the last lie i told: i’m almost done with my summer projects

61) do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online: i like facetime even though i’m on pause a lot of the time

62) do i believe in ghosts/aliens: not ghosts, but i do believe in aliens

63) do i believe in magic: no because i know how it works

64) do i believe in luck: not really

65) what’s the weather like right now: hot as fuck

66) what was the last book i’ve read: history of the world in six glasses

67) do i like the smell of gasoline: not really

68) do i have any nicknames: mike, mikey, meekle (i hate that one), and monkey but only my mom can call me that

69) what was the worst injury i’ve ever had: i’ve been stabbed, i have the scar on my stomach and i have no idea how i lived

70) do i save money or spend it: depends on how much i have

71) can i touch my nose with my tongue: no

72) is there anything pink within ten feet of me: no

73) favorite animal: cat

74) what was i doing last night at 12 am: playing mario bros on the wii

75) what do i think satan’s last name is: what kind of question is this… idfk

76) what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it: every song puts me in my feelings, not really happy feelings, but idk

77) how can you win my heart: buy me food

78) what would i want written on my tombstone: game over in pixelated letters

79) what’s my favorite word: fuck

80) my top five blogs on tumblr: ryan stalvey, his boyfriend, my friend’s blog, my boyfriend’s blog, and ryan’s nsfw blog

81) if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say: get your shit together

82) do i have any relatives in jail: not that i know of

83) what super power would i chose: teleportation so i don’t have to worry about getting rides or paying for gas in the future

84) what would be a question i’d be afraid to tell the truth on: when i’m in the doctor’s office and they ask if i’m a virgin or if i’m sexually active and my mom’s in the room, i lie every single time

85) what’s my current desktop picture: i don’t have a computer but my phone’s screensaver is a grid of crystals

86) had sex: yup

87) bought condoms: yup

88) gotten pregnant: nope

89) failed a class: nope

90) kissed a boy: yes

91) kissed a girl: yes

92) have i ever kissed someone in the rain: not sure on that one

93) had a job: NO, I’M TRYING TO GET ONE BUT THE PLACE IS BEING DIFFICULT AS FUCK

94) left the house without my wallet: yeah

95) bullied someone on the internet: no, i’m not that shallow

96) had sex in public: oh god no

97) played on a sports team: yes

98) smoked weed: yup

99) did drugs: yeah?

100) smoked cigarettes: never have never will

101) drank alcohol: yes

102) am i a vegetarian or a vegan: HELL no

103) been overweight: practically my whole life

104) been underweight: nope

105) been to a wedding: yes

106) been on the computer for five hours straight: yeah

107) watched tv for five hours straight: yeah

108) been outside my home country: yes

109) gotten my heart broken: smh yeah but i did it to myself

110) been to a professional sports game: yes

111) broken a bone: no

112) cut myself: djfkwmdtkwo

113) been to prom: 8th grade prom

114) been on an airplane: yes

115) been in a helicopter: no

116) what concerts have i been two: p!nk the truth about love

117) had a crush on someone of the same sex: yes

118) learned/learning a new language: yes, spanish

119) wore make up: unfortunately

120) lost my virginity before i was eighteen: unfortunately

121) had/given oral sex: yes

122) dyed my hair: yes

123) voted in a presidential election: nah because all the candidates are trash now, but i was too young to vote for obama both terms

124) rode in an ambulance: yeah

125) had a surgery: not yet

126) met someone famous: yes

127) stalked someone on social media: yup

128) peed outside: yup

129) been fishing: yes

130) helped with charity: yeah but i hated it because the people were old and rude

131) been rejected by a crush: ohhh yeahhh it sucked

132) broken a mirror: no

133) what i want for my birthday: to start cross hormone therapy

[hamonnose]

Trans ask game: all the odd numbers up to 11 (also i didn't know you were trans why don't you put it in your bio?)

Lemme answer your question about me being not having my gender in my bio… Honestly it’s probably cus I’m like still figuring things out. I mean I know I’m not cis, and I prefer he/him pronouns most of the time, and I definitely have dysphoria more often than not BUT at the same time some times i’m fine with being called a she, and presenting femininely, and sometimes i even like my body (in relation to the dysphoria… i don’t really have a problem with my body otherwise). So I don’t really want to put genderqueer in my bio cus first of all it feels like a placeholder until i find a label that fits me perfectly (not saying that if you identify as genderqueer that it doesn’t fit you perfectly), and second on my first blog I got yelled at by an anon who said genderfluid/genderqueer people don’t count as trans and that I should stop identifying as trans since I wasn’t clear cut “ftm” (which isn’t really a term i like using). While I personally think that’s bullshit and anyone who isn’t cis can identify with the umbrella term trans if they want i’d like to avoid that happening again. So maybe I’ll put he/him in my blog description but idk if that’ll just cause more confusion? Long story short… Idk I just don’t wanna? Now! On to the questions

Questions from the Trans Ask Game (I’ll be answering all off anon questions privately so if you wanna just talk about this stuff in private that’s cool too)

1. How did you choose your name?Right now I’m going by Joss and that’s just a shortening of my deadname. I started using it in sophomore year when I started going to a new school where no one knew me and I felt ok with choosing a more gender-neutral nickname. Recently though I’ve been thinking of changing it completely since it’s really close to my deadname and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable (I’m thinking Lance [no not because of Voltron thanks] or Lylle).

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?I experience both sadly… But more often than not it’s physical dysphoria cus I have DDs and it’s real hard to pass when sports bras just make me look like i have a monoboob and i can’t afford a binder (I bought a binder a lil bit ago but it’s still hasn’t gotten here).

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?When I first learned what the word meant (7th grade). See my mom raised me kinda without gender roles… Like she was a very pro “girls and boy can do anything they want as long as they’re not hurting anyone” kind of mom. She would also let me shop wherever i wanted and I had a good mix of “boys” and “girls” clothes (my favorite combo was a cute skirt with a pokemon shirt and a cool jacket) so it wasn’t really weird for me to be into traditionally masculine stuff and I never took it as an insult for kids to tell me i acted like a boy cus “yeah so what?”. Also mom was a bartender and that meant she knew all kinds of people including lots of LGBTQ+ people (and since she was the boss’ kid if any of the workers gave them trouble for who they were she’d put those bigots in their place). So I was also raised that “if someone says they’re a boy then they’re a boy, and it’s ok to ask if you don’t know but be polite… And staring till you think you figured it out is not polite.” So I guess I never really thought about gender (or sexuality tbh) till I started middle school and i started feeling uncomfortable being feminine so i stopped wearing “girly” clothes and started wearing jeans and HUGE OVERSIZED (and i mean lil 4′10 me wearing mens size XXL) sweaters that made me shapeless. In 7th grade I made a friend who was on tumblr and when she came out as bi to our friend group it made me start thinking about it and a few days later i said “I think i’m bi too? I mean the only difference between a boy and a girl is their boobs and how they pee right?” She calmly (if slightly irritated at my ignorance) explained that “no that’s not how gender works, there’s a difference between gender and sex.” So that day when I got home I did what any confused millennial would do and googled it. That’s how i found out what transgender, and genderqueer, and genderfluid, etc. etc. meant and when I first suspected I wasn’t cis.

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?When my lil sister calls me brother instead of sister and it makes me feel so loved honestly.

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?Loaded question.... I’m kinda out to some people but not to others? I came out to my mom in the middle of the night crying cus i was so frustrated with my body and she handled it pretty well (Asked if i wanted to be called something other than my deadname, called me son and mijo, told me she supported me) but with my grandparents and friends.... Strangely enough I think I’m like officially out to only one of my friends, like I’ve asked him to use he/him and he does so like shoutout to Neil for being awesome. We didn’t necessarily talk about it but he wished me a happy trans day of visibility so like... I think he knows? Idk if my best friend knows... I mean I’ve told her that i’m like not exactly a girl (long story) but I haven’t asked her to use He/Him or officially came out to her. To be fair neither of us came out to each other as not straight but we figured it out. She’s probably reading this. Hi mattie love you nerdo! As for the rest of my family other than my mom (and my lil sis) I’m really only dropping hints. But like big hints. Like when my uncle says i’m the prettiest girl i will straight up say “But I’m not a girl.” and he’ll ask “Then what are you?” to which i usually respond “I just am.” I’m not afraid to come out to him but if he knows then EVERYBODY knows (our fam loves to gossip tbh). I use masculine pronouns and such for myself so i think most of my immediate fam has figured it out but like I still have yet to sit everybody down and be like “Ay y’all... I’m trans” But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?Well when I was in 6th grade trying to cosplay (Prussia from hetalia... I was a weeb i know) for the first time i used ace bandages. THAT IS A BIG NO NO!! IT IS A HEALTH CONCERN DON’T USE ACE BANDAGES!! I stopped after like 2-3 times of binding like that because I read online that it was bad and could hurt you big time (and hurt your chances of top surgery in the future). So then I just used sports bras for a while... Which didn’t work all that well (puberty hit early and my boobs were the first things to grow). My mom got me a real binder for my 16th birthday which was great and i used it for both everyday and cosplay stuff. Sadly I outgrew it in like a year since again puberty sucks. I sent it to someone through one of those binder exchange programs. Then I got a cheap binder that didn’t work very well and I won’t lie... A few times I got desperate and put ace bandages over the crappy binder. WHICH IS AN EVEN BIGGER NO NO THAN JUST ACE BANDAGES!!! Mostly it was alone at home just to chase away the dysphoria for a little bit but i went out for quick grocery runs with thaat set up a few times. Now I’m waiting on a new binder that will hopefully work better than the last one (it should get here in about a week and i’m so excited).

Thank you for the questions nonnie ^.^

#askingdownstage #answered asks #nonnie ask #answered ask #trans #not theatre