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keepingupwithlinmanuel · 6 years

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Lin-Manuel Miranda on "Hamilton" Coming to Washington, D.C., and His First Voting Memory

Before the campaign ends on May 31, Teen Vogue sat down with Lin-Manuel to talk about partnering with Prizeo to benefit BlackPAC, the Latino Victory Fund, the Center for Popular Democracy, and Let America Vote. He also opened up about his memories as a young voter, his hopes for the D.C. production of Hamilton, and who he most hopes visits what he predicts will be a very "meta" show.

Teen Vogue: You've worked with Prizeo before on other ticket drives. How did this specific sweepstakes come about? What about these organizations specifically spoke to you?

Lin-Manuel Miranda: It turns out people want tickets to Hamilton, and that's a lovely thing. So we've tried to leverage that into raising money for organizations that are important to our family. [This time] we wanted to focus on voting. I personally believe that the more of us that vote, the healthier our democracy is, so these organizations are all involved with that. [We're working with] Let America Vote, which is very involved in terms of gerrymandering and voter suppression, and calling it out. Really, Jason Kander has built an organization that is mobilizing people to make people aware of the way people get you to stay home. The Latino Victory Fund is really concerned with getting out the Latino votes, particularly with immigration being so hot-button nowadays. It's so important that the Latino voter base be mobilized. With each organization, we were looking at getting out as much of the vote as possible and contributing to the organizations that are making that happen. Ones that get you to the polls. By contributing to this, yes, you may win tickets to Hamilton, but you're contributing to the organizations that really do the work. Let America Vote is always looking for volunteers. The Latino Victory Fund is always looking for volunteers. Sign up for their newsletter. There's no shortage of ways to get engaged, which is the thing I tell myself constantly.

TV: The midterm elections are coming up, and voter turnout for elections that aren't the presidential election every four years tends to be pretty dismal. How do you hope that this push addresses the need for voting all the time?

LMM: I come by it honestly. My dad was in Democratic politics in New York as long as I can remember. At my 18th birthday party, I made a wish, I blew out the candles, and then I filled out my voter registration form.

I think that more than ever, the issues we face are really engaging young people. To see how focused the Parkland survivors have been on voting, in particular — it has been inspiring to see the people most affected by this leading the charge. There was another school shooting on Friday, May 18. There was an article in The Washington Post [about how] more students have died [in 2018] as a result of gun violence than active military personnel. That is appalling.

TV: When the Parkland shooting happened and the survivors started mobilizing with March for Our Lives, critics were really quick to claim that "they're kids, they don't know what they're doing." It's also easy, we've seen, for people to dismiss young people's votes as being less-than, that their voices don't matter.

LMM: Boy, does it matter. Absolutely, I feel like that goes around every year, but I think it has a greater urgency because we're losing young people to senseless violence. People who should be coming home from school at the end of the day. Kids who should not be afraid of going to school. Parents who should not be afraid of sending their kids to school. Young people have always changed the world. It always comes from them. Our job is to support them and to listen.

TV: What did the first time you actually voted feel like?

LMM: I think my first "vote" was probably '88? I think I turned my mom's vote for [a local election]. I was eight years old, and I got to go in the booth with her, and I remember I got to flip the knobs. The thrill of that as a kid, of "I get to go into this little tented room, and I get to have a say." It was always an exciting thing for me.

The first time I voted in a presidential election was in 2000. I turned 18 in 1998. I've always found [voting] thrilling. I love the follow-up. I love everything about voting. I love the volunteers, I love the sense that you see people from your neighborhood, that people are taking a break from work to go do this, that you're taking time out of your day to have a say in something much larger than yourself.

I deal in larger-than-yourself things. You can't put up a musical by yourself. By necessity in my trade, I work with people who do what I can't do, and we make something that is bigger than the sum of our parts. And I think of voting that way: If we work together, we can affect change that is greater than the sum of our parts individually. I get that rush from working in theater and working in animated movies, when you're working with a crew of thousands, and I get that same rush when I go to the polls, because I know I'm one drop in the bucket, but I know many drops in the bucket is a sea change.

TV: Minority voters are finding themselves in the spotlight more and more by virtue of the rhetoric around issues like immigration, xenophobia, and police brutality against black and brown bodies. Do you have any specific message for young people who feel marginalized by the overwhelmingly white, male, cisgender, straight majority still in office?

LMM: Well, it's a lyric in the show, and I hate to be that guy....

TV: Please be that guy.

LMM: But the quote is, "Tomorrow there'll be more of us." There are more of us. There are more young people than ever before. We all just have to push in the same direction. We all just have to get out and vote. I'm not gonna tell you who to vote for because that's also your choice, and what a glorious thing it is that you have that choice.

TV: Hamilton is opening in Washington, D.C., which feels kind of like art imitating life. Do you imagine this production will be different in any way, simply by virtue of the location?

LMM: "The Room Where It Happens" is gonna be a very surreal number in D.C., because we're in the town where it happens. That song is literally about the establishment of that town, so it's meta on a few levels. It's the origin story of D.C. It's the origin story of our particular politics. That beef between Jefferson and Hamilton is, in varying different hues and shades, our two-party system. Those two fundamentally different views of what our country should be. It's not a clean break down the line; there's not a direct line between Democrats and Republicans. They've swapped positions on various issues over the years, but the notion of a two-party system began with these two guys catching beef. One of the things George Washington warned against in his Farewell Address, which Hamilton wrote, was beware of the rise of factions. We feel more factionalized than we've ever felt. The show is a reminder of those origin stories and a reminder that the past isn't passed, and we have been having these fights for as long as we've been a country.

...

TV: Given that Hamilton is now in their backyard, it's going to be interesting to see if politicians come to see the show. A lot of people remember when Vice President Mike Pence came to the New York show. The way the cast handled it was so beautiful and moving.

LMM: I think people forget the context of that. That was the week after the election. The emotions of the audience were so raw that we had to speak to the moment one way or the other. You couldn't leave it where it was, and I was very proud of our cast and the way they handled it and basically made a call for inclusion and respect for everyone. They said, "I hope you will include all of us as you govern." The way that was mischaracterized later via Twitter by our president is a very different thing. But I was very proud of our cast, and I was impressed with Pence's response, which was he heard us and stayed to listen.

TV: Is there any one politician or any few politicians that you hope come to the D.C. show?

LMM: Not that this show is some definitive text, by no means — it's a musical. But [the show is about] things we grappled with at the founding of our nation — when do we estate? When do we unite as one country? When do we get involved in the affairs of other countries? That's "Cabinet Battle Two." In their case it's the French Revolution; in our case it's insert country here. And when do we tend to ourselves and work on ourselves? The legacy of slavery, which is still being felt today, was still being felt then. Every character in my show — with the exception of George Washington — dies as a result of gun violence. That's another original sin of our country. It's so many years later and it's worse than it's ever been because our founders could never have imagined shooting off 30 bullets in 30 seconds. There was just no universe in which they would've imagined that. So we are dealing with the effects of that as well.

I say all that to say it's a great reminder of the questions that were there at our origin and how our politicians deal with those challenges today. Our message is: We're in your backyard. You know how to get tickets. Honestly, I hope everyone comes, from both sides of the aisle, because I think it's always good to see a show that reminds you the origins of what we are.

#lin manuel miranda #teen vogue #interviews #prizeo #hamilton

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ayearofpike · 6 years

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Master of Murder

Pocket Books, 1992 198 pages, 14 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-69059-0 LOC: CPB Box no. 1081 vol. 14 OCLC: 26075926 Released July 28, 1992 (per B&N)

Everybody’s reading the thrilling Silver Lake series by Mack Slate. With the last book due out in a few months, fans are excited to finally find out who killed Ann McGaffer. Only problem is, Slate — that is to say, twelfth-grade nobody Marvin Summer, hiding behind a pen name — has no idea himself, and hasn’t even started writing the book. It’s only as he works to close the distance between himself and his crush, Shelly Quade, that the grand finale starts to make itself clear to him, in ways that unexpectedly and gruesomely parallel his own life.

This might not be my favorite Pike book, but it has certainly had the most influence on me. I’ve always called myself a writer, since a fifth-grade teacher recognized my ability to craft a narrative and pointed out that somebody had to make books and I should think about it. In high school, it was my defining trait, and it wasn’t until I’d almost graduated from college that I realized it didn’t make me special. Everybody has a story, as Marvin finds out, and some of them are even better at telling it in an engaging way. It’s sad, in a way, that I identified with this book so much (like, I literally carried it in my backpack for my entire senior year) and it still took me so long to get that theme.

What I did get was an intense sense of connection with Marvin. Shy loner? Check. Separated parents who didn’t get along? Check. Younger sibling who wanted to be like me? Check. An English teacher hung up on prescriptive strictures of language who quietly cared about her students, and a language teacher who was more interested in building a classroom community than sticking to a scheduled curriculum? Check and double-check. Writing ability revered by peers? Check, even if my work rarely made it past my immediate circle of friends. Subconscious inclusion of issues I was going through in my work, to the point where it got me in trouble with the girl I liked? Well, not directly observable, but I mean, it’s hard to not come off creepy if you’re writing a love story to a girl instead of, like, actually TALKING to her.

I also really enjoyed the way Pike works with language in this book, and honestly, I still do. Modern YA gets a lot more respect, and deservingly so, but a lot of it is written in a direct, almost sparse way. It makes sense, considering how many contemporary authors write in the first person, and most people don’t actually think in metaphors and syllogisms and even (to some degree) descriptive adjectives. Master of Murder kind of goes hog-wild on this, kind of a leap from representational art to impressionist art. And I buy it. As Marvin is our POV character, it makes sense that as a writer he’d put some more florid prose into his observations and understandings of the world. Plus, this style kind of helps to establish him as an unreliable narrator, as we slowly learn how much he actually doesn’t know and, in fact, how much maybe he’s repressed.

That said, this story does have some holes. Let’s jump into the summary and I’ll get there.

We start out with Marvin in his English class, watching Shelly read his most recent book and thinking about their relationship. They’d gone out a handful of times a year before, but it stopped after the death of Harry Paster, another flame of Shelly’s who’d jumped off a cliff into the nearby lake. Marvin figures enough time has passed that he can ask her out again, but first he has to read the short story he’s dashed off for their creative writing assignment. Man, remember when creative writing was an actual COMPONENT of high school English class? And the only reason I got to do it was that I took a creative-writing-focused senior English course. I mean, I get it — public school English is about preparing you to pass the SAT or ACT, not teaching you how to reach and grab an audience. They save that for us, in post-secondary ed, by which time the interest in writing has already been drilled out of kids by making them do repetitive five-paragraph essays. Most of my students still don’t want to write, but I at least try to give them some room in the assignment structure to flex their creative muscles.

But anyway, “The Becoming of Seymour the Frog” is a legitimately good short-short story. It gives us a sense of Marvin’s author voice straight away, which is of course the same as the narrative, and it legitimizes how much Pike uses what modern writers would call excessive description. The teacher grades it right away (what? I give everything two reads, and this teacher is just going to LISTEN one time?) and tells Marvin he might be a writer someday if he learns to control himself. We both (the reader and Marvin, that is) know he’s already there, and Marvin completely discredits this advice. He writes best by giving up control and going into a state of flow, one where he can’t stop writing but also doesn’t necessarily feel that what’s going onto the page is coming from inside his own head. This is important later.

After class, he catches up to Shelly, but their talking is interrupted by the arrival of her current squeeze, Triad Tyler. Triad is a big dumb football jock who wants to buy Marvin’s motorcycle, which Marvin would never dream of selling. Before he can get around to asking her out, she ducks into the bathroom, and Triad complains that it seems like she’s always trying to escape. This is probably important later too. So already in the first 15 pages, Pike has nicely set up the major characters and their interplay with each other.

We jump to speech class, and I call BS. Like, we learn later that Marvin only has four classes as a senior. Why is one of them speech? My high school only required a half-day of seniors, sure, but our classes were English, math, world history, and economics. It turns out this class would be better called “communication skills,” which was required in ninth grade, but I’d still buy that more than speech. The teacher basically has them engage in conversational debate, and this day the topic they choose is Mack Slate’s Silver Lake series. It’s a good framework for sharing Marvin’s story, and showing the corner he’s painted himself into: Ann McGaffer’s body was found naked and tied up with barbed wire floating in Silver Lake, and five books on we’re no closer to figuring out who did it or why. The description grosses me out a iittle bit, but on the heels of the last two super-tropey thrillers, I’m going to choose to believe that Pike is poking fun at the intentional shock attempts of the genre.

After class, Marvin finally successfully asks Shelly out for that night, then goes to his PO box to pick up his fan mail. His little sister is already there, and once again we’re subjected to the jaw-droppingly beautiful small child. It was gross when it was fifteen-year-old Jennifer Wagner, but Ann Summer is ELEVEN and Marvin’s SISTER. Pike, isn’t it possible to describe a female one cares about without making it all about her looks? He does it with Marvin’s mom in a few pages too, when they get home. We get it — girls we care about are hot. Only problem is Marvin’s mom is an alcoholic who almost never leaves the house except to buy more booze. Dad is an alcoholic, too, but he’s not at home and his child support payments are erratic. Good thing there’s a best-selling author living in the house! But Ann’s the only one who knows, and it kills her to not be able to sing her brother’s praises and brag about how great he is.

They go upstairs to Marvin’s room to read his mail, and one of the last letters makes him pause. It has a local postmark, and the letter inside simply says “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.” It starts to pull the book into more general thriller territory, but before we can think too much about it, the phone rings and it’s Marvin’s editor, asking about Silver Lake Book Six, which is four months overdue. I have some serious questions about the timeline of this series, but we’ll get there in a little bit. Marvin soothes her concerns, then goes to take a walk around the lake, trying to figure out where to start his book but not actually ready to start it before he picks up Shelly.

The date is successful, by most measures. They have dinner, go to a movie, and then stop on a bridge crossing a raging river because Shelly wants to look at the water. They sit down on the edge, Marvin landing on an old and weathered piece of rope, and watch the waters pound away down to their final destination — the lake. Then Shelly invites Marvin back to her house to sit in the hot tub, where they get naked and make out, but she suddenly gets sad and pulls away. I give Marvin props for being respectful and apologetic here rather than trying to force her to continue. Woke in 1992! But as he’s getting ready to leave, he learns the reason she’s sad: Shelly is thinking about Harry, which he expected, but he didn’t expect to learn that she thinks he was murdered. And she wants Marvin’s help to figure it out and clear Harry’s name.

There’s no basis for this belief, but Marvin figures he might as well listen and do some research, seeing as he can’t figure out his own murder mystery. He checks his PO box first, and finds another ominous letter that’s been mailed there directly rather than to his publishing house, so maybe somebody really does know him. He calls his agent (whose name is one letter away from a real literary rep, maybe even Pike’s) to ask about it. This insert, plus the editor whose name was close to the woman in charge of YA at Simon and Schuster at the time, made so many of us so sure that this was as close to autobiographical as Pike had ever gotten. I seriously chased leads from this book to try to figure out more about him, back before he started answering questions on Facebook and there was so much less mystery about it.

So then Marvin goes back over to Shelly’s house to talk about Harry. She has the police report and autopsy report, and Marvin looks them over, along with articles about Harry’s death from newspapers at the time. What it boils down to is Friday night a year before, a night when Marvin had taken Shelly out for her birthday, Harry and Triad were drinking beer together. Triad said that he dropped Harry off at home, and that was the last time anybody saw him until a fisherman found his body in the lake on Monday morning. Marvin starts to question the narrative that Harry jumped, because there are several physical symptoms that indicate maybe he was held captive. He talks to the fisherman and to Harry’s mom, and takes a look at the jacket Harry was wearing, and makes note of definite rope burn marks around the back and under the armpits. So Harry was tied up somewhere for a long time — but where? And how?

Marvin goes home to rest and digest this info, and has a dream about his book series that shows Ann McGaffer hanging from a bridge by a rope around her waist. He’s startled awake by Ann, who says that their dad is breaking things downstairs. Marvin gets down there just in time to watch his dad shove a lamp into the TV, and the resultant cuts to Ann and his mom from the exploding picture tube send Marvin into a fit of rage. He starts to beat the shit out of his own father, and only stops when Ann tells him to, even though the dude is unconscious. Like, holy shit, buried violent tendencies that will make you like your father? So Marvin gets the hell out of the house to give himself some space.

He ends up back at his PO box, even though he knows there couldn’t have been another delivery, but there sure is a letter in it. He follows this back to Shelly’s house, where he finds her making out in the hot tub with Triad. Marvin overhears her say that she was using him to get him to do something, and Triad tells her not to go out with Marvin anymore, to which she readily agrees. So now Marvin is scared, he is heartbroken, and he has unlocked some deep-seated rage that will allow him to strike back. He ends up on the bridge, where he starts to figure out what must have happened a year ago. There’s a rope, there’s a giant oil stain on the bridge right behind it, and there’s a dead boy with rope burns on his jacket who was maybe hanging from it rather than being tied up. Marvin figures that Harry was jealous of his relationship with Shelly and decided to stage a little motorcycle accident, but accidentally slipped off the bridge and ended up hanging himself, slowly suffocating to death until the rope broke and he washed down to the lake.

And it occurs to Marvin that this would be a perfect way to get back at Triad.

After a misadventure with two girls in a bookstore who accuse him of trying to pick them up by pretending to be Mack Slate, Marvin buys a new car and a bunch of motorcycle-dropping gear at Sears, then takes the bike to Triad’s house to sell it to him. Marvin says that he left the helmet in a motel in the town across the river, and that the manager said he was going to throw it out if Triad didn’t pick it up tonight. Then he hikes to the car, which he’s had delivered around the block, and goes to stake out the bridge. While he’s waiting, he starts to think about the parallels between his own series and how Harry died. And we learn that the first Silver Lake book only came out after Harry’s death — in fact, that Marvin didn’t start writing it until then.

So this is my timing issue. Master of Murder does have some gaping inconsistencies, I’m not gonna lie. There’s the variable height of the bridge over the river: it’s 150 feet when Marvin and Shelly stop on their date, and maybe 60 when they have the final showdown two nights later. Also, later apparently Shelly knows details of a book that Marvin hasn’t even written yet? But this, in my mind, is the biggest problem. We’re supposed to believe that in a year, five books have come out about Ann McGaffer and her loves and hates. We’re also supposed to believe that he’s four months late with book six, and that it takes at least three months for the publisher to turn a story around and get it into bookstores. We also have the information that the fastest Marvin’s ever written a novel is eighteen days. So by that logic, there’s no way he could have finished and submitted Silver Lake Book One before mid-December. So five books have somehow appeared between probably March and let’s say November (they say the fifth one just came out) — five books in seven months — but they’re going to wait another three months to release the sixth? Also, how does an author, even an experienced and acclaimed one, sell a six-book series to his publisher without knowing the beats and especially the ending? There are too many inconsistencies and timeline impossibilities for me to buy it. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Pike was a new author writing publication fanfiction.

But anyway, Triad races across to the other town. Marvin is too far away to see him, but he recognizes the sound of his motorcycle. He grabs his rope, his knife, his can of oil, and his binoculars, and hustles the probably mile to the bridge to set up his death trap. But as the motorcycle is coming back, he gets his first good look — and sees Shelly on the back. So he drops the rope, but Triad is already braking, stops short of it, and shoves Marvin off the bridge.

So now it’s Marvin hanging from his armpits by a rope under the bridge above a raging river that leads to the lake in his town, and did I mention he’s wearing Harry’s jacket? Shelly’s more annoyed than angry — it turns out she’s expected this from Marvin the whole time. In fact, she DOES know who Mack Slate is, and she’s already read about this scheme in the Silver Lake books. But Marvin doesn’t even remember writing it. She wants to turn Marvin in to the police. But Triad wants to untie the rope and drop him into the river.

And suddenly Marvin knows what actually happened. Harry wasn’t alone on the bridge a year ago. Triad was with him, and shoved Harry just as he shoved Marvin. Shelly doesn’t believe it until Triad knocks her out for trying to stop him killing Marvin too. Marvin manages to get hold of the underside of the bridge just as Triad unties the rope, then he kicks Triad in the face when he leans over to look and see whether Marvin has actually fallen. The semi-conscious wedged body of the football jock gives Marvin a ladder to climb back up onto the bridge, and he stomps out Triad’s bad knee when the dude wakes up and threatens to go after him again. Only the knife falls out of his pocket as he does so, and Shelly picks that moment to come to, and it’s a simple matter for Triad to grab both her and the knife and threaten her death if Marvin doesn’t help him get away.

What’s in it for Marvin, though? The guy who tried to kill him is holding the girl who tried to frame him for a death the guy is responsible for. He gets on his bike, where Triad has courteously left the keys in the ignition, and drives away. I don’t like that he’s left a vulnerable girl at the almost-complete mercy (he can’t stand up) of a confirmed killer. What I like least is that he doesn’t even call the police. But then again, he’s abandoned his new car in the woods near the scene and surely doesn’t want to be implicated if somebody dies. So Marvin drives to a seaside town, rents a house and a computer, and writes an entire book in five days, only stopping to eat and sleep. Of course, within a few pages of the end he has to stop, because he doesn’t actually know how Ann’s best friend, left in the clutches of the boyfriend’s jealous best friend, is going to escape, or whether in fact she does.

Marvin calls his editor and tells her the story is done and he’ll express-overnight it to her. He also asks her to set up a reading from it at his high school that afternoon. More BS? Like, how are they going to allow an author to read from a book that the editor hasn’t even SEEN, let alone put through proofs and galleys? Marvin has to physically print and ship the manuscript — remember, this is 1992 and most people don’t have email yet (and when it would become widespread in a few years, it still had a hyphen). But she does it, and Marvin goes home first to find out that Dad’s in jail and Mom hasn’t touched a drop since. More good news! He takes Ann with him to school, where the entire student body is in stunned disbelief about the identity of Mack Slate, and finally gets some personal acknowledgement from his peers and teachers.

But Shelly doesn’t show up. Neither does Triad. The kids he does ask say neither has been in school all week. Marvin can’t dwell on this, because he has a major book series to finish, but it’s precisely this reason that he hasn’t made it all the way to the end yet. He knows that he needs someone else’s story to finish his own. So he goes back to the lake, and makes his way to the top of the cliff that everyone thought Harry jumped from. As he’s thinking, Shelly shows up with his knife. She tells Marvin that she suspected him of being Mack Slate back when they were dating, and he would tell her stories that had the same voice as Slate’s published work. So she sneaked into Marvin’s room one day and snooped in his computer for proof.

When the Silver Lake books started coming out, she saw the parallels immediately, and figured the only way Marvin could have known so much about how Harry died is if he had killed him. She got Triad, Harry’s best friend, to help her set up a situation where Marvin would implicate himself, not realizing that Triad had always wanted Shelly and been jealous of both of the other guys and didn’t care who hurt if it meant nobody else could have Shelly. That includes Shelly herself: if Triad couldn’t be with her, nobody else would. He didn’t tell Harry that Marvin and Shelly were out together that night, and when Harry realized Shelly was on the back of the motorcycle he did like Marvin and dropped the rope. So Triad pushed him.

Triad obviously has told Shelly all of this, and Marvin figures the only way he would have is if Shelly somehow overpowered him. It’s an interesting twist that she told Triad about using Marvin to get him to figure out Harry’s death and Triad never realized she might use him for the same purpose. (I feel like Shelly has more strength than even the story gives her credit for, seeing as Pike describes all her agency as coming at the hands of her feminine wiles.) Marvin suspects that here, the spot where it all began, is the spot where it has all ended as well, and that the soft soil where he’s sitting is Triad’s final resting place. Shelly doesn’t say as much, but elicits Marvin’s silence before throwing the knife into the lake. But of course Marvin still has a book to finish, and Shelly’s OK with that as she’s apparently the only one who’s figured out the parallels anyway. The book closes with them in Marvin’s car, Shelly driving to Portland so they can get the manuscript on a flight to New York while Marvin writes the last few pages longhand.

I have to admit it: I still really like Master of Murder. Obviously I’m not in high school anymore, so I don’t relate to Marvin the way I used to, but I do connect to his being trapped in his own story and having to listen for others. The book has a lot of holes and inconsistencies in general that either I didn’t notice when I was a teenager or I glossed over in the excitement of having a character I could relate to so well. In particular, the YA publishing description is not without issues, and the ways the industry has changed after the Internet and Columbine and social networks and Trayvon Martin and #MeToo don’t jibe with the already-shoddy impression of how it works that Pike puts on display. The story is consigned to be a relic of its time. But for those of us who were there, who were trying to make our stories heard the way Marvin wanted to, it carries some warm nostalgia. Maybe I only like it so much now because I liked it then, but I’m OK with that.

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scifrey · 7 years

Audio

On February 10th, 2017 I had the fantastic opportunity to speak to a group of students and faculty from Grant MacEwan University in Edmonton, Alberta, about Fan Fiction, Mary Sues, and #DiversityMatters.

Above is the audio (slightly cleaned up - please forgive my inability to clean it up further) and below transcript of that talk.

Transcript:

Mike Perschon:

So, our keynote speaker is J.M. Frey. And she is from the Toronto area. I can say the “Toronto-area,” that’s a quick way of saying–

J.M. Frey

It’s a good way of saying it.

Mike Perschon:

–it and everything.

Uh, she is a science fiction and fantasy author. She’s a pop culture scholar. She’s going to be talking to us about some of that stuff tonight. She often appears as a guest on podcasts, television, and radio programs. Okay, she’s got a book coming out later this year, the third in the series – the fantasy series – she’s has been writing for the past few years and, uh, she’s got a whole bunch of other creative projects on the go.

Tonight she’s going to be talking to us about how “Your Voice is Valid” and the idea of the “Mary Sue”.

So if you’ve seen that term in pop culture, and was confused what it was or, perhaps, gotten misinformation, you’ll find out exactly what that is.

[Applause truncated]

J.M. Frey:

Thank you very much for inviting me, everybody.

Thank you to the student organizers. Thank you to the faculty organizers. I really appreciate it.

I—ah-ah! First off, I’m gonna say: I’m going to have my notes with me, and I apologize, ‘cause talking for forty-five minutes is—a half hour! I promise, it’s a half hour!—without notes is a little much.

Um, so I just wanted to say thank you to Grant MacEwan for inviting me. Um, this is the first time in Edmonton, and I’m looking forward to exploring it. I think I was maybe promised roller coasters? I don’t know…

I do want to, in particular, thank you Mike for inviting me and for being my designated buddy while I’m here in Edmonton.  It is an honor to sleep in the same guest bed that Gail Carriger once slept in.

And secondly, I do want to say thank you to everyone else for being here. I do in my brain still think of myself in my brain think of myself as your age, even though I have been out of academia for… oh… a little bit over a decade. But I loved being you guys, I loved this moment of my life. Ah, this weekend is going to be so awesome, you have no idea.

But of course before the awesome happens, you’ve have to listen to a keynote and you’re probably wondering who this hobbit in the front of the room is, getting between you and these amazing burgers that I’ve heard about?

We don’t have “Red Robin”s in Ontario? So apparently I’m in for a treat. I’m very excited about it.

So, my name is J.M. Frey. I’m a science-fiction and fantasy author, a screenwriter, and a fanthropologist. And I have a declaration to make. A promise. A vow, if you will.

And it is this:

If I hear one more basement-dwelling troll call the lead female protagonist of a genre film a “Mary Sue” one more time, I’m going to scream.

I’m sure you’ve all seen this all before. A major science fiction, fantasy, video game, novel, or comic franchise or publisher announces a new title. Said new title features a lead protagonist who is female, or a person of color, or is not able-bodied, or is non-neurotypical, or is LGBTQA+.

It might be the new Iron Man or Spider-man, who are both young black teenagers now. The new Ms. Marvel, a Muslim girl. It could be Jyn Erso, the female lead of the latest Star Wars film, the deaf Daphne Vasquez from Switched at Birth, or Alex in Supergirl, who was just recently revealed to be a lesbian still coming to terms with her sexuality in her mid-thirties, or Dorian in Dragon Age, who is both a person of color and flamboyantly queer.

And generally, the audience cheers. Yay for diversity! Yay for representation! Yay for working to make the worlds we consume look more like the world we live in! Yaaaaay!

But there’s a certain segment of the fan population that does not celebrate.

I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about.

This certain brand of fan-person gets all up in arms on social media. They whine. They complain. They say that it’s not appropriate to change the gender, race, orientation, or physical abilities of a fictional creation, or just protest their inclusion to begin with. They decry the erosion of creativity in service of neo-liberalism, overreaching political-correctness, and femi-nazis. (Sorry, sorry – the femi-“alt-right”).

It’s not realistic – women can’t survive in space, they say, it’s just a fact. That is a direct quote, by the way. Superheroes can’t be black, they say. Video game characters shouldn’t have a sexual orientation, (unless that sexual orientation is straight and the game serves to support a male gaze ogling at half-dressed pixilated prostitutes).

And strong female characters have to wear boob armor. It’s just natural, they say.

They predict the end of civilization because things are no longer being done the way they’ve always been done. There’s nothing wrong with the system, they say. So don’t you dare change it.

And to enforce this opinion, to ensure that it’s really, really clear just how much contempt this certain segment of the fan population holds for any lead protagonist that isn’t a white, heterosexual, able-bodied, neurotypical, cismale, they do everything they can to tear down them down.

They do this by calling that a “Mary Sue.”

When fan fiction author Paula Smith first used the term “Mary Sue” in her 1973 story A Trekkie’s Tale, she was making a commentary on the frequent appearance of original characters in Star Trek fan fiction. Now, most of these characters existed as a masturbatory avatar – wanna bone Spock? (And, um, you know, let’s face it who didn’t?) They you write a story where a character representing you gets to bone Spock.

And if they weren’t a sexual fantasy, then they were an adventure fantasy – wanna be an officer on the Enterprise? Well, it’s the flagship of the Starfleet, so you better be good enough to get there. Chekov was the youngest navigator in Starfleet history, Uhura is the most tonally sensitive officer in linguistics, and Jim Kirk’s genius burned like a magnesium flare – you would have to keep up to earn your place on that bridge.

So this led to a slew of hyper sexualized, physically idealized, and unrealistically competent author-based characters populating the fan fiction of the time.

But inserting a trumped-up version of yourself into a narrative wasn’t invented in the 1970s. I mean, Aeneas was totally Virgil’s Mary Sue in his Iliad knock off, Dante was such a fanboy of the The Bible that he wrote himself into an adventure exploring it. Uh, Robin Hood’s merry men and King Arthur’s Knights of the Round Table kept growing in number, and characteristics with each retelling; and even painters have inserted themselves into commissioned pictures for centuries.

This isn’t new. This is not a recent human impulse.

But what Paula Smith and the Mary Sue-writing fan ficcers didn’t know at the time, was that they were crystallizing what it means to be an engaged consumer of media texts, instead of just a passive one. What it means to be so affected by a story, to love it so much that this same love bubbles up out of you and you have to do something about it.

Either in play, or in art. So for example, in pretending to be a ninja turtle on the play ground, or in trying to recreate the perfect version of a star fleet uniform to wear, or in creating art and making comics depicting your favorite moments or further adventures of the characters you love, or writing stories that encompass missing moments from the narratives.

“Mary Sues” are, at their center, a celebration of putting oneself and one’s own heart, and one’s own enjoyment of a media text, first.

So, heh, before I talk about why this certain segment of the population deploys the term “Mary Sue” the way it does, let’s take a closer look at this impulse for participatory play.

Here’s the sixty four thousand dollar question: where do “Mary Sues” come from?

I’d like you all to close your eyes, please.

Think back. Picture yourself outside, playing with your siblings, or the neighbour’s kids or you cousins…. and You’re probably around seven, or eight, or nine years old… and…

Think about the kind of games you’re playing. Ball games, chase games, and probably something with a narrative? Are you Power Rangers? Are you flying to Neverland with Peter Pan? Are you fighting Dementors and Death Eaters at Hogwarts? Are you the newest members of One Direction, are you Jem and the Holograms or the Misfits? Are you running around collecting Pokémon back before running around and collecting Pokémon was a thing?

Open your eyes.

That, guys, gals and non-binary pals, is where Mary Sues come from. That’s it. It’s as easy as that.

As a child you didn’t know that modern literary tradition pooh-poohs self-analogous characters, or that realism was required for depth of character. All you knew was that you wanted to be a part of that story, right.  If you wanted to be a train with Thomas and Friends, then you were a train. If you wanted to be a magic pony from Equestria, you were a pony. Or, you know, if you had brothers like me, then you were a pony-train.

Self-insert in childhood games teach kids the concept of elastic play, and this essential ability to imagine oneself in skins that are not one’s own, and to stretch and reshape narratives, is what breeds creativity and storytelling.

Now, think of your early stories.

You can keep your eyes open for this one.

As a child we all told and wrote stories about doing what, to us, were mundane everyday things like getting ice cream with the fictional characters we know and love.

So for example, my friend’s three year old tells his father bed time stories about going on walks through Home Hardware with his friends, the anthropomorphized versions of the local taco food truck and the commuter train his dad takes to work every morning. He doesn’t recognize the difference between real and fictional people (or for him, in this case, the stand ins that are the figures that loom large in his life right now as a three year old obsessed with massive machines). When you ask him to tell you a story, he talks about these fictions as if they’re real.

As we grow up, we do learn to differentiate between fantasy and reality. But, I posit that we never truly loose that “me too!” mentality. We see something amazing happening on the screen, or on the page, or on a playing field, and we want to be there, a part of it.

We sort ourselves into Hogwarts Houses. We choose hockey teams to love, and we wear their jerseys.  We buy ball caps from our favorite breweries, line up for hours to be the first to watch a new release or to buy a certain smartphone. We collect stamps and baseball cards and first editions of Jane Austen and Dan Brown. We want to be a part of it. And our capitalist, consumer society tells us to prove our love with our dollars, and do it.

And for fan creators, we want to be a part of it so badly that we’re willing to make it. Not for profit, but for sheer love.

And for the early writers, the newbies, the blossoming beginners, Mary Sues are where they generally start. Because those are the sorts of stories they’ve been telling yourselves for years already, right?

Yet as we get older, we begin to notice a dearth of representation – you’re not pony trains in our minds any more, and we have a better idea of what we look like. And we don’t see it. The glorious fantasy diversity of our childhoods is stripped away, narratives are codified by the mainstream media texts we consume, and people stop looking like us.

I’m reminded of a story I read on Tumblr, of a young black author living in Africa – who, I’m going to admit, whose name, I’m afraid, I wasn’t able to find when I went back to look for it, so my apologies to her –  and the story is about the first time she tried to write a fairytale in elementary school. She made her protagonist a little white girl, and when she was asked why she hadn’t chosen to make the protagonist back, this author realized that it hadn’t even occurred to her that she was allowed make her lead black. Even though she was surrounded by black faces, the adventures, and romance, and magic in everything she consumed only happened to the white.

This is not natural. This is nurture, not nature. This is learned behavior. And this is hegemony.

No child grows up believing they don’t have place in the story. This is something were are taught. And this is something that we are taught by the media texts weconsume.

Now, okay. I do want to pause and make a point here.

There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with writing a narrative from the heterosexual, able bodied, neurotypical, white cismale POV in and of itself. I think we all have stories that we know and love and like to tell that are like that.

And people from community deserve to tell their stories as much as folks from other communities.

The problem comes when it’s the only narrative. The default narrative. The factory setting. When people who don’t see themselves reflected in the narrative nonetheless feel obligated to write such stories, instead of their own. When they are told and taught that it is the only story worth telling. ‎

There’s this really great essay by Ika Willis, and it’s called “Keeping Promises to Queer Children: Making Room for Mary Sue At Hogwarts“. And I think it’s the one – one of the most important pieces of writing not only on Mary Sues, but on the dire need for representation in general.

In the essay, Willis talks about Mary Sues – beyond being masturbatory adventure avatars for young people just coming into their own sexuality, or, um, avatars to go on adventures with – but as voice avatars. Mary Sues, when wielded with self-awareness, deliberateness, and precision, can force a wedge into the narrative, crack it open, and provide a space for marginalized identities and voices in a narrative that otherwise silences and ignores them.

This is done one of two ways. First: by jamming in a diverse Mary Sue. And making the characters and the world acknowledge and work with that diversity.

Or, second: by co-opting a pre-existing character and overlaying a new identity on them while retaining their essential characterization. Like making Bilbo Baggins non-binary, but still thinking that adventures are messy, dirty things. Or making Sherlock Holmes deaf, but still perfectly capable of solving all the crimes. Um… making James Potter Indian, so that the Dursleys prejudiced against Harry not only for his magic, but also for his skin color. Making Ariel the mermaid deal with severe body dysphoria, or giving Jane Foster PTSD after the events of Thor.

I like to call this voice avatar Mary Sue a Meta-Sue, because when authors have evolved enough in their storytelling abilities to consciously deploy Mary Sues as a deliberate trope, they’re doing so on a self-aware, meta-textual level.

So that is where Mary Sues comes from. But what is a Mary Sue? How can you point at a character and say, “Yes, that is – definitively – a Mary Sue”.

Well, Mary Sues can generally be characterized as:

-Too perfect, or unrealistically skilled. They shouldn’t be able to do all the things they do, or know all the things they know, as easily as they do or know them. For reasons of the plot expedience, they learn too fast, and are able to perform feats that other characters in their world who have studied or trained longer and harder find difficult. So like, for example, Neo in The Matrix.

-They are the black hole of every plot – every major quest or goal of the pre-existing characters warps to include or be about them; every character wants to befriend them, or romance them, or sleep with them, and every villain wants to possess them, or kill them, or sleep with them. Makes sense, as why write a character into the world if you’re not going to have something very important happen to them. So like, for example, Neo in The Matrix.

-A Mary Sue, because it’s usually written by a neophyte author who’s been taught that characters need flaws, has some sort of melodramatic, angsty tragic back-story that, while on the surface seems to motivate them into action, because of lack of experience in creating a follow-through of emotional motivation, doesn’t actually affect their mental health or ability to trust or be happy or in love. So, Like the emotional arc of, I dunno… Neo in The Matrix.

– A Mary Sue saves the day. This goes back to that impulse to be the center of the story. Like, Neo in The Matrix.

-And lastly, Mary Sues come from outside the group. They’re from the ‘real world’, like you and I, or have somehow discovered the hero’s secret identity and must be folded into the team, or are a new recruit, or are a sort of previously undiscovered stand-alone Chosen One. Like, for example, Neo in The Matrix.

Now, as I’ve said, there’s actually nothing inherently wrong with writing a Mary Sue. Neo is a Mary Sue, but The Matrix is still really good. So there’s nothing really wrong with it.

The first impulse of storytelling is to talk about oneself. All authors do it. Ww write about ourselves, only the more we write, the more skilled we become at disguising the sliver of us-ness in a character, folding it into something different and unique.

We, as storytellers, as humans, empathize with protagonists and fictional characters constantly – we love putting our feet into other people’s shoes. It’s how we understand and engage with the world.

And we as writers tap into our own emotions in order to describe them on the page. We take slices of our lives – our experiences, our memories, our friend’s verbal tics or hand gestures, aunt Brenda’s way of making tea, Uncle Rudy’s way having a pipe after dinner, that time Grannie got lost at the zoo (mouths: wasn’t my fault!) – and we weave them together into a golem that we call a character, which comes to life with a bit of literary magic.

I mean, allow me to be sparklingly reductionist for a second, but in the most basic sense, every character is a Mary Sue.

It’s just a matter of whether the writer has evolved to the point  in their craft that they’ve learned to animate that golem with the sliver of self-ness hidden deep enough that it is unrecognizable as self-ness, but still recognizable as human-ness.

That certain segment of the fan population has been telling us for years that if we don’t like what we see on TV or in video games, or in books, or comics, or on the stage, that we should just go make our own stuff. And now we are. And they are losing their goddamn minds! “Make your own stuff,” they say, and then follow it up with “What’s with all this political correctness gone wild? Uhg. This stuff is all just Mary Sue garbage.”

Well, yes. Of course it is. That’s the point. But why are they saying it like that?

Because they mean it in a derogatory sense.

They don’t mean it in the way that Paula Smith meant it – a little bit belittling but mostly fun; a bemused celebration of why we love putting ourselves into the stories and worlds we enjoy. They don’t mean it the way that Willis means it – a deliberate and knowing way to shove the previously marginalized into the center. They don’t even mean it the way that I mean it. And for those of you unfortunate enough to be in Dr. Perschon’s class, and have read The Untold Tale you’ll know: as a tool for carefully deconstructing and discussing character and narrative with a character and from within a narrative.

When a certain segment of the fan population talks about “Mary Sue”, they mean to weaponize it. To make it a stand-in for the worse thing that a character can be: bland, predictable, and too-perfect. Which, granted, many Mary Sues are. But not all of them. And a character doesn’t have to be a Mary Sue to be done badly, either.

When this certain segment of the fan population says “Mary Sue”, they’re trying to shame the creators for deviating from the norm - the white, the heterosexual, the able bodied, the neurotypical, the straight cismale.

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: “I don’t believe people like this are interesting enough to be the lead character in a story.”

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: “I don’t think there’s any need to listen to that voice. They’re not interesting enough.”

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: “This character is not what I am used to a.k.a. not like me, and I’m gonna whine about it.”

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: “Even though kids from all over the world, from many different cultural, religious and ethnic backgrounds have had to grow up learning to identify with characters who don’t look or think like them, identifying with characters who don’t look or think like me is hard and I don’t wanna.”

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: ”Even though I’ve grown up in a position of privilege and power, and even though publishing and producing diverse stories with diverse casts doesn’t actually cut into the proportionate representation that I receive, and never will, I am nonetheless scared that I’ll never see people like me in media texts ever again.”

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: “Considering my fellow human beings as fellow human beings worthy of having stories about them and their own experiences, in their own voices, is hard and I don’t wanna do it.”

When this certain segment of the population says “Mary Sue,” what they’re really saying is: “I only want stories about me.”

They call leads “Mary Sues” so people will stop writing them and instead write… well, their version of a “Mary Sue.” The character that is representative of their lived experiences, their power and masturbatory fantasies, their physical appearance, their sexual awakenings, their cultural identity, their voice, their kind of narratives.

Missing, of course, that the point of revisionist and inclusive narratives aren’t to shove out previous incarnations, but to coexist alongside them. It’s not taking away one entrée and offering only another – it’s building a buffet.

Okay, so who actually cares if these trolls call these diverse characters Mary Sues?

Well, unfortunately, because this certain segment of the population have traditionally been the group most listened-to by the mainstream media creators and the big money, their opinions have power. (Never mind that they’re not actually the biggest group of consumers anymore, nor no longer the most vocal.)

So, this is where you come in.

You have the power to take the Mary Sue from the edge of the narrative and into the centre. And you do can do this by normalizing it. Think back to that author who didn’t think little black girls were allowed to be the heroes of fairy tales. Now imagine how much different her inner world, her imagination might have been at the stage when she was first learning to understand her own self-worth, if she had seen faces like hers on the television, in comics, in games, and on the written page every day of her life.

And not just one or two heroes, but a broad spectrum of characters that run the gamut from hero to villain, from fragile to powerful, from straight to gay, and every other kind of intersectional identity.

You have the power to give children the ability to see themselves.

Multi-faceted representation normalizes the marginalized.

And if you have the privilege to be part of the passing member of the mainstream, then weaponize your privilege. Refuse to work with publishers, or websites, or conventions that don’t also support diverse creators. Put diverse characters in your work, and do so thoughtfully and with the input of the people from the community you are portraying. And if you’re given the opportunity to submit or speak at an event, offer to share the microphone.

–Sorry, I always get emotional at this part. Ah-heh!

The first thing I did when actor Burn Gorman got a Twitter account was to Tweet him  my thanks for saving the world in Pacific Rim while on a cane. As someone who isn’t as mobile as the heroes I see in action films - who knows for a fact that when the zombie apocalypse comes I will not be a-able to outrun the monsters – it meant so much to me that his character was not only an integral and vital member of the team who cancelled the apocalypse, but also that not once did someone call him a cripple, or tell him he couldn’t participate because of his disability, or leave him behind.

Diversity matters.

Not because it’s a trendy hashtag, or a way to sell media texts to a locked-down niche market, but because every single human being deserves to be told that they have a voice worth listening to; a life worth celebrating and showcasing in a narrative; a reality worth acknowledging and accepting and protecting; emotions that are worth exploring and validating; intelligence that is worth investing in and listening to; and a capacity to love that is worth adoring.

White, heterosexual, neurotypical, able-bodied cismales are not the only people on the planet who are human.

And you have a right to tell your story your way.

Okay, so I’ve basically spent thirty minutes basically cribbing my own MA thesis, and for what? Why? Well, you’re here for a conference focused on Narrative and Identity, right?

Calling something a “Mary Sue” in order to dismiss it out of hand, as an excuse to hate something before even seeing it, is how the trolls bury your Narrative and your Identity.  We are storytellers, all of us. Every person in this room.

Whether your wheel house is in fiction, or academia, or narrative non-fiction, we impart knowledge and offer experience through the written word, through the telling of tales, through leading a reader from one thought to another.

The root of the word “Essay” is the French “Essayer”. A verb meaning, “to try”. To try to convince the reader of a truth in an academic paper is no different than trying to convince a reader of an emotional truth in a fictional piece. Tout le monde doit essayer.

And we none of deserve to be shouted down, talked over, or dismissed. No one can tell you that your story isn’t worth telling. Of course it is. It’s yours.

And don’t let anyone call your characters, or your work, or you a ”Mary Sue” in the derogatory sense. Ever again. Ever.

Or I am going to scream.

Thank you.

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meanderingwords-blog1 · 7 years

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Demons

OK so...let’s talk about demons. No, not the fantasy, straight out of hell, black eyed sexy villains from Supernatural. The nasty kind. The type of demons that live in people’s heads. You can’t see them, you can’t punch ‘em in the nose, it sure as hell isn’t easy to fend them off.

Right. Why am I blabbering on about demons? Because I’ve got my own, duh. This is probably the time where I insert that generic “we all have our demons” line that basically says a whole lot of nothing in nice sounding words. Cool, but no. We don’t all have our demons. It’s just not as simple as a generic statement. While we do all share struggles in life, perhaps a more accurate thing to say would be “We all have our demons, but not everyone has the tools they need to fight them.” There. That’s better. And more accurate.

Our demons only get us when we’re down. They make us think we’re never going to win, and they convince us to give up the fight. Sometimes, we listen, because it’s hard to fight an invisible monster. Not everyone is as equipped to join the fight, and it takes a while to find and put on armor. Sometimes, we make the armor from scratch, and we cut ourselves, and bruise ourselves along the way. And you know what? Our first armors, they’re really shitty. They’ll break like glass and you’ll have to start all over again. It’s true, we’re all on the battlefield, but just because some people were straight up born in armor, doesn’t mean everyone was. The world needs to learn to grasp that.

Anxiety. That’s my demon(of the month). I can hear you rolling your eyes, you know. “Everyone gets anxious every now and then!” you say, as you look at these words thinking ‘Great, another one of those snowflakes’. Well, allow me to just say: BULL.SHIT. No, really. If you say that, you’ve never had anxiety as bad as it can get. Hell, maybe I’ve never had anxiety as bad as it can get. But I’ve had enough to know that, whatever I think I’ve been through, and however hard I think I’ve had it, there’s definitely someone out there even worse. Don’t mess with people who are looking for a friend. Be a friend.

People have this baffling tendency to view the world through their own little narrow perspective. This is why explaining things to people is frustrating and can feel like a monumental task. There you are, telling a friend (who’s never had anxiety or panic attacks) how anxiety makes it scary to even close your eyes. How the thoughts in your head are racing like cars on a highway and you can’t even pick one because another one’s already flitted past your mind. How you open your eyes in the morning and you instantly feel terrified and sweaty because getting up is horrific and you just can’t do it. Not today. And there’s your friend, looking at you with the world’s most blank/puzzled expression and it just feels like you’re talking to a brick wall. And then they say “That sounds harsh” and you just want to flip a table. How are you supposed to make them understand? It’s exhausting.

But here’s what I’ve found. Humans are very visual. This is why art is important. So many concepts that are too complicated to explain can be perfectly summed up in a painting, a song, a book and so on. I guess what I’m saying is: it’s hard having a mental illness. It’s hard explaining it to people who don’t get it. But don’t give up. Giving up is part of that demon all-inclusive package. What’s the point? is the worst and most frequent question that pops into your head. But giving in to that question is wrong. Your demons will always try to get you alone. They’ll hound you until you’re too tired to fight. They’ll whisper things that’ll make you want to quit. It will get hard at times. You’ll feel like it’s us vs. them, and they just don’t get it.

Here’s the thing, though. They’ll get it, eventually. You just haven’t found the way to explain it to them yet. But you need to keep explaining. Keep talking about your mental illness. Keep describing it, keep expressing it, until they get it. Draw, sing, write, do whatever, but don’t stop expressing that feeling. You may be anxious, depressed, bipolar and so on. It doesn’t matter, as long as you don’t let the shame and frustration overcome you. Your demons are a part of you, but they don’t own or control you. They only win when you feel ashamed to show them to the world.

It’s not our job to keep explaining it. But in doing so, we give ourselves the voice we need. You cannot wait forever for the world to get it. Take that first step yourself. So many others may follow your lead. Give yourself a voice through art. And if you’re afraid your art is bad? It. Doesn’t. Matter. Your art is your voice, and the voice of many like you. There’s no such thing as bad.

So I guess that’s it for my blabbering of the day. Until next time.

#mental health #mental illness #mental disorder #art #speak #speak out #demons #why we write #why we paint #why we art #blabbering

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ellenlucasonlinedatingblog · 5 years

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Amelia Is Shouting: A Conversation About Abortion

Caroline Reilly

I wanted to have a candid conversation about abortion for the benefit of young people, like what to expect, how to help a friend having one, and the best candy to keep on hand for recovery, and I knew Amelia Bonow was just the right gal for the job.

In 2015, Amelia Bonow shared her abortion story to her Facebook page, and she forever changed the way many of us talk about abortion. What started as one moment in a long history of abortion storytelling turned into a larger movement, and Shout Your Abortion was born. Since its inception, SYA has been a feature in the abortion advocacy movement, creating a safe space for folks to talk about their abortions without shame or stigma. Most recently, SYA released a book; a beautiful candy colored collection of abortion stories, resources, and magnificent artwork – an celebration of the importance of abortion as a social good.

I’m lucky enough to call Amelia a friend. She is the raddest, most badass woman in town. She is always there to lend advice or support. Her bravery is infectious. She’s the kind of friend who gives you permission to be a more authentic, less apologetic version of yourself, because she is the most authentic and unapologetic version of herself and she’s so fucking cool you can’t help but want to be just like her. When faced with challenges or decisions big and small, I often find myself thinking, “What would Amelia do?” So, when I wanted to have a candid conversation about abortion for the benefit of young people, like what to expect, how to help a friend having one, and the best candy to keep on hand for recovery – I knew Amelia was the right gal for the job. Here’s what she had to say.

Can you walk me through what your own abortion experience was like? Did it hurt? What was your recovery like?

I remember waking up and getting ready for my appointment and feeling some sense of gravitas around the situation. I remember putting on my shoes and thinking to myself “I am putting on my Keds. I am wearing black Keds to have an abortion.” I wasn’t scared or upset, but the day had a sense of magnitude. As I walked into the clinic and settled into the waiting room, I realized that everyone there was having an abortion, that all of us had decided NOT to stay pregnant, and that the clinic staff was literally just here to help us all stop being pregnant. That felt really… special. I felt totally overcome with gratitude for the people working there—like, of all the jobs you could have, you have decided to help people have abortions all day, and in doing so, you are helping all these strangers live the lives they want to live. I just felt super grateful and in awe of the whole deal. So in a way, my abortion was this intensely special and unique emotional experience for me.

Although the procedure itself took about three minutes, I remember being at the clinic for hours. It’s a long day! But the procedure itself just felt like a totally run-of-the-mill medical experience—for me it felt physically comparable to having an IUD inserted. I couldn’t believe how quick it was, and how relatively painless. I don’t remember the recovery experience a ton, probably because there wasn’t much of one. I think I just laid in bed for a day with my boyfriend and ate a lot of delivery.

What are your top 3-5 items to have on deck post-abortion?

Hmm. I guess in my personal ideal would include someone to cuddle with, a pile of kittens, some CBD gummies, lots of crunchy salty things, and bubble water.

What was something you wish you knew going into your abortion that you know now?

I really can’t think of an answer for this one, my experience was pretty idyllic!

What’s would you tell your younger self about abortion? What would you tell any young person about it?

Abortion is a normal reproductive experience. You likely know LOTS of people who’ve had abortions, for all sorts of different reasons. Your abortion is yours to define! There’s a lot of cultural noise telling you how you’re supposed to feel or what this is supposed to mean to you, but ultimately you are the only person who knows whether you want to end your pregnancy and what it means to you to do so. There’s no right or wrong way to feel after an abortion; it’s ok if you feel sad, but it’s also totally ok if you don’t. And it’s totally normal—in fact, 95% of people who have abortions report feeling relived afterwards.

What’s the best way to support a friend who’s having or who has had an abortion?

Ask them if they’d like to talk about it. If they do, simply ask how they are feeling and be a good listener. If they don’t, ask if there is anything else you can do to support them. Maybe you can drop off some food or treats, or maybe they’d like to just have you come over and hang out in their space without talking. Maybe they’d like for you to check on them via text and send cute animal videos. I think the only best way to support someone through an abortion (or really anything!) is to ask them what they need.

How did you deal with ~haterz~ or people who judged you? What’s your advice for a young person going through the abortion process who has people in their life who aren’t supportive?

I didn’t experience any haterism from friends, family or people in my life—I’m very lucky in that all the people close to me are totally okay with abortion. All the haterz who come at me are essentially random people on the internet (although some of them are high profile conservative media people, they are still literally random people on the internet to me). I guess in terms of how I deal, I truly just do not give a fuck what those people think about my choices—their opinions are irrelevant to me. Like, would these people be bothered if I contacted them to let them know I think they are trash because I think that judgmental Christians are wrong about life? Of course they wouldn’t! Why would anyone care what some stranger with totally different values thinks about their choices? Unfortunately, many anti-choice people seem to feel like harassing people who have had abortions is like…a call from God or something. And in the last couple decades, all this harassment has successfully created a cultural climate in which silence and shame and secrecy are the norm. Someone like me represents a threat to them, because it is impossible to shame me for having an abortion. I am literally shameless. Not just about my abortion, but in general! Shame is fucked up and poisonous and it can totally derail people’s lives when they don’t find healthy ways to work through it. In my opinion, the best way to inoculate yourself against any kind of shame is to be just accountable to yourself and the people you respect and fuck what anybody else thinks about your choices.

What are some resources where young people can learn more about abortion or get abortion support?

Of course, there’s Scarleteen, which has been an unparalleled resource for inclusive, accurate, affirming info about sex and reproductive health for decades. (You can find out about our direct services and how to access them here.) All-Options is a toll free hotline which provides unconditional, judgment-free support for people in all of their decisions, feelings, and experiences with pregnancy, parenting, abortion, and adoption. I haven’t used them but I’ve heard wonderful things.

As far as abortion positive media, I’ve gotta plug the Shout Your Abortion book, which was released last November! It’s a collection of stories and tons of art and creative organizing ideas for people who want to get more comfortable talking about abortion and learn more about what it’s actually like to have one. Or more than one! The book is beautiful and I’m so incredibly proud of everyone who was a part of the project. Also, if you sign up for the SYA mailing list sometime soon (don’t be scared, we send like one email a month) we’re just about to launch a book club program where you and your friends can get a pile of free or discounted books and we’ll send you swag and discussion questions!

Can you talk a little bit about sex and abortion? Why is it important for sex positivity to be part of the abortion conversation?

A lot of pro-choice advocacy feels like it’s trying to keep the conversation as far away from sex as possible, arguing for abortion rights on the grounds of economic stability, medical safety, the right to self-determination. One thing we rarely ever talk about is that we should have the right to have sex without fearing that if an unwanted pregnancy happens, we will be forced to make a baby that we don’t want.

All of us all been conditioned to avoid talking about sex when we talk about our abortions. “Wanting to fuck” is definitely not on the traditionally approved list of acceptable reasons why you got pregnant. I think that’s ridiculous! It’s especially ridiculous when I think of like, how many cis men are huge babies about wearing a condom because it makes their dick feel slightly cooler to do it without one. And at the end of the day, literally NO ONE ever looks at a pregnant person who wants an abortion and is like, “Why didn’t your partner choose to wear a condom?”. Women are framed as solely responsible for unwanted pregnancies AND we are solely blamed for our abortions AND we are somehow supposed to avoid correlating any part of the situation with positive sexual experiences.

All that said, not everybody likes talking about sex (or having it for that matter) and being comfortable talking about sex is not some sort of feminist imperative or badge of honor. I think that the concept of sex positivity has mutated in some unfortunate ways, so that sometimes it feels like just another source of pressure for women to be very sexual in a particular way. You are not a bad feminist if you want monogamy! It’s okay if you hate sex or think it’s overrated! Just because you don’t like rough sex doesn’t mean you are repressed! And you don’t need to talk about sex if that doesn’t feel right to you. However, I think it’s important to look at the reasons why abortion and sex are rarely discussed in the same breath, even though they are, ahem, intimately related.

To that point – any advice for how to talk to your partner about sex after abortion?

If you are the partner who got someone pregnant, I would advise that you ask questions, listen, and do your very best to find out how your partner is feeling, emotionally, physically, psychologically, and find out what they need from you in all of those areas in order to feel good. I think especially with something as sensitive as sex, we should air on the side of over communicating. Your partner can always say, “We don’t need to talk about this anymore,” if that’s what they want.

Young people in 37 states have to either let a parent know they’re having an abortion, or go to court to get permission from a judge. What words of wisdom would you have for young people facing that process?

For help navigating judicial bypass, I would recommend contacting Jane’s Due Process. They are focused on helping minors get abortions without parental consent in Texas specifically, but their hotline can help you find a referral to an org that might be able to help you in your area. I would also definitely advise that young people facing a judicial bypass call All-Options. Ideally, you will have friends or other supporters around you, but even if you do it might be nice to process the situation in a totally anonymous way, with experts who are familiar with your type of situation. Overall, please just remember that you are not alone.

What should young people look for in a provider?

I’m a huge fan of independent abortion providers. Most of us in the United States associate Planned Parenthood with abortion care, but indie providers actually provide the majority of abortions in this country. Indies are smaller, community focused health clinics, and indie providers are very serious about providing abortion care. The indie providers I know are the most caring, compassionate people I’ve ever met, and they’re incredibly dedicated to making sure that each patient they see receives an exceptional level of care. Because abortion access is steeply declining, not all of us can afford to be super selective about which provider we choose, but I suggest checking the indie provider list at Abortion Care Network if you are able to shop around a little bit.

I think that there are a couple questions you could ask to help you be comfortable with a provider. For starters, you might ask how long they’ve been providing abortion care and what called them to do that work. Their answer to that might help you to extrapolate whether they share your values. You also might just ask them to walk you through the abortion process, ask some questions, and see whether you like the way they communicate and the vibe between you. I also like asking providers whether they provide trans health care and how they feel about that, even though I’m not trans. To me, a provider’s level of comfort discussing trans health care can tell me a lot, including whether or not they’re interested in practicing patient centered care.

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tinytabletalks-blog · 7 years

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Ready Set SUMMER SLAM

The time is upon us where We’re trying Records and Tiny Table Talks get together and put on a celebration of Texas DIY for a month! Support your local scene is not only a catchy slogan that looks quite swell on the backs or fronts of t-shirts, but a reminder that everything is homegrown and we do not need to search far and wide for talent. Growing up in a HXC scene (shoutout VTHC) in the Rio Grande Valley, I had no choice but to go to local show. people did not tour through south Texas very often, so we found comfort in each other’s music. We were our friends biggest fan and we stayed late and showed up early because 1. we did not want to go home because we wanted to be with our friends and 2. we had multiple friends playing that night. We showed up on time and left late and that kind of attitude really made me fall in love with the idea of a DIY scene. Here in Austin its different. We have numerous touring acts coming through at all times of the year and we have some huge, rad venues here that house these shows, but it feels all too routine. The DIY scene in Austin is not too huge and is still growing, but I want to see it grow into a glorious inclusive space that encourages everyone to be passionate about what they want in life and to always feel wanted and welcomed. Also to realize “HOLY SHIT insert local band IS FUCKING SICCKKK.”

That is our mission with this Summer Slam series. We want people to come out and enjoy local talent and discover good music that is accessible in Austin way more frequently than one band doing a summer tour. Let a local band’s song be your summer anthem!!

To not just have my opinion in on this, we asked our first rounds of bands, (KIdlat Punch, The Smile Bunch and Better Now) to give their opinion on what DIY means to them.

Logan Burrougs from The Smile Bunch

“The DIY community means everything to me. From going to shows with my best friends in high school, to meeting people I never could have met and understanding points of view I would not have ever considered, to listening to and enjoying some of the best and most unappreciated music in the world, I love it all. It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning. The music in this community is what brings everyone together to allow us to achieve things within ourselves that we did not know possible. For the most part, this music community is about the people, where that is not the case in most subcultures. Here, the people are allowed to express themselves freely and connect with others in a way that cannot be explained in words. I’m very thankful to be spending my life with this music and these people.”

Alex Villareal from Kidlat Punch

"Being in a DIY band can be one of the most challenging and frustrating ventures to take part in. But that's what makes it so special. You know it's your own hard work that you've put into it, and when people react positively, there's no better feeling. This scene is important because everyone has something to say, and we all have to work together to give ALL people the platform they need."

Alex Weymier of BETTER NOW

“DIY is a community of musicians and artists who come together to support each other and express themselves in the way that is most true to them. DIY is important to me because it creates an environment of like-minded individuals who can create unique art that would otherwise not thrive in a traditional music scene. If it was not for the DIY community, many artists would not have a chance for their music to be heard.”

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brilliancewithin-blog · 7 years

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I love a bit of ‘online retail therapy’ and as I’m off to London for a very exciting motivational Andy Harrington ‘Power To Achieve’ event next weekend in our wonderful Capital City of London which along with the dreary weather here in Manchester, seemed like a great excuse to do some ‘on line’ shopping..

After a flick through the new Kaleidoscope Spring Collection, I placed an order for a couple of new outfits to take with me to the Power To Achieve Event in London. (see link to the Event at the bottom of this post..)

I placed my order last night at 10 p.m. and it arrived this morning at 08:30 a.m. How’s that for a quick turnaround? I’d not even had time to put my makeup on before the delivery man was knocking on my door – he got a shock…

Yep turn away NOW….

I always get a little sense of excitement unwrapping a bundle of new parcels at home… even though I know what’s in them, it somehow feels like a ‘present’ and trying on clothes at home is definitely much easier than the shop ‘cubicles’…

First though, it’s time to get some make up on…. and with a little help from my granddaughter, after applying moisturiser and some Laura Mercier primer, you can’t beat a bit of Estee Lauders’ Double Wear Foundation, for covering a multitude of sins!

Teamed with some Bobbi Brown translucent powder and a bit of ‘gold shimmer’ which I use for the eyes and a quick brush across the tops of my cheek bones.. Add some blusher and touch of mascara and I’m ‘good to go’… Oh not forgetting the lipstick of course!

For the Andy Harrington Event and my ‘on line’ order, I’d decided to stick with some classic colours so that I can keep my travel bag light and mix and match the tops with the same trousers.. Charcoal, Black and Cream being the theme…

I’ve learned from experience that lugging large cases across London on the Tube is no fun, I’m definitely keeping my bag as light as possible for this trip with some careful mix and matching!

I loved these trousers from Kaleidoscope when I purchased the ‘taupe’ ones previously Fashion Ideas: A Casual Look For a 50+ Manchester Lifestyle Blogger and therefore decided I’d add a ‘charcoal’ pair to my collection!

They are so comfortable to wear, don’t really crease (or they drop out quickly anyway) and can be dressed up or dressed down. They look great with boots or as in the photo below, paired with a pair of stiletto’s – great for a night out!

I decided these would be perfect for sitting throughout the Power To Achieve Event run by the great motivational speaker, Andy Harrington, which runs over 3 long days.. starting at 09:00 a.m. and finishing at 08:00 p.m.! I’m soooo excited…

Hey – sorry about the ‘messy bed’… I just couldn’t wait to try on my new outfit so the parcel packaging is all over the bed!

I love this new cream top with the black edging and zip detail and it looks fab with my cream jacket… all from Kaleidoscope (they are my favourite ‘on line’ fashion retailer).. Clearly the zip can be ‘pulled up’ to reduce cleavage if you were wearing it for work or pulled down slightly further to reveal a bit of cleavage for a night on the Town… (My motto – if you’ve got it flaunt it – while you still can!), I’m making the most of it before my skin gets too crepe! And even when it is too crepe, I may just take the philosophy of….

This top will be so versatile and I’ll be able to use it for ‘work and play’.. With a black jacket it will be a ‘smart’ classic office top and the cream jacket just adds a bit of evening glamour – what do you think?

I love the detail on this cream jacket with the lace panel insert…

For a change of top to wear at the EVENT, I decided on a new ‘easy wear’ black top which I can pair with the same ‘charcoal’ trousers… or I may take the black trousers that I wore in Cheltenham for a change. (reminder.. bag weight to a minimummm) The new black top has long sleeves so I’d be comfortable to just wear the top without a jacket. Do you think that will make up for inclusion of the extra trousers?

Either way, I love this top. It covers the ‘batwings’…. yikes, whilst enhancing the ‘boobs’ and he voile/lace pattern at the top ‘glams’ it up slightly – Perfect in my book!

Again, this black top can be dressed up with some ‘glitzy’ jewellery and some funky shoes or boots for a night out or worn plain throughout the day…

So now I’m REALLY Excited… just in case you couldn’t tell.. I’m building up to the event, listening to the motivational downloads (see below) and now my outfits are sorted… Bring it on!!!

If you want to read more about Andy’s event, I’ve put a link to his website below.. I heard him speak recently at a 1 day seminar in Manchester – an introduction into the art of public speaking and he was great! I’m also working through the personal development MP3 downloads which for an incredibly low price of only £7.00 are absolutely fabulous and really helping me to focus on ‘new beginnings’…

If you ever get the chance to attend one of his events, my advice is to take it! I’ll let you know more about my trip to the Capital City after THE EVENT!..

Andy Harrington: Power To Achieve Event Feb 10th – 12th at the Hilton Metropole Hotel in London: https://powertoachieve.co.uk/optin-10068315

Manchester 50+ Lifestyle Blogger Chooses Black & Cream As Her London Fashion Theme.. I love a bit of 'online retail therapy' and as I'm off to London for a very exciting motivational Andy Harrington 'Power To Achieve' event next weekend in our wonderful Capital City of London which along with the dreary weather here in Manchester, seemed like a great excuse to do some 'on line' shopping..

#Andy Harrington #Black and Cream Theme #Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation #Fashion Blog #Fashion for Over 50&039;s #Humour #INSPIRATION #Makeup Post #Manchester 50+ Lifestyle Blogger #Motivation #PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT #Power To Achieve Event

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