Hey Baby (I Think I Wanna Marry You)
Keith/Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Fluff and Humour, 893 Words
Summary: Keith and Lance are impulsive and ridiculous. Hunk is Tired of them.
Sometimes Keith just… says things. Just whatever half-formed thought is on his mind. Which is why Hunk doesn’t bat an eye when Keith straightens abruptly from his position on the couch (where he has been glaring thoughtfully at the ceiling for forty straight minutes), knocking Lance’s legs from his lap. He squints at the man in question, and says: “Hey. Lance. Marry me.”
See? Sometimes Keith just says whatever. They aren’t even dating. Hunk knows this because Lance complains about it regularly (Hunk pretends to hate it, but, y’know. Drama is drama and he eats it up every time).
Lance doesn’t even glance up from his book, snorting. “Do you have a ring with you?”
“A location? A date?”
“Get those details figured out, and get back to me.”
And just like that, the bit is over. Lance and Keith, being their weird, incomprehensible selves. They’re so caught up in each other that occasionally they just speak in one-word references; it drives everyone else insane. Have you ever watched two people so on the same wavelength that they just hum at each other in different tones and they have a whole-ass, real conversation? It’s beyond infuriating. It might even make you, during a meal where they are having said annoying conversation, lift your fork in front of the duo in question, pretending they’re in jail. For your own damn peace of mind.
But anyway. Keith and Lance tend to be in their own world, and Keith especially loves to just Say Things that make sense to Lance and Lance only. Ergo Hunk dismissed the actual, literal proposal as some weird inside joke between the two of them. So you can imagine Hunk’s surprise when, a week later, he’s minding his business, eating his dinner, when he notices something shiny on Lance’s fourth finger. His eyes widen, and he glances over to Keith, and — yep. Matching golden rings.
“Ahh??” he yells, pointing at their hands. His yell draws the attention of the rest of the team, who notice the rings and gasp.
“What the fuck are those,” Pidge demands.
Keith glances down at his hands, looking back up at them with his brow furrowed. “Wedding… rings…?”
Shiro pinches the bridge of his nose, giving Keith a Look. “She knows what they are, Keith. She’s asking why you and Lance are wearing them. We are all asking, actually. What the fuck.”
“Cause we got married,” Lance supplies, looking at them like they’re dumb. “Obviously.”
“I didn’t know you were courting,” Allura says.
“So… why are you wed?”
Now Keith is the one looking at them weird. “Y’all were there when I proposed,” he says slowly.
“I thought you were doing a bit!” Hunk cries.
Keith blinks. “I’d never joke about marrying Lance. I’m in love with him.” Lance presses a kiss to his cheek, making a cheesy ‘mwah!’ sound.
“Love you too, babe!” he chirps.
“I thought humans tended to have a ‘dating’ period before marriage,” Allura asks again, still confused.
“They usually do,” Pidge mutters.
Keith shrugs. “No point. I love him, I know him, I’m gonna love him until I die. Why bother waiting?”
“Mhm,” Lance agrees. “Plus, he asked nicely. And we went and got me a ring when I asked.”
“Okay,” Shiro sighs tiredly. “I guess.”
Hunk can’t quite get over it so quickly. “Lance,” he says, staring at his friends with wide eyes, “your mamá is gonna kill you.”
That, finally, seems to make a difference. Lance freezes, sending a panicked look to his — his fucking husband, Jesus Christ.
“Maybe she’ll be so happy to see me that she’ll forgive me immediately?” Lance tries.
Hunk snorts, feeling vindicated. “Unlikely. That’ll teach you to run off and get eloped just because your impulsive-ass husband decided to marry you one random Wednesday.”
“It wasn’t impulsive!” Keith defends. “I’ve been thinking about Lance forever! Once I decided to go for it, I asked!”
“It was definitely a little impulsive. You didn’t even have a ring or anything,” Pidge points out.
Keith falters, and Lance smiles into his cup.
“Okay, true, but that’s what I have Lance for! He reminded me and we got them and boom. Problem solved.”
Hunk opens his mouth to argue further, but stops himself. Yes, it was sudden. No, it doesn’t really make much sense. Yes, these two idiots are codependent to the enth degree. But…
They are happy.
“I’m not playing marriage therapist,” Hunk says instead of you two are batshit insane and perfect for each other because of it. “Also, if I hear even one decibel of honeymoon sex, I will set your room on fire with you in it.”
Everyone makes a face at the insinuation, except for the newlyweds, who wear identical smirks. Because of course they do.
“I mean it,” Hunk warns, but he can’t quite keep the glare on his face.
After all — his best friends just got married. Sudden or not — he’s happy for them.
(He hears the fucking honeymoon sex. Because of course he does. But he and Pidge mess with their bed so that it folds in half and traps them in it if they get past a certain noise level, and Shiro laughs so hard he forgets to lecture them about it, so. He feels like maybe he wins that round.)