In the Mouth of Madness (Alternative POV)
2143 words
This is the second conversation between Armand and Daniel from In the Midst of Madness, but from Daniel's POV. You can read them in either order, although it is the same dialogue. It's also over on AO3.
I'd been thinking of writing some of this from Daniel's perspective but then today I was inspired by @apoptoses who did a similar thing with one of their recent fics. (Which you should go read!!! Highly recommend!)
I might write more in this series from Daniel's POV as he inches toward recovery in the future. Would love to get him to a better place because I'm sad now. But first I need to read/write a lot of fluff.
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Daniel painted the waves that rolled up to the shore of the beach in shades of blue with little white caps. Maybe he’d put a surfer or two out there to ride them. Tiny little human figures were bought in bulk, but it was a challenge to paint them and build their accessories on such a small scale.
The beach reminded him of Miami Beach and he planned to build white and blue stucco hotels to put behind it, similar to the Miami he remembered. He didn’t have kits for those exactly but he had ones for similar buildings he planned to modify and paint to get the look right. And he had little palm trees to scatter across the terrain.
He was dotting white caps on the ocean with a paint brush when the phone rang. He ignored it. Marius had made it clear it he wasn’t to answer the phone in his absence.
Marius had gone off on an urgent errand for the night. Daniel didn’t know what. He couldn’t remember if Marius had told him and he’d simply forgotten, or if Marius hadn’t explained. It could have happened either way. His memory was still disjointed. He remembered somethings easily, while others slipped through like his brain was a sieve that would only catch certain bits and pieces.
Marius had left a post-it with large writing on lamp above Daniel’s work table as an extra reminder: “Don’t answer the phone. Don’t go out. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
The phone rang for some time and every ring rattled his brain and his bones. He wanted it to stop. And finally, blessedly, it did. He sighed with relief and went back to his beach.
Daniel was assembling another hotel, using the kit for the exterior with some modifications, when the phone started ringing again. The phone rarely rang so why was it doing so now while Daniel was there alone and trying to focus on building the little beach-scape in front of him?
Brrrring.
Daniel winced.
Brrrring.
Brrrring.
He sighed and put down the little pieces of wood. How could he be expected to focus with that infernal noise? He willed it to stop. Counted the rings. Got to twelve. Waited in annoyed anticipation for ring number thirteen. It didn’t come.
He let out a breath, relieved. The assault was over. Hopefully whoever was calling had gotten the message and would wait to call again until tomorrow when Marius was back and could handle it.
Daniel glued together the small hotel walls. He added extra layers of wood so he could shave the corners, rounding them out like so many places in Miami.
Brrrring.
Like a stab into his brain.
He set down the building and tried to wait it out but after ring number four, his patience cracked. He opened the door to his work room and went out into the living area where the phone sat on a table near the wall. The ringing was louder out there.
Daniel stared at the phone. Remembered Marius’ stern warnings not to answer. And yet he had to make the ringing stop. Surely Marius would understand.
He hesitated but it rang again and his resolve completely crumbled. He grabbed the receiver, a modern cordless phone, clicked the answer button, and said, “Hello?”
At first, he thought perhaps the caller had given up. But then the voice said, “Daniel?”
His heart pounded to life, beating against his ribs. That voice, soft and sensual, with the faint lilt of an accent from long ago, mostly worn down to nothing over the years like water on sea glass. He’d have followed that voice anywhere once upon a time. Part of him still would.
“Armand,” he said.
“Yes,” Armand said. He didn’t need to confirm it but it sent a tingle down Daniel’s spine.
And then a sudden panic gripped him. Marius had told him not to answer the phone and Armand spoke to Marius regularly. Did Armand know he’d broken a rule? And here he was so desperately trying to prove to Marius that he could be left alone, that he could be trusted, that he was no longer such a mess.
“I wouldn’t have answered the phone but it wouldn’t stop ringing,” he explained. He looked down and noticed the answering machine was dark, its little light off. Daniel bent down and saw the cord dangling behind the table. He plugged it back in and it beeped, the little light illuminating. “Machine was unplugged. I’ll tell Marius you called.”
He started to hang up. Maybe Armand wouldn’t mention it to Marius and they could pretend this never happened.
“Wait,” Armand said. Daniel stopped automatically. Impossible not to obey that voice. “How are you?”
Leave it to Armand to ask the hard questions. How was he indeed? He felt good. Better. But he was still scattered. Marius didn’t trust him to be on his own and had clearly been torn on leaving him behind while he went on his errand. So how was he? Still mad enough to be treated like a mental patient. Sane enough to be annoyed by the process but to still understand its value. After all, he wanted to get well.
Daniel leaned against the back of the sofa. “You know, the thing no one tells you about going out of your mind is that people won’t stop asking how you are.”
Armand didn’t laugh. Shame. Maybe if he could make him laugh… He’d kill to hear his laughter again. There’d been a time not long ago when he thought Armand was gone from the world and he’d never hear his voice again, let alone his laughter. His throat felt dry and he swallowed.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Armand said gently.
“I’m fine. Well, not fine, you know, but I’m okay. How are you?”
He held his breath, almost afraid of what Armand would say. What if this call was all in his head and Armand wasn’t even really there? No. He’d never suffered delusions. He bit his tongue just to be sure and let the blood, thick and heady, fill his mouth.
“I’m well.” There was another pause, like he didn’t know what to say. “Louis is here with me. He was asking about you.”
Daniel laughed. Louis with Armand! He thought of how when Louis first told him his story, Daniel had been pained at how Armand had left him at the end, at how they couldn’t make it work. And now Louis was with him once more and here was Daniel, a world away and several bricks short of a Lego set. “Funny how things go, isn’t it? Like time is circle.”
Armand didn’t respond right away. Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say. Surely he didn’t think Daniel was petty enough to be jealous? He was a little envious, he had to admit, but only because he couldn’t be there, too.
“Are you still building your models?” Armand asked after a moment.
“Mm,” Daniel said. Odd change of topic but at least this was comfortable ground. “I’m working on one right now that has a beach and palm trees. It reminds me of Miami. It doesn’t compare to the real thing though.”
“Nothing ever does,” Armand agreed.
Daniel started to ask if Armand ever missed Miami, if he ever thought about The Night Island or the time they’d spent together there. If he ever missed Daniel.
But he stopped himself. He didn’t want to hear the answer. Armand hadn’t come to see Daniel, after all, not once this entire time. Maybe that was answer enough.
Marius had told him that Armand couldn’t come, of course. He was still recovering from his injuries and he had two new fledglings to look after. That second part had sent bolts of panic through Daniel until Marius explained that it had been him, not Armand, who’d turned them. Daniel was still the only person Armand had ever turned. Stupid thing to cling to, maybe, but Daniel often did anyway. They still had that between them if nothing else.
Daniel tried to think of a better way to word the question, something else he could ask that was less direct.
But then Armand spoke again and moment was lost.
“Where is Marius?”
Daniel ran his fingers through his ashen hair and tugged at the strands in frustration. “Gone on an errand. He’ll be back tomorrow.”
Another pause. Armand’s voice came back hard: “Gone where?”
“Don’t know.” That, at least, was true. If he had known, he couldn’t remember.
“And he left you alone?”
Armand sounded pissed, and that in turn, ticked Daniel off. “I’m not a child, Armand. I know I’m not allowed to leave by myself.”
“When did he leave?” Armand demanded.
Daniel sighed, annoyed. What did it matter? “Earlier this evening. The doors are locked. Don’t worry, I’m contained.”
“I’m not worried,” Armand said. Daniel suspected that wasn’t true. “Does he leave you alone often?”
Maybe he didn’t mean for it to come off as condescending as hell, but it did. “No, he doesn’t. And I know what you’re doing, you know. I’m a lunatic, not an idiot.”
“You’re not a lunatic, Daniel.” Armand sounded sad when he said it, like maybe he wasn’t sure. Well, he was wrong.
“Whatever you want to call it. Mad, crazy, a few cards short of a deck—“
“You sound fine to me,” Armand said.
Daniel laughed bitterly. That was the problem. He felt fine. But last time he felt fine, he’d gone out on his own, only to get confused and then distracted counting the bricks in a wall behind a pub. Marius had to come get him and drag him back home before sunrise. He couldn’t trust his own feelings anymore.
“That’s the trouble with crazy,” he said. “It seems normal until it doesn’t.”
Silence from Armand, then. It stretched out and Daniel could feel the miles between them, not just physically, but in every sense. Finally, Daniel asked, “Did you want me to pass along a message?”
More silence. Daniel squeezed the phone. He hated how familiar it was for Armand to meet him with silence. It had been like that in their last years together. Stoney, painful silence.
Then Armand spoke: “No need. It was you I wanted to speak to anyway.”
Daniel’s heart constricted. Armand called frequently and but he always spoke with Marius and only rarely talked to Daniel, at least as far as he could remember.
“It was?” he asked.
“Yes.” Armand’s response was quick, no hesitation.
“Oh.” Daniel didn’t know what to make of that. Was it a lie to help placate his insane fledgling or did he mean it? He hadn’t known Marius was gone, so he’d obviously called expecting to speak with him… but it didn’t sound like a lie. And Armand had kept him on the line after he knew Marius was out.
Daniel realized there’d been a long pause. He tried to think of something to say, something else to ask him, but all of the questions felt too raw, too personal, too big.
“I’ll let you get back to your models,” Armand said, breaking the silence.
Daniel wished he’d spoken first but clearly Armand was ready to get off the line and back to his life. “Yeah, okay,” he said. Then he remembered Louis was there with him. “Tell Louis I say hi.”
Daniel hung up.
He stared at the phone in his hand like it wasn’t real. Swallowed uneasily. Felt tears prick at his eyes for the first time in a long time. A sense of loss he couldn’t entirely explain washed over him and settled into his bones.
After a few minutes, he straightened. Blinked back the tears. Set the phone on the receiver.
He went back into his work room and stared at the little Miami-like beach in progress in front of him. How small and desperate it looked to him now, a pathetic attempt to recreate something long gone. No amount of crafting could replace the real thing.
He took the board he’d been working on and moved it aside. Maybe he’d use the beach-scape for something else. He tossed the half-finished little Miami-style hotels in the garbage bin. He pulled out a new board from under the work table and decided to start fresh. Something different, unfamiliar. A farm, maybe. Yes, a farm with fields and barns and stables and a little farmhouse on the edge of a small town. Maybe there would be a pond or a lake. He could get Marius to order him a whole set of tiny farm animals to populate it.
He got to work mentally sketching it out and tried to lose himself in the project until he could forget the dull ache that had settled into his midsection.
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