*twiddles thumbs*
..i made more art because ur fic is real good 👍😊
i can’t stop won’t stop this fic literally possessed me./pos
also WHY DOES TUMBLR DESTROY QUALITY.
AWWW OMG THANK YOU 🩵💞💖💗‼️‼️heheh he's on his way to GET you >:3
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The scene at the start of All Hell Breaks Loose where Dean talks to Sam's corpse in that shack in the middle of nowhere is soul crushing to an incomprehensible level that the show hardly ever manages to reach again.
Firstly, what is revealed about Dean as he spills his heart open is devastating on a whole other level. Like there's grief and then there's this - it's like a piece of him has been torn out and he's left unable to literally function. It's not really a new idea in the series up to this point that Dean has centered his life around his family, in particular protecting Sam. As he starts off, he wishes so desperately that Sam didn't start asking questions about their family so Dean could preserve his innocence just a little bit longer. No doubt John put a lot of pressure on Dean to protect and look after Sam, but taking on this role was something that was all but written inside him, as he says, John didn't even have to tell him to do it, Sam was his responsibility. The tipping point in this scene is when Dean finally asks "what am I supposed to do" - how can he even begin to move beyond this? He doesn't care if the world ends anymore, doesn't care if Azazel wins and he never gets revenge. In asking this question Dean realises that he is incapable of letting go of Sam, of the responsibilities to his family he has built his life around like the grain of sand at the centre of the pearl, and of the crushing guilt that comes with 'failing' these responsibilities. The only way forwards is to force the laws of nature to bend for him and bring Sam back from the dead, no matter the cost.
Secondly, this is heart wrenching to me for Sam too. Here he is, 23 years old and lying dead on a dingy mattress in a shack in the middle of nowhere - the only escape from his dark destiny found in death. But the primary reason it seems that Dean makes this massive sacrifice to bring him back isn't because he's 23 and has so much of life he deserves to live, but because he is incapable of living under the weight of his guilt in failing him - that he is Dean's responsibility that he can't live with letting down. And this is not to say that Dean doesn't also bring him back because he loves and care for him as a person, but it's not like Dean was sitting there talking to Sam saying you didn't deserve this, we were so close to ending this, you deserved to go on to have a life that hasn't been built around and in grief and revenge, hell, you could've even gone back to university and had your happy ending. You know? It's like selling your soul for someone is a crazy batshit insane thing to do - the ultimate sacrifice. But same as with John, it seems that the reason behind it wasn't just pure love and desire for that person to live just because they didn't deserve to die. John needed Dean to be there to ensure Sam didn't go darkside - to kill him if he can't save him. In both cases it was out of love, but in this weird objectified way.
It's just so fascinating how this dynamic between the three Winchesters, love and sacrifice plays out in the early seasons. How supernatural finds selfishness at the centre of this seemingly sacrificial selfless act. The selfishness in martyrdom.
That's why this scene is just heart wrenching in my sad insane little head. Sam and Dean were crazy codependants before this but this scene marks a turn for the worst (in codependence) for them. This scene is like the solidification of Dean's belief that he is worthless and incapable of functioning without the responsibilities he holds to his family and solidifies that Sam is the little brother possession for Dean to protect and regulate until his time runs out and he's shipped off to hell - leaving him at the centre of his massacred family with all the fingers pointing in his direction. His mum was collateral damage to his anti-baptism by a demon, his Dad sold his soul for his brother's life to be the final yes or no in the decision of whether Sam deserves to live or not, and now his brother's gone and done the same for him. But hey, at least when Dean gets dragged down to hell it isn't with the weight of guilt that he failed his responsibilities.
(spoiler alert: he feels guilty for leaving Sam anyway and Sam spirals anyway).
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The thing about spn au’s with no supernatural elements is that you can take dean and give him a shitty home life and he’ll be pretty much the same guy but something brain melting has to happen to cas to make him like that.
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by anychance, do you have thoughts on lifesteal!captain sparklez? the implication drive me bonkers
i think about him a normal amount (warning)
there are two main types of rules servers can have. there are rules built into the server itself, enforced by some greater power—the widespread no flying without elytra, vh disabling multiple items and enchantments, any respawn and heart mechanics. then there are the community established rules—no flying out of combat, no enderchests in mianite
i think sparklez is not necessarily bound to any of the rules of the land. he is brought on as a god, holds far too much power for that. nobody is bound to the community established rules beyond an honor system level and the enforced rules would not apply to a god the same way it does others (if at all, who is to enforce the rules on the greater power? gods are not known to be weak. to be limited by the same things as mere mortals) but he is of balance and here to restore it, so he plays along
jordan intentionally limits himself. he follows the heart system and keeps himself from flying without an elytra even though he has wings (even as he plays at being a regular person, he is still a god. the world still responds accordingly when he falls for the first time. the sky turns red and reminds everyone of what he is)
he doesn't strictly follow the community established rules though that is mostly from a place of not being aware of them. he flies out of combat a bunch not knowing it's against the rules. when he realizes there might be a rule about it he asks and is repeatedly told by the people on his side that no it's fine for him to fly. though it still does come to a point that he starts to refuse to, even as his people tell him that he really should get himself out, he says he wants to keep in the spirit of things
he wants to keep things balanced
on that note, before the assassination and everything devolving into warfare i was so ready for my guy to go down the balance but fucked up and evil route. the way he was talking about being the authority, about stomping down any violence and disagreement? balance overcorrecting to the side of order, suffocating balance in the face of the chaos that is the kill people server
the lets death ban that guy team briefly brought up the idea of trying to corrupt the captain and i can't stop thinking bout that either. i think zam meant it in a lets get this guy to be pro murder way but i don't think he was ever against murder, just the absence of balance it was causing. murder in the name of restoring balance? violence as retribution? perfectly fine and normal. surely no slippery slope to corruption to be found here
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