#To all my mutual who started following me kind of recently: I am so sorry. I'm gonna be unbearable once s2 comes out

[electric-rabbits]

So, that fucking poster, hm?

#Good Omens #To all my mutual who started following me kind of recently: I am so sorry. I'm gonna be unbearable once s2 comes out #You didn't see me in 2017 when they announced the show. You didn't see me as bts pictures started to come out #Worse yet. You didn't see me when I was a teen and decided to read this fucking book for the first time #Those two motherfuckers are the reason why I started reading fanfic. They're the reason why I draw. Sorry for the person I'll become

[crowleyholmes]

hi there chris! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! i love your art!) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘

Hiiii omg this is so sweet and means a lot to me, thank you! 🥺💕

I've been meaning to do a little end-of-the-year shoutout/love post for some of my favorite blogs, so I hope you don't mind if I use your ask as the perfect excuse!

I've had many fun years on tumblr, but this one has been extra special. Falling into the Good Omens fandom and meeting all of you amazing people has made this year so so SO much better than it otherwise would have been, so here are some special shoutouts (apologies, I'm sure this will get long, things like this tend to get away from me, so I'll put it under a read-more)

@majortomyourcurcuitsdead SASHA can you believe I was going to just send you an anon telling you that I think you're cool and leave it at that. Can you believe it. WELL thank Somebody you had your anon turned off and I had to expose myself in your dms because it feels like we just instantly connected about like 20 different things and haven't stopped talking since sskjdfhs anyway I'm so happy I met you you're so fun and so clever and so talented and so enthusiastic and I've only known you for like. What 2 months?? Ish? But I already love you so much <3

@lineffability !!! Line you are so *struggles to find words* you're just great is what you are okay. I feel like you are what happens when somebody takes a big cup and puts six shots of love, chaos, sunshine, talent, fun, and enthusiasm into it, generously sprinkles intelligence on top and gives it a good stir. I don't even remember how or when or why we started talking tbh? But your creativity is so inspiring, and some of my favorite tumblr-moments of this year have been 'yes-and'ing with you about one thing or another in a very >:3 manner hahah so! my point is! i love you lots <3

@dontbotheraziraphale Teeeedddd you're wonderful, I vented at you one time and then we talked for like 2 hours and at the end of that 1 conversation I already considered you a friend - and not just in that "tumblr mutuals who talk 1 time are my friends" kind of way but like. Genuinely. You're so kind and so fun and every time we talk it's such a good time ily a lot my bro my buddy my man <3

@crikey01 Tallulah HI I also completely forgot how we started talking but I remember connecting the dots that you were the one who painted those INSANE black and white and gold oil paintings and the way my jaw dropped like?? BRO you're so talented I admire you so much! And I love that we bonded over stopping each other from masochistically checking certain peoples' blogs... 😂 Anyway you're so sweet and fun and ily lots <3

---

The list could probably go on but you four are the people I've talked to most on here and you're the tumblr chat boxes I never close but always just minimize and y'all better see this as the ultimate internet declaration of affection that it Clearly is >:D 💕

---

And here are some more shout-outs because I just HAVE to.

Apologies, I know I've already tagged a bunch of you recently in a mutuals appreciation post but. This is my official thank-you-for-2023 post and I just have a lot of love for you all okay sorry feel free to ignore this <3

@rowan-ashtree (i'll text you back soon I promise I'm sorry I just haven't had the brain-space recently ssjkdfh) @crawley-fell (we've never talked but i love you from afar :')) @ineffabildaddy @llokilaufeyson @actual-changeling @saryasy @hyperfocusthusly @beccibarnes @rainbowcrowley @thesherrinfordfacility @goodoldfashionednightingale @wibbly-wobbly-blog @highlyillogicalandroid (i see your data obsession and i agree <3) @tortugay @foolishlovers @stargazing-crowley @gingiekittycat @weasleywrinkles @bildads-shoes @finleycannotdraw @bowtiepastabitch @heytherefluffy @samwwise @nocturnal-birb @athousandyearstime @angelsdiningattheritz @most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer @jedthesecretdreamer @wraithee @hydrangeadangea @southfarthing @frodo-baggins @mobius-m-mobius

#asks #2023 reflections #personal #friends and mutuals and others appreciation post <33

[teamfreewill56-blog]

November and December are incredibly busy months at work for me, and is when my health is the worst making it hard to do anything creative. I also recently started a new job with 12-hour shifts and different tasks and hours than what my previous job is.

That said, I'm still here. One of my asks is a very detailed ask which is fine, but it takes me much longer to work on and with trying to adjust to my new job I just don't have the energy to work for long periods on anything.

I also want to be respectful to my followers and answer the asks in order from now on, so know that if you've sent me or send me an ask I will get to it I just can't promise a timeline and I'm sorry for that.

One of my mutuals, @overlordpincess who finds all kinds of fun Demon Slayer Drama CDs also recently found the missing part of the Mugen Train Drama CD.

It is in Chinese which I am not fluent or familiar with at all so I'm having to read it translated and I'll then transcribe and analyze it.

I will not post the transcription until I'm done with my current 2 asks, any asks sent to me today or after will have to wait until I finish transcribing and analyzing this missing Drama CD part. So please be mindful of this if you send me an ask.

Thank you to all my current and new followers, I'm grateful to have you here and I love interacting with ya'll. Rest assured I am not done with Demon Slayer.

Even when the anime is complete I will probably have a lot to say and analyze about it even though there won't be as much Kyojuro content

#kyojuro rengoku #blog/personal update #blog update #personal update #demon slayer #i used to be one of the number one blogs that come up when you search Rengoku Kyojuro here lolol

[forestdragoncat]

WIP Wednesday

Was tagged by @undyingembers, so i guess i will post a translation of a tidbit from my most recent chapter of World of Quest fanfic "What I Sow I Shall Reap", because it WAS still a WIP on Wednesday :D Sorry in advance for my grammar ^^'

"Wait, you're the "diplomatic mission leaded by a royal bra-" in the very same moment when prince's eyes began to wide, Meriaen bursted into a coughing fit. It sounded pretty fake, "By His Highness, who told my parents to shove their money where suns don't shine?!"

"Alright, that's enough," Quest left the table in a decisive stride, "We should be returning to the business at hand, not chit-chating with some offsprings of an aristocracy."

The other members of the team, eager to leave the conversation which suddenly bacame awkward, followed his lead and went to the restaurant's exit. But someone decided to not back down:

"You have misunderstood me!" von Rithe Jr. rushed forward, blocking team's path, "I am actually in awe with you! Honestly, it is about time somebody told them off..."

"Yes, right after those somebody spent all day on completing the count and countess' mission and received absolutely nothing in return, because someone among those somebody suddenly decided to become pain in the butt, am i correct, runt?" Quest rudely, although not too hard pushed the girl away, clearing the path once again.

The runt in question looked like he wanted to say something, but haven't found the words yet, and then the time was up.

"Hey, who taught you to talk to a lady like that, you yok-?!" raged the girl in a way that was very similar to another high-born midget, before she abruptly stopped herself. Instead of crossing their path again, Meriaen simply tagged along with the team, "I propose a mutually beneficial exchange!"

"What, your allowance can buy a whole army, titmouse? I don't think so," said Quest without turning his head.

The girl pouted even more, but nonetheless continued:

"It's Meriaen. You see, i am, too, on a very important mission!"

"What kind of a mission?" suddenly inquired Anna.

Realizing that the team had almost reached the exit, von Rithe once again jumped forward, trying to slow down their advance:

"It's… a secret*! But!" Meriaen put her hand to her face, like she wanted to whisper conspiratorially, "I will share it with you, if you promise to take me with you to the Saywer's Sepulchre!

"Not interested. We already have one little girl and one little boy, we are out of space," the swordsman indeed stopped in his tracks, looking very displeased, and started to glare at the "interruption", letting her know that he won't stand here for long.

"I am not a little boy!" angrily shouted Nestor in a middle of this sudden hitch.

"Fine, we already have two little girls, see, we are filled to the brim," quiet chuckles, as well as angry snuffling, were heard behind the Quest.

"And if i say that it's about the dirty deeds of Their Excellencies and the discrediting evidence, that you, for example," the titmouse put her hands on her hips, elbows wide apart and raised her eyebrows, defiantly staring into the warrior's eyes, "Can use to put some pressure on them?

"What kind of a daughter turns in her parents just like that?" asked a completely stunned Nestor, when he stepped to the right side of his bodyguard.

"I suppose… a very dissapointed one, Your Royal Highness?" Meriaen spreaded her hands briefly before placing them back on her hips, "Besides… who in Odyssia even remotely likes my parents, except for them? And I'm also willing to pay you if it's necessary-"

Suddenly the tall doors behind her, despite their considerable weight, instantly swung open wide, and behind them the group saw the questers' missing member:

"Of course it's necessary, and I am signin up!" Graer's smile turned into an expression of confusion, and he scratched the back of his head with his paw, "What's need to be done, anyway?"

*Sore Wa Himitsu Desu!

#world of quest #mine #thanks! #now that was an exercise...

[cloudsoffire]

after a very long break from social media, i've decided to come back to the only website i actually had a positive experience on. tumblr.

i considered deleting all my posts up until this point but i feel like people should be able to go back and see what kind of person i used to be.

hopefully i actually stick to this and don't start spiraling and lose all personal meaning leading me to abandon this app again.

i will say that the break allowed me to recenter myself, and i have a better idea of who i am and what i believe. i won't go over it all now for the sake of brevity, but i will say that i'm firmly on the left.

i unfollowed a bunch of people, so if we were mutuals and i don't show up on your followers list... uh, sorry, i guess. feel free to ask about it or just unfollow me in return.

i meant to do this on the 17th because that was when i turned 18, but i procrastinated.

#revival

[primalvessel]

Without saying with whom, list something that has pleasantly surprised you about your most recent five RPs or other interactions.

Okay I may have misinterpreted this since I wasn’t sure if it was one thing encompassing five recent interactions/rps (even though these could be with a bunch of different people) or one thing for each of five recent rps/interactions so I’m sorry if this is more than what you meant. I went with the latter which hopefully fulfills the criteria either way?

I’ve popped it under a readmore because it’s a smidge long having done it that way.

- x - x - x -

1.) To start with, it was real nice to get those asks from Kink Rating meme and before you start in on me being a horny little gremlin (which I am, no lie), it was more the fact that I posted that meme days ago and yet someone took the time to send the asks anyway (they were formatted the same way so I'm assuming it was the same person).

Asks of any kind are always welcome, prompted or otherwise and as a small blog who generally doesn't get many asks, it was a really nice surprise to come online to see that someone had taken the time to send something.

THEY WERE VERY TARGETED ASKS TOO.

And I loved it.

2.) Getting to explore and indulge in certain topics that it’s so rare to be able to, whether it’s out of embarrassment, shyness or just a lack of interest. Whether they’re darker topics, kinkier ones or just less mainstream. Being able to talk about them with someone. I’m going to count this towards Soren’s blog too because there are things there that can or are happening that wouldn’t work on Maru’s blog and while Soren was created in no small part to invite those darker themes, it’s still a nice surprise when I actually get them.

3.) No-one’s come at me for being weird or awkward while I’ve been trying to leave more comments and send asks and things for people. I’m really not very good at talking to people and sometimes when I see that little mutual mark, I get a little excited. On more than one occasion I’ve left a comment or sent an ask and then immediately sat there and asked myself if that came out right, if maybe that wasn’t an appropriate ask to send and anxiety sweated while I wait for some kind of forcibly polite and awkward comment, or some kind of gtfo comment and block because I’ve made things weird.

So not having been attacked because I’ve accidentally said something stupid has been nice. I say this because I know how unnecessarily petty people can be in callouts and things.

4.) This kinda ties into and extends point 1 but. Getting asks related to something that’s happened on my blog somewhere has been something that hasn’t happened ever on my blogs in other fandoms so to see it happen here has been amazing. Even if the person sending the ask is the one I’m already interacting with in whatever’s being referred to. It’s like someone enjoys reading over my blog, or wants to know more or something. It’s a really nice feeling and a huge surprise whenever someone goes out of their way to send an ask like that.

5.) And finally, people just liking my posts? I don’t post much ooc at all, nor do I post much in the way of musings or pictures but it’s always a really nice surprise when someone drops a like on something I’ve posted. Again I’m comparing to other blogs I’ve had, some of which have had many more followers than here and yet far less interaction between the content people posted.

- x - x - x - 

And there you have it!

I hope I hit on what you were looking for in there somewhere!

And now I’ll sit here and hope I haven’t said something stupid in there somewhere accidentally...

#ooc #masked musings #i rambled #tl:dr #this community is actually pretty fab #and my interactions here have made me a really happy camper

[malyen0retsev]

sorry if this is super random (especially in 2023 lol) but you're the only person i follow that i know has read tda and i always love your takes on things so i thoughts i'd ask. basically i recently finished tda and i find the parabatai curse confusing? i mean why is romance strictly forbidden and not any strong emotional attachment of any kind (a la jedi in sw)? cause platonic love can be just as strong, if not stronger in some cases, than romantic love so why doesn't everyone who has a strong emotional attachment to their parabatai burst into flames and turn into a giant? idk after literal years of waiting for the secret to be revealed i was disappointed that the reason turned out to be kinda dumb akdkfkf

Oh no dw, I'm literally rereading TDA rn bc I wanted to be hyper-aware of connections to TLH (which I have not started Book 3 of yet lol but ANYWAY)

Honestly, I don't actually have an answer to this. Because, ridiculous as it may sound (PARTICULARLY GIVEN I MYSELF AM ACESPEC AND RATE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS SO HIGHLY) (the capitals are me screaming at myself, to clarify) I've never actually bloody thought about it like that. I just sort of went "Eh, right, I guess romantic love does something specific, let's go". When it came to the curse, the bit I actually found ridiculous was what broke the curse. I'm not saying I wanted Emma and Julian to face negative consequences for something which was not their fault at all, but I dunno, it felt like a cheap workaround to be literally like... talked out of being cursed?? PERPLEXING.

Like, I love that trilogy so much, it's my favourite TSC trilogy, but the actual central conflict of the curse is slightly shaky lore wise and I won't argue against that lol. I think you're just meant to not think about it too deeply, which feels like a cheat answer but like. It is weird, because we're meant to think (as far as I'm aware) that Emma has been in love with Jules the whole time but just didn't realise it until Lady Midnight. But surely if they've been mutually in love that whole time the curse would have begun years ago? There are holes so I just choose not to poke at them FDFSDKBSDFBKJ bc honestly anon you raise a good point here!

#asks #anon #the shadowhunter chronicles #the dark artifices

[babygirlyusuf]

hi, I've been following you for a minute and I feel like I can't really say this to anyone in my life right now and u seem incredibly sweet and friendly so I'm taking a shot in the dark and dumping this mess in your anon, so I'm very sorry in advance... but I was wondering if u could give me some advice, namely, how did u know that you're bi? like... in theory. I'm 22 and always assumed I was pretty much straight, like only into guys, and then I met someone, who is actually a they, but is also definitely not a guy, who I just had this insane connection with, like never felt that before but didn't know what it meant, and it scared me so i kinda shoved it under the rug, and then I found out from our mutual friend that they had been telling her that they were really into me after meeting me. and that, like, TErrified me and made me so confused, I had like a complete freak out for two days and then just very forcibly stowed it, until recently I found out I was gonna see them again, and now i.... literally cannot stop thinking about them. at all hours of the day. in a very relationshippy way. and once in a not so pure way. and I'm having a bit of a meltdown and I don't know what any of this means and it's all???? in theory and in my head??? so I don't even know if it's real or if it's just my lonely, hyper romantic ass making shit up and like fixating on the fact that they like me, (which sounds dumb but seriously I can fantasise and obsess over just about anything, and sometimes I think I get so caught up in being liked by someone that I kind of create false reciprocation so like..) and I'm seeing this person again soon and I just. don't know. and don't want to fuck anything up because I don't know what im feeling or what this means. and im scared because I think I'm still ashamed of it, deep down, like being queer in any way has always been something I've completely supported but also in a "that's cool for everyone else, but I can't be like that, obviously" way, and I don't know why, and I don't even know if this is real, and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it which I why I am here, so anyway. any and all advice you feel like giving would be so, so appreciated, bc I am losing my mind a little if you can't tell hahaha

thanks for reading, I am very sorry for dumping this in your inbox <3

hi!! 💌💌 no apologies necessary!! i’m so happy u felt like u could come to my inbox, and i’m going to to do my absolute best to answer all ur questions and i hope that i’m helpful. i have no expert advice bc we’re the same age haha but i’m going to tell u what i would tell a friend going thru the same thing <3

i empathize so much with what you’re going through. for me, i actually only fully accepted that im bi a couple years ago, but i first started thinking about it when i was 14— (always been attracted to men, but suddenly found myself thinking abt what it would be like to be with someone of another gender)— all those years in between, i was incredibly confused and upset because i convinced myself i was just making things up. i think it’s because i also felt that being bi was a label that HAD to look a certain way, and also that i needed a label at all. (both of those things are deeply deeply untrue). i never had any romantic feelings for anyone who wasn’t a man in my real life until very recently — i’d only felt like sexual attraction or romantic attraction at a very low level for ppl i knew personally. this scared me so much bc i thought that i wasn’t doing bisexuality correctly. that’s so incorrect though. it’s not a test to ace or a game to win, and there are no right answers.

it’s a confusing and stressful thing, but i think u should treat yourself really gently here <33 i wish someone had said that to me! you’re having romantic feelings for someone right now— give yourself the space to explore what the person means to u, and take defining/labelling yourself as an afterthought. which isn’t easy, but just remember that you are still you no matter what comes out of this!!

you mentioned feeling like being queer was for everybody else- oh my god i understand that sentiment SO deeply, beloved. i thought the same for so many years, and i STILL think abt it sometimes but!!!! it’s absolutely not!!!!!!!! it doesn’t mean one thing and there’s no right way to go about it. take a label if that’s helpful to you, and if it’s not, don’t!! there are no rules.

i think you should get to know this person, and take things slowly and be open with them and yourself <33 whatever this relationship becomes, it sounds like you have an instant strong connection to them and that’s rare and special!! that feeling of shame can be hard to work thru, i know i KNOW, but u deserve all the things that feeling is telling you you can’t have <3

i hope that was any help, and i want u to know my dms are always open to you if you’d like to chat through this more or come back to my askbox if that’s more comfortable!!!

take care of yourself and treat yourself kindly and know that you have a friend who understands!! 💌

#💌💌💌 #letters <3

[edensrose]

PLEASE NOTE :

This is the shortened version of my fic When Darkness Reigns, if you are interested in the full fic please read it here

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐒

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ dark!thranduil / reader / sauron

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ part two

ʚ pairing : dark!thranduil / reader / sauron | mairon

ʚ cw : dark themes ៸៸ possessive & obsessive behaviour ៸៸ corruption ៸៸ manipulation ៸៸ mentions of blood ៸៸ mentions of death ៸៸ dark themes in general, viewer discretion advised

ʚ note : don't even ask me how I'm speed-writing all of this bc I don't know lol. here's part two to start of my new series. so in love with these two, this may just expand from a three-part series haha. translations are in comments <3

( part 1 ) ( part 3 ) ( masterlist ) ( ao3 )

“Y/N,’’ 

“Y/N. . .” 

“Y/N please wake up,’’

Releasing the sheets from your clutches, a voice pulls you from the depths of your mind and back into the pure light of glimmering candles, safe from the raging flames which once threatened to consume you whole. You part your lids to face a soft sea of crystal blue rather than tiger’s eyes and draw a relieved sigh as splodges of colour sharpen to form a pale face with fair features. 

“Legolas. . .’’ You couldn’t be more grateful that it was him to appear before you. The sweet, kind elf rather than the monsters plaguing your visions. “Are you alright?” Almost in hesitation, he questions your recent state of despair and takes a position at your side. 

You sit up, hand threading into your locks as you furrow brows. “Yes, it was simply. . . a nightmare.’’ Your own words had you second-guessing. To what extent could these apparitions be considered mere dreams of dread? And how much longer could you fair without crumbling altogether? Unfortunately, your questions would remain unanswered — but there was one thing you knew for certain. . . 

They were consuming your entire being. 

“Must have been quite the nightmare to have brought on such a reaction.’’ For a moment you are confused, only to follow his gaze towards the shards of glass scattered across the stone floor. You tense, before easing a sigh and bringing two fingers to either temple. “I am sorry if I startled you. . . Legolas. I assure you, I am fine.’’ 

He remains sceptical, your words doing little to ease his worry, but he chooses to question not and instead finds a seat on the edge of the bed; his father’s end. “I will take your word for it. Might you allow me a few moments of your time?” It was impossible to deny him, especially with his polite request accompanied by pleading hues, so you nod and shift in the slightest to allow him more room. 

This was far from uncomfortable, if anything — Legolas was one of the very few that held your utmost trust, safe for his father. Simply put your relationship with Mirkwood’s prince may not have been that of a motherly figure, yet definitely one of a guardian with a mutual respect from either party. To him, he was more than happy that his ada found a second chance at happiness, especially given the fact that elves seldom fall in love twice; so one can imagine his joy when he discovered it was with someone who he both trusted and admired. 

“I do not mean to pry. . .’’ The clear of his throat catches your attention and subsequently your gaze. “I am merely worried for your well being. . . If I may ask, what was it that you saw?” There was something he held back, a little tidbit of information kept — “You. . . kept calling ada’s name.’’ 

Ah, there it was. 

Enough to reveal just why he persisted and alternatively, jog your memory back to those hazy visions. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Iniðil,’’

“My precious iniðil.’’ 

“Mai!” 

A laugh echoes through the stone corridors as your hands find purchase on his shoulders. His lips smother yours, pressing a series of pecks and kisses as his hands clutch the backs of your thighs. “We are at risk -” kiss “of getting -” kiss “caught. . !” Barely able to speak a full sentence without his lips interrupting and consuming you whole, you invite him in by hooking your legs to his hips despite the contrast in prior words. 

“And?” 

“If . . . Aulë comes back -”

“Forget him, focus on me.’’ He pushes you further, nestling between your legs once he fully props you upon the smithing table. “Mai. . .’’ Sighing in content against his lips, you opt for looping arms around his neck and burying fingers into auburn tresses. 

“My little iniðil. . .’’ 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Was that it?

The terror-filled vision? 

You could have sworn. . . 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

A cry rips through the air, once gentle hold morphing into searing aches as your knees hit the bloodied ground. “M-. . .Mai,’’ through clenched teeth you just barely manage a cough of his name and instead, splutter out an ick of crimson essence. 

With a hand to your chest and coiling around tattered material, you can all but stare into once soft, amber hues now set ablaze, much like the world around you. “I warned you. . . precious iniðil.’’ He caresses the back of your head, comforting, soothing, only to shatter the tender sensation with a cruel digging of nails into your scalp. 

Another cry flees your lips as you altogether limp into him, like a withering flower pleading for mercy. “Mairon. . . Mairon,’’ you sob, failing to fight back the waterfalls. 

And as you are forced to stare up into those malicious pools, you wonder in woe: how did it come to this? 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Mairon? 

Mairon. . . 

That sounded nothing like the elvenking’s name. Had Legolas heard wrong? Surely he must — 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

The hand buried within your locks jerks, hoisting you up until your feet dangled below. Shooting your hands up to seize his wrist, another wail seeps into the air thick with smoke and embers. With eyes screwed tight you prayed, an anguished beseech for the creator himself to tear open the heavens and rescue you from this dreadful torment. 

“Mir nin, will you not look at me?”

It’s enough to pry your lids wide with shrunken irises and pupils at the new voice invading your ear canal. Amber long gone and instead replaced with a deep, sickening azure that leaves your stomach churning and head spinning. 

“Th-. . . Thranduil?” 

Pangs stab your scalp and you keen at the feel of talons clawing into your locks with significant vehemence. “Yes, mir nin, were you expecting someone else?” His voice is but a chill, low and laced with a mixture of ice and venom, yet still manages to retain its typical eloquence. 

That, however, was the only entity that symbolised his every-day self, everything else was a mere shadow of what you had come to know as your king. Atop his head a crown of wretched thorns adorned his silvery mane, which framed skin paler than white. Surrounding his eyes was a darkened hue, creating an intense distinction to accompany his thick brows. And still, he appeared ever as gorgeous — but far from what you knew. A dark deity. 

“Why do you appear so shocked? Surely, you should have seen this coming. . .’’ He leans in, crisp aura bringing shivers down your spine. It perfectly contrasted that man’s emanation, yet was equally as threatening. “After all, the signs have been in front of you this entire time.’’ 

The elf tilts his head, crooning at your hushed cries. “Like an angel weeping. . .” “Thranduil,’’ you choke, effortlessly tugging at his wrist in hopes to ease his clutch. “Thranduil, please.’’ 

“Please what, meleth?” 

“Please. . .

come back to me,’’ 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Y/N?” 

Warmth that finds your knuckles prompts an abrupt jerk as you yank your hand back and dart your head to the voice’s direction. With wide, frenzied eyes you originally gape in surprise, only to exhale at the sight of a gentle countenance brimmed with concern. 

“I. . . I would rather not talk about it, Legolas.’’ 

This time, he accepts your denial with no more pester, fearing to send you into another state of aversion. And in his haste to change topic and take your mind off of whatever twisted visions seeped into your conscious, he unintentionally caused the sinking feeling of your heart to amplify. “How have you and ada been?” 

Stiffened like a statue, your gaze slumps to the silk-woven sheets below. “Thranduil?” The name falls from your lips in a tremble, leaves a sting on your tongue and an ache in your chest. How was your relationship with the elvenking fairing, he asked? An answer you wished held at least some positives. He barely spoke, let alone was in reach. The bed was often left cold, much like your skin which missed his warm caresses and mild touches. How could one see any silver lining in that? 

Legolas catches your drift as you attempt to collect your words and brush him off with an assurance, a lie you fed yourself day-in and day-out. It’s simply a phase. A mere bump in the road, a little setback. And such deceit was what you held fast to as the stability of your relationship with the king dwindled above your very head. 

“Should I -” 

“Ion nin.’’ 

Deep tones capture both your attention and you needn’t glance up to recognise who stands at the entrance of your bed-chamber. In an instant Legolas is up on his feet, clearing his throat as if to apologise for his lax position beside you. “Father, you have returned.’’ 

Unlike the prince your gaze remains hung with the sheets becoming most interesting, it seemed. As such you relied on hearing alone to decipher that your lover drew nearer. “I have.’’ You feel them, deep sapphires boring into your very soul. 

“Leave us.’’ 

The austerity of his tone leaves not only you, but his son stunned. Such a tone to be used on him — and out of the blue for that matter. “Father -”

“Legolas, I will only speak once.’’ The prince grows rigid, almost in disbelief at the sudden cold shoulder presented to him by his beloved ada. He exchanges but a glance with you, filled with a hundred emotions, a thousand questions. . . but he obeys. With nothing more but a bow of his head, Legolas exits the room and finds his way back from which he came, leaving you and the king to your own devices. 

For a second you are left speechless, mouth dry and words clogging your throat as you try to comprehend what could have possibly brought on such icy mannerism towards his one and only son. In this moment you observe his every move, wondering if you were next to face his wrath as he strides forward and finds himself seated at the foot of the bed. 

“Why. . .” “Why what?” He arches a brow when the expectation for you to continue is left vacant. You swallow the cotton in your mouth and subconsciously twitch fingers around the linen. “Why did you speak to him in such a curt manner?” Every word, every breath is hesitant, as if you were walking on eggshells. “He was only checking in on me. . .” With cautioned tone you observe as the king removes his crown and shifts closer, nearly jumping straight out of your skin at the sudden blur before your eyes and the newfound pressure against your stomach. 

“I merely wished to have you to myself, is that too much to ask?” 

After registering his new position, you find yourself peering down at his head nestled against your abdomen, with arms looping your waist as his eyes shut altogether. It leaves you surprised, taken aback. . . when was the last time he held you as such? When butterflies ran rampant within your belly and warmth spread throughout every corner of your body?

“Th-. . . Thranduil?” 

You receive but a murmur, a simple hum as he relaxed his muscles and the entirety of his form into you. It left a fuzzy feeling in your chest, one thought to have been forgotten. So, instead of questioning him any further and possibly ruining this rare occasion, you opted for threading your fingers into his delicate, long locks and shutting your eyes with contentment. Normality. . . oh, how you missed it. To have his tender touch, his warmth returned. You could have sworn you were in nirvana. 

And a twinge of sadness almost pricks your heart, for it brought to your attention a sorrowful realisation. Had neglect craned its ugly head to such an extent? To the point where even the most basic of actions had you up in cloud nine? 

If you allowed yourself to dwell on the thought for much longer you feared that you might lose sight and waste this precious moment. So, forcing down the lingering thought and putting it under lock and key in the deepest crevice of your heart — you chose to relish in this rarity of affection. 

Unbeknownst to you that whilst you eased, Thranduil's mind was far from composed. A series of curses, spluttering rebukes and symphonies of terror which hung like a thick cloud throughout his conscious. The repetition of a plain but devastating statement that shattered his being whole.

I want her

I want her,

I want her. 

He could still feel it. The retching sickness twisting his stomach and brining his lungs in bitterness, threatening to cave his entire body inwards from the sheer intensity of his ire and ignominy. He failed you; was his reminder. He failed you. 

To think that he, the great elvenking, was brought to his knees, stripped of all authority, all pride. A damn puppet, a willing one at that. And for what? What possessed him to give up everything he once knew — believed in. To discard every moral as if it were that of the lowest value and filth; allow obscurity to make its home within his head and devour him from the inside out? For what? 

Such queries were answered by the lone heartbeat thrumming against his ear, a steady, unwavering melody which for a quick moment sated all the maledictions of his conscious. One which harmonised with his own, a rhythm that reminded him exactly why he chose this path and would choose it a hundred times and over.

You. 

For he would walk through dragon fire for all his life, cross the greatest of seas, suffer a thousand torments.

All for you.

.

.

.

.

.

And it was that very statement that carried on with him in the weeks to come. Where he would face adversaries woefully similar to that fateful night in dol guldur. As Sauron requested his presence more often than he would deem pleasant, made mentions of you far more than Thranduil would have appreciated — the only thing to keep from total insanity were those four simplistic words. 

It was for you,

It was for you. 

“It is. . . for her.’’ 

Already white knuckles grow paler in colour as they tighten around the smooth stone of the washbasin. Trembling fingers mimic quavering shoulders and jagged breaths as Thranduil battles with the demanding voice echoing the depths of his mind. It was nothing, at first, a mere whisper when all this madness began. Yet now it grew into a demonic roar, never-ending and insistent on one thing and one thing only:

To let it in. 

To the elvenking’s credit he has fought it back throughout this long-awful period of time, driving it back to the pits of hell from where it came. But now it grew more than a challenge to deter, a constant ringing in his ear that brought forth a constant headache and haze. Give in, 

Give in,

Give in. 

Thranduil rasps for air, seeking soothing relief to his lungs which burn as though drenched in searing hot magma. And when he finally pries his lids open to gaze into his reflection, the face staring back at him leaves his grip limp and his body hunching over. 

Soulless, navy blue hues accompanied by skin paler than he could have ever envisioned. Grinning lips that taunted him, mocked him, as sweat pooled into the creases of his forehead caused by his furrowing features. He felt sick, bile rising in his throat as waves of nausea entrapped him. His body practically begged with him, with whatever twisted being consumed his mind — mercy, mercy. 

‘Leave me be. . . Leave me. . . be. . .’

Jaw clenched, teeth grinding together, he seethes through with his words once more, firm and teetering a feral growl. “Leave me be.’’ 

Ripples overtake the water and much to his relief, the apparition fades as though it was never there in the first place — leaving the king to sigh and heave himself upright. He sucks a breath, fully assuring his composure before he even thinks of leaving the bath chamber. 

It filled him to the brim with dread, these moments of torment.

For he didn’t know how much more he could take. 

Drawing a breath through his nostrils, Thranduil ensures every fibre in his body is at ease, splashing water over his face with cupped hands for good measure and prematurely ending his instant of sought-after relaxation. It was obvious that being alone did little to subdue the flames of internal warfare — which is why rushes of solace flooded over him when an angelic voice breached the noiseless void. 

“Thranduil?” 

He turns, ready to find his way back to the bed-chamber before abruptly faltering in step at the realisation that he miscalculated your whereabouts; for you were not in the bedroom as he originally had concluded. Instead, you stood at the large, arched entrance of the natural pools that made up the washroom. 

Damnit, how long have you been there? 

“Mir nin,’’ he attempts to masquerade any query-raising antics and searches for his robes. “May I be of aid?” Perhaps if he played it off, the creator would have mercy on him and reveal that you only recently found your way down those steps. Instead he’s met with nothing but deafening silence, far from that of comfort as finds his clothing and prepares to slide his arms through the sleeves. He made the mistake of looking at you, and that is when he knew. 

For your expression held that of utmost concern, a twinge of worry which instead reflected tenfold within your hues. He loses his voice for a mere second before mentally cursing himself out and continuing his act with an arch of his brow. “Mir nin, why do you stare? Is there something bothering y -”

“Thranduil. . .

what was that?”

The area plunges into chills. Rhaich! Just as he dreaded! 

“Pardon me?’’ The elf stands straight after neatening out his clothing, trying with great effort to keep up the mirage of normality. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you -” “Thranduil.’’ 

His throat runs dry, body stiff yet mind racing. The look in your eye told him everything that he needed to know — his chances of brushing this off were next to nil, but most importantly: there was no more fooling you. This only became more apparent when you stepped closer and allowed him to peer further into the glazed whites of your eyes. “I can hold my tongue no more, meleth. Please confide in me, what is wrong?” 

Thranduil’s gaze lingers everywhere, the floor, the intricate designs on stone walls, the pools, anywhere but into your own. “I. . . haven’t the slightest idea what you -” “Spare me your lies!”

For the first time in what felt like centuries, he heard your voice careen octaves higher than your usual tone when addressing him. Yet he can dwell on the shock not, for his attention is grasped by your continuation. “Thranduil, do you expect me to idly stand by while something is evidently wrong with you?” The tremble in your voice mimics that of fingers which twitch into the material of your dress. “This has been going on for long enough. I require answers, here and now.’’ 

What was that festering feeling? Anger? It might as well be, for how dare you to demand such things of him? As if you knew a damn thing — no. No that’s not him talking. 

Thranduil forces down the venom threatening to spill and instead straightens his form. “Y/N. Do not be ridiculous. Do you truly believe there is an issue when I have already stated otherwise? Surely you hold regard for my word, do you not?” 

“I don’t.’’ 

His teeth teeter the line of clenching but he instead chooses to tighten his jaw. “Excuse me?” “I said it clearly. I hold no regard for your word.’’ Palms draw upwards as your hands clench into fists. “For months you have altogether torn apart any and all regard I may have for your word. For months you have turned the cold shoulder, avoiding every question I bring up and creating this growing void between us. Yet you expect me to still hold regard?” 

“Y/N. Enough.’’ 

“No!” 

His eyes widen, surprise mixing with outrage at your blatant refusal to abide by his commands. “I can do this no more!” He’s unable to choke down the bitterness any longer and veers his head to shoot you a glare. “What is it that you want from me!?” “An explanation!”

“Explanation for what?” He seethes, using every fibre in his body to shove down the screaming choir in his head. Barely holding on by thread, he forces himself to turn from you, hoping that the action of keeping his line of vision elsewhere will save him from letting the darkness win. "Everything! An explanation for everything! This estranged behaviour, the number of times you shun and turn me away. The crudeness towards every breathing being in Mirkwood and not even to MENTION your own son! Me!" You take a step closer, barely registering his heaving chest. "As your lover do I not deserve to know when an abrupt change occurs? Do I not deserve to know of the truths you lock away and the lies you continue to splutter?! As your queen do I n —"

"Enough!" 

Within a flash he lurches forward and snatches your wrist, jerking his head so that his face is brought a mere few inches from yours. "You demand answers from me that you could not even begin to comprehend! An explanation? Is that what you seek!?" 

Before your eyes morphs the very image that haunted your mind every time you laid your head to rest. Skin blanching to frightful extents as sapphires are engulfed by murky, malicious blue; shrouded with all kinds of deviltry and malevolence. A frigid feel that outdoes ice itself, threatening to consume you entirely as you come face-to-face with the one, distorted image that became everything you ever feared. 

"You wish to know of what truly lurks behind this guise? To be aware of all this foulness?" The grip around your wrist turns into a familiar, stinging pain as nails dig into your soft flesh. "I wonder how you would react to it all. Would you still accept me?" A click of his tongue as he yanks you nearer. "Of course not. You would run, would you not? You would look me in the eye and detest all that I have become. You would fear me, this darkness." 

And as he leans in, your vision takes him as another form. With auburn tresses and fiery amber pools, the familiar, fair face which stabbed your heart with dread. 

"Tell me, Y/N. Would you love me still?" 

His words sounded like an echo, a repetition which rang through your mind interval after interval. And when you hauled yourself back and stumbled into the wall, your imagination at last let up and done away with the face you had only ever seen in your dreams. 

"M-. . . Mai. . . ron. . ."

Your murmur is the only thing that draws him from his world of void, prompting him to grow rigid altogether as every muscle within him tenses. "What. . . " he breathes. "What did you say?"

It is only when he turns does Thranduil realise that you are long gone, leaving him with nothing but your hurried footsteps that resound down the vast corridors. Just as he expected. . . you fled the first chance you got.

His last remaining sanity fought for front, to shove down the tremendous haze of miasma clouding his better judgement and bringing carmine shades to his vision. Yet with every reminder of the recently transpired event, he fell deeper into the pit he oh so strenuously crawled out of a mere few moments ago. You left him. You ran. You abandoned him. 

Thranduil's head, previously hung, now slowly lifted so that he stared at the arch from which you exited. And with a wicked curl of his lips a deep, cruel chuckle resonated from the depths of his chest. "Very well. . ."

"So it has begun." 

He pursued forward, trailing behind unhurriedly as he listened in for your rushed footsteps. Had you already made it to the gates? Silly girl. Thranduil clicks his tongue once or twice but nevertheless follows the path in which you ran. 

Frazzled, heart galloping and threatening to leap straight out of your chest as the scene replayed itself on repeat. Images that you thought would only occur in your dreams now seeping into reality and leaving you frantic, terrified. Perhaps running was not of the wise but what could one do when put into your position? But sprint and try to escape the horrors of truth, the horrendous dreams which tormented your mind that now may as well be premonitions of what is to come?

And as you tore your way through the intricate hallways of Mirkwood, those two names rotated within your head, upon your tongue.

Thranduil

Mairon

Thranduil,

Mairon,

As if you were going mad, a crazed mantra as you finally found the gates, thankfully open, and fled into the forest without any regard for the creatures that lurked within every crevice — for at this given moment? They were meek in comparison to the darkness that loomed from inside the palace. Thick, dreary and radiating off of one man and one man only. 

Who knows how long you ran, how far you pushed yourself in the pursuit for freedom from the dreadful reality you found yourself in. For all you knew it could have been a mere ten minutes, perhaps thirty, but at last you halted, stumbling over to catch a breath for your blistering lungs as you leaned onto a beech tree for support.

However, no sooner than you had stopped to rest did regret flood into your stomach as a breach of the previously noiseless atmosphere sent your spine pin-straight. 

"Mir nin, do you truly think you can run from me?" 

Lacking any and all virtue, a voice drawls into the night. Low, firm, yet sickly melodic in nature, its call leaves the hairs of your arm upright and goosebumps forming across your skin. How close was he? How did he get here already!? You scramble for answers in frenzied darts of your eyes around the gloomy forest and when you find none, adrenaline is what you rely on to kick-start your flee. Pushing through the agonising aches that spasm within your knees accompanied by the practical screams of your lungs, you resume where you left off.

Running through the Woodland Realm and praying to every holy being that you could recount to save you from the treachery you feared, from the voice that mocked and laughed at your feeble attempts of escape, the haze that left you confounded on which was right and where was left. 

Had you not gone down this path?

No,

No it was that part.

Right?

No.

Unbeknownst to you that all the odds were against your favour, for the realm of the elvenking was far more complex that what many were led to believe. There were reasons not many ventured into these woods and like the fool you were you forgot each and every one of them. For this was the king's domain, his kingdom, and over it cast a spell of confusion for all those unfortunate souls who he deems unworthy of his trust and thus leads astray. And at this given moment in time? 

You were one of those poor, woeful souls.

So he played around with you, tampered with your mind and cruelly led you to believe that you were escaping him — only to speak into the night and bring forth tidal waves of fear, followed by floods of bewilderment as you attempted to find your way out of this vast and convoluted forest. 

It was only when you could go no further, when your heart threatened to seize all movements and your lungs burned as if they bled, a metallic taste clear at the back of your tongue as your muscles finally had enough and ended your exertion. Knees hit stone, yet the pain feels like nothing in comparison to your inflamed chest and the excruciating soreness throughout your skull. Gasping and wheezing for the sweetness of air, you ball the material of the dress between your fists and nearly collapse altogether into the cobblestone below you.

Forever and a half is what it took until you finally managed to catch even a quarter of your breath, with sweat pooling at your forehead in an evident sheen and body wracking with overwhelming jitters. You hunch over, hands finding the stone and a strange sense of ease rushes across your form at the iciness of its feel. Icy — stone? 

Your mind jogs out of its haze when the realisation that you now sit upon stone is brought to your attention. With sluggish, splintered movement, you raise a gaze towards the ebony walls that encircle the area. Tattered, ruined and far from structured — perhaps once before yet definitely not at present. 

A stench permeates the expanse and leaves your nose wrinkling with disgust when you finally manage to sate majority of the burning in your chest. With quivering limbs you struggle to stand as you intake this new, foreign region and a tense feeling subsequently jabs your heart. 

"Well, what do we have here?"

Ignoring the ache of your muscles you spin around to face the direction of the deep, rumbling tone; eyes wide and frenzied as you expect nothing but the worse. Which is exactly what comes to pass. 

Pupils shrink drastically together with irises and a strangled scream lodges itself in your throat. Instead, you let out a spluttered rasp as you stumble over your own two feet in an attempt to create a reasonable distance between yourself and the obscurity of shadows before you. "Wh-What are —!" Startled. Barely even capable of completing a comprehensible sentence as your gaping hues fix on the growing darkness that inches closer. Menacing, sinister and threatening to overtake your entire being with its wrath. 

“Stay. . . Stay back -” Nearly tripping over scattered stone, you feel a horrid chill flushed to your shoulders and it only takes you a minute to realise that you were trapped between a wall and the looming creature which faltered not in its advancements. “Paavheavic.’’ It was barely discernible, yet a part of you knew it was most likely an insult, given the shadow’s guttural snarl.

“To think, a maiar reduced to something so feeble.’’ You barely register its words, for you are scared out of your mind and rigid like the stone that surrounds you. A ringing filled your eardrums the closer it drew, prompting hands to cup your head as you nearly double over from the deafening screech. It’s intense, devastating, and not to mention — stirring the anxiety within you like a wildfire and inciting flames that sought to leave you lightheaded due the heaves that wracked over your body. 

Panicked, fever-induced from both the searing sensation in your chest paired with that awful, piercing chime that leaves you gasping for mercy. “Please. . . Stop, stop it hurts!” Tears flood your gaping lids, blurring your already tainted vision as nails dig crescent marks upon your scalp, clawing at your head as if trying to rid the blaring of dissonant symphonies. 

“Stop — Please! Please just stop!” 

Your cry teeters the line of a harrowing scream as your head feels as though it is about to be split in two and your eyes loop back into your skull. Immense, excruciating pain that strikes throughout your entire body and finally, your knees give out. Expecting the fierce hit of cobblestone over your spasming nerves, eyes screw tight and await the frigid impact. 

But it never comes. 

Instead, an airy pressure keeps you afloat, surprisingly warm in comparison to what you anticipated. When you glance up it is revealed that the accumulation of shadow and fog now flushed against you, preventing your quivering knees from evoking your downfall. You wish to scream, but your voice is lost — you attempt to jerk away and yet every muscle and fibre within you clenches, subjecting you into nothing but a quivering lump against the creature. 

You can do nothing but stare, features displaying evident distress as you prepared yourself for the worst. The entirety of your life flashes before your very eyes with a few scenes you could not account for, but they nevertheless felt true, felt real. And as you inhale a sharp intake when the corner of your gaze sights an arm manifesting from the shadow, you locked your eyes brimming with salty tears and await imminent demise. 

And yet. . .

All that comes from it is a tender, tepid caress of your hair, fingers threading into your locks and running through them in a single, delicate stroke. Muddled and filled with hesitance, your gaze slowly returns to the darkness which pressed against your form, embracing you with unforeseen benignity. 

“I suppose such a reaction is to be expected. . .’’ It appears to grunt at the fear and confoundment still shrouding your stare, only to draw what sounded like a sigh. “I wonder. . . Would this form appease you?” 

The shadow contorts, morphing into the structure of a tall figure, first an outline of a man then a burst of colour to reveal soft, untattered skin. Its head extends auburn tresses, framing a now fair face of stunning, elegant features. The limb on your head shifting into a delicate yet large hand with a thumb not resting upon your cheek. But the thing to seal the deal and take your breath away was none other than his distinct, dazzling and amber hues which peered into your own with a look once long forgotten. And in that moment every unfamiliar scene and vision came rushing in like vigorous tidal waves, awakening centuries-worth of memories, sensations, feelings and leaving you breathless as the curtains of obscurity are finally torn away to reveal all that you once knew, all that was before. The gleaming, absolute truth. 

“M-. . . Ma-. . .’’

“Say it.’’

His hand, tender in touch slips to caress your cheek, brows dipping as he bores into your very soul, dripping into it eons of adoration. He leans in, face barely an inch from yours as his free arm loops around your waist. “Say my name, Y/N.’’ Tears double in your eyes, spilling to your cheeks as you exhale in breathy dibelief. 

“Mairon. . .’’ 

“Mairon,’’ 

A broken sob flees you as arms hook around his neck and without an ounce of falter, pull him in so that soft lips crash against your own, taking what was yours all those millennia ago. And for a moment he disregards any and all sense of the outside words, instead focusing on the beating heart which found his once more as he pulls you in and returns the kiss with inexorable passion. 

Fingers tangle within his fiery mane as he opts for drawing your face near, tilting it to pour every ounce of affection, every speck of passion into this long-awaited exchange of love. He almost forgot it, the feel of your lips, the comforting warmth you emitted, and in that moment he allows his mind to venture back to the days before; when all he felt was you. 

After minutes of entrapping one another in overwhelming rushes of ardour, you reluctantly part, yet with leisurely measure, as if frightened that any abrupt movements would end it all if this just so happened to be a dream. Your eyes found his once more, locking onto his pools of shimmering gold as you exhale with quivering breaths. 

“It’s. . . It’s really you. . .’’ Still in disbelief, your hand traces to his face as if trying to discern whether this was a mere fragment of your imagination. “Please, tell me it is really you, Mairon. . .’’ He chuckles, warmth encasing your hand which he brings to his lips in favour of pressing them to your knuckles. 

“It is, iniðil. I assure your eyes do not deceive you. . .’’ He leans his forehead against your own, shutting his eyes and exhaling at the newfound presence behind him. “I have missed you.’’ You glance up, smile faltering as silvery tresses catch your vision. 

“However. . .’’ 

Your lids grow heavy as your muscles slowly ease and your find yourself craning into him further. “I require you to rest, for now.’’ In an instant, your body limps against his chest and he catches you with ease, glancing over his shoulder towards the icy aura. 

“And what was that?” The voice only barely meets your ears as the world around you turns to darkness. “Do not question me, elfling.’’ A hand finds your hair, cradling the back of your head.

“You will know in due time.’’ 

#— ꒰🌺꒱ 𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐬 ៸៸ the hobbit/lotr ❜‧₊ #thranduil #sauron #mairon #lotr #lord of the rings #tokien #the hobbit #the silmarillion #silm #thranduil x reader #thranduil reader insert #dark!thranduil #sauron x reader #sauron reader insert #mairon x reader #mairon reader insert #thranduil x reader x sauron #fic #writing

[chrisbangs]

Hi Pals! 🌙🖤🐺

I honestly hadn’t planned this, so if this seems rushed and dizzy, I apologize in advance! But I just had to share my love for all of you openly and give you all a lil extra love! 

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for everyone who’s followed me, messaged me, become my friend, supported me, cared about me- seriously, this year was insane to me and if you ever reached out to me and were kind to me, just know it meant the world to me. Thank you for 10K followers, thank you for supporting my biggest birthday countdown that I ever did, thank you for always being kind and supporting my subpar gifs. There is nothing but gratitude within me towards every one of you. 2021 was not an easy year by any measure, so to everyone who stuck by me and cheered me on, I hope you know how much every moment meant. Thank you. 

Happy New Year to all my mutuals, followers, and people I follow! I hope that 2022 greets us all with warmth and we’re able to achieve all the things we want for the coming year! 

With all my love, Li 🌙🖤🐺

 @1eeknows // @1zone // @ambivartence // @banghans // @binsuns // @blueprintskz // @ciaozhan // @foxinys // @huiracha 🌙 // @hyeongjunz 🌙 // @hyunj-n // @hyunjinify // @hyunjins // @hyunjinz // @hyunlixc // @hyunnie // @hyunpic 🌙 // @innielove // @inracha // @jaehyungs 🌙 // @jeonginsyang // @ji-sungs // @jizung // @johfam // @leenow // @levhanter // @luvknow // @masturbait // @minhos // @minhou // @moonlit-han // @mydays // @nevoono // @quokki // @realstraykids // @saintmilky // @seo-changbinnies // @seo-trashbins // @seungs // @seungknow 🌙 // @seunglixes // @seungminhos 🌙 // @seungrachas // @strayfeli // @strayhags // @skzflix // @uayv // @yangjeongin

And, if I forgot anyone I’m so sorry! I’m kinda tired but I love you I promise I’m just dumb. Also I left off quite a few mutuals who’ve since left stayblr or are basically inactive at this point, but all of you are so dear to me, don’t forget that. 

(If there’s a lil 🌙 by your name, I left a little extra message for you under the cut! Sorry I couldn’t do this for everyone, I am not really in the mental place to be leaving long emotional sappy messages for everyone- but please know I love all of you so much and am grateful for the things you bring to my dash!)

@huiracha​: Hi Marie! As always, thank you for being the warmest and most supportive. You’re always cheering me on and being the kindest person. I know we finally got to talk again recently, and it makes me so so so happy, you have no idea. You’re one of my fav CCs on here since forever and I doubt it will ever change. I love you so much and am so grateful for you in my life. Thank you for being such a wonderful, amazing, lovely person. 

@hyeongjunz​: Carly... You already know I’m gonna cry while writing this so please prepare to cry WITH me... wfoainfeoiwa....... This year was probably one of the WORST of my life, and yet somehow I also managed to meet one of my closest friends too- you! I cannot believe it’s almost been a whole ass year since we started talking with each other now and :-( like... Wow?? We’ve just kinda come a long way together! I’m so glad that we can chat about anything and everything and that I’m just so lucky to have you as a friend and a part of my life. Thank you for always being the best and making me laugh and chatting with me about anything and everything. You were really there for me through so many things this year and I’m just really so lucky to know you. 

@hyunpic​: MY VILMA!!! Hello lovebug! I hope you know how much I love you. You literally brighten any day when you message me and you make me feel so warm and fuzzy and happy inside. You’re one of the warmest brightest souls I’ve ever had the luck of meeting and I’m so glad I can call you my friend. Your love for Hyun makes me smile and feel so happy and full of love too... It’s literally infectious how cute and warm and good it is... I love you so much and hope that we can talk more often in 2022! I’m so grateful to all the times you’ve supported me and encouraged me- you’re the loveliest human ever and I’m really just so lucky to be your pal... Thank you for the warmest friendship and for the best feelings. 

@jaehyungs​: Miss Sara... Who would’ve known... My embarrassed and lame attempt at becoming your pal would work and now we are just Best Friends... Like I never expected us to get as close as we have- and yet I am SO insanely grateful that we are... You’ve brought warmth, laughter, softness, (a wedding), and so much more into my life. I’ve never really had any close myday friends, so the fact that you’re basically one of the first... It meant a lot to me... I finally had someone I could cheese with over one of my all time favourite groups... It’s not only that though- you also liked the same kinds of songs as me and you feel similarly about things that I do... And to me, that is insanely meaningful... I’m so so SO glad that I worked up the courage to message you about EOD’s beyond live because it literally changed my life and brought me one of my closest and safest and warmest friendships I’ve ever gotten to experience... I love you so much Sara. Thank you for everything... Let’s try to make the best of all the craziness right now... 

@seungknow​: Kep! Hello my pal! I had to write you a quick little thank you here. You have without doubt been one of the people who cheered me on countless amounts of times throughout this year. Everytime you message me and we chat you bring a smile to my face. You said something very, very meaningful to me during one of our chats when I was really down about school and it’s the first time anyone had ever understood my feelings about that subject... It meant the world to me that you heard what I had to say and actually really understood... I will always be grateful towards you for everyhing you do and say and just for being such a warm friend. Thank you! 

@seungminhos​: Hi babie... What even can I say at this point? As if I haven’t already said it all before to you... I know this year really wasn’t great for either of us but I am crossing my fingers and hoping upon every star that 2022 brings something better and warmer our way... At least we’re employed FNOAIWFNOWAI................ But fr... I am incredibly grateful for you and for your friendship and love and kindness and patience. You are always going to be my favourite person and I hope you know how unending my love for you is. Meeting you in person FINALLY was so crazy was probably my highlight of this awful year... It felt so great to just give you the biggest hug and see you and talk to you?? Like... That was so crazy to me- I am so glad that it finally happened. I love you so much and hope that you know how important you are to me. Thank you for putting up with everything and for making me feel like I will always have a home to go to.. You are the best person and if possible, an even better friend. I love you so much, thank you always. 

#li.ff #li.txt

[dathen]

Okay I have some complicated thoughts following Melanie’s arc that all build on top of each other and hinge HEAVILY on unreliable narrator interpretations so bear with me

In my relisten I’m at the beginning of s3, and it always shocks me a bit at how quickly she interprets Martin’s interaction with her as hostile.  I’m going to skip over the “it’s understandable, Melanie’s had a hard time in her career” disclaimers since there’s plenty of meta on that already, and instead follow the effects of this tendency: not on others, this time, but on her

(This got absurdly long and covers so many episodes so I’m going to split it into separate pre- and post-bullet surgery posts)

Rewinding a bit, the last time she was at the Institute, she was starting to get along with Jon before he seemed confused about her comment on “the other Sasha.”  It takes her a split second to interpret that confusion as him suddenly deciding to gaslight and mock her, gets angry and tells him there is something seriously wrong with him, and leaves before he can ask what she means.  Given how tenuous their truce was and the fact she and Jon had mocked each other in the past, it’s an outburst that at least has some personal history behind it.

But only a couple episodes later, we learn that it’s not just Jon she responds to in this way.  In TMA 84, she meets our Martin Blackwood!  Customer service voice opposite-of-Jon politeness extraordinaire!  And as soon as he gets confused about the two Sasha comment, she.......immediately assumes that HE is also trying to gaslight her.  She insists that “I’m not doing this again” without giving him a chance to ask or explain, so they miss the opportunity to piece together the deal with the Not!Sasha.  Her doing this with someone she just met shows a much broader pattern than her interactions with Jon.

That very episode, Elias offers Melanie a job, and she accepts despite Martin’s protests.  Later, she accuses them all of them being an “old boy’s club” because she interpreted Martin’s warnings as sexism rather than trying to protect her.  As the audience, we see the unreliable narrator of her perspective at work: we know that Jon and Martin were genuinely confused, and we know that Martin was trying to save her, and that all of these instances were her seeing it as people being out to get her.

Hop forward to the notorious gossip scene in TMA 106.  Here, Melanie complains about Martin being hostile to her.  My first assumption was that this was all offscreen, but after this parade of misinterpretation and comparing to her and Martin’s actual interactions, I have to wonder:

TMA 84, after Martin tells Melanie about the murder, and right before Elias interrupts:

Martin:  Are you sure you’re alright?

Melanie:  Yes!  I just got… God, I’m kind of at the end, you know?

Martin:  The end of what?

Melanie:   Everything.  Friends, clues, savings. Everything.  Options.  There’s nowhere left for me to go . I don’t know why, but…  I just, I just felt that perhaps coming here might help.  And talking things out with Jon.  I mean, I mean he’s awful, but at least he listens, you know?

Martin:   (soft) Yeah.  ...I’m sorry.  Um, is there anything that I could, like, maybe...do for you?

They get interrupted immediately after this, so this was the first impression Melanie was given.  Then, when Elias offers the job, she...assumes Martin’s “I don’t think that’s a good idea” is from sexism, when he’d just been talking about murders and disappearances that caused that very job opening.

TMA 88 

Melanie:   Are you alright?

Martin:  Yeah… Sorry, just a lot of change recently, y’know.  You and John and Sasha and… everything’s gone a bit wrong.  It’s the not knowing, you know?  I mean, Jon’s still alive.  Not sure why, but I’m sure of that.  But Sasha, I…

Melanie:   Yes, it’s… it’s probably, um…

Martin:   Sorry, sorry, I’m...  What do you need?

Next interaction!  Oh this one HURTS.  Martin takes her question literally, and starts telling her why she’s not alright, a reverse of their earlier exchange.  But Melanie came by for a question and wasn’t prepared for an honest answer, so Martin quickly reels it in and asks what he can do for her once again.

Skipping forward a bit in that same scene:

Martin:   Oh, you weren’t here when we took the place over from Gertrude!  It’s been over a year just to get it like this.  I mean, I think the database was on Jon’s list, but--

Melanie:  So how do you track someone down?

Martin:   Oh, oh well, y’know, we’ve a few contacts in various record offices around the place.  Aside from that it’s just… just a bit of detective work, really.  Tim used to do a great line in impersonating people to utility companies!  Heh, the number of times he got them to give him ‘his own’ address--

Melanie:  Right, right… Um, this one, the name is 'Jude Perry.’ Doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?

I LOVE THIS EXCHANGE.  I TREASURE IT.  Having bottled up his emotions, Martin is going in full Friendly Helpful Coworker mode.  There are so many little details here signaling that he’s embracing her as part of the team, sharing anecdotes about Tim’s shenanigans and Jon’s old plans, looping her in as One of Them as he helps her get what she needs.  This is the kind of approach you go to management trainings to get, to help new hires feel welcome and part of things.  But alas, Melanie is in a hurry and wants to cut to the chase, so all this is lost on her.

TMA 98 - I won’t copy it all in here because it’s long, but this is an overwhelmingly positive interaction.  She asks if he’s okay, but he bottles it up and says he’s fine.  This time, she presses, and he admits it’s because of the statements.  Martin ends up asking for help!! and Melanie agrees!  She’s on the way to murder Elias, but she still gets credit for “I’ll ask him to cut you some slack.”  Then she invites him to drinks!

And then.... TMA 106

Melanie:   Anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you.

Basira:  Hmm. I don’t know, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist.

Melanie:   Ahhh. I got the exact same when Jon was hiding out, and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff.  Martin was not impressed.

WAIT WHAT

We just looked over all their interactions!  They were all soft and lovely and welcoming!!  But then we hear Melanie with “well unlike how he is to me, Martin is nice to you.”  This was taken at face value for years, but when you line up all of the above, I feel there is a strong basis to say this is another case of Melanie’s first impressions + over-defensiveness gone wrong.  Just like we saw her initial bickerings with Jon solidify into series-long hostility, her interpreting Martin’s confusion as gaslighting and warnings about the job as sexism seems to have doomed her opinion of him long-term.  We hear Martin being kind and concerned and welcoming, then hear Melanie contrast it as bad treatment.

Recently, a mutual considered this even further to how she talked about losing all of her friends with the Ghost Hunt UK circles:

Melanie:  Even back then, I could feel all my old friends starting to distance themselves from me. ...  I stopped asking the others for help, and I kept my research to myself. I talked to them less and less. By the time I was arrested, I think a lot of them had already given up on me.

I have to wonder...did this sort of dynamic play out here, too?  Did she assume that her friends’ concern was judgment or hostility?  Were they giving up on her, or did she lash out and push them away?  Either way, it’s easy to see parallels to s2 Jon in her description, here, with her withdrawing and diving alone into increasingly risky research without asking for help.  And s2 Jon definitely shared Melanie’s tendency to see offers for help and support as hostile.  (Aside:  I interpret her and Georgie as not very close at this point, like a networking contact rather than a friend; Melanie comes to Jon for someone to talk to about her struggles above her, and Georgie seems to be unaware of all of Melanie’s encounters pre-s3)

And on that downer note I am ending part 1...but PART 2 IS GOING TO BE WAY HAPPIER THAN THIS.  Here, we see Melanie with a lot of people who would have supported her if she let them:  Martin, Jon, possibly the friends she said abandoned her.  But in her effort to protect herself and not let history repeat for how she’d been hurt in the past, she ends up alone and spiraling.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma spoilers #melanie king #tma meta #I had to stop myself from just rambling All Melanie Feelings in Every Direction to stay on track #but hoo boy writing this gave me a lot of feelings for the martin melanie friendship that could have been

[thedeadhandofseldon]

The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and  worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they’re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

#unprepared casters #bombyx mori #haley whipjack #long post #this is really rough but I don't have time to keep working on it and it's already a month later than intended