#Today has been such a long and hard day.

[slutdge]

day 9,047 of the dont kill yourself challenge

#my pics #not too long ago was the first day i started to realize the physical toll longtime chronic addiction has taken on my body #not even internally but also on my face like i just feel like i look older than i am #so ive been having a background breakdown about that for awhile #i also got slapped in the face and gaslit hella hard today so. think ill go back to laying face down on the floor now #i know i say this constantly and its annoying but.... i really cant take this anymore dudes!!!!!!

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[kazuichikazuichi]

mahiru! ♡♡

#me not drawing something based on a stage play photo? crazy #also super proud of this bc it's the first time ive drawn something in one day in so long!! #mahiru my beloved #mahiru koizumi #danganronpa #super danganronpa 2 #sdr2 #my art #and just yeah art has been hard for me lately and i started today feeling awful but to turn it around and draw something aaa i feel proud!!

[spacejammie-eimmajecaps]

This has not been my week

#got sick #had two heart episodes in one day after going a very long time without having any #hit my head on the edge of an open cabinet hard enough for it to swell up immediately #and today my head has hurt so bad that ive not been able to get out of bed for more than like 1 hour total the entire day #cant tell if im still sick or if i gave myself a concussion #oh and my heart is still all sore/achy from the heart episodes from a couple days ago #and my body hurts #like this week has sucked so bad #this whole month has sucked actually #fucking allergies and fucking migraines from the weather changing so much and fucking not sleeping well

[marimeeko]

Can I just.... for one minute, take this journey with me:

Ok imagine. IMAGINE the breakdown, if Katsuki Comes back, escapes his post-resuscitation care via Mirio and BJ, finds Izuku, helps Izuku defeat Shigaraki in whatever way he is able to...but Izuku takes a lot of damage in the process...

IMAGINE THE BREAKDOWN that Katsuki would have, Izuku collapses close to death, (maybe, hopefully spills some guts about his feelings to him) and loses consciousness, and it's not really clear if he's ok or going to make it, and for all intents and purposes, Katsuki thinks that this could very well be Izukus death....

Imagine him LOSING IT because how fucking CRUEL for he himself to die only to be brought back, and for Izuku to ACTUALLY DIE. HOW UNFAIR. He doesn't deserve that kindness from the Universe and from Edgeshot if Izuku is lost for real.

"Why are you still asleep when I'm wide awake" from the hospital scene, but SO MUCH MORE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.

Screaming, crying, throwing up.

Imagine him just screaming, begging someone to help him like he was helped, to SAVE IZUKU Instead, yelling as if to be yelling at death itself, to take him back in Izukus place. That he would go back into that void, if it meant Izuku would be ok.

This would be so tragic but so damn POTENT MY GOD

...hopefully Katsuki passes out just as help is arriving and he knows nothing else until he wakes up in the hospital again but with someone's scarred hand warm in his own and squeezing so gently....

#GOD THE WITHDRAWAL #brainrot hitting hard today. #ive been thinking about them since its been 300 FRIGGIN DAYS #bakudeku #bnha spoilers #alive bakugou when #bakugou katsuki #bkdk #like i cant decide if i want this to happen or not #i am just vibing with whatver hori puts out but WAITING SUCKS LOL #dude the emotional breakdown this biy will have if he is saved just to think he has lost izuku immediately afterwrads?? #oof #katsuki has had a long line of failures and i hope this is NOT ONE OF THEM #plz let them triumph together #i just want them to be HAPPY #i have to put a nice spin on the end because i love a triumph over tragedy more than getting suckerpunched with straight up tragic endings

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness #I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal #but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself #for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today #it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself #trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations #and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days #and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message' #and just. again #to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months #it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me #is constantly doing #and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships #which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them #when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4 #and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself #but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more #i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it #i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long #but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying #and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs #are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad #that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating #it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years

[skyeateyourdonuts]

weeoo

#this is gonna be me talking in tags today #ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me #and its been taking a toll on my health like #if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in #i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier #often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why #well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep #so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it #but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself #seemed like the only way for my body to be like #'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao #thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try #ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there #anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty #luckily my mood has weirdly been high #its just my sleep and health that are low #i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong #i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected #im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao #tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao #side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao #like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes #i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted #and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long #hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao #ah adulthood is hard lmao #alright im done #gata #no need to read <3 yall

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[glowingsand]

normal about 236 now. anyway imagine if the characters were emotionally attached to each other the way i am to them

#idk the emotional dependence every character has on each other / is supposed to have w each other is less present #i feel like it’s mainly bc the manga is being rushed to end by this year but like. #why do their relationships have to feel so much less intimate T-T #every event that’s happened so far just feels bleh bc of the lack of emotion….like stsg hit hard bc we saw how connected they are to e other #even nobara’s last appearance (so far…she’s coming back i saw the google docs outline for the manga) was so heavy #bc of how important she was to every other character emotionally. #but like you don’t feel that w itafushi anymore or megumi and gojo or even megumi and tsumiki. that last one hurt me sm i was expecting more #ok that’s my speech ​i literally thought bout this while in physics class today SKSJKSJSKJSS it’s been a long day #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk 236 #jjk spoilers

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :( #like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!! #is this the norm for adulthood? :( #& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :( #boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((: #I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx' #OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together! #'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!! #every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!! #& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

[ectoplasmer]

need him to call me pretty and have him fawn over me a little bit like i do him

#spookyshipping #askhdsgjjv…… boyfriend on brain. valentines day is always a little difficult for me but we stay silly and try to be positive despite that #i am. having a week to say the least #short one school wise!! i get an extra long weekend so maybe i can try and get better but wow does my whole body hurt #and wow are my feelings definitely Feeling #anyway. boyfriend. have i babbled about how pretty he is recently #he has such pretty brown eyes waghh :(( #i wanted to do something for us today but i’ve just been so buuusy and overwhelmed and blehhh #maybe we’ll do something this weekend if i’m feeling up for it… go out to eat or go to some fun stores or something #hopefully for now he won’t be too dissatisfied with cuddling and sweet words until i can get him an actual present…. #i like thinking about him calling me pretty and stuff like that. sometimes it’s hard to believe stuff like that but #imagining that it’s *him* specifically saying it to me changes it a little. makes it feel sweeter and more genuine #also feels a little absurd because he’s the one saying that as if he isn’t the prettiest thing ever!!! #siiiigh. i love him your honor #would melt if he said anything even slightly positive or nice sbout me >_<

[meownotgood]

Maggieeeeee how are uuuuu

I'm good!!!! losing my mind a little at work... powering thru............

#cannot wait to go home I'm gonna relax sooooo muchhhhh #today has been the most busy day in a long long while #I'm totally out of steam by now #but I am happy because earlier I was able to buy one of the akis I have wanted for a very long time #but have had a hard time getting...... #small hungry aki....... I'll show it when he arrives #I hope you're doing good and silly!! #ask mags

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[afternoonapocalypse]

@fogerist hit me with another one of them tag games.

Lock Screen, last song listened to, last picture taken, and a selfie. And I’m on it, boss! 🫡

And I’m gonna throw a tag at @boyanachronism, @unhly-ghst, @paperclip888, @zelmoe, @leshommesetlesfemmes, @ababeinthewoods, @peanusenthusiast. @muffledpizza, & @high-bear-nation.

#personal #me #I seriously rarely change my lock screen #good song in my opinion #a terrible picture I took at a stop light because it was important #and me exhausted after work but soooo happy that it is Friday #not that today was a particularly hard day mind you but the week has been long #thanks for tagging me! 🤍

[powderflower]

i forget how fearful i am until i face my parents disappointment

i havent even spent a year as an adult yet

why do they expect so much more of me than im capable of

#i talk sometimes #not having a great day so far #i hate crying #and i hate having big emotions #i do not feel good enough today #even though i know its good im even here today #my recovery has been long and hard and days like this make me want to do not great things #but i wont because i know that wont help #and i know my mom is taking her fear out on me #we are all just fearful animals