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#almost paradise tv
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weprovide--leverage · 19 days
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What I wouldn't give to sit down with Dean Devlin and pick his brain for 10 minutes
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dirtbagdefender · 10 months
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tvshowsfandomblog · 9 months
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Question for those who have watched:
I’m considering starting The Librarians but I know it’s a spin off from a movie? So, do I need to watch that first? Or can I start with the show?
Also, another TV show option now that I’ve finished Leverage: Redemption is Almost Paradise which has Christian Kane in it--thus the appeal. Opinions anyone?
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geekynightowl1997 · 4 months
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Maybe it's because I saw the episode of Eliot being adopted first-
But what if Jake Stone was adopted too?
And if Jake was adopted... then Alex Walker is too.
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kdsantell21 · 10 months
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Getting a consensus for something I’m planning on doing for Films & Fandoms with Kaylee and Lex!
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londoncatchment · 5 months
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What's on TV?
Are any channels showing TV series like we've enjoyed in recent years? Please recommend what we could watch, based on the following favourites:
Almost Paradise Leverage / Leverage:Redemption The Rookie / Castle Chuck Loki Orville Lucifer The Mentalist / Lie to me
...and a few others, such as Friends, Magnum PI, Hawaii 5-0, etc.
Also some British shows (Doctor Who, Death in Paradise) and the French series Call My Agent / Dix Pour Cent. Not forgetting Ghosts (both UK & USA versions).
Thanks.
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capncarrot · 8 months
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Almost Paradise - Uncoupled
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skybridge-sound · 2 years
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Another old video…messing around with the theme song to “bachelor in paradise” lmao
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deborahocarroll · 2 years
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Funnest Films/Shows I Watched Last Year
Funnest Films/Shows I Watched Last Year
Today, something random! Because I haven’t posted in almost literally forever, and I found this in my drafts and thought I’d finish it and share it. (A wizard is never late — my new blogging tagline for when I vanish for months. ;)) My movie and show watching is super varied and one of the few true “hobbies” I have, meaning I don’t overanalyze it or pressure myself about it like I do about…
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batmonkfish80 · 9 days
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laresearchette · 2 months
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Thursday, March 07, 2024 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)
WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT: THE THUNDERMANS RETURN (Premiering on March 18 on YTV at 7:00pm)
NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:
AMAZON PRIME CANADA RICKY STANICKY
DISNEY + STAR POOR THINGS
NETFLIX CANADA THE GENTLEMEN (GB) I AM WOMAN THE SIGNAL (DE)
CURLING (TSN/TSN3) 10:00am: 2024 Montana's Brier: Pool Play (TSN/TSN4) 3:00pm: 2024 Montana's Brier: Pool Play (TSN) 8:00pm: 2024 Montana's Brier: Pool Play (TSN4) 10:00pm: 2024 Montana's Brier: Pool Play
MLB SPRING TRAINING (SN) 1:00pm: Philles vs. Rays (TSN5) 1:00pm: Atlanta vs. Red Sox (SNEast/SNOntario) 6:00pm: Jays vs. Tigers
TENNIS (TSN4) 2:00pm: Indian Wells - Early Round Coverage Day #2
NHL HOCKEY (SN360/SNPacific) 7:00pm: Flames vs. Lightning (SNWest) 7:00pm: Oilers vs. Blue Jackets (TSN2) 7:00pm: Habs vs. Hurricanes (TSN4) 7:00pm: Leafs vs. Bruins (SNPacific) 10:00pm: Canucks vs. Knights (SN) 10:30pm: Islanders vs. Sharks (TSN5) 10:30pm: Sens vs. Kings
NBA BASKETBALL (TSN5) 7:00pm: Pacers vs. Timberwolves (SN1) 9:00pm: Raptors vs. Suns
THE GREAT CANADIAN POTTERY THROW DOWN (CBC) 8:00pm: It's raku week and the potters are all fired up.
LAW & ORDER TORONTO: CRIMINAL INTENT (City TV) 8:00pm: When a beloved art professor, Eve Kinwood, is killed, the team must use her art to find the "Real Eve" and her killer.
ALMOST PARADISE (CTV2) 8:00pm: Alex goes undercover as a prisoner and, with the help of Kai and Ernesto, figures out how The Waterboarder has been running his criminal empire from behind bars.
HOLMES FAMILY RESCUE (CTV Life) 8:00pm: These homeowners always put their family and friends first, but after suffering a stroke, they need help with their own bungalow; Mike, Sherry, and Michael step in and uncover a number of dangerous issues, and look to create a safe home.
THE BRIDGE (Discovery Canada) 8:00pm: Luke and Maura must choose between the rest of the group and themselves; back at camp, reinforcements arrive in the form of two new team members.
AN OPTIMIST'S GUIDE TO THE PLANET (Crave) 8:10pm: Move
THE NATURE OF THINGS (CBC) 9:00pm: A hair-raising journey into the salon, the lab, a remote Chinese village, a baby nursery and even a wildlife sanctuary to explore the surprising new research at the root of hair.
LEGO MASTERS AUSTRALIA (Discovery Canada) 9:00pm: The teams have to build a stunt vehicle that can go up a ramp and soar through a ring of fire, clear nine LEGO school buses and explode on the ground.
GAY GAMES (Out TV) 9:00pm: The Gays Games XI Guadalajara 2023 are the largest sporting and cultural event in the world aimed at the LGBTQ+ community and allied people.
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tvshowsfandomblog · 2 years
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lnfours · 3 months
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paradise on earth | l.n
summary: summer in love.
warnings: smau, actress!reader, obx cast, fluff, language, lando is 100% whipped, might make this a mini series idk yet
face claim: steph bohrer
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
obx
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liked by y/ny/l/n, hichasestokes, madisonbaileybabe and 3,383,817 others
another summer with our favorite pogues ☀️ season 3 coming to netflix soon
200,922 comments
y/ny/l/n
poguelandiaaaaa 🫶🏻
obx
we love u 🩷
netflix
looking forward to this one! 🤩
madisonbaileybabe
P4L 🤍
obx
our queen kie 🥹🥹🫶🏻
y/ny/l/n
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liked by landonorris, madisonbaileybabe, hichasestokes and 2,093,872 others
another summer with my favorite humans 🌊 season 3 is coming to u super soon 🩷
302,827 comments
madisonbaileybabe
my heart ❤️ i love love love you
not pictured: y/n watching f1 between takes
y/ny/l/n
i love you most 😚
and don’t expose me 😔
danielricciardo
is it too late to get a cameo in season 3?
y/ny/l/n
netflix can we get a drive to survive x obx collab??
netflix
on it 🫡
landonorris
can i partake?? i’m the one who showed you this show 😔
y/ny/l/n
no loser
madisonbaileybabe
i can’t do this anymore
landonorizz04
LANDO???????
obxxf1stan
she’s one of us 🫶🏻
landonorris
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liked by y/ny/l/n, lnfour, maxfewtrell and 3,098,883 others
beep beep 🚙
203,882 comments
mclaren
landoooooo
quadrant
boss whippin it in the jolly 😮‍💨
y/ny/l/n
how much for a ride, mr. uber driver? 🤔
landonorris
free if you get me a cameo 😌
landonorizz
LANDO FLIRTING????
madisonbaileybabe
y/ny/l/n i support
liked by landonorris
y/ny/l/n
ihy stfu
y/ny/l/n
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liked by landonorris, madisonbaileybabe, oscarpiastri and 2,452,004 others
filming is wrapped which means i get to stay in bed all day
390,432 comments
madisonbaileybabe
hottie
y/ny/l/n
let’s get married
madisonbaileybabe
say less.
landonorris
😴 <- you
y/ny/l/n
🤓 <- you
landonorris
lies
lnfourupdates
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liked by y/ny/l/n and 1,083 others
lando in charleston today!
89 comments
fan1
charleston???
fan2
his obx cameo dream might be coming true
dannyricscowgirl
i don’t think he wants the cameo as much as he wants y/n
boxboxcl6
ur so right.
username004
did i miss something? 🤨
maxsrichbabydaddy
he 100% has a crush on y/n
y/ny/l/n
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liked by landonorris, madisonbaileybabe, rudeth and 3,932,005 others
breakfast and dinner
1,003,444 comments
landonorris
no pic creds? 😔
y/ny/l/n
sorry 😬
madisonbaileybabe
get away from my wife landonorris 🤺
landonorris
can you fight???
madisonbaileybabe
yes i can 😤
georgerussell63
how romantic, almost like you two are a couple or something 🤨
landonorris
???!??
lewishamilton
that nighttime sky tho 🤩
landonorris
i’m not lookin at the sky tho 😅
y/ny/l/n
😳 errrrr
mclarenfan0481
LANDO?
georgerussellsmerc
oh i fear he just exposed himself
lando.jpg
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liked by y/ny/l/n, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 3,092,665 others
summer on film 📷☀️
tagged: y/ny/l/n
1,004,772 comments
y/ny/l/n
my personal photographer 🫶🏻
landonorris
oh so that’s what i am to u 😔
danielricciardo
HAHAHAHA
oscarpiastri
is that baguette good tho? y/ny/l/n
y/ny/l/n
‘twas exquisite 😮‍💨
madisonbaileybabe
🥺 stop
y/ny/l/n
🥹 crying.
charles_leclerc
glad ur having a good holiday!! ❤️
landonorris
you too, mate 🥺❤️
georgerussell63
so, like, was i right or..?
landonorris
cannot confirm or deny 😌
maxfewtrell
confirmed: he’s down bad.
georgerussell63
KNEW IT.
landonorris
??!?!?!?
y/ny/l/n
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liked by landonorris, rudeth, madisonbaileybabe and 3,654,886 others
1989 tv - track 17 - verse 2
456,987 comments
madisonbaileybabe
🥺 i’ll cry
y/ny/l/n
🥺🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻
landonorris
my book worm 🧡
danielricciardo
WAIT YOU FINALLY ASKED HER?????
oscarpiastri
finally after all that yappin 😩
y/ny/l/n
#4 on the track but #1 in my heart, baby!! 😤
georgerussell63
WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE TOLD ME??????
landonorris
bc u would’ve blabbed 😬
georgerussell63
fair, actually
hichasestokes
FINALLY!! now i fear she won’t stop talking about you even more now landonorris
rudeth
i second that, she was actually insufferable
y/ny/l/n
stfu???? 😐
landonorris
sorry. but, i’m also not 😅
carlos_sainz55
she’s also all he would talk about if it makes you feel any better hichasestokes rudeth
landonorris
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liked by y/ny/l/n, madisonbaileybabe, lewishamilton and 2,982,224 others
what’s that song from grease? something about summer loving? idk..
393,440 comments
lewishamilton
ok fine this is adorable
landonorris
thank u lew lew 🥺🫶🏻
lewishamilton
i told u not to call me that
y/ny/l/n
MET A BOY! CUTE AS CAN BE!!!
landonorris
she thinks i’m cute 🥹🥹
maxfewtrell
so does like.. half the population, mate
landonorris
yea but she’s the only one that matters 😌
y/ny/l/n
🥺🥺🥺🥺
madisonbaileybabe
🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺
BACK! AWAY!
landonorris
NO 😤
fan1
i love how they’re both fighting for her love
oscarpiastri
didn’t think you were a grease kinda guy
y/ny/l/n
he wasn’t until i made him sit down and watch it 😌
danielricciardo
you have taste. i like you.
landonorris
hey, i have taste !
oscarpiastri
.. no
y/ny/l/n
hey! you’re so pretty! it 100% makes up for ur lack of taste! 🥰
danielricciardo
uuuuuhhhhhhh 😅
pierregasly
crickets …
alex_albon
LMFAO that’s actually funny
charles_leclerc
sorry, mate..
landonorris
OH COME ON.
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lazyjellyfish300 · 3 months
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The Woman He Didn't Choose 🌹
AU Bachelor Miguel O'Hara x Fem contestant reader
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Synopsis: You went on a dating show just for kicks and giggles but faceplant when Miguel is the Bachelor. You made the final two, but he didn't choose you. Angst ensues.
A/N: I started the new season of The Bachelor and it got me thinking, what if Miguel was The Bachelor 😏😏 and what if it ended badly??!! 😫🤗 I'm thinking of using this as a segue into a new series where it'd be like Bachelor in Paradise where you're a contestant along with Spider-Verse favs like Peter B. Ben, Felicia, MJ, Jess. And there could be a lotta smut 😇 and I might bring Miguel back somehow 🤭let me know what you think.😝
If you're unfamiliar with the TV show The Bachelor, usually the finale is aired live, and the live audience watches the footage of the proposal/rejection of the runner up together and then brings the contestants back out to interview them on stage. Here's an example of what I pictured in my head.. ALSO please listen to the song at the beginning it's literally the PERFECT break up song for Miguel. 😫 Word count 4.6k
DISCLAIMER: I have changed the name of the show for copyright purposes, I don't own or have rights to the TV show The Bachelor and all credit goes to the rightful owners.
TW: ANGST, BREAKUP, SELF DOUBT, GASLIGHTING, INSECURITY, JEALOUSY, MENTIONS CYBER BULLYING ,MENTION OF SEX BUT NO SMUT, DESCRIPTION OF TWO PEOPLE MAKING OUT
Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
The camera pans to you sitting on a green velvet chaise lounge upon a sleek, reflective stage. Your legs were crossed at the ankles, red bottoms peeking out of the slit of the elegant black evening gown you wore.
Your lips were in a pout, trembling as they threatened to give way to a spill of tears that would fall in a neverending cascade down your cheeks. 
You were being made to watch the most horrific heartbreak of your life played back on live television.
Having Miguel look into your eyes mid thrust when the cameras were off and he was on top of you in the Fairytale Suites in Thailand and whisper,
 "I love you....I think you're the one....",
watch you walk down a sandy beach clad in a flowy pink dress that cost $60k and stand in front of peaceful cerulean waters, hands entertwined, look you in the eyes and proclaim in a shaky voice, 
"I feel stronger love for Xina...," was the unforgiving papercut, and being pinned underneath the relentless barrage of scrutiny, hatred, and criticism from the viewers was the lemon juice being poured on top of it. 
You watched yourself on the screen sob as you got into the backseat of the black Escalade as Miguel grimly shut the door behind you. You were taking deep, shaky breaths and leaning on your elbow as you tried to make sense of this profound stab wound he just gave you. Your reddened, teary eyes looked at the camera as your confessional.  
"I.....I don't know what just happened...." You rub your temple and look out the window, your lip trembling and your face scrunching in agony. "The craziest part of all of this is....I still love him...." 
A hushed, sympathetic awh emerges from the live audience. 
You leaned over and cradled your head in your hands in frustration as the black suburban continued to drive. 
"I just.... *shaky breath* wanna.....*choked sob*... be happy...when is it my turn to be happy...?" you break down as the screen fades again to black. This time focusing on you, perched on the chaise lounge onstage. The heartbroken woman Miguel did not choose for his wife. 
The tall host, Jason Donner, is sitting across from you in a black armchair. He has neatly groomed, sandy blonde hair and stubble dotting his square jaw and white, pearly teeth. He looks at you, green eyes in a solemn expressesion. He addresses you, and then the audience in a quiet voice. 
"Wow...that was...truly..... one of the most heartbreaking moments we've seen, I think in all of The Eligible Suitor Nation's history..." 
He says your name quietly, then continues, "Now I am, so, so incredibly sorry that this did not have the happy ending you were hoping for..." 
You're not looking at him but staring off, sad eyes still in a doe-like expression, a tear has escaped your left eye and is trickling down your cheek, followed shortly thereafter by another from your right. 
Jason continues, "Tell me...what are your thoughts as you watch that playback for the first time?" He pauses to hear your answer. 
You stay silent for the longest moment, then you finally break your statue-like gaze and take a deep breath, looking down at a spot on the floor so the audience's piercing stares don't throw off your train of thought.
You suddenly feel a rise of anger and frustration in your chest. What kind of question is that? How do you think I'm supposed to feel? 
You try and keep it cool, the chains of the hefty NDA contract you signed to be on this show keeping you on your best behavior tonight. 
"It feels.....awful, Jason." You look at him, and shrug your shoulders. "I really don't have words for it besides that. It feels awful to watch that." 
Jason nods and leans forward, bringing his fingers  to his mouth in a contemplative manner. "How did it feel when he said Xina was the one, I mean did you see this coming at all?" 
You let out a deep sigh and can't help but roll your eyes a little bit. "No..... no, I did not see this coming, Jason, okay?" You say in an exasperated tone, your words edged with annoyance. "You know what..." 
You stand up, shaking your head. "I can't do this." You rip off your body mic and throw it on your seat. "I can't fucking do this...." You gather up your dress train and carefully walk down the steps of the stage and briskly off the set towards your dressing room, sharp heels echoing as they hit the floor, letting out a large sob as soon as you're out of view, one of the cameramen chasing after you. 
Jason looks at the camera a little mortified by your sudden reaction, but the camera crew and producers are silently rubbing their hands together, the promise of high ratings clouding their vision like stars in their eyes. That's it, bring on the drama. You were delivering tonight. 
Jason clears his throat and flashes a smile at the camera. "Don't worry folks, this has all happened before..." 
The audience gives a nervous chuckle. 
"We'll give her a moment. But just remember, you'll get to catch her again on the beaches of paradise where other hot members of The Eligible Suitor Nation such as the likes of Ben Reilly, *audience cheers* , Felicia Hardy, *audience cheers*, and Peter B....*audience goes nuts* will have a second shot at love in our steamy Singles in Paradise, premiering this summer." 
Jason smiles and raises his voice a little more to be heard over the squeals of the fans. 
"We'll take a quick break but when we come back we'll hear Miguel's side of the story, and, a little later the happy couple will be making their grand debut for the first time in public since their romantic engagement in Thailand, which you'll need to see to believe. I must warn you all, it was probably one of the most romantic proposals we've seen in the show's history. Don't go anywhere folks."
🌹🌹🌹
In the beginning, your friend jokingly submitted an application for you to be on the show after you wouldn't stop bitching about your ex. She reassured you when you freaked out at the email you got from production, confirming your application was accepted. 
"This will be good for you! Even if you don't marry the guy, at least you can get famous and have fun, be on TV for a little bit, get some free alcohol, maybe a nice date or two, yanno? Besides, you'll have a whole new roster of guys at your doorstep after they see your hot ass on television." 
You were still upset until she gave you a list of reasons not to be. Sure, this could be fun, you eventually concluded. You only had a 1 out of 30 chance of winning anyway, why turn a blind eye to the possibilities that could come out of this? 
When Miguel was announced as the eligible man you were going to be fighting for, you quit breathing when you saw how handsome he was. Tall, dark, a little stoic, a little nerdy, wants a family? He was literally pulled directly from your wildest imagination. 
You were intimidated by how attracted to him you found yourself, but you decided when you stepped out of that limo, that you were going to keep your walls up and just enjoy the ride. You greeted him with a shy smile. 
The producers had this weird idea to play up the dramatics that you were supposed to walk in with a bunch of fake autumn leaves from the craft store and throw them in the air and proclaim you're "falling" for him as your signature greeting. 
You walked up to Miguel as he stood in front of the mansion, wearing a poker face. You threw the leaves in the air and one of them flew and smacked him in the face. 
"Ppppppbbbbbbtttfffhh!" 
You said the cheesy ass line, "I'm falling for you Miguel! Geddit?" 
"The shock?...." Miguel gave you a confused look and your cheeks began to heat with embarrassment. 
"Well, I'm from a small town, we're kinda known for our fall colors during the season." You say with a smile. You brushed one of the stray leaves off his shoulder. "I just want you to know I'm very excited for this journey and I can't wait to talk to you more when we go inside?" 
After the initial obnoxiousness of your introduction Miguel managed to put on a polite smile. "Absolutely," he answered. "we'll talk more inside. Thank you for coming." 
You gave his hands a squeeze and walked down a stone path into the large Tuscany style mansion, Miguel's eyes lingering on your figure for just one more moment before he let out a deep sigh. 
🌹🌹🌹
When you started out on the show with 29 other women, you managed to keep a low profile for several weeks, staying out of trouble and befriending most of them, even becoming a fan favorite. Tweets sent out every week with a hashtag in front of your name in support, and constantly ranking in the top 10 favorite contestants in the fan polls on social media. But, it never occurred to you that you had a real shot until, on week 3, a date card with your name on it made its way into the mansion.
Your master plan of just 15 minutes of fame quickly morphed into a life or death situation for your heart when you went on that amazing first date with Miguel to see your all time favorite rock band: Goo Goo Dolls. They played Iris and brought you on stage in front of everyone. You slow danced as the song played, and he leaned in close, softly singing the lyrics in your ear, dedicating the whole thing to you. 
"You're the closest to heaven, that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now. And all I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life. And sooner or later it's over. I just don't wanna miss you tonight..."
And if the whole scene couldn't get any more romantic, a delicate shower of rain began to fall, and you and Miguel shared your first kiss which quickly snowballed into a makeout session on live TV.
Ever since that date, you became one of his favorites. Sometimes you swore he would look for you first as he entered a room. His eyes scanning urgently until they came to rest on you where they would linger for just a moment. Scarlet eyes that seemed to bleed only for you. 
A language only you two could understand, before he'd gently look away, not wanting to give away his undeniable pull towards you in a crowd of many. 
In between dates, you'd send little tokens to him through the producers like a sticky note that said "thinking of you..." or your favorite dad jokes. He'd read them with a smile and have them respond for him in the form of small Hershey's kisses or a sticky note that said in his messy handwriting,"couldn't stop thinking about you, either"
You'd giggle on top of cloud nine when he'd answer you back and you hid them quietly in your suitcase, not telling a soul. 
Watching him kiss and date other women was much, much more difficult than you expected. Sometimes the way he'd look at one of the other girls would cause you to want to throw in the towel right then and there. 
When you heard that he had kissed them, you couldn't get that mental image out of your mind, much less when you unfortunately witnessed it with your own eyes at one of the pre-elimination ceremony cocktail hours. 
The way she was straddling his lap, making herself look so small in it....the way he was groaning into her mouth, the sounds their lips were making as they moved against each together, letting his hands wander down her back and come to rest on her ass...
The painful sting of jealousy was so unbearable that you just ran away, tears burning hot down your cheeks until you could lock yourself in the bathroom and just settle in a heap on the floor, hand clasped around your mouth so nobody could hear you cry. 
It was so fucking unfair. You couldn't even be upset because this was what you signed up for. You thought you had a fairly strong grip on your self worth when you started the show, but every day tested you more than you ever thought possible. 
You spent hours every morning getting ready with your hair, makeup, and outfits, walking out with your chest high, only to see the way one of the other women's hair just fell so flawlessly or how she barely needed any makeup to look perfect, or how her body just looked way hotter than yours in her tight dress,  causing it to deflate once again. 
But those moments when you finally had him all to yourself felt like you were the only woman in his world. Miguel knew just the right words to hum into your ear and just the right way to touch you with his fingertips. There was no place on Earth like his arms. His heartbeat was a lullaby that could calm you like nothing else. He was making you fall rapidly like no other man from your past could. You buried your head in the sand, taking his words at face value, foolishly believing that he wasn't repeating the exact same thing to everyone else. 
You took the sweet nothings he'd whisper to you and make it gospel. Speeding naively down a road that lead to a dead end of disappointment. Week after week, as the show's episodes aired, the illusion you built yourself crumbled. Words you thought he conjured up just for you reduced to the punchline of some sick undercover joke as he turned around and repeated them to the next woman. 
Realizing the walls of the house you lived in were made out of porcelain. The stone of his betrayal knocking it to pieces. The curtains peeling back revealing layer after layer, causing your mind to go mad with self doubt, not even sure if you knew this man who you uprooted your life for and handed your dignity and heart over to on a silver platter.
 Who was this man who sang those sweet lyrics in my ear while we slow danced like we were straight out of a movie? Who was this man who I followed to the ends of the Earth, made a fool out of myself on live television for? You felt a deep pit in your stomach after every episode. 
Not only did you have to contend with the troubling confusion that this man who you thought you loved wasn't who he said he was, you had to deal with the fact that the show's production was now trying to twist your character for the sake of drama. 
You noticed that things you said were taken out of context and edited as spicy sound bites, painting you as this drama queen and passive aggressive trouble maker in the house. You sort of became their selected agent of chaos once the other firecrackers eventually got eliminated and needed someone new to fill in the villain's shoes. 
You watched the episodes play back with a puzzled look on your face. You knew what you said, you went on the dates, you heard the words that were being spoken, you kissed the man, you gave your body to him, and yet, everything you thought you knew was being challenged before your very eyes. Piecing together two separate versions of him that lived in your head. You thought you were slowly going insane. 
When it eventually came down to you and Xina as the final two for Miguel to choose from, Xina was the soft spoken, drop-dead gorgeous, intelligent, cookie-cutter, Christian sweetheart that every man could hope to bring home to meet his mother. 
Conchata and Gabe took an immediate liking to her during the meet the parents episode right before the finale. During hometown visits, Xina's parents were an endearing couple who had been married for 30+ years who she had an amazing relationship with. If you had to lose Miguel to any woman, then of course it would have been her. 
Meanwhile, you were the framed "bad girl" with tattoos and a cursing habit. You were a little more open about your sexuality, making crass jokes with the other women in the house. You'd definitely burn up if you were to enter a church. At hometowns, your home life was comparatively messier to Xina's with divorced parents and an absent father. 
Your mom and siblings met Miguel and loved him immediately, of course. Every week as the show aired and drew closer to the finale, you had to endure seeing endless tweets and memes putting you down. Lots of older women calling you a whore, saying you're trouble and telling Miguel to run for the hills while lifting up Xina at your expense. 
Conchata disliked you instantly. She raised an eyebrow at your top that was slightly too low cut, and your thigh tattoo that peeked out a little under your skirt. At least Gabe thought you were cool, but you remember how nervous you were sitting through filming when Conchata was grilling you on the patio outside the luxurious suite she was staying in.
"How do you feel about my son?"  She asked, silently giving you a test you were unaware you were taking. 
You paused for a moment. "Well... I love your son, ma'am. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him." 
Conchata raised an eyebrow. "But do you even know him? You've only been dating him for a few weeks. I know him better than anyone as his mother, and it seems as though he's made really strong connections with some of the other women." 
You tried to shrug off the knot in your tummy her words just left you. "Well...I do, Mrs. O'Hara. He makes me feel special every time I see him. He and I communicate really well and always check in with one another. He has everything I'm looking for in a life partner: strong willed, calm, kind, hard working, intelligent...he makes me happy and I would be honored if he chose me." 
Conchata didn't react, just tightened her lips in a straight line and took another sip of wine. "I see...well, I'm glad that you feel that way and you take such an interest in my son. But, do you honestly see him choosing you at the end of all of this?"
You feel your gut clench again at her question, anger, confusion, insecurity rising within you all at once, but you manage to fake a smile and say, "Well, I can see him as my husband, and I want him to choose me. But, it's ultimately his decision alone. All I can do is hope for the best."
Conchata clicks her teeth and gives you a fake smile. "Indeed...that's all you can do, right?" She stands up. "It was lovely chatting with you."
She already turns to leave before you can muster out a weak, "you too..." 
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Now, tonight on the live season finale, your head was in your hands, with your ears covered like a small child in your dressing room, trying to drown out the sound of the crowd cheering hysterically as Miguel walked up on stage, shaking hands with Jason and sitting on the couch. You heard another loud, lasting round of applause from the audience as Xina eventually walked out joining him. 
You finally felt brave enough to walk back outside and watch the scene from one of the screens backstage, but once you walked up to see it closer you immediately wish you just stayed curled in a ball in your dressing room. 
Xina looked so perfect next to Miguel. Her raven hair fell in soft layers just past her shoulders leaning against him with a hand on his thigh and one of his hands tenderly holding onto the side of her hip, nearly resting on her ass. A gorgeous, dainty solitaire diamond on her ring finger on her left hand. 
Miguel was looking at her through love-blown pupils as she spoke in her quiet, low, sultry voice, the grin on his face widening even more when her lovely dark eyes came to rest on him between sentences. They were in love. And he was happy. She was happy. There was no denying that now that you forced yourself to see it with your own eyes. Who were you to stand in their way of being together, if they were building a life together they both equally wanted....right? 
Even if your heart technically was the collateral damage.
You couldn't pull your gaze away at how perfect they looked. But simultaneously couldn't comprehend how the same man sitting next to her was the one who sang you that song. The same one who took you on a carriage ride in Scotland. The same one who would wink at you after he'd give you a rose at each elimination ceremony. The same one who held you while you began to cry about missing your dad, a shared pain between you two that you could bond over, the same one who spent all night taking his time on you in a dim hotel room in Thailand and told you that you're the one, all for him to suddenly flip overnight and choose her instead. 
You felt like you couldn't watch anymore and just walked back into your dressing room, quickly packing your suitcase, wondering if it was too late to cancel your flight tomorrow and just hope there was room on the red eye flight tonight instead. Wishing you could fast forward time to a place where the sound of his name would no longer feel like a million knives cutting into you. 
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Some time later, a soft knock comes at your door. Before you can ask who it is, he's already walking in and you feel sick to your stomach, the sounds of his footfalls a not too distant memory that you could still distinguish as his. You try to wipe your eyes, not daring to turn around. 
"What is it?" You ask in a flat tone as you resume folding your clothes and squeezing them into your suitcase that threatened to overflow. 
Miguel is looking at you with a sorrowful expression. "I need to apologize to you..." 
"I don't want to hear it." 
"Please..." he begs, walking up to you so you can nearly feel his breath on the back of your neck. 
You turn and face him and his lips part a little bit when he sees how much hurt you're in. He goes to cup your face but you swat his hand away and walk to the other side of the room instead. 
Miguel clenches his fist and closes his eyes. 
"At least tell me you'll be alright..." 
"-oh I'll be fine." You say firmly, crossing your arms. "I've lived without you before, and I'll figure out how to do it again." 
Miguel looks at you with a sad expression. It hurt him to think you actually wanted a life without him in it, but he couldn't blame you. He got what he wanted. He chose the woman he loved the most, and this was the consequence. But deep down he's too selfish to think about you moving on. 
Was it his ego? Was he really prepared to let you go for good? Were his feelings for Xina exaggerated and rather clouded by the whole fairytale notion and weak logic of finding a forever companion on a reality game show? 
He couldn't have his cake and eat it too. He knew he had to let you go. He knew you didn't want an apology, you didn't want to hear a sob story or excuses or false hope that you would always have a piece of his heart, even if it was true deep down. He thought carefully for a moment, then he finally said in a soft voice,
"For what it's worth, I really do wish you the best..."
You look at him. And, just for a moment those lingering feelings you tried so hard to bury make themselves known as he's wearing a look on his face you haven't seen since he was still in love with you. 
Tears threaten your composure again and you quickly turn around, gazing upwards in hopes of keeping them in. "Don't do that..." you say in a near whisper. 
Miguel responds in an equally hushed tone, the tension much more palpable. "Do what....?"
"Look at me that way...." The tears are flowing and you know you need to wrap this up now before you or him say something you'll regret. 
"You're looking at me the same way you look at her..." 
A lump forms in Miguel's throat because he realizes he really does still love you. But he loves Xina too. He made a choice and a commitment to her and it was time to see it through. But that didn't make this farewell any easier. He whispers your name again and you shake your head. 
"I'm fine. I'll be fine. I promise." You give him a weak smile as the tears blur your vision. He takes a step towards you but you shake your head quickly, shifting past him to grab your suitcase. 
He closes his eyes in defeat and tenses his jaw, a tear escaping the corner of his eye. 
You hobble past him with your heavy suitcase, struggling to carry it in your heels. You prop open the door and look back at him one more time and he looks at you, giving you a weak smile. You nod, and your anger subsides for just a moment. "I meant what I said...you know...before..." 
Miguel's chest rises and falls. You don't have to elaborate for him to understand. He still remembers the hidden way you two used to communicate, even if this may be the last time he ever does. 
"Thank you..." he says gently, meaning it. 
You swiftly turn your head, pulling up the handle on your luggage and gather your dress in your free hand as the door softly clicks behind you. You make sure you're out of earshot before you break down crying again. 
As your flight coasts gently through the midnight sky, you lean against your window as though it was Miguel, or at least the version of him that lived in your memory. You close your eyes this time, the distant glow of the moon outside lulling you and beckoning you to a place where your thoughts can't torment you at last, succumbing to a well-deserved rest. 
Miguel stands in his hotel room, gazing at the cityscape outline in the distance, the same moon standing watch in the obsidian skies above. Xina gently calls for him and he turns around and gives her a tired smile as he crawls in bed next to her and holds her close. He shuts off the beside lamp. His mind quickly shakes off the memory of the color of your eyes before he drifts asleep. 
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