#also I took my first dose of my new adhd med and the effects hit as i started this thus the length | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

harpieisthecarpie · 17 days

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Mildly important fanwork/fandom interaction questions! Anyone can feel free to answer!

Thinking about fandom interactions, I'm wondering about how we as fan communities can create fun environments and engage with other fans more!

You can answer (or not answer) however many of these questions as you want! The questions bolded with their number in purple are the ones I'm most curious about.

Feel free to reply in the reblogs, tags, or comments!

If you can, please reblog so we can get more answers :)

Questions below!

(There's sections for fans that make fanworks, fans that interact with fanworks, and fans that enjoy fanworks but don't interact.)

Fans that create fanworks (fanart, fanfic, edits, etc):

A1. What are your favorite kinds of interactions/comments? Ex. Long rambles, analyses and theories, strings of incoherent garbled yelling

A2. Where do you like to get them? Ex. Ao3 vs Tumblr, reblogs vs tags vs comments, in DMs?

A3. Do you want or enjoy people creating stuff inspired by or modifying yours? (Creating as in art of your fic, fic of your art, etc. Modifying as in translations, podfics, etc)

A4. Do you want or enjoy people promoting your stuff? Ex. fic rec lists, sharing in groupchats, posting about your stuff with links to it

A5. How do you feel when you get nice comments or have good interactions?

A6. Most importantly, what would you say to people who are scared to or or don't know how to start interacting with fanworks?

Fans that enjoy fanworks and interact with them:

B1. What kind of comments do you like leaving and where do you leave them? Ex. Ao3 vs Tumblr, reblogs vs tags vs comments

B2. What makes you more likely to interact?

B3. What made you start interacting?

B4. Have you made any friends or mutuals by commenting and interacting?

B5. Has leaving comments and talking with creatives changed how you feel about or approach your own fanworks?

B6. How has interacting with fanworks and the guys who make them improved your fan experience?

People that enjoy fanworks but don't interact (no judgment! We're all different 💛):

C1. Do you want to interact more? If you do, what makes you want to comment or interact?

C2. Is there anything holding you back? Ex. nerves, unsure how, bad past experiences, etc.

C3. Do you make your own fanworks? Has that affected (or been affected by) your choice not to interact?

C4. Are there ways other fans could help or encourage you to interact or get involved? Are there any ways you want to encourage yourself?

THANKS FOR ANSWERING IF YOU DO :D

PS. Add a 💛 or <3 to your response/reblog if you want me to make an anonymous survey focusing on this topic!

I'd compile and post the results so we can see how our fellow fans think :)

#fanartist #fanfic writer #artists on tumblr #writers on tumblr #fanwork #I wanna boost a bit but don't wanna clog the tags sobbbb #this was originally like 2 questions total but i kept thinking of more #im mostly curious about fanwork interactions after a convo w a friend #about how fan communities have been getting shorter and shorter shelf lives over the past few years #and all my fellow fanwork making friends have been feeling less motivated bc there's less interactions #more focus on 'bnf' ppl and creating ingroups where ppl will talk about fanworks but not where the person who made them can see #less viewing fandom as community and more as content I think?#which ive certainly been guilty of dont get me wrong! but i think we can do better and community build more :)#also I took my first dose of my new adhd med and the effects hit as i started this thus the length #okay bye ily #reblog if you can!!!!#editing formatting a bit to make it more digestible #added dividers i got free off pixabay bc i hated how undivided it was #i could have put simple black dividers but i forget almost everyone but me uses dark mode #for the record i use the pride color palette. which is bubblegum pink w/ lemonade yellow accents. ppl think its a weird choice but its CUTE

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formulinos · 2 years

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someone just recommended portrait of a lady on fire and i have the funniest story to tell (very minor spoilers?)

so, as you all know, i had chikungunya in 2019 and that led me to a hospital stay and ever since my life has been hell because it was the trigger to my fibromyalgia. while now i’m functional and besides in times of pain crisis i can like… live, back in 2019 was a very different picture and i spent most of the second semester in bed basically.

there is a film festival where i’m from that was going to show a few movies i really wanted to see, and that included obviously portrait of a lady on fire which was a must for me because wlw. i couldn’t take long distance trips even to change neighbourhoods, so we had to go for a 22:00 showing in our own. it was ok bc the cinema was in a shopping mall and we could go grab some hambagas before. i was super grateful bc it was my first time going out for entertainment since my illness. my mom was also super hyped bc it was her first time attending an lgbtqia+ even as a gay ally (she became one after watching orange is the new black). we were DOWN for it.

when the movie is about to start, my medication alarm rings. i was at the time using two different meds: corticoids once a day in a fucked up high dose, for the control of the acute inflammatory state my whole body was in, and paracetamol + codeine every 8 hours, for the control of the acute pain state my whole body was in. now, i don’t know if you guys ever messed with opioids, i wouldn’t wish it even to the williams garage. the thing is that it makes your brain’s capacity of caring log off and your body becomes like a heavy mush. you get sleepy and you’re not really able to move, but you’re still able to feel the pain, so it’s just like a psychological way of making the pain bearable until your brain zaps back to “i understand what pain means” mode and you go back to aching. also, you pee a lot once the effect starts to get weaker. i understand that in higher doses you stop feeling the pain, but i didn’t want the risks that come with it. i still, in fact, take the same medication now but my illness is relatively controlled so i only take it when i have crisis episodes, which is rare but it happens.

i took the medication while the trailers were on and normally it starts kicking in 30 min later, and boy did it kick. i go mush right at the beginning and usually, the next two hours it peaks before it starts to drop, the whole process takes around 6 hours i think? anyway. it’s not a spoiler what i’m about to say, just a fact. portrait of a lady on fire is a french artsy film, and with it, it makes artsy choices. there are long periods of silence, whispered dialogues, long, long shots of nature and fireplaces crackling, etc. as i’m watching it, i keep feeling more and more sleepy and mushy. i’m still aware of things however, and the truth hits me in a terrible manner: the movie is mid. it’s not bad, but it’s overrated. mid. i start feeling REALLY shit because i wanted to enjoy a movie i was highly anticipating as an oasis in the middle of the desert of shit my life was but instead i was overfixating on the fact that for the first time i saw a lesbian movie i didn’t like. i was also super ashamed as a letterboxd bro. and i was fucking zonked out on codeine at 10:30 pm in an uncomfortable movie seat. but then the absolute dread hit. if i didn’t enjoy it when the movie was tailor made for me, then my 50 year old-just found out about the gays-dyslexic-ADHD mom would probably…. oh god oh fuck. she was snoring beside me.

at this moment i’m fully panicking like this is hell i want the sweet embrace of death or better, just to go home. with what little strength i have i wake my mom up and ask for help, she goes in full panic mode bc she thinks i’m having an episode that the medication didn’t take care of and so she says “we’re going now”. she takes me by my arm, we get some balance and when we’re about to get up… they kiss.

my mom is like “fuck we can’t leave now. they’re gonna think we’re homophobes”. i’m like “it’s not that serious no one will care i’m feeling bad” and mom is like “take a look around”. literally only film bros and/or gay people. we were gonna end up looking like homophobes if we left and my mom would be dead before laura prepon and natasha lyonne somehow found out about it after seeing a video go viral of us being called homophobes by an entire movie theatre. so we stayed.

for the last whole hour of the movie mom would just drift in and out of sleep while i’d quietly mourn what was supposed to be one of my favourite movies ever. the movie was over and it legit took us 15 minutes to leave bc at that point i was Mega Mush and could barely stand up. my mom still doesn’t know the story but whenever she talks about it she says “their love was beautiful”. yeah mom of course it was.

i have since rewatched it and while i no longer have the panic and admit it was better than the codeine state of pain i was in, i still think it’s a bit mid. but if any straight man asks me, i say it’s the best movie of 2019. they don’t need to know.

#sorry for the lack of cut

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stonertransdad · 3 years

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Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

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mentalhealthsessionswithmarc · 6 years

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One Pill Gone, Two More To Go: A Quick Update.

Hey guys! Just wanting to give you an update on my progress thus far. It’s been a while since I entered anything on my journey with mental illness. As I mentioned in my last article, after my doctor’s appointment last week, my psychiatrist said it was time to start reducing my medications. The medications I had been taking thus far are Seroquel (200 mg), Wellbutrin (450 mg), and BuSpar (15 mg, 3x a day), and I was taking 36 mg Concerta for my ADHD. A few months ago I took myself off of Concerta because it had started working against me in a really bad way. The lifestyle changes I had made were more effective in handling my symptoms than my medications were. I also had unintentionally started cutting back on my BuSpar. I just kept forgetting to take them because I hadn’t had any anxiety symptoms in so long I didn’t remember to take them. I was supposed to be taking three pills a day, but was only taking my first pill with breakfast, because that was the only one I remembered to take. I take all my other pills first thing in the morning with breakfast, with the exception of my Seroquel (that’s at bedtime). So in a few months time I went from taking 45 mg of BuSpar a day to only 15 mg, and still had no issues with anxiety. At 15 mg a day, my psychiatrist said it was pretty much not taking the medicine at all. And thus the beginning of my detox has begun.

As of today it has been exactly a week since I took my last dose of BuSpar. I have definitely noticed some differences. As with any psych med reduction, it takes about a month before the drug is effectively out of your system. Even though, I was only taking a minimal amount of the drug, the absence of it in my system has kind of hit me as a shock. The biggest difference I have noticed since I haven’t been taking it is how tired I stay. I have noticed a lethargy setting in since about day two or three and it has not left. And I have noticed some anxiety coming back. It comes through in waves. I spend most of the day without an issue, but when anxiety comes crashing in it is so strong at times I want to go grab my bottle of BuSpar and swallow a pill quickly. It lasts about an hour or two. There is no particular time it strikes, it just checks in whenever it wants to and then leaves. However towards the end of the week, like around day five, I have noticed the anxiety starting to taper off. It has definitely reduced in strength and longevity. My guess is this will continue until my body adjusts to being on its own. As far as the lethargy is concerned, I may start back working out again, or maybe I’ll just grab a second cup of coffee in the morning. Haven’t decided yet.

The doctor also told me once I start to become comfortable with the lack of anxiety medication I can start playing with my antidepressants. If not, he will start dosing me off when I see him again in November. My hope is I will be fully adjusted by sometime next month and will start slowly reducing my Wellbutrin. I have a 300 mg tablet and a 150. My goal is to slowly start leaving out the 150 mg pill and see how things go. I haven’t had any depression symptoms pretty much the entire year thus far. As always, if I don’t feel ready, I won’t rush the process. The last thing I want is cave into a total relapse and reverse all the good I have done. Lifestyle changes have been the biggest key to my recovery and I am committed to keeping everything I have changed and fought for.

There is definitely a sizable amount of risk involved in the reduction and removal of psych meds. My doctor forewarned me before we proceeded with the plan to reduce anything. About fifty percent of all patients who are on psychological medications experience a full episodic relapse of all symptoms. My doctor’s biggest fear, as well as mine, was me going into an episode and having to spend another week in the hospital to rehabilitate me. Why is that? Why is it so hard to resume the “normal life” we had before we were put on medications? I remember not having any medications and handling my life normally. The truth of the matter is these medications change the chemical makeup of our brains. It changes how everything works. Some of these medications stabilize certain chemicals and electrical responses and others gather chemicals from different parts of the body and restores the lack of chemical in the brain. It also doesn’t help that you have to be on these medications without relapse for an entire year. That’s a year of the brain and body adapting and functioning in a brand new way. So once you remove the pills, the body’s current cycle breaks and is scrambling to find a new way of coping and functioning. The sad truth is a lot of people can’t live without their medications after being on them. Once the chemical makeup of your brain has been changed, it sometimes can’t go back to the way it was. My hope is I am not one of the unfortunate fifty percent. Most of my symptoms were completely situational and the lifestyle changes I have pursued and created have been the catalyst to my stability and recovery.

As always I will keep track of my recovery and share it with you all when I get a chance to. Hope everyone has a great week and stays committed to their recovery.

Sincerely,

Marc

#mental health #mental health awareness #anxiety #my journey #my recovery #detoxing #coming off medication #slow and steady #staying committed #staying strong #staying positive #i can do this #success

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polyputthekettleon · 3 years

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Having feels about medication, and how the fuck am I feeling, anyway?

I had a good chat with a girlfriend of mine last night (but not one of my *girlfriends*, oh goodness, #queerpolyamproblems). She happened to message me about exactly the same thing I was planning to journal about, so I ended up basically just journaling to her.

She asked me how my medications are going -- it's officially been three weeks since I started the guanfacine, 2 weeks since I started the methylphenidate. I told her, my meds are "physically fine," and how this week I did indeed step up my methylphenidate dose (with my provider's consent) from 18mg daily to 36mg daily. I meant to journal about that here, but c'est la vie. Perhaps it is a good thing that that has been a lower priority to me this week; maybe this is the saner, less anxious approach?

To that point, I *think* (big emphasis on the "think", there) that the higher dose is working better for me. I've been more capable of accomplishing tasks I've been avoiding this week, and I've felt more motivation and capacity in general. That said, this could also be due to the thing that prompted me to have fucking feels about my medication regimen in the first place, so... (more on that in a lower paragraph!)

As far as if things are actually better... I don't know. I've read a bunch of different articles trying to parse out what shift in my experience I'm trying to achieve. D describes the experience of her medication taking effect as her brain coming out of a fog, and that's something I've seen described by other people too. But I don't (and haven't) experienced anything I would call a "fog" at all related to the methylphenidate outside of literally two incidences where I felt rather disconnected from my body about an hour after I took it, and then that faded away again within the next hour.

When she asked me if I was still dealing with daily "crying attacks" (her words), I said that the guanfacine seems to be doing a good job on that front. And it really is -- that, or I've somehow gotten over what I was dealing with before. I honestly can't tell. It sounds like there have been some studies showing it's effective at treating anxiety in children and teens, so I guess we'll assume it's working for me too (::shrugs::).

Let me be clear: I am rather fucking displeased about the guanfacine being effective at calming the anxiety cycle that I was in. I was working to reply to people who had commented on my post about grief on the partners of trans folks Reddit board (another one of the "maybe I have more spoons now?" activities I've engaged in this past week), and while was doing that, I just had this flash of recognition of how utterly fucked up I was basically all of December and January, even with the occasional moments of not so fucked up... I was a sobbing mess. I was a crazy mess. And now, I'm not. In fact, I'm feeling more "normal" than I have in a long time, and when I recognized that, I had a glimmer of feeling proud of myself for the fact that I'm doing better, and then I tried to for transparency in one of my replies and mentioned that I was grateful that my anxiety medication was helping me not be trapped in the anxiety spirals that I had been in... and sometime after that my fragile sense of pride and pretend 'okayness' about the situation crumbled. Because I've been doing better since I started taking the guanfacine.

Yes, I felt mildly sedated for the first couple days, and felt like I was accessing too small a range of emotions for the first 3 or 4 days, and wanted to take a nap every single afternoon for the first week, until I started taking the methylphenidate (which could just be a coincidence), BUT I wasn't bursting into tears on a daily basis. I wasn't spiraling up. For the record, I'm still feeling weirdly held back from my full range of emotional experience: there have been multiple occasions the last couple of days where I've been wanting to cry but haven't reached a level of emotional intensity to be able to do so, and I don't know how I feel about that (generally I'm grumpy about it) -- and I am not getting as instantly fired up in response to either D or J saying stupid shit (which is probably a good thing, honestly).

I'm not thrilled about my no longer being so fucked up being so very suggestively tied to me starting psychiatric treatment.

My friend summed it up well: "That’s a hard moment to pass through where you realize how bad things were."

Yeah. If this is that moment, then yeah. This is a hard moment.

She said that she's glad I'm feeling better, that there was "a legit lot going on for you." I felt just as bitter reading her saying it as I did when I hear D say how she's glad to see me doing better, that she's happy to see me more at peace.

I don't feel happy about it. I feel fucking pissed off.

Again, girlfriend hit the nail on the head: "Yeah, I know it feels all really fraught. And you want the meds to work, but the meds working means you worry something is wrong with your brain and you’re broken, which makes you judge yourself really harshly."

Yeah ... I don't want the meds to work, I want my brain to fucking work.

I've been trying to figure out since my initial realization- is this a new thing in my life, then? Is this going to be my always thing? Am I always going to be taking fucking brain meds? Because I don't normally cry every day and break down on doorsteps -- or at least, I didn't. But I did in December and January.

I'm trying to figure out how much anxiety has been in my life prior to this most recent mess. I was trying to sort things out with J's help last night -- is this new? Has my brain changed since when I was younger? Or is it my social environment that's changed and this is how it's affecting me to live in so much flux? Did the fairly frequent freakouts of the last three years (thanks polyamory) finally just break my brain and give me permanent anxiety??

J shared that he remembers early in our relationship, people in his life who would, after getting to know me a bit, say things like that I seem to be my own harshest critic, and that he views that externalized critic that people can see as a manifestation of my anxiety.

So basically, that he can see it having been around for a long time

But then in the stuff about ADHD, it talks about how anxiety is one of those things that can can result from undiagnosed and untreated ADHD.

The question I'm ultimately trying to answer is if in the future I stop taking guanfacine, will I just go back to spiraling up? I have no fucking idea, *but* this has led to me starting to learn a bunch more about anxiety disorders as well as starting to chew through studies like this one (linked below) that talk about the treatment combo I'm following.

I feel frustrated and like I'm grasping, and I don't know what's going to allow me to feel a sense of peace and acceptance around this. Ugh.

#journal #brain stuff

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maximuswolf · 3 years

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Backstory, just got on meds, super perplexed now via /r/ADHD

Backstory, just got on meds, super perplexed now

Hey there! Just joined this sub. I'm a 35 f, always suspected I had ADHD, but never bothered to look into it because I did well in school and my parents didn't see a lot of problems with my behavior. I spent most of my time in gifted classes, then skirted along until college, where I had to drop out due to funds.

I've always had a strong work ethic, and it's a common solution in my family that any problem can be solved by simply "working harder," if that makes sense. As a result, I typically have just berated my procrastination/lack of productivity as a sign of laziness. I've had a WFH job for years that I love, but it's been hard to keep a consistent schedule when I make my own hours. It's gotten way harder to do so since Covid hit and I moved in with my boyfriend. Zero motivation, even with countless to-do lists, shutting myself off from the rest of the house, and knowing there are bills due. For a while, having a deadline for bills helped, but after a while, even that wasn't enough incentive to sit down and just work. Most days in the last six months, I've felt like the embodiment of a potato. I would stare at mindless things online for hours, or lose track of how long I spent on the couch. Days slipped by.

I finally got diagnosed almost a month ago, and I was started on Adderall. She prescribed me 10 mg in the morning, and said I could follow up with an additional 10 mg in the early afternoon if needed. She also advised me to skip days if I didn't feel like I needed it, or to take half doses if I so chose.

The first few days, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I was no longer "fighting myself," and I suddenly had the energy and drive to match my ambitious goals. I signed up for online courses, put in far more work hours, tackled long overdue chores, and even started learning a new language. I felt focused, on my game, and in my element. I was no longer so fidgety. And I felt so calm! I'd notice that 30 minutes after I took a dose, I would subconsciously let out a long sigh of relief, I was that calm.

I found that I seemed to be highly sensitive to the dosage, and if I took 10 mg at 8 am, I'd still feel focused and driven, well into 4 or 5 pm in the afternoon. Accordingly, I'd either skip the evening dose, take a half dose, or wait a few additional hours before taking a second dose and tackling more tasks. I even slept better, because I no longer had that nagging anxiety of "you should be productive," as I knew I was getting enough done.

To add, on the occasions or days when I'd skip, I didn't feel anything like withdrawal symptoms. There's been mornings I've forgotten to take my dose, and don't feel very different than when I'm on it, so I don't think I'm developing too much of a dependency on it to function. It seems lately, either way, there's just a "meh" feeling about my energy and drive levels.

The last week or two, I don't feel the effects as noticeably. I'm struggling to figure this out. With how careful I've been to not take more than necessary, and often take less than prescribed, I don't think I could have built up a tolerance inside of a month? Then again, the last 3 weeks have been far more stressful in the house (bf is dealing with a vicious custody battle, and we've been putting in greater effort to keep his kids happy/entertained when they're over.) So I wonder if it's just the stress from that affecting me.

This week, after giving all our energy for the kids on visitation days, I still feel sapped days later, and I've actually found myself even dozing off after taking my typical dose. The last couple days, I've been in full-on potato mode, despite meds. Seems I'm back to being distracted by others' needs, and once I'm derailed, it feels impossible to get back on track.

Tonight, boyfriend came home from work, and was surprised that I had taken my evening dose just a short time prior, and was still struggling to sit up on the couch. I was just normal-alert, but still unmotivated. In his younger days, he had taken Adderall a couple times recreationally, so he's still in disbelief how differently it can affect someone with ADHD vs a neurotypical person like himself. ("I'd be painting the walls at 3 am if I was on that stuff.") He admitted that it's hard for him to see a lack of motivation as anything but laziness (given his bias of being normal), but he acknowledged that we have difference experiences, and clearly very different bodily reactions to the same medication. Still stung a bit though, to have a loved one echo the voice in my head that's always saying, "this isn't real, you're just lazy. Get up and work harder!"

I also recently learned that sometimes people with a low thyroid, if untreated, can affect the effectiveness of ADHD meds. I'm considering getting bloodwork done just to be safe. So now I'm just sitting here, devastated that I feel like I've gone back to my former self. And debating if this lack of drive is from a developed tolerance, a low thyroid, stress, or maybe the dose wasn't substantial enough to begin with, and that's why it doesn't seem to be doing much anymore.

I just needed to vent. It felt so wonderful to finally feel like I was finally accomplishing things and feeling "just like everyone else," when it came to energy levels and drive. So to be back in potato-mode is just... disheartening. I'm talking to my doctor Thursday for my follow-up, and I'll bring up all these issues with her then, but man... today I'm just not sure what's going on with my body, my brain, and the meds. Can anybody relate to this?

Submitted February 20, 2021 at 01:56AM by PowerSprayer500 via reddit https://ift.tt/3aC8jha

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clamonnaturalhealth · 6 years

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Multiple Sclerosis Major Improvement

this is from friend that has adult MS, she bought a bottle about 5 days ago…….. Oh and by the way… We got in them drops last week and we both been taking them twice a day now for about 5 days now… And it seems to be helping Heather… She was able to walk Walmart today better than she had been and she has been able to pretty much stop taking her moloxicam & neurotin…

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From Jennifer

I just burned the heck out of my hand with a flat-iron while doing my hair. I put one drop of Hempworx on it and it stopped the burning immediately, and this is the Peppermint! I thought the Peppermint may make it hurt worse, but nope! I totally recommend this for something as simple as burns. It works! Update: No blister today! Read on the rest of these testimonials are truly amazing, too!!!!! For more information or to place an order go HERE.

Susan shares:

Long testimony! I have suffered for 20 years from fibromyalgia, horrible headaches, super tight painful muscles, stiff joints, depression and anxiety. Most recently March 2016 I suffered a hip injury, started limping which caused greater trochanter bursitis, tendinitis, and I have been limping ever since. This caused problems with my SI joint, muscle spasms in my legs, and plantar fasciitis. I have gotten injections every 4 months just so I could continue working. My quality of life sucked because I was in so much pain. This wonderful woman ordered some CBD oil for me and told me to take it. It took me 4 days to try it and the only reason I did was because My pain kept me from sleeping and I could barely get out of bed. I started out with half a dropper full of 500 mg and It started working immediately! I could feel my muscles instantly relaxing. I’ve been taking half a dropper 2x a day for 2 weeks and I feel like a well oiled machine! I don’t have any joint pain at all and I feel like my whole body moves so smooth. I am not limping anymore and my plantar fasciitis is better. I don’t even think about taking my anxiety medicine because I feel so calm. My headaches are almost non existent and I can go for days without ibuprofen or Tylenol. I am in such a good mood because I feel great! This stuff is a miracle and I wish I would’ve found it sooner. All this stuff didn’t happen overnight..it happened gradually so give it time to work and take it consistently. Thank you God! CBD Oil Is it Legal? What is it? Will it Help Me?

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From Kelli:

HERE IS MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE::: Well, folks. Its been a week since i started giving Sierra the CBD OIL in place of her 20 mg Adderall 3X daily. I guess i should start this by telling you all that Sierra has ADD/ADHD/ & ODD. While the pills do work, they have horrible side effects, such as thoughts of suicide, depression, sleepiness,and not to mention the horrible mood swings, plus many more that i wont go into. Sierra isn’t quite 15 yet. She has always been on the Honers Roll and been a top student. However, she can sometimes be mean, both physically and emotionaly. I researched this product for months. After all, I was going to be giving it to my child. After seeing other parents sharing about the results that they were having i decided to give it a try. I absolutely HATE giving my child her prescribed medication almost as much as i hated the side affects it gave her. For the past week i have been giving Sierra 5 drops in the morning and 5 drops in the evening. I stopped the medication completely before doing this several days before hand. Her and i both noticed a difference on day 2!!! Not only did i not have to fight with her to take it, but she actually said, “Hey mom, do i take that calming oil again today?” That is NOT normal for her. Within just a cpl of days of taking this oil her mouthing and meaness has all but subsided. There is no more anxiety, her ADHD/ADD is non existant to those around her, and her ODD is nowhere in sight. I cannot tell you how happy I am that i gave this product a try. I am now taking it myself for my pain from my endometriosis and since i started taking it i haven’t taken any over the counter or prescribed meds for pain. I absolutely love this oil and i fell so very grateful that i was introduced to it. All You Need to Know About CBD and Anxiety (Infographic)

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Hey everybody!! I have something new to add….I started using hempworx for anxiety, depression and chronic pain. It has worked fabulously for all of those! I’ve been taking it for 2months and in that time it feels like my body has been refueled!! My pain, shaking, anxiety and depression have completely disappeared but never in a million years did I think it would do what it’s done for my skin!! Not only do I feel healthy but I look healthy too!! It has evened out my skin tone as well as diminish wrinkles!! Also, water is tasting exceptionally good and so is fruit!! It has revived cells that were inactive!!ive used all of the products now and my life as well as my outlook on life has completely changed!! Thank you to hempworx and all the helpful people involved!!! It’s truly amazing y’all!! I have started taking a dropper in the morning, half of a dropper in the middle of the day and a dropper in the evening! I feel wonderful!! I’ve been searching for this feeling for years and now I’ve found it!!

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From Christy: i have been taking the 500mg oil for just over 4 weeks. I have had great results with regaining my clarity, less anxiety, energy level is up, and fewer night sweats. I have also noticed how my finger nails have become harder and grow quicker AND my hair feels thicker and darker. Anyone else experiencing less gray?

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Hello. My name is Glenda. I’d like to share an experience that I haven’t seen here. Today is Tuesday. Sunday night I felt the manifestation of a cold sore, a fever blister, on my lip. I put a drop of HempWorx CBD oil on my lip before going to bed. Yesterday morning, the swelling had gone down and there was no pain. Another few drops throughout the day (maybe three total). Today, Tuesday, completely gone! I love this stuff! Thank you for being patient and showing me this marvelous product which I now share as well. Blessings to all.

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From Jenny .. “My personal testimony: In September of this year, I was about to marry the man of my dreams but my body was so uncooperative. I was on 14 different medications. I was chasing symptoms and side effects. I was miserable, stiff, and in pain all the time. I was about to get married and just barely even mobile. I did a lot of research on different brands. I finally decided to try Hempworx. I started with just 5 drops of 500mg 2x a day. I worked my way up to a full dropper 2x a day and decided to move up to the 750mg. It took some time to really feel a difference. It didn’t happen overnight. After about 3 weeks I started noticing that I was taking less pain medication so I cut down on the long-acting dose I was taking. Over that next week, I started cutting down on everything. Currently, I’m not on ANY extended release pain medication, no NSAIDS for inflammation, no sleep meds, no acid reflux meds. I take my Humira injection weekly and my 2 meds for diabetes and that is IT. From 14 meds down to 3 in a 3-month time frame. My advice to you? Be consistent. Give your body time to adjust to the changes. Don’t give up, you can and WILL feel better!” Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain, explained, Including CBD Oil

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Last week, I followed my gut and took Ryan off ridalin, with his doctors consent. He would come home agitated and filled with anxiety and just did not want to be anywhere. No appetite which I was told was normal and loss of sleeping. Headaches and imagining bugs and over moody started to appear after being on it for 6 months BUT he was getting amazing results at school which is what I wanted. Don’t we all want that for our kids.

Last week I decided that was enough, I miss my boy, doing good in school wasn’t worth it. So I reached out and got some ordered. I talked to her back in September but it was working so I wasn’t completely on board just yet….I did my research. I thought it was illegal…BUT ITS NOT!!!! Look you the farm act, CBD oil does NOT have THC which is why you can buy it in Minnesota

The first day of switching with his new meds that aren’t a controlled substance and the oil, his body was adjusting….he did not have a good day. But Tuesday no note was sent home, his school work was done and he was his normal energetic self! The third day was the day it hit me, he got off the bus just tired and Hungary. He’s only in kindergarten, that’s a long day…..I listened to him complain, I put the drops under his tounge because he likes how it makes him feel and five minutes if that complete 360….we were talking about his school day and what he drew and my plans for the night which he didn’t fight me, he was just happy and calm I’m sharing my story because I know alot of children are affected with these controlled substances and it doesn’t have to!!! #cbdoil #itworks #miracledrug

No more Xbox or screens to just make it through the day!!! He’s just happy to be alive and around us again.

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For more information or to place an order go HERE.

DISCLAIMER: The information here is NOT medical advice. Do not institute any changes in your current health programs without consulting your Medical provider. For medical advice please consult your private physician or preferred health service provider.

DISCLAIMER: So as per FTC Regulations I would like to let you know that I do have affiliate links throughout this blog. The links provide me with a small percentage of commission but do not cost you anything extra. I (Elizabeth) is also a participant in multiple Affiliate Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking.

DISCLAIMER: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) considers non-THC based hemp products to be “food based” and therefore legal without a medical marijuana license.

CBD Oil Testimonials (more from Hempworx amazing stories of healing) Multiple Sclerosis Major Improvement this is from friend that has adult MS, she bought a bottle about 5 days ago........

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