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autumnblogs · 3 years

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Day 18: Engineering our own misfortune

https://homestuck.com/story/2939

It never occurred to me until now that being betrayed by Jack Noir, the first person to accept him for who he is in a sense, is probably a signifcant part of the reason why Karkat is so angry. It’s probably ironic that the Blood Player’s relationships all have a tendency to disintegrate. Poor guy.

All but one of Karkat’s coplayers will either die, betray him, abandon him, or break up with him before the adventure is over.

More after the break. CW: This one has some suicide mentions in it.

https://homestuck.com/story/2950

WV and the other Carapacians may have some instinctive level of awareness of the players’ classes and aspects - while their legend is ensconced in Carapacian Lore, WV instantly senses the narrative presence of the Thief of Light.

https://homestuck.com/story/2960

Now here is something interesting. I just picked up on it, even though it has actually been present all throughout - when the Narrative addresses WV, it addresses him with information he almost certainly could not know - in a call and response fashion! While he’s jumping from one thought to another in terms of John’s different correspondents, the way that he phrases his dialogue suggests that he is aware of what the Narrative is addressing him.

https://homestuck.com/story/2962

And by all accounts, what he is viewing here is not the literal material events as they unfold, he’s literally looking at the same panels we are.

https://homestuck.com/story/2974

Vriska’s gloating here has always given me chills. It’s in moments like these that she really shines as not just a bully but an authentic diabolical mastermind who is, at least at this point in the story, utterly indifferent to the lives of other people.

https://homestuck.com/story/2975

Vriska’s external locus of control excuses her of feeling guilty about creating Bec Noir. While she is 100% responsible for it, that doesn’t mean, in her mind, that she should suffer any consequences for it (although she’s perfectly happy to take the credit for creating him, it seems.)

https://homestuck.com/story/2992

I’ve always thought that the Dream Bubbles were an extremely cool plot contrivance - semantically linking memories together with dreams and death is a really cool bit of linking.

https://homestuck.com/story/3008

Just as Jade has had effectively no parent to help her find her way in life, she will now have to suffer a sprite who cannot give her advice either. She remains alone.

https://homestuck.com/story/3010

Bec, to a greater degree than perhaps even the Seers, is directly cognizant of interruptions by Command Prompts.

https://homestuck.com/story/3017

I’m starting to be able to actually pick up the themes of the whole Exile plotline.

It seems, in general, to be a parable on power and authority, with each of the Exiles representing one kind or another. You’ve got WV who aspires to be first among equals, democratically elected, a community leader and organizer.

You’ve got the White Queen, who fits classical tropes related to the Good Monarch, a symbolic authority.

You’ve got the Peregrine Mendicant, whose take on governmental duty is more that of a functionary - her self-concept is as someone who does what is needed.

And then you’ve got the Aimless Renegade, who, as a Mad Max Type wasteland cop, could be read as either a playful parody of eighties and nineties copaganda, or as a criticism of copaganda, or both - government as the State, an enforcer of constructed order.

Of all of them, it’s clear that WV and PM’s takes on power are the most useful. The White King and Queen are quickly slaughtered once Jack arrives, because without their magical mcguffins, they remain little more than walking talking symbols.

AR is an interesting case though, because his defining character moment is that he hesitates to follow his orders, and while it could be argued that everything that ensues is his fault for not being stone cold enough to do what needs to be done, I’d argue that his hesitation is admirable - Jack escapes to live another day, and the Mayor survives. The Mayor’s infectious compassion ultimately saves his own life through the AR’s refusal to let him die by destroying the command stations in Cascade, because AR is not willing to trade lives.

https://homestuck.com/story/3040

I’ve never been entirely clear on whether the Dark Gods should be considered evil or simply incomprehensible, morally uncategorizable - in any case, the unique nature of the Kids’ session seems to preclude an ordinary relationship with them. By all accounts they also seem perfectly happy to help Rose create the Green Sun as well, sowing the seeds that will grow into Lord English, their own murderer.

Whatever they’re up to is extremely unclear, and they mostly seem to be a wildcard. I’ll have to see if any of my Homestuck chums have thoughts about the Horrorterrors. With the exception of the Dream Bubbles and their ability to facilitate interaction between the living and the Dead, talking to the Horrorterrors seems to be at best an exercise in facilitating inevitable misfortune - they seem to be all but completely useless.

I suppose learning how to navigate the furthest ring comes in handy exactly once, since it enables the kids to fly to the Alpha’s universe.

https://homestuck.com/story/3043

Rose’s pessimistic dissatisfaction manifests in two ways during this conversation - the first is her contemplation of self-destruction. Along with her suicide mission, one of the very first things she mentions about Doc Scratch is that he wants to die - which clearly fascinates her. The other thing is that, suspicious of the version of truth that Skaia presents, and lacking an anchor, she is very easily swayed by characters who offer her an alternative truth.

https://homestuck.com/story/3045

It has just occurred to me that while Rose doesn’t do anything directly to harm her co-players the way that Vriska does, the main actual thing that they have in common, that I was having a hard time putting my finger on, is actually another parallel between the two of them and Aradia - by allowing themselves to be manipulated by forces of evil beyond human comprehension - Doc Scratch in particular - Rose and Vriska both make manifest all sorts of misfortune. In Aradia’s case, it’s her continuous manipulation by the voices of the dead.

Both of them create nearly all of their own problems, and while they’re at it, create immense amounts of suffering from other people who happen to be in the vicinity. And, according to the rules of the Alpha Timeline, both of them therefore give their assent to their misfortune. The Alpha Timeline is, of course, the same as the Glub Glub trap - if you refuse to participate, you are destroyed, but participation is horrible.

https://homestuck.com/story/3055

Couple things.

The first and most obvious is;

Monkey see, Monkey do.

We’re starting to see the fallout of Vriska’s attempts to acculturate Tavros - she’s tried to force a square peg into a round hole, and has had no luck. Tavros doesn’t fit her vision of an ideal troll, and he never will; that’s not the kind of person that he is.

The use of the word hero is what’s important here. Notice especially the way that he draws a line from physical fitness and personal worth - the ability to do important things that you want to do has become Tavros’ idea of how to self-actualize. He has internalized Vriska’s toxic ideas.

The other thing is that while Grandpa may not have literally committed suicide, but he is clearly emotionally checked out of life - playing Indiana Jones when he’s away from home, and interacting with fantasy women at his tea party, instead of engaging with his real life granddaughter.

Suicide’s a touchy subject, one which Homestuck touches on. As I’ve already said, I’m not going to touch on the Epilogues or HS^2, both of which also touch on the subject. It’s not a central theme, I don’t think, although either killing themselves or waiting around to die recur multiple times as possibilities in the minds of different characters, particularly the Lalondes and Striders. I’ll have more to say about each individual instance, but in both the insincere threat of suicide Rose uses in her early strife, and here in Act 5, the act of self-destruction is not motivated by despair, but by spite - for Rose, self-destruction would be an act to spite someone else who wants her to exist.

Grandpa Harley’s complete emotional absence from the life of his loved ones might be called a bit of emotional suicide. Checked out of personal reality completely to pursue a life of fantasy (and to facilitate Sburb), Grandpa Harley may as well have been dead from Jade’s perspective, even before he died.

https://homestuck.com/story/3056

The link between being a Hero Coolguy and Romantic (Reproductive) Success is drawn very neatly by Tavros, but because the premise is false, the conclusion is also false.

https://homestuck.com/story/3059

Vriska immediately calls attention to the way Tavros is parroting her behavior because of her influence - without all of the chest-beating and saber-rattling that Vriska does, the skillfully executed showmanship of being aloof and confident, there’s not that much difference between what Tavros tried to pull just now, and what Vriska has always done - even repeating her romantic faux-pas.

https://homestuck.com/story/3078

And we’ll pause here, before I get to another walkaround, which I will do tomorrow.

Not a lot that inspired me to talk in the 150 or so pages I got today. Lots of action in Act 5, but less emotional meat to dig into.

For now, it’s Cam signing off, alive but not alone.

#liveblogging #commentary

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nightlight-stardust-and-rain · 4 years

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So I wanted to do a Homestuck HP au because I love writing about Homestuck. But like right now I don't have a lot of ideas so I'm gonna write whatever goes in my head.

John is a muggleborn. Everyone thinks he's a halfblood because when he talks about his dad people thinks he's a wizard (nope just a weird but cool muggle who took the magic thing very well). John doesn't correct them because honestly, pranking half of his classmates without even trying, that's something (he just want to see their faces when they realize). Also I think he would be a gryffindor. Oooor maybe a slytherin, but idk I don't see the "ambitious" side. No, gryffindor. Because pranks. He think he'd be very good at potions and charms ? Because pranks. Like you know you're better with subjects that are interesting to you. He really likes potion and charms because the amount of pranks he can do is like, unlimited. He's also good with a broomstick, even if he's not on the quidditch team : he likes to fly for flying, not for playing. He never really understood the problem with houses - or rather, the competition. He pranks everyone equally, that's all that matters (OK maybe he pranks more Dave and Karkat, but come on. Their reactions are priceless).

Jade is, I think, a half-blood ? Honestly, nobody knows, not even her : she doesn't remember if her grandpa was a wizard or not, and she remembers even less her parents. She grew up on a island (like in canon tbh) with Bec, who is a ex-wizard : he had a accident and he got trapped in his animagus form but due to the incident he sorta kept some of his powers (that's why he can still apparate) and, kinda, got the mind of a dog (still more intelligent than any dog, but not enough to notice that he was a wizard - he doesn't even remember bieng one). She's a slytherin ! Because she's really clever and kinda ambitious ? Like she really want to mix science and magic. She wants the magic world to know science ("guys, they don't even know what an atom is !!!"). Due to that, she's really fucking good with potions. The best of her years (of any year, really). While being a arithmancy and herbology genius, She's also pretty good in every other class tbh. Not really the best at flying, but she tries. Also she somehow learn to apparate when she's like 12 and everybody is stunned like HOW (and she's "oh my dog taught me !" "... WHAT"). She's very happy to be a witch but her scientific side SCREAMED when she learned the existence of magic. She can often be found staring at the moving stairs mumbling something about the physics laws.

Rose iiiiis... A pureblood. Come on. Like she grew up with magic traditions and such. She also loves the muggle's representation of wizards (it's very funny). She's SO a ravenclaw. That was obvious. Her mother is a famous witch (both famous for her acts of heroism during the last War (??) and also famous for being drunk anytime) and she doesn't really likes to be famous by association, but eh. She's obviously a Seer (like, a true one). She took divination and she fucking destroyed the teacher. Like she just looked at them with her superior smile (you know the insufferable one) and proceeded to walk out of class and never return (the destroying the teacher part took place at the exams when she got the highest score despite having skipped every divination period). She's really good in DADA and Alchemy and potions. Maybe sometimes she's a bit too close to the dark side of magic (*snort*) but eh she didn't killed anyone (yet). The only classes she's not good with is care of magical creatures : the creatures are all afraid of her (tbh it's because she tried to summon a eldricht horror once. She failed but the eldricht aura kinda stayed on her). She's very interested in vampires, but her interest may be personal rather than scholar ;)

Dave is, I think. A pureblood ? Tbh I really don't know where Bro stands. Since he's Rose's twin, he's obviously a pureblood, but he didn't grew up in the same place. Bro was the kind of wizard who was absolutely obsessed with muggle's technology so one day he just... Moved to the muggle side ? Idk. So here I'm really torn up between "Dave's shitty childhood and shitty role model is a important part of his character" and "I want Dave to be happy and have a happy childhood". Fuck it he' ll have a extremely weird but happy childhood (like. Remember before we knew that Bro was abusive and we tought that he was just a cool and really really really weird guardian ?). So he grew up in a mix of magic and technology : ofc Bro didn't hide he was a wizard, he used magic pretty often. Dave knows some things about technology but he kinda lacks... Basic knowledge. You know. Bro still taught him fencing (kinda was a family thing) but like. Low-key ? Like not before he was ten and Dave wasn't beat up, it was actual teaching (I just want Dave to be happy without PTSD, dammit). Also Dave is a hufflepuf (fight me). The beta kids are all the four houses (they think that's funny and they're kinda proud to be a multi-house group. XD amateurs just wait to see the trolls). When Dave got his letter, he was "... Bro. There is a magic community ??" "yes ? You didn't knew ?" "you never told me I tought we were mutants". Bro then realizes he never told Dave that he was actually a wizard, uh. Then "oh yeah your twin sister must be at hogwarts too" "I have a twin sister". Like. Bro legit forgot to tell him. Also Dave is absolutely fascinated by magic pictures. He's kinda good with classes because he's pretty smart but he's better with charms and DADA. He can fly (I mean with a broomstick of course) but he's not in the quidditch team. He took divination because he knows it's bullshit : it's for irony. He carries a camera everywhere because honestly magic pictures are so cool. He takes pictures every time because come on, Hogwarts is wonderful (he sends some of his pics to Bro who replies by "I know how Hogwarts looks, dumbass"). He also likes to take pics of his friends and also of this strange, huge group of friends who are not in the same house and who are indeed very strange and very differents but they stay together no matter what (yeah I'm talking about the trolls). Not gonna lie, he takes more pics of one of them... (yes I'm talking about Karkat. Because I ship DaveKat). He didn't realized he got a crush, the poor boy (also a lot less internalized homophobia because Bro is so gay. Dave's just takes a while to understand that he's Bi).

The trolls are a big multi-house group. Some of them knew each other before Hogwarts but mostly they were strangers who inexplicably and despite all their differences became friends the first day of school and stayed together for their whole life (it's Karkat. What keeps them together is Karkat).

And you know what I'm gonna do the ancestors before the beta trolls.

The Handmaid, Damara Megido (yeah they're keeping their post-Scratch selfs names), is Aradia's mother. She works at the ministry's time department (idk if it exists in HP so if not it's a department to regulate time travel and time traveling objects) and she's pretty great since she's the head of her department. She likes her work and she's pretty famous : both for her work, her magic skills (she's super fucking powerful) and her one-night stands (come on it's still Damara I had to). Actually Aradia comes from one of these one-night stands. She never hid it to her daughter. Aradia honestly doesn't mind. She's the type you would never expect to have a kid, but she's actually a good mother. She smokes a bit too much and maybe sometimes she forgets to cook but she tries.

The Summoner, Rufioh Nitram, is Tavros' father. He's part fairy and has absolutely no fucking clue about who was a fairy in his family but he doesn't really cares. His wings are cool, he likes to fly, talking to animals is even cooler. He's really chill about it. He never really felt ashamed of his wings, even when people tought they were girly. He's an auror affected to the department for control and regulation of magical creatures. He deals with dangerous creatures such as dragons. He loves his job. It's perfect for him : when he was a teen he was torn between auror (the action !) and the department [...] of magical creatures (the creatures !) but he got a mix of the two. He's proud of his son : he fully knows that being different can be hard and knows that his son is doing his best.

The Psiioniic, the Signless and the Disciple are in a happy poly relationship. Their kids Sollux, Karkat and Nepeta are actually triplets. The funny thing is that since they named them differently (Sollux is Captor-Vantas-Leijon, Karkat is Vantas-Leijon-Captor and Nepeta is Leijon-Captor-Vantas. Honestly their parents did that just to mess with everyone) and that most of the teacher's call list was only long enough to include the first of their last names, everybody at Hogwarts took like a year to understand that they were related and one more year to discover that they were triplets. That's exactly the kind of mess that was in their parent's mind when they named them.

The Psiioniic, Mituna Captor, is one of Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's dads. He's a sarcastic little shit who got a job with computers on the muggle side of the world (people are usually stunned when they discover that he's a pureblood). He's a parseltongue and has a yellow-blue-red snake named Gemini. Honestly the only reason why everyone doesn't know he's a parseltongue isn't because he hides it (he doesn't care about people's opinion) but because, as a very not talkative person, he talks to his snake (or any snakes) like he talks to people : rarely. He's trying to introduce technology in the wizard world. It goes slowly. He' s actually a good dad who may forget to eat and/or to cook sometimes and has bipolarity (wizards usually think it's a curse. He gave up trying to explain every time) but he loves his childrens and is so in love with Signless and Disciple that sometimes he embarrasses himself.

The Signless, Kankri Vantas, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's other dad. He's a half-blood and a Seer. Unlike Rose, he can't see the future, but the past lives. His past life or anyone's. He needs to touch people to See their past life and it's not really useful but he likes it. He's a teacher in Muggle studies : he was so appalled by the muggle studies in hogwarts that he decided to correct wizard's opinion on muggles. That's how he met Psii : he was trying to make a computer who could resist in Hogwarts (spoiler it exploded) and Signless was extremely interested (spoiler he lost his eyebrows in the explosion because he was too close). He kinda travels in various magic communities to teach them about muggle things that are very useful (he's not 'muggle are better than wizards'. Just 'we could learn so much from them and also the muggle are not a different species, we're all humans'). When his kids talked to him about their friends he laughed really hard and said "of course. You twelve are bound to each other after all". He's such a great dad. He loves his childrens so much and when he looks like he could explode you know he's thinking about how much he loves Psii and Disciple.

The Disciple, Meulin Leijon, is Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's mother. She's a author and journalist. She does documentary-like articles. Like about animals or nature. She's a muggle born who was raised by a nundu ! You know the leopard-like creature with spikes in Fantastic Beasts (It moved silently, despite its "gigantic" size and was considered by some to be the most dangerous creature alive. The breath of the Nundu was toxic and filled with disease so potent that it can wipe out entire villages of people. Source wikipedia). Her muggle village was wiped by said toxic breath. Her magic protected her and somehow the nundu adopted her *shrugs*. She lived with her until she was seven and a witch found her and took her to the wizard world. It took her time to learn to talk, write, read, behave like a human. But oh she loved writing. She loved the books and she loved the stories and she loved to read. She kept some things from her years with her mother (she won't call the nundu who adopted her anything else), like the ability to move very silently and the, well, wilderness and fight skills. Honestly everyone believes she's a werewolf. She's tiny and pretty but actually more dangerous than half of the ancestor combined (admittedly in this HP au they are physically weaker or just not used to fight). So she writes reports about magical creatures and animals, she write books (her best book is an autobiography : everyone believes it's a fiction because of the adoption by a nundu thing). Sometimes Signless helps her to find a good story because you wouldn't believe the crazy things they did in their past life : he tells her, and she writes a book with that basis. Sometimes she works with the department [...] of magical creatures because she knows a lot about magical creatures and she understand their mind you know. Sometimes she works with the Summoner. They make a good pair and are very good friends.

The Dolorosa, Porrim Maryam, is Signless' adoptive mother, Karkat's, Sollux's and Nepeta's grandma and Kanaya's guardian and relative. She doesn't look that old because she's a vampire. She's Kanaya's ancestor, but literally. She must be like +600. She's really wise and really cool and also she can kick your ass easily. She lived in both worlds (muggle and magic) and lived in every country. She knows almost everything. Really she is just super badass. She adopted Signless when he was like 3 months. She greatly influenced him and his ideas. She's a very supportive mom and guardian. Also she uses a chainsaw. She's a bit of a legend everywhere honestly some people don't believe she exists.

Neophyte Redglare, Latula Pyrope, is Terezi's older sister and guardian. She's a auror (duh) and one of the best ! She's also a part-time lawyer and she's feared. With reason. She is Terezi's role model ! Redglare is very proud of her little sister and think that she will surpass her one day. Her and Psii are good friends even if they have nothing in common except their tendencies to sarcasm (Signless says they get along well because they dated in another life. They both gagged at that).

Spinneret Mindfang, Aranea Serket, is a fucking criminal. That's all. Like. She's a rich pureblood who leads a sort of magic-muggle mafia ? Like she does things on the muggle side and on the magic side and her group has wizards and squibs and muggles (who of course know about magic. When you're breaking laws everyday, what's one more ?). Her group works with magic methods as well as non magic methods - that's kinda why she never got arrested. Muggle police can never find them because magic, and aurors usually don't know where to search on the muggle side. She's feared everywhere and she's Redglare's principal target but she's not worried about being caught. She's not a really good mother to Vriska - she loves her daughter but she's a bit neglecting ? Like sometimes she's not home for a week or something. Also she has a pet acromentula.

Darkleer, Horuss Zahhak, is a black-Smith who lives in the same magic town as The Nitram, Maryam and Captor-Vantas-Leijon. He's a pureblood from a high family but he somehow get kicked out and ended up being a blacksmith. He actually, truly loves his job and while being Greatly ashamed (sweating) to have been kicked out of his house, he actually thinks that, hadn't he been kicked out, he would never have found his true vocation. He's very very awkward but his son doesn't mind since he's also very awkward. He's a good dad who teach blacksmithing to his son (while trying to erase the "better than anyone" way to think that his House teached to his son). He's friends with Disciple, she thinks his awkwardness is cute and he's kinda fascinated by her wilderness - they come from totally opposed sides after all.

The Grand Highblood, Kurloz Makara is a pure mystery. Is he wizard ? A muggle ? Is he at least alive ? Nobody knows.

Orphaner Dualscar, Cronus Ampora, is a pureblood who was a little shit when he was young (see post-scratch Cronus) but somehow (spoiler he pissed off the wrong person) he got his wand broken on his teens and he was dropped in the muggle world. Since he didn't knew what to do he ended up being in the marines by accident. It was hell for him. He fought a war, a muggle war, and saw what muggles can do. Years after his PTSD is still here. That's where he got his scars. After the war he succeeded to come back to the wizard world. He got a new wand and still had his family's name behind him but he still had the war in his bones. He never talked shit about muggles again and while being very scared of them he's also kinda fascinated - he had a sort of rifle harpoon (harpoon rifle ?) in the marines and it felt more right than his wand. He had Eridan like a year after being back. He panicked at first of course but he did his best to be a good father (he didn't had the best parents either) and kinda dropped everything to take care of his son. He's a very good dad even if he had to hire a cook because he can't cook to save his life. He later adopted Feferi and he has no clue why he did that but he loved her as if she was his biological daughter. Now that Eridan and Feferi are at Hogwarts he's searching for a job (spoilers he'll end up being Disciple's secretary because she's absolutely hopeless with planing and such and also he helps her with her books because he knows some things she doesn't about the muggle world or the army. He'll end up writing his own book - an autobiography)

The Condesce is the queen of the Selkies. Just. The queen. She's not a very good mother since she drooped Feferi in a magic orphanage after having her with a human.

now the beta trolls !

Aradia is a half-blood. She lives with her mother and their house is in the middle of a magic graveyard. Aradia grew surrounded by graves and ghosts, and she loved it. Some ghosts were around often, to visit their own grave or their family's grave. She talked to every one of them ! And they all had stories to tell ! And (and one day when she was little she met a woman with gray skin and eyes glowing of diferents colors and she had ram horns and she wore a green dress and she asked Aradia "tell me about yourself" Aradia told her about her mom and how she loved talking to ghosts and how her mom is the best with time problems and how they both are happy and the grey lady cried rust red tears and said she was relieved to know that at least in this universe they could know happiness and she vanished and Aradia never forgot her). She's a little spooky and also every ghost loves her, even Peeves ! That's, like, her own power. She can do necromancy and she thinks it's super cool. She doesn't talk about it outside of their group because she knows that even if her friends have no problems with that, the magic society isn't that accepting. She's gryffindor, even if the hat seriously considered Ravenclaw. She really like the dark red of gryffindor (that reminds her of the red eyelashes and red lips and red tears of the grey lady with ram horns who never came back but is somehow still with her). She' s really good with charms and DADA. she's not very good with herbology, every plant she touches seems to age a bit too fast. She's very good with flying ! Maybe a bit too risky. She's beater in the quidditch team ! She's animagus. A ram ! She loves it (and she swears she heard a laugh in the back of her head and she knows that was the lady with ram horns and rust red lips even if she never heard her laughter)

Tavros is a pureblood who grew in a magic town. He was kinda bullied because his family somehow got fairy blood - that's why his father got wings (Summoner is proud of his wings and doesn't see how having fairy blood makes you feminine). He had a disease who got him paralyzed. The Zahhaks built him a sort of magic-mechanic thing who helped him to walk but he still has to use his wheelchair sometimes. He can control animals and talk to them (he can't control people who are part animal and creatures who are sentient but he can talk to them). His father says it comes from the fairy blood. Despise being kinda bullied because being part fairy is "girly" he's still proud of his fairy blood like his father taught him ! (also it's hard to think that being part fairy is girly when your father is the Summoner). I'm so torn between hufflepuf and gryffindor for him... Nah gryffindor (like Neville you know). Gryffindor helps him to be more brave you know ? He's also the absolute best in care of magical creatures (of fucking course).

Sollux is a slytherin. His blood status (as well as his sibling's) is kinda undetermined since he got three parents. He's not a muggle born for sure. Honestly he doesn't care if he's a half-blood or a pureblood. He's kinda pissed to not have inherited of his dad's parlestongue because he likes snakes but eh. He's a absolute genius with computers and he HATES how computers doesn't work at hogwarts. He's trying to make a magic-proof one (spoiler it'll explode and more spoiler Karkat Nepeta and him will be too close and will get their eyebrows burned). He's pretty good with potions but he's better with transfiguration. Arithmancy is like his favorite class (it's easy for him and he's kinda in competition with Jade). Surprisingly he flies pretty well but he hates broomsticks. Like. Blurgh. He's animagus and guess what he's a bee. Karkat and Nepeta made fun of him endlessly but it's actually quite useful. He likes it. He's not bipolar like his dad but he got some pretty bad mood swings. Honestly he wanted to go to hufflepuf because they're yellow. He likes yellow. The fact that everyone took like two years to figure out that him, Nepeta and Karkat were triplets was absolutely hilarious to him. Like. They have the same birthday and the same parents how did they not understood once they figured out that they were related ? (he knows they don't look alike but seriously) he's one of the only persons to know about Karkat's secret obviously. This tsundere won't admit he loves his siblings but Nepeta and Karkat are on top of his "things I love the most" list.

Nepeta is a gryffindor. She got a limited form of metamorphmagi (?) mixed with her animagus form (she's a cat of course) she can manifest only a part of her animagus form, like the tail and ears or the claws. But she can't do what a normal metamorphmagus can do. She can fully turn into a cat of course. She keeps the ears and tail more or less always. A lot of people think someone cursed her to be part cat. She's really fucking strong : she learned martial art (more specifically taekwondo and aïkido) and parkour. She knows that most of the wizards are physically weak and that without their wand they're usually kinda useless. She's not really powerful magically speaking. More average but she doesn't mind. She's good in care of magical creatures and transfiguration. She absolutely hates flying. Like she's not afraid of heights but if she was made to fly her animagus form would be a bird not a cat ! She's Equius' best friend and nobody understands how they became friends (then again, nobody understands how the whole group became friends). She likes to ship people and they usually come to her (or Karkat) for romantic advice. She wants to be like her mother because she's so cool. She loves listening to his dad's stories about their past lives and she tries to understand her other dad's thing with computers but honestly the only thing she can do with a computer is an explosion. She likes to go to the forbidden forest to fight some dangerous creatures. She LOVES her brothers so much you wouldn't believe it. One of her favorite thing is the faces people do when they discover that they are triplets. It's priceless.

Karkat is a hufflepuf. To everyone's surprise. Like... He does works hard but friendly ? Him ? (when you tell that to his friends they laugh because Karkat, not friendly ? lmao dude he's the mom friend™) he inherited of his dad's ability to talk to snakes. He think it's completely useless and also he doesn't talk about it because ~discrimination~ he doesn't want to be seen as a dark wizard (he sucks at Dark magic anyways). He also has a weird thing with his blood : his blood is kinda like a soothing soporific ? Like, he can calm people by contact and when someone touch his blood they sleep. Nobody knows why is blood is like this (although Signless muttered something about candy red and a mutation). He keeps it secret (obviously his family knows) because honestly he doesn't want to be a test subject for the Department of mysteries. It's actually super useful when Sollux or his Dads are in lack of sleep - one drop of blood and bam they're asleep. Ironically, he's insomniac - he's obviously immune to the soporific effects of his blood. So he's a hufflepuf like Dave and some others and maybe he has a little crush on Dave. Ok it's not a crush he's in love but still a bit in denial. He likes potions and charms and alchemy and he's quite good. He also likes DADA but despite it he's not really good. He thinks Divination and Muggle studies are bullshit (but he regrets to not have been here to see Rose destroying the teacher). At first he took muggle studies to see if it was as awful as his dad told him - nope. It's worse. He absolutely, fully, from the bottom of his soul, HATES flying. He's actually one of the best students (not as good as Jade or Sollux but eh). First years are always afraid of him at first because he's always grumpy and angry and loud but the older are "lol no give it some time you'll see he's a giant teddy bear". He ends up being a sort of big brother figure for the youngers badgers. Nobody except him is surprised when he's named prefect. He's known at hogwarts to be somehow angry to everyone but also soft to everyone, all houses and years included. Everyone kinda loves him, despite *vague hand gestures to Karkat *. Some people don't like him, of course but he's not in danger : he got some powerful and protective friends. He's like one of the only persons who did not get lost in the castle. Like not even one time.

Kanaya is also a hufflepuf. She's a kind of cousin to the Captor-Vantas-Leijon since Dolorosa, her ancestor, adopted Signless. She's not a vampire like her ancestor (yet. She'll be at like 25. Don't want her to be 13 firvever after all). She's absolutely feared by everyone but nobody knows why. Like she's not really threatening ? She's really nice and pretty and always helping people. But she's still feared. Pure mystery. She likes to do handmade clothes and she's obviously very good. She took study of ancient runes and she's really good. She likes to sew protective runes onto her friend's clothes (they really need it). Strangely she's absolutely terrible at charms. She's pretty good with everything, but charms ? Nope. She's the mom friend as well as Karkat. But less aggressive of course. Her blood status is just as unknown as Sollux's, Karkat's and Nepeta's (them because they have three parents and her because the only family she has is Dolorosa who is too distantly related - and Dolorosa might have forgot her own blood status. She's old after all). Of course she knew that Nepeta, Sollux and Karkat are triplets, she basically grew up with them. She has always been more close to Karkat than to Sollux and Nepeta but she likes to have tea with Nepeta and reminding Sollux to eat had become a daily habit. She's the other prefect of hufflepuf, no surprise. When she and Rose began to date, everyone was both happy for them and midly terrified. Because they both pretty scary to begin with, so together ?? Brrr.

Terezi's a muggleborn like her sister Latula. She's been raised in the magic world. When she learned about dragons she went absolutely apeshit. She wants one, it's like one of her big goals >:] also she's a Slytherin. She's still blind but it was from birth. She has extreme synesthesia, an actual blind cane and some magic detection abilities. She's fine and is actually one of the few people who can find their way through the castle. She wants to be the head of the Justice department ! She's already D34L1NG W1TH TH3 1NJUST1C3S at hogwarts. Usually the culprits ends on the infirmary. She's maybe a bit too violent, but she's fair. She is surprisingly good at flying (better than Nepeta, Karkat and Feferi, even if that's not difficult) : she says that's because she was a dragon in her past life (Signless quietly disagreed but said that she had a strong bond with a dragon in her previous life). She's pretty good with the other classes but absolutely terrible in potions. Nobody knows if she's really that bad or if she messes it up on purpose (her failed potions always explodes). She and Vriska are absolutely the castle's terrors.

Vriska is a pureblood. The hat hesitated between gryffindor and slytherin but she ended up in slytherin. She's absolutely fascinated by acromantulas. She's also extremely disappointed that she cannot be a pirate (she fully intends to take over her mom's criminal network). She's good with potions, particularly the mind-controlling ones (*badum tsss*). She's also good with DADA and transfiguration, in her own way : everything she does in transfiguration class ends looking like a spider.

Equius is a ravenclaw. He grew up in a pureblood family (see Darkleer's part for more details) and kept some pureblood manners. He likes to build magic objects and is absolutely fascinated by muggle technology (and also ashamed bc muggle technology). He's the most discreet person in the whole castle. This boy is tall and buff and always carries metal things, but somehow he's like hidden in the shadows. He's not very good in magic but that's because he always breaks his wand :( he'd trying to learn wandless magic (that's how it's called righ ?) so he can avoid to buy a wand every week. This also happens with broomsticks - he's been definitely banned from flying class after breaking five broomsticks. He loves his house, they're all pretty calm (with a few exceptions) and they don't seem to mind his awkwardness. When he discovered that Sollux and Karkat were Nepeta's triplets, his brain exploded (they're so differents - both mentally and physically. He tought that Nepeta had a crush on Karkat because she was always hugging him. Nope she's just a very affectionate sister and Karkat loves hugs even if he won't admit it).

Eridan is a hufflepuf and he's very disappointed. He wanted to be in slytherin because he kinda got the mentality "pureblood = slytherin, hufflepuf = lame". But well hufflepuf he is. He'll find out later that his house is actually great and full of nice people who support him :) he's pretty good in DADA (his expelliarmus is mortal *badum tsss*) and good with water spells (*badum tsss x2*). He can fly but only because he had hours of training (if he hadn't he would be just as bad as Karkat, Nepeta and Feferi). His dad adopted Feferi when Eridan was like two. He had a crush on her for five years then realized that being her best friend was better (listen I want them to be happy and without major relationship drama). He's animagus but nobody knows except Feferi and Karkat (and that's becayse Karkat saw him on his animagus form by accident) he hides it because he's a seahorse (*badum tsss x3*) and he thinks it's lame and people will make fun of him but he enjoys being able to breathe underwater so... He's that kind of wizard who claims that muggle are disgusting but actually hides muggle books under his bed.

Feferi is technically a pureblood since Eridan's dad adopted her but her mother is actually the Selkies queen (yes I'm talking about the Condesce) and her father is a unknown wizard. Since she's not fully selkie she doesn't have the turn-into-a-seal thing but she can still breathe under water and swim really fast. She's a Slytherin (Eridan was jealous at first). She's just as bad with flying as Karkat and Nepeta - she's afraid of heights. She's a pretty good student but she's especially good in herbology. Like Eridan she's good with water spells (*badum tsss x4*). She's pretty ambitious (that's why she's in slytherin) : she wants to be the Minister. To change the magic world ! But like in a good sense. She wants to introduce muggle technology into the wizard world ! That far she gained the support of the Captor-Vantas-Leijon family (especially Psiioniic, who works in the muggle side with computers and Signless who knows a lot about muggle things) and Jade (come on she's a scientist). She's very determined >:)

So much for having no ideas... I wanted to do the Beta kids but this post is already long enough. Lets' just say that Jane is in slytherin, Jake in Gryffindor and Dirk and Roxy in ravenclaw. Thanks to @cornusblr ;) you kinda helped me I think you'll recognize some things.

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ask-the-party-god · 4 years

Text

Ask The Party God - Timeline

hi hi! as i mentioned earlier, i wanted to talk about my specific timeline so you guys are more or less aware of my situation when sending asks! thats me up there! the best doggy girl around ;o

as far as i am aware, theres not much of a difference between mine and... other timelines as far as the game goes! we beat sburb, we arrived to earth-c, we settled down, you know! the usual! i have my tower on a nice island, but its so far away from everything i barely go there, its... lonely!

i have a smaller house in the troll kingdom though! its a bit on the outskirts and like ten minutes away from dave and karkats, but i still crash at theirs or roses or roxys or johns way more often... X) its pretty standard all things considered, but i do have a bit of a basement lab to mess around with some side-projects of mine!

that aside... lets see...

thats john! my lovely ecto-bro! :D hes been a bit down in the dumps for a while so i try to cheer him up and keep him company <3 he lives in the outskirts of the human kingdom bordering with the consort kingdom, in a little mixed village... recently hes started to grow his hair out a bit too! i swear its just laziness so he doesnt have to take care of that messy mane, but i do think itd look cuter longer sooo...

he doesn’t... do much, which is why i have been trying to cheer him up and be around lately! he’s a bit more active at least and talks with the others, but i do wanna encourage him more >:/

5/8/20 edit: thats june egbert, my adorable ecto-sis whom i adore so so so so very much!!! weve been hanging out a bunch since her latest birthday!

shes been doing a lot better! more energetic, more open about the things that worry her... i only wish her the best of the best for the future, and im sure well be having lots of fun together from now on! :D

of course theres dave and karkat!!! they live together in the troll kingdom and have the moooost adorable domestic life i have ever seen, swoooon~ that being said theyre two awkward bottoms that couldnt realize their feelings even if they wrote a heartfelt love letter to each other and read it aloud, soooo its a... work in progress! i have tried nudging things along but thats an even worker in progresser, whoops

they also dont do much other than laze about most of the time, but dave has some creative side-projects with music and art that he shows me from time to time!

rose and kanaya maryam-lalonde!!! two absolutely lovely ladies whom i looove very very much! ;o their place is at the carapace kingdom, but kanaya spends a good deal of time in the brooding caverns as the matriarch of the troll race! i helped them install a transportalizer to speed things up so they have more time for each other, if you catch my drift ;)

about a year ago or so, rose got really sick for a short while, but she recovered and has been her usual lovely self since! since that scare though, they have been considering the idea of expanding their family! they could adopt of course, but they wanna try other stuff first! i occasionally help kanaya at the caverns with ectobiology machinery trying to find a way to properly mix troll and human genes, but its not exactly... easy

those are jane and jasprose! janes technically my mom but ive always seen her as a sort of cousin! we dont chat much but shes not bad! jasproses... well, you know! a wild kitty girl that knows how to have fun, hehehe, i hang out with her far more than my doggy alignment would have you know! ;o

a while back jane seemed pretty serious about running for office, and maybe because rose was in a bad spot or something, but jasprose started to pop up more and more often in public, and specifically messi around with jane? eventually she seemed to just lose interest in politics entirely and, while they havent said anything officially, i heard the cheshire cutie pops over by janes way too often to be just friendly visits ;o

roxy and callie!!! both of them came as non-binary around the same time, probably after talking it out for a while! hehe, rox has got that strider style going, and callie has been wearing their old wig more often in public! roxy and i have been messing around with their old lab equipment trying to give callie a fun surprise, but as it turns out messing around with basic biology with tech made to be used by 13 years old requires a looooot of tinkering... maybe some time?

i love them a bunch! theyre not really together i dont think so? but im pretty sure theyre more than just good friends that live together! im pretty sure callies still experimenting with identity and labels so, i wont pry really!

two cool dudes~ jake and dirk are nice, dirks a bit shy but ive gotten him to open up about robotics and we talk from time to time! jakes pretty much like jane, i pretty much see him as my cousin! we go hiking around from time to time in the weekends im not busy doing other stuff! :B

dirk got really concerned about rose when she had her episode, but dave helped him keep his cool about whatever was going down, and they hang out about once a month or so! also i was never sure whether dirk and jake USED to be dating or are STILL dating or whatever but, hey, much like with rox and callie, im not gonna pry!

tereziiiii :( shes away from earth-c plundering the corpse of paradox space! we barely see her but we keep in contact and send her supplies out into the furthest ring!

we worried for a bit that she was focusing too much on vriska and harming herself being out there, we kind of made it work in the end! some of our other friends are still out there and theres the possibility of finding some weird remnant of a timeline or something, so she keeps watch in case she can guide someone still living or trapped back to safety... and in the meantime she keeps watch for vriska, too, of course- ugh, i sorta just wish she got back already, im sure her being around would also encourage john to be more active! but as long as shes safe...

davepeta!!! the coolest cat around B) ive not... seen them in person since our little encounter near the green sun, but, terezi bumped into them a while back and sent a selfie! i dunno what theyre doing out there, but they mentioned about popping by earth-c eventually, sooooo, weve been holding onto a welcome celebration for a few months now!

and i think thats all? uuuh, if i can think of anything else i will add it, and you guys can ask me anything that wasnt clear or to elaborate on other stuff! hope this gives all of you a better picture of whats been going on in my life! :p

#homestuck #jade harley #ask blog #party god #my art #timeline shenanigans

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

Text

Time to read hs^2′s third non-bonus update! I have not had a single portion of an image spoiled this time, and have no damn idea what it’s about. Not even any asks in my inbox. Will we have more of Ghostflusters, maybe a reason Jane didn’t know he was gone even when he supposedly received divorce papers? A cut back to the good guys in pursuit of Dirk and crew? Will Jade be a black-eyed zombie, or finally fucking awake like she deserves to be???

Let’s find out!

Oh god damn everything, please no. ==>

...Oh!

Oh that’s MUCH better than it could’ve been! We’re still in Candyverse, but cutting over to the Vriskas’ perspectives. So that on the right would be the “mostly identical” Vriska who Rose and Kanaya raised, and the aforementioned logistics are just dealing with a dead clown body (that hopefully isn’t being refrigerated in the unseen spot Dirk was hiding from Terezi on their ship).

Kid Vriska looks pretty cool! A fair bit Aranea-y, with that collar feeling like a nice hint of the Pagey version of her who originally earned the (Vriska) title.

(Vriska) pockets John’s phone before she can worry too much about waiting for a reply from Terezi.

Right, stolen phone... an anon in my inbox pointed out that Vriska “has a direct line out to Terezi” because of it, but I didn’t take it that seriously because I thought it wouldn’t come into play at all later. Guess I was wrong, with the narrative taking the trouble to point it out-- especially considering that whatever she said, she EXPECTS a possible reply.

Other than some fun banter, I can’t figure out where this particular upd8 is going.

> (==>)

Oh that is a smug, self-satisfied Vriska look if I ever saw one. (Vriska) over here is still dust under her heels, isn’t she?

VRISKA: If you want to keep Hanging Out, I mean. Which I assume you Do.

Holy shit, she’s throwing a bit of Kanaya Caps in her language. That’s SUPER adorable. That was probably in Candy too and I just forgot about it.

VRISKA: So, Nickname me, 8itch. And make it Cute.

Huh! You don’t stake too much on your name, then?

> (==>)

Vrissy! That’s surprisingly genial of you, it’s pretty damn good.

VRISSY: So now that we have that locked down, what’s First on the list of Awesome Shit we’re gonna do Together?

Oh no. No, no Vrissy, you’re gonna be disappointed. :(

VRISSY: I told you already, I don’t ever get up to Anything nearly as Interesting as you did. VRISKA: Till now ;;;;) VRISSY: Heh. Yeah.

...yeah, FUCK. Vrissy is gonna get used and thrown away so fucking hard. The slightest ounce of hero worship thrown Vriska’s way is an ounce that’s gonna get exploited to hell and back.

I suppose from here we’re going into the rebellion, aren’t we? I hope badass eyepatch Karkat doesn’t look too silly in this art style.

> (==>)

God, this art style is so CLEAN and makes her look so ADORABLE.

--ah, okay. We’re gonna see how the dynamic between Vrissy and human Kid-Tavros works. Hope this won’t be too painful. Besides, like... the kind of hilarious starting-pain that she’s asking HIM to help take care of a dead body.

VRISSY: That was Tavros. He’s on his way.

Oh man, Vriska didn’t know. :D

> (==>)

Huh! That’s a more thoughtful expression than I was expecting.

VRISKA: Unless he’ll rat us out to his mom???????? VRISSY: Nah. He’ll get too much of a Kick out of seeing this dead Piece of Shit, don’t Worry.

Oh man. Tavros’ll probably just be sad or freaked out a bit, but what I wouldn’t give for our first look at him to be him dancing on this clown’s grave.

> (==>)

Vrissy hates that ostentatious prick-mobile, mostly because it is not her ostentatious prick-mobile.

Heheheh.

Hm? “Actual spy shit”, other than hiding a body? Did you have some bigger anti-Crocker stuff in mind, Vrissy?

> (==>)

Oh Jiminy Christmas!!! You’re the spitting image of your parents! And, like... perfectly visually suited to induce Vriska-macking, unwanted or otherwise.

> (==>)

TAVROS: These are normal things you expect to happen, when you are picking up your kismesis and her,,,, ah,,, new friends,

Oh right, that’s the relationship. More that I forgot from Candy.

VRISSY: Who is VERY Cool and Sexy with her Eyepatch--

--remind me again why Vriska has an eyepatch? Something in the Lord English fight, a stray shard of universe fabric inflicting more random meaningful damage? *Looks it up.* Oh huh, so THAT was the vague damage to her head she played off-- the shard literally got her eye and she refused to admit it to herself or the narrative. I was wondering about that weird damage back when I read it, but never inferred the answer. And did she put the eyepatch on when she landed in Candy? *Looks that up* Wait, no, it couldn’t have hit her eye. From Candy:

Vriska’s face snaps up, eyes blazing. Eyes. Actual eyes, with expression, color, pupils, and everything.

[...] There’s a bleeding gash on her head and something lodged in her chest.

Okay, fuck. Then whence the fucking eyepatch? *Keeps skimming Candy...*

(VRISKA): The 8attle was hitting its clim8x when I got hit in the head with... with...

(Vriska) paws at her head wound, fingers numb and vision blurry.

(VRISKA): Wh8tever the fuck it was that hit me in the head!

Hmm?

JOHN: do you wanna see a doctor for that or something? (VRISKA): No!!!!!!!! (VRISKA): I w8nt to know what the fuck is GOING ON!!!!!!!!

Hmmmm..... *Keeeeps reading...*

Dammit, that’s all there is. So this is an inference either Andrew intended or the other authors/artists did from the tail end of all that -- Vriska either took head damage that deprived her of sight in that eye, made it more light-sensitive/blurry, OR that eyepatch is essentially a makeshift bandage over the bleeding parts. (Which might remain medically necessary, or she might just keep wearing for style points.) Hmm.

I’m mostly just relieved that whoever’s helping write HS^2 didn’t fuck up. Okay, that’s enough Candy-digging, back to the story now:

After a few beats, he propels himself off the car like a swimmer at the sound of a gun, his body plunging in a graceful arc toward his goal.

Huh? I mean, good execution, very Jake, but... huh? Is someone gonna get clobbered? Vrissy? The corpse?

> (==>)

Ooh, the corpse! Yes!!! Kick that corpse.

Why did the head honk? Hopefully this stays a corpse. (I’m surprised his strikes are as weak as the narrative’s saying; even if he’s really Tavros-natured, he’s still the son of two of the strongest, fisticuff-iest players. Kind of a rebellion against his parents both, then?)

> (==>)

--unrelated, I just saw the Bonus blinking with Catnapped Part 2. Guess I won’t be finished once I’ve covered this, just yet.

VRISKA: I am in no place to 8egrudge a man his cathartic ass-kicking moment, but that was a loud fucking scream. VRISSY: No kidding. My ears are STILL ringing from your 8ig attempt at breaking the sound 8arrier.

Y’all are ones to talk, I just reread the part of Candy where you two found Vriska fucking Gamzee.

> (==>)

Please don’t move, clown. Stay the fuck dead, please?

> (==>)

Calm down, Tav, you’ve got this.

> (==>)

Nice suspenders.

> (==>)

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAA WHO IS THIS AGAIN IS THIS HARRY OR SOMETHING IS THIS JOHN AND ROXY’S ASSHOLE KID

--sorry I got overexcited because I clicked next and saw that hair spiral aaaa.

...I hope it isn’t a DIFFERENT kid of theirs that I somehow forgot exists or such. That’d be embarrassing. This guy/girl/person looks infuriatingly suave, also.

> (==>)

YOU’RE SO CUTE IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.

--Yep, dialogue confirms it’s Harry Anderson.

Heh, he’s pulling an Early Acts John and not believing a word of it, but playing along.

There is no possible way that this stuff Vrissy is saying isn’t horeseshit, but he is not about to crack.

--just wanna point out the probably-typo before they fix it.

Ah, bringing it there. Good luck, Harry.

> (==>)

Oh, that was fast.

> (==>)

...That’s what you get for relying on Harry.

> (==>)

VRISKA: We can just dump it in the inciner8or. That’s pro8a8ly what his plan was to 8egin with. VRISSY: The what???????? VRISKA: The inciner8or. Like, for 8odies?? VRISSY: At SCHOOL???????? VRISKA: Yes? TAVROS: It is somewhat pleasant to be reminded,,, in my darker moments,,,, that the grass is not really ever greener on Alternia,

No comment, this is just pretty hilarious.

I still keep revisiting how easily Vrissy gave up her given name, here. As if she feels like her real name ought to be associated with the hero instead of her, in a kind of... lowkey low self-esteem way.

VRISSY: I should have known he was fucking with us. VRISSY: GOD he is such a Stupid 8astard.

--Well, they know each other well enough.

Hm. Does Vriska think they can just kill any human kids they run into?

> (==>)

...GOSH, Vrissy is stupid adorable. And like, shockingly chill, in general.

> (==>)

Huh. Vrissy, are you chickening out on an adventure because you’re afraid you’ll get caught? ...well, good for you, honestly! Not that I think it’ll last.

...yup, there she goes after ‘em.

> (==>)

I think you’re still going to fuck up, Vriska.

> (==>)

None of them know where they are going, but Vriska is leading the way, hunched and purposeful

I guess none of this is surprising, really.

Is Jane going to, like... hear about the corpse found in a human school’s basement and blame the rebellion some more somehow? Not that it matters, I guess.

There is something incredibly reassuring, Tavros thinks, about someone who has absolute outward confidence in themselves.

(There’d better not be any relationship conflict involving Vriska upcoming in the future. BETTER not.)

> (==>)

Gamzee managing to fuck everything up even when he’s dead.

> (==>)

VRISKA: No, he’s right, I was going to count to eight.

Hah.

> (==>)

Are they gonna end up dumping him at Harry’s feet?

Nice way to force him out of school and into the rebellion, that.

> (==>)

VRISSY: Keep looking for Harry Anderson. He’s In The Shit with us now, whether he likes it or not.

Guess so! Fair enough.

> (==>)

oh no

(I also understand why I haven’t gotten any asks about this upd8 yet. This is mostly just character (re-)introductions and hijinks. Totally up for some Harry, Vriska, Vrissy and Tavros adventures now that I can actually SEE them, it really adds a lot.)

> (==>)

And there it goes. Slide into Harry’s classroom on the waterslick maybe?

> (==>)

The human students, trained to respond to a fire drill with speed and enthusiasm for missed class time, are out in the hall in a matter of seconds.

Oh, the worst possible outcome. :D

> (==>)

Shit, they’re all on camera. Nice job, Vriska! Welcome to Earth.

> (==>)

Oh my fucking GOD, this image. Vriska is LOVING the chaos!!! She doesn’t even care!

VRISKA: I thought this planet was gonna be a snoozefest desert devoid of 8oth agency and fun, but I am honestly having a gr8 time.

Pfff. I should’ve known. She just cares about being where the Action Is, as Aradia put it at the end of Meat.

> (==>)

She sees it, and she can’t breathe. Her lover, her confidante, her clown of many years, being desecrated by a bunch of treasonous monsters.

You threw him out of a ship.

Yeah, of course she draws that conclusion. Everything and everyone is either with her or against her, after all.

> (==>)

--Wait, you didn’t even know Tavros was missing until that moment???

So did the lawyers send the divorce papers on their own, or did the authors really just forget?

> (==>)

Your John is showing SO hard, Harry.

> (==>)

Congratulations!

> (==>)

Yep!

> (==>)

HARRY ANDERSON: oh fuck

*slow clap*

I’ll cover Catnapped 2 in a bit, though circumspectly as it’s a paid bonus. See y’all!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers

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twitchesandstitches · 5 years

Text

Commission for @alt-hammer of a Karkat/Terezi/Nepeta polyamory romance set on an AU where the trolls live on Earth and, after a year away, have returned to Karkat for a sleepover whle moving into his place and got STACKED

----

The photo lurked in a crowd of other pictures, of varying sizes; some were pretty much the same size as it, and others were a lot bigger. Still others towered over it like a very sweet tiger over a kitten, making the little photo look ridiculously tiny.

There was probably a pretty good metaphor in that, wagered Karkat Vantas.

The photo he was staring at was the absolute oldest one, taken by the Parent Trio themselves; he, Nepeta and Terezi had barely been more than larval wrigglers there, hardly popped out of their cocoons and still poking at the humans for the exotic thrill of it. He was a bit stunned by how small Nepeta and Terezi were in this one; they were barely any taller than him, Nepeta wiry, Terezi very stout, and with Karkat’s more feminine build, and the way they had always been sat Vantas-Leijon-Pyrope, there was also a sliding scale of ‘round to pointy’ horn shape. A bit inverted for body shape, but whatever.

He followed the trail of photos taken over the years. They always sat in the same way, but always kind of teasing; Nepeta bonking Karkat with her horns while Terezi had him in a headlock, for example, back when they were in middle school with their human friends. The photo passed; so did the years, and there was a common theme there. Terezi and Nepeta got bigger, and Karkat did not; circa the college years, he was sitting upon their thighs just to be in frame with them, and their large bustlines pressing into his back in a way that was very distracting and they were totally doing on purpose.

He tried not to crack a grin at the memory.

Finally he looked down at the photo in his hands, taken just that morning to celebrate Nepeta and Terezi moving in after a year away from home, establishing their careers and incidentally hitting their full adult growth, and taking their respective careers of intrepid zoologist and internal affairs agent by storm. He’d been living a pretty ordinary life, by all accounts, in technical assistance calls. Even before they left for that fateful year, and they had to continue their relationship mainly via video calls, he wondered why they stuck with him.

(‘It’s nice to come home and know it’ll always be there, nice and safe,” Terezi had said once, before kissing him on the cheek. Usually that was for teasing, but he supposed this time it meant something special.)

Karkat selected a special place of honor for the photo and placed it where it would loom over all the others, like the girls did to him. Right behind the other photos, plainly visible and the new glass still shiny on it.

On the photo, Karkat was doing his best to look stern and serious; hard to do, sitting on a chair that made you look tiny, just to get into frame. The two women were next to him, sitting in a way that accidentally (and he had doubts about it being an accident) pressed their door-breaking hips right into him; both their hips had to be almost wider than he was tall! They were a lot bigger than him, more than twice his size, and while he was small for a troll, he was still bigger than a human; they would have towered over any of the beings native to their adopted world, and even over other trolls.

In the photo, he looked kind of stunned. Kind of funny, looking it at from this angle, but he still remembered the weight of them pressing against him from both his sides and above; the sense of mass like their personal space included him too, how their bustlines had grown so large he couldn’t look them in the face if he got too close. That his horns were about level with their waists. They were just so damn big.

Their hugs were a lot more fun, though.

Nepeta, in the photo, was grinning; her thick lips framed an open smile as she hugged Karkat with one wiry arm. Shaped rather like an hourglass (huge boobs, small waist, huge hips, all corded with muscle), she was at least nine feet tall, her breasts bigger than her head and filling out the lab safe gear she was wearing. She’d still just come off her shift at the biology labs for this photo. A long tail, covered in the same thick and fluffy proto-fur as the cropped hair hanging over her face, curled around both Karkat and Terezi.

Oh boy. Terezi; he blushed at the memory. She looked too big to even fit into the frame, a big and… motherly looking troll, like a personification of the very idea of the Hot Mom everyone had a crush on. Big all over; massive boobs, a soft and plump gut hanging over her belt line, absolutely massive hips, huge thighs wider than Karkat’s whole body, and she was even taller than Nepeta to boot, at least a full head-and-shoulders more. Even sitting down, cackling up a storm and doing the neat trick of giving Karkat noogies but being a sweetie about it, she emanated a weird charisma. The tightly pressed and professional business suit of a lawyer she wore (the cleavage cut low, not because she wanted to but her boobs were just so big that low cuts popped in) seemed incongruous.

Appearances were deceptive. Terezi Pyrope and Nepeta Leijon were by far some of the most skilled, competent and smart people in the whole world, and he was still a little offended on their behalf that they wanted to spend their lives with him.

He knew them well; Karkat had been dating the two of them ever since high school; technically middle school, if you believed their parent’s interpretation of things. Multi-person relationships were not so uncommon these days, especially among trolls, and definitely after the discory of ancient troll artifacts depicting cultural touchstones of their unknown homeworld from before they had ever come to Earth; the translated notions of pansexual relationships based on different sorts of interpersonal dynamics had been an interesting one, and the discovery of it had put Aradia’s mom, Damara Sr., right in the spotlight.

She was a generous lady, bankrolling Terezi and Nepeta’s education like she had, and they had really gone places in but one year. To the law circuits, to the most prestigious laboratories in the world… and he’d been with them all the time, dating mostly by distance, over video call and e-mail, but they’d all been loyal to each other even as fame seekers came calling to earn their favors.

‘Terezi and Nep have got weird taste,’ Karkat concluded. Those two women had turned down some big stars, sticking with him. He was just the guy who kept the house for them to come home to, or so he’d thought of himself.

There was a soft motion from behind him, a sense of air being moved, and he didn’t even have to look around to know that Nepeta was standing nearby now, her tail swishing gently. He turned to face her and instantly blushed, staring back at the ground.

Nepeta’s boobs… were so… BIG. Where was her face at!? Where am I supposed to look… oh damn, that is BIG… don’t look, don’t look! BE A GENTLEMAN, YOU DENSE VAGABOND.

“Aw,” Nepeta cooed, perfectly aware of what he was thinking, and she moved over to him, bouncing enthusiastically all the while. “Come here!” She scooped him into a hug; he squeaked as he was lifted off the ground, against a much cooler body and then a lot of softness that he sank into, like a big and slightly sloshy bed. He nearly vanished into her cleavage as she hugged him, purring rumbling all around him.

And then, she kissed him on the forehead, holding him up higher to do that.

She put him down. Karkat wobbled faintly. “Are you going to keep doing that every time you see me now…?” He said weakly.

Nepeta nodded firmly. “I have to make up for lost time. I haven’t been around you for too long! Me and Terezi promised!”

Karkat felt his heart skip several beats at the thought. He felt warm and fuzzy, thinking about it. He was just a solid romantic.

But, to buisness. “Okay, we got everything ready for our official first night together as a… uh. Proper romance trio?”

Nepeta frowned. “I don’t know.” She turned her head and yelled, “TEREZI!”

“WHAT?!” Another voice bellowed from elsewhere.

“DO WE HAVE ALL THE STUFF WE NEED!?”

“I DUNNO! BRING IT HERE! MIGHT AS WELL GET EVERYTHING READY!”

Karkat nodded with a grim purpose totally inappropriate to the situation. “IT WILL BE DONE!”

“COOL, THANKS!” Terezi said. “I’LL BE DOWN, GIMME A SECOND!”

“WAIT, YOU DON’T NEED TO-” There was a loud stomping noise, as if of stars taking a very curvaceous weight they were not built for. Karkat groaned. “Never mind…”

Nepeta’s mouth worked, calculating the damages likely to ensue. As she did, her horns gouged right into the ceiling; she was just too tall for it otherwise. “Oops…!”

“Never mind! Gotta renovate this place anyhow.”

“I’m sorry!” Nepeta said anyway. “I don’t want to ruin your house! Our house! Um. Sorry!”

“...Eh. Place has been empty for a while; it’s mostly just been me here.” He froze up. He had talked about a lot of things to Nepeta and Terezi since they left and he’d stayed behind, but he’d never quite found a way to put into words the numbing sense of isolation.

He had missed Nepeta’s bone-crushing hugs, the way Terezi threw an arm around his shoulder and crushed his body to her own ithat wasn’t quite bullying. He missed their voices on the air, the sound of them singing off-key to drown out an especially annoying commercial.

(“Come on!” they’d yelled, years ago, when they had been small; Karkat had been slightly smaller, but they had been just as tiny as him, three rambunctious gremlins, their horns like a sliding scale of round to pointy.

He’d wandered over, grumpy and pouting, but he bellowed louder than either of them, and they picked up the song with him, discordant and screeching until Dad Vantas came down and promptly joined. Then he headbutted the TV and dared the kids to do the same.

He still remembered how cool Terezi and Nepeta’s hands felt on his hot blooded arms.)

“Having to get repairs done is totally worth have you guys here, full time,” he said, straying back into his usual persona.

Nepeta gave him a very knowing look that calmly indicated she wasn’t buying into his deceptions, and she smiled. “Sorry anyway. Look… I got some meat pies for us earlier. Let’s bring them up.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Karkat dropped to all fours and galloped into the kitchen, the bulk of Nepeta right behind him. She paused at the entrance and he gamely ignored the severely wrecked doorframe and the spaces that had apparently been carved out for some distinctly curvy frames much too large to fit into a Vantas-sized doorway. He walked past a trailer of crumbled plaster and glanced up to the ceiling. There was an impact point, as if of an unwary head boink-ing into the ceiling, and two wavering tears right into it, apparently scooped right out with easy force, and they went all the way to the table… and another pair going back out. They were pretty wide and, he was sure, a perfect match for Nepeta’s slightly concave horns.

He pretended it wasn’t there. No reason to make her sad.

Even so, he went to the closet and got out a little cleaning robot he’d gotten Dave to design into a crab-like shape. It swore in a very creative mash of randomized pretentious insults and obscure slang; that would have been Sollux’s part of the gift. He sent it to clean up the mess and went to get the pies.

He tried, at least. The table was built to his specifications (a little bigger than an average human, but smaller than most trolls), but the specially woven basket was almost wider around than the tables entire diameter. Filled to the brim with enormous pies that had to weigh a couple dozen pounds each, stuffed with juicy meats and savory sauces, each one nearly as big across as Karkat’s torso and promised to feed an entire family for a week. They’d probably make mouthfuls for Nepeta and Terezi, though.

“This is just a few pies, huh!?” He said, grumpily.

Nepeta grinne and patted one huge hip. “A growing girl needs lots of food to build up!”

“That’s the excuse you’re going for?”

“Yep!”

There was a loud stomping behind him, at the newly expanded doorway to the kitchen. It was both an announcement, declaration of intent to enter, and lurking beneath that, a quieter invitation.

It was a very layered noise, but that was just Terezi Pyrope all over.

Karkat turned and looked up, and up, and up some more, at an absolutely enormous teal-blood troll woman. He’d been vaguely aware that the two loves of his life had kept growing when he had just sort of petered out, and that puberty was a gift for them that never stopped giving, but it had been one thing to get a vague idea of on video call. It was totally different to see their full enormity in person.

Terezi didn’t so much move as swagger, and her hips suited a motion like that; they were so wide, testaments to absurd fertility, that she couldn’t even fit them into the doorway, and she was too tall to fit anyway. She ducked down, swinging one hip in and then the other in a surprisingly quick jerk. Her breasts heaved, pinching against the doorway, just too big to fit through so they were pushed together, as if by a rather mean-spirited push up bra. Terezi grunted with effort, heaving and struggling, her broad shoulders flexing…

Nepeta winced, covering her ears in expectation of an architectural problem. Karkat avoided further stress and just blurted out, “Oh, hell with it, just smash through!”

Terezi did so. A lot of plaster rained down, and a bit of framework crumbled around her waist as she stood up, and bonked her head into the ceiling just like Nepeta apparently had earlier. “Ow!” She ducked down again, too tall for this room. “Stupid low ceilings…” Karkat grimaced at her, and Terezi verbally backpedaled. “Uh, it’s a good low ceiling though… yeah. Your ancestors should be proud. ...I think?”

“Damn right!” Karkat retorted, mostly on reflex. It was a family joke that the house had been in the Vantas bloodline, in its various permutations, ever since trollkind had first come to Earth from wherever it was they’d originally come from. The archaeological evidence that pinned the earliest trolls at beng at least around six thousand years on Earth made the claim of owning this spit of land extremely unlikely, since at that point Karkat’s most distant ancestors had probably been crawling around central Asia with the semetic branch of humanity they would eventually be considered blood-brothers to, several continents away from this house.

It could be very hard to tell the difference between a running Vantas joke and a logical impossibility the family had nonetheless wired into their brains. Certainly Karkat’s father, Kankri, thought it was important to keep the joke going with a totally straight face.

Terezi grinned, but given how huge her boobs were, it was really hard to tell; they looked almost bigger than Karkat’s whole upper body, and projected out from Terezi’s torso like a cliff face, her t-shirt hanging loose from their contours. Her face, gorgeous as it was, had become a rare sight for him.

Terezi seemed to fill the entire kitchen, even though she wasn’t that big. She was too tall to comfortably walk into a human-sized room, and too wide (and too curvy, and too busty) to deal with ordinary doorways without breaking them, but the fact that she was probably around ten feet or so tall didn’t account for the sheer weight her presence had.

Terezi was charismatic; she could have been a leader of humans and trolls alike, and he’d eagerly followed the news accounts of her terrorizing corrupt court rooms and bureaucracies into shape. The terror of bribe-bought officials and authorities too eager to employ force or keep people controlled, Terezi came and swept the landscape like a dragon in a fantasy story, leaving behind ashes that she grew into a much better organization.

She put a hand on his shoulder, and leaned down enough so that her face was on level with his. Her thick lips brushed wetly against his mouth. “C’mon,” she murmured. “Let me gimme a hand.”

“Both of us!” Nepeta chided her. “We’re all in this, all three of us!”

“Yeah, that too.” Both women placed a hand on Karkat’s shoulders and gave him a pleasant squeezy touch. He almost fainted; after so many years of barely being in their presence, he was being spoiled terribly by them!

Terezi stood up, and lifted up the basket without any real sign of effort. Her arms were bulky, soft, and had no real definition, but he had felt her arms, and the muscles there put bridge cables to shame. He contemplated faking a swoon just so he could fall into her arms, but decided against it. She’d probably let him drop and then she would pick him up and tease him so bad.

Terezi winked at him. “Let’s get going,” she said, and stifled an odd sensation, as if of a little surge building up. Nepeta felt it too, but it was so minor, neither of them thought to say anything.

They did feel very hungry, though.

-----

Several hours passed as they got everything ready.

At last Karkat sat down on what was, to him, a mattress so thick and heavy that it could double as a very gradual bounce house. To Nepeta and Terezi, it was a comfortably thick mattress, sized up for their particularly sizes. It was stable enough, and steady enough, to support a little blanket, and all the food and drinks they wanted on a nearby tray. Approximately a dozen kegs worth of different fizzy drinks, bowls of snacks and tasty treats that Karkat could have slept inside.

The room was large, the ceiling newly renovated for the two ladies to actually be able to stand up in. Nepeta sat up and waved her arms excitedly, stretching her claws out. Terezi lounged on a small pile of blankets, rolling around and cooing. “Someone get a movie queued up,” she mumbled. “I’m feeling it~!”

Karkat, dwarfed by the two giant women, sat in their shadow and he examined a little agenda clipboard. He rifled through it. Food? Check. Drinking things? Check? Terezi and Nepeta? Very check. Karkat? HE poked himself, felt quite real, and he checked that off too.

Terezi rolled her eyes; presumably; she had been blind since birth. She left him too it and swallowed a meat pie whole, frowning at the rumbling in her belly. “Geez, I’m starving.”

“Me too!” Nepeta outdid her, gulping down two extremely large sandwiches at once, her jaws stretching to fit them in.

Karkat didn’t pay much attention to them begin to gorge, or their puzzled comments on why there were suddenly so hungry, and if he had he might have put two and two together. As it was, he selected a queue of movies for them to watch, all things they had seen together in the past as a kind of tribute to the good old days, and celebrating the new ones to come.

When he was done, Terezi and Nepeta were sitting upright, their guts rumbling very loudly. “Uh,” he said. “You two all right?”

Nepeta winced. “My tummy kinda hurts. And my boobs!” She gestured towards her heavy bustline. “It’s itchy!”

“Me too,” Terezi said. “This feels familiar.”

Nepeta nodded. “Yeah! I… oh. Oooohhh.”

Trolls have growth spurts. It was a biological thing. They usually grew gradually, but sometimes, a growth spurt hit all at once. It needed a lot of nutrition to fuel the growth, but once it hit, it was intense.

And intense it was; though it took not much more than about half a minute of furious biological activity, it seemed longer, and Karkat saw it for the first time in person. Terezi and Nepeta’s growth spurts had been big, he knew the results, but it didn’t prepare him for the sight of their overhanging t-shirts straining as their breasts abruptly swelled bigger, dozens of pounds of flesh growing on the spot!

“Eep!” Nepeta squeaked, trying to cup herself and failing. A few seamlines popped as her cleavage dove, the suddenly constraining fabric forcing a lot of new breast-flesh upwards. Her boy shorts creaked as well, in a way indicated her thighs had swelled so much the sides were touching even now, and her butt growing so much her shorts looked like a thong from the back!

Terezi sat back speculatively as her body grew in the same way as Nepeta’s, perhaps a bit more dramatically with how much larger she already was. Her boobs appeared to double in size! Already bigger than her head and upper torso, they expanded with some audible milky noises to be large enough to overflow right into Terezi’s lap, over her thighs, and even right onto the bed. Perfectly round, fabric creaking and t-shirt peeling away from all but the most awkward of her contours, so much boob that it was being pushed upwards into two hills of cleavage, rising higher than her eyes.

And she, and Nepeta, were still growing.

Eventually it petered off, with one particularly dramatic flounce from Terezi. She doubled over, nearly flopping right onto Karkat boob-first, nailing him underneath her. He sank into her new assets, and made an adorable squeaking noise.

“Oh, wow… this is a, a lot!” Nepeta said, examining herself. She turned to Karkat. “Are you okay!?”

“Yes,” Karkat said, ratherly muffled from all that Terezi on him.

Terezi leaned up and fell back down again, her increasingly gargantuan backside wobbling heavily in her pajama pants. They looked more like leggings now, though. “I’m okay, I’m fine! Just gimme a WHOA!” She overbalanced and flopped over, again, but this time NEpeta dove forward and pulled Karkat out of the splash zone.

Terezi did a thumbs up. “Nice work… ooh, this is gonna be an adjustment.”

“That was on purpose, wasn’t it,” Karkat said weakly, his body still tingling.

“The growth?” Terezi replied. “No. Landing on you?” She turned from her faceful of boob, grinning. “Maaay-be!”

Nepeta hugged him, and he fit very snugly into her expanded cleavage. It had to be going from her collar all the way to her ribs! Not as huge as Terezi’s upper body not being totally concealed, but still, that was big. Karkat sank in, and was quite content with that. “See? I told you we needed the nutrition!”

“Hmph!” He squeaked. “Let me go…!”

“Nuh uh. Make up for lost time, remember?”

Terezi snuggled over, with some difficulty; her new bust size was throwing off her balance too much. But she locked up with Nepeta, Karkat neatly pinned between them, and Terezi first kissed Nepeta between the horns, and then Karkat, her breasts pushing against Nepeta’s so that Karkat was lost in a world of giant girlfriend boobs.

“You’re sneaky,” he managed to say, too dazed to be more clever.

Both girls giggled as a movie started to play, and they hugged each other and their tiny boyfriend more enthusiastically.

#/#//#///#////#/////#commissions #my writing #fics #alt hammer #twitchy!homestuck #twitchy!terezi #twitchy!nepeta #twitchy!karkat #queued

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theorynexus · 4 years

Text

Double Fives are first, today-- or two together-arranged, 55, I should say.

Also, we’re at Meat 30. It would seem Jake, Karkat, and Dave are spending time together, this time.

Oh gosh... I hope Karkat wasn’t made to endure that, considering he supposedly only ever left his house once per year, even if that might be a hyperbole. @w@ His interests and Jake’s are strongly opposed on that from, it would seem. Thus, it might have been bad for deal-making, for reasons of souring Karkat’s mood; regardless, let’s see whether their other interests might align, or some non-detrimental arrangement (for Karkat, but hopefully for Jake too) might be found between them.

Ouch. On the other hand, at least Karkat seems to have (likely) become more comfortable with outward signs of his blood’s color. I doubt he would have failed to realize that it likely gives that impression, even if he originally intended it to be a sign of his closeness with Dave. He almost certainly would have semi-paranoid-ly weighed the pros and cons for his emotional well-being and/or all other consequences involved, and only come to the decision that the suit was acceptable for him to wear after deciding both connotations were acceptable.

Honestly, all things considered, Jake is very much correct. Considering the boost from all his rungs on the escheladder, there’s no way his physical capabilities should be that bad. ... Though Jake’s estimates probably would be wrong for any other sort of being that was traveling with him. I don’t think his expectations are probably all that well gauged to the individuals in his company. It’s not that I think poorly of his intelligence, mind you. It’s just that Jake can be... rather oblivious, sometimes, if memory serves.

Yeah, his judgment is totally based on his own experience. Still, though, even coated in like 5 layers of fur, Karkat shouldn’t be that worn out. At least, from a world-building perspective, this doesn’t contradict the established rule that-- oh, wait, that was ghosts changing to fit the person’s perceptions, not God Tier players’ appearances, wasn’t it? Hmmm.

Yes. Karkat’s diplomatic skills are impeccable. There is absolutely nobody that can beat this guy when it comes to maintaining good relationships and reputations among the important powers of the world--- nobody!

I would suspect that Alt!Calliope is being petty, here, but I think it’s just Karkat being so tired that his coordination has dropped a bit. (Also, this is honestly rather cute, and I appreciate the opportunity to giggle at it.)

Frack, Dave is good at bringing things up in the most awkward way possible. Also, that Karkat only estimates himself as being able to beat 99% of all humans in a “threshecution threshing match” is both quite comical and somewhat sad. ._. One Percent is a whole lot of people.

***facepalms with the greatest of groans*** SHE REALLY SHOULD FRICKING NOT!!! (Internet freedom for all!) That said: GAH, Dave, are you trying to sabotage Karkat’s chances, here? On the other hand: Maybe this propensity for blunt, careless words is one of the reasons that he decided he didn’t want to run for President, himself. If so, good on him, I guess, for knowing himself that well.

( I will say, though, that that was honestly a nice segue, despite the fact that he sortof botched the lead-up to this via his rudeness. Karkat gets a pass, though, because everyone knows he’s crude, and that’s part of the appeal.)

The real question is: Are these campaign dollars as in a certain allocated amount that is allowed for each candidate, or money which was donated to the campaign by those who support them and/or Dave/Karkat? That is a pretty important distinction, politically. Not that either will likely be addressed and/or matter directly to the outcome of the race, probably. Oh, and those adds sound incredibly silly. I am not 100% sure that they will actually in all likelihood be effective, but they sure do sound comic-(sans)-ical. On the other hand: Jake seems to be trying to mentally suppress what’s happening to him, probably due to his feelings toward Jane. Welp. :|

This is a very complicated issue, and for the sake of not offending either side, I shall choose to remain silent on the real world matter at hand, here. On the other hand, I love the way that Karkat is just like, “SHUT UP, ALREADY.” XD

Reminds me of Caliborn. Indeed, that is definitely the reason why such committees are actually put into place (other than the compelling economic reasons incentives). Doesn’t mean that they actually succeed in doing so perfectly, however. It just makes it a grey “I guess maybe they were involved,” regardless of whether the person actually suggested such adds ought go into effect or not. Buuuuut... I’m going to refrain from pushing my promised non-commentary further than that-- and only did comment with this because of its relevance to Jake’s thought process.

It seems that Karkat agrees with my assessment of this matter. Also, Alt!Calliope sure is quite sassy, compared to the grim and highly reserved person I thought she was. I wonder if it’s because she’s been watching essentially television for eons in order to properly understand humanity+maybe the trolls or whatever, or if it’s because she’s doing it on accident, as was my initial guess/impression, as related earlier in my liveblogs.

That’s not the point, Dave. The point is that, for one, it probably makes the audience think of you as irresponsible; secondly, it wastes the most precious resource in politics: the citizens’ limited attention spans; finally, it may actually make the two of you come off as being condescending and/or not having any actual idea what you’re talking about, which would be absolutely horrible for your chances, come election time. While campaigns can indeed turn around in the latter months of election season, first impressions are also very important!

That is a very interesting point/question. And very ironic for him to ask; not that Dave actually can’t be properly understood through his layers of irony-- but rather, while he does indeed have a talent for that, his other qualities obscure it so badly as to make it seem quite unremarkable and hidden. And there Dave goes again, saying “thats basically true [sic.]”. Magnificent. ***will not touch the matter of how straight-forward Dirk is***

... Man. Hopefully, this will serve as a lesson to the both of them. Jake’s reaction is so bloody on the point, though. @w@

I do honestly appreciate that too. Wow, though, he is being surprisingly civil and respectful as a result of this. It shouldn’t honestly be a surprise, considering who Jake is. It’s just... wow. I really appreciate the breath of fresh air.

Yeeeeesss!!!~ <3 I love everything about this that follows! While he can be quite oblivious at times, I have always thought that Jake’s intelligence was top-notch, and I quite appreciate his flexing it, as well as that wonderfully noted breath of FREEDOM whizzing into his sails!

Boooooo!!!~ I really quite appreciate the correct and excellent display of entomological knowledge, here, but DANG, if Dirk isn’t a slimy piece of garbage, sometimes! I mean, my gosh, the sociopathic logic, here. It’s horrific! As for Jake: I am very proud of him, and appreciate his very appropriate question. Everyone should ask the qualities that politicians bring to the table, policy-wise, and their (+ dis-)advantages--- not just how charismatic they are. Of course, such a statement is stating the obvious. ‘s still good to see it in practice. ... Wow, I really love Alt!Calliope’s sass. So much.

HECK YES! :’D

***grooooaaan***

FINALLY, CERTAINTY!!!

Aside from his lack of attraction for her, which says nothing of importance, I do in fact agree with Karkat, here. This is essentially the equivalent of the moment when the United States switched to the Constitution, and the country absolutely needed a Washington. If Adams had actually been elected, instead of getting the second-highest sum of votes, then both the contry and the entire world could have turned out quite differently. I, too, do believe that Crocker could be reasonably said to have a fair chance at acting as a President who doesn’t really shake things up too terribly, and actually manages to set a perfectly fine, perhaps above average standard for Presidents to come. There are, however, certain points in history which require great leaders if things are going to pan out well in the long-term. Crocker just presents far too many potential problems while not offering enough in the way of positives for me to give a strong endorsement of her, despite my desire to see a female president eventually take office in the United States’ equivalent of the station she and Karkat are competing over.

(SUPPORT KARKAT FOR HIS BETTER APPRECIATION OF FUNDAMENTAL PHILOSOPHICAL ORDERS OF IMPORTANCE.)

Yeeeeaaaahhh... She was already quite twisted up (read: pained) inside during the session as a result of her concern for maintaining appearances and manipulating peoples’ perceptions of her, unless my memory is horrible in this particular act of dredging up long-ago readings’ implications, so I could certainly see that growing to be a problem as she grew up. I’d sortof hoped that that would cease to be so much of an issue, after their session was won, considering the rewards involved/gained as a result of that. :/

... Yeah, that is a good deal of whiplash. I am honestly pained.

Dangit, I was so swept up in my spiel about the direct political consequences of that decision/strategy that I forgot to emphasize the very obvious danger of it actually alienating Jake from her!

***sobs*** I am so proud of him! (Though this is not exactly the best reason for choosing one’s political decisions, I can definitely get behind the idea of him striving for independence from that manipulative cur.)

What Dave said, but less profanity-laced! Also: Am I incorrect in remembering that God Tier players past a certain Tier are able to wield any weapon they desire, regardless of whether they have a Kind Abstratus of the appropriate sort in their strife specibus? That could become relevant, some time in the near future.

#Homestuck Spoilers #Homestuck Liveblog #Homestuck Epilogue #Political Theory #Homestuck Analysis

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journeysintowebcomics · 5 years

Text

Homestuck Liveblog #186

UPDATE 186: Political Assassination

Last time John finally got that tooth off his chest, and Jake agreed to give his endorsement to Karkaroni. Now what will happen? Let’s see.

Has it been days since Jade has been sitting on that couch, levitating and with her eyes completely black? Given everything that has happened in the meantime it sure feels like it has. Roxy’s getting worried, she tried to call Rose but she didn’t respond, so instead he goes for the next option she has: Dave. Who immediately brags about working to stop Jane from screwing up everything. The words ‘neoliberal austerity measures’ are unsaid but they’re like an echo when Dave talks about the presidential campaign, I bet. He’s busy handling Jake’s endorsement speech.

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

‘one hell of a nap, davey, shes been blacked out for, like, a week’

It seems the troll candidate is more popular with the trolls and the carapacians than with the humans and consorts. How don’t they have more consort supporters? Hopefully Jake’s endorsement will change that.

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

Well that makes clear what the best course of action is: don’t open the windows nor place her anywhere in the daylight. If Dirk’s advice will help with the exorcism she needs – to get Dead Calliope out – then it’s a bad idea. I’m enjoying this epilogue much more with Dead Calliope controlling the narrative, thanks.

It’s alarming Kanaya isn’t picking up either. Could Dirk have gotten rid of her? I sure hope not! Kanaya has done nothing wrong and deserves to stay alive, what with being the professional when it’s about troll reproduction. She better still be fine and kicking!

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

They don’t do that, much to Jade’s disappointment, I bet. Either way, it’s speech time!

The struggle to take control of the narrative is a petty squabble, says Dirk, taking the high ground by offering Dead Calliope a way out. Buddy, pal, friend, you can’t take the high ground and then insinuate Calliope is ugly as sin. That is petty.

Apparently everybody thinks Dave loves Karkaroni, and although I believe that too, it’s fine if Dave never comes to terms to that. The guy marches at the beat of his own drum, he’ll be fine. This kind of thing can’t be forced on him. Speaking of things that can’t be forced, Roxy wants to know how Dave came out to everyone else as not straight. Oh dear, Roxy, I don’t think Dave ever did that. You’re asking the wrong person – unless you want the answer to be ‘deny it for like eight years now’.

He’s not really denying it right now, though. Maybe he did come out to the others and I didn’t find out until now. He’s not comfortable enough with rapping about ‘boning dudes’ in middle of a stadium where so many people can see him, but he’s not running away from the question. Way to go, Dave! I approve character growth!

Somehow Dave has this entire spiel about all the steps of admitting not being straight. On what phase are you, Dave? Inquiring minds want to know. I’d paste the entire thing here, because it’s pretty good stuff, but it’d feel like I’m applying filler for the sake of applying filler, so I won’t.

Dirk really doesn’t want a conversation about gender. Personally I have to agree because, even though this is great for development and I appreciate all of Dave’s steps, this is kind of a random place to shove this in. Pretty bad place, really. It’d have been great at a different moment.

Horrendously invasive of Roxy’s deepest personal thoughts.

...uh, Dirk, you know what else is horrendously invasive? Taking over the narration and manipulating people around. Also the assimilation plan, that’s more than horrendously invasive.

Okay, this is going for long enough.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to?

the prince is laboring under the delusion that he has been the least bit subtle in his intentions. he currently stands beneath the carapacian bell tower, poised to climb to the top. he holds the long, red sniper rifle that once belonged to roxy, brandishing it openly and boldly. he seems mysteriously oblivious to the fact that holding a long rifle in broad daylight somewhat tips one to the fact that he soon intends to shoot someone from a great distance. he also seems unaware of the fact that i know perfectly well that the top of this tower has a clear, long-range view of the stadium, allowing any competent sniper a clear shot of whoever happens to be standing at the podium as they give a speech. as jake english is about to do.

he also doesn’t seem to realize i have anticipated his attempt to assassinate his own friend in order to advance his political goals, and that i am prepared to take measures which make this impossible.

It really sounds like Dirk’s getting ready to shoot, he’s up at the right place and has a view of the stadium where Jake will be, but...I don’t know, ever since Roxy said Dirk messaged her about keeping Jade in the sunlight for ‘an exorcism’ I have been feeling uneasy, and now that this all was said just now, well, I kind of suspect Dirk may try to shoot and kill Jade. It sure would free her of Dead Calliope’s control and possibly give him back the control of the narrative. It’s a possibility, no?

Somehow the next few paragraphs resembles a schoolyard roleplaying fight. ‘You can’t reach the top of the stairs because...your feet feel really heavy’ ‘really? Then I can fly’ ‘and then the bell came crashing down on you!’ ‘I cut that stupid bell with my sword!’ ‘not fair!’ ‘yes fair!’. It’s endearing in its own way.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

no i don’t.

DIRK: Sure you do.

I’m having fun with this part, guys, I really am! This is great.

This is over when Dead Calliope, trying to stop the focus on Dirk and his increasingly petty narration, turns the attention back to Dave who must still be explaining to Roxy the intricacies of coming out to their friends. I see keeping a show in a standstill is a Strider family trait.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

That has got to be the most contrived simile Dave has said in recent history.

Dirk continues saying very clearly he’s about to shoot Jake, and the more he states that so bluntly the more I suspect there’s something else going on.

‘Xenophobe’ and related words are starting to stop looking like a real word. It just has been said so many times.

Everything is making Dave feel like something’s wrong – undoubtedly Dead Calliope’s influence – so he gets in the path of any potential bullets, protecting Jake with his own body.

and despite dave’s quick and well-justified action, what is also unbeknownst to him is that the sniper no longer poses a threat of pulling that trigger. because everyone knows that for all of the prince’s shortcomings, he would never expose his beloved brother and son to the risk of a heroic death.

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

I’m pretty willing to bet taking over Dave’s self doesn’t count as killing or hurting him, therefore it’s fair game. Dave would be pretty unhappy to know what Dirk’s doing, anyway. The narrative reveals what’s in the sniper rifle are not bullets, they’re tranquilizers. It’d be a non-fatal way of keeping someone out of the way for a while. The second thing Dead Calliope got wrong, though...

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

Well then! Turns out I may have been right about that he intends to shoot Jade. He must feel really confident about it if he can announce it aloud after aaaall the charades he did to fool Dead Calliope. Is it Jade, Dirk? Will you tranquilize Jade and pretty much put her to sleep – non-fatally?

Dirk spins in what must be the tiniest bell tower ever, given he only has to spin to change direction and be able to aim somewhere else, and gets ready to shoot. All Dead Calliope can do is freeze Dirk’s finger on the trigger, but he thought ahead and made the rifle to be voice-operated. All he has to do is say ‘fire’. Which he does! Game over for Dead Calliope?

Pretty good aim, hitting a vein from all this distance. Jade indeed has gotten tranquilized, and I’m pretty sure given this isn’t the first time Dirk uses tranquilizers – he uses them in TV – it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone to realize this is Dirk’s orangey shady hand making the moves.

The insult against Jade is uncalled for, Dirk. But yeah, the result of all this is that Dirk is once again back in control of the narrative, which makes me sigh with exasperation. I really liked Dead Calliope’s narration more than Dirk’s, so I’m not looking forward to this change.

Roxy drops to her knees by the couch, pulls the dart out of Jade’s neck, and tries to shake her awake. But it’s no use. That’s a heavy dose I gave her. Could be out for weeks. Maybe months? Can’t have any cherubs messing with my business on this planet. At least not until I’ve taken my leave. But Jade’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry about that.

So...she’s pretty much in a coma. Could be worse, could be worse. She could be dead. This is barely better.

Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Does that mean the candy epilogue is all Dead Calliope’s influence seeping through instead of Dirk’s? It could be interesting to see what kind of thing she does to the world. Although...given the effects of the trickster lollipop and how ‘sweetness beyond comprehension’ is perfection to them, it’s bound to be nightmarish. I’m actually looking forward to that!

Speaking of meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come back to you, don’t you, John?

You’re a disgraceful mess right now. Covered in blood, mysteriously sticky, bruised all over your arms, legs, and neck. Terezi practically raked rows into your back. You catch sight of yourself in the rearview mirror. You’re kind of embarrassed by what a postcoital train wreck you look like when all she’s got is mussed hair. And you should be embarrassed. Seriously, it’s like you were mauled by a wild animal. Jesus, don’t either of you have any shame?

Ah. Okay then, good for them, although I’m pretty concerned. Such a physically intensive activity can’t be good for the guy with a gaping hole in the chest and the troll who still must be half-starved. I won’t be surprised if these two just pass out and die anytime soon. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems things are awkward now between these two. Maybe it was all a spur-of-the-moment move.

You sit together on the hatch, like when you first met up days ago. Terezi crawls into your arms, and nuzzles right up against your chest so you have no choice but to hold on to her. You would have done it anyway if she asked, because you’re a total sap. The kind of guy who no doubt thinks banging a girl in a car is some deep, soul-shattering experience that bonds you for life. Yeah, John, you do think that. You think that you and Terezi are basically married now.

I can’t tell if he really thinks that or if Dirk’s funneling those thoughts into him. The line between what the character feels and what Dirk wants them to feel is pretty blurry by now.

After all this, Terezi gives up on looking for Vriska, so this is a prime moment for her to fly by and find them. She doesn’t, though, and John proposes Terezi to go home with him. Can they even go home? John is so tired it’s possible they can’t – which he really should have thought about before doing said physically intensive activity. Nobody to blame but yourself, John. Seriously, you have an open wound and bled like four liters of blood. You’re as good as dead.

He feels the urge to lie down and sleep, which is a pretty bad idea given the situation. Terezi rouses him up, so instead he decides to give this a try and zap back home. Hmmmm...if he’s so tired right now, it’s possible the act of zapping home will drain whatever energy he has left, so I’m not...very optimistic about John’s chances of survival. Would this count as a heroic death? Can you die from a heroic death if you die like two weeks after the offending injury is made? If he dies from exertion after having sex with Terezi that doesn’t count as a death because having sex with Terezi is neither heroic nor just, no? Oh well.

Back in the stadium, the inexistent assassination attempt may have given Karkaroni a push in the polls, and Dirk spends quite a while brandishing Jake like a piece of meat. Really, can he be treated as more than a flat character whose only non-flat trait is his posterior? Jake’s nervous and fidgets around, so much Dave and Karkaroni show concern and offer to cancel the speech and/or the campaign. It seems our favorite presidential troll still doesn’t like the idea of having leadership, he’s ready to throw the towel anytime. Jake insists he can do it, so he starts!

I don’t remember Dirk being so outright antagonistic in Homestuck. It’s making me pretty uncomfortable, I have to admit. It feels kind of out of nowhere, just like Jane’s sudden xenophobic inclinations are. What was Hussie thinking when he wrote all this? What was his intention?

Jake’s getting pretty nervous and I can’t tell if he’s getting stage fright or if Dirk’s influencing him to be nervous. The latter is a possibility, no? Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what’s going on.

Why don’t you have a good, long think about that, Jake.

Is this really the time for a good, long think? Jake muses to himself, actually putting a finger to his chin like some public domain clip art picture of a befuddled guy. If the crowd is confused by his rapid-cycle mood changes, they don’t show it. Jake’s got a bit of a day-drinking problem, which has been slavishly documented in the global tabloids. That’s how you avoid responsibility, isn’t it, Jake? You can fool your fans, but not yourself. The truth is that there’s a canniness to the act. It’s partially cultivated. You’re stupid, but you’re not nearly as stupid as you pretend to be.

JAKE: What in the devil was i thinking coming here?

JAKE: Why did I...?

JAKE: I came here to...

... slide the biggest knife any motherfucker ever wielded directly into your friend Jane Crocker’s back?

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart. And you would have guiltlessly toyed with her “kettle drums” too had it not been for a bit of divine intervention, let’s decide to call it.

Sigh. That’s...that’s all I can do with all this. Sigh and keep reading. Third time I’m scrolling through the epilogue a tad faster than I should. It’s pretty much an entire page of gaslighting. Nothing really worth delving into, mainly because it’s pretty uncomfortable to read such a thing. Dirk’s being the abusive ex, pretty much. Nothing really worthwhile.

JAKE: I love dirk!

JAKE: IM IN *LOVE* WITH DIRK!!!

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

You know, there are a few reasons why I’m thinking of liveblogging these epilogues. I’ll explain them later, but right now I may as well say a word of two: the epilogue is competently written. The events in it are interesting, and the interactions are raw and full of emotion. It’s all pretty unpleasant to read, which makes it a bit novel, like swallowing bitter medicine. It’s pretty good, in a technical way.

But it simply doesn’t work with Homestuck characters. It just doesn’t.

Anyway, let’s continue scrolling down to the end of the page and go to the next.

I was right in that zapping back to Earth C would take what was left of John’s energy. He barely can give three steps before he falls down, so it’s all up to Terezi now. She wants to bring John to Jane, so she can revive him. I don’t think she has revived him before, so it should be a good idea. It’d be better to bring Jane to John, though.

It doesn’t matter. This isn’t a wound you can recover from. It’s Game Over this time: no healing, no afterlife, no cosmic clock proclaiming your sacrifice as Heroic. The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Oh, nevermind, it’s something not even Jane with her life powers can fix. I wonder if, once John is erased, nobody will remember him. That’s what happens when there’s no place for you in a narrative, no? Hmmm...

John already know he’s irreversibly going to die, and tells Terezi not to waste her time, that he was dead the moment Lord English bit him. Which is true, given this poison. Then he says he was dead the moment he woke up that morning, which...I suppose is the depression talking.

You died the moment you made the decision to go meet your destiny. You would have lived if you made the other decision, under a certain definition of the word “living.” You might have even lived until the end of your immortal life span, as shitty as that sounds.

So he’d have lived for the rest of his life if he had decided to do nothing. Makes sense. This may have been for the better, given Lord English needed to be defeated, so it’s time well-spent. It’s rather unfortunate it involves John’s death, but...in a way I saw this coming. Pretty tragic outcome, and given this epilogue has been chock-filled with a lot of tragedy and pessimistic scenarios, it only made sense this would happen.

It’s dying words time! Terezi is really affected because she really cares for John, and also they had a ‘emotionally significant sexual encounter’, so she’s even willing to listen to all the sappy stuff John will say in his deathbed. This is bound to be rather emotional! And the fact he can’t even think of something appropriate to say in his final moments is what makes it emotional because this isn’t how he imagined this would go. He can’t even think of quotes from his movies. Terezi offers to tell everyone John Egbert said some cool stuff in his final moments and make everybody believe it somehow, so instead John goes straight towards the sappy and tragic. There he goes!

JOHN: i think... i really lo—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3

JOHN: i... r-really lov—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3 FUCK1NG D13 ON M3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!

TEREZI: 1 FORB1D 1T!!!

JOHN: but... i...

JOHN: i...

Then John dies in the middle of a love confession.

Love confession on the deathbed! It’s like this truly came from a movie, haha. Terezi is devastated, so much she can’t even bring herself to cry properly. Once she confirms he’s dead, she ponders what she should do now, alone in the world John wanted to bring her to. She doesn’t have anything else to do, so after a moment – and at Dirk’s behest – she takes John’s corpse in Dad Egbert’s wallet and starts walking.

It has been a month already. Jane won the election after what I figure was Jake’s endorsement speech for her, so that’s that. Terezi has been rather lost this whole month, and nobody has seen John Egbert – instead of saying he’s dead -- so I suppose she hasn’t told anyone he’s dead. Rose has been missing the entire time and Kanaya has been pushed around by Dirk’s machinations to keep him distracted while he keeps Rose locked away somewhere, both mentally and physically, I figure. All in all, it’s a pretty grim outlook for everybody in Homestuck. Also, Jade is still in coma. Terezi goes to visit her, perhaps to tell her what happened to John?

Dirk continues being so salty Roxy’s experimenting with her gender, apparently. Aren’t there a million other things to deal with, pal?

Roxy is very glad to see Terezi, and she takes Terezi thinking she’s Dave as a compliment. She also compliments Terezi, giving her some heartache because it makes her remember the time she spent with John. It may have been a few hours, apparently. Time works in mysterious ways up there in paradox space!

The reason Terezi is here is because she feels John would come here, and she’s right, I bet. John would want to check on Jade as much as he can, so now that she’s carrying John’s cadaver around, she feels she should handle this all herself. It’s also confirmed she hasn’t told anyone John is dead.

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out

ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home

ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

ROXY: so it was hard as hell to convince them to let me come see jade at all

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized

ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

So the end result for Calliope is that she’s traumatized. Seeing a dead version of herself possessing Jade must have really rattled her. As I said, this is all pretty grim for everyone in Homestuck, goodness. Although...part of me wonders if her current state is partly because of Dirk’s influence. He’s petty enough to mess with the living Calliope’s head as a ‘take that’ for Dead Calliope.

Someone tries to contact Terezi through her phone, she’s not sure who it’d be. Perhaps Dirk? He did show a preference to sending messages to his former friends and acquaintances. As if things weren’t awkward enough for Terezi, she’s asked if she knows what happened to John. Terezi, you can’t keep this under wraps forever. Sooner or later you have to tell everyone John died because of injuries in Lord English’s fight.

It seems Terezi can hear Dirk perfectly even when he’s talking in the narration, I suppose it’s because of her aspect. Oh, be careful with the stuff you say, Dirk! She’s also willing to whisper stuff to address Dirk, even if it gets odd looks from other people. On the other hand, this kind of leaves her more vulnerable to Dirk’s machinations, no? Part of manipulating people is responding to what they say, so with some luck this won’t go belly-up.

Once the conversation is over Roxy leaves and Dirk exposits Terezi still feels guilty about hiding John’s death from everyone, and she can’t even confide in Dave because of mistakes she did as a teenager in another timeline. It’s the curse of having the Mind aspect, isn’t it? Knowing what the choices cause. All of Dirk’s exposition bothers Terezi enough for her to tell him to scram, and he refuses to do so.

Come on, Terezi. You don’t belong here. You know you don’t belong here.

Do you feel threatened by Terezi, Dirk? Is that why you’re trying to push her away? I don’t think Terezi has anything that could be particularly useful against Dirk’s plans, so I’m not sure why he’s bothering to mess with her like this. She even points out they barely have crossed words.

Okay, I believe he feels threatened by her in some manner because he tries to convince her to join him in...some place. More like he wants her out of Earth C. He even offers to let her take John with her, which is why I’m sure he made her pick up the corpse, so he could manipulate her by using John. He finally leaves her alone with her thoughts, sure he managed to convince her enough. We’ll see.

Stopping for now!

Next time: next update

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

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whatsthesquarerootofshoe · 6 years

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I try all the time in this institution

"You should all be dead."

That was all Trizza could say as she stared up at the guy in front of her. It wasn't supposed to go this way. She'd called on the best. Nothing more than sheer power. Sure, she hadn't called on the guy she wanted to call, but it was whatever. The guys she did call should have been able to take care of these guys. There was no way they could have fought off her men. Her men must have run off with her money and abandoned the hit.

She hadn't known they were hunters, the whole lot of them. Trizza ran into them and all it took was a minor slight. She called the service. Send a large blondie, double pepperoni, pepper flakes on the side with some ranch dip, make it hot. The code set up for her calls, and her request for their best assassin. Her ideal hitman. The one she wanted as her personal assassin one day, once she had the money to pay his fees more than once. He was cool. Calm. Precise. Perfect. But he was unreachable. Likely dead, they said. And so she picked the next best options.

Now the targets were here for her. They'd found out about the hit and came to interrogate her. And the dark-haired one paused, giving the guy next to him a look. And the response from that guy was to pull the man in front of her aside and whisper in his ear. And they gave her looks. Odd looks, ones she'd only seen before from her mother. What did that mean? Why did they look at her like that? She pulled out a knife. The gaudiest knife in existence, of course. "Ain't nobody got time for this," she muttered.

A meme? A meme. Trizza tried to gather her thoughts. I hope the fuck you do. You'll be a dead son of a bitch, she thought. Oh god. She couldn't think straight. Why now? Why...oh, nevermind. It didn't matter why or how. All that mattered was that they were likely going to kill her in response to the hit, and she had to get out of there alive. She was going to get out of there alive. She had a feeling she would.

But in an instant, the tall guy disarmed her like it was nothing. She punched at him, but met empty air. The dark-haired one grabbed her by the wrists and wouldn't let go. She pulled back against his grip, to no avail. "I think she's possessed," Trizza heard him say. The idea snapped her out of her odd state. Possessed? Ghosts didn't exist, she thought. The supernatural wasn't real. She laughed. This was a joke. They were out of their minds, she assumed. If they thought she could be the victim of possession, why not give that act to them? They'd be dead soon anyway, she assumed. She wasn't dying any time soon.

"Possessed," Trizza stated. A sigh escaped her lips. "If that's what you want." She stopped struggling, trying to put on an air of superiority. Power. The idea that this is what she wanted. Her short stature was hindering this visual, but she tried. "Now, since I'm possessed, you should let me go or face the consequences. You don't know what I can do." Fake it until you make it. That's all she had to do. Threats, until they backed off and she could call out a second hit. A hit that worked.

But they didn't back off. The dark-haired one's grip tightened as his eyes narrowed at the girl. She scoffed at his gaze. He was quite the inquisitive one, as if trying to get a read on her. There was no need for that. "I said back off. Back the fuck off!" She kicked at him, starting to struggle again. It was no use. She was too weak. He was too strong.

Dave watched the scene, almost amused. Was this girl possessed, or acting? He couldn't tell. Are you sure she's possessed? He thought to Karkat, crossing his arms and trying to get a read on the girl. She had a surprising amount of resistance to his abilities - more than the average human. But it wasn't enough to block him out. He didn't go too deep, but she had almost everything right on the surface. Agitation. Confusion. A wish to fight them, one on one. Two on one. All on one. A call for blood - their blood - to spill in front of her eyes. A twinge of fear, hidden but not unreadable.

Boot, meet face. Dave careened backwards, staring shocked at the girl half his size. She'd kicked him in the face somehow. How'd she get so close to him? The back of his hand instinctively went up to his nose. Blood. He was bleeding. He heard her begin to chuckle. "Fuck you," She spat. Boy was she nasty. He got up, keeping his hand to his nose. The dark feelings coming from Karkat made him pause. 'kat, I'm okay, don't hurt her yet. He thought. "What did we even do to you?" He asked the girl. Was it because they were hunters? That had to be the reason. There was no other logical reason for--

"Some fuckin' kid hanging with the giant douchebag over here tripped me at Burger King," The girl stated. She gestured with her head toward D. It was the most dumb reason to want someone dead. And why was she calm again? She had to be bipolar or possessed. She couldn't have been normal. None of this was normal. Calling a hit for someone's entire family over an accident in a fast food chain? That was petty stuff a mob boss would do in a movie! Not something someone who appeared to be no older than 12 did!

D sighed. So that’s why she looked familiar. That was one of the most stupid things he'd ever heard, but he remembered it. Seb had gone with him to help pick up dinner and hadn't watched where he was going. There had been a sorry and an attempt to help up that she declined, and they'd thought that was that. But it was a relief. This wasn't about them being hunters. It was about some kid acting stupid. A strange kid with piercing fuchsia eyes and a death wish. "That it?" He asked, watching as the girl nodded and went back to struggling. There was an odd disconnect between her actions. Nothing led to its logical conclusion, nothing had a logical start.

...and it's a long way forward so trust in me and give them shelter like you've done for me and I know I'm not alone you'll be watching over us until...

Music began to erupt from the girl's pocket. "Let me go so I can answer that, jackass," She demanded. Karkat looked to D and Dave. They shook their heads. With his free hand, he pulled the device out of her pocket. A gaudy fuchsia and gold cell phone. On the screen was the call screen, with one name: "Room Service". That wasn't weird in the slightest. Nope. He hit 'answer' and turned on speakerphone. When no one spoke, he gave the phone's owner a look.

"Yo," Trizza said, almost sounding nervous. "You've reached alpha base." "We've lost three good men thanks to you," Came the reply. Male. Cold. Unnatural and calm. Dave thought it sounded familiar. "You must'a sent your rookies." "You also failed to pay." "Deal was... Hit successful, you get paid." "That isn't how this works, Trizza Tethis." "How do you--"

Click. The person on the other end hung up. Trizza grit her teeth. Not only did these chumps know her name, the service did too. She stopped struggling. "Change of fuckin' plans," she said. "Let go of me." No one moved. She watched as they gave looks to each other, as if making plans with telepathy. What was she supposed to do now? "I said let me the fuck go. L...Let me go!" She pulled against Karkat's hands, to no avail. Then, she lurched forward and grabbed her phone from his hand. Murmuring low under her breath, she began typing on it as fast as her hands would allow.

Karkat, in his surprise, let her go and stepped back. He thought he could hear her humming a song... Mama mia, let me go, Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me... What a weird thing to be humming.

Dave heard it through Karkat. Was that a panic response? Was she panicking? She didn't look very panicked, not to him at least. He stepped closer to Trizza and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey," He said. "Hey. Uh... Trizza, right? What the hell is going on?"

Trizza looked back at Dave and almost dropped her phone. She tried to find some words - normal words - to explain, but her mind wasn't working too well under pressure. She couldn't fight off an assassin! What was she supposed to do, hide for the rest of her life? She pushed the guy away and stepped back to lean against a wall. "Fuck... It's... Uh... Upsetti...." she blurted. Why couldn't she get any words out right now that weren't idiotic? She had to explain somehow. "Uh... Uhhhh... (God, I wish I was dead...) Uh...." Think. Think. Assassins. Death. Gotta run. Death. Help. Darude Sandstorm's music video. Running in the 90s. Deja Vu. She looked back to her phone and did a little more on it and then turned the volume up. The sound of a very stupid old song echoed to life.

Elmo's got a gun Elmo's got a gun Big Bird's on the run Ernie's dialing 911...

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and turned her phone off after a few more seconds, slapping it into her pocket so fast she almost dropped it. What an embarrassment she was being. She couldn't even explain a simple thing as not wanting to stick around to get assassinated. Fuck these guys. They could stick around all they wanted, but she was out of there. The girl made a mad dash toward the nearest window and ran straight into D. "FFFFFF--" She hissed. She stopped and glared at him, moving to head in the other direction.

"You're comin' with us, little miss trouble." D hoisted the girl up over his shoulder and began walking. "Let's go." As he walked, he couldn't help but notice how light she was and how futile her kicking and beating on his back was. How had she kicked Dave in the face with such force? She was swinging her arms and legs as much as she had before and wasn't getting to half the strength she had then.

"Got it," Dave and Karkat replied, almost in unison. They followed behind, making sure to stay out of the way of Trizza's kicking and beating on D. They conversed in their minds, very much aware of what she meant by that song. It's symbolism. She's in trouble just as much as we are, Dave thought to Karkat. The demon nodded in agreement. They had to hide her for now and keep her on watch. She felt like a demon, but she also...didn't? It bothered him so much that he couldn't tell. It was easier to tell a half-demon apart from a human and a demon than it was to tell what exactly she was. She had to be a powerful demon to hide her aura that well. Or she could be a changeling. Or she could have had a brush with demons before and they left something on her as a calling card.

Whatever she was, they tossed her in the truck and sped off toward a safe place. All the precautions were in place, so there was no worrying whether anyone would find them. Now the task was getting her to explain herself.

Inspired by @knight-of-heart-and-art‘s Demonstuck series and random asks on their blog.

Oh and the title’s a meme. :)

#Demonstuck #knight-of-heart-and-art #Corvid_Knight #ao3

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2twopiid · 5 years

Text

> Sollux: Realize™

There’s a lump in your throat that you haven’t been able to swallow down for hours, no matter how hard you try, and as frustrated as you are by this fact, you’re much more frustrated by the ache in your chest.

You can only remember two other times in your life where you felt like this. The first, when you were six, a few days after you found a crater where Karkat’s hive used to be, when you realized your friends were gone, and they weren’t coming back. The second, when John coped with your death by leaving without a word, and you thought that was going to be the end of your relationship with him.

You’re sat on the roof of John’s apartment building, back resting against an air conditioning unit. You came straight up here as soon as you got back from your date with Nepeta… if you can even really call it a date; that whole thing definitely seemed more like a hook-up situation, not that the semantics are really important right now. That’s not really what’s on your mind right now.

Right now, you’re thinking about Aradia, and how she kept saying that she wanted to help you, and how she kept also saying things that you were struggling to believe she didn’t know would hurt you, and how she blocked you when you got pissed off about it. You’re thinking about all of that, and you’re also thinking about how cold your face is. It’s not particularly windy, but the air is crisp, and the light breeze that is there bites at your cheeks.

As your jaw clenches tightly to distract you from the cold, you hear the door to the roof open. Your hand flies to where your pendant rests on your chest, quickly checking to make sure you’re wearing it. You’re usually good about remembering to put it on when you’re not inside John’s unit, but you can’t help the reflexive checking.

A second wave of relieve washes over you as you notice that the guy now approaching you is John himself. He silently approaches you and sits himself down beside you. Without a word, you lean up against him. A small grunt escapes you as you try not to move some of your more tender muscles. John doesn’t seem to think twice about it, which you’re glad about. You don’t really want to explain the events of last night to him. You’re not even sure how well you’d do at talking in general right about now.

Knowing when you need to talk and when you need silence has become second nature to John. If this was earlier on in your relationship, he’d probably be asking you why you were upset right now. Instead, he wraps his arm around you and you lean further into him until your face is pressed up against his chest.

You stay like that for a long time, listening to his heart beating, trying to focus all of your mental energy on the soft thumps so you don’t have to think about the heaviness in your own ribcage.

Eventually, you force out the words “She blocked me.” And you can’t see it, but you’re sure John is doing that small concerned frown he does when he can tell that you’re hurting and just don’t know how to talk about it.

“Aradia did?” he asks, and you don’t have to answer because before you even open your mouth he asks “Which one?”

“You know which one,” you mutter as you pull your phone up closer to your face.

“Ah.” His chest rumbles as he hums in understanding. “Are you going to tell me why?”

You clench your jaw until your teeth hurt, absently tapping at your screen until you find yourself looking at your last message to her. “Because I got pissed at her for being an asshole,” you tell him.

“Is that why?” His hand moves to play with your hair. “Or were you doing that self-sabotaging thing you do where you try to make everything as bad as you can until you get called on your bluff and end up more hurt than you already were?”

You don’t answer. You want to deny it, but you’re not sure you can. You’ve done that before. You’ve done it to John more than once.

After a moment, John seems to realize what you’re thinking. “Maybe it’ll just be a few days,” he says, but you can hear the uncertainty in his voice. You know he has no idea what’ll happen. And something about the uncertainty makes your heart twinge.

Later, John brings you back inside so you’ll eat something. You spend a long time staring at the food he puts in front of you, intermittently scrolling through your messages. When you do get around to eating the food, it’s already cold.

When you finish, John takes your necklace off and hangs it on the hook by the door before pulling you to his room to cuddle on his bed.

Eventually, John falls asleep, his slow breathing now the soundtrack to your thoughts.

You get stuck on the last thing she said to you.

AA: well i tried AA: do whatever pleases you i dont care anymore

You can practically hear her saying the words on a loop as you scroll farther back into the conversation. You read her words of support, followed by your harsh responses. Every “You’ll get through this” met with a disdainful “Why do you care?”

As you read the messages chronologically, you watch her patience wear thin. It’s so fucking obvious, but you were too busy thinking about yourself to see it.

Again, you reach the end.

TA: ok well iif you want me two feel better you’re doiing a pretty 2hiit job lol.

AA: well i tried AA: do whatever pleases you i dont care anymore

TA: yeah you made that pretty fuckiing clear.

But this time, you don’t feel the same rage as the last few times you read through the same conversation. The ache in your chest is soon replaced with a hollowness, making the fact that your heart is suddenly racing feel twice as intense as you think it probably should.

“She blocked me,” you say to nobody, as if it’s news. Except it’s not, because you already knew she blocked you.

AA: well i tried

You read it again.

AA: i dont care anymore

And each time you read it, it hits you harder. She didn’t do this lightly. She’s not like you, she’s not the person who blocks people she cares about when things get heated.

“She blocked me,” you repeat, and as the realization that she really doesn’t want anything to do with you hits, your heart breaks all over again. And soon follows the realization that as much as you’re hurting right now because of her, there’s no comparison to how badly you would hurt if the last thing she ever said to you was that she didn’t care anymore.

You don’t know how you’re going to fix this, and you don’t know how long it’s going to take, but you do know what the first step is.

You sit up, moving to gently shake John’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, before his eyes are even fully opened.

“I need your help to be better.”

#action post #plot #mentioned:#temporalmaid #ghostydoof #arseniccomet

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everlind · 7 years

Text

I was going through all my unfinished and rejected text files (there’s… quite a few). So, instead of leaving them to collect dust on my computer, I decided hey, why the hell not. Think of these as the roughest of rough doodles. Doodles that might be missing hands. Or are all drawn in side-profile. Most of these are NOT finished.

This one is actually finished!

FOOL ME ONCE

Pale skin, scruffy clothes, blue eyes. Human. Your eyes catch and stumble, but he’s already lost in the busy throng of the market. There’s no reason for you to come to a complete stop, but you do, skimming the crowd.

Gone. A beefy rustblood nearly knocks into you into a cart with de-spined slimeslugs. “Walk much?” she sneers.

You bare your fangs on reflex. It’s merely the usual polite half-distracted scorn twaddle, because she moves on and you turn toward the cart.

“Wow, what was her problem huh?”

You start, look to your left and there he is. All elbows and knees, hair like a bird’s nest, sly smiling. There’s no way you’re not noticing that half translucent skin, the blue-not-blue running in clears streaks like fucking targets. With effort, you drag your eyes up to his face. He grins wider.

Smooth, Karkat, you groan inwardly.

“You don’t look from around here,” he says, winking.

It’s one of the stalest pick-up lines in the pitch book. A quip about conquering Earth is in your camp, but he’s standing there, glowing in the red wash of the sun’s fading light, all bare-throated and human fragile, with only a single sinkhole of a quadrant accounted for.

“Yeah, and I suppose someone like you would know all about that, huh?” you sneer, eyes lingering over ragged hems of his jacket, his untagged ears and sharp, hungry face.

“I do actually,” he retorts. “What’s the moirail of the Grand Highblood-in-waiting looking for in the slum district, hm? I’m betting it’s not to buy a quad of slimeslugs.” He gestures at the cart.

“How d—“ you begin, and swallow the rest back down like a mouthful of acid. Too late, the other guy’s smiling so brightly all his flat useless cud-chowing teeth are on display.

“Ah!” he taps the side of his nose. “I have my ways. Also the pin in your lapel, dumbass.”

Fuck. You look down, hands moving up to tuck it back out of sight but it is, still meticulously hidden away under the gray silk tie. How—?

“Hehe,” he winks again. His irises are the purest indigo you’ve ever seen, even on a goddammed highblood. Weird. “So mister moirail, maybe I could help you find what you’re looking for? I know my way… around.” His eyes sweep you up and down, linger.

Is. Is this guy flirting with you? You don’t even know if he is, but it’s working, why is it working? And then, right on the heels of that, understanding slamming into your pan like rail runner: an pretty thing like him willingly approaching you, a troll? Hah. Not even in your dreams. Although… he doesn’t seem dressed like a conciliatory hire and he’s a bit too tall and rangy, most trolls like ‘em smaller and softer than that. Still really attractive though.

Damn it. Yeah, there’s no way, just no fucking way, he’s just messing with you. Rage and humiliation helps wash away the tingling, naive warmth already high up enough to warm your cheeks. Enough of this bullshit.

“Something you wanted?” you snarl, allowing your vocal box to thrum a subsonic warning at him; back off unless you have a cull wish, runt. He’s untagged, unowned, unwanted, worthless, human, nobody would care if you clawed open his bowels like hatching day present.

The idiot just continues to smile at you, aggressively amiable, like he’s perfectly aware of that, but isn’t worried at all, the cocky pink shit. Or maybe he’s just fucked in the pan, it happens sometimes. “Maybe,” he answers. He’s close. When did he get so close? Quirks an eyebrow. “Depends on what you want,” he offers.

The words fall like hot lumps of carbonized vegetable matter into your gut, and you have to swallow before you can answer. “You’re really forward, aren’t you.”

He grins, and it’s not altogether nice. “You have no idea,” he breathes, touching blunt-nailed fingers to the side of your jaw and leaning in. His mouth is fever hot, mammal warm and sultry, he’s kissing you full on the mouth, steady and firm, with just enough catch at the sweet inside of his lips to make your bloodplusher beat hard around the sudden surge of sheer, flushed wanting.

It’s been so long since you were touched like this.

You kiss him back, make a little noise you didn’t mean to make, reach for his face— only to find he’s slipping through your fingers, stepping back, stepping away. You get a glimpse of the look on his face, wide-eyed and startled, before he turns and takes off. He’s gone before you can blink, swallowed by the meandering stream of marketgoers.

You stare after him in numb consternation, thinkpan revving uselessly.

“Better holler for the patrocullers, kid.” It’s the slimeslug swindler, shaking his head at your glubcurdling idiocy. “He got ya good he did.”

What the fuck is he talking about… oh. Oh no. No, no no no ohnohefuckingdidn’t. Did he? You pat your pockets. Pat them again. Fondle the ones on your glutes for good measure and he fucking did, he did, he stole your wallet and you’re going to-

“—fucking wring that grubnugget’s little bobblehead straight of his shoulders and slide his squeal pipette full of my fresh, radioactive hate until he chokes on it. DO YOU HEAR ME?” You scream, shaking with fury. “I WILL SLICE OFF YOUR OILY, MALFORMED HUMAN NETHERS AND SET UP A STALL RIGHT HERE, PANDERING YOUR MALODOROUS GENITALIA SO ALL THESE UGLY FUCKS CAN HUMP THEMSELVES THOSE FINAL PRECIOUS INCHES INTO OBLIVION.”

“Hey now,” the swindler says.

“Fuck you, fuck you with a rusty culling fork I cannot believe you stood there and let him rob me.”

He seems wholly unimpressed with both your plight and temper. “First time to th’ market, ey?”

You stab a finger at him. “Stay. Stay right the fuck there because I’m going to fucking kill that little crotch sniffer and then I’ll be back for you.”

“Aight,” he agrees, easy as you please. “Better up an’ get yer legs marchin’ if you wanna play tag.”

Livid, you storm off, in the approximate direction you think he went. Hope he went. Probably went. Fuck. Oh sweet shrieking Gl'bgolyb, you’re going to kill that fucker, your hemochrome card was in there. The quote-unquote “special” one Sollux made for you so you wouldn’t get your mutant ass culled as soon as you farted loud enough for the drones to smell it. If you get ID’d on the way home you’re grubloaf. Which, of fucking course, is extremely likely as you need to cross into the first precinct. You’re so dead.

Past you is a complete idiot.

As the shadows lengthen and pool between the houses lining the streets, lanterns wink to life. All the colors of the hemospectrum united as paper-encased lights, strung overhead. The dusk market falls apart around you, merchants packing up and hurrying to perform their proper caste-assigned duties. There’s more humans out and about than you’ve ever seen in either of the other two districts and every flash of dark hair and pale skin turns your head, has you ready to charge, but it’s never him.

At midnight, you find yourself as good as alone in the deserted streets, right back where you started and empty handed. To think you ventured all the way to the third precinct to see if you could get your hands on a kaleidoscope. Only humans waste their already short, pointless lives making trinkets for grubs and you wanted to buy one for your moirail so badly.

Instead you got robbed.

Fuck your hot life.

“Still here, huh?”

Tired, you turn to face him, find the street empty. Look up.

There he is, backlighted by a rainbow of lanterns, perched on a stack of crates, crunching an apple. He doffs an imaginary hat at you, grinning.

“If I ever get my hands on you I’ll fucking strangle you.”

“Aw shucks,” he goes, pouting. There’s a smear of powered sugar near the corner of his mouth. At least you know where your boonbucks went. “And here I thought you liked me.” And then he leaps down from the crates, landing with a hollow thud on the filthy cobblestones, right in front of you.

“I could kill you right where you stand and nobody’d care,” you inform him pleasantly, all your fangs on display.

“Very true,” he nods. Cocks his head at you with clinical interest. “Are you going to?”

He’s got nerve, this one. Shit, you… you like it, you like it a lot. You envy it, because he has nothing, yet somehow everything, and it’s all right there standing before you with a droll little smile on his face, scraping the last meat from the apple’s core and waiting for you to do your worst.

And you realize, with a horrified pang, you’re going to do exactly jack fucking shit. Because you like him. You like the thieving shitheel. A lot. Damn it.

Something on his face goes from mischief to some kind of… of wondering comprehension. And when his mouth goes slantwise to crook up into a smile, it’s genuine. It’s real, no act. You think. You hope.

“That was a really nice kiss,” his voice has gone all soft and shy, too sincere suddenly. “Here.”

He tosses you something, and you catch it. Your wallet.

You turn it over between your paws, shaking your head a little. No need to check for your money, it won’t be there, for all he’s showing you that pretty smile. “Wow. Gee. Thanks for returning my empty wallet to me after you robbed me. How thoughtful.”

“Heh,” a rueful huff of sound, barely a laugh. “But I got you something nice to make it up to you.”

When he reaches behind his back your first instinct is to grab him by the throat and crack his skull open on the unforgiving ground -which you don’t, you don’t, even though your hand shot out, you don’t, because his chin comes up and he goes very still and you can see his pulse fucking wave at you from under that damnably fragile skin.

It’s not a weapon. Of course it’s not a weapon. Well. Actually, you’d be less than surprised, with how unpredictable everything about this… this… whatever the fuck this even is has been. But still, not a weapon.

Oh fuck. That bastard. You resist the urge the smack him. Smack yourself instead, clapping your palm to your pan. “Flowers,” you deadpan. “I wonder how you paid for those.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he holds them out to you. “Looksee, they’re kitten lilies, like your name. Karkat, kittykat, crabbykat.”

At ten sweeps you’ve seen a lot of weird shit, but this is really one of the fucking strangest moments yet. You accept the flowers, bought with your own money stolen by the same stranger that kissed you, and still somehow, stupidly, feel flattered. They’re fresh enough they still purr.

“…fuck,” you breathe out, swallowing around the sudden knot in your throat.

“Uhm,” mister pickpocket suggests ever so eloquently. “Maybe. Maybe we could kiss again. Sometime.”

You stare at him, clutching the bouquet to your chest. The lilies mew plaintively. “You robbed me.”

“Only a little.”

“You’ve probably done this to a whole stack of equally moronic losers.”

“Just a few.”

“You really think I’m a goddamn idiot, don’t you?”

He looks at you, almost wistfully. “I promise I won’t steal your wallet. You know. Again.”

“You already took everything,” you point out through gritted teeth.

He makes a ‘there you go’ sort of gesture, eyes bright and amused. Then amends it with a shrug. “I meant like, when you come back.”

You scoff, loud with derision, and take quite some vicious delight from his guilty flinch. “Give me one good reason.”

That uneven smile is back, the real one. “I wasn’t lying earlier you know. I could help you find what you’re looking for. I know a dude who makes real nifty kaleidoscopes.”

And again the “How—“ is out of your mouth before you stop yourself.

“I’ll tell you how,” he promises. The whole hemospectrum is painted across his face in soft, glowing patches. “If you come back.”

It’s not good enough a reason to come back, and you both know it. But you’re going to, and you both know that, too. It wasn’t just your wallet he stole.

#Homestuck #johnkat #fic #mine #drabble #this was someone prompt #like centuries ago #WELP HERE YOU GO HAHAHA #DOn't look at me

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transformationstuck · 7 years

Text

Cut the Red Wire

Aradia solo animate-object hybrid TF. Less focus on the transformation itself and more on the effects it causes, especially in regards to worldview and relationship dynamics. Submitted by inhibitionsnullandvoid. Inspired by this Discord log (AO3 is having issues right now so the link may not work).

CONTENT WARNINGS: Temporary character death, semi-explicit gore. (It’s all consensual.)

—–

Aradia turns the final community card over. It’s the 3 of Clubs, which does absolutely nothing for her hand, but she’s still in a decent position with a two-pair regardless. Rose raises by 200, everyone calls, and turns over their cards. Karkat’s two-pair beats Aradia’s with a pair of queens to her nines, and he starts to gather up his winnings.

It’s at this moment that Aradia’s future self decides to warp in, with a future-Rose in tow. Current-Aradia steps up, the newcomer pats her on the shoulder and then sits down to continue playing. Rose also moves to swap places with her future self.

“What the fuck is this hoofbeastmanure‽” Karkat yells, forcing many players to cover their ears. He hadn’t been this loud in quite some time. “I thought we’d already established that time travel defeats the entire fucking purpose of this game after Dave pulled this exact same stunt last time!”

“What,” Dave replies, “like you wouldn’t have done the exact same thing if you were a time player.”

“Firstly, fuck you, and secondly, no I would not have. I, for one,” he says, laying his hand on his chest, “am not one to blatantly screw the integrity of the game up the waste chute at every opportunity, unlike some of us here.”

He sends a sharp stare in Vriska’s direction.

“Whaaaaaaaat? That was one time!”

“It was one time after Rose went all-in; that makes it the same as if you’d been doing it for the entire game, you amoral shit-sponge.”

“That’s not how that-“

“That’s exactly how that works, and you damn well know it!”

“Karkat,” Future-Rose interrupts, laying a hand on his shoulder, “calm down. I promise you that we’re not cheating. The activities me and Aradia are leaving this table to undertake are, quite literally, integral to the survival of several people at this table.”

Current-Rose raises one eyebrow, and then smiles in understanding. “Ah, I see. We’d best be off then; we’re on a timer, after all.”

“Don’t worry guys,” Current-Aradia says, “if I wanted to cheat I’d have just stolen all your boondollars before the game even started!”

Karkat bristles. “But you did do that! That is a thing that you already did.”

“Only because Vriska already did it!”, Future-Aradia explains.

Karkat bangs his head into the table. “Oh my god. How have we not established by now that Vriska is the worst role model in paradox space! This is not a hard concept to wrap your heads around, people-“

“Also Karkat’s gonna have three nines this round!”

Karkat splutters mid-sentence as Vriska cackles maniacally, while current-Aradia and Rose disappear in a flash of red gears, smiling knowingly.

“Integral to our continued survival” indeed.

—–

Aradia first discovered the ability shortly after she went god tier. A solo fraymotif, sitting in a category all on its own.

[Continuous Countdown]

It had no description, no stats page, or usage tutorial. It just existed. For many people, this would be a red flag to leave it well alone.

Aradia, of course, activated it immediately.

At first, nothing seemed to have happened, so she continued perusing her fraymotif index, trying out other anomalous abilities. But after a while, she started hearing a noise, sharp and steady, coming from inside her. It was a noise she, as a time player, knew well.

Tick.

Aradia lifted her shirt, looking for the source of the noise, and was surprised to discover a red, digital clock embedded into her belly. It was hard to make out, as she was reading it upside down, but after a few seconds she started figuring it out. The numbers were steading decreasing, the ticking noise was synchronized with the numeric decrements, and a feeling of warmth was growing inside her.

Her body was counting down to something - T minus 5 minutes - and she was excited to find out what.

As the clock ticked down, Aradia began to feel strange. The warmth inside her seemed to migrate between her legs, and her arousal shot through the roof.

T minus 3 minutes, and she was ripping off her clothes, kneading her breasts and pinching her nipple, running her finger delicately around the rim of her clock.

T minus 2 minutes, and her bulge was wrapped tightly around her fingers, squeezing and exploring them. The ticking was getting louder, the warmth in her loins getting greater.

T minus 1 minute, and with every passing second she became more aware of her body – its shape, its arousal, the sweat pouring off it, the contrast between her lowblood heat and the stone slab she laid on. Every curve, every inch of skin, brought to the forefront of her mind. She plunged one hand deep into her nook while she pinched and prodded her breasts with the other, bringing her closer, ever closer, to her climax, the pleasure ramping up in sync with the countdown. Every tick of the clock reverberated through her form, spiking her pleasure every second. As the countdown reached the single digits, everything started accelerating. The warmth expanded to encompass her whole body, and it doubled its temperature in a matter of seconds. She rubbed her nook fanatically, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to climax. Until…

5; 4; 3; 2…

In that one second, Aradia experienced the most powerful orgasm of her life, screaming out her pleasure to anyone who’d care to hear, as the warmth grew, and grew, and grew, until suddenly, everything changed.

Searing heat. A tear. A loud bang.

For a few blissful moments, Aradia’s reality expanded. She could feel insects buzzing through the air, plants lazily flapping in the breeze, and small mammals burrowing underground; every crack of the world, teeming with life. And in the center of all of it was her, frozen in time, her face an image of rapture as her body exploded; a monument to the beauty of death, amidst this field of life.

And then time unfroze.

And Aradia felt nothing.

—–

Rose was the only one who noticed something was off. Little things, like how Aradia’s hair seemed to sometimes get very disheveled within the space of 10 minutes, or the oddly geometric protrusion in her god tier outfit. But mostly, she noticed the timing. Barring any time travel, every 3 days Aradia would either disappear for half an hour, or tag in a future self if the activity she was performing was important enough. Rose had asked Dave about it, but she told him that Aradia’s time jumps weren’t going any further than a few hours in either direction, so that had ruled out long-term shenanigans as a cause. Finally, after discussing it with Kanaya for a few minutes, she had this to say on the issue.

“Rose I have a very novel idea about how to get to the bottom of this. Be prepared, because this idea is certain to be well outside your purview.”

“Lay it on me, Kanaya,” Rose says, leaning back in her chair.

“Well okay, if you insist, but be forewarned, you asked for this.”

She stands up and walks towards Rose.

“Ahem.”

She places her hands on her matesprit’s shoulders, looking her directly in the eyes.

“Why don’t you just ask her?”

So Rose did ask Aradia, and after some persuasion, she showed her the secret.

It turned out to be the sexiest thing she’d ever witnessed.

While Kanaya was initially quite apprehensive, especially regarding Aradia’s safety, as time went on she became more and more at ease with the whole thing. But the tipping point came when Kanaya first witnessed the explosion first-hand; the slow build-up to a literally explosive crescendo, Aradia getting more and more desperate as the clock ticked down, down, down, until it hit zero. With Rose’s mouth firmly on her bulge, she exploded. Her torso was severed, her legs went flying. Something came arcing through the air towards Kanaya, so she reached out to catch it.

It was Rose’s head, her mouth still wrapped around the remains of Aradia’s bulge. Her neck was leaking blood, absolutely ruining her skirt, but in that moment she didn’t care, because she saw the look in Rose’s eyes. Those wonderful, lavender eyes, coated in some of Aradia’s blood. Those eyes looked up and met Kanaya’s, so many emotions swirling around in them all at once; pain, fear, and arousal. But one stood out above the rest, always at the forefront – one that Kanaya knew well.

Happiness.

And then her eyes defocused, and Kanaya’s matesprit was dead.

She leaned in and kissed Rose’s severed head, tasting a mix of blood, genetic material, and of course Rose herself. There was no response from her matesprit, no tongue reaching out to meet hers, no subtle tilting of the head to give them both more access. There was just Kanaya, kissing her love’s severed head in a room of death.

She became an instant convert.

The three of them never looked back.

—–

“Hey Rose,” Dave says a few seconds after Rose and Aradia’s past-selves warped out, “where’d that green lipstick mark come from anyway. I swear that wasn’t there on past-you. Are you two and Aradia getting up to sexy shenanigans without me?”

Karkat elbows him.

“I mean that’s cool I guess,” he backpedals, “but I’d at least appreciate it if you took some pictures. Not much new porn being made, what with the death of two universes and all.”

Karkat elbows him harder, earning a sharp “Ow” from Dave. Rose meets Aradia’s eyes and they share a small smile.

“Oh, Dave. If only you knew.”

—–

It turns out that Karkat did end up having three nines, but he lost to Aradia’s full house. The screaming fit that ensued was truly a sight to behold.

#bombgirl #bombgirl transformation #/#//#///#mod e #rose lalonde #aradia megido #kanaya maryam #submission

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years

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ACT OMEGA PART 12

THE 02/11/16 UPDATE

Sooo... Funny story, I already worked on this part, then I got LOGGED OUT for some reason, and lost everything I wrote. I got up to page 79. And because I’m a lazy bastard, I’m really gonna half-ass my recreation of what I wrote. So yeah, please forgive me for that. Once I get to page 79, I’ll probably start trying again.

KARKAT: (BUT STILL, THAT’S NOT OUR ONLY PROBLEM.) DAVE: (order now and youll get another mental breakdown absolutely free) DAVE: (two disasters for the low low price of one) DAVE: (what a steal) KARKAT: (DON'T GIVE ME YOUR SASS. I DIDN'T GET THESE DEBACLES FROM THE DOLLAR STORE, YOU KNOW.) KARKAT: (THIS IS SOME LEGITIMATELY TROUBLING SHIT, OKAY?) DAVE: (got it) DAVE: (im not even gonna continue that metaphor im putting on my serious face) DAVE: (youve got waldo the juaggalo on your mind what else) KARKAT: (WELL...) KARKAT: (I'M WORRIED ABOUT VRISKA, I GUESS.) DAVE: (vriska?) KARKAT: (I KNOW. CALL ME CRAZY, BUT MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE HAS BEEN TINGLING WITH GOOD REASON FOR VRISKA FUCKING SERKET.) DAVE: (ok) DAVE: (so whats the problem then) KARKAT: (SHOULD WE WAIT FOR HER TO GET BACK BEFORE WE CLAIM THE REWARD?) KARKAT: (WILL SHE EVEN *BE* COMING BACK?)

She BETTER be coming back, because she’s the greatest. I mean, I hope she will at least. LE’s probably gonna be a pain wrapping up, but now that he’s weakened I think it might be possible. She just needs to get a good roll..

DAVE: (uh) DAVE: (why wouldnt she) KARKAT: (LOOK, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE, BUT THE BYZANTINE CHARADES SHE’S ALWAYS FLAUNTING? I KNOW SHE HAS TO FEEL LIKE THE MOST COMPETENT PERSON IN THE ROOM AT ALL TIMES, BUT) KARKAT: (IT’S ALL KIND OF PAPER THIN FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.) KARKAT: (I SPENT AN EMBARRASSING AMOUNT OF TIME TRYING TO CHASE THAT SAME FANTASY, AND I CAN TELL SHE’S STILL DANGEROUSLY CAUGHT UP IN IT.) KARKAT: (IT JUST SO HAPPENS SHE IS WAY BETTER AT CRAFTING SHAMELESS MACHIAVELLIAN SCHEMES THAN I EVER WAS.) KARKAT: (I DIDN’T CARE ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT THOUGH, SEEING AS IT WAS WORKING OUT BETTER FOR HER THAN IT EVER HAD FOR ME. OR IT WAS AS FAR AS I COULD TELL, ANYWAY.) KARKAT: (IN FACT, I WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO DROP THAT FARCE ALTOGETHER AND ALLOW HER TO PICK UP THE SLACK AS SHE SEEMED SO EAGER TO DO.) KARKAT: (APPARENTLY THAT ONLY BECAME OFFICIAL AS OF A FEW HOURS AGO, BUT WHATEVER.) KARKAT: (THE POINT IS) KARKAT: (NOBODY IS EVEN CONSIDERING THE POSSIBILITY THAT VRISKA MIGHT) KARKAT: (*MIGHT*) KARKAT: (NOT ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING.) KARKAT: (BEYOND WHATEVER MASTER PLAN SHE COBBLED TOGETHER BASED ON WHAT COULD, FOR ALL WE KNOW, BE ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT, WHAT IS SHE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO?)

He has a point. I mean, her entire plan was basically “fuck the LE up, use the Juju.” but that didn’t work out for her! She clearly overestimated her plan here, against an unkillable god.

DAVE: (i dunno) DAVE: (what she usually does?) KARKAT: (BELIEVE IT OR NOT, BEFORE THROWING MYSELF INTO THE FRAY EARLIER I MANAGED TO SNEAK IN A SHORT NAP.) DAVE: (really) KARKAT: (YES REALLY. DON’T ASK ABOUT IT.) KARKAT: (BUT I GOT TO SEE WITH MY OWN GANDER BULBS HOW FAIRLY FUCK DEEP SHE’S BURIED HERSELF INTO THE FURTHEST RING’S SMORGASBORD OF REALITY-SHATTERING FUCKERY.) KARKAT: (SHE ACTS LIKE IT'S JUST AN EVENING STROLL THROUGH THE VOID, BUT LO AND BEHOLD! WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, SHE'LL BE BACK, HAULING IN HER FIRED IRONS LIKE WEEKLY GROCERIES.) KARKAT: (BUT HEY, IT’S NO BIG DEAL! NOTHING WE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT, NO WORRIES.) KARKAT: (BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE SOME WORRIES!)

Yup, I love this line. I’m gonna use this somehow someday. “No worries! But you know what? Maybe some worries!”

DAVE: (i guess you have a point) DAVE: (but i dont really see what we can do about it) DAVE: (unless you want to put things on hold and look for her?) KARKAT: (NO! FUCK THAT!) KARKAT: (I’M DONE. I JUST WANT THIS TO BE OVER WITH. WHATEVER SHE’S GOTTEN HERSELF INTO, SHE’LL JUST HAVE TO GET HERSELF OUT OF IT.) KARKAT: (IT’S NOT LIKE I’D EVEN BE MUCH HELP.) KARKAT: (IN FACT, THE IDEA THAT I COULD EVER CONCEIVABLY BE OF ANY USE TO HER IS SO LAUGHABLE I MIGHT JUST PISS MYSELF.) KARKAT: (I MEAN, WHERE IS THIS EVEN COMING FROM? WHY AM I WORRIED ABOUT *VRISKA*, OF ALL PEOPLE?) KARKAT: (IF SHE COULD HEAR MY THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW, NO DOUBT SHE WOULD BE GIVING ME AN UNENDING SUPPLY OF SHIT FOR EVER DOUBTING HER.) KARKAT: (HELL, SHE PROBABLY ALREADY HAS. I CAN ALREADY SMELL THE SHIT ROCKETING ITS WAY THROUGH SPACETIME, READY TO BURY ME IN SASS.) DAVE: (i dunno man) DAVE: (like sure) DAVE: (any plan to bail out vriska is about as well founded as the dark carnival) DAVE: (which is not at all) DAVE: (because its pretty much the fakest thing to never ever be real ever) KARKAT: (I’M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD TO JOKE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.) KARKAT: (YEAH, LET'S JUST PUT EVERYTHING ON HOLD FOR A SECOND SO WE CAN HAVE A GOOD CHUCKLE ABOUT HOW FAKE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE.) KARKAT: (HARDY HAR HAR.) KARKAT: (WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BROODING.) DAVE: (you really are far gone) DAVE: (look) DAVE: (sure she makes it kind of impossible to care about her) DAVE: (and i wouldnt be surprised if shes perfectly fine) DAVE: (just off doing her own thing) DAVE: (but the fact that you care anyways) DAVE: (is kind of cool imo) KARKAT: (WHAT.) DAVE: (you actually give a shit about people) DAVE: (even people that probably dont deserve it) DAVE: (ngl vriska is kind of a huge bitch and you would probably be happier if you wrote her off) DAVE: (maybe thats the case for some other people too but not gonna name names)

WELL DAVE, I CARE ABOUT HER. ANd also, who is Dave talking about when he says “other people?” Nobody really comes to mind besides maaybe Gamzee.

Daw, he’s all concerned and shit. That’s kinda cute. Though it’s still odd he’s not teasing Karkat about this. I guess he knows how to show some maturity when it’s needed.

KARKAT: (DAVE...) DAVE: (ok fine) DAVE: (im just trying to say that) DAVE: (from experience) DAVE: (putting aside bitchiness or what anyone might deserve) DAVE: (having people around that actually care about you makes a big difference) DAVE: (and the idea that not caring about anything or anyone is somehow the most ideal way to be is garbage) DAVE: (so instead of beating yourself up about caring too much) DAVE: (do yourself a favor and just focus on whats bothering you)

Yup, that’s some good advice. I hate when people are too busy stressing about other people that they just let themselves fall apart. I wonder how Karkat will take it!

Skepticist Karkat is best Karkat.

KARKAT: (... OK, SURE.)

yay.

KARKAT: (... OK, SURE.) DAVE: (i get that you think vriska might fuck up and get herself killed somehow) DAVE: (but i also get the feeling theres more to it than that) KARKAT: (YEAH. THERE IS.) KARKAT: (WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING IF SHE DOES FUCK UP.) KARKAT: (AND, DAMMIT, TEREZI IS PROBABLY GOING TO TIE HERSELF INTO A FUCKING PRETZEL ABOUT IT TOO.) KARKAT: (WHICH I'M SURE SHE REALLY DOESN’T NEED RIGHT NOW.) KARKAT: (AND NOW *I'M* ALL TWISTED UP WONDERING IF WHATEVER VRISKA IS DOING OUT THERE CAN STILL FUCK US OVER SOMEHOW.)

Oh Karkat, I assure you. Anything anybody does is guaranteed to have the potential to fuck everything over. In this case, she’s supposed to kill a universe destroying god. I think there’s a chance she can fuck you over with that.

DAVE: (hmmm) DAVE: (well) DAVE: (i cant help you with terezi) DAVE: (shes just going to have to work on that) DAVE: (but as far as the the blue winged butterfly effect goes...) DAVE: (im the timeline guy right) KARKAT: (I GUESS??) DAVE: (you guessed correctly) DAVE: (and right now nothing feels off to me) DAVE: (theres been enough outside intervention to convince me that this is the way shit is supposed to go) DAVE: (if somebody from an alternate reality bothers to travel back and give the timeline a thorough heimlich maneuver like im assuming john and roxy did) DAVE: (which causes all the potential roadblocks to fling themselves out of our way and allow the right events to start slotting into place) DAVE: (thats generally a good sign that everything that can go wrong already has) DAVE: (so its pretty much smooth sailing from here) DAVE: (... hopefully)

Dave, you are absolutely talking out of your ass right now. Do you even have the ability to “feel” if something’s wrong? I don’t think that’s a thing.

KARKAT: (DID YOU REALLY NEED TO TACK THAT ON THE END THERE?) DAVE: (just covering my bases) KARKAT: (YOU KNOW, IF THAT WAS YOUR IDEA OF A PEP TALK, I THINK I MIGHT AS WELL FLING MYSELF OFF THIS MISERABLE VICTORY PLATTER AND PERFORM A SUPERSONIC HONKBIRD DIVE INTO SKAIA.) KARKAT: (*HOPEFULLY* I CAN DROWN IN CELESTIAL OOZE AND LAY MYSELF TO REST AGAINST THE BOSOM OF A LITERAL FUCKING UNIVERSE.) KARKAT: (THAT WOULD ALMOST DEFINITELY BE MORE COMFORTING THAN “HOPEFULLY EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE I THINK”.)

Calm down Karkat, that’s just assurance that everything is in no way fine and you’re all going to fuckING DIE UNLESS JOHN OPENS THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW.

Pft, this panel is weird looking.

DAVE: (jesus) DAVE: (alright you got me maybe im talking out of my ass) DAVE: (this whole alpha timeline thing is really something you gotta play by ear and i cant predict whats going to happen) DAVE: (but it just sucks to see you so stressed out) DAVE: (i was kind of hoping we could put all of that crap behind us) DAVE: (at least for a little while) DAVE: (those are really pretty decent things to be worrying about but the crux of the matter is theres just nothing we can actually do) DAVE: (at least not that i can figure out) DAVE: (thats more roses thing and she seems to think everythings fine) DAVE: (and even if something does happen youll probably be in better shape to deal with it if you dont get yourself so worked up) KARKAT: (... YEAH.) KARKAT: (I GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT.) KARKAT: (I THINK I TEND TO LET MYSELF HYPER FOCUS ON ONE POSSIBILITY AND STRESS OVER WHAT USUALLY AMOUNTS TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.) KARKAT: (SO I NEED TO TRY AND NOT DO THAT MAYBE.) DAVE: (awesome) DAVE: (think about troll dane cooks unironically hilarious stand up routine or something) DAVE: (and chill out) KARKAT: (I AM. I’M CHILLING.) KARKAT: (THIS IS ME CHILLING. THIS IS MY CHILL FACE.) DAVE: (funny) DAVE: (looks a lot like that face you were making a minute ago) DAVE: (when you were decidedly not chilling)

This is a nice pesterlog right here. And cOME ON karkat, chill out man.

Oh my god karkat stop you weren’t meant to smile

KARKAT: (HOW'S THISH THEN.) DAVE: (pffffft) DAVE: (hahahahahaha) KARKAT: (heh) DAVE: (yeah sure) DAVE: (that works)

No it doesnt Dave stop its horrible.

Alright well, Dave and Karkat have sorta calmed each other down and spooked each other up. [fun fact, every time i type each other i type it as eachother and have to retype it because i forgot that isn’t a fucking word. Why isnt that a fuckING WORD]

And that’s all for this update! So I think I’ll go ahead and make the next post now.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

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journeysintowebcomics · 7 years

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Homestuck Liveblog #153

UPDATE 153: All the Pieces are Here

Last time Gamzee had completely fooled Terezi, and by extension, me. Yeah, he’s right now beating her with no remorse at all, and it’s awful to see. Yikes. Also, Jane is now asleep but her body, still under control of the tiara, has latched on Aranea like a tick. So let’s continue from there!

Writing this paragraph before starting. I’m predicting there’ll be a minimum of dialogue, the next fifty pages should have lots and lots of images. It’s bound to pass through real fast, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll go for 100 pages.

All these glitches make everything more ominous, in my opinion. It’s as if the world is going to shatter into pieces in any moment. Chances are that won’t happen, but who knows, maybe the end of Homestuck is the glitches making the universe explode. Thanks for nothing, Lord English, destroyer of paradox space.

Because Jake’s death wasn’t heroic or just, he revives, this time without hope powers. He is also right beside Terezi and Gamzee, just...watching. Gamzee continues hitting as hard as he can, dang. I’m kind of glad the glitches are obscuring the situation a bit. Rose, horrified, shouts for Gamzee to stop.

ROSE: Or, wait. ROSE: Is this some sort of blackrom thing? ROSE: I certainly hope not.

What the—Rose! This isn’t the time to be wondering if this is an obscure and weird alien romantic ritual! Stop standing there, go help Terezi! Even if it were a black romance thing, I think no one wouldn’t blame Rose for intervening. Terezi is getting her face smashed against the pavement. Anyone would intervene.

ROSE: I am the actual worst auspistice who ever lived. ROSE: THE ACTUAL WORST!!!

Damn right you are; you’re just standing there! And Jake isn’t really doing much better, he’s just standing there and watching Terezi being suplexed. I know in real life a lot of people stand around and do nothing when they see someone being attacked or anything, so it isn’t something that came out of left field, but this is still rather frustrating to see. Gamzee slams Terezi so hard against the concrete it breaks, and she’s now hanging over the lava. Augh.

Kanaya and Karkaroni arrive right in that moment, finding Terezi in danger. There’s a rather cool sequence of lava seeping into the Skaia in Jane’s fork, and Jake and Rose finally intervene. Jake does it meekly, just asking Gamzee to kindly stop killing Terezi -- ...fine, Jake, you do that – and Rose takes a more hands-on approach, getting her wand ready. About time, Rose! Tge blast misses and impacts near Jake, making him fly away. Karkaroni had enough, he brandishes the sickle and swears to make a fight. Up on the building, Aranea struggles to pick up Brain Dirk’s katana with her psychic powers – no idea how that didn’t vanish away as well -- and then she arrives.

The Condesce is pissed. Oh, gee, who’d have thought that derailing the session like this would make her angry? Haha! Do you have a plan to counter the Condesce, Aranea? Did you expect her to arrive so soon? Everyone who is in the session seems to have converged in one place, this is getting good!

Aaaaaand because Hussie is like that, right when it gets good, it’s time for the so-called main act of Act 6 Act 6.

Oh, jolly. Well to his credit I’m happy it was now and not in middle of the intense events that are likely to happen. Now that’d have been annoying. Better get this Caliborn thing out of the way before things happen here in Jade’s planet! Besides, I admit I’m a bit curious how much Caliborn has progressed now.

Looks like he’s confident enough to mess with the manga book. Why do I have this strange sense of foreboding...again? I have it all the time when it’s about Caliborn, haha...okay, let’s get done with this. What artistic work do you have to show now, bud? As usual, here’s the warning: there’s a chance I won’t have much to comment about Caliborn’s antics. By now, dear readers, you may be aware I’m not a diehard fan of him. By now I tolerate him, but I’m not exactly reading his sections with excitement. Once again, I’m sorry for that.

Looks like Homosuck is getting into its equivalent of Act 5. There are the trolls. Krabkrab, Honk Friend – ‘friend’?! Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Caliborn? – Cape Douche, Smelly Horse Man, Other Guy, and Bull Horn Wimp. Oh, and all the female trolls, too, with no pejorative name other than ‘tha bitches’. Hah! Saw it coming.

The Beforus trolls are just everyone flipped and with a negative color scheme. Yeah, that’ll do...for the five seconds the trolls mattered. All these pictures go to the trash, because Caliborn has something better to show.

Hah! Okay, you got my attention, Hussie. Man Gaka Extraordinare! I’m amused, this may be worth a read, after all!

IT'S GOD'S GIFT. TO "THE YAOIS". MY RESEARCH TELLS ME.

Do you know that feeling of morbid curiosity one feels when one hears about something awful having happened in a video, and one wants to see how bad is it? Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling. I really like the giant watermark, though. That’s a good one, Hussie.

Well, to Caliborn’s credit, he has improved a lot from his first drawings, and he followed all the instructions about how to draw manga. Never let it be said Caliborn doesn’t motivate himself to improve himself!

This is truly “the yaois”. Manga Dave and Manga Karkat are here. What they do, hm, well, let’s say they’d both be upset to know how they’re depicted here.

IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, BASICALLY THE IDEA IS. YOU PRETEND THEM TO LOOK MORE LIKE GIRLS. TO MAKE IT LESS WEIRD FOR EVERYBODY WHEN THEY DECIDE TO TOUCH EACH OTHER.

So that’s the key to draw manga. Haha! I know a handful of people from my school that’d have taken serious offense by that! Always with the finger on the pulse, Caliborn, eh?

Oh god, it’s American Comic Book Superheroine anatomy! We’re doomed. But yeah, other than the improved drawings, it doesn’t seem like this section of Caliborn’s intermission won’t differ much from the rest. Same old, same old, in terms of theme. The gals are dying in bloody ways. Yeah.

“Registered by the government as my legal artistic possession” Caliborn, you liar, there’s not even a government anymore.

SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO BE RELEVANT. KEEP DREAMING BITCH!

Right. So Caliborn may still have access to the radio tower? He knows what happened in the ghost bubbles. Well, not that it matters that much right now.

Oh my god, Caliborn has an OC.

...that is not what I expected. Dear reader, imagine that this here is what’s destroying paradox space. Imagine the big bad, Lord English, looks like that. Good thing he doesn’t, eh? Yeah, the skull, the hulking figure, and the billiard eyes does wonders when it’s about making someone threatening.

John arrives in middle of Caliborn’s games with his OC, and isn’t happy at all to see Caliborn. Thought so, what after seeing the kind of playing Caliborn does with those bad drawings of his friends.

HEY ASSHOLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Oh, wow, he’s furious! I admit I underestimated how angry John would be. But yeah, another intense staredown. I’ll just...skip to the end of that sequence of images, thank you.

you're the one who vriska and her pirate pals are all trying to stop! it was you who put all this into motion in some way i don't really understand! which means you're responsible for like a trillion people dying, and universes blowing up, and all my friends getting scattered around and acting like idiots, and my dad being dead!

...huh. Well, that’s certainly...a bold accusation, John, and without anything to back it up, too. If what John said partly influences Caliborn to start doing everything he did once he was Lord English, hah, I wonder how John would react to that. It isn’t too farfetched to have that possibility in mind, I’d say, but if that were true, it’s possible there’ll be a second John to tackle the first one soon.

Turns out Caliborn is saying his monologue loud enough for anyone around to listen! I thought the narration was just text, not that Caliborn was actually saying it. Hah! It’d be kinda endearing if it didn’t come from Caliborn.

And then comes ‘game over. A flash file in Caliborn’s intermission. Um, well, that sounds a tad promising! Flash files are almost always great, I don’t see why this would be any different, Caliborn or not.

I’ll stop for now.

Next update: five updates

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomics liveblogs

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