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mtfstuff · 3 years

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My friend John's body

I'm straight. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was a hard time for me but my best friend John was at my side. We know each other since Kindergarten but since highschool something changed. I always felt better when he was near me. He was this good looking, muscular womanizer and I was the skinny guy. He always dressed nice: tight shirts, leather jacket and boots and so on. Something about it turned me on and he sometimes felt it. He joked about it, sometimes he jokingly said if I want to sniff him. Of course I said no as I'm straight but that moment never left my mind.

Now that I was in a bad mood because of my break up he came over to cheer me up but I had different plans.

I opened the door after he knocked and let him in. Closing the door behind him, I grabbed the rag with chloroform from my back pocket and pushed it from behind onto his face. Totally shocked, he tried to push me away from him but I clinged onto him like a used gum to the sole of a boot. He went on his knees which caused his leather boots to creak.

I started to feel that he got weaker until he passed out. I didnt remove the rag for quiet some minutes to make sure that he really is unconscious. I pulled his limb body onto my bed and tied him up.

I never saw him sleeping so this was a new experience too. He looked so handsome passed out.

Even though I was able to grow a good beard I always were skinny and with that a bit jealous of my best friend John. I now knew the feelings I had when he was near me. I always wanted to be like him. Tall, muscular, good looking. I wanted to strip him and put on his clothes and he should be able to see every single step of it. Of course I dont want to loose him as a friend after this so I already bought a bottle of forgetful potion for him when I finished.

I waited for him to be awake again to start with my plan.

"Dennis! What did you do to me?", John shouted after he noticed that I tied him up on my bed.

"I thought you wanted to cheer me up Jonathan.", I answered. I saw in his eyes that he was scared, I never called him by his full name before.

I continued:"I want to feel good again. I love the way you look Jonathan! I'll strip every single cloth off of you and I'll put it on myself, starting with your boots. After that I want to have some fun with you..."

I looked at him with dead eyes as he tried to free himself, but he had no luck. When he looked back at me I saw the fear and sadness in his eyes.

I came closer to him and started to stroke his leg while I opened the first lace of his boots. I pulled them of his feet, closed my eyes and started to sniff them. The smell of sweat and warm leather turned me on. I noticed how my dick raised.

When I opened my eyes again I saw that John's bulge has grown too.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who likes this.", I commented while staring at his bulge.

He growled back and I saw a tear run from his left eye.

I turned back to his clothes pulling each wool sock from his feet. I knew that he was ticklish so I ran my fingers down the sole of his foot.

His body cramped and moved uncontrollably because he wanted to suppress his laughter. Satisfied with his feet, I began to undo his belt. He tried to fight back but he was without a chance. I pulled down his jeans to reveal that he wore a jockstrap. I let out a quiet laugh, I never thought he would wear something like this. I pulled it down too to reveal his massive cock. Satisfied with what I get to play with later I started to get into his clothes. I undressed completely and started to get into his jockstrap. It was to large for me so I had to hold it up until i put on his jeans and closed the belt. It felt So good to wear it I could smell his parfume and sweat, I was so turned on. I put on his thick wool socks he wore in his boots. They were cold as they were drenched in his sweat. I let out an uncontrolled moan and smiled at him.

"Looks like your feet were really hot in there.", I said to him, lying on my bed, his lower half completely undressed and his cock standing at a right angle to his body.

His eyebrows drew together in an angry look. "I'll kill you as soon as I'm free!", John shouted. I belittled his words as I was so hyped to get into his boots!

They stood in front of me and as I grabbed the first one I felt my heart beating faster synched with my cock. I knew I'd cum as soon as I put them on and it was an honor for me to do it into John's jockstrap. After I put on his first boot I felt something weird in my body. My blood felt warmer and I thought I grew a little bit. I dismissed it as an illusion and grabbed his second boot. As soon as I put it on I felt the same again. I looked at John and he was shocked as if he had seen a ghost. I looked down at myself and I couldn't believe what I saw. It was John's body. Everything was there from his muscles to his veins and I lost my chest hair. I ran to a mirror to take a selfie. I had to save this moment for myself.

When I came back to John it looked like he has made peace with the situtation he was in. I knocked him out again to strip him of his beautiful black leather jacket and his grey v-neck tshirt that defined his muscles.

I played with my new body until John was awake again so he could continue to put on the last parts of his clothes. I felt so good, strong and masculin now, I didnt want to change back to my old appearence.

"I think I'll stay in your clothes for some days John. Dont you see how good it fits me?", I said to him.

I crawled onto the bed kneeling now over him. I ran my, no, his fingers down his muscular body and stopped when they reached his hairy ballsack and huge cock.

"Let us see if you're really straight John...", I said while starting to stroke his dick. It got even harder than it was before and he started to get an orgasm and almost cum. It was so pleasing to be in this body, to have this clothes on to see that your love of your life is almost cumming while you stroke his dick.

I put his dick into my mouth. It was warm and pulsated in a rythm. I somehow knew I had to get him to cum into my mouth to get to my orgasm too. I played on his dick with my tongue and I started to suck really hard. John moaned and shot his first big load right into my throat. I felt how he started to climax and I sucked even harder as he shot his second load into my mouth. I started to notice that his cock started to feel smaller in my mouth. I looked at John and saw that his muscles started to deflate and that chesthair started to grow on him. When I saw his face I was shocked. I looked into my old face. I continued to suck until his dick was dry.

When I stood up in front of my bed I couldnt believe it. John took the appearence of my old body. He looked dazed.

"John?! Is everything okay?", I asked him.

He looked at me and answered:"Johnathan, why are you calling me by your name. You know I'm Dennis."

I was so happy. I freed him and ran to the bath. I took of the boots and to my surprise I didnt change back into my old body so I put them back on.

John, I mean now Dennis, stood in front of me as I opened the door again.

"Is everything okay John? You look as if you've seen a ghost.", he said.

"Everything is fine. I have to go now.", I mumbled.

I grabbed John's, now my, car keys, said goodbye to Dennis and left his house.

That was three months ago. Dennis is now back together with his ex girlfriend, the reason for all of this. I'm happy to be in this body and I dont want to switch back. I think I'm doing it more justice than the old John. I know have an incredible leather jacket and boot collection I can cum off of.

Dennis and I are still best friends as he doesn't remeber what happened on that day and I'll never tell him.

#body swap #body switch #male possession #male body swap #male body switch #nerd to jock

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docholligay · 3 years

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I don’t normally read zombie stories. The tropes of the genre don’t really appeal to me. This isn’t some sort of referendum against it, mind you. I just people think they like what they like when it comes to genre fiction, and horror specifically, which I love! But I love ghost stories, not zombie ones.

This is one of exactly two zombie novels I’ve ever read that I enjoyed in literally any capacity.

In non-spoilery terms, here’s what I can say about it. It plays with the genre without in any way being bound by it, and in many ways Isn’t about the zombie thing at all. We go en medias res to a world where zombies are a given--our protagonists don’t even really remember The Before Times as they were small children. It casts a totally different light on what can be, for people named Doc, who are me, a very very boring -ass genre. It’s more about news and what we owe to the news, and what it means to present truth, than it is about zombies at all, and manages it in a way that doesn’t come across as try-hard and hamfisted. It’s also an easy read, for those of you looking for that.

SPOILERS BENEATH THE CUT

HOLY SHIT SHE KILLS THE MAIN CHARACTER HOLY SHIT SHE KILLS THE MAIN CHARACTER HOLY SHIT SHE KILLS THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THE THIRD ACT OF THE BOOK. BUT NOT THE END.

She gets bitten and I start ROLLING MY EYES IMMEDIATELY. I have read plenty of genre fiction. I know the rules. I can’t wait to see what unbelieveable horseshit they pull out of--OH MY GOD SHE GOT SHOT IN THE BACK OF THE GODDAMN HEAD. SHE LEGIT KILLED THE MAIN. BLESS AND ALSO THANK. Seriously, even if I had been on the fence about the rest of the book I would have moved to appreciating it from the brass ones to do this alone. And she’s a FIRST PERSON PROTAG. Never would have guessed it. Delighted. Thrilled. Shocked in the best way.

This is about the news, and it’s about how bloggers have basically stepped into the space of news, and become almost their own kind of news network, and you can trust the bloggers MORE than the standard news crews and wow does this book read differently now than when it was published. I could have believed this 18 times over when it originally came out, but after everything that happened with blogging and “independent news’ in the Trump era it reads almost naive. It’s incredible to me how fast the world turns, and this isn’t the book’s fault--like I said, when it was published, I, too, would have seen this as completely plausible. It’s just STRANGE to read it now, knowing what we know. Also the idea that a Republican candidate can have inviolable core values. (I kept picturing Mitt Romney, one of the last bastions of honor in the party.) Knowing that the author is deeply liberal I super applaud her for writing the ‘good guy” as a Republican, which also reads weirdly naive now. Remember when Ted Cruz refused to acknowledge Trump’s nomination and now he sucks Trump’s ballsack? Everything changed so fast.

And yet, all this STILL holds up better than Hamilton.

I also really appreciated that Fiction has its own very strong backing within this world of news and documentary type stuff, that it was presented as just as important to people’s general need to live, and to find happiness. I suppose I should expect that from an actual fiction writer, but in a world where I think writing itself gets downplayed, often, it’s nice to see that yes, this is a huge part of what makes us human, and writing DOES matter.

below here are my minor quibbles and dislikes with the novel:

It’s genre fiction and as such it’s not the style of prose I prefer. I know the deal when I pick up a genre fiction book, but still, I miss the poetic prose of like, Tartt or even French.

I found out about her alt ending for the novel and now I’m ENDLESSLY DISAPPOINTED I didn’t get that. I know its dark as the devil’s asshole but YES PLS. I was like, “Oh, was that a possibility???? We could have??’

Grant has a “stock heroine” apparently, and this is my only real criticism. I recognize this girl from Parasite, the girl with a boy’s nickname who doesn’t like girly things and is sporty and whatever. I think this might have not annoyed me at all--all authors have their favorite wells, all composers have themes, all directors have fixations--but I don’t care for the “tomboy is the best kind of girl” thing that feels very 90s rah rah not like the other girls to me.

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thecandywrites · 3 years

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Blood For Gold Chapter 14

Ha! You THOUGHT I had forgotten this but no. No. Not by a long shot. it's just getting GOOOOOD. Like intrigue, sit on the edge of your seat as you subconciously hold your breath, good. The plot thickens and it's getting complicated and dangerous and you're gonna love it! Just...love it.

@punkhorse96 gurl, this is for you. Enjoy.

Blood For Gold

Chapter 14

“So what caught that nose of yours so strongly tonight?” Benny asked as she stole into Sierge’s room and was in the process of eagerly disrobing him again.

“I couldn’t be sure.” Sierge shook his head, not wanting to disclose the secret his nose uncovered, although if push came to shove and it was either him attaining Benny or his brother attaining Audra and his happiness was the price of his brother’s, he would officially have enough to tip the scales in his favor. Although now that he had been close enough to Sultana Audravienne, he realized the secret to why the Sultana would have so much coin to throw around, she was obviously a private whore for the Red Velvet Rope. Living a double life and supplementing her income. By his calculations the Sultana could pull in hundreds, maybe even thousands of pounds, being a pure moura with marks like hers, anyone would be paying through the nose to see how extensive they were and if she were masked, no one would be any the wiser because of how “proper” English society was and how covered up they usually had to be, no one would ever see that much of Audra’s body to say one way or the other in polite society. But if the gossip columns got wind of it, she’d be done for.

That is how the Sultana enraptured his brother, they met on the train first, then went to The Red Velvet Rope where she was already latched onto Demsey through his cock and was making Demsey compete for her with the Dauphin, just another moura playing another game of cat and mouse or mice in a maze. All mouras were the same, except for his Benny, his perfect, brilliant Benyana. Who had captured his heart, mind and soul.

“I don’t believe you.” Benny practically sang as she pushed him down into the bed before she practically pounced on him and used her fingertips to both stroke and rake her hands all over his already marked body.

“Demsey’s whore at the Red Velvet Rope, I found her scent on another orc.” Sierge finally confessed as Benny continued to licentiously tease him.

“Well she’s a whore and her whorehouse was hosting the event, of course she was working, she has to make a living too.” Benny reasoned with a shrug as she started licking up his cock and could tell that wasn’t all Sierge had uncovered.

“So what else?” Benny prodded as used the tip of her nose to nuzzle his ballsack as his mostly hard cock layed over most of her face, the head already weeping and the sight threatened to pull every ounce of air from Sierge's lungs.

“Come on, you can trust me, tell me. Have I ever betrayed your confidence?” Benny encouraged before she used the tip of her tongue to split the two testicles as she licked from the back of his ball sack to the underside of his cock then licked all the way up to the tip, grinning as it got completely hard from her minstrations.

“No.” Sierge hissed as he fisted the bedding. Benny and that tongue of hers was something else. He loved it.

“Then tell me.” Benny offered before she swirled the head of his weeping cock with her tongue before flicking it and giving him a heated look of desire.

“She wasn’t there as a worker, she was there as a guest.” Sierge finally groaned when her mouth closed over his cock as she gave him a few good sucks as Benny giggled in her hum around him.

“And did you find her?” Benny asked as she used her hands to start massaging his thighs.

“Yes.” Sierge confessed as he felt like he was in heaven.

“And?” Benny pressed further.

“The resemblance is uncanny.” Sierge said, figuring that was the safest answer he could give.

“Then why did you sniff at Audravienne at the table and the other blue orc?” Benny asked as she used her breasts to squish around Sierge’s cock, the underside rubbing against her breastbone.

“Because I could smell her on him.” Sierge said.

“It was a crowded dancefloor, she could have brushed up against him.” Benny excused, trying to see how much Sierge would give up.

“Not unless she had sex with him on the dance floor, I could smell her sexual essence on him. On his pants particularly. It had been attempted to be wiped off, but her essence was potent and very fresh, less than an hour old.” Sierge admitted.

“Well she’s always had a thing for orcs.” Benny revealed.

“What do you mean by that?” Sierge asked as he rose to his elbows to look at her perplexed by her choice of words.

“My brother Leumeni? He used to get her off with his fingers and tongue a lot back in the stables, it hurt him something awful when she became a shakan and couldn’t return to them, never even returned any of his letters either in all that time.” Benny revealed.

“He what?!” Sierge asked as he sat up, feeling particular panic grip him for his sister Kiera’s sake because Kiera and Leumeni had gotten quite cozy themselves.

“What? That’s a norm back in the stables, most brothers get their sister’s friends off, mouras of all kinds have high sex drives, it keeps the moura’s “pure” as in no penile-vaginal penetrative sex but that doesn’t mean you can’t suck someone off or help them masturbate in turn, but the keiy point is, is, it’s just sex, no feelings, no strings attached, or that’s the way it’s supposed to be but not the way it is right now between us.” Benny giggled as she climbed into his lap and seated herself onto her prize.

“Does that mean that Kiera is in danger of Leumeni…” Sierge began.

“Oh no, wherever we are, we have to hold ourselves to the code of ethics and standards of where we are at the time. So since it’s not proper for a “lady” such as your sister to be in any compromising situation with a gentleman, Leumeni likes her enough that he won’t jeopardize her honor. Nor any of the other jewel orc counterparts. But you and I obviously have something much more precious and valuable than they do, don’t we? And it would be a shame if we didn't take advantage of every chance and opportunity to get as aquainted with each other as we can be, can we?” She coached as she held his face as her gaze held his as she was undeterred and rode him.

“That we do.” Sierge had to admit.

“Then don’t worry.” She reassured him before he fell back into the bed and let her ride him as she pleased.

Meanwhile in Demsey’s room.

“You have to tell her!” Tzane demanded of his eldest brother as Demsey was laying in bed with his arm over his eyes and just wanted rest more than anything, his body was spent, his mind was exhausted and his heart was torn in conflicting confusion.

“I will, when the time is right.” Dempsey reassured Tzane.

“And what’s wrong with right now?” Tzane pressed.

“She’s tired, just like I am. She’s already in bed, it would be inappropriate to go to her rooms, especially at this hour.” Demsey argued.

“Oh you say that, but yet we all know that Sierge isn’t staying alone in his room, we can all smell them on each other. But no one even bats an eye.” Tzane argued.

“That’s because the only thing Sierge cares about- is his own pleasure more than any woman’s honor, even a moura bride’s.” Demsey growled, frustrated that every time he closed his eyes he was seeing Miss Draft instead of Sultana Audravienne.

“If you don’t tell Audra now before the Dauphin and Dauphine push Ramsey to ensnare her to the point where she has no choice put to accept him, it will be too late and Audra will have to put up with sharing her partner with her brother of all people, it’s heartbreaking enough for a partner to be unfaithful, but that’s too much like incest for anyone.” Tzane pleaded.

“I know! That’s why when I get a chance to privately tell her, I will, so that she can protect herself from him and his family. Tomorrow, I will find a moment to tell her tomorrow and I will not rest tomorrow night until it comes to her attention, now please for the love of the gods and all that is holy, return to your own quarters and get some rest. Please, I beg of you.” Demsey pleaded.

“I will hold you to it.” Tzane insisted before he left and returned to his own room.

Meanwhile Calla had found her way into your rooms through the secret passages.

“Audra, there is something you need to know.” Calla insisted as she came over to your vanity where you were removing your makeup and wondering why you had put on gold glittering eyeshadow before you left but it seemed to have turned white and then black over the course of the evening, it was happening to more and more of your gold powder and glittered substances and it alluded you as to why it kept happening, it kept happening ever since Edward’s death and you didn't know what was happening but it was getting on your nerves.

“Is it about how Axal and Ramsey are lovers?” You guessed.

“You know?” Calla asked, shocked by the fact that you knew already.

“Of course I do, Axal told me about the attraction the moment they landed here and he’s been inseparable from Ramsey ever since and I understand if the sight of Ramsey sucking Axal off on the balcony above us caused a disruption to Tzane and Demsey, such kinds of relations are a bit taboo in this society but I had no reason to make a scene and embarrass anyone tonight by throwing a fit, although if push comes to shove and I’ll need that reason publically, I’m sure Axal will “confess” to everything to give me an out eventually. For now, I’m content to play blissfully ignorant until then. But you must swear to keep all that a secret, especially from anyone and everyone else.” You confided.

“So this...does not upset you?” Calla asked.

“No, why should it? I have no attachment to Ramsey and therefore no reason for jealousy, at this point such a union with Ramsey would be considered incest on account of Axal which is all the reason I need to dismiss Ramsey as a suitor and his attempts to woo me and I love Axal dearly and I want to see him happy and Ramsey seems to be able to do that quite nicely and honestly with Axal going to 3C’s, it makes quite a bit of sense. Axal has a solution to the “problem” and it should become realized soon. So all I have to do is wait and play along for now.” You told her.

“Oh.” Calla frowned as she considered all of that.

“So you and Tzane seemed to be quite the pair tonight, does he please you?” You asked her as you scooted over on your bench and patted it in invitation so she could sit next to you.

“He is the most noble and remarkable and brilliant gentleman in all of England.” Call sighed dreamily as a love drunk smile seemed to plaster itself on her face which brought a happy grin to yours before Calla started talking about how wonderful Tzane was.

Meanwhile back in your grandmother’s room, she was taking council with her daughter, her daughter’s mother in law, as well as your hier father’s wife and her mother along with the Dauphine herself as they had all passed around your original contract with Edward along with your contract with Richard as well as the reports of the stable master’s assessments of you after you had been reassessed after Edward’s death.

“This makes no sense.” Your mother said as she wiped the tears from her eyes, reading about the abuse you suffered.

“I think it makes perfect sense.” Maradiem, your heir father’s wife, and your "step mother" answered.

“Then explain it how you see it so that it makes sense.” Your mother demanded.

“What is missing about the reports is Jane. She was only 15 at the time, and is still at the absolute mercy of her monstrous parents. She was an innocent caught in the crossfire according to Audra and the only soft spot the Morrigans found to “push” because they ripped all the others away. Audra had no means of escape, she had no way to fight back. She was being watched at all times and drugged with mourkatili. Served at Jane’s hands no less. If Jane had any sense of self preservation, she of course would play the innocent wounded, weakling to Audra, beg for Audra’s compliance so that she wouldn’t get hurt from Audra’s point of view but also play the compliant pawn to her parents to keep herself from actually suffering their "abuse" which I'm sure was just a show for Audra's sake. And while the Morrigans found that if they appeared to punish Jane, because Audra herself was too strong to defeat by any other means, they used Jane to emotionally manipulate her and dupe her into anything. Jane still, could have reached out to the stables, she could have reached out to any number of people at all the balls or anything she went to, she could have sent a private message to the stables to intervene if she really had Audra’s best interests at heart and wanted to protect Audra as much as Audra protected her. As it stands now, if Audra dies, it is Jane who is Audra’s beneficiary. All that money and wealth, goes to Jane if something happens to Audra.” Avania, Sylvar’s mother explained as Maradiem nodded her agreement to that explanation.

“Exactly.” Maradiem nodded.

“And I have dispatched Charlotte to get the truth from Jane, Charlotte is quite good at gaining trust and gaining invaluable intelligence, she is far more intelligent than she lets on, she is with Jane now, in the gardens and is gathering intelligence as we speak and has been since she came here. Plus, it’s been no mistake that Countess Agnes Morrigan has always had her eye on Ramsey for Jane herself and with Audravienne out of the way and with Jane inheriting all that Audra has, even that would be enough for Gregori or Ramsey to reconsider.” Yalin confessed.

“But as it stands now, Audra’s body has been poisoned or "tainted" as you would view it, to the point that any chance of her producing an heir is naught and any designs that Gregori or Ramsey have about her producing an heir for your family is not feasible.” Your mother Jodhaa voiced.

“Yes, both Gregori and Ramsey will have to consider that Audra even trying to conceive could endanger her life. And I will speak with them about it myself.” Yalin readily agreed.

“I think we need to reach out to Audra’s paid companions, bring them here and question them and see what they know and question all of Audra’s servants, the ones that followed her from Broadcove are especially suspicious.” Loreiris insisted.

“As it stands, Scotland Yard is at Broadcove and at Mirador. And we have hired Bellfast, who is a mage- and they are especially keen with everything magical and they can conjure up everything that has transpired. And what I heard from them only this morning- is Broadcove was under two spells. The second was placed by Audravienne, to turn all the mirrors and paintings in Broadcove into scene catchers, and the first however was performed by a wizard- Lemark under Richard’s decree, so that no messengerari- would work on the grounds and the lightning rod on top of the house is a form of signal disturbance that affects not just the house but until the very grounds that Broadcove sits on, even their neighbors have difficulty but have never thought that the problem would be with Broadcove and Scotland Yard in their in their investigation have found that at least three men in the postal system have been hired to catch all of Audra’s mail and all mail addressed to Audra and they themselves disposed of it but as of right now- those letters are being rebirthed into existance by Bellfast. Each one will come with a high cost- of course it will be demanded of the Morrigans to pay for. So we do have solid evidence of Richard tampering with all communications.” Yalin divulged as she pulled the letter out from her pocket and passed it around for the others to read.

“So Richard made it so that Audra couldn’t reach out and from that, obviously Jane could not reach out either. Audra fired back with making everything else in the house a catcher- basically a messengerari that was set to record everything.” Jodhaa smiled in relief as did most of the others.

“It appears so, yes, but it’s all protected by a password. If they can crack the password, they can get access to it, or if Audra will be so kind as to provide the password, a case can be built starting tomorrow so that after the komoba battle- we can go straight to court.” Yalin grinned.

“Clever, clever girl, that’s how the stable masters could know of the abuse. Not only did they have Audra’s word, but they must have seen the proof of it with their own eyes. A catcher is just as good as a messengerari.” Maradiem realized.

“And catchers and messengerari’s both hold up in our court system as proof. As long as there is no sign of tampering, it all can be submitted and taken as gospel.” Yalin insisted.

“Now if you’ll excuse me it is quite late, we need to retire and get at least a few hours of sleep tonight.” Yalin urged them before they all got up and went their separate ways as Charlotte was already waiting in her mother’s room dressing room to tell her what she had found out from Jane but one look at her Lottie and she could immediately tell something was wrong.

“Audravienne’s case can not be allowed to make it to court.” Lottie insisted as her eyes glossed with tears.

“What? Why?”

“Because Jane has uncovered the plot to bring Audravienne into this family. And if the case goes to court- Audravinne and Jane will be assassinated to cover up the plot.” Lottie urged her mother, her own panicked tone giving Yalin pause and worry.

“By the Morrigans? They’ve already tried to kill Audra with mourkatili and failed, but why would they try to kill their own daughter? That doesn’t make any…” Yalin shook her head no.

“No- not by the Morrigans, but...but by Father.” Lottie blurted.

“What are you talking about?” Yalin asked as Lottie’s tears began to fall and she started trembling.

“Count Edward Morrigan was poisoned with Wolf’s Eye. That’s what made him go crazy to begin with. That’s what made him abusive to Audravienne and what got her that shakan status. When Richard and Agnes discovered it, they thought it was Audra, but it wasn’t, she was innocent and had no knowledge or involvement and Jane has proof of Audravienne’s innocence but her parents did not believe Jane and believed that Audra had brainwashed Jane into thinking Audra was innocent, the reason they bought that mourkatili was revenge for Edward. Father poisoned Edward and killed Edward so that Audravienne could marry Ramsey quicker. Jane knows that Audra is innocent, she also knows of father’s involvement and if it goes to court, Jane knows that it will be the death of not just Audravienne but herself if not her whole family to cover up father’s involvement. That’s why it can’t go to court. What has already been done is all that can be done, if any further steps are taken- the implications would ruin everyone involved, even us, especially us.” Lottie revealed as Yalin had to sit down and clutch her middle and fight not to throw up.

“Doesn’t father’s actions make more sense than ever? Father is so desperate to get Ramsey married that he murdered Count Edward to make it so once Ramsey had chosen Audra at the oddly convenient time of her wedding. But now that Audravienne is tainted with mourkatili, she can’t produce heirs and Count Edward died for nothing. If they move forward with the court case, and all is revealed- we could lose everything.” Lottie urged her mother as Yalin started crying as fear and panic gripped her own chest.

“Say nothing for now, to anyone, not even father or your brother. Do not let on that you know any of this. Maybe there is still a way to hang the Morrigans on the mourkatili and prove Audra’s innocence and leave it at that.” Yalin insisted as she fought to find her composure.

“But what is worse is I fear that Axal will meet the same fate. Axal has caught Ramsey’s eye and heart from what I can tell and Ramsey will never let Axal go so that he can embrace Audra and Audra has no wish for Ramsey, it’s plain for everyone to see. But I know that Father is unyielding and Father will make her choose Ramsey if she doesn’t want her own neck in a noose because he could as very well put the poisoning on Audravienne, father has the ability and connections to tamper with the evidence and then turn that tampering on Audravienne, it could be “proved” that she was the one to kill him via Wolf Eye, once things are tampered with- it’s all ruined.” Lottie professed.

“And with Charlico mated to Heavencrest, there is no escape for Audra. She can’t flee to the colonies because Charlico will find Heavencrest, the way all mated pairs of griffins do. Audravienne is trapped, whether she knows it or not but Father will make her aware of it. It’s just a matter of time. And father can always just buy one of Ramsey’s other lovers, have them moved into the palace and pass off their children as Audra’s children to make them legitimate heirs and lock Audra away to make it seem like she becomes pregnant.” Lottie fretted.

“But that means that Audra will be just another prisoner, just another pawn like before. She will be miserable and will drink herself to death, she has enough self respect to not put up with it. It won’t work. If she can not find happiness and contentment, she will be gone. And I swore to her I would protect her from another life like that. And I have every intention of keeping my word.” Yalin insisted.

“But what can we do?” Lottie asked.

“I don’t know, but we will think of something.” Yalin reassured her daughter.

“For now, just...try to get some sleep, and watch over Jane and Audra and Axal. Don’t let any harm come to any of them, make sure to be the first to eat and drink everything offered to them, your own moura genes will protect you, as will the servants. I will find a solution as fast as I can.” Yalin swore to her daughter before she saw her daughter out and then got undressed and retired to her own bedroom where her husband was already fast asleep as Yalin slipped into bed with him and stared at him wearily, if not with fear and a good healthy dose of mistrust.

For all of their marriage they had both loved and admired the other’s cunning and ability to play intrigue better than anyone else in court and in business so that they always came out on top. But she never would have thought her husband capable of actual murder and if Gregori had poisoned Edward, she knew that with Audra being so close and so “attainable” he wouldn’t stop there. Gregori would absolutely kill Axal, he would kill Jane, he would even kill Audra if it meant that his own deeds would never be known and her own family would be torn if not beyond ruin if it was found out. She needed to encourage Demsey Voyambi to take Audra as a bride for himself sooner than later because it was clear to her that he had a deep affection for her and she knew him capable of truly loving her and giving her the loving home life she so desperately wanted. And she needed to find another option for Ramsey that would tempt Gregori off of Audra. Come the morning, she would be talking to Axal herself to find another solution and everyone would just have to accept that nothing more could be done in your case.

#Blood For Gold #Blood For Gold Chapter 14 #regency era orc drama #regency era orc #mouras #regency era #exo #exophillia #the plot thickens #oh but the ringer #the kicker #will hopefully sucker punch you #and give you whiplash #hopefully #if I have given you the proper hints #and you've been paying attention to the little details #you can figure it out

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untilxthexveryxendximagines-blog · 7 years

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Jily- she said fine, when?

James Potter was persistent. But this year he had practically given up. Lily was no longer getting the huge acts he would do to ask her out. Or the weird but cute pick up calls. He was nice and that was all he was.

She didn’t realize how much she missed his constant flirting until it was gone. Or so she thought.

James Potter was even more in love with Lily Evans than ever before if that was possible. But he also had matured and decided that it just wasn’t meant to be. He would be her friend, Prongs, but nothing more, nothing less. It killed him, it almost did everyday as he watched her in class or in the great hall or in the common room. His heart hurt and he felt like he was slowly dying watching the red headed girl he loved just be his friend. Friend.

It was Tuesday, they’re third class of the day when Lily had gotten the thing she didn’t think she was hoping for all semester long. A note. With perfect script that read Lily in blue ink, flown over to her in the shape of a butterfly. She almost destroyed the paper trying to see what he had written.

*Evans, will you do me the honor of going out with me some time?*

She stared down at the note, her heart actually leaped in her chest. It was a small question, but finally she was going to say yes.

She scribbled in her chicken scratch *fine, when?* Trying to sound as disinterested as she could. Unable to fold it into anything special she crumbled up the ball and threw it towards his head when the professor wasn’t looking.

James tried not to watch her as she read his note. This was the last time, he had sworn to himself as he sent the note. The last time he would ever try and get Lily Evans. If she shot him down this last time he would, now it was over. They were not meant to be Mr. and Mrs. potter or Lily and James but just Evans and Potter. Friends. He distracted himself by watching Sirius try and read the contents of the textbook and stiffed chuckles at his creative swears.

“In the name that is all holy,” he muttered “and merlin’s left ballsack help me understand this bullshit.”

That’s when he the crumpled ball hit him against the head. He looked at Lily who was busy writing notes and looked down at the crumpled ball that sat neatly on his desk. He was practically shaking. Terrified of what this little ball of paper held.

*Fine, when?*

He couldn’t believe this. He took of his glasses and cleaned them to make sure he read the words right. And after that gave it to Sirius to read who also gave him the ‘I can’t believe it’ look.

He looked back up to see Lily red in the face and holding her quill tightly in her fist. He quickly wrote *Sunday?* Trying his best to make a decent show of it, folded the paper into a small swan and sent it back her way.

*Sunday* it read. There was no Hogsmeade trip that weekend. She wondered what he was planning. Taking her quill she noted back, *And what exactly will we be doing on this particular Sunday?* This time she did try to fold the paper into something, something that resembled a boat and let it sail threw the air.

James was surprised to see the little boat settle perfectly on his current notes. It was crumbled and a bit lopsided but still a cute as intended. Reading her new note he scribbled in not so neat hand writing. *I don’t know. I never thought I’d get this far.* He quickly folded the now very crumpled piece of paper into a rose and made it land perfectly in her hair like a decoration. He couldn’t help the grin he had when he saw her reach for the flower and pet it affectionately before opening it up.

But when he saw her cover her mouth with her hands to stifle her laughs he knew that he would never give up trying to hear that laugh.

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driusha · 4 years

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Dictionary of Obscure Sexual Terms

Angry Dragon Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon. Arabian Goggles A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new. The Bait N' Tackle The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing! Ballsacking Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough. Bear Claw A synonym for extremely large pussy lips. Beef Curtain The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam. Beer Dick This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick. Blumpy You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter. The Bronco You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off. Brown Bagging It Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind. Brown Necktie You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags. Brunski When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.) The Bullwinkle The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.) Butter Face When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty. The Canine Special Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf! The Carpet Cleaner While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women. The Chili Dog When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her. Chocolate Pizza Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye. Cleveland Steamer The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries. Cock-Stuffing Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow! Cold Lunch The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio. The Concoction First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again. The Compton Gangbang You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.) Cop's Delight The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut. The Corkscrew Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood. Corn Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!" Couch Bombing When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first Coyote This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful. Cum Dumpster A quadriplegic whore. Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends. Daisy Chain Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight. Davey Crockett A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights. Dirty Sanchez A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez. Dirty Swirly While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it. Dog In A Bathtub This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath. Donkey Punch Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate. Duct Tape Trick Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split. Dutch Oven Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing). Dutch Treat The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy. DVDA The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm. The Electric Chair Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed. Felching A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw... The Fish Eye From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that. Fish-Hook When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus. The Fire Island This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented. Flaming Amazon This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz! Flooding The Cave Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well. The Flying Camel A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move. The Flying Dutchman This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects. The Fountain Of You While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed) Fur Ball You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat. Gobstopper With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want. Golden Shower Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports. Greek The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad Ham And Cheese Sandwich Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite. Hershey Highway When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube. High Dive The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous. The Hindenburg When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool. Hogging While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends. Hole In One The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo. Hotdog In A Hallway When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick. Hot Karl The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can. Hot Karl Candy Cane A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around. Hot Lunch The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth. Hummer The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm. The Hunter Gatherer You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory. The Indian Cock Burn While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn. The Jedi Mind Trick When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you". The Jelly Donut Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut. The Juanita Special Bean Dip While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip. Kennebunkport Surprise The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out. Kick-Fucking The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass. The Landshark The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass. The Lorena Bobbit Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.) The Menthol The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock. The Mellon Dive Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun. Monkey Wrench When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off. Monroe Transfer When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other. The Moped A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean. The Mork Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!) Moses A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea. The Motorboat While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever. Muff Teaser Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again. The Mung Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth. Mushy Biscuit This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food. New Jersey Meat-Hook The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind. New York Style Taco Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails. The Nixon A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum. Oyster A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them. Pasadena Mudslide This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.) Pattycake While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load. Paying The Rent A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously. Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.) Pearl Necklace Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit. The Pig Roast While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs. Pink Glove Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove. The Pirate's Treasure While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate. Plating Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials. The Popcorn Trick First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn? Puerto Rican Fog Bank While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils. Purple Mushroom This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom. Queef A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released. The Ram When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity. Rear Admiral An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips Red Wings Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier! Resuscitation When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights. The Roddy Piper When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again. The Rodeo Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw! The Rose Creeper Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming. The Rusty Trombone This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player. Sandbag Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season. The Screwnicorn When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn. The Seatbelt While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom. Shirley Temple Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out. The Shocker When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.) Shop Vac When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power. Shrimping The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes. Skiing While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action. Slumpbuster When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump. Snerd Nurgling The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"... Snoodling When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!" Snowball Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you. The Snuff Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar. Stranger Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else. Stranger On The Rocks Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred. Strangers In The Night When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else. Stingy Nut When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass. Sud N' Fud When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead. Surfing This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave. Swimmer's Ear When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection. Tea Bag To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise. 3-Eyed Turtle Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth. The Tortoise When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did. Tossing Salad A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) Tropical Wind When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind. Tuna Melt You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. Twisted Sister Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun. Vegetarian Hot Lunch A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs. Wake Up Call Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?" The Walrus After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus. Western Grip When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western. Westside Glaze Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face. The Woody Woodpecker When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead. The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

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