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jarpadswalker · 8 months

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Part II

I am back to answer the rest of the two questions related to Jensen and the prequel gate...

About my views on Jensen... Early on, especially when I started following con panels and attended two myself. I became Jared girl, Jensen, for me, was an accessory. He was just like any actor, nothing special. When I met him, I knew instantly that though it is an informal event, it is all business for him. Now, it wouldn't have meant much because I am used to actors' behavior, but for me, the behavior stood out coz I had just met Jared, who was the big ball of energy. So meeting Jensen immediately after Jared was like someone sucked the energy out. This is exactly why, for the next day, I kept Jared at the last because I wanted to end my day with the positivity.

So I didn't mind Jensen as he didn't come across as rude or insulting like Misha, nor was he amiable like Jared. He was just like any actor.

For me, the first red flag came during AKF and YANA debacle, which is when I realised that Jensen is not how he appears to be. He is very calculative and shrewd. He supported YANA despite knowing it was a blatant copy for AKF. Still, I said fine you launch YANA. There is no copyright on supporting MH more the support better it is. BUt, Misha and Jensen were totally insincere with the campaign. They didn't take efforts to understand the gravity of the situation nor gave any thoughts on how the campaign was being presented. It was clear that YANA was nothing but a money minting project for M, Jensen, and CW. The worst was when the campaign failed, Jensen bailed, leaving Misha alone to take the fall. He didn't have balls to stand up for the project that was supposedly important to him. The moment it failed, he went. Nope, I wasn't interested in it, I just did it to help M. Everything was M's idea.

Since then, I started doubting Jensen intentions and didn't believe a word he said. I realise that he is opportunist. The moment he sees profit into something, he latches to it. Not only that, but even in terms of putting effort, he does the bare minimum, but when it comes to appreciation, he is first to take credit.

My doubts were confirmed with Prequelgate. At first, the sheer unprofessionalism was appalling, but I thought there might be some miscalculation. He won't stan Jared immediately after the end of the show. But that illusion broke when Kripke tweeted, apologizing Jared and stating that he assumed Jensen must have informed Jared. It proved that whatever Jensen did was intentional. He always wanted to own the SPN brand. I think somewhere it always hurt Jensen that despite being senior in the craft, it was Jared, a conparatively young actor who got the lead. Jared was always in the forefront when it came to media attention. If you have time, then just compare the kind of media that gave coverage to Jared and Jensen and the amount of time they do it, at least during SPN. Jared, with his extrovert attitude, is mainstream media fave. So I feel it was deliberate. He was to slyly make the brand for himself, and he knew he would lose Jared's fan if he told the truth. So he lied about Jared. When he was called out, like a coward, he once again ran and hid.

What is the worst was the MR podcast that showed the world hus true face. Instead of apologizing, he tried to shift the blame on Jared. Which was the dick move and then his constant lying and changing the reason as to why he didn't inform Jared. It was when I lost all the respect for him. In fact, according to me, at that point, he seemed worse than Musha. With Misha, we knew what to expect, but Jensen pretended to be a friend/brother and then backstabbed the said brother. Such people are the worst.

Post prequelgate, Jensen behavior came to light. Things that were ignored becoz his association with Jared came to like. It became quiet telling how Jensen never supported Jared. How he never asked his fans not to hate on Jared PS, immediately after prequelgat Jared actually asked fans not to hate Jensen. Jensen never extended the same courtesy. In fact, he piled on to the hate by making sparky comments. He would always diss Jared. How he never took ant effort to make Jared feel special, not even during his birthday. How he always used Jared and then dissed him from everything . How he would steal Jared's jokes and ideas and pass it as his own.

Infact, now when I look back I feel Jensen always tried to one up Jared. See, everything that he has done it is immediately after Jared. Jared shifted to Austin and bought a house with open field and stuff, Jensen immediately shifted to Austin and bought the house at the lake front. Jared entered pub business with San Jac salon and curated an alcohol with Stephen, Jensen started FBBC. PS: Jensen had zero idea about beer , nor did he bother to learn about it. Unlike Jared, who studied the entire market. Gen started her influencer journey, Dannel tried to copy it and, when she failed, resorted to dissing Gen like a child. Jared and Gen got into production, and so did Jensen and D. He has always copied Jared. Even now, Jensen is trying to copy Jared's long hair look. Over the year, he has seen how Jared long hair look has been appreciated, so he is now trying to copy it. He couldn't do it earlier because producers and directors didn't allow him to. Now we know why they did, Jensen looks like cheap motel pimp.

#anti jensen #jensen hate #anti aas #anti hellers #anti spn prequel #anti jared padalecki hate #anti jared hate

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crashdevlin · 9 months

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Losses and Gains 4- Something Wrong

Author’s Note: This is the fourth chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Second Author's note: I'm sorry this took so damn long to get out. I won't bore you with the details but I'm on new meds and things should be getting better from now on. Love all of you that have stuck around.

Summary: Jensen is having trouble letting go...and maybe he's imagining it, but it seems Y/n is having troubles too.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 3386

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, bad things, alcohol as a crutch, anger, fighting

~~~

"What did you do?!" Misha's voice went up by at least three octaves as he pointed to the workers taking my broken flatscreen out to the dumpster so they could fit the new one in its place.

“It broke,” I responded, hoping that he wouldn’t press. It’s Misha, though, so of course, he insisted.

“How?!”

“Coffee machine slipped. It’s fine. I got a new one coming.”

“A new TV or a new coffee machine?”

I rolled my eyes. “Both. It’s not a big deal, Misha. Seriously.”

“Hey, is everything okay? I mean, I don’t wanna pry but-”

“Then don’t,” I interrupted. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

“Oh…kay,” he said skeptically. “Well…have you heard about Y/n and Tom Hiddleston? Ya know, I knew something was going on between them. I could just see them together…and they are a cute couple, don’t you think?”

I had to stop myself from stomping away like a fucking child. Misha didn’t know, and I couldn’t let him in on it now, so I made an excuse. “Yeah, they’re adorable. I’m gonna go check on the movers.”

I was standing off to the side, watching them put my new TV on its mount, when the trailer rocked, and Jared stepped up into the kitchenette with me. “So, I take it you saw Tom’s post?” He ran his hand over the dent in the fridge. I didn’t look at him, just gave a nod as I watched the workers. “You took it out on your stuff this time, not Danneel, so I guess that’s progress.”

I clenched my jaw for a minute before turning to him. “She didn’t even want him to tell people. You know that, right?”

“But he could tell people…and that’s what you’re upset about.”

“You think I’m jealous?”

“You think you’re not?” He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You can’t be that deluded, Ackles. All of this is because you’re jealous of him, that he can give her what you never could. You don’t want her happy.”

“I’m not--Of course, I want her happy, Jared.”

“Only if she’s with you.” I focused on the workers again. “You’re sabotaging your marriage. You’re sabotaging yourself. All because you don’t want her to find happiness with anyone else.”

“I’m not sabotaging shit.”

“You’re sabotaging everything.” He stepped in front of me, obscuring my view to force me to focus on him. I stared at his shoulder, but I refused to look at his face. “You have to stop this. You have to learn how to deal. You have to let her be happy with someone else.”

“Is she?” My jaw clenched as I let my eyes jump to his. “She’s barely even talking to anybody anymore. Kim and Bri haven’t heard from her in weeks. When’s the last time she called you?”

He looked away this time. “She’d tell us if she were having problems.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” I whispered, angrily. “She knows she’s made her bed and she would fucking lay in it, Jared. That’s who she is. She doesn’t wanna hurt anyone so she’d stick it out with him because that’s the option that she thinks will hurt the fewest people! So, what if she’s not happy? Jared, what if he’s…” I looked at my feet as tears popped up in my eyes. “What if she misses me?”

He sighed and reached out to pull me into a hug. “Of course, she does. She can miss you and be happy with him. She was in love with you, too, and that didn’t go away. It’s gonna be okay. You just gotta breathe and focus on the good, man.”

I swallowed down my tears and pulled away from him. “I don’t know if I can do it. She’s coming back next week. I don’t think I can be in the same place as her and not…not fucking break, man.”

He ran his hand through his hair and turned to look at the new TV as the workers turned it on to test it. “She’ll be here next week. I can check on her. She won’t be able to lie to me…not to my face. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“She’s still my friend, too, Jay…and you’re right. She hasn’t been talking. I hope that she’s just busy and things are good but she hasn’t been talking to anybody. Fuck, Misha said she hasn’t even been responding to his incessant emails about GISH.”

I looked at my boots and sighed a little. "I'm sure I'm just overreacting. Seeing trouble because I want it to be there. She's probably MIA because she's busy and she's spending all her extra focus on him."

Jared smiled and patted my shoulder. "That's the most introspective, clear-headed thing you've said since Atlanta. Maybe you will get through this with your life intact."

He walked out as the workmen handed me a new remote and asked if I needed anything else before they left. I shook my head and thanked them. Only one person could give me what I needed...and I couldn’t call her.

~~~

I spent the next few days thinking I was getting better. I was improving. I was talking to Dee again, video chatting every day and not wanting to ignore her existence completely. I wasn't drowning in bitterness anymore. I was gonna be okay, I could feel it.

Until Y/n drove her little Nissan rental car onto the lot. I was talking to the mechanics about a scene with the Impala when she got out and looked around. My throat went dry and I had to force myself to look away as she greeted several of the crew on her way to wardrobe. I excused myself from my conversation and...followed her, but not in a creeper way. I just wanted to see her.

Yeah, I know that seems creepy. That's why I didn't answer when Jared walked up to stand next to me as I was staring at the door of the makeup trailer, waiting for her to come out.

"What'cha doin'?" I just shrugged. "Y/n's in there?"

"Yep."

"I don't need to tell you how creepy it is for you to be standing out here like a stalker, do I?"

"Nope."

"Good, then I won’t. Go run lines with Alex or something, I'm gonna go say 'hi'." I nodded, not watching as he walking away. I just turned and headed for Alex's trailer so I wouldn't be tempted to stick around. I didn’t run lines, though, just let the kid provide a distracting conversation for me as I waiting for call so I could interrogate Jared.

He immediately seemed on the defense. "I didn't have a lot of time to talk to her. She was due on Second Unit so I only had a few minutes, but we're gonna get dinner tonight so I can talk to her a bit more in depth."

"Okay, but how'd she seem? She seem good? Did you ask her about Tom? Is she happy?" I whispered furiously as we headed for the motel set.

He hesitated. He fucking hesitated. "I...don't know. I'm sure she is but…"

"But what?" I demanded, stopping in my tracks.

He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed the back of her neck. "She didn't want the Facebook post. We all guessed that but...the way she excused it...I don’t know, Ackles, it just seemed...off. She said something about him making decisions for her because she doesn't make good decisions. It just seemed...wrong. I don't know exactly why but...I'm gonna get to the bottom of it at dinner, okay? I'm sure it's nothing but bad wording on her part."

My mind went rampaging through options but I didn't really have any. There was nothing I could do. Even if there was something wrong, what could I do? Absolutely nothing.

"Jared...if she's not happy with him, you have to convince her-"

"I'm not going to convince her of shit, dude. If she's not happy, she will figure it out eventually. She's smart and she got out of her bad marriage and she can get herself out of this if it's bad."

I didn't bring up the fact that Nate fucking cheated on her and left her. What would be the point? I just went to work. Had to focus on something.

~~~

"She swears she's happy," Jared said as we ate our breakfast burritos the next day.

"And do you believe her? What about Tom making decisions for her?"

"She's letting him make decisions because she thinks he's helping her."

"Yeah? How does telling the world about their relationship when she said she didn't want him to help her?"

Jared shrugged. "He's helping with her career and Nova, too, apparently. Did you know Nate is trying to get full custody? She's under a lot of stress. That's probably what I was picking up on yesterday, ya know."

I rolled my eyes. I remembered Nate threatening to go after custody but I didn't think he'd actually do it. "Bet he just wants child support out of her. He doesn't give a fuck about that little girl."

"Yeah, but...it is what it is. And it's part of why she's off. Honestly, I also think she's afraid to be too close with the Family because they are all such good friends with you and staying close to them...puts her in your circle."

I scoffed. "What, like I'm gonna make things hard for her if she's hanging with fuckin' Misha or something?"

"No, not intentionally, but hearing about you, knowing that they don't know, having to act like nothing happened between you...that's gotta be as hard for her as it is for you."

I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment before sighing. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Of course not, but it did. She's dealing with her end of it the best she can. You have to do the same. You getting over it might allow her to come back comfortably. You ever think of that? That maybe the reason she can't be around you has nothing to do with Tom and has everything to do with her not being able to deal with the guilt and the angry looks you give her and how everything exploded."

He was right. I wanted Tom to be the reason she pulled away because then it wouldn't be my fault but it was. Everything was my fault.

"Oh, and she has her first late show appearance this week. I'm gonna give her a shout out on Twitter. A good friend would do the same. It's a Marvel thing, press for her Anthology."

"So Tom'll be there too," I guessed, bitterly.

"And Anthony Mackey and Sebastian Stan, yeah," he confirmed. "Look, you don't have to watch it. Just try to be supportive."

“If I’m gonna advertise for their press junket, I’m gonna fuckin’ watch the thing...for her.”

“You remember that Tom is all about the PDA, right? You might see something you don’t want to see.” Jared was trying to be helpful. I know he was, but...it just seemed like salt in my wounds.

“Yeah. I’m a big boy. I can handle it. Thanks.”

“If you say so, Ackles,” he said, before walking away.

~~~

I made sure I had a stiff drink in my hand when I sat down in my trailer to watch Y/n on Colbert. A double of the best whiskey I owned. I knew that it was going to be a long night. I figured an angry fit, maybe an ugly cry, was on the books. Instead, I felt a bit numb as I watched the Marvel crew walk onstage. Tom was holding her hand and they were both smiling so fucking bright. She looked so excited to be on that stage and so...good. I wanted to be upset about the way Tom sat right beside her and put a possessive hand on her arm, but I was so lost in her eyes and the smile she got when Colbert greeted her and congratulated her on her first late night appearance that I couldn't think much of anything.

But then Stephen said, "We gotta talk about that bombshell Tom dropped last week." and she (and Mackey) immediately said, "No, we don't." She didn't want to talk about it. She still wanted her goddamn privacy!

But the host pressed. Of course he did. It was newsworthy, after all. “Come on. It’s an important topic. You two met on set?”

She sighed and I think I saw her roll her eyes a bit. "Fine. I’ll play. Yes, we met on set. I flew down from Vancouver and I was trying really hard to be invisible. Before Supernatural, I was really good at that whole wallflower thing. Tom noticed me right away, so I guess my chameleon circuit is blown." I didn't get the joke but some of the people in the audience did because there was a smattering of laughter. "And that's how you find the Whovians," she commented with a little smile. "Anyway, Tom commented on my character's name and then he asked me for drinks. A couple days later, I invited him to sing with me at a convention and we...haven't spent much time apart since."

Tom's face contorted a bit and then he scoffed at her. "That's amazing."

She looked down at her lap, something between shame and guilt on her face. "What is?"

"That a woman so adept at the written word could take all of the poetry out of our first encounter." She bit her lip as he turned to look at Colbert. "Her hair caught my eye. Her natural coloring, not the dye job she did to cover her character’s ginger hair. It's this Neopolitan shade, with highlights of light and lowlights of brilliant caramel, but as I passed her the sun hit her just right to showcase the firey red strands that are usually hidden. When I saw that the hue of her eyes matched the brilliance of her smile, I knew I had to get to know her. When she got so shy the first time I spoke her name…" He turned back to her and I knew she was blushing, even through the TV screen. Even from a few thousand miles away, I could see what she was hiding behind her hair. "Like she's doing right now...I determined that I would get her out on the town, have a few drinks, and learn everything I could about her. By the time we took the stage for karaoke, I was absolutely taken with her."

Stephen leaned forward, trying to see Y/n. “And keeping it quiet for the last, what 3 months, that was really her idea?”

Tom nodded. “Definitely. I’m not a man that keeps quiet about his affections.”

“He’s a big fan of the PDA.” Sebastian Stan chuckled. “You remember the Taylor Swift shirt?”

“And you’re not?” Colbert asked. That was a loaded question. I knew she would have loved PDA with someone she wanted everyone to see her with. She took it to a self-deprecating place, though.

"I mean, look, I'm almost thirty and that is ancient by Hollywood’s standards for women and I'm just now getting started in show business." If thirty is ancient, what the hell was I to her? "A year ago, I was a cashier or running a forklift at a Sam's Club back home. I'm not used to everyone knowing every little detail of my life. I'm not used to anyone caring to know about me." She shook her head. "I knew this relationship would be something people would be all over if they knew about it. I mean...he's Tom Hiddleston and I'm just...who the hell am I? Nobody. We've been together a few months. We're still in that early infatuation stage where everything’s great and there’s never been any problems. We haven't even had our first fight yet. In my experience, things can fall apart pretty quickly as soon as you're out of the honeymoon stage."

"That's not true." I hated how Tom smiled at her. "We fought over the Facebook post."

"That wasn’t a fight, Tom. The knock-down, drag-out arguments I had with my ex...those were fights."

Colbert seemed to remember his place as host and leaned forward again. "So when he said that you were giving him the opportunity to leave without anyone capitalizing on your drama, that was…"

“It was totally true, but it’s more complicated than that. It wasn’t like I was rooting for him to leave me, I just…I mean, look at him. He’s Tom freakin’ Hiddleston." I rolled my eyes at her words. "His last girlfriend was Taylor Swift, who has like 8 inches of height on me and millions of dollars and a squad of supermodel best friends. I’m short and chubby and have a kid. It would’ve been unreasonable and, frankly, arrogant to assume he would stick around. How could I possibly know there was something lovable about me?”

She said that like a joke but I wanted to scream. She was being so mean to herself. She was being downright horrible. Why wasn't Tom disagreeing? Why wasn't he building her up? Why did she seem more torn down and broken than when I met her?

“Anyway, why don’t we talk about the dang movie?" she volunteered, obviously tired of being the center of attention. "Which I had very little to do with so you can talk to Monsieurs Stan and Mackey, who’ve been sitting there annoyed with the relationship talk.”

“I don’t know about ‘annoyed’,” Anthony disputed with a smile.

“Don’t lie, Mack," Sebastian said, chuckling. “No, we’re good. She’s cool. I mean, we just met her in the green room 'cause she’s been forcing Tom to keep her a secret from us, too, but she seems genuine.”

“I’m gonna point out that she’s an actor, too, though. We’re well-versed in hiding our crazy. Also, she’s from the South. Southern women are either the most genuine chicks you’ll ever meet…or the ultimate in crazy.” Anthony Mackey obviously knows his Southern women.

“I’ve met her family. If she’s hiding any craziness, it’s directly resultant from them,” Tom responded.

Colbert's eyes went wide just like mine did. “Oh, insulting the family on national television, not a good idea."

“Nah, it’s okay. They know they’re crazy," Y/n covered. "And we’ll go with Anthony’s assessment. I got damage, and I use my acting chops to hide a lot of it, but…I’m…”

Tom must've sensed her floundering because he reached out to take her hand again. “She’s amazing. She’s intelligent, she’s funny, she’s gorgeous and better than all that, she’s an unbelievable mother." He got to meet Nova. He got to meet Nova and I only ever saw her through a video chat. Why did that burn? "Her daughter, Nova, is an absolute dream and it’s square on this woman’s shoulders.”

She looked uncomfortable with the praise. Maybe she wasn't used to hearing it from him...or maybe just not in so public a venue. “Okay, that’s not true. Nova is awesome but I can’t take full credit on that. Also, please let some other topic rule the time we got left, please. This is a MCU promo, not a Y/n promo.”

“As long as you’re not giving credit to anyone who doesn’t actually deserve it.” He almost growled that one. He seemed to have a problem with her past. Her parents, her ex...only Nova seemed to be spared.

“Please, Stephen, ask about the Winter Soldier sequence," she begged.

She sat silently through the rest of the segment as the others spoke enthusiastically about their characters and the rumored TV show for the Falcon and Winter Soldier and the growth of both characters in relation to Steve Rogers. She kept her eyes on her lap, or on her hand clasped in Tom's.

Something wasn't right. There was something very wrong.

I wasn’t with her. I wasn’t lifting her up. He was failing her...but there was nothing I could do about it. I picked up my whiskey and downed it in one gulp.

#cassie writes stuff #spn rpf #jensen x reader #jensen x danneel #tom hiddleston x reader #angst #alcohol abuse

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green-blue-heller · 2 years

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So it’s a fact that Misha moved in with Jensen in 2017 and whether or not it was a ‘cockles’ thing or just convenience (!?) do you have any idea if this is when Misha and Vicki also unofficially split up … I seem to recall seeing somewhere that they had split some time before he mentioned it in ‘some things…’

💚💙🐝🤠🐚😘

Well, I think from what he said in STISCTY, it was evident that their split wasn’t new. But that didn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt. Here is a man in his forties, who hadn’t been single since he was a teenager because he’d been with the same woman all that time.

I’m the March 2021 online con that CE had, he talked about how they just moved into a new place in/near LA. I think this was Vicki’s new place because where she filed the paperwork, requires a three month residency before you can submit it.

Plus, at this time, he had just bought a house a few months prior, that isn’t in/near LA. And they had already sold the first house (the one he had rebuilt) summer 2020.

So these are all relatively recent events that, to me, further prove they had been separated for a while.

Now, on to your actual question.

Yes, I do think that’s when they unofficially split up.

It was talked about how in that M&G where he said he had just moved to Vancouver, that he and Vicki had spent all day moving him into his new place with his “model friend.”

Now, the house in Bellingham was like an hour, or less, from Vancouver. He’d talked about how he went home every night after work, and how sometimes he’d sleep on the couch or the guest room if he didn’t want to wake anyone up, if it was too late.

Now two years after buying that house would he suddenly need a new full time residence?

Because you don’t spend all day moving your stuff to your buddy’s apartment if you’re just crashing after long days of filming rather than making the hour drive.

You take a few changes of clothes, toiletries, and maybe a new mementos or knickknacks. Because you’d be driving home at least every weekend to see your wife and kids. Plus he didn’t even film every day.

But you take all of your stuff if you and your wife aren’t together anymore and she’s going to stay there at that house so that on weekends or whenever, you can come down to see your kids.

And here’s the other thing.

Which I literally was yelling at someone a few hours before I got this ask.

WHY DID THE MULTIMILLIONAIRE MOVE IN WITH HIS MULTIMILLIONAIRE BESTIE RATHER THAN JUST GET HIS OWN APARTMENT? AND WHY HIDE IT??

Because if they had casually said at any point how Misha crashes at Jensen’s after a long night of filming rather than driving back home… no one would bat an eye. Because Misha would joke he was too cheap to pay for an apartment he wasn’t living in regularly.

Even Jared has talked about Misha has spent the night at his house.

The Js lived together for the first few years. They never hid it.

Cockles is really the only reason to hide that they lived together. 🤷‍♀️

So… yeah.

#misha collins #jensen ackles #cockles #cockles tinhatting #they were roommates #asked and answered

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princessplaidheart · 5 months

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I'm so confused. Looking through random Supernatural posts, I keep seeing people either outright hating on Misha or on Jared. Most people seem okay with Jensen, and most people hate the finale (for a variety of reasons).

I guess it just hurts, in a weird way? Granted, I was never a shipper of any kind, but I also wasn't an anti-shipper either. And I certainly didn't have any disgust or hatred for the actors. I just see so many people going on about how they all must hate each other now.

...or maybe just Jensen and Jared hate each other, and Misha and Jensen are besties (or more).

...or maybe just Jensen and Misha hate each other, and Jared and Jensen are besties (or more).

I guess I miss when the show was still on, if only for the fact that I was reasonably sure they were all friends back then. Now, I don't know. Maybe it's just the wrong posts getting recommended to me, or the fact that I'm on Tumblr at all??

It just makes me sad. And I can't explain why.

(I'm aware this is screaming into the void. I just feel like I need to get this out somewhere. I have too many struggles in my life as it is to be losing what still exists of my "escape", so to speak.)

#spn #supernatural #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #misha collins #take me back #the void is a great listener

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hologramcowboy · 1 year

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https://www.tumblr.com/justjensenanddean/715991043160588288/jensen-ackles-new-orleans-jazz-music-festival

I’m sure you’ve already seen this gif or the actual video of Jensen at Jazz Fest when he takes off his sunglasses and shakes his head at Steve filming him.

I was reading the tags on this post, and the number of people saying “living his best life!" Or “the eyes!” I “Daddy!”and generally fawning all over his looks is baffling to me. Not that he isn’t attractive, I agree that he looks attractive in the video. However. How do you point out “his beautiful green eyes” and not see that they look incredibly sad and/or tired. They say “living his best life” and he looks completely done. He didn’t have a hint of a wink or even a smirk, he just looks serious and tired/annoyed, and like he wanted the camera out of his face.

It’s like so many people look at him in the shallowest way possible. They see the sum of his parts, but not the actual person underneath. They need him to be a happy, fun, hot, popular king, without noticing or caring if he’s actually happy. Either that, or they so desperately want him to live up tho the hype they created around him that they literally CAN’T see that he looks miserable.

We get called anti or virtue signalling for daring to point out that he doesn’t seem fulfilled, but we are people who actually care about him as a human not as their perfect sex symbol. If I truly don’t care for someone, I try to spend little time talking about them (like Misha). It’s so crazy to me how AAs or Dean stans can’t accept that neither the person nor the character are perfect. I find it so frustrating. And sad.

You have a beautiful, beautiful soul. 🧡 Uh, anons, have got to stop making me teary eyed. My mascara is quite expensive. lol

You explained it all flawlessly, it breaks my heart that people stop at the surface, if they only knew how damaging that is. Jensen is indeed drained and clearly hurting. One thing makes me happy though, there are perceptive people like you in this world so there is hope.

#jensen critical #empathic anon #empathy is everything #anti AAs #anti jenneel stans

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thelibrarylesstrektraveled · 1 year

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Nightingale Chapter Sixteen - The Fourth Wall

Summary: Jensen Ackles seemed to have it all. A hit television series fifteen years running, a budding music career and a stunning wife. To the casual observer, his life was perfect. But it was a façade. No more real than the supernatural world created on a soundstage.

That day on the lake had started with uncertainty, but when he pulled you from the water everything became clear. The truth was, he’d been the one drowning.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x Reader, Jensen x You

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Genevieve Padalecki, Misha Collins, Reader

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Drowning, Fluff, Angst, Smut, unprotected sex

Chapter Sixteen: The Fourth Wall

Word Count: 4176

Author’s Notes: This is a complete work of fiction about a real life person. The circumstances are totally made up and are in no way a commentary on the fantastic Jensen Ackles or his family.

This is also a unique reader insert story as I have given the reader a physical description including hair color, eye color and body type. Hopefully you can still lose yourself in the utter fantasy where Jensen is the hero and you are ripe for rescuing!

Masterlist

Nightingale Masterlist

Both your phone and Jensen’s buzzed at the same time. You knew who it was before you even looked.

“Solomon,” he said, scrolling through the details of the text. “Jesus. This itinerary reads like a weekend convention circuit. Seriously, who goes out this much?”

“Breakfast and strolling at the Ester Short Park farmer’s market. Tour of the Van Dusen Botanical Gardens. Coffee at Shaughnessy’s. Window shopping downtown. Couples’ yoga. Oohh! Tickets to Hamilton on Friday night!”

Jensen’s brow crinkled and those little disapproving brackets appeared at the corners of his mouth. “Yoga? Seriously? I don’t have that…”

You lifted a shoulder in a shrug, “Couples Tantric Yoga at Good Vibrations Studios. Wow… the room is heated to 105 degrees to sweat in tandem with your partner. Open your chakras and your bodies to this intimate practice first discovered in the unpublished Kama Sutra. Wow, I didn’t know they bent that way…”

That had him grabbing your phone. “Seriously?! Fucking Solomon signed us up for sweaty sex yoga?!”

The indignant bluster blew out of his sails a moment later and you broke into laughter.

“You’re hilarious,” he deadpanned.

Your mischievous grin only grew, “You seem disappointed! Why don’t we call and see if they can squeeze us in to the class on Sunday?”

You made a grab for the phone, and he held it over his head, out of reach. Dodging your hands and tickling you at the same time. Your attempts to tickle him back had no effect and only made him double his efforts. Torturing you until you were practically crying with giggles. Suddenly, he hoisted you over his shoulder, bouncing you a bit as he walked through the apartment.

“Jensen! That’s cheating!” You laughed as you squirmed in his grasp.

He tossed you down on the bed in a giggling mess then threw himself down beside you. “There’s no cheating when there’s no rules, Sweetheart.”

You tried to catch your breath as he moved strands of blonde hair away from your face. “You aren’t even ticklish.”

“Used to be, my older brother would sit on me and torture tickle me until I peed my pants.”

“How’d you get over it?”

“I found ways to distract myself,” he murmured, his eyes flickering over your face.

“Mind over matter?”

“Something like that.”

The two of you had shared countless kisses, but you never grew tired of them. Your heartrate kicked up the moment his lips touched yours, excitement heating your blood the same today as it did the first time. His strong hands roamed your body, seeking out the secret places that responded so readily. You yielded to his touch and surrendered on a sigh.

He ended the kiss before he could get too carried away. The FBI had the whole place bugged and the two of you agreed early on that there would be no sex until this mess was behind you. He pulled you up against him and placed a kiss to your hairline.

“Better?”

You nodded, relaxing into his embrace. Your eyes closed as he threaded his fingers through your hair and gently massaged the nape of your neck. He always did that when your migraines were bad. Once your concussion healed, they were practically gone but with all the stress of the investigation, they were back with a vengeance.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured into his chest. “About earlier.”

“It was an understandable reaction, that guy came up out of nowhere. I didn’t even see him come up behind us.”

“I nearly had a panic attack in the middle of the street. I probably traumatized your poor fans.”

“Yeah, well I traumatize them every Thursday night so, they’re used to it by now,” Jensen joked, moving his hand to stroke your back. “How can I help, baby? Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

“I don’t know if it can get much better. I mean, Solomon sends us pictures of the under-cover agents every day. Both of us are wearing tracking devices. This place is completely wired and under surveillance. Everything we do is planned out to the last detail. I know we are as safe as we can be I just… I can’t stop thinking about him.” Your chest immediately grew tight, and you fought to keep your breathing under control.

“Every time we leave this apartment, I’m looking for him. I’m searching the faces of everyone we pass, wondering if the next one I see will be his. I feel like a little kid, scared of the boogey man is hiding in the closet!”

“Is that why you’ve been leaving the bathroom light on at night?”

“Maybe,” you muttered. “I know it’s stupid.”

“It’s justified.”

“Maybe,” you said again. “I wish I could be as calm as you are in crowds. It never seems to rattle you.”

“Oh, I’m rattled, believe me. But I’ve got a job to do, and I just focus on it. Nothing is more important than that, everything else falls away.”

“You mean acting?”

“I mean taking care of you,” he curled a finger under your chin, coaxing your gaze to meet his. “We’re in it together. Every day, it’s you and me, Sweetheart.”

“Stronger together.” You said it at the same time he did. It had become your mantra over the past two weeks.

It was your prayer to each other. You said every time you set foot outside of the safety bubble of your apartment. Every time the two of you stopped for pictures with fans. Every time the paparazzi followed the two of you through a public park or into a restaurant. Every time you needed reassurance, Jensen would squeeze your hand and whisper it in your ear.

It worked well to calm your nerves. At first. But as time dragged on with no sign of Arthur Green, the pressure and anxiety built. You were jumpy, bordering on paranoid. When that aggressive fan popped up as you were crossing the boulevard, it triggered a reaction so severe that Jensen’s magic phrase didn’t work. You were so shaken up that the two of you went directly home, despite not completing the daily agenda.

“I just wish I could do a better job in all this. I know I’m supposed to look happy and carefree… Green’s never going to show himself if he thinks this is a trap.” You sighed and fiddled with the buttons on Jensen’s shirt. “I’ve never had much of a poker face.”

“Everyone has a poker face; you just have to find your focus. That’s all acting is, really. Keeping your focus.”

“I guess that’s why you’re the actor and I’m the doctor.”

A thoughtful look crossed his face, as if he’d just realized the answer to a difficult crossword. His clear, green eyes lit with enthusiasm, and he sat up, tugging you with him.

“Come on, I’ve got an idea.”

“What are we doing in your closet?” You asked from your cross-legged position on the carpeted floor.

Jensen closed the door and stuffed a rolled-up towel against the threshold so that not even a sliver of light could peek through. “We’re creating the fourth wall.”

“What?”

He walked to the bank of drawers along the back wall and searched through the contents. “It’s an old actor’s trick, you’ll see.”

He returned with one of his silk ties in his hand. It was a subtle blue on blue paisley pattern that he wore on one of your dates ages ago.

He handed it to you and sat on the floor across from you, folding his bowed legs up with a grunt.

“I love this tie.”

“I know you do,” he smiled softly at you. “Do you remember that night? That little Italian place around the corner from your hospital?”

“Of course, I do.”

It had been a week since you and Jensen reconciled. You held strong to your decision not to move back in with him. You were determined to take things slow and not fall back into old patterns. You wanted this to last, you both did and that meant rebuilding trust. The man didn’t make it easy though!

For his part, Jensen was the perfect gentleman. Sweet, attentive, respectful, funny, charming. Good morning texts and calls during his down time on set. He invited you over for dinner midweek, made your favorite spaghetti and even sent you home with leftovers for lunch. There were bone melting kisses and hand holding, but he never initiated anything more. He wanted you to set the pace.

On Friday, you arrived at work and found a shallow planter the size of a hubcap overflowing with an array of tiny, blue flowers waiting for you. Along with a card.

Have a great day, gorgeous! – Love, J

Val came up beside you, her eyes wide, “Wow! Who sent you those?”

You grinned and ran your fingers over the bright, bell-shaped blossoms. “They’re from Jensen.”

“Really? Anniversary or apology?”

You slipped the small card into the pocket of your lab coat, “Neither.”

“Come on, he must have done something. No guy sends…. What kind of flowers are they?”

“Bluebonnets. Texas Bluebonnets.”

“Right. Anyway, there’s a reason for them. You just don’t know what it is yet.”

You floated through your whole shift. Not even Val’s cynicism could dampen your mood. You didn’t have time to send Jensen anything more than a thank you text, but you were determined to show your appreciation. Maybe you’d invite him over for dinner at your place. Best to order in, given your abysmal cooking skills. Or maybe just dessert…

You were just about to clock out when you were paged over the intercom. You picked up line four holding for you.

“This is Doctor Baines.”

“Gabs?”

“Tony, what’s up?”

“I need you for a consult, do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Cardiology, Room 202.”

A few short minutes later you opened the door to 202, instead of a cardiac patient, you found Jensen. Looking like he just stepped out of the pages of GQ. His dark blue suit was tailored, pressed and perfect. Crisp shirt, matching blue tie and a trio of bluebonnets in his lapel.

He smiled in that way that made his eyes crinkle and made you melt. “Hiya Sweetheart.”

You leaned against the door so that it clicked behind you. “Mr. Ackles. You are looking remarkably well for a man in the cardiac ward.”

“Oh, I’m in rough shape, doc.” He placed a dramatic hand over his heart. “My ticker’s going crazy!”

You bit your bottom lip; he really was too cute! “Is that so?”

“Yeah! Every time I see this girl, it’s like my heart’s going to beat right out of my chest.”

“Sound serious.”

“You think so?”

“Heart palpitations are nothing to dismiss out of hand.” You pulled your stethoscope from around your neck, “I think I better check you over.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” he drawled.

You placed a hand in the center of his chest and firmly walked him backwards, your gaze holding his until the back of his legs bumped the exam table. Wordlessly, you patted the table. He lifted himself up with ease, the sterile paper crinkled under his weight.

“I hope you won’t mind if I get a little… close,” you said, gently urging his knees apart so you could stand in the vacant space between his legs.

His voice dipped deep. “I’m in your hands.”

You started with his tie, reaching up to loosen the perfectly executed knot. A tug and the fine fabric came free easily. It sounded like a hushed whisper as it moved against the starched shirt to pool in your hand. His Adam’s apple bobbed as you moved on to the tiny button holding the collar closed. You knew if you looked at him, your resolve would evaporate, so you concentrated on your task. Button by button. Inch by inch. You stopped halfway to put the earpieces in place and warm the bell of the stethoscope with your breath.

You slid the bell against the taut, tanned skin of his pectoral and let it rest over his heart. A smile curved your lips as you heard his heart thumping, strong and steady. No better sound in the world. Although, the longer you kept your hand there, the faster that rhythm got.

“Your heartrate is elevated.”

“What do I do, doc?”

“A little test, see how you respond to stimuli.”

“Sounds intense.”

This time you risked looking up, those green eyes of his had turned a shade darker and you felt your own heart leap in response.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

Keeping the bell anchored over his heart, you leaned up and captured his lips with your own. Kissing Jensen was as much a revelation today as it was the first time. He expressed so many things in those moments of intense connection. Passion and joy. Exuberant love, romance… sharp desire. Solace and devotion. It was the language spoken by souls that met and matched.

The kiss deepened, his arms went around you and the staccato beat faster through the earpieces as his heart picked up pace. Urgency grew.

You nipped his bottom lip slightly as you pulled away, earning a groan from him. “You’re killing me, Sweetheart.”

“Not today. I can confirm, your heart is in perfect working order.”

“Good thing, I kinda need it.” He snagged the stethoscope from you with a smirk, “My turn.”

Not one to shrink from a challenge, you hopped up beside him, “Do your worst, Doctor Ackles.”

Somehow, he made the mundane tools of your profession look incredibly sexy. You didn’t exactly have a doctor kink, but you’d develop one in a hurry if he kept it up. A serious look swept over his features, and you knew you were in trouble. In measured movements, he slipped his hand holding the bell under the scoop neckline of your shirt.

You knew the moment he found his mark because his face transformed to reflect wonder. It was an incredibly intimate act to hear the life thrumming in another human being. He simply listened, as if he was trying to memorize it, hear the music of it. You were so mesmerized by his experience that you failed to notice his other hand until it found your breast.

You gasped.

His eyebrows rose a fraction, but did not move his hand, “Everything okay?”

At your nod, he smiled and continued. Monitoring your heartrate as he explored the curves and concaves he knew so well. Noting how the rhythm increased when he ran his thumb over the nipple straining under the layers of cotton. How the beat skipped when his tongue found that secret place just below your earlobe. Hot kisses down the column of your neck to the hollow where your clavicles met brought your hands up to rake through his hair. He sucked the skin slightly while his hand traced the inner line of your leg. Your heart galloped along wildly and when he palmed you through your scrubs, you breathed his name.

Your head fell back, “Jensen…”

An annoying beep from his jacket pocket that broke the spell. He stopped ravishing you long enough to check his phone, “Ooh! We gotta go!”

You sat up dazed and trying to catch your breath, “Go? Now?”

He hopped off the table and straightened his suit, smoothing out the wrinkles caused by your make-out session.

“Reservations at Marco’s.”

You eyed him suspiciously, “You… did you deliberately get me all excited just to tease me?”

His shrug was innocent, but the sparkle in his eyes gave him away. He held a hand to you, “I just wanted to make sure you had a good appetite worked up.”

You took his hand and narrowed your blue eyes at him, “Okay. But we’re getting dessert to go!”

“Only if you bring your stethoscope, doc,” he replied while brushing a kiss across your knuckles with a wink.

“When I was twenty-eight, I was in a live production of A Few Good Men. I hadn’t performed on stage like that since high school. And I was really nervous, like shaking in my boots, throwing up backstage terrified! My parents were there, Danneel was there… a ton of Supernatural fans showed up too.”

“You had stage fright? But you’d been an actor for… what, a decade at that point?”

“Television is different. If I screw up, we can just do another take. A live performance takes a different level of concentration. People in the audience whisper or forget to turn off their phones. Someone drops something backstage, or your co-star forgets their lines. Anything can happen. That’s where the fourth wall comes in, imagine there is an invisible wall between you and the audience. That the stage is a completely enclosed. It’s your world, nothing else exists. Its just you and whoever you are sharing that stage with.”

You looked down at the blue tie in your hands, “That sounds like something that comes with practice. It took you years to perfect your craft, I can’t get to that level in an afternoon.”

“It’s simpler than you think. Acting is really just reacting,” he said with a smile, “Besides, you had plenty of cram sessions in med school.”

“I suppose so.”

“Good. Now, I want you to look around this space. Commit the details of it to memory. Wall color, carpet color, shelves, racks, shoes… all of it. Everything you can see.”

You tried to give him back the tie, thinking it wasn’t part of the exercise and he shook his head, “Nuh uh. You keep that, you’ll need it.”

Your brow furrowed slightly, wrapping the tie around your left hand nervously. You felt like you were failing, and you hadn’t even started.

Jensen reached out and stilled your hands with his own, “Hey, deep breath. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s just you and me here, this is our own little world. Everything outside that door, that’s them. No one else can come in here, ever. We’re safe here. Just you and me.”

“Stronger together,” you murmured.

“Stronger together,” he repeated back. “Close your eyes.”

You did as instructed. He released your hands and sat back, “Deep breath, in and out. Again. Good girl, relax. Let the tension melt from your muscles and drain away. Deep breath… good. Very good.”

You loved his voice; it was warm and had a deep resonance that put you at ease. The cadence of his instructions had an almost hypnotic quality and you felt yourself sinking into it.

“How do you feel?”

“Good,” you said with a sigh, “Kind of floaty.”

“The tie in your hands. How does it feel?”

You rubbed the material between your fingers, “Smooth. Cool, like a mountain lake.”

“Good,” he praised again. “Now, I want you to picture the closet in your mind. Put it together with the details you saw only moments ago.”

You frowned slightly, rubbing the silk in your hands like a worry stone.

“It’s just you and me here, Y/N. It’s our world, our safe place. Tell me what you see.”

“Clothes.”

He waited a beat, “Anything else?”

“Um… the door?”

“Dig a little deeper, Harvard.”

“My annoying boyfriend.”

Jensen held back a sigh, determined not to break the spell. “Try scent, how does it smell?”

“Good,” you huffed out in frustration. The tension was building back up in your shoulders and your ass was starting to fall asleep from sitting on the floor. You found yourself wondering if it was too late to run away to Bermuda. You took another deep breath and caught something you hadn’t noticed before.

“Cedar. You keep those little cedar balls in the sock drawer.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Tom Ford… um… that vanilla one I like.”

He grinned, you told him it was your favorite and he bought three bottles just to make sure he always had some on hand. “Vanilla Tobacco.”

“Fabric softener, there are dryer sheets in the vents… and there is an air vent somewhere behind me, its blowing on my shirt. The woodwork in here is light, the rest of the apartment is dark, in here it’s not. Your clothes are arranged by type and then by color. Same for the shoes, which you have an insane amount of. Everything is on those expensive hangers you love so much. Oh! And you have two whole drawers devoted to watches.”

“Good job, open your eyes, Sweetheart.”

As you did, he took the tie from your hands and cut it neatly in half with his pocketknife.

“Jay!”

He took your left arm and tied the narrow end around your wrist, “This tie is your tether to this space. Every time you feel anxious or scared, I want you to feel that silk against your skin and remember how it felt to be here. Come back to this safe place where it’s just you and me.”

He held the other half of the tie out to you along with his left arm. You followed his example and fastened it around his wrist to match yours. When you were done, you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on tight, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Jensen pulled you down to sit on his lap and held you close.

“I’ve got you,” he vowed, pressing a kiss to your hairline, “Always.”

Three days later, you and Jensen were at yet another public outing. This time it was Shakespeare in the park. At this point you were so sick of concerts, romantic dinners, and date nights that you were ready to tear your hair out. At least it was your favorite play, Much Ado About Nothing. Comedy always beats tragedy.

The place was packed, no surprise given the beautiful weather. There were vendors selling everything from Italian Ice to Chicken and Waffles on a stick. Street musicians busked, kids played in the fountain, couples necked under shade trees, dogs trotted along happily with their owners. It was idyllic.

Maybe it was the sunshine or the actor’s trick Jensen taught you, either way, you felt good. Relaxed. Even when a group of fans gathered around for pictures and autographs, you felt centered and calm.

“Oh my gosh! You two are so cute together!” A younger girl gushed.

“Can we get your picture too?” another asked you, “Are you really a doctor?”

Jensen pulled you to his side and slung an arm around your shoulders, while you smiled up at him. It was your typical couple in love pose. He kissed your temple and every girl in eyesight sighed.

“I am a doctor. As a matter of fact, you should get your friend there some water and shade,” you replied motioning to a swaying, giggling girl heading for the margarita truck. “Maybe no more alcohol for today?”

“Check out my girl,” Jensen said as the group wandered happily away, “Signing autographs, saving lives.”

“Saving her from a hangover maybe,” you replied, lacing your fingers through his as you strolled. “People tend to underestimate the effects of drinking on days like this.”

“We’ve got about ten more minutes before the intermission is over, want to head back?”

“Yeah, um maybe hit the bathroom first?”

You entered the surprisingly empty ladies’ room while Jensen waited for you just outside the door. You couldn’t wait for this FBI business to be over so you could go to the bathroom alone, like a normal person.

You were just washing your hands when the door swung open and a couple of the girls from the earlier group stumbled in, including the drunk one. You gave a polite nod and stepped out of their way, but it wasn’t quick enough to avoid a collision. The three of you ended up in a tangle on the floor, two of them giggling and you, definitely not.

“Are you two alright,” you asked, trying to keep your composure.

The tipsy girl threw her head back and laughed, rolling back on the floor. The other one shook her head in disgust.

“Ugh, Jesus Suzie! Bitch never could hold her booze.”

You felt dizzy. And unbearably hot! You tried to get up, but your muscles didn’t respond. Something wasn’t right.

You called for Jensen, but your tongue was heavy in your mouth. All that came out was a garbled mess. You felt your heart begin to race as you panicked and your vision blurred.

“Gee, you seem a little green around the gills, Doctor West.”

The sober girl was standing at one of the sinks, studying her face in the mirror as she spoke. Her clothes hung loose on her long, wiry frame. Choppy black hair framed a thin face with severe features. Dark eyes, nearly black. Eyes that were normally behind glasses.

Arthur. “Oh… God.”

Green dropped to the balls of his feet, a lethal grin twisted his face as he grabbed a handful of your hair and yanked your head back.

“Hello again, Y/N.”

#dean x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean winchester #jensen ackles #jensen x reader #jensen x y/n #spn fic #supernatural #Nightingale

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sailorsally · 2 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/sailorsally/743742580397850624/reading-that-addition-to-your-post-like-i

thanks sally! i appreciate the conversation and the chance to air some feelings. ☺️

and you’re right! it’s not really fair to either of jenmish to decide how they must feel about anything private with such certainty as some people are prone to do. the last we saw they were perfectly happy and only recently were joking around on social media; from what i can tell they’ve always had their seperate lives as well as what they have together, whatever form that may take. the two can coexist!

honestly it seems very narrowminded to be so strict about things that are purely speculation. most of all i choose to believe what they tell us, and that in itself is then a foundation for other things that are just for fun. i know they love each other because they’ve both reiterated as such many times over the years and that hasn’t changed (and i highly doubt it will anytime soon!)

Hi! 😊

Couldn't agree more with it being narrowminded to be strict about things that are purely speculation! I just think people forget that these things are in fact speculation! And it's important to remember that! Cockles is a fun ship that is built on the genuine love Misha & Jensen have for each other and a lot of intricacies are fans taking real events and expanding on them because it's fun to do & it's not hurting anyone! Unless, maybe now it is hurting someone (Misha & his possible gf now or at some point) because again, people seem to be bent to be taking everything as reality.

I think we should all just chill and not be so serious about everything. Especially when it's not even our lives & in the end we don't know shit.

#ask sally

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rennerator · 2 years

Text

A little bit of what I am feeling

So, based on this post here:

I was going to write this as a reply to it, but I thought it would be better as my own post here. (It is a BIG POST)

I agree with what the anon was saying there and I wanted to add my opinion to it.

And, just to clarify, this is NOT a "competition" or anything like that!

I LOVE Jensen, unfortunately whenever we have the opportunity to interact with him about Supernatural (sadly, only CE cons nowadays, here is hoping for a breath of fresh air on JIB), the topics of Destiel or even CASTIEL are almost never brought up (excluding that Cockles panel that we had cause that happened on the spot when Misha brought it up to answer the question), and yeah, multiple factors can be pointed out, like the panels, and the person accompaning him on those, and the audience, and PR, and the company... Sadly, there is ALWAYS something… I am just TIRED of, in the end, it "relying" on Misha to be the one that talks/answers about anything related to Destiel AND with it, him always getting the short end of the stick and the hate when something goes wrong, he could just NOT talk about it and not interact with it, some may say, but that is the thing, if he doesn't then who will? Jensen doesn't get involved with the subject on his panels because of the envirionment and the company there... The panels are mostly focused on J--2 and Sam and Dean (Creation probably having a say on this) which DEFINITELY doesn't help cause then the other side think that they are on the right and that even J--2 support them and also think that it is only about their sibling ship...

I also don't understand how they (Creation) continuously do that B*rn Photo OP ROMANTICIZING Dean's death if Jensen himself has already said that Dean's death is something that he still struggles with... They (Creation) veto LOTS of things, why not that one? Because we ALL KNOW that while the OPs can say that they are asking for it as a "Brothers moment", it is so NOT about THAT at all! (according to some of them, sooner or later those two are going to kiss, in fact they can't wait for that to happen, it seems...) And unfortunately, I saw the latest one of those, that happened on this weekend's con, and... Yeah... So what gets me is that THAT is allowed but to talk about a CANON moment (at least from Cas' side) that happened on the show, is not, cause it is uncomfortable... SERIOUSLY, are you telling me that talking about a gay angel is more uncomfortable than those Photo OPs?? (Again, this is relating to Creation and the vetos)

Jensen doesn't NEED to confirm Destiel from Dean's side if, for any reason, he can't or doesn't want to(although it is CONFIRMED to me THAT they BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER and NO ONE will take THAT AWAY FROM ME), I just would LIKE to HEAR his thoughts about it like the normal thing that it is, if not as lovers AT LEAST as BEST FRIENDS.... Instead of it being seeing/portrayed (by Creation) as this "BANNED THING" that should never be spoken about…

The way we have been treated (at least it feels that way to me) is like we are INSANE, we are DELUSIONAL, we FORCE our SHIP, we are THE HORRIBLE AWFUL fans that are ALWAYS ruining it... The SPN production ALREADY said "F* YOU, you don't matter" to us with that HORRENDUOS FIASCO OF A FINALE, but THEN to be "forced" to hear about how the Finale was PERFECTION and it was the BEST THING that happened to Sam and Dean and all that (PR or not), when they KNEW that the Finale HURT LOTS of FANS; to CONTINUE to be TREATED LIKE we DON'T MATTER, like we are NOT WORTH talking with or about unless it is for jokes; to exclude us and the characters that we like; and make it that there is ONLY Sam and Dean and "everything" related to them is allowed, but almost EVERYTHING related to Destiel/Cas/Misha (even some fanarts and questions) is not; and how fans of Destiel/Misha/Cas are treated badly not only by the other side BUT ALSO by the organizers, when they put people that are DEFINITELY AGAINST them as handlers for the things that these fans will be interacting with... It HURTS us EVEN MORE... Punishing US and making US be seen as the ones FORCING it on them WHEN THEY were the ones that made it happen, is not fair…

Misha was THERE for US, he LISTENED, he ANSWERED, he TALKED to us, he MADE US FEEL SEEN, he made us feel like we MATTER, he SUPPORTED us and OUR ARTS and OUR LOVE (at least, I FELT all of that)!!! He received SO MUCH SH* ALREADY JUST BY DOING THAT, BY STANDING BY OUR SIDE... Why is HE the one that is ALWAYS gettting THE HATE? Why is HE the one ALWAYS at FAULT??? THAT is SO NOT FAIR to him, one of the ONLY ONES that had our backs for all this time and that FOUGHT for us and HE is the one that "fans" don't think TWICE about ATTACKING and saying HATEFUL things to and being horrible to…

Don't get me WRONG, I am NOT saying to hate on Jensen, nor that it is all Jensen's fault, NOT AT ALL, HATE IS NOT THE SOLUTION and it is NOT all his fault EITHER!! I just WISH he would able to show us, fans, more support, I wish he would try (talking to Creation maybe?) to make a LITTLE TIME for us, and to TALK to us, NOT in a TOXIC OPPRESIVE ENVIRONMENT where if you say Cas/Misha/Destiel name in it (or even ask a question about just Jensen/Dean) you will DEFINITELY at least be the target of hateful glares and "ruin the mood" AND will not even receive an honest answer most of the time… But in an environment that we could feel like we belong, we could feel safe, a Panel with Jensen and/or someone else, not necessarily Misha, but at least a Panel where Jensen can talk freely about other things that are not just the boring "same old same old" just to please THAT audience, but I THINK that it HAS to come from HIM, he needs to be the one that wants to do it, you know, and sadly, I can't help but feel like he is comfortable with what he has right now... Being it because of the contract that he has, his projects, being it because of the industry in itself, or other things that might factor in. I am still hopeful that MAYBE we will FINALLY get that when that whole "division" thing happens, but, like, we shouldn't have to "wait" until then when there are others basking on the luxury of doing whatever they want and how they want it disregarding common etiquette and respect... And the little moments and confirmations that we get whenever someone gives Jensen an autograph item that has Destiel in it or a Photo OP with something related to Destiel and he smiles or says something about it are CUTE and LOVELY but I don't think they are enough, they still make us (at least me) feel like a secret, a thing to be "ashamed" of when we are only acknowledge there, at that moment…

I just wish people would be MORE considerate of Misha and of EVERYTHING that he has GONE THROUGH for us, EVERYTHING that he has DONE for us , for us to feel at HOME, for us to feel LOVED and that WE MATTER and that OUR OPINIONS MATTER, and that OUR LOVE MATTERS!

Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to let this out of my chest. EDIT: Just a little bit of editing here, I want to make sure that people understand that the topics related to the change/choices in panels and the "being uncomfortable" parts are regarding CE (Creation) not Jensen, because the company is the one that makes the schedules and decides mostly what is vetoed and what is not! They are the ones that should make sure the environment that fans are paying to be in IS a SAFE ONE! English is not my main language, and I am sorry if sometimes my point might come across as rude or something like that, it is not my intention at all! My PMs are open, feel free to come talk to me about any doubts on what I said here! I LOVE THOSE TWO GUYS so F* MUCH and I just want happiness for them and for us! :)

#my thoughts #my opinion #misha #misha collins #destiel #jensen #jensen ackles #current events on fandom #rant

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