#and have ONLY gotten to where they're at because they refuse to make compromises about those things. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skell3 · 6 months

Text

Jan Kilbride Fairchild musings

Because I've been writing him more lately and wanted to put this down somewhere. These are just personal headcanons for RP stuff, really.

• Jan grew up with parents who didn't really plan or want a child, so they provided only the 'necessary'; no need for birthday parties or Christmas, with the 'You already have toys, buy whatever else you want with your allowance'

• While quite smart, his is Very Blond and can be dense about feelings and emotional stuff (mostly directed at him/his own). If someone's crushing on him, they're going to have to tell him directly or show him how they feel.

• Smart, and by secondary school he realized how his parents were compared to those of the others at school. He compromised with some things, enjoying friend's birthdays and wishing happy holidays to people but never got into participating. To the point that, as an adult, he just took on the holiday hours and spent any vacation time at his home.

• As he got older, some of the most simple of affections had drawn him in. He's got some questionable exes that not only taught him some life lessons, but he would rather not talk about them. His first love is space, after all, so he can move on and hope for something better.

• In this AU, he became an avatar of the Vast and eventually was tucked into the Fairchild fold by Simon. His particulars have to do with gravity and space, with fears like falling/floating into the sky and not having anything close enough to grab on to. He also could instill the feeling of insignificance to the universe at how small and not even a breath to the things out there so much larger than them. He's still a baby avatar and learning what he can do, what works best for him, and how to bend his version of Sky Blue- The Void- to suit his needs.

• Growing up with an interest in science, it was a primary school teacher that got him into space. Since then, his allowance has gone into books, magazines and even his first little telescope. He did get a bunch of glow in the dark stars to stick on his ceiling but his parents refused to allow him to do that, so he stuck them to his school things and had them until they fell off.

• Jan would make a great housewife, keeping things clean and tidy and also a decent cook. It helped up on the Daedalus and would be perfect for having roommates (Maybe Manuela and Carter). He's chatty, however, and a bouncing golden retriever of a man who also cries pretty easily, so someone would probably need to help care for him emotionally.

• After the events of the Daedalus, Jan has hearing aids for both ears and a difficulty walking at times. Like he can never quite get used to normal gravity anymore, even as he can control his own. When he's super 'hungry' and hadn't taken on enough fear, he feels heavy and can't move as easily. It started a little before he became an avatar, but intensified after and he has to watch where he's going.

• Without his hearing aids in, Jans brain fills in the sound void with the sound of the Titan. Though it's just a memory of the noise, the Titan essentially sings him to sleep or comforts him when he has to have his hearing aids out for loud things or when it rains.

• Along with the gravity issue, he gets lost in staring up at the stars a little too easily. Sometimes he can be found somewhere up high just stargazing and totally not paying attention at all to his surroundings. This has gotten him in trouble a few times, but others he's had Mike Crew or Manuela to hang out with him and enjoy them too.

Space man. Man space man. Vastard Jan my baby boy. Gertrude did not get her hands on this one, nor should she ever. She might find it difficult to because he keeps close company with a lot of people who would protect him.

#jan Kilbride #jan fairchild #tma #tma fan content #roleplay musings #the magnus archives fanwork #tma multiverse

15 notes · View notes

cloudmancy · 11 months

Note

I’ve honestly been thinking about how to reconcile actually seeing problems with CR content policy and all that stuff with those people being close friends and collaborators with people from D20.

( Especially that I do consider myself the CR fan, I like watch the streams which feels a bit hypocrytical but I giess I could have worse hyperfixations lol; to clarify I am also a D20 fan and been before even I have started watching CR)

Obviously I am of the opinion that glamourizing and putting creators and artists of any content we like is dangerous (and seeing them as our allies or friends in some capacity) - and we as fans don’t really know those people and shouldn’t base our moral judgement as ours.

But like I still wonder, how do people like Brennan think of CR and their policy, especially considering Brennan frequently praised Matt not just as a creator but as a person

I am curious on your thoughts, not trying to start any discourse here, just thinking

great questions! I want to start off by saying that I really don't care to speculate what brennan's opinion on the policies are: firstly because I don't parasocialize people like that, and secondly because he would not be in charge of any content policies for dimension 20 even if he felt some sort of way about it. I think if you want to reconcile liking CR while having issues its content policy, we need to look at what the issues are first.

as much as I've dunked on CR's content policy, it is nothing unusual for shows to want to protect their own IP. the terms of copyright in there are pretty standard for any form of media (even if I think it's pretty ironic that critical role is itself derivative of another franchise). the only reason dimension 20 doesn't have anything similar is because they're not at the point where it's profitable for people to sell knockoff merch or make knockoff mobile games using their characters yet. I think you need to prepare yourself for dimension 20 eventually reaching that level of success too.

dimension 20 from the start has and always WILL market itself much more as a product than critical role. it explicitly is one of the few things that kept dropout going through the bankruptcy of collegehumor as a parent company, it treats its audience like paying customers and respects audience feedback accordingly, and that's fine! I like that about it! it means that we get sensitivity consultants and production value, because we are customers paying for a product and there are now standards on how that product is delivered.

so yes, I do think dimension 20 will, at some point, implement their own content policy. they already have copyright over their works and properties, even if it's not stated anywhere on site. I have asked about the validity of fanworks before, and gotten this as a response:

For copyright protection reasons we are obligated to protect our IP in instances where we see it being monetized / exploited (the legal meaning) by non-official sources, and sanctioning monetized fanworks in an official sense could create a situation where our copyright becomes compromised on a legal level (without that sanctioning being a long legalese-ful document filled with caveats).

so we're at the same place that critical role fans were five years ago - it's not technically sanctioned, but dimension 20 has been turning a blind eye and even supporting some of the charity endeavours that involve the use of their IP. what remains to be seen is what happens when D20 eventually does put a content policy of their own in place, and which types of fan content will be restricted.

my issue with critical role's content policy is and always will be how they choose to reinforce it, and the way CR itself still markets itself as a small game between friends and refuses to acknowledge how corporate it has become. they may not be explicitly allowed in their policy, but imo they should only come into play when there's actual scammers using copyrighted logos or copyrighted images to sell products.

a content policy for CR was inevitable. there will be one in the future for dimension 20 too. but there is no reason that CR should have been striking down charity projects and fanzine productions, from members of their own community and official artists no less. I can only hope dimension 20 will not go down the same route in the future.

#asks #anon #long post #hope this helps! I tried to give as thorough of a response irt how I actually feel about cr and d20 as possible #dimension 20 #and also do not ever treat any of the people in ttrpg spheres as “good guys” or “bad guys”... they are honestly all just people #and will disappoint you if you start ascribing moral values to their actions because they are people. working in an industry

47 notes · View notes

gayrobos · 1 year

Note

i would fucking love to read your author's-commentary on the stunticon friends comics! maybe not like in the individual update posts but i know spoilers don't really stop me from enjoying anything and it'd be cool to hear about the stuff that can't quite be shown yet :D

WELL OKAY IF YOU INSIST hehe. it's mostly thoughts about people's relationships. and a lot of it is thoughts about people's relationships with motormaster. a nice relaxing 1.5k of authors notes which doesn't contain spoilers for future plot per se.

I kind of think of this comic as being about... what is decepticon culture, and how does it impact people who've been in it and also their adopted human teen. I've joked that the reason the stunticons are here on earth is because they joined the "kick around people who are weaker than you" faction and they were shocked, SHOCKED when someone stronger than them started kicking them around. so they went to a place where nobody's stronger than them ::)

mikki, meanwhile, is in a super weird place about this because they're. not actually strong at all. EXCEPT when they're with the stunticons. so they have this mindset that they're top dog and they can do anything they want but that's not going to be true if they actually leave and they do know this. they know that if they want to maintain the power they have they need to stay with these people who seemed so normal to them and who they are realizing are seriously not normal. who are frightening. who have never been what they seemed to mikki. it makes a teen ask some questions! or stubbornly refuse to ask themself any questions!

the stunticons of course also refuse to do any amount of self-examination. they came out here to do nothing more and nothing less than have a good time at other people's expense. but they're each deeply neurotic in their own special ways, largely but not exclusively because of their time under motormaster's command.

wildrider has always been Like that. as in, needs a lot of stimulation or she will rip up the furniture and chew through someone's face. putting her under the command of a huge control freak like motormaster was kind of a dumb idea, because they were constantly butting heads. except motormaster is four times wildrider's size and can squish her like a toyota corolla. thankfully wildrider has never ever learned a lesson in her life and just kept on antagonizing motormaster forever until she got sick of being beat up for ignoring orders and wandering off to shred things and. you know. impaled her. basically wildrider's injuries were purely physical because she wasn't that afraid of the consequences of defying motormaster or more broadly decepticon command. nobody else got off that easy. (EDIT: I completely forgot to mention how ashamed wildrider is of every time she made a compromise for the sake of her safety. which wasn't all the time, but she sees it as cowardice, not self-preservation. she HAS been altered by motormaster; it showed her a side of herself she hates and now she's got to be even more recklessly aggressive to prove she's not a coward.)

dead end has spent a long time making herself into a tool to be wielded. if you never expect anything good to happen you can't be disappointed! and this doesn't extend just to motormaster, you know? the entire decepticon army runs on "shut up, do what you're told, perform viciousness." wildrider is in some ways the perfect decepticon. dead end sucks at it, but she CAN shut up and do what she's told. she's very good at killing people but she doesn't much like it. I think motormaster has probably told her a lot of times that she's only good for one thing and she's not that good at it. she really really longs to connect with people but she's also terrified of it (for good reason, since she's gotten burned a lot) and in the present she's still pretty withdrawn even from the other stunticons. mikki felt like a safer option because they're just a little alien and if we feed them and tame them they won't be able to leave! and then: uh-oh. dead end caught feelings. she should know better by now.

breakdown, we haven't seen that much of her being neurotic because she's been in a really safe place for four years. the humans can't touch her. she doesn't have to leave her ship. she doesn't even have to talk to the other stunticons if she doesn't want to, mostly. historically she has been a LOT weirder. and we'll see some of that soon ::) to motormaster she was suuuuch an easy target for isolation. you can tell her to always stay in the comms room and she'll just do it! you can tell the rest of your crew to play pranks on her and gaslight her and they will because it's funny and you're decepticons! you can tell her in private that it was their idea! to breakdown, motormaster is THE number one trustworthy person. which isn't to say that breakdown doesn't fear her, it's just that motormaster can't "betray" you. what would that mean. it's meaningless. this is part of why I'm so insane about wildbreak. breakdown is like, yeah, wildrider is violent and kind of unpredictable and she thinks it's funny to torment me, AND she keeps trying to get me to break the rules. the only way to deal with this is to play along enough to get her to keep it a secret. and also she's hot and I desperately want to hurt someone because I feel so angry and helpless all the time. like! the only person breakdown trusts is also the implicit threat whenever she's with wildrider??? the only connection she'll allow herself to have is with someone she truly dislikes and who has never treated her well! neither of them can ever admit they care about each other as more than fight club buddies because their affection is all twisted up in hatred and their clashing personalities and the way they've been intentionally set against each other!!! AUGH

post-motormaster they just hit each other and have sex like regular people. but watch out!

okay and finally we come to drag strip. who as I'm sure you've noticed needs desperately to be liked by everyone and for nobody to be mad at her specifically and also each other. this is a terrible coping mechanism for dealing with motormaster, but it's the one she developed! and it kind of fucked her over because at the crucial moment she didn't join in on killing motormaster. her loyalties were very much divided between the one person who was most important to make happy and the people she intellectually knew were on her side. and now she's always going to be the one who didn't want motormaster dead. and she's always going to be thinking about how everyone else is thinking that. but everything's fine as long as they still laugh at her jokes.

it's been SO fun to plot out the stunticons falling the fuck apart because the foundation of their trust in each other has always been rotten. house of robot usher over here. there's a lot of decepticons out here who feel genuine camaraderie despite (because of!) the way that their military culture encourages them to turn on anyone who isn't performing decepticonness well enough, but, um, that's not the stunticons. living and fighting together for thousands of years just gave them a LOT of beef to pretend they don't have with each other. despite themselves they do all genuinely care for mikki, but their model for caring about someone is "war buddy" which kinda comes down to "do fun shit with them and save their life." and none of them have the capacity to admit (even to themselves) that they have real feelings for someone!! that would be seriously uncool and not macho et c. so you get situations like mikki passive-aggressively going WOW NOBODY HERE CARES ABOUT ME OR EVEN THINKS I'M A PERSON! and getting crickets in response.

whew.

okay, what about motormaster? what's her deal?

funnily enough I've not done that much development on her since she's barely gotten any screentime. so some of what I'm saying here is solidifying for the first time. (I don't really write a lot of notes, just scripts.) like I said, she's a control freak. and an egotist. she needs to claim credit for the victories of everyone under her command, and she's a pretty fucking bad leader which is why she only has four subordinates. but she's unbelievably effective on the battlefield, and that ability transfers well to menasor. a win for the decepticons. truly, what is there to say about her? in this story she's defined by what she does to other people. I won't get into the metaphors that we'll see in stunticomix endgame (teehee), but from a narrative point of view she's literally nothing without them. she's more the spectre of decepticon culture than she is a person, yk?

so the stakes of this story are: can the stunticons overcome millennia of indoctrination, abuse, and generally sucking in order to have a genuine relationship with like 1 person who doesn't have that baggage? can they allow themselves to care about ANYTHING? originally the script I wrote (with arcee's help <3 hi arcee) calls for the answer to be yes, they can pledge themselves to a cause they decided for themselves and yes they can build a community. but you know what? reading all this shit it's really hard to believe that they can do any of that. VOTE IN THE REPLIES will y'all be mad at me if this turns out to be a tragedy. lmao.

#stunticon friends #red I like ur characterizations so much. especially your dead end. I really cherish him.#every day I'm thinking about dead end in your valentine fanfiction #this has nothing to do with the post uhhh I just think your fic is neat #and it stands in contrast to my approach which has to serve The Themes Of The Work (and my regrettable tendency toward understatement)#OKAY PEACE THIS HAS TAKEN ME A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF TIME TO TYPE UP AND I'M SICK OF AGONIZING OVER IT

15 notes · View notes

pinkandgreenarepurpleandyellow · 2 years

Text

Misc Will and Zoey dynamic hcs while I search for a copy of the FVAFS sequel:

Not much changes from their general dynamic at the end of the book. Will is still "a robot programmed by an asshole" more often than not and Zoey is still obstinate whenever she can be, but there's a significant amount of progress in their attempts to communicate.

Zoey practices the coin trick and absolutely sucks at it if she doesn't mumble the steps out loud, but instead found out that she's pretty good at juggling. Will has had to deal with an increasing amount of juggling balls, pins, and fake knives being left all over the mansion because Zoey still gets lost a lot and likes having practice equipment available at all times.

Will has gotten somewhat used to the life of luxury over the years. Zoey vehemently refuses to whenever she can. It has lead to a large amount of arguments, but more often than not, Will has to agree with Zoey that the holograms are stupid and no one really needs solid gold statues of themselves in every room when that money could be used for so many things. Zoey, on the other hand, now has worked past her guilt about not eating stuff that's expired but technically still edible and is eventually convinced to splurge a bit more on clothes and luxury items.

Zoey still insists on throwing a massive amount of money into various projects to help poor people in both Tabula Ra$a and areas outside of it. Will brings up various points about what other items/actions will be needed for Zoey's plans to work and she adjusts accordingly. They make a surprisingly efficient team for balancing between cynicism and idealism.

Yes I still think that every now and then they both get drunk and talk about their backstories and Arthur a lot. Will was a tad over-attached and Zoey is still bitter and they both feel like there was a lot Arthur should have told them before his death.

A large amount of the men that hurt Zoey and her mother in the past have mysteriously gone missing or have been caught dead in 'accidents'. Will denies any and all intervention but there's suddenly 30k less in a few of the accounts he can access.

Zoey insists on making coffee whenever she can, both out of habit and to help. Will has yet to give in to the idea of trying a different type of coffee than his usual, but he's the only one who always notices her latte art (the ones she makes for everyone else) and is privately impressed by the level of detail in it.

They're the only ones who have no problems being each other's fake dates for big ceremonies (at least, during the events themselves). Will doesn't make crude comments or leer at Zoey no matter what she's dressed in, and Zoey helps Will tamp down the black cloud of death when they have to socialize and not scare away the other guests.

Zoey does her best to maintain what she can around the mansion (or at least the parts she's in most often). This extends to making sure the team's offices and rooms are in good shape and as much aid as possible. She remembers people's preferences a lot faster than they think. Will is pleasantly surprised that she knows exactly which brand of pens he likes, where everything on his desk goes, and what times of day he's more and less productive.

Will helps Zoey figure out a lot of the more hi-tech stuff that doesn't need to be so hi-tech. They lose about three days to figuring out how to operate the shower and another two to helping Zoey make a 'normal shower' setting and keep it as the default.

They have a weird relationship with comfort. Zoey needs physical contact that Will refuses to give, and Will doesn't trust the vulnerability offered to him by Zoey. Their net compromise usually involves sitting next to each other on the floor/staircase/ledge, and talking slowly and awkwardly. If it's Will who needs the talk, Zoey always has some extra coins in her pocket so he can run the trick while he talks. If Zoey is freaking out, Will lures Stench Machine over so she can at least snuggle her cat until she can calm down.

#fvafs #futuristic violence and fancy suits #Zoey ashe #will blackwater #headcanon

19 notes · View notes

not-close-to-straight · 2 years

Note

Poor Steve he wants so badly to get it right that he keeps getting it wrong 😥. Like he and Tony could have started to get to know each other and grow closer but noooo Steve got all anxious. And ugh my heart just broke for poor Tony at the end because he wants all those “omega” things and to be happy but high society doesn’t accept him so he thinks he can’t have them 🥺. I did really like the advice Bucky and Nat gave to each of them. If only they’ll heed it. Also I loved Bucky and Nat just immediately going for it. Like hell yeah go get it. And just like f Howard for not even treating his children like people

I think one of my favorite personal HC's for Tony and one that I think is backed up super well in canon is that he has ALWAYS wanted those sort of 'stereotypical' things out of life but has either been bullied out of saying he wants them (Howard) or has gotten to the point where he can't trust anyone close enough to even try to GET them, and this fic is really going to show case that.

like this Tony who OF COURSE wants to be wooed and courted and swept off his feet and spoiled, but he refuses to compromise himself to get it and after a lifetime of being basically bullied by his Dad, he's just about to the point of having given up. And then the first Alpha he even responds to and thinks "oh maybe" acts as if he disapproves of everything Tony does.

We ALL deserve someone who sees us at our most ridiculous and thinks "yep that's the person I love" and that's all Tony is searching for.

Of course on the other hand, we have Steve who literally wants all the same things but is coming at it from the opposite direction so instead of working together side by side to be happy, they're just butting heads. Not forever though. And Tony makes some really amazing friends in this fic that helps him round out his life before Steve gets it together.

6 notes · View notes

industriallyinsecure · 3 years

Note

How would yandere La Squadra go about their darling being extremely paranoid... maybe even an abduction survivor? Like, they won't drink or eat anything that's not sealed or prepared by them, they won't go anywhere without telling a loved one or friend where they are and where they're going. They only use their own car or commute with ppl they are close with, their door has several locks and bolts, the windows have special locks and they have a hidden weapon on their body and know how to use it.

I apologize for the long wait!

Sorbet and Gelato don’t care. Gelato is audacious enough to keep testing your boundaries by inserting himself into your life as mere coincidences. Sorbet is the only one keeping you safe, in a strange way. He constantly has to talk Gelato down with kisses and promises of taking you soon. Even if you pulled a weapon on them, there’s two of them. Your odds wouldn’t even be that great with just one of them pursuing you. The only problem is orchestrating the whole ordeal just right. With the constant paper trail you left, it would be difficult to just snatch you up and make you disappear off the face of the earth so suddenly. They have to strike in the golden hour, which, much to Gelato’s displeasure, means they have to leave you alone. When you stop frantically updating your friends and family, Gelato kicks in your door and Sorbet restrains you. Of course, when you wake up in an unfamiliar place with two men sandwiching you, the carefully crafted walls you put up to protect yourself from your past abduction come crumbling down. Gelato feels the tiniest bit remorseful and tries to kiss it better, but nothing works and they end up having to knock you out. Sorbet scolds Gelato for his hastiness while they cuddle on the chair across from the bed where your sleeping body whimpered and twitched. It would take some time to help you rebuild from your trauma, but the Milk and Milkless Dessert couple weren’t known for giving up easily.

Risotto is the same way. It’s part of the reason he was drawn to you. After researching about a hit and discovering they had kidnapped and held someone for ransom unsuccessfully, he felt it necessary to check in on the victim to see if there were any connections between them and Passione. More accurately, to see if the victim would cause any problems for Passione. When he first seeks you out, he’s not surprised about your demeanor. But something about your mouselike timidness drew him in. He knows he has to measure his steps carefully if he wants to get close. There’s a lot of methodical planning involved to make sure he doesn’t accidentally scare you off. He attempts to insert himself in your life subtly, appearing in places you go but not engaging you. When he was finally bold enough to seek you out in your own home, he finally saw the extent of your trauma. Metallica made it easy to bypass the many locks on the door, but it was a chore to do. Finding you waiting behind the door with a gun drawn was certainly a surprise, though. Seeing your perpetual eyebags and frowning features so frightened made his heart ache. It’s too bad you were close enough for Metallica to work. He’s positive you would’ve put up a good fight. But for now he’s focused on getting you tucked in. There was no reason to whisk you away when it was clear you were smart enough to be scared of the world outside.

Ghiaccio always has to be in the right, no matter the situation. He doesn’t care that you have trauma that makes your day to day hell or that his constant presence makes you wary and weary. His needs and desires come first at the cost of your comfort. He only compromises on his yelling when he notices he makes you flinch. Other than that, he’ll pester you nonstop. It’s a mystery how he is always where you are without fail. At a certain point, you refuse to leave your home because of it. Ghiaccio isn’t understanding of this and nearly breaks down your door and sends you into a panic attack. Seeing you scream and shield yourself with your arms makes him hesitate. What breaks him is when you plead for him to leave you alone and to not hurt you. It’s a rare moment of clarity in his obsession addled mind and he tries his best to calm you down, even though his touch makes you flinch away. In the middle of his attempt to soothe you, he ends up covering you in frost. The effects of White Album make your reactions sluggish and weak, but you have plenty of time to consider how you got here as he hefts you over his shoulder and buckles you into the passenger’s seat, wrapping the seatbelt around you several times.

Melone honestly has an Obsession of the Week™️, which more than half the time is just for scientific purposes. He likes to psychoanalyze random people he sees, just for funsies. You, on the other hand, were far too interesting to just dissect mentally and move on. He tuned in when you asked for a drink that was from an unopened case of products, and his interest only heightened when he saw you take a very calculated path through the lounge area. He noted you made sure to move in the blind spots of the windows and cameras before nestling safely in a corner where you could see the whole room, all the while peeking over your shoulder. At first, he thought OCD or some other disorder. It made sense, but he watched you timidly flick your eyes around as you uncapped your drink , sniffed it, and took a tentative sip. Melone is already mentally logging this information, creating trials and assessing variables as you sip away at your beverage. Of course when he went to pursue you after you left, he didn’t expect for you to pull a knife on him and threaten him with wide eyes to stay away. The reasons you gave were conjecture, though. He could see that you weren’t quite sure of your choice to confront him, the minuscule shaking of your hand only proving it. It’s laughably easy for him to disarm you, even if his thievery skills have gotten rusty from his transition from petty thief into assassin. After his civil approach, by his own standards, you're toted off to a nearby safe house where he could keep you while he arranges for your accommodations elsewhere.

This is a problem for Prosciutto. He and Formaggio are the most social creatures of La Squadra (Melone is well… social in a different way). Prosciutto loves to be seen. He likes going to the opera, to have someone on his arm dressed almost as finely as he was, to go to art auctions, to go out to a restaurant where the prices were high and the portions low. So your paranoid personality, while understandable, poses a problem for the fantasy he made within five minutes of seeing you shuffle around the market in what he would describe as “bum clothes” (aka sweatpants and a baggy shirt). He notes that every step you take is deliberate, every move calculated and determined beforehand. With his years of stealth training, he trails you for a while to fully observe you. One thing that stuck out to him was that you were always in public places, among crowds with just enough people that you would be missed if you were swept off your feet by a dashing blond in a finely pressed suit. Prosciutto is a fixer. He lives to nitpick and improve and fix everyone he cares for, and you are no different. Soon you’ll find yourself in the company of the handsome blond you’ve seen around town, whether you like it or not. He takes it upon himself to interject and speak over you when it comes to certain things, stating how you should’ve handled a situation. Your paranoia is soon taken advantage of, with Prosciutto feeding into it by isolating you and forcing you to depend on him. Not that he minds. He loves to help people improve. On his terms, of course.

Illuso takes it as a challenge. He’s very reserved as well, and when he observed you for his own interest, it was kismet. Illuso is great at playing the long game and letting his opponent’s psyche get the best of them. With your ‘weakened’ mind, he could play around with you as much as he liked. Tapping on your (barred)window, the mirror, moving stuff. Your own personal curator of hell. He never once feels bad, but he wondered why he didn’t stop playing poltergeist after his usual week or so. Soon he found himself just…staring at your permanently furrowed brow and frowning lips. Maybe if he isolated you in a place where he knew there wouldn’t be anyone, he could get something out of you? Secretly pulls you into the mirror world and observes you. He lets you sit in the comfort of assured solitude before making his grand entrance. Of course he didn’t expect to get punched in the gut and to have a knife pulled on him. He might boast that Man in the Mirror is the strongest stand, but stands are pretty much useless when you’re taken by surprise by someone you underestimated. For a moment, he can’t decide if this makes him like you a lot more, or if you deserve a kick to the gut. Maybe both.

Formaggio firmly believes in the ideology of “take no shit, give no fucks”. He may be social, but he’s not exactly socially intelligent. Case in point, he didn’t understand that his social butterfly-ness might be a huge turn off for some people. So he’s pretty much at a loss for what to do. His previous flings loved it, but you, well, you wanted nothing to do with him in any capacity. Formaggio was supposed to have been scouting his hit, but he was mostly checking out the Milfs, Dilfs, and Pilfs (parent) that passed. And when his gaze finally fell on you, sitting by yourself, he had to swoop in. Similar to how he reacts to Narancia, he’s very affable when you pull your weapon on him and threaten him with very serious eyes, even joking with you playfully when you ask him what he thinks he’s doing. I love him dearly, but Formaggio is a dumb man. He can’t read social cues and probably just thinks you’re playing hard to get when in reality you have trauma. But since he hides all his trauma and self hatred behind jokes, it takes him a while to fully realize that you’re broken. And what do you do with broken things? Why, stick them in a doll house and provide for them, of course!

#la squadra di esecuzione #yandere la squadra #yandere sorlato #yandere risotto nero #yandere ghiaccio #yandere melone #yandere prosciutto #yandere illuso #yandere formaggio #la squadra x reader

125 notes · View notes

habeascorpseus · 3 years

Note

The audacity for people to call tommy immature omg. He literally tried to make amends with people in the most recent streams. Do you see him apologizing for his actions and he just takes it when someone says he’s a bad person. He never said he was going to fight techno after siding with tubbo, he confirmed it in his argument with techno on doomsday that he wanted to compromise with him. Idk just feel really mad at people saying he has little to no character development when they’re clear signs now that he has grown and still growing to be more selfless. Idk how to put it into words man

Yeah! At his core, tommy has always been kind of ride or die? Like, even if he disapproves of someone's actions, if he's pledged friendship to them, he won't act against them. We see this with tubbo, most obviously, where he refuses to hurt him even after getting exiled. We see this with wilbur, where he still tries up until the very last day to get wilbur to change his mind about blowing up L'manburg, and even then fights on his side to victory. And we see this with techno as well, as tommy accepts joining his side but still refuses to go against his own ideals and destroy L'manburg, and won't try and do anything except convince techno to do otherwise. Tommy may seem like he chooses factions, but like ranboo, he only chooses people and refuses to act against them unless they actively try to hurt the other people he cares for. I think what people mistake for immaturity in his character, (which is really just another result of his trauma) is his extreme black and white thinking within this weird mix of ranboo and butcher army philosophy. Because once someone crosses the line for him, they become Bad, no matter how much he might have gotten along with them once. Wilbur never rest got to cross that line, but Techno has and did again on the 6th. No matter how much tommy and techno bond, if techno harms what Tommy loves, techno becomes Bad. And again, this is definitely a result of his trauma surrounding betrayal. It makes it hard for him to apologise or see how he might have wronged those who harmed him too, because tommy is a character who is deeply absorbed in how much he's hurting, but unlike phil, techno, niki, or fundy, mostly doesn't use this as an excuse to lash out violently. And in that self-absorbed pain, his eyes are too clouded over to see the pain that everyone else has, whether it be because of him or because of the rest of the smp. And as much as this is pretty much a constant for his character, I also think that he's learning very slowly and surely that people are more than how they effect you personally. That sometimes people are willing to accept an apology as long as you show you're putting in the work to understand where they're coming from. Tommy is giving this chance to Tubbo, and perhaps to Wilbur in the future. Connor and Tubbo are giving this chance to Tommy. Being able to look at someone who hurt you and recognize the potential for growth while also understanding you aren't obligated to forgive them is maturity. Which, ironically, in the end, makes them the most mature and developed people on the server.

#a bit of a hopeful ending for this meta instead of all the doom and gloom :)#asked and answered #entropish #dream smp #tommyinnit #tubbo #connoreatspants #technoblade

139 notes · View notes

loveisneurotic · 3 years

Text

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

#kaguya sama: love is war #analysis #long post #reactions

24 notes · View notes

xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-Five

Table of Content or Part Forty-Four

Read HERE on Wattpad

Words: 3.1K

Warning(s): Explicit language, sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @sinningsixx @edwardtriggerhandzz @lemmyjelly @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @loveofmyloif @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @xpoisonousrosesx @cruecifymesixx @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg @girlnight-terror @mcnibberachi

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

Five days detoxing at Doc's house+rehab+therapy=road to recovery=out of the woods. It's the magical equation I swore up and down wouldn't end in "Error."

The few dishes on the counter shatter into the floor once Nikki roughly sits me on it, his fingers digging into my thighs that wrap securely around him, our tongues twisting as we tug and pull at each other's clothes.

I get his pants undone as he pulls the towel from around my body, taking a handful of my soaking wet hair in his hand and tugging my head back to leave bites and bruises up and down my neck, causing me to hum in pleasure while my core pulses with anticipation to be filled by him.

Moving myself to the edge of the counter, spreading my legs as he runs his fist up and down his length a few times, I take heavy breaths, a wash of shame coming over me for a moment because this is the complete opposite of what we were instructed to do.

But fuck the "no contact" rule.

I've barely had any contact with him the past few months because he's been stoned or drunk. Telling me to practically ignore and avoid him for 30 days straight is like waving a loaded syringe in an addict's face before sitting it down in front of them and leaving them alone after telling them "okay I know it's right there and it's the one thing you struggle most to control yourself around, but don't even look at it."

Fuck that, and Nikki. And I refuse to walk around my own house anymore and not do the latter of those two.

The indescribable feeling of him pushing into me has my head tipping back , and my eyes closing as the both of us let out content sighs.

I put my weight on one of my hands that rests on the counter beside me, the other hand wrapped around the back of Nikki's neck, as he moves in and out of me ferociously and I meet him thrust for thrust.

Let's take a step back and catch up on how he and I had gotten to that point.

Eight Days Earlier

"You two can detox at my place, check into rehab, come out when you're better and we'll go from there." Doc explains to Nikki and Tansy as they both sit on our couch.

"W-What about the press? Or my mom?" Tansy asks him nervously, fumbling with the tag on the throw blanket she's enveloped in.

"You let me deal with your mom and the media, alright?" Doc assures her.

"Surely your mom won't be pissed at you for getting help, Tans." I try to tell her and she rubs her lips together.

"People will know I have a problem if I got to rehab." She points out. "It'll make me look bad."

"Having to cover your entire body with makeup to hide the discoloration of your skin and the track marks, looks bad, Tansy. Screw what people think. At least you're admitting you need help." I say and she doesn't reply, just looking at Nikki to gauge his reaction to all of this.

He looks pissed, but too tired and defeated to give a shit enough to argue with me anymore about it.

"What's the point of rehab if I'm just gonna end up kicking it at Doc's place?" Nikki asks me and I let out a breath.

"Because rehab will teach you coping mechanisms that Doc can't, Nikki. It won't take that long for you to get out if you just try your best at it." I reply and he scoffs.

"So, what, you're babysitting me at Doc's until I'm done throwing up, shitting myself, and having hot and cold flashes and then shipping me off for a few weeks?" He cuts his dead eyes at me and Doc and I exchange looks.

"Well, it depends on how quickly you adjust to rehab and make a turn around, as to how soon you can get out...so it might be more than a few weeks." Doc informs him. "And Bob has already scheduled you and Viv an appointment with a marriage therapist."

"Well if I'm spending more than three weeks in rehab there's no point in working on our marriage."

"The program you'll be in includes this particular therapist who's currently working on creating a schedule for Vivian to come visit you often and you two have your sessions bi-weekly." Doc states and Nikki rolls his jaw, looking at me.

"Is this what you really want? Your husband gone for weeks on end until some quack gives me a certificate and a gold star because I went 'X' amount of time without shooting up?" He harshly questions me and I rub my lips together.

I think of the reasons Nikki didn't spend more than three days in rehab the first time he went, was because A.) He refused to believe in a higher power, and B.) He didn't go to rehab because he knew he had a problem and wanted to get better, he went to rehab to appease the people around him because he felt we were twisting his arm until he gave up and cried "mercy" a.k.a "fine I'll go, just as long as you shut the fuck up and get off my back about it."

I look at him for a moment, studying his knotted hair, his yellow skin, his shot eyes, his weak appearance, before saying:

"I'd rather you hate me for a little while for getting you help, instead of waking up and trying to convince myself to continue to live in a world with no Nikki Sixx in it."

"We're not indestructible, Nikki." Tansy adds softly, knowing very well she and he both need help.

He doesn't say anything else.

She had Doc and I convinced she wanted help...but truth be told Nikki actually went to rehab while Tansy had Duff come get her from Doc's house.

She knew she had a severe problem, but the only time Tansy would "clean up" was when she gave her veins a break, out of fear of completely losing them, and was muscling smack. She would fall back on pills and lots of booze, then when some of her veins would start reviving themselves back from their smaller size, she would start up again.

I can't even say how much money she and her mother were paying people to keep quiet to the media.

Nobody could know perfect Tansy Lyn, Playboy's Barbie Doll, was so broken inside that she repeatedly destroyed her body, let it rebuild, and wrecked it again.

It must have been a punch in the face to her mom when Tansy came clean in '88 and admitted she had struggled with addiction and was going into rehab...and an even harder punch in the face when she came back in into the spotlight in 1989, dropping her stage name "Tansy Lyn" and dawning "Tansalyn Rose" after marrying Axl, and practically confessed every grimy detail of her obsession with hard drugs and alcohol since 1981, and why she started them to cope with what was happening behind the scenes of the brutal modeling industry.

In 1990, her vision-come-to-life, "I Won't Just Smile", was born. It started as a campaign to raise awareness against sexual abuse, exploitation, and coercion in all corners of the modelling industry, then stemmed into an organization that offered free services to victims of addiction and abuse, from rehab to post-assault counseling and everything in between.

Years of Diane's hard work to create her daughter's untouchable persona, completely shattered.

I was just thrilled Tansy had turned her struggles around and used them to help others, but first, she would have to face a handful of overdoses, one of which nearly killed her, have a section of her liver cut out, and have a temporary pace-maker.

All of it just made Axl more strict about drugs. Not just for the sake of the band and the fans, but he was afraid some members of Guns in particular would pull Tansy back into the merry-go-round of addiction after she got clean.

"You're telling me I can't stay with him and Tansy?" I ask Doc harshly in a whisper once the four of us get to his house.

"You won't want to stay, Viv. I'm telling you, they're gonna pull out all the stops to get you to cave and get them some smack because they'll be in so much pain. I don't want you to see them like that and I don't want you to compromise their recovery." He explains.

"You think I would do that?!"

"I know you would if it came down to it." He states and I roll my jaw. "This isn't just little flu symptoms and some body aches. They will feel like they are going to die, they will look like they are going to die and I cannot trust you not to give in." His brutal honesty. "You'll be able to see them in about a week, they'll be better by then and then we can look at the next step. Got it?"

I just glare at him.

"Go kiss 'em 'bye' and fuck off." He says next, waving his hand at me dismissively as he goes to my car to grab Nikki's bag and his car to grab Tansy's.

I step back into the living room to tell them 'bye' but stop myself, deciding it's better to let Doc deal with Nikki's pissed off temper when he discovers I won't be staying with them.

Grabbing my car keys from the table by the door, I head the house.

When I get back to our house, I check the machine that's blinking a light to signal a missed call.

I go to the kitchen and get a glass of water as Slash's voice slurs through the speaker.

"H-Hey, Viv, um...uh...we..." I chuckle at his incoherent mumbling and step to the phone to call him back as another message starts playing where his left off.

"Viv," It's Duff. "Call us back as soon as you can."

I furrow my brows a little, about to dial them back until yet another message comes on.

"Viv, we got signed!" Steven's screaming has me dropping my water and the phone, joy coursing through the soles of my feet up to my hair, and I'm running around and screaming along with his recorded message loudly blaring his own excitement.

I run back to the phone and pick it up, dialing their apartment.

"We got signed!" Steven's voice is shouting at me before the phone even rings a single ring.

"When?! How?! By who?!" I say back.

"We'll tell you over dinner because guess who got $7,500 cash advances?! The same mother fuckers who've been stealing from strippers to get by, that's who!" He exclaims.

"Yeah, don't ever tell people you guys did that!" I say in the same tone. "Lemme change and I'll be over there, okay?"

"Okay." He replies, and I can just hear his smile through the phone.

I hang up and give one last scream of happiness before sprinting to get changed and leave.

Tom Zutaut, the same man responsible for giving Mötley Crüe their shot, had given the same shot to Guns N' Roses.

They had signed to Geffen Records, and although that was their second goal--the first was getting a band together--they knew the main goal was to release their first album, and hopefully, have it a success.

Before I can even knock on the door, it's swinging open and Steven's like a puppy, jumping around, waiting on me by the door.

I hug him tightly, trying to keep myself from crying with immense relief that they're one step closer--a giant step closer--to their dream.

When we pull away from each other, Duff holds his hand up for me to give him a high-five and I do, his fingers locking with my hand to pull me into a hug and I'm sandwiched between him and Steven momentarily.

A flash catches my eye and we pull away from each other to see a girl with short, blonde hair, that I've never seen before, holding a camera.

"That's gonna be a good one." She tells us, smiling at Duff as the Polaroid deposits.

Mandy Brixx, member of the punk band, Lotus Lame and The Lame Flames, was a cute girl with bleach blonde hair, beautiful brown eyes and a captivating smile...and was also Duff's first wife.

Mandy wasn't perfect, but she didn't disown Duff after he told her he had gotten me pregnant.

Even though he didn't cheat on her with me, and they had been broken up for about six months when he and I got involved, I know it hurt her knowing he had hooked up with the woman she was sure she didn't have to worry about when they dated. They ended up getting back together in 1988 and got married the same year.

They divorced two years later because something just "changed" and neither of them were happy, but I've always respected her because she was really good to Monroe.

His second wife, however, was crazier than a run over dog because she was always on something.

The last time I saw her in 1993, she had said something crass and rude to Tansy and before Tansy could reply, I was asking Linda, "were you born a cunt or does the crack just bring it out of you?"

She swung on me and I swung back. Except when I throw a punch, I make sure it lands.

Maybe she would've actually hit me if her equilibrium weren't as fried as her brain.

I would've kicked her ass if Duff and Matt Sorum hadn't pulled me off of her.

I hope she got her shit together after they divorced in 1995.

I guess bass players and crack-head models go hand-in-hand...

"Viv, this is my girlfriend, Mandy." Duff introduces me. "Mandy, this is my best friend, Viv."

"Hi, it's good to finally meet you." Mandy tells me with a gentle smile and I extend my hand to her.

"You, too." I reply as she takes my hand in her's, my eyes subtly flickering to Duff now that he's standing beside her, silently asking him when the hell he was going to tell me about his girlfriend.

"I'll tell you later." He mouths to me where she can't see and I just keep smiling as she strikes up conversation with me.

Once we get to the Rainbow, Steven and I are a few steps in front of Duff and Mandy, the blonde drummer letting out a little sigh.

"What is it?" I ask, nudging him.

"Just worried about Tansy." He admits, and I raise my brows. "It's not like that, Viv, I swear." He promises. "She's a cool person, is all. I wish she was here to celebrate this with us."

"I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear about it when you're allowed to go visit her in rehab." I remind him. "Where's the guys?" I ask next as we step into the Rainbow.

"Slash is hanging out with this chick he met a couple weeks ago, Izzy's with his girl friend and I don't know where Axl is." He tells me and I nod. "So it's just a double date for us tonight." He grins widely, winking at me slickly.

After hours of just goofing off, talking, eating and demonstrating our celebration of Guns' stepping stone, Mandy's calling it a night.

"I'll call you later, Duff." She says to him as she grabs her jacket and he stands up to let her scoot out of the booth.

"Sounds good, babe." He replies, kissing her cheek.

"It was really nice to meet you." She tells me.

"It was nice to meet you, too." I reply.

"Bye." She smiles one last time at Duff, waving to Steven before leaving.

"When did you me--"

"Viv, lemme out." Steven interrupts me and I furrow my brows.

"What?"

"Lemme out, there's a hot girl at the bar and she just waved me over. I wanna get laid. Lemme out." He pleads and I roll my eyes and scoot out so he can stand up.

He does so, heading straight to the bar to try his luck with a beautiful brunette.

And then there were two.

"You were saying?" Duff chuckles out when Steven's gone and I smile a little.

"When did you and Mandy meet?" I ask him and he lets out a breath of cigarette smoke.

"Uh, a month ago, maybe? She gave me her number and I went back and forth with myself until I convinced myself to call her." He explains. "We spent the weekend together so I guess we get along pretty good. She's a great girl."

"She seems nice." I tell him, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, she is." He agrees, taking another drag of his cigarette.

I take a sip of my water and sit in the silence that falls over us before noticing he's staring at me.

"What?" I ask him.

"You wanna go somewhere with me?" He offers, putting his cigarette out.

"Where?"

"C'mon." He stands up, nodding to the door.

"But Steven--"

"--Is about to go mess around with that girl in the bathroom. He's not gonna be mad if we leave him." He adds. "C'mon, you'll like where we go."

"If you say so." I shrug.

He pays the bill and the two of us head back to their apartment so he can get his car.

I know I should have been at home by the phone, waiting for a call from Doc or Nikki or Tansy, but it was pointless to sit at home and worry when I couldn't do anything about it anyway.

When we get to where we're going, Duff is parking his car in the lot of an abandoned building, and I glance around to see there's not much traffic around us.

"Is this the part where you murder me?" I ask him and he busts out in laughter, shaking his head.

"This is where Mandy and her band rehearses." He explains.

"Why're we here?"

"I picked her up here the other day and noticed something you might like." He gets out the car and opens his trunk, pulling out a shopping bag.

"Duff..." I say, uneasy as we approach the rusted door.

"Shh, I got it." He digs in his jacket pocket and plucks out a worn key, unlocking the dead bolt and the door knob.

I follow him inside, and he switches on a light switch, only one light beam in the ceiling comes on, and in the large, dim room, I see a large mirrored wall, sleek but worn out wood floors, and I turn to see Duff holding out a brand new pair of pointe shoes to me.

I wasn't going to tell him I'd gone so long without dancing that I'd have to work my way back up to dancing on pointe, because he'd spent money for the shoes and they looked to be around my size and I didn't want to know how observant he had to be to estimate my shoe size in terms of ballet...so I did something I was really good at doing at that time in my life.

I kept myself from crying.

I knew Duff was going to be a constant encourager in my life when he held those shoes out to me and so easily, so confidently, said:

"You've supported and helped me get into my groove of things to start accomplishing my dream. Now, I'm helping you get back into your's."

#nikki sixx #tommy lee #vince neil #mötley crüe #gateway drug

61 notes · View notes

oumakokichi · 7 years

Note

What do you think Ouma would have been like if he survived to the end of the game? Or what about just outside of the game, like in an au where this game didn't happen? (I'm sorry I just love his character and I want the next game(?) that says no one ever died and they're all living happily)

There’s no need to apologize! Ireally love these particular questions, and it’s not exactly a secret that Oumais my favorite DR character—I would honestly have loved to see him survive,moreso with what an important, vital character he was to the whole game evenafter his death. The fact that even after dying, Ouma was essentially “present”at both the Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 trials (first because of the Exisal planwith Momota, then because of all the clues, hints, and mysteries surroundinghim that led to them finding out so much of the truth) has always struck me asvery, very interesting. And he had so much potential as a survivor, especiallywith his cover blown and his plans against the mastermind made clear.

I’ve actually talked a littlebit about my ideas on this before, in a post here a while back! And some peoplelike @klepotmaniac and @ouma–kokichis have also expanded on the idea and beeninterested in it! I still feel like there was real potential to take the Exisalplan in Chapter 5 and take it in another direction entirely. It was stillincredibly amazing with how well done it was in-game, of course, but I feellike there was definitely a very noticeable opening there where Ouma couldactually have been one of the survivors.

The most interesting thing, ofcourse, is that Ouma would have lived through that event without wanting to. Heclearly was very willing to die in Chapter 5. His death was entirely avoidable,and if he’d wanted to throw Maki and Momota to the wolves and just hole himselfup in the Exisal to be malicious, he easily could have. Instead, he chosewillingly to give the antidote to Momota instead, have Momota be the one tocarry out the plan in the Exisal, and went completely willingly to his deathunder the press, all because he could strike back at the mastermind. And Maki,who did honestly, truly intend to kill him, didn’t have to be executed as aculprit.

I feel like if Momota hadrealized what Ouma was trying to do with the antidote ahead of time and refusedto drink it, things could’ve gotten really interesting. Because Momota wouldn’twant to die from the poison and therefore make Maki into a killer, but he alsorealized that his time was limited no matter what he did. Even without thepoison, his sickness was just about ready to kill him, as is clear from how hedies only midway through his own execution later on.

And Momota is such a shounenprotag at heart: if there’s a way to avoid the biggest number of sacrificespossible, he’ll take it. He wants to fight people, but he doesn’t want them todie. Had he realized exactly what Ouma was trying to pull, and realized thefact that there was no need for Ouma to die, I think it’s entirely possible hewould’ve thrown Ouma’s plans off somewhat by just refusing to drink theantidote. If that were to happen, both of them would die, Maki would beexecuted for a double-murder just like Korekiyo, and nothing about the killinggame would change at all.

So very bitterly andreluctantly, I think Ouma would spell out his whole plan about trying to usethe press to discover the cause of death and identity of the victim/culprit,hoping that by making it super clear he could get Momota to go along with it.And the plan is brilliant, of course, but it would still require one of thembeing a victim and the other being a culprit, except for one thing: contrary toOuma’s expectations, it’d be perfectly possible for Momota to kill himselffirst, and then for Ouma to disguise the state of the body, cause of death,etc. using the press afterwards.

In a very Sakura-like twist fromdr1 where Momota is both the culprit and the victim of his own murder, there’dbe two lives saved rather than one.And the whole plan with the Exisal, and confusing Monokuma, would still work.The Exisal would still protect Ouma from Maki trying to kill him (because shewould, undeniably want to kill him, blaming him for Momota’s death).

And no matter how tired he wasand how ready he to die he was after all the shit he’d gone through in thekilling game, I don’t think Ouma would have ultimately been able to convinceMomota out of it. If it were an all-or-nothing situation where they were goingto keep being stubborn, and considering how little time they had before theeffects of the bomb wore off and the cameras came back, I think Ouma would havehad no choice but to compromise. Momota and Ouma lay out a plan for Momota tokill himself in the machinery bay first, Ouma drinks the antidote for real thistime so he’s no longer being slowly poisoned to death, and after the deed isdone, Ouma disguises the truth about the body with the press.

With Ouma in the Exisal insteadof Momota, the whole catbox plan regarding the victim’s identity probably would’vebeen taken even further than before. The things Ouma managed to convey just byhaving Momota act them out with a script he provided, Ouma himself would beable to perform a million times more convincingly—and that’s saying something,since Momota was already a pretty damn convincing actor. Meanwhile, littletip-offs and slip-ups in the trial would’ve caught his notice, probably,including things about the Remnants of Despair, Junko, the whole “hope vs.despair” language the others were now talking in, etc.

But what Momota knew in Chapter5, Ouma clearly knew too, because the hints he left behind were so obvious, andno matter how badly he wanted to strike back at the mastermind, he was neverwilling to bet anyone else’s lives to do it, because lives are so important tohim. They both knew Saihara would ultimately reach the truth of the matter, ifgiven enough time. And so Saihara, having to disregard all his previousmisconceptions, and having to deal with Maki still convinced and unshakable inher belief that Ouma is the culprit, would manage to reach the truth that Oumais the one in the Exisal but didn’t kill Momota at all, and that Momota killedhimself and let his body be crushed after death precisely because the detailswould be closed up into a catbox.

If Ouma had truly wanted toeven in-game, much less in this AU idea I’m discussing, he could’ve made theChapter 5 trial into a real catbox. There was absolutely no reason for him totell Momota to leave the clues he did, including his shirt in the toilet, thecamcorder video of “Momota” being killed under the press, or Momota’s jacketsleeve poking out from under the press—unless he definitely did not want to risk everyone’s lives forreal, and he knew that Saihara wouldreach the truth once he had those clues in hand.

And if he were a survivor, he’dknow it too. If Saihara were able to reach the truth in spite of everything,and particularly in spite of what a convincing villain routine Ouma had beenrunning ever since Chapter 4, I think even Ouma would come out of that Exisal.After a whole trial of a convincing, super dramatic act full of questions like “Whoam I?” and “Who are you guys gonna vote for?”, at the very end I think Ouma woulddecide to “open the catbox.”

And rather than pulling anyfurther acts or facades or routines, I think he’d just be blank. Shaky, from nearly being poisoned to death before, andtired, and further traumatized by Momota having died in front of him. Therewouldn’t be any further need for his usual acts and routines, because Saiharaalready reached the truth of his plans to confront the ringleader, and alreadyknows now that Ouma himself is not the ringleader. And I think while stilllooking very blank and neutral, Ouma would tell them all the entire truth ofwhat happened in the machinery bay.

There would be so muchpotential for his inclusion into the group at this point. I’ve thought about ita lot. While it’s certainly true that Ouma did things, horrible things, inorder to progress with his plans this far, it’s also true that the whole groupwould’ve died without his help in previous cases. And rather than realizingthat he was trying to literally stop the killing game once and for all, it’strue that the entire group reacted against him, and that Maki in particularwent off right into the real ringleader’s plans and tried to torture and killOuma to death despite promising not to try anything of the sort in front ofthem all.

There were definitely mistakeson both sides, and Ouma’s desperation to end the game and disgust at the ideaof killing and murder is precisely the reason he was so willing to try and lethimself die under that press. But since he’s now essentially living on forMomota’s sake, because it’s a sacrifice Momota was willing to make for thewhole group, now he has to stick around, and he hardly even feels like it,because he already had to compromise his morals and dirty his hands.

But the truth Saihara wouldhave reached in this scenario isn’t just that Ouma wasn’t the culprit of that particular case, or the ringleader—it’sthat despite Ouma’s act, and all his claims, he’s not evil. He’s not irredeemable.

With Ouma on their side, theChapter 6 investigation would have been so much fun. The group would still havebeen reacting to having him actually included as one of their number, ratherthan just a figure to be reviled. Maki, while still probably unable to bringherself to like or trust Ouma entirely, wouldn’t have been able to help feelingsomewhat guilty, I think, considering it’s her own actions, not Ouma’s, thatwound up getting Momota killed—and because she almost got Ouma killed too, eventhough he was never the ringleader or the leader of the Remnants of Despair atall.

The trial with Tsumugi wouldhave been an absolute blast. I’vepointed out that there are some pretty blatant contradictions in some of thelies Tsumugi tells them all, particularly when she starts aiming for thingslike their romantic feelings or emotions, and when she brings up “every singledevelopment being part of her scenario” (because things like Momota’s illnessclearly contradict this).

Even though the rest of thecharacters were far too traumatized and shocked by these realizations to noticewhere it was obvious that she was lying, I feel pretty sure that Ouma wouldhave noticed. And after quite a while of being blank and unsure how exactly toproceed within a group that he had felt isolated from for so long, I think he’dreally find himself slipping back into the role he does best, and some of hismost fun sprites and dramatic routines would’ve come back in the Chapter 6trial.

No matter how much Tsumugiwanted to make things into a real catbox of her own in Chapter 6, with all thecharacters unable to prove or disprove anything about her fictional scenarios,Ouma is very skilled at pinpointing other’s lies, precisely because he deals inlies himself. There would’ve been so much potential for him to really shake herarguments in Chapter 6, and I’m kind of sad that we’ll never get to see itoutside of some potential fanart or fanfictions.

Chapter 6 features so muchabout the characters being led to believe that they were not necessarily thebest people before entering the killing game. It’s impossible for them to knowthe truth about themselves one way or the other: everything, from their memoriesto their backstories to their talents, is called into question, and they haveto live with knowing that it’s incredibly likely that they signed themselves upfor this kind of game. And still, they decide to embrace the identities theyhave within the game. Even if they’re just fiction, even if their identitiesare “lies,” they’re real to them, precisely because of what they’ve been through.

But so much about Ouma is thatby knowing ages before the rest of them that these things are lies, he has nosense of identity. The reason he calls into question things like “common sense”and “reality” within his FTEs, even the very early ones with Kaede, is becauseOuma knows that nothing is trustworthy in this game. Not his talent, not hismemories, and not the people around him. So much about his prison mode ending,too, is about trying to “discover” himself and figure out who he really is ormight become—and I would have loved to see this explored with him as asurvivor.

If most of the rest of the gamehad proceeded the same, and they had all decided to abstain from voting inorder to flip a giant middle finger to the killing game and the audience atlarge, then I could see Ouma winding up as a survivor exactly the same asSaihara, Maki, and Himiko do. And it would have been very rewarding, in a way,to see him get the chance to see the hole in the dome representing the way tothe outside world, and realize that he had in fact accomplished some of what heset out to do.

If there’s a character arc I’ma sucker for, it’s atonement. Even if there are things that a character can’tever be forgiven for, even if they’ve done awful things and can’t forgivethemselves, I honestly enjoy characters who try to atone anyway, precisely becausethey’ll never be forgiven, but they can at least lessen their guilt somewhat.And I think Ouma would fit into this kind of trope quite well as a survivor—andI think that even if he wasn’t sure of “who” he was or what would be on theother side of that dome awaiting them, with the killing game over once and forall, I think he’d honestly, finally be able to start trusting Saihara and theothers as a group.

The end of ndrv3 deals so much “lies”becoming “truths,” and therefore being accepted as reality no matter what otherpeople or the real world might tell you. This motif is the “answer” Saihara andthe others find in canon, in response to Tsumugi’s “unshakable truth” that theyare fiction, and it’s the reason they’re able to reach an answer for themselvesthat had nothing to do with either hope or despair. And it’s Ouma who wassuggesting this kind of answer long before any of the rest of them. I really,truly would love to see the rest of the survivors, and Saihara in particular,kind of realizing that fact about Ouma.

Anyway, this has gotten prettylong so I’ll stop, but it’s an AU idea I love to think about! I’m really gladyou both asked, and I hope I was able to share some of my thoughts on the matter!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #ouma kokichi #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #i have way too many au ideas but this is still one of my favorite ones #mostly because i feel like it would work quite well with actual canon material #real pidge #arcpitia

155 notes · View notes