Let’s meet Birdie!! The last Darling on our Cowboy!141 docket, our Gemini queen and Goose’s Best Friend.
Gaz looks over the post-it note list Goose handed him before he walked out the door this morning. Her chicken scratch is almost as bad as Soap's and the use of angry faces isn't helping. Is this supposed to say corn meal or worm meal? That is a very high stakes difference. He needs a second opinion.
You bounce a fussy baby on your hip, staring down the large bags if bird seed on the middle shelf. Your class feeder is out, and apparently nobody sells anything that isn’t in bulk. Which you already knew, so youre not sure why you're surprised. "What do you think, Bug?" You ask the kiddo, they very helpfully grab your necklace to chew on. You sigh, alright, fair enough. That's what it's for you suppose. Might as well find someone to help you grab a bag. "Unless you want to carry it," You wiggle kiddo's arm, as if those pudgy little sausages could lift anything.
"'Scuse me," Kiddo babbles excitedly, as you turn towards the voice. You are absolutely stopped by his eyes, deep and beautifully brown, and his smile. He could almost believe in love at first sight. "Could I ask you something?" You never considered yourself the sort of girl that's a sucker for accents but maybe you should rethink that.
"Shoot," you tell him, bouncing Bug higher on your hip with a smile. He holds up a hot pink post-it. Probably a honey-do list. Dammit.
"Can you read any of this?" He asks, letting you take the list from between his fingers. You study it, the handwriting isn't that bad. At least for you, but you read a lot of very messy handwriting in your daily life.
"Looks like alphalfa, seed meal, de-wormer," you squint at the numbers, "you're not going to get any of this at these prices." He takes the list back from you and squints at it, before sighing.
"Dammit Goose."
"Goose?" You nod, that makes sense. If it's who you think it is then he'll be in trouble if he goes too far over budget.
"Alright, well, thanks for the heads up," he shakes his head and turns away.
"I could help," You say quickly, just to see him look at you again, "get you closer to budget, if you want. Me and Bug are pretty persuasive." You wave kiddo's hand and he smiles for you.
"Yeah, you are," he says, a little too soft before he clears his throat, "I mean, yeah, sure, yeah I'd appreciate it. If it's not a bother."
"No bother at all, I gotta find Murphy to grab a bag for me anyway."
"What do you need? I'll get it." He says, looking around you at the bags of birdseed. You point at the one you want and step back to make room for him as he grabs it. His biceps flex as he hauls the bag off the shelf, you wouldn't think it was heavy the way he holds it with one hand. You wonder how those hands would feel on you. "Good?" He asks and you nod quickly. Very good, he looks very good. You try to keep your eyes on his face and not his fitted tee.
Gaz watches you lean over the counter to haggle price, you don't even need to bat those pretty lashes before the man behind the counter is folding. You only needed one thing but you'd derailed your whole trip to help him. You must be some sort of angel. He's sure you have someone waiting on you, pretty thing like you. Plus the baby? Gaz looks down at the chubby little bugger you'd handed him, yep just as cute as you are, you're definitely taken.
He bounces the kid in his arms, showing them how to make hand signs with their stubby baby fingers. Each one makes the kid shriek and giggle, grabbing at his hand with full excitement. While Gaz doesn’t think it’s good practice to leave your kid with a stranger, he’s gotta admit this isn’t even the first baby he’s been handed today. The people in this town are friendly as hell. You’re friendly as hell. Although he hopes that’s because you like him, and not the southern charm.
You pat the counter with a grin, satisfied with the good will you've cashed in. You turn back to Gaz and give him a thumbs up as you walk over. "All good to go," you chirp, poking Bug's stomach to make them giggle. You're feeling pretty good about you haggling, you've still got it! It helps being a town favorite, all you had to do was mention your abysmal teaching salary and deals fell at your feet.
The way you smile at the baby in his arms makes Gaz feel some type of way. Too domestic. It sticks in his ribs when you direct that smile at him. Is he supposed to feel this many butterflies over just a smile? What is it with the Mrs’ in this town, all absolute stunners. "You're a lifesaver," he grins, handing the kiddo back to you.
"Anything for Goose's guy," you tell him, bouncing Bug on your hip to keep them from reaching to be back in Gaz's arms. He snorts, his shock and appall at your statement makes you a little embarrassed to have said anything.
"Goose is dating my mate,” He explains and you feel something squirm in your chest, hope maybe, “I’m single- Kyle.” He corrects himself quickly, “Kyle Garrick, I’m helping the Price’s out for the summer.” Your hands are full, so he shakes one of Bug’s grabby hands. You bite down a laugh.
“My friends call me Birdie,” You tell him, “Also single, if you were wondering.” His smile lights up the whole store, and you hide your smile behind Bug so you don’t look too taken by him.
“Can I help you out to your car?” Kyle asks, you nod and turn toward the exit, enjoying the way he rushes to follow you and smiles like he can’t stop.
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant)
I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End)
I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King)
You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father)
You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King)
May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father)
I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast)
We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts)
You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA
I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother.
UTHER
It was simple justice for what he'd done.
MORGANA
To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone.
UTHER
You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like.
MORGANA
How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh)
Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End)
How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy.
UTHER
He is a Druid.
MORGANA
Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere)
How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant?
MORGANA
As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh)
[Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father)
This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts)
You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice)
You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts)
You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good.
-
UTHER
She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father)
I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
^worried/protective Morgana
^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
look at them T^T compared to before
their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
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tbh it's really always bothered me a bit that they never actually get into the consequences of misusing the magatama. sure, sure, they say your soul shatters, and like, yeah that's ominous and all, but what does it mean? obviously we never get to see that in-game but i've been thinking about it a lot and i would like to present these thoughts because oh boy there are a lot of them. long post under cut but it's a fun little au as well
alright so before getting into it all, obviously there are some things we're aiming to explain, in some sense, with this.
for one: what is a soul, even? most depictions of souls portray them as the very essence of one's self, as the "culmination of your being" or as some similar nebulous expression of an entire person. but... well, if a soul was the entirety of a person, what would that soul shattering entail? it would just kill them. which is a valid reading i guess but not very fun to mess around with and is also a reading that comes with some... troubling implications.
most notably, the meter on how close you are to that breaking point while using the magatama is the same meter as your penalties in court. not just in the asset used, which wouldn't be worth bringing up, but in the sense that once the magatama is introduced, that same value that meter is held at is shared between court trials and the magatama. before the introduction of the magatama, that meter refilled automatically between trials, each trial starting with it completely full, but after the introduction of the magatama, it was only ever refilled by successfully breaking psyche-locks. this is concerning, because it implies a direct connection between phoenix's soul and his performance in court, which probably wasn't intended but is very fun to mess around with and i love the idea of your soul being tied to your passions. however i don't love the idea of him Straight Up Dying if he does too poorly in court so. uh, no insta-death for soul shattering. anyways this whole side tangent never comes up again. thumbs up emoji.
anyways, if a soul shattering doesn't entail simply death, and if a soul isn't just someone's essence or personality or whatever, well, what is it? well, one compelling answer is that it's merely a container. it holds someone's essence or being or personality, but it itself is not that.
thus i present:
Soul Shatter AU
a soul is just a container. one that holds everything in. someone's passions, ambitions, personality.
someone's secrets.
if it were to shatter... without a container, everything would come spilling out. whoever was involved would be unable to keep anything contained within themself. sure, their physical self might be enough to hold in some of the more ambiguous, nebulous aspects of their "self", but it would prove rather difficult to hide something with nothing there to keep it hidden inside.
a fitting punishment, really, for abusing the power to reveal what others have kept hidden.
the fun part, of course, is what comes next. who's used the magatama? who's had the chance to fall to such a fate?
off the top of my head i can think of two people. phoenix wright and miles edgeworth. (i think mia used one too? my friend says she did but i haven't gotten to that part yet i'm only on the third game)
and both of them, despite their focus on finding the truth, are very ironically prone to hiding things themselves. their feelings, their troubles, their emotions.
what if we opened them up a little?
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