#and i feel like a horrible person all the fucking time

[shinysoroka]

I've been in the translation industry for 15 years. I've seen it all and I wish I could get regular people to understand that while you all rightfully worry about writers and artists when it comes to AI, translators have already been royally fucked. But every time anyone makes that argument, it's all "well, regular people can't afford translators", "accessibility is more important than jobs" and "this is just capitalism's fault". The last on is particularly infuriating because these same people understand that Amazon is shitty, even if they are a good solution for people who live in remote areas with no car. But with Machine Translation and GenAI, it's like they refuse to hold the same ideas in their head.

I really feel that this is because discussion online trends heavily towards English speaking countries and they never have to deal with this shit. The only time it ever pops up is when it comes to the translation of anime or other Japanese media. And even then, the discussion is usually monopolized by the most annoying people who only speak one language and think that "literal translation" will remove all that pesky SJW bias that people are surely, surely sneaking in.

Translators are in no way positioned to fight for their rights. The industry is built in such a way that it uses the labor of thousands or isolated freelance workers in many different countries. They have no union, they are unlikely to form one and they perform invisible, highly skilled labor that everyone thinks they can do as well (they are wrong). People go to college for this shit, they have to build experience in this shit. You cannot pull a bilingual person off the street, ask them to do the same job and get the same results. If you've ever read a horribly translated book or played a videogame where the text makes no sense, you know this.

If you think Machine Translation is an example of "good AI", think again. It is only as useful as the person behind it, fixing everything the machine got wrong and it is eroding that person's rights as we speak. And if your response to this is "well, it is their responsibility to fight for their rights, that is not my problem", ask yourself why the writers and artists matter to you, but the person translating washing machine manuals, who is forced to work harder for less money every year, does not warrant the same respect?

[anxiousdreamcore]

May I humbly asks for your interpretation/opinion/view of the Spider & Quaritch as well as the Spider & Sullies relationships/dynamics ?

Sure! I’ve complained about how my opinion of the characters changed throughout the year of being engaged in the fandom so I might as well share! 🤭

Spider: An audacious, frat-boy-ish teen who stinks of dirt, sweat and will eat a live bug to gross you out. Kiri said that he bites and she was 100% honest because this kid will fling his mask off and tear into your throat if you mess with his baby siblings 😤 at the same time, he’s more than capable of being responsible and gentle, especially when it comes to Pandora, its wildlife and cultures, all of which are clearly very important to him. A menace with a heart of gold and an iron fucking will, untameable. Unbreakable. No authority scares him.

Quaritch: A man so damaged he can’t be repaired. He’s seen too many horrors, killed too many people, watched too many comrades die, has been infected with too much poison. It runs in his veins and destroys everything he touches…which is precisely why he is only likeable as a father. He has never been one before and that part of him is completely new, not yet damaged. The only part of him not yet tainted by the rotten creature that is the rest of him. A mangy, old army dog that will burn Pandora to the ground if its chain is broken, but will lie down and wag its tail for his child, and only him.

Oh, and he’s mentally ill too, at least to some extent, canonically. It’s not to say that his mental illness makes him a bad guy. No. It’s the lack of care he puts into coping with it that contributes to the dumpster fire that is Miles Quaritch. My personal headcannon is that he needs mood-stabilisers yet regularly skips them.

Spider & Quaritch dynamic: Two outcasts who bond over being isolated by their respective groups. Also, Lima and Stockholm syndrome duo! Quaritch gets an instant liking to Spider that soon grows into fatherly love, as Spider brings out the best in him; his most pure, childish and kind traits. Does the rest of him, the rotten, the poisoned, hate it? Oh, absolutely. But he can’t, won’t stop the wild-child from worming his way deep into his decaying heart. Spider meanwhile battles his own platonic feelings and holds onto his resentment as much as he can. He wants to love Miles but he doesn’t. He loves him but he wishes him an agonising death. He wants to be hugged by him and sink a blade into his chest. He wants Miles to prove him that not all grown ups are rotten and he can still be loved. He wants Miles to love him.

Spider & Sully siblings dynamic: “A family disappointment and local cool stoner to his siblings, who are more than happy to take after him because they think his utter freedom and lack of care for authority is cool” kinda vibe. Will play fight with his siblings and bite their noses before kissing them better and shoving them away. Calls Tuk a little gremlin affectionately. Brings Lo’ak back down to Pandora when he spirals into his insecurities or gets too bold and self-sacrificial. Is platonic soulmates with Kiri and feels a profound connection to her, as she does to him. Resents Neteyam for abandoning their little group to become a "respectable warrior". Wants him back. Wishes things could be like when they were kids.

Spider & Neytiri dynamic: She she sees him as a pesky, dangerous demon child that…that didn’t do anything but stay loyal, through all the torture and horrors. A lot of guilt is present between them after the final battle, and they will definitely have a horrible, explosive argument about it sooner or later, but for now they are content at silently sharing space, at time quipping and taking light jabs at each other, because that is their cycle. Playfulness, fear, resentment, until it all explodes and they scream at each other, then the cycle repeats, fuelled by guilt. Is there a chance to stop it? Will they ever be okay?

Spider & Jake dynamic: Hero worship turned disappointment. Spider idolised him for his status and incredible feats as a child but as he grew, and Jake consistently kept him at an arms length without establishing clear boundaries, the constant pining to have him as a father became a never-ending, aching pain in Socorro’s chest. Jake gave him an empty hope that they might one day be a family, without ever clarifying that it’ll never be true, confusing the boy until he was proved not once, not twice, but thrice, that he isn’t needed, isn’t missed, or loved by Jake. He’s a stray animal, and that is all he’ll ever be to him. He knows better now than to wish for something that can never be…doesn’t even want to. Quaritch might be a horrific monster, but at least he genuinely loves him. He doesn’t need Jake’s pathetic scraps of affection anymore. He doesn’t need him anymore.

•

#atwow #atwow fanfiction #atwow sully family #sully family #atwow jake sully #avatar jake sully #Jake sully #atwow spider #spider socorro #atwow neytiri #neytiri sully #neytiri #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #avatar loak #lo’ak sully #atwow loak #atwow neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam #atwow kiri #Kiri sully #atwow quaritch #miles quaritch #recom quaritch #avatar way of water

[some-thrilling-heroics]

shadowheart and halsin

so. the thing that i don't get (aside from the meta reason of 'they didn't write that in or record any lines' etc) is shadowheart and halsin in act 2 BEFORE she goes and spares the life of you know who

there are some jabs from halsin abt her yapping and reciting lessons like a student without understanding what she's saying and i know he is proud of her when she rejects shar, but before all that, i feel a distinct lack of conflict

shadowheart is perfectly happy to put her knife to lae'zel's throat and that whole thing where you can take sides and it's all bc the artifact she carries is for shar, that's her holy mission (plus she hates the gith on top of that)

why is there no similarly visible conflict between her and halsin when the setting is ripe for it? i would expect some comments abt helping him lift the curse - kinda like astarion says to fuck off and not expect his help with the gnome slaves (you can still have him in the party but he does complain abt us helping them) - and it could just be 'do not involve me in this, if he wants to waste his time going against the dark lady then that's his choice, but he will pay the price eventually' and then you don't have her in the party when you clearly are working to help him with the curse. also that comment he has on the old battle field when he sees the corpses - shadowheart could go 'that's what happens to enemies of lady shar. you should take note and stop your foolish quest' or some minor passive aggressive quips abt futility of it all.

now, i know shadowheart is a shitty sharran XD sure, but even with that in mind she does have a vibe of a pupil that is trying very hard for approval still and i think that would work for me as a motivator when there's nothing else to it. and i do think that she could be conflicted deep inside when she sees the effects of the shadow curse, but at least for the first half of act 2, maybe before the gauntlet she would outwardly not show that imo (plus then she does apparently share her doubts at the gauntlet, not that i ever saw that in game myself)

as for halsin. eh, on one hand he has zero issue with a vampire or a bhaalspawn and all that but imo a sharran would feel more personal than a random undead 🤔but afaik there's not much there.

perhaps he doesn't sees shadowheart as much of a threat (as, again, she is patently a very crappy sharran), but more a misguided person that needs patience to guide them away from a bad path. maybe he sees her internal conflict? i wouldn't expect him do that thing he does with minthara where it's either him or her bc he just wants to be anywhere but around minthara bc it's unsafe - but wouldn't seeing shadowheart's armor / regalia bring back bad memories? he's seen people wearing similar vestiges do horrible things. i think he would be very wary of her at least for the remainder of act 1 since joining the tadfools before he gets ....idk i don't want to say comfortable but idk.

once again, comments? thoughts? XD

#shadowheart #halsin #baldur's gate 3 #bg3

[shoezuki]

Ok thinkin of that sampard superhero au i kinda mentioned way before so heres random words bout it cuz its in my head.

Gepard:

Gepard has a lot of prosthetics: his entire right arm and leg, his left foot, either his entire left arm or part of his arm im not sure.

He also has many metallic implants and synthetic organs: his right lung and part of his left, some of his ribs are metal on his right side. His right eye is a cybernetic implant, but looks like a 'normal' glass eye when inactive. His skull is reinforced with steal. Most of it is unknown to everyone but him/serval and lynx

(Likely due to a major incedent when younger: not entirely sure on it yet, but my thoughts is that due to his father's proclivity as a former police chief or current crooked attorney or something, a bomb was planted at their home. Lynx was young and approached it, gepard took the brunt of it to protect her when shoving her out of the way.)

His high tech cybernetics are extremely strong, all but his right arm are mistaken as real limbs (unless you get up close and personal and. Yknow. Tear into his cybernetics) his right arm generates ice and so it is much more visibly a cybernetic

His cybernetics are Extremely draining his body. They charge when he removes them at home, but they also draw power from his still existing/biological nervous system in order to properly send inputs through his nerves and be controlled by him properly. They are FUCKING HEAVY and he becomes exhausted if he wears them too long

Gepard, of course, constantly wears his cybernetics too long and sometimes collapses and falls unconcious under the weight of it

Much of his internal implants and cybernetics were funded by his father. Initially his father was desperate to save his 'only son' but once the full extent of his injuries became more clear, the father dismissed Gepard as a lost cause.

He still used gepard as a way to bolster his public image for a long time though.

Serval developed and created all of his advanced cybernetic attachments, including his eye

His eye operates as an analytical tool, allowing him to record visuals, enhance images, etcetc. As well as it sends live feed to a computer system lynx often operates. She usually communicates with him and assesses the state of his cybernetics while he's doing vigilante work.

Lynx has some burn scars as well

Gepard has no life outside of being a hero. He only really stops and puts on his everyday prosthetics when he pushes himself too far and serval forces him to rest. He lives in the apartment with serval above her workshop

Eventually gepard becomes very, very aware of how much serval is struggling. He tears up his cybernetics constantly and serval is draining her savings to get questionably legal supplies and materials to fix them. Not to mention he feels horrible for 'imposing' and living with her constantly since hes basically been sleeping on her couch for years

Serval argues against it but gepard eventually moves out and gets a night job at a gas station/convenience store. He doesnt stop or slow down with vigilantism though.

Gepards powers are largely super strength and enhanced reflexes. He manifests ice to create shields, barriers, and apprehend people. Serval modified his ice to also create a sort of frost shield around himself and others via touch. (Was an attempt to get gepard to protect himself more. He uses it for others but not himself though)

Hero name? Something like 'The Shield' or 'The Captain' and is given to him by journalists/fans. He doesnt pay attention to how hes seen by the public though

Gepard's 'costume' is extremely simple

Black leather with blue accents, his metallic arm, and a full coverage helment spmewhat like a motorcycle helmet. Its not flashy but people obsess over how 'mysterious' he is

Sampo:

Gepard's 'arch enemy'. One of a number of villains in Belobog that have powers and is absolutely the most elusive one

Is known as 'The Fool'. At one point newspapers kept calling him 'The Tall, Dark, Handsome Blue Magician' for a good couple weeks. No one knows how this kept slippin in right after editing and proofreading. Hes sometimes called 'The Magician' now though

Hes extremely flashy, dressed up like an over the top magician in purples and blues and golds, a checkered domino mask that makes his eyes white and a fucking top hat with feathers on it. the feathers change every time hes seen.

Hes the only current major villain in the city that has never been fully apprehended at any point. He lets himself get handcuffed sometimes or even led into police cars but he always vanishes at some point. Lets gepard get closer than anyone else

His powers are (assumed) to be teleportation, enhanced speed and reflexes, creating illusions, clairvoyance, conjuring objects, persuasion, etc. A lot is speculated due to his illusions

The reality of his powers is. Kinda fucked up. Hes extraordinarily powerful and capable of altering peoples minds and perceptions. He could to an extent make peopel do what he wants and feel certain ways, make them see things, only when he is present/can see the person. He rarely alters peoples minds or makes them do things though because thatd be too easy and really boring.

Some people are inherently more difficult to manipulate/influence to do things, though. Likely to do with mental fortitude and self confidence and how assured people are with themselves.

Sampo is completely incapable of making gepard do or feel things. He doesnt know why and is extremely intrigued by it. (Its the cybernetics.)

Sampos motives for anything he does are... unknown. Sometimes he interferes with other supervillains' exploits, sometimes he trashes cop cars and fills them with paper cranes, sometimes he steals from banks without ever being seen, other times he creates entire complex and showy museum heists without stealing a thing.

(A lot of what he steals actually ends up at nat's clinic, anonymously donated to orphanages or hospitals in the rough parts of Belobog. He volunteers in costume at a few senior homes sometimes and its become so normal no one there blinks an eye anymore or questions when hes bloody)

He has, absolutely, killed before. He has his own moral system, but its not obvious to general people. He never kills or hurts people if he isnt attacked first, but he isnt afraid to kill those he sees as corrupt or immoral, whether cops or other criminals.

Its assumed he heals quicker too, but its not true: he goes to Natasha

Natasha runs a clinic as well as Wildfire, which sampo is a very valuable informant to. Wildfire is an underground organization that essentially acts as the authorities in the Underground of belobog in place of cops.

Natasha doesnt exactly have the ability to heal. Rather, she can accelerate the condition of someones wounds: if she tends to someone first, her power will often heal them. Otherwise she can accelerate infections and cause death. If shes not careful she can make people bleed out in seconds.

Sampo is a conman still outside of being a villain. He carries out scams, forgery, etcetc. He leaves the more flashy and daring things to when hes under a mask

Most of it is that he is just... seeking out some thrills. But he also helps Nat and the people of the underworld, isnt afraid to target people and corporations ruthlessly. A lot of it is selfish, though. Hes quick to put on the mask and track down people whove wronged him

#superhero au #sampard #honkai star rail #in the bones #do i tag anything??? idk #i like the idea of sampo being extremely fucking powerful but not actin on his powers #cuz itd be too easy n thats boring. sure he could make most people jus do what he wants but whats the fun in that

[romaritimeharbor]

MORAL INJURY — a non-romance genshin impact series. ♫

       act i, chapter iii        "the crow, the mouse, and the doll."

➤ CHAPTER SYNOPSIS :: the mouse bites and gets bitten.

➤ CONTENT WARNINGS :: trauma and recollections of trauma, references to self-harm (briefly mentioned, and not done intentionally—moreso done in the panic of a stressful moment), crying, reader acts like dottore in scaramouche's eyes, choking, burns, bruises, implied broken bones, dissection, general gore/graphic warning, dehumanization/non-sexual objectification (both the reader and scaramouche), reader is fucking MEAN and feels guilty about it later, blood, prescription pills. generally, tread carefully when reading this chapter.

➤ WORD COUNT :: 4.0k.

➤ AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS :: HELLO MORAL INJURY NATION!!! CHAPTER 3 IS FINALLY HERE and it is horrible and terrible. because i love angst <3 a little note, be sure to click around on the words and symbols that are underlined at the top of this post! the word MORAL INJURY will take you to the series masterlist/navigation post, and the music note will take you to the spotify playlist.

➤ TAGLIST :: @zeldadou, @umgatochamadopercyval, @starryshinyskies, @www-songbird, @pookiebearcave, @lesanyanyas, @francisnyx. contact me through messages/asks/etc non-anonymously to be added.

       After speaking to Collei—poor thing, they absently mused to themselves—they made haste in leaving Haeresys and returning to the main lab. Had they lingered even slightly too long, they were certain they’d run into its ruling segment, and they simply did not have the time to entertain his… antics.

       (��Antics’ meaning anything from standing next to him and listening to him explain the intricacies of his work with ancient Khaenri’ahn technology and entertaining him with the occasional question to being thrown into an active battle with a Ruin Guard. He insisted that it was to keep their skills with their delusion sharp, but they personally thought he just wanted to see them bleed a little bit. Though they always emerged victoriously, they did not always emerge unscathed. They’re certain their suffering brings him some kind of satisfaction.)

       Thankfully, by the time they returned, the Sixth Harbinger was already waiting impatiently.

       "Good afternoon, Lord Sixth."

       "Hurry up," he scoffed, shooting them a wicked glare. Of course, they reacted naught. Being looked at like some kind of lab rat by Dottore was significantly worse than whatever glare Scaramouche sent their way. "I don't have all day."

       "I understand," they reassured, gently setting down their bag on the very same counter that they cleaned of blood a few hours prior. "If you would, please remove your shirt, and describe the issues you are encountering to me."

       His eyes followed their motions precisely. They wondered if it was some kind of trauma response. Nonetheless, he—shockingly—obliged their request, nimble fingers working to shed his upper layers as they snapped a pair of disposable gloves on.

       "...The issues, sir?" they gently reminded, gloved thumbs gingerly pressing into his ribs to check briefly for any wounds or areas of tenderness they'd need to be mindful of. It wouldn't be unexpected for him, a Harbinger, to be injured, so they figured it would be best to check beforehand. "Would you mind telling me—"

       A vague stinging sensation ran vertically across their lips, and they stopped. 

       "Reflexes." He smirked at the way their hand slowly raised to their now-bloodied lip. The pain didn't hit them for a few seconds, but even once it did, their expression remained boringly the same. The only indication they gave of having felt anything at all was a slight twitch of their lip. "My reflexes have been poor lately."

       A surge of rage flowed through their veins. They did their best to suppress it.

       "Lord Sixth, please take this seriously."

       "Are you implying that I'm not?"

       Agitation bubbled in their throat, but they again did their best to swallow it down and ignore it.

       "I am not..." Their jaw clenched slightly as they let out a shallow breath. They had hoped their irritance would leave with it; unfortunately, their emotions did not dissipate even a little bit. If anything, the Balladeer's smug look just made them feel worse. "I am not implying anything, Lord Sixth, but I'm sure we both have better things to be doing rather than bickering like children over your necessary bodily maintenance. Would you rather Lord Dottore do this? If so, I will gladly take my leave for the day. I will tell you this once only—I am immeasurably kinder than he is."

       "Are you threatening me?"

       "I don't know. Do you want it to be a threat?"

       His hands were wrapped around their throat in an instant. Within just those few brief seconds, they could already feel bruises beginning to bloom and burns beginning to boil their skin from his electro alignment.

       They gathered all the strength they could manage in their legs and kicked him off, forcing all of the air—not that he really needed to breathe—out of his lungs. He remained relatively unfazed, but didn't lurch at them again. Their chest heaved as they shot him a dirty look from beneath their Fatui mask, which had been knocked slightly out of position.

       (It wasn't often that they wore it. Honestly, around any of the Harbingers, they would usually just take it off. Both their name and face were well-known by now. Yet, they had diligently put it on before coming to see the Sixth.

       They could not be certain as to why. It was only inconveniencing their work.

       ...Maybe they were trying to hide, as fruitless as that endeavor was and would always be.)

       A deep, tired sigh left their aching throat. They turned away from him and laid their face against the icy wall, the bite of the cold much welcomed against the heat that had built under their skin from both anger and the recent struggle.

       "Hah, what? Are you going to cry?"

       "Do you want me to be honest, Lord Sixth?"

       The monotone exasperation in their voice surprised him a bit. Nonetheless, an amused look settled on his face.

       "Oh? If you so dare, you may speak freely, then."

       "I wasn't asking for your permission," they scoffed, standing up straight again and removing their mask mandated by the Fatui. They turned back to him, meeting his eyes with such immovable nonchalance, such tiredness that only someone who worked with Dottore for years could possibly display. "I was asking whether you wanted to hear the truth or not. You want to? Fine. First of all, you wouldn't be the first to try and strangle me, so don't fucking do it again. Try something else if you really want to kill me. You think I haven't been nearly choked to death by Lord Beta or Lord Delta? Do you honestly believe that? Secondly, you are acting like a goddamn brat. Either let me do your maintenance, or be Lord Second's science experiment again. Your choice. I have not met a single person who would rather be at Lord Dottore's mercy rather than mine, so choose, and do it fast. I don't have all day either."

       Silence. Then, a response came:

       "...Hah. You've got some guts, talking to a Harbinger like that."

       Static tingled along their flesh and danced in the air, waiting for the right moment to strike, waiting for them to say something wrong, waiting for them to cross that invisible thin line from being firm to committing insubordination.

       ...As if they already hadn't. They couldn't be bothered to care. He was acting like a child. How were they supposed to be patient with him when they'd already been spread so thinly? Either way, it was a lose-lose scenario, because surely the Balladeer would accuse them of pitying him or infantilizing him if they did continue to be patient. Being frank was simply the better option.

       Unbothered, they rolled their eyes. "I have no respect for anyone who makes my job more difficult than it already is. You aren't the only one with a hard job. You think I've got it easy? You wouldn't last a day in this position. Make up your mind, Scaramouche. Now."

       "Tch."

       "You want to be a test subject again? Fine by me. Have a good day, Lord Sixth."

       But of course, that was not the end of the Sixth Harbinger's bite. No. It never was, for as they reached for their bag, his sneer reached their ears and made their fingers twitch with rage.

       "What, like you were?"

       The tattoo on their wrist throbbed with the ache of distant, blotted out memories.

       All the nights they spent crying, wailing, hyperventilating, scratching at that foul tattoo on their wrist until their own blood coated their nails and oozed out of their raw flesh to blend with the scorching tears sliding down their cheeks and landing elsewhere...

       All of that for a useless little brat to comment on the situation like it was nothing?

       No. His Harbinger status be damned—no-one would disrespect them like that and get away with it.

       "Don't you ever"—in a swift movement that even the Sixth Harbinger did not expect nor predict, they whirled around and pressed their foot into his chest further and further until they felt something crack under the pressure—"speak of my experiences in such a foul way ever again. It was one time. You have been here, in this very same position, for five hundred years. I was in that position one time. Do not speak in such a manner ever again. I will break you beyond fucking repair."

       The Balladeer's porcelain skin burned. It was now his turn to be at the receiving end of elemental fury.

       "Fuck you," he rasped. They put their foot flat on the floor again, shooting him a harsh glare.

       "Fuck you too. Get back on the table or I'm leaving. How many times to I have to tell you? What are you, five? Are your listening ears off?"

       "...Fine."

       He begrudgingly stood up, hoisting himself up onto the examination table.

       "By the seven," they cursed under their breath. "Finally... You want painkillers or not?" They somehow still found it in them to offer some kind of pain management, though they already knew he would deny it, claiming he 'didn't need it.' "There is no shame in saying yes, Lord Sixth."

       "Don't you dare presume to patronize me. You really believe I'm so weak and—"

       As expected.

       As always.

       "Whatever. I offered, so don't go around telling people I didn't give you options."

       With that, they adjusted their grip on their sterilized scalpel and made the first of many cuts. If he wouldn't tell them what was really wrong, then they would just have to figure it out themselves—it would take longer, and likely be more painful and uncomfortable, but really...

       He did this to himself.

       The Balladeer was always a fascinating being to work on. If they were any less bitter, they would earnestly admit to being honored to have an opportunity to peer inside of him and poke around at his artificial systems, satiating whatever curiosity they might have had about him and how he functioned and—because of his creation being the work of an Archon—how one of the Seven's minds worked. As much as they may have disliked him, disliked his uncooperative nature, he was fascinating in his own right.

       (It was like they viewed him as less of a person, less of a coworker, and more of a subject to be studied. As more of a thing, a creature. Hm.)

       Scaramouche didn't bleed much. He bled, but never enough to inconvenience them. They were always able to simply pat away any blood with a tissue or a cotton pad when it began interfering with their work. He bled, but not like a human. Never like a human.

       He wasn't one, so...

       A soft whimper, a hitch of breath unnoticeable to the untrained ear drew them out of their thoughts. Their gaze briefly flickered to the Balladeer's face, fingers halting all motion. All the muscles in their abdomen tightened with an overwhelming sense of guilt and frustration.

       A stray tear rolled down his cheek. If he noticed, he didn't acknowledge it. They chose to pay it as little mind as possible, if not for anyone's sake but theirs. His eyes were hazy and vacant, as if he were recalling some other event such as this one—as if, above him, he saw someone else.

       They shook that thought off before it could spiral into something worse.

       Whatever he was recalling was not their fault, and certainly not their business. It had nothing to do with them. It was no concern of theirs. It wasn't their fault. It was absolutely not their fault... right?

       Were they being rougher than usual? Surely not, they thought, but upon shifting their eyes back to what they were actively working on... it became clear that they were.

       He was bleeding more than usual. Their incisions were deeper than usual. Either way, they would have to peel him open eventually to get better access to his systems, but... generally, they were very gentle about it. As gentle as one could be about something so grotesque, anyway. Even so, for some reason they couldn't really place, he was bleeding more than usual. Their incisions were deeper than usual.

       Oh.

       As much as they wanted to apologize, the words only stuck to the sides of their dry throat. Their hands trembled a little at the realization of what they had done to him, of how cruel they had been to him the entire time. How could their cruelty outmatch a Harbinger's? How could their cruelty outmatch the Sixth's, of all people's?

       Of course, in a job such as theirs, dissociation was a hell of a skill.

       There was nothing they could do except grit their teeth, continue, and—ideally—wrap it up as soon as possible. 

             — flower of the universe !! 🌸

       "Are you done yet?"

       He sounded so vacant, voice lacking any of the bite, enmity, or sarcasm it should have held towards them. He should've sounded different, not... like this.

       He sounded so broken.

       ...Did they really hurt him that bad? They'd hardly done anything different at all. It was always the same, they swore it was. It was the same as any other maintenance day in the lab.

       Deep down, they knew that wasn't true, that they were only lying to make themselves feel better, but there was nothing to be done about it now. They wordlessly cut the last stitch, patting away the little bit of blood that remained.

       "...I am, sir. If you don't heal properly, please come see me or Lord Dottore."

       He didn't reply.

       They reached up wordlessly, shutting the overhead surgical lighting off, hoping that the motion might snap him out of whatever daze he was trapped in. He hardly flinched.

       Wordlessly, they pulled back from him, snapping their surgical gloves off. They absentmindedly found themselves a bit thankful that there wasn't much to clean up when it came to him.

       "...Um. You can leave." They cleared their throat. "If— if you want to. I don't know when Lord Second will be back, so I would... leave. If I were you. I also need to sterilize the table, so... if you would..?"

       He didn't respond. 

       "Right. Um... I suppose I'll leave it for one of the segments, then... I'm heading out for the day, Lord Sixth."

       Guilt nagged at their conscience, and they wanted to apologize, but somehow the words got stuck in their throat and, no matter how hard they tried, could not be dislodged. So, they nodded in polite acknowledgement before quietly grabbing their things and heading out.

       A weight settled in their gut as they swallowed thickly, stumbling out of the lab and closing the door behind them. A chill immediately settled into their bones; however, they paid it no mind, keeping their head tilted down as they walked down the halls and giving no response other than a hum to any other Fatui agents that nodded their way respectfully.

       In their daze, they did not notice the looming presence they were about to run head-first into.

       Run head-first into him, they certainly did.

       A sharp gasp was inhaled through their nose, and their instinctive response was to snap at whoever it was they bumped into; before they could, however, they caught a glimpse of the person's footwear.

       Il Dottore. One of his older segments, if they had to guess based on shoes alone. They did not get the chance to apologize. In fact, they barely even had the chance to process who they were looking at and how they should go about their apology; should it have been short and to the point accompanied only by a polite nod, or should they have gone as far as to bow at the waist level? The answer would slightly vary depending on what segment it was (there was surprisingly little variance overall, but they did need to express a bit more guilt with some segments for their apology to be accepted without punishment), but they had no time to even think about how to apologize before he began to speak.

       "My, [Surname]"—they could hear the entertained smile in his voice, and in an instant, the gears in their head clicked together in recognition of what segment in particular they had run into—"terribly distracted, aren't you?"

       "I'm..." They did not raise their head. Instead, they simply stepped back, hands fidgeting somewhat with the handle of the bag they held. "I'm sorry, Lord Psi. I wasn't watching where I was going."

       Psi, twenty-third of Il Dottore's twenty-four segments, and—fortunately or unfortunately, depending on who one asked—the one who seemed to like them the most. A polite, straightforward apology without any excessive expressions of fear and respect would do.

       He was no different than any of the other segments in that he was an oddity and an enigma, someone who was not easily understood, but he was more personable than most. Oftentimes, it was him who attended publicity events in the place of the man himself. The original Il Dottore was generally not known for patience or grace. Therefore, the most logical action would be to send someone more… agreeable to such events. Psi was the only candidate for that kind of responsibility. He was no less of a threat than the others—he was simply harder to anger and easier to get along with.

       They supposed it was preferable to run into him instead of someone else.

       "Well, that much, I can certainly see."

       "Ah. Yes..." It was then that they finally straightened up and dared to peer at his face. "I should be going, sir. If you'll excuse me—"

       "Wait just a moment, mouse."

       Mouse. Mouse. He always called them that, if not their first or last name, and it made their stomach twist sickly every single time (they faintly recalled the first time he addressed them in such a way, but with that memory, they also recalled scalpels and cold metal digging into their skin that made their throat close up anxiously). It was demeaning and cruel and belittling. They expected no less from him.

       ...Yet somehow, he also made it sound fond, but not... fond. Fond, as one would speak to a pet—not fond in the way one might speak to a loved one.

       And really, they supposed that to him, they were a pet. They were most certainly not a loved one; they were simply a favored little mouse. Small, docile, and fragile in a way that was endearingly cute—a thing that could be grabbed by the tail and dragged around against its will with nothing to say in opposition for fear of angering its captor. It was disgustingly fitting.

       If they were a mouse—the prey—then they supposed that would make him a crow, the opportunistic predator who may not normally eat mice such as them, but could and undoubtedly would if he was given the chance to.

       A mouse trapped in a cage, constantly circled by crows threatening to finally kill them at any given point without warning…

       …Yes, that was accurate indeed.

       The leather of his gloves brushed against their neck, tilting their chin up to get a better look at their throat. They tried not to swallow too harshly—he'd know if they did, and then he would know that they were nervous. Then again, he would know regardless, since their pulse was ringing loud in their ears and his thumb pressed into their neck dangerously near to where he would be able to feel their heartbeat.

       He knew, and they were sure he was thriving on it.

       "...Sir?"

       "That is quite the nasty wound you've attained," he mused, withdrawing his hands from their neck, much to their relief. "I assume that the doll gave it to you?"

       "Yes. Lord Sixth and I got into an... altercation."

       "An altercation," he echoed, the very same amused tone seeping back into his voice. "I see. In that case, before you go, shall we treat this wound of yours? You would hate to worry your dear parents by returning in such a poor state, I'm sure."

       It was clear that he was not asking. They had no choice but to wordlessly nod and follow him back to the lab. 

       Upon entering, gently shutting the door behind themselves, they were relieved to find that Scaramouche had left. They really weren’t sure if they were relieved for him or themselves. Were they relieved knowing he would not have to face one of the segments in such a vulnerable state of being (though, somehow they were sure that he had done so multiple times in the past), or were they relieved knowing they did not have to face him again? It was truly anyone’s guess.

       Psi turned away from them, shedding his leather gloves and replacing them with disposable ones. They did not need to be told where to go nor what to do.

       They hoisted themselves up onto the cold, metal table (they could not manage to fully ignore the pounding of their heart against their ribcage—being on the one on the table for any reason was exceedingly uncomfortable) effortlessly, though not before leaving their bag by the door to grab on their way out.

       “Are you wounded elsewhere?”

       Their heart leapt somewhat in surprise of the voice cutting through the silence, and they chided themselves for being so tense. “No, sir. Only around my neck.”

       He hummed in a wordless acknowledgement.

       As he turned back towards them, the click of his shoes echoing eerily as he got closer and only ceasing once he stood directly in front of them, they straightened their spine somewhat. When his hands reached out to them, they tilted their chin upwards.

       They were not particularly interested in knowing what exactly he was doing; they only wanted it to be over as soon as possible so that they could leave for the day and return to the one place they dared to feel perfectly safe.

       “I hear that Beta was quite upset upon learning that you’d been to Haeresys today, yet left without seeing him.”

       They did not doubt it. Beta, the second of Il Dottore’s twenty-four segments… no, they did not doubt it whatsoever. He was very easily amused but equally volatile, and they knew he particularly liked the agents that were intelligent enough to understand even a little bit of his research; they were very possibly the first agent that would come to mind when thinking of someone who fit that criterion, unfortunately. They also knew that he was far more prone to anger than some of the others.

       They very much hoped that he was only mildly upset. If he was extremely bothered, however, he might just decide to hold them hostage the next time they visit—it was certainly not above him to do so.

       “Is that so?” they murmured, flinching somewhat upon feeling a gel’s cold bite against their wounded skin. “...I’ll make it up to him. Since I had to perform routine maintenance on the Sixth, I could not have stayed for long. Perhaps I’ll return to Haeresys on one of the lab’s less busy days.”

       “Well, he will most definitely hold you to it. Don’t make promises you cannot keep.”

       Somehow, they just knew that was a threat… a threat on Beta’s behalf, no doubt. They had long assumed that all the segments were connected mentally, though they had no real proof of that claim. They never cared to ask; it was simply always implied, a silent fact that they had been consciously aware of for quite a long time now. Moments such as these made them certain that it was true.

       They did not reply, opting for a simple hum instead.

       Moments passed in silence. Then, Psi spoke up once again after withdrawing from their body a final time:

       “You are dismissed, mouse. Take these”—he placed a small pill bottle at their side—”for the next week. One pill twice a day, in the morning and at night. We cannot afford to let your wounds get infected.’

       “Yes, sir.” They nodded. Only when he turned away from them did they get off of the table, taking the pills with them. Fear, more or less irrational in its nature yet nonetheless deeply ingrained into their instincts, still coursed through their veins. The racing of their heart had yet to settle down, and their hands trembled somewhat.

       It was with quick footsteps that they darted towards the door, snatching up their bag, before making a quick departure.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot! written by aphelion & banner by @www-songbird. do not plagiarize, copy, ai train, or otherwise use my work -☆

#✧— aphe's creations. #divider by @/cafekitsune ♡ #platonic x reader #platonic genshin #platonic genshin impact #scaramouche x reader #il dottore x reader #platonic scaramouche x reader #platonic il dottore x reader #platonic scaramouche #platonic il dottore #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin series

[mizukagami-takamagahara]

Annon-Guy: What are your thoughts on Rachel Alucard and Mei Amanohokosaka as characters?

I'm asking because Tsundere type characters being devisive, with Harsh Tsunderes being hated for being "abusive" girls that deserve to die for attacking physically and/or verbally.(whether they're in love or not)

It's apparent that we Western Fans (no offense to you) don't view them the way Japanese Fans do.

It is interesting how widely JP and Western tastes differ! I have a buddy who is really into studying fandom culture, and we’ve talked about the wildly different reactions to tsundere between the cultures! I wonder if I should call her in sometime to discuss why that is…

Anyways, personally I have no problem with the archetype. Sometimes they can annoy me, especially if they feel ‘forced’ into their archetype; if the character seems mean for “absolutely no reason,” to the point where it breaks my immersion, then I tend to dislike them.

I’ve never had this issue with BlazBlue, though. I really, really like BlazBlue’s character writing. I’d still say that if I ever met these girls in real life, I probably wouldn’t want to go drinking with them… but as characters in their stories, and as believable products of their environments, I adore them!!

- - - - RACHEL = ALUCARD

Rachel is SUCH a tragic fucking character. You can like or dislike how she’s coping with it, but if you engage with her character on any meaningful level, you have to acknowledge that her cruel, jaded behavior is a believable response to the situation she’s in. It’s not nice, it’s not pretty- neither is the life she’s trapped in. In what world has trauma or helplessness ever made us prettier, cleaner people?

She’s cold, distant, unempathetic- because if she lets herself remember how much she cares, the weight of it all might break her. She’s incredibly sensitive under that cold porcelain shell; she snaps into aggression very quickly when under pressure. Specifically when confronted things that she hasn’t been able to distance herself from, things she cares too much about to feign distant superiority.

- - - - MEI = AMANOHOKOSAKA

Powerlessness is something of a through-line among the tsundere characters in BB. Mei is also a character struggling with powerlessness, pain, and fear; and she responds to her situation n a lot of the same ways Rachel does.

To avoid feeling weak or trapped, she falls back on her lineage, seeking escape in her sense of pride. She’d rather tell everyone (including herself) that she’s separate and above everything around her. The alternative would require her to face the horrible truth that if she did try to seek comfort or companionship under her employment (servitude, extortion, etc.) to Unomaru, she would be denied it.

Her fear turns to aggression when backed into a corner, when her mask of aloof superiority can no longer protect her. In these cases, she can be explosively emotional; which isn’t at all surprising, considering how much she’s bottling up all the time.

Thinking about it a little, Rachel and Mei share a few more parallels, don’t they??? They both get very quiet when they let down their walls, reflecting the exhaustion they suffer from. They’re both in a uniquely knowledgeable position, with access to information about the world that most people don’t have, which further serves to alienate them- and creates this sort of “being the world’s protector” feeling I’d argue they both express.

They both lost their parents incredibly young, inheriting positions of nobility, leadership, and responsibility they were certainly not prepared for. They both keep going in the hope that a specific man in their lives will one day be able to have a future.

Their designs share several elements too. A delicate, doll-like feel to their features. Long straight hair that veils them from the world (despite Rachel tying hers up) and, in JP media, often symbolizes spiritualism and divinity. They both wear lolita fashion, with many layers that could also be argued to ‘shield’ them from the rest of the world, providing a form of mental armor and obscuring how small and fragile they are under it all.

I doubt these similarities are coincidence.

#mei amanohokosaka #rachel alucard #blazblue #xblaze #bb meta #ao no kokagami

[gayrmlin]

x

#bee txt #personal shit/venting in the tags #it's been a while but I just need to rn #gotta get the words out of my brain i think #I really really hate having anxiety disorders #between the way it heightens normal stress and invents new stress i just #i feel like I'm going to die all the time like my body is simply going to vibrate out of itself and I'll cease to exist or smthn #and I'm like ..... hella suicidal ideating again #but in really violent emotional ways #which is better than the numb stuff i used to go through i think ??? #i was gonna say it's moreso a way to express how strong my emotions are rn #and that's definitely true #but that desire to stop existing is still really really really there #being a person really is too much for me #i feel like i need to scream and cry and peel my skin off all the time #everything's too too too too much #and i feel like a horrible person all the fucking time #there is so so so so so so so much guilt inside me #and some of it is so valid and some of it isn't but goddamn it all feels the same #and it all feels so much #no matter what i feel like i can't exist without disappointing or being horrible to someone and it's so stressful #and i feel bad for feeling guilty instead of fixing it #cause I'm being selfish #but I'm so paralyzed by all of it #i just can't do anything #I've been trying to get these words out for so long now #but I've just been paralyzed #i keep not being able to do anything and that makes all the guilt so much worse #it's just more and more and more and more and more #and i can't stop i can't stop thinking about it all

[phoebespenglers]

can we please stop telling people to kill themselves and to rot in hell and that they deserve to be bullied and that they are inherently horrible people who deserve to die and get doxxed. please. can we please stop doing that.

#like #okay first of all. do you understand the gravity of what youre saying or are you just throwing words into sentences #second of all. that kind of language is so fucking harmful for people with ocd or just obsessions with morality #because i mean not to make this abt Me (though this is kind of a vent ) but when i see people saying that it just. Sends me into spirals #because if people can say that to other people then what if they say it to me because i secretly believe the same things (even if i don't #-most of the time!) #what if im an inherently horrible person deep down? am i going to rot in hell for feeling slightly bad for this person? #i cant imagine that others dont feel like this or something along those lines. #im so fucking sick of death threats they do nothing. they do fucking jackshit except make more people feel terrible. #if you send death threats to people or say shit like this im blocking you. i dont want you in my space #bee.txt #moral ocd #scrupulosity

[parlerenfleurs]

Starting to think, going by the MXTX fandoms, that a lot of people are comfortable with being a bit terrible and not thriving for an ideal whatsoever, because they really really reeaaally want to believe Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are poor cuties who weren't lucky and the heroes are a bunch of holier-than-thou arrogant bitches who need to be taken down a peg when the text says the opposite, because then it justifies their own faults and hatred of genuinely awesome people who seem to have it better in life and isn't that sooo unfair and isn't it fair that they should suffer to learn what it's like to suffer like them, poor tortured, petty, flawed humans who see themselves in the villains rather than the heroes.

#Bloom talks #I'm out of patience with people who have decided not to be better and won't take any responsibility for it #oh but I suffer so~ #newsflash asshole most people struggle horribly at some point or another and yet some of us decide to be good #and also some of us are indeed gifted and impressive and it is something to be celebrated and yes admired on occasion #I love a good gifted person #who shines bright and leads an amazing life #the Wei Wuxians of the world are a treasure #you want to love Jiang Cheng because you feel you are like him and want to be loved? #I don't know man have you TRIED not being an asshole? people have an easier time loving you if you try you know? #you don't have to adopt it as your whole identity and make it everyone else's problem #so fucking tired of seeing people not even try #IT'S FINE TO BE CLEAR to relate to Jiang Cheng and be an asshole inside #we all are a little bit of an asshole inside!! #just stoop pretending he's actually good and Wei WuXian is bad! #yes I'm talking about a general thing with this very specific thing yes #mxtx #mdzs

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

You know what I will hate?

If someone else has to point out how Buck or Eddie feels. I know that’s a popular trope, but honestly? Fuck that.

Fuck having to tell a queer person who they’re supposed to be with, how they’re supposed to feel. I actually hate that so much. Because why, why is it that after being told we’re supposed to love certain people, and we realize we don’t, we’re told from ALL SIDES who we are supposed to love after we come out. From the people who don’t accept us to the people that do.

I don’t want Tommy telling Buck that hey man you’re in love with Eddie

I want Buck to realize and accept this on his own, it’s HIS choice it’s HIS life he’s finally free so Let Him Have The Control

I don’t want Marisol to tell Eddie he’s not in love with her, he’s in love with Buck. I actually HATE when fans decide the girlfriend has to take upon that role.

I want Eddie to have his own oh moment. I want Eddie to have this soft, happy, light feeling of being free.

I don’t want Christopher a literal chick to tell Buck and Eddie they’re in love.

I want them to discover it together on their own. I want them to talk to Christopher separately and together about it. Don’t involve a child in the love lives of adults.

I do not fucking want Hen (or Karen and Josh) to look at these two and say I called it.

THEY ARE ALSO QUEER!! They KNOW what it’s like to feel the need to keep this part of yourself a secret, to be scared, to be overwhelmed with emotions, to finally feel free.

I want them to be so so unbelievably happy and proud of Buck and Eddie and to not take away from their discovery of themselves. 

I don’t want past girlfriends showing up and saying they knew something was off.

Because you know what? Let’s not make queer characters uncomfortable and guilty for something that wasn’t their fault, something they weren’t even AWARE of, or to feel any pain for a relationship that is very much over.

I don’t think you guys understand how much you seem to demand for us to get buddie as queer, to have Eddie and Buck as queer, and in the same breath want to take what that means away from them

Them realizing they are queer is not something that other characters should have a huge opinion or input on. It should be THEM worried about what others will say and think only to find out they are so loved by those who truly matter.

Coming out as queer is HUGE. It’s not easy, it can be confusing and it’s overwhelming. Let Buck, and if it happens then Eddie as well, go about their own journey their way. Stop forcing other characters, straight or queer, to be in it. It’s not about anyone else but them. It’s not a simple love story of two men that are already out. It’s about realizing hey, this thing I thought I was my entire life? It’s not true.

Let them process that and take it in and explorer what is a completely newworld.

#I swear to god I hate this fandom so much #STOP TAKING AWAY FROM A QUEER CHARACTERS JOURNEY #I see this in EVERY FANDOM #a already canon queer character does not NEED to be all knowing every time #they can be just as clueless and confused (especially when they’re also young) #or they can be just Happy for their friend or family and let them take their time to figure it out like THEY did #as someone who has come out before #and been told by a person that they weren’t surprised #that shit is NOT assuring or comforting it’s terrifying igs j #it’s horrible and it feels like your being #locked away again because How Can Someone Else Know before you figure it out and before you were Ready to share it #it’s really fucking telling how many of you are straight in the closet completely or have #the privilege to have never felt this before #because Buck and Eddie? they don’t have that #911 abc #whatoh back at it again #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[pansyfemme]

i think this time of year is cursed

#last year i got horribly sick and depressed #this year i had to flee my dorm and miss classes to keep myself safe from harassment until i could work out moving times #im so fucking angry i am fuming i am furious i want to scream #i did absolutly nothing to deserve this. this wasnt a mutual argument this wasn’t a bad roomate thing this was a person using the fact that #i am a traumatized trans person to intimidate and harass me and make me feel unwelcome in my housing #i feel sick with rage. #im well liked on campus im doing fantastic in all my classes i am doing everything i can #and one person decided he hated me and fucked up my entire semester #the good thing is i am never sleeping there again. i am not returning to that dorm until i am there to move out and i am greatful #but im just so upset about the whole thing. #everyone on campus agrees i did nothing. that i didnt cause this. but i still have to carry the burden of moving #he will be talked to and i dont think he will ever feel welcome on campus after this but i am so angry he thinks so little of me he thought #he could make my life hell and face no punishment for it.

[tigergendermoved]

I don't like DDLC'S MC very much on a very petty level but I still wish there was more fic or meta speculation about him. I'm not interested in him as a character, though, because he's barely a character. Literally by the game's standards, he has no inherent "character file." He is the SCRIPT, if anything. All of his thoughts and actions occur within the little text bubble at the bottom of the screen, and so do the characters'. He barely appears in CGs, has no body sprite, and it is through his observations and his thoughts and his call to make choices that the game progresses.

I think that specific trait of MC is fascinating, especially given how deep reaching Monika's manipulation is. During Act 1 he is active, he is talkative, he has a definitive (and yet inconsistent, based on which girl(s) you're speaking to) personality. He has thoughts about just about everything going on. And yet in Act 2 he is reduced to dust. He stops having any kind of commentary and he almost never remarks upon the horrible occurrences around him unless prompted or unless it is something that could plausibly happen in the realm of reality, like Yuri abandoning him for 10 minutes and Natsuki collapsing on him. But even then he's still significantly muted. Yuri and Natsuki have a horrible fight and the only kind of response he tries to throw out is co-opted by Monika. He witness Yuri declare her love for him and talk about how she would love to pull his skin open and crawl inside of him and the only thing he has to say is "yes" or "no" when she asks if he likes her back. And then he physically cannot move or speak or react because the world is so far gone that Yuri's death has damaged him, the script, so much that all he hears is gibberish coming from her lifeless mouth.

And like... that's neat to me. I like that by the end of Act 2 the script is so off the rails and so far gone from reality that MC can no longer really function as a person, because the script is barely functioning. He stops reacting to anything happening around him and most of the conversations he has are just the girls talking at him. Monika has to literally rewrite the script and force Yuri and Natsuki to say things to further her agenda or keep the scene rolling. MC had a clear and very human response to Sayori's death because it was a plausible but horrible (and not forced) event that could happen naturally. Yuri's death was so jarring and away from the scope of the natural order of his world that MC (and Yuri, by extension) can only sit frozen and broken until Natsuki and Monika show up to force new progress.

Like Monika's effect on the girls has been talked to death and it is an interesting topic but I also think what she unintentionally did to the POV character of the game is also something neat. It really adds to the feeling of the world in DDLC being hollow. The MC is a half-character who can only react in incredibly predictable ways, and when the world stops being predictable, he stops being anything more than a walking camera for Monika to speak into.

#ddlc #this isnt even really a character analysis this is just my vague jumbled thoughts on this guy #ive always found mc interesting even if he irritates me #when i was bored and a middle schooler i used to imagine this self insert of mine in his place #what choices would she make if she knew the ddlc world was a farce? what choices would she make if she didnt? #would she be beholden to the game structure and choices written in the game's script? #could she change anything? how would she feel if she knew the girls in a context where they were her normal friends? #these scenarios were of course some random shit i thought about to make PE less awful #but it made me think of how horrible and strange it would be in mc's position #and subsequently how mc himself kind of never gets the chance to BE in his own position in a way #he is fully beholden to the whims of monika and whatever the girls around him are doing at all times in act 2 #even in act 1 his personality and motivations fluctuates constantly depending on which girl u are talking to #mc is the script and the script is mc. he never had a chance to change anything and neither did you #the only way you can do anything in that world is to be a character a .chr a person. and mc is not a person in any meaningful sense #on the topic of 'hey wouldnt it be fucked up to actually experience ddlc as a Thinking Person' #'to your eternity' (anonymous author) on ao3 specifically chapter 1 of it is a cool fic based on that thought #anyways. i know mc mostly just shuts up because it would be lame if every time yuri's eyes bug out he's like 'jeepers creepers!!!' #but i think his dwindling presence makes him an interesting non-character ❤️ #doki doki literature club

[dbphantom]

I hate being an entity that is comprised of nothing but guilt. I need to call out of work tomorrow because I haven't been able to eat since lunch on Friday and I STILL feel super guilty because my coworker took tomorrow off and he's the only one I know of who can cover the area when I'm out sick. And like logically I know they're just going to have to cope but MAN

#If it were anyone else I'd be cheering like 'fuck em they'll cope' but when it's me I'm like 'oh my god I'm a horrible person for this' #It's so fuckin annoying and exhausting caring so much all the time even about shit that really doesn't matter #And like??? Logically I know this is HOW they exploit people. By making them feel guilty for doing stuff they're legally allowed to do. #That doesn't change the fact I still feel guilty about it #BUT! I did call off. So go me! #Don't get me wrong I like the ppl so I told them where the MEI I wrote up was if it could help someone cover but I still called out 👍 #Cruddy rambles

[mysicklove-main]

hey guys, recently i have been getting like WAYYY to into tumblr and basically judging my value over the notes i get on posts 😅. this is def not very good, so im going to take a couple days off just so that i can take a second to connect with the real world and hopefully realize how much better life is then staring at this app for so much of my day.

that being said, i’ll prob be back in like 2-3 days so don’t worry everyone. 🥳🥳🥳 but hopefully when i come back i will be able to limit myself like a normal person does lol

ily u all

#🍉 - mello talks too much #i have an extremely addictive personality and i spend a horrible amount of time on here #and i feel shitty whenever i don’t post or my posts don’t get as many notes as i usually do #which is so fucking dumb #i used to write just to have fun but idk now i feel like i do it to please people #so i need to take a couple days to just realize how there is way more to life than this 😭😭😭 #i’ll maybe write #idk yet #i’ll see u guys in a bit #love u all <3

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao) #so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still) #plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say! #i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶 #bella talks