#and i have a whole disorder about that so

[theycallmeazalea]

Nezha headcanon(s) (angst and fluff) #4

⚠️ i want to clarify that this has a tad bit of romantic behavior, mentions of abusive behavior, death as well as SH. If you’re not comfortable with this, please scroll.⚠️

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•💮 fluff: Nezha is highly intelligent, having an IQ above average. He’s able to solve puzzles fairly easily and loves them to! He loved them so much that even the Jade Emperor customized a whole entire room as an escape room just for Nezha so he could at least do something fun in heaven.

•💮 fluff: Nezha used to call the Jade emperor “爷爷” (ye ye) or in private: “爹爹” (die die), due to Nezha not knowing his mortal grandfather, aswell that the Jade emperor is in theory his grandfather (Granddad and Grandson bonding)

•💮 angst: Nezha has audhd, but due to the fact that term didn’t exist back then (as in it wasn’t noticed as an actual disorder) people thought that Nezha was simply being a “man child”

•💮 angst: Nezha heavily dislikes DBK, due to the bull’s past implied abusive behavior towards Redson. Whenever Nezha visits the bull family he keeps an eye on dbk, especially when he’s around Redson.

•💮 Angst/Fluff: Nezha was the primary parental guardian of Redson due to Redson’s father being absent and PiF finding a way to save her beloved husband (neglecting her son in the process). This is why Redson kinda behaves like Nezha.

•💮 Angst: Nezha keeps his family photos, but crosses off Li Jing’s face. Because of their very toxic and overall negative history with eachother. Nezha does not see Li Jing as his dad nor apart of his family, and he would do anything to get away from Li Jing.

•💮 Fluff: Though Nezha and Sun Wukong in public seem to have tension between eachother, they actually have a stable and good friendship. The bitterness was all an act, and they both agreed to act as if they don’t really like eachother until someone notices their silly scheme.

•💮 Angst/fluff: Nezha really loves children and one day wants a family of his own, but due to the fact that he doesn’t have a spouse he’s not able to.

•💮 Fluff: Nezha, though cold and even short tempered is very empathetic. He knows exactly what to say to people and how to act around them. But because of that he’s able to swoon people fairly easily, being a good talker and even flirtatious at times. He’s a charming man basically with a high level of empathy.

•💮 Angst: Nezha sometimes play’s devil’s advocate whenever he knows something very important is on the line. Because of his empathy and ability to easily make someone vulnerable with his charm, he’s very much capable of manipulating someone without that person knowing. The reason for why is because of his god forsaken biological father, who’s probably also a master manipulator. But since Nezha’s dislike for his father he doesn’t chooses to take advantage of people.

•💮 Fluff: Nezha get’s easily flustered, and absolutely adores compliments. Though he doesn’t admit to it.

•💮 Fluff: Nezha only accepts PDA from the people who he’s comfortable with, if someone he doesn’t trust or doesn’t consider as a friend touches him he’ll simply smack away their hand or moves away from them. If they keep trying to break his boundaries, the next thing they know they’re on trail about if they’re going to heaven or hell.

•💮 Angst: Nezha has some coping mechanisms, due to his already well known childhood being a disaster and unhealthy. Since he wasn’t able to fully experience being a child, he in stressful and emotional situations where he’s more prone to a meltdown he’ll subconsciously act like how he acted as a child. Basically age regression. When he’s having a meltdown he most likely goes to his room and is more prone to harming himself.

•💮 Fluff: Nezha has a therapist, which is his teacher/father figure Taiyi Zhenren. Nezha is very fond of his teacher and in private calls him “dad” instead of “master/Shifu”. Nezha is slowly recovering from his past.

•💮 Nezha used to play tricks and or mind games on people, some of them are light hearted but some are complete torture. He once lead someone insane because of his tricks that led to that person commit suicide, after that Nezha promised to only use his tricks as punishments for the guilty.

•💮 Angst: Nezha personally does not like being pulled into fights, it’s especially heart breaking for him when he stumbles apon corpses of children that sadly lost their lives in conflicts. He buries them somewhere peaceful and hope that in the afterlife destiny would go easy on them.

(A/N): If I accidentally offended you on any way, I apologize.

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#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk nezha #monkie kid #nezha #headcanons #lmk headcanon

[historia-vitae-magistras]

A lightee ask than usual but do you have any food or eating habit thoughts?

Ooohooohh, I did a whole ass seminar on the history of food. Failed it because I almost bled to death but I got to keep all the material! I've got.... a lot of thoughts and feelings about food culture. Too goddamn many, tbh. This got really long so I'll have to do a part two for other characters if wanted but lol enjoy.

Alfred:

 —Actually pretty gourmet little shit when he's got time and effort. He's made food Maria loves so often she has to give up on pretending she didn't enjoy it because fucking hell, he makes good chilaquiles after they've been drinking and fucking. There is, however, a non-zero chance he hasn't eaten a vegetable since the Nixon administration.

 —With that combustion engine metabolism, he's also perpetually hungry, so he eats whatever is around him. His guts do not like this, especially when it's a lot of dairy.

 —He has that kind of lactose intolerance that's tied to his health and stress, so if he's been particularly freaked out lately, he'll remind the world of his nuclear arsenal when he's got to use the toilet after that triple cheeseburger with a side of deep-fried cheese curds.

 —He's a stress eater too. He eats every negative emotion he's ever had especially when he's trying not to binge drink or do drugs.

 —He’s exceptionally food-motivated. They didn’t call one of his first major historical eras ‘the starving time’ without reason. He has preferences, but food is also food, and he’ll genuinely enjoy it in most forms as long as it's not rotten or otherwise godawful. Cowboy coffee and beans for ten days straight, and he will genuinely be the only man on that cow trail not sick of it by the end.

 —This also goes into why he’s so generous with food. He’s big on homemade food. He’ll make a whole big ass batch of like some sort of mac and cheese, and all the neighbours will get a big ol’ bowl of it with an ‘oh just return the Tupperware whenever,’ and it will genuinely be one of the best things they’ve ever eaten in their lives. Europeans recoil in horror, but our portion sizes are almost never single servings. It’s a generosity and hospitality practice except drinks. He really will down like a 2 liter of Slurpee in a single sitting.

 —He doesn’t mind eating alone. Actually prefers it sometimes. He loves eating in his car. American frontier culture, especially mountain men, had an often hyper-individualized, almost mythic culture of spending long periods alone in the woods and not being very sociable; thus a lot of situations where single servings were a thing, eating alone in quiet without something to do can be a real goddamn luxury.

 —He’s a really big protein guy with his metabolism. Sometimes exists on protein shakes but is more often a beef or barbeque or ham or alligator jerky. And a somewhat chunky Alfred is a healthy Alfred. A perfectly cut no flab Alfred is an Alfred who might be severely dehydrated and on several kinds of uppers.

 —He has better tastes than Arthur who didn't really realize food was supposed to taste good until like ten years ago but his combinations can be equally wild and unappetizing as they are batshit tasty.

—He loves spicy food. He's got so many opinions about hot sauces.

—He’s always hungry. If he isn’t hungry or turns down food, its genuinely a bad sign. If he turns down anything or just is just picking at it his food alarm bells should be sounding. He’s either about to declare war or puke all over the table or keel over dead. Peckish or food coma is his default state. Like if he was a smaller guy someone would say he’s got a binge disorder but he’s tall and beefy so he’s pretty okay.

 —Incredibly adventurous eater too. People will assume since there’s that old school culture of Anglo-American who eats the same 7 meals every week and might keel over dead if the meatloaf is slightly different he’ll be a bit hard to please but then he’s absolutely charmed by everything from Korean kimchi to Lithuanian Lašiniai.

 —He loves anyone who feeds him, just got to be a bit careful because he’s got surprisingly delicate stomach for the world superpower.

 —That American obsession with authencity means he’s surprisingly good at remembering people’s food culture or eating norms. He figured out chopsticks in ten seconds and quickly picked up the cues and manners of eating in any given culture. Still struggles with modulating his voice and personality, so he can often come across as rude, but he's so excited to do so. It's almost frustrating how happy he is to try and adapt to people around him and how happy he can be to fit in.

Matt:

 —He's a very good cook when he's putting in effort for other people, but he's not really like Alfred, who he'll make a whole ass meal for one just to relax on a Sunday.

 —He does tend to eat more vegetables than Alfred, but only because his northern vitamin deficiency has him binging them when he can afford them or they're available during the summer.

  —He can be weirdly picky on his own, but no one ever really needs to ask about his favourite food or how he likes anything because he always just goes with the flow around other people. “Just get me whatever you’re getting.” comes out of his mouth often.

 —There's a lot of sour cream/crema and yoghurt/coconut milk involved when he eats Mexican or Indian food for as much as he loves it.

 —Katya was singlehandedly responsible for his ability to maintain a normal weight during the 20th century by adding rye bread and perogies/vyrenki to his diet. He craves mushroom-umami flavours when he misses her, which is most of the time.

 —When he’s normal and eating the Anglo-North American diet, but he isn’t always eating it, he gets some strong sugar cravings, especially when he’s west of Manitoba. He’s as fond of birch syrup as a flavour as he is maple; there’s just less production. But the kind of deprivation he got and his own tendencies to not eat sometimes cause white sugar to just straight-up burns.

 —There's very much something of François to Matt's dietary habits, but less in his personal tastes and more in that he might be more sensitive to flavours. He has that kind of discerning and slightly oversensitive palate, but he’s a shitty perpetually broke frontier settler colony. He knows better/feels too guilty/is too embarrassed of himself to really indulge it.

 —He kept too much of his peasant communalism in his eating habits. Where Anglo-American communities did have a lot of cooperation, communal eating was a special occasion. The norm was based on the individual household. In contrast, French Canadian habitants still technically lived on medieval land plots and owed labour to a lord while also having a culture of seasonal male work, so Matt grew up used to communal ovens and eating most of his meals around others. Later, in Arthur’s jurisdiction, it was usually the same. He got a plate of whatever he was given, and it wasn’t something he had ever had to initiate himself.

 —Partially, he's sometimes exceptionally bad at eating when he has to choose to do it himself. Especially since the Americanization of the food culture took hold in the '80s and '90s. Whereas Alfred is food motivated from going without when he was little, Matt learned how to block out physical sensation until he collapsed because it was rare that someone, including himself, cared about what kind of state he was in. He just doesn’t eat at all when he’s stressed or anxious. And now it's his sole responsibility to do so as there aren’t the same community structures. He has a lot of Alfred’s abundance now, all the brunch and BBQ places anyone could ask for, but it hasn’t meshed with his eating habits. His people gave up so much of their communal eating in exchange for various choices and then wondered why they were so lonely. So he’ll just microwave a potato or a packet of Kraft dinner a day for a week straight and wonder why he feels dead because, technically, he did eat something. It’s seriously a miracle he got as tall as he did.

 —Feed him nothing but hardtack for three years, and he won't complain until he's dropped dead of scurvy. If Arthur puts some sort of godforsaken mixture of plum sauce or gin-infused spag bol in front of him, he’ll compliment it before he disassociates to get at least some of it down.

#the ask box || probis pateo #hws canada #hws america #meatsack mechanics || the sociology and biology of nations #matthew || my country is winter #alfred || o beautiful for spacious skies

[monstersinthecosmos]

Okay I don’t want this to be like an obnoxious millennial assumption because I’m positive that every generation has things like this, but the way autism and ADHD was treated for us in the 90’s and how it affects adult diagnoses is like, imo, so integral to our coming of age and the stories we tell and the way we’ve gotten to know ourselves, even the way it relates to our job market and economy and how we operate inside it, and especially the way a pandemic uncovered it for so many people and exposed the cracks and revealed that we were all just barely functioning and held together with popsicle sticks and anyway

I say that because maybe it’s the un-diagnosed 90’s child in me but I feel particularly emotional about Keith’s arc in learning that he’s part Galra, and the way even the creators said they made him sort of prickly because of his biology, and I just !! Think so much about Keith’s neurotype as a part Galra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause something about being diagnosed later in life is like, looking back at all the other ways you tried to handle yourself, all the missteps, maybe even misdiagnoses. Like, how many times did you try to treat ANXIETY without realizing you didn’t have an anxiety disorder, you just can’t deal with your family blaring the TV from the next room? How many times were you told you were lazy, or lying, when you didn’t know what executive dysfunction is? 

Keith is such a lovely rich character because his prickliness is EARNED—we know what happened to him, we know he’s traumatized, we know he’s been treated poorly by many people in his life. We know that he grew up thinking that he’d been abandoned by one of the people who should’ve loved him the most, in the whole world. He even questions that in his vlog—he makes the connection that he has trouble with people because of his mom. 

But I just wonder like, how much of it is just his biology. Not understanding the body he’s in, being completely ignorant of one whole half of his culture. Had he ever mutated before the TBP fight? Did it take him by surprise, did it frighten him? ((* This is head canon territory LMAO there’s no way to really know—like, is he able to do this because he just spent so much time with Krolia, or does Shiro going That’s the Keith I remember mean they used to have really primal sex that turned his eyes yellow? Lol)) 

Like when we talk about even the most broad generic terms of saying someone is neurodivergent, we don't even need to put a real life label on Keith. Like he's literally not human! Of course his brain looks different! Of course he functions differently! And I wonder how much is nature v nurture -- if he knew the truth about his mom, if his dad had lived, if he'd been allowed a normal childhood, would he still have been a weird kid?

Cause like, even seeing the way Shiro is able to get through to him, we see ways that he allowed for thrill seeking, and he didn't judge Keith for stealing his car. It reminds me of like, what we know now about asking children to sit still in school, and how perhaps some children would do better with standing desks. Shiro wants him to behave and succeed, and doesn't judge him for being a car thief, and gets through to him by bringing him cliff diving. And it just feels like this clue, you know, that nothing is wrong with Keith, he's just living in a weird place where people don't get him.

It’s just really special to me, because there’s so many pieces in the sequence of events of Keith’s character arc, and I know I’ve said this a handful of times now, but I really sincerely believe it’s the only thing the show really nailed. Accepting himself during the BOM Trial -> MOMENTS later learning something ver important about his biology -> spending time with Krolia -> coming back to pilot Black when he’s READY and WANTS to (unlike the first time, when he resisted) -> becoming a pragmatic strong leader by the end.

Gosh idk. 

I don’t really have anywhere to go with this, it’s just something I was thinking about today and it gets me real emotional. Like, Keith must have had these moments, re-evaluating who he’d been before he’d known, finally understanding why he was Like That, and it’s so healing to imagine him accepting his past self and forgiving it because he understands now. 

#hes just a lil baby #keith kogane #sheith #SPACE MAN META #i watched the lion king this morning and cried my eyes out and it got me so upset about keith LMFAO

[exchangestudentnova]

I just read your Yandere vampire OM brothers and I was wondering what about yan vampire Lucifer and MC who has a blood clotting problem like they cut their hand or whatever and the blood keeps pouring nothing you dramatic bit still like Woah u good??? (don't feel forced to do this btw, also I love ur writing!!!)

hey anon!! I sorry for being this late to your request, I hope my writing is a fine apology for that.

Haemophilia is one such genetic disorder where the person's blood doesn't clot easily. Although it is a reccessive gene, you were born with one. It did not pose much threat to you due to the advances in medical treatment keeping you alive for so long, so you never worried too much about it.

You did worry about it when you were asked to come to Devildorm for one year. "One whole year?? How am I supposed to survive there!?" You somehow managed to purchase almost months and months of medicines in your little suitcase, but ofc you were bound to run out of supplies in the far future.

Today was one such day. You counted the leafs of medicines left, and all of them were empty. You were being reckless by not keeping an eye on the medicine, and now you have none. Worried, you were trying not to panic in your small cozy room. After taking deep breaths, you came to a conclusion that asking Lucifer to help in this situation would be the best. With that, you went to the kitchen to fulfill Beel's craving of eating your handmade food.

The pot boiling with water and the sound of you cutting the vegetables filled the kitchen. "You called for me? Sorry I was busy with some student council work" you turn your head towards the source of the sound, a soft smile conquring your lips as you meet your eyes with him. He, with a click in his step and his long, black clock hanging from his broad shoulders came up to you and engulfed you in a hug. " how have you been MC?" he spoke in your ear as you continued your chopping. "I am well Lucifer, and yes I did call for you. I need to go back to the human world."

"But why?"

"Because I need to- ouch!"

You took your eyes off of the food to look at Lucifer, which was a bad idea because you now have a cut on your finger from moving the knife wrong. It hurt a bit, but to Lucifer, it seemed as if you have lost half of your body's blood.

"How could you be so careless!? Show me your finger" You could see that his eyes have started to dilate, his fangs have started to appear. Yet he is not even thinking about drinking blood. Instead his eyes, althought appearing to be bloodlustly, are actually filled with concern.

"Did you eat your medicines??"

"Ah, about that...." you told him about not having them, and he sighed. "Well wait here, I have some with me. Don't move from your place and stop cooking" Before he left the kitchen he spoke some words and created magic that collected the blood dripping from your hand. Now you had a small bubble of blood floating in the air that was oozing out.

Lucifer came back within two minutes and handed you the medicine. " Thank you so much Luci, but what will you do with this bubble of blood?" He just gives you a knowing look and brings his tongue near the bubble. You blush slightly as he savours the exotic taste of your blood, the medicine acting fast and stopping the bleeding.

" Why are you blushing MC? Your blood is only for me to taste. Now sit down, grab a dessert from the fridge, and let me finish dinner"

PS: anon you did not mention if Lucifer and MC are in an established relationship or not so I tried to write it in a way that you can insert a romantic/platonic relation between them^^ and also thank you for supporting my writing I appreciate it^^

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me lucifer #lucifer #obey me x reader #obey me luci x reader #obey me lucifer x reader #lucifer x reader #obey me fluff #obey me lucifer fluff #lucifer fluff #vampire lucifer #yandere vampire lucifer #yandere lucifer #yandere lucifer x reader

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[ovaruling]

maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously

thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall

it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are

i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things

the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.

if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly

#eating disorders are one of the most treatment-resistant behavioral issues out there #once they take firm root #this is not quite the same as ‘don’t have children if you’re even a little bit mentally ill’ btw before anyone thinks it is #this is a very specific problem #and it is LEARNED #you cant always protect your child from the outside world influence but you can do something about what your child starts with at home #i am recovered now but i could’ve saved my whole life if my mom hadn’t been dieting when i was 7 #so i started dieting too #bc she was my mom and i did what she did #cuz i was fucking 7 #she never told me what a diet was. i just observed her. #and when she binged EYE binged #i blame her always for my food addiction

[mylittleredgirl]

decided it’s time to cut myself a break when i “overreact” to something, because there’s basically always an impressive number of things in front of it that i’m not reacting to. which is probably true for everyone on earth actually.

#i have Clinical Wild Mood Swing Disorder and can't get my meds refilled #and am trying to maintain a professional reputation of being super stable and positive and non-reactive #so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under #like please let me get upset about something for five minutes without it redefining my whole personality #i was going to say stick a fork in me i’m done but actually maybe remove a fork or two and see how i do

[mokeonn]

One of my favorite things about being in my early 20s is that I'm starting to understand that I can use things not for their intended purpose. When you're growing up, you get told what an object is and what its intended purpose is, and as a kid/teen, I just accepted all of it at face value. As a young adult it's finally clicking that I can simply do things a different way if it makes me happier. Sure, I was taught that you stand to take a shower, but there's nothing stopping me from just sitting if I don't feel like it, ya know? I might have always had my medication in the kitchen, but if I'm no longer remembering to take it, I can just move it somewhere where I can remember. You don't have to specifically store all food in the kitchen, you can have a little snack cart or snack station in another room.

The downside to finding out the various ways you can use objects is that you develop habits that would probably go on an r/relationships post where everyone says you're a little freak.

#simon says #i just developed a new habit (it's too tmi to put here) and I just know that it's some weird shit #it works and it makes me feel better so I'm gonna keep doing it #but it's some shit that would end up viral where everyone would go 'yo op you should break up with them thats weird' 😔 #i was just thinking about this though because every week or so I learn that I can just do what I want #because there's no fucking object use police I can do what I want #i HIGHLY suggest getting into this habit. if you find something annoying or frustrating you can just do it differently #'I hate washing the dishes because my legs hurt from standing for so long' you can bring a chair and sit or you can break it up into chunks #like on the one hand I'm learning this because I have autism and a plethora of other mental disorders #and it's FINALLY clicking that I can self accommodate whenever and however I so please #I'm just sorta learning that if doing something makes me feel better/happy/gets the job done to do that thing #even if it requires using an object in an odd way #hell there's even some little things I've been playing with #for example: my whole life we sorta just lifted blinds only about halfway up #just sorta how we did it ya know #well recently I decided I wanted more natural light in the sunroom/my office so I wouldn't have to turn on the lamp #and I lifted the blinds all the way up to the very top #and honestly?? it fucking rules. the room looks nicer; i get natural light; i can see the forest out back and it's quite calming and nice #like for ages I just never thought about doing that because it just never occurred to me that I could #i just always put blinds about halfway up because that's about how high blinds do in my household #another little one I learned is that I can just... wash my hair #sometimes when I get too depressed or if my body doesn't need a shower but my hair is greasy #I just shove my head under the bathtub facet and wash my hair #it's just a small thing but for years if my hair needed to be washed I would just take a full shower #now I just fix my greasy hair. bc greasy hair is a huge ick for me but sometimes my body is still clean or im too tired to fully shower #like there's nothing stopping me from doing that and it doesn't hurt anyone. it's just a way of bathing that I wasn't taught #but yeah those are some recent examples of me learning I can just... do stuff differently #the free will is kicking in babes and it has decided I love finding ways to use things differently #it's why im doing a bg3 run where I just press loot all no matter what and use whatever I can in odd ways #anyways I might delete this later might not who knows

[androcola]

1965 timezz

#my art #digital art #m&m headcanon #as we go along #the monkees #uueerrr .eeeuuuuuurrrrrr #uuuurrrrrrrh #i need to learn how to draw food #anyway. i feel like mike had ..kind of a weird lowkey e.ating disorder for a few years (cuz of his dad) #he dealt with tons of guilt about eating food he didnt earn so he had a tendency to just. not eat #often for a few days. or he'd just eat very little #it lasted later into his monkee years but it got better around the late 60's and ariund the mid 70's he gets over it completely #but it was especially bad when he was living with micky cuz he didnt have a job the whole time #so he felt really guilty about not ''earning'' the food micky gave him #he had a not great relationship with food for a while. but he gets better :)

[scariercnidaria]

i know theres no overlap between the ofmd and the metal gear fandoms bc the izzyhaters would all kill themselves if they caught a glimpse of the revolver ocelot fanbase. i promise you izzy is not nearly the evillest old queen getting scrunklified and babygirled despite crimes against therapyspeak twitter out here. literally my last war criminal boyfriend hypnotised my other war criminal boyfriend into commiting rpf identity fraud of his own, separate war criminal boyfriend. Among Other Things.

#the whole “v is a medic that ocelot gave dissociative identity disorder to so that he could rpf big boss 24/7” thing #does not register as a barrier to me shipping them. like babe thats the appeal i need these old men to kill each other like rabid dogs #you are going to have to try abit harder to make me condemn edizzy #ofmd #metal gear #edizzy #izzy hands #sorry i simultaneously stopped caring about ofmd the moment it stopped being a toxic old man yaoi iv drip #and also desperately miss the izcourse. at least it made me feel something #revolver ocelot #our flag means death

[stfuimprojecting]

Evie likes to count her ribs. It’s soothing. She’ll run her fingers down her left side first, feeling carefully from top to bottom before moving on to her right. She’ll dig her fingers into each divot, hook them underneath her rib cage as she sucks in a breath. It’s her morning ritual. Before taking a shower but after her first weigh in of the day. And at night, in the quiet moonlight that sneaks its way through their room's tiny bathroom window, Evie measures herself. She hides the tape measure with her skincare, which she keeps neatly organized in a bin that Mal never touches. She begins with her arms, then her waist, then her hips, and always ends with her thighs. It’s something her mother taught her how to do. They used to do it together, her mom standing by her side as they measured themselves in tandem. They would stand in front of their bathroom mirror, which had a crack in it that split it into two. Sometimes, Evie would line herself up with the fissure, watch as it made her face go wonky. She was uneven and disassembled, just like her insides.

Doing the nightly ritual without her mother is lonely. Evie is almost tempted to invite Mal to join her. She thinks that Mal could keep her on track - the way her mother did - make sure that Evie stays slim and perfectly princess-esque. She thinks that Mal would be kind about it. Unlike her mother, swinging like a pendulum, simultaneously angry when Evie was fatter than her and then even more angry when Evie was thinner than her. But Evie knows that Mal would disapprove. Mal would narrow her eyes, grab her by her wrist and show Evie just how easily her thumb and pinkie wraps around it. Unbearably tiny. She’s done it before. Like back when they were on the Isle and Evie would refuse to eat her share of the rations. Mal does it here too. She'll hold Evie's wrist underneath the cafeteria table whenever Evie is merely moving her food around and not actually eating it. Mal is kind like that. And even if others might think of Mal's grip as too tight, Evie knows better. Mal's touch is the only thing preventing the rot.

-

a descendants wip for my series. i've been working on this since february, which ik isn't actually that long ago but i've been stuck ever since, which is soooooo :(((((

#ditzywip #within these walls #descendants #descendants fanfiction #descendants fandom #evie grimhilde #evie daughter of the evil queen #evie descendants #mal bertha #mal daughter of maleficent #mal descendants #mevie #eating disorder tw #sorry to all my descendants mutuals i feel like ive been neglecting this fandom #ive just been on that 911 train ever since they've come back from their mid season hiatus #i swear descendants is still near and dear to my heart and im still writing fic #just havent really been posting descendants since 911 has lowkey been occupying all my brain space #anyways im like so ahhh about this fic #writing evie is still so new for me and this is the first time i'm really starting to explore the mevie dynamic #im also like gonna have this whole thing with audrey #which is totally unexpected because i never thought i was gonna write about the aks really #i'm realizing that this series is like expanding in my mind #and while it'll always be core four focused i think there'll be inklings of other ships #or not ships per say but just other relationships outside of the core four #those like weird relationships that i lowkey feel are queer specific where its like #i hate you i love you you make me sick i wanna be you im gonna kill you i would die for you #get the vibe?

[tittyinfinity]

My neurodivergencies and mental illnesses overlap so much that you could diagnose me with about anything at this point

#ocd and autism put together? must tap on things. must tap in specific rythm. or die. my whole life #adhd and autism? oh i cant focus but when i do that's all ill focus on for months or years #i can't pay attention but i have a photographic memory! so that didn't affect me much in school #also w the ocd and autism i constantly have to be picking at my skin in some way #whether it be dandruff my lips scabs or just chewing on the inside of my cheeks #like i can never stop no matter what #oh and another great thing about ocd and autism put together is that you get Echolalia² #this thing is going to repeat in the background of your head for months #and also you must sometimes say/sing it out loud randomly or you will explode #i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD also #manic and depressive episodes? turned out that was literally just dependent on my pain med prescription #rapid cycling emotions can come from all of those #i also have psychosis episodes and delusions! and hallucinations! wee! #oh and let's put a littlr sprinkle of C-PTSD on top of everything. just for fun #''anxiety disorder'' that was me freaking out about masking and how everyone would judge me #major depressive disorder? yeahhhh there's always that base level of despair #like I'm pretty sure the ocd adhd and autism are like one Whole Thing together #i hear the symptoms of all of those and im like yeah that's me! that's also me! shit! that's also me! #WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WRONGGGG #.bdo

[oatbugs]

and also just adding onto that, the recent wave of like armchair diagnosing ppl as npd is sooo annoying. Like its actually a serious condition, you CANNOT diagnose someone as npd with just one story or interaction. Sometimes ppl are not "narcissistic", they're just assholes? It feels like every second story i hear, there's ppl going "thats a narcissistic trait yk :/" and its like just bc its a narcissistic trait doesnt mean they have npd??

yes defintely !! it's so so harmful and i have not seen any other disorder (except maybe aspd?) get as much demonisation and hate as npd has and it is genuinely so heartbreaking bc it is a serious dissociative disorder that does Not inherently make anyone a bad person and yet !! like the term "narcissistic abuse" and also ppl just generally equating [mostly covert] abuse w narcissism is so immensely Harmful .

anyway i think we should bring back calling people mean, assholes, rude, gaslighters, abusers, etc instead of being like "my mother was a narc abuser so all ppl w npd are abusers and will never change!" etc etc bc it does 3 horrible things:

1) implies all people with npd are abusers

2) implies people with npd are not capable of self-improvement just like any other human being

3) offloads the horrible actions of abusers onto a disorder, thereby taking away the responsibility they had/choices they made in the situation and instead blames the (completely inaccurate + harmful!!) perceived invariability/ubiquitous evil of npd symptoms/traits .

"how to spot a narcissist" babe are we birdwatching now for ppl with a dissociative disorder or...???

#basically i had a breakdown moment where i realised that despite upholding lying as like. a moral principle . #i used to lie a lot in the past. but i didn't rly realise it then. and having this realisation kind of like...broke down a lot #of self image issues etc and i started looking into Why i did what i did etc...obvs i felt an immense amt of guilt #and while researching i found npd and i was like oh the symptoms actually kinda match #i started doing research into it and oh my godddd the amount of absolutely horrifying articles etc etc i found #nothing was helpful and everything was just what to do if ur parent is an evil narcissist 🤪 and it was just like. signs of covert abuse. #and i was like. even if i did have this disorder i would be so discouraged for getting help bc of this!! there were like 2 places on this #whole internet w an ounce of compassion. anyway i talked to my therapist and she said i definitely do not have npd and there is a much bett #explanation etc bc im autistic and there are comorbidities etc etc but i cannot forget the sheer . feeling of heartbreak and horror. #like the way that these people were being talked about as though they are animals. whole human beings who were abused and mistreated #ive never in my life seen such blatant and rampant and LOUD villinisation and demonisation of ppl with a disorder #i realised this was a problem b4 i went down the research rabbit hole but this just made me realise the sheer extent of it. truly disgustin

[sloppysequinz]

Just opened an insurance claim summary and discovered that some medical professional decided that they needed to put “MORBID (SEVERE) OBESITY DUE TO EXCESS CALORIES” front and center as a diagnosis and now I feel like shit 🙃✌🏻

#that was NOT what the claim was about it was for a surgery to remove a skin growth #but somebody decided I also needed to be marked down as FAT GROSS FUCK FROM EATING TOO MUCH #right next to the problem I was ACTUALLY getting treated for #at no point did I talk to my doctor or anyone on my surgery team about my weight #like I know. I know I’m in the obese BMI category and I normally don’t care because I think it’s bullshit #but to have them so clinically there seems cruel and hurtful #ALSO FUCK YOU YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MY OBESITY IS DUE TO #I’ve been in that category pretty much my whole life no matter what I ate #this is what gives women like me eating disorders #delete later

[varpusvaras]

That one post about parents who weren't abusive and are good people but still fumbled things significantly and now you're fucked up? Feeling that a lot actually today.

#had a talk with my wife about it and. the more I talked the more I realised that ohhhh that's fucked uuuupp #when you're in your late 20s and realise that your parent has had an eating disorder their whole life #and that sucks for them so bad #but they also made it heavily their kid's problem while said kid (me) was growing up #and so I also had an eating disorder and still struggle with warped view of food #it's not fair I didn't deserve to have it too but neither did the parent #personal

[themoonsystem1723]

Truama is subjective.

What was intensely traumatic for me might not be traumatic to you, and it might not have even been traumatic in the moment.

We have did comorbid with autism adhd and anxiety, things that may not have been upsetting in the moment can become upsetting later. Our mother thinks our childhood was good and cool, we remember very little of it and in the past the only bits we remembered with any clarity were traumatic things.

This is why I personally don’t think endos exist, and that’s not me siding with anti endos either. I think that trauma is subjective, covert, and easy to miss, and that everyone has it. Some people are more susceptible to letting it cause problems.

Trauma is not a requirement for did. ptsd and cptsd are not requirements for did. They are commonly found with did, but they are not diagnostic criteria.

I do not have ptsd symptoms (as far as I’m aware)

I have had experiences with alters since i was 13 or 14, I have had a therapist clock it without me asking about it, and I’ve talked to my current therapist about it.

My trauma is not terribly bad, I was bullied as a kid, I had undiagnosed autism and anxiety, emotional neglect (minor), health trauma related to both of my parents having chronic illnesses, and some general being raised in the 2010s trauma shit like having too much access to the internet.

I still have alters, I still lose time, I still have a seemingly ever changing internal image.

I also just don’t think it matters that much. If your playing trauma Olympics what are you doing with your life. Be happy that someone didn’t have as shitty of a life.

ALSO, as an end note to anyone that picked up on the fact that I am young, I only found out I have did because of a coincidence. If I had not met the people I did that day I likely would have gone many many years without figuring it out. DID in the past was assisted in its obfuscation by the lack of easy education, there is a wealth of info now and it is very easy to find stuff out.

-Tara

#endo safe #endo friendly #did system #disociative identity disorder #traumagenic system #syscourse #autism #adhd #disociation #trauma #did community #do not attack #I am open to discussion but I am not willing to have a fight over this. #my therapist agrees with me on this shit #my therapist is so cool #love her #very helpful #also if your sitting there asking about amnesia #I experience amnesia #I have bilipped a whole week before and regularly have bits of time disappear