#and i know that frm experience as well lol

[khlur]

how's the masters going? thoughts on academia?

the master's went! i feel nothing! i hated it! i somehow finished my damn dissertation. i don't really have a working relationship with my supervisor and i don't like him very much so i've been slow wrt getting his comments on my manuscript (i wanna publish, submitted a protocol and everything)

as for thoughts on academia...my key takeaway from all my time in undergrad and masters is not to take academia seriously at all.

(these are all thoughts i've been expressing over time so a lot of my anger and frustration has dissipated, but there are strays here and there lol)

i think more than any intellectual thoughts i have, i'm led by my experience and emotions here. my time in educational institutions + interacting with research fellows, teaching assistants and profs has been absolutely disastrous for how i perceive the world, the people around me, and myself - undid all the grounding and pragmatism of my childhood as well as the idealism of my adolescence.

especially studying here in the UK, the lack of critical thought is absolutely MIND BLOWING. what really ground my gears was *just* how racist profs can be; not overtly so (though some were), but just in how resistant they were to students questioning any paradigms + in how they never acknowledged the power and history behind knowledge production -- doubly surprising since my field is heavy on social science methods and cross cultural competency. and these are the people who get put on boards and panels for studies in the global south. meeting experts irl in some of the most renowned centres and programmes for my field...girl what a joke.

the farce of it all aside, academics are truly some of the most depressing people to hang around. truly corrosive to the spirit. i thought it was just a problem w my field (mental health) but it really isn't! i suppose people doing business or finance PhDs would complain less though. but yeah it all seems to be a sort of insecurity olympics where academics rile against corporations and corporate employees...while behaving in the exact same ways in the exact same work conditions! all while being in massive denial about it. AND while looking down at the same world we analyse from a glass house, without a shred of self awareness.

admittedly i'm still reeling from my biggest regret in life so far (this damn master's degree) but i know that this anger and bias arose out of something genuine. i wanted to quit my field and quit academia for good after i was done w my dissertation lmao. but with time and perspective, i've simmered down a bit. still, i think the only way i can survive in my field and in academia is to treat it like fun playtime. because ultimately that is what it is, like with any field: a bunch of white ppl in the global north treat the world as their cute little playgrounds where they have a silly goofy time while the rest of us break our fucking backs to get anywhere.

(i am taking a big fat break from academia...a far cry frm 19 year old me who was very committed to wanting to do research in this field and was convinced that he had the grit to make it through)

#i wanted to keep it short #and i know this is more of an emotional response than an intellectual one #i do have thoughts abt publishing and career trajectories but what i wrote has been on my mind more #churail #asks #academia #i hated my time here so much that i wanted to quit the dream i've been working towards since i was 13

[bluelockednyx]

" or for Isagi to stop looking at Rin's thighs whichever is easier" I- 🤣. ( this was so noticeable in that leg extension machine scene he had no reason to go and check up on him, stop him from overworking and prompt him to take rest but he DID)

I thought I was crazy for thinking that abt that one Rin panel but I'm glad I'm not the only one, since Kaisagi is rising in popularity esp w/ Hiori's comments abt the in-universe social media. Idk whether to lament over the lack of rinsagi or absolutely LOSE it over Isagi's reaction. Like it wasn't the kind of cute denial that Raichi was saying it was, bro was so OFFENDED. I can't.

Then again, it makes sense since public has seen more of Kaiser-Isagi than with Rin. I wonder what Isagi's reaxn would be if it had been Rin's name that had come like that 👀. Definitely not visceral disgust to this level.

Besides, recent chapters had carved a place for kainess in my heart and I feel like those 2 should cuddle and go to therapy. ( Any thoughts on recent chapters, that choking scene was disturbing...).

Do u think the light novels and profiles are not written by Kaneshiro? Bcz while they weren’t bad at all( they were quite great) there was this missing spark in them. Like with Isagi, they made him out to be able to see mosquitos across a room and note the temp change in the air as a BABY?? I-??????. I am very confused.

And in a profile, he has 200 level or smth eyesight?? Normal is 150 so.., idk maybe I am just being extremely dumb.

But to me, manga Isagi was so loveable and inspiring bcz he was a normal person who was willing to break and challenge himself to reach his goal, forging a will that was strong enough to withstand all the pressure. Not superpowers.

And in his profile, his type is someone who smiles a lot and it fits bachira but to me it sounds like another way to fit in to what people expect of him. There was a meta on Isagi and anger expression floating around in tumblr. And it says how Isagi loved Noa's style bcz of how brutal it was and through football he was able to exert anger in a socially acceptable way instead of being the peace maker and going along with Ichinan style football and just agreeing with Tada's decisions and blue lock is a release frm that. And like you said, isagi isn't as driven abt bachira as he is about him. Narratively too, that is a good thing, allowing bachira to make new connections and new bonds in Spain instead of being fixated with Isagi. And frankly, I don’t think it's healthy for Bachira to get with the first person to be his friend. Let him experience life first.

Well then, I am so excited for Pxg VS BM. The potential match ups, Kaiser most def knows Sae so some interesting conflict w/ Rin if he mentions that like Luna did. The Isagirin matchup, I'm just so excited. Also ,"# Stop looking at Rin's thighs challenge."

P.S. - I wrote a Rinsagi fic, so plz check it out.

How can I read your fic if you didn't send a link lol

Kaneshiro-sensei literally addressed the Kai//sagi shippers in the chapter: nope, not happening, no way, via Isagi himself. He may subvert this later on, but as far as I can tell, given the story's trajectory + Isagi's own character arc, it won't happen. Kaiser will most likely be coming back as a rival/enemy in the U20 World Cup arc too. There simply is no motivation for Isagi to ally with him at all.

Rin's spotlight and turn is coming up, so again, I'm not worried about the current lack of Isagi and Rin moments. It is supposed to be THE highlight of the NEL arc for good reason. And yeah, I doubt Isagi would be as offended if fans had been saying that about him and Rin. On the down low he really is fond of and respects Rin, whereas he despises Kaiser for just about everything besides his skill in soccer.

Truthfully, I've grown a little bored of the recent chapters. Not so much that they aren't good chapters, but more that there's a lack of variety to the characters. IMO Kaneshiro-sensei has hit a bit of a wall on character cast and variety - Ness' backstory is a touch too commonly seen for me to really get into, and feels lacking in effort, though tbf Ness is at best a tertiary character in-series who's there to prop up Kaiser's story.

No real thoughts yet on the choking scene. Currently it's only a sign of Kaiser's desperation to me. The throne he thought he had secured might well be about to collapse from underneath him due to Isagi's growing skill. Seeing how he'll match up against Rin is also interesting, seeing how Rin is actually very much self-sufficient as a striker, while Kaiser thus far seems quite dependent on Ness. I also believe that the PXG match will bring Kaiser into direct confrontation with Loki, who is posited as thus far the best U20 striker we've seen, given how he's a master for the PXG team, rather than simply a fellow player. Fingers crossed that Loki smokes all of them, including Noa, if he comes out to play too.

No, the light novel most likely isn't written by Kaneshiro-sensei, given what I know of the industry. The bulk of it is likely by Moegi Momo-sensei; with credit given to Kaneshiro-sensei because he's the OG creator of the Blue Lock series. That said, there's a good chance that Kaneshiro-sensei provided Moegi-sensei with story ideas and rough character backgrounds who then developed it into proper stories for novelization.

The character profiles are more likely to be done by Kaneshiro-sensei himself, though I am going to point out that it's published as 'supervised by', rather than 'written by'.

Emphasizing this: I generally don't care about light novels, character profiles etc. in terms of my interpretation of the story. To me, what appears in the manga is the only canon there is. Everything else that's official are canon-adjacent and supplementary; fun to read and get an idea of how the characters' personalities and relationships are off-page, but otherwise unimportant unless explicitly referenced in-story. Whatever is not depicted in the manga proper is free real estate.

As for Isagi in the light novel. Well.

He reads as autistic, from that apparent hypersensitivity + his hyperfocused interest in football, and as I've mentioned before: Isagi is also written very much as a tabula rasa, a blank slate of sorts, for target readers to be able to slip themselves into. I think that the emphasis is on Isagi having very clear vision, his personal advantage, amongst the rest of the cast, but again, to me, the light novel is not as important as what we see depicted in the manga proper.

No comments on Isagi's type in the profile, and how it could be Bachira. They're decently written together, and I understand why people would ship them, but they are also just kind of 'meh' for me. Kaneshiro-sensei may intend to write them as a pair, but they are a pretty run-of-the-mill standard MC + best friend ship, with the highlight being Bachira's personal growth via his relationship with Isagi. There are more satisfying ships for me in Blue Lock, and better romances in other animanga series, and while I am fond of shipping, I'm not reading Blue Lock for the shipping. It's just a nice bonus that I find Isagirin's relationship so damn interesting that I've stayed invested.

I haven't read that meta, but that's an interesting interpretation of Isagi's character. Blue Lock is somewhat of a meta commentary on the failures of the general Japanese culture's need to conform to societal pressures and not 'rock the boat', and how it has led to an under performance in football. Isagi as a whole has also been growing more assertive and more confrontational with others, though Kaiser's the only one whom he views with solid enmity.

In the light novel, Isagi's idolization of Noa stemmed from how Noa bypassed the opposing team one after the other, and then from how Noa would rather 'lose a game by a hat trick than win one with an assist'. And doesn't that sound quite like a certain someone, lmao.

Cheers to having PXG match to look forward to next year after the hols!!

#niki answers asks #drop the fic link!! #also I want to see Karasu so badly #and i would not be opposed to seeing barcha vs pxg match #bachira has his own relationship with rin independent of isagi too!! he lost to rin in the second selection too!!

[hibiscusfl]

Well your artistic frm my experience most artistic ppl are more in tune w their spiritual side… but I feel like it’s just ur vibe lol maybe it’s ur eyes idk. You know how u can just sense someone’s vibe sometimes with u I sense some spirituality then again I’m assuming nd that hasn’t always worked out for me in tha past 😂🤣.. u definitely a vibe tho in the best possible way

I won’t really divulge about myself spiritually, I keep that very close to me…but you’re right 😆

[crustaceanenjoyer]

Me in my teens, touch starved: hey let me tell ur future frm the lines in ur palm

#sometimes you have a little special joke as an excuse to hold your friends hands 🤦‍♀️ #i literally am stupid but thats fine i guess 😑 #looking back its mostly funni though im not rly embarrassed #ive done a bunch of accidental flirting in my days and thats honestly kind of iconic of me lmao #acting in a not neurotypical manner isnt rly something i should beat myself up over? especially stuff from when i was literally a kid #i still do at times but i think that ive gotten better about it tbh! i dont want to act weird still lol but at least i know that #the science says that punishment or self hatred in fact exasterbates uhh. weirdness i guess #and i know that frm experience as well lol

[btswishes]

BTS Reaction: Which member would get turned on by you calling them “oppa”.

A/N: Exams are over for this semester so let me hit up all the requests I missed. Btw I made this request into a reaction.

Requested by : Anonymous 

Request: “  which bts members would get turned on frm their s/o saying "oppa". I personlly think Yoongi but idk if anyone would think the same lol “

                  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jin:

 I feel like Jin would like being called oppa, but in the sense that he is finally recognized as older and in control. Maybe even leader of sorts, since the rest of the boys kind of treat him like he is the same age as them. The disrespect XD.

“Say it again sweetie. I feel like I am getting drunk off respect and acknowledgement. Is this what truly being the eldest feels like?” 

Jung Hoseok:

 Hoseok would find it cute and look at you like a little kid. Probably squish your cheeks and offer to get you something to eat. I mean, at least abuse that and get something nice to eat.

“Omooo my cute little baby! Would you like oppa to get you something good to eat? Lets fill up those cute cheeks of yours. Omo, Omo!!!”

Min Yoongi:

 I agree with you here. Yoongi is the type to like it too much in a spicy way. After you call him oppa there will be a second of silence ,before he just crooks his head to the side with a mischievous smirk. He would gently tap his thigh.

“Ohooo. Would you be a good little baby and come sit on oppa’s lap?” he would start kissing up your neck and making dirty comments on your reaction “Why do you shiver angel? Are you scared to be eaten by this demon?”

Kim Namjoon:

  Namjoon and Yoogni are in the same boat. Joon is dirty and no one can change my mind. Yoongi is one to tease, while Namjoon is one to act and dominate. After oppa leaves your lips he would push you against the wall and lower his gaze at your eye level. Dark and hungry eyes. Joon would run his lips over the side of your neck, stop half way and look at you, as he spoke hungry for a reaction.

“You find new ways to turn my switch on each day. Idk if it’s good or not but I will make sure to test the effect that word will have on your body through me. Let’s go.”  

Park Jimin:

 Jimin is the type to blush. He can be dirty as well, but something in him will react to oppa in a cute flushed way and not turned on. I think his thing will be more based on touch seeing how he enjoys that. 

“Babeeeee! Where did that come frommmm! Ayaaaa stop I can’t with the cute way you keep calling me oppa.”

Kim Taehyung:

 Now Taehyung, he is something else honestly. I feel like he would like being called oppa in the nasty way, but it won’t turn him on 100%. To him being called like that would be more like the beginning of the fun- what gets him all fired up you know. Not like Yoongi and Namjoon who would just go wild.

“Baby, don’t say things that will get you in a whole 4 hour round of trouble. You know what you do to me.”

Jungkook:

 Ok we all know that Jungkook gets triggered by the word oppa from past experiences. With you he would take it as a tease or prank. He won’t react negatively, but it won’t have the desired effect. Maybe go for something dirtier since Kookie grew up too fast. 

“Aishhh did the guys tell you to do this to me? Babe nooo, not you too!”

#bts reaction #bts reactions #bts react #bts requests #bangtan reaction #bangtan requests #bangtan reactions #bangtan react #bangtan boys reaction #bangtan boys reactions #bangtan boys react #bangtan sonyeondan reaction #bangtan sonyeondan reactions #jin reaction #bts jin reaction #seokjin reaction #namjoon reaction #kim namjoon reactions #hoseok reaction #jung hoseok reactions #yoongi reactions #min yoongi reaction #park jimin reaction #jimin reaction #taehyung reaction #kim taehyung reactions #jungkook reaction #jeon jungkook reaction

[skunkes]

downer post below, mention of animal death (not anything detailed, just what the post is ab)

Early december my parents rescued sum pupys from danger in a very high traffic area. We got them vaccinated while we look fr a home for them. Soon after they found another pupy

He got really sick in the past two days, and passed away this morning

Im bummed out about it for no reason

These are the only non blurry pics we cld get of him

Its less about the bond w the creacher, bc we only knew him for a month (though it was incredibly funny how he'd manage to break into our house whenever we opened the back door, to try and steal a toy frm the dog toy corner to take outside) and more the usual Can't Easily Shake Off The Feeling of "I Was Literally Just Carrying His Wiggly Body Back Outside A Few Days Ago, After Another Funny Moment Where He Managed to Get Into The House, and Now It's As if the Creacher Never Existed Bc He's Gone Forever/the Body No Longer Has Life In It" i constantly experience with any d**th or the thought of it

Oh well

Here's the other pupys that are still here. They have gotten so big in just a month.

Idk if we'll get rid of em but we don't know what to do w em either lol......

#talkys #sorry fr vent i jst feel so sadge for no real reason other than the usual d**th panic #also i left it uncensored for blacklisting reasons below the read more be grateful ahfksjfkaf #gotta find someway to counteract that i dont wanna invoke more d**th #*above the read more

[angeltrapz]

SAW ask time 💚 wld love to hear abt chainshipping + Adam bein autistic— maybe like what Lar notices abt Adam’s stims, things he does for him/ways he helps when Adam needs it. Also for Eric/Adam, maybe any thoughts on Eric finally like.. realizing he’s got a special interest?? ik we’ve talked abt how hard he masks but bein around Adam (n Mallick) helps him relax abt that, so like maybe how does he react + what is th special interest? anything u wanna dish abt!

thank u it’s always SAW ask time in my heart <33

!!! I was just thinkin abt tht!!! our minds 💫

I think th first time he rly sees Adam stimming (i.e. flapping his hands) he’d be like “what’s that?” but not in a rude way - genuinely a tone of “I want 2 know more abt this thing, pls tell me” rather than anything anywhere near condescending/annoyed/mean-spirited like Adam has dealt w fr YEARS at this point. so he’s definitely put on edge a lil bit bc he can’t help it, maybe he starts to like wind down and force himself into quiet hands, but Lawrence is immediately like “no I wasn’t making fun of you!! u don’t have to stop doing it!” which kinda stops Adam short like. what r we doing here. usually when ppl ask me tht they’re also telling me 2 stop. finally Lawrence says “I was just wondering what kind of stim tht was,” like he didn’t almost (accidentally) uproot Adam’s whole shit + is currently Doing So Now by using actual terms tht Adam didn’t know he knew, n so he like takes a moment to absorb tht comment n then he’s like. “oh. it means I’m happy or excited?” and honestly? when Lawrence hears tht? he’s like “oh... so then you’re rly happy? 🥺” n it’s just like. a moment fr both of them lol. (Adam feels Much safer discussing things after tht too, in several ways. it definitely helps w building trust between them!!)

after that though Lawrence definitely takes notice of more things! he’s not afraid 2 ask questions, so tht’s smth tht’s rly good fr them - Lawrence being able to seek information (he also does his own reading + research) to better understand, n not in tht shitty mommy blogger “I know yr in there somewhere” way. he doesn’t want 2 change Adam. he wants a better grasp on wht Adam’s experiences r like so he can help n minimize stress abt certain things. fr Adam tht’s definitely like.. foreign territory, bc as u’ve mentioned b4 + my personal hc as well, his parents didn’t really care 2 get him formally diagnosed + even acted like there was No Way he cld be neurodivergent in any sense, so 2 have some1 who is interested n respectful is So important 2 him. (personal hc time: I hc Adam as both adhd AND autistic like me so there’s tht!!)

so like he takes notice of th way Adam likes 2 roll things btwn his fingers (shirt sleeves, shirt hems, hoodie drawstrings, blankets, soft fabrics he likes the texture of, etc.) n is just like Oh Idea. I like 2 think he gets Adam one of those bead lanyards (like this one, which I also have!) fr him to fidget w n he kind of presents it like “I thought maybe u wld like smth like this?” n honestly he’s a lil nervous abt what Adam is going 2 say. but Adam takes it n holds it fr a minute, rolling th beads n messing w th lanyard itself 2 kind of test it, n he just looks up n smiles n he’s like “I love this. u’ve been paying tht much attention??” n fr Lawrence it’s just like “yes? of course? bc I love u?” like it’s th simplest thing in th world n Adam’s just. Huh. no he does Not tear up, if Lawrence told u tht he’s lying. he’s just Rly not used 2 ppl who want 2 know more without wanting to “get inside his head” or belittle him fr it (ties into my hc tht fr th most part, Adam hasn’t rly had any Good friends...) so it takes a lil getting used to.

another thing!! Lawrence does is ask 2 listen 2 Adam infodump abt his special interests - esp photography!! like they do this thing where if it’s not too late at night by th time Lawrence comes home frm work, Lawrence will take a quick shower n then get into his pajamas n into bed (just fr some quiet quality time b4 they go to bed, bc he still tends 2 come home a bit late), n he’ll have Adam sit next 2 him n he’ll be like “what do u want to tell me?” bc tht’s another thing tht Adam was entirely unused 2 - having ppl who didn’t just tolerate his infodumping, they wanted to hear it. Lawrence might be th first person to not actually give him shit fr it/tell him he’s being annoying/shut him down completely. again, it takes Adam a lil bit to b fully comfortable w it, but once he is he adores having tht time to be excited abt things w another person! who he knows Wants to listen!! (if we’re going th route I personally like 2 think abt sometimes too, where Lawrence is autistic as well, I feel like they infodump back n forth abt photography n medical stuff. do either of them rly know what the other is saying? not rly. are they listening happily bc that’s their partner n it’s smth they’re excited abt? oh absolutely!)

I think Adam has a tendency to eat a lot of th same foods bc they’re safe n he knows he likes them/doesn’t mind their texture (which is a big issue w trying new foods fr him), which is smth tht Lawrence also takes note of and as such, he likes 2 make sure they’re regularly stocked up on at least some of tht stuff. it’s not even smth he tells Adam he’s doing, bc it’s rly tht simple 2 him - Adam likes these things n therefore we shld have them at th house - but fr Adam it’s just One Of Those Things, y’know?? he got so much shit as a kid fr being such a “picky eater” n got shit fr it as a teenager too bc “why don’t u ever try anything new??” was smth his friends/parents Loved 2 say. it’s th fact tht Lawrence rolls w it so easily, doesn’t poke or prod for reasons he eats th way he does, and doesn’t get upset w him fr it/try 2 force him into things he isn’t comfortable w. it means a lot to him, more than he’ll ever have words 2 say (but he does always kiss Lawrence’s cheek when he gets back frm th store n he sees some of his same foods, which is just as good). it’s loving tht he’s autistic because it’s a part of him, a fact, not despite or in spite of. tht’s what’s so nice n kind of healing abt it; feeling safe 2 express yrself as u are w a partner who u know u can trust. who maybe words questions a bit funny sometimes, completely unintentionally, not out of malice (where allistic Lawrence is concerned, anyway). Adam feels Safe, n tht means a lot 2 him.

as fr ways he helps him!! a big thing is tht Lawrence is observant, esp as they spend more n more time together. a lot of th time, even when it’s just th two of them alone, Adam might have trouble maintaining eye contact fr an extended period of time, n Lawrence might not know how much it Actually helps, but he doesn’t mind tht Adam doesn’t always look at his face when they’re talking. it’s smth tht takes a little getting used 2, but he was never shitty about it w Adam. the way he sees it is if it makes Adam more comfortable, why shld he get upset abt it? it’s not like he doesn’t know when Adam’s talking 2 him anyway, or tht he can’t tell if Adam is listening; Lawrence knows both of those things, so Adam not making eye contact isn’t a problem, y’know? it’s okay. n I rly don’t know if Lawrence is fully aware of how much Adam appreciates tht.

another thing is he’s patient + understanding when Adam is nonverbal, whether it be bc he’s having a shutdown/meltdown, sensory overload, or just plain Difficulty w speech. it kinda depends on what I’m writing at th time, but I feel like Adam might have picked up at least a lil bit of sign language here n there; mostly simple phrases tht get th point across. I like 2 think Lawrence learns what they mean so he can take tht stress off of Adam’s shoulders, but most times, Adam is just comfortable sitting in silence w someone he cares abt.

OH brief thing Lawrence is RLY good at helping w pressure stims. he gives amazing bear hugs n I feel like he’d also probably let Adam lay on him if they’re on th couch/in bed. I just Feel It.

-

OHH I think abt Eric finally developing a special interest now tht he feels more comfortable w doing so a lot. honestly I kind of rly like th idea tht his special interest might be info abt rats! it kind of hits him when he catches himself writing down lil facts (tht might not even be related to pet care!) in his notebook so he’ll remember them + always being excited 2 learn more n share what he’s learned. it makes Adam SO happy to see him being comfortable w tht aspect of himself, esp now that he’s safe to explore it w ppl who understand n who won’t discourage him/belittle him for it,, Mallick too of course, but Adam knows how much Eric struggled w tht kind of thing for such a long time so he’s just. Ah. 🥺🥺

like they’ll all b chilling on th couch (Eric, Mallick, n Adam) n Eric will have his head against Adam’s shoulder while his hand is on Mallick’s chest, who has HIS head in Eric’s lap w his legs dangling off th armrest, n he’ll be like “did u know tht when rats r happy, they grind their teeth together? it’s called bruxing n then sometimes their eyes move in their sockets rly fast while they’re doing it. tht’s called boggling.” n Adam will be smiling so wide when he says he didn’t know tht but it’s rly cool!! n then Mallick will start asking questions n he n Adam just listen while Eric infodumps fr probably th very first time since he was very very young, before it was masked out of him by his parents. n he finds tht he Doesn’t feel so bad abt it anymore, not when he’s around ppl who want him to be happy and want to see him be happy - esp ppl who encourage it n let him know it isn’t smth he has to hide/keep locked away. it’s hard 2 b ashamed of himself when Adam n Mallick r looking at him w genuine interest in their eyes n so so much love.

he might still like, slip back into masking behaviour every now n then, bc it’s something he’s still dealing w n learning 2 leave behind, but after he discovers his first special interest it gets a little easier, letting go of that way of life. it was smth he was forced into by adults who didn’t actually want th best for him like they said they did when they put him through “therapy,” but w partners he knows understand n who are even autistic themselves, Eric slowly learns 2 be more comfortable w it. it’s slow, but it’s progress. bit of a learning curve. he’ll get there.

#just if anyones curious yes I am also autistic #I know I mentioned tht in th response itself but U Know! #saw #adam #lawrence #eric #mallick #asks #god I love getting asks frm u u Understand me #tysm!!!! I appreciate it a whole lot things have been sort of rough #oh another note I kind of write adam at least w a lot of my mannerisms/experiences #it's what I know lol

[btsandvmin]

I found it funny that Jin in Jimins Festa profile this yr called Tae his "Bf" and then the next word is "best friend" lol... He cld have easily just used the latter but okay. Your post reminded me of it. Also vmins own rollout thing where Tae once again calls Jm his "friend like no other" while Jimin says that Tae is his only same aged friend., which I find interesting because they do still have friends frm school don't they? Jimin was also seen hanging out with an idol of the same age last yr

Yeah I really don’t know, because Chingu is one thing, it’s confusing because it’s supposedly used as “same age friend” but we know they use it for people not the same age as well. It’s very common for hyung line to say “this friend” about one of the younger ones. Vmin really really use this word a lot. But we have also heard them use it about other people, like Tae saying he was with “Friends” during his break, or Jimin using “Chingu” several times when he spoke about the person he spent his vacation with and went to Paris with. 

In the same live talking about his vacation he also used Chingu for the person he went to Russia with, aka Ong Seongwu. And as you say, Ong Seongwu who Jimin has been seen spending time with is the same age. I guess either he just isn’t close enough to count, Jimin forgot, or Seongwu isn’t just a friend… But then again, I don’t really think Chingu has to be platonic like the English word “Friend” is. Or Jimin really wants to reserve that special spot for Tae because it’s special to them, and even if they have other friends the same age (Tae does too). I really don’t get why Jimin said he doesn’t really have same age friends, it’s just a bit weird. Just in this one Vlive he says Chingu many many times about different people. I get that Tae is special for other reasons though, like being in the same group will obviously make them closer no matter what just due to the shared experiences. Either way it definitely seem like Jimin has other people he call Chingu and that he are close enough with to visit or travel with.

More recently he also said he enjoys driving with his friends. So the way people use chingu is just confusing to begin with.

But ignoring Chingu because I don’t know Korean and it could just be a language barrier thing I don’t understand, the fact that Jin used BF and best friend (literally the English “best friend” written in hangul) seems a bit like over kill… I don’t understand why they really need to hammer down this best friend thing. 

Honestly I see only three reasons (in a broader sense), and that is:  1. They try to friendzone them even though they are more. 

2. They really are best friends but the members constantly point it out for Vmin more often. Either because they are closer, because they have gotten that label and they simply got stuck using it a lot or frankly because Vmin hate the idea of being shipped. 

3. Or they are not as close as we think and they feel like they need to reaffirm how close they are through using strong words like best friends and soulmates.

The third one is a common option for haters as we know, and also to shippers who say Vmin is just a cover for other ships. This is to me the dumbest out of these options, because as I have said many times before it means BTS lying to us directly about something they don’t really have to lie about. And why do I say they don’t have to lie about it? Because no other combo in BTS is pushed as friends this hard, and because Ji/kook have no problem doing a lot of things so if they can do it freely then why have Vmin play things up. (No matter if Ji/kook is the real one or if another ship is and Ji/kook are fine but Vmin aren’t).

The friend label is stuck to Vmin for a reason, because they use it constantly. But then the question would be why Vmin get it much more than others and that obviously where we end up speculating.

I also want to talk about the soulmate thing… Because after literally writing a song about it, why wouldn’t Vmin use that label? And even more, after Vmin and the members has actually said they are soulmates (more than once), now the other members are using it more. How Namjoon called Hobi his soulmate for example, or speaking of the Festa profiles, where Jimin said this:

So, Jimin himself used soul brother for JK, so now I guess the soul connections are just all over the place.

And while Jin used BF and best friend for Tae when writing Jimin’s, he also used “soul’s next seat” about Yoongi. Whatever that means.

Going back we also had the soulmate thing with the personality quiz that Hobi took on weverse where he got Jimin and his soulmates showed to be tae/kook. So in general there just seem to be this increase of using different soul connections, and I don’t know if it’s because Vmin made it easier and just opened up the others to use it more, or if they are doing it to make Vmin stand out less. 

As usual I am just very confused, especially with how Vmin keep being labeled as best friends so much compared to other members. And how they didn’t use soulmate... I can see why antis would use this against them, how they almost seem reluctant to want to use that word, as if it’s not true but just pushed on to them. I don’t know.

They both use friend a lot, and always have. Through the years it’s been repeated over and over again. So maybe that’s why they use it so much, because it’s what they are are and always have been. The things I do find weird is how they seems to insist on being “normal friends” and at the same time “soulmates” and special. How they say the other person is the only one when that isn’t true and of course how Vmin get friendzoned by members at weird times. I don’t see any problem with them just being friends, but sometimes they talk about it in weird ways. And that could just be me projecting, but yeah… I can’t deny that Jin writing BF and best friends while other members used soul connections pretty freely feels like such a thing.

Either way, in the end all of BTS are very close and at least from Tae towards Jimin it has been consistent with how he singles out Jimin as his best friend and someone very special. If they are moooore than that is of course a different question, and of course it’s also possible they consider other people or members to be connected to them in a soulmate kind of way. All of these things still doesn’t diminish Vmin’s close bond and how special their relationship is.

Thanks for this ask, though I don’t think any of us got any wiser after my reply. Sorry... ^^’’ Let’s just stick to the super broad message “95z is love”

[mewrails]

day 6: driving

this ones a day late, oops. no, i dont drive and i dont have a license and if i end up getting one it will be bc of absolute necessity.

i use public transport and i prefer trains to buses bc in trains social interaction is kept to a minimum and they have better schedules.

i dont understand The Social Rules Of Buses and i probably never will so if i have to take a bus, it will be one of the three i always take unless im with someone who knows whats going on

day 7: autism in the media

this is gonna make the post huge, sorry

there are a handful of autistic characters that i can think of that portray autism well enough.

because most fall into 3 stereotypes that imo are very annoying and misleading and quite problematic bc theyre treated as a generalization of autism

the first one is the Modern Sherlock Holmes Type : which basically boils down to a genius who cant feel emotions and is a dick on purpose. low empathy can be an autistic trait but not always. and not always does it mean people dont care about others or how theyre feeling. also low empathy doesnt mean We dont feel Our Own Emotions?

the second type is Sheldon Cooper Type: basically the same thing as the first. but instead of being any sort of cool for the character, its highlighted so the audience can laugh at the freaky behavior this dude is having right who even does that /s.

the third type is the r slur. this is just outright mocking and showing autistic characters as weird people who freak everyone out. probably ends up w the character locked up somewhere. probably has a character as "autism mom/friend/partner" whos the one that seems to be actually suffering. because who cares abt autistics am i right? /s. imo this is The Worst one bc it doesnt even try to hide how much hatred goes towards autism lol

these types r my experience also. theres probably more im missing.

last but not least i hate how some characters are Heavily autistic coded (they might even stim and have special interests n sensory issues) but you cant talk about that bc it makes no sense to allistics that someone so "normal" can have that "disease"

i basically live on autistic headcanons at this point.

to end on a positive, my favorite autistic character is brennan frm the tv show bones. she has many traits i relate to and she is loved exactly the way she is, by her coworkers, her partner and her family and friends. its not perfect representation, but its p good in my oppinion

#30daysofautismacceptance #2020 #autism acceptance month #bleat #ask to tag #this post has a lot of oppinions lol

[wickednerdery]

Title: Taste Author: @wickednerdery​​ Fandom: Tolkien/The Hobbit Pairing/character: Thranduil/Reader Rating: FRM Summary: “...I was curious of your taste.” Notes: This started as a random, vague, thought in my head and grew like a damned forest fire....There’s been a LOT of damn fine Lee Pace/Thranduil stuff on my dash recently, lol!! …Anyway gets a “Read More” cut because it’s NSFW and long (if you wanna get right to the dirty stuff, just skip to the second half, haha), lol!

It’d been long since I had the feeling of an outsider in my own home, but here it returned, strengthened, as the Elves of Mirkwood whispered about the firen among their guests. Some spoke in interest, some in worry, others insult, but all were careful to avoid me as a being. There would be no direct acknowledgement of my existence until the Elvenking had his say in it.

His statement was short; a cold raking of eyes over my body, a sigh, and a declaration to begin the feast of Ethuil.

After the feast there was wine and music and singing and dancing and I escaped it all to settle just beyond the walls to take in the night sky. These were not my people, but neither was Man. As a child I wondered what had made me so undesirable to the Edain that I would be left to die...at least with the Elves I knew. I did not shine, I did not flow or float through existence as they did. No matter how skilled, how poised, I was for my own kind I would always be flawed for theirs. And, one day, I would grow old and die.

“You are not attending my festivities.” The voice was glass-smooth, deep as a cave. “You do me great dishonor.” He hissed slightly in the last word so that I shivered into my turn.

He stood tall as an Anod with silken white hair and skin that shone in the moonlight. Rarely did I pay much mind to the appearance of Elves these days, but the king seemed beyond others of his kind. In iced eyes I gave up my voice in favor of controlling my body, denying myself the urge to touch what was forbidden.  

“You dare refuse to speak to a king?” He switched to the common tongue, perhaps thinking I could not speak Sindarin.

“Forgive me, your highness,” I lowered my head, snapped back into reality. “I did not dare to dream one such as yourself would speak to me.”

His breath suggested pleasure at my words, but his message was the same. “You are not attending my festivities. What am I to take from this?”

I raised my head, but not my eyes. “I fear am I not welcome. Not...not by you, your majesty, but by others. I do not belong, I know this. I did not wish to become a distraction to your celebration.” The words were placation, but only in their delivery. I knew I was a distraction, I knew I did not belong, and I did fear that I was unwelcome by at least some of the revelers.

“Look at me, Adaneth.” Thranduil ordered, I obeyed. “Your people are my guests, therefore you are my guest. I will not have my guests in an un-festive manner on the feast of Ethuil, it does not bode well for the new year.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

The Elvenking’s lips flicked up, then he began to lean. Down. In. The smell of fresh trees and wildflowers filled my nose as his breath became a cool breeze on my cheek. Once pressed, however, his lips were warm. Warm and soft and he turned into stars as everything around us went black.

I awoke wrapped in silk with the sensation of feathery clouds beneath. The only light came from the moon and the man settled as if upon his throne before me. “I am accustomed to the behaviors of the males of your race,” he soothed out. “But, tell me, do the females faint with frequency?”

His delivery was either in earnest or poorly executed jest and left me unsure how to answer. I begged forgiveness. “Goheno nin, Aran Thranduil.” I examined the bed born from a tree I’d been lain in, I examined the similar chair Thranduil lounged in, but I dare not look at the Elvenking.

“Are you frightened?”

“Ashamed.”

In a single, swift, move he was on the bed beside me. “Look at me.” I did. “Do not hide your shame from me again, Adaneth.”

“Yes, your highness.”

He closed in and I focused only on remaining still, with eyes open, as Thranduil’s scent again threatened to overwhelm. My breath held as soft lips again hit my skin; this time I could feel the warmth of them spread through me, pool in my belly. In his draw back his head tilted with interest and I saw it was a test, though of what was not clear.

“You smell, taste, of Ennor, is this always so?”

I shrugged, unsure what to make of the statement or the question that followed it. Elves could sense things I never could and their tastes were not always the same. I could not discern if this was a compliment, insult, or merely commentary...and I dared not presume any should I risk offense.

Thranduil leaned in, my breath held, and he paused. “Do you wish not to be kissed?

“I wish not to faint,” I blurted the confession so that his lips curled in amusement.

“Worry not, frail child, I would catch you as before.”

Reassuring hands cupped my face, added chill to compliment the heat of his mouth, as it sought and caught mine. While there were thousands of years experience to his actions, there was testing too. The kiss growing hard, demanding submission, before lightening into a tease, then back to dominating again. His tongue ran along my lips only to brush past in search of my tongue, teasing it, tempting it to follow his movements. He tasted heavily of wine and berried sweets.

I shuddered as a hand traveled down from face to collarbone to breast, whimpered when it pulled away. The iciness of his eyes thawed only to be replaced by a blue blaze as the tips of his fingers returned. There was a rush that soared through my veins, set bumps across my flesh, and propelled my lips to his.

Even in taking the initiative there was no doubting the king was in charge. The king whose touch turned into grab, grope, massage as nipples grew hard against the soft fabric that separated his skin from mine. The king who, so swift I cannot remember how, put me on my back with thighs spread to cradle his body. The king who, in a single rut across my body, released an excitement from within that I’d never felt.

A gasp escaped at the sudden wetness between my thighs, the stick of my slip against the back of my legs. His arousal was undeniable, pressing, grinding, against my pelvis. My hands fumbled to unclasp and unknot his tunic, expose marble skin to my hungry mouth; his hands tore, as if my gown were fân, and I arched when his mouth devoured bare breasts.

Perhaps I should have asked why - why me, why now - but I dared not speak lest I break the spell.

With hands moving up my dress, grazing across slowly exposed skin, Thranduil continued down the terrain of my body. His tongue, teeth, lips devoted itself to every peak and valley to be found until mouth met hands at the hips. “Edro.” He ordered and I obeyed.

“Gods!” I cried as his tongue slipped between my folds, flicked against the bundle of nerves only my own hands had touched before. The reaction pleased him as his cool laugh chilled before he repeated the act. My legs attempted to close in the overwhelming rush of his ministrations, but his hands quickly took the option from me. He held me down, still, opened wide for him to do as he pleased...as I pleased, begging to him and the Valar and every being in existence for him to never stop.

The heat of his mouth attended to my clit, kissing softly, then suckling at it, before letting cool air brush across it so that I risked jumping. His tongue lapped at my juices, drew teasingly around my entry, before dipping in to taste my arousal from its source.

I mewled, a hint of discomfort mixing with the pleasure, as a slickened finger replaced the tip of his tongue. My hips rolled on instinct; my desire fell to need as another finger stretched me. I could not speak, could not think, beyond my gasping arousal. The flame begun in my belly turned raging fire that spread throughout, drove tension into my muscles, flooded my cunt and thighs.

I saw nothing, heard nothing, as the blackness and stars threatened to take me over again. I felt only Thranduil - his fingers caressing a place inside I’d never known existed, his mouth tasting every ounce of me, his breath causing shudders - and my own heart pounding against my ribs. I arched in a high gasp, gripped the king’s sheets, and shook with such intensity I feared something was wrong with me.

As quickly as I was overwhelmed, I was relaxed in a way I’d not experienced before. I felt as if I finally understood the word bliss in its truest form. There was a whimper in my panting as the king pulled his fingers from me and I was left hollow.

“Thuio,” he reminded softly, sternly, as he settled to lay beside me. “I cannot abide you losing consciousness with every contact we make.”

My next exhale was a small laugh, then I grew hopeful. “There will be more?”

“Not tonight.” I frowned and it was his turn to laugh. “We’ve been gone from the festivities far too long.”

“What about you? Your desire?”

He kissed my forehead, then my lips, softly. “My desire is under my control.” It was a gentle reassurance before he stood and took care to reassemble his flawless appearance. “I will send someone with a new gown for you, do not worry or rush...you’ve fainted, remember?” There was a tint of a smirk to his lips.

“Thranduil...your highness?”

His brows arched expectantly.

“Why?”

“I told you, Adaneth, I was curious of your taste.”

He gave a long, slow, bow to me and swept out the door.

This is probably just a one-shot of naughtiness, but if I think of a good follow-up I’ll write it, I’m sure. And, yes, throughout I used Elvish - specifically Sindarin, which to the best of my research/recall is what Thranduil speaks - and I’ll put the meanings of the words at the bottom for those curious...and please don’t attack if I’m wrong on these, I used a few sites and, haha, I’m not an Elvish expert, lol!

Next Pieces: Scent, Sight, Sound

Not tagging anyone, but IF I write more and you want to be tagged, just let me know.

(The gif was found on Google and edited by me.)

Word Glossary (in order of usage):

Firen - human Ethuil - Spring, the first season of the Elvish new year Edain - Man, as in the species Anod - Ent, the trees that are people in The Lord of the Rings Adaneth - Woman, as in the female of the species Man Goheno nin, Aran Thranduil - translation: Forgive me, King Thranduil Ennor - Middle-Earth, as in not just earth/dirt, lol Fân - (basically) veil of clouds Edro - the imperative of open, as in it’s a command Valar  - "angelic powers" or "gods" subordinate to the one God Thuio -the imperative of breathe, as in it’s a command

#thranduil #lord of the rings #the hobbit #elves #elvenking #thranduil x reader #fanfiction #My writing #not my gifs #by also kinda my gifs #smutty smut #i don't even know #i don't even care #come and play with me #mirkwood #lee pace

[bufanzi]

QIN COMPLIATION

( left to right: bu fan, yue yue, xiao yu, ling chao, mu ziyang, bowen)

Yue yue

his real name is yue minghui 岳明辉 !! (92-liner) 

nicknames include 老岳 (lao yue; old yue) & 岳叔 (yue shu; uncle yue) & 中年岳 (middle-aged yue) . PLS LET YUE YUE LIVE. 

used the name 岳岳 as a stage name bc of the way it sounds & its easier for people to remember ; PINKRAY

he went by the name joey yue while studying overseas lmao

有背景有文化的团长 （ A leader with sophiscated background and culture )

Cold city boy from beijing

Engineering student!!! from Nanjing University of Aeronautics & did masters in glasgow uni!!!!!! V v v smart!!!

Great english, British accent sorta ( listen to him speak x x )

HAS A CUTE FANG TOOTH

Will trade fatty meat for lean meat if u ask

TATTOOS (I THINK THERE’S A WOLF ONE, THE ONE W AN ANCHOR+OCTOPUS not sure though :c not enough HD pics to verify ;;)

Basketballlll

Wants to collab w eminem one day

Looks up to eminem, dr dre & ice cube

STEALS MU ZIYANG’S CLOTHES VERY OFTEN (there was this vid once when yue yue was choosing btwn 5 outfits and mu ziyang was like “can u at least put one of ur own outfits in the 5”)

Voted as naggy lmao (was asked by mu ziyang whether 1 ton of iron or 1 ton of cotton is heavier, and he talked to ziyang about it for 2 hrs about the question isn’t logical cause the experiment must be held in the same conditions, the air etc etc)

His hair is a birds nest & cannot be maintained + he uses the company’s hair dryer (which actually belongs to ling chao) to do his hair

Likes to eat everything, not picky with food :”) 

THE ONE THAT ALWAYS STEALS FOOD FROM OTHERS. 

DRAMA QUEEN 

became bufan’s “woman” in IP aft the gang initiation LOL

yue likes to have clothes with holes in weird places, so i think that’s why he always wears ziyangs’s clothes 

his underwear is still outside the window ledge/roof on their old qin dorm c: 

can drive!!! has a car!!!! drives a honda w a super cool license plate number ahah 

lmao wanted to set up an emergency fund for the himself and the boys because they are always getting their salary deducted HAHAH (+ it was said that ling chao has the most money bc he listens the best and is always on time)

plays the guitar!!! 

has a tentacle fetish lmao 

initially his dad wasn’t supportive of him becoming a trainee so he secretly went to idol producer without his dad’s knowledge (his dad didn’t even know what he was doing at qin ent) but rn his dad rlly supports him!! 

yue yue’s fans call themselves 岳妻 (yue yue’s wife) 

Mu ziyang

PROFESSIONAL MODEL

His real name is li zhenyang 李振洋 (94-liner) 

his stage name 木子洋 is cause his surname 李 is formed from 木子 then they added the 洋 ; KWIN

Fans call him 小懂事 ( which means something like a sensible kid )  

Walked in milan fashion week!!!!!! WALKED FOR MANY BRANDS!!!! THIS KING

FANS CALL HIM QIN’S CLOSET/SPONSOR :”)

Also said he managed to walk for the show that he most wanted to!!!!

WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS BUFAN (Beijing Institute of Fashion Technology) (and was schoolmates with dong yanlei) 

Scared of ghosts cause his mum used to tell him that ghosts will snatch him away if he misbehaves

says he isn’t of haunted houses, but then asks ling chao to hug him tightly when walking though it lmao

SCARED OF CRABS BC HE THINKS THEY ARE UGLY (this idiot lmao)

he’s scared of everything :)

PAID BUFAN 50 YUAN TO FEED HIM CRABS

LIKES TO DO “BUSINESS” ie trade stuff with ling chao so that ling chao will do his bidding

Rlly sad but mu ziyang got srsly sick during ip first evals and had to do iv drips until his hands were all bruised cause of the needle marks :c

Lmao this idiot thinks 3/6 > 3/5

wants to work with Leonardo DiCaprio

he can’t stand people sitting on his bed

“It’s not that the pyjamas are expensive, I’m expensive” 

Sang 越战越勇 on before!! 

lowkey was upset he didn’t get balloons on his birthday while yue yue got a wall of happy birthday + star balloons HAHAHA

roommates with yue in the qin dorm

threw yue’s underwear out the window bc yue forced it over his head :”) & its stuck right outside the roof at their old dorm

bought a tank for loaches/mudfish & only realised that it wasn’t meant for fishes after putting the decorations and water in it... 

apparently has a driving license 

once while driving a motorcycle, the battery died & he used a strangers phone to call yue yue. then yue yue had to come pick him up with his car. since he had the motorcycle, ziyang sat on the motorcycle and held on to the car handle & they drove back like that lmao

can play the piano!!!

THE ONE THAT DISSES LING CHAO 

THERE WAS THIS ONCE POST ON DOUBAN where mu ziyang bought ALL the buns from the convenience store & zhu xingjie came a while later and wast stuck at the store cause he had to wait until the next batch was ready lmao

Had a huge knee surgery during his trainee period :c (the boys also visited him in the hospital) + also sad bc qin3 went for a huge seafood feast at home when mu ziyang was stuck eating hospital food

before leaving the dorms he went with ling chao to the convenience store to buy food bc he says ling chao is kinda picky with his food so he doesn’t eat much & he isnt’t able to take care of him anymore now that he’s eliminated so he used up all his remaining money to buy food for him

after being eliminated, he and yue yue went to play HAHAHA

Bu fan

his real name is bu fanfan 卜凡凡 (96-liner)

the boys call him 凡子 (fan zi), where 凡 is from his name and 子 is a term of endearment :”) 

used bu fan as a stage name because he thinks bu fanfan is too cute lol; KATTO (PRONOUNCED AS KA-TOO)

192cm 对 cant play basketball though

LOVES DOGS, HUSKY

ACTUALLY DIDNT GRAD FRM SCHOOL YET :c he said his parents are pushing him to continue to study but nonetheless support him as an idol

HAS AN OLDER BROTHER (10 YEARS AGE GAP)

CLINGY

LOVES TO CRY ( crise a lot when doing stretching)

Voted most scared of pain

Once got caught eating a melon & got punished :c (+ he always steals melon from the fridge & doesn’t even close the refrigerator door afterwards...) 

Always late for work apparently until there’s no more salary to be detected

HIS ACTUAL MINK JACKET IS ACTUALLY JUST A BATHROBE

apparently owes ziyang money & gave him a rap perf for money lol

Once helped an old auntie neighbour buy a new phone bc hers was old and was about to spoil 

When asked if he likes girls with short hair or long hair, this boy said he doesn’t like any & likes computers instead lmao

He can’t stand low qualiy movies, it has to be in HD

when he becomes rich and successful, he’s going to help the manager xiao yu do some intense stretching lmao 

“ everytime bufan goes to the subway, the authorities will always check his ID ” - yueyue 

Has a wall of demoralising quotes back at the qin dorm ( iconic quotes include: “being ugly is a disease” & “the reason why you drink chicken soup is because other people have already ate the meat” & “all roads lead to rome, but some people are born in rome” )

“ 家爆脸 ”- zhou yanchen

HIGHKEY LOVES YUEYUE A LOT this sweet child tried his best to protect yue’s cake from being eaten cause he wanted yue to take a photo with it first ( in qin ent, it was said that the only way they get food is to snatch from others, so that cake was NOT safe with mu ziyang and ling chao around )

MORE INSTANCES OF HIS LOVE FOR YUEYUE, HE WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF IF U DISS HIS YUE :”) just look at bufan getting triggered when zhou rui mentioned about yue’s eye wrinkles

Also, he called yue yue disgusting cause yue yue didn’t come back at night & went to sleep in another trainees room ( he’s jealous )

Leader of a gang (current known members include ( xiao gui, fan chengcheng, yue yue & xu shengen) 

got tricked to eat a sichuan chilli by yue yue poor thing

KING OF SEAFOOD 

once a deliveryman misread his name as 小凡凡 (xiao fanfan) instead of 卜凡凡 (bu fanfan), then got dissed by the mu ziyang saying “omg why do u call yourself that” 

I think bufan has a habit of saying the word 对 (dui) after a sentence, its pretty cute :”)

according to ziyang, bu fan thinks he’s the smartest in the group 

has a habit of calling people 宝宝 (baobao) & 宝贝 (baobei) which means baby/babe

outed yue yue as the only one that wears mu ziyang’s clothes (when asked if mzy was really qin’s closet, he said that our group has 4 people, ling chao and I never wear mzy’s clothes)

Ling chao

His real name is li yingchao 李英超 (01-liner)

his stage name came about bc if u say his real name really fast ‘李英 (li ying) will sound like 灵 (ling) ; DIDI (lmao when he’s old he’s still going to be called didi)

call him 弟弟 (di di; little brother) or  小王子 (little prince)

Loves his candies & would probably fight u for it

Hides candies in so many diff places/compartments lmao

got a toothache bc of said candy

sings really well!!!! 

SAYS HIS FAV CELEBRITY IS 黄晓明 (& angelababy)

HAS A YOUNGER SISTER BUT THINKS HE’S STILL THE PRETTIEST IN THE FAMILY

Receives the most love from the other boys :”) ( they have a rule where the plate with the most meat goes to him )

roommates with bu fanfan

Always seen with mu ziyang ( the true otp )

Doesnt like meat with fats

CAN DO SPLITS!!!!!!! & ALSO SPLITS WHILE DOING A HEADSTAND

HAS THE NICEST LOOKING EYES

is an idiot. he went to a korean restaurant & told ziyang that the “spicy cabbage” wasn’t tasty and he preferred kimchi instead. BUT THEY ARE THE SAME THING. 

he likes white roses

likes cats!! 

likes to scare chickens (& got scolded for it)

during break time, he has to memorise Chinese vocabulary ( and is taught by the company’s ceo!!!!!!)

i think he sticks with ziyang the most! ;; (obvs they are the superior ship)

BROUGHT ZIYANG TO SEE THE TALKING TRASH BIN JUST TO MAKE ZIYANG SCARED. 

shittiest luck HAHAHA (bufan+lingchao team and yueyue+ziyang team had to draw lots to see who gets to sleep in the room and who sleeps outside in the living room, and ling chao always loses)

GETS DISSED FOR HAVING NARROW SHOULDERS 

printed his own picture on a pillow then said it was “given by fans” 

had a writer/blogger/reviewer kind of site where he wrote stuff 

looks up to xukun and zhangjing the most in ip!

 “ if your 3 qin brothers become a girl, who would be your older sister, younger sister and girlfriend? ” LING CHAO: NONE BECAUSE ALL OF THEM ARE UGLY

GETS HIT BY ZIYANG A LOT LMAO 

ling chao’s fans are called 糖精 (tang jing; candy spirit) because of his love for candy

小于 (xiao yu)

BC221’s manager!!!!!!!!! (Also helps then stretch)

very sassy & playful

older than all of the qin boys ; had to work for 4 years before attending university

he’s almost always the camera man for bc221′s trainee life videos!!!! (its either him or bowen)

Came off as a little mean in the video where the boys were stretching :c but honestly he just rlly wants the best for them

Stays with the boys in their qin dorm!!!!!!

Went to the same university with mu ziyang!!! (& says mu ziyang stole his snacks, face masks, shoes, clothes, socks etc); they probably graduated the same time cause they were classmates! 

Sometimes ppl call him 小鱼 (yu) ( word play; means little fish ) & mu ziyang called him 热带鱼 (tropical fish)

When yue yue got in trouble for playing computer games, he called xiao yu handsome and he laughed & immediately stop scolding yue yue LOL

yueyue likes to diss him lmao 

Gives ling chao sweets!!! (doesn’t give bufan and yueyue bc they apparently dont listen to him lmao) 

said to bufan : “IS BEING TALL EVERYTHING??? HUH???”

“we always get scolded by our manager, the first day would pass by normally but then on the 2nd day we would get scolded” - yueyue & bufan

“excuse you? what was that about your manager scolding you everyday? its called a heart to heart talk” 

a fan sent pig feed to the company & he said he was going to save it to give to the boys as a birthday present

WROTE MU ZIYANG IS THE UGLIEST AND LEFT IT FOR ZIYANG TO FIND 

yue yue calls him 小于帅 a lot. 

followed yue yue to his home to visit lao yue’s mum :”) helped yue yue carried the luggage up the stairs

went Thailand with yue yue and mu ziyang after eliminations!

got dragged by bu fan into the toilet  (bu fan said it was xiao yu that pushed him inside but there’s video evidence HAHAHA)

Sadly no longer part of QIN’s entertainment anymore

博文 (Bowen)

lives with the boys apparently

Shorter than the qin4 and xiao yu ahaha if you see the video angle being lower compared to others, then its bowen filming (fans call it the girlfriend angle lmao) 

I think he’s qin’s video editor/photographer!

currently now part of qin’s one man subbing team rip bowen

passive aggressively posting on weibo whenever xiao yu posts updates on their Thailand adventure bc they didn’t bring him along hahahah

he has a cat called 棉裤 (cotton pants), mu ziyang hates this cat because 棉裤 always climbs on his bed

#idol producer shitpost #idol producer #ling chao #lingchao #yue yue #bufan #bu fan #mu ziyang #mine #i'm always updating this whenever i see smthg interesting omg #qin #bc221 #xiao yu #bowen

[yourghastlycloseness]

ive got an essay. are you ready:

reflections:

1. the foundation of our cryptic friendship is mutual respect. i think sensei respects my in-class persona as a student, and i respect his in-class persona as a teacher

2. the next foundation is our shared sense of humour. we laugh at everything the other says. humour can make you feel closer to someone than you rly are; it glosses over our cultural and age gap

3. in terms of physical attraction, im not attractive. but for some reason, my appearance has gotten me attention from japanese guys in both japan and singapore lol. i think it’s cos in jp pop culture, they like ppl who look ethnically ambiguous. and i look a bit mixed race. so that might explain the intense eye contact sensei gave me since day 1 lol. i never get such attention frm sg guys. looks-wise, sensei’s rly one of the most handsome guys ive ever seen. so each reply he gives me is also an ego boost

4. he’s a bit shy and serious irl. but as im learning, these guys can be players too haha

5. actually, it’s possible he isn’t exactly playing me — just keeping me on the back burner. he’s only known me for two months. maybe he’s known his gf for six years, bt things are stale. even if he’s attracted, he’s probably a sensible adult who will not throw all that away for someone he just met. he probably has enough relationship experience to know that things shouldn’t get serious with me, cos i’m supposed to be faraway and fun; a concept, an escape

6. despite being a player, he has his soft moments. which keeps me coming back, cos i always fantasize abt a rescuer figure

7. red flags for me: at 35, he says he has no plans to get married yet cos it’ll cost money and he needs a house. lol. he’s uncomfortable when i whip out my english (i sometimes text cheem words in english to even out our dynamic a bit HAHA). he doesn’t know exactly how old his parents are (means he’s not a family man). he can barely handle abstract talk. once it veers into that territory, he types like a broken record: “分かりません、難しいです” x100. despite being a teacher, there’s no attempt to engage me on an intellectual level at all

8. his strategy right now is to take very long to reply, but to reply thoughtfully. if he takes a while to text back, he sends me a question to increase the chances of me replying. he used to reply super quickly, but always kept it short. so it’s like he’s changed the game a bit

9. even if he’s a player, he has a type of girl he likes to play. he likes thoughtful girls. i think this is the japanese man in him. they always like girls who are kind, soft, sweet and thoughtful on the inside, girls who can take care of them. low-maintenance types. he only opened up more after i showed him this feminine side of me. before that, i had been q masculine in my approach. im low-maintenance as well cos by default, i don’t text a lot

10. actually lmao what if ive gotten everything wrong. and he rly just innocently wants to be friends with the possibility of smth more if it doesn’t work out w his gf? then i complicate until like that HAHA

11. or what if he’s rly a player? then i want to out-play him HAHA. honestly i foresee he will just ghost me eventually again. he’ll prob think i’m not worth the trouble (im not attractive enough, not down for an ONS). maybe there are genuine feelings involved on his end too, but he’s better able to regulate them than i am — actually this is prob what makes someone a successful player: excellent emotional regulation and compartmentalization LOL

[crustaceanenjoyer]

Sometimes I get a brief glimpse (weird word btw) of self reflection and realise that in some ways how i see the world is so deeply coloured by my mental unhealth and it fundamentally distorts my view of all that i encounter and how i think. I just think its funny. I spent all that time in talk therapy for what exactly?

#its funny to me im actually laughing #im clearly not laughing actually its kind of a bummer 🤔 #part of my problem might be my lack of self reflection but um. yeah. idk how much of that is like. bc i dont naturally do that a lot. #in contrast to like if i have some kind of mental shield from thinking too hard abt it bc i think its upsetting if that makes sense 😅 #bc i do have some of that also. #like i dont notice im unwell until i break and when ive broken down about it and im Done i just go back to not being able to think about it #and ive learned stuff in therapy and i handle some stuff different than i used to but yeah. bc i can barely think abt some stuff it #takes a long time until im able to speak about it to someone and by that time #idk im usually put in a situation where i have to change therapist #bc like some different place is handlinh my meds or my therapist quits there 😅 or bc theyre like. hm idk what to do with this #someone else cpuld probably help u better :) but Someone Else may never get to hear about it bc i locked the door and ate the key #ok metaphors and stuff idk if that works. anyways. also the last therapist i had was a really bad experience!!!! #so i still feel hesitant about trying again tbh :'^) #but now and then im like. whew i really am pretty messed up and kinda want to Get Better frm this #idk. ive been like this for so long and i want more from life #lol i made myself cry now. i know things don't have to be this way. or do i?? nvm i dont know if that's true at all oh well #see this is why i dont think about things lol

[arvoze]

man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late

#jack dont look #bluespace #drama i guess but idk #ive been meaning to get this off my chest for a while but ehhh #i didnt talk abt the thing that pushed me to do stuff but its like ... not rly worth mentioning i guess #ths is sometthing ppl can skip over idc i just wanted to finally answer this

[angeltrapz]

helo beloved mutual connor, im sorry ur goin thru it rn but i come bearing asks n a heart emoji (💗): bcuz i have had this thought floatin around for a lil bit, wld love 2 hear ur takes on an Adam/Eric/Mallick (+ Art too if u want!) road trip vacation! how long wld they go, do they get motels or camp or just sleep in th car? whats everyone's favorite road trip snack? what sorta shit do they like 2 stop for? (weird tourist traps like giant balls of yarn etc, small town main street stores, cool looking restaurants, nature sites, Actual Destinations, so on n so forth!)

fjkdsd thank u beloved mutual adam,,, <3

ohhh I love tht idea!! road trip fics/hcs are one of my weaknesses,,

but um!! I rly like the idea of th four of them going camping a few hours up north!! (we... don't rly know where. SAW is set so just. imagine a vaguely rural campground lmao. I'm used to camping in th upper peninsula of MI so) it's smth tht Art did a lot w his family when he was growing up, so he's th most familiar w it - Eric went a few times as a kid too, Mallick went Once, n Adam has never rly been camping, w his family or otherwise (he's slept on a trampoline at one of his friends' houses once tho). Art is p excited abt it tbh, it's not exactly smth he gets 2 do often so he's got this whole list planned of things he wants 2 show them!!

it's easiest 2 just take a week in late August, bc they can head back home on a Friday n have the weekend to settle n readjust b4 th coming week + they have to go back 2 work. so they head out around ten on a Monday morning 2 kind of get ahead of th traffic (or at least try to). Art drives both bc he insists and bc he knows they can switch if he needs to, which he does later w Eric. it's a good couple hours (at least 3) b4 they get 2 th campground Art wants to take them to, so clearly it is Music Time + Adam made sure 2 bring CDs! a lot of that time is just spent vibing 2 th music and singing very, very loudly (ESP on Adam + Mallick's end). Art's up front like u three are so fucking goofy (affectionate), but eventually he starts singing too lmao.

Mallick starts th Colour Game, where they try 2 find a car fr every colour of th rainbow. it's smth Eric is familiar w as well bc he used 2 play it w Daniel sometimes, and it's good until they come to purple bc how often do u see purple cars??? so Adam's just like "we're not gonna find pink either" n tht's when this fucking pink pickup truck (noticeably spray-painted, + not done well) passes them n Adam just groans n thumps his head against th window. Mallick is like, trying rly hard not to laugh by pressing a hand over his mouth + Art is biting his lip, but Eric is very openly cackling bc "u see what happens when u assume???" (he gets a very light slap 2 th shoulder but it's still very gentle)

ANYWAY. favourite snacks!! Adam can eat Way Too Many Sour Patch Kids. sour anything, actually, as long as it's candy. yes his tongue hurts and no he doesn't regret it. Eric just gets goldfish bc he tends 2 get a lil carsick + bc it's a food tht's familiar n comforting, n he doesn't rly want 2 be eating anything Too heavy (he's up front w Art, so he can sit by a window in case he needs some fresh air at any point). Mallick likes m&m's, but he switches fr cheez-its every once in a while bc he can only eat so much chocolate. Art likes those peanut-butter filled pretzel bites! he's also partial 2 animal crackers tho. they also bring a good amount of snacks/things they can b sure th four of them like, bc yeah there's a lil store abt a half hour away frm their campsite + they can go there to pick up things if they need 2, but it's easier 2 bring things they like, too. (there's also a mcdonald's in tht town n. they do go there at LEAST twice.)

th campsite they stay at has a lake + a beach, n one of Art + Adam's fave things 2 do is walk along it to see if they can find anything interesting! Mallick goes sometimes too, but mostly he stays w Eric bc Eric can't do tht fr as long as Adam + Art can (not tht he's resentful of it tho). he n Mallick chill on th beach w a blanket (it's kind of like. not necessarily sandy?) n just kinda sit against/lay on each other n read sometimes. Adam + Art come back 2 where they're set up to find them sleeping n Adam has never been more thankful he thought 2 bring his camera!!

on th second day Art + Mallick want 2 go swimming, so th four of them come back out to th beach, but Adam stays out of th water + Eric stays w him. they both know th water will be cold, even if it's late summer, n Adam rly doesn't like being in cold water ESP if it's over his head/he can't touch th bottom. fr Eric th cold can b kind of painful, so they chill n walk along th beach fr a little bit n just talk. Adam gets some good pictures n even gets some of Eric! he also does take a selfie of them, he can't help it. he gets a couple of Mallick + Art too. it's honestly such a nice thing fr them n it just feels like they can breathe easy, not having 2 worry abt looking over their shoulders constantly (tho they're all getting better abt that).

th third day they spend around th campsite to kind of unwind n relax. they might walk th beach a little bit again, but mostly they just sorta chill n walk some of th trails around the campground itself. when night falls they light a small bonfire (Mallick is still iffy around fire, understandably) n they sit around it in their folding chairs w th cupholders (Adam gets red, Eric has green, Art gets blue, + Mallick gets dark green) n make s'mores. they talk abt anything n everything until they're barely able 2 keep their eyes open, n then after making sure th fire is pretty much out they kinda just stumble into th tent n none of them r awake for very long after (they specifically got one tht cld comfortably hold th four of them).

fourth day!! they pack up n head into another little town about 45 minutes away; it's bigger than th one around th campgrounds. after they get situated in a motel room w two beds, they do some window shopping + going into lil stores that interest them! Adam def buys some niche graphic tees tht aren't going 2 make sense to anyone other than th four of them n he's delighted abt it. I like 2 think Eric gets a worry stone, specifically made out of rose quartz. Mallick too, but his is made of amethyst! he also gets a rly cool multicoloured jacket in a thrift store they duck into. Art gets a hoodie w th town's name on it n he's pretty happy w that. they get a few more lil things, just little knick-knacks while they're there, n then they have dinner in this lil diner they'd walked past earlier bc it's inexpensive + the atmosphere is very lowkey n honestly just Nice. there's not a bunch of ppl, the servers r rly kind n the lights aren't too bright, which Eric rly appreciates. it's such a tender moment bc they're squeezed into a booth, Adam + Mallick on one side n Art + Eric on th other, n they're talking n laughing n stealing bites of each other's food n it's Comfortable.

then they head back to th motel n channel surf while unpacking enough 2 get to their sleep clothes. Adam + Eric r sharing a bed n Art + Mallick r sharing th other one, tho Adam is very tempted 2 just push them together so they're all close by (th distance btwn th beds isn't tht big to begin with, but it's the principle of th thing). mostly tho, until they go to bed, they're pretty much just all stretched out Everywhere. Adam is only discouraged frm jumping across th divide btwn th beds bc Art breaks out his Lawyer Voice, despite trying rly hard not to laugh, to say Yr Going To Hurt Yrself, Don't Do That. he grumbles n whines abt it but Adam knows he's right jdhjks (th way he sees it is like. he can b silly sometimes. he's Earned It, but he also trusts Art + wasn't super serious abt tht idea). eventually tho Eric can hardly keep his eyes open n Mallick is just straight up asleep while he's still sitting up so tht's when they all go to bed after making sure every1 is comfortable. they leave a lamp on.

fifth day they pack everything up again n stop 2 walk th trails of this lil park b4 they head home! there's a lil shop near th parking lot so they spend a lil bit of time looking around in there first. they probably pick up a few lil things, souvenirs, n Adam walks around 2 get some pictures. he gets this rly cool one while they're on a bridge, th sun peeking thru the clouds a lil bit n shining down on th water. he's super excited to develop tht one (but he's excited to develop All of them, bc this is his family!!!) + he n Art discuss whether or not they're gonna need another cork board lol. eventually tho they round back to th parking lot n on th way home, they stop at another lil hole-in-th-wall kind of place, but it's just as nice as the first one they'd been to. after tht Eric switches spots w Art n he drives them home!!

they're all exhausted when they get back but they have room to crash w each other while they nap so tht's what they do. they fall asleep all tangled together, Art stretched out w Eric's head on his chest, Adam curled against Eric's back, n Mallick w his head on Art's stomach. there r arms n legs everywhere n tht is okay. they're happy. they love each other. they had a lot of fun on their trip n they're tired, but they're comfortable!! tht's what it's all abt!!! it's just such a good n relaxing experience fr them after all th shit they've been thru.

#can u tell I. love camping jdkfks #saw #art #adam #eric #mallick #ty ty!!! I rly appreciate it #I'm doing okay now mostly I think. pretty much always open fr saw asks tho djhfkjsd ESP if they're abt the polycule!! #I literally Do Not get sick of talking abt them dkjdskd #asks #gotta update th masterpost later!! I remembered yesterday but I was up fr too long lmao #real talk tho. thank u fr sending me asks they're my fave <3

[ihatecispeople]

i just cant find that tiktok thats like "he says me burning sage hurts his skin, yeah i bet demon" or the post thats like "oh burning incense hurts your nose? satan" funny or hehe random because like yeah the witch on tiktok may be joking about how serious she's being but there definitely are people that arent joking when they say stuff like that lol i know from firsthand experience

when i was 14 i had like the worst throat issue ive ever had in my life, i dont remember now what it was because i was in too much pain to hear the diagnosis from the doctor, but i was coughing so much id end up puking and then cough THROUGH the puking and end up choking on it, which would just make me cough all the harder - and my mum thought well yeah this is the work of shaytan and/or some evil jinn. so she started burning insence, only it triggered more coughing from me. and every time i coughed, my mum said thats a jinn leaving my body, and she needs to keep going until i stop coughing because that's proof the jinns and shaytan are all gone. and i'd feebly move from her and she'd follow me and i'd cough more and she'd put more insence on her burner and i'd cough even more. i ended up passing out because i couldnt get enough oxygen into my body because i had coughing fits lasting 5-10 minutes at a time. eventually it got so bad i was coughing blood and my dad had to take me to the hospital/the er and made sure mum wasnt at home when i got back

anywyas i got a coughing medicine that would suppress all my ability to cough just to heal - apparently it was like super fucked up down there - but what was prescribed to me contained morphine, which i didn't know at that time that My Body Does Not Agree With. so i take the medicine and though my coughing stops, the morphine had like opposite effect on the nerve signals in my body, esp my throat and spine. i still feel the immense pain from my throat and my spinal nerves are starting to hurt so bad i seriously considered jumping off the balcony because i wagered a broken back was better than a back that felt like it did. i eventually found my one position that alleviated the worst of the pain (folded over but backwards, my neck strained even further back) and slept like that on the couch until my mum eventually got back and started trying to expel the jinns again. i had to take more medicine that had just started to wear off and experienced the back pain again, seriously considered breaking my spine the second time that night, but eventually i lasted long enough through the insence without coughing that my mum was satisfied asll evil spirits were gone frm my body

lol so yeah worst weekend of my life and all because my mum believed insence irritation was proof i was possessed by jinns and shaytan was trying to take over me