#and it feels so easy to criticize too 'what if we removed the weird sexualization of the girls... huh?!!' im just. feelin a little crazy ab

[guideaus]

reading welcome to the ballroom is seeing a poignant moment about the characters' passion for their sport followed by the most insufferable heterosexual nonsense possible over and over

#personal #its genuinely driving me kinda nuts #i thought that shit was bad in Your Lie in April but here is so much worse #not even saying this in a gay 'ew m/f pairing~' way but god this is... its something else #idk if i'd rather have a manga that never moves me in any way or one i equally hate and love. this is so weird #and it feels so easy to criticize too 'what if we removed the weird sexualization of the girls... huh?!!' im just. feelin a little crazy ab #it......

[dreamerwitches]

I have mixed feelings on the witches, I'm gonna go through them all.

Renata and Ren: It just doesn't feel like the minor bits match up. There's too many bits that are just slightly too different. Like the screen shape and the bone colour and style. Am I being nitpicky? It just doesn't feel like the witch and doppel are linked. Or that they wanted to make this design for the witch and didn't really care that it didn't look like her doppel. I suppose I like how the witch is more organised than the doppel cause my gripe with it is that it feels a little like the parts don't mesh well. Like, what is going on with that pink bit it does not work. On its own, the witch is good. Fine, pretty, but a little bland and simple. As a design taking from the doppel, I think it kinda fails. Too much was changed.

Cyan and Hinano: Ehhhhhhhhhh I think they just made her worse?? Like, there's so little changed cause the doppel is so witch-like anyway but the changes they did do make her look worse XT the bright tubes are ugly and I dont understand the moth-ear-thing additions. Also the skirt is worse too lol. I miss the gas mask though I understand if that was added for Hinano but you can keep it on the witch c'mon! It's just like they removed all the best parts...

Don Rocinante and Sasara: Ehhhhhhhh here we go again. It looks stupid. C'mon she looks so stupid. Not in an uncanny, scary way, she looks so dumb. I included the doppel attack where she does get legs and that was silly but not as much as this one. Otherwise so little is changed mehhhhh. I liked the doppel so you kinda ruined her for me, thanksssss

Shalimar and Emiri: This is one I'm on the fence on. Design on its own, I really like. She's spooky and weird and the colours are great. I have to main issues. 1) does a 13 year old need such a sexual feeling witch and 2) does she link to her doppel well. The thing with curvaceous or sexualised witches is ones like Roberta I know are okay cause she was in her 30s when she became a witch. You could say some like Candeloro are sexualised cause she's got the booba and stick thin waist, it's kinda hard to deal with... I'm also finding it hard to judge cause I don't know if it suits Emiri, I don't know her character very well. So we'll just move on. If I drew it I would make her less adult-looking My other thought when looking at her beside her doppel was 'if this doppel came from this witch I would hate the fact it uses so little of the witch'. So switching it around, im a little mad they used so little of the doppel. It's like they had the idea for the body and wanted to use it and were like 'oh yeah! the doppel!' so stuck it on as a tail... Also the flower things on the doppel arent in the witch at all ughh. If she was just a new witch on her own id love her...

Vayu and Shizuku: Wow! One I actually finally like now! I think she looks super beautiful, the additions work! But she's not perfect... Just like Emiri and Shalimar, I don't see the doppel working if the witch came first. Why is her handbag now the head? It feels like the teapot(?) head on the witch came out of nowhere. But it's nowhere near as bad as Shalimar. She might be my favourite. I've always been 50/50 on Vayu and she improves that score.

Aodamo and Natsuki: This one's a bit boring... it just feels like they stuck on some additions and called it a day. I think if she was stood up straight I'd like her more... Love the teeth on the horn thing. Skirt is fine. Legs look awkward. Sad they removed her puffy sleeves, doesn't make sense as why the doppel would add that aspect.

Overall, it is a little annoying how clearly some of these are just super easy asset copies of the doppels with no effort put in... I think that's fine for say, Vayu as I think the doppel incorporation makes sense. She's a four legged beast so Shizuku is now riding her. But ones like Don Rocinante, Cyan and Aodamo seem like 5 minute attempts. I'm disappointed. Happy to see witches though, I'm only critical because I care about witches being good

#doppel #magia record #don rocinante #cyan #vayu #aodamo #shamilar #renata

[tumblunni]

Hottest and worst take I have ever seen: "asking people to tag their nsfw is denying people's fundamental agency as a human"

????

"Antis don't see children as fully human, they don't give them the choice to make their own decisions"

That's exactly what YOU are doing when you don't tag your shit! This is taking things to a ridiculous extreme where nothing is allowed to be regulated or even goddamn organized like a library because "free will somehow"...

If a thing is tagged nsfw and put away on an nsfw site and a kid clicks on it, then it's not the writer/artist's fault that it happened. There is no way to physically stop children from making mistakes.

But if you post extreme gory porn kink stuff out there in the open in a children's fandom and do nothing to keep it restricted to its target audience and not kids, then HEY YES ITS YOUR FAULT

And if you make this weird attitude of encouraging kids to want to be more adult, encouraging them to look at this stuff, and telling them they are wrong and toxic if they don't like it, then that's predatory and gross.

I feel like this discourse has gone to nonsensical extremes!

People are called horrible prudes who want to ban all non pure content if they just say "don't show child porn to children". And people act like the only solution is to do nothing at all to keep child porn away from children.

And then you have people who act like having any form of kink whatsoever is the same as making child porn, or even just writing "problematic" stuff like sympathising with a villain or whatever. And the solution is to ban everything just like tumblr's stupid attempt that failed entirely at making the site safer and only made it worse for perfectly non-harmful n/s/f/w artists....

AND THEN you have people assuming that all "antis" are like that, thus it's a justification to go back to the first extreme and say no safety precautions whatsoever because all safety precautions are oppressive and everyone who ever asks for them must have the motivation of hating LGBT people or something...

And you also have people jumping to this conclusion about any criticism of any content whatsoever. Someone merely says that a ship dynamic is abusive and you get the screeching "this means you totally support CENSORSHIP and want NOBODY TO CREATE ANY ART EVER AGAIN".

Like sometimes people just mean "because this ship is abusive and is not being aknowledged as abusive by the writer or tagged as darkfic, it could have a negative effect on an audience who's led to believe this is a desirable goal for a relationship". And it's just.. words criticizing it. People are allowed to not like it. Not every "I dislike it" is "it should be censored". The only time anyone should actually be talking about censoring stuff is if it's happening in a mainstream publication not a fandom space. Like there is legit conversation to be had about how the mainstream female-aimed romance genre has a lot of abusive sexist stuff normalized as desirable. If Twilight was actually marketed as some sort of darkfic that's intended to appeal to dark kinks, it wouldn't have been such a big problem.

Basically just.. put things in the right box.

That's my entire "anti" stance.

Put the thing where it's not so easy for kids to see it, give it the same degree of rules and regulations as any other fic that's potentially extreme. It's just like slapping warnings on a game box, yknow? If a kid tries to illegally buy an M-rated game then the makers of the game shouldn't be punished for something they took every measure to prevent. And if a parent buys an M-rated game for their young kid then they're being negligent and the responsibility is all on them. But also it's still messed up that there's a culture in children's friend groups to be all "do the grownup thing you don't like that might traumatise you, to be cool like us". And it's worth looking into whether adults have in any way contributed to this and how we can maybe help kids navigate this stage of their life more safely. Like is it possible that just calling stuff bad and not explaining WHY could be making it seem appealing and harmless? Like the tendancy to be a prude about giving kids proper sex education can lead to them being frustrated and seeking out stuff that's way too extreme for them because they don't know it's too extreme. Especially the complete absence of any education or positivity for LGBT kids in particular, theyre way more vulnerable to falling in with abuser's and manipulators because they don't have a parent to talk to about healthy relationships and puberty frustrations without fearing they'd be ostracized for their sexuality. And also honestly there are sometimes just really irresponsible/stupid/even abusive older siblings who will link young kids to stuff like goatse "as a joke"....

SO YEAH

ITS ALL FUCKIN COMPLICATED

And Tumblr is awful cos every goddamn argument turns into some weird war of two exaggerated extremes that no sane person would actually believe, with the original argument completely forgotten.

I just think that the fact that it's complicated as fuck should mean hey maybe we should help kids with it being complicated as fuck, not go "it's somehow denying kids their personhood to think they need the slightest bit of extra help navigating something even adults find complicated"

Also seriously TAG YOUR SHIT

And if someone is tagging their shit, then they're not part of the problem.

If someone with a super dark kink is tagging their shit, keeping their shit away from kids,and acknowledging that their shit is super dark and potentially traumatizing and giving 100% of all possible warnings, then they're not part of the problem.

Doesn't mean I'm gonna like that stuff, but me personally being squicked out doesn't mean that person is some sort of latent serial murderer just for having weird turn-ons.

If thing is not harming children = not bad

If thing is harming children = remove from children

People who should be in charge of keeping stuff safe from children = adults

If children choose to view a forbidden thing anyway despite all your best efforts = not your fault, you did all you could do

Doesn't prove the evilness of having a kink, or whatever. But also "nobody is allowed to ever criticize anything about kinks" is also wrong. Like.. having a kink isn't wrong but how you keep it tagged can be wrong.

It's very goddamn simple and I wish we could all just agree to it, why is this whole damn discourse SO EXAGGERATED AND RIDICULOUS NOWADAYS

Put the thing in the box for the thing, THATS IT! That should be the beginning and end of the conversation.

Fuckin "putting tags on things is somehow limiting kids's free will", Jesus Christ...

#so yeah basically yiu could consider me on the side of the 'antis' because i want the internet to be safe for children #but i dont agree with nonsensical extremism #but then just because i dont agree with nonsensical extremism doesnt mean i think nothibg should ever be restricted to 18 only #its nuts that these are presented as the only two sides and just being reasonable in the middle is never considered... #the conversation was never meant to be censorship vs throwing dicks at kids it was just tagging ur shit... #whyyyy is tumblr like this...

[thegreymoon]

Hi I have been a fan of your work for a very long time and so I sneak into your tumblr from time to time.I counldnt help but notice that you post a lot of political/sjw stuff and I know it is none of my business but since I am probably absolutely opposite in my political views I can't help myself and ask: I understand that you are Asian, but you don't seem to be interested in real or imagined injustices in your country/continent and are mainly interested in USA, why is that?

Hi, anon!

First of all, I am not Asian and I’m very sorry if I ever did or said anything to mislead people into thinking that I was. It was unconsciously done. I have no intention of offending anyone or appropriating an identity that isn’t mine, so if I did something of that sort, please let me know and I’ll do my best to correct myself. I often reblog stuff about China because I think it’s an amazing country, I’m learning Mandarin (not making much progress, though), love their culture, nature, architecture and am a big fan of their historical/fantasy dramas. Also, the two fandoms I was the most active in (coincidentally) happen to be a Japanese anime and a Japanese video game, so I have a lot of love for their art and aesthetics.

I’m actually very surprised that you would ‘notice’ that I post a lot of ‘political/sjw stuff’, considering that I mostly use Tumblr to repost Merlin gifs, cast/crew news and fanworks. There is maybe one reblog on just about anything else for every fifty (perhaps even more) Merlin posts, so I really have to wonder which of the RL issues I posted about bothered you so much that you would describe them as ‘a lot’.

I may be misinterpreting the tone of your ask, so forgive me if I misread your intentions and am responding too harshly, but in my experience, ‘SJW’ is a term that is used to be dismissive when people are talking about real social issues, plus I found your wording of ‘imagined injustices’ very… interesting.

Also, I find it odd that somebody would unironically ask me why I’m ‘mainly’ interested in the USA.

First of all, the global market is oversaturated with American media, American products, American news, American movies, TV series, music, you name it. It’s everywhere. Of course I’m going to know more about it than, say, Lichtenstein. The exposure of American public figures is insane and it just happens that the stuff that appears on my dash is most often related to the USA because that is what the people I follow also follow (and for the record, on Tumblr, I mainly follow the Merlin fandom and to a somewhat lesser degree, various artists, baby animals, Chinese traditional outfits, Buzzfeed and NASA news). I absolutely do reblog pure evil, injustices, hypocrisy and intentionally inflicted misery in other countries too when I see them, but I don’t actively go looking for them on Tumblr, just like I don’t actively look for the USA posts either. The USA posts are simply there, without much active input from me, while other countries are not. An important point, of course, since we are having this weird discussion about why a random person outside of the USA is consuming so much American media, is that English is the only foreign language I am fluent in, so when it comes to foreign content, I am primarily going to read and interact with posts in English. And which country creates the most content in English? Yup, you guessed it!  

On a similar note, everything that happens in the USA affects other countries too. Nothing that goes on there takes place in a vacuum and the USA has made damn sure that it has its fingers in each and every single pie all over the world. Everything, the good and the bad, spills over and trust me, we feel the effects acutely in my unstable, politically fraught little country. The economic and cultural implications are enormous, so you can bet American issues are very personal for me, even if I don’t live there. My country’s government consists of puppets in the hands of various world leaders playing tug of war with actual human lives. My literal paycheck depends on the stability of the dollar. The survival of the entire human species hangs on how we deal with climate change right now and that ignorant, illiterate orange shitstain Americans voted into power is now standing on a global platform, spouting nonsense that is barely one step removed from Creationist bullshit and Flat-earther conspiracies. And you seriously ask me why I’m interested in the USA? 

The USA loves to dub itself as ‘the leader of the free world’ and ‘a global superpower’, and has managed to stick its nose into everybody’s business everywhere (usually with no good intentions), but somehow you question why the rest of us are now going to be interested in what is going on there, not to mention critical when the US government spouts absolute rubbish not just on a domestic, but also global scale? So, yes, I am personally invested in what is going down next in the USA and am sitting here, half the world across, cheering Americans on as they fight to have that shame they elected removed from power and, hopefully, incarcerated, along with all his corrupt cronies, advisors and family members. I’m going to be genuinely celebrating here when he finally goes down!

Secondly, I come from one of those countries that the USA and its allies have destroyed for their own gain and where they have ruined countless lives over multiple generations. I have every reason to notice, take a personal interest in and comment on the hypocrisy, the grandstanding and the false moral high ground that is assumed by the USA (and any of its bootlickers) when I see it.

For any of my USA followers here, I would just like to note that I am perfectly capable of distinguishing between ordinary people and disgusting government policies enacted by corrupt or incompetent politicians. I realise this post sounds angry, but I wish only good things for you all, people are people everywhere and the stuff I’m talking about is way above the average person’s paygrade. I also realise that the USA has screwed over so many of its own citizens; including its war veterans, PoC, minorities, the poor, the weak and the disabled. My heart goes out to you all, truly, and I love you all!

(BTW, I intentionally have not said which country I’m from because I’ve stopped publically stating my location online, simply because it makes it too easy for malicious people to identify me IRL that way. I don’t necessarily hide my RL identity if I have a valid reason to reveal my true name and location, but please forgive me for not stating it outright here, on a public platform, to satisfy the curiosity of an anon ask. My country is misogynistic, homophobic and hostile to all who are non-conforming and my job prospects are hard enough without my online pseudonyms being generally known in my RL circles. I used to be much less secretive about it, but have since learned the error of my ways and am now taking the most basic of precautions.)

With that said, yes, my country has issues! And, fyi, I have ranted and raged and cried about them before online, IRL and in private. I have posted about my country’s political problems everywhere, including here, when I was just too angry to hold it in because I’m absolute shit at being careful even when I make a conscious effort to be. Most recently, I raged about our elections which were a punch to the gut. If I was to start typing about the corruption, injustices and absolute evil going on around me, I would never stop, but I’m not going to do that because that’s not what I come to Tumblr for. This is primarily a fandom space, mostly for fandom stuff, where I come to look at other people’s things and almost never create content of my own. Just about anything political has been reblogged from someone else because it showed up on my dash and touched a nerve. Very little of that is stuff from my own country because nobody creates and reblogs posts about it in the fandom circle I mostly interact with.

I’m now trying to think back to what ‘SJW’ issues (as you put it) I reblog the most often and how any of them are ‘imaginary injustices’. Off the top of my head, the ones that usually touch a nerve are about the oppression and discrimination of women, patriarchy, sexism, various kinds of abuse, sexual assault, overworking, capitalist brainwashing, mental health issues, LGBTQ issues, freedom of speech, resurgence of Nazism, the gap between the rich and the poor, climate change and criminal religious institutions regaining power in society. I can assure you that none of these is ‘imaginary’ and the negative ways in which they affect me and the people around me are very, very real. Also, none of them is unique to the USA, which is what you seem to be the most concerned about, and even if the post is from or about the USA, these problems definitely overlap with things that I, and countless people around the world, are personally experiencing and have a lot of feelings about. The only social issues ‘unique’ to the USA that I often reblog are the ones related to the particular US brand of racism and the appalling, still-ongoing genocide committed against the indigenous people there, and how can you not empathise with that when it’s so egregious? I will reblog them every time they cross my dash to spread awareness since the US government is actively trying to stifle it and rewrite history and idc who is uncomfortable.

With all that said, I’m open to corrections and have no problem admitting to being wrong once I realise I’ve made a mistake. So, this goes for all the people following my blog: if any of the posts I shared are about ‘imaginary’ issues (just… wow at the use of this word) or contain false information, please feel free to let me know and I will take it under advisement. I’m always willing to learn.

#tl;dr #Anonymous #no idea how to even tag this #social issues #personal #i guess

[sophiehunteroctopussyblog]

As Benedict Cumberbatch returns to screens big and small, he tells Craig McLean the secret to building a blockbuster body – and why his Sherlock co-star is wrong to fret about the fans

The last time I met Benedict Cumberbatch he was wearing only a pair of trunks, eating wine gums and worrying about the size of his abs. It was April 2017 and we were on the suburban set of The Child in Time, the first drama from his production company, SunnyMarch. In the lead role as a children’s author overwhelmed by grief following the disappearance of his daughter, Cumberbatch was preparing to shoot a scene in a bathtub – and was painfully aware that his toned torso looked out of place.

Shortly after the five-week shoot, the actor explained, he was due to fly to America to reprise his part as the disarmingly buff, dimension-bending Marvel superhero Doctor Strange. The year before, his stand-alone Doctor Strange movie had taken almost half a billion pounds at the international box office – and when it was announced that the character (also glimpsed briefly in Thor: Ragnarok last autumn) would be making a prominent return in this year’s Avengers: Infinity War there was no question of Cumberbatch returning to the role without first hitting the gym.

By the time we met, the actor’s pre-shoot fitness regime – which he described as “pretty full on… but a mental sorbet” – was well under way; hence those abs.

Fast forward to April 2018 and Cumberbatch – a 41-year-old father of two – is in front of me once again, in a London hotel room, midway through the global press tour for Infinity War. This time, thank God, he is fully clothed (in blue linen, denim and suede), but he’s still eating sweets.

Bulging with stars (Robert Downey Jr, Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, Zoe Saldana and Josh Brolin for starters), the biggest Marvel film to date promises to be a superhero Greatest Hits, featuring all of the Avengers, Spider-Man, Black Panther and the Guardians of the Galaxy. Such is the secrecy surrounding it that I’ve only been shown 25 minutes, all superhero banter and ear-splitting battles against Brolin’s intergalactic villain, Thanos.

Doctor Strange appears to be the main goody, no less. Coiled in his chair, Cumberbatch admits that, after all those hours in the gym, he “bristled” earlier in the day when a journalist commented that his Doctor Strange “wasn’t very brawny”.

“How dare he?” he tuts now in mock-outrage, “Didn’t he see my shirt-off scene? Just hours before we shot it, I was told to do nothing but drink coffee and eat Skittles. ‘What,’ I said, ‘you want to turn me into a trucker?’ But they said it’s about dehydrating – if you have that much of a sugar- and caffeine-hit, the skin ‘shrink-wraps’ round your muscles”. He grins toothily. “And it worked!” He frowns. “I would never advise it, though.”

Still, however Doctor Strange’s physique looks on screen, one place the Oscar-nominated, Harrow-educated star can count on his character having rock-solid abs is on the associated merchandise, from T-shirts to figurines. “It’s the lunch box moment,” says Cumberbatch, wryly.

He tells me about a recent visit to the home of his friend and co-star, Tom Hiddleston (“Hiddlebum”) who has been a member of the Marvel family since 2011 when he appeared as Loki in the first Thor film. “I went into his kitchen and I just said: ‘Holy s---, you’ve been merch’d: you are on the lunch box.’ And he went: ‘I know, it’s great, right?’ And, yes, it is great. It’s also slightly terrifying. I thought: ‘Oh, is that one of the hurdles? Is that a Hiddlebum moment or a McAvoy moment?’” (another peer, James McAvoy, got his “lunch box moment” with the X-Men films). That is: does the actor have to make peace with being turned into a moulded plastic souvenir?

He does, and Cumberbatch evidently has. “It’s terrible but I actually look for kids wearing Marvel gear,” he admits. “And there are very few Doctor Strange lunch boxes or backpacks.” Ten years and 19 movies into the Marvel Cinematic Universe – and with this year’s Black Panther receiving unprecedented critical acclaim – does Cumberbatch think the time for snobbery about superhero movies is over?

If, say, Eddie Redmayne asked him if he should put on cape and tights, would he encourage his friend? “I’d say he’s got his plate quite full with wizardry right now,” he chuckles, referring to Redmayne’s role in J K Rowling’s Fantastic Beasts franchise. “But, yeah, if you really are bored of that, come and join the party!”

With great franchises come great responsibilities, however. Recently, Cumberbatch’s Sherlock co-star, Martin Freeman, grumbled to me about the oppressive level of expectation created by the series’ obsessive fans. “Being in that show, it is a mini-Beatles thing,” the actor who plays Doctor Watson said. “People’s expectations, some of it’s not fun any more. It’s not a thing to be enjoyed…”

Did the fans’ obsession with Sherlock kill the fun for Cumberbatch, too? “Mmm, not really ’cause I didn’t engage with it that much,” he says. “I’m very grateful for the support, but that’s about it.” His attitude is that fan fervour becomes a separate, uncontrollable force, that “it takes on its own thing. But that happens with every franchise or entity like this.”

He pauses, frowns, then continues with what sounds like a bracing criticism of his co-star. “It’s pretty pathetic if that’s all it takes to let you not want to take a grip of your reality. What, because of expectations? I don’t know. I don’t necessarily agree with that. There is a level of it [where] I understand what he means. There’s a level of obsession where [the franchise] becomes theirs even though we’re the ones making it. But I just don’t feel affected by that in the same way, I have to say.”

He is similarly forthright on the subject of Patrick Melrose. In David Nicholls’s forthcoming five-part television drama, adapted from Edward St Aubyn’s autobiographical novels, Cumberbatch plays the lead, a character who, on the page, can appear to be an unlikeable, heroin-taking posho. “Well, your words not mine,” he replies. “I don’t think he’s unlikeable at all. I think he’s fiercely funny, erotic, charming and dangerous. And incredibly, incredibly damaged. So you should feel for him.

"The posh bit? I mean, what, you think people who are sexually abused by their father from the age of five to 10 aren’t worthy of our attention because they’re posh? You need to go back to ethics school, surely. That’s a terribly shaky moral position to hold. So,” he concludes briskly, “I don’t bounce with that.”

Neverthelesss, I suggest, it’s hard to imagine that Melrose’s life – from childhood abuse to the drugs with which he self-medicates to escape his pain – will make easy viewing. “I think at heart it will be a really enjoyable watch,” says Cumberbatch. “But it’s not for the faint-hearted. It is a story of salvation. But it is blisteringly funny. That’s the real hook for me. Even among the depth-charge moments of abuse, you’re kind of mesmerised by Hugo Weaving’s David Melrose [Patrick’s father], as you are in the books. He’s a really magnetic character.”

While researching the part, Cumberbatch talked to counsellors and former addicts. Was he also able to draw on his own school days? Surely, at Harrow, he wasn’t short of classmates weighed down by their heritage. “Well there was a prince of Jordan, so that brought a level of weirdness. But the more English version? I didn’t get an intro much into that world. I was very privileged to be at Harrow, but there’s not some part of Wiltshire that belongs to the Cumberbatches.

“We have our past – you don’t have to look far to see the slave-owning past, we were part of the whole sugar industry, which is a shocker,” he says of the revelation four years ago that an 18th-century forebear was a Bristolian merchant who established plantations in Barbados. But, no, he didn’t know “Lord and Lady Such and Such”.

His only ennobled classmate was Simon Fraser, whose father and uncle died “tragically close to one another in our last year,” making him the 16th Lord Lovat. “He suddenly became titled, and we didn’t even know. “The point is,” he continues, “weird though it might be [given] the perception of me out there, I had to push some to get to the right level of class for this. And that was a very important part of the process. Because Patrick Melrose is very much a study of class, and the disintegration of the moneyed, landed gentry to cash-poor, still possibly land-rich idiocy. Their hypocritical, cynical, back-stabbing, malicious, ironic unsympathetic behaviour is really exposed with a scalpel in this.”

Speaking of men behaving badly, if things had gone according to plan, we would by now have seen Cumberbatch’s performance as Thomas Edison in the historical epic, The Current War. At one point mooted as an Oscar-contender, the film’s original release was scrapped after its producer Harvey Weinstein (with whom Cumberbatch had previously worked on The Imitation Game) fell spectacularly from grace. Cumberbatch sounds far from disappointed.

“If it takes us not releasing our film for a couple of years just to be rid of that toxicity, I’m fine with that,” he says, adding that he wants “to step back and be as far removed from that influence as possible, both as filmmaker and as human being.”

He recalls being on the Avengers set when the Weinstein story broke. “You could feel people going: ‘This is important and this will change things…’ And that’s terrific,” he says. “But having worked with the man twice…” he exhales heavily. “Lascivious… I wouldn’t want to be married to him… Gaudy in his tastes, for all his often-brilliant film-making ability ...

But did I know that was going on? A systematic abuse of women, happening through bribery, coercion, trying to gain empathy, to physical force and threats, physical and to career? No. No,” he says firmly. “That was the true shock. That this has just literally happened. And it’s  been covered up by an entire body of people through lawsuits and gagging and money – hundreds of thousands of dollars paid to silence victims and survivors.”

He shakes his head, aghast. “That truly was a revelation. I have a film company. Our head of development is a woman. There are two women running the television side of SunnyMarch. Adam [Ackland, his SunnyMarch co-founder] and me are the only men in the office. Countless times I’ve brought up issues of equal pay and billing. And so to realise that this attitude is so deeply culturally ingrained – that was my rude awakening. We have to fight a lot harder.”

That’s toxic masculinity dealt with; now bring on Thanos!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/0/benedict-cumberbatch-privilege-marvel-muscles-martin-freemans/

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Hypocrite in action. Seems lying is his second nature now. Everthing for the image. What Martin said about Sherlock days ago is pathetic? Riiiiiight!

Sure it was controversial but pathetic?!

For those of you who think there will be another season of Sherlock: Think again!

And BC didn't know about Weinstein's "methods".

Doing a "Meryl Streep" here BC?!

I'm going with Martin here:

#benedict cumberbatch #martin freeman #sherlock #sherlock season 5 #bbc sherlock #harvey weinstein #hypocrite

[the-desolated-quill]

The Pilot - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Is Steven Moffat even trying anymore? And I don’t just mean in the sense that the man hasn’t written a good episode in fucking years. I mean in the sense that not even his bad stories are even worth talking about anymore. There was a time where I could wring a lot of material out of crap like Deep Breath or The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar, but The Pilot is just so uninspired and so thin on the ground that I honestly don’t have much to say.

Let’s start with some positives. This shouldn’t take long. Peter Capaldi was good in this episode. Moffat has stopped trying to make him unnecessarily goofy (the guitar is still around though) and the writing does suit this particular Doctor more than the previous two Christmas specials have done. The eternally insufferable Matt Lucas is still around sadly (why does the Doctor even need a manservant-like character? That just doesn’t feel right), but thankfully his involvement is kept to a minimum with the odd quip here and there that’s easy to ignore.

Beyond that, there’s really not anything about The Pilot I actually like.

Let’s start with the new companion. Bill Potts. Yes she’s black. Yes she’s gay. Big tick. Diversity and representation is always a good thing. And yes, she’s marginally better than previous Moffat women like River Song, Amy Pond and Clara Oswald. She’s not as bossy or smug for one thing, which is a relief. Nor is she constantly trying to steal the Doctor’s spotlight. Pearl Mackie does a decent job with the material she’s been given and there’s a nice mentor/protege relationship between her and the Doctor that reminded me a lot of the Seventh Doctor and Ace, and that has the potential to really go somewhere. The problem is Bill really does reveal how bad Moffat is at writing women. Once you remove the bossy smugness and the dominatrix-y elements, what you’re left with is... nothing. That’s kind of what Bill is to me. She feels like a non-entity. There’s nothing for me to really get behind. For instance, why does the Doctor choose her as a companion? With Rose, Martha and Donna, it was because they demonstrated some kind of skill or personality trait that either intrigued or impressed him. With Amy and Clara, it was because there was some convoluted, bullshit mystery surrounding their characters. Bill has neither. Oh they tell us Bill is special, but we never actually see any evidence for it. We get the opening scene with the Doctor talking about how she smiles when she doesn’t understand something, and that’s about it. In fact if we were to judge her by her actions alone, she comes across as... well... a bit on the slow side.

Putting aside the weird ramblings she occasionally does (how is the TARDIS like a kitchen? And what was the relevance of that whole speech about how she gives extra chips to a girl she fancies?), one of my main gripes is that she doesn’t appear to be the sharpest knife in the drawer. Every other companion is able to clock on to what the TARDIS is and who the Doctor is. With Bill, it takes considerably longer. Presumably this is for the benefit of newcomers, but it’s just irritating. And what about scenes where Bill fails to follow basic instructions? She knows there’s a homicidal puddle after them that’s taken the form of a girl she fancies. On an alien planet, she spots a puddle with the girl smiling at her, and what does she do? She sticks her face in the bloody thing. Then later, the Doctor says not to touch the girl’s hand. Guess what Bill does.

Going back to the Ace comparison, Seven could see the potential in Ace. Yes she was rough around the edges, but she was clearly capable of great things, and the audience could see that too. With Bill, on the other hand, I honestly don’t see what Twelve sees on her. She doesn’t even contribute anything to the narrative, instead merely being a tag along. I’m prepared to keep an open mind for now, bearing in mind I really didn’t like Donna or Captain Jack in their first appearances until I eventually grew to like them in the episodes to come. I’m hoping Bill improves over the course of the series, but right now, I can’t say I’m impressed.

I suppose what would have helped me connect with Bill a little more is if her relationship with Puddle Girl was developed more. It’s funny. Moffat and co are keen to show off their progressive credentials, using their pretentious, whizzy camerawork to spell out Bill’s sexuality in 50 foot high neon lettering as if they’re desperately trying to convince the audience how totally woke they are, but do you know what would have been more progressive? Actually developing their relationship and treating them like actual human beings. Instead we barely get to know anything about either of them (I can’t even remember Puddle Girl’s name) and it’s hard to really give a shit about this relationship when they’ve barely spent any time together.

I suspect all the Sherlock-esque camera spins and edits and the hammering home that Bill is most definitely not straight is in an attempt to disguise the fact that bugger all actually happens in The Pilot. Come on. Admit it. It’s pretty rubbish. There’s a magic space puddle following Bill around, the Doctor and co rush off to different places (including the Dalek and Movellan war for some reason) and then we get a sappy, emotional ending that isn’t really very emotional because I really don’t care about these people at all. For a series opener, it’s pretty flimsy. We don’t even get to find out where the magic puddle came from.

The Pilot is setup, but it feels like the worst kind of setup. The weak plot and Bill’s general cluelessness is clearly supposed to act as a soft reintroduction to the franchise to encourage new viewers who may have been put off thanks to Moffat’s mind-bogglingly stupid and overly complicated series arcs over the years. Except episodes like Rose and even Moffat’s own The Eleventh Hour did a much better job of getting newcomers up to speed without patronising them and without boring the rest of us long term Whovians into a sodding coma.

Oh yeah. I suppose we should talk about the series arc. The Doctor has been guarding a vault for 50 years. What’s inside? Bearing in mind this is the first time I’ve ever watched this series and bearing in mind how painfully obvious the solutions to Moffat’s stupid mysteries usually are, I think I’ve got a fair idea what it could be. The Doctor would never stick around in one place for 50 years to guard an object, so it has to be a person. So who’s the most painfully obvious candidate I can think of?...

Yes. That looks like the winner. Let’s see if I’m right. I really hope I’m not. Just once I’d like to be pleasantly surprised by a Moffat arc. So go ahead Moffat. This is your last series. Surprise me :)

#the pilot #steven moffat #doctor who #twelfth doctor #peter capaldi #bill potts #pearl mackie #nardole #matt lucas #bbc #review #spoilers

[troutfishinginmusic]

Essay: The problem of character songs during the Grunge era

No one believes Jello Biafra when he joyously sings about killing poor people on The Dead Kennedys’ landmark 1980 album Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables. Each word drips with contempt for the machinery that grinds down the underclass. The takeaway is easy, American society cares little about poor people.

On the opposite side of the spectrum sits Dire Straits’ 1985 hit “Money for Nothing” a supposed critique of working class ignorance. The song is a character study that echoes sentiments of homophobia, racism and misogyny. There’s something uncomfortable about a cheesy ‘80s song saying these things. It feels like an endorsement of the callousness of the time. 

Making these songs is a high wire act. When using method to criticize worthy targets, Grunge and post-Grunge often struggled. Good intentions can be taken as a consignment to bad behavior. Most people won’t pay attention to the creator’s motivations. Here are three examples of these odd relics:

Nirvana-Polly

All things Kurt Cobain have been dissected in the years following his death. Most people are now aware of his feminism. But when Nirvana’s Nevermind exploded, less was known.

“Polly” is about a 14-year-old girl who was abducted and raped in Aberdeen, Cobain’s hometown. The song is written from the point of view of the abuser: “Polly wants a cracker/Maybe she would like some food/She asks me to untie her/A chase would be nice for a few.”

The song was reportedly sung by two men as they raped a woman. Cobain responded to the event in the liner notes to Incesticide: “Last year, a girl was raped by two wastes of sperm and eggs while they sang the lyrics to our song 'Polly.' I have a hard time carrying on knowing there are plankton like that in our audience.”

The liner notes also went a step further: “If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone! Don't come to our shows and don't buy our records.”

The song wasn’t a hit, but it was on a gigantic album. Millions bought the album and heard it. Some more than likely took it the wrong way. Nirvana had more feminist songs including “Been a Son,” “About a Girl” and “Pennyroyal Tea.” Cobain went a step further and tried to make a song he viewed as even more straightforward. It ended up making things even more complicated.

“Rape Me” is seen as a difficult relic of a progressive band. It’s intentionally uncomfortable. It’s a stark song from the point of view of a survivor essentially saying no matter how much you abuse me you’ll never win. The song is a taunt and a reclaiming of agency from the abused. The song became huge on American radio. It was put on the airwaves during the 1994 Rwandan genocide to encourage abuse against the Tutsi population.

Kurt Cobain was a celebrity with a conscience who had good intentions. He carried feminist ethos into mainstream Rock from the underground. What he underestimated was rape culture’s resilience and ability to repurpose critiques into endorsements.

Stone Temple Pilots- Sex Type Thing

It’s a bit jarring to hear Scott Weiland’s booming Grunge croon sing “I said you shouldn't have worn that dress, worn that dress” in 2020. What sounds like a justification of rape culture is the exact opposite. It’s something strange and complicated. It’s possibly one the bravest and strangest songs in pop music.

The 1993 song was intended to be an anti-rape statement. It’s about the destructive state of mind that led a group of jocks to sexually abuse a woman Weiland dated.

“I just put myself into the mindset of the total macho American male attitude toward women and their sexuality, which I think is something important that needs to be said,” Weiland said on an episode of Headbangers Ball.

The song was more than likely difficult for its creator, even if it wasn’t on a conscious level. Weiland details getting raped by an older student when he was 12 years old in his autobiography Not Dead & Not For Sale. This is an event he was only able to come to terms with after years of therapy. The idea of a survivor reliving their trauma and taking on the viewpoint of an abuser is unthinkable.

And yet the lumbering riffage and earworm chorus made it into a radio staple. It was a song I remember being slotted on local alternative radio stations with less socially conscious material. While some may have followed up and tracked the song’s meaning, others probably saw it as endorsement of bad behavior. The song did some good and more than likely caused harm.

“Hopefully the idea comes across and isn’t misconstrued,” Weiland said in the Headbanger’s Ball interview. “The last thing any of us would want is for the point to be taken literally.”

Cold-Stupid Girl

Cold was more of a Grunge or a post-Grunge band than a Nu Metal band. Yet they were on the same label as Limp Bizkit. They shared stages with Nu Metal bands. The band also had a song to slot in between the casual misogyny of the time.

“Stupid Girl” was the band’s biggest song. The 2003 song from Year of the Spider had a surprising co-writing credit from Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo. It featured lyrics like “Wanna love ya, wanna bug ya/Wanna squeeze ya, stupid girl/Wanna touch ya, wanna take ya/Wanna shut ya, stupid girl.” When I first heard these lyrics as a teenage boy they spoke to angst I felt at the time. When I revisited the song as an adult I was repulsed by the song and the sort of ugliness I thought it fed into.

I was wrong. What I failed to consider were lyrics like “I'm a loner, I'm a loser/I'm a winner in my mind/I'm a bad one, I'm a good one/I'm a sick one with a smile.” The lyrics show how completely unaware the narrator is of his toxic attitude toward woman. He doesn’t realize he might be the problem in a relationship turning sour.

This was singer Scooter Ward’s intention for the song: “You could just be a total piece of trash and at the same time, you don't know that you are. You have this person that's going to leave you and you don't have any idea why. A lot of people are blind to the fact that they are idiots."

Cold had been around since the late ‘80s and were previously called Grundig. The band’s first self-titled 1997 album as Cold is weird. It features bleak, noisy guitars. It shares more musical DNA with Nirvana and Helmet than anything Korn was doing. It featured depressing songs about relationships and serial killers. It wasn’t far removed from Kurt Cobain’s songwriting, although not quite as revolutionary.

Yet the context was different. The explicit feminist politics of many Grunge bands had faded. It was replaced with apolitical bands that were more relatable. Pearl Jam featured politics and musical experimentation that weren’t always relatable. A band like Creed had more relatable bombastic songs about relationships and faith. Record labels snapped up Creed-like bands after Grunge’s first wave. Grunge’s dismantling of ‘80s glam excess was rebuilt in its own image.

Cold became famous during this time. Even if some of the band’s songs railed against things like child abuse, its major hit could be woven into prevailing ideas of the time.

Takeaway

Art’s intent can become inconsequential once it’s released. That’s the unsaid bargain and it can be very frustrating. It can be easy to disregard songs with ugly lyrics. In a world filled with so much hatred and bigotry, there doesn’t seem to be much use for them.

Yet there is a danger of completely turning away from disturbing topics. Art that glosses over inequity and ignorance can allow it to fester in the shadows. Great art can do many things. It can comfort, sooth and entertain. It can also spur activism, awareness and steps toward change.

Grunge and post-Grunge, at their best, tried to do this. They attempted to take the revolutionary politics of the underground and bring them to the masses. The problem was releasing them into a society that hadn’t resolved those issues. While they exposed a lot of people to new ideas, they also could normalize existing inequality.

In 2020 we should look at these songs as a sparks that changed mainstream, male-dominated radio Rock. They did so by subverting norms and slipping in radical politics. They did this imprecisely and left too much room for ambiguity. Current music should look at these songs as examples of what to do and what not to do. Artists have responsibility and if they are tackling injustice should at least try to be clearer.

#grunge #nirvana #cold #stone temple pilots #1990s #scott weiland #kurt cobain

[vitos-ordination-song]

over the years I’ve tried writing journals and I’ve tried writing down memories and I usually fail at both. journaling because I feel pressure to write regularly and have ended up throwing out my journal in embarrassment, and memories because I always end up trying to write everything, from the beginning. I always feel like I’m distoring things and leaving things out. however I’d really like to have some kind of journal/place I write down memories for future reference so I’m starting that on here, just for whenever I feel like it, and tagging so I can find it in the future.

rn I want to tell the story of how I ended up in the mental hospital because I’ve been thinking about it. there’s a lot of lead up and a lot of stuff that happened afterwards so it’s gonna be a long story. for this part I’m just going to cover the build up. 

once I turned around 16, things started to calm down in my family. my brother started going to college--he was still living at home but he started to act a bit less toxic. my family was always worse with all six of us feeding each other’s shittiness so one person improving/leaving usually made things better. my mom was starting to chill out around that time as well, probably a combination of her working on herself, going through menopause, and having less stress on her because her kids were getting old enough to take care of themselves. I think I started to make better grades after 10th grade too, so I wasn’t getting abused for that as much. 

as a result, things were nowhere near as bad when I was 16-18 as they were from like, 14-16. bad things still happened, occasionally REALLY bad things, but less frequently and generally with less severity than before. so I started to think, maybe things are okay. maybe everything can just be normal. 

my sister was the biggest cause of conflict during this time. when she’d been younger, the whole family had routinely bullied her and she had severe trauma from before we adopted her, but she wasn’t a troublemaker like the rest of us. she barely got punished. she struggled in school but no one expected her to make good grades. she wasn’t that difficult to parent, if I remember correctly. 

but around the time she hit puberty, things started to change. I think for a lot of people, trauma comes back up at that time. she was getting angry about how our parents treated her, especially making her do chores, which the rest of us barely resisted. she started to get violent. she was always angry. my mom has called the cops on her at least three times, as far as I know. 

I wasn’t a perfect sister by any imagination. I know I joined in the family’s abuse of her--I even remember physically attacking her with a broom handle, which I twisted to be a form of “discipline.” I was always very confused over what was happening, though. I remember when I reached the age of around 12, I started to question the way the whole family would attack her, whether treating her as a nusance or insulting her intelligence. and I had a very strong sense that the way my parents treated me and my siblings was wrong. I was always paying attention to power dynamics in the family and knew when my parents were mistreating her--I didn’t buy their justifications. 

things had been pretty calm for a while after I graduated high school, though. before I turned 18, I have a vivid memory of mom getting mad at me and scaring the shit out of me, threatening to kick me out. but that summer was mostly calm. people were getting along. except my sister. she had a freak out at her birthday dinner--she was mad that mom refused to get her presents as a punishment and also had an anxiety attack about being in public at a restaurant, which of course my mom went after her for. 

but still, I was thinking, okay. this can all go away. I’m about to leave for college, I’m moving over 50 miles away. I still couldn’t hold on to a clear picture of my family--when things were bad, I was angry and hateful, when things were good, I thought the problem was me. I didn’t know what was real, but since things were generally good, it was all going under the surface again. 

two weeks before I left for college, something huge happened. my sister was mad at my parents, who were sitting in the living room discussing her like she didn’t exist. she got out a big knife. she went and stood at the entrance to the living room, an eerie smile on her face. I went downstairs at this point. later I would realize how to deal with her when she got like that--you have to defuse her. she’s not serious. if you laugh it off she’ll stop. but at the time I didn’t know what to do. I hoped my parents would ignore her or she’d give up before they noticed she was there--she stood there for five minutes before they noticed.

I only heard what happened and had to learn about it afterwards. my parents saw my sister; my mom grabbed a belt and my dad started to push her into the kitchen. my sister threatened to kill them and then she threatened to kill herself, turning the knife to her arm. my dad violently grabbed the arm and shoved her against the desk. my mom started to beat her with the belt. my sister got away, and my mom called the cops on her. 

I didn’t know what had happened. all I heard was screaming. my brothers had heard as well and had come out of their rooms and did see it. they were screaming too. 

my sister had run outside and I followed after her. I know my parents came out and my mom told me to come back, but I screamed something at her--not sure what, but something approximating fuck you. at this point I didn’t know what my sister had done with the knife, which later my parents used to justify everything. I was made to feel foolish for my reaction and I’m still kinda unpacking that. 

my sister was in hysterics when I found her. I don’t really remember what she said but she was repeating herself. she was so scared. she sobbed into my chest and I held her as a bunch of cop cars pulled up to our house. 

nothing happened to my sister because she hadn’t done any violence, my parents had. CPS was called and visited sometime in the next few days. my sister is a pathological liar though so it went nowhere. at the time I felt a weird sense like, maybe they’ll finally be held accountable and maybe someone will save us from this situation. every time that didn’t happen it felt more like the problem was in my head. 

but something amazing was about to happen--I was about to get away. for the first time in my life, I wasn’t living with my family. my first semester of college was strange. I felt fine. I wasn’t upset, I was productive. I wasn’t like how I was in high school. again it felt like maybe everything would just go away. but I could process on my own. I could think my thoughts about my family without being around them, and that had always been the hardest part, to think about all the bad things when we were just hanging out watching a movie or eating dinner. 

thinking back now I was in a kinda stasis. I wasn’t ready to process trauma yet except through a medium. over the summer I’d gotten obsessed with Harry Potter and ended up reading tons of stories about abuse and him getting removed from his abusive environment. it was a marked shift from the kind of thing I’d been reading before, which had been a lot of abuse romance. but everything that had happened to me felt kind of distant. 

being away was good though. I could think from my own point of view instead of being forced to see things the way my family did. and that huge incident with my sister, with CPS getting called, had brought things up. it was making it harder to go, everything’s fine with this family. I was angry on some level. I wasn’t going to let it go. I remember having a very invalidating phone call with my brother where he went after me for criticizing our parents, acting like I was melodramatic, and that’s always affected me, but I was also annoyed. and I could just end the call and go back to my own thoughts without their influence being so intrusive. 

then Thanksgiving rolled around. home for a week. and I was acutely paying attention to how my mom treated my sister. she never liked me challenging her parenting and had always gone after me for it, but I was tired of it and reaching a point where I was more sure of myself after having been away from her. I was angry. I think I wanted a fight on some level, but I wasn’t ready for it. 

my mom started to attack my sister for watching porn. my sister was stuck in the kitchen, my mom wouldn’t let her leave. it went on for at least 45 minutes, and I remember because I was watching the time. I was just sitting there listening. I knew how bad this was because similar things had happened to all my siblings as we sexually developed and it fucked with our heads. obviously porn and teens watching porn is not an easy subject, but the way my mom approached it was all about shaming. 

eventually my mom said a couple things that set me off. she said that Jesus was watching my sister as she watched porn and he was disappointed in her, and then she said something awful. she said that women in porn are victims of sexual abuse, like my sister, so by watching it she was betraying them. I couldn’t take it anymore so I started to counter what mom said. she got extremely mad, saying stuff like “how DARE you question my parenting IN MY OWN HOME???”

we got into a super bad fight and eventually I ran off to my room. we didn’t talk for the next few days and awkwardly “made up” before I left--basically we talked to each other. our family never resolves anything so all the tension was just left under the surface.

that tension would return at Christmas break when I challenged her parenting a couple times over how she treated my sister. I don’t even remember what it was about at this point, but it started to build up. I spent almost a week refusing to leave my room. 

honestly during this time and Thanksgiving break I was just miserable. I was angry but I was also scared and confused and conflicted. having my mom mad at me has always been one of the worst feelings in the world. it made me want to be dead. I was avoiding her and not leaving my room because the way she’d look at me would make me feel like dirt. the things she’d do--leave the room when I entered it, act like I wasn’t in the room at other times, slam things, move in a clipped, tense way--made me feel like she hated me more than anything in the world. 

I stayed in my room for her birthday celebration. I remember my brother coming down and calling me a coward for it. my dad texted me to get me to come upstairs. but I didn’t. 

I know my other brother was more sympathetic to me than he’d been on the phone earlier that semester. he would take me out in the car and we’d talk about how horrible our parents were for hours. that was comforting and it was feeding my anger. 

my memories for this section of time are confused. I know at some point my mom came down in my room to “talk.” she had this attitude that she wanted to listen and make things right, but she was defensive to the point of offensiveness. the anger was barely concealed. 

this break was the only time I’ve tried to really confront her about her behavior. earlier this year I confronted my dad but when she got home, that was all over because she was the same way. my dad just listened when I talked to him but apparently he’s totally rejected everything I said so that was a waste of time as well.

during that first conversation, I started bringing up past behavior. there’s about three things that happened that I remember. firstly I brought up a real, substantial instance of abuse, but it was a singular case, so she could deny it. I have a vivid memory of being in the car with the whole family going to get Sheridans--I can even tell you the exact location where it was in Atlanta. the family was tense because my brother was a permit driver and it was his first time driving the whole family. I must have been about 13 in that case. my dad was in the passenger seat, and me and my other brother were in the buckets. normally my mom would be in the front but she was in the back with my sister. 

we were supposed to keep quiet because my brother was driving. I remember I got yelled at for talking twice, but my mom was whispering to my sister too. so I said one more thing to my other brother and my mom kicked me in the face. she was wearing heavy shoes, possibly high heels, and it really hurt. I remember it was on the way back and I didn’t even feel like eating my ice cream. everyone else got out of the car when we got home and I just stayed in crying. what really struck me was that my mom just kept talking to my sister like nothing happened and no one acknowledged it.

but years later, my mom denied it. I was making it up. I was lying or crazy. (my parents do this with any isolated instance of abuse.)

next I tried something more recent that had happened multiple times to multiple siblings. my mom would do this thing where she’d get in your face, screaming at you, and shove you into a wall. she’d put her fingers around your throat and squeeze. she’s always had long nails so she’d dig them into your throat. I remember her doing this to me once but to my brother multiple times. even at 15 he was way taller than her, this big black boy, and there he was sobbing being abused by this grown white woman.

my mom rejected this first because I said she choked us. that wasn’t choking, she said. I said FINE, but it’s still wrong. she said that’s just the way she parents--her kids need to be afraid of her. 

next I said that she would make us feel like garbage with her words. I brought up times when she told me that I would never succeed in life and basically implied I was unlovable. she just looked at me like she was shocked and betrayed and said I had “unrealistic expectations for relationships” and expected her to be a perfect mother. 

so that conversation went nowhere. later on me and my brother brought things up to her and dad, and they just listened. I don’t know how this affected their thinking but I’ll try to describe what I think happened later on. 

things were at a stalemate of sorts. we were kind of acting normal but my mom started to build her defenses. I know she was bad mouthing me to the rest of the family, a smear campaign. she’s good at them. I remember ending up going out with the ostensibly supportive brother and he told me maybe I was just lying or crazy. I had no one on my side. 

then something really bad happened. my sister has always been back and forth due to splitting, so sometimes she wants to bad mouth our parents and sometimes she doesn’t. I did my own attempt at controlling the narrative when we were home alone. my sister was mad about having to sweep I think, so I started unloading all my anger and she unloaded as well. and we didn’t realize my mom had gotten home and was listening silently downstairs. 

shit really hit the fan after that. we were back to not being on speaking terms. my mom really doubled down on telling everyone I was the bad one, I was the problem. my whole family wasn’t talking to me. eventually my sister was on my mom’s side and she was in a gloating mood. she told me mom said I was working for the devil to destroy our family, along with other things. to this day I’m not sure how much of it was true (my mom denies she said that), but I knew she was acting like I was ruining the family and it was a last straw for me. I was done.

I really really wanted to commit suicide. I’d been suicidal for years and I’d stopped myself by telling myself I couldn’t because of my family. well clearly my family didn’t need or want me. it was a spiteful thing for sure, but I was having a full on mental break down. my first thought was pills but my sister saw me getting them out. I felt childish and silly and just went outside. 

my brother found out I was having a breakdown and took me to Stake and Shake, but we never got any food. he was hearing I was suicidal and said I needed to go to a mental hospital. I didn’t know what to think. he’d been years ago and it hadn’t seemed to do him any good, but I just wanted to get away.

I went to the hospital with my mom and brother. when I got there I knew I wanted to leave. I could feel they were going to lock me up. I could feel the way I was seen as the crazy one, the one with the problem, not the people in the room with me. I couldn’t say anything about my situation because my mom was right there. the intake person was distant and professional. I started to sob. I said I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go, over and over again. people were taken aback. now I was really seen as crazy. 

I couldn’t stop crying. “I don’t like being told what to do!” I said through gritted teeth, crying having turned angry. my mom said she knew. 

eventually everyone’s “good intentions” for crazy little me pressured me into signing a consent form. I was taken down the hall sobbing hysterically. I was strip searched and on my period which was one of the most terrifying and humiliating experiences of my entire life. then I was put on suicide watch and sat in the corner of the hospital common area, sobbing, too scared to look up at the other patients. 

#journal

[survivormontenegro]

Jury Rites of Passage

Before we wrap up this season, here’s what the final 4 had to say about our lovely jury.

Ali -  Alex, you were someone who from the cast reveal of this season I was honestly terrified of lowkey. You just give off such a smart, strategic energy that makes you someone who is very daunting to play against, particularly since we didn’t meet till merge and I had just heard stories about your influence from OG Durmitors. While I stand by the necessity of voting you out, in that you held a lot of sway over the tribe, and were seemingly tight with Jones and Mo, I genuinely was so sorry to see how upset you got in the aftermath of your vote. I felt like the move needed to be swift and clean to remove such a threat from the game, but I apologise, a move so brutal and so blindisde-y would’ve been rough to be apart of, and for that I’m really sorry.

Benj - You were one of the first people to make me feel welcome when we swapped together thank u for always being so open to things and ur passion for the game was undeniable.

Caeleb - I can’t tell if Alex is gonna hate me or respect me. Regardless, I had to vote him off because he was too strong of a player. Everyone was just waiting for his command and then running with it, and I didn’t want to play that game. Plus, I didn’t think that Alex was alwaysss being truthful with me and just pulling me along until he was done, so I kinda felt like we had a little showdown. It was either him or me, and while he’s a sweetheart and a really amazing guy, I kinda consider him my TS rival. Love ya. I’m glad we were able to crush butt with our Grandma’s Boys in the premerge.

Tom - oh boy big boy Alex you are a killa of a game player I must say going against you really spooked me because you had a solid group of people but I’m sorry it had to be done :(

Ali -  oh my god. When I saw that THE Jules was cast for this season, I can’t even describe how excited I was to play with you. Playing and working with you was everything I could’ve hoped for and more, you are smart, savvy and just a joy to talk to at all times, and we vibed on SO much this game. While I think your robbery was disgusting, I understand why others did it, your savvyness and strategic mind speak for themselves and you were of course a major threat. It’s been a pleasure to work with you and to be able to call you my friend.

Benj - LEGEND!!! When I saw you on the cast reveal I was actually shaking bc as u already know my friends who played almia with you said u were such a queen and so nice and they weren’t wrong!! It was a pleasure to get to play with you even though it was so short, and it was sad that we never really got to strategize and work together game wise but I enjoyed all of our talks sm!

Caeleb - Jules was always fun to talk to. She was super sweet and very good at figuring out where the majority was gonna be in the votes. I was really surprised that she cursed me because while I did tell her that I was gonna vote with her, I didn’t message her for a couple of hours before tribal so I didn’t think I was even being very believable. Overall tho Jules was sweet, fun, a bundle of astrology knowledge, and threw in a little bit of sass to make things lively and interesting.

Tom - wowee Jules you social butterfly icon. I’m sad you were eliminated and that I literally did not help at all by saving you I was in my inactive stage. I commend you on how bloody open you are about your sexuality and gender I guess you really are something special and this is not just because you’re on the jury I love how passionate you are about astrology and hopefully one day you can make something out of it

Ali -  I love you and stan you unapologetically. We had a bumpy ride this season, and my one regret from this season, was not telling you about the Alex vote. I’m sure you would’ve been down, and it burned a bridge for me with someone I genuinely trusted and had a lot of time for. While I think your blow-up was ill advised, given that me/Tom/Jason were angling to save you, I can’t fault you for distrusting me after the Alex vote. I felt awful voting you out but once you set my game on fire, with the choice being you vs Tom, I had to side with who had my back and I felt would be a consistent ally moving forwards, so kept Tom and voted for you. You were also apart of some of my highlights from this season, like calling to work through JJ’s… JJness or drinking white wine on the tribe call. I know you’ve now hexed me three times, but I’ll take being hexed a fourth time, if it means we can be friends after this.

Benj - I have never met anyone quite like you before in an org and even though we didn’t talk much your presence in the game was so fun from calls to call outs. Icon! My FB org friends stan u

Caeleb - Easily, the person I talked to the least in the merge, Ian included. For some reason, Julia didn’t want to talk game with me ever, even though we would vote the same. Every conversation we had would kinda trail off with her failing to respond. I know she was active in calls, and since I wasn’t I think that made her write me off. I kinda wish things were different and we could’ve had a different demeanor throughout the season. Who knows maybe we could’ve made something actually happen.

Tom - lol

Ali -  MY SON. The Nemo to my Marlin. While we like… never voted together from jury onwards, I am genuinely proud of you this season. We didn’t particularly vibe as players, and I don’t think I ever got the chance to see your strategic mind in action, but you played a great game this season, and I’m super proud of you. You kick-started some of the key debates of the season, like this stupid mountain llama mess, but you also kept the mood light and had a consistent positive impact on the season as a whole.

Benj - (El)MO! You were really nice in the game and we got along well on swapped tribe but didn’t have the best connection at merge so sadly ended up on the opposites sides a lot but I think u played a good game! I loved how happy u were to be here

Caeleb - A hero. I have such a tumultuous relationship now with Grandma’s Boys because I had to vote off Alex first, switch and vote Mo in the revote, and then fail to save Jones in F6. I think they might think I am a little bit scheming and never really was working with them, but honestly, I voted with Mo and Jones post Alex because they both were easily the most fun to talk to in the tribe. Mo was hilarious, a true king, and loyal to a fault. When Benj told me that he was voting Mo, I had a sinking feeling that Mo was gonna leave that day, but I held on hope that Ali would still vote Tom. I’m sorry that didn’t happen Mo.

Tom - this is a shame this one we got along quite well on durmitor then the tribe swap really uhm separated us literally. Two seperate bridges that just never came together unfortunately. Good luck and stay safe on that grindr game u play

Ali -  Okay… of all people this season, we have had the most rollercoaster ride I think possible. Whether you know it or not, from me almost voting you out prejury, to voting you publicly at F10, to us somehow working together moving forwards. While I knew you needed to go around the time you were idoled out, I was genuinely so sad to see you go home, because I think you played one of, if not the strongest game this season. You took my vote for you in your stride, and being on calls with you and our weird fake rivalry was so much fun. We were on the first cast reveal together, and I hope we can be friends after this season is all done.

Benj - omg MITCHHHH I wish you had stuck with my plan otherwise you prob would have stayed LOL. King you were one of my favs from the first tribe and we stuck it out thru the swap and kept working together for basically every vote until you left! It was so fun to play w you. Ps… I was the 2nd vote for you when Jared left LMAO… I ofc never wanted u gone but me and Ali didn’t want Jared blowing up the fact we were allies so had one of us randomly vote with him.

Caeleb - The strongest player in this season imo. Like everyone talks about Ali being the favored to win rn because of his immunity run and his social butterfly nature. Mitch was stronger strategically by far. His moves were calculated and always put him in a better spot than he was in before, while also never putting a target on his back. I had my eye on voting him for awhile, and when Jones wanted to idol him out it was like some ESP type shit. He was so strong, and also funny, this season would not have been what it was without him.

Tom - mmmmm big ol mitchy boi is it toiLET or toilet that’s the true question, an amazing ally friend and strategist who was skeptical of everything but had good intentions thank you for saving my ass in this game multiple times because I wouldn’t be here without you

Ali -  when people google robbery, if your picture is not the top result, i will SCREAM. It says a lot that we literally never voted together during merge, and yet I stanned for you with my whole heart, and would’ve voted for you in the end. You have this raw likability, that makes you the best ever, but also SUCH a threat in these games, and after your iconic idol play, it was incredibly clear that you were the biggest threat and so critically needed to be voted out. You are such a joy, and I hope we can be friends after the season.

Benj - JONES!!!!!!!!!! Omg I was gagged when I saw that you were playing this season I had heard a lot about you but never met you until now and I was sooooo excited when we got swapped together!! Joining your side back then was such a good decision and ty for making it so easy to accept me and I loved talking to u throughout the whole game even if we were basically on diff sides most of merge! You would have wiped the floor against anyone at the end and I know one day u will get ur win! ILY

Caeleb - My true Grandmother. Honestly, I hope that post-game we can rekindle and be harmonious because I TRULY thought that Jones was one of the friendliest, kind, and joyous people. I worked to get people to switch their votes from Jones in F6, but I kinda expected that it wouldn’t happen because even I recognized that no one could beat Jones in a FTC. I felt like Sierra voting off her mother in BvW. It was truly my saddest day in Montenegro BY FAR.

Tom - I’m sorry Tunnel vision really got you good, You played such an amazing game and honestly to get to final 6 the way you did you should be so proud, you were by far the biggest jury threat because everyone absolutely loved your personality including myself. I really hope we can keep talking on the outside and your artistry takes you amazing places

Ali -  I spent 40 days on a tribe with you, and I want to say it was a pleasure throughout. From talking about Big Little Lies to bonding over our warped sleeping patterns, we genuinely really vibed as people. One thing I loved about our relationship, was our ability to be rational and logical, even when we voted against each other, after the Jules and Ian votes particularly. I genuinely had so much respect for you as a player and your attitude after the Ian vote, and it was something I attempted to mirror after the Jules vote. You had to go at F5, because you played a phenomenal game, surviving being one vote from going home at merge, and it was for that reason I had to vote you out, but it’s been a pleasure, all fourty days of it.

Benj - We had the most up and down relation probably of anyone LOL from me voting you 4 times to us working together for the rest, it really was a ride and even tho we weren’t the most connected im so glad u had such a great season to return to after so long !

Caeleb - Omg go get ur Donna Summer record. Jason was probably the person I talked to a bunch but barely talked game with. We were always on differing sides of the vote, and kinda to my own demise for many of those, but as a result we talked about different things like eggs and records and gay stereotypes. It was a bold and profitable move when we talked post-Ian vote and set us both up for success for the rest of merge. Let's talk soon :)

Tom - Ahhhhhhh my closest ally in this game, i am so proud of the way we survived this game. I was really skeptical about working with you on budva but i am so glad i stuck to my gut of working with you and ian. Round 1 of merge we got absolutely blindsided and destroyed and every since then we had to fight so damn hard every single round to survive together. We were arguably the tightest duo in the game, we voted together every single round , 23 votes combined 8 tribal councils we were targeted at yet we made final 5 together. Through the dark times we stayed loyal to each other and got ourselves in such an amazing position in this game by getting with mitch and ali whilst also working caeleb. We truly went from the bottom to the fucking top and as much as i dont think i can pull this one out for us, i will give it my best shot. It was an amazing experience with you through all of our paranoia and stress that people were going to split us apart. Lets hope lightning strikes twice and i can pull out this win for you and ian because you both deserve to be right next to me <3 <3 Luv you mountain llama <3 <3

#rites of passage

[danmacrae]

Silly 90s Intro Blab: A Thing To Skim Through On The Toilet

Hello! I’m semi-tolerable nuisance Dan MacRae! Why am I shouting at you? Not sure! Sorry, I’ll take it down a notch.

Instead of learning how to pleasure a woman or how to unlock the mysteries of grooming, I have devoted my life to TV nonsense. Blessed YouTube presence RwDt09 has been collecting these amazing compilations of era (and sometimes season) specific TV intros and they are my everything. Imagine having a child that didn’t suck? That’s the feeling RwDt09′s videos put in my heart.

I've been obsessively rewatching this collection of mostly forgotten early '90s TV intros. The bulk of these shows died a quick death and feel like the product of whatever drugs TV execs take. (Probably something snorted from one of those awesome McDonalds coffee straws they ditched in like 2002.) Because I'm a handsome pin-up hunk of the year, I wrote some dumb blurbs about the first few shows and have some stray thoughts on the rest. This appeals to no one but me AND I APOLOGIZE TO NO ONE!

In the immortal words of John Lennon, let’s get biz-zay!

DINOSAURS: I’m at a point in my life where I can acknowledge that Dinosaurs sucked. It’s incredibly freeing. Christ, this is like that stupid-ass Norman Lear show where dogs did social commentary BUT WITH HENSON PUPPETS! I hope Baby Sinclair was stomped to death and eaten as pudding before the extinction series finale. (Yes, that happened.) The intro isn’t bad, mind you. You get the lumbering theme song and Earl gets stuck in a door CUZ LAFFS! TIMES SURE HAVEN’T CHANGED HO HO HO! God I hate these fucking dinosaurs.

Intro MVP: It’s not a stellar pack, but we get a bit of Robbie Sinclair who census data has shown led to a variety of surprising sexual awakenings for youths at the time.

SCORCH: A 1300-year-old dragon named Scorch visits the 1990s on a budget that looks not far removed from Skank on The Ben Stiller Show. The song will make you want to barricade your sex organs from a world where you can bring children into a world with THAT CAWAZZZY SCORCH! The theme song really is a special brand of irritating and Scorch looks like a malformed Deviant Art dildo with a vaguely religious bent.

Intro MVP: Probably John O’Hurley for not actually appearing in the intro. (Even with O’Hurley’s weird résumé.)

FISH POLICE: Not to be confused with the (ARF! ARF! ARF!) Dog Police, Fish Police and Family Dog are shows I know almost exclusively from being mentioned as examples of the crappy post-Simpsons primetime animation gold rush. Fish Police actually looks good animation-wise, but it’s pretty clear you’re gonna be sledgehammered with endless “COULD YOU IMAGINE FISH DOING THESE OLD TROPES? DO WE NEED TO CALL A SEARCH PARTY FOR YOUR SIDES? ARE THEY SPLITTING ALREADY?” jokes. Congrats dipshits, you made a cinema-touched precursor to Frankie & George. You dummies. Also there’s the tone of casual racism UNDER THE SEA so do with that what you will. DID YOU SEE CHINATOWN? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?

Intro MVP: Thank goodness they specified who John Ritter voices so we could all bask in Inspector Gil as a character name. Fuck you, Fish Police.

CAPITOL CRITTERS: Christ, this looks UNWATCHABLE. Like walk into oncoming traffic as an alternative unwatchable. Capitol Critters centers around an animated mouse named Max (voiced by Neil Patrick Harris) witnesses his family being murdered in Nebraska and moves to D.C. and wait what the fuck is going on with those roaches? (Racism, mostly.) Who thought this was a good idea to invest time, money and animator joint damage in? Stephen Bochco, baby! I have a perverse curiosity to see an episode but after 90 seconds I know I'd be dying to eat a fucking gun instead of suffering through any more of Capitol Critters.

Intro MVP: Gotta be Bochco. Also, EAT SHIT BOCHCO!

And now a really tiny blab about the rest. Watch this clip package, ya goofs!

FAMILY DOG: Folks were fucking horny for Spielberg TV shit in the 90s, ditto Tim Burton too and that's how an Amazing Stories, uh, story was morphed into a shitball TV series that Brad Bird wanted no part of. Also, I have no idea how to explain things like the CBS StereoSound chyron to anyone born after Clinton left office.

THE CRITIC: Nice to see you, Jay Sherman! This is a lovely intro and you likely know that already. I've done a few rewatches of The Critic (not the web series season, though) and I say the show definitely holds up and is far from a duketastrophe. That said, some of the parody film clips that got raves at the time are kinda creaky in hindsight.

CHARLIE HOOVER: Can I say something? Fuck Sam Kinison. Hmm... That's a bit harsh. I guess I just don't get him on any level. The only thing he's done that I've ever found all that funny was when he said he wished Andrew Dice Clay die of stomach cancer from the inside out, like Bette Davis. Kinison's not my cup of tea is what I'm getting at. In Charlie Hoover (GET IT HURF HURF), Kinison is a foot high loudmouth in a long coat that's getting 40-year-old square Tim Matheson where he needs to be in life.

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN: Or... "Betty Spaghetti's Here Which Is All The Star Power You Need!"

HARDBALL: A League Of Their Own had a fun, feel good intro with all the corny touches of ol' timey baseball. Hardball tries to sell you on Joe Rogan: Baseball Fella and the vague scent of urinal troughs.

GOOD GRIEF: Howie Mandel golfs in a cemetery and it's not particularly clear if he's just fucking around on strangers graves for fun. (Alternate Theory: Those graves belong to the family from Bobby's World. All the Generics!)

THE FANELLI BOYS: If enjoy broad Italian-American stereotypes to the point of falling down laughing at the sight of a pizza box, you'll love The Fanelli Boys! Joe Pantoliano and Christopher Meloni both star.

SOMETHING WILDER: Something Wilder was the sort of show where I wished Gene Wilder well and still kept 5000 miles away from watching it. Also, Wilder's face on that house is CHILLING.

DUDLEY: Embrace the luxury hotel elevator elegance of Dudley! Does it feature Dudley Moore make a series of faces where he seems surprised by everything? You better believe it. This was also where Max Wright got work in-between taking abuse from a cat eating alien and Norm Macdonald.

CAROL & COMPANY: It's a bit Carol Takes On in the intro with Carol Burnett in assorted costumes and that's alright because everyone does the assorted costumes intro thing. Tickets to the show are blown across America and get in the hands of whatever Orphan Black Carol happens to be in the area.

THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW: This is an extremely 90s sort of intro that feels like something more upscale soft rock stations did in TV ads at the time too. Richard Kind directs a bit of paper at someone midway through.

DREXELL'S CLASS: One of more storied entries in the Dabney Coleman being an asshole catalogue. The first intro features Dabney, ol' Drex himself, just hanging around in class being hot shit and occasionally mimicking a flying dinosaur. The second intro is a more traditional clip collection highlighted by a young Brittany Murphy (WHO WAS MURDERED! FACT! REMINDER!) and Coleman in a wild 8 ball jacket. Rembrandt off Sliders also makes an appearance.

TEECH: If this intro looks exactly like a sitcom where a Cool Black Music Instructor™ teaches Prep School bad boys in Bush Sr era America that's because it is exactly that sort of sitcom. Maggie Han deserves better.

THE ROYAL FAMILY: It seems extra cruel to take Redd Foxx's popcorn away considering he'd be dead before the fifth episode even aired. Della Reese is in this, die-hard Della fans.

ROC: This intro works perfectly. We get Charles S. Dutton, Ella Joyce and an easy to digest Jerry Lawson theme song. (En Vogue would do the theme later.) It’d be nice if they could get Edgar Allan Poe wagging a finger at seafood or something else in the background to push that Baltimore thing even more, but I still wish this intro from 25+ year old Fox comedy all the best in its future endeavours.

BREWSTER PLACE: Speaking of good intros, Brewster Place is a first rate brand of TV welcome. Brenda Pressley is the MVP of the intro over Oprah Winfrey which might explain why Brenda Pressley has been missing since 1992. (I know she’s on The Path. Just play along.)

SUNDAY BEST: The intro equivalent of getting someone to throw shit at a wall, we get an early 90s NBC grab bag of fuck it whatever shots of TVs and TV dinners with poor Carl Reiner trotted out partway through.

AMERICAN CHRONICLES: Mark Frost and David Lynch paired for a documentary series in the early ‘90s on Fox because Fox was like fucking UHF at the time. The industrial strength creepy opening doesn’t include any shots of narrator Richard Dreyfuss turning towards the camera and that’s a damn shame.

AMERICAN DETECTIVES: If you get horny for stressed out real-life detectives, this will send your undergarments to Mars! Lots of mustaches here. A whole Safeway bag’s worth. Some real rural gas station rock going on with that theme tune.

FBI: THE UNTOLD STORIES: The tone of this entire intro is: “Hey kid, wanna see a dead body? Or twenty?” Creepy music blasting over Jackie Kennedy on the back of JFK’s death limo and Wayne Williams heading to trial equals primetime party fun!

ENCOUNTERS: THE HIDDEN TRUTH: Suck it, Sightings! Encounters is leading a new dawn for crackpot horseshit to eat Bugles to! I appreciate the shameless X-Files knockoff intro thing Fox is doing (cuz it’s their show) that comes complete with head shop blanket alien head popping up midway through.

STEPHEN KING’S GOLDEN YEARS: Essentially Garth Marenghi's Darkplace with one hell of a music rights win tacked on.

TRIBECA: This opening reminds me an awful lot of terrible movies I was bullied into watching on VHS at a friend’s house.

WIOU: One thing I like in a TV intro is when something fun happens with the title onscreen. It’s a minor thing, but the way those WIOU letters turn into view? HOOCHIE MAMA! Eight is Enough’s Dick Van Patten does a fantastic job of conveying that being a weatherfellow is tough work.

GABRIEL’S FIRE: I will never for the life of me understand how the early ‘90s could not sustain a James Earl Jones fronted program titled Gabriel’s Fire. Those worlds are supposed to meld beautifully.

PROS & CONS: Gabriel’s Fire would morph into the more lighthearted Pros & Cons which symbolized its new form by laying it on thick with the Video Toaster touches. Instead of James Earl Jones peering at you from the darkness, this go-around it’s a lot of smiles and silly moments with Richard Crenna.

BURKE’S LAW: Hearing “it’s Burke’s Law” at the start of that intro is like when “Do you smell what The Rock’s cooking?” would play before Dwayne Johnson would wander down a ramp to kick Triple H in the stomach. In this case, it’s to get you fired up that Gene Barry’s back on television. This particular episode promises Dom DeLuise and Tawny Kitaen together at last!

MAX MONROE: LOOSE CANNON: If you only see one intro for a Shadoe Stevens vehicle that transitions from a Donut Hole shot to an extended leer at a lady’s bum, make it this one!

TEQUILA AND BONETTI: The creators of Tequila and Bonetti know that if you want folks to get on board for an L.A. dramedy about a New York cop and streetwise police partner dog, you should kick things off by trying to make you feel sorry for this asshole who “accidentally” murdered a kid. Seriously, that’s the route Tequila and Bonetti goes with this fucking insane opening that begins with newspaper headlines screaming “COP KILLS 12 YR OLD” while he cradles a black girl in her arms and then BOOM! we’re spun around to JACK SCALIA GRINNING AROUND WACKY LOS ANGELES AND ALL ITS CRAZY CHARACTERS LIKE A DOG THAT JUMPS THROUGH A FUCKING WINDOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS LIKE IF SOMEONE STROKED OFF THE HANNITY VIEWING AND KEPT WHAT WAS SPURTED OUT ONSCREEN! It’s just a really, really, really bad intro.

[tirorah]

The Tradition of Change

Full disclosure: I live in the Netherlands. I’m a cis gay female who had the fortune of being born in an open-minded family. 

I could be defined as a third generation immigrant. I say “could” because there’s a technicality in the way, but one side of my family does have foreign roots. However, because there’s a lot of Dutch blood in my veins, very few people would ever identify me as someone of partly foreign descent at all. 

Honestly, I’m not sure if it even counts anymore. But all of the above does affect my opinion. 

In current times, where our political climate seems increasingly turbulent and toxic, I often encounter arguments revolving around one thing: culture. More specifically, the perceived loss of this culture through our expanding, increasingly interconnected world, and of course immigration, the ultimate hot topic of the current social climate. 

Note how I mentioned “perceived” loss instead of actual loss. Because lately, whenever this subject is brought up, the first question on my mind is: What is culture? And is it even possible to lose it to such a degree that it completely destroys a country’s sense of self? 

Spoiler alert: my answer is no. Feel free to dive under the cut for a lengthy explanation. 

So let’s take a look at the first question, what is culture? A quick Google search gave me a nice definition:

The ideas, customs, and social behavior of a particular people or society.

Sounds about right to me. With that in mind, allow me to give you a general overview of Dutch social culture. 

In recent history, we’ve profiled ourselves as a country of tolerance. Tolerance towards everyone, irrespective of gender, romantic/sexual preferences, ethnicity, and religion. Tolerance towards other things too, like certain kinds of drugs, prostitution, 16 year-olds consuming alcohol (raised to 18 in 2014) and even illegal downloading (no longer allowed from 2014 onward as well.)

But when one narrows it down to day-to-day interpersonal interaction, we see an additional layer. For example, your average Dutch person is rather allergic to what we consider open, excessive displays of egoism or vanity. The reason for this is a general notion that we, and by extension our fellow citizens, have to “behave normally.” 

“Behaving normally” is expressed as a set of social guidelines that we as a people enforce upon others--and ourselves, ideally. It basically means one should act with a certain amount of manners, modesty and decency. There’s nothing wrong with being yourself, standing out, and being successful, as long as you’re not a nuisance to others (rubbing our noses in it) and you keep your feet planted on terra firma. 

In comes our current predicament: other cultures. I like to think most of us tend to at least tolerate them--as long as they fit in our Western definitions of basic human rights, of course--even if we think some of them are weird or don’t make sense. But for a lot of people, this is easier said than done when immigrants bring other cultures here.

And therein lies the rub. Right now there’s a growing sense of discontent among the population, caused of course by a multitude of factors. But I consider these two the most visible of them: 

1) The ‘08/’09 economic crisis which we’re still recovering from, leading to increased, long-term unemployment, budget cuts and less financial security in general; 2) Political upheaval (internationally too) and a current ruling government that, for all its efforts, makes mistakes and doesn’t do enough for some people.

Which is then followed up/accompanied by: 3) The perceived flood of migrants (again, “perceived” because we actually get in fewer refugees, total amount and percentage, than the general populace thinks) bringing in foreign values which, due to incidents, start to be considered incompatible with ours.

Know anything about the human psyche, and the logical followup is people blaming 3) for making 1) and 2) worse. The longer this situation lasts, the more extreme those views may become, and the more they can spread. This makes it easier, and to my personal dissatisfaction, more acceptable to blame outside influences for one’s problems. 

So why the economic and psychological tangent? Because I believe economic problems, compounded by a biological fear and rejection of the unknown, and further complicated by a minority that is actually racist, is the main catalyst for the allegation that foreigners are attempting to “destroy” our culture.

Nothing about this is strange. We humans are animals like any other, and we have what’s called a herd-mentality. We live and thrive in groups, and in nature, groups must be protected from outsiders that often wish to do harm or upset the established hierarchy. So we’re essentially hard-wired to do this, especially when we fall on hard times. 

When security and stability is at risk or on the decline, we instinctively look for something to hold on to, a beacon of certainty and peace. The closer to us, or the identity of “us”, the better. This leads me into customs, or traditions. What better comfort than things we’ve cherished for a long time and are seen as a typifying part of our culture? 

This is all well and good, mostly, until you add in the rest of the world. Countries in general tend to have different histories and values, sometimes wildly so, and when those conflict...well...

http://www.debatingeurope.eu/2014/12/05/zwarte-piet/#.WKMt7m8rLAU

I chose this tradition to talk about because it’s the most prolific one, it’s a children’s celebration so people get extra wound up, and it’s easy to understand why many call it racist. As you can see, a long-standing tradition in one country can be seen as offensive in another. It’s a logical consequence of a world that’s always connected.

For us, especially as a people who have always endeavored to be a haven of tolerance, this is a heavy blow. The issue challenges the notion that traditions are fine because they’ve "always been this way.” It forces us to question our degree of tolerance itself, which is a pillar of our national identity. It makes us wonder if we actually practice what we preach. Or it should. 

The actual, visible result is, much like the immigration debate, an argument split up into different “sides.” In this case, we have a vocal side calling for big changes or even removal of the tradition, “fighting the good fight”, while calling the other side “racist.” The other vocal side, the “racists,” yell back they’re protecting “their culture” and “their country.” Finally, there’s a quieter group in the middle who is either utterly sick of it all or doesn’t care (anymore.) 

To add to this, some add that our Black Pete custom has already become less racist over the years (the removal of the accent, for example) and are of the opinion this should be enough. To do any more would be an “unnecessary attack” on our “tradition” which then constitutes an attack on our “culture” and “identity.” 

This brings me to my opinion, and the point of this post.

I believe that destroying or stealing a culture is impossible, short of incredibly drastic actions like China’s Cultural Revolution. This is because of the following:

Culture is not static. It never has been and never will be. 

Our values and morals have shifted massively over the course of history. It’s those values and morals that shape our behavior and ideas in the first place, and with them a fundamental part of our culture. 

When I look at it like that, I could even argue this evolution is actually the oldest tradition of all, in any culture. A tradition of change, as it were. (#ShamelessTitlePlug) 

We can’t lose our culture to change, because the evolution is what keeps it alive and current. Without these changes, we’d still be colonizing distant lands or calling homosexuality a disease. 

In fact, what is culture but a reflection of us as a people? And we’ve changed massively over the years. It’s one of our best traits.  

So instead of blaming each other all the time and allowing ourselves to be consumed by toxicity, I think it’s far healthier for us as individuals and as a society to accept this. There is no “Us vs Them” to be had here. It’s simply a matter of Us, and whether we like it or not, we have to learn to live together. 

Of course, I’m not saying we should just accept anything and call it a day. Change is not inherently good. And as someone who personally doesn’t deal well with sudden upheavals, I can understand that the way our world seems to be changing more and more rapidly is scary. 

That’s why we need to question that change. We need to question everything. Other people’s actions and beliefs, but also our own, thoroughly if we can spend the time to do so. 

But it’s equally important to question the status quo we’re always trying so hard to cling on to. 

What we shouldn’t do is question the validity of change itself, whether it comes from within or without, and whether it’s gradual or sudden. 

Critical thinking is a massive part of what makes humanity the dominant force it is, warts and all. If we stop doing that, it’s my opinion we could very well regress into a time where war, not peace, is the norm. 

Respect the past and move on to the future. 

Do you have any questions, thoughts or nuances to share? Do you disagree with me and want to make a case for your view on these matters? Should I lay off the quotation marks? Please feel free to share your opinion.

#politics #(I guess) #racism #I tried to be rather objective about our holiday btw #but you're free to ask me for my opinion on it #it's just not something I wanted to address in this post because it's not the point. it's just an example #culture