#and just guilt steeped in both scenes

[coralreeferband]

Denny

Fahnstock/MacAfee

#BUT REMEBER HIS MY BROTHER SEE IN THIS SOME HIGHER PLAAAANNNN #YOU MUST USE THIS PRECIOUS SILVER TO BECOME AN HONEST MANNNNN #les miserables #les mis letters #lm 1.2.12 #I wish i knew a little more about music theory composition etc #so I could do a big analysis of the repeating tunes across the musical #bc the bishop being sonically connected to empty chairs #the start of a new life and the loss of many lives #and just guilt steeped in both scenes #anywayyyyys

[velvetineblue]

CHARACTER INFO SHEET ;

NAME : taiyang theodoré tseng .

NAME MEANING : sun / god-given gift / high, elevated, steep

ALIAS : mostly just 'tai' .

ETHNICITY : taiwanese .

ONE PICTURE / ICON YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR CHARACTER : hmmmmmm... many options asjjaj but this one is one of my fav graphics i've made !!

THREE HCS YOU NEVER TOLD ANYONE :

a weird, (?) comfort food that he will make is a pb&j sandwich but with strawberry jam or orange marmalade (or both!) and peanutbutter... and he'll add marshmallow fluff if there is some in the pantry, if he wants a sweet treat. : 3

in his vampire verse, he has shadow/darkness manipulation magic, && can shift into a black wolf : 33 he has the capability of shifting into pretty much any nocturnal predatory creature ( yes, including bats asjajj ) but it's a difficult and learned skill, and a wolf is the only one he is practiced at && is good at so far......... he's practicing how to git gud at birds and other creatures of flight because that would be hella useful but. he's not very good at it at the time and can only do it for a short burst jasjajj. these shifting abilities ONLY work at night, though!! only when the moon is out; never in the daytime .

the man who took care of little-tai while his father was in jail ( who is his dad's best friend ) was very frugal, modest in accommodation's, and believed that anything extraneous to be bought for the household, tai had to earn. mostly by doing chores or something else productive with his time. because of this, he grew up without a lot of 'luxuries' that others were accustomed to: for example, there was no internet access in his home; he had to go to the library or his school to use the internet! and he didn't have a cell phone until he was 17, and that's because he saved up money from a summer job to buy his own... and on a similar vein ( perhaps because of this ), he's not as addicted to tech as a lot of other people his age?? he uses social media but in like... low-moderate amounts. he's def not addicted to it and he doesn't use it all that often, comparative to most people in his age/generation group.

THREE THINGS YOUR CHARACTER LIKES TO DO IN THEIR FREE TIME :

jogging / hiking, etc; finding a place in nature that is pretty/cool and hanging out there, enjoying the ambience . . .

he's not extremely mechanically knowledge, but if there is any work he can do himself on his car(s), he rly enjoys when he can do it! the hands-on challenge is fun & it's satisfying to know he did it HIMSELF. he likes cars in general; likes going on drives while listening to music, likes checking out interesting/sEXy/rare models of cars ... even in verses where racing is not a thing he does/did, he enjoys car shows, clubs, shops, etc; he might go them if he's bored and they're around. he luvs his car; it his babie <; 3

pretty much anything to do with animals; he will meet up with someone there so fast!! the zoo, aquarium, dog parks, etc... if there's a chance he can see ( or better yet, inTERACT WITH ) animals, he's on his way— hE'S ZOOMIN!!!!

TWO THINGS YOUR CHARACTER REGRETS :

in his supernatural/SoL verses: he had a very close childhood-friend named Nihat that moved to LA to be in the band: tai half-convinced him to move to LA, but honestly, not really; nihat really wanted to come anyway, he was just waiting for the formal invitation. sadly, nihat ended up becoming deeply entrenched in the vices of the LA music scene and that trouble... ultimately led him to the end of his life ... tai deeply regrets ever inviting nihat to La. the guilt has haunted him ever since. there's a lot more i want to write on that topic but i would accidentally write a novel so i gotta stop there ajsajjj

he regrets not doing more for his mom when she was alive. he was only eight when she passed away, and realistically, ooc, we all know there really wasn't anything he could do for her that could have helped her with her mental health struggles; and even if there was, that wasn't his responsibility to take on; he was a child and should not have had to care for her or worry about her health-- it is the other way around ... but he's never been able to accept that. he has always carried the guilt and regret that he couldn't do more, and couldn't save her... couldn't give her a reason to live, or be enough for her to want to.

ONE PHOBIA YOUR CHARACTER HAS : most of his fears are psychological but... one physical thing that is nightmare fuel for him would be if he was locked in a claustrophobic small space alone, all on his own, for a long time, with no way to exit, and it didn't seem like someone was coming to get him...... . o _ o that would be very near the top in his list of "worst ways to die" asjjajj

#meta. #stole this off my dash a loooong time ago so feel free to steal it if you want hehe. #but today felt like a good day to do it cus #i feel like writing but my dash is rly slow for the holidays understandably !! #but if anyone wants to start something... lmK AND I'LL TOSS U A STARTER. #or you can always send a meme c: #it's been so long that i want to start with new threads rather than deep dive into my drafts-- not yettt.

[b0tsbby]

Tales of Vesperia’s lost: Zagi as a misunderstood antagonist

Spoilers for the Definitive Edition of Tales of Vesperia!

Disclaimer: This is my opinion on evidence and lore found in the game. This is not a comprehensive guide on how to view the game or it’s characters. I just live here.

Up in the abandoned halls of Tarqaron, my first thought when seeing a barely standing, Blastia poisoned Zagi was “I’m going to miss him”. It was almost a joke at first. After so many fights with him, I got used to having Zagi show up in the most obscure places. He was weird, sure, but he became such a constant of the team’s journey. I could always count on him to show up, eventually.

It was only after my last fight with Zagi that those words started to mean a little more to me. For the first time, it clicked. He wasn’t ever coming back. For the first time Zagi was truly gone.

And I have issues with how the following scene played out. It felt so dismissive to hear Yuri and the others reduce Zagi to simply being ‘crazy’. It felt like something was missing, like an entire plot point or development was shoved under the rug, kinda like Raven’s pretty rushed reunion upon Heracles.

That’s when the skits that followed with Raven, Rita and Judith really solidified it for me. Zagi, beyond what was initially just another inconvenience for Yuri, is a tragic character. A character that meant a lot more to the themes of the game then it let itself realise.

Okay so, there’s not much we learn about Zagi’s background, and his path in game is somewhat sporadic. First we can deduce at some point he was in leagues with Leviathan’s Claw, working as an assassin to take a hit on Flynn where he meets Yuri instead. We see him again on Ragou’s ship, where for some reason, his ties to Leviathan’s claw are broken and he now works under Ragou and Barbos. We meet him again on his own in the Coliseum, aboard Heracles and finally Tarqaron. The most logical deduction is after Zagi’s meeting with Yuri, the assassin deflects from his former guild and mission entirely to pursue Yuri. Every choice he makes from then on, even the alteration of his body with Blastia, is for Yuri.

I’m gonna backtrack a little to talk about the other character that I feel Zagi behaved as a character foil to, that character being none other than Yuri himself. Morality, justice and the weight of one’s choices are some of the big themes that drive Tales of Vesperia’s narrative, and murder as a resort is not one too steep for both the story and Yuri, though Yuri is still at a stage where he feels the burden of death upon him. Murder is a last resort and he doesn’t actively enjoy having to take Cumore and Ragou’s lives. It’s this blood on Yuri’s hands that drives him to isolate and think less of himself. It’s these choices he’s made that way so heavily on him, making him believe he’s better off facing the world alone and not accepting the trust and support of Brave Vesperia and co.

And it’s in Yuri that we can understand Zagi better. There’s no mention of how or why Zagi became an assassin or how he came to realise he’s so good at carrying out the role. In the end though, he is one. There’s a lot of blood on Zagi’s hands and Yuri only serves as a small window to what effect that may have on him.

Furthermore, Zagi’s alone as far as we know. There’s not a single mention of another character he could be fighting for, or someone who maybe drove him to this path.

To put it all together, I believe in two possible instances regarding Zagi’s past:

One, he’s a character unfortunate enough to have had to make similar choices as Yuri, but alone. The guilt and possible trauma of it all could have been too much for him to handle, turning fighting and the act of killing, the very things that broke him, into some twisted, unhealthy coping mechanism. Realising he’d never be accepted again for the choices he’s made, Zagi resorted to putting meaning into this singular act, becoming exceptional, and making it his sole reason for being.

Then there’s two, perhaps Zagi was just ‘crazy with power’ , like the game suggests, from the start. Maybe the thrill of fighting is just something he’s always enjoyed (sounds like a character I’ve already mentioned). Maybe it had all been Zagi’s prime interest from the start, so much so that he became exceptional at fighting. Too exceptional.

So in a world where Zagi was viewed more as a threat for his talent or interest, with no else to turn to, he turned to a life where his existence would be valued, accepted. The life of an assassin.

But that’s all speculation, of course.

Let’s take a look at those respective skits again, starting with Rita and Judiths’s in “Zagi - Part 2”.

Where the brunt of Zagi’s misunderstood character lies ,I think, is in this loneliness. He has nothing left to put meaning into besides fighting. It’s brought up after his last encounter, and not just in the skits. I found it interesting how even Rita here, draws a parallel between her obsession with Blastia and Zagi’s obsession with , well, his work. They’re both characters with incredible talent, and they’re both characters who seemingly know how alienating it is to be talented, to be too good at something. The joy of being the best at what you do can only last for so long, before one craves a challenge again, or more so in this case an ‘equal’ .

We get more talk about this whole idea of equals in ‘Zagi’s End’.

I’m glad Raven brings up the other antagonists in this skit, specifically making a point of how Zagi is different. Zagi’s the unfortunate case out of the three that found his equal (In Yuri) but his equal ‘turned out to be his enemy.’ The skit goes on to explain his cryptic statement.

So Raven’s specifically talking about friends or allies. Friends strong enough to ‘keep their power from distorting them’. People who’ll support and simultaneously keep you in check. (This distantly referencing the very close relationship Yuri and Flynn have).

It’s safe to say then that Zagi’s simply never had that, or hasn’t had that in a while. Companionship, love and friendship are things he’s clearly never experienced for a long time, and things he’s clearly forgotten how to pursue. So Zagi cherishes the distorted affection he has for Yuri, his ‘equal’, because it’s the closest thing he’s felt to companionship in years.

Zagi to me, represents a sort of ‘what-if’ Yuri that simply had to face the world alone, a Yuri corrupted by the weight of his choices. A character so far gone that longed for something he’d tragically never have or experience.

Gonna end off with my favourite quote from ‘Zagi’s End’:

I think everyone in the team has dealt with their fair share of loneliness, heck, it’s the only link between all their pasts! So I especially got emotional when Raven said this.

The world can be cruel, and each one of them will have to make difficult decisions, have to face inner demons, if they haven’t already. But they’ll be alright. They have love. They have each other.

#TLDR Zagi is an outcast #he has no friends and can’t make friends #and prolly thinks no one loves him #Yuri’s his first ‘friend’ #but it’s pretty one sided #obviously #tales of vesperia #zagi tales of vesperia #DONT REDUCE ZAGI TO CRAZINESS

[itlivesproject]

This is from way back since I had a backlog of chapters to play BUT OUGH the dialogue between Connor and Noah after the ritual goes south is just so fucking heartbreaking and well written. It made me feel so torn because there’s truth to BOTH of their points. Noah IS grieving a friend/almost lover (POSSIBLE VICTIM OF HIS TOO 💀) and just wants to undo this so so badly and it’s absolutely consuming his life in the way it was w Jane. This trauma has mired him for YEARS now. And Connor IS wanting to live a life beyond being steeped in this grief and the uncertainty of not knowing if his friend/lover is alive to miss or dead to bury is just. So painful and you completely understand how it’s gnawed at him for so long that he just wants an end to it, and is struggling w guilt FOR wanting that conclusion. It’s just aughhhhhh 🕳🚶‍♂️ without the added delicious drama of like. Possible love triangle aspects, Stacy’s possible death, WHETHER NOAH KILLED OR THE MC TOOK THAT PLACE WILLINGLY. God this book is living in my head rent free

Thank you anon!!! That’s one of my favorite scenes in the whole book, and Connor’s side I think is one of the best things I’ve ever written. You just can’t help but see both sides, and you can’t help but feel bad for both the one who wants to move on, and the one who just can’t let go.

#anon #ask #mod maggie

[scoops404]

how do you keep going? like how do you just get the energy to write so much?

The answer to this has a lot of layers to the answer. For one, I kind of get obsessed with one idea and then allow myself to get hyperfixated on it until I run it into the ground. Or at least until I get the majority of it written. This is the "fun" part, and the part you'll see me talking about the most - fun word count tweets and posts on here. Because this is the easy part. I don't write in order, so i'll just write the most interesting thing to me that day. It might be a full blown scene, it might be snatches of a scene with big blank spaces to figure out how to get to the next part. It might just be long stretches of dialogue that i'll fill in the rest later - but this is where I get the bones of the story.

It's less fun in the edit, but more satisfying. So after the fun part, when i'm starting to lose steam and/or the story is just coming together, I'll go through and weave everything together. This is when a lot of the metaphors and internal dialogue come into the equation. This part is satisfying because it's all coming together. The word count takes a steep nose dive, so you won't see me "bragging" as much about this part (though you might see me dropping a line or snippet that i'm proud of). This is the hard part!! This is when the devil wants me to give up!!

Which takes us into the other half of how I write so much - an audience. It really really really helps to have friends that want to see my story and are cheering me on. It also really helps to know that I have to finish writing so that everyone can read it. I make sure I have 80% at least of the story finished before I post the first chapter for this reason - it's so much easier to have a wave of encouragement getting you to the finish line.

But if you don't have a wave behind you, it's much harder, but still doable. I've done it both ways.

I find I'm happier when I have a project to work on -- it makes me get up early before work to write and then write at lunch so if I'm exhausted by my work day, I have no guilt about not writing because I already got some in. And if I do, by some miracle, get some writing done that evening, it's just a huge bonus. Occasionally, I'll do some light editing, checking for inconsistencies which tend to pop up when you write out of order like i do, spellings, other tedious things that need to be done but are low energy and don't require as much brain power. And sometimes I'll do those things while re-watching a stream, etc.

If you're struggling to finish things - start something much smaller. Write a 1K word fic, finish it, edit it, upload it. Then write a 5K fic, finish it, edit it, upload it, etc. An audience will follow, and when you see you can complete something small, your confidence will grow. Then you can let the ideas guide you.

I hope this answers your question, even if I rambled quite a lot.

[amrv-5]

💔,🎉,😬,🧐,🥺 !

Hello hello hello!!!! Thank you for the ask!!!!!!!! sorry as with the rest this got. Long. Below the cut for length and some spoilers for (already published) chapters of S2G2:::

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

I'd say a tie between Moved on Memory, my M*A*S*H fic where Hawkeye becomes literally (?) haunted by iterations of his past self, and S2G2 with a specific eye towards chapter 4 (Hawkeye runs away), and chapter 15 (BJ sits outside the bar). Augh. Just. I got a little misty-eyed writing BOTH of those chapters and I'm really not a crier. So emotionally intense and deals with such personal, and I think to many people relatable, feelings and situations--isolation, helplessness, despair, loneliness, anger at yourself and a past you can't escape, etc. etc. Heartbreaking, but like, a good, cathartic heartbreak. I don't think I'm capable of writing something that wouldn't break for the better, if that makes sense.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

This is a fascinating question. I think I tend to write for myself more than for an audience (hence why so much of my fic is Patently Fucking Bizarro Weird), so I think I consider a fic a success when I have fun with it and like it. If it makes me Feel Something, that's a success. I aspire abstractly to the idea of "literary" fiction, but also that's pretentious bullshit and I just like getting Weird With It mostly. Audience definitely has a little influence on it of course--I was very scared S2G2 would be a flop w/readers just because I spent just a stupid amount of time and effort on it and I want people to Talk To Me About It So Bad. So Bad. But on the other hand, I'd consider my Clerks (1994) fic Nearly Lost You There to be a success despite capping at like 200 hits because I had a bunch of fun with it, and I think it did what I wanted it to do!!!

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Okay well the real answer is any one of the approximately ten fics I've written anonymously throughout various fandoms (3 in MASH lol). they're on anon for a Reason, whether it's Concept Too Stupid and Self Indulgent to Own Up to Writing or just NSFW I didn't want the pressure of linking to my account, those guys r the main answer. Out of the fics currently not on anon, I think that the only possible answer is the queer reading I did of Judas. Yes, that Judas. Bible Judas. What can I say, I've got a minor obsession with guilt, narratives of blame, doomed characters, and historically vilified figures.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

Yes!!! I read a few books on 1950s queer movements before diving into Somewhere to Get To, talked to a couple Korean and 'Nam vets I'm acquainted with re: draft stuff, and skimmed a couple books on histories of the Korean War and 1940s-50s culture in general. I also transiently researched stuff to make sure things like cars, clothes, setting, subway tokens, etc. were as close to verifiably accurate as possible. Sometimes I intentionally violate the timeline--I slipped an Auden poem into S2G2 that technically wouldn't be published until 3-4 years after the scene, but I really wanted it in, and so it went in. Same timeline slippage for a joke about the Mets BJ makes in Moved on Memory. I'm sure I also unintentionally violate the timeline plenty, too.

Maybe the most extensive and probably weird research I do for MASH -- and CW for discussion of surgery, I guess, in case that's icky for anyone -- is on anatomy and surgery. It's important for me to feel like the inside of BJ and Hawkeye's heads are steeped in years of medical training and practice, so I do (sorry) watch example training videos of surgeries that I describe to make sure they're accurate and 'feel' at least relatively real from the surgical point of view. I also have BJ and Hawkeye both think in scientific and medical metaphors more often than I think most characters would: in S2G2, BJ and Hawkeye both compare emotional pain to a sternotomy, and BJ has an extended sequence in which he imagines his life as a dynamical system and proximity to Hawkeye as a strange attractor, for instance.

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Absofuckinglutely, and you can tell 'cause I write 'em over and over again. There's almost always a moment in all my fics where somebody is loved for all they are. That moment of 'I love you, no caveats' is such an emotional heavy-hitter for me. Central conceit of all my romance writing basically. To be Seen and Loved Regardless...wow...

I'm also a sucker for characters taking care of other characters. Like, looking after each other. Food, rest, a hug, whatever. Fucks me UPPPPP!!! Any fics where one character dotes on another in any way is my bread and butter. Just caught on to the fact I'm so transparent about this being a central theme in my romance writing when I realized more than half of the chapters of S2G2 prominently feature a scene where somebody cooks for or thinks about feeding someone else. When you add in brings blanket to / hugs / etc., it's basically every chapter. Essentially everything in all my Romance Scenes boils down to little acts of caretaking because These Scenes Melt Me Into A Tiny Puddle.

#thanks so much for the ask!!!!!!!! #these were so fun. i love talking fic. love it #food and love which are of course the same thing etc. etc. etc. #ask game

[botslayer]

Why (Almost) every member of The Seven is Sympathetic:

Yes I said “Almost” but I want to do this in descending order (With one exception, you’ll guess who quickly). What makes these characters human monsters despite their great power? The only ones I feel no sympathy for at any given point are Translucent and Shockwave. 

Okay they lock him in a cage and he really only wants to get out, but remember that he nearly killed some guy (Hughie) for trying to spy on them as he thought Hughie was a government spy. However, while in that cage, he mentions the idea that normal people are nothing to supes. I believe his exact words in once scene were “You’re nothing but a water balloon full of blood and meat.” So when he dies after bouts of bargaining and bribery, yeah. Fuck ‘im. Shockwave is on the extreme opposite end, he’s given virtually no characterization so his death is basically immaterial to the story and I have no clue what level of scumbag I’m supposed to infer he is.

He takes A-Train’s job (Which he can no longer do due to a medical complication). Big deal. He’s just some guy with super speed and a pawn for Homelander that gets taken out before he can do anything as far as the story goes. He looks cool but he’s a nothing character. (There is also Mister Marathon but we don’t know enough about him for anything relevant yet) The Deep, perhaps ironically this far up, is next.

The Deep has a couple of short scenes where I do sympathize. For example when he tries to help a supermarket lobster only for it to be killed, and then another where he invites a woman into his house. Said woman fingers his gill holes much to his protest and apparent pain while they have sex. Does he deserve that? No. But through all of that, and through joining the Church Of The Collective, he never learns the lesson he should have. He doesn’t actually appear to see what he did as wrong just that it’s inconvenienced him so thoroughly. Not to mention the fact that he’s technically committed bestiality (Albeit the sea life he communicates with seem to express roughly human level intelligence or something he understands as that at least which makes it... less bad, arguably.)  All the same, the irony of The Deep is that he’s a completely shallow person. He’d do what he did to Starlight again if he thought he could get away with it, you can’t change my mind. I think that’s kind of the point though. Given the shows writing, I really don’t think I’m supposed to give a crap if The Deep lives or dies. He’s done one authentically good thing in the whole show and that was at the very end of season 3 with someone else’s prompting. (Although I won’t spoil that) Next, we have Black Noir, The Seven’s resident ninja. Which I want now.

Black Noir is probably a little high up for some of your tastes but I will say that from Deep, it’s a pretty steep drop to Noir. This physically abused and mentally broken assassin is honestly one of my favorite characters even before we got his backstory. His old and new leaders in the teams he was/is in were/are both absolute tyrannical monsters and he’s blindly loyal to a company that likely sees him as little more than an asset. You almost wanna give the guy a hug. Even when he kills someone it’s stiff and robotic. Like he only does it because it’s what he knows how to do. We also know he has either imaginary friends as of season 3, or basically schizophrenic delusions of cartoon characters. One or the other. This still suggests his brain is completely fucked. Especially when you see a chunk of it fell out in Nicaragua.  Noir is ultimately a manifold victim of circumstance that slowly, over time, broke his mind, busted him up, and made him a monster, not because he simply is one, but because he was broken into one. Just like his most recent leader. But we’ll get to him. For now, Lamplighter.

Now, Lamplighter is a bad enough dude, but he feels an all-consuming, soul-crushing guilt. He feels nothing but pain for what he’s done, the thing that broke up The Boys before the show started, killing Grace Mallory’s grandkids. See, he might be a supe and was wrapped up in their wrong doing but he’s committed a great sin and knows its weight full well. His death in season 2 is a release. One that was unfortunate for The Boys but it was for peace. And it’s depressing but I’ll be damned if I don’t understand it and... Sympathize. Rest in peace, Lamplighter. Then there’s Maeve. 

Maeve is a bad person. I don’t care what people say. Maeve is a bad person. But the question we have to ask is “Why?” “Why do you leave a plane full of people to die?” “Why do you enable the monsters around you?” Because she wants to survive. You tell Homelander of all people “No.” You tell him he’s doing something wrong and to give a shit. If you don’t go along with it, you don’t know what he’ll do. And it’s the same with people like Translucent spying on people in the bathroom. She’s so surrounded by this evil by this corruption and forced to smile and wave and pretend she’s happy when she isn’t. She’s the strongest woman in the world and ultimately feels powerless against the corporate scumfucks she works for or Homelander or A-Train, whoever else. She might be able to do damage to the others but not on Noir’s watch, not on Homelander’s. Defineitely not on Vought’s.  She’s been cut off from the woman she loves for years, her approach to being a superhero is completely warped by what’s happened in her tenure, and the only person on God’s Green Earth willing to try and help her actually act on being a good person is Starlight. There’s a good person in Maeve trying to get out and Starlight helped or at least tried to but it’s a constant uphill battle against everything both of them are surrounded by. She gets a happy ending but the road to it is long and painful and honestly it isn’t entirely unearned even if I would have preferred her dying a hero’s death. Speaking of Starlight: HOMELANDER IS NEXT!

What hasn’t been said about Homelander? He’s a scumbag. He’s a manipulative, opportunistic, hateful, evil, egotistical, violent, sociopathic monster and needs to be stopped. But like with Maeve, the question is “Why?” Put Simply: He’s Superman without the Kents. He was denied something people need in their formative years. Love. He was affection and connection starved and taught to be the most effective weapon, not hero, possible. His super strength he only uses for relishing his horrible actions because his lasers do almost anything he needs quicker, even if it results in more collateral. That’s really not his concern because he was raised more or less not to give a shit. They gave a demigod a fullgod as a son and then denied either of them that bond and spoiled the god they made rotten, letting him think he could do whatever he wants.  Homelander, not entirely unlike Noir, is a victim of surroundings. We don’t know what kind of person he could have been if he just had a proper family or at least a father. Vogelbaum certainly wasn’t going to give it to him and he admits that was a mistake. Homelander’s story is a tragedy when you get right down to it. A kind, loving boy forced to endure what could only be called torture just to see what sort of powers he had and then unleashed upon the world with a constant desire to be loved and seen as a hero by the people he’s supposed to work to save and help lead further astray by a combination of the already fucked up superhero culture of the time and his warped psyche. We all want Homelander to die, I think. But I wish I could go back. That I could just help a screaming child get the life he deserved before he became the monster we all know. Up next, we have A-Train.

A-Train is a bad person... Or perhaps was. But do remember the pressure and threat he lives under every day. If he slows down from his records for even a few milliseconds, that’s a few milliseconds someone else can take and use to take his place in the spotlight. Something he, a character from at least an inferably low-money background probably doesn’t want to have happen despite Homelander forcing him to run V everywhere to make “Supervillains” or the idea that Homelander could just, apropos of nothing, decapitate him and face no consequences.  And now, given what happened in season 3, even though we know he’s killed more people than Robin and Popclaw, he knows why the things he’s done are wrong. He understands. He’s learned something approximating a lesson about what he’s put others through and is sorry. He understands at long last why what he’s done over the years is wrong, something he had to learn the hard way and he wants to make up for it all but doesn’t know how. At least he’s trying to use his platform for social issues. For whatever that’s worth. Now we come to the bottom layers, Starlight, Supersonic, and Blindspot.

Starlight, or Annie, is a character who kind of represents the average Superhero fan in my opinion. We see Superheroes as symbols of hope and justice. We see them as moral paragons who, while having flaws, let their good qualities shine through as much as possible not just because they’re good for everyone but because they, themselves, are good. They’re kind, caring, and maybe have just a pinch of an ego or show-offy tendencies.  However as the show goes on we understand how that image is maintained by Vought in this universe through fake exploits in movies, comics, and shows. We learn that Earth’s Most Mighty, The Seven, are almost all monsters of various different kinds the lot of them are managed by a single company that has its fingers in every pie at once. Annie, upon walking in and experiencing all of this first hand, has to adjust to it. She has to learn to play the corporate game which she already kind of does but only in theoretical ways she HAS to flex to stay afloat. She has to learn how to appeal to her supposed team mates and dance around all their bullshit, even Homelander’s. She gets everything she thought she wanted only for it to be a nightmare, and as it turns out, kind of forced on her by her mother.  Annie isn’t a bad person and is probably the best superhero in the show. She doesn’t do what she does because her ego is off the chart or because she’s driven by some abstract agenda. She genuinely wants to help and inspire people with a platform in The Seven. And to the show’s credit it’s not portrayed as a bad thing or superb naivety. She lives in a world of brainwashed people and is kind of one of them. She has to do bad things, even if she doesn’t want to. And that’s the kind of thing that you just feel for.  I don’t really have a segue, but Blindspot.

We don’t know anything about him. Okay, he’s basically Daredevil but other than that, virtually nothing. He’s a good dude though and kind of comes off as another Annie. Hopeful, aspirational, and genuinely wants to do what heroes are said to do and help people, stop criminals, that jargon. Then Homelander ruptures his eardrums. We don’t know what happened to him after that, if he bled out or got taken to some variant of medical area and is recovering but all the same Homelander stole a dream of a kind from him and left an entire secondary layer of crippling him. Blind-deaf people can get through life, yes, but he’s got one hell of a learning curve ahead if he survived and it’s all just a sad sight.  Just short of finally, Supersonic.

Supersoinc is a lightly developed character. He’s an old boyfriend of Starlight’s and we know for a fact he’s not a bad dude. He, like her and Blindspot, kind of embodies a sort of heroic idealism. He’s overcome a crippling drug addiction, he’s cleaned up his act and gotten back in the game, he’s openly displayed a trusting nature toward Starlight and a willingness to help fight Homelander, so much so he tried to recruit A-Train to the cause because he understood it was worth doing. He dies before the right thing can be done which is arguably worse than dying doing the right thing IMO. Now... The one you’ve all been dreading or perhaps sharpening various weapons and farm equipment edges for: Stormfront. 

I’m saying this now: I saved her for last because I know she’s a hard sell. She’s a fucking nazi. Like... There’s virtually nothing else to say. That alone is enough of a reason not to give a shit or relish when horrible things happen to her. She arguably deserves just about everything she gets, key word “arguably,” on that metric alone. Her loss of spotlight and platform and eventual death were good things... But hear me out. This woman was born into a country that had problems. In the years that followed she was indoctrinated into the prevalent, evil ideology, made into a god, and then she outlives... everyone. Her husband, her daughter, lord knows how many friends and other family members. Then she finds a new love, a man who embodies everything her rancid ideology wants. The strength. The power. The lovely blue eyes and blond hair. She’s found the perfect ideal and he’s into her. They’re in love. Homelander loves her so much he introduces her to his son who she tries to indoctrinate into her hateful world view and then that boy does so much damage to her body it’s unreal and her own healing factor can’t keep up with it and she’s left as major burn victim who’s slowly losing control of her body. Not only can she not physically be with the man she loves, she can’t wish a happy birthday anymore because her body is gradually failing her more and more. She can’t wheeze or even blink on command anymore until she kills herself being unable to deal with how, to her own ideological lens, pathetic she is now.  I struggle to feel no sympathy because that’s a lot of shit all at once. Again, happy she’s gone. The world of The Boys is a better place with out her. But just because she’s a terrible person, just because I find her to be awful... I still can't bring myself not to feel some sort of sorry for her. But she’s experiencing terrible, horrible things and I’ll be damned if those don’t engender some variant of empathy of sympathy. You may now flog me if you don’t agree with that stance. Anyway the point of this post was essentially just gushing about how I love this show. All of the characters are properly diverse and interesting even in their scummier behaviors. They know how to make them all uniquely scummy and sympathetic at once... All the ones that matter at least. 

#The Boys #The Seven #More like the Twelve #Homelander #A-Train #The Deep #Queen Maeve #Maeve #Starlight #Supersonic #Translucent #Stormfront #Blindspot #Lamplighter #Black Noir #Shockwave #Watch this fucking show please it's great I swear

[sagaofstardustmkg]

The sunk cost fallacy // Nevros // Trial 5.1 // Re: Haruki, Lady

Nevros knows Haruki better than he probably even realizes. Even if Nev has kept their distance from him until recently, he’s always been there, the background radiation of their life, something they’ve felt more than seen. Though they don’t understand guilt, a feeling as foreign to a murderer as the depths of the ocean, they know Haruki’s modus operandi.

Always take the blame.

[♪♪♪]

Take the blame for the deaths, not just any he’s been involved with, but all of them. Take the blame for Nev leaving him. Take the blame for not having sardines on their picnic. Every single thing, big and small, he takes the blame for like it’s a competition, his only way of being able to matter and affect things. A way of taking control.

Nev doesn’t for a second think he’s solely responsible when he opens his mouth to admit his involvement.Their hand just tightens grip on their pen, once again drawing the courtroom scene for later documentation, and much like everyone around them, a white hot anger flashes, mixed with incredulity.

Maybe it’s very hypocritical of them to be so angry at him that eventually the pen snaps in half as he admits to wanting to take the blame all for himself – after all, did they not beg for people to vote for them instead of Petrel – but like most their feelings, Nevros’ anger is like a storm, all encompassing and just as easily controlled. Dragom may try to control his inner storm. But then again, he can control the weather. Petrel can dive deep beneath the waves to avoid his.

Nev isn’t afforded either of those options.

So they rage for both of them.

“SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP, HARUKI!! JUST STOP SELF-FLAGELLATING AND TAKING THE FUCKING BLAME!! I’M JUST – I’M JUST – I’M SO TIRED OF IT!”

Their head whips to Lady as she admits her own involvement, and back to Haruki. There is malice in their eyes, bleeding together with desperation. They’d worked so hard to keep him safe, and now that there was a way out…

I’m sorry, Lady. They ignore her tears. They ignore her fear. They have to choose, and they don't falter.

“SHE BUILT IT! SHE BUILT THE DAMN THING! IT’S BECAUSE OF HER THAT IT BROKE! SHE’S GUILTY, NOT YOU!”

“PLEASE!!”

Nev’s voice hitches in their throat as they shout. It’s not like Lady has ever done anything to them. Lady has always been kind, and fun, an all around great clown. She was one of the first ones to approach them with kindness.

"I WON'T ... I won't... I won't..." "..."

"...I can't let you die. Not after all that I did for you--"

But they cannot let Haruki die. Not now. The cost has been so steep.

Giving up now would be admittance of defeat.

#ch5 #trial #nevros #submission

[lapinlunaire-games]

London, 1868: metropolis of vice, mighty host to the whirl and rush of humanity (among others), and now...the scene of a murder most foul. The verdict of this trial will decide the future of Fantastics and Mundanes alike, for calm or chaos—which way will you tip the scale? 

Announcing The Harrowed & the Hushed, a historical low fantasy interactive fiction game centered around the scandal-steeped murder of one of London’s most famous singers and socialites.

Play as a private investigator tasked with solving the most high-profile murder of the century to prove your client’s innocence, keep your own sordid past buried where it belongs, and preserve (or tear down) the mystical Veil that keeps the supernatural world of Fantastics from being exposed to Mundane humans. If you’re so inclined, woo or woe the eccentric sorts you come across in your quest for the truth—or perhaps find romance a bit closer. 

Either way, the clock is ticking for you and your client, and there simply isn’t room for any more blood on your hands.

Years ago, the grisly murders of two civilians shook England to its core; Fantastic and Mundane headlines alike augmented the feverish terror gripping the nation while their pages recorded every sensational detail of London’s bloodiest scene. In the end, a crowd gathered outside Newgate Prison to see the murderers hang — all except one. After a trial unprecedented in length and duress, your impassioned argument of innocence earned you a dubious mitigation: instead of execution, your fate was something beyond death. The Council called it mercy. You beg to differ. 

The Hushing severed your connection to magic, leaving you unable to grasp what had once flowed through your veins like wind over water. You can still feel it: a constant, aching reminder of what you once had, thrumming under your skin like the whisper of a lost love and always just out of reach. You may have been spared the gallows, but you died that day—and the Hushed One was born.

Cast out of the Fantastic world with little option but to adapt to your newfound Mundane life, you soon discovered that the Hushing also altered your ability to interact with the Veil, allowing you to walk between both worlds at the price of being able to truly belong to either. The only living testament to the horrors and hotly debated ethics of Hushing, you’ve tried to live a quiet life since, setting up a small private investigation practice to pay the bills and stave off the grief and guilt that still haunts you. It’s mostly cracking petty theft and confirming affair partners—not the most glorious work in the world, but at least you know what to expect.

That is, until a murder uncannily similar to the one that led to your Hushing unleashes new chaos on London and the prime suspect in the Fantastic investigation lands on your doorstep with a plea to help him prove his innocence before he meets a death sentence—or worse, the same fate as you.

There’s just one question left to ask: what will you call mercy?

Create a fully customizable character, selecting name, gender, and pronouns in addition to a custom appearance

Choose one of six original Fantastic ancestries and discover how the Hushing affected your origins

Navigate Victorian London and explore the Fantastic hidden in plain sight among the Mundane as you unravel the mysteries coiling beneath the city’s bustling surface

Encounter seven unique companion characters and choose to bestow affection, animosity, or all of the above! All romance is completely optional; H&H recognizes platonic love (and hate, you do you)

Uncover an eighth mystery companion character

Discover clues, postulate, and solve the murder that has London in its most feverish tizzy since the examination of a certain Lady Flora Hastings

Take a stance on the mystical Veil and work to protect it — or tear it down

Pet a cat! (LapinLunaireGames is not responsible for cases of virtual rabies, general infection, or other side effects. Player discretion advised.)

A. Gordon (gender selectable: she/her | he/him; Mundane) -  The Faithful Friend | Born into a wealthy landed family, A cut ties with the Gordon family line as a teenager (whether this is more accurately described as a departure or a disowning depends on who you ask). Now your partner in...well, in solving crime, A’s resolve is tied to the hopes of one day breaking down class barriers and the crooked system they witnessed growing up. Your relationship is a comfortable one, built on mutual trust...and a silent, shared understanding that some secrets are better buried. 

Ailbhe (they/them; fae) - The Body Politic | Solemn and steel-spined, Ailbhe is the youngest Magistratus ever appointed to the Albion Investigative Council. Born at the exact midpoint of the vernal equinox, Ailbhe took the symbolism of their birthday to heart, fostering a deep-seated passion for upholding justice and rising as something of a prodigy through the ranks of Fantastic law. Though the social pressures that rest upon their shoulders are great, no burden is heavier than the pressure they insist on leveling upon themselves. Witnessing your Hushing firsthand the sentencing of the Hushed One began to brew conflict in their heart about the morality of such a punishment and the right of the courts to wield such a dreadful power. Now...the maelstrom of controversy and murder spinning through London is stirring up that doubt to new heights.

Catherine Hartsworth (she/they; Mundane) - The Dastardly Diva |  A rising star in London's social scene, Catherine is was the murder victim's biggest rival for the limelight. The prime suspect in the Mundane side of the investigation, Catherine's reputation as a cutthroat competitor with the sweetest smile in all of England isn't exactly helping her case. The picture of sophistication, Catherine enjoys an impeccable public image, even if half the rumours swirling around them paint a lurid portrait of hedonistic soirées, perfidy, and controversial bedfellows.

Imric Jennings (he/him; Mundane) - The Charming Rival | Scotland Yard's jauntiest Detective Sergeant and your self-proclaimed rival, Imric sees your business as a potential partnership that would allow him to...circumvent the blustery paperwork and red tape that so often delays what he considers vital steps in his own investigations. A staunch believer in logic and pragmatism for whom the end nearly always justifies the means, Imric derives a special kind of joy in needling you and bartering quips for tips on overlapping cases.

Mina Qiu (邱明娜; she/her; Mundane) - The Intrepid Reporter | A zealous journalist from China who came to England to pursue a scoop that led to her exposing her former boss along with a labyrinth of corruption, Mina’s extended stay in London is all business and little pleasure. Armed with quicksilver wit, dry humor, and a razor-sharp tongue, Mina is intent on making this case her big break so she can safely secure either a return to her family or their passage to join her in England—even if she has to temper her fire with the knowledge that rival journalists are watching her do all the risky groundwork like sharks out for blood, ready to swoop in and snatch the scoop.

Rosalind Clarke (she/her; ghost) - The Sweetheart Spectre | In life, Rosalind was an actress with a passion for the dramatic. Now, she's a frequent helper in your cases (turns out having a contact who can speak to the dead works wonders) and a friendly face besides. Sweet and compassionate beneath her vivacious, willfully extravagant exterior, Rosalind is tethered to this plane by some sort of "unfinished business". She insists that she's content with how things are, but you can't help but suspect that there's more to the story.

Samuel "Sam” Morgan (he/him; werewolf) - The Wily Wallflower | Polite and unassuming, Sam is the sort of man your parents would love for you to bring home. When he shows up on your doorstep frantically imploring you to help him clear his name, your first instinct is to wonder how such an ingenuous man could be the prime suspect in the most shocking case to rock London since your own Hushing. You suspect, however, that Sam’s placid, easy-going temperament is part nature and part nurture—that is, curated in response to the persisting stereotype that werewolves (especially ones born like Sam rather than turned) are bloodthirsty, feral creatures incapable of anything resembling civility. (And you’d thought the Mundanes with their phrenology and clinical hysteria were bad enough.) The fact that he did enough research on the fate that awaits him should he be convicted (not to mention that he actually managed to track you down) means that Sam is much more cunning than his soft-spoken image lets on — cunning enough, perhaps, to commit murder, convince you to piece together evidence to frame someone else, and get away with it?

??? (???) - The Silent One | [file corrupted. no information available.]

Demo TBA | Meet the Companions (full profiles) |  Project playlist

#H&H #interactive fiction #if game #twine game #The Harrowed and the Hushed #mystery

[willgrahambf]

Why Did Hannibal Let Bella Slap Him?

hannibal and bella’s relationship endlessly fascinates me because it is so much different than every other relationship that hannibal has on the show. one of the scenes between them that intrigues me the most is when bella slaps him after waking up in the hospital alive, her suicide attempt thrwarted by hannibal. bella slapping hannibal seems uncharacteristic of hannibal to take on the surface. he’s killed people for less. insulting him is enough to wind up on his dinner table. i think the reason that he lets bella slaps him is because he truly does feel a form of guilt for saving her (also uncharacterstic of hannibal). let me explain. 

as i said, bella and hannibal’s relationship is different than every other relationship hannibal has. he purposefully seeks out people who are prone to violence and seeks to influence them to act on those urges. when hannibal meets bella, however, she is already dying. she offers no indication of wanting to hurt others. in fact, the first time she meets hannibal, she refuses to even partake in a meal in which an animal may have been killed inhumanely. bella’s only inclination towards destruction is against herself which she candidly explains to hannibal when she tells him she doesn’t want chemotherapy. i think for hannibal this is the perfect opposite of people who are prone to violence against others -- violence against the self as an inverted expression of what he wants to bring out in people. he tells bella that death is a cure, and he genuinely believes this is true. for will, death of others is the cure. for bella, the death of herself. 

jack’s relationship with hannibal is also important here. hannibal has been playing with jack for years, taunting him and evading him. he wants jack’s ire against the chesapeake ripper, otherwise, he would not be of any use to hannibal. just like his patients, hannibal would like to see jack give into his darker urges, even if they are steeped in righteous judgement. he also wants to see how low jack can be brought by bella’s eventual death. he makes himself a friend to jack by being there for him constantly when jack first finds out about bella’s cancer. while commiserating with him, he’s also digging his thumb into the wound if you listen carefully enough to their interactions. almost every time they talk about bella, hannibal brings up her eventual death (”now death has followed you home,” “when bella is gone you will feel her absence like a draft,” etc.) i’m certain that he wondered if jack would eventually assist bella in her suicide. 

so when hannibal saves bella, he’s making a choice between two sides of a coin, literally represented by the coin he flips before saving her. on one side, he sees bella’s suicide as her ultimate becoming. on the other side, jack assisting her is as close to his ultimate becoming as hannibal will get him (after all, he can’t even kill hannibal in contorno when he has him beaten). at his and jack’s breakfast meal the morning after bella’s attempt, hannibal tells jack, “it wasn’t what i couldn’t do for bella. it’s what i couldn’t do to you.” translation: i was perfectly happy to let bella die, but i could not take away the opportunity from you of helping her. hannibal’s desire to have jack help bella is also shown in mizumono. bella tells him, “you saved me for jack,” and “you moved my meaning.” yes, hannibal saved bella for jack. her new meaning is that jack will have to live with the fact that he euthanized his beloved wife for the rest of his life. this was the side of the coin that hannibal chose because although he had to wait longer for it, both desires eventually became true -- bella died and jack helped her. however, i think he did feel a form of guilt for making bella wait. he wanted for her what she wanted for herself, and for the time, he was unable to give it to her. being unable to swiftly complete his plan of care for someone is disappointing for him, hence him telling jack, “i guess i am a better friend than therapist.” he chose his “friendship” with jack over his “treatment” of bella. so when she slaps him, he takes it. he can’t hold it against her when he feels bad for withholding her cure from her. 

#not me coming in with another long ass meta about a ten second scene #hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal meta #hannibal lecter #bella crawford #txt :my thoughts are not often tasty:

[midday0nightmares]

14 - painless.

previous chapter like father, like son.

m.list.

tw - angst, kidnapping, mental health, blood, drugs, non-con.

*this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

“I hate you.. “

He responds with an annoyed sigh.. 

 you simmered through out the ride, your unwell condition exaggerating your emotions..

the car pulled in the underground parking lots, as soon as he unlocks the doors you throw the teddy bear at him hitting his face.. 

You bolt out the car starching your steps as wide as you can, He stalks behind you, thanks to his long legs he mange to reach the elevator door before you.. the lifeless stuffed toy in his hand..

He steps I first and you follow him.. you lean on the cold steal walls of the elevator, finding solace in it’s coolness against your hot body..

You stomp to the apartment door and cross your arms huffing while he opens the door.. he lets you walk in first

When you step in you attempt to slam the door in his face.. but your pity attempt fails as he catches the door before it closes. 

You were testing your limits with him.. even though you know you should quite before he snaps, you continue

You kick the ridiculous crocks shoes he had given you earlier and storm off to his room, this time successfully slamming the door.. 

you took of the hoodie and threw it on the floor remaining in a thin t-shirt, a pitifully announcing your rebliouling ..

 you flopped on his bed, your bottom lip quivering.. the anger turned into frustration that could be only be expressed with tears.. tears you don’t want to cry any more, tears you don’t want to show any more..

You expected him to follow you, to shout, to beat you.. anything, but he doesn’t.

After you’ve calmed down.. you reflect and you think you may have overreacted..

It’s 3:53 am .. it’s almost morning, you’ve given up on today.. you lay to sleep your frustration away..

Days have passed with you keeping your distance, and due to your unwell condition they have allowed you your space..

 Days turns over in waste.. another tools over, a bitter taste stronger than ever before blooms in your mouth greats you as you open your eyes to the new day.. a heavy sadness resides inside of you, weighing your limbs down.. 

You feel empty, a shell of human.. mentally drained, you try to push through it.. 

You get up to an empty apartment.. the clock reads 11:48 am, they should be at work right now..

You open the fridge looking for something to appease you.. cereal and milk, 

Jaemin’s blanket folded neatly over the couch next to it was the teddy bear he bought you.. still sitting in it’s place since that night..

You feel embarrassed for your childish actions.. your heart squeeze in guilt, dose he even sleep? 

You finish your sweet breakfast and take your temperature.. it reads 37, you follow with the last round of your meds..

With n nothing to occupy it, your mind wonders to him.. to his warm embrace, it was all you could think about..

You overcome your pride and lay on the couch, in the same spot he sleeps on.. you wrap yourself with his blanket.. 

you lie to yourself and pretend you only did it because you are too lazy to walk back to his room.. 

You doze off once you were content with the warmth that surrounded you.. 

You jolt up and scrambling to put the blanket to the it’s original form before they get back and see you clinging to jaemin’s blanket..

You know you shouldn’t indulge yourself in him.. it’s not healthy, he’s deeply disturbed man, you shouldn’t.. but only this time.

Another week comes and goes with no events.. 

the calmness feels uneasy, a nagging feeling in you keeps you on guard..

One of those boring evenings, that you usually spend hiding in jaemin’s room reading whatever book is available, started taking a steep turn when you hear your name being called.. 

You pounder whether to answer it or ignore it.. 

You walk out the room turning the corner to the open space of the living room to see three men seated around the couch..

 jaemin, jeno and an unfamiliar face that rings alarms in you.. the air smells like alcohol, three pair of dark eyes staring at you.. 

“is that her?” The stranger asks.. oilgning you

“come closer.. he’s not gonna bite you” jeno says in an upbeat tone.. his face is flushed red, side effects of being intoxicated.. 

“Your dad has a great taste ..” The stranger nudges jaemin who remains eerily quite..

“Come here..” Jeno pats the space next to him..  

and against your better judgment you take one step closer, jeno grabs your wrist.. you dig in your heals and try to free your arm..you struggle against jeno’s strength before the stranger man speaks again .. 

“oh jeno don’t hurt the pretty girl.. let het go” he humors jeno .. and they both laugh..

The stranger stand, his hight stretches above you..he’s not as built as jeno but you can tell you have already lost against him, he comes closer to you, sister look in his eyes.. 

“Hey .. my name is haechan, what’s yours sweetheart?”.. 

 His right hand stretched to shake yours you look at it with disgust.. 

His hand retreat to fall to his side, his young poking the inner side of his cheek.. he turns to look at jaemin, who was quietly watching the interaction, cool and seemingly relaxed he sips on his whisky and nod giving an approval..

Feeling of dread crept up to your stomach.. your heart beats loud in your ears, your mind begins to cloud with fear..

Haechan turns to you, his hand shamlessly blaming his crotch.. your eyes wiedding in shock cracking jeno into a laughter.

He strides towards you like an animal cornering it’s prey,

“Stay away from me!” You bark at him with no intimidation, 

Amused jeno warns “carful she scratches” .. 

Your attempt to run was intercepted by jeno’s arms.. he catches you and lock you in his arms, you twist and struggle in his hold.. “let me go!” 

but your weak fight makes them laugh even more than before .. 

“You have been bad sera..” Jeno whispers in your ear..

“Jaemin .. jaemin please!” You plead to him.. 

but he remains non responsive to your pleads..

“Just go with sera.. it will be much easier “ ..

Jaemin finally spoke, his words shattering you.. Your eye well up with hot tears blurring your vision.. you still in disbelief, haechan turns to open his back bag, reaching for something, You desperately try to free yourself.. when haechan returns with a needle in his hand, you start kicking and screaming..

jeno grabs your left arm and straighten it and Hacehan .. they overpower you and hold you still while Hacehan inserts the needle in your arm emptying it’s contents into your blood stream.. jeno lets you go and the room goes silent except for heavy breathing..

 jaemin’s cold eye watch as the horrific scene unfolds..

The hot substance burns through your veins.. your fast heartbeat stumbles as it slows down, your body slowly relaxes and the stress evaporates as warmth takes it’s place..  

All of worries and pains start to evaporates.. the room spins around you, limps heaving, eyes loses it’s focus, you collapse but it’s euphoric.. 

You lay in pleasure you have never felt before.

Everything feels like a lucid dream.. being carried.. rough hands undressing you.. unfamiliar body against your.. “Shh don’t cry” wet mouth kissing your neck.. “Don’t worry.. I’ll be gentle..” whispered in your ear.. 

you keep falling in a bottomless hole, hours of your life goes missing, faint memories remains to remind you that you will always be the only victim of this war.

#nct yandere #nct mafia au #nct dream yandere #nct reactions #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct blurbs #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct agnst #nct angst

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Chapter 316: BBQ is capable of critiquing BNHA and… Oh boy.

Let's start this off properly, Horikoshi's typical quality of writing has been diminishing in recent chapters, but this week it was so different that it didn't even feel like Horikoshi was the one who wrote it.

To be clear, I'm not blaming Horikoshi for the issues I'm about to bring up. The man is criminally overworked, usually doesn't even get the final say in what makes it in the final drafts, and even in his other rough patches he's still produced decent chapters that hold up amongst the grand scheme of things. This feels like something else is going on behind the scenes, and while I have my suspicions on who/what might be the culprit behind it, I choose not to share it at this time because if I name names some people might go off on a crusade, and that's not what I want.

I just want to be clear that I'm not blindly firing off shots in the dark, but despite my frustrations I want to wait to see if this gets resolved down the line, and while I do I can complain about the specific reasons this chapter left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

Buckle up, buttercups, because we got a lot of points to cover.

Where's the Gun?

Not a literal gun, but I mean Chekhov's Gun. It has always been a staple of Horikoshi's writing and the reason so many of his long-standing plot lines have paid off so well.

Chekhov's Gun is a writing principal that if you see a gun on the table in the first act of a play, it will be used in the murder that happens in act 2. Basically, the author should include details that are relevant to the story and not betray the audience by leading them in one direction and at the last minute pull the rug out from underneath them to go in another direction.

Horikoshi has done this to phenomenal success in the past. Just as one example, he dropped hints about Nomu being human experiments early in the series but held off explicitly stating it for a while. He hinted at the loss of Shirakumo in the main narrative and that he was important to Aizawa and Mic as well as approved it for Vigilantes so when it was revealed that Kurogiri was Shirakumo's body, not only did it narratively make sense but it also pulled in Eraserhead and Present Mic's emotional stakes into the battle with the Doctor, and then when Ujiko reveals he was after Aizawa's quirk the whole time it made the payoff for Mic punching him in the face all that much better and brings the weight of his crimes and the impact they have on the victims full circle.

That's 3 different guns paying off in the long run: the Nomu, Shirakumo, and both Mic and Eraserheads' personal arcs past the loss of their childhood friend and that they could finally finish processing their grief and avenge him in full righteous fury instead of chalking it all up to cruel chance.

He has left details, some particularly innocuously, in plot lines like the Touya Todoroki reveal, Hawks' backstory, Shigaraki's blood connection to Nana Shimura, even with Mr. Compress's backstory, and more. When re-read, these details become more obvious and usually leaves us with a greater sense of satisfaction in the plot knowing that twists and turns were not only planned, but built up to and hinted at for us to find so the payoff is that much better and it feels purposeful instead of just shock factor.

None of that happened this chapter.

Lady Nagant has zero business being in this plotline. She was never hinted about before this arc, and her existence does nothing to tell us about the plot moving forward or the world that they're trying to change. Nothing her existence provides actually has any bearing on the universe or tells us anything we don't already know. But that's not how she was presented.

In the beginning we're given a glimpse of her helping Overhaul escape from Tartarus. The focus on her was odd enough to begin with as a new character, and the fact that she didn't look like she fit the profile of someone who belonged in Tartarus was like a flashing neon sign saying, "Pay attention! This new character is important!!!" She then shows up later with Overhaul in hand to attack Deku out of the blue. We get her talking about how she thought Overhaul might be useful and her disillusions with Hero Society. We catch her mannerisms with eery similarity to Hawks only to find out immediately after she was a senior colleague in the HPSC. Never once to my knowledge has Hawks referred to any of his senior colleagues as a "senpai" - not even his fellow heroes - and when he catches her in midair, he uses the words, "Don't die on me, senpai!" as if she's near and dear to his heart.

The entire character arc is set up for her to have known about Hawks and grapple with her desire to help people and her fear of re-creating what she hated, and this also set up Hawks to be the successor who succeeded where she failed and helped bring her to a place where she could be a hero without guilt again. What actually happened?

They're strangers.

They have never actually met before, and while he seems to know a lot about her, she doesn't even seem to have any idea of who he was - at least as far as being another hero under the thumb of the HPSC. So ALLLL that setup, all that gesturing, and all of the potential themes that would be right at home in an arc like this goes completely out the window.

Her story doesn't tell us anything new. The HPSC bad. We knew that. They're not above throwing innocents under the bus to achieve that goal. We knew that. They preyed upon young hopefuls with powerful quirks with the intent to maintain the status quo. We knew that even if the fact that Hawks isn't the only one now makes more questions than answers. We know that these young heroes can never say no under threat of steep, life-shattering consequences. We knew that already.

So what does Lady Nagant even bring to the table?! The entire "you're just a puppet doing what you've been told" angle is a little tired and out of place in this point and time with actual anarchy in the streets (not to mention hypocritical considering she was a blind puppet following orders and offers zero actual solutions that supposedly fall in line with her heroic nature), and it could have been left to any number of other villain characters who could have executed on the theme better - you know, like Shigaraki who's justification this entire time has been, "hero society doesn't make people safe, it just makes them feel safe" from the moment of his inception.

So from that angle she's unnecessary.

Her presence messes with the continuity of the series as well. If Hawks is supposed to explicitly replace her, that would mean that he wasn't just a fluke find on the commission's part and grabbed to mold into their own special superweapon; and that also would mean that her killing of the former president was before he was discovered which should put her at least in her forties. If this isn't the case, and he was meant to simply replace her in a "special agent" case, that still begs the question of how many more gifted children the commission preyed upon and are still out there.

And maybe the worst kicker for me is that something stinks. The way the art in this chapter is presented, if you completely blanked out the speech bubbles, is the same setup I had before - Hawks reaches out to his former mentor and pulls her from the brink of despair with a moving message about why he never gave up hope in being a hero who could actually make a difference.

Again, this is not what we got. He claims he knows her, and it's implied to have been a deep, personal character witness; but at best he only knows about her from secondhand sources. Even his reasoning as to how he never lost hope doesn't vibe with his character.

We have gotten so many cool one-liners for Hawks, but there has always been a consistent tone and imagery with them.

"Those who can fly, should."

"I don't belong in a cage."

"I'm free of my shackles."

"Can I be a shining light, just like him?"

What we got was, "I'm an optimist to a fault" which was the wording the official release went with and was by far the best iteration I have seen, but even this falls short of being truly in character for him and answering her question properly.

@mikeana made an edit of the titular panels for us Hawks stans this week with dialogue we and a few other friends felt was more fitting not only with the imagery of the chapter itself but internally consistent with the specific expressions Hawks uses in his heartfelt, personal dialogue. I just tweaked it a little bit more to fit what I was going for in our original conversation.

Which brings me to another concern.

2. What's the point?

There was no use for Nagant in the series as she's been presented so far. But more than that, Hawks has no business in this fight to begin with. He literally did nothing to earn this emotional moment, and this should have been Deku's moment.

We were teased in an interview with Horikoshi that Hawks was going to get a special moment as an important end-game character as a "shining light" of hope for others to follow as well as promises for Ochako to have another moment in the spotlight to make a difference.

If this was Hawks' shining light moment, it wasn't necessary, and it does nothing to move the plot forward or develop characters in any true or believable way. It just happened because plot. This should have been Deku's victory through and through, and even he is the reason BOTH Hawks and Nagant made it out alive instead of painting the street below them.

Deku's victory was stolen from him, too. It sours the other promises made to us about other characters moving forward, as well, if this really was Hawks' "Shining Light" moment.

By the way, did you forget about Overhaul? Me too!!! What was the point of getting our hopes up about reintroducing this beloved character with the implications this was a major arc setup to have him scream about pops and then get detained with no clues about what's going to happen to him besides, "Say you're sorry to Eri, and you get to see pops"?!

All this posturing and clumsy narrative flailing only actually succeeded in getting Deku in front of AFO again for plot when we already know Mr. Potato Head could summon, show himself to, or find Deku at any time he wanted. But instead we get this time skip with a bunch of heroes completely mended walking into a big, spooky mansion for AFO to evil monologue at Deku for… *counts*

FOUR PAGES!!!

Only to then give him the "I want YOU!" point over a pre-recorded message and the final nail in the coffin to me that something is off.

3. Ex-pu-LOOOO-SHUN!

It's become almost a game among friends to count how many explosions have happened since the end of the war arc - and specifically fake-out explosions. In the end of 311 we get All Might's car attacked via explosion and Deku cornered by Nagant only for All Might to be fine in the next chapter. In 315 Lady Nagant herself explodes in a blaze of glory to once again not be dead.

Gee! I wOnDeR if aLl the heroes were AcTuAlLy cornered and KiLlEd in that explosion in the mansion!

None of us do. They're fine. We're going to see it first thing next week. The shock has worn off, and it's repetitive and annoying at this point. There is no cliffhanger despite how the framing might try to tell you otherwise.

It's BAD WRITING.

The writing has been moving far too quickly and clumsily with no explanation in sight, and even character interactions are being cut short to the point of them being meaningless and empty.

This doesn't even feel like Horikoshi's bad writing. It feels like someone else is trying to call the shots and rushing him through these final bits of the series, and he's run out of things he's previously set up for months and months to reappear so someone is trying to get Dabi-reveal levels of attention with arcs and storylines that don't have the build-up to result in a satisfactory payoff.

4. At least it can get better... I hope.

Maybe those who share my suspicions or know what particular suspicions I have are with me in believing that this is a temporary disappointment and we haven't seen the last of the writing that's captivated me for years. I don't blame Horikoshi for these glaring faults that all came to a head in this chapter.

It CAN get better later, and I think it WILL- we just probably are going to have to wait for it. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the Hawks panels we got, maybe edit the last few chapters to be more in line with something more like the BNHA I know in a "fix it fic" fashion so I don't groan in anticipation of how long it might take us to get there.

See you all next week, hopefully on a much brighter note.

#she speaks #chapter review #bnha 316 #bnha chapter 316 #bnha manga spoilers

[emeraldblossom254]

A worthy sacrifice

Prompt: “whilst defending Thoma from having his Vision taken by the Shogun, y/n gives up hers in his place, losing all her former memories including those of Kazuha and her relationship with him”

(Note! Replace the given name (EEVIE) with Y/n if you’d like to read this with self insert)

Genre: Angst

Setting: back at the resistance camp after her Vision was taken from her

—“You…won’t get away with this”—

“You won’t get away from the Decree, pest,” the Electro Archon yelled from the wooden stage in front of the statue - she was a tall woman, donning nothing but purple, and she sneered in anger as her hand that was once held outward, jolted in front of her face. “Your punishment starts now!”

As the woman spoke, Eevie was lifted with an invisible force, her eyes screwed shut from all the agonizing pain she had endured a few moments before.

Her eyes shot open as she felt the force come to an immediate stop, her body hovering directly in front of the seething woman. She gasped for air sharply, as she was now mere inches away from the woman’s body, a dark aura surrounding the two of them. The woman then snapped her focus to Eevie’s waist, where the glow of her Dendro Vision slightly dangled from her belt. With a single movement, the woman reached with her other hand, using her abilities and taking the Vision from the ropes where it was tied to Eevie’s waist, as she gazed at the fox hybrid with a cold look in her eyes.

“You,” Eevie tried to breathe as she spoke, gasping for the air the pressure refused to give. “You won’t get away with this…!”

She struggled to breathe the more she spoke, the pressure getting worse and worse on her throat. Her tail thrashed violently as she attempted to breathe properly, though it was of hardly any use. The Shogun only veered her eyes from the Vision in her hands to pierce Eevie with her stare.

“But you see, pesky fox,” the Archon spoke coldly as she raised her hand up, the same one that controlled the energy that suspended Eevie above the ground. Eevie started to rise up higher above the ground, people in the crowd gasping in shock and fear at the sight.

Eevie attempted to keep her breathing steady, panic kicking in very quickly, as the cold-hearted woman continued, “I already have-”

With a flick of her hand, Eevie was sent flying toward the ground, with no time to brace for the impact. Thoma had broken free from the ropes binding his hands at the same time, allowing him to race forward and catch her. Eevie collided with him, finally, causing him to fall backwards onto the ground, while still holding Eevie in his arms.

“Eevie?!” Thoma spoke, startled, shaking her unconscious body in his arms. Her silence - and unresponsive, unmoving state - was all he needed, before he looked up, watching as the Archon was walking towards them, a sharp, glowing katana in her hands.

Placing his right arm under Eevie’s legs, Thoma rose up on his feet, glaring angrily at the woman before them, the look in her eyes cold, deadly, like that of a snake.

Thoma took no time at all, bolting for the edge of the rock, leaping with a small grunt as he clutched onto Eevie, making sure not to harm her as he landed, running away from the crowd, from the woman, from everything. “We need to get you to that resistance camp,” he said, despite knowing she wouldn’t hear, as he ran, his legs barely letting up speed as he jumped through cracks of rocks and over steep cliffs to reach the beaches.

It wasn’t long before he spotted a vacant, bare boat with nobody around it. Placing Eevie inside, he hurriedly pushes the boat, jumping inside and grabbing the boat’s paddle, before taking a deep, tired breath.

“Don’t worry, Eevie, you’ll be okay. Just hold on a little longer..”

—“Who am I? You don’t remember me…?”—

Meanwhile, a young male dressed in red, gold, white, brown, and black sat under a big tree close by the cliffside. His hair was white as snow, with a crimson-red streak in it, and he donned bandages wrapped around his left hand, reaching up his forearm, the ends of the tape hidden within his onyx-dyed sleeve. His eyes opened slowly, letting the sun’s setting light flood his ruby-coloured orbs. A deep inhale was quickly followed by a sudden hitch in his breath.

Something bad is about to happen, if it hasn’t already.

The male looked to his left, a habit he has, expecting to see the figure of a female fox hybrid with mahogany-orange clothing and a few sachets on her belt, her red-orange and white tail wagging in her enthusiasm to see him for the first time in a while - but she wasn’t there.

Instead, what he saw in the distance beyond the cliff was a man - one in all red, with blonde hair, but unfamiliar to him - running towards the camp he considered his temporary home.

A look of confusion and concern lined his face as he stood, leaping from one hill to the next, until finally reaching the biggest building atop the other cliff. Quickly sneaking into the back of the main building.

The more he could see what was happening from the frontlines, the better.

Kazuha walked into the dimly lit room, which bookshelves filled with several large reads, unique and rare rocks, strange writings, and more - making it seem like a maze in the small tent.

Passing one of the bookcases, he entered another small room with a desk in the center, flooded with papers, texts, and documents. A taller male - a hybrid, much like the female a Kazuha had expected to see on the cliffside, but rather than a fox, this boy was a dog - stood at the desk, his blonde tail wagged softly and slowly as Kazuha stepped closer, his dog ears perking up.

“Oh, Kazuha!” The male spoke, turning around, his journal in hand.

His tail wagged as he caught sight of Kazuha, but the motion of his tail began to slow, as did his enthusiasm - his concern growing more and more - as he recognized the expression etched into Kazuha’s face. “Is- everything okay?”

“Gorou?” Kazuha spoke, a trace of confusion laced in his voice, “Do you know what’s happening outside?”

Gorou’s ears dropped at that question, tail coming to a complete stop, as he turned around to face the main door of the building. His ears shot up again, his muscles tensed up, quickly turning back around to meet Kazuha’s eyes again, as they shared the same knowing, concerned gaze.

It didn’t take long for Kazuha to put it together.

“Eevie-” both of them spoke in unison, walking towards the door -having to maneuver around a table and a chair or two.

Gorou unlocked the door and swung it open, swiftly stepping onto the deck and in front of the resistance banner before the door. Kazuha followed not too far behind, fear and worry plastered onto his face, the worry was deep, as if it had been painted there.

“She’s not alone,” Gorou spoke out - snapping the shorter, white-and-red haired male out of his thoughts. Kazuha nodded and kept his gaze on the figure running towards them. “The smell of fear and pain,” Gorou continued, his mouth curling into a pained expression, though it was more so of a snarl. If the man running towards them was here to cause trouble, the resistance general would be ready.

Kazuha’s expression shifted to confusion at Gorou’s words.

He didn’t know what to make of those words. ‘Pain? Fear?’

He thinks to himself, frowning. ‘All I can smell… Is a type of guilt I never want anyone else to experience.’

The tall blonde man in red kept running at an alarming pace, confusion rising in the members of the resistance.

“A man in bright red?” Some had thought, confused.

“Who is that guy?”

“Is he carrying someone?” The concerned whispers didn’t cease as Thoma ran.

The boy was focused, his legs ready to give from under him. His panting was matched with his racing heart, and sweat drenching his shirt. The figure in his arms had yet to awaken, steadily breathing, even through the jumps and hurls that Thoma had gone through to get her here. As he approached the front of the building atop the cliff, his legs finally gave way, buckling under him as he heaved, still clutching onto Eevie as though she’d break if he let go of her.

Looking up, Thoma saw an arrow aimed directly at his head. At this point, he could care less about the arrow. He just wanted Eevie back home safely, regardless if he died in the process or not. The man behind the drawn arrow raised an eyebrow at him, watching in surprise as this man looked up at him unbothered.

He growled at Thoma as he lowered the arrow, throwing it on the ground.

“State your purpose here, trespasser!” Gorou yells, causing Kazuha to jump slightly, and reach for the dog-boy’s arm with a trembling hand. Gorou turned to him, seeing his scared expression like a jumpscare. “K-Kazuha?”

Kazuha took a few shaky steps toward Thoma as he spoke, “You’re the friend she mentioned, aren’t you? You’re Thoma?”

Gorou stepped back, taken aback by the scene, as he realized he almost shot the friend of a friend, and his ears dropped instantly.

“She stepped in the way,” Thoma spoke with a raspy breath, shaky - it sounded like he was going to start crying. He gulped dryly and lowered his arms, letting Eevie’s body shift in his grasp. Her ears were layed back, her signature Kitsune mask missing - along with her Vision. “She saved me and my Vision, but-” he coughed harshly, and took a deep breath as Kazuha inched closer to him, kneeling down in front of him, on the verge of tears as he gazed down onto Eevie’s unconscious figure.

He didn’t want to believe it was her.

“Can you walk any further?” Was all Kazuha said in return. He knew what was happening, what was wrong, but he’d rather get them out of the humid air in the camp before having to hear it. Thoma shook his head, giving Kazuha his answer as he scooped up Eevie from the blonde male’s arms. “Gorou? Could you help him in?”

Gorou kept his ears and tail down as he nodded, still upset about his recent actions. Reaching under Thoma’s shoulders, Gorou lifted him up and walked him into the tent, lowering him down on a cot in the back rooms, surrounded by herbs and tables with vials of medicines covering them. Thoma let out a groan as he rested on the cot below him, receiving a worried glance-and whine-from Gorou.

On the cot next to Thoma’s, Kazuha lied Eevie down, and pulled out a few herbs, with what looked like a beetle, crushing them all together into a fine powder.

His face was lined with worry, the smell of fear in the air made Gorou’s ears shoot up as he turned round to look at him. Kazuha had never been seen with tears in his eyes..

Not since his and Tomo’s incident with the Shogun.

He sniffed a little, as he unknowingly dropped a few tears in what was supposed to be a powder mixture, causing him to curse under his breath. He took small amounts of the now clumpy contents, and lifted up Eevie’s shirt just a little bit above her ribs.

And there, a wound with dried blood was visible. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed slowly - every movement agitating the crusted blood around the wound.

“Stronger than the winds of the raging storm, Eevie. You made me proud, nonetheless,” Kazuha whispered to himself, though partially to her, as he worked on the wound with a damp cloth. “I just hope…” he paused as he let a tear fall down slowly, “I just hope you remember everything.”

As he wiped it clean, some fresh blood started to spill slowly against her ribs, the injury red and irritated from being touched. He acted quickly in cleaning the rest of the wound and placing the mixture in his hands onto the gash. His eyes widened instantly after he applied it, bracing for the next few seconds.

A sharp yelp escaped Eevie’s lips, and she sat upright, eyes wide as she stared at the others in the tent, her gaze confused, scared, even. She looked at the contents in the white-haired male’s hands, and put two and two together easily enough. “Stars above, that was cold..”

Kazuha stood up, eyes almost flooding with tears, but whether they were tears of joy or fear is uncertain as he inched closer to her, and placed his hand on Eevie’s shoulder.

Gorou and Thoma watch from the other cot, Gorou’s ears kept below his head in worry. “Eevie, are you alright?”

She flinched back from Kazuha’s hands, and stared at him, unsure, his scent unfamiliar. She tried to take a moment - she felt like she had seen them before, yet their names and faces were strange, unknown to her. When she spoke again, her voice sounded hushed, her volume barely above her usual, cool tone.

“Do… Do I k-know you?”

Kazuha gasped softly. He had known this would happen, which was probably the root to the reason he started crying to begin with. Attempting to regain his posture, he looked away and took a slow deep breath. Gorou and Thoma gasped, and Thoma covered his mouth in shock. Gorou could only bring himself to stare. She saw this, unsure why they seemed so surprised. She looked back up at Kazuha with a confused expression.

“E-Eevie?” He started, his eyes on the brink of tears, voice cracked. “Who am I? Y-you don’t remember me?”

Gorou stood up, shakily walking up to Kazuha, his eyes also flooding suddenly as he reached out for Eevie’s hands.

“Hara, i- if- do you remember anything? Anything at all?”

Kazuha’s composure broke- shattered at this moment. He knew what her answer was. He knew what would happen. Walking away, Kazuha quietly slipped out the door behind him as Gorou held onto Eevie’s attention.

“Do you remember any of us?” Thoma asked, worriedly, watching as Gorou’s tail slowly swept between his thighs. He was scared. He’s never seen anything like this before. He knew Kazuha had, but never imagined he’d see it in person.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying.. I feel like I should.. but I can’t..” Eevie lowered her head - why did she feel so guilty? She didn’t know these people, at least, not the way they seemed to know her. “I can’t recall who any of you are..”

Gorou lowered his head, his tail tightening against his thigh as his ears went lower with sadness. He whimpered as he lifted his head up, peppering a small kiss on her knuckle. Eevie smiled softly at the gesture, still lost and confused.

Thoma attempted to stand up from the cot, wincing as he did so, walking- or limping over next to Gorou. “You saved me from losing my vision, Hara. Sh- she took yours instead. You said that helping friends was important to you, and-” He choked on his sobs as he spoke, watching Eevie’s expression shift dramatically as she stared at him, but despite her memories being gone, she felt bad. Without even realizing, her hand is on his and she gave him a gentle smile.

“I have no recollection.. but I feel, that, if you got to keep your Vision, then it would have been a worthy sacrifice.”

Gorou still kept his head on her hand, small tears escaping his eyes. ‘Where’d Kazuha go?’ He thought, worriedly, ‘is he okay..?”

—“Should it have been me?”—

Kazuha walked away from the camp, his pace slower than usual.

He couldn’t stop the tears that poured out, staining his fair toned cheeks with red. Occasionally wiping the tears away, he barely acknowledged the resistance members that said hello, hardly lifting his head.

He knew where he was going, where he wanted to go, but his sense of direction was shot. His composure lost- his emotions, stronger than an angry sea.

A sharp pain to the head - followed by a pained wince - reminded him he made it where he wanted to go. He didn’t lift his head from the tree trunk his face had hit. He just kept it there, his shoulders falling with the rest of him as his tears continued to rampage across his cheeks.

A small bloody spot on his forehead started to assume position, thankfully not gushing like his tears. He crawled in front of the tree to the spot he was in before Thoma had showed up, before he had seen Eevie hurt and stripped of herself.. and her memories.

On his knees, he sat there at the corner of the cliffside, trying so hard not to scream out in the agony, fear and guilt that consumed him.

“Should it have been me?”

—“You don’t need to be sorry”—

Eevie eventually snuck out of the tent, and followed the smell the white-haired male had left, a scent that was familiar, almost - cinnamon, fresh rain, and maple leaves.

She tracked it to the large tree at the cliffside, and caught view of him, the very same individual she’d seen in the tent. She walked towards him, keeping her gaze down and closing the distance between herself and him. When she spoke, she sounded.. scared, though whether she was scared of him, or scared of the fact she couldn’t remember him, is unclear.

“I’m sorry.”

Kazuha kept his head down, the pressure in his head much more intense than a few seconds ago. He wanted to stand up and hug her, hold her, help her remember, but even if he could, it’d be of no use. She couldn’t remember what was taken from her even if she was taken back to relive it all over again.

He just barely lifted his head enough to see her out of the corner of his eye, sniffling before responding, “There’s no need to be, little vixen.. it wasn’t your fault.”

He choked back a sob as he spoke, not even caring that he wasn’t looking at her.

Eevie walked up to him, and hugged him from behind, not saying anything - she just felt like he needed it, and perhaps she was right.

He felt her head in the crook of his neck, an overwhelming mix of relief, fear and longing feeling tugging at his heart. He leaned into her hug and sobbed again, attempting to twist his torso around to grab her right side with his left arm to scoop her up in his lap. She seemed a bit surprised by this, her head tilting, like a confused puppy. It’s not too surprising, though- it’s not like she could remember what she was to him, or vice versa.

He absorbed her expression, tears still falling endlessly as he pulled her in for a tight hug in his lap, sobbing into her shoulder as he continuously mumbled, “I’m sorry..! I’m so sorry!”, and, “what can I do?” repeatedly against her neck.

She let out a low whine, and hugged him back, her tail swished slowly as she buried her head in his neck - her instincts telling her what her memories could not.

“You don’t need to do anything.” She whispered, she leaned back, and touched her forehead to his. He winced softly, because of the mark on his head from hitting the tree when he came here, but he eased into the feeling of having her this close again. “I may not remember anything, but my instinct is enough to tell me this is.. right. That I belong with you. I should be the one apologizing, I can’t even remember your name..”

He chuckled softly and smiled at her words. “You don’t remember your Kazuha?”

He looked into her soft, green-eyed gaze, his vision burning a little due to the tears that threatened to spill again.

She looked guilty, and avoided his gaze as she shook her head, though she did take notice of his head wound, and she leans forward, swiping her tongue over it, just like a dog would have. “You’re hurt..”

Kazuha looked confused by the sudden change in expression and action, not really caring that the wound was bloody at all.

“W-well, it’s just a scratch. It’s okay,” he assured her, smiling softly. “I just hit my head on the tree behind me,” he followed, lifting his bangs out of the way. The mark stung a little, which he was good at hiding, to keep her from worrying too much.

She met his gaze once more, “are you usually so dismissive of such injuries?”

Her chiding sure hadn’t left her, even if her memories had. She examined the mark closely, seeing it already scabbed over, just barely..

He laughed softly at her question, cupping her face in his right hand, gently caressing her cheek. “And so what if I am? Anything to make you happy, right?” His mind said she was the same little vixen he always remembered, the same one that would lean into his touch when he cupped her face like that.

But she didn’t

Her ears flattened back, she seemed a bit confused by the gesture, her instincts told her it was okay, but without the memories of their time together, memories of him, and who he was to her, she didn’t know how to react. Her gaze looked torn as she pulled back, not knowing whether to trust her head or her heart. He pulled away, realizing, remembering what was happening, tears threatening to fall again as he takes his hand away from her face guiltily.

“I-“ he started, attempting to hide the tears that blinded him, “I’m so sorry..”

She reached for his hand, feeling bad. “I assume that.. we were.. partners, before my Vision was taken..?” Kazuha lifts her off of his lap, allowing her to stand on her knees next to him. He lowered his head again, trying to steady breathe before answering her, his voice cracking periodically.

“Y-ye-Ah. Yeah.. we were,” he took both of his hands and held them both in his lap, attempting not to choke on the tears he’s been holding back, “But it’s okay- it’s okay if,” he gulped down on the lump in his throat, the tears finally breaking free as he spoke, “it’s okay if you don’t want to, or if you feel that you’re not okay with it. I-“ his eyes had flooded as his composure broke yet again, the pressure rebuilt in his head as he put his head lowered once again.

She thought for a moment, and took his hands in hers. “..I do. I do want to. Right now I may not remember much, but my instincts have given me the intuition to know that, if I had chosen you before, then perhaps I could again.. I don’t have my memories. But, if I still have you..”

Her ears dropped to the sides of her head, she can’t bring herself to finish a sentence that contains a false hope within.

—“My autumn wind”—

Kazuha gazed down at his hand, seeing the amount of concern in her grasp. He could sense the emotion she was holding, but didn’t want her to push it out forcefully.

He took her hand and caressed it softly, tears still streaming slowly against his cheeks.

“You’ve always had me, little vixen,” he whispered softly, knowing she could hear it, regardless of how softly he said it.

“Like the water needs the clouds to hold it up, and the feathers keep the bird high in the sky, you and I have always supported each other and encouraged each other. I doubt there’s anything that can keep us from continuing that.”

Eevie smiled softly at his words, letting out a soft sigh of comfort as she spoke, “If that is the case, then I will continue to stay by your side.. my autumn wind.”

So this is my first ever writing on here. Very interesting little run of events here, to say the least. Thanks to the help of a good friend of mine, with his ideas and editing skills, his oc gets brought to life in a format that i’ve always peaked interests in. His oc, Eevie, now has another journey to start with our beloved Kazuha.

We hope you enjoy this piece of work, and hope to see your awesome reactions! Thanks for reading!!

~Emerald & Milo 💚

Milo @Eevie_Inky

#Kazuha X Reader #Kazuha angst #Genshin angst #Kazuha #angst #soft angst #kazuha genshin impact

[ddarker-dreams]

Hell Within Reach [Memory Reels II]. Chrollo x F Reader

Warnings: Mild not SFW implications.

[Hell Within Reach index]

Summary: This reel is a collection of short side stories from the main work, sometime before or after the main story is completed. It’s basically just shenanigan’s of Reader with Phantom Troupe members or Reader with Chrollo. This particular scene is an excerpt from from somewhere in between chapter four and chapter five.

“You like her, don’t you?”

The tonal shift in conversation is enough to give Chrollo pause.

He examines Karina with a decidedly neutral expression, his face nor his body language giving anything away. Chrollo is an open flame threatening to incinerate all within his path. While it might not be in Karina’s best interest to play with fire, she’s always had a penchant for going down in flames.

“Who might you be referring to?” He returns her question with one of his own. Clever, she muses. Clever, but not foolproof; likely on purpose.

“And here I thought the leader of the Phantom Troupe was an astute man,” she tilts her head to the side. “I mean your latest addition, Mr. Lucilfer. [First]. The woman whom you can’t keep your eyes off of for the life of you.”

Still nothing. Was Karina starting to lose her touch when it came to the art of provocation? Now that just won’t do. The question shifts to what she uses as fuel and how much she can add before she gets burnt.

“I can’t fault you for trying. You wouldn’t be the first, nor will you be the last. Our Lady [First] is quite the heartthrob, you see. And for good reason. Gorgeous, intelligent, and loyal to a fault. It’s a wonder how you’ve managed to contain yourself for so long.”

The most he gives is a sardonic quirk of his lips. “Are we speaking of my feelings or yours?”

She ignores the dry cynicism like water off a duck’s back.

“Both of our feelings, I’d wager.”

Karina leans forward and drops her voice to a whisper. “Let me ask you this. Why have you waited so long, hm? It couldn’t be due to your difference in position, I doubt a man who kills for the thrill of it would heed social conventions such as that.”

“I’d hate to take away the fun you’re currently having, so please do continue to try and reach your own conclusions.”

“It’s not ‘fun’ so much as it is curiosity,” she shrugs her shoulders. “I thought that as two like-minded individuals, I would offer my assistance in pursuing [First]. I’m something of a master in the field.”

Chrollo almost laughs. “If that’s the case, then why are we having this conversation? Surely, with such steep competition, I have no hope.”

“That is where you are mistaken, Mr. Lucilfer,” Karina tuts. “Her many suitors back home would kill for this information, you know. I may be a master in the field, but above all else, I’m a businesswoman.”

“A businesswoman who could die under mysterious circumstances at any second,” Chrollo reminds. The threat might not be empty, but it isn’t enough to hinder her. Karina needs to know. A deep, empty part of her soul longs to be filled with the knowledge that there is a match worthy of you out there; if such a person exists. She wasn’t able to fill that role. Maybe he can.

“Is there an ‘I’m-being-held-hostage’ discount?”

If he talks to you like this, you might have already started to fall in love, whether you were aware of it or not.

“Unfortunately, you’re fresh out of luck. As long as air fills these lungs of mine, I’ll be squeezing you for every last Jenny you’ve got.”

“I’ve never cared much for money,” Chrollo sets his book aside, not that he was reading it since she brought you up anyway. “... I’ll bite. What information are you offering?”

You’ll have to thank her one day, she thinks. Or maybe this would make you two even. Unlikely, as this is more of a way to alleviate her guilt, but it’s the result that matters. You, Chrollo, Karina — none of you are good people. She knows this better than anyone. What does it matter, she wonders.

It’s not like good people make it very far in this world.

“Rephrase that to what would you like to know? I’ve got her preferences in bed, her favorite music, habits that annoy her, jokes that will always land…”

#chrollo x reader #chrollo lucilfer x reader #hxh x reader #hell within reach #my stuff