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rhiannswork · 8 months

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l. kennedy || an extra shot of espresso

warnings: i might’ve written leon as a caramel macchiato kinda guy idk, umm idk what else, leon being a little awk, yn being a lil weird idk. if i missed anything, lmk!

"here's your light iced americano and a delicious blueberry scone. have a wonderful day," you beamed as you graciously presented the chilled coffee and pastry to the well dressed woman. with a swift nod of gratitude, she accepted the offerings, mouthing a swift "thank you," and proceeded to take them from your hands.

you glanced out through the glass windows, keeping an eye on everyone passing by. you were on the lookout for that guy who used to show up at the shop like clockwork, but it's been a good three weeks since you last saw him around.

every time he visited the café, he'd place an order for the exact same thing. it was all part of a little game you played, pretending to forget just to have the delight of hearing his charming voice, again and again.

the evening was growing late, and you were getting ready to close things up in about ten minutes. your coworker had already punched out an hour prior to closing, which left you all on your own.

with your manager being out sick, he knew he could rely on you. so, you stepped up. you grabbed the money tray from the register and headed to the back to begin counting the money.

the doorbell chimed with that familiar jingle. "hey, sorry, but we're just about to close. i've already shut down all the machines," you started to explain, but then your words trailed off as your gaze locked with his – leon. it felt like forever since you'd met eyes like that.

"bad timing?" he chuckled. "no, not at all! i kinda use that when i'm not in the mood to serve anyone. but for you, I'm more than happy to. don't worry."

"aw, thanks," you practically melted on the spot. "well, you already know my usual," he chuckled, stepping closer to the counter and fishing out his wallet.

"yeah, but i like hearing it from you," you hummed, tapping in his order. in your head, you couldn't help but think, 'did I really just say that?' your eyes shot up to meet his. "uh, i mean, sorry about that. yeah, um, a medium caramel macchiato with an extra shot of espresso and extra caramel."

all you could make out was a faint smirk on his face. "that'll be ei—" you began, but he cut you off. "eight twenty-seven, i know," he said, handing you a ten-dollar bill. you returned one dollar and seventy-three cents in change.

"keep it, my treat," he chuckled softly, gently placing the money back in your hand. his other hand slipped under yours, forming a cup as he poured the change back into your palm, as if it were delicate as water.

"wow, a whole dollar and seventy-three cents... all for me?" you grinned, playfully looking at leon's warm smile. you stashed the change in your apron pocket before heading over to switch the machines back on, letting them warm up once more.

“so, why are you here so late? you usually come here in the afternoon.” you attempted to make small talk, looking over at leon as you brewed the two shots of espresso.

"you even remember when I usually drop by?" he chuckled, crossing his arms. "yeah..." why do you keep blabbering? "i've been away for work stuff. just got back, luggage's still in the car," he shared, strolling around the café a bit, stretching his legs.

"—i've been missing you and the way you make my caramel macchiatos," leon chimed in. you grinned to yourself, adding a generous amount of vanilla syrup to the drink. "i'll make sure this one's just as special as the rest," you assured him.

the café lingered in silence for a moment until leon broke the quiet atmosphere. "so, when's your next day off?" your eyes widened at the question, caught off guard. you didn't quite know how to respond, but the question did raise your curiosity about his intentions.

"um, next tuesday," you replied, deftly drizzling caramel into the macchiato. "yeah? i was thinking maybe you'd want to come over to my place. i could cook something up for you, you know, since you’re always making those delicious macchiatos for me," leon stumbled over his words, appearing more disoriented than you'd ever seen him. then again, you hadn't really exchanged more than a few words with him before.

“i’ll consider it..." you smirked, finally capping the cup. grabbing a few napkins from the dispenser, you pulled out a sharpie from your pocket and jotted down your number.

“caramel macchiato with an extra shot of espresso and extra caramel for, leon.” you smirked, making sure the napkin with your number was visible. “thank you. sorry, i came so late, i wish i gotten here sooner.”

“don’t worry, you made my night.” you nodded, picking up the cash register tray once again. “same here… i guess i’ll call you then~”

“i guess so.”

#leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #re4 leon #re4 x reader #resident evil 4 leon #leon x reader #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy blurb #leon kennedy oneshot

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nin-jay-go · 1 year

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mmmmmmm i have only been thinking about ninjago for the past few weeks. you will be here for my brainrot

so ive got this rewrite i'm working on rn, which ive called alterline (portmanteau of alternate timeline) since like 2018. ive picked it back up and i'm officially working on the rewrite, but for it i added a few new seasons. specifically 3 brand new fanseasons.

the other two don't matter right now. all that matters is s17. my mad science season.

fun fact about me i am in love with mad science stuff and i figured hey! why not! i needed to do Something with my s17, so why not work some fucked up science into it :)

the tldr for those who don't wanna hear me ramble or don't wanna see what i will be rambling about (bc heavy tw for mad science themes like body horror, vivisection, and general medical malpractice) is below, but one bit of information before we proceed. nya is still the ocean. let her stay dead for longer than 2 episodes !

s17 is a kai focus! he and the ninja get invited to a lab by a scientist to run some tests (they are still powerless), but she traps them and runs experiments on them. there, they find out that 1) nya is alive now, 2) dr cy is working with aspheera, and 3) the new ninja are clones of the old ninja. kai ends up blowing the lab up and going on a minor destructive arc before calming down. the rest of the season focuses on the new ninja realizing they're clones and helping the old ninja take out mayor trustable.

so now that the summary is over. time to get into the details (or just what i have so far)

hi thanks for uncovering the hell. i'm gonna be rambling for a while.

again, this is a kai-focused season! we haven't had one since my s11 and he deserves to have a focus. as a treat :) (i realize this is just kai suffers the season. i realize that. but it's fiiiiine don't worry)

some prehistory for the season. dr cy calls up aspheera for her magical talents, and they summon nya together. they pull her from the ocean and violently rip her back into her body. of course, she can only be here if her powers are gone, so aspheera drains her water powers. nya has no memory of who she was or what she's doing here. she just knew she was the ocean. and now she's here.

a month later, the ninja are ninja-ing. it's been a year since the events of crystalized, two since nya died. that's the longest any of them stayed dead (sans morro who was dead for 40 years). kai really misses her, but has accepted the fact that she's gone. (she helped out in crystalized, but she wasn't really nya. she was the sea)

he runs into dr cy, who offers him and the ninja an opportunity to get tested. she could figure out the origin of elemental powers and help restore them to the ninja. they deserve their powers back, after saving the world so many times! she's a huge fan!

kai discusses it with the team, who agree that it's worth a shot at least. pixal stays behind since she's mostly unaffected by elemental nonsense, but also to keep an eye on the new ninja. she doesn't trust them. plus, if it ends up being bad, she can break them out.

the first tests kinda go normally, just general doctor checkups. she's just being a little bit weird about the nonhuman members of the team (aka everyone but kai), but a lot of people end up being weird about it. jay's publically part snake, zane's obviously a nindroid, lloyd is lloyd, cole used to be dead, and morro's got their own thing going on.

(oh. some background context. in my rewrite the ninjas' public identities are secret. the only ones with a face and name known to the public are lloyd and morro, to an extent, and jay for those who remember the alternate timeline)

when the ninja thank cy for her time and investigation, she uh. traps them in there JKDFSHKJSFDH because she needs to find out where elemental power comes from. and how she can bring it back for the ninja. to restore them to their full glory.

they're stuck in there for a while. a week, maybe? i haven't decided how long exactly, but a Long Time. pixal does try and rescue them but is taken out by aspheera with water powers, meaning pixal is the first person to find out about nya being alive. she doesn't take it well, so she and aspheera are kinda duking it out out there

meanwhile, the ninja are being put through tests to activate what's called their elements' emergency response, aka a hypercharged form designed for protecting the body and the element. kind of like nya's merged form with the ocean, but temporary. cy is trying to activate the emergency response through putting the guys through Situations that they don't like one bit. one of them included kai in a super frozen room and zane in a super boiling room, morro being pretty much buried, and other stuff like that.

sometimes she tries to stimulate them further by exposing them to their element, like frying jay or lloyd with electrical currents, or piling heavy boulders on cole. maybe that will trigger their emergency responses, but nothing seems to work. she even tries it out with nya to see if she can summon back her water powers, but nya's kind of being a sad sack of amnesia right now.

speaking of nya, she's just kinda. here? around the lab? she's mostly locked in her cell, but she treats aspheera and cy as important people, like parents. she trusts them. she's also kinda having a bad time physically, constantly melting and dripping water. she's not really a solid person right now :(

[tw for vivisection begins here] so eventually, cy tries to take it a step further and pulls out some Forbidden Things. she needs to make kai's fire act up more. he's 100% human still. how would his body react to parts of a fire dragon? so she tries it out, doing a quick lung transplant to see if, maybe, the lungs being close to the heart could kickstart a bit of fire. maybe even some dragon blood? all to see how kai reacts to it.

he reacts badly.

congratz on the dragon parts now, kai! the last human is no longer human, not fully. he refuses to acknowledge that he isn't fully human anymore, denying that he'll probably never breathe the same way humans do again. it's fine. he's fine. [end tw]

through this, however, cy decides to keep a closer eye on his developments. eventually, she lets him in on a secret. she leads him to the back of the lab, a room that no one is allowed to enter. she shows him what's inside.

it's cloning pods. she had already had their dna for who knows how long, and had used it to essentially clone them. make perfect ninja replicas. ones that had all their skills. only five managed to survive the process and come out the other end alive. cy reveals this was something she was hired by mayor trustable to do, and when the clones finished growing, he took them off her hands.

but she's always hated him for that. the original ninja would always be superior. the clones could not come close, ever. that's why she's so adamant about bringing their powers back. she wants them to wipe their clones out and prove they're superior.

kai thinks that's absolutely unhinged and manages to escape, running through the lab. he took a wrong turn and finds a cell, where nya is sitting. his sister is alive. he and nya talk, but it's obvious she doesn't know who he is, or who she even is. kai promises to get her out, but nya doesn't understand. he leaves and gets captured and sent back to his cell.

he goes to visit nya's cell sometimes, now that he knows where she is. he tries reminding her of her memories, to which she listens to best she can. she's a bit... spacey. but it's ok, they're bonding.

that is, until cy catches him visiting her and gets pissed. she threatens to hurt nya if he doesn't back off and go back to his cell, to which he snaps and activates his emergency response. his sister is in danger. he would not let his family be in danger.

he becomes a wildfire and destroys the lab. it gets burned down, its entire foundation gone. and for her cruelty, for what she did to him, his friends, his family, his sister, kai kills dr cy.

still in his emergency response, he can't do much other than rampage, a living wildfire. the others find nya and they all get out of there. pixal, meanwhile, is holding kai back and fighting him off. he's not kai right now, just a mess of fire and rage. it hurts to see him like this.

but nya sees him like that. memories flood back. the element of water rushes back to her (aspheera losing hold on the magic) and she turns back into the sea. she has her memories. she stares kai in the firey face and they calm each other down. their emergency states fade away, leaving two not-quite humans in their wake. kai realizes what he did in his state. nya realizes how long it's been. they're both sobbing messes against each other.

now that cy and the lab are gone, and nya and kai have their elements back, there's two issues to solve. the first is the others' elements, which they don't really want to trigger the emergency response for. the other is the new ninja, their clones.

the og ninja decide to tell the new ninja directly that they know they're clones. turns out the new ninja also did not know they were clones. so that was a fun development where the new ninja realize that Oh God. they're not even actual people. they were just made for one purpose.

the bizarros also get involved. it becomes very confusing to have like three people with the same face in the same room, but the bizarros deserve to know there's clones of their light counterparts. i'm normal about my bizarros.

with their combined effort, they overthrow mayor trustable. and everyone lives happily ever after. more or less.

the new ninja agree to also be city protectors, since they were literally made for that, but that they'll also learn to live their own lives and figure out who they are as people. they aren't the bizarros, who are kinda predisposed to doing bad things.

kai is having a time, meanwhile. he killed someone. he isn't human anymore. he's changed. if there's any more room left in the season, it's left for kai to discover who he is again. maybe he goes on a vacation. they all can go on vacation. they deserve it.

how did the others get their elements back? fuck if i know <3 i haven't gotten that far yet kjdhfgkjdhfg

#alterline.png #jay.error #ninjago fanseason #unnamed for now but it's gonna get a name at some point #kai's suffering arc <3 #basically gonna be his version of skybound #nya also is a minor focus this season #kinda like zane in s11 #or cole in my s6 #long post #cuz uh. i sure did ramble #may reblog with more information soon? idk #suggestions welcome o/

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therecordconnection · 10 months

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Colleen Ballinger's "Toxic Gossip Train" song is gonna be this generation's version of O.J. Simpson's If I Did It, a piece of work where the author more or less completely admits to their wrongdoing but deflects by pointing the gun at other people and blaming others instead of actually taking an introspective look at themselves (or in Simpson's case, admitting to a crime by framing it as a "hypothetical" and saying that he would never do that, but could have). Like, good lord, woman! Did you actually read this before singing it on camera!?

Many years ago, I used to message my fans Uh, but not in a creepy way like a lot of you are trying to suggest It was more of a loser kind of way Where I was just trying to be besties with everybody It was kinda like, uh, when you go to like a family gathering, you know? And there's a weird aunt there who keeps coming up to you and going like, "Hey, girl, what's the tea?" And you're like, "Eh" Um, that was me, but in group chats with my fans, it was weird

Just because you admit it was weird doesn't make it any less wrong. You still did it!! It's also not "gossip" anymore if you admit you were doing weird stuff! Plus, her PR team must be losing their fucking minds right now because she even says in the song that they advised her to keep her mouth shut! I wouldn't want to be them right now.

Um, even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say I recently realized that they never said that I couldn't sing what I wanna say, so...

Absolutely bonkers. It's like she listened to Akon's "Sorry, Blame It On Me," heard the lyrics "Because I love my fans, I'll take that blame / Even though the blame's on you" and wrote a whole song around that. Her framing device of "people just like to watch you fall :(" doesn't work when there's evidence about what you've been accused of AND you admit that the "gossip" is true!

And she fucking put it on streaming platforms and put it up for sale on Apple Music!! Make no mistake, she did that purely to cash in on the meme and the controversy for one last cash flow before it all inevitably ends. You've seen Youtubers in hot water plenty of times in the past, but this isn't a Gabbie Hanna sort of deal where she's clearly dealing with some kind of mental illness and at worst just isn't a good person who treats people well, this is much much worse.

Understand that what she has been accused of (and what there is concrete evidence for) is beyond fucked up and she deserves whatever ill-fortune might come her way. I'm certain there are fans who agreed with her song and want to defend her, but that's a road they will be walking alone if they do. If what I've been reading about her is true (because I didn't even know who she was until this whole song fiasco happened), it's not just the grooming allegations that people are rightfully angry about. It's also been sexual harassment, racism, enabling toxic work culture, sharing someone else's nudes with minors without consent, mailing minors lingerie, being in a group chat with underage fans, and more ick than you would really want to think about.

You've seen plenty of shitty Youtuber "apologies" where they're clearly lying and only saying things in front of a camera to try and save face. You've seen ones where people are clearly monetizing it and making it long enough so that it can be monetized. This one is a new breed though and it deserves to be looked at, mocked/memed, and studied. I can't think of anyone else off the top of my head who turned their "apology" video into a song like this. It's completely delusional and detached from any reality you and I co-exist in.

Colleen Ballinger is a shitty, awful, evil person who is not only deserving of your scorn and vitriol, but is also someone who should have to pay for what she has done. If it isn't jailtime (which it should be!) then we can at least try to take comfort in hopefully never having to hear from or see her ever again.

Stay safe out there, friends. There's a lot of nasty people in the world.

#p.s. her song is very bad and its obvious that she only ever talks to kids because she sings about a serious topic to you like you're a kid #original post #colleen ballinger

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subtlecrone · 1 year

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Romance.

First: The cringe is intentional. Second: this is an assignment. This is actually very cringe.

You've been warned.

Ugh, I know.

I also know it’s kinda cliche to talk about romance on valentine’s day, like, I know everyone’s talking about it, but… I think we don’t realize how it changes our expectations of love. How it’s made us more vulnerable to dangerous people who use techniques like love-bombing or other abusive practices that are publicized by popular romance books.

And also how some books raise our expectations on how lovers in general should behave–looking at you, The Love Hypothesis– or how they should look; For example, if you walk into a bookstore and grab a random romance novel, most probably you’ll find a tall, big man with beautiful blue eyes and rippling abs that treats the main character just how she likes it, falling in love with her petite frame and pure brilliance… But you’ll almost never find a book whose love interest is fat, or ugly, or autistic, or mentally ill. It’s mostly the same when you’re like me, looking for books with queer representation. If the bookstore doesn’t have a LGBTQ+ section, there’s a very slim chance you’ll find anything without the author or name of the book.

For example, I have a crush on this guy. This guy, he’s uh. He’s a bit weird. I’ve read romance book after romance book and there is no romance book that represents our type of relationship, like, idk if he hates me or loves me? It’s like a cycle. We talk, he smiles at me with that smile, and God, how am I supposed to resist????!?!??!?!? But then he just… He’s just. I dunno. I try to get close to him in class, but he runs away? Like, in books, this doesn’t happen, so I’m very confused.

He’s also just. Not the beauty standard? My friends tell me I could do so much better, but, like, in the books… (I know that I’ve said that like a hundred times already lol) In the books, the mysterious ones are always the good ones? (If you don’t count enemies to lovers, that is.) So, I’m like, confused.

He’s short, his hair is a bit on the ugly side, and he emits the energy of a scared puppy. What am I supposed to do here??? According to one of his friends, Petunio, he was diagnosed with autism and... Uh... No romance book (that I've read, of course) has an autistic love interest... So, uh, I Do Not Know What To Do™.

This is why representation matters, people.

Because, without proper representation that makes them seem like actual human beings instead of the mythical creatures who aim to taint your children with their "harmful ideologies", people who're not part of these minorities will still be scared or uncomfortable around them, thus perpetuating the cycle of discrimination caused by ignorance and stereotypes. This cycle is what ends up causing hate crimes and legislation against said minorities.

Look, I know it may sound craaazy, (it does not) but understanding something –or rather, being exposed to something– makes you fear/hate it less. According to The Century Foundation, "As the public learns more about the LGBT community, this can foster LGBT acceptance. LGBT education can be fulfilled in a variety of ways, including getting to know a family member who is gay or a friend that is transgender; it can also include consuming media that features LGBT people or characters." This means that, by including minorities (like LGBT people) in our books, we indirectly stop the spread of harmful ideologies like homophobia and racism.

Like, I know the industry is changing and all, but it's still really hard to find books with representation of people like me, or people who're black or asian. Of course, there's always a novel about a character that's Just Like You!!!!!111!!!!11!!! but most of those are the "I'm not like other girls 🤭🤭🤭" type. I'm not not like other girls, but like, personally, I think that those type of girls are very annoying.

The books in which the MC isn't INSUFFERABLE, they're most likely white and middle class, and live in white-ville, where there is absolutely NO DIVERSITY AT ALL????

And news sites are aware of this, too.

Yesterday, I wanted to find diverse romance books to read, and then I find this NYT article by Alexandra Alter (great article, by the way) that says, and I quote: "Romance novels released by big publishing houses tend to center on white characters, and rarely feature gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people in leading roles, or heroines with disabilities (...) Romance publishers say that they want to publish books with more diverse characters and settings, but argue that it’s a challenge in part because the majority of submissions still come from white authors (...)"

I think that the last part (in bold) is an issue, because these authors have no reason to write about other marginalized communities who want representation.

Continuing on yesterday's adventure to find more diverse books, I finally found a site with a recommendation list: POPSUGAR!! I'd never heard of it before, but I loved the name. The introduction said something that really resonated with me 'cause, like, it's true!

"The media we consume — the books we read, movies we watch, and stories we're exposed to — all shape our view of the world. That's why it's so important for media to represent people of all backgrounds and abilities. Books that feature characters with disabilities are not only important for representation for the wider audience, but more importantly for people who have disabilities to read stories that reflect their own lived experiences."

(Also, as an extra, the ten best-selling novels of all time, basing myself on the list made by wordsrated.com, all of 'em are straight, white people falling in love. Idk if 50 Shades of Gray is an exception tho 'cause it's full of questionable behavior????💀💀💀)

Anyway, after this search, I told my friend Petra about how it all shapes our perspective of the world, she laughed at me. LAUGHED AT ME!!!

How dare she.

Anyway, after cruelly making fun of me for being a book-worm, she told me that, and I quote: "Cassie, Cassandra, love, stop looking for yourself in your books, you're wearing yourself out! You should just ask him out!" I hate her for being right.

So, I'm planning on asking him out. I'm kind of scared, but I'm going to do it tmr!!! God, I hope he doesn't reject me. That'd be just terrible.

(Also a big help in writing this entry was this website. Thanks for reading!)

#assignment #cronieposting #creative writing

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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#10

I'm taking a lot. Maybe 700s. Stressed and I don't want to think anymore. Plus, I'm hoping while I'm coming up I'll be a little motivated to clean my room and get in the shower rq.

AFTERMATH

Uh I only ended up taking 400 and I just passed out after a while. The day after wasn't tooo bad. Was no major weird feelings I just had a really hard time waking up

NOTES/EMOTIONS

R has been having health issues and I have this random brown spot on my finger that's been hurting really bad. Plus, the place I interviewed for ended up not calling me so. Lol. I thought after calling me so soon after they did that screening was a sign. But no. Ig I have 60 days til they won't be considering me at all so I it's possible I'll still get it. But I'm not very optimistic about that

I also just got a letter that my old school is now back to charging me 2k? Don't know how that happened. But I'm not complaining.. Tho they only gave me 12 months to pay it off so. I'm going to have to keep 200 on deck every month for the next year or so

I think I'm going to get started with the work from home shit. I didn't really want to. I was trying to avoid having to fake being cheery for 8 hours a day but my dad said no to the one place I was pretty much guaranteed to get in, the other place interested in an interview ghosted since I took 3 days to get back to them, and the other place I interviewed for never called back. So until I start getting offers otherwise, ig this is my only option

R is kinda. Been a sore subject for me for a little bit. I feel like now that I've shifted my thinking about us, I am a lot less upset about her getting sad/happy about nonsense going on with her partner. You know the saying if someone loves you, you'll know? I think that I haven't been as slick with my feelings as I thought.

Her health issues have been leaving her spiraling and getting high to deal with the pain. That plus her girlfriend has been being really weird about her issues. She keeps dipping. It grosses me out a lot tbh. But anyway yeah. All that going on has been affecting her alot. To a point where she forgot my birthday completely. And I wasn't even upset. I never even thought about being mad. She was kinda beating herself up over it, and at one point was just mad that even after all that going on on my end and all that she's "done" I was still worried about her. And it made me look at myself like oh my god..

I still doubt if my feelings are fr but it kinda seems like it's obvious now. But I kinda feel bad that I can't hide it. On one hand, I'm partially glad cause I can be an example of what it really looks like and maybe someday it'll make her look at her relationship critically. But on the other, I hate that I can't respect her relationship more you know? I'm sure anyone can see it atp and it makes me sad that like. I could possibly cause problems down the line. What if someday her girlfriend gets mad that she's still friends with someone that so clearly has feelings for her? Or like what if someday she does end up breaking up with her girlfriend and then she feels obligated to feel the same towards me? Or what if I'm making her feel guilty for not treating me the same way i treat her even though it's literally not in her hands? Just like.. i hate that I can't just switch this shit off. Or better cloak it.

Ofc like, I guess you could see it as me being a really good friend but I feel like everyone sees through that at this point. It just makes me feel powerless and I feel so horrible that I'm causing problems just by existing atp

Oh I forgot to include this. The rant I did on my sister's relationship is a general gist of what I feel like I'm seeing from my best friend's relationship. So, I can't even blame her for being a dumbass rn. And I don't really want her now cause of that anyway. Well. Not like that. I do but. I'd rather her come to me with a clear head than coming to me as a rebound. Plus, if she's away from her girlfriend off of shit that's not either on her own terms or something that she's already processed and alright with, it wouldn't be worth it. I'd rather her learn the lesson and not endlessly chase no matter how much she's put through.

Bruh. Should I be learning that lesson?? My lordddd. ALRIGHT BUT. She doesn't do the shit TOOOO hurt me and I haven't opened up about half of it. ANd and the shit we actually talked through she was quick to fix it. So to meeeeee even though I'm not getting the same energy back, it's not something I can compare to that shit. She's not treating me poorly even after and I'm not changing myself to accommodate her. SO. I'm diff. Ish

I'm gonna clean now. Or something. I'm going to spiral if I dig any deeper into what I'm thinking rn.

#dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #dph addiction #vent #trip reports

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thefirstknife · 3 years

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Hi! I saw the Mara discussion and I got curious. I don't understand very well what people mean when people say smth along the lines "she sacrificed a lot for good" (not the exact wording, sorry). When I read marasenna and the forsaken prince, she struck me as pretty manipulative and just looking to have an obedient following. Admittedly, it's been a long time since I read these books, so I might have forgotten a lot. I also got some kinda bias bc she reminded me of some, uh, not-so-nice folk who had a negative impact in my life, so I'm a bit squicked by her attitude, especially w/ how she treated Uldren and Ghost at some occasions.

Is it ok to ask for some clarifications about her motivations? Totally okay if not if it's too much work. Sorry if it's a weird ask fjjshf

Oh, Mara definitely has a manipulative streak about her.

Marasenna is in general a very biased source because it's coming from Mara herself so there's bound to be some narrator bias there. She presents some of her actions as being done for the greater good and we could debate whether that's true or not.

For example, when she created the Awoken people and the Distributary, a lot of negativity came when the Awoken realised they were created by one of their own and wondered why someone would create them in a way where they could still experience pain, suffering and death. Mara's reasoning is that without those things, there is nothing to advance towards. If you could live forever in perfect bliss, there's no goals to achieve and nothing to work for. They'd just be trapped in the Distributary living pointless "perfect" lives.

I agree with that because I, as a player, know that the Awoken weren't given the Distributary as some great and amazing gift: it was a punishment by the Darkness, just not done in the same way as the Collapse. The people on the Yang Liwei wanted no part in the Collapse and asked to be treated as a separate species and Darkness tossed them into a singularity. I personally don't think this was some sort of a great fate, especially if the plan was to live in the singularity forever and do nothing. So Mara not giving the Awoken a perfect paradise and immortality and life free from suffering IS, in a way, for the greater good. Obviously, this isn't an objective view of things.

Mara definitely manipulated people, lied to people and even abused them, sometimes obviously, sometimes subtly. She also clearly cares, in her own way, about certain people and things. How much, we can't really tell because we only have biased sources about her. I think Mara's biggest crime is when she knows things will end badly but she lets them happen anyway; for example everything with Uldren. His corruption and death could've been stopped if she actually reached out to him and told him she's fine in the Ascendant plane and that the visions he's getting is not her.

I totally understand when people are not happy with Mara's behaviour and if they're also squicked out by her. She's a very polarising and morally ambiguous character. I'm not surprised if people dislike her, nor is that in any way wrong.

The problem is mostly that Mara gets an extreme amount of explicit and gross hate directed at her, the type of hate that no other character in Destiny gets, despite there being characters objectively morally worse than her. Like, she genuinely received more hate than the Darkness, the primary antagonist or the Hive, as close to the primary antagonist as one can be.

This could be because her crimes are more grounded (manipulation and abuse) rather than whatever Darkness and the Hive are doing (nobody on Earth has really experienced their entire planet being killed, not exactly the easiest thing to relate to). But there's other characters with similar stories. Calus is a good example, as he's also a very manipulative character who continuously tried to make the Guardians join him by giving them stuff and praising them and being manipulative in general when his only real goal is selfish. He was also manipulative to the Cabal people, a lot of which followed him literally into death so HE could fulfil his goal of talking to the Darkness. He never cared about any of his people or the Guardians really.

I definitely wouldn't like Mara as a real person, but she's an interesting character to read about. Most ambiguous and villainous characters are to me.

#destiny 2 #mara #ask #hope this explains some of it!#other input is welcome too!#lore vibing #long post

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i-may-be-stupit · 3 years

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Idk the horney got me, so here we are HAHAHAHA 18+ and kinda a bit of crack at times, ENJOY!!!!! Oh! And this is reletively gender neutral, babes!!

Your name is (Y/N) (L/N). And you've always been known as a good kid. That is until your father was murdered by a hero. He did a lot of dirty work, sure, but he did it for his family to survive. And when a hero took him down, everyone cheered. They never though about his family. Nor his place in the world. They saw him as dirt. The same way you started seeing heros.

To you, heros didn't care about the villians and didn't care whether they died or lived. They were savage beasts who needed to be taken down. You became a villian. You would assassinate hero after hero with the simple tittle of "Marrow." And that's when you met the League.

They had the same ideals as you and could help make your dream a reality.

You joined the League, but you were still you. You were a seemingly innocent flower that blossomed in any form of villainous mayhem.

Your quirk was known as simply bone manipulation. You could manipulate your bones however you pleased and you could even shoot them out like needles. But, you were at higher risk for osteoporosis.

Its been 6 months since then and you've made yourself at home with the LOV. Twice and Toga were your closest friends now, but Shigaraki just hits different.

You'd go out and have fun with your two close friends, and to be honest, you're pretty sure that you three had pulled every prank possible on Dabi. Kurogiri was like a dad to you now. He gave lots of great advice and made sure that you kept up with your online college classes in between villian duties.

But shigaraki was a whole other story.

I mean, he was usually crule and hateful towards everyone, but the League was his soft spot. He treats members like family. He cherishes them. Even if he doesn't say it. He almost always have been putting them first.

And it made you kind of...attracted to him.

Yeah, he was dryer than the Saharan Desert, and had a diet of strictly microwavable ramen and redbull, but he was actually a good guy. You caught yourself staring at him a few times per day and your crush on him was appearant to you as well as all the other members.

So here you were, staring in awe at Tomura as he and Dabi played against eachother in Mortal Kombat. (They'd fight at least once a day, so Kurogiri made up the idea of fighting in Mortal combat instead whenever they got fed up with eachother) You blushed, seeing Shigaraki so serious. Ugh, there's just something about him...

Toga walked into the room and sat down in the loveseat next to you. She smirked before loudly announcing, "Gee, (Y/N)! It looks like your boyfriend, Tomura, is winning!" You started choking her.

No, deadass.

You fucking wrapped your hands around her neck and violently shook her head back and forth like Bart and Homer Simpson. Toga just laughed and moaned, causing you to feel too violated to keep choking her. You let go and as you did, Shigaraki stood up and started making fun of Dabi for being a "Bitch ass loser."

You blushed deeply, eyes lidded while gazing at the crusty boy. All you could see was Shigaraki, hearts around him as he did his breathtaking victory dance in slow motion. His gorgeous, dehydrated body swayed and jiggled happily as he jumped a few times, white specs gently fluttered from his head. His dandruff glistening in the florescent lights, as you sighed, absolutely smitten. Dabi rolled his eyes at his boss before looking at you. He then smirked. This cant be good.

Dabi chuckled. "Oh okay, Shiggy, you beat me fair and square." Shigaraki looked at him suspiciously. "It's okay though." He smirked, "Because I'm sure that (Y/N) can give me a little pick-me-up!"

The white haired boy glarred at Dabi then at you. Dabi slyly slipped over to you and Toga. He grabbed you be your wrist and pulled you up to stand. You were too flustered out of your mind to even do anything. He wrapped both of his hands around your waist. "Isn't that right, baby?"

You laughed awkwardly, "Dabi, not to be rude or anything, but you seem like a heavy man and I don't know if I could manage carrying all of your body weight if I were to pick you up, I mean my bones are kinda brittle as they are and-"

He brought his face to yours and kissed your neck softly. "We're gonna have some fun tonight, right?" You fucking hit him with a suplex, a small crack being heard from your hip. God damn it, your fucking brittle ass bones! Everyone burst out in laughter (aside from Kurogiri who was facepalming). Dabi sat on the floor rubbing his head in pain. "Fuck, (Y/N)! It was a joke!"

You folded your arms and frowned. "Well don't joke around with me like that!" Heat rose to your cheeks, "Especially in front of T-Tomura..." You looked at your boss to see him still too busy laughing at Dabi getting backflipped. You smiled shyly, holding your cheeks and wiggling like the love sick shit you are. He's so dreamy~ oh my, is he coughing up blood from laughing too hard?

You looked in disgust for a moment before sighing loudly. Ugh, it's so sexy when he coughs up blood! Shigaraki looked at his hand before licking the blood back into his mouth like a fucking heathen-

Sorry.

Your fucking heathen.

Later that night, everyone was out and about, leaving you and Shigaraki alone. He was drinking a glass of rum and coke as you doodled in a little notebook. You looked up to see him staring at you already. You both quickly looked away. It's been rough lately, dealing with your crush on him.

And Tomura was catching on.

Well, kinda.

He thinks he's really ugly and unworthy of love, so he thinks you just stare at him because you're still taken back at how hideous (he believes) he is. He's been wearing Father on his face more often and been getting more easily upset at you. But, he was also confused because he was starting to like your fragile self.

He's scared that he'll break you with one tap of the finger. That's just how fragile you seem. Shigaraki smiled softly, staring deeply into his glass.

(Y/N) seems so fragile, but they're a god damn hurricane.

Shigaraki swirled his cup around, deep in thought. How can they fight so well when they seem so brittle? It's strange. It's unexpected... It's interesting. Your boss' cheeks turned a tint of pink. (Y/N) can pull off a suplex on Dabi. Their back bent so far... I wonder what (Y/N) looks like arching it for me... He looked over at your figure. You were awkwardly dangling your feet off the couch, seeming to be lost in thought. Tomura sighed and took another whisk of his drink. They're way too cute for me...

There's been a lot of awkward times with you two alone. And you could both feel the tension. Shigaraki left to his room with a small sigh. He hates basically everything. But you? He might just love you.

You two hung out a lot actually. You'd play videogames together and have small movie nights for the two of you. You vividly remembered cuddling up beside him one winter night. It was snowing and you two chatted while sitting on the floor making Smores in the fireplace.

But it got harder and harder to be around eachother when you both started liking eachother. It got...awkward. And the night that Tomura asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie with you and got a concerned face from you was the night his heart broke. You just didn't want to accidentally grab him at a jumpscare and have him laugh at you for being a pussy. But he thought that you just didnt trust him.

You sighed, thinking about that shitty night, and walked to Shigaraki's room. You had to tell him about your feelings. You knocked softly and was allowed to enter. Shigaraki was sitting in bed, wide awake, just sitting there, staring at the wall in front of him in thought.

You sat awkwardly on his bed in a tense silence for a good minute as the man just stared awkwardly at you through the hand on his face. Shigaraki sighed when he noticed you werent going to say anything, and he set Father down on his nightstand.

"(Y/N), I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me all the time." Heat rushed to your cheeks and you stared harder at the ground. "I get that I'm ugly, but you should know how rude it is to stare-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You glarred at him, anger boiling up. "The fuck did you just call yourself?!"

He glarred right back at you. "I said I was ugly, did I stutter?"

Yeah. Youre choosing to ignore that attitude. "Tomura, you're not ugly."

He rolled his eyes. "There is literally no other reason for you to be staring at me that much, mutt."

You folded your arms with a frown. "I think you're handsome."

He laughed.

He laughed hard as hell.

For a good 3 minutes straight.

"Oh thats a good one, (Y/N)! You know, I'm actually enjoying you-"

"I'm serious!" You poked his chest hard while getting closer to his face, your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "I think you have pretty eyes!" You poked him again, "You have a pretty face!" You poked him one last time, "And you're an amazing leader!" Shigaraki went silent with a blush and so did you. You twittled your fingers together, looking away timidly. "I-uh... I think I l-like you, actually."

Tomura chuckled breathlessly with concern for your mental health, eyes darting around uncomfortably. "Are you being...serious...?"

"Mm-hm..."

"Oh....okay." He awkwardly looked away from you with a small blush. Hes never had anyone like him romantically. Actually, not a lot of people even like him generally. And it made it extra weird with you being so damn cute and funny to him.

You layed down on his bed, anxiety rushing through you. It was weird to tell your boss that you liked him. I mean, its probably gonna be awkward between you two forever! Tomura layed down next to you. His hands overlapping eachother on his chest. You looked over to him with a small awkward smile. "So-uh... do you like me back...?"

Tomura frowned. "Are you fucking dumb??" You winced and he just rolled his eyes. "It would be impossible to not fall in love with you." A small chuckle left your lips as he softly started playing in your (h/t) hair.

You frowned. "Did I say you could touch my hair?"

He rolled his eyes before lifting you up to straddle him. Heat rushed to your cheeks. And you pushed his chest away as your (e/c) eyes darted away. "T-Tomura, what are y-you doing?" You were speechless and flustered. And it wasn't helping that his hands were laying on your waist (pinkies up of course).

Tomura chuckled with a mischevious look in his eyes. He slowly moved his hands up and down your sides. "Let me play with your hair...and as a reward..." He kissed you softly on your lips. "I'll make you feel things you've never felt before...." He licked your ear and you thanked the Lord for that because it just made his mouth a lil less crusty. "Deal?" His breath tickled your ears and your breathing turned into aroused, airy breaths.

"Deal..." Shigaraki smirked before kissing you roughly, his hand engulfed in your (h/t) hair, leaving his middle finger up of course. As his tongue darted around your mouth, he pulled your hair harder, causing a wince of pain from you. His lips left yours quickly.

"Am I being too rough?"

You smiled softly at him. He cares! "Oh, just a little."

Shigaraki grinned before pulling your hair even harder. "You'll get used to that." Your eyes widened in fear and pain as he threw you onto the bed roughly. He kissed you harder, and forced your thighs open with both of his hands, pinkies up.

He laughed with arousal, pressing his clothed member against you. You sighed as he grinded against your bottoms while tongue kissing you. His hands left your thighs and brought themselves to your body. He sucked, kissed, and bit all over your neck and his indexes and thumbs twirled and pulled at your nipples under your shirt.

"Ah-!" You moaned loudly as the man sucked at your soft spot. "T-Tomura!" A small gasp left your lips and his connected to your skin. Mumbled moans came from you, your hand over your mouth. Tomura glarred the second he heard a moan muffled. "H-Hey!" He had grabbed your hand from over your mouth and tightly gripped it with four fingers, pressing it against the headboard.

He grinned widely out of nowhere, "You really thought you could get away with hiding those beautiful sounds from me?" He sat up, unbuckling his jeans. His eyes went cold as he took off his pants and boxer briefs. "I'm gonna have to get some type of...hm, whats the word?" He looked away in though before smiling and snapping his fingers, "Compensation! Yeah...and I know just what I want from you." Shigaraki push you off of the bed roughly. You fell to the floor and rubbed your arm. He sat on the king-sized in front of you with his cock in his hand. "Suck."

You frowned at him. Did he really have to push you off like that? You got on your knees between his thighs and took a good look at it.

Fuck, he's hung...

You covered your mouth with a huge blush. Where the hell did that come from?! He was a good nine inches and quite thick. You frowned at him and pointed at his cock. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He frowned.

Shigaraki didnt say another word. He just grabbed you by the hair and placed it against your lips. You frowned before licking the tip softly, making him laugh breathlessly. "Fuck..." You sucked on his tip and his hand tightened around your hair, pulling a bit. He looked down at you, smirking while absolutely flustered. "Ugh, your little mouth was made for my fat cock, wasn't it, (Y/N)?" He chuckled and pressed your head forward, forcing a bit more of him inside of you. Shigaraki panted as you bobbed your head back and forth on him. "Youre such a fucking slut..." His cheeks was tinted pink as he stared down at you. Tomura started bobbing your head back and forth on him. He laughed as you gagged on him. "What? Is it too big?" Your face went even hotter. How can he be so fucking conceited yet self conscious?! The white hair boy held your face and was practically thrusting into your mouth at this point. He threw his head back and groaned as cum filled your mouth. "Fuck, (Y/N), you're good at that." He watched you like prey as you thumbed the white substance dripping down your chin. You licked your thumb and he chuckled. "How does it taste?"

You smirked at him minscheviously while getting back on the bed. You took off your bottoms and short then spread your legs. "It tastes good enough to deserve a tip, right?" Shigaraki licked his lips as he crawled in between your thighs.

He rubbed you, playing with your slit. "Did sucking me off really get you this turned on?" You flushed and covered your eyes with your forearm. Tomura smirked mischievously as he licked at you. You moaned quietly, his tongue swirling around and his finger going in and out of your hole.

He stuck his ringerfinger in and you squeaked in pleasure. "Mmm... Tomura, I-just like that..." He sucked and licked, getting more sloppy as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He pumoed faster and faster and your small groans turned into loud moaning as you orgasmed. "Fuck Tomura! Ah-!" You came in his mouth, immediately apologizing. Shigaraki just licked his now soaked fingers and you just stared at him, blushing hard as hell. You smiled softly. "H-How do I taste?"

His red eyes prowled your body as he got on top of you. Your cheeks got hotter when he strattled you. You sighed as he rubbed his manhood against you. Small, flustered moans escaped your lips at his teasing. "You taste like you were missing something." His warm breath tickled your ear, "But I'll fix that right up for you."

Tomura slowly entered you. He groaned out your name in ecstasy. You were a bit uncomfortable at first at his thickness. "W-wait, dont move yet..." You breathed in and out slowly, feeling yourself adjust to him. A groan left your lips, "O-okay..."

Tomura grinded against you, kissing your neck as your hands fiddled with his hair. He started off slow, savoring the feeling of you. He sighed into your collarbone. "God, (Y/N), you're so tight..." He cursed underneath his breath, fucking you a bit faster.

Tears pricked at your eyes. This was almost too much for you. Youve always fantasized about being with Shigaraki and now that it was happening, it felt almost too good to be true. He grinded into you deeper, filling you up fully as his hand held both of tour wrists above your head. The bed rocked as he started thrusting into you faster and deeper. "T-Tomura, you feel so good inside of me!" He groaned louder and you couldn't help but become flustered at all of his noises.

He fucked you even faster and harder. "Fuck, youre mine now, okay?" You nodded and moaned louder at him. "Oh fuck!" His white hair bounced as he pulled out and flipped you over. You were on your forearms and knees, begging for him to keep fucking you good as he thrusted in and out, his hand pulling at your hair as the other gave the occasional spank on your ass. Tomura's thrusts became sloppy as you reached your peak. You both moaned loudly, his cum pouring from inside of you. Shigaraki pulled out and immediately collapsed next to you.

You panted as his arms wrapped themselves around you. You smiled at him. "That was good, right?" He chuckled and kissed your lips.

"The best."

You two spooned as Kurogiri had an extra glass of wine, in utter disgust at when he was forced to hear.

#fanfic #mha x y/n #bnha shigaraki #shigaraki x you #tomura x you #x reader #bnha smut #shigaraki x reader #x fem!reader #x male reader #gender neutral reader

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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i hope this isn't weird but I've decided I like how you interact with this show (not something I can say for a lot of fans) and now I wanna hear what you have to say about Eric and Jenny's friendship. I have this image in my head of the two of them dying her hair pink in a VDW bathroom (Lily thinks they should've gone to a salon but that's no fun). feel free to talk for literally forever I'm actually obsessed with them ~ily

not weird at all! that's really sweet of you to say, actually. whenever i get qns like this, often the first place my mind goes to is fic, so if that's not something you were looking for, feel free to ignore the next 2 paragraphs, lmao.

a lot of my jenny and eric feels are in these fics that i've written: "a remedy for bland sweet potatoes" (sort of like, a fix it but it doesn't fix anything - it's canon compliant and jenny & eric discuss some of the things jenny's done), as well as "the lights that stop me (turn to stone)" which is a post-canon blair/jenny fix-it in some ways, but is also a character study of jenny as a whole & there's a lot of j&e feels in there (jenny and eric are housemates! they look out for each other and defuse derena tension together LKHFKLDHG).

other fics that highlight some great jenny and eric feels (both of these are kinda sad KLHDFKLH) are "withdrawal symptoms" by lunasol28 and and "fell from grace (it left me in this place)" by @vanderwoodlings .

now i’m actually gonna answer your question........ putting it under a read more, ‘cause it got long!

anyway, to answer your question as much as possible - i have a lot of feelings and i'm not sure how best i can do them justice - i have so much to say about jenny & eric. @mysteriesofloves said this thing once about how jenny and eric's friendship sort of parallels blairena friendship, in the sense of like - you love this person so much and no matter how much you hurt each other, you find your way back together, and i think that's extremely true of them both. in a lot of ways, i feel like jenny and eric are each other's most important person - best friend, support system, family, all of that. unlike dan and serena, when jenny & eric find out about rufus and lily they're actually excited to be step siblings which i find incredibly cute.

there's also - i love the fact that during their first meeting eric tells jenny pretty much everything about how he's in the ostroff centre and why he's there, and jenny doesn't judge him or treat him any differently - instead, she shows up at his room later with board games, just to spend time with him. we see things like this at various points, i feel, where jenny & eric's lives are sort of unstable or at a low point in some way and they're both able to just be there for each other without having to do any sort of grand gesture.

there's also definitely, uh... while i see the blairena friendship parallels, i'd make my own danessa friendship parallels. much like dan and vanessa, jenny and eric are incredibly lonely, and also, deeply different. they're not like their peers at st judes/constance! they struggle to make friends, and they have to navigate that. in a lot of ways, the only real friend either of them has is each other, despite the fact that there are instances when they've let each other down or hurt each other.

@nocakesformissedith made a post that i don't have the spoons to find right now - one of her jenny masterposts - that's basically an image of eric and jenny and it's like, "don't ask gay people how we know each other- we know each other from being gay". and i feel like eric and jenny absolutely and totally had that specific intimacy of like. being queer and knowing you're queer and having sat with it for a long fucking time, in high school, when nobody else around you really gets it. to me, my lesbian jenny headcanon explains a lot of the jenny & eric closeness - it's like, when you're young and gay, your One Gay Friend feels like the ONLY person who understands you.... sort of because they are! navigating any form of queerness in high school is terrible, and i'm just glad that they had each other when they did have each other.

it’s so notable to me that like - even though j&e spent so much of s3 at odds/fighting, when jenny’s gone in s4, eric goes through a major downward spiral, with the whole damien thing and everything else. jenny was his anchor! she was the one person who made him feel a little less fucked up about everything, and a little less lonely. and as for jenny with eric - i feel like jenny’s really comfortable and open around eric, and unlike with other people, for the most part, doesn’t try to be someone else around him. part of why eric feels so alienated by jenny’s behaviour in s3 - other than the fact that she was mean to him and jonathan - i feel is just that the way she was behaving with him was fake, and whoever else jenny was fake around, she’d never been like that with eric before. this is more like my interpretation, though, it’s not necessarily stated by canon or anything.

anyway this got depressing!! i do have fun jenny and eric feelings, i promise. i bet they listen to music together and when they’re studying together, they draw in each other’s textbooks. they probably wasted time doing online quizzes together, and there’s definitely a trash tv show that is Their Garbage Show (probably much to dan and serena’s bemused annoyance in the sense of like ‘do you HAVE to quote that again?’). jenny and eric dyeing jenny’s hair together sounds like something they’d do!! (incidentally, in a script of the pilot that didn’t make it, eric had BLUE HAIR. it could’ve been canon and i am so sad that it was not!!! we came so close to getting it. blue haired little eric lives in my head rent free.)

i think jenny and eric’s friendship is so special because it is SO normal, and literally nothing else in their lives is normal (im pretty sure i said this in some way/ form earlier) - in the sense of like. family issues. kids at school being mean. their own mental health being challenging. their lives are so complicated and heavy, both of them often end up needing to be more mature / adult than they actually are (lily comments during e’s 18th that eric has always been so “serious”, and i always think of how JENNY went to hudson and brought alison back because rufus & alison couldn’t resolve their marriage without their 14 year old daughter’s intervention, apparently). so yeah i do think they’d do all those bestie things - like, sleepovers, friendship bracelets, buying matching clothes together, sending each other pictures of things like “should i buy this” - wrong generation, but if they were gen z kids they’d definitely have the biggest snapchat streak ongoing, and not in a performative way - they would genuinely talk to each other THAT much.

also, for your consideration: imagine jenny and eric baking together!!! i think they’d be really serious about it, and they’d also have so much fun.

#anon #jenny humphrey #eric van der woodsen #meta #i guess?#i hope this is a sufficient answer! i have so many feelings abt them #but they're hard to write about LKHFLKHG #fic rec

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anastasiaskarsgard · 3 years

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Okay thank you for taking the time cause this is a long one. It's kind of a bit to unpack so I'll give you some background about me first. I'm a guy, I'm 24, and as far as kinks I'm firmly on the submissive side. Recently through some self discovery I'd kind of figured out I'm asexual, I just don't ever really feel sexual attraction the way most people do. Basically, last week I was at Universal for their Halloween Horror Nights and in one of the houses there's a section for the "Kitty Cat Club" where there's a bunch of femme fatale catgirl demons. Anyways. One of the actresses had a voice line directed RIGHT at me, where she giggles a bit, and says "I could just eat you UP" and when she says "up" her voice goes deep or pitch shifts. For whatever reason, that particular instance, uh, really set off some fireworks in my brain, but I guess I…. Don't really know exactly WHY? I will say I'm certainly into cat girls, but I'm really not into vore, so the threat or implication of being eaten wasn't it. After I've thought about it a bit I think it's the idea that she's trying to "hide" her cat/demon side but she can't quite contain it. (I can DM you a YouTube link and time stamp to what I'm talking about)

Sorry, I know this is like, a LOT. I guess why I'm writing this or why I'm asking you is I guess I just need to put this out there and see what other people say about it, because quite frankly, ever since then I've been trying to figure out how to replicate the response I felt from it, and the moment has also just been swirling around in my memories the entire time too. I just think it's so specific!

Sorry, I know this is a lot but I promise I'm gonna wrap it up. I don't expect a whole like, psychological evaluation or anything (please don't put that burden on yourself, lol) but I guess maybe if you've ever heard of or encountered anything similar you might just have some thoughts? Or idk, just thoughts about it in general? I don't know. I'm sorry, it's just uh… kinda been driving me crazy and putting it out there I think (hope) I'll feel better about it/ have a better understanding, I think I'm kinda in the middle of a big sexual self- discovery and that's why I'm like this. Again sorry for the long ask, and I'd really appreciate any response or thoughts you might have, thank you for taking the time to read though (:

One thing is for sure, you’re not asexual. I’m not an expert, but as far as I’m aware, asexual people never experience any type of sexual, or romantic attraction. They are totally fine and content alone romantically and even go as far as experiencing negative reactions to sexual stimuli. So at least we can be rid of that possibility.

Now as far as being a submissive attracted to a very sexualized woman, that’s understandable. It doesn’t seem to me like the cat cosplay is as attractive to you, as the the danger element. You might even be turned on by the idea of being taken by an aggressive woman that takes away your choice and treats you like an object.

Demons are generally overpowered and consider humans wants and feelings very unimportant when they choose to take one. They take what they want unapologetically and take away their victims right to choose.

Maybe the thought of being so desired by a dangerous attractive creature that they consume you with or without your consent is arousing. Losing yourself to someone and being completely at their mercy could be what’s the underlying appeal.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being into that, and while it’s rather specific and will be more difficult to find someone that fits that role, it’s not impossible. I’d recommend being upfront about your preference early in the relationship, to gauge if it’s appealing for them as well. You want to be sure that your partner shares your kink and is not playing along to please you at the cost of their own happiness.

A little side note… you could just be into the girl dressing up. Cosplay takes a lot of effort to be convincing most of the time, so it could just be the feeling that you’re worth all the effort.

No matter what the reason, no need to apologize for what you’re into.

Personally if you told me that was your fantasy, I’d totally be down, but I like dressing up. I wouldn’t think you’re weird or anything, just lots of fun. Lol

Hope this helps

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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Hi Lizzy, I'm new to the SPN fandom and saw a bunch of bibros making fun of meta writers. As a lowkey Destiel shipper it still pissed me off. I'm wondering- who are your fav meta writers to read?

Pfft, it’s practically a badge of honour that THEY are pissed off by the meta. Interpretation worries them because as soon as you get into the what they’d see as hippie dippy “all readings are valid uwu” part of literary theory, you’ve made an attempt to level the playing field with them and they don’t wanna be on it with us, they want to have the one sacred and true reading of the show to which all roads lead etc etc. Actually buying into the idea you can interpret the show and come up with multiple readings or that the text would DARE support another version (even the interpretation that Sam and Dean aren’t soulmates or something ship-free that gets in the way indirectly - or an argument they are soulmates but that’s basically just the show’s way of conveying Heaven is somehow worse than Hell for them :P) immediately is a threat to the idea of a cast iron version of the show that’s the one they latched onto.

Strange world where “reading into things” is an insult instead of a sign of healthy curiosity and a desire to learn and understand. And I see people who literally mind their own corner or would agree in spirit with their interpretation as long as you CALL it that and leave others be to have a different one, get dogpiled by them for daring to treat the show as a flexible and multi-layered, analyse-able thing…

Ah well.

Kinda missing out on the yearly punch up in the parking lot round the back of the fandom right now, tbh, since I’ve been AWOL with hanging around with family and friends stuff. Kinda not missing it. :P Welcome to the fandom, it can get pretty messy, and some of us here just wanna watch the show and ask silly questions to everyone about how many burgers Dean’s eaten on screen recently or whatever important character analysis nonsense is bothering us today.

To which end! :D

No matter how long you have followed me, even if it’s like a day or 2, you must have noticed my queue endlessly spitting out @mittensmorgul‘s full-show rewatch along with the TNT loop, all out of order and a week late because that’s how I roll. Mittens is a great meta writer to read because everything she writes is fun and the kind of hectic idea hopping my brain glues with..

Everything @awed-frog writes is similarly enjoyable to read in that style but longer and more poetic and dark, and very insightful. (You might be able to tell I’m mentioning the meta writers I reblogged stuff from today while waiting for my long term memory to contribute anything)… Linking their ask tag for starters because idk how to find other long meta at short notice :P

Actually while I’m thinking about rewatches, I’ve always enjoyed @dustydreamsanddirtyscars‘s dramatic, purple prose essay approach to meta and flawless blog presentation… Sadly Jenny’s not enjoying season 12 very much with the change in style from the weird dark symbolism of Carver era, to the sort of fractals upon fractals of weird little emotional references and do-overs this year when Dabb gets to do his thing on a whole season, but if you want Carver era weird dark symbolism, I’ve been really enjoying where she has been lurking in Carver era, meta-ing her way through it.

(I just generally dig reading re-watches, especially because all that hindsight is paying off so much now because for Dabb era if we’re going to meta it we NEED hindsight and reminders and the TNT loop playing in the background showing us just how layered and self-referential the show has become (and what it’s doing differently, and how much the characters have grown and changed, which, I think, is the point now) - anyway if you’re doing a rewatch, I LOVE to read posts about old episodes, especially the weird old MotW and really early seasons stuff no one seems to talk about much any more)

There’s a LOT of great meta writers out there and after every episode I try to find and reblog the long reaction notes, if they’re done it, from @dorkilysoulless @grey2510 @kayanem @bluestar86 (and awed frog again). @charlie-minion has been busy this season with other stuff as far as I know with a few more infrequent visits, but I know she has a page with every meta she wrote on it and generally wrote a great post per episode for a good chunk of the time I was in fandom, and still drops by fairly regularly despite a smaller presence. @thevioletcaptain also is great and has an episode reaction for most episodes (though again has been busy with IRL stuff for a few weeks/months/I have no concept of time but she hasn’t posted anything for the recent episodes as far as I’ve seen >.>) and also a page with her meta on it that when I was brand new to the fandom I had permanently open in another tab to cross-reference while I re-watched the show :P

(A lot of my favourite meta writers I imprinted on like a duckling when I was new and remember them really well but of course I love all the new people around here but my actual useful visual memories are all the fandom circa season 9 and not all around any more much, because my brain has been stewing in migraines and fatigue since, like, the middle of season 10, and my new approach is to wearily trudge through my dash barely checking who wrote what unless I have to deal with minuscule fonts on a read more, so I’m afraid my memory of active bloggers is totally rubbish and it’s best just to look at my awesome meta tag and see who I’ve been reblogging a lot lately and some really grevious oversights in people I will smack my head for not mentioning if you bring it up, but your question was phrased in such a way I went straight for who do I ENJOY reading not quick gimme a useful list with no explanation thing :P So uh, sorry if this is 100x longer than you expected :D)

#Asks #I'm really sorry newbies to the fandom have to see all the ugly stuff >.>#I really hope the impression from everyone else regardless of what we ship or do has been better than that

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wahbegan · 7 years

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I believe you, but still i'm curious of her side of the story. i kind of want to read it, but probably id still believe you.

As best i understand it…uh hold on i think i made a post about it

All right listen i wanna clarify some shit about Mandy, cause i don’t want you guys to get the wrong impression. There really wasn’t a lot of big explosive shit that happened. The worst was at the end when i tried to break up with her and she made thinly-veiled threats to commit suicide and said i didn’t know what was best for me and i owed her for saving my life and she’d given up all her friends and grades for me

Most of it…wasn’t like that. She didn’t beat me. She hit me or threw small objects sometimes when she was mad, never very hard, just enough to hurt, never at my face/head, and not often. Most of her outbursts were verbal. She didn’t ever like hold me down and rape me. She was just doggedly insistent and coercive about sexual acts sometimes, and sometimes they hurt and/or made me bleed, though that was because of a lack of communication on my part and a lack of care on hers, not active malice. She once afterwards noticed i was withdrawn and said “You did WANT to do that, right?” I said yes. Later she said she didn’t remember ever asking me that.

She also once during some weird…idk fugue state thing? She’d do this weird thing sometimes idk anyway she’d almost play characters sometimes it was when she took naps always she’d be napping or pretending to and then start like talking to me or doing weird shit and there were different personalities and then she’d go back to being asleep or whatever and then wake up and be herself idk what she was actually doing i don’t believe she had any kind of dissociative disorder i don’t know what she was trying to get at but anyway one of these fugue-type characters she had i know this all sounds ridiculous bear with me but one was more physically sexually aggressive than she usually was and sorta made me panic at one point i was giving her head and she was holding my hair and kinda grinding i know graphic i’m sorry but i thought i heard her mom coming and tried to pull away and she dragged me back down and continued with the grinding that was the most dramatic thing she ever did on that front. Once again, when I brought it up, she claimed no memory of it.

Usually it wasn’t shit like that though. Usually it was just verbal harassment and coercion and guilt tripping and being sulky and angry about my low sex drive.

Beyond that, it was mainly generally jealousy, possessiveness, asking me to give up my friends or not talk to certain ones, not wanting me to go out without her, looking at my texts and shit, general isolation, changing little details about things i know i remembered, being controlling, making fun of me, generally just treating me like here my friend Kate/laughinglyric said after hanging out with us once “Dude she was walking all over you” and my older sister after hanging out with us once said “I don’t now if she was just trying to impress me or be funny in front of me or what but the way she talked to you…kinda bothered me.” At the time i assured her she was just nervous and trying to look cool.

She told various fake stories about traumatic incidents from her past, the details of which would also keep shifting. She used this i assume to earn my sympathy and out of a sense of insecurity that nothing interesting had ever happened in her life. For a while after we broke up our relationship was strained but still friendly, I’d say a lot of bitter dick shit to her because i was hurt but didn’t really realize why yet. At the time, i started making text posts about being abused. I told her they were about someone else, and that seemed to tide her over. However, recently, as I’ve stopped talking to her entirely and gotten a lot more open about saying her name and recounting her actions on tumblr, she seems to be pushing back by inventing similar but worse stories about our relationship. Saying i violently beat her, tied her up and sexually abused her for hours, saying i was severely psychologically abusive, etc. I know her fiancee at least hates me for these crimes which i swear to god i didn’t commit. Her fiancee hates me now, after once he called me behind her back to ask for my advice because she was trying to control his finances, and i warned him there was a reason i broke up with her in the first place. I have at least one other former mutual friend who at least for a while believed her and is now on the fence, but…i’m very, very scared about this.

I’m aware of how it looks a man claiming all of a woman’s claims of abuse he committed are bullshit. Trust me, i know. You’re under no obligation to believe me, my memories are fuzzy and cause a lot of cognitive dissonance myself. Thinking about Mandy on any level makes me hurt and confused and unsure of my own memories, my own reality. But i also know abusers will often turn it on their victim and say they were the abused one. They have a victim complex and say what they did was a reaction to mistreatment. I don’t know if that actually helps or hurts my case considering Mandy and i say the exact same thing about each other, but it is worth noting that i’ve been saying this shit about her since before we broke up and she still hung out with me and was fine with me until she realized i was saying this about her and then this whole bit started.

I just….i wanted to put forward the facts as best as i know them, i don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression from my posts she was beating the shit out of me or sexually assaulting me, and i wanted to make you aware of what she is saying about me in case that informs your opinion of the situation at all.

Here’s the original post http://redgrieve.tumblr.com/post/161190297630/redgrieve-all-right-listen-i-wanna-clarify-some

Sorry i know it’s long and i know it’s not exactly what you were looking for but i mean to get her perspective unfiltered i’d have to give you her information which i point blank refuse to do

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zevonandwaits · 7 years

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3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 17, 19, 22, 28, 30, 32, 33, 44, 47, 49, 50, 55, 56, 65, 68, 69, 72, 75, 76, 77, 79, 81, 82, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 93, 95, 100, 101, 107, 108, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 121, 122, 127, 128, 133, 138, 139, 142, 146, 148, 149, 150 YIKES I'm a nosy bitch good luck! :*

okay i FINALLY have the time to answer these (i think, i’m just bored in poli sci rn but still)

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

hmm……maybe i think it’s my parents, they’re coming to visit me on easter and that’s a while away but i can’t wait. also i can’t wait to see my friends from home over summer break (less than 2 months!!)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

honestly i think i’m too easy to get along with. i’ve been kind of a doormat my whole life because i’m afraid of confrontation and hurting people. that’s gonna change though. slowly, but surely it will change.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i don’t like like anybody right now….but i love my friends (like you) and i know for sure that they would

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i guess people who don’t know how to treat me right.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

HAHA yes i’m such a prude i always have to work myself up when i want to bring up the topic of sex with someone. i feel so awkward about what’s tmi, or about potentially grossing someone out, idk. sex is weird. let’s ban it (jk let’s not)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I think it was you

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Because they didnt put it up before” i’m currently freaking out to my parents because my college just decided NOW to notify me of a past due balance for this strep test that they made me take even though i looked on the site a few days ago and it wasn’t up there so i couldn’t pay it i hate them sometimes they’re so dumb (them being the school and their bad notification skills)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YEA and it’s exciting i just hope they don’t kill us

19. Do you like bubble baths?

nah son idk don’t kill me but i just don’t like baths in general i’d rather shower

22. Where would you like to travel?

lol i’m so basic but lately i’ve really been wanting to go to disney world, i haven’t been there in ages and i really miss it

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

honestly? myself

people give me anxiety i’m always scared of being judged

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah someday if there’s somebody that i want to marry enough. i don’t think it’s essential though it’s foolish to get married for the sake of getting married so

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

aaaaAAAA this is such an awkward question idk!??!?!?!? uhhhh????

happiness and love is my final answer

33. Spell your name with your chin.

omfg i’m in class rn

i’ll come back to this

okay

vic tkerua mjrsano

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space ftw

some fish are really scary tbh

47. Have you ever been high?

nah son

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

well if i hope nobody finds out about it, what good is it to answer this question? ;)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

coincidence! i’m wearing a hoodie right now! it’s light blue, my class color, and of course it’s a bryn mawr hoodie

55. Favourite blog?

honestly it’s kinda like a celebrity blog but all her posts are perfect and i really look up to her and support her because she is very lovely and perfect so uh here’s the link if you wanna check her out

56. Favourite colour?

sky blue

65. Are you hungry right now?

trick question i’m always hungry

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

i mean i like tumblr (unfortunately) but sometimes i go on twitter because there’s a user on there whose tweets are all gold here’s the link if you wanna see

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nah i’m just not paying attention in class

72. What colour are your towels?

the ones i have at college are dark blue but the ones i have at home are light blue

75. Favourite animal?

heckin cattos frn

76. What colour is your underwear?

pink lmao

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

omfg chocolate all the way, i hate vanilla stuff. vanilla ice cream is nasty tbh

i like vanilla in baking but still chocolate is better

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

it’s my aforementioned light blue bryn mawr hoodie

81. Favourite tv show?

i think you know the answer to this one ;)

82. Favourite movie?

benny and joon it’s so underrated but i’ve seen it like 30 times since i was like 14

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

squishy

87. First person you talked to today?

maybe my roommate? i honestly don’t remember i havent talked to many people today i had a bad dream and i’ve been groggy and grumpy ever since

88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend sitting next to me

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

YOU

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

honestly? this is such a disappointing answer but none! i want them though i just…..don’t have any

95. Last movie you watched?

begin again and i love you for suggesting it to me

100. How are you feeling?

healthy.

101. Do you type fast?

kinda, but i type very inaccurately so that kinda reduces my speed because i always have to backspace and retype stuff

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah! i rode a horse in peru last year but i can’t ride horses and my horses name was diablo and he was a literal diablo and he kept running whenever he felt like it and it was very scary

108. What should you be doing?

probably paying attention but this class is optional today and shes not really saying anything important so w/e

115. Do you play the Wii?

i used to! it’s so old now though it’s become crotchety and i only use it for netflix now lmao

how things change, i used to be obsessed with it

116. Are you listening to music right now?

just the lovely monotony of my professor’s voice

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah! i had some last night as i was watching begin again

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YEA honestly one of my fave things in life

119. Favourite book?

Flowers for Algernon come on addie you already asked me this ;)

121. Are you mean?

no but i should start to be in certain situations

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO. that is a 100000% dealbreaker imo. if your s/o cheats it means that you’re not important enough to them and they don’t care about your feelings like at all so leave.

127. What makes you happy?

YOU

(and cats)

(and friends/family)

(and curling up and watching a movie/reading a book)

128. Would you change your name?

ehhh i mean i’m not a fan of my name but i feel like changing it would be such a hassle between the legal stuff and then people calling me by the wrong name or whatever, i don’t think it’s worth it

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I should have known you’d bid me farewellThere’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very wellNow I know you’re not the only starfish in the seaIf I never hear your name again, it’s all the same to me

And I think it’s gonna be all rightYeah, the worst is over nowThe mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

thank u 2 pol simon

also i think u know why

138. Curly or Straight hair?

well my hair is curly but i really wish it were straight when im struggling with it lmao

i like curly hair though, when it’s nOT UNMANAGEABLE

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i always seem to prefer brunette guys tbh.

but my favorite person is blonde so idk ;)

142. Favourite month?

july. i love the heat and not having responsibilities

also i just realized my favorite person was born in july ;*

146. Was today a good day?

i mean it wasn’t bad

but it wasn’t like amazing

it was alright i guess

148. What’s your favourite quote?

this was said by someone i admire very much:

“YIKES I’m a nosy bitch good luck!”

i don’t agree but i admire her

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

nah. i hope i didn’t anger the ghost that supposedly lives in my dorm but nah.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

that would be the book i’m reading for anthro and it is:

“But where I come from, women don’t call out to men”

Pakistani gender roles ig

#ask #addieroad

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