#and leave such a gaping hole

[anna-scribbles]

emilie agreste and rose quartz.. the same

I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME

#the. what's that one post about characters who aren't in the story but are in every part of the story #the way emilie and rose are both so revered in their narratives #and leave such a gaping hole #i find stories about the absence of someone so interesting #ive spent so long trying to decide how i would characterize emilie if I were ever to write her #and eventually I made a list of things that adrien is that he got from his dad and things that adrien is that he definitely did NOT #get from his dad #and then i decided to attribute THOSE things to my perception of emilie #and I love the idea of borrowing from rose quartz's complex of becoming whatever the people around her wanted her to be #so that they all elevated her but had different ideas about who she actually was #& how she was actually so deeply insecure and doubtful about who she really was #that she decided to leave #very emilie to me. #think a lot about how adrien impulsively reflects what people want from him #(he's a mirrorball girl if you get what I mean) #and how he's just so universally adored #how he doesn't have a strong sense of self because he is always performing just as much as he is experiencing. #his expression of self is always at least somewhat impacted by who's around him and what they want or expect from him #and he didn't get that from gabe. gabe doesn't model that at all. #so I think it would be interesting if he got it from emilie #because she WAS universally adored. the same way adrien is. #look at what she did to adrien. to nathalie. to gabe. everyone who knew her loved her so completely #but she's also someone who would leave them all behind #I think that emilie taught adrien the idea of self-sacrifice as an expression of love. I think she taught him how to hate yourself #and be loved by everyone else #I think emilie messed him up too. #anyway YES tumblr user mari-monsta. yes I do think about that #ml #anna rambles #thirteen

[lotus-pear]

never forgiving bones for fucking up this scene

#hey sskk nation how are we feeling :( #literally just finished watching the new ep and i genuinely sobbed #i was so mad they didn't make him smile or have atsushi take one last look back at him bones hates to see mlm winning #also second img is me being delusional and just stopping the show when they used koko zessou for the first time and killed fukuchi #yk before he used the space time sword and literally fucking cheated #akutagawa is alive. sskk reunion totally doesn't leave gaping holes in my heart. everything is fine. #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #akutagawa ryuunosuke #ryuunosuke akutagawa #atsushi nakajima #shin sokouku #sskk #bsd #lotus draws

[svtskneecaps]

i still haven't gotten real baghera and rivers interactions have i........... like the barest of interactions......... a drought........... i was so fucking curious...... i am still so curious............ twenty minutes of conversation and i would be fed forever............ i'd never ask for anything again.... baghera wasn't even there when bolas was doing the whole hostage situation she was off doing her own thing.......... i'm so curious........... i want to know..... what would the dynamic be........ how would they interact............ i'll never know.............. crying...........

#qsmp #if they've interacted somewhere and i just missed it somehow i will be punching the table #and i mean like a conversation bc i have a vague memory of baghera introducing herself to rivers maybe???? #but like a CONVO not just hi bye YOU KNOW #you know what i mean. you know. #i'm pretty sure there are tags on my blog from pre-rivers saying: #'god i hope rivers can join (...) i'm so curious what her and baghera's dynamic would end up being' #and i sincerely hope the answer isn't 'nonexistent lol' please 😭 don't do this to me #literally one twenty minute conversation so i could chart a trajectory i'll never ask for anything again #this is a personal curiosity i'm just very interested in people and how they interact and the myriad of dynamics that form it's fascinating #rivers and baghera's personalities are really interesting to me in their own ways #what can i say i like throwing ingredients into the test tube and SHAKING THEM TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS #shut up vic #block game brainrot #there are no metaphors it's just 4 am and i'm grieving the gaping holes in possible interactions #also i just watched a slimecicle qsmp vod those always leave me somewhat unhinged. you get it. you understand. #long tags #((also rivers who speaks french and baghera who's picking up spanish SCREAMING can i hear ONE person on this smp who isn't a native speaker #say something in french that isn't PETITE BITE or VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI)) #((i don't even have a personal stake in that battle tbh i'm not a native french speaker but sometimes i try to think of someone outside- #the 'french' w their translations box set to french and man. i come up empty. and it makes me bummed)) #((i get why i think but i'm still a bit bummed. would be nice to see the french speakers hearing a nonnative speaker in their language)) #((i think it would be funny if rivers spoke french to one of em. etoiles esp would be funny)) #(((if anyone's curious i'm avoiding specifics abt rivers bc i'm terrified of being wrong bc My Spanish Is SHIT))) #(((i certainly have thoughts but rather than Be Permanently Wrong On The Internet i will hold them in my chest and one day Die))) #damn these really are long tags hahahahahaha 4 am.............................. #anyway tl;dr i will never not be curious how rivers would interact w the smp as a whole i get very excited seeing her log in that's the pos #((and if anyone's worried no i don't message in twitch chats and i deactivated my twitter a year and a half ago lol)) #REMINDER THAT IT'S FOUR AM SORRY IF THE TAGS ARE UNHINGED AND FULL OF BAD TAKES I CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE

[navramanan]

yeom mijeong put it into words so well for me. i'm a good person i won't ask to be loved. asking for love implies you're difficult to love because you're a bad person, so you ask for it. being a good person makes you lovable enough to be loved by someone, so a good person doesn't ask to be loved. a good person is just loved, without having to ask or beg for it. i'm a good person, so why should i ask to be loved? i'm a good person, why am i not loved.

#thinking thoughts are being thunk idk #is this something? #i had difficulties interpreting that mantra so i can understand it #and this is how i understand it #i think yeom mijeong might not agree with this but to me this also applies to people who claim to love you but dont make you feel loved #by putting their words into action. by showing they love you by showing they care for you #so the way i see ''i'm a good person i wont ask to be loved'' #is i wont ask for your affection i wont ask you to show you care wont ask you to show up for me #am i not good enough of a person for you to do that without me asking for it? #i understand it's a thin line between communicating your needs and not asking to be loved and simplying wanting to be loved #i also believe there's some bare minimum things you should do. especially after i've communicated with you that theyre important to me #as a baseline to see you do care for me. you do think about me. you do want to see me to talk to me to spend time with me #and you acknowledge it. but leave it there. and continue your inaction #and i'm left in a horrible fucking position bc ur important enough for me to not want to cut you off for this reason #i'm left to sit in that position bc i only have very few people i cherish in my life and most of them act this way #if i were to cut them off i'd be left rotting away by my own #which is better. that or to live with a couple people you know love you but dont show you they do so you have this gaping hole inside you #idk this is just me doing a whole lot of yapping #nesi rants #my liberation notes

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

Loving a dead star

I’ve known you for awhile now.

And everyday I learn something new.

About your life, your past, just, you.

You have so much more lived experience than I.

And I have to wonder, what were you like when you still shone bright in the night sky?

Before your light faded, before it died?

Because I know it died.

I don’t know when. Probably years before you met me.

But I’d like to know if you’d let me.

And I know it scares you. You won’t admit it but I know it to be true.

It’s alright, I’d be scared too.

But more importantly, you have to know I’ll always love you.

Even if we peel back all of the layers and your core is as empty and all consuming as a blackhole, I will gladly fall in.

I don’t want to return to reality outside of your gravity. I want to be encompassed by you entirely. So that we become one entity.

Inseparable and indistinguishable from one another.

The lines between you and me will blur with each other.

That’s the funny thing about black holes, the nature of the universe is that the reality outside of a black hole is so vastly different from that of the reality one would perceive near or inside a black hole.

Not unlike the way love distorts our reality in some ways that are truly bizarre.

Especially when you fall in love with a dead star.

#i love you just a little too much #selfship #selfshipping #selfship community #f/o community #f/o #self ship #self shipping #BE SO NICEYS TO ME DONT BE MEAN!!!! #if you don’t like it DONT SAY ANYTHING BE QUIETTTT #/lh but like /gen #sorry this is lame as fuck and it only rhymes sometimes #I don’t know anything abt poetry or song writing or anything so don’t laugh at meee #I just have a lot of thoughts abt trauma that doesn’t leave a hurt inner child that can be healed or whatever #trauma that leaves you hollow #but then the right person in your life can fill that gaping hole in your heart #and reignite your light #ALSO pls don’t rb with your ship tags!! this is kinda a personal poem thingy to me #it’s very much about Murdoc and Emmett sooo #YOURE FREE TO RB IT THO IN GENERAL!! and I encourage it!!!/nf #just. no personal ship tags of yours pls! :)

[homunyas]

the owl house, a childrens show which the creators had to get their rep in under fucking disney of all people, managed to have a sapphic couple kiss and declare their feelings and display multiple pride flags in the most recent episode

doctor who can’t even manage to acknowledge the sapphic relationship they’ve been dancing around in the final episode, let alone a kiss or expression of feelings, 13 just drops yaz off who is suddenly totally fine leaving her with little to no fanfare beyond getting ice cream together, not to mention tegan’s “my husbands” and not even a reference to nyssa

bbc and/or chibnall you absolute cowards

#like. i otherwise enjoyed the episode a lot #but this has left a gaping hole in it because they both just leave like it’s nothing!! #fuck #txt #doctor who #doctor who series 13 #thasmin

[soonhoonsol]

you ever feel so sad whenever someone leaves your life?

#personal #i'm not talking about de*th here #but when you're at work and you make friends with your colleagues #and then one of them leaves and now every time you go back to work you have this gaping hole in your chest #but you just have to act like everything is fine because 'there's a new guy joining!' #and somehow it sucks more bc like this friend isn't de*d or anything but... you just know you won't really speak to them anymore #and it feels like a loss of a friendship even though you can actually just reach out to them anytime #idek how to explain it i just know i get too attached to everyone that joins my workplace and then i get very very sad when they leave #i thought i'd cry but i feel so emotionally dead that i can't cry even tho i really really want to #anyways i hope everyone here is doing well

[chocolix76]

I'm so excited for this weekend. I have this week's chapter of Anima Sola finished and next week's chapter halfway completed. We're reaching the end of the story and things are getting juicy...

#As much as I don't want to finish this fic since it will leave a gaping hole in my heart #I can't wait to write these upcoming scenes #Hopefully everything turns out the way I hope #I'm so excited #But the final chapters might take a while to come out since I go back to college this weekend #College let me keep my hobbies challenge #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #sun and moon show #daycare attendant #fanfic writing #lord eclipse au #anima sola

[rapidhighway]

Seeing good art literally fills me with such anger and fury and i literally start acting like a demon has entered my body i am an unholy creature the only thing i am capable of feeling is anger and envy i want to rip myself apart

#its also almost never the kind of art im trying to make or stuff that im very interested it idk whatss wrong i am just a creature of fury #i am literally throwing myself around the room and trying not to scream cause its night #i am going to implode swallowing the entire eastern europe in the process and leaving a gaping hole in the planets surface

[heftbyjapanesebreakfast]

overall i loved the finale... i need to work out my thoughts on what they did with shiv and it feels so open to me idk if it's satisfying but maybe that's just bc i don't want to say goodbye. but yeah i really enjoyed it and im glad we got some nice moments

#series finales never feel satisfying if im being honest #i feel like they always leave me with a gaping hole in my chest #but that's just bc i'm a crazy person #m

[yeonban]

As soon as I get a window of free time (which should be in the next 1-2 non-business days) I NEED to write a post about how knowing / interacting with Kolya gives off a very... surreal vibe. The kind you got every summer as a child. The same as a summertime fling that only exists on borrowed time and will vanish just as abruptly as it started, never to be felt again after summer ends. The sort you sometimes wonder if you've dreamed up or if it really happened, but no matter which one it is you're certain you'll never forget it.

#muse: nikolai gogol. #ANY kind of dynamic he may have with sb else leaves that person bound to remember him forever. He's INCREDIBLY memorable #and that'd be in generally such a bittersweet way too :') as friends & lovers (?) it's understandable why but even as rivals & enemies... #him being gone forever will still leave a gaping hole that no one else will be able to fill bc of how Unique he is compared to /everyone/ #''Living on borrowed time'' fits Kolya down to the t and I routinely think about this. #I'm even more obsessed w this vibe bc of how Gogol (the irl author)'s works inadvertently; without fail; always touch on fleetingness #...which I may as well bring up in the proper post when I write it

[extremelyputridfishbreath]

sooo after getting two rose candles and a eucalyptus candle (the least interesting part of the series), i FINALLY got one of the fish tanks from the mga make it mini series, specifically the angelfish! got a lot of air bubbles even with tapping like the instructions said and getting rid of the ones i immediately saw with a toothpick, buuut i think that it's fine since it's y'know, supposed to be water. anyway its very cute! i've taken a liking to getting miniatures for my ocs since the first mga make it mini i picked up, and i really do find the aquarium specific ones the cutest, so here's hoping we can get more cute pets and decorations for my ocs! snacks for scrabble. sorry i mean snacks for scrabble. sorry i m

#scrabble #ehhhh i wont put it in the MAIN tag bc you can barely see scrabble #anyway protip: i think the tanks are the heaviest ones. and the lightest MIGHT be candles. i havent gotten one of the plants in a while so #they might also be heavy. but this tank was heavy and doesnt rattle as much as the duplicate rose candle i have. it was..denser #ofc your mileage may vary but yknow. thats what my pull was like #i still really want at LEAST one of the bettas (preferably the red one tbh but like. idc lol i just want them bc i love bettas) ive NEVER #seen bettafish get toys in the mainstream so id be happy if i got both versions. then id want the goldfish and either turtle (no real #preference there). then other than uhhh a few plants id be satisfied #tbh the bubbles look kinda cute. and not annoying like on the candles where they leave gaping holes <3 #i'll probably take better pictures when im done repainting the shelves bc their default colors are ugly to me <3 #...shelves as in the ones that come with the capsule not like. shelves for me

[nyelaexe]

One thing I will always appreciate about my mom is that she never judged me for my hyperfixations through the years. She gave me room to love whatever I wanted to. She never made fun and she never thought I was weird. She always supported me and, in fact, she even enjoyed them with me.

She'd watch One Direction music videos with me when I was a teenager. She even took me to see the 1D movie in theaters on a school day and she saved her movie ticket. I hate that I wasn't able to find it when we cleaned out her apartment. I remember her crying at the party where Zayn bought his mom a house. To this day she would listen to History. She sent me a link to the mv in August and reminisced on the days when life was easier.

In my later teenage to young adult years she would watch kpop videos with me. We would watch BTS and Astro videos in her room. I remember after Jonghyun passed away I watched Before Our Spring for the first time with her because I was too sad to watch in on my own. She ended up really liking BTS and she'd call me into her room whenever they were on TV. I have videos of her in my phone dancing to Move by Taemin.

We'd even watch anime together. We watched about 7 or 8 episodes of Death Parade and she really liked it. I didn't think she really cared all that much but every now and again she would bring the show up and tell me how much she like it. I hate that we were never able to finish all 12 episodes.

I always thought she'd pretend to be interested in my hobbies to humor me. Whenever I would go to her room and pull up kpop on the TV or watch Sohyang performances with her I would apologize and tell her "I know you don't really care, we don't have to watch if you don't want to." And she would always tell me to stop saying stuff like that. She was so happy to just hang out with me. She was interested in the things I like because I liked them and they made me happy. My brother would make little jokes about my interests from the time I was like 9 years old and obsessed with Justin Bieber. I know they were just jokes but, being a little black kid, I always felt weird about the media I consumed. My mom never made me feel like I was doing anything wrong by liking what I liked. I was able to explore all kinds of stuff and I'm so grateful to her.

#i miss her so much it feels like theres somwthing weighing on my chest #im miserable without her. shes just constantly on my mind all day everyday #she left such a gaping hole in my life. i dont know how im supposed to exist without her #i know that someday it wont hurt as much and ill have more good days than bad #and in a strange way i dont want those days to come. i cant imagine a time where i wake up and she isnt the first thing on my mind #or the last thing on my mind when i go to sleep #she was only 53 and she was so lively. she lived with stage 4 cancer for more than 5 years. she fought so hard #every doctors appointment every failed treatment every cat scan every blown vein every round of chemo over 200 lbs lost #she thought the world of me. she was so proud of me and i can never understand why #i didnt graduate i never went to college i dont work i dont leave my house i lie in bed all day and let my anxiety totally consume me #i dont know what she had to be proud of. but someday i want to be that person she was so proud of.

[hxneylavendxr]

they need to add the original balladeer model as an alt outfit for wanderer idgaf if it's traumatic for him i liked him better before he healed 🙄

#my execution is thursday morning at the eastmost scaffold if any of you want to come #i had to keep my promise to 2020 me who was enamored by the little guy's big hat physics and pull for him since he Does still have silly ha #but it's still heart breaking... the hat isnt even as good..... i miss him #we lost so much #pour one out for scaramouche #irminsul's existence erasure thing is so cool it leaves a genuine gaping hole in my heart every time this sumeru shit CRAZZY

[gayspock]

myparents said they're thinking of leaving the house to me if they do manage to buy a new place to live instead of selling it which. is insane bc in many ways its like. i know thats such a privilege and i didnt ever think that theyd ever be able to do sth like that. but also oh god. pleasedont give this place to me. oh god...

#Egg.txt #its so mouldy its falling apart theyve ruined this place over YEARS and years of shitty diy...... #im not even kidding. it would take years and years ... its fucking FILTHY. so much black mould... #shithole thats falling apart #my dad ripped my bedroom door off when he was mad at me years ago and htye just sort of #glued it back on and painted over it until it was thick enough to stay #the same door wouldnt shut right so he hacked off the corner with a saw and theres this big gaping hole there #theres . bugs. everywhere....... #damp everywhere... #popcorn ceilings in every room covered in mould WHY IS THERE MOULD EVERYWHERE MAN... #PLEASE... #THEY PAINT OVER EVERYTHING YKNOW THE LANDLORD JOKEWHERE THEY JUST REPAINT EVERYTHING #YEAH MY PARENTS TOO #LIKE THEY JUST PAINT OVER LIGHT SOCKETS AND OUTLETS AND THEY NEVER BOTHER TO PREP WALLS #THEY JUST PAINT OVER . HAIR. AND BUGS. EUGH #ITS LIKE I DONT WANT TO BE SPOILT. I KNOW IHSOULD FUCKING UST BE LIKE. SURE #BC HOLY SHIT BUT ALSO #BRO I AM NOT SPENDING MY ADULT LIFE TRYING TO GET THIS SHIT IN ORDER... #NOT TO MENTION I KNOW THEYRE GOING TO LEAVE ALL THEIR SHIT WITH ME #IN THE SAME WAY THEY USED TO USE MY BEDROOM TO HOARD CRAP THEYRE JUST GONNA #LEAVE ME WITH ALL THEIR GARBAGE COME ON...

[birlwrites]

the biggest most important thing about regulus's narration about sirius is that he has constructed a semi-accurate portrait of sirius designed to make regulus feel better about him leaving

while he's accurate with regard to concrete things sirius did or said, he also makes a lot of assertions about what kind of person sirius is and what he cares about, and that is where regulus begins to tell himself stories

#dark lord wip #i mean how else is he supposed to cope with the gaping hole that is sirius leaving #both emotionally and physically #regulus as the spare was accustomed to being the second choice #but he was sirius's first choice until he wasn't #regulus and sirius perceive that shift very differently #and they also justify it very differently