#and like i don't know i really want to be a therapist and i feel like that in itself will take a long time

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Like honestly as a Buddie shipper, what the fuck are we supposed to focus on??? What does all of this mean if not Buddie canon???

We get closer than ever this season. There’s a lot of changes in the relationship and how we interact. We’re trying to give the audience what they want.

Well, there’s something brand new for both of us. I can only say that much.

Outside of Christopher, Buck would be the second closest thing that he can have as a relationship.

And then go to Buck and say, 'I trust you with my child, and I see how much you put in for my son; this goes beyond friendship, and I love you to the core. To have that sense of vulnerability is a sense of strength that has been shown.

And the way Eddie navigates that is just kind of a no, that's just who he is. And nothing ruffles my feathers. Even if you break my ankle or maim me, it's fine. That's who he is, and I love him either way. And there's no competition for Eddie.

I don't think that the Buddie fans are wrong.

There is a chemistry there that exists just naturally, so we don't have to try and lean into that or lean away from that. We just let it flow.

Oh, 100%. 100%. I watch certain edits and I think 'Am I Team Buddie?' because there are really talented editors out there. And you know how it is.

Obviously Eddie and Ryan who plays him is obviously an attractive man.

I think with this season 7, we got a lot in store for the audience. You give them what they’ve known and a lot of what they don’t.

There’s a scene in the first episode, where Eddie reveals that he's going — or he mentions a first date, and it in fact ends up being Christopher's first date. And Buck has this moment of "Oh. I thought things were going great with Marisol...' So little moments where I felt like, 'Is there scope to play with Buck?'

They've both become quite embedded in each other's lives. "I think they've kind of bonded and connected on so many levels, whether it be work, their personal lives and then add in that kind of fun dynamic where they clearly do just get on well. I think it's just a nice recipe for a good relationship, however you choose to see it.

There's some really beautiful stuff between him and Eddie and kind of them being open and sharing things with each other that they may have been reluctant to share with—I know how that's going to be taken. But it's true. [They're] there for each other in a very kind of open and nonjudgmental way.

They get to show up for each other in different ways. Moving forward there’s almost like potential for things to come up in a not so great light. But we get to see their friendship persevering, and them being there in ways they didn’t necessarily expect for each other. And I just, it’s a really lovely journey for them this season.

Eddie doesn't really have a sense of direction, so he reaches out for the closest person, and that closest person is Buck.

And Eddie was a mess. I think at that moment, the friendship had a turning point and now has allowed Buck and Eddie to really share as much or whatever they'd want, the scariest things in the world they could share with each other. And we're going to be seeing more of that this season.

As far as [Eddie's] sexuality, I think it's pretty clear that he's tried to fill in this motherly, this wife type role—that's all he knows…"And he's a man [that] first off, he's Catholic. Second off, he's from the military. So those are very straight-edge kind of lifestyles that don't offer too much of exploring. But through the 118, he's had this epiphany each year, like, 'Well, maybe I don't know as much as I thought I did. And maybe I should be exploring a little bit more and maybe I should understand myself a little bit more and even seek a therapist, which is something new for Eddie.

He is actually starting to figure out who he is outside of 'I am an Army man who has a silver badge! ... He's way more than that. He's starting to live in that [feeling] a little bit more, and I think that's freeing to him.

At this point we can’t be reading between the lines or coming to random conclusions when every thing said is so blatantly obvious.

#buddie #ryan guzman #oliver stark #ryliver #LIKE WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN #HOW IS IT ALL NOT LEADING TO BUDDIE #yes I’m back with another compilation sue me #thank you for coming to my ted talk

[kfedup]

Regretsy no more

Hey, y'all. It's the lurker here.

I've been in the funkiest of funkless funks for the past few months and over the past few weeks, I've been unpacking why. Seeing how much I'm isolating because of a constellation of health-related issues and generalized depression. Have been considering trying meds. But one thing keeps coming to the surface and I finally decided it's time to deal with it.

The one thing is the only thing in my life that I regret. That thing is never having finished my bachelor's degree.

I'm twice divorced, have lost several important friendships, and moved more times than I can count to places I didn't really want to live to maintain relationships I should have never entered in the first place, but I wouldn't trade any of those things. I don't feel regret about them. Why would I? I discovered who I am and who I am not because I experienced those things. Each of them allowed me to learn how to repair what's possible and how to let go of that which is complete.

I'm very good at this marketing copywriting work but I'm bored senseless. I want to challenge myself and taking online workshops is fine but it's just more interacting through a screen and lord love a duck, my spirit needs more. Plus, I am not using my gifts of communication, empathy, mirroring, and holding space for others in the way I know I am meant to use them. For two years I've felt like I'm wasting what's left of my life.

I am so afraid I will die full of this regret.

The cost has kept me from pulling the trigger on this dream for several years. I wish I started sooner, but clearly, I wasn't miserable enough yet. I'm well and truly stuck in the muck at the bottom of the lake about it now. There's nothing left to do but swim to the surface, so here I go.

Today I applied as a transfer student to the Psychology program at Kent State University to start classes this summer. It will probably take me 3 years to finish the 2 years I have left because I'm a single-income household and will have to work. I'm terrified I won't be able to manage both, but I hope I can rally.

I'm not sure if I'll continue on to get the Psych MA at KSU or go elsewhere to get an MA in Art Therapy after I finish the BA. I also want to get certified in Internal Family Systems therapy, so I'll be 63ish or older starting a new career as a therapist and I feel excited about my future for the first time in... well... I don't even know. A very long time.

I want a career that feels meaningful to me, helps people instead of businesses, and lets me use my gifts. One I can do until I'm dead because I'mma need to work until they're spreading my ashes.

I plan to take a class this summer to dip my toes in.

Holy shit, y'all. Lila will be a senior and I will be a junior on the same campus. She's so supportive and I've been crying happy-scared-overwhelmed-curious-excited tears all day.

Kelly's going back to college. Holy shit.

#it's been 35 years #that's a hell of a gap #my student loan debt can fucking die with me #no more thinking about it #time to grab it by the balls and swing

[californiannostalgia]

Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

#child abuse #domestic abuse #trials of apollo #mental health #life advice #my thoughts #resources #therapy #Youtube

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

Hi i read your sad Grayson hcs and can you pls make Jamie's next thanx 💕💕

sad jameson head canons

YES! i love jamie sm, he's the best brother out of the four of them. this might resemble my sad grayson hcs post bc i find them quite similar at their core (i'm gonna make a post about that someday). again, trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts. pls don't read this if these things trigger you. i also got kind of tired near the end so the last ones aren't as good as the first ones. hope you like them<3

jameson used to watch his brothers and wonder if he actually belonged in the family with them.

he has random scars all over his body. he tells people they're from his many risky adventures but, in reality, they're self harm scars.

jameson, instead of denying himself food and water like grayson when gets self destructive, just does all of the risky shit he can come up with hoping one of those things would kill him.

when he was 16, he bought pills he was planning on overdosing on. on the day he was supposed to go through with it, though, nash surprised him with a day trip to the beach with his brothers. he had so much fun, he completely forgot about his plans. (there was a smiliar hc in the grayson post i think, but i actually think it might fit jamie better cause gray would feel like he couldn't leave all of his responsibilities behind)

he would use the shards of broken alcohol bottles he broke on purpose to cut himself.

when he gets mad at himself or anxious, he'll pull at his hair really roughly.

grayson once told him to kill himself as a joke, but jamie took it to heart and that's the reason why he has that really long scar on his chest (gray is basically the reason he jumped off of that cliff repeatedly until tobias caught him) (sorry grayson stans i still love gray though)

people who asked him out on dates always broke it off weeks later bc they found him plain and careless (which doesn't make sense bc he's not). jamie put everything he had in these relationships even if they only lasted like a week. they offered him nothing.

i mentioned this in my sad grayson hc post, but i feel like it applies to jamie more; jamie pisses people off on purpose to anger them and make them leave when he gets self-destructive. he secretly hopes someone will see through the act but they never do (except for avery, he doesn't treat her like shit though, but she knows when he does it to others)

jamie, as a kid, was convinced smth was wrong with him. he'd look in the mirror for hours on end wondering why it was so hard for people to love him and truly see him (and for him to love himself).

jamie saw a therapist for a while who prescribed him anti-depressants. she insisted he come back for more visits bc she was afraid he would off himself but he never did.

jamie wants help but doesn't think he deserves it. he thinks he's overreacting most of the time and won't let himself get better.

although it might not look like it, jamie actually tried really hard in school to measure up to xander and gray. he would study is ass off to get grades like xander's and grayson's (he was very very good in school, but never as good as his brothers, and that made him think of himself as unworthy)

jamie's waiting for the day that avery realizes that he's not good enough for her and leaves him, but she reassures him he's stuck with her.

when he gets mad at himself, he goes to their indoor gym and punches the punching bag repeatedly until his knuckles start bleeding (and even then, he might keep going)

he also takes scalding showers as a way to hurt himself (scalding as in might burn his skin off)

he's a nail biter. he also bites the skin around his cuticles when he's feeling really shitty.

he used to listen to the way his grandfather talked to/about his brothers and think that they'd be better off without him (tobias was never as kind to jamie as he was to his brothers).

ever since thea turned everyone against him at school, he sits in the back of the school library during lunch. he looks at the people hanging out with their friends whilst they eat wishing he could be more likeable.

he used to write letters to his father and give them to tobias hoping he'd send them to his father (he never did)

multiple times, while driving, he would consider purposely getting himself in a car crash to not have to deal with himself anymore

he used to ask nash if he was a good enough brother when he was younger. nash died a little bit inside every time.

jamie sometimes sits outside gray's door, crying, wishing he could someday be enough for him (gray in the first book is actually kind of a shit brother to jamie. he acts as if jamie is lesser than him and it pisses me off)

when jamie was younger, he would show grayson things that he did that he was proud of hoping grayson would be proud of him too. grayson thought he was being annoying (i love gray, don't get me wrong but i feel like he'd do this not knowing how much it meant to jamie...)

jamie never asks for help/advice bc he thinks of himself as a burden.

he used to steal stuff when he was little bc he was desperate to have smth that was actually his and not gray's. (emily, tobias' attention, etc were never actually his) (@catapparently came up with this one)

he doesn't believe people when they tell him they love him. he thinks they're bluffing/pitying him.

jameson accepts the bare minimum from people bc he believes no one would ever be willing to give him more than scraps of love.

whenever he has panic attacks, he bangs his head on walls to try to put an end to them. he ends up with big bruises on his forehead but pretends he got them from his adventures and shit.

he used to have nightmares a lot as a kid where the people he loved left him. when he would wake up from them, he would consider looking for his brothers for comfort but he never did bc he was scared that they would make his nightmares come true.

he hates being vulnerable bc every single time he's opened up to people, they either thought he was overreacting or didn't bother staying/helping him. whenever he saw them leave he would blame himself for being too much.

he practices his fake smiles in the mirror every morning. everyone sees through them except for avery.

he has this one blanket that he got as a child that he used to talk to when he needed to vent (he wouldn't vent to his brothers cause he didn't wanna bother them). tobias thought it was childish and threw it away. jamie didn't let anyone see, but he cried every night for a full month.

he had this tradition where he would cut himself whenever tobias called him ordinary or unworthy. the amount of scars on his body just discourages him and makes him hate himself even more.

a happier jamie head canon to end this:

he used to post tutorial on youtube when he was like 7. he had some for slime making, cartwheels, sand castle building etc. he actually had quite a large following bc he was a hawthorne. he always responded to fand and followed them back. the comments he'd receive always made him super happy (same, i love receiving comments, they make my day)

i know i've said this in every sad hcs post, but i feel the need to do it again. if you ever feel like life isn't worth living or just need help in general, pls reach out to a friend or a helpline. sending lots of love to everyone <3.

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #averyjameson

[sleep-nurse]

am i a bad person if i physically am not able to help people who straight up tell me they want to kill themselves when i'm desperately trying to heal myself and trying to not spiral and even telling them that

#sunflower rambles #i don't even know how to say this anymore #i'm sorry if i'm a bad person for this #i'm myself trying to deal with bullshit #and just because i'm getting better it doesn't mean i can be a therapist for people #especially when some phrases literally trigger me and make me feel bad #i tend to spiral really easily and if i feel good there's a chance i will immediately feel like shit again #and i don't want to fall in that hole

[sciderman]

i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone

damn son save some for the rest of us!!

#sci speaks #i think i've only ever had one crush in my life. wilding. i wish i fell in love easier. it feels wonderful. #oh the people with hyperactive hearts... #i wish i had felt this way at some point when i was younger. it kind of felt like my heart wasn't fully developed yet. #holds my heart in my hands. why were you such a late bloomer. why didn't you feel more things earlier on. #i'm kind of sad that i didn't have teenage crushes or anything. i feel like i missed out. #is it because nobody around me was appealing. or is it because i was too busy on my own planet. #i think i wasn't really close with a lot of people when i was younger. i kind of never came out of my shell. #so nobody got close enough to me for me to like them. #not that it's necessarily how it works. but it takes a lot for me to get there with somebody i think. #i think a lot of the relationships i've been in i'm still To This Day not even sure if i actually liked them back in that way. #squeezes my heart in my hand. why are you so fussy. #i wish i had more experiences under my belt. i really do. but also i don't want to be in situations that are uncomfortable either. #and i don't want to just be there for the sake of it. #lies on the floor and stares at the ceiling. i don't know what i want. #is love the answer? #i don't know. sometimes i want it more than anything. but it's such a ball-ache to get. sometimes you think you're better off without it. #i wish i knew what i wanted. i think i just want to be brave enough to find out. #why do i ramble so much in my tags. it's like tumblr is my therapist or something. #i'm feeling weird about myself lately. just kind of a little tired. i don't feel bad. but kind of perpetually low-energy. #like i never have the time to do things that make me happy. and when i do get the time i don't have the energy. #is this what it's like to live in this world. i need like. a year's break from work. i think. #i need like a year-long vacation. i need a gap year. i need a year to live life. #i wonder if it's financially viable. i think i'd eat through everything i have if i did that. but. #you can get money back. you can't get your time back.

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[beevean]

man i'm so lame why is my dream job working in a library 😭

#beev stuff #therapist asked me to do research on both this and what my dropped degree would allow me to do #and i really want to give up on university #but man #i feel so lost and i'm ashamed of admitting it #i mean i know why it's my dream job #i tried it for a couple of months at university and i genuinely liked it a lot #it's just... i don't know #i shouldn't fixate on this one opportunity since the situation here is shit but i'm daring to hope

[omarfor-orchestra]

"It's ok to cry in class when working" why do I feel like shit then

#i worked so bad today #i wanted to use it in the exercises but I did a really horrible thing in the first part of the class #and then i cried but still didn't work like i was supposed to and i really wanted to commit and focus #but i couldn't #and I'm trying to just feel and not analyse it but it's hard #i simultaneously want to feel this and know i can't because a. it's not even really my pain and i need to be strong for someone else #because i know she's stubborn and won't show how hard she's breaking #I don't know if i should text my therapist #I'm surprised about how I'm handling this because i didn't even think i could react this badly #i forgot what point b. was #anyway point is #learing how to act is worse then therapy #*than

[shesalewa]

My Roman Empire is 14yro me joking about committing suicide before my mom died because I was too scared to hear or learn about her death, and my mother's response to that was

"Stop saying that. You know the only worst thing that can happen to a parent is their children dying before them."

I still think about that whenever I joke about killing myself.

#ever since i started highschool i started having a joke about killing myself #whenever i got stressed I'd say: #ugh. i wanna die. #of course it's was to make the people around me get used to my dark humor #however i didn't think I'd use it so much thag even i didn't know if it a joke anymore #but from the very start i think my mom knew something was wrong with me #but she never sent me to a therapist nor a psychiatrist. we can't really afford that. not even now. #but she'd find ways to make me. my sister. and brother feel like we have worth. #but when she said that i think she thought that she's failing as a parent #especially because her husband was always absent in raising us #i still joke about killing myself. but i tone it down a bit because i don't want my mom to look at me like that again #it's sad #i dont like the way she stared at me #im probably being dramatic #but ever since then whenever my mom came home tired and stressed #and i wad happy and energized. #i would take half of her negative energy and be sad too

[kyoupann]

To all my neurodivergent besties out there, here's the situation :

So I've been in therapy for about two months now and a couple sessions ago I told my therapist how when people recommend stuff to me like books and shows, to me it feels like I'm getting to know the person. I'm learning about them through media they like; and that if I feel said media is gonna teach me something new about the other person, then I engage with that media. In my mind, it's a scale "will I learn anything new about them? Yes/no"

I rarely ever have interest in new stuff, but when my friends get into something new I like to ask the why's and how's first because I'd love to understand. In a way, it's something I do out of interest for my friends. And yeah, sometimes I've felt like I'm being more annoying than anything else but—that's besides the point; I like to watch new things to understand people, I watch things with people in mind. I read and I like finding a scene that makes me understand why this person recommended this story. My love language some would say lmao.

Anyways,

#poll time #!! #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #personal #neurodiverse stuff #also how do I ask my therapist for a ND diagnosis jsjsj #also please let me know how you go about new stuff like show recommendations #what's your process like or do you just watch it? #(I wish that could be me) #but no I go into this sort of dilemma #oh not really relevant or maybe it is but didn't know where to add it #since I do it out of interest to get to know the person there's a small part of me that feels they feel the same #like I recommend something and the watch it? then they want to get to know me! they don't engage with it? They have no interests in knowing #me #but not always/that strong because K #I know not everyone goes through this process #anyways this whole post came out of my friend saying “imaginary relationships is a symptom” #and uh yeah #also feel free to reblog this ofc I wanna get more people answering jsjsjs

[licorishh]

Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.

They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.

Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.

#i know i ramble sometimes and i'm extremely grateful that my best friend puts up with it :') #but see then in return i do the same for her because it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to act like a wall for me to talk a #or when i wanna show her something and i can tell she's being polite and it doesn't personally strike her fancy I MOVE ON #and she does the same for me and we have way frickin better communication and we have a frickin rad friendship #it's give and take #and also can we bring back the idea of being able to work through some things on your own? #like i am ALL FOR having a support system that can encourage you when things go wrong but some things can be solved on your own #i shouldn't be bearing the burden of figuring out your life for you you know? #i'm absolutely willing to help but if you're just going to spend all your time complaining to me and never ever take my advice #then there comes a point at which i'm literally just acting as your therapist and that's not how friendships are supposed to work #i've become kind of the designated therapist in a lot of friendships throughout my life #and it is exhausting constantly being complained at (sometimes over very minor things) #only to have that person or people COMPLETELY ignore your advice every single time you try to give it #that's not friendship my dude that's using me because you just want someone to complain to #like i said. support system good. treating your friend like an emotional punching bag to let out your problems 24/7 very very bad. #like when i was feeling completely unlike myself and irritated and frustrated for three dang years straight #i didn't really talk about it much because i knew it wasn't the kind of thing advice was going to fix #so i wasn't in the discord servers every two seconds “MAN I REALLY JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD :///” #because when other people do this to me there comes a point at which i'm like “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT” #like i've given you all the advice i have and you have taken absolutely none of it nor have you taken any action on your own #so now i'm just here to make you feel better about yourself and that's really not my job #emotional support is necessary. patting you on the head when you refuse to do anything to better your situation is not. #tl;dr people who refuse to do anything to better their situation other than complain to ME about it 24/7 drive me nuts #and it drives other people nuts so please don't do it to anyone #don't bottle up your emotions but also don't let them come crashing down and drown everyone you know #just because you can't be bothered to put ANY effort forth to contain them #emotional regulation is attractive~~~ #society today has built such a culture of “it's not YOUR fault and if you cry about it hard enough someone will fix it for you” like no sir #sometimes it IS your fault and sometimes you DO need to take responsibility #and if it is your fault then absolutely no one but you is obligated to fix it

[monstriiss]

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#gonna get kinda heavy in the tags since im stuck on mobile and cant drop a read more but i need to vent fam squad #god I want to come back but i just don't know how to talk #like i feel like i cant just spring back into conversation like everything is okay and fine #because its not and i dont know how to get over the mental barrier of talking about normal things #it's a really weird feeling and i know im isolating myself but i just dont know what else to do #like i can talk to my family that were there for it. i can talk to people that have been through it #idk i just feel really disconnected #my friends try to talk to me about things and i just cant relate anymore #and they dont get it either. none of my friends have lost their parents and especially havent seen someone die #and they dont know how to talk about it so now its like none of us bother #theres things that happened that i cant say and tbh im pretty haunted #to them its been ages since mum died but to me its only two weeks and still feels like yesterday #i think im pulling away just so i dont have to deal with the hurt of being dropped first #im glad that i have some good close friends that i CAN talk to about things and im so grateful for them #but hoooo boy everything hits different now #tiejfkeie boy am i glad i get to see my therapist tomorrow dkfjskfndk #;; ooc. #death tw #parent death tw #negative tw #;; tbd.

[space-spoon]

dude what do they even do in mental hospitals to help you

#I've been thinking about going because man it's getting bad #but like what can they do to help #also i can't really tell my therapist about this because they're probably going to tell my mom or have me submitted to a mental hospital #and i don't want to other people like my friends plus they aren't professionals and i feel like they shouldn't have to deal with this #i don't know anymore i don't know what to do #i swear im going to end up killing myself or someone else