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#and my blood pressure is always high but idk if it’s because i always get anxious bc i have an actual phobia of those stupid machines

dietmountaindewbae · 4 months

Note

hiii i LOVE ur fics omg pls never stop writing,

could you maybe do something You-ish (the TV show "You") (idk if you've seen it but it's amazing) something stalker-ish? where alex is joe and reader is his, soon to be, gf (cuz he makes her) (any alex era) 💌

hope ur well🤍💋

xxiii. obsession

alex turner x reader

word count: 12626

summary: We ran into each other by chance or by fate, your clumsiness started something for me, something for us, and it's my duty to find out who you are. (the car! era) This story is written on Alex's narrative.

warnings: obsessions & rough s*x

song recommendation: tear you apart by she wants revenge

───── ୨୧ ─────

Ever since that day outside of a party, when you fell into my arms, drunk and loud, I had never felt so high, I had felt something the moment you smiled at me and flushed from the embarrassment, your eyes watery from the cold, your lips red full of blood, alcohol running fast through your veins, my heart falling from my mouth, you pulled away and hugged yourself, too embarrassed from what had happened, you thought it was too much booze, I thought it was meant to be, right place and right time. You just said "Sorry," I helped you to get back on your feet, our hands lightly graze and we lock in a stare, but then your mates dragged you across the street, they had dragged you away from me, like parents and their out-of-control kid, you waved goodbye at me, and all I could do was smile and wave goodbye to you, I was a fool, I didn't know what to say, it was one of those 'what would have happened?' moments when I ask myself, 'what if I had just said "It's ok, don't worry, love"' Icould vividly picture us walking down the street, going for some food because we were pissed, I would've kissed you, and asked for your number, then we could be dating, holding hands in the street, laughing at everything, hanging out with your stupid mates, if they hadn't been there and taken you away from me, I probably wouldn't have found meself, hiding behind the threes in the middle of a cold winter in LA, hoping to be in the warmth of your arms than out in the cold darkness of the street. I can't help to wonder if you ever think of me.

Your name and your last name stayed in a constant loop on my mind, one of your mates, the one with the light brown hair had screamed it as she found you falling into my arms, it would be stupid if I didn't look for you, right? You're gorgeous, you were nice and interesting, It would be weird if I didn't try to find your social media. It was easy to find you, I hate to admit how easy it is to find everything online these days, I found your Instagram and Facebook with just a few clicks on my computer, it's too easy it makes me laugh.

I scrolled through every single one of your posts on Facebook, you had a few, not many, everything was mainly about your little family trips and your sister's child, I made a note that you might just have Facebook out of pressure from your mother and sister since they always tag you in memes or those annoying TED Talk videos and you never answer, I found your mother's page, widowed, 49 years old, looks 45, she gave you her face, older sister, found her page too, married with a toddler, awfully bitter since she has to post where she is at all times, even if her child had taken a massive shit and had the looks of a giant worm, she would've posted it, I left the best for last. Your Instagram, no one these days uses Facebook.

Your Instagram was private but empty with not a single sight of you... so it's no use, what about your friends?... Hello you... I could hold on to these group pictures Larissa posted, thank you internet! Your friend group was small but they knew how to get around, only 4 people, two girls called Julie and Larissa, and Julie's boyfriend Luca, 5 if you counted me in, soon, luckily for me, Julie had an empty page, barely any pictures, just her and Luca but her profile was public but that lead me to find your other friend, Larissa had pictures of her face and some of you and Julie at pubs, very self-centered I suppose, Luca only posted about being a gym addict. I took a more personal approach, your sister Nina, who loves you very much, she had plenty of pictures of you. Thanksgiving was at your house, you looked gorgeous in those pictures, you wore a white dress with red flowers and black platforms, your long hair in beautiful waves, if any pervert were to see it, you would be such an easy victim with that long hair, but you're not, you're not so easy to hunt down in the dark. There was a picture of you and your sister's baby boy, sitting next to the three by a bay window, great. I took note of the stores, houses, and historical buildings nearby and then reality hit me as I took a cab on the way to your house.

Come on Alex, what are you doing? You look like a creep with your cap and coat in the middle of the night, It's only just a crush it'll go away, just like all the others. But you see? That's the problem with you, you're not, this is dangerous but I'll take my chances for you, I'm not obsessed with you, like I said, it's only just a crush. I hide behind some trees in front of your house on the other side of the street, and I contemplate this wonderful girl in her bedroom, going round and round with a book in her hands.

At night me head couldn't stop spinning, making all of these scenarios, about a girl who meets a stranger, and they fall madly in love in just a split second. I didn't need more, I could hold on to your light vanilla perfume and the softness of your hair, your lips, your collarbone, your shoulder, the curve of your breasts in the blouse you wore that night, I want to hold you close and kiss you hard.

For next few days I followed you around, I made you a time table, every morning at 5:30 you went for a run, and you finished off at home some with exercises you found on YouTube, you were visibly struggling, and that made me laugh but I felt bad for doing so, you worked hard, you finished around 6:30, you liked walking like a true new yorker, in your most sober looks, sometimes in a dress with a blue navy sweater on top of dresses , jeans, and a silky shirt, winter or no winter, you loved wearing tank tops, loved exposing even just a little bit of your body, even in the coldest days, your legs, your beautiful shoulders, a v-neck, mini skirts, checkered shorts or pants, and sexy patterned tights with colors like pastel blue, and even red to spice up your all black outfits, and you always wore that luscious and berry coloured lipstick on your lips, heels, motorcycle boots, ballerina flats, dresses, chunky sweaters, straight leg vintage jeans, coats, heels, shoulder bags, mini bags, but what a must was, something that never came off of you, your golden necklace, you're an everything girl, you dressed for the day, it told you exactly what to wear, even if you broke your pattern, you mostly dressed like Jane Birkin, jeans, white shirt, chunky purse, but you love leather, leather belts, leather jackets. Then you walk to your favorite café, and your drink depends on how tired you feel, black coffee for busy days or cappuccinos for the days you don't feel in a rush, then you take the metro, read a book and sip on your coffee while listening to your music, you are in college by 7:30, have 30 minutes to spare, but you're wise, and you use them organize yourself while you ease up with some music, I've never seen a longer playlist to be honest, there's a bit of everything there, you write your things in a red wine journal, I wonder what's in those little pink notes you stick on your notebook.

I made sure you got safely to your workplace after school at 4:00 pm, a bakery, you love talking to the people at the register as they ask you for your favorite dessert, and you always choose the same, tiramisu, rich coffee with some liquor, mascarpone carefully enveloped with delicious whipping cream, and a touch of cocoa sifted all over the tiramisu, and you juggle back and forward with doing school work, help in the kitchen, serve the costumers with a bright and friendly smile, you're tired and they don't pay you enough. And when you get home a 10 pm, you don't go to sleep, you stay up until you're finished but you never truly are, no matter how late or early, you can't sleep, why is that beautiful? Aren't your sheets made of the softest cotton? But I can see, that you are compromised to live in a city that never sleeps, you get ready for your next job at your nearest live jazz pub as a bartender, I'm very familiar with that type of job, you serve the customers with a kind smile as the music rocks you, you talk to other girls, and the artists flirt with you from time to time but you didn't submit, you knew better than that, you got paid well, the tips that fell on your back pocket from the nasty old men helped you to afford your apartment, barely making it to the next cut but you made it.

And every restless night when your mind couldn't stop thinking you went out to the nearest pub, and you made new friends, some men flirted with you until sadly, one night I had to watch you leave with one of them, he conquered your body before me, I wonder if you ever think of me in that way, a sexy stranger, that clouded your mind with ideas until you finally gave in. He did what he wanted to do, and when he left, you were still flushed and needy, that night I watched you hump your pillow with angst to get yourself off, a gorgeous picture to see, one that was engraved in my brain since then.

Every night when I crashed in my bed, and I prayed for this to go away but it continued to grow, I prayed for you to get out of me head, but your face, your smile, every curve of your body lived in me head, and if I don't something about it, you'll hunt me down forever.

I walked down the street on a Saturday night, It's been a week since we bumped into each other, discreetly searching for you with my eyes, until, I found you, in your West Village, street-level, white, vintage but modern apartment that might be hard for you to afford but you keep on paying it because the creepy landlord has a massive crush on you, he cannot fool me, I know what it's like.

You live in such a melancholic part of New York and also warm, old, and historic, it holds so many stories, and memories that's why it reminds you of home, like the baby pictures your mom posts, your living area illuminated with yellow lights from you mid-century lamps, like the sky in a beautiful afternoon, laying in your sette in a white tank top and panties, finally, you get to relax and enjoy yourself.

I could see the outline of your body through your thin linen white curtains, you were wearing vintage headphones connected to your record player, reading a book, Bukowski's 'Love Is A Dog From Hell' Yes, it must certainly is. Then suddenly you stood up, I'm certain you're barefoot, through a crack in the curtain I can see you're approaching the window, I could see the left side of your face, soft, round, cute little pointy nose, and your eyes, a sparkle in them as you stare into the sky, pink pouty lips, and a little beauty spot in your cheek, your phone in the ear, moving your lips with a smile as if you were talking to the person in the other line in real life. You nodded a couple of times and then you hung up, I saw the outline of your body, running towards your bedroom, what's got you in such a hurry? But before you forget, you turn up the music so loud the whole neighborhood can hear it, you choose something classic 'Bang Bang' by Nancy Sinatra, shoot me down, your linen curtain reflecting the light, and you take out your top in one move tossing it away, the outline of your naked beautiful body stretching had made me think so many things to do with it in less than a second, you pick your clothes with care, hanging them in front of your mirror, posing with the clothes on top of your body.

You sit somewhere in your room, and I can hardly see you, something about your magnetism draws me to you, so I stupidly cross the street and find shelter behind a three, but I get even more stupid as I get to see you doing your makeup in the mirror, your phone rings and your face goes blank, you answer and I see how your expressions change like the way flowers rot, gradually you get darker and darker, until... you break into tears putting an end to the call, and you push your phone away, you look into the mirror, and I see a tear roll down your cheek slowly, your face scrunched, and your cheeks reddened, you look at yourself in the mirror, all I can see is hate and rage, and then, you're cold as ice, not another tear rolls down your cheeks, you clean them up with a soft cotton pad and continue to apply makeup on your face, I wonder who has made you cry? even if it was just one small insignificant tear, whoever that was...they still made you cry.

Before you leave, you check yourself one last time, the dress you choose to wear was way better than the typical night outfits women wear these days, less ostentatious, you like dressing feminine, classic but modern, but not so pretty that you look like a little girl, you were more than pretty, you were hot, steaming, boiling, no man would approach you like that, and that was the sad truth for you but good news for both of us, not as any man would approach you, they had to have big balls to do so, baby doll dress, platforms, and a racer jacket, cute, stylish, edge, as always, you were sharp as a blade to the skin. Your hair is straight and it looks longer than when it's on your natural waves, and the wind blows perfectly on it, but that velvet red lipstick on your mouth might be the death of me.

You went outside, took a cab, and went out, I waved my arm, and soon enough a cab passed by.

"Where to?" The man said.

"Follow that cab in front of you," He took off, it was sad, drivers these days don't even care for men like this, the ones that just order to do something like that, there were a lot of crazy people here, and I had to protect you from them.

I see you being dropped off at a crowded pub, I hand a good amount of money to the man, and he drives off, I see you go inside, and you find your mates, I sit across from you, not too close so that you can see me but, but not so far so I don't hear you. You hug each one of them and you sit in the booth next to Julie.

"What's the occasion?" You said, next thing, Julie turns and shows a sparkling diamond on her finger, "Luke, Luke, Luke!" You teased her in awe, you held her hand carefully, examining it up close to the ring, "It's stunning" You said with a kind smile, it was amazing how I wished to be that hand, the one you caressed with care.

"I wanna do something big for the bachelorette, and I don't know where to start, I mean..." It must be hard for you, everyone around you is married or has a serious more than the 2-year relationship you can't hold on to, everyone has a kid now, everyone turns 27 and suddenly they already have a house, a child, and a loving husband, I wouldn't be like that ever, things won't be like that with me, I promise, we can take it as slow and calm as you want, or maybe go fast, I can go both ways, I just have to wait for the moment I may finally introduce myself to you, maybe by tomorrow when you go out but it must be soon before you forget about that last Saturday night, and it looks like you are in the process of, you are emptying those glasses of wine like coke in a hot summer day.

"Ease up with the wine," Larissa says, "You're gonna end up embarrassing yourself like the last time, you always have to pull a seen," Here we go.

"What fuckin' scene?" You spit back, "I was tired and I had been wearing high heels for more than 2 hours, yes, I was drunk but it was a genuine accident" You were annoyed, why could no one understand that? Accidents happen, and it must be hard for you to stand that pain, if I had stayed over, I would've given you a lovely massage, and treated you the way you're supposed to, I'm starting to be not very fond of Larissa.

"Uhu, yeah, but do you remember the last time you went to that party and got so drunk you "accidentally" confused a cigarette with marihuana and cried in the street like a baby?" Larissa, you just had to make it worse, didn't you?

"Fuck off, I can do whatever the fuck I want, if you don't want to believe me that's fine, oh!... and a scene, Larissa, a scene is what you pull when you yell at everyone as if you were the fucking owner of everything and everyone" You took your purse and rushed out, I see that Julie went out to get you, so I discreetly follow her, and find you waving your arm for a cab.

"Wait, don't go," Julie says with a caring tone, "I know you're not ok, you can't lie to me, you know how Lari is..."

"But why does she have to be a fuckin' news flasher of everything I do, embarrassing me in front of everyone, making me look like I'm not fun to be around," Julie tried to hug you but you wouldn't let her near.

"You say some scary shit while you're drunk, that's the only thing I'm going to agree on, but I can see you're not ok," Intuitive, honest, and kind, good choice for a friend.

"He called me" Julie sighs, who is he? This is the prize of being old fashioned, just like me, that's another thing I like about you, you have a life, even if you spend time alone, you go out in the world instead of taking a picture of it and expose your life, you have a little life, but it's yours and only yours.

"What did he want?" You shrugged and searched for something in your leather purse, taking a cigarette, and desperately flicking the lighter on.

"He just asked how I was, while he's off... modeling and possibly fucking two to three girls every single night, and he asks me how I am, drunk and high, he's so... he's-" To find the right words to describe that wanker only made me think about the damage he must have done to you, come on, spill the name, "That's not really everything, he's just-"

"Part of everything" Julie answered back, hugging you close to her, a caring hug, sweet, I could take a picture of it, I'm glad there is Julie for you, "Go home, and text me when you get there," She holds her arm up, taking a cab for you and sending you back home, I did the same thing as before, and the man did as he was told. But the problem was, you didn't go home, you went to a nearby liquor store and bought more wine for yourself, you drank it straight from the bag and you plugged in your wired earphones to your phone, kicking your feet and humming to the music 'New Dawn Fades' by Joy Division, a sad post-punk classic, you should be glad I am here to be on the look for you as you waddle in the steers, an easy target, if anyone dared to do anything to you, well, you must be glad there is me.

You walked a few blocks to your house, but you didn't go in, you couldn't hold yourself up anymore, so you sat by the staircase, defeated since you were desperately looking for your keys in your little purse, and you stared into the empty dark street, and you cried, you kept crying so hard it makes me feel the need to go and help you, I didn't really think about what I was doing, you were desperate, and I was afraid of letting you stay outside like that, then you stood up, unpredictable as always, I see you taking a fast pace. What are you thinking about? Did you forget something? You walk a few blocks until you stay still on a crowded street, the cars on that street go by faster, and you stare into the void as the red lights flash before you in straight lines, your cheeks stained with black tears, the darkness takes you in like one of their children, your head wrapped up in horrible ideas, so dark they blind your eyes, so atrocious your mind can only find one way to make you see the light at the end, you can't find peace, your body is tired, your eyebags are heavy, and you don't feel like yourself, you've lost control and you murmur something over and over again under your breath like some sort of sick prayer...

"A loaded gun won't set you free"

I see you take a step forward, now standing on the pavement, my heart drops to my stomach, and I run to get you, the wind blowing my cap away, what are you doing? why are you doing this? I can fix it, I can fix you, I can help you, I'll make it all disappear, before you take another step, the bus coming your way was out to get you, and you closed your eyes, but I won't let you go like that, my hand grasps your shoulder tightly, and I pull you to my arms, you're cold, shivering, your wired earphones fall from your head and get tangled in your hair.

"Are you alright?" Your face is wet with tears, and you look at me with big eyes, flushed again from the embarrassment, but that sparkle, that little fucking sparkle just makes me so mad, I'd kill for you to see me like that over and over, your little nose red, your eyelids a bit puffy.

You quickly wipe your tears, "Erm..." You sniffed, and you stared into my face with a cute and educated smile, "No... I mean, yes... sorry, I'm just... I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry," You scan my face, the familiarity of it makes a grin spread on your lips, "If I sound like a creep please stop me, but, I think I know you" Your lips curl into a bigger smile, as you realize who I am, I am that man, I am the man who will always be there for you, "You're that guy I fell into the other day" I pretend as if am amazed over who small the world is.

"Hey you," You said to me with a smile.

"Hello you" We both look to our feet, and I feel some warmth creeping up me cheeks, "We gotta stop meetin' like this" I see you flush, looking at me through your lashes, you slowly bite your bottom lip as you brush your hair out of the way, flirty. You struggle to untangle your earphones from your hair, I take a step forward and gently untangle them.

"You just had to come and rescue me again huh? Who are you? Superman?" I hear your voice, and your laughter like a melody I would love to hear over and over again, gentle, a little deep, but beautiful, I can see that behind all of that dark makeup and those dark looks, you're a sweet but lost little girl.

"I'm Batman" You're laughing and blushing at my jokes, that means that you like me.

"I like your accent batman" That's nice to hear, some people say that it sounds too rough and I sound like a scumbag, but I'm glad your ears enjoy the sound of it.

"Thanks, love" You take a step forward, your eyes looking at mine and then at my lips, it's hard to breathe right now.

"What are you doin' so late, huh? Are you wearing your costume?" You tease me, and we begin to walk together, to nowhere, just where we want this conversation to take us.

"Sort of, and you?" You shrugged, what a hard night you had. I'm worried about you, you didn't need to apologize for "not thinking", we kept walking until the smell of food dilated our nose trails.

"Just went for some drinks with a couple of friends nothing too exciting... do you mind if we stop for some food?" My fantasies had become real, you wanted to get some street pizza, the nice old man smiling at you tenderly, he's nice, not creepy, just a nice man, you ask for two slices of pepperoni with Italian sausage and the man is nice enough to give you the most fresh and warm slices of pizza, "Here, it's on me... it's the least I can do"

"Thank you" You chuckled and waved it off, gosh I wish I could just freeze this moment forever.

"I should be thanking you..." You wait to hear my name, and I stay silent contemplating this moment for a second, this is how it starts.

"Alex" You shake hands with me as your tongue, teeth, and lips articulate your name, you have a lovely name, and I'm crazy about you, "Charmed" I hold my gaze at you as you slowly let go of me hand.

"So, what were your plans for the night before I had completely crashed them" Funny, dark jokes, sarcasm, you're really smart but you don't like showing it off, you make me laugh so much, it's clear we have the same humor, that's another reason as to why you're perfect for me and I am for you.

"Um... I thought about going out somewhere, anywhere, sometimes I can't sleep... I'm afraid of losing life by being a slave of me work, me house, everythin' but I found something exciting" You smile to yourself, and you smile at me, you see? We're perfect.

"I do that sometimes... whenever I can't sleep, I go to a bar and you know... try to meet new people, I hate having to post about it on social media though, everyone has their screens glued to their faces, and I just don't like that, I don't wanna breathe my phone, I wanna breathe air" If I were you I would write a whole book about this, I love that you think just like that, we can be people for once, and run around the world and make it ours, "What do you do for a living?"

"Music producer" You smiled at me, "And I have the gift of guessing people's favorite artists,"

"Really? What are mine's?" I have the chance to look at you confidently, I see you like that, I can see how fast your heart is going, how you try to calm it with your breathing, your chest rising and falling fast, as I stare into your eyes intensely making little goosebumps crawl like spiders, I hope you know how much I like you.

"Nancy, Lana... and summat dark like Joy Division Unknown Pleasures" You clap and you're amazed at how exact I am, I can smell it on you.

"Exactly, I love them," You began to hum their songs, dancing on the street, I follow your lead, as you spin, "I was listening to it a few moments ago" You turn dark again, I'm not going to let you, I immediately regret ever saying that, I don't know what that bloody song did to you, but you were listening to it before you attempted to get crashed.

"I'm glad I was there" Sweeten up, tell me what's wrong, I'm here for you.

"Yeah... me too, I wasn't thinking straight..." You clean your throat, you cross your arms, and furrow you're eyebrows, it makes you angry to say it, makes you sad, makes you frustrated, and even so since you watch me patiently waiting for you to tell me what happened to you, I didn't have to say it, you already knew "I don't think you would like to hear about my problems Alex, they're meaningless"

"Nothin' is meaningless just like us meeting tonight perhaps..." Shite, I take it back, I can see your face looking at me weirdly, but you smiled, you're fascinated? Did you like that?

"You're right," You warm up to me, I can see it in your body, I can see it in your face, I've given you no reason to not trust me, I'm harmless, I told you you can trust me, "But I want a ciggy, if you don't mind" You lean against a brick wall, your leg supporting your weight, I'm in love with your smooth and shiny legs, what's your secret?

"Mind if I steal one?" You say no with your head, you check your box again, and you curse in your head. The box has only one cigarette left.

"Sharing it is" You light your cigarette with your pink lighter, I can see some cute puppy stickers on it, you inhale the thick white smoke and exhale it, your whole body relaxing, feeling lighter, you feel calm, and you hand it to me, holding it between your index and your middle, you have a vintage silver rose ring in your middle, cracked red nail polish, and the cigarette butt was stained with your gorgeous red lipstick, I take it in between my lips, your lipstick tastes sweet like marshmallows, I savor it, Jesus, I hope I can taste your pretty lips soon.

"Talk to me," You sigh, and your mouth articulates each phrase, your voice tired and sad, I hear every detail of your story with care, a girl that can't control her alcohol, one that just wants to have fun, one that makes stupid mistakes but learns, I see beauty not only out but inside you, in your mistakes, in your intentions, in your life, you only got one, and you've made noble mistakes, I can see you're a whole woman, a hot and determined woman, but you have no road clear enough, no road to pick, you're chasing something you don't even know what it is.

"So now, I'm just trying to see what happens, I'm getting my degree soon, and then I'll keep working, maybe I'll start something on my own" Maybe if you don't love your work, at least you can come home back to me, I'll cook dinner, I'll wash your clothes, I'll set the table, I'll prep you a warm bath, I'll shower you, you won't move a single finger when you come home to me, "How's working as a music producer?"

"Oh, well, it's great... sometimes we have our differences but most of the time I just do what people tell me to do, in secret I make their music better, sometimes they don't notice and they just brag about how amazing was their idea" Your cigarette burns away into my fingers, I set it off into the wall and discreetly put it inside my pocket, you change the direction, we're going back, you're shamelessly eying me up and down, I swear if you don't stop...

"What are your favorite bands?" You're changing the subject, I don't like that, I don't like that you don't want to talk about what you've told me, but I keep you interested.

"Well... an old-time favorite is The Strokes" I answer firmly, you take out from your purse your earphones, plug them into your phone, and press play on the music as we walk together sharing your music, 'Call It Fate Call It Karma' on full volume.

"Might be basic for you, but I don't see a better song for this moment" You turn to face me, and we stop in the dark corner of the sidewalk, your eyes greedy and precious, that bloody spark in your dark eyes excites me, it's all in your eyes, I can see it clearly, I can see what you want from me, you blink slowly and wait for me to make the next move, and I don't doubt for a second, I close the space between us, and very gently press the palm of my hand to your warm cheek, it's warm and pink, staring into your eyes like stars in the black sky, kissing your lips, sweet as burned marshmallows in a bonfire night, you kiss me so softly at first, but you make that animal inside me come alive, I'm a man, I'm an animal, and I kiss your tender lips hungrily, I didn't expect for you to answer back with the same hunger, you feed me with your kiss, and your breath tastes like ecstasy, I'm a junkie, sweet sweet nicotine, I'm a chain smoker, "Take me home, Alex..."

"I'll take you anywhere you tell me, sweetheart" You grab my hand, fingers intertwined, and I feel 15 again, my palms are sweaty, my sweat is cold, and I feel so warm in my clothes, I can't wait to take them off, the anticipation getting the best of me, you make my dreams come true, and I'm so happy the world had chosen you to fall into my arms. I'm your protector, a guardian angel.

On the way home, we sneak to share some angsty kisses three or more times, you're getting me worked up, letting me touch you, grasping your hips, biting my lip, kissing my cheek, moaning my name into my lips, you're making my head spin. We walk up the stairs together, opening the door to your shelter, you have a lovely house, so clean that some things are allowed to be misplaced, it's big because you don't like having so many things out, your bed is on the other side of the wall were you living area is, the vague familiarity of it makes me feel like I'm imagining it all.

"This my girl cave, my crib" You joke, I take pictures of it in my head from bottom to top, every single inch, every place I imagine us being in, watching tele, cooking together, making a mess of the kitchen of course, dancing, fucking, scratching your wooden countertop, "What do you think?"

"It's-" We both get freaked out by the knocks at your door, some dickhead calling out your name, begging you to open the door, you roll your eyes, you know exactly who he is.

You swing open the door, cross your arms, and stand your ground, marking that he's not welcome here, you're strong, you're determined, go you! Show some teeth, "I don't wanna hear another one of your crazy fucking stories, tell them to your mother, Cameron" You were about to shut the door in his face but he stops it with his foot, that must've hurt Cameron, that's your ex isn't he? The one who made you cry, "Leave" You spit.

"I won't, you can't possibly ask for something like that... you and I know there's no one better than me, no better match than us" You stay silent, why are you thinking? why are you second-guessing? He takes a step forward, he's getting closer, you're face is a frown, you don't want him to touch you even though he keeps trying.

"I don't want you here, you must leave now Cameron, I want you out" He turns into hysteric laughter, he thinks you're crazy, he thinks you've lost your mind, well big shot, you're not it, Cameron only wants to hurt you with his words, he wants to make the most damage, he gets off at this, making you his only real standard, but Cameron will never treat you like you must be treated.

"Don't talk me to like that" I take his aggressiveness as a sign to take a step in, who the fuck does this wanker think he is to talk to you like that? You see that's a real scumbag, and I'll be his worst nightmare.

"Like what?" I come up from the back, cocky, sounding like a total prick, and I can see that you love it, when I sound like this, dominant, confident, "She's telling you to go, I'm telling you to fuck off. Now" I slam my voice at him, there are scary people in this world, there are men like Cameron, he has an intense gaze, but he wouldn't ever pick up a fight for anyone, yes... not even you, he's too vain, a narcissist, he is all bark but no bite, and then there are the men who would move mountains for their loved ones, he steps away, and I shut the door close, I can feel you shivering beneath my skin.

You stare at me, and I drag you in closer, that's what you like... you liked to be treated rough, you like being needed, I push your hips against mine, I can see it in your face, you've felt it, you've felt how hard my cock is, and it's hurting so fucking bad now, I can't wait for another second, I can't wait to take you to bed, you jump on me, wrapping your gorgeous soft legs on me, I decide to leave the first reminder of me on your kitchen table, laying your body on top of the cold wooden countertop for the first reminder of me and the things I'm about to do to you, my knuckles pull down your panties, ripping them off from your skin, your pussy glistening, bathed in your wetness, I can smell your flesh from the distance, like a predator and their victim, I'm a lion, "I'm gonna fuckin' tear you apart"

"Fuuuckin' please" You moan so loudly I bet it could be heard from across the street, and your voice shivers, I've barely even touched you yet, and you're already so wet for me, what are you thinking about? what's in your mind? I wish I could crack your skull open.

I lower myself in between your legs, I've been so busy admiring your body, the scent of the almond oil you rub on your smooth legs, I bet that you shaved them today, and I wonder what else have you shaved, your dress rides to your hips as you contortion under my touch, Jesus, you're desperate for it, but no, I want to enjoy you.

"Calm the fuck down, lay still and close your eyes" I order, and you stiffen up, staying quiet, and still, "Atta girl", I can finally see what's in between your gorgeous long legs, a pink and small pussy, Jesus, I bet you're so fucking tight by the looks of it, my ring and middle finger begin their assault, pressing down vertically against your clit, you hum and your hips writhe against me fingers, slowly, pushing them, you like that, rubbing yourself against them, and when I see you through the glass I lose my mind, I see how me fingers get coated and damped in your wetness, and I love watching you get so worked up by that, I can feel me cock just getting harder by the second, it's hurting and it's a pulsing pain, but I bare with it just for you, because now I'm going to show you how exactly you're supposed to get fucked.

I spread open your pussy, pink and warm, swollen clit I pinch in between me fingers, and you hiss but you only get wetter, if I pinched for a little longer you were sure coming all over the table. I open me mouth to taste your warm and savory juices, I suck and kiss your clit, picking up with my tongue your wetness, you're going to cum so good, I can feel it building up, you're in for a ride, and you've just begun to climb up the roller coaster.

"Oh... that's soo good" You gasp and sigh, I let my two fingers twist inside your pussy, me knuckles rimming your walls slowly, the bumpy and hard skin of my fingers make you gently fuck yourself into them, while I watch you with my tongue lapping over your clit teasingly, just those gentle touches make your legs shake, and your walls to contract, you're wonderful, you behave well, your hands slowly crawling into me hair, pulling it gently, your little whimpers get me worked up and I have to put in the biggest effort to not palm meself, I want you to feel every inch of me.

"You feel so lovely, babe doll" This feels so right, you bite on my lower lip, pulling my flesh until it bleeds. You're a sucker for my accent, you really are, you enjoy hearing me voice, doesn't it relax you? Doesn't it turn you on? I want to know what it is... I want to feel what it is, your legs keep shaking and your body keeps getting stiffer, your lower abdomen making pressure, and your walls are closing around me fingers, I shake them inside you, your mouth falls open, my lips sucking your clit harder and your body arches until I feel your cunt losing up, feeling your release leaking out of that tiny little hole, I'm eager to taste it, I eat your pussy eagerly, you know I'm hungry for it, my mouth eating your pussy like a soft and warm bun, and you taste just as sweet, just as good as I imagined, I won't let you rest, I will keep you on the limit. I drag you forward, making you kiss me lips, "Do you taste that? Taste how sweet you are... taste how good I ate you"

"And you're gonna fuck me just as good?" Your hand sneaks in between me legs, you love how hard my dick is for you, it makes you feel so thrilled, makes you feel good about yourself, and it makes you feel hot.

"You'll just have to wait a little bit longer, I'm not done with you" I'm certain about something, you're a kinky little shit, and I know you want something like this, I bend you over the kitchen table, and you're just ready for it, arching your back, spreading your legs, you're not putting a fight, my hand kneads your ass like dough, and spanks it hard over and over again, "You precious little thing, are you going to do everything I tell you to do?"

"No" You state firmly, earning another smack in your ass.

"Tell me summat..." I push my hips against your dripping wet cunt, that's oozing for another smack, "How much do you want it?" You sigh, rubbing your ass against my cock, you're killing me, you better stop now, the friction, the warmth, your goddamn smell, "Answer me you fuckin' cunt" You giggle, you do love it.

"I want you so bad" You whisper, no, I don't like that.

"Not enough" The smacks you earn are getting harder to bear, but you enjoy them, and so do I, you masochistic little shit.

"I need you inside me, Alex... I can't wait any longer" You rock your hips against mine, humping your naked pussy against my bulge, "Please..." You whimper so sweetly, I can't handle it any longer, I take off your dress, and you're wearing nothing but your tall black heels, looking like a fuckin' hooker, but I bet that's what you like.

"You want it you fucking slut?" You keep whimpering and rubbing yourself on me jeans, I bet that you've stained them already, "Come here" I turn you around and kiss you deeply, I can feel your hands unbuttoning my shirt as fast as you can, even in the heat of the moment you don't break my shirt but I couldn't care less, I take your hands and make fists ripping it apart and throwing it away, you're even faster to take out my jeans and leaving me on my boxers, that's the one good thing about me, I can see how your eyes lit up as you see how hard me fat cock is for you, you bite your lower lip and I pull you back up from your knees.

Time for reminder number two, the settee, I pull you up, and you sit in my arm until I put you back to the ground gently, I have to let you know that I was here, I need you to know how good I am, no other man could please you like that, I pull your leg up while you hold yourself up with the other, your pussy is so fucking wet my cock slides inside you so easily, I can feel the electric shocks that run all over your body, "Hard, please" You whine, I'm going to show you what hard actually is.

My hips thrust inside you so roughly the settee moves out of place, your nails dig into the cushions as I keep railing your tight hole harder, and you scream like bloody murder, I hope your neighbors don't call the police, I hope they can see how hard you're getting your cunt fucked, I want everyone that walks by to hear you, "You wanted hard babe!" You moan and scream, and keep getting your pussy pounded like meat being beaten up to get it tender. I dig your head into the pillows.

"Don't... d-don't-" Don't what?

"I can't understand you, babe, can you repeat that for me?" You pant trying to catch your breath, and your legs are numbing up, and I can see they've lost some strength, "Do you want me to stop, because I can" As I saw you didn't make a move, I began to pull out but you stopped, digging your nails into my wrist.

"Don't stop for fucks sake" Now for the next one, I stay buried inside you like that, you keep trying to fuck yourself into me cock but I just won't allow it, I pick you up once more, and your legs around my torso, and you press your warm chest against mine, I lean back against the giant bookshelf next to your bedroom door, you hold on into the shelves for leverage while I drive my cock inside you, your pussy feels so tight I wish I could let this last forever, I'll make that pussy mine.

"You want more, babe?" You hum and gasp, yes of course you do, you're loving every single inch of me cock, "God you look so beautiful with your mouth opened like that," I lick your bottom lip, "And that little cunt of yours is so wet for me, you're just making things harder for me..." I pushed meself too hard inside you, the shelf shook, and something hard dropped to the ground but you ignored it, you've lost yourself in my touch, and I feel embarrassed for dropping something. Your inner animal wakes up as I throw you into your bed.

I crawl on top of you but you gather up your strength to flip me over, I didn't expect that, you've taken the lead and I want to see you lose control, you writhe your hips into mine, your eyes facing the roof, and your mouth wide open, your hair falling into your head, you looked possessed, but you had lost the power to think about what you were doing, "For fucks sake" If you keep moving like that, you're going to make this end sooner, and I've already planned everything out, I try to sit up but you hold me down, chocking me so hard that it's almost impossible to breathe for me, but I love that feeling, my head feels light, my vision is blurry, but I'm not going to give in to you, I already have, you have got to give into me.

I flip you over so harshly, your head almost slammed against your headboard, "Listen to me you fuckin' cunt" My harsh tone makes your core shake, "You ain't the one on command, now... I don't wanna repeat meself" It's arousing you, I can feel it in between your legs, you're shamelessly getting wetter, "Don't make me repeat meself again" You love to play with me, I see that naughty little smile curling into your lips.

"You already did" You like to pull on my hair, don't you? And you will pay for that.

"Don't fuck with me" Your eyebrows push together and your little smirk makes me go mad.

"You know I love to" Love? You "love to"? Does this mean that you might love me? Even just a tiny bit?

"You do, huh?" I begin to rock my hips against yours, slowly, passionately, like a slow and steaming dance, I see your fingers grasping the sheets making hard fists, "You don't know what you've gotten yourself into" And I'm not lying, you really don't.

"Show me Alex" You whisper to me those three words so sexily, charmingly, I've already lost my mind.

"I'll show you how a real man fucks you, babe," Your oozing with the thrill, "I'll show you how to behave... you little fuckin' cunt" Your mouth opens to moan and I take advantage of it to spit inside your mouth, both my hands chocking you, "You're mine... all mine"

"I'd love to" You whimper, "Make me yours please... please just do, I want you Alex" You keep asking me that with your little weak voice, your body that speaks to me, I can read it so easily, it tells me that I'm doing exactly what you want me to do, it shivers, and it quivers, and it sweats, it screams, it tightens, it stiffens, in your eyes I can feel your fast heartbeat in my fingers, and it goes just as fast as mine, my body against yours sounds like I'm butchering you, your neighbors must think I'm holding a knife against your throat, but it does go as deep, it does penetrate and it hurts you in the most magnificently and pleasingly way, your eyes red shot, and your voice gets quieter, shit, I'm losing you, I am.

"Wake up, wake up!" I scream to you, my hand patting your cheek lightly, your pulse is barely detectable, I slap you across your face and you gain back consciousness in the blink of an eye, I didn't want to do it, I would never do that, but when your lips curl into your devilish smile, I know see how you really are.

"Do that again Al" You tease me, I love it when you call me like that, no one ever really does that anymore, is that my new nickname? Al? You're going to remember me forever babe, I hope you do, and tomorrow when you wake up, I'm still going to be there, I'll make your breakfast, and I'll do anything you ask me to do, even dishes, you won't pick them up.

"You're mad, woman" You giggle, and you try to pick yourself up, I can't let you, I did knock you over completely, my hand very gently caresses your cheeks, it's red and fragile, it must burn or at least sting, "Let me do the kissing for now, babe"

"And the fucking too perhaps?" You smile at me, your cute little button nose is flushed, your cheeks and chest are red, your nipples are hard, it turned you on to this point, you're dark, what else are you not telling me? "I'm crazy about you" Those words will echo in my head for the rest of my days.

I take no rush into fucking you, I'm not just a guy you'll sleep with, I'm your man, and I wanted to make sweet sweet love to you, but you won't let me, you like it rough, hard, fast, I don't want this moment to be over, at least not for me yet, you can cum as many times as you like, and like the real man I am, I am profoundly true to the saying 'Happy wife, happy life'

I hug you close to me, that's the least I can do, if I'm going to lose control, let my heart tell yours how much I love you, even if you dump me like a puppy, I'll stay loyal, I'll follow your scent everywhere, I will forever remember the scent of your vanilla hair, your Dior perfume, and the golden necklace around your neck, I counted 15 moles on your body, even the one in between your legs, my hands grab your hair into fists as I pound you harder and harder, you're losing your mind and I'm losing control again, your bed squeaks so loudly and the headboards slams against the wall so harshly, but I don't stop I can't stop now, I can feel you, I can feel it coming, you bring yourself to an end again, the palm of my hand slowly adds pressure on your lower belly, to ease you up, the bed keeps squeaking so annoyingly, and even after we ignored the several warnings, the legs of your bed broke and your headboard fell to the ground, we both break into laughter.

"Oh God!" Your little laughter is so bubbly and funny, it makes me smile and feel so ashamed at the same time.

"I'm so sorry, I'll pay for that" You rub the tip of your little nose against mine, and look at me tenderly, your fingers caressing the back of my head, if only you could see the hearts in my eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous... you know, I've never broken a bed before... you're not going to be easy to forget batman, I hope you don't disappear into the night soon" I'll get you off first, but there's one thing you should be certain of.

"I never intended to" Was that too much? Sorry if that was too much, maybe it was... maybe it wasn't, I'm having a hard time reading your face right now, you're looking at me very seriously, I don't want to get my hopes up, but you're killing me, I should focus now, finish the deed, "But I'm still sorry about your bed though"

"Shut the fuck up, and keep fucking me" Whatever she wants, whatever she wants... You're already the song on the radio I got stuck in me head.

I pull us closer to the safest edge of your bed, toss your legs over me shoulders, and bend them over, I lean over and pound the living shit out of you, I was balls deep inside you, and you like it, so much that you dig your nails into my back, scratching my skin until red and bloody, I don't care how much it hurts, leave as many marks as you want, the deeper the better, my hair falls over my forehead and you make the kindest gesture, your brush it back with your long nails, even if by now I'm sweating like a pig you keep bringing me closer to you, I can feel the light tingles of you breathing in me face, of you biting down on my golden chain making laugh, making me go insane, I keep pushing harder, and you throw your head back, almost letting go of me, but I won't let you, I'll send you to heaven if you want, but don't leave without me.

"Oh, Alex... I'm so close, please..." Your eyeballs turn into beautiful glossy pearls, and you crumble down into pieces as you coat my cock in your warm release, I can feel your walls pushing it out and running down your cozy hole, I stay buried inside you, watching your mouth fall open and choke out your last orgasms, they spin in my head like a tiny little music box, "You're next, Alex... you can't end things like that... you know how much I want it, you already did so much for me" Wait, what are you doing?

Your hands run up my chest, and you massage my shoulders, "You really want me to breed you, you greedy little fuck?" Your hands go down and you massage my balls, Jesus, you really do, I bet you're not even aware of what you're doing to me... or are you?

"Yes Alex, use it... use me" You know exactly what you're doing, I drag my cock out just rimming your walls once again, I better start warming you up, but you don't want that now, you're thinking about me, about what I want, you deserve a little star on your forehead for being so caring, a man and its needs, it's nothing compared to your needs, and I bet you needed someone to get you off correctly.

"You're mine... I want you to say it" I promised to you since the beginning, I won't stop until you're mine, "Are you mine?" I look at you with my big eyes full of hope for you to say it, please tell me now.

"I'm yours Alex" My lips taste your mouth, your tongue dancing with mine. You're made of the sweetest poison

God, I remember that time I was watching through your window, that night you were laying down on your settee, your hand was vigorously and shamelessly rubbing your clit in circles, fucking your little cunt with two fingers, rocking yourself into your touch with the desperate need to rub yourself against something hard, just like you were rubbing yourself against me hard cock. You keep squeezing my balls, your hands sneak into my ass squeezing it gently to keep me going, you love having me right at the edge of ending it all, I can't keep it up for another moment anymore, you're big stary eyes, your little sparkles, your touches, the smell, the noises, you're begging for me cum, I slam my fist next to your head, dragging your body up as I push myself deep inside you and coat your walls in me creamy cum, you're pure bliss as I feel us both coming together, a gorgeous after bliss surrounding us, you have this certain smell, a certain heat, and you're just so beautiful with your cheeks flushed like that.

"Let me clean you up, it's me mess, just lay down" You nod your head, laying gently on your broken bed to not let it crash completely into the ground, you point your finger telling me where the toilet is, and I rush there to grab a few paper towels and clean your skin softly, soothingly, I can feel you relaxing, I can smell my body in yours, the smell of my cologne, your almond oil, and your pheromones. And when I'm done you grab my hand and I can see you thanking me for even that tiny gesture, that's nothing you should be thanking me for, that's the least.

"Now the question is... where are we going to sleep?" We? You want me to sleep here, with you? You're not quicking me out, or at least not yet, this is my chance and I would be lying if I didn't say I was the luckiest man alive.

"Maybe the settee would be a nice place" Your gorgeous olive green settee, corduroy, soft, and marked, I can see you smiling at the space in between your two cushions, I see your giant ivory bookshelf, another mark. I lean forward to pick up what I had dropped when we assaulted the shelf, but it wasn't one of the thousands of vinyl records you've got organized by letter, it's a case... a guitar case. I didn't know that about you. Tonight made me realize that you're a hat full of surprises, the deeper I search the more I find.

"Want some food?... I've got some nuggets and fries... and-" You close your fridge and turn to look at me, "Oh, you know how to play?" I nod my head, trying to stay as noble and humble, you smack your hand into your forehead, "Of course, you do," You sigh and I can hear you whispering to yourself, "Stupid question"

"And do you?" You hum as a yes, interesting, I bet you do, but why do you hide your guitar like that? As if it was buried in this beautiful world with music, colors, words, and meanings.

"I did..." You turn on your air frier and toss some nuggets and fries in there, I'm so happy that you're not like one of those crazy keto girls, you pour us some fresh orange juice as you keep talking to me, "But you know, my mom always told me 'that's just a hobby', and when I moved here I hoped to find some people that wanted to share this fire to try to make some music... but I never managed to, and then I just gave up"

"That's a bit sad, love... you shouldn't have" You lean over the kitchen countertop, amazing reminder, I see you smiling over the edge of your shoulder, but you turn to look at me as you pick up some of our clothes, and then you run into my shirt and you decided to wear it as your sex shirt, you look beautiful, "I mean, being a music producer and making it was hard, but it was even harder to follow something I'm not passionate about" That's what's wrong, you didn't follow your passion, that's what you're missing, "Have you got any songs?" Your face lights up but it quickly slips away, and the redness crawls into your face, What? I'm trying to help you, I want you to be happy with me and with your life.

"I can't accept that" You quickly answered, your head said no but I know you want this, it's served on a silver platter, why can't you let your reserved self accept this?

"Accept what? I haven't said anything, I just asked if you could sing for me... I know you have a lovely voice" You laugh sarcastically at me, leaning over to fetch your guitar, and searching for a notebook on your vinyl shelf.

You sit next to me, legs crossed, guitar on your lap, naked with just my shirt on, your knees holding your notebook as you search for the perfect page for me, you make sure that your guitar is tuned before you start and your thumb softly strums down the notes, making a lovely rhythm, and only two chords, C and Em, your voice sounds like a million angels, and I feel like a lost man after serving the purgatory, your voice is so hauntingly beautiful, your lyrics are very forward, and I'm happy to know through your lyrics how truly you feel about things, you don't search for big words you choose the right ones, you're bold, and you're wise, you try to put an end to your complicated feelings, your questions, everything, all in one song with a few strums and two simple chords.

"That's all," You say putting your guitar next to you, I'm blown away, "I know I suck"

"No!" I answer immediately, "You don't... I think it's beautiful"

"You're just saying that because..." No, I'm not just saying that because I want to fuck you, no not at all, don't you ever believe that.

"I'm saying that because I think you've got it, and you don't want to quit everything to live your dream, I know it must be difficult... but I'm being truthful, you've got summat and we can work on it" Why do you keep saying no with your head? Stop that, if I could rip it off right now... no, don't think that, "Come on, I'm not takin' a piss" You break into laughter with me, throwing your head back, you jump up the moment your oven dings and you run to flip the nuggets and the fries, putting 10 more minutes into the oven.

"Takin' a piss" You laugh to yourself, "Well, if you're not takin' a piss" You imitate my accent and it sounds so silly when you try to do it, "I'm not accepting your help Alex, you have your own thing, and if I'm going to do this, I have to do it on my own," Perfect, I'll take that.

"Why don't you go to Panda's next Saturday? They're looking for some people to play some music, any style, any theme, you can do whatever you want... I'm sure everyone will love you, and you know, there's always someone on the hunt for summat fresh!" I see you thinking about it, I'm not saying I'll help you, I'm just offering the start of something great for you, this is it for you. And yes, I am going to get you the best deal you could ever imagine, but first I have to run things through your notebook, I secretly hide your baby pink notebook, your initials written with a black sharpie, and I stash it in between the cushions.

"I'll think about it" I'll think about it. I hope you do go, I can't wait to see you singing for everyone, you will charm them, "Dinner is served me lord" You're also a dork, just like me, imagine all of the jokes we can make together, they'll be endless.

"My! Thank you, very kind" Dinousor nuggets with a side of fries, the melancholic feeling of your childhood must be present every single day, you squeeze some Ketchup into my plate, squirting into my chest.

"Whoops! Let me clean that for you" You lean in, sticking out your tongue to lick off the ketchup from my chest, "Eat up!" I'm in love with you, "And then we'll get on with that" You look down, and I do the same, shite, look what you do to me, you make me get so hard like a little boy hitting puberty.

"Bugger" I whisper under my breath, you heard it since you giggled, "You know, I think the food can wait right?" You push your plate away and you immediately crawl on top of me, kissing my lips so tenderly, caressing my chin with your fingers, and enjoying the texture of the little hairs that are growing on me cheeks.

"Mmm ketchup" You laugh into the kiss, and our teeth collide accidentally, and us by casualty, "You taste yummy"

"Imagine yourself" You blush hard, something tells me no one has ever made you feel that good about yourself, and that's because no one will see you with the same eyes as me, you're my girl, you will be, I try to flip you but instead you stop me, have I done something wrong?

"We're not going to break this couch, I love this fucking couch, you understand that?" You firmly said, your eyes threatening to kill me if I do as such, "I'm on top" I squeeze your ass tightly biting my bottom lip.

"Whatever she wants... but if I broke the bed it's 90% your fault," You scoffed and laughed as I peeled my shirt from your body gently, making sure I don't break more buttons so you could keep it, "Because you feel so good, and maybe you could be on top, but I know sooner or later... you'll be the one giving into me" Quite intense, wasn't I? Fuck!

"But for now, it's me who calls the shots, so if we break this... it will be 98% your fault, how do you like me now, smarty?" You secure your arms around my shoulder, I pull you in, chest on chest, as I give myself a few more strokes before you slowly slide down my cock, moaning so gently, I like feeling every part of you, I can see how your body twists and shivers when I hit that sweet spot.

"How do you like that?" I rub it in your face, how good I'm making you feel, "I guess one round just wasn't quite enough for you," You start humping on my cock slowly, you're just teasing me again, but I enjoy feeling your body move against mine, your little cries and moans, everything piles up in me, I know this time I'll enjoy you, picture you going in slow motion, I can feel your rapid heartbeat, I can feel the heat wave that raises and wrap us in, I can feel your body begging to mine to stay as close as possible, because that's what your body and my body want, we smile, we laugh, and I fall deeper in a hole full of love for you, and I'm no donkey to use the dirt to get out, I rather stay buried deep inside you just like now. Your body is tired, it's been two hours since your legs worked for the last time, and you beg for more into my ear.

"You're so good, I-I don't understand" What don't you understand, babe? Your fingers intertwine in the back of my head, as you writhe your hips to mine, our bodies dancing together so wonderfully, your hips move in circles against mine.

"Neither of those assholes could ever come close to me, I'm a real man..."

"And you've got the size" You flirt with me so shamelessly, your walls keep dragging me in, your head falls into my shoulder, you're giving into me, fading into me, and it's me time now, I finally get to give you what I wanted since the beginning, make sweet and honest love to you, my hands on your thighs I keep driving your body against mine, I gently bounce you on me lap just to get you to stay up again, you're eyes are shutting, your mouth is falling open again.

"Look at me" I order, and you do what I tell you to do, you look at me towards your end, I hope you can read it in my eyes, I hope you can feel how warm the flesh is, how my eyes, my brain, and heart have no space for anyone else but you, how mad you've made me, I'm obsessed, and I'm not going to lie to myself about it anymore, I don't want to just use you, I hope you can see that, but if you can't, I hope this is enough for you to understand it, my eyes big and dilated for you, my body feels so stiff, it's overwhelming, "You're so beautiful, love"

"If you keep calling me that, you're gonna make me fall in love, Alex"

So I'll say it every single day for the rest of my life, you feel so good on me, your body fits into mine so perfectly, and I'm so close, and so are you, the flesh is tender, the flowers bloom, the sun rises and it's heat rains all over the world, and you and I bond together for one last time before your body crashes into mine, I make a mess, but that's a bit on purpose, "Ah, yes" You sigh into my ear as you let it rest on top of mine. I have the chance to clean your body once more, to clean you up with care and love, my touch is so gentle your body fills with goosebumps, "You really don't have to Alex" You put your hand on my hand, and I freeze, should I stop? Am I making you uncomfortable?

"Sorry... if I'm doing too much" Your eyebrows push together and before I can get away you drag me back by my wrist and smile at me. What do you think of me?

"No, I'm just..." You sigh, you're troubled by your thoughts, "Not used to the 'aftercare' part that's all, you know, sex for us girls... it's not like we see it in films, or read in books, maybe I don't have that magic to turn a beast into a prince, and... I just I dunno, I don't feel weird... you make me feel special, normally, they just leave" Are you... maybe falling for me?

I smile at you, my thumb grazes your cheek softly, "I'm a man, and I'm messy but I just don't like doing that there's an attraction, and if we have sex, unless you ask me to leave I'll leave" I put away the paper towels in the trash, and when I come back I find you waiting for me with my shirt on your body.

"Well, if that's the case" My heart pumps one thousand miles per hour, I feel I'm entering a trance, about to puke my intestines out if you ask me to leave, "You don't mind staying?"

Fuck yeah! "Not at all" I try to keep me cool but I just can't, my heart betraying as I lay down with you.

After we finally had the chance to close our eyes, the sun peeks through the curtains of your windows, the sky painted orange and ocean blue, you smile at me, and you get back up from our little love nest that was the settee, you're quick to find the vinyl with the song we were listening together, the song we kissed to, the perfect song to watch the sunrise.

"Come with me!" I've never heard you so excited before, you run to the kitchen and fetch my boxers from the ground, and I'm a bit troubled by the thought of me wearing my jeans with no underwear but I do nevertheless because I would kill to see you like that every single day.

I cover my body with my coat, and you grab my hand, we run out of your house, and we go through this tiny little white gate, into a garden covered in green chasmophyte, that's the place where the flowers bloom in little boxes of dirt, the perfect place to see the sun, the perfect place to hide, to dream in, it's wonderful, you pull out a chair for me in this old rusty table, you find place to put your music and we listen to Call It Fate Call It Karma as the sun rises from the horizon, I pull you to my lap, wrapping your legs around my arms and hum the song to your ear, the birds are chirping, and the sun warms us from the once oh so cold night.

"You're a lovely singer," You say to my ear, I was never one to watch sunrises, I haven't done that since I was 17, and now with my busy life, I finally get to taste this little piece of paradise that you've given me.

"Not as good as you, bunny" You kiss my nose with a big smile, and I take out from my jeans a box of cigarettes and my old zippo, you set on my smoke, and you love to play with my zippo as your hands run through my naked skin, you love playing with fire, don't you? I just hope someday, you don't get burned in the fire of my love.

A/N

Anon, I want to kiss you. You don't know for how long I've been trying to figure out how to write this chapter, I had to watch You again but it was totally worth it, so thank you!

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macgyvermedical · 2 months

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Okay so I have a really specific question. Baseline stats? Except my character is already pretty sick, he's got room to get much much worse but right now he ain't great. He's in a fair amount of pain because he keeps having adverse reactions to painkillers from previous drug abuse and yeah. So what would normal baseline be? And then what would a normal baseline for him bc since he's got this illness. It's idk what you call it but one of the illness that get worse with time... degenerative. Except in this world he can be fixed with enough treatment but he keeps refusing said treatment. Yeah I don't really understand vitals and things so I didn't wanna botch it but based on the info what would you assume would be good? Also what's like the worse someone's vitals could be with them still awake and alive although the mental state can be real messed up. (: thanks hon

So our understanding of normal adult vitals include:

BP: 100/60- 140/90 mmHg (a measurement of pressure)

Pulse: 60-100 beats per minute

Respirations: 12-20 breaths per minute

Temperature: 96-100.4F or 36-38C

SpO2: 95-100%

Level of Consciousness: Alert and Oriented times 4 (can answer 4 specific questions about themselves and their environment)

Now, all these "normals" pretty much assume a healthy, white, 20-something male who has a BMI of 18-25 and who has been sitting quietly for at least 5 minutes. So basically very few real humans.

It's very normal to vary from these somewhat if you are exerting yourself, in pain, sick, or otherwise different from the above demographic. So if we're taking vitals, we want to control what we can (generally asking the person to sit relatively quietly for 5 minutes). If we do this and you're out of range, but we have no other data to work with, we will try to get you back into this range. Because again, it's assumed that to get out of these ranges, you must have something going on medically that needs addressed.

For example, if your blood pressure is 160/90 with a heart rate of 110 because you're in a lot of pain, we can correct that by treating whatever is causing the pain.

Now, there's not always an identifiable (or fixable) reason why someone might be out of range, and sometimes we just correct the vitals themselves because chronically high or low vitals may cause problems. For example, as far as we know right now, living for a long time with a blood pressure in the 180s/100s will eventually cause heart failure, stroke, or heart attack, regardless of the reason. So if we can't get that person back into range by fixing something else, we'll give medications that directly lower blood pressure.

But let's say someone's heart rate is in the 40s because they're a runner. That's normal for them. It doesn't cause them any problems, it's not caused by a disease process, as far as we know won't cause them problems in the future, and their other vital signs are in normal range. They are said to have a "baseline heart rate of 40bpm". That tells other medical providers who are working with them that there's nothing to correct there- ignore that weird reading and just fix anything else that needs fixed.

Baseline can also be used if someone has a chronic illness that is as controlled as it can be, but it still has an impact on their vital signs. Say someone has a heart rhythm called atrial fibrillation with RVR and their heart rate without medications is in the 190s or 200s. This may cause symptoms, but if we medicate to control that rate to between 60-100, it may also cause symptoms.

So we might give enough medication to control the rate to 110s, which minimizes the symptoms they experience but still puts them technically out of range. Their baseline, then, is in the 110s. Again, nothing to correct there, it's just normal for them to be out of range on that vital.

Or, someone might have dementia and be unable to answer all the questions that would make them A+Ox4, but maybe can only consistently answer 2 of them. We wouldn't necessarily be worried about that because we know that it's normal for them to be A+Ox2- their baseline, but we would be worried if suddenly they were A+Ox0.

You can also have other measurements besides vitals that are considered baseline stats. Like pain, or blood sugar, BMI, electrolyte levels, or pretty much any other lab value.

As far as what you are describing I don't know that I can give you specific baselines, as I don't know what his symptoms are or how they relate to vital signs. With chronic pain generally vitals eventually go back to normal (say someone rates their pain at a 5/10 consistently, over time their body normalizes around that pain level and other vitals may only go out of range if they have an acute spike in pain).

What I can give you is a few of the following:

Pain: All vital signs go up

Dehydration/blood loss/shock: BP and LOC goes down, everything else goes up

Kidney problems: BP and HR can change but in what direction is due to the specific problem.

Opioid overdose: RR goes down.

Heart problems: Change in HR and BP but directions can change depending on specific problem.

Lung problems: Usually RR and HR go up

Throwing up: everything goes up

Drug abuse and withdrawal: depends on the drug

#whump reference #writing reference #treatment #vital signs #baseline

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wwinterwitch · 2 years

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Hi, i was wondering if you could write something for Eddie Munson? My idea is that reader is one of the popular girls at school and Eddie is totally in love with her (even tho he hates himself for that fact) but he's certain that she doesn't even know who he is, much less would spare him the time of her day. However, one day he pisses off the wrong jock and they end up beating him up when no one is around. Reader finds him later, injured and trying to take care of himself while failing miserably, and for his surprise she helps him out, takes care of his wounds and is genuinely worried. Then maybe Eddie gets a bit emotional? I feel like he would be the type of person who doesn't get that kind of care often. And maybe after that reader sticks by him at school and at first he's trying to not be seen with her because he's worried his presence will stain her reputation, but she just reassures him that she doesn't care what others think, and he only falls more... Sorry that got a bit big, but I love your writing <3

STOP I LOVED THIS IDEA!! you can tell I got a little carried away with this but it was just so good and eddie is so cute and i'm so in love with him. Hope y'all like this (and maybe I can do a part 2??? idk you guys let me know)

**gif is not mine!! if you know who it belongs to let me know to credit them

THE QUEEN AND THE FREAK

summary: eddie never expected the girl he liked to notice him, yet there she was, willing to be his friend despite belonging to very different groups (part 2 here)

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

word count: 3k

warnings: popular/loser trope, mentions of blood and injuries, reader takes care of eddie's wounds, angst, eddie is a sweetheart, fluff, strangers to friends to kinda lovers?, high schoolers being assholes, mentions of stereotypes, a bit of flirting, more angst, reader is 18

a reblog and/or comment is always appreciated!

At first, Eddie Munson thought you were a stuck-up bitch. How could you not be? Captain of the cheerleaders, most popular girl in school and top student. You and your group of popular kids is practically the personification of everything he hates.

But much to his despair, the more he started to acknowledge you, he couldn't help but notice other things. The way you would tap your foot repeatedly during the entire duration of a test because, maybe, you had all this pressure on yourself to always get the best grades. Or the way you would cover your mouth when you laughed. Or how you would walk inside a classroom and suddenly nothing else mattered but you.

He hates this. He hates himself for noticing those things and enjoy them. He hates himself for thinking you looked so cute doing that silly cheerleader routing he shouldn't find enjoyable, yet there he is sitting on the bleachers just to look at you. He hates he can't seem to get you out of his head.

And it was all so stupid. Because why did he have to fall for the one girl who would never in a million years like him back? You're just so different from him, you probably don't even know he exists.

He feels pathetic because he really wants to hate you, but in reality he just hates the fact that he's so into you. It was almost like the universe was trying to piss him off. Always hating the popular crowd, now he's punished by liking one of said crowd.

And as if things couldn't get any worse for him, right after lunch he had a fight with a group of idiots from the basketball team. He was unlucky enough to find himself alone against them, so it was evident this time it'd be a fight he wasn't going to win.

He was by his locker when he heard someone walking down the hall towards where he was, forcing him to lean into his open locker to cover the wounds on his face.

"Are you okay?" he heard a voice asking. At that moment, he couldn't believe who was standing right next to him.

Instead of answering like a normal human being, Eddie stood there like a complete weirdo, staring at you in disbelief. He never imagined he would have the chance to talk to you. Evidently, you looked even more concerned when you noticed the state he was in. "Who did this to you?"

"It's...nothing," he muttered.

"Doesn't look like nothing," you insisted. "Did you go see the nurse?"

His silence was enough answer for you. Sighing, you gently closed his locker and grabbed his arm, guiding him to the nearest bathroom. You poked your head inside to make sure no one was inside before the two of you entered.

Eddie didn't complain about you dragging him away from his locker, his heart beating rapidly against his chest when it was just the two of you inside that bathroom. Did he have a concussion that it's making him fantasize about you? It's the only explanation as to why your standing here with him.

He watched in silence as you grabbed a piece of paper towel and damped it with water, walking closer to him. Without warning, you grabbed his face to gently move it to the side, starting to carefully press the paper towel against his left brow.

You didn't move your hand away from his chin, keeping him in place. The gesture of you willingly helping him out and the fact that you're so close was slowly driving him insane. This is all too good to be true.

Your hands were incredibly soft and you were being so gentle with him, it was hard for him not so stare at you, though he had to look away so you wouldn't think he was weird or anything. The feeling of someone touching him, even as superficial and insignificant at this, meant the actual world to him. He rarely ever gets that, especially from a girl he secretly has a crush on. It made him realize just how touch-starved he actually is, almost wishing you would never move away from him. Jeez, he was almost grateful he got beat up because that means being alone with you in a bathroom.

"You should get this disinfected," you commented, just to make some sort of conversation.

"Yeah," was all he could say, much focused on the fact that you were standing just inches away from him and he couldn't do nothing else but stare and suffer in silence because despite wanting to convince himself otherwise, he needed some much more from this moment.

You continued cleaning as much of the dry blood you could from his face, cleaning his left brow and a small cut on his cheek. Then, you grabbed another paper towel and began gently cleaning the cut on the side of his lip. That instantly made him flinch, not because he was hurt or because he didn't want you near, but because he genuinely didn't now how to react.

"Sorry, did that hurt?" you asked, unaware that his reaction had nothing to do with the injury itself.

"A little," he lied. "It's fine, though."

With that said, you continued to clean the dry blood on the side of his lip, making sure to be extra careful to avoid hurting him again. Now this is both the best and worst moment of his life. He's just inches from your face, and you're concentrating on his lips as you clean his wounds, and he just wishes this could be different. That you're not here with him to help him out with his injuries. He liked to imagine that you two had sneaked out of class and now you were about to kiss him, and he could stay inside this bathroom with you for as long as he wanted. And that you wanted to stay here with him, too. But it was all too good to be true. You're here just to help him, and he can't lean in those extra inches to kiss you, nor he can wrap his arms around you to pull you close. This doesn't mean a thing.

Of course, you were unaware of the scenario he was picturing inside his head. And you didn't notice how disappointed and hopeless he looked when you pulled away from him and disposed the paper towel by throwing it in the trashcan behind you.

"That's better," you commented with a smile, scanning his face. He just felt so vulnerable now, having you look at him like that with those beautiful eyes and that gorgeous smile...you'll be the death of him.

Before he could thank you, the door of the bathroom opened and he was once again dragged by you, this time inside a stool. He understood what you were doing, putting his feet up the toilet as you closed the stool's door behind you.

"Hey, are you okay in there?" you immediately recognized the voice of one of your friends asking. "Mrs. Downey told me to check on you because you were taking too long."

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine!" you quickly replied, exchanging a look with Eddie. "Just...I don't think I'll be able to get back to class. Would you tell Mrs. Downey I'm not going to be back?"

"Sure, do you need anything? Maybe someone can come pick you up?"

"No, don't worry. I just need to stay here for a bit. I'll maybe go to the nurse if I feel worse."

"Okay. You want me to get your things after this period ends?"

"Yes, please. I think I'll be okay to go to English later."

"Alright, see you then. I'll come check on you during break to see if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay, thanks! You're the best."

You and Eddie heard the bathroom door opening and closing again, the bathroom once again in complete silence. You waited a few seconds before opening the door to check your friend was indeed gone before turning back to Eddie. "That was close," you chuckled.

The two of you walked outside the stool and Eddie, feeling a lot more comfortable around you said, "Who would've thought someone like you would be the type to sneak out of class?"

"Someone like me?" you asked, a smile on your face still. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You know, the queen of Hawkins High breaking the rules...sounds hard to believe."

You couldn't hold back your laughter, which instantly made Eddie smile. He just managed to make you laugh. You were laughing because of something he said. He made you laugh.

"Well, there's a first time for everything," you shrugged. "It's...Eddie, right?"

The way his name sounded coming from your lips has got to be his new favorite sound ever. Oh, how he would love to hear you call his name over and over... "Uh...yeah, it is," he replied a bit shy, scratching the back of his neck just to do something that would distract him from his thoughts. "Didn't think you would know my name."

"Of course I know your name, we share almost every class. Besides, a guy like you is hard to ignore."

"Is that so?"

You let out a quick nervous laugh after realizing how that sounded like, your cheeks turning a light shade of pink. God, this guy was charming. "I mean, you have a style that stands out. The, uh...you know, the hair and the leather jacket."

"Oh, yeah...I guess."

"I meant that in a good way," you quickly explained when you noticed he couldn't tell if that was an insult or a compliment. "You stand out in a good way."

His smile instantly appears on his face again. "Well, that's good to hear."

"Don't let that get to your head."

"Sorry, too late. That made my ego about...ten times bigger."

Once again, he made you laugh. "You're so not like I thought you were."

"And you're nothing like I expected either."

"I hope you mean that in a good way?"

"I mean that in the best of ways."

Eddie was beyond happy to notice your cheeks turning an ever darker shade of pink after his comment, noticing just by your body language that he was making you nervous. It's the only explanation as to why you seem to fidget with your fingers so much or why you would shift the weight of your body from one side to the other.

"As much as I'd like to stay here talking to you, I think you really need to go see the nurse," you commented, once again checking the injuries on his face.

"Glad to know I'm such a good company," he teased again. "I was actually heading back home before you found me."

"But we have English and then History before school's over..." you said as if it was obvious that he couldn't leave.

"Now that right there was adorable," he commented with a laugh. It was almost as if he managed to turn the entire situation around, leaving you to be the one all flustered.

"Okay, I get it," you said, pretending to be annoyed by all the teasing. Deep down, you couldn't get enough of it. Since when Eddie Munson, the outcast no one wanted to be around, was so incredibly charming? There's just no other way you can describe him. "I can give you my notes tomorrow, then."

That took him by surprise. He wasn't expecting to be a "tomorrow" between the two of you. He just assumed this would be the very last time you'd ever talk to each other. "Uh, that'd be awesome...thanks– and thanks for all of this. You didn't really have to."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm glad whatever happened wasn't that serious...I hope. But please, make sure–"

"To disinfect the wounds. I know, I know," he interrupted. He wasn't going to show it, but he couldn't get enough of you looking so worried about him. Taking that as the end of the conversation, the two of you walked to the bathroom door. Eddie opened it for you, waiting for you to walk outside before he did.

"See you tomorrow," you said a way to say goodbye. Once again, Eddie was surprised to hear you say that.

"See you tomorrow," he replied, much to his disbelief.

You and your group were chatting outside of school by the cars of various guys from the basketball team. School wasn't going to start just yet, so you and your friends decided to hang out there in the meantime.

A few minutes passed before you watched a truck park relatively close to where you were all standing, noticing Eddie getting off the vehicle.

You were glad to notice his wounds were better, though you noticed a bit of bruising that wasn't there yesterday. Still, you almost felt butterflies at the sight of him. He just left such a good impression on you...it was practically impossible not to replay in your your head the conversation the two of you shared yesterday. It lasted just minutes but it was so meaningful at the same time.

He noticed you were there with your friends, and you were disappointed to watch him just walk away without even saying hello. Not like he owe it to you, but you were expecting at least something.

A few of your friends muttered things when they saw him, probably just being mean and making fun of him like they tend to do. You ignored them, excusing yourself to walk up to him.

You noticed he was quite surprised when he noticed you walking next to him. Almost immediately, everyone around the two of you turned to look at the scene. What were you even doing with him? Two of the most opposite people ever were suddenly...friends?

The town you live in is impossibly small, so watching the biggest loser in school managing to befriend the prettiest and most popular girl is school is something almost unthinkable. Everyone were so obsessed with status and the "food chain" inside Hawkins High, they just couldn't believe this was happening.

"How are you feeling?" was the first thing you asked him, ignoring all the staring. You figured this would happen, but you decided not to care.

"Uh, fine," he muttered, visibly confused.

"Is...something wrong?"

"No, no. It's just...well, I didn't think you'd want to talk to me with so many people around," he confessed. The look on his face was both adorable and heart breaking. He just looked lost.

Of course he was happy to see you and to talk to you, especially because it is you the one approaching him. But all the way from his trailer to school, he braced himself to be completely ignored by you all day until maybe you get an opportunity to be alone to talk.

"Why wouldn't I talk to you? I mean, we are sort of...friends, right?" you asked, also looking relatively lost. "I'm sorry, I thought you–"

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just stupid like that," he interrupted. "I thought you would be embarrassed or something. Being around the school's freak and all."

"You need to stop with all of that! Seriously, you put yourself down too much."

It was easier said than done. All he has ever known is putting himself down. He acts all tough and mean, but in reality he can be really insecure– especially when it comes to you. He's always seen as the freak, the stupid guy who can't seem to graduate, the satanic-worshipper because he plays D&D. All he sees is people hating him and putting him down so, eventually, he just started to believe that's all he was. A complete failure.

Noticing he wasn't talking, you put a hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner, which made everyone around you even more shocked. These people were in dying need of a hobby.

"Look, I really like you. I don't care if we get dirty looks all the time or whatever. You're really nice, so I honestly can handle all the staring," you added. "Besides, I still have to hand you my notes from yesterday."

The last part was in hopes to get him to smile, which you actually achieved. You quickly handed him your notes and he gladly took them. "Thanks."

"No problem. Though I feel like I just gave you more reasons to skip class."

"Yeah, now you'll never see me in a classroom ever again."

The comment made you laugh. "Hopefully you don't disappear on me just like that."

You two reached the school's doors and, once again, he made sure to open the door for you. Before he could reply to your last comment, the bell rang, indicating it was time to get to class. "I'll see you later. Uh, maybe we can have lunch together? I mean, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, sure. I'd like that," he replied, genuinely shocked you were so willing to spend time with him.

You gave him one last smile before walking down the hall to get to your first class. Eddie just stood there, watching you walk away, thinking to himself what the hell is happening.

Since when did he get so lucky?

And from that moment on, he would wonder that every single day. Because with each day that passed, the two of you became very good friends, something no one could fully comprehend. Not even him could wrap his head around it, though you were always there to remind him he is worth your time, and that you genuinely want to be his friend.

It was impossible for him not to adore you even more. Because ever since that day you found him by his locker, you would always defend him from your friends when they decided to pick on him, even when it was evident a guy like Eddie didn't really need much protection from bullies. Because you would always send a smile his way as you mutter a quick "hi", or even stop to have a brief conversation before class if you ever saw him in the hall, not caring if your friends were there to witness that. Because you always offered him your notes whenever he'd skip a class. Because you would agree to try to understand what was D&D all about and, in return, he would sit and watch all the cheerleader routines you had in mind before presenting them to your team.

Eddie was so wrong about you. He thought you were nice, only to find you were much nicer. He thought you were pretty, only to find you are the most beautiful person he has ever met in his life. You are perfect and it's slowly killing him, because right now he couldn't possibly be more in love with you.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things season four #stranger things #stranger things fic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things x reader

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heros-shade-fanclub · 11 days

Note

hello my lovelyyy :3 👑🙊💃🐳 for u 💃 in general tho not limited to botw . looks at u with my autistic eyes

<3 islandlobster

Hello my lovely pea!!!!!!!! <333333333 Yippeeeeeee!!

👑 Favorite version of princess Zelda

Botw/totk for sure!! I think I answered this one already? whatever I LOVE HER and she's under absolutely monstrous amounts of pressure and her character was probably my favorite thing about botw/totk's writing

🙊 Unpopular Zelda opinions

ooooohhhh i've never fully agreed when ppl make botw/totk link "the feral one" in their aus....like I get WHY that particular hc is so popular (just due to the way those games are meant to be played, the amnesia thing, etc.) but also. Have we considered that he essentially grew up in a castle? meaning he was exposed to High Society on a near-daily basis, therefore needing to be taught a very specific set of manners and social rules? And he's one of the few Links who actually was a knight prior to his adventure? Like YES he is capital w Weird but. I'm just saying that on the scale of "versions of Link who know what a fork is" he likely ranks pretty high (^THIS IS NOT TARGETED BTW this is just me throwing out my thoughts abt him. godspeed everyone with this hc)

I also dislike the idea that the Hero of Twilight was chosen because he had "the blood of the hero". like whatttttever girl he was chosen because he's an excellent big brother and loves all of the earth's creatures. and can wrangle giant goats

💃Favorite botw outfit

oh god there are so many good outfits....in botw specifically i like the climber set?? idk love me a good muscle tank. if we include other games i'm really really fond of the twilight princess zora armor :3 so pretty

🐳 If you were a Zelda character, what race would you be?

THIS IS HARD. ummmm if not a Hylian, maybe a zora?? I always love their designs and I'd love to be an Indigo-Go :] or a Stable Trotter maybe

#THANK YOUUUUUU!!!! my lovely friend the pea :3 #talkin #asks

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reyesstrand · 6 months

Text

20 questions for fic writers

thank you for the tags @welcometololaland @strandnreyes & @alrightbuckaroo <33 this was a much needed distraction tonight!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

335,298

3. what fandoms do you write for?

predominantly 911 lone star. the only other thing i’ve dabbled in recently was the old guard

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? (i’m going to exclude prompt collections here!)

like a bright new dream (first i love you)

wanna be still with you (2x08 coda)

lit the spark (that set a fire) (firefighter!carlos au)

take me back to the light (1x08 coda)

to be reborn (3x04 coda)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do!! even if it takes a few days (where i’m likely just staring at nice words in my inbox and using them as fuel to brighten my mood) i love having that connection, and seeing maybe what stood out to someone who read my silly little story

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

any of my codas that i wrote immediately after an episode aired—my 3x02 spec fic some and now none of you, or my 3x07 coda/3x08 spec fic not a victory march—simply because we didn’t know the outcome for these storylines yet, and i let myself get angsty.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think 95% of my fics have happy endings but to shout one out in particular….hm. i’d say got real love maybe—truly just. fluff. and the boys coming home to each other and making that official. i also think the proposal bliss in (not afraid of) living on a fault line has got to be up there as well

8. do you get hate on fics?

nothing major

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i’ve always stuck to very implied levels of smut in my fics….idk i always worry i won’t be able to make it sound good when there’s people out there who do it brilliantly. however i’m challenging myself with food fic which does have some smut (with feelings. oh the feelings)

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

crossovers aren’t really my thing!!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope, would be honoured though!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

love helping with brainstorming bits, but have never actually co-written anything

14. what’s your all time favourite ship?

tarlos brainrot always and forever

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have tons of ideas that i never commit to, which sucks. off the top of my head…the andrea & tk fic that i just never got into a flow with

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m strongest when it comes to setting a scene; when exploring what that character is feeling. i like to think i can kind of evoke a mood through imagery? i’m most comfortable when it comes to introspection and exposition and general narrative

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i tell myself i’m getting better, but i’d say dialogue is the constant thing that throws me off. i also worry i over-write sometimes

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i like it, if it’s being done with good intentions and suits the character. i’d imagine for heavier dialogue it would make sense to ask for someone who speaks the language to read it over to make sure it’s accurate

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i think the get down, back in like 2017

20. favourite fic you’ve written?

i can’t choose, so i present to you two wildly different honeymoons. first, dream this night away—almost 8.5k words after a seven month gap between posting when my writer’s block was at an ultimate high. then of course, to which there is no reply—i’ve been growing happier and happier with my writing especially with these last few fics of mine, and this one is something i’m just super proud of, and the support on it definitely brought me to tears a bit ajdnskdn

no pressure tagging @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @paperstorm @tailoredshirt @theghostofashton @inflarescent @birdclowns @liminalmemories21 @rmd-writes @heartstringsduet @freneticfloetry @orchidscript @tellmegoodbye @safeashousespdf and leaving an open tag as well!! <333

#tag games #my fic #think i’m getting a cold so time to pass out on some cough syrup 😞

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donnerpartyofone · 28 days

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So what happened yesterday was, I had stupidly run out of the methylphenidate ER dose that I'm currently on, and decided to take two of the lower dose that I had left over from before. (Ironically I completely flaked on a doctor's appointment for the first time in my life when I was supposed to get the current script refilled, I just got so sick I forgot what was happening, but if you're going to flake on a doctor's appointment I guess it might as well be an ADHD appointment) I thought that the "slightly higher" dose from the two pills wouldn't bother me, I mean I've taken drugs before, but about half way through the day I was suddenly struck with a jarring, physical panic. Fortunately my blood pressure cuff thing didn't say I had to rush to the hospital, but I remained on high alert for the rest of the day and night, which may have colored my perception of what happened.

(don't get too excited, it's just weird)

I took the ferry to see my friend's demonic horror movie (the ferry is a highly underrated form of local transit, it is awesome especially on a rainy night), which was cute, and I love being at the movies even though you always run the risk that other people will taint your experience. Even the religious dogma of the Alamo Drafthouse doesn't stop people from being assholes, and sure enough as soon as a couple of young women (early 20s? idk) sat next down next to me, I started to smell this hot, spitty, artificial sweetener smell, and I realized oh no this bitch is chewing gum. I have a good amount of misophonia and gum is my enemy in any circumstance, but the girl was fully snapping the gum and blowing bubbles for the first 15-20 minutes of the movie. (She had to get rid of it when their cookies arrived) That was a tough one because even if I were the kind of broad who picks fights with strangers, it would be hard to win a fight about chewing in a business that is serving food...but anyway when the server came through to get them situated, they had some sort of altercation that left them both in hysterics. The second the lights came back on they both started ranting about how the server was sooo mean to them because apparently when they sat down one of them took her shoes off, and she was told to put them back on. This girl is going "I'M GONNA LOOK THAT UP AND SEE IF IT'S A REAL RULE! I BET IT'S NOT EVEN A RULE!" as if "no shirt no shoes no service" hasn't been a national punchline for decades and it's just a random and petty punishment that certain eateries uphold to be perverse. I guess also when the guy asked to pre-swipe a card for them so they wouldn't have to pay in the middle of the movie they didn't understand him and that made them mad, and then they were mad that he put the cookies on "the wrong table" (the one between them) as if they weren't both eating them. Like ok guys, I was young once, I too have been rude and been mildly corrected by an adult and been so humiliated that I had to make up a big story about how the adult is an insane person who hates me personally. I was 12 once, too. But holy shit you are old enough to get into this late R-rated movie, do your parents usually take you or what the fuck is your problem?

So as I was leaving I looked up the best way to get home (too late for ferry) and the apps were all giving me a big red Storm Warning warning that I had never seen before and suggesting that trains were running very irregularly or not at all until tomorrow. Outside it was warm and misty, not remotely as stormy as it had been when I arrived. What was going on? I got lost going to what was supposed to be the station with the earliest train, went into the station with the MOST trains, and just decided to just take whatever train came first going in the vaguely-right direction. The world outside the theater seemed to have become very apocalyptic while I was in there, and I was intensely watching my back. When I saw a tall thin woman all in black shuffling down the platform, I did a double take; my first impression was that her face was covered in blood. When I looked again I saw that she had bright red, very wet makeup of some kind smeared from her nose to her chin. The rest of her face was covered in a similar substance that was pitch black. She was not white, is the only other detail I was sure of. I couldn't evaluate the situation. Is this a performance? Is she dangerous? Is she in danger? What should I do? My train came before I could figure it out.

gif by @brody75 stupid tumblr wouldn't give it to me normally

A few stops later, the apps said that I should go outside and get a bus that would come in 25 minutes. Ugh, but at least it's coming. As soon as I got outside the apps said that I should have stayed underground and taken another train that was coming in 1 minute. I couldn't even run back in for that because the machine had done something fucked up to my card when I tried to refill it and I was forced to use the transfer for the bus, oh fucking well. So I'm waiting for the bus and I see this other bus coming from the opposite direction with its display flashing "EMERGENCY - CALL 911". I've been living here for a long time and I had never seen anything like that. Was it a real instruction for me? Or was it one of our cop-obsessed mayor's many advertisements for the cops that seem to be everywhere, constantly telling you where are the nearest cops to every location and how you should go find them and give them something to do? The bus pulled up to its stop across the street and I could see that there was just one passenger on it. It seemed scary. A load of people got on at that stop, I wanted to think at least one of them had a uniform on but I wasn't sure. At that moment my bus pulled up. I let everybody else on first and then I told the driver, "That bus across the street is flashing a CALL 911 sign." I thought he would know what to do. Drivers seem to look out for each other. He just stared at me. It was the blankest stare I'd ever seen. He didn't move and he didn't make a sound. I repeated myself and I pointed "That one, over there, is he ok?" ...or whatever I said, I was kind of freaking out. He just nodded, once, and kept staring at me. Then he put it in drive and I sat down.

also @brody75

I had wanted to spend all night working on this project I'm under deadline for--I might as well with all the extra amphetamines in my system--but I could no longer concentrate. I felt like I was in Jacob's fucking Ladder. I also felt like a complete asshole for not helping anyone. I don't know. I never know what to do. I'm constantly getting lost and I have no money and I'm small and clumsy and I don't feel safe with strangers and I don't automatically trust cops and I'm also fairly stupid and cowardly and I don't know how anything works. It's hard for me to imagine taking charge of any situation even when it seems like the choice should be obvious because of instructions or just decency. Also when you start helping people when do you stop? I often think of this standup bit by [cancelled comedian I don't want to argue about] where he describes a younger relative visiting him in the city for the first time, and she's shocked by the first really dire homeless person she sees in Port Authority. She goes rushing over to him and when the comedian stops her she says, "You mean he doesn't need our help?" and he says "Oh no, he needs you desperately! We just don't do that here." And I mean yes, ha ha cynicism, but it's more like how do you even begin to deal with individual instances of a problem that is so huge and ubiquitous that even the large support systems in place can barely handle it. One time in the dead of winter I posted a picture of a pigeon that was so puffed up it was hilariously huge and spherical, and someone scolded me about how "that's a baby" and if I see it again I should transport it to a rehab center. They obviously didn't understand the scale of the photo and must have mistaken the puffery for juvenile down, but it's also like, if I start helping pigeons when will it stop? I've helped a number of animals either get out of a snag or get to rehab when they were obviously incapacitated or sick, but if I lowered my threshold of intervention to "a pigeon that looks cold or uncomfortable", it would never end. Technically probably every rat and pigeon in the city needs some kind of medical attention, they say rats here have diseases that haven't even been identified by science, but what's the actual, rational response for individual citizens?

Anyway I have totally ruined my own weird freaky spooky one-crazy-night anecdote with this awkward musing about what people are supposed to do for each other, and I have made it very clear that I am terrible in an emergency and do not help people. And I'm already imagining arguments with tumblr randos who are always handing out authoritative ethical advice about what to do in every situation, in a way that reveals that they have no real life experience of their own. And now I need to like get to my stupid telehealth visit with the doctor I flaked on last week, and stop being insane, and go back to work. I don't really know why I write these things down. I guess I must have to.

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thatgirl4815 · 7 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/thatgirl4815/729494704908025856/after-rewatching-the-ep8-preview-a-few-more-times

this makes sense to me too but honestly i keep having the the thought that maybe the whole point is that sand will continue letting ray walk all over him until it finally ends in their relationship being over for good. idk it just feels like we’re never going to see ray at the least respect sand and maybe that’s the point …..he won’t until maybe the very until end when he realizes what he’s truly done and what he’s lost. but he won’t be able to come back from it in regards to his relationship with sand. sorry for being negative 😭😭 it just feels like that’s where it’s going. right now my only hope is khao saying ray works out his feelings/has growth and that thread that screenwriter retweeted.

but imagine if the sandray scene from the ep 8 preview is out of context and i’m getting high blood pressure from all week for nothing. i don’t think so though because idk how ray’s words could be taken out of context and be less negative than i’m assuming especially not with that smug ass face he has on

I think that Ep8 preview could start wars tbh because the emotional damage it has dealt the majority of the fandom is honestly insane.

I can definitely see a version of this story where Ray realizes too late how he feels and the whole SandRay story ends on a very sour note. I'm choosing not to believe that that is where the story is going though because of those things you mentioned (Khao's comments and what the screenwriter retweeted). Also want to callback to the interview where FK said their characters end up together in the end (I believe the interview was done before filming, but it could still be worth something). Finally, I believe that Jojo and others made reference to FK filming a scene that was "hotter than life" and we haven't seen it yet to the best of my knowledge, so that could be a good sign?

This might be naive, but looking back on everything, I think that SandRay has been portrayed too well to go down the shitter because of RayMew--especially because Ray's crush on Mew has always been the problem. If anything, we're working towards resolving the biggest threat to Sand and Ray's relationship. In that sense, I'm glad we've gotten the ball rolling so we can get the heartbreak over with as fast as possible.

It makes me wonder: What are the showrunners trying to convey with SandRay's relationship? Not trying to say that every story has to have a moral, but in the case of this couple, what are we meant to take away from it? It could be that we don't realize what we have until it's too late. But something about that feels almost cruel given Ray's addiction problems.

Ray has seemed so hopeless this entire show except when he is with Sand (and Mew, but I think he'll realize that a relationship with Mew has always been just a fantasy). He's incredibly lonely. And for him to end up lonely in the end would just...rip my heart out. So even if Ray and Sand don't end up together, I am at least hoping for an ending where Ray is able to get the help he needs and have people in his life he can rely on. For my part, I believe Sand will remain a large part of Ray's support system.

#I understand the negativity I really do because I've been battling with it since Saturday #but I honestly think if it weren't for the Ep8 preview we'd all be feeling a lot more optimistic #I have hope for SandRay #only friends #ask #only friends ask #ofts #sandray #raysand #sanray #raysan #sand x ray #ray x sand #firstkhaotung #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat

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clatterbane · 5 months

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I've got an unexpected relatively short notice 9 a.m. blood pressure appointment at the nearby primary care center that I've only been in once for a blood draw. And I swear thinking about it tonight can't be doing my blood pressure any good.

Still not sure what's up with that, but I guess we'll find out soon enough. Whether I want to or not. Endocrinology was handling it, so I really have no idea why primary care is summoning me now. Maybe it has to do with my last endo leaving so I got reassigned to another one in the clinic, but idk.

My blood pressure always ran sort of low (like, 100/60 was on the high side for me before), classic EDS dysautonomia style. I had to watch out for medications that would incidentally affect blood pressure, unless I wanted to almost black out when I stood up and/or get fluid painfully swelling my feet up. Both of which did happen over the years.

But after that 2nd round of COVID which also left me with the fatigue, it went kinda fucky too. I suspect it may be connected to the pounding heart I've been getting more often too, but I really haven't wanted to get into that--especially because it does seem to be post-COVID bullshit. Don't know if they're more likely to dismiss it as all in my head, or freak the fuck out in unpleasant ways because cardiovascular symptoms. Don't particularly feel up to dealing with either possibility just now.

So yeah, I apparently really do need blood pressure meds these days, unexpected as it was. (As much as it concerns me, with some of the repeated "unusual ethnic liver chemistry-> unusual drug reactions/effects which too often get dismissed until you're in terrible shape" fits I watched my mom go through with BP meds for years. Mine is the same, we kept reacting in similar unexpected ways--and I am basically an ethnic minority of one, this far from home. 😒)

And somebody does need to follow up on that. But, it would be nice to have some continuity of care here, and more idea of wtf is even going on. Sudden last minute summons letters from a medical practice I have no prior relationship with do not increase my confidence in any of this.

It's also feeling too reminiscent of dealing with the freaking NHS, where the rest of it was amplified by getting treated like mushroom as SOP.

#personal #venting #medical fuckery #post covid #post-viral illness

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astroyongie · 8 months

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TW: pet death, grief

I had to put my cat down today. Her name was Trixie and she was 19.5 years old. She had hyperthyroid and high blood pressure that I was giving her two meds twice a day for two years but then her kidneys starting shutting down…there is no treatment for feline kidney disease, especially for one Trixie’s age.

I’m gutted. I always knew this day was coming but she was fine and then literally last night she went downhill. It just seemed so sudden. I held her when they put her to sleep. She was my baby…. I had her almost my whole life.

I understand that there’s literally nothing more I could do…. The vet said if I waited, she’d be in pain, and it would be futile to give treatment Bc it was not going to get better.

Idk if tarot has the capacity to do readings on pets to see if she’s okay and forgives me for putting her down but at the very least could you post this? I want people to know she was real and she was a good cat, even if she would occasionally bite the shit out of my arm when she was cranky. Dad said she was a battle axe of a cat and he’s right. She always had a fighting spirit.

As much I want to say safe travels over the rainbow bridge… I hope she followed me home. I put her favorite ribbons on the bed where she used to sleep. I asked her to come back to me in dreams if she couldn’t be here with me on Earth.

Godspeed Trixie I loved you so god damn much.

Hello love,

I want to start by saying how much I am sorry for your loss and how much my eyes held tears reading all this. And I know no matter what I say, nothing can ease the pain that you must be feeling at the moment.

On the 1st February of 2020, I lost my cat, Minou from kidney failure as well. She died at the same age as Trixie and I think the most painful thing was to watch her dying and not being able to do anything to help her. Eventually, she passed at home, in my arms.

This is to say that, sometimes we blame ourselves so much for what happens to them because we feel responsible for their life but also because we lose a part of ourselves that we cannot ever get back. I don't know what's your age, but I was 3 years old when I got Minou, she was my first and only pet while she was around, and losing her was unbearable and I cannot even describe the pain. I mourn her still today, and only recently have I been able to watch videos of her without crying.

So love, I know it hurts, but I also know that Trixie loves you even after death and that her energy and spirit will keep living on to protect you and to comfort you when you need it the most. You did well. So did she. And I am sure she forgives you. And of course, I would do a reading for Trixie, you can contact me through email if you want so we can proceed.

For now, take your time to heal, to forgive yourself, and to mourn her. But remember that Trixie will always be a part of you and that all the love she gave to you is worth the pain of today.

Trixie you were loved, and you will be missed <3

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overheaven · 5 months

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hmm so dr appt about chronic pain was (unsurprisingly) vague but that’s to be expected since it’s the first time i’m bringing these issues up. gonna have to get more bloodwork done.

everything all checked out w/ my thyroid and metabolic stuff like. my provider was even like “on paper everything is perfect” but she took a lot of time to talk about stuff that might not be easy to pinpoint too. i was suggested to do some research about the connection between trauma+chronic pain, which i think is absolutely valid but also a little disappointing because it’s like wow thanks as if the trauma isn’t pervasive enough, it also literally ruined my body on a cellular level?

but at the end i described my pain as feeling deep and bruising and my provider suggested looking into fibromyalgia too… which i’m like 99% certain is in my family (just can’t confirm if they’ve ever gotten diagnosed or who it exactly was—my mom or my grandma—or other medical history because i’m no-contact w/ my family).

something i neglected to say because it’s one of those things that you’re like “oh that’s NOT normal?” and i didn’t think of it til i had to start moving again is my bad balance, head rushes, vertigo etc. i’ve never fainted as far as i can remember and i always have good blood pressure when they take my vitals so idk. maybe that’s not indicative of a larger issue but it’s like. y’know they’re not monitoring my blood pressure when i’m moving or standing or sitting and they can’t see how my head gets foggy & twinge-y when i stand too fast or if i’m tired or w/e. i got a lingering head ouchie & hot flash because of stretching rn. buh. does anyone else’s ears ring when they get a head rush? cause i get a really lowkey small ring that almost feels like it’s connected right into my brain, like it doesn’t block out other sounds but it’s there humming at a high frequency. what’s that about. is that normal?

i’ve just got all these little things that i really really really hope aren’t just “yeah sorry you’re traumatized which means your body sucks. try not to be stressed and exercise more.” maybe that’s true! and i know diagnoses aren’t some magic thing or whatever i know i know but it’s just. i can’t describe it as anything other than tragic if somehow i didn’t have something Formally Medically Wrong with me. like if that’s the case then that means my mom gets to have the validity of arthritis and all of her other diagnoses while i’m sitting here in pain that is always going to be vague, pervasive, and unpredictable because she fucked up my brain. and that hurts. i’m still playing catch-up about all the stuff my parents ignored and neglected when they should have been helping and protecting me. i’m mad about it.

#pangs complains #trauma #chronic pain #<- just for blog organization

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breitzbachbea · 10 months

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If you still have time for a drabble, how about that screaming match between Lovino and Michele? Idk about anyone else, but I'd love to read it.

I cannot promise that they will scream at each other, but I can sure make them bitch.

~*~

"You're truly the wart that breaks the camel's back," Lovino said, his words having that hissing quality of something fired out under high pressure.

"Very self-aware for you to see that you're a camel," was Michele's response, which only intensified Lovino's glare. This elevator ride took ages.

"That I still have to endure you must be a torture device by the heavens themselves," Lovino said.

"Should have shot me back then in Wellington." What a tasteless and undiplomatic thing to bring up.

"It was not for a lack of trying." What a tasteless and undiplomatic response.

Michele smiled a little to himself.

Lovino followed up: "Where are your charges, anyways?"

"Well, I could ask where your babysitters are. Because I do vastly prefer being glared down by Gabriella to your glares."

"And that's the only look you will ever get from her." A small and cocky smirk sneaked itself onto Lovino's face.

Michele stroked the underside of his throat and chin with his fingertips, ending with a flat hand. Don't care. He hadn't signed it very enthusiastically. He really didn't care, after all.

"I also don't think it's the Heavens punishing you," he picked up an earlier thread. "I'm only here because your brother's darling boyfriend wants to see me." It was such a shame that apparently Lovino had somewhat mellowed out over the years when it came to the Germans. Now he could only see the veins almost burst instead of blood sprayed all over his suit and the walls.

"You know that they hate you, too," Lovino replied, but it didn't faze Michele for a moment.

"But it doesn't matter, because all their power derrives from the ability to keep peace and get people together at the table. So even if they hate my guts, they will have to endure me."

Lovino rolled his eyes, though the clenching of his jaw didn't seem as non-chalant. "Ugh, Feliciano got this bastard wrapped around his fingers anyways, it's only going to take a little longer and you being a little more audacious, that those convictions will crumble to dust and then you'll get your just deserts."

Michele had been adjusting his ponytail throughout his threat. "It's funny how you're never able to get to me on your own, you always need help. For a puny squatter, I cause you a lot of trouble."

"That's because bad weeds grow tall," Lovino said. "Especially if it's more than one. You can pretend that you've matured and professionalized and severed and sorted ties with your boyfriend as much as you want, Michele. You'd be nothing without him."

Now the smile had been wiped of his face and Michele gestured the Don't care with much more force.

Finally, the elevator came to a halt. Annoyingly, it wasn't on the floor they needed to go to.

Much more annoyingly to Lovino, the door opened to the last people he wanted to see right now.

"Beddu!" Michele warbled.

#beareplies #someone-you-do-not-know #storie nostre #the pen is mightier than the sword #miche #lovi #we can all guess to whom the door opened up to

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ghoulangerlee · 3 months

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Ohhhhh my god I feel you on this whole bc shot thing. I've been on it for a little over two years because I'm trans and getting my period was so bad for my emotional wellbeing I had to do something. I didn't wand an IUD, and I forget to take my medication a lot so the pill wasn't ideal. I was told by two different obgyns that they wouldn't consider removing the uterus becsuse at the time I was only 21 and ""What if you chsnge your mind!!!"" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I really dint have a whole lot of options.

On one hand I like not having to worry about the whole thing for 10/11 weeks at a time but on the other hand I also really like not having feeble bones! I've been taking calcium supplements but the pills are huge and I worry it isn't covering the issue entirely. I don't get enough calcium to begin with becsuse I can't drink milk and stuff, so I worry that it's a bandage on a knife wound so to speak.

Last time I was at the clinic for my shot I raised the issue again and the doctor there was like "wait you're literally trans and have no plans for children why the hell don't we just get rid of it????" And I'm just sitting there like why the fuck did the last two people I see not give me this option!?

Anyways I need to discuss the idea more with her but oh oh to get this fucking thing out of me....oh to dream....

Sorry rambling in your asks but this sucks and I sure hope we both get the cool fun and fresh resolution :)

oh my god anon, i feel you. i've been on it for...almost 5 years now? I think around August 2019 is when I started it finally. It was unfortunately the only option we could find for me. I actually can't have any bc that has actual estrogen in it because of my high blood pressure and the family history of blood clots. And like, at first it was fine and dandy! I was okay with it because after 7 weeks of a heavy cycle I was so exhausted and just ready for it to be over. And it's been gone! pretty regularly for the last several years.

Sometimes if I'm incredibly stressed it will sneak up on me but it's like, leagues better than it was. Max 3 days and barely anything at all. So, very manageable for someone who y'know. had it much worse (to the point it would cause my iron to drop significantly all the time).

I hate obgyns who refuse to do things because "you might regret it later on" like, no actually I think I'll regret having this thing inside my body I don't intend to use and having to stay on the shot for the rest of my life. I'm in a same-sex relationship, I don't ever intend to physically carry a child, I just want the thing gone lmao. I've told obgyns that in the past and yet they still insisted on telling me that I might "regret" it.

So, my surgeon did mention that viactiv is a good supplement, which is apparently a chocolate calcium chew haha. My biggest concern is that I have osteoarthritis and being over 30 now, my bone density doesn't come back as fast as it does for someone in their 20s. My doctor is also concerned about it too. I mean like also the weight gain is terrible too, like holy shit it's been the worst (strong ass bc, strong ass side effects I GUESS)

THOUGH APPARENTLY there is a bone density therapy that they can do which will help with keeping your bones strong. I didn't know about it and no one ever thought to mention it to me when they started talking about my bone density lmao. Normal Calcium supplements make me extremely nauseous and I can't take them, so I just stopped lmao.

And I think from there, that's when I sort of decided I wanted to look into getting rid of my uterus for good. Like, I don't plan to have kids, I don't need it. Why should I continue this shot, why should I keep putting myself through this.

Also, idk if you've experienced it, or if its just because I been on it for so long or if it's something else entirely, but in place of the period I just get cramps :) really bad ones :) it's great and what I've always wanted from bc haha.

honestly that's a good doctor, why haven't they suggested it sooner? Literally the surgeon I'm seeing is, ironically, the first obgyn I saw when I switched insurances and go to where I go now, and from the beginning she was like "you're in a monogamous same-sex relationship whenever you want the surgery we can just take care of that" and idk I wasn't in the right place then, I think, to consider it.

yeah it's a long process from my understanding, we're building a case right now, as my surgeon called it, gonna have some imaging stuff done, a few more tests and then we'll set the date and just. remove it. thankfully, no early menopause for me (ironically the One Thing i was most worried about?? I don't know, I've got so much going on, I didn't want to even consider dealing with menopause bc guess what the treatment for that is-- the same damn shot I'm trying to escape lmao) ANON!!! I wish the best for both of us!!! Let me know how things go!! (if you're comfortable!!)

#menstruation tw #anon asks #anon you never gotta apologize for rambling in my asks pls know that im always here to talk <3 #i am dealing with the same thing you are it seems (the hell shot)#weight tw

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flockofdoves · 5 months

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whenever i try to figure out stuff about my specific form of stuttering (and im super interested in connecting my own vague theories about it to stuff other people have said after taking a psycholinguistics class this semester) i feel crazy because like no medical description of types of stuttering i ever see online match my experiences with it even though i feel like whatever is happening with my stuttering feels like it should be a relatively normal issue to happen to some people

like its not really that bad anymore im not looking for treatment for it but i just want to hear about other peoples experiences with similar and also be able to potentially understand whats happening in my body whenever it happens and its just so surprising to me how little i find whenever i look

but yeah. so curious if anyone else can relate to this or has thoughts or anything. trying to summarize my experiences:

started right around puberty when i was 11

it never was all the time just like random days or hours would be worse all of a sudden

mostly trouble with repeating the start of words or elongating the first vowel, makes getting whole sentences out really arduous

went away some time in early high school for the most part, but then randomly reemerged my sophomore year of college

for a while i theorized it just had to do with low blood pressure or low blood sugar from my eating disorder, because it turned out that when it reemerged that was when the worst of my ED started, but i'm well into recovery now and while stuttering can be a sign that i havent eaten enough in a while, and i certainly was stuttering worse at the worst of my ed, i still stutter at many times when i know i have eaten consistently and enough for a while

also feels like sometimes it can correlate with stress or exhaustion, but while of course i cant be sure i'm always recognizing when i'm stressed (having issues with dissociation and fibromyalgia feels relevant to that) it at least doesn't feel in the moment like thats always the case when i start stuttering, and sometimes feels pretty random

it feels like a specific form of brain fog distinct from other forms of brain fog i also experience in that its very actively irritating as if parts of my brain are turning off and on(?? not really accurate but idk how to describe it)

i also have had times of my life where i have had that same feeling while developing body jerks and facial tics (maybe also hand tremors but i think those felt more directly related to what i've later recognized as low blood sugar from my eating disorder)

i also theorized before that those facial tic episodes could have to do with tardive dyskinesia (had really really bad reactions to risperidone and abilify and was on each of them for years, and abilify side effects sometimes felt sorta similar, and my facial tics/tremors etc arent nearly as prominent now that its been years since i last was on those meds) but that doesnt really make sense to me when it feels so similar to my stutter and the stutter started before i ever was on any psychiatric medication

i tend to stutter or have those tics a lot more prominently around people i am comfortable with. sometimes while stuttering/etc it feels like if i really really tried hard and put a lot of energy into it i would be able speak without stuttering even if still a little slow and monotone, but despite the frustration that comes with not being able to fully express what i mean quickly, it still doesnt feel worth it to put in that effort unless i need to perform for strangers (wording it like this is a lot more intellectualized and makes it sound a lot more like an active choice, while in the moment its kind of all just vague instinctual feelings)

honestly i have no idea if any of the stuttering or facial tic stuff do or dont relate at all to other behaviors i exhibit like some of ocd compulsions that are less elaborated and more just 'i wouldn't feel right if i dont touch this in this specific way right now' / my habits of picking up on a random weird exclamation that i subconsciously vocalize whenever i think of something stressful and am in a comfortable environment / my issues with body focused repetitive behavior (especially dermatillomania)

idk!! brains are just interesting im just curious what other peoples thoughts are..

like i guess looking at lists of types of stuttering it could make sense to guess this is psychogenic stuttering but its just like crazy how nonspecific any talk of it has been. ive become kinda interested in neurolinguistics which obviously is still so so full of uncertainties and biases as a field but theres at least some physiological backing for the things it talks about so its just so disappointing when topics that i wish were more explored by it are instead just stuff im finding information about from a psychiatric framework..

#cpost

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minteayoongimakesmewoozi · 7 months

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idk if you watch/read jjk but if you do,what do you think abt jjk!fits au where the Higuchis are related to the Gojo clan?I'd pity them for having to endure Gojo's bs but i admit that watching Ayame interact with him would be 10/10 entertainment

i don't read or watch jjk but my friends do and i know a fair bit about it through osmosis and wiki pages. not nearly enough to be able to make one proper au, but here's some musings from someone who only knows jjk on the periphery!

AYAME AND SATORU ARE COUSINS + SAME AGE AU

- from what i know of satoru...... poor ayame

- ayame is someone who puts a lot of pressure on herself to be calm and composed. she forces herself to remain humble, and as a result, she tends to look down on her own achievements a lot. we all know our sweet girl has low self-esteem, what can we do?

- satoru is..... basically the opposite. he's the strongest sorcerer and he knows it. it's an undisputed fact, no one else can lay claim to that title as long as he's alive.

- the higuchis are basically an off-shoot of the gojo clan. powerful enough to remain jujutsu sorcerors, but never powerful enough to be part of the big three. they split off some time in the meiji - or maybe taisho - era, although they still have close ties with the gojo clan.

- one thing about the higuchi family is that they're a family, not a clan. there has only ever been one branch in the higuchi family that can utilise cursed techniques.

in a way, you can say that it's like the universe itself makes it so. anytime there is more than one higuchi sibling who can utilise cursed energy, only one will ever be able to carry the lineage.

the history of the higuchi-family-as-cursed-energy-users is short, but the lineage can be traced back relatively easily back to the gojo clan

- ayame and satoru are cousins, but also not really. that's just because they can trace their ancestry back to one particular ancestor - and that's all.

- satoru still happily calls ayame his cousin. she's pretty much the only person in the whole world who is both unimpressed and unfazed by his abilities

- i still don't know enough about jjk to be able to give the higuchi family an inherited technique with a name, but they should have one. it should be visual-based - or maybe sensory-based that manifests as visual.

ayame is... she's not a genius at using their inherited technique. that was akihiko, but he's gone now

- (sorry for always killing you in almost every au, akihiko.......)

- if the higuchi family was a clan, ayame is the undisputed head of the clan. after akihiko, she's the most proficient in their family's inherited technique. she even surpasses her father, even at her current level

- fast forward to jjk present, where ayame is also a teacher at jujutsu high. she's teachers with the jjk sensei squad, but also tanjirou, zenitsu and inosuke

- and of course with satoru

- ayame never gets annoyed with satoru, although she does find him annoying. they've played together since they were children, when they attended gojo clan meetings together and had nothing else to amuse themselves

- surprisingly, she doesn't have an inferiority complex with satoru. she knows that they're in different leagues - satoru, as the inheritor of limitless and the six eyes; ayame as a somewhat proficient user of her family's inherited technique. they aren't the same, and that's fine. she'll do well as she is, and satoru will reign as the head of the gojo clan

- she wishes he did take his duties as the clan head a little more seriously though.....

- ayame is pretty much the only person satoru can be satoru - not gojo satoru, strongest jujutsu sorcerer, but satoru, who's kinda annoying and very ridiculous

- they're cousins, for all that the blood shared between them is as thin as air

- ayame is one of the people who uses megumi how to use weapons! her specialty is the katana, and she's the kind of person who teaches through hard work and perseverance

- also megumi using ayame's "hn" is just cute

- megumi calling ayame "obasan" will murder me actually what the heck i'm pinching his cheeks

- outwardly, it looks like he respects ayame more than he does satoru, but he actually respects them the same. they're both strong in different ways and he wants to learn as much from them as possible

- also tol satoru and tinie ayame just standing together or walking together is such a nice image. best buddies, bros just walking while ayame scolds satoru about something or another

- (if u ask satoru, he would actually admit that ayame is more like a sister than a cousin. he'll protect her with everything he's got - mostly emotionally, cos he has a lot of faith in her own strength and capabilities as a jujutsu sorcerer)

- yes there's tanyame in this. satoru ships it. nanami ships it. shoko ships it. hell, megumi, yuuji and nobara ship it! it's hard to find someone who doesn't ship tanyame. goddamn when are those two idiots going to get together already?!?!???! (satoru has screamed that phrase too many times to count)

- zenitsu, having known tanjirou and ayame since their high school days, is simply resigned to the fact that the only way they'll get together is through some superbly stupid circumstances. he just needs satoru to understand this (satoru will never understand this)

AYAME AND SQUAD AS THE SAME AGE AS THE MAIN TRIO

- the lore still applies as before, but this time ayame is infinitely more annoyed by satoru-nii

- like who wouldn't be, right? lmao

- this time, ayame grows up alongside megumi, which means that megumi and ayame share a few moves since they trained together for so long

- u know that scene where megumi and maki switch weapons? that's ayame and megumi like all the time. you don't want to double-team against those two since they've been training together since idk middle school or something

- also zenitsu senpai tickles me something fierce

- i think zenitsu would have a crush on maki. he likes strong girls and he admires the way she doesn't let her weakness stop her from becoming an amazing jujutsu sorcerer

- ayame supports this (in the hopes that zenitsu will also not let his own fear stop him from doing... well, anything, really)

- also i think tanjirou deserves to be a little jealous about ayame's and megumi's closeness. as a treat. yuuji, stop teasing ayame and megumi about what a cute couple they'd make! it isn't funny! (stop messing with tanjirou's poor heart like that!)

- i only know OF the shibuya incident, i don't actually know it. someone who knows about jjk more than me should say something about how ayame would react to it

- oh right. ayame and satoru. let's get back to the real reason we're here

- satoru doesn't try to fill in the big brother role. he might be satoru-nii, but he's still just satoru. he may tease ayame a lot and never let her get in a playful hit, but he'll be one of the first people to hug her if she really needs it. he's watched her grow up and there's something admirable about the way she doesn't let titles or the way the Big Three work stop her from trying her best and fulfilling her duties

- given the chance, he'd be the first to make her the head of the higuchi clan. if it ever became a clan (spoiler: it probably doesn't become a clan)

- i should really start consuming jjk media. After i finish fits

- but my god. what i know of jjk isn't any less sad than whatever happens in fits canon

- i think ayame would eventually be pretty fiercely protective of yuuji. she's a protector at her core, and despite his background and character lore, he'd be one of her closest friends (but seriously, itadori, stop teasing ayame and megumi about being a couple. think of how tanjirou feels!!!)

i don't know much about jjk so i'm always open to more headcanons about these aus!

#me as a writer #anonnie #fits asks #fog in the summertime #fits #fits au #fits jjk au #fits jjk ayame sensei au #higuchi ayame #gojo satoru #ayame and satoru as cousins is funny to me no matter what #blue-eyed jujutsu sorcerers gonna fuck u up #ur choice whether it's through cursed energy nonsense or a SWORD TO THE FACE

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chaosdisorganized · 1 year

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So sometimes vital machines don't work properly all the time and I always check them with myself before I use it on residents to ensure I can get accurate readings. Well my vitals are all jacked up, I have a high heart rate, I'm a smoker so my O2 I'd always low, and my blood pressure is always low so when I check it against myself the machine always freaks out, beeping like crazy because my vitals are never normal. Idk if its something I should be concerned about because whenever I go to a doctor they never seemed too worried about it but I also know how shitty doctors can be even when there's obvious signs of something wrong. With my chronic pain I know there's definitely something wrong but idk if I should be concerned that my vitals are constantly abnormal. I do have problems with fainting because my blood pressure will get so low ill just pass out, and because I have a really fast heart rate and get palpitations often I get dizzy and lightheaded from straining myself too much. The problem is idk what it could be, the doctors seem to think im healthy but my physical symptoms tell me otherwise. Not like I can really afford to go to a doctor and get a bunch of tests done anyways but how do you convince a doctor who believes you're healthy that you're really not and somethings not right. None of them ever believe me, it's just frustrating. Idk what's wrong with me and sometimes I feel like im making a big deal out of nothing and I really am fine and just need to suck it up. Idk about anything anymore. I've been gaslight about my symptoms for my whole life so it's even hard for me to tell if I really need help or if I'm just being overly dramatic and need to get over it. It's only been getting worse as I get older and I'm not sure what to do anymore

#vent #undiagnosed disability

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