#and then feel guilty about all the people who followed me for fandom content and are now seeing this

[eetherealgoddess]

♡♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

ꨄWhy Talk to Others When You Have Meꨄ

Oneshot - Yandere Toxic Bf Au

❦You mess up when you’re greeted by an old friend from middle school❦

Sano Manjiro x Reader

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

I apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Why Talk to Others When You Have Me?

No matter how hard you tried to ignore it, you couldn’t help but notice your boyfriend’s piercing glare at the old friend who stood in front of you. You tried so hard to focus on the story he was cheerfully going on about, but you could feel Mikey’s nails penetrating the back of your hand as your fingers were locked. You bit your lip to refrain from yelping as you subtly tried to release yourself from his grip, to no avail. You kept your eyes straight as you smiled and responded to the person you hadn’t seen since middle school.

The two of you were never really close enough to hang out other than when you shared classes, but seeing a familiar face can be refreshing when the only people you can be around are your boyfriend’s family and friends. You couldn’t pass the opportunity, desperate for communication when he tapped your shoulder to get your attention. Honestly, if you would’ve known that Mikey could see you from where he stood at the Musashi Shrine, you would’ve tried to end the conversation faster.

“Alright, it was nice to see you! We should get together soon!” The friendly male states, dismissing himself after you both exchanged social media profiles before waving and walking away.

You didn’t want to meet your boyfriend’s gaze, though if you don’t, it will show that you feel guilty for something you shouldn’t have to feel guilty about. Swallowing your anxiety you turn your head to face Mikey, who stares at you with a cold expression.

“I know you’re an attention whore, Y/n, but that doesn’t mean you have to talk to everyone you pass by.”

Your eyebrows furrow as you glance around at his fellow gang member friends standing around you both. They had followed him there, you think so he could just humiliate you in front of them, as he always does when he’s angry with you.

“Mikey, you know I’m not an attention whore. Stop being an asshole.” You say as you snatch your hand out of his grip, crossing your arms before attempting to walk away, only to be snatched by your bicep and forced to look at him.

“So you flirt with a random guy in front of my face and then call me an asshole? Y/n, what’s wrong with you?”

“That’s not fair. Nobody was flirting with anyone and you know that! Don’t be insecure.” You state angrily.

“Hey Y/n, you should calm down. The way you’re acting towards Mikey isn’t cool.” Baji growls as he walks closer to you.

“This has nothing to do with you! Why are you always butting in?” You exclaim as you throw your hands in the air.

“Why are you being so defensive, Y/n? Flirting with someone else isn’t okay.” Draken states with his own arms crossed, scowling at you.

Your eyes widen in disbelief.

“I wasn’t flirting with anyone!” You hate feeling as though you have to explain yourself to a bunch of men you never get along with. They never seem to understand your side of things. You understand their loyalty to Mikey, but this is ridiculous.

“We all saw the display, come on. Just admit it and apologize.” Mitsuya adds on. You shake your head before turning to Mikey, who stood with a stoic expression. You turn away, missing the slight curl of his lips as you stomp away from them.

He dismisses himself from his friends as he follows you to the apartment you both live in which is a short distance away. When you make it to the door, you snatch it open before walking in, heading to the bedroom to lock yourself away from him.

“You’re acting like a brat, Y/n.”

Before you could shut him out, he blocked the door from closing, scoffing before walking in the opposite direction of him only to be stopped by him pulling you into his chest before he grips your neck. You gasp as he narrows his black eyes angrily.

“Delete him right now.” You gaze at him with wide eyes before grabbing your phone out of your pocket and removing the old friend. You threw the phone on the bed.

“This isn’t fair, Mikey. I don’t care about deleting him but it’s not right that you can have your friends but I can’t have my own.”

Especially when they’re so insufferable.

His grip squeezes your neck tighter until you begin to lose air, reflexively grabbing his wrist with both of your hands as you struggle to breathe.

“What’s not fair is you flirting with a guy in front of my face, then you disrespect me in front of my friends. That’s not being a good girlfriend, Y/n.” He says as he lifts her off the ground, using his other hand to wrap around your neck as well. Your eyes tear up as your throat closes, feet dangling as you pierce your nails into both of his wrists, drawing blood.

“You even added him on social media. Why? Why did you have to do that? You think he’s gonna come in and take you from me? You’re mistaken.” He releases your neck before dropping you to the ground. He walks to the bed and sits while you cough, hands on the ground in a kneeling position.

“You should be a good girl and apologize to me. You should be thanking me for not killing him on the spot.” He chuckles the last sentence, though serious with his statement. Little did you know he had already sent his delinquent friends to take care of the problem permanently, as he always does when you meet new or old friends. He can’t risk having you taken away from him. You already know what’s coming next, the scene repeating as it always plays out.

“I don’t want to do anything right now. I’m still angry.” He scoffs.

“Beg me for forgiveness.” He demands.

Although you didn’t want to, you know you’re already not going to win this fight by the past experiences you’ve had to endure. So you swallow your pride and count to five in your head before standing up and turning to him.

“I’m sorry Manjiro. Please forgive me.”

“Sorry for what?”

You paused as you refrained from giving him a glare. Sighing, you answered, “I’m sorry for flirting with that guy, adding his social media, and disrespecting you in front of your friends.”

“Hm.” He mockingly put a finger to his chin.

“Show me how sorry you are.”

You frowned before walking towards him and kneeling in between his legs. He leans back on his hands as he smiles slightly, eyeing you as he loved to see you this way. He loved to see you below him like the pretty little slut you are. His slut.

You reluctantly reach for his erection, pulling it out as you leaned forward. Before you began, you moved your head back and looked at him.

“Mikey, I don’t want to do this right now. You really hurt me.” You say. He sighs as he uses one hand to caress your head.

“Baby, you know I hate it when this happens. It wouldn’t have to be this way if you would just be my sweet girlfriend. This is the only way we can truly make up. It’s only fair since you really hurt my feelings.” He cooed with a concerned expression.

You sigh, yearning for more of this sweet moment considering he’s so detached normally. There have been a couple of times where you’ve tried to leave and he wasn’t having it, always going to far lengths to secure you in his grip. You ached for him to be nice to you, trapped in the cycle of temporary happiness and struggle.

“Come on baby, let's make up. I’m gonna take care of you after this. We can cuddle and watch movies together. How does that sound?” He leans over and pulls you in for a quick kiss.

“Fine.” You huff out. You wrap a hand around his erection and encircle your lips around his head, sucking and licking around the lining as his cock twitches in your hand. He holds the back of your neck as he massages your head with his thumb. He releases a soft moan as you take the full girth into your throat.

You pull your head back before continuously bobbing back and forth, closing your eyes as you use your hand to gently grip his balls, wanting him to orgasm fast so you could get to the affection, your heart corrupted with a heavy weight.

“Look at me.” You comply, his heated gaze boring into your orbs as you continue taking him in your mouth.

He grinds his hips against your mouth as the grip on the back of your neck tightens. He accelerates his speed as saliva and pre cum oozes out of your mouth.

“This feels so good. Just like that.” You bob your head against his hips, matching his speed before he grabs your head with both hands and ruts slowly against the walls of your mouth and throat.

“Yes, fuck.” He whispers as he sits up more, aiming himself as he slightly lifts off the bed, fucking your mouth deeply as he brings himself to releasing, the cum shooting down your throat as he holds you there to swallow it all.

You both breathe heavily when he releases you and you pull his milked cock out of your mouth. He pulls you on top of him as he holds you tightly.

“I love you so fucking much.” He whispers against your ear as he presses your head to his neck.

“I love you too.” You breathe out as you ignore the shame and attempt to embrace his love for you.

#yandere tokyo revengers #yandere #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x you #tokyo rev smut #sano mikey manjiro #sano manjiro x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo rev x reader #yandere au #yandere x you #yandere x reader #boyfriend au #boyfriend #toxic relationship #toxic love #toxic boyfriend

[proton-selfships]

So I just read this great post by @kittyandco and it struck a really, really deep chord with me as someone who was also in the selfship community in ye olden days (as in, pre-pandemic olden days).

Now, don't get me wrong, those days weren't perfect either. I still experienced hostility for little reason, and it still hurts me to think about and affects my ability to trust people to this day. And I sure as hell wasn't the only one, or the one who had it the worst. But that lack of good faith that used to be the exception really does feel like the norm now, and it makes interacting way more stressful than it ever was back then. You're expected to read novella-length DNIs and can't interact with or follow anyone without fearing that you missed one of your fandoms on their DNI list and will get shit for it.

(And those pages are often confusing to navigate and use hard-to-read colors, to boot. Seriously, the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines should be mandatory reading for anyone making a Carrd or Rentry account)

And that's not even to mention the fear of what you say to someone in a private conversation getting twisted and shared and vagueposted about without your permission. That's something I've witnessed happen to multiple friends of mine. Again, isolated incidents back then, way more common than it should be now.

Meanwhile, *old woman voice* back in my day... What I always think back to was the really popular ask game that would go around, where you could ask whoever reblogged it to come up with headcanons for your F/Os. And people were sending each other asks left and right! People were excited to look up F/Os they'd never heard of to come up with a little pick-me-up for the person in their ask box! And I remember them being a blast to read and write!

Nowadays? If your F/Os are from sources that's not in the media zeitgeist or another limited set of perennial sources people will generally know enough to engage with... Good luck getting anyone to talk to you. (And that definitely goes double for anyone who ships with characters who aren't white men or isn't white themselves, that's a whole other issue that I've definitely experienced as a lesbian.)

I think it's both the growing atmosphere of hostility and social media in general's growing focus on "making content" and "branding" that keeps people from reaching out to each other unless they ship the same kinds of things they do. It's not really a community anymore. And that sucks, because that's a problem that's infected selfship spaces from the social media landscape as a whole

But I think we could still make the choice to see each other as people. Because, at the end of the day, selfshippers don't really have anywhere else to go. We're all just a bunch of people who carry love for characters in our hearts. Shouldn't we be willing to extend that love to each other, too?

(Obviously, this comes with caveats. I don't know if this is just me and my friends, but it also feels like we're all just too tired nowadays to reach out or meaningfully engage with other shippers' work. I'm definitely guilty of going MIA for long periods for that reason, so I'm not going to act like the lack of interaction with my blog specifically isn't my fault there. But in my experience I've seen a lot of that exhaustion come from this, from the walking on eggshells and the lack of reciprocity of the energy you put in, so it all still applies)

#these aren't my comprehensive thoughts and are pretty stream-of-consciousness #but I've been sitting on these thoughts for too long and just needed to get it all out of my system #selfship #selfshipping #selfship community #peyton says stuff #about selfship #public service announcement

[seakicker]

I’ve been writing for about ten years privately and publicly and across multiple different websites, fandoms, and eras of favorite characters. I first started writing fanfiction physically in notebooks I stashed under my bed since I didn’t own my own laptop until I was 18, lol. I had originally started writing as a means to cope with feeling like The Ugly Kid because I never had a serious relationship in my pre-teen and teenage years. I was always on the chubby side and, given fanfiction’s tendency to depict readers as extremely thin and physically much smaller than the character in question, I sought to make my own stuff that would, hopefully, alleviate some insecurities and give a place to people who felt similarly to me as a kid. Well, I also started writing because I was horny and hormonal and just wanted to fuck pixels, but that much goes without saying. 

I don’t think writing has much of a place in my current life for a variety of reasons and, despite what I said the other day, I don’t see it being a part of my future and I’m okay with that! It’s a hobby that has served me very, very well for nearly ten years (roughly half of my life now since I’m 22)— I’ve learned to like myself so much more than I ever thought I would have as a teenager, I’ve opened myself up to different ways to express myself and my sexuality, I’ve met a lot of really cool people, and I think I’ve been able to help other people out quite a bit, too. I always worry about coming off as overly pretentious or self-righteous when I talk about helping people through the power of porn fanfiction, but when I’ve received so many messages over the years about how I’ve helped other plus size people learn to feel a little more secure or how I’ve helped people feel less guilty about masturbating and enjoying sex, I think it’s a fair statement to make. I’ve had tons and tons and tons of good times as a writer, but I think reading these messages about helping other people are absolutely my favorite times to look back on. It makes me feel really good. 

I’m in a completely different stage of my life now compared to when I first started writing and I don’t think the hobby appeals to me much anymore. I do think the tumblr game of notes and numbers and interactions has stressed me out some, but it’s by no means my main motivation to hang up my hat and move on to a new era of my life. I don’t care about getting a bazillion notes or a million followers, I just like to be a slut online and help other people feel good about themselves in the process, but any person who makes content will be the first to tell you that it does hurt at least a little when you make something you’re insanely proud of and it gets an amount of likes/reblogs/kudos/comments/etc you find disproportionate to your follower count or subscriber count. Nevertheless, I try not to focus on numbers too much and, while I’m somewhat successful at that, I and many other writers and artists do feel that tumblr has a major problem with interaction, reblogs vs likes, and engagement and tumblr staff’s own decisions to introduce things like community labels certainly don’t help. 

As I said, numbers are not my main inspiration to quit. I’ve experienced near endless burnout since about January of this year where none of my ideas feel unique and original, none of them excite me, and nearly all of them make me worry that other people won’t enjoy them. It’s hard to want to write when you don’t feel like you’re making anything good, and, as I’m sure you all have noticed, I’ve taken a lot of breaks this year to hopefully get myself back in the swing of things, but I never return feeling refreshed and excited by new ideas, so that was the biggest indication to me that I’ve simply grown out of another hobby and I’m a changing person with changing interests and desires, and that’s okay! I’m emerging into a new stage of adulthood after graduating college and beginning to move out of my parents’ house, and so a shift in my hobbies and likes is to be expected. I had a conversation with another writing friend of mine who gave up writing publicly about six months ago, and my feelings sounded a lot like his, so that also suggested to me that I’m just ready to be done. 

I’m infinitely thankful to everyone who’s ever been a part of my writing journey, whether you reblogged a fic once or were a regular emoji anon who stopped in frequently. I really cherish the memories I’ve made and I was always insanely excited to see people claim new emojis, see regulars in my inbox talking to me, and read nice comments and messages. When I say that writing has been a pivotal part of my life for a decade now, I mean that in so many ways, especially in the way that it has brought so many cool and nice people to me. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve said and done things that hurt other people, and I’m grateful for the forgiveness and reconciliation others have given me just as I am thankful for all the people who have supported me throughout my online presence. 

I do feel guilty about leaving, but you guys deserve a proper goodbye instead of me putting my blog on hiatus again and just leaving it there to sit. I’d like to formally leave instead of just going dormant or disappearing, and this is that formal departure. I’ve had thoughts of quitting in the past, but those were when I was already feeling upset with other things in my life so I knew they weren’t real, but I’ve been thinking about this consistently for about four months now in clear mindsets and headspaces so I know it’s a little more real. I put myself on hiatus this last month to really think about it and, while it’s natural to go back and forth on such a decision and try to talk myself out of it, I really am ready and I don’t feel like I need to convince myself to stay when I’m not happy with my content. I owe you guys regularity and consistency, and I’ve failed to be a consistent writer or poster these past few months or so, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve talked about it a lot with my boyfriend and my close friends, and I feel it’s best for me to move on now and try some new things! I’m excited for this next stage of my life as I seek out a new career, look to move in with my boyfriend and get out of my parents’ place, and maybe get engaged too ☺️ 

My tumblr and AO3 will remain up with the same usernames and whatnot. I can’t even thank you guys enough for everything you’ve given me in the past years. I’m happy to call you guys friends and the “parasocial BAD!!!!!” debate that pops up in fandom circles needs to stfu because building a friendship with your audience and allowing yourself to be human with human feelings instead of some blank figure behind a screen is literally normal, lol. When people say nice things to you, it’s normal for it to feel good. When people say rude things to you, it’s normal for it to feel bad. 

Thank you for 10 years of love and thank you for reading! 

💛💛 Juju

ps think of me whenever you see pregnancy

#lots of love forever and ever and ever #so much love in my heart for you all and excitement for my future #uhh i don’t have a twitter or anything but my discord is tartagliawife if anybody wants to say hi!

[smittenroses]

Hiii

If you have time could you write Hastur comforting (or helping in his own strange way, he's still an eldritch god lol) overstimulated reader.

Sensory overload has been kicking my ass recently </3

Your work makes me so happy, and motivated me to start learning how to write in my free time

— To Be Human

ask box open | commissions open | hit the tip jar | Patreon

Fandom — Identity V Pairing — Feaster | Hastur/reader (suggest this takes place in the same universe as the Mouse and the Cats) Summary — Hastur's knowledge of humans is still lacking. You constantly confuse him — he adores that. Content Warnings — mentions of Hastur eating people Word Count — 532 words Author's note — when I got this in my inbox my heart bloody melted, nonnie. To be the person that motivates you to learn how to write is such an honor and I do hope to be able to read your stuff sometime in the future 💕

Endless knowledge, endless power, and yet Hastur always found himself to be confused by you. So tiny, so frail against his mighty form, one that you had grown close to despite the knowledge he had feasted on mortals, feasted on the innocent and guilty alike, yet you always sought comfort in his endless robes.

“For what does my most devote follower need?” He asked one day as he felt your presence against the back of his robe, feeling the way your arms came to wrap around the vast colours of soiled yellows and whites of his sins, your face pressed against the fabric that smelt of the sea. When you did not reply, he allowed his body to shift ever so slightly to look down at you, seeing the way your hands trembled and shook. Though his form of slightly involved his body contorting in inhuman ways, his spine audibly growing and shaping in order to allow him to commit the impossible.

Like a rabbit or sheep ready for the dinner table, your soul smelled divine to him as the two of you stood in the manor’s library.

“I cannot aid you unless you speak up, mouse.” His hand came to cup itself under your chin, raising your face away from his clothes, tentacles appearing from the abyss to slowly stroke at your legs. “Ah, have you been crying, little one?” He muttered, his thumb coming to caress your cheek. “I can smell your sadness,” he muttered softly, even if his voice may boom like the mountains in your mind, “who did this to you?” To make a devotee cry, to sadden the one thing that did not fear him besides the snake wrench that wandered the halls, it was a notch on his soul, one that fanned the embers of rage that constantly welled in his heart.

“No one…” You finally muttered, your words soft and meek in reply, “the world is just too loud, lord.”

“Too loud?” he questioned as you buried your face back into his robes, escaping the merciful touch of the Lord in Yellow as you weeped. “What thing do I have to silence to bring you peace?” For you, he would send any animal, person, god to the abyss, to the eternal silence and madness that was where he crept, but yet your fingers clenched tighter on his cloak and he knew all at once something that made his soul ache and burn.

This was not something he could squash with the weight of madness. He could not even grasp it in his feeble hands. “Talk to me, dear mouse. What is it that makes you cry so?” As you began to talk about the sound of the wind in the trees, the texture of food you dislike, the feeling of cuts and bruises on your skin that would not fade; it all overwhelmed you so, caused for your mind to whirl and your senses to increase.

“Stay for as long as you need, mouse.”

Wrapping the edges of his coat around your shoulders, he did not let you leave until your heaves softened and your eyes dried, you were his most devoted follower after all.

#identity v #idv #x reader #identity v x reader #idv x reader #gender neutral reader #idv hastur #idv hastur x reader #identity v hastur #idv feaster x reader #idv feaster #idv fanfiction

[willalove75]

Firstly, I just want to express how much I admire your writing/stories. I get excited to read your work, either here or on AO3!

Secondly, I just want to thank you for being such a supportive person when it comes to other people’s work/writing. Not many authors who are as popular as you support fellow authors and artists. Many “big name” stories and authors (that I shall not name but they likely know who they are) tend to either only support their friends/people they speak with on Tumblr or not at all. It is a bit discouraging when so many readers look for that “stamp of approval” and avoid great stories because they don’t generate enough buzz with the more veteran writers.

You and perhaps a handful of other authors support many stories (popular, new, or even unknown).

This is by no means a bashing or negative statement from me. I only wish to shed light on a very real issue facing many writers (especially in this fandom).

I even see it with relatively popular stories (a few you recommend and were recommended to you) some of those stories should be much more popular and shared. Especially when I see those authors support new stories.

I just hope we can get to a place where talented and well-known authors such as yourself uplift others. Especially when I’ve seen so many post about people upset with the lack of Lady D content (either writing or drawing) yet, this fandom isn’t as supportive as it should be, which is why so many people are discouraged to start writing or even finish their current stories.

I think for 2024, if a story is within your filter, everyone should make an effort to read the new and old stories. If a story has been on your “to read list” now should be the time to open it up and perhaps drop a kudo or a comment if you enjoyed it. We all know how amazing, validating, and encouraging that feels. We should want to spread that feeling!

So thank you, for all the support you show. And I hope you are able to share this post because I think so many need to see it and know they aren’t alone if they feel like this.

AW thank you so, so much!!

I love being able to support other artists & writers work! I also think it's super important to support those that do/have contributed to the fandom! I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the art and fics I've found, which in turn gave me the confidence to create my own stories.

I've been lucky enough to have gained a small following here and I owe pretty much all of it to the people who reblogged and supported my stories when I first started. When I see artwork or fics pop up in the tags I follow or on my dash I always try to reblog them and support the creator.

I totally understand the "stamp of approval" thing you were talking about, and it's something I've definitely been guilty of looking for. But at the end of the day, as long as there are people who are still enjoying my stories and what I create, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter if it's 5 or 500 people that are interacting with your art/writing, as long as you enjoy it, I say keep at it!

For me, I love being able to share new (or old!) artworks and fics I find on here with my followers and I have no plans on stopping anytime soon!

#willalove75

[birdofprey1234]

So I had a really bad dream today.

Going through tags about yourself is always kinda weird, but. It's meloncholy when the blog people are talking about isn't really around anymore. By your own choices but. The memories attached to it are then kind of flitty and detached because of that. Like you don't think about them anymore.

I saw posts where people were talking about me and like, sad that it seemed I was gone. Wondering what had happened or if I was still active somewhere.

I've gotten sentiments like that before. But like... usually it was asks sent to me, or thing directly from friends who said they missed my art. It's appreciated, and still baffling, but I guess that can feel kind of put-on for my feelings compared to... making a post talking about me, thinking I'll never see it. Making that post and like.... missing me in it. Talking about me nicely.

I've never experienced that feeling before. That like... true sweetness and appreciation and humbling kindness.

I'm thinking maybe a lot of people feel that way about my blog. Thinking about me on occasion and wondering what happened, or where I am. Not because they think I died or something but, because they liked me.

I always wanted to leave a mark on this community. By that I mean like, general tumblr but also specifically the ego fandom. A huge part of the reason I left is because from my perspective people weren't really digging what i was making. Maybe I felt i was an unpopular artist in the community, or that my work was kind of unliked compared to others. I felt constantly that I was making things that I loved and was super excited about, but people around me were never as excited, and didn't really care about the things I made. (And yk, to clarify, i felt like that looked bad on *me* not the people looking at my stuff)

I think the ego/mark fandom is generally less to actually interact with content or the people making it, ((at least compared to the other fandoms I've been in.)) I didn't know about the possible differences when I joined, so I just saw people not engagin with my art in the way I wanted and I assumed my art just suddenly wasnt enjoyed anymore.

I wanted to make a mark. All the art that I made, for me was about expanding on the stories and ideas about characters I loved. I wanted so badly for those ideas to be shared and talked about and remembered. Like I was a part of something. Egos was likr one of the first fandoms i ever joined that wasnt already "over".

When I left I really wanted to dissipear. I was in a very bad place for a lot of reasons but mainly i was upset and flustered and I wanted to get away from the blog because the size it had gotten to really scared me and made me anxious. I was having trouble motivating myself to create and I feel like there was a lot of resentment over my art that I now feel guilty for.

I felt at the time like dissipearing was impossible. Like this blog would somehow always follow me? I also thought that pretty much no one would care. That they would miss the art i drew but not me, like no one would care if it wasn't about the Content. But I'm m realizing. Maybe I really did dissipear. Maybe people wondered where I went. Maybe I just dropped off the map, completely went away, like I wanted to, but... maybe not everyone just ignored it, didnt notice or didnt care like I expected.

I've been going back and reading stuff about camp UA, how I apparently brought so many kids and people together and. At the time I didnt notice. I remember people telling me that, butbit never actually sunk in. It felt fake, like just nixe words. There were people asking about me after I left, sad I wasn't around. Friends lately started to tell me recently that from their perspectivesl I was really well loved in the fandom, that I was extremely popular even though at the time I didn't feel like it at all. Seeing things occasionally about my curly haired yancy or my trans abe etc and. People still recognizing i influenced these things, seeing my joys and my ideas still circulate, even though I felt like I had made no fandom impact at all. Even if its small it's there. And combining all of these things...

I don't know. It's really nice. Now that I have some distance, to actually view the things I did and see the influence maybe I didn't realize I had. To see actual good things that came out of my blog. People...cared? Maybe they always cared and I just didn't have the perspective to recognize it. Like...joy that I've caused people. People calling my queer posts "classics", or that they made them feel good in their identity. People referencing specific ego posts i made, people missing me and wondering where I'd gone. People in old posts mentioning me by name, like I was a recognizable friend of the "family". People clearly...liking me. I don't know. Caring? Seeing me as me and not just an art funnel. I never felt that way while I was making art. I feel now like I had so many blindspots while I was running this blog and I'm not even sure why.

It feels incredibly selfish, to be honest. Super high and mighty and self aggrandizing that I'm saying all this. like..."ohhh i didn't get the response i wannnted :( and that made me saaaddd :((((" like, I don't deserve any specific treatment. I'm not "owed" any response from people. I'm not even owed recognition after the fact. I'm not owed care or interest or any of this.

...but still people care, they liked me? Maybe I did add to the community? Maybe I made things and posts that braught people together and had community effects, that people had fun and got excited over the things that i made...? Even if it was things i didnt intend, or in a way I never intended.

It makes me miss it, you know. It makes me feel, it makes y heart swim with kindness and appreciation and gratitude and LOVE and. Everything everything. It makes me teary eyed, heart full to bursting alone in my room, completely pathetically. I shared things, maybe. Things that maybe meant something. And people cared? Some of them, at least? A few people were effected, really? A place that caused me so much strong anxiety a year+ ago but. I still do miss it. People are so nice. And for what? Why do I deserve it? Everyone's so nice. The blogs i saw over and over, my friends and mutuals in the community, that I never talked to because I was small and a freak and anxious and too self concious about myself. They were so nice. People are so, so nice.

Thank you to anyone at all that ever did that for me? That asked about me after I was gone, that left me sweet messaged or comments, joined in on some thing i was doing for fun, made art of my posts, told me that i braught you joy. Connected with me. Or tried. I love you.

Idk im a weird fuckin. Emotional sap and also I gotta tell you I'm sick and haven't slept in like 13 hours so. Sorry for random long posts on ur dashboard I'm extremely sensitive.

Maybe I'll link to some other blog where I'm making art someday. Idk. I just miss the nice people in the community and the connection and. I wanted to thank you. I hope i did make an impact. At least a little.. I really really hope I did

#birdtalks #wow jesus i forgot abt that tag #also i am still vry into and fixated on egos so there u go yk shfjdjc #closure?? who? i barely even know he r #long post cw

[sinningtamer]

Not sure if you’ve answered this before but what are your favourite fics and ships?

Love all your art btw! <3 Thx for all the food!

i might've years ago, so let's go again! i'm gonna answer this question as only NSFW/kink related, otherwise the list would be way too long haha

alright let's start with the obvious: ParviII is and always will be my #1 one ship, even when I dip in and out of the fandom a lot (i feel the term OTP is super outdated these days? but if there was one ship i could use it with it's them...)

so obviously i'm gonna say Talking Body and Payment and Payback by @sparxwrites. because. you know. how can i not. oh yeah, Good Vibrations is also a classic. hiii sparx, i'm sorry for picking your older fics, i just have such a bias. they've written a ton of great stuff over the years though, so go give the account a peak! there's something for everyone, especially if you like darker stuff.

...speaking of accounts with a lot of content who lurk around here, shoutout to @pawpunkao3. lmpᴇarI is one of my favorite ships, and they're still such a rarepair somehow?? anyways I think about Between Bedrock and a Hard Place at least once a week tbh. A New Religion That'll Bring You To Your Knees is fantastic, and i have a soft spot for I Spy (even tho i didn't watch too much empires). again, another author with a whole arsenal under their belt, so don't just take my word for it and check the rest of his fics!

back to lmpᴇarI being a rarepair... @thatstoomuchsoup has Chicken Soup for the Soulbounds (okay it's more pearI-centric but they're both there) and is another blog that specializes in some of my kinks and these fandoms. same with @anon-teddy's content, gotta give a shoutout to full. this is also making me realize i haven't sought out enough poly S0up Group or GᴇmpuIse/PᴇarIgem fics...maybe i'll get back to you on that...

there's a bunch of good explicit trᴇᴇbark fics, but i said i was gonna keep this list concise, so the only one i'll specifically point to is how to deal with your supernatural lust for blood (and other things) in a completely normal and god-honoring fashion. for...reasons. also because it's good!

edit: oh my GOD i realized two seconds after posting this i completely forget to mention @also-an-art. go read (this is) hungry work and honey don't feed it right fucking now. i've read both of these in full (pun intended) multiple times they're that amazing. it's rare that the plot is just as good as the horniness, when i tell you i lost my mind at some of the development in these. also hot and dirty (like the la air) is a guilty pleasure. AND it introduced me to a song that ended up being #20 on my spotify wrapped LOL (RPF warning on that one! trust me tho)

let's get to my other bias, shall we? RᴛSpiff and RᴛS00t don't....have any explicit fics. nor does poly lᴀds. CMRᴛ does, though! I'm kinda picky about how people characterize them, but play it cool and Every Stumble and Each Misfire are lovely (note that the second one is also blatant RPF! don't say i didn't warn you o7)

speaking of lᴀds, if you follow me on main, you know i got into Bᴀnᴀna Bᴜs Sqᴜᴀd just last year (I'M SORRY, OKAY, DON'T @ ME-) you'd think getting into an old fandom late would mean a ton of great smut fics, right? to be honest, i haven't found many that i care for, but maybe i'm just picky... however, i remember your lips, they're the ones i miss, and smoke in your lungs, your lips on mine are SO GODDAMN GOOD i'm not even mad it's only those two i like because i could reread them 20 times. god. such fun characterization. shame the author orphaned them because i badly wanna read more of their stuff.

this is the part where you go, spirit, do you read anything besides (mᴄ)yt fandoms??? and i go, not really.............well, sort of. i like 0verwatch! and M0icy!! Reciprocity is a delightful PWP long fic. i'm also not really an omegaverse guy, but Water Me has such a good take on it i fell in looove.

okay, i'm gonna cut myself off here, enough though i could probably name dozens of more fics if i sat and thought about it. if anyone i tagged wants to be untagged, feel free to reply here or shoot me an ask/dm!!

#i like how i said i was gonna keep this short and still went insane lmao #also dont forget to read the notes/cws of any fics i linked! it's up to you to decide if you're comfortable reading them

[solarwynd]

https://www.tumblr.com/solarwynd/747165448884420608/i-hope-jimin-never-posts-in-the-military-costume?source=share

This fandom includes either a bunch of immensely intelligent people or straight up dumb asses who don't understand even simple normal things.

Idk what this fight and all was going on on twitter, i did saw it on my tl but i just can't into their stupidity. I thought armys were fighting with other fandoms regarding music promotions and the gun gesture and all.

When i saw the real a day ago all i thought was "wow" and i moved the heck on. The only other thing that thought was "oh they can film themselves while wearing army clothes that's good". That's because i know they're not allowed to film content while serving and can't get their voice recorded hence no military member was shown in any bangtan bomb.

Idk when people are going to get over military. see it was written that they were going to serve in the military the moment they were born as a South korean, Doens't Matter if they're BTS or what not. although i do believe the government should have taken into consideration how much BTS benefits the country and exempt them but that didn't happen and we already accepted it. I don't get this crying and throwing up everytime they see members. it's one thing you missed them it's another to always start some old discussions on tl every single time. Let those things rest bro. Do people not have common sense? Am i too old for these things? I'm 23 and idk if I'm being dramatic or it's them who's being dramatic.

I love jimin with my all heart, i treat him like he's my baby and feel protective towards him alot, he triggers the motherly instincts in me and i wouldn't want to see even a small thing hurting him, but i know he has accepted it even if it's forced. We can't keep going back to the same discourses again and again. Most of the times now days the crying on tl seems fake even. The same way armys have admitted to fake some extravagant tweets where they have literally accepted that they don't even feel those feelings they just tweet it. Those weren't regarding military of course but I'm saying some people are just doing it for the sake of it. They don't know what they're doing, don't know why they're boycotting, they want to boycott yet they're selling out all the merch like actions are just contradicting. others are following things like a ship who don't think for themselves and move in the direction majority is moving.

Idk why a video of the man dancing in his uniform be causing some guns and all kinda discourse as if all of them haven't held it during their training for the first two months. Like watch it and move bro it's NOT that hard.

“When i saw the real a day ago all i thought was "wow" and i moved the heck on. The only other thing that thought was "oh they can film themselves while wearing army clothes that's good".

Literally my same thought. I got happy because maybe that could mean jimin could promote pjm2 when the time came through a vid or something. Even though I feel like he probably wouldn’t. But anyway.

Armys have prided themselves (and BTS) on being the most conscientious fandom and group. In retrospect a lot of it was for their own gratification and lauding it over kpop fandoms out of self righteousness, but the outcomes were usually positive. Like the organizations that sprung up, the donations, raising awareness etc. So you know, fine. But just like kpop stans, the majority of armys also don’t really care about things until it starts to affect to their stanning experience or reflect on bts to the point they start feeling guilty. So some of them become obsessed with appearing morally superior, hyper analyze and need BTS to be infallible for their own piece of mind.

And some of them indeed are following the crowd mainly because they don’t want to get “canceled” for not actively being involved. Like what good is your so called activism if it’s only to keep a following on SOCMED? Being socially aware and taking initiative will never be a bad thing, but it really just looks like trying to upkeep a certain image that they made for themselves and it’s never been entirely genuine.

[nullbutler]

RESULTS:

Disturbing Yourself For Fun SURVEY This survey ran from December 28th to January 19th. It received 59 responses. Well done! Thank you so much everyone who participated.

I'll show the results now, and then I'll discuss them down below. Some biases that should be noted: I don't have an audience of proshippers. There may be a slight bias in the direction of the people who typically follow my blog. However, judging by the results, I think someone outside of my circle brought it into a few other circles, because the results are varied. What sorts of disturbing scenarios did children play? (this question allowed multiple answers) I'm sorry i used the word 'de-limbing instead of amputation'

The two most common results were stories about depression, as well as stories about being abandoned. Similarly, romantic manipulation and child neglect were very popular. Even the most uncommon results were still about 20%, making them fairly common and likely.

Were you ever uncomfortable playing? (the most common answer was some form of yes)

How old were you when you were first self-aware of the discomfort? (most common was 1st-2nd grade, second most was 3rd-6th)

How did you get into writing disturbing scenarios?

(The one that got 0 was "i realized a lot of things during the MeToo movement, which is one no one selected, but applies to me, but I didn't take my own survey sobs)

The most common results were either that it was in a book or in a fanfiction, second only to 'something disturbing happened in a show.' Real life trauma was also a massive contributing factor.

Did disturbing stories ever make you feel comfortable?

They say disturbing things comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted...

My biggest theory of this project is "is disturbing content addictive" and to that, I can safely say, yes. Yes, it is.

The most common results were thoughts of "I shouldn't be doing this," "someone is watching me do this" and "I guess I'm just weird." However, 19% noted that it was having an impact on their trauma, and 22.4% observed that they had felt guilty over it.

The most driving force of disturbing content was, expectedly, curiosity. Children are curious. However, it should be noted that 30.2% wished that someone would acknowledge what they were doing and talk to them about it. 24.5% also acknowledged the recognition "This happened to me. Only my toys know."

Once again, I'm so sorry for all the cropping issues only providing half of the question. I completely understand that that's annoying to look through. You're welcome to take the survey if you want to, to see the questions better. I'm still leaving it open, now that my 'study' is complete:

Let's talk about fandom spaces.

Do you read disturbing fanfiction (I had to remove the visual because of the issues with the survey)

No, I don't read fanfiction: 1.7%

I do not read fanfiction that disturbs me: 3.4%

Yes, I have intentionally sought out disturbing fanfiction expecting to be disturbed: 62.7%

Yes, I have intentionally sought out disturbing fanfiction thinking "I can handle it" and was wrong: 39%

Someone I trusted showed me disturbing fanfic and it disturbed me: 3.4%

Yes. I enjoy being disturbed by high quality writing: 54.2%

I enjoy being disturbed by crack and bizarre stories: 18.6%

I find disturbing stories sexually appealing: 25.4%

I would like to imagine the 0 is the result of people being entirely truthful.

Around 50/50 of people are either morally conscious or physically conscious about certain kinds of vaguely described illegal/dangerous disturbing content. However, 13 out of 57 (22%) claimed true for both, 20 out of 57 (35%) claimed true for neither, and 23 out of 57 (40%) chose at least 1.

Adults more frequently ask the question, "What if I'm sexually into this?" They also tend to be more uncomfortable than children are when approaching disturbing topics.

squinting at the typos People also shared a lot of very personal stories. While I won't include excerpts from those, just know, I read every one of them and took the responses to heart. Thank you for your vulnerability.

CONCLUSION

I think it's really really telling that fiction is an outlet for people to express their fears and curiosities. After all, there is no one you can hurt inside fiction. However, the prevalence of it on the internet has been a lot of people's first exposure to graphic, violent, and sexual content. I'm not saying this with any intention, only to emphasize that this is the culture of the internet that we have been put into. That's the way it is, and when people are scared by something, especially when they are a child, they play with it so it becomes less frightening. This survey was just made for the express purpose of solidifying and acknowledging that fact.

There is nothing shameful about the way someone plays with their toys, but this survey has also demonstrated that violent, cruel play can lead to addiction and habituation of that play. It can be hard to find mundane things exciting when graphic and disturbing things are much more so. This is the process of desensitization. Just something to be aware of.

Personal experience: I'm someone who is very obsessive about my own morality. I'm someone who, when I was like 11, thought I was a bad evil irredeemable person because I used to make my warrior cat toys get pregnant??? Lmao... I'm not kidding. That's what that was. The degree of shame and self disgust was completely unreasonable.

And then, when I was 17, I tried to just let it all go. Basically acknowledge the idea that 'nothing in fiction really matters, go fucking wild.' And I did, and even though I got some sort of assurance from that scared 11 year old playing warrior cats, I was still looking at things that no matter how desensitized I was, horrified me. Horrified me. Made it very difficult for me to write stories that didn't involve horrifying elements. It was very hard to get my mind out of that place where the only sort of entertainment was the kind you could get through making yourself feel heart poundingly sick. Those stories have always been the easier ones for me to write.

There's no real point to this personal message, just that after all was said and done, I tried to focus on more wholesome things. And then, college hit. I prefaced this with "I'm psych student!" but I ended the study not as one anymore. I dropped out. I got really into Fear & Hunger and Kaze to ki no Uta as well as other disturbing shows. There is comfort in that.

I think, at the end of the day, to those people who can rotate their blorbo around in their heads, that's a form of playing!

Here are some interesting studies about playing:

#apologies for the unprofessionalism #i just wanted to get this thing done #long post #fiction

[sanityshorror]

My basic boundaries & rules, please read - and actually read the entire thing, thanks.

I'm actually a very laid back person, but I'm going to be absolutely blunt and outright here, if you find that to be unacceptable, that's weird.

NO FUCKING RACISM, SEXISM, QUEERPHOBIA OF ANY SORT, OR ANY TYPE OF BIGOTRY IN GENERAL IS ALLOWED. FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT.

Don't trauma dump/over share, I am extremely uncomfortable when people do this and it puts me in a weird place.

My work is intended for an adult audience and is primarily in the extreme horror genre.VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED.

Don't send me asks about Julius and/or Killian's...man parts*. Seriously, it got old a very long time ago. I don't answer asks like this and asking more isn't going to get me to answer.

Don't DM me unless you're 18+, plain and simple.

RULE REMINDER: Anyone who is under 18, block the tag #hellcrew18+ and DNI with anything tagged as such. This has always been a rule but I feel like I should remind people.

If I block you, that means you make me uncomfortable and/or I want nothing to do with you -- don't make accounts or attempt in any manner, to circumvent that. it's fucking creepy, what the actual fuck is wrong with you?

DNI if you aren't capable of comprehending my bio.

Don't ask me if your OC can know Julius and/or Killian -- the answer is no.

No shipping discourse, I find both sides of it to be annoying. I am a splatterpunk author and horror artist, and I am not a fandom creator either, all my content is my original creations. shipping is not my priority as a creator.

Please keep in mind that I am not my characters, and that I am a real person. It's very dehumanizing when people treat me as if I'm just some vessel to the characters, and as if the characters are the real people. This is something I've experienced many times, it's genuinely hurtful and incredibly dehumanizing.

DO NOT bring drama, try to start drama/"stir the pot" etc to my blog and with me in general. I do not have time for drama and want nothing to do with it. It's stupid. If you don't like me or my creations, that's fine - please block me. If I at any point feel uncomfortable towards anyone, I will block them. There is no reason to try to start drama. It's not entertaining, it's incredibly stressful. I want no part of it. If you're incapable of following this rule, you are the problem. This rule should generally apply universally (yes, even in real life), to me, you and your father etc.

If you are going to DM me, PLEASE tell me your own boundaries so I can know and respect them as well! I dont want to disrespect someone else's boundaries, that's why I need others to tell me theirs - so I can make sure I respect them.

Additionally, you need to understand that my work does not reflect me as a person. I DO NOT CONDONE THE HARMFUL ACTIONS AND I FIND THE HARMFUL SHIT MY CHARACTERS DO TO BE ABSOLUTELY REPREHENSIBLE. These dark topics are supposed to be disturbing and meant to be upsetting, make you uncomfortable, etc.

It's fine to be obsessive over my characters/creations (I don't care whether it's positive or negative) but it's extremely not okay to obsess over me - positive or negative, in any manner. It makes me beyond uncomfortable.

Please actually understand what my characters are like in canon before you get too attached. It's fine to HC them in complete OOC and AU ways. But it's not okay to lash out at me in anger when you get attached to my characters through the art and your headcanons, only to find out you're incredibly bothered by the canon - and don't even go there trying to tell me what to do with my characters. I will do what I want, I created them. You have fun with HCs and AUs. IDC if you love my characters but hate me. Just don't harass me (or anyone, for the matter).

I'll add more if I can think of more. I'm horrible at and feel anxious over setting my boundaries, because I often feel guilty and like I'm going to upset people and/or they will not even be regarded (which, yes, has already happened countless times since I set my boundaries). Please be respectful.

*by man parts I mean don't ask about their dicks, for clarification👍

#blog update

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

You are one of a very few tumblr users that I follow with Taylor-related content, and I genuinely wonder with what you’ve been showing at the moment, where is your stand in the fandom? As an ex bipoc fan of Taylor who cannot listen to her songs anymore, I feel so confused with what you show with all the q&a and you still seem to support her music? I know you can do whatever you want as a fan and I don’t mean to sound like i’m attacking you. I just can’t understand how people preach on the way she goes against what she had showed in years and yet still stream the new songs like nothing happened, it’s quite confusing for me to see

Don’t worry, you’re not attacking me hahah. And I honestly feel quite confused myself most of the time.

For example, yesterday night I was about to go on another rant about Matty because I cannot stand people calling him “a leftist”. They were eating up his “advocacy” for Scottish independence which is honestly laughable because the Scottish self-determination movement is probably the most supported and less controversial one in the entire world, especially after Brexit. Like, call me up when he tells his government to get the fuck away from the Chagos Archipelago, for example. Preaching for Scottish independence is hardly leftist.

But then this morning I woke up and the first thing on my mind was going online and checking the surprise songs. And when I realized that she had sung False God (which is literally my third favorite song from her ever) I proceeded to watch like ten videos of the performance.

It’s difficult to get over her and get over what she means to me, because when I think about my highest and lowest points in my life in the last fourteen years, her music was always there.

And it’s not the first time I’ve felt seriously disappointed in her. A few months ago, when she encouraged people to get up and applaud for Nicki Minaj (a woman who’s doing exactly what Taylor is doing, only her partner is obviously much worse than Matty), I was so disgusted that I didn’t listen to her music for a few days. But I came back because it’s hard to get away from something that constitutes such a big part of my life.

I guess deep down I still hope that this is till a big “mistake” (I mean, it’s clearly worse than a simple mistake, but you get what I mean). I still hope that in a few days/weeks MH will be gone. I’d never look at her the same way ever again, but at least I’d feel less guilty about continuing to support her.

If she stays with him forever, though, I’d stop supporting her. It’s difficult to do that right now because it’s been less than a month since they started dating and I’ve been following her for like 160 times as long. She’s such a huge part of what I like and what I am.

For what it’s worth, I won’t be buying the Speak Now TV album. I don’t like buying albums anymore anyway, but I initially thought about buying this one because of how gorgeous the cover is, but I decided I won’t do that anymore. I also won’t stream any music she makes with MH. If I like it I’ll download it illegally and call it a day.

(And yeah, I don’t need anyone to come and tell me that the money she loses from me is nothing - I know that and that’s not why I’m planning on doing that).

(And I also recognize that the fact that I’m able to act so hypocritically comes from a place of privilege).

The only thing I’m 100% sure about is that if she stays with him in the long term, then I’ll stop supporting her and talking about her and liking her beyond her music.

In the short term, while I don’t justify what she’s doing (and I don’t get how some fans can say “she’s attention-starved, it makes sense that she’d go to MH”), it’s hard to leave it all behind because she’s such a huge part of my life.

Does that make sense?

#taylor swift #matty healy

[lawlietscaramels]

recently learned that there is an actual theory(??) in the fandom, so for the hopefully last time, here's a talk on my 'ryuzaki vs L' post. hopefully it should be clearer.

I didn't realise at the time of posting nor of getting the ask, but there's this theory in the fandom called the "Ryuzaki theory". It basically says, "how L acts when he's working is entirely made up."

I don't agree with that at all, but I think my title and the fact that I said Ryuzaki/L probably confused a lot of people into thinking I was contributing to this theory. I was not. (I haven't even read the manga; to me, anime L will always be the real L, the 'base L'. So, I don't think of that "typically pretty" guy who sits on the floor as L.)

I'm not sure if I specified this properly when talking about it before, but my intention was "L doesn't show all of his emotions/hobbies/personal life etc to the Task Force/in front of others." This is NOT stuff like how he sits and his fingers and his sweets. All of those things are intrinsically L.

This is additional, outside of canon, outside of work stuff. Like my headcanons (that he takes naps at sunset, that he's anemic and eats half-raw meat because he gets cravings for iron, that he is not serious 100% of the time when he's not working - that one is kind of in canon, like "a world without Light would be dark"). Again, the purpose of the post was basically to say my headcanons and how they differ from how L acts in canon. (It's also the kind of stuff in 90% of the fanfic I read – canon L isn't soft and loving, but most L x whoever things don't portray him as apathetic – because in a situation where he had a significant other, he probably wouldn't be apathetic. The Task Force, the Kira case is not a safe or suitable place for him to express his interests.)

That's the stuff I was trying to talk about in my post. I formatted it terribly, I know. But having heard of the theory I think that is the reason that the work was called ableist, not because of the specific content. I'm sorry about letting it get misinterpreted like that.

Anyway probably nobody will read that but I just. RRRHHH I feel so guilty and can't stop thinking about it, even if I know my intent wasn't to dismiss L's traits, I still feel bad for appearing that way. and also because I learned about the Ryuzaki theory just recently and obviously haven't addressed that so. yeah. I won't add tags because I don't really want non followers who have no idea what's going on to see this. but I feel guilty and like people hate me. which you guys probably don't. but maybe this will Quit the Anxiety because at the moment I can't think about L without my thoughts eventually turning to this. and I really love him so much and to be completely frank a large reason of that is because we have the same flavour of autism. and the idea that people think I want to remove or ignore his autistic traits?? yeah anyway. ramble ramble.

[acourtofthought]

This post is going to be an extremely pissed off post so be forewarned.

Do not come onto MY BLOG, either as an Anon or yourself, trying to start something, then accuse ME of being immature as a response.  

If someone suffers from delusions because of a mental illness, you can’t use logic to reason with them, it’s not something they can rationalize (and NO, I am not claiming anyone in this fandom as delusional, I’m making a point with this).  

In that vein, you can’t use maturity to respond to someone who is coming at you with a lack of it.  There is literally no point in my taking the high road because that’s not going to work with someone who is on a mission to tear you and your ship down.  

I will match the energy you are coming at me with and I’m old enough to recognize feigned innocence and politeness with what is a secret E/riel agenda. 

I’m sure some would love to throw in my face that I’m too old to be in the fandom at all but honestly, who cares if I’m an 80 year old Grandma who is into these books?  More power to me and I’d be the coolest Grandma around.  But what my age has taught me is that some people are already coming at you to argue or to serve their own hidden purpose (or not so hidden).  There will be no reasoning with them and I’m not about to sit here and act like a fool who thinks you care at all about helping me from the goodness of your heart.  

I realize that you’re not actually looking to have a true debate with me and are simply looking to override my ideas with your own.  I realize you are looking to shut my voice down with your pleas to “please consider that you have a responsibility to say certain things and only post things that we don’t feel are harmful (to E/riel)", that “your words are creating problems within the fandom.”

MY WORDS are creating problems?!  I have been in this fandom for a 14 - 15 months at most and the tone of the fandom existed long before me and a good percentage of that toxicity comes from E/riels.  

You think I can’t visit any major E/riel blog and find posts they share with their followers that harass Eluciens and Gwynriels, belittling and calling names? You think I can’t find E/riels who make extremely harmful posts to Gwyn, Lucien, etc?  That I haven’t seen E/riels on Twitter or Instagram threatening and bullying the author or others who ship someone outside of E/riel?

Do Gwynriels and Eluciens do these things too?  I’m sure they do.  But just like most E/riels don’t sit on their blog talking about how certain E/riels are toxic, I don’t have to sit on my blog and talk about the Gwynriels and Eluciens that are toxic.  My focus is on Elucien and Anti E/riel (as a ship, because defense and offense are both important) as well as following other Gwnriel and Elucien bloggers who aren’t the ones harassing and bullying and I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to post about what I want and I’m allowed not to focus on the things I don’t want to focus on.  I’m not getting paid for this, there was no rulebook someone handed me when I first started this page and that means, I make the rules.     

Do E/riels not create posts about why Elucien wouldn’t make sense together?

Then stop coming to my page and trying to make me feel guilty for creating posts for why E/riel wouldn’t make sense together. 

Stop coming to my page and acting like I’m not simply putting out exactly what E/riels have been putting out in terms of their own ship.

I’ve noticed this trend where some E/riels say and do whatever they want across the fandom and the second an Elucien or Gwynriel fights back with their own content, the second they don't focus only on their ship and also include Anti E/riel content, E/riels try to bully them into submission.  Where they think they can force Elucien and Gwynriels into changing their blog, force them not to talk about why E/riel isn’t happening, try to guilt them by claiming they have "negative energy" (as if that isn't 80% of their own MO).  And maybe that works for certain bloggers because I’ve had a few who messaged me who said they feel they had to go into hiding because of that harassment.  But I am not going to feel bad about the things I post.  All those sorts of anons and messages do is reinforce the fact that some E/riels can’t stand it when Eluciens and Gwynriels yell just as loud as they do and gain traction with their theories.  

#elucien #gwynriel #anti e/riel

[rrcenic]

HI NIC I'M GOING TO GO WILD WITH THE QUESTIONS so feel free to skip this in case it's overwhelming or anything! favorite books? favorite music genre, song, and artists? favorite season and month? do you prefer cats or dogs (or neither, or both!) what are your hobbies? what's your favorite show? what is your least favorite show because it didn't meet your expectations? who is your favorite character in every fandom you're in? what headcanons do you have for your favorite characters? CAN I HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR LOTF OC IF YOU HAVE MORE CONTENT OF HIM? (sorry i just adore him!)

KUNI ILY THANK YOU SO MUCH

favorite books: lord of the flies, les mis, good omens, enders game, and the house on the cerulean sea

favorite music genre: i like indie soft punk, anarchist early 2000s rock, and musical theatre!!

favorite artists: i adore green day, death cab for cutie, queen, aaron tveit, ben platt, mccafferty, marina, lincoln, cavetown, ricky montgomery, and penelope scott!

favorite songs: good old fashioned lover boy, riptide, trees, be nice to me, lotta true crime, american idiot, basket case, my heart is buried in venice, line without a hook, boys will be bugs, paul, twin size mattress, drink with me, stars, are you satisfied, i will follow you into the dark, the village, and so many more!!!

favorite season: late fall/early winter

cats or dogs: dogs i guess!! i love both but i’ve always been more of a dog guy

hobbies: art!! drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, singing, acting, etc

favorite show: GOOD OMENS!!! i also enjoy our flag means death, the umbrella academy, and the simpsons

least favorite show: not a tv show, but south pacific (the movie/musical). the ending is so wild and sudden and poorly done!

favorite characters for each fandom: aziraphale (good omens), simon (lord of the flies), grantaire (les mis), alai (enders game), lucius (ofmd), five hargreeves (umbrella academy)

character headcanons:

lotf:

simon survived his wounds on the island, and was secretly cared for by roger (not really “cared” for, just “kept alive”). however, he is left partially paralyzed in one leg and has chronic pain because of it. when they return to civilization, he uses a mobility aid

the choir doubles as their schools honorary gsa

jack is openly trans and jokingly blames transphobia whenever he doesn’t get his way. this infuriates piggy

simons guilty pleasure is fast food. he has strong opinions about what makes a good french fry

maurice makes british jokes and sam has to gently remind him that they are all in fact british

good omens:

crowley has trouble seeing because of his snake eyes. he misses the stars dearly. once, aziraphale brought him to an observatory on the top of a mountain and crowley cried because the stars were just bright enough for him to see

crowley also gets excited whenever humans discover new telescopes or ways to take pictures of other galaxies because it means people are getting closer to seeing more of his creations

aziraphale invented macadamia nuts (reasons: they’re buttery and soft and light and are really nice to bite and i like them)

les mis:

grantaire makes music. 3 am guitar recordings and random voice memos of lyric ideas. most are about enjolras

as a smart person and a victim of police brutality, valjean is a firm acab believer. he likes giving large anonymous locations to the les amis

marius is the token straight friend, even though he himself is a trans man. there’s such a lack of cishet folks in their friend group that the token straight is literally queer

enjolras is terribly allergic to cats but pets grantaires pet cat anyway. he suffers constantly

other hcs about my lotf oc: he likes swimming but hates the feeling of dried salt water on his body, he likes to paint his nails, he chews his hair and nails when he’s nervous (someone needs to introduce this boy to oral stim toys), and his favorite color is baby blue!

again, thank you so much for the asks!!! <333

#nic answers #kunfire #lord #good omens #les mis

[spaceorphan18]

Imagine my surprise hearing a familiar voice on this week's podcast!!!! Congratulations to you!! How did you get that call?!?

Hi Teach!!

Yay, thank you!

Okay, so here's the story --

Three-ish weeks ago, I get a somewhat random message from one of the Scarves and Coffee moderators if I'd be interesting talking to the producer of the podcast. I was kind of -- huh?? The Mod in question, who is a lovely person, doesn't follow me, nor do I know them, so I kind of thought it was a joke at first.

But being curious, I said okay - and she sent the producer my email. The producer replied almost immediately. And, ngl, I was in shock, because I didn't expect to get a reply at all. (Honestly, I think with the strike dragging out as log as it did, they were beginning to get desperate for content. And, idk, maybe Kevin's interest in fanfiction pushed them onto doing it? I have no idea.)

Anyway - we traded a few emails, and then the producer asked if she could call. Ngl, I googled her just to make sure this wasn't a prank. Sure enough - she seemed legit, so I gave her my phone call.

The producer of the show was actually really nice. She was/is a Glee fan, (and probably more in the know than Kevin and Jenna on somethings from what I could tell by our convo.) She asked some basics - like what was my relationship with the show, how/when did I start writing fanfic, those kinds of things.

Interestingly, and in case you're wondering why this happened, I mentioned to her that I wanted to remain somewhat anonymous. Something she didn't know (and obviously K and J didn't either) is that there are legal issues concerning fanfic. Thirty years ago, Anne Rice sued every single fanfic writer she could find. Now, I know things are better, and copyright stuff has changed, but I'm not a lawyer, and I didn't want to take that chance - so I asked if we could only use my name, and I did not give her my social media handles.

The other reason for that, though? I still am one of those people who like to keep their real life and fandom life a little separate. I know all of you guys know a great deal about me, but I'm not ready for Kevin and Jenna's 55 million followers to descend down on me. Nor do I really want them (or other people in my personal life) to know about what's on this blog/or my fanfiction. Also, maybe feeling a little guilty, I have been somewhat critical of the podcast (though I've always tried to maintain resect for K and J) and I really didn't want the producer digging into that, either.

She was super nice about everything though, and we worked it out that no one would see my face, nor would my last name or social media stuff be shared.

Also, interestingly, within that convo -- I learned that Kevin and Jenna still don't feel like people really like them all that much, and were really moved when people sent in voicemails about the podcast. I was also asked not to ask questions about the show -- because they don't remember anything, but I could ask other questions, because they love answering them.

I did have a few questions - but I never had them answered. The interview went by so quickly, and they moved from question to question so quickly that I never got to ask.

She also mentioned they had just finished The First Time podcast. Not really helping myself, I let her know Kurt was my favorite character, and that TFT was one of my favorites. And I said I had hoped they liked it. The producer paused a bit before replying -- stating that they had warmed to the episode as they talked (kind of like Born This Way) but I would like the episode. (Sure, Jan...)

Another thing she said was that the woman who had just aired, the one who stopped watching during season 3, had a lot of negative attention because she didn't watch the show after season 3. She was really grateful that I had watched the whole series and was still active in fandom. Plus, she loved that I run a bookstore.

Anyway - she basically asked if I was available in two days to record (!!!). Luckily I could (and even if I couldn't - I am the boss and could rearrange). I'm guessing not many other people could do the middle of the day on Wednesdays, so I was chosen.

They already had the other two guests ready to go -- and no, I don't know either of them. It's interesting that they even wanted a third person. And this whole thing is really a lot of really dumb luck.

So, two days later, after a lot of thinking, and one zoom meeting with @snarkyhag to make sure my computer worked properly, I was on the call with Kevin and Jenna. Crazy, right??

Honestly - I really was just at the right place at the right time, grateful that someone reached out to me, and that the producer was really desperate for guests, because I don't think the opportunity would have ever come otherwise.

I'll talk a little more about the actual interview in another ask.

Glad you liked it, Teach! <3

[beetlesstuff]

Lately i've been considering becoming multifandom

See, there's almost 300 of you beautiful people who followed me for my Beetlejuice content. And rather than make a separate blog for each fandom i have, i feel it'd be easier to make the blog multifandom, and make a masterlist so y'all can see my fandoms in order, starting with Beetlejuice. after all, that's how it started for us, isn't it? i see you all as one big family of friends. It started with beetlejuice, and if the time comes for me one day, it might end with him too. but Beetlejuice (all variations) isn't even my most obsessed fandom, not even close- i made this blog to write what i wanted to see fanfic wise while i was going through a HORRIBLE breakup. and you all made it so, so worth it. the following list is going to be the fandoms i'll be expanding to in terms of fluff and smut, while keeping beetlejuice at the top for you all, i won't stop writing beetlejuice, if anything this will bring me more writing inspiration FOR the fandom! just so i have more writing freedom and get more ideas while i write other fanfics. so without further ado... list under the line! --------------------------------------------------------------- -Beetlejuice (all variations) -Hellboy (classic movies) -Undertale (classic and underfell) -Cod (surprisingly the cod games are a guilty pleasure of mine) -FNAF (mostly security breach because i love jesters) -IT (1990s and 2017-19 variations. daddywise my beloved) -Creepypasta (yes i admit it, i was a creepypasta kid) -My own novels (i'm allowed they're mine lol) -Original horror smut (ghosts, demons) -(A secret slowburn fic...) -Scream (i have a mask kink) -Halloween (mask kink go brr) ----------------------------------------------------------------- I hope you all enjoy the fics i'm currently working on. I love you all so much, thank you for your endless support during this overhaul and masterlist catchup. I hope to receive some nsfw asks about the fandoms i've listed. thank you, stay moldy. - Beetlesstuff

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice x you #beetlejuice smut #beetlejuice fluff #beej #beetlesstuff #beetlejuice x reader #creepypasta smut #pennywise x you #ghostface x you #ghost cod #original smut #moondrop x reader smut #sundrop x reader smut #micheal myers x reader #slashers smut #slashers x you #abe sapien x reader #hellboy #abe sapien #undertale x reader #fell sans